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Зарикнутая история Бэттджамин Баттон
Когда Бет и Космическая Бет разочаровываются в своей жизни, Космическая Бет использует машину старения, чтобы превратить их обеих в 10-летних девочек. В детстве обе Бет оказываются пугающе психотичными и жестокими, терроризируя своего соседа Джина, прежде чем начать враждовать друг с другом. Тем временем Рик берет Морти, Саммер и Джерри в «Земной мир», инопланетный тематический парк, созданный по образцу Земли. Он разочарован, обнаружив, что парк безопаснее и лучше, чем он помнит. Рик обнаруживает создателя парка, доктора Догболлса, прикованного цепями, освобождает его, и вместе они возвращаются в оригинальную, более опасную версию парка. Но когда Рик перехватывает звонок в службу 911 от Джина, тот покидает парк, чтобы разобраться с Бет. В отсутствие Рика доктор Догболлс выпускает на Земной мир армию мутировавших талисманов, вынуждая Саммер, Морти и Джерри пробиваться наружу с боем. Вернувшись домой, Бет заточают Рика в машину старения, превращая его в хилого старика. После того, как они его избивают, они мирятся с ним и друг с другом, когда Рик признает, что его настоящая Бет умерла. Бет возвращаются к своей взрослой жизни с новым чувством удовлетворения.
- 00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:10,970 КЛИНИКА СЕНТ-МЕРИН
- 00:00:34,530 --> 00:00:35,450 - Чисто! - Разряд!
- 00:00:57,610 --> 00:00:59,350 Кто хочет в Мир Земли?
- 00:00:59,370 --> 00:01:03,070 Мам, я не могу найти свою сумку-бананку! Где моя сумка-бананка?
- 00:01:03,090 --> 00:01:05,890 Хватит говорить «бананка». Это просто кошелёк на лямке!
- 00:01:05,950 --> 00:01:08,410 Космо-Бет, ты за рулём. Мне что-то не хочется.
- 00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:12,430 А можешь сделать мне сэндвич? А то после еды в парках я какаю странно.
- 00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:15,270 Обстановку читайте. Мы не летим. Гляньте на нас.
- 00:01:15,290 --> 00:01:18,150 Нет, вы должны полететь. Там полная задница.
- 00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:20,894 Этот чувак ни разу не был на Земле, но обожает её.
- 00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:22,530 И парки строить не умеет.
- 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,450 Мы сказали, сука, нет!
- 00:01:24,930 --> 00:01:26,300 Хорошо. Ладно.
- 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:29,110 Но на приключения Бет никто смотреть не захочет.
- 00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:33,510 Я думала, клонирование сделает на счастливыми.
- 00:01:33,530 --> 00:01:34,850 Ненавижу свою жизнь.
- 00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:37,310 И ты свою тоже наверняка ненавидишь.
- 00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:38,119 Эй!
- 00:01:38,370 --> 00:01:40,690 Извини. Я ещё в машине пить начала.
- 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:12,696 РИК И МОРТИ
- 00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:17,680 Почему нам так плохо? Дело ведь не в Джерри.
- 00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:19,220 Да, могло быть и хуже.
- 00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:21,600 Мы могли выйти за Пепа Розенфельда.
- 00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:23,730 Боже мой. Я про него совсем забыла.
- 00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:26,450 - Он же умер в той заварухе? - Одиннадцатого сентября.
- 00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:29,650 И папу во всём винить нельзя, да?
- 00:02:29,670 --> 00:02:30,740 Да, пошёл он в жопу.
- 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:34,450 «Ой, у меня был плохой папа». Заткнись уже, напиши об этом книгу.
- 00:02:34,470 --> 00:02:37,120 Я просто устала, что надо столько всего делать.
- 00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:39,040 Но ты-то всё это бросила.
- 00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:41,330 В космосе надо делать ещё больше.
- 00:02:41,350 --> 00:02:43,735 Когда мы были счастливы в последний раз?
- 00:02:43,780 --> 00:02:45,130 По-настоящему?
- 00:02:45,150 --> 00:02:46,920 В детстве вроде было ничего.
- 00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:49,250 Да, вот бы снова стать молодой.
- 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,610 Такие желания всегда выходят боком.
- 00:02:52,150 --> 00:02:53,570 Но вообще-то...
- 00:02:55,570 --> 00:02:58,140 Зачем тебе омолаживающий аппарат?
- 00:02:58,230 --> 00:03:00,998 Когда охочусь за головами, превращаю их в детей.
- 00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:02,890 В тачку можно десятерых упихать.
- 00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:04,030 Продуктивно.
- 00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:06,860 Но тебе приходится тусить с десятком детей.
- 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,690 Не, я их наркотой накачиваю.
- 00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,540 Стой, а одежда будет огромная или...
- 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:14,810 Нет-нет, эта технология такая продвинутая, что похожа на магию.
- 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:20,950 10 ЛЕТ
- 00:03:22,980 --> 00:03:24,510 - Ого. - Ого...
- 00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:27,840 Моё лицо. Моя кожа!
- 00:03:27,860 --> 00:03:30,150 Я всё вижу так отчётливо.
- 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,760 И во рту такой чистый вкус.
- 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,277 О, и руки работают.
- 00:03:34,330 --> 00:03:35,410 И не болят!
- 00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:37,850 А ты выглядишь паршиво.
- 00:03:37,870 --> 00:03:39,810 Нет, стой! Вернись сюда!
- 00:03:39,830 --> 00:03:41,970 Готовьтесь, Мир Земли — это трындец.
- 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,480 Ноль последовательности.
- 00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:46,480 Я как-то катался на горке, посвящённой Полу Поту.
- 00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:48,250 Есть шанс лишиться глаза.
- 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,730 Да? А в описаниях были другие вайбы.
- 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,650 - В описаниях? - Да, на их сайте.
- 00:03:53,670 --> 00:03:54,550 На сайте?!
- 00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:58,820 Приветствую в «Мире Земли». Это я, доктор Яйцепёс.
- 00:03:58,850 --> 00:04:00,410 Что за фигня?
- 00:04:00,430 --> 00:04:03,500 Я люблю Землю, поэтому создал такой же парк, как там.
- 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,000 Ого! Да.
- 00:04:05,020 --> 00:04:07,330 Сразу видно, что парк — полный отстой.
- 00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:09,840 Круто, деда. Всё ещё любишь фигню типа иронично?
- 00:04:09,860 --> 00:04:13,210 Нет, тут правда было настолько плохо, что даже хорошо.
- 00:04:13,230 --> 00:04:15,850 Тут была горка с названием «Маленькая чума».
- 00:04:16,110 --> 00:04:20,510 По-моему, это самый обычный Gap. Ты что, пьяным сюда прилетал?
- 00:04:20,530 --> 00:04:24,770 Я и сейчас пьяный. Где ржавые гвозди? Где Семейный канал герпеса?
- 00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,830 - Хотите корн-дог? - Отвали от меня!
- 00:04:27,330 --> 00:04:30,770 Поскорее бы сфотографироваться с... Марией Кюри?
- 00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:32,520 А это вроде Джон Ледженд.
- 00:04:32,550 --> 00:04:35,690 Может, его выбрали, потому что у него фамилия типа крутая?
- 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,200 Рик, почему ты думал, что нам тут понравится?
- 00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:40,790 Ого, выставка животных президентов?
- 00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:41,710 Вот это?
- 00:04:41,730 --> 00:04:43,620 А там есть кот Билла Клинтона?
- 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:47,350 Я не буду сильно говнить, потому что ты меня накажешь.
- 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,850 Но это обычный ТЦ 90-х.
- 00:04:49,450 --> 00:04:51,210 - Простите. - Боже мой.
- 00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:53,170 Ты настоящий землянин, да?
- 00:04:53,190 --> 00:04:55,010 - С Земли? - Ну да.
- 00:04:55,030 --> 00:04:56,970 Я сейчас реально в шоке.
- 00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:58,800 Настоящий человек.
- 00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:01,350 Ух ты, от тебя так воняет.
- 00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:04,560 - Ой, это типа хорошо? - Ну конечно.
- 00:05:04,580 --> 00:05:08,390 Так круто увидеть в парке что-то настолько настоящее.
- 00:05:08,410 --> 00:05:12,830 Тогда вонючее меня никого не найти. Прикинь, мой дед обожает это место.
- 00:05:13,340 --> 00:05:14,070 Отстой.
- 00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:15,950 Бет! Куда ты делась?
- 00:05:15,990 --> 00:05:16,710 Бет?
- 00:05:16,810 --> 00:05:20,700 Я знаю, ты хотела повеселиться, но я должна знать, где ты это делаешь.
- 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,700 - Я нашла опоссума! - Боже мой.
- 00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:25,730 Нет! Я не хочу быть старой!
- 00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:29,080 У тебя всё болит, а ты об этом даже не знаешь.
- 00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:32,540 - Боже мой. - Прости.
- 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:33,354 Я забыла,
- 00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:35,785 насколько ненормальными мы были в детстве.
- 00:05:35,830 --> 00:05:38,151 - Зря я предложила. - Ты должна попробовать.
- 00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:40,090 Смотри, я здесь.
- 00:05:40,110 --> 00:05:43,510 Милая, осталось две минуты. Скоро пора меняться обратно.
- 00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,470 Придётся сперва меня найти.
- 00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:48,270 Не успела! Давай ещё раз!
- 00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:50,390 Так, достаточно. Идём. Я серьёзно.
- 00:05:51,710 --> 00:05:52,790 Ну всё, Бет.
- 00:05:56,090 --> 00:05:57,990 Сюрприз! Ты попалась.
- 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:00,650 Давай.
- 00:06:16,270 --> 00:06:18,300 Уборная — тоже аттракцион.
- 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,260 Я уже штаны снял и всё такое.
- 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,110 Но мне правда нужно в туалет.
- 00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:23,140 Сходи под куст.
- 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,210 Клянусь, раньше было забавнее.
- 00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:27,850 Не оборачивайтесь. Я тут присел.
- 00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:30,480 Эй, нельзя ходить здесь. Вот так.
- 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:34,020 Раньше везде можно было ссать. Как на Земле.
- 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,320 Деда Рик, успокойся. Забираем Морти и летим домой.
