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Рикзищяя свою сморть
Рик совсем не настроен на приключения, и Морти пытается его подбодрить, используя свои «Карты приключений Морти». Подозревая, что Морти мог солгать о количестве пережитых приключений, Рик обращается за помощью к всезнающему инопланетному камню по имени Наблюдатель, чтобы тот проверил «Карты приключений». Когда Наблюдатель показывает им различные прошлые приключения, Рик и Морти в конце концов устают от того, что он воспринимает их жизнь как сборник отрывков из фильмов, и просят его уйти. Однако Наблюдатель возвращается и начинает преследовать всю семью Смитов, показывая отрывки из их самых неловких моментов. Морти теряет самообладание и бьет Наблюдателя, нечаянно убивая его и вызывая гнев других Наблюдателей, которые решают устроить над ними суд, определяя, добрые они или злые. Затем Наблюдатели приводят юридические аргументы, основанные на прошлых подвигах Рика и Морти, прежде чем приговорить их к смерти. В ответ Рик взламывает их наблюдательную технологию и показывает, что Наблюдатели регулярно злоупотребляют своими способностями в корыстных целях, что приводит к нападению друг на друга. Рик и Морти спасаются в возникшей суматохе, и Рик решает взять Морти с собой в новое приключение.
- 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,093 Hey, Rick!
- 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,471 Need me for any adventures?
- 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,015 Adventures? Remember those?
- 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:19,728 Not right now, Morty! But definitely next week though.
- 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:23,022 You been saying that a while now buddy, so I think I’m gonna give
- 00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:26,651 you a little nudge by cashing in a few of these bad boys.
- 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:29,154 We’re still doing the punch card system?
- 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:32,157 Never stopped. Read ’em and weep.
- 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:36,119 Fully punched cards, each entitling me to an adventure of my choosing.
- 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:38,663 - I don’t make the rules. - I do, you little gremlin.
- 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,582 And I definitely did not stamp all these.
- 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,667 You never remember to stamp the cards, you’re always drunk.
- 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,419 I didn’t know we were still doing this!
- 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:47,088 This stinks to high heaven Morty, I’m not accepting these.
- 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:50,049 I knew you were going to do this. So I got receipts, bitch.
- 00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:51,217 I kept notes.
- 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:52,635 This is gibberish.
- 00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,638 "Isle of the Mortysaurs"? "Takes One to Know One"?
- 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,140 I make up titles for each adventure.
- 00:00:57,140 --> 00:01:00,143 You did the same thing for that MS readathon at your school, Morty
- 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:00,977 and you didn’t read shit.
- 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:03,188 It’s okay to lie when you’re fighting Multiple Sclerosis!
- 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,231 Or when you think you won’t get caught!
- 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,524 How are you going to catch me?
- 00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:09,819 You done and did it now, little man. That’s your ass.
- 00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,822 Don’t grift a grifter, Morty. I got friends in cosmic places.
- 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:14,991 I need an audit.
- 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,952 Right! You were already watching.
- 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,913 - I’ll come get you. - What is this?
- 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,500 I am The Observer!
- 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,668 You’re so busted. Look at your face, you’re so fucked.
- 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:27,879 I Observe All!
- 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,547 They observe all, Morty.
- 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,883 - Cosmic allseeing species. - So?
- 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,385 So, they’re basically universal police body-cams but
- 00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:36,429 you can’t turn them off before you beat a minority.
- 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,848 Or in your case, before you cook the adventure books!
- 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,767 - I don’t do that! - We gonna find out!
- 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,478 I’m here for this!
- 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,847 I bet a solid seventy percent of these are bullshit.
- 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,641 Quit your bitching and do the audit, I got nothing to hide!
- 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,643 {\an8}Alright, Observer! Gimme "Truth or Dare".
- 00:02:24,143 --> 00:02:26,062 {\an8}- Christ! These names, Morty. - It’s shorthand!
- 00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:31,526 {\an8}I have observed it! Now gaze upon me and so shall you...
- 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,073 {\an8}Two attack patterns and a giant glowing weak spot
- 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,493 {\an8}- Legend of Zelda tutorial-ass bullshit. - I thought it was kind of fun.
- 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,371 {\an8}Halt! Unidentified adventurers.
- 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,832 {\an8}We are the guardians of this sanctuary.
- 00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:50,044 {\an8}One of us tells only truths, the other, only lies.
- 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,088 {\an8}- You ever fucked this guy’s wife? - Yes.
- 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,258 {\an8}Well, how about that, he guessed right.
- 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,093 {\an8}I forgive you!
- 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,470 {\an8}- Oh shit! - Alright, next room.
- 00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,555 {\an8}No, I wanna watch.
- 00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:03,933 {\an8}Did you see how one of them lied?
- 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,269 {\an8}Fine! I’ll call that one legit, I’m not here to nitpick,
- 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,937 {\an8}I’m here to find blatant fraud.
- 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:10,106 {\an8}Okay! Show me "Late Night Western".
- 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:17,113 {\an8}Morty! Take me drive me, wan go western bacon.
- 00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,698 {\an8}Morty western bacon now.
- 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,457 {\an8}- Before you say anything... - I knew it! Busted!
- 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,125 {\an8}You’re banned from that Carls Jr!
- 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,502 {\an8}That doesn’t make the drive-thru an adventure, Morty. Invalid.
- 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,589 {\an8}Sounds like it’s anyone’s game!
- 00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:38,051 {\an8}Well, no! It’s not a bet, it’s an audit.
- 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,511 {\an8}Observer, show us "Maximum Overdrivewith Clothes"
- 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,185 {\an8}At least this is better than cars, cars can run you over.
- 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,273 {\an8}Okay, no, this is worse.
- 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,568 {\an8}- Adventure, suck it. - Alright, fine.
- 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,820 {\an8}How about "Whistlering Dixie".
- 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,578 {\an8}Whistler! Whattaya got to tag and bag these bastards?
- 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:09,666 {\an8}Made this little puppy after I bagged my first neck-rophiliac.
- 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,418 {\an8}Double action triggers pumping out 14 hundred kilos
- 00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:14,128 {\an8}of holy water per square inch.
- 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:18,216 {\an8}This old girl’s got dry-aged, Sicilian garlic expelling out at
- 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:23,471 {\an8}32 hundred feet per second, is swaddled by 5200 Solar-joules
- 00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:26,975 {\an8}of raw ultraviolet. And she’s only getting started,
- 00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,310 {\an8}I’m talking crucifix-shaped Chinese stars,
- 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,270 {\an8}mirror-tipped wooden stakes, and a...
- 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,398 What? Hello? Guys?
- 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,527 Morty, that was just an old man rambling at us.
- 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,444 People died!
- 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,947 So, by your logic, 9/11 was an adventure?
- 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,198 Tweet it, see who agrees.
- 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:45,243 - Very well! Bear witness to 9/11! - What?