- 00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:41,150 Да, это место — отстой. Продались корпорации и совету директоров.
- 00:06:41,170 --> 00:06:43,320 Джобс умер, и нам пихают один и тот же айфон.
- 00:06:43,340 --> 00:06:45,870 О нет, создатель парка всё ещё жив.
- 00:06:45,890 --> 00:06:47,120 - Правда? - Да.
- 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,040 Ходят слухи, что он живёт здесь.
- 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,450 Внизу, в туннелях.
- 00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:53,710 ТОЛЬКО ДЛЯ СОТРУДНИКОВ
- 00:06:54,110 --> 00:06:56,130 Сам-Сам, ты же любишь правила нарушать.
- 00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:57,750 О, ты взял с собой молли?
- 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,340 Джерри, побыстрее.
- 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,360 Это ты виноват, что я так писаю.
- 00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:05,710 Ты уничтожил мою уретру, когда превратил меня в мусорку.
- 00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:07,610 За мной.
- 00:07:09,330 --> 00:07:10,570 И да, я взял молли.
- 00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:13,735 Если вы только включили наш канал, то...
- 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,440 Боже мой, он взорвался.
- 00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:17,560 Господи, и все космонавты...
- 00:07:17,590 --> 00:07:19,950 Это хуже, чем любой взрыв до этого.
- 00:07:20,050 --> 00:07:21,010 Это офигенно.
- 00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:22,950 Эй, а зацени-ка вот это.
- 00:07:23,950 --> 00:07:26,870 Круто. Ни один взрослый сюда не пройдёт.
- 00:07:26,890 --> 00:07:28,700 И ещё не садись в то кресло.
- 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,040 В подушках ножи.
- 00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:32,910 - Кто-то должен в него сесть. - Давай посадим Джина.
- 00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:34,100 Бам!
- 00:07:34,490 --> 00:07:35,230 Круто.
- 00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:40,950 Привет, девочки.
- 00:07:41,050 --> 00:07:44,072 Полагаю, одна из вас — моя соседка Бет,
- 00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:45,550 а вторая — её клон?
- 00:07:45,570 --> 00:07:49,220 Но вы обе теперь маленькие? Хотя это не странно, видал и похуже.
- 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,600 - А ты у нас кто? Учёный? - Посиди в нашем кресле.
- 00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:56,109 Ну, судя по конструкции вашего самодельного гарпуна,
- 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,230 вы, девочки, слегка расшалились.
- 00:07:58,250 --> 00:08:00,730 Уверен, вы приготовили для меня ловушки.
- 00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,190 Может, лучше по какао выпьем?
- 00:08:02,270 --> 00:08:05,740 - «Лучше по какао выпьем». - «Я в разводе».
- 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,070 Эй, это жестоко и, технически, неправда.
- 00:08:08,090 --> 00:08:11,240 Но вы сейчас не в себе, так что, наверное, не всерьёз.
- 00:08:11,260 --> 00:08:13,510 Посидите пока тут. Я принесу какао.
- 00:08:14,020 --> 00:08:16,080 - Пойдём. - Куда?
- 00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:19,420 Поохотимся на него. Или ты испугалась?
- 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,040 Да я ничего не боюсь.
- 00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:22,350 Заберёмся в стены.
- 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,840 Ого, клёвая фотография.
- 00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:29,010 Говори ещё. Я чувсвтую запах твоего завтрака.
- 00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,760 - Боже. - Волосы — просто с ума сойти.
- 00:08:31,780 --> 00:08:33,270 Они у тебя по всему телу.
- 00:08:33,290 --> 00:08:38,810 Можно потрогать? Скажи что-то человеческое. Скажи «список покупок» со своим вонючим акцентом.
- 00:08:38,830 --> 00:08:40,490 - Ты про мой голос? - Да.
- 00:08:40,610 --> 00:08:41,470 Список покупок.
- 00:08:41,510 --> 00:08:44,970 Обожаю эту дыру на лице с кучей зубов. И остальные дыры поменьше.
- 00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:46,490 Ну ладно. Так...
- 00:08:46,510 --> 00:08:53,270 Мне кажется, что тебе нравлюсь не я, а просто сама идея затусить с любым человеком.
- 00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:56,160 А это важно, если я уже завелась?
- 00:08:56,180 --> 00:08:57,660 Нет. Думаю, не важно.
- 00:08:57,690 --> 00:09:00,450 Хочу засунуть твою влажную мышцу себе в рот.
- 00:09:00,570 --> 00:09:02,040 Ты это про мой язык?
- 00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:03,850 Плевать, как он назвается.
- 00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,130 Рик, понимаю, тебе тут не нравится.
- 00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:10,340 Но я вроде видел тут рядом булочную, она поднимет тебе настроение.
- 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,140 - Булочную? - Ну да.
- 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,570 - Завали. - Это что, Кевин Костнер?
- 00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:15,750 Откуда я это знаю?
- 00:09:15,850 --> 00:09:17,570 Отец сделал новые модели?
- 00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:19,350 Я не узнаю вас троих.
- 00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:21,690 Нет, я старый Гай Фиери.
- 00:09:21,710 --> 00:09:23,150 Это принцесса Диана.
- 00:09:23,170 --> 00:09:24,730 А он — мистер Роджерс.
- 00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:25,910 Или Бретт Кавано.
- 00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:27,990 Я их не знаю. Я не покидал этот парк.
- 00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:28,798 Мы тоже.
- 00:09:28,930 --> 00:09:30,425 Мы ищем Яйцепёса.
- 00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:36,530 Он живёт внизу.
- 00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:37,310 ДИЗАЙН МАСКОТОВ ТЕХНИЧЕСКОЕ ПОМЕЩЕНИЕ
- 00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:45,380 - Мистер Яйцепёс, дружище. - Люди! Настоящие люди!
- 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,460 Безумный гений, создавший «Мир Земли».
- 00:09:47,490 --> 00:09:49,930 Никто не любит Землю так же сильно, как я.
- 00:09:49,950 --> 00:09:52,340 Тачки, Масл-бич, налоги на имущество.
- 00:09:52,370 --> 00:09:54,960 Но прежде чем я успел закончить свой шедевр,
- 00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:58,010 у меня на компьютере нашли компрометирующие файлы.
- 00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,550 И совет запер меня здесь.
- 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,940 Я смотрю порно с животными.
- 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,230 - Это только моё дело. - Типа с людьми и животными?
- 00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:06,790 Нет, только с животными, урод.
- 00:10:06,810 --> 00:10:10,435 Первый «Мир Земли» был круче. Я как-то стрептококк от конфеты подцепил.
- 00:10:10,465 --> 00:10:12,860 Конечно, ты так думаешь. Ты ведь человек.
- 00:10:12,890 --> 00:10:16,080 Ты знаешь, какими должны быть тематические парки на Земле.
- 00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:20,660 Я бы отвёл вас в закрытую зону и показал старые аттракционы, если бы мог.
- 00:10:20,780 --> 00:10:22,785 Но они запретили мне выходить отсюда.
- 00:10:22,810 --> 00:10:24,810 Они запретили, а я разрешу.
- 00:10:26,070 --> 00:10:28,750 Приветствую в настоящем «Мире Земли»!
- 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:29,690 РАЗУМ ГИТЛЕРА
- 00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:32,550 А вот уже это почти то, что я помню.
- 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,770 Я наступил на ржавый гвоздь!
- 00:10:37,730 --> 00:10:39,150 Хотя бы Джерри пострадал.
- 00:10:39,550 --> 00:10:42,100 Горячий какао с бонусными маршмеллоу.
- 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,400 Надеюсь, у вас найдётся для них место?
- 00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:46,644 Смотри, как он манипулирует маршмеллоу.
- 00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,110 Будто это даёт ему власть.
- 00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:50,190 Но я правда люблю маршмеллоу.
- 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,780 Не ему решать, когда нам их есть. Иди наверх и пырни его.
- 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:54,910 Сама его пырни.
- 00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:58,150 - Куда будем пырять? - Не знаю. Режь как пойдёт.
- 00:11:00,770 --> 00:11:02,730 Боже мой! Боже мой!
- 00:11:02,890 --> 00:11:05,580 Мои лодыжки! Мне нужно к врачу!
- 00:11:05,610 --> 00:11:07,840 Класс. Теперь надо ему помочь.
- 00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:09,420 Я никому не хочу помогать.
- 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,430 - Сама помогай. - Это ты придумала.
- 00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:14,190 - Не я! Чур меня! - Вы задели артерию.
- 00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:16,550 - Это она. Она поехавшая. - Сама такая.
- 00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:18,050 Это ты птицу сожрала!
- 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,690 Когда ты оторвала ей крылья!
- 00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:23,150 Я тебе покажу, кто поехавшая.
- 00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:28,410 Да, беги отсюда, малявка.
- 00:11:28,430 --> 00:11:30,990 Не забывай свои аффирмации, Джин.
- 00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:33,450 Ты заслуживаешь жить.
- 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:41,660 Ну, все мои жизненные решения вели меня к этому.
- 00:11:47,550 --> 00:11:48,830 ЛУЧШИЕ ДРУЗЬЯ ВРАГИ НАВСЕГДА
- 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,900 - Вали из моего домика! - Вали с моего двора!
- 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,580 Обнаружен пожар. Устраняю.
- 00:12:21,310 --> 00:12:23,460 Ну давай, Джин. Только не так.
- 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:24,630 Только не так.
- 00:12:24,650 --> 00:12:28,750 - Эй, Сири. Набирай 911. - Отсчёт до звонка 911.
- 00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:32,060 Набираю 911 через десять, девять, восемь, семь...
- 00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:33,720 Зачем тут нужен отсчёт?!
- 00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:38,640 В земной Второй мировой воевали тракторами и комбайнами,
- 00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:41,270 и сейчас вы увидите это собственными глазами.
- 00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:43,440 Боже, это что, оголённый провод?
- 00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:45,770 Электричество нигде не заземлено.
- 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:47,542 Чёрт.
- 00:12:48,980 --> 00:12:52,980 Мне надо домой, пока Джин не набрал 911 с другого телефона.
- 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,240 Вот пульт, бошки надуть.