- 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:48,621 Dude, don’t, just you need to let us throw to the stuff, okay?
- 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,040 What’s next? What the hell is "Leg Day"?
- 00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,044 Hey look, Morty! I’m a leg!
- 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,715 A leg, Morty! I’m Leg Rick!
- 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,800 Okay! I’ll give you that last one.
- 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,012 - What? I mean I’ll take it but... - Hey Morty! Check this out.
- 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,722 That’s clearly unlicensed.
- 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,724 - License this! - Wait, what are you doing?
- 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:11,436 Hey Smith, you look hungry! How about some knuckle pie?
- 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,815 Jeez. Rick’s implants.
- 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,067 Big Doug... get the truck.
- 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,820 I’ve never felt so alive!
- 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,578 Man.
- 00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:07,784 - Turn back into a boat! - I’m trying!
- 00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:12,538 - I’m trying! - Big Doug!
- 00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:16,042 Big Doug, no.
- 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,088 There’s my guy! Come on! The hamsters turned on me, Morty.
- 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,089 We gotta go.
- 00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,717 - R.I.P, Big Doug! - Wasn’t even in that one!
- 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,970 Who cares, it wasn’t even on my list. This guy just cued it up!
- 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,640 Speaking of cues, what about all those times
- 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,226 - you two misunderstood each other? - Wait, what?
- 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,727 Are you setting up a series of them?
- 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:38,940 Trust me! The key is grouping them with thematic connections.
- 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:44,487 I just want to talk to Morty in private, about something unrelated.
- 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,405 We’ll be right back.
- 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,992 Okay, this guy might have been kind of a mistake.
- 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,369 He’s really, like, aggressive.
- 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:54,497 He’s steamrolling us. He thinks he’s hosting a fucking clip show.
- 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,332 - And I don’t like his voice. - I don’t like his voice.
- 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,625 I don’t like that he’s doing jokes,
- 00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,127 I don’t like that he’s talking down to you.
- 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,879 Thank you. Okay. Let’s rethink this.
- 00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:03,673 I still don’t trust these, but I’ll accept these cards
- 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,842 - at 70 cents on the dollar. - Done. Fair.
- 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,593 How do we get rid of him?
- 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,887 I’ll just pay the asshole and tell him he did a great job.
- 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:11,889 <i>He thinks he’s hosting a fucking clip show.</i>
- 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,683 - And I don’t like his voice. - I don’t like his voice.
- 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,976 <i>I don’t like that he’s doing jokes</i>
- 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,060 - Okay, well, that’s... <i>- I don’t like that...</i>
- 00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,354 that’s on us. Should have seen that coming.
- 00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,939 Seeing is more my thing.
- 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,399 Well, then you know he’s about to pay you.
- 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,026 And "tell me I did a great job"?
- 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,487 Fine! You caught us. We secretly think you suck.
- 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,615 Here’s twice what I owe you, that’s how little conversation
- 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,075 we want to have about you leaving.
- 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:33,744 I have never seen two bigger assholes!
- 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:37,206 - And I see all assholes! - Then you can see yours out.
- 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:38,541 Bye.
- 00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:41,836 Christ.
- 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,472 Shit! Hot, so hot.
- 00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:55,725 Gotta start in the middle, statistically the coolest.
- 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,394 <i>You won’t find a carb on my plate, Morty.</i>
- 00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:00,229 <i>- I’m all about that keto.</i> - No!
- 00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,898 - Is that a fucking... - Clip?
- 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,692 <i>I’m a fats man. Gimme all the fats!</i>
- 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:07,195 That burrito looks pretty carby!
- 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,322 - This fucking guy. - That’s your move?
- 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,491 Diet shaming? Just take the L, man! This is embarrassing.
- 00:08:12,491 --> 00:08:15,203 I’ll show you embarrassing!
- 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,916 Do it, Morty! It’s the only way to save the universe!
- 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,251 How? How is it the only way?
- 00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:26,005 Morty, I’m dying! It’s up to you.
- 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,428 - Rick! - What the hell are you doing?
- 00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:35,932 Saving the universe! I think! Right, Rick?
- 00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:45,358 - This guy's nuts! - Screw you, Morty.
- 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,693 What the hell? You told me I was a hero!
- 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,946 - You were that night. - What the hell’s going on?
- 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,865 Is that angry stone playing... video-clips?
- 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:55,785 It’s some weirdo Grandpa hired to prove I’m a bad person.
- 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,621 Turns out people that take that job aren’t fun to be around.
- 00:08:58,996 --> 00:08:59,956 Get out of here!
- 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:04,293 <i>Sidewalk’s public property, bro! I can observe all I want from here!</i>
- 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:07,630 This isn’t our problem, Dad. Please make this loud thing go away.
- 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,507 I was studying for a test.
- 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,591 <i>No, you weren’t!</i>
- 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,385 Fucking rock asshole.
- 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,511 Now you’ve done it!
- 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:17,640 As they’ve shamed me, so shall I now shame you!
- 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,813 <i>Mom? Are you drinking wine in there?</i>
- 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,482 No! I’m shitting.
- 00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,901 <i>Bitch, I know the sound of a toilet lid moving.</i>
- 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:30,903 Two birds, one stone.
- 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,738 More embarrassing for Mom than me.
- 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,992 - I wasn’t lying, I was going to shit. - What’s going on here?
- 00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,703 Cosmic being playing embarrassing clips out of spite?
- 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:39,954 Damn, Jerry. Nailed it.
- 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,998 I was watching from the upstairs window.
- 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:43,916 Well, watch this, loser!
- 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,461 Morty, I’m throwing out some stuff from our last couple adventures,
- 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:50,006 - you got any use for this diamond? - <i>Nope. I’m good.</i>
- 00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,181 This is gonna be fine.
- 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,688 I’m sorry! I can’t stop once I start!
- 00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:09,525 Whatever! Everyone knows I’m embarrassing,
- 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,403 - I’m bulletproof. - Oh my God, this is so sad.
- 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:15,531 Not as sad as you after this!
- 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:19,452 {\an8}<i>The so called "Hottie Snatchers" have spread to Canada and Mexico,</i>
- 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,621 {\an8}<i>grabbing the most attractive residents and taking them god knows where.</i>
- 00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:26,542 {\an8}<i>All Americans, even sub-sevens, are advised to stay indoors.</i>
- 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,377 {\an8}<i>You certainly wouldn’t be safe out there.</i>
- 00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:29,879 {\an8}<i>Not on the air, Michael.</i>
- 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,672 BRB, bathroom.
- 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:33,966 I need to know!
- 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:42,183 It’s okay, It’s not real! They’re just doing it at random!
- 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,728 Is everything okay? I heard a...
- 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,568 You too? It’s not so bad once you get used to it.
- 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,697 I don’t deserve this, I just walked downstairs.
- 00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,574 Okay, well if Dad’s just gonna stand here,
- 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:01,285 should I do something? Unless that somehow tees me up.