- 00:12:54,260 --> 00:12:56,820 Ты уходишь? Ты же обожаешь это место.
- 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,490 Да, ну... Я не знаю.
- 00:12:58,510 --> 00:12:59,870 Наверное, Морти был прав.
- 00:12:59,890 --> 00:13:03,870 Я типа должен считать, что корь в воде и змеи — это круто?
- 00:13:03,890 --> 00:13:05,320 Нет. Веселитесь тут.
- 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,314 Вот чёрт!
- 00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:16,940 Мы закончили!
- 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,680 Рик. Твои девочки.
- 00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:23,140 Они плохие люди.
- 00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:25,480 Спасибо тебе.
- 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,260 Да меня же всего два часа не было.
- 00:13:29,670 --> 00:13:30,418 Эй, Бет!
- 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:34,400 Суда по всему, вы тут вспоминали детство и передознулись весельем.
- 00:13:36,010 --> 00:13:36,740 Ай.
- 00:13:36,780 --> 00:13:38,080 БЕТ РУЛИТ
- 00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,900 - Я тебя замочу! - Я замочу тебя первой!
- 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,240 Ай, чтоб вас!
- 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:50,320 Ну всё, вы достали!
- 00:13:58,070 --> 00:13:59,280 Ты гондон!
- 00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:02,500 Хватит играть в «Один дома».
- 00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:03,600 Да чтоб вас.
- 00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:07,140 Я вас клонировал, чтобы всё исправить, а не чтобы напрягаться.
- 00:14:07,370 --> 00:14:13,860 Я вам даже передать не могу, господи, как долго я ждал, чтобы показать кому-нибудь моё видение.
- 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,490 И, конечно же, это настоящие люди!
- 00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:20,760 Вы для этого лучшие зрители. Мой величайший момент.
- 00:14:22,350 --> 00:14:23,583 Твою мать...
- 00:14:23,990 --> 00:14:27,210 - Это ещё что? - Мои прекрасные создания.
- 00:14:27,230 --> 00:14:29,680 И сейчас они уничтожат парк.
- 00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:31,900 Боже мой.
- 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,380 Я думал, это люди в костюмах.
- 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,130 Но костюмы — это люди?
- 00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:37,670 Люди — это костюмы?!
- 00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:40,680 Всем паркам на Земле приходит конец.
- 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:42,930 «Парк юрского периода», «Мир Дикого Запада».
- 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:47,100 Даже горки в тематических парках идут по одному сценарию.
- 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,750 Сперва вы плывёте на лодке, проходите через водопад
- 00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:55,740 и вот, вы в логове пиратов, где вам приходится сосать, чтобы выжить.
- 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,080 Зачем ты это делаешь?
- 00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:02,600 Чтобы отдать дань уважения Земле, нужно погрузить этот парк развлечений в хаос!
- 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,020 Вы свободны! Свободны, милые!
- 00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:12,630 Хочется мяса.
- 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,080 Есть! Мясо!
- 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,180 Забирайте всё!
- 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,620 - И вторую тоже. - Чёрт! Папа.
- 00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:20,700 Забирайте! Берите всё!
- 00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:22,260 Давай, сливайся с толпой.
- 00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:31,330 Ну что, тебе нравится?
- 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,990 - Лабрадудль. - Ага.
- 00:15:33,010 --> 00:15:35,150 - Кокосовое молоко. - Говори ещё.
- 00:15:35,170 --> 00:15:36,540 Жевательные сигареты.
- 00:15:38,060 --> 00:15:40,450 О, скажи что-нибудь расистское.
- 00:15:40,470 --> 00:15:42,602 - Что? - Давай, ты же человек.
- 00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:44,360 Разве это не ваша фишка?
- 00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:49,370 Итальянцы готовят довольно вкусную пиццу.
- 00:15:49,390 --> 00:15:53,250 Нет, говори мерзости. Ты, моя гадкая букашка.
- 00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:54,410 Ты это слышишь?
- 00:15:55,090 --> 00:15:56,930 Теперь ты пытаешься с темы съехать?
- 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:01,300 А я пыталась перед тобой открыться. Не считаешь меня красивой — так и скажи.
- 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:04,319 Прости, но я не какая-то сексуальная фантазия,
- 00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:05,340 я живой человек.
- 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,910 Да ладно тебе, вы же, по сути, сами и изобрели расизм.
- 00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:11,769 Если бы хотела трахнуть кого-то добренького,
- 00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:13,500 не летела бы в «Мир Земли».
- 00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:17,360 Я даже не знаю, кто это такие!
- 00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:19,740 Кажись, Джон Ледженд. Господи!
- 00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:27,380 Саммер? Рик? Кто-нибудь?
- 00:16:28,790 --> 00:16:31,270 Это же вся семья Калкиных целиком!
- 00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:33,000 Получается, их семь.
- 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,580 Ты круто сыграл в «Наследниках»! Простите!
- 00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:41,820 Хватит детского сада. Мне некогда быть вашим отцом.
- 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:42,750 Ты им и не был!
- 00:16:42,770 --> 00:16:46,140 Включить вам папу? Ладно. Молчите, пока не повзрослеете.
- 00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:51,920 ПРОСТИ
- 00:16:51,940 --> 00:16:53,740 И ТЫ МЕНЯ
- 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,040 ПАПУ ТОГО?
- 00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:59,220 ПОДЫГРАЙ МНЕ
- 00:17:00,780 --> 00:17:02,630 Так, кем бы ты ни была, твоя очередь.
- 00:17:02,660 --> 00:17:04,340 Она не дышит! Она не дышит!
- 00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:06,080 Вот сука. Чёрт!
- 00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:07,740 Получай!
- 00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:11,720 - Насколько мы его состарим? - Насколько аппарат сможет.
- 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:12,413 360 ЛЕТ
- 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:15,940 СТАРЕНИЕ ЗАВЕРШЕНО
- 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,990 Страшно тебе оставаться в руках ненадёжных опекунов?
- 00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:27,990 Да, мы тебя опекать не будем.
- 00:17:28,010 --> 00:17:30,330 Вставай, или мы бросим тебя здесь.
- 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:33,520 Так же, как ты бросил нас! Ленивый кусок дерьма!
- 00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:35,830 - Пошёл ты, папа! - Гондон вонючий!
- 00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:38,500 Мы не были тебе нужны! Ты хотел свалить!
- 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,220 Я вас не бросал.
- 00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:43,970 Моя Бет умерла.
- 00:17:43,990 --> 00:17:46,700 Да, но кто-то же нас бросил...
- 00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,720 И теперь нас двое.
- 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,810 Ты должен любить нас сильнее.
- 00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:54,780 Мы же просто хотели быть вместе.
- 00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:59,020 Не смей плакать.
- 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,640 Ты не заслуживаешь плакать.
- 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,180 Я горжусь...
- 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:04,480 Гордишься?
- 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,410 Горжусь вами двумя.
- 00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:11,600 За то, что сделали меня старым и выбили из меня всё дерьмо.
- 00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:21,300 Горжусь тем, что вы обе мои дочки.
- 00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:35,600 Мелкие сучки, вы мне кости переломали.
- 00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,585 Я обосрался.
- 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,540 Я не шучу. Хватит меня смешить.
- 00:18:46,010 --> 00:18:47,540 А то сильнее обосрусь.
- 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,220 Просто идеально.
- 00:18:53,540 --> 00:18:56,960 Лучше может быть только если что-нибудь поджечь.
- 00:18:56,980 --> 00:18:58,340 Я хочу кого-нить пырнуть.
- 00:18:58,730 --> 00:19:00,400 Лучше состарить вас обратно.
- 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,340 А все дети так любят пырять?
- 00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:05,760 Вон там выход. Держись рядом.
- 00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:08,880 Помогите мне!
- 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,120 Слава богу.
- 00:19:10,910 --> 00:19:12,200 Как вы можете...
- 00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:14,980 Чёрт, Морти мочит...
- 00:19:15,460 --> 00:19:18,260 - Кажется, Рори Калкина? - Так вот это который?
- 00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:20,520 Надо валить. Хватай бошку.
- 00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:22,540 - Что? - Надень на себя Рори.
- 00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:24,260 Не влазит.
- 00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:27,640 Тут внутри так влажно.
- 00:19:27,740 --> 00:19:29,780 И ещё воняет. Воняет влажным.
- 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,080 Они близко!
- 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,520 Скорее!
- 00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:34,840 Ну же, садитесь!
- 00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:37,460 Где пульт? Я его потеряла. Головы не уменьшить!
- 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:38,640 Дай мне ключи!
- 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,780 Это скорее «Мир Земли»!
- 00:19:44,910 --> 00:19:45,690 Что?
- 00:19:45,710 --> 00:19:47,970 Ну, как «Мир юрского периода». Сиквел.
- 00:19:47,990 --> 00:19:50,510 - Я тебя не понимаю. - Это же был «Парк Земли».
- 00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:51,180 Нет.
- 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,040 Никому больше не холодно?
- 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,560 КЛИНИКА СЕНТ-МЕРИН
- 00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:37,720 Я ослеп! Космос заморозил мне глаза!
- 00:20:37,780 --> 00:20:40,260 Да, я же говорил, что эти парки — отстой!
- 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,196 Вы набрали 911.
- 00:21:14,250 --> 00:21:17,160 Если у вас что-то срочное, оставьте сообщение.
- 00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:21,180 Дом напротив моего исчезает и появляется.
- 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,530 Не знаю, насколько это срочно, но очень раздражает.
- 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,820 Вы можете прислать кого-нибудь проверить?
- 00:21:27,210 --> 00:21:29,880 В общем, я ел бургер, и теперь у меня руки-бургеры.
- 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,820 Здравствуйте. Ко мне в дом ломится, в общем, дом поменьше.
- 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,070 Маленький дом ломится ко мне в дом.
- 00:21:36,090 --> 00:21:38,410 На нём маска, но это определённо дом.
- 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,160 У меня голубь требует свидетельство о рождении.
- 00:21:42,180 --> 00:21:45,710 Мне кажется, в 911 не должно быть автоответчика.
- 00:21:45,730 --> 00:21:47,500 И ещё, у меня 11 ног.
- 00:21:47,580 --> 00:21:48,960 Вы никогда не приезжаете.
- 00:21:48,980 --> 00:21:53,980 Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.
- 00:00:16,726 --> 00:00:18,893 ♪ Makin' your way in the world today ♪
- 00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:22,021 ♪ Takes everything you got ♪
- 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,816 ♪ Takin' a break from all your worries ♪
- 00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:28,027 ♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
- 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,949 ♪ Wouldn't you like to get away? ♪
- 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,035 - ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪ - Clear!
- 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:40,124 ♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪
- 00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:45,045 ♪ And they're always glad you came ♪
- 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,715 ♪ You wanna be where you can see ♪
- 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:51,217 ♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪
- 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:55,681 ♪ You wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪
- 00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,392 Who's ready for Earth World?!
- 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,686 Moms, I-I can't find my cross-body bag!
- 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:02,979 Where's my cross-body bag?
- 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,564 Stop saying cross-body bag.
- 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,815 On you, it's a fanny pack up higher.
- 00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,066 Space Beth, you're driving.
- 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,777 I'm low on wanting to drive.
- 00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,570 W-Would one of you mind making me a quick sandwich?
- 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,322 You know theme park food gives me interesting stools.
- 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:13,573 Read the room.
- 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,158 We're not going. Look at us.
- 00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:16,409 No, you got to come.
- 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,911 It's an absolute train wreck--
- 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,579 this dude, he's never been to Earth,
- 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,080 But he <i>loves</i> it.
- 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,415 And he <i>sucks</i> at making theme parks.
- 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,834 We said fucking no!
- 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,085 Alright. Fine.
- 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,214 But nobody wants to see a Beths adventure.
- 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,301 I thought cloning was supposed to make us happy.
- 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,636 I hate my life.
- 00:01:34,637 --> 00:01:37,096 And I know you <i>have</i> to hate yours.
- 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,640 - Hey! - Sorry.
- 00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,475 I started drinking in the car.
- 00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,637 {\an8}Why are we miserable? It's not Jerry.
- 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,222 {\an8}Yeah, it could be worse.
- 00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,599 {\an8}I mean we could have married Pep Rosenfeld.
- 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,685 {\an8}Oh, my God. I forgot about him.
- 00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,311 {\an8}Oh, he died in that thing, right?
- 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,272 {\an8}9-11, yeah.
- 00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,649 {\an8}We can't just put it all on Dad, right?
- 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,692 {\an8}Oh, we're done with that guy.
- 00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:32,819 {\an8}"I had a bad dad."
- 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,445 {\an8}Shut up. Write a book about it.
- 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:37,115 {\an8}I'm just so tired of all the shit we have to do to live.
- 00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:38,992 {\an8}You abandoned all your shit.
- 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:41,327 {\an8}There is so much more shit in space!
- 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,538 {\an8}When was the last time we were happy?
- 00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,123 {\an8}Truly happy?
- 00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,916 {\an8}Felt pretty good when we were kids.
- 00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,210 {\an8}Oh, my God, I wish I could be young again.
- 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:52,130 {\an8}That kind of wish never goes the way you want.
- 00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,258 {\an8}That being said...
- 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,136 {\an8}Uh, why do you have a de-aging machine?
- 00:02:58,137 --> 00:03:00,680 {\an8}When I'm bringing in bounties, I change 'em into kids.
- 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,849 {\an8}This car fits 10 kids if you pack 'em right.
- 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,267 {\an8}Sounds efficient.
- 00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,853 {\an8}Is that... worth dealing with 10 kids?
- 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,688 {\an8}Oh no, I drug them, too.
- 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,357 {\an8}- Wait, will my clothes be super huge or-- - Oh, no, no, no.
- 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:15,321 {\an8}Technology this advanced is indistinguishable from magic.
- 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,204 {\an8}- Whoa! - Whoa!
- 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,832 {\an8}My face... my skin!
- 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,418 {\an8}I can see everything!
- 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,712 {\an8}And my mouth tastes so clean!
- 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,422 {\an8}Whoa, my knuckles work!
- 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,382 {\an8}No pain!
- 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,842 {\an8}You look like shit.
- 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,761 {\an8}Wait, no! Come back here!!
- 00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,930 {\an8}Get ready. Earth World is a mess.
- 00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,431 {\an8}No creative consistency.
- 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,933 {\an8}Last time I was here, they had a whole ride
- 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,476 {\an8}dedicated to Pol Pot.
- 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,811 {\an8}There's a non-zero chance you'll lose an eye.
- 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,731 {\an8}Oh, that wasn't the vibe I got from the waivers.
- 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,608 {\an8}- Waivers? - Yeah, from the website.
- 00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,234 {\an8}Website?!
- 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,780 {\an8}<i>Welcome to Earth World! It's me, Dr. Dogballs!</i>
- 00:03:58,781 --> 00:04:00,406 {\an8}What the hell?!
- 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,033 {\an8}<i>I love Earth so much I made a theme park--</i>
- 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,451 {\an8}<i>just like they would on Earth!</i>
- 00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:04,953 {\an8}Oh. [ Laughs ] Yeah.
- 00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:07,288 {\an8}Wow, I-I guess this does seem like it sucks.
- 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,791 {\an8}Good one, Grandpa. You still like stuff ironically?
- 00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:13,211 {\an8}No, it used to <i>bad</i> bad, which was good.
- 00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:16,089 {\an8}There used to be a ride called "It's a Small Black Death"!
- 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,341 Looks like they've got just a regular GAP.
- 00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:20,510 Rick, w-were you just drunk when you were here?
- 00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:21,594 I'm drunk now!
- 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,929 Where's all the rusty nails?
- 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,764 Where's the Herpes Family Flume?
- 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,266 - Light-up corn dog? - Get the fuck away from me!
- 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,770 Can't wait to get a photo taken with... Marie Curie?
- 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,522 I-I think that's John Legend?
- 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:34,065 Maybe they picked John Legend
- 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,692 'cause his name implies he's really important.
- 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:38,152 Rick, how were you thinking we should enjoy this?
- 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:41,030 Wow, they have a hall of Presidential Pets?
- 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,616 - Like that? - Do you think I can meet Socks?
- 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,867 I'm not gonna shit on it too hard
- 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,285 'cause I know you'd punish me,
- 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,997 but isn't this just a mid-'90s outdoor mall?
- 00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:51,165 - Oh! My bad! - Oh, my God!
- 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,126 You're a real Earth person, aren't you?
- 00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,961 - From Earth?! - Uh, yeah.
- 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,963 I'm, like, starstruck.
- 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,798 A real human.
- 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,300 Ooh, you smell nasty.
- 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,512 - Oh. I mean, is that-- is that good? - Absolutely.
- 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,806 Well, it's nice to see something in this park
- 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,391 still grimy and real.
- 00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:10,893 Then I-I'm as nasty as they come.
- 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:13,312 Can you believe my grandpa loves this place?
- 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,480 Lame.
- 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,107 Beth! Where'd you go?
- 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,066 Beth?
- 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,484 Beth, I want you to have fun,
- 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,653 but I need to know where you're having it.
- 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,655 - I found a possum! - Oh, my God!
- 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,407 Aaaah! No!
- 00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,284 I don't wanna be old! Aaaah!
- 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:29,078 You're in so much pain, and you don't even know it!
- 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,498 - Oh, my God. - I'm sorry.
- 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,501 I-I forgot just how insane we were as a kid.
- 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,586 I shouldn't have pitched this.
- 00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,463 You have <i>got</i> to try it.
- 00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:40,089 I'm over here!
- 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,050 Okay, sweetie, this is your two-minute warning.
- 00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,509 It's almost time to switch back.
- 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,137 You got to find me first!
- 00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:48,222 Too slow! Try again!
- 00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:50,349 Alright, let's go. That's enough. I'm serious.
- 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,353 Alright, Beth.
- 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,022 Aaah!
- 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,609 Surprise! You done been got!
- 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,320 Do it.
- 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,252 Ugh! That bathroom was a ride, too!
- 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,213 I had my pants down and everything!
- 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:23,132 - I really do need to go. - Just go in a bush.
- 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,384 I swear it used to be funnier than this.
- 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,845 Don't turn around. I-I-I'm squatting.
- 00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,431 Hey, you can't go... there. Like that.
- 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,600 You used to be able to piss wherever you wanted to.
- 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,018 Like on Earth.
- 00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,895 Grandpa Rick, take the L.
- 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,271 Let's get Morty and go home.
- 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,981 Yeah, this place is fucked.
- 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:41,109 Corporate takeover. Board-approved changes.
- 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:43,319 Steve Jobs dies, and we get 10 years of the same iPhone.
- 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,863 Oh, no, the guy who made the park is still alive.
- 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,073 - He is? - Yeah.
- 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,033 Rumor is, he still lives here.
- 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,120 Down in the tunnels.
- 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,082 Hey, Sum-Sum, You like breaking rules.
- 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,168 Ooh, did you bring molly?
- 00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:00,294 Hurry it up, Jerry!
- 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,505 It's your fault I have to go like this.
- 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:03,756 You destroyed my urethra
- 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,676 when you turned me into a trash can.
- 00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:08,262 Follow me.
- 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,097 And of course I brought molly.
- 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,099 TV Announcer: <i>Uh, if you're just joining us tonight,</i>
- 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,434 <i>we have a-- oh, my God. It exploded.</i>
- 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,562 <i>Oh, God. All those astronauts.</i>
- 00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:20,106 <i>It's-- It's worse than any explosion before it!</i>
- 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,315 This is hilarious.
- 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,360 Hey, yo. Check this out.
- 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,821 Awesome. No adult is getting inside.
- 00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:28,656 Also, don't sit on that chair.
- 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,032 The cushion is knives.
- 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,617 Somebody's got to sit on it!
- 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,452 Gene should sit on it.
- 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,622 Bam! Nice!
- 00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,792 Whoo-hoo!
- 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,210 Hey there, girls.
- 00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,713 I'm guessing one of you is Beth from next door,
- 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:45,548 and one of you is her... clone?
- 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,466 But you're both little girls now?
- 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,218 Not that strange, given what I've seen.
- 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,095 What are you, a scientist?