- 00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:02,286 Walked right into it!
- 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,706 This is our target, Dichotomus Daniel.
- 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,377 That was my chair.
- 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,546 - It was a fart. - Birdperson always knows.
- 00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,673 It’s true! He’s got that beak!
- 00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:15,966 Get lost, you piece of shit!
- 00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,260 Why? So you can do stuff like this?
- 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,269 Morty!
- 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:30,272 I’m afraid the only way out is through the bottom of this massive
- 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:31,315 vat of whale semen.
- 00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,943 Well, that last one was just for shock value.
- 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:34,985 Fuck this guy!
- 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:38,989 If you can’t take the heat, get out of the watching'!
- 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,366 You suck!
- 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:43,327 Showing weird shit just cuz we wouldn’t let you treat our lives
- 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:44,120 like a clip show!
- 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,663 - Get him Morty! - Mess him up, little bro!
- 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,791 What? You gonna beat me up like the piss guy?
- 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,126 Hey! Not cool!
- 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,378 Why don’t you tee up this clip of me kicking your ass!
- 00:11:55,631 --> 00:12:02,096 I’m all rocks now! I never saw this coming...
- 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,517 Shit! These guys can die?
- 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,644 - I thought they were cosmic. - You know what?
- 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,855 I say we leave this thing in the street, deny any involvement
- 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,106 and just hope this blows over.
- 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,150 Unless, of course, <i>they play this exact clip</i>
- 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,986 <i>on a screen in front of a jury with some kind of built-in bias.</i>
- 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,406 As an observer, I try to stay impartial,
- 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,825 but I am not seeing innocence.
- 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:25,911 - It’s not blowing over, Rick. - I’d tell you to stay positive, Morty
- 00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,663 but I do not like the looks of that jury.
- 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,542 I can’t believe we got ourselves into this mess
- 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,878 over something as petty as what an adventure is...
- 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:37,173 I guess I can admit I got a little loose with the stamps.
- 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,009 Gotcha! Can the stenographer read back that confession, please?
- 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:43,512 Silence! The killing of an observer is unforgivable.
- 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:47,224 We must now decide whether to end your existence.
- 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:50,311 Your honor! If everyone here has truly seen everything,
- 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:53,522 then you all know that my grandson and I did this whole thing with giants.
- 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,191 Did what whole thing?
- 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:59,278 I will address that! I’m your court appointed defender.
- 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:03,032 Your honor, observe the time Rick and Morty did this with giants!
- 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:07,077 This is an open and shut case, Morty. Y’know what do ya think is gonna happen,
- 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,787 some magical angel’s gonna show up and...
- 00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:12,124 Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the violation of civil liberties!
- 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,835 The moments are practically identical, your honor,
- 00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:17,713 I move for a mistrial on the grounds it bumps.
- 00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:21,133 If the argument is that Rick and Morty repeat their mistakes,
- 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,802 - the prosecution agrees! - Oh God!
- 00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:26,805 You sound just like the guy we killed. Allegedly.
- 00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,557 That was my brother!
- 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,977 - I didn’t like his voice either! - Well, this isn’t gonna help our case.
- 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:34,021 Neither will this next clip!
- 00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:37,233 Morty! I made you a gorilla gun. Pretty cool.
- 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,902 A gorilla gun? Does this do what I think it does?
- 00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:42,363 Where’s your lunch money, punk?
- 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:45,866 Lunch money? Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a banana?
- 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,996 I thought it would turn him into a gorilla...
- 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,831 Why would you want a bully to be a gorilla?
- 00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:56,043 It was a gun that kills gorillas. Please go easy on him,
- 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,003 this one’s on me and it won’t happen again.
- 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,589 - Morty, this is a bully gun. - Cool!
- 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:01,840 Any questions about it?
- 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,510 - Not really. - Should be self-explanatory. Have fun.
- 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,596 - Give me your backpack. - You trying to bully me?
- 00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:11,100 Well, how are you going to bully... another bully?
- 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,018 What are you doing?
- 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,692 I feel like this one’s not entirely my fault.
- 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,194 - Okay, how do you feel? - I’m okay.
- 00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,863 I mean, maybe just stop giving me guns, or...
- 00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:27,950 Or make them less ambiguous, way ahead of you. Here. Take this.
- 00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:31,287 This is a gun, and I want to be really specific here.
- 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:34,540 This is a gun that you only use to shoot bad people.
- 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,208 - Are we clear? - Okay, Rick.
- 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:39,587 - When are you going to use that? - When I want to shoot a bad person.
- 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,588 Okay.
- 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:43,632 - I had a great time tonight, Jessica. - Hey. Give me your money.
- 00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,301 Why don’t you take this instead?
- 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,054 - Jeffrey Dahmer? - Hi.
- 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,889 - What’s happening? - I don’t know, just run.
- 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:56,353 Let the record show this bit continued for several more guns.
- 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,981 What are we even guilty of in that one, being kind of dumb?
- 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,483 For being dumb over and over!
- 00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:06,488 But your honor, is that not the definition of experimentation?
- 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:09,158 The foundation of science? And are Rick and Morty
- 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:13,162 therefore not only not not learning, but therefore actively learning?
- 00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:14,830 Observe this example!
- 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,876 How long before Ben Franklin comes back to life?
- 00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:20,628 Holy shit! Yes!
- 00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,088 Shit! He came back evil.
- 00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,549 What do you think will happen if we bury him again?
- 00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:26,508 You don’t know?
- 00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:29,053 This is my first time using Pet Semetary soil, Morty.
- 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,889 I mean as long as we’re asking questions...
- 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,557 We’ve been here so long my phone died.
- 00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:36,435 - It’s not gonna charge your phone! - So you can be curious and I can’t?
- 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,645 Fuck, you’re right.
- 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,856 We’re sitting on top of brand new science here, let’s gather some data!
- 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:46,362 - Put your back into it, Morty! - You think it’ll refill the tank?
- 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:47,655 Good pitch, Morty!
- 00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,449 Okay! Let’s bury that kangaroo from the waist down.
- 00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,451 Holy shit! Will only his legs come back?
- 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:53,702 Who knows?
- 00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,871 I’m having a great time with you tonight, Morty!
- 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,415 - What’s that one? - Ben Franklin!
- 00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,125 Remember we tried wrapping him
- 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,669 in tin foil to see if it’d shield him from the evil?
- 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:02,670 Oh yeah.
- 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,547 Fuck! It’s hot!
- 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:10,260 Jesus Christ! It cooked him like a pig at a luau.
- 00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:13,514 - It’s so moist. - Rick! That’s a guy!
- 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,391 Man, what is this place doing to us?
- 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,060 Is nothing sacred to you two?
- 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,604 What are these clips? What are we even on trial for anymore?
- 00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:24,358 What’s anyone on trial for, son? Being good or evil.
- 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:28,070 Look, sure we can be irreverent but we’re far from evil.
- 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:31,448 - We make more friends than enemies! - Let’s run the tape on that one!
- 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,159 Rick, can you make my churros come to life?
- 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,160 On it!
- 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,955 Hi! I’m Churry!
- 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,416 - Churry, do you want to have fun? - Let’s go!
- 00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:10,446 This has been the best time of my life, Churry.
- 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:14,491 Okay, thanks Rick! You can turn him back into a regular Churros now.
- 00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:16,243 What? I can’t turn him back.
- 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,662 You asked me to bring him to life. Done!
- 00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:21,874 But he’s a churros, he doesn’t have internal organs, a brain, etc.
- 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,418 in order to live, I had to make him functionally immortal.
- 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,171 What?
- 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,804 My family!
- 00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,556 Goodbye, Churry. I’ll miss you.
- 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:48,025 These are just regular churro? Oh my God! No!
- 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:52,070 Mark my words, Morty. I shall leave you as you left me.
- 00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:55,991 On a barren planet. Praying for death!
- 00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,327 I’m starting to see why this lawyer was free.
- 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,038 Okay! Well we never intentionally hurt people.
- 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:02,206 We adventure!
- 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,416 Stuff goes wrong, we don’t just murder for fun.
- 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,460 Here’s a clip about that topic!
- 00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,589 I did it, Morty! I killed the versions of us that were in Space Jam!
- 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,008 - Help me with the bodies! - How you’d do it, Rick?
- 00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,802 It was easy, Morty. They welcomed death!
- 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:15,844 They wanted out, Morty!
- 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:19,348 No! You don’t get it, they begged me. It was a kindness!
- 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,559 - Was that helpful? - It was for the prosecution!
- 00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:25,729 - Okay, I’ve heard enough! - No, you fucking haven’t.
- 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,440 If we’re about to die, at least let us defend ourselves.
- 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,942 - The outrage! - Seems iffy.
- 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,528 I’ll allow it. But no lolly gagging!
- 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,738 I only need one clip, your honor.
- 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:37,658 If it pleases the court, hold on to your tits.
- 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,623 I’m a leg, Morty! You like that?
- 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,334 I know you do.
- 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,503 We already saw that one.
- 00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,464 - No, that’s the other time I did it. - That was your Hail Mary?
- 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:56,176 - I held onto my tits for nothing! - That was mid!
- 00:18:56,176 --> 00:19:00,472 I hereby find Rick and Morty guilty! Time to die!
- 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,608 - What in tarnation? - Plot twist!
- 00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:13,569 Whattaya expect? You gave me access to your tech.
- 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,780 Look, I’m not saying we’re heroes
- 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,740 but in the two minutes I’ve had access to your server
- 00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,451 I can observe you’re no better. Here, let’s see a clip.
- 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:28,375 Help! Please! Oh my God! Please!
- 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:36,592 Absurd! If the Observer was in the clip, who was watching?
- 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:37,593 Glad you asked!
- 00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:39,303 Please!
- 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,099 Jesus Christ.
- 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,935 You can’t shame us for watching! It’s who we are!
- 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:49,521 Right! And you’d never take advantage of that.
- 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:53,734 Hot copies! Freshly watched! I’ve got Avatar 3 through 6!
- 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:57,446 Friends and Family screening, the VFX aren’t done, but they’re still blue!
- 00:19:57,863 --> 00:20:00,032 It’s not my fault I saw those movies!
- 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,451 Yes! We observe, it’s all we do!
- 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,161 It’s not all you do.
- 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,581 I’ll give you guys twenty dollars to fight each other.
- 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,375 Money, money.
- 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:14,254 As it turns out, you do plenty! You’re just as bad as us!
- 00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:17,716 We’re not all bad, I observe a couple of bad apples!
- 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,802 Who are you calling an apple? Should we all observe
- 00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,387 what you did with Tom’s wife?
- 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,599 Observe me harder! Harder!
- 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:29,311 I regret nothing, Tom! The only thing you could never see
- 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,063 was what a treasure Nancy was.
- 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,649 - I’ll kill you! - I’d like to observe you try!
- 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,696 Jeez, Rick! People be fucking each other’s wives.
- 00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:42,991 Marriage is a scam, Morty. Let’s scram.
- 00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:45,160 Wait! I still have more clips!
- 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:48,580 Morty, I appreciate what you were trying to do
- 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,999 with the punch cards, my whole groove thing.
- 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,835 Thanks. So is this a stamp?
- 00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:55,796 Or you gonna make me count this as my adventure?
- 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,714 How about we just ignore this one.
- 00:20:57,714 --> 00:20:59,424 Good call.
- 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,177 - Eighty cents on the dollar? - Seventy five.
- 00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:03,178 Done.
- 00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:06,640 Whattaya say, Rick? Fly through space, come upon something,
- 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,351 maybe I have a moral objection, stuff gets messy
- 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,560 and you ultimately bail us out?
- 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,895 Let’s take it for a spin.
- 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,399 Rick and Morty! We’re back, baby! Check the glove box!
- 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,317 Another gun!!
- 00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:52,436 Morty, see you at the frolf mixer tomorrow?
- 00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:53,979 Sure thing Jimmy.
- 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:57,899 I knew this day would come.
- 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:00,986 God!
- 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:05,365 Nice! Free Churros.
- 00:00:08,450 --> 00:00:10,020 Э-эй, Рик.
- 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:13,480 Я нужен тебе для приключений?
- 00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:13,960 А?
- 00:00:14,090 --> 00:00:15,630 Приключения. Помнишь такие?
- 00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:17,700 А, ну да. Не сейчас, Морти.
- 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,660 Н-но на следующей неделе стопудово.
- 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,610 Дружище, ты это говоришь не в первый раз,
- 00:00:21,630 --> 00:00:24,070 так что я тебя слегка растормошу
- 00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:26,710 и обналичу парочку вот этих ребят.
- 00:00:26,770 --> 00:00:29,040 Стоп-стоп-стоп, мы до сих пор пользуемся учётными картами?
- 00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:29,880 И не прекращали.
- 00:00:30,150 --> 00:00:32,280 Бам! Смотри и плачь.
- 00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:36,090 Полностью забитые карточки, и каждая дарит мне приключение на выбор.
- 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:36,930 Не я придумал.
- 00:00:36,950 --> 00:00:38,620 Да, это я придумал, мелкий чертёнок.
- 00:00:38,670 --> 00:00:40,510 И я точно не ставил столько печатей.
- 00:00:40,530 --> 00:00:42,480 Конечно, ты не помнишь, ты ж всегда пьян.
- 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,388 Я даже не знал, что мы ими пользуемся.
- 00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,870 Это полная хрень, Морти, я их не принимаю.
- 00:00:46,890 --> 00:00:50,030 Я знал, что ты так скажешь, поэтому сделал расписку, сучара.
- 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,390 Я-я всё записал.
- 00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:54,330 Что за бред? Остров Мортизавров?
- 00:00:54,410 --> 00:00:55,630 Один другого стоит?