- 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,597 Come sit in our chair.
- 00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:55,600 Well, based on the design of your makeshift harpoon,
- 00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:58,186 seems like you girls are on a bit of a spree.
- 00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,730 Feel like I'm gonna be walking into some booby traps.
- 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,148 Let's have some cocoa instead.
- 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:05,693 - "Let's have some cocoa." - "I'm divorced."
- 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,029 Hey! That is cruel and technically untrue.
- 00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:09,655 But you're in an altered headspace,
- 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,199 so I know you don't mean it.
- 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,993 Why don't you two sit tight? I'll get the Swiss Miss.
- 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,078 - Let's go. - Go where?
- 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,373 Go hunt him. Unless you're scaaared.
- 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,000 I'm not scared of anything.
- 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,711 Let's get in the walls.
- 00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:25,838 Wow, this is a good photo of us.
- 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,173 Keep talking.
- 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,008 I can smell your rotting breakfast.
- 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,719 - Oh, God. - Your hairs are insane.
- 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,262 They're all over your body.
- 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,431 Can I touch them? Say a human phrase.
- 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,809 Say "grocery list" in that stinkbody accent.
- 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:39,894 You mean my voice?
- 00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:41,354 - Yes! - "Grocery list."
- 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,855 I love your tooth-filled big hole
- 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,899 and the other, less-used holes on your face.
- 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,484 Okay, um,
- 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,445 I'm getting the feeling that you're not into me
- 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:54,283 a-as much as you like the idea of being with any human.
- 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,160 Does it matter if I'm still turned on?
- 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,662 No, I guess it doesn't.
- 00:08:57,663 --> 00:09:00,706 I want to get your wet muscle in my mouth.
- 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,041 You mean my tongue?
- 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,043 I don't care what it's called.
- 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,087 Rick, I know you're having a bad time.
- 00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:08,673 But I think I saw a Panera up there
- 00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,341 that might change your tune.
- 00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,134 - A Panera?! - Yeah!
- 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,720 - Shut up. - Is that Kevin Costner?
- 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,013 Wait, why do I know that?
- 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,765 Did Father make new models?
- 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,350 I don't recognize you three.
- 00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,686 No, I'm... Old Guy Fieri,
- 00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,145 th-- this is Princess Diana,
- 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,730 and he's Mr. Rogers.
- 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,148 Or Brett Kavanaugh.
- 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,942 I wouldn't know. I never left this park.
- 00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,068 Us, too.
- 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,821 We're looking for Dogballs.
- 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,160 He lives below.
- 00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,124 Dr. Dogballs. My man!
- 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,376 Humans! Real humans!
- 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,420 The mad genius who built Earth World!
- 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,922 Nobody loves Earth as much as me.
- 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,341 Car, Muscle Beach, property taxes.
- 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,802 But before I could complete my perfect vision,
- 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,888 I was caught with incriminating files on my computer,
- 00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,099 and the board chained me up.
- 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,934 I watch animal pornography.
- 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,561 It's my business.
- 00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,229 Like with people and animals?
- 00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,605 No, just the animals, sicko.
- 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,566 The original Earth World was incredible.
- 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,359 I-I got strep from a candy once!
- 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,862 Of course you feel that way. You're a human being.
- 00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:16,073 You know what Earth theme parks are supposed to be like.
- 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,159 I'd take you to the dead zone if I could
- 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,745 and show you some of the old delights.
- 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,705 But they won't let me leave my office.
- 00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:25,250 They won't, but I will.
- 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:29,837 Welcome to the real Earth World!
- 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,548 I guess this is closer to how I remember it.
- 00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,593 Oh! I stepped on a rusty nail!
- 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,511 Aah! Aah! Aaaah!
- 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,388 Hmm. At least Jerry got hurt.
- 00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,099 Hot cocoa with extra marshmallows!
- 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,393 Hope you got room for extra marshmallows!
- 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,854 Look at him holding marshmallows over our heads.
- 00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,105 Like that's some kind of power.
- 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,149 I <i>do</i> like marshmallows.
- 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,151 He doesn't decide about our marshmallows!
- 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,778 You should go up there and cut him.
- 00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,154 <i>You</i> should cut him.
- 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,447 What should we cut?
- 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,617 I don't know. Just start slashing!
- 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,826 Aaah! Aaah!
- 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,828 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,539 My ankles! I need a doctor!
- 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,833 Great. Now we have to take care of him.
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,377 I don't want to take care of anybody!
- 00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,837 - You take care of him! - It was your idea!
- 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:12,880 Not it! Jinx!
- 00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:14,507 I think you hit an artery!
- 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,509 - She did it! She's a psycho. - You're the psycho!
- 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,010 I watched you eat a bird!
- 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:21,013 After <i>you</i> tore off its wings!
- 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,433 I'll show you who's psycho!!
- 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,687 Yeah, run away, you baby!
- 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,190 Remember your affirmations, Gene.
- 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,984 You deserve to live.
- 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,946 Oh.
- 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:41,660 Welp, somehow every decision I've ever made has led to this.
- 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,961 - Aaaaah! - Get out of my treehouse!
- 00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,797 Get out of my yard!
- 00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,386 Aaah!
- 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,097 Fire alarm: <i>Fire detected. Extinguishing.</i>
- 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,868 Come on, Gene. Not like this.
- 00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,035 Not like this!
- 00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,037 Hey, Siri, call 911!
- 00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,165 <i>Countdown to calling 911.</i>
- 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:32,251 <i>Calling 911 in 10, 9, 8, 7--</i>
- 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,296 Why does it need a countdown?!!
- 00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:39,049 Alien M.C.: <i>Earth's World War II was fought with combines and harvesters,</i>
- 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,677 <i>and you're about to witness it firsthand.</i>
- 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,804 Oh, God, is that a live wire?
- 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:46,182 None of the electricity is grounded here.
- 00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,477 Shit.
- 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,228 I-I got to get home before Gene calls 911
- 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:52,813 from any other phone but his own.
- 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,607 The head thing so you can get out the way you came.
- 00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,234 Wait, you're leaving? I thought you loved this place.
- 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,903 Yeah, uh, I don't know.
- 00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,279 I-I guess Morty was right.
- 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,822 Am I, like, supposed to think it's cool
- 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,283 that there's measles in the water, and like, snakes?
- 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,369 Nah. Y-You guys have fun.
- 00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,873 - Aaah! - Oh. shiiiit!
- 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,923 We're done here, boys.
- 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,134 Rick, your girls.
- 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,178 They're not good people.
- 00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,556 Thank... you.
- 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:30,017 I've only been gone for two hours!
- 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,602 Hey, Beths!
- 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:32,645 Deducing here that you've been huffing childhood
- 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,814 and have overdosed on fun.
- 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,817 Ouch.
- 00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:47,451 - Child Beth: I'm gonna kill you! - Child Space Beth: I'm gonna kill you first!
- 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,203 Ow, damn it!
- 00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,914 That's it, we're done.
- 00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,089 You dick!
- 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,298 Aaah!
- 00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,008 Enough "Home Alone"-ing.
- 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,677 God damn it!
- 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,763 I cloned you to fix this, not make you twice as annoying.
- 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,516 Dr. Dogballs: Oh, I-I-can't tell you, oh, my God,
- 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:14,270 I've waited so long for someone to see my vision.
- 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,855 And of course it was real humans!
- 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,358 You're the perfect audience for this--
- 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,695 my finest moment.
- 00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,531 Oh, shit. What's that?!
- 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,575 My beautiful creations.
- 00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:30,537 They're going to destroy the park.
- 00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,788 Oh, God.
- 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,790 I thought they were people in costumes,
- 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,542 but the costumes are the people?
- 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,043 The people are the costumes?!
- 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:41,046 All Earth theme parks end the same way.
- 00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,340 Jurassic Park, Westworld--
- 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:46,176 even the rides inside the theme parks
- 00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,511 tell the same story.
- 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:48,971 You're on a boat ride
- 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:51,390 when suddenly you take a detour to a waterfall,
- 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,559 and now you're in a pirate's den,
- 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,228 forced to suck dick to stay alive!
- 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,730 Why would you do this?
- 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,315 The greatest tribute to Earth
- 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:03,486 is a theme park that ends in chaos.
- 00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,577 Be free! Be free, my lovelies!
- 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,828 Hungry for meat.
- 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:15,080 Eat meat!
- 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,874 Take it all!
- 00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,083 Take the other one!
- 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,251 Shit! Dad!
- 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,919 Take it! Take it all!
- 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,921 Blend in. Stumble around!
- 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:33,223 - Yeah, you like that? Labradoodle. - Mmm.
- 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,351 - Coconut milk. - Uh-huh. More human stuff.
- 00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,270 Big League Chew.
- 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:40,648 Ooh! Say something racist.
- 00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,735 - What? - C'mon, you're human, it's your whole thing.
- 00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,028 Uhhh...
- 00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:49,573 I-Italians make pretty-- pretty good pizza?
- 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:53,452 No, do it hateful, you disgusting little bug.
- 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,120 Uhhhh, did you hear that?
- 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,373 Now you're pretending there's some kind of emergency?
- 00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,625 I tried to be vulnerable with you.
- 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,502 If you don't think I'm pretty, just say so.
- 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,837 I'm sorry, but I-I'm not just some sexual fantasy,
- 00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:08,634 - I'm a whole person. - C'mon, you guys basically invented racism.
- 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,678 If I wanted to fuck something good,
- 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,263 I wouldn't have come to Earth World.
- 00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,682 Aaaah!
- 00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:17,476 I don't even know who this is! Aaaaah!
- 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,021 It's John Legend, I think! Oh, my God!
- 00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:27,696 Summer? Rick? A-Anyone?!
- 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,989 Uh, that's the entire Culkin family!
- 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,325 I-I guess there's seven of them?
- 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,744 Aaah!
- 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,914 I loved you in "Succession!" I'm sorry!
- 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,165 Enough kindergarten.
- 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,583 I don't have time to be your dad.
- 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,419 - You never did! - You want me to be a parent?
- 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,506 Fine. No more talking until you're adults.
- 00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,396 Okay, whichever one you are, you're up.
- 00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:04,440 She can't breathe! She can't breathe!