- 00:00:55,650 --> 00:00:57,120 Я придумал названия для всех приключений.
- 00:00:57,140 --> 00:01:00,130 Ты сделал тоже самое на школьном марафоне по чтению, Морти.
- 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:00,980 И нихуя не смог.
- 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,240 Врать можно, когда у тебя рассеянный склероз.
- 00:01:03,260 --> 00:01:05,120 Или когда думаешь, что не спалят.
- 00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:06,540 И как ты меня спалишь?
- 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,740 Ага, ну вот я и схватил тебя за жопу, чувачок.
- 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,850 Не пытайся развести разводилу, Морти. У меня есть друзья в космосе.
- 00:01:13,230 --> 00:01:15,137 Да, ага. Сделай ревизию.
- 00:01:16,030 --> 00:01:18,762 А, ты и так наблюдал. Сейчас зайду.
- 00:01:18,782 --> 00:01:19,910 Что за фигня?
- 00:01:21,599 --> 00:01:23,479 Я - Наблюдатель.
- 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,795 Тебе кранты. Глянь на свою рожу, пизда тебе.
- 00:01:25,816 --> 00:01:27,940 Я вижу всё!
- 00:01:27,961 --> 00:01:29,631 Они всё видят, Морти.
- 00:01:29,652 --> 00:01:31,378 Вселенский всевидящий род.
- 00:01:31,398 --> 00:01:32,061 И чё?
- 00:01:32,082 --> 00:01:34,380 А то, что они - по сути, вселенские нагрудные камеры,
- 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:36,420 но их нельзя выключить, чтобы побить представителя меньшиств.
- 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,840 В твоём случае - чтобы сфабриковать приключения.
- 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:39,677 Я этого не делал!
- 00:01:39,698 --> 00:01:40,760 Ща и узнаем.
- 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,470 О, я здесь как раз за этим.
- 00:02:16,535 --> 00:02:18,881 Уверен, что процентов семьдесят - пиздёж.
- 00:02:18,902 --> 00:02:21,640 Хорош ныть и проводить ревизию. Мне нечего скрывать.
- 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,640 Что ж, Наблюдатель. Правда или действие.
- 00:02:24,065 --> 00:02:25,361 Ну что за названия, Морти?
- 00:02:25,382 --> 00:02:26,145 Они условные.
- 00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:31,520 Я всё видел. Взгляните внутрь меня - узрите и вы!
- 00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:37,240 Два паттерна атаки и огромное светящееся слабое место.
- 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,473 Лажа, как в обучающем уровне из Зельды.
- 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,702 А по-моему, прикольно.
- 00:02:40,820 --> 00:02:43,370 Стойте, неизвестные искатели приключений!
- 00:02:43,370 --> 00:02:45,830 Мы - стражи этого святилища.
- 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:50,040 Один из нас говорит только правду, а второй - только ложь.
- 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:51,640 Ты ебал его жену?
- 00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:52,310 Да.
- 00:02:52,979 --> 00:02:55,229 Ну, надо же, он угадал.
- 00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,090 Я тебя прощаю.
- 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:58,315 Охренеть.
- 00:02:58,335 --> 00:02:59,470 Ладно, идём дальше.
- 00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,550 Не, я хочу посмотреть.
- 00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:03,986 Видели, как один из них солгал?
- 00:03:04,007 --> 00:03:07,930 Ладно, это реально было. Я не придираюсь, а просто хочу найти явный обман.
- 00:03:07,930 --> 00:03:10,100 Так. Покажи "Вечерний вестерн".
- 00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:17,089 М-морти... отвез... отвези меня... поехали за вестерн-беконом.
- 00:03:17,110 --> 00:03:18,869 Морти, хочу вестерн-бекон!
- 00:03:24,487 --> 00:03:25,401 О да.
- 00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:26,333 Пока ты ничего не сказал...
- 00:03:26,353 --> 00:03:27,521 Так и знал! Попался!
- 00:03:27,542 --> 00:03:29,120 Тебя не пускают в тот Карлс Джуниор.
- 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,701 Это не делает покупку бургера приключением, Морти. Убираем.
- 00:03:31,870 --> 00:03:34,676 Кажется, нас ждёт непредсказуемая игра!
- 00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:38,050 Нет! Это не спор, а ревизия.
- 00:03:38,050 --> 00:03:40,785 Наблюдатель, покажи нам "Максимальное ускорение с одеждой".
- 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:47,257 Лучше шмот, чем машины. Тачка и переехать может.
- 00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:52,250 Хотя нет, это хуже.
- 00:03:53,060 --> 00:03:54,547 О, приключение. Выкуси.
- 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:58,019 Что ж, ладно. Как насчёт "Южанин Уистлер"?
- 00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,549 Уистлер! Чем можно грохнуть этих ублюдков?
- 00:04:05,570 --> 00:04:09,660 Сделал эту малышку, когда завалил своего первого кровососа.
- 00:04:09,681 --> 00:04:14,383 Самовзводный ударный спусковой механизм выкачивает четырнадцать сотен кило святой воды на квадратный дюйм.
- 00:04:14,452 --> 00:04:18,101 Эта старушка может начислить сицилийский чеснок сухого вызревания
- 00:04:18,122 --> 00:04:20,499 со скоростью тридцать два фута в секунду,
- 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:25,131 который нежно укутан в пять тыщ двести солнечных джоулей чистого ультрафиолета.
- 00:04:25,151 --> 00:04:26,983 - И это только начало. - Ага.
- 00:04:27,004 --> 00:04:31,270 А как вам китайские звёздочки в форме крестов, колья с зеркальным наконечником и...
- 00:04:31,526 --> 00:04:33,417 Что? Э-эй, ребят.
- 00:04:35,505 --> 00:04:37,538 Морти, это просто старик, который нёс пургу.
- 00:04:37,559 --> 00:04:38,440 Там люди погибли!
- 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,940 По твоей логике 11-ое сентября это тоже приключение?
- 00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:42,190 Твитни и посмотрим, кто солидарен.
- 00:04:42,190 --> 00:04:44,728 Хорошо! Узрите 11-ое сентября!
- 00:04:44,748 --> 00:04:45,284 - Что? - Нет!
- 00:04:45,305 --> 00:04:48,738 Чувак, не надо. Давай-ка мы тебе накидаем вариантов, лады?
- 00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:51,241 Что дальше? Какой ещё нахрен "День ног"?
- 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,149 Зацени, Морти! Я - нога!
- 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,835 Нога, Морти! Я - ходуля-Рик!
- 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,800 Ладно, это засчитаем.
- 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,742 Что? Ну, я как бы рад, но...
- 00:05:02,762 --> 00:05:04,186 Эй, Морти! Зацени.
- 00:05:04,529 --> 00:05:05,699 Так это ж палёнка.
- 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:06,998 Запалите вот это!
- 00:05:07,018 --> 00:05:07,915 Эй, ты чего?
- 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:11,509 Здарова, Смит, у тебя голодный вид. Накормить тебя люлями?
- 00:05:12,316 --> 00:05:13,116 Что за...
- 00:05:14,006 --> 00:05:15,836 Вот блин. Импланты Рика.
- 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:18,107 Даг-здоровяк, пригони грузовик.
- 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,926 Ууууу! Как прекрасна эта жизнь!
- 00:05:21,733 --> 00:05:22,599 Эээй!
- 00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:28,429 Блин.
- 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,554 Превратись обратно в лодку!
- 00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:07,780 Я пытаюсь!
- 00:06:10,820 --> 00:06:11,723 Я пытаюсь!
- 00:06:11,743 --> 00:06:12,530 Даг-здоровяк.
- 00:06:14,370 --> 00:06:16,040 Даг-здоровяк, нет.
- 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:21,080 Мой чувачок! Идём. На меня ополчились хомяки, Морти. Погнали.
- 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,561 Покойся с миром, Даг-здоровяк.
- 00:06:23,581 --> 00:06:24,767 Я там не участвовал.
- 00:06:24,788 --> 00:06:28,028 Да пофиг, этого даже в списке не было. Он просто взял и врубил.
- 00:06:28,049 --> 00:06:32,568 А вы рубите фишку. Помните, когда между вами возникло недопонимание?
- 00:06:32,588 --> 00:06:34,720 Чего? Ты сделал целую подборку?
- 00:06:34,741 --> 00:06:38,961 Поверь, самое главное - сгруппировать по общим темам.
- 00:06:40,879 --> 00:06:44,459 Я хочу поговорить с Морти наедине, к нашему делу это не относится.
- 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:46,400 Ага, мы скоро вернёмся.
- 00:06:47,219 --> 00:06:49,969 Ладно, зря я притащил сюда этого чувака.
- 00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,360 Он какой-то напористый.
- 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,490 Прёт как бульдозер. Решил устроить сраную серию из видеонарезок.
- 00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:55,388 И голос бесячий.
- 00:06:55,408 --> 00:06:56,403 Да, голос бесит.
- 00:06:56,424 --> 00:06:59,218 Шутит отстойно, и бесит, как надменно он с тобой общается.
- 00:06:59,239 --> 00:07:01,870 Спасибо. Ладно, надо всё обдумать.
- 00:07:01,870 --> 00:07:04,973 Вот этим я не верю, а эти приму по сниженному курсу.
- 00:07:04,994 --> 00:07:06,045 Договорились.
- 00:07:06,476 --> 00:07:07,476 Как избавимся от него?
- 00:07:07,497 --> 00:07:09,915 Я заплачу этому засранцу и скажу, что он молодец.
- 00:07:09,936 --> 00:07:11,880 Решил устроить сраную серию из видеонарезок.
- 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:12,788 И голос бесячий.
- 00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:13,759 Да, голос бесит.
- 00:07:13,779 --> 00:07:16,060 - Шутит отстойно, и бесит, - Ладненько...
- 00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,350 Сами напросились. Могли бы предвидеть.
- 00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:19,930 Это скорее моя фишка.
- 00:07:19,930 --> 00:07:21,442 Тогда ты в курсе, что он тебе заплатит.
- 00:07:21,463 --> 00:07:24,020 И скажет, какой я молодец?
- 00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:26,587 Да! Ты нас раскусил! Мы считаем, что ты - чмо.
- 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:28,393 Вот двойной гонорар.
- 00:07:28,499 --> 00:07:31,122 Настолько мы не хотим говорить о том, чтобы ты свалил.
- 00:07:31,143 --> 00:07:33,740 Таких засранцев я ещё не видел!
- 00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:35,688 А я всех засранцев повидал.
- 00:07:35,708 --> 00:07:37,370 Уведи отсюда свою сраку!
- 00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:38,540 Пока.
- 00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:41,830 Боже.
- 00:07:51,630 --> 00:07:53,470 Чёрт! Горячо! Горячо!
- 00:07:53,491 --> 00:07:55,855 Надо с центра начинать. Самая прохладная часть.
- 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,806 На моей тарелке нет места тонне углеводов, Морти. Я угораю по кето-диете.
- 00:07:59,826 --> 00:08:00,220 Нет!
- 00:08:00,220 --> 00:08:01,508 Это что... ебучая...
- 00:08:01,528 --> 00:08:02,064 Нарезка?
- 00:08:02,419 --> 00:08:04,669 Люблю жиры. Давайте мне все жиры.
- 00:08:04,690 --> 00:08:07,190 В этом буррито много углеводов.
- 00:08:07,190 --> 00:08:08,264 Какой уёбок.
- 00:08:08,285 --> 00:08:09,299 Такие меры, значит?
- 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,490 Диетой пристыдить? Ты облажался, чувак. Позорище.
- 00:08:12,511 --> 00:08:15,221 Ой, сейчас я покажу позорище.
- 00:08:17,309 --> 00:08:19,889 Давай, Морти! Только так можно спасти вселенную!
- 00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:22,250 Почему? Почему только так?
- 00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:26,000 Морти, я умираю! Всё в твоих руках.
- 00:08:30,170 --> 00:08:31,004 Рик!
- 00:08:31,117 --> 00:08:32,512 Хер ли ты делаешь?
- 00:08:32,533 --> 00:08:36,145 Спасаю вселенную... Вроде... Так ведь, Рик?
- 00:08:39,691 --> 00:08:42,499 Целиком засунул язык в нос Обезьянборгу.
- 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,350 - Ну ты отжёг! - Пошёл в жопу, Морти.
- 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,690 Какого чёрта? Ты сказал, что я был героем.
- 00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:48,857 Героем вечера.
- 00:08:48,877 --> 00:08:49,940 Чё тут за дела?
- 00:08:49,961 --> 00:08:52,860 Злобный булыжник показывает видеонарезку?
- 00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:55,780 Дед нанял этого чудилу, чтобы показать, какой я плохой.
- 00:08:55,780 --> 00:08:58,695 Оказывается, что тусоваться с ребятами этой профессии очень весело.
- 00:08:58,969 --> 00:08:59,929 Пошёл вон!
- 00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:04,290 Тротуар - это общественное место, братан! Я могу смотреть здесь всё, что захочу.
- 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:07,630 Это не наша проблема, пап. Пожалуйста, убери отсюда эту громкую штуку.
- 00:09:07,651 --> 00:09:09,500 Да, я готовилась к контроше.
- 00:09:09,521 --> 00:09:10,611 А вот и нет.
- 00:09:11,029 --> 00:09:12,359 Глыба злоебучая.
- 00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:13,510 Допрыгались.
- 00:09:13,531 --> 00:09:17,661 Они унижали меня, а теперь я буду унижать вас.
- 00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:23,810 Мам? Ты там винище хлещешь?
- 00:09:23,838 --> 00:09:26,480 Эм... нет. Я сру.