- 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,400 Aw, shit, fuck!
- 00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,527 - Take that! - Aaah!
- 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,320 How old should we make him?
- 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,197 As old as it'll go.
- 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,497 Bet it's scary to have your life in the hands
- 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,750 of unreliable caregivers!
- 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,755 Walk! We're not taking care of you!
- 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:30,048 Yeah, get up, or we'll leave you here!
- 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,385 Just like you left us. Lazy piece of shit!
- 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,554 Fuck you, Dad! Fucking asshole!
- 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:39,099 You didn't want us. You just wanted to fuck off.
- 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,351 I-I didn't leave.
- 00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,729 My Beth died.
- 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,649 Yeah, well, someone left us!
- 00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,568 And there's two of us now!
- 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,570 You should love us twice as much!
- 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,907 All we wanted was to be together!!
- 00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,744 Don't you... cry!
- 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,747 You don't deserve to cry!
- 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,582 Proud...
- 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,583 Proud?
- 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,169 Proud... of you...
- 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:11,841 for making me old and beating... the shit out of me.
- 00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:21,601 Proud you're-- you're both my daughters.
- 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,528 Ow. Ow.
- 00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:35,531 You little bitches broke my bones.
- 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,704 I'm shitting!
- 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,039 I'm not joking.
- 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,749 Stop making me laugh.
- 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,794 It's making me shit more!
- 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,131 It's perfect!
- 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,133 The only thing that could make this better
- 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,718 is if something was on fire.
- 00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:58,470 I might stab something again.
- 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,305 Probably should turn you back.
- 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,684 Do most kids like to stab this much?
- 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,477 There's the exit. Stay close.
- 00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,981 Please help!
- 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,649 Oh, thank God!
- 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,485 How could you-- aaah!
- 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,279 Oh, shit, Morty's killing...
- 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,738 I think that's Rory Culkin?
- 00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,699 I-Is that who this one is!?
- 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,284 We got to bail. Get a head.
- 00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:23,036 - What? - Put on Rory!
- 00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,581 There's no room!
- 00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,624 Ugh! It's so wet in here.
- 00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,543 It smells, too. It smells wet.
- 00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,336 They're coming!
- 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:32,922 Come on!
- 00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,507 - Come on, get in! - Where's the remote?
- 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,509 I lost the remote! I can't shrink our heads!
- 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,012 Give me the keys!
- 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,808 More like Earth World.
- 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,686 - What? - Like "Jurassic World"? The big sequel?
- 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,979 I-I don't know what you're saying.
- 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,272 Well, wasn't it called Earth Park?
- 00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:51,398 - No! - No!
- 00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,441 Oh.
- 00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,359 Is anybody getting cold?
- 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,200 ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
- 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:06,164 ♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪
- 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,711 ♪ And they're always glad you came ♪
- 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,880 ♪ You wanna be where you can see ♪
- 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,424 ♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪
- 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:22,221 ♪ You wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪
- 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,557 ♪ You wanna go where people know ♪
- 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,935 ♪ People are all the same ♪
- 00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:32,523 ♪ You wanna go where everybody knows your name ♪
- 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:37,861 I'm blind! Space froze my eyes!
- 00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,364 Yeah, Jerry, I told you that theme park sucks!
- 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,189 <i>Hello, you've reached 911.</i>
- 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:17,734 - <i>If this is an emergency, please leave a message.</i>
- 00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,111 <i>The house across the street from me</i>
- 00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,946 <i>keeps disappearing and reappearing.</i>
- 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,823 <i>I-I don't know if that's an emergency,</i>
- 00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,616 <i>but it's really upsetting.</i>
- 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,952 - <i>Could you send someone to investigate?</i>
- 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:30,038 - <i>So, I was eating a burger, and now my hands are burgers.</i>
- 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,832 <i>Hi, I'm being home-invaded,</i>
- 00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,583 <i>and it's-- it's by a small home.</i>
- 00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:35,794 <i>There's a small home that's home-invading my home.</i>
- 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,130 - <i>It's wearing a ski-mask, but it's definitely a house.</i>
- 00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:40,132 <i>There's a pigeon outside my house</i>
- 00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,925 - <i>demanding to see my birth certificate.</i>
- 00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,969 <i>I'm beginning to think 911 shouldn't have</i>
- 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,470 <i>an answering machine.</i>
- 00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:47,514 <i>Also, I have eleven legs now.</i>
- 00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,726 - <i>Nobody ever comes.</i>
- 00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:52,729 Did you get any of that?
- 00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,758 [ Cellphone vibrates ]
- 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,056 [ Sighs ]
- 00:00:16,726 --> 00:00:18,893 ♪ Makin' your way in the world today ♪
- 00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:22,021 ♪ Takes everything you got ♪
- 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,816 ♪ Takin' a break from all your worries ♪
- 00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:28,027 ♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
- 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,949 ♪ Wouldn't you like to get away? ♪
- 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,035 - ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪ - Clear!
- 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:40,124 ♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪
- 00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:45,045 ♪ And they're always glad you came ♪
- 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,715 ♪ You wanna be where you can see ♪
- 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:51,217 ♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪
- 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:55,681 ♪ You wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪
- 00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,392 Who's ready for Earth World?!
- 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,686 Moms, I-I can't find my cross-body bag!
- 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:02,979 Where's my cross-body bag?
- 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,564 Summer: Stop saying cross-body bag.
- 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,815 On you, it's a fanny pack up higher.
- 00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,066 Rick: Space Beth, you're driving.
- 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,777 I'm low on wanting to drive.
- 00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,570 Jerry: W-Would one of you mind making me a quick sandwich?
- 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,322 You know theme park food gives me interesting stools.
- 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:13,573 Read the room.
- 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,158 We're not going. Look at us.
- 00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:16,409 No, you got to come.
- 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,911 It's an absolute train wreck--
- 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,579 this dude, he's never been to Earth,
- 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,080 But he <i>loves</i> it.
- 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,415 And he <i>sucks</i> at making theme parks.
- 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,834 Both: We said fucking no!
- 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,085 Alright. Fine.
- 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,214 But nobody wants to see a Beths adventure.
- 00:01:29,215 --> 00:01:30,715 [ Sighs ]
- 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,301 I thought cloning was supposed to make us happy.
- 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,636 I hate my life.
- 00:01:34,637 --> 00:01:37,096 And I know you <i>have</i> to hate yours.
- 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,640 - Hey! - Sorry.
- 00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,475 I started drinking in the car.
- 00:01:40,476 --> 00:02:10,714 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,637 {\an8}Why are we miserable? It's not Jerry.
- 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,222 {\an8}Yeah, it could be worse.
- 00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,599 {\an8}I mean we could have married Pep Rosenfeld.
- 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,685 {\an8}Oh, my God. I forgot about him.
- 00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,311 {\an8}Oh, he died in that thing, right?
- 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,272 {\an8}9-11, yeah.
- 00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,649 {\an8}We can't just put it all on Dad, right?
- 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,692 {\an8}Oh, we're done with that guy.
- 00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:32,819 {\an8}"I had a bad dad."
- 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,445 {\an8}Shut up. Write a book about it.
- 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:37,115 {\an8}I'm just so tired of all the shit we have to do to live.
- 00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:38,992 {\an8}You abandoned all your shit.
- 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:41,327 {\an8}There is so much more shit in space!
- 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,538 {\an8}When was the last time we were happy?
- 00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,123 {\an8}Truly happy?
- 00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,916 {\an8}Felt pretty good when we were kids.
- 00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,210 {\an8}Oh, my God, I wish I could be young again.
- 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:52,130 {\an8}That kind of wish never goes the way you want.
- 00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,258 {\an8}That being said...
- 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,136 {\an8}Uh, why do you have a de-aging machine?
- 00:02:58,137 --> 00:03:00,680 {\an8}When I'm bringing in bounties, I change 'em into kids.
- 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,849 {\an8}This car fits 10 kids if you pack 'em right.
- 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,267 {\an8}Sounds efficient.
- 00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,853 {\an8}Is that... worth dealing with 10 kids?
- 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,688 {\an8}Oh no, I drug them, too.
- 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,357 {\an8}- Wait, will my clothes be super huge or-- - Oh, no, no, no.
- 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:15,321 {\an8}Technology this advanced is indistinguishable from magic.
- 00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:19,283 {\an8}[ Machine whirring ]
- 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,204 {\an8}- Whoa! - Whoa!
- 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,832 {\an8}My face... my skin!
- 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,418 {\an8}I can see everything!
- 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,712 {\an8}And my mouth tastes so clean!
- 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,422 {\an8}Whoa, my knuckles work!
- 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,382 {\an8}No pain!
- 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,842 {\an8}You look like shit.
- 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,761 {\an8}Wait, no! Come back here!!
- 00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,930 {\an8}Get ready. Earth World is a mess.
- 00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,431 {\an8}No creative consistency.
- 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,933 {\an8}Last time I was here, they had a whole ride
- 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,476 {\an8}dedicated to Pol Pot.
- 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,811 {\an8}There's a non-zero chance you'll lose an eye.
- 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,731 {\an8}Oh, that wasn't the vibe I got from the waivers.
- 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,608 {\an8}- Waivers? - Yeah, from the website.
- 00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,234 {\an8}Website?!
- 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,780 {\an8}<i>Welcome to Earth World! It's me, Dr. Dogballs!</i>
- 00:03:58,781 --> 00:04:00,406 {\an8}What the hell?!
- 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,033 {\an8}<i>I love Earth so much I made a theme park--</i>
- 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,451 {\an8}<i>just like they would on Earth!</i>
- 00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:04,953 {\an8}Oh. [ Laughs ] Yeah.
- 00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:07,288 {\an8}Wow, I-I guess this does seem like it sucks.
- 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,791 {\an8}Good one, Grandpa. You still like stuff ironically?
- 00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:13,211 {\an8}No, it used to <i>bad</i> bad, which was good.
- 00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:16,089 {\an8}There used to be a ride called "It's a Small Black Death"!
- 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,341 Looks like they've got just a regular GAP.
- 00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:20,510 Rick, w-were you just drunk when you were here?
- 00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:21,594 I'm drunk now!
- 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,929 Where's all the rusty nails?
- 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,764 Where's the Herpes Family Flume?
- 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,266 - Light-up corn dog? - Get the fuck away from me!
- 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,770 Can't wait to get a photo taken with... Marie Curie?
- 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,522 I-I think that's John Legend?
- 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:34,065 Maybe they picked John Legend
- 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,692 'cause his name implies he's really important.
- 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:38,152 Rick, how were you thinking we should enjoy this?
- 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:41,030 Wow, they have a hall of Presidential Pets?
- 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,616 - Like that? - Do you think I can meet Socks?
- 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,867 I'm not gonna shit on it too hard
- 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,285 'cause I know you'd punish me,
- 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,997 but isn't this just a mid-'90s outdoor mall?
- 00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:51,165 - Oh! My bad! - Oh, my God!
- 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,126 You're a real Earth person, aren't you?
- 00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,961 - From Earth?! - Uh, yeah.
- 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,963 I'm, like, starstruck.
- 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,798 A real human.
- 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,300 Ooh, you smell nasty. [ Laughs ]
- 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,512 - Oh. I mean, is that-- is that good? - Absolutely.
- 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,806 Well, it's nice to see something in this park
- 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,391 still grimy and real.
- 00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:10,893 Then I-I'm as nasty as they come.
- 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:13,312 Can you believe my grandpa loves this place?
- 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,480 [ Laughs ] Lame.
- 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,107 Beth! Where'd you go?
- 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,066 Beth?
- 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,484 Beth, I want you to have fun,
- 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,653 but I need to know where you're having it.
- 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,655 - I found a possum! - Oh, my God!
- 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,407 Aaaah! No!
- 00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,284 I don't wanna be old! Aaaah!
- 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:29,078 You're in so much pain, and you don't even know it!
- 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,997 [ Machine whirs ]
- 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,498 - Oh, my God. - I'm sorry.
- 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,501 I-I forgot just how insane we were as a kid.
- 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,586 I shouldn't have pitched this.
- 00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,463 You have <i>got</i> to try it.
- 00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:40,089 I'm over here!
- 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,050 Okay, sweetie, this is your two-minute warning.
- 00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,509 It's almost time to switch back.
- 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,137 [ Giggles ] You got to find me first!
- 00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:48,222 Too slow! Try again!
- 00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:50,349 Alright, let's go. That's enough. I'm serious.
- 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,684 [ Giggles ]
- 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,353 Alright, Beth.
- 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,022 Aaah!
- 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,609 Surprise! You done been got!
- 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,320 Do it.
- 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,406 [ Machine whirs ]
- 00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:10,370 [ Both giggle ]
- 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,916 [ Both shrieking ]
- 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,252 Ugh! That bathroom was a ride, too!
- 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,213 I had my pants down and everything!
- 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:23,132 - I really do need to go. - Just go in a bush.
- 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,384 I swear it used to be funnier than this.
- 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,845 Don't turn around. I-I-I'm squatting.
- 00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,431 Hey, you can't go... there. Like that.
- 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,600 You used to be able to piss wherever you wanted to.
- 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,018 Like on Earth.
- 00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,895 Grandpa Rick, take the L.
- 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,271 Let's get Morty and go home.
- 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,981 Yeah, this place is fucked.
- 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:41,109 Corporate takeover. Board-approved changes.
- 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:43,319 Steve Jobs dies, and we get 10 years of the same iPhone.
- 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,863 Oh, no, the guy who made the park is still alive.
- 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,073 - He is? - Yeah.
- 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,033 Rumor is, he still lives here.
- 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,120 Down in the tunnels.
- 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,082 Hey, Sum-Sum, You like breaking rules.
- 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,168 Ooh, did you bring molly?
- 00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:00,294 Hurry it up, Jerry!
- 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,505 It's your fault I have to go like this.
- 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:03,756 You destroyed my urethra
- 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,676 when you turned me into a trash can.
- 00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:08,262 Follow me.
- 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,097 And of course I brought molly.
- 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,099 TV Announcer: <i>Uh, if you're just joining us tonight,</i>
- 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,434 <i>we have a-- oh, my God. It exploded.</i>
- 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,562 <i>Oh, God. All those astronauts.</i>
- 00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:20,106 <i>It's-- It's worse than any explosion before it!</i>
- 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,315 This is hilarious.
- 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,360 Hey, yo. Check this out.
- 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,821 Awesome. No adult is getting inside.
- 00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:28,656 Also, don't sit on that chair.
- 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,032 The cushion is knives.
- 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,617 Somebody's got to sit on it!
- 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,452 Gene should sit on it.
- 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,622 Bam! Nice!
- 00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,792 Whoo-hoo!
- 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,210 Hey there, girls.
- 00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,713 I'm guessing one of you is Beth from next door,
- 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:45,548 and one of you is her... clone?
- 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,466 But you're both little girls now?
- 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,218 Not that strange, given what I've seen.
- 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,095 What are you, a scientist?
- 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,597 Come sit in our chair.
- 00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:55,600 Well, based on the design of your makeshift harpoon,
- 00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:58,186 seems like you girls are on a bit of a spree.
- 00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,730 Feel like I'm gonna be walking into some booby traps.
- 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,148 Let's have some cocoa instead.
- 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:05,693 - "Let's have some cocoa." - "I'm divorced."
- 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,029 Hey! That is cruel and technically untrue.
- 00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:09,655 But you're in an altered headspace,
- 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,199 so I know you don't mean it.
- 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,993 Why don't you two sit tight? I'll get the Swiss Miss.
- 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,078 - Let's go. - Go where?
- 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,373 Go hunt him. Unless you're scaaared.
- 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,000 I'm not scared of anything.
- 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,711 Let's get in the walls.
- 00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:25,838 Morty: Wow, this is a good photo of us.
- 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,173 Keep talking.
- 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,008 I can smell your rotting breakfast.
- 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,719 - Oh, God. - Your hairs are insane.
- 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,262 They're all over your body.
- 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,431 Can I touch them? Say a human phrase.
- 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,809 Say "grocery list" in that stinkbody accent.
- 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:39,894 You mean my voice?
- 00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:41,354 - Yes! - "Grocery list."
- 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,855 I love your tooth-filled big hole
- 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,899 and the other, less-used holes on your face.
- 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,484 Okay, um,
- 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,445 I'm getting the feeling that you're not into me
- 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:54,283 a-as much as you like the idea of being with any human.
- 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,160 Does it matter if I'm still turned on?
- 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,662 No, I guess it doesn't.
- 00:08:57,663 --> 00:09:00,706 I want to get your wet muscle in my mouth.
- 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,041 You mean my tongue?
- 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,043 I don't care what it's called.
- 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,087 Rick, I know you're having a bad time.
- 00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:08,673 But I think I saw a Panera up there
- 00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,341 that might change your tune.
- 00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,134 - A Panera?! - Yeah!
- 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,720 - Shut up. - Is that Kevin Costner?
- 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,013 Wait, why do I know that?
- 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,765 Did Father make new models?
- 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,350 I don't recognize you three.
- 00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,686 No, I'm... Old Guy Fieri,
- 00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,145 th-- this is Princess Diana,
- 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,730 and he's Mr. Rogers.
- 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,148 Or Brett Kavanaugh.
- 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,942 I wouldn't know. I never left this park.
- 00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,068 Us, too.
- 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,821 We're looking for Dogballs.
- 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,160 He lives below.
- 00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,124 Dr. Dogballs. My man!
- 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,376 Humans! Real humans!
- 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,420 The mad genius who built Earth World!
- 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,922 Nobody loves Earth as much as me.
- 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,341 Car, Muscle Beach, property taxes.
- 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,802 But before I could complete my perfect vision,
- 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,888 I was caught with incriminating files on my computer,
- 00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,099 and the board chained me up.
- 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,934 I watch animal pornography.
- 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,561 It's my business.
- 00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,229 Like with people and animals?
- 00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,605 No, just the animals, sicko.
- 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,566 The original Earth World was incredible.
- 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,359 I-I got strep from a candy once!
- 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,862 Of course you feel that way. You're a human being.
- 00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:16,073 You know what Earth theme parks are supposed to be like.
- 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,159 I'd take you to the dead zone if I could
- 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,745 and show you some of the old delights.
- 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,705 But they won't let me leave my office.
- 00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:25,250 They won't, but I will.
- 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:29,837 Welcome to the real Earth World!
- 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,548 I guess this is closer to how I remember it.
- 00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,593 Oh! I stepped on a rusty nail!
- 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,511 Aah! Aah! Aaaah!
- 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,388 Hmm. At least Jerry got hurt.
- 00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,099 Hot cocoa with extra marshmallows!
- 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,393 Hope you got room for extra marshmallows!
- 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,854 Look at him holding marshmallows over our heads.
- 00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,105 Like that's some kind of power.
- 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,149 I <i>do</i> like marshmallows.
- 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,151 He doesn't decide about our marshmallows!
- 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,778 You should go up there and cut him.
- 00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,154 <i>You</i> should cut him.
- 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,447 [ Whispering ] What should we cut?
- 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,617 I don't know. Just start slashing!
- 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,826 Gene: Aaah! Aaah!
- 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,828 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,539 My ankles! I need a doctor!
- 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,833 Great. Now we have to take care of him.
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,377 I don't want to take care of anybody!
- 00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,837 - You take care of him! - It was your idea!
- 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:12,880 Both: Not it! Jinx!
- 00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:14,507 I think you hit an artery!
- 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,509 - She did it! She's a psycho. - You're the psycho!
- 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,010 I watched you eat a bird!
- 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:21,013 After <i>you</i> tore off its wings!
- 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,433 I'll show you who's psycho!!
- 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,687 Yeah, run away, you baby!
- 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,190 Remember your affirmations, Gene.
- 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,984 You deserve to live.
- 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,946 Oh.
- 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:41,660 Welp, somehow every decision I've ever made has led to this.
- 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:49,708 {\an8}♪
- 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,961 - Aaaaah! - Get out of my treehouse!
- 00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,797 Get out of my yard!
- 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,300 [ Breathing heavily ]
- 00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,386 Aaah!
- 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,097 Fire alarm: <i>Fire detected. Extinguishing.</i>
- 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:21,699 {\an8}♪
- 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,868 Come on, Gene. Not like this.