- 00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:28,921 А то я не слышу, как ты крышку сняла, сучка.
- 00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:30,879 Двух зайцев одним выстрелом.
- 00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:32,730 Да он больше маму унизил, чем меня.
- 00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,970 Я не соврала, я правда хотела посрать.
- 00:09:34,990 --> 00:09:35,990 Что за дела?
- 00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:38,700 Вселенское создание из вредности показывает ролики?
- 00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:39,997 Фига, Джерри. Угадал.
- 00:09:40,018 --> 00:09:41,990 Да я просто смотрел из верхней комнаты.
- 00:09:42,011 --> 00:09:44,080 На это посмотри, лошара.
- 00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:47,538 Морти, я выбрасываю хлам с наших прошлых приключений.
- 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:48,990 Тебе нужен этот алмаз?
- 00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:50,099 Не. Ну его.
- 00:09:58,213 --> 00:09:59,284 Да ничего страшного.
- 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,885 Простите! Я уже не могу остановиться!
- 00:10:07,537 --> 00:10:10,520 И что? Все знают, что я - позорище, меня этим не возьмёшь.
- 00:10:10,541 --> 00:10:12,400 Боже, как же это печально.
- 00:10:12,421 --> 00:10:15,776 Ты в этом ролике ещё печальнее.
- 00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:19,450 На территории Канады и Мексики появились так называемые "похитители красавчиков".
- 00:10:19,471 --> 00:10:22,620 Они похищают самых привлекательных граждан и уносят бог знает куда.
- 00:10:22,641 --> 00:10:26,540 Всем американцам, даже ниже семёрки, рекомендуется оставаться дома.
- 00:10:26,561 --> 00:10:28,370 Тебе точно лучше никуда не выходить.
- 00:10:28,391 --> 00:10:29,891 Не в прямом же эфире, Майкл.
- 00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:31,915 Ща приду, я в туалет.
- 00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:34,112 Надо убедиться.
- 00:10:38,390 --> 00:10:42,100 Всё хорошо, это всё выдумка. Похищают рандомно!
- 00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:45,720 Всё нормально? А то я услышал...
- 00:10:49,786 --> 00:10:52,673 Тоже облом? Не так страшно, когда привыкаешь.
- 00:10:54,549 --> 00:10:56,669 За что это мне? Я только пришла сюда.
- 00:10:56,690 --> 00:11:00,094 Раз уж папа решил стоять столбом, может, мне что-нибудь сделать?
- 00:11:00,115 --> 00:11:01,346 Если он меня доведёт.
- 00:11:01,367 --> 00:11:02,367 Сама напросилась!
- 00:11:02,849 --> 00:11:05,826 Вот наша цель, Дихотомус Дэниел.
- 00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:09,558 Да это кресло.
- 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,289 Это был пердёж.
- 00:11:11,309 --> 00:11:12,654 Птичью Личность не проведёшь.
- 00:11:12,675 --> 00:11:14,670 Да! Ох уж этот клюв.
- 00:11:14,691 --> 00:11:16,065 Проваливай, говно окаменелое!
- 00:11:16,086 --> 00:11:18,830 Зачем? Чтобы вы творили такое?
- 00:11:26,437 --> 00:11:27,260 Морти.
- 00:11:27,260 --> 00:11:31,430 Боюсь, другого выхода нет. Придётся нам прыгнуть в этот огромный чан с китовой спермой.
- 00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:34,036 Последний ролик просто для эпатажа.
- 00:11:34,057 --> 00:11:34,980 Пошёл он нахуй!
- 00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:38,980 Ха-ха! Если не можешь выдержать этот позор, то просто не смотри.
- 00:11:38,980 --> 00:11:40,360 Т-т-ты чмо!
- 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:44,050 Показываешь всякую хрень, но в отличие от тебя мы не считаем свою жизнь видеонарезкой.
- 00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,633 - Да! Так его, Морти! - Уделай его, братишка!
- 00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:48,687 Что? Побьёте меня, как того ссаного мужика?
- 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,099 Эй! Ваще не круто.
- 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,453 Давай ты врубишь ролик, где я вышибаю из тебя минералы!
- 00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:58,283 Я совсем разбит.
- 00:11:58,464 --> 00:12:02,376 Такого я не предвидел.
- 00:12:03,955 --> 00:12:04,602 Бля!
- 00:12:05,181 --> 00:12:08,118 Он разве может умереть? Это же вселенское создание.
- 00:12:08,138 --> 00:12:10,077 Знаешь что? Предлагаю оставить его на улице.
- 00:12:10,098 --> 00:12:12,360 Будем всё отрицать и ждать, пока всё рассосётся.
- 00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:16,980 Хотя этот самый момент могли врубить на экране специально для предвзятых присяжных.
- 00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:20,469 Я - наблюдатель и стараюсь быть беспристрастным,
- 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,820 но здесь я не вижу невиновности.
- 00:12:22,841 --> 00:12:24,226 Ничего не рассосалось, Рик.
- 00:12:24,246 --> 00:12:27,984 Надо всегда думать о хорошем, Морти, но вид присяжных не внушает надежды.
- 00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:33,849 Поверить не могу, что мы так влипли, пока разбирались, что же такое приключение.
- 00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:37,170 Да. Думаю, стоит признать, что я слегка переборщил с печатями.
- 00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:40,000 Попался! Можете зачитать признание, пожалуйста?
- 00:12:40,021 --> 00:12:43,510 Тишина! Убийство наблюдателя непростительно.
- 00:12:43,531 --> 00:12:47,220 Мы должны решить, стоит ли прекратить ваше существование.
- 00:12:47,909 --> 00:12:50,289 Ваша честь! Если все в зале действительно видели всё,
- 00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:53,520 то вы в курсе, что мы с внуком пережили то же самое у великанов.
- 00:12:53,541 --> 00:12:55,190 Что вы пережили?
- 00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:59,270 Я выступлю с этим аргументом! Я - ваш правозащитник, назначенный судом.
- 00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:03,030 Ваша честь, посмотрите, как Рик и Морти пережили всё это у великанов.
- 00:13:03,664 --> 00:13:05,496 Дело проще некуда, Морти.
- 00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:08,780 Т-ты думаешь, что объявится какой-то волшебный ангел и...
- 00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:12,120 Фи! Фай! Фо! Фам! Чую нарушение гражданских свобод!
- 00:13:12,141 --> 00:13:14,830 Эти случаи практически одинаковы, ваша честь.
- 00:13:14,830 --> 00:13:17,710 Я ходатайствую об аннуляции процесса на основании лажы.
- 00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:21,130 Если суть аргумента в том, что Рик и Морти повторяют свои ошибки,
- 00:13:21,130 --> 00:13:23,087 то сторона обвинения согласна.
- 00:13:23,107 --> 00:13:26,890 Боже! У тебя голос, как у чувака, которого мы убили. Предположительно.