- 00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,035 Not like this!
- 00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,037 Hey, Siri, call 911!
- 00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,165 Siri: <i>Countdown to calling 911.</i>
- 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:32,251 <i>Calling 911 in 10, 9, 8, 7--</i>
- 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,296 Why does it need a countdown?!!
- 00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:39,049 Alien M.C.: <i>Earth's World War II was fought with combines and harvesters,</i>
- 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,677 <i>and you're about to witness it firsthand.</i>
- 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,804 Oh, God, is that a live wire?
- 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:46,182 None of the electricity is grounded here.
- 00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,477 - [ Cellphone vibrates ] - Shit.
- 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,228 I-I got to get home before Gene calls 911
- 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:52,813 from any other phone but his own.
- 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,607 The head thing so you can get out the way you came.
- 00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,234 Wait, you're leaving? I thought you loved this place.
- 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,903 Yeah, uh, I don't know.
- 00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,279 I-I guess Morty was right.
- 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,822 Am I, like, supposed to think it's cool
- 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,283 that there's measles in the water, and like, snakes?
- 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,369 Nah. Y-You guys have fun.
- 00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,873 - Aaah! - Oh. shiiiit!
- 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:16,045 {\an8}♪
- 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,923 We're done here, boys.
- 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,134 Rick, your girls.
- 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,178 They're not good people.
- 00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,556 Thank... you.
- 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:30,017 I've only been gone for two hours!
- 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,602 Hey, Beths!
- 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:32,645 Deducing here that you've been huffing childhood
- 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,814 and have overdosed on fun.
- 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,817 Ouch.
- 00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:47,451 - Child Beth: I'm gonna kill you! - Child Space Beth: I'm gonna kill you first!
- 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,203 Ow, damn it!
- 00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,914 That's it, we're done.
- 00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,089 You dick!
- 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,298 Aaah!
- 00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,008 Enough "Home Alone"-ing.
- 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,677 God damn it!
- 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,763 I cloned you to fix this, not make you twice as annoying.
- 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,516 Dr. Dogballs: Oh, I-I-can't tell you, oh, my God,
- 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:14,270 I've waited so long for someone to see my vision.
- 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,855 And of course it was real humans!
- 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,358 You're the perfect audience for this--
- 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,695 my finest moment.
- 00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,531 Oh, shit. What's that?!
- 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,575 My beautiful creations.
- 00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:30,537 They're going to destroy the park.
- 00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,788 Oh, God.
- 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,790 I thought they were people in costumes,
- 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,542 but the costumes are the people?
- 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,043 The people are the costumes?!
- 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:41,046 All Earth theme parks end the same way.
- 00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,340 Jurassic Park, Westworld--
- 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:46,176 even the rides inside the theme parks
- 00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,511 tell the same story.
- 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:48,971 You're on a boat ride
- 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:51,390 when suddenly you take a detour to a waterfall,
- 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,559 and now you're in a pirate's den,
- 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,228 forced to suck dick to stay alive!
- 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,730 Why would you do this?
- 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,315 The greatest tribute to Earth
- 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:03,486 is a theme park that ends in chaos.
- 00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,577 Be free! Be free, my lovelies!
- 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,828 Hungry for meat.
- 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:15,080 Eat meat!
- 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,874 Take it all!
- 00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,083 Take the other one!
- 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,251 Shit! Dad!
- 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,919 Take it! Take it all!
- 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,921 Blend in. Stumble around!
- 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,508 {\an8}♪
- 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:33,223 - Yeah, you like that? Labradoodle. - Mmm.
- 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,351 - Coconut milk. - Uh-huh. More human stuff.
- 00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,270 Big League Chew.
- 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:40,648 Ooh! Say something racist.
- 00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,735 - What? - C'mon, you're human, it's your whole thing.
- 00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,028 Uhhh...
- 00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:49,573 I-Italians make pretty-- pretty good pizza?
- 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:53,452 No, do it hateful, you disgusting little bug.
- 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,120 Uhhhh, did you hear that?
- 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,373 Now you're pretending there's some kind of emergency?
- 00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,625 I tried to be vulnerable with you.
- 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,502 If you don't think I'm pretty, just say so.
- 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,837 I'm sorry, but I-I'm not just some sexual fantasy,
- 00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:08,634 - I'm a whole person. - C'mon, you guys basically invented racism.
- 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,678 If I wanted to fuck something good,
- 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,263 I wouldn't have come to Earth World.
- 00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,682 Aaaah!
- 00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:17,476 I don't even know who this is! Aaaaah!
- 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,021 It's John Legend, I think! Oh, my God!
- 00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:27,696 Summer? Rick? A-Anyone?!
- 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,989 Uh, that's the entire Culkin family!
- 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,325 I-I guess there's seven of them?
- 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,744 Aaah!
- 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,914 I loved you in "Succession!" I'm sorry!
- 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,165 Enough kindergarten.
- 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,583 I don't have time to be your dad.
- 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,419 - You never did! - You want me to be a parent?
- 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,506 Fine. No more talking until you're adults.
- 00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,396 Okay, whichever one you are, you're up.
- 00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:04,440 She can't breathe! She can't breathe!
- 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,400 Aw, shit, fuck!
- 00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,527 - Take that! - Aaah!
- 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,320 How old should we make him?
- 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,197 As old as it'll go.
- 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,492 [ Machine whirring ]
- 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,497 Bet it's scary to have your life in the hands
- 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,750 of unreliable caregivers!
- 00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,878 [ Groaning ]
- 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,755 Walk! We're not taking care of you!
- 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:30,048 Yeah, get up, or we'll leave you here!
- 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,385 Just like you left us. Lazy piece of shit!
- 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,554 Fuck you, Dad! Fucking asshole!
- 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:39,099 You didn't want us. You just wanted to fuck off.
- 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,351 I-I didn't leave.
- 00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,729 My Beth died.
- 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,649 Yeah, well, someone left us!
- 00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,568 And there's two of us now!
- 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,570 You should love us twice as much!
- 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,907 Both: All we wanted was to be together!!
- 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,909 [ Sobbing ]
- 00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,744 Don't you... cry!
- 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,747 You don't deserve to cry!
- 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,582 Proud...
- 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,583 Proud?
- 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,169 Proud... of you...
- 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:11,841 for making me old and beating... the shit out of me.
- 00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:15,094 [ Both sobbing ]
- 00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:21,601 Proud you're-- you're both my daughters.
- 00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,190 [ All sobbing ]
- 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,528 Ow. Ow.
- 00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:35,531 You little bitches broke my bones.
- 00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,867 [ All laugh ]
- 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,704 I'm shitting!
- 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,039 I'm not joking.
- 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,749 Stop making me laugh.
- 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,794 It's making me shit more!
- 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,131 Beths: It's perfect!
- 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,133 The only thing that could make this better
- 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,718 is if something was on fire.
- 00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:58,470 I might stab something again.
- 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,305 Probably should turn you back.
- 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,684 Do most kids like to stab this much?
- 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,477 There's the exit. Stay close.
- 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,437 [ Screaming ]
- 00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,981 Please help!
- 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,649 Oh, thank God!
- 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,485 How could you-- aaah!
- 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,279 Oh, shit, Morty's killing...
- 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,738 I think that's Rory Culkin?
- 00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,699 I-Is that who this one is!?
- 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,284 We got to bail. Get a head.
- 00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:23,036 - What? - Put on Rory!
- 00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,581 There's no room!
- 00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,624 Ugh! It's so wet in here.
- 00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,543 It smells, too. It smells wet.
- 00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,336 They're coming!
- 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:32,922 Come on!
- 00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,507 - Come on, get in! - Where's the remote?
- 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,509 I lost the remote! I can't shrink our heads!
- 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,012 Give me the keys!
- 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,808 More like Earth World.
- 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,686 - What? - Like "Jurassic World"? The big sequel?
- 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,979 I-I don't know what you're saying.
- 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,272 Well, wasn't it called Earth Park?
- 00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:51,398 - No! - No!
- 00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,441 Oh.
- 00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,359 Is anybody getting cold?
- 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,696 [ Cellphone vibrates ]
- 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,200 ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
- 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:06,164 ♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪
- 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,711 ♪ And they're always glad you came ♪
- 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,880 ♪ You wanna be where you can see ♪
- 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,424 ♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪
- 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:22,221 ♪ You wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪
- 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,557 ♪ You wanna go where people know ♪
- 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,935 ♪ People are all the same ♪
- 00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:32,523 ♪ You wanna go where everybody knows your name ♪
- 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:37,861 I'm blind! Space froze my eyes!
- 00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,364 Yeah, Jerry, I told you that theme park sucks!
- 00:20:40,365 --> 00:21:11,937 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,189 Rick: <i>Hello, you've reached 911.</i>
- 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:17,734 - <i>If this is an emergency, please leave a message.</i> - <i>[ Beep ]</i>
- 00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,111 Gene: <i>The house across the street from me</i>
- 00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,946 <i>keeps disappearing and reappearing.</i>
- 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,823 <i>I-I don't know if that's an emergency,</i>
- 00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,616 <i>but it's really upsetting.</i>
- 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,952 - <i>Could you send someone to investigate?</i> - <i>[ Beep ]</i>
- 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:30,038 - <i>So, I was eating a burger, and now my hands are burgers.</i> - <i>[ Beep ]</i>
- 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,832 <i>Hi, I'm being home-invaded,</i>
- 00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,583 <i>and it's-- it's by a small home.</i>
- 00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:35,794 <i>There's a small home that's home-invading my home.</i>
- 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,130 - <i>It's wearing a ski-mask, but it's definitely a house.</i> - <i>[ Beep ]</i>
- 00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:40,132 <i>There's a pigeon outside my house</i>
- 00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,925 - <i>demanding to see my birth certificate.</i> - <i>[ Beep ]</i>
- 00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,969 <i>I'm beginning to think 911 shouldn't have</i>
- 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,470 <i>an answering machine.</i>
- 00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:47,514 <i>Also, I have eleven legs now.</i>
- 00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,726 - <i>Nobody ever comes.</i> - <i>[ Beep ]</i>
- 00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:52,729 Did you get any of that?