- 00:13:26,911 --> 00:13:28,708 Это был мой брат.
- 00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,356 Меня тоже бесил его голос.
- 00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,015 Это явно не поможет нашему делу.
- 00:13:32,036 --> 00:13:34,086 Как и следующий ролик.
- 00:13:34,749 --> 00:13:37,209 Морти! Я сварганил тебе горилловую пушку. Круто, да?
- 00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:40,016 Горилловая пушка? Она делает то, о чём я подумал?
- 00:13:40,037 --> 00:13:40,378 Да.
- 00:13:41,024 --> 00:13:42,339 Гони бабки на обед, лох.
- 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,860 Бабки на обед? А не хочешь ли ты отведать бананчик?
- 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,969 Я думал, что он превратится в гориллу.
- 00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:52,965 Нафига из гопника делать гориллу?
- 00:13:53,414 --> 00:13:55,133 Эта пушка убивала горилл.
- 00:13:55,154 --> 00:13:58,253 Пожалуйста, будьте с ним помягче. Косяк мой. Этого больше не повторится.
- 00:13:58,330 --> 00:13:59,843 Морти, от гоп-пушка!
- 00:13:59,863 --> 00:14:00,580 Круто!
- 00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:01,840 Есть какие-то вопросы?
- 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:02,462 Ды нет.
- 00:14:02,482 --> 00:14:04,588 Ага. Тут и так всё ясно. Развлекайся.
- 00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:06,485 Эй, гони рюкзак!
- 00:14:06,505 --> 00:14:07,741 Ты меня гопнуть хочешь?
- 00:14:07,921 --> 00:14:08,449 Да.
- 00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:11,240 А слабо тебе гопнуть другого гопника?
- 00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:13,010 Ты чё творишь?
- 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,771 Кажется, это не совсем моя вина.
- 00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:21,036 Как ты себя чувствуешь?
- 00:14:21,056 --> 00:14:24,860 Нормально. Может, перестанешь давать мне всякие пушки или...
- 00:14:24,881 --> 00:14:27,971 Или делать их не такими двусмысленными. Уже понял. Держи.
- 00:14:28,292 --> 00:14:31,252 Это пистолет. Сейчас я разложу всё по полочкам.
- 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,540 Этим пистолетом можно стрелять в плохих людей.
- 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,312 Всё ясно?
- 00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,200 Да, Рик.
- 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,667 Когда нужно им пользоваться?
- 00:14:37,687 --> 00:14:39,580 Когда надо застрелить плохого человека.
- 00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:40,473 Хорошо.
- 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,421 Отличный был вечер, Джессика.
- 00:14:42,441 --> 00:14:43,630 Эй! Давай деньги.
- 00:14:43,630 --> 00:14:45,597 Может, лучше это возьмёшь?
- 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:48,722 Джеффри Дамер?
- 00:14:48,742 --> 00:14:49,050 Привет.
- 00:14:49,050 --> 00:14:50,157 Что происходит?
- 00:14:50,177 --> 00:14:51,013 Я не знаю, бежим!
- 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:56,350 Прошу занести в протокол, что так продолжалось ещё несколько пушек.
- 00:14:56,371 --> 00:14:59,065 А в чём мы здесь виноваты? В тупости?
- 00:14:59,086 --> 00:15:01,586 В тупости, которой нет конца!
- 00:15:01,607 --> 00:15:06,480 Ага! Ваша честь! Но ведь это же буквально определение эксперимента.
- 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,188 Основа основ науки.
- 00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:13,329 Следовательно, нельзя сказать, что Рик и Морти не учатся. На самом деле они очень даже учатся на ошибках.
- 00:15:13,490 --> 00:15:14,866 Посмотрите этот пример.
- 00:15:14,893 --> 00:15:16,809 КЛАДБИЩЕ ДОМАШНИХ ЖИВОТНЫХ
- 00:15:16,830 --> 00:15:19,035 Когда уже Бен Франклин оживёт?
- 00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:20,701 Охренеть! Да!
- 00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:23,169 Чёрт, теперь он злой.
- 00:15:23,803 --> 00:15:25,608 Интересно, что будет, если закопать его снова.
- 00:15:25,629 --> 00:15:26,381 Ты не знаешь?
- 00:15:26,402 --> 00:15:29,050 Я впервые пользуюсь землёй кладбища домашних животных, Морти.
- 00:15:29,050 --> 00:15:31,880 Ну... раз уж мы задаёмся вопросами...
- 00:15:31,901 --> 00:15:33,658 У меня как бы телефон сдох.
- 00:15:33,679 --> 00:15:34,674 Это тебе не зарядка!
- 00:15:34,695 --> 00:15:36,301 Тебе можно задавать вопросы, а мне нет?
- 00:15:36,322 --> 00:15:37,640 Бля, а ты прав.
- 00:15:37,661 --> 00:15:41,019 Это ж совершенно новая наука! Надо собрать данные!
- 00:15:43,596 --> 00:15:44,900 Приложись спиной, Морти!
- 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,360 Думаешь, бак снова будет полным?
- 00:15:46,381 --> 00:15:47,738 Отличная мысль, Морти!
- 00:15:48,230 --> 00:15:50,440 Так, теперь закопаем кенгуру по пояс.
- 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,480 Блин, у него только ноги оживут?
- 00:15:52,501 --> 00:15:53,536 Кто знает?
- 00:15:53,599 --> 00:15:55,942 Эй, мне с тобой сегодня очень весело, Морти.
- 00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:57,510 Это кто?
- 00:15:57,530 --> 00:15:58,516 Бен Франклин.
- 00:15:58,537 --> 00:16:01,660 Помнишь, что мы замотали его фольгу, чтобы узнать, защитит ли она его от зла?
- 00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:02,670 Точняк.
- 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,721 Ай! Бля! Горячо!
- 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:10,260 Господи боже. Он поджарился, как поросёнок на гавайской вечеринке.
- 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,061 Какой сочный.
- 00:16:12,081 --> 00:16:13,510 Рик! Это ж человек!
- 00:16:13,531 --> 00:16:15,411 Блин, что это место с нами творит?
- 00:16:15,803 --> 00:16:18,164 Для вас нет ничего святого?
- 00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:20,600 Что это за ролики? Что этот суд пытается выяснить?
- 00:16:20,621 --> 00:16:24,350 А что ещё выясняют на судах, сынок? Хороший ты или плохой.
- 00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:28,070 Слушайте, мы бываем грубоватыми, но мы точно не плохие.
- 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,783 Друзей у нас больше, чем врагов.
- 00:16:29,803 --> 00:16:31,634 Давайте-ка посмотрим на это.
- 00:16:32,217 --> 00:16:34,195 Эй, Рик! Сможешь оживить мой чуррос?
- 00:16:34,216 --> 00:16:34,989 А то ж!
- 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,950 Привет! Я - Чурри!
- 00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:39,413 Чурри, хочешь повеселиться?
- 00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:40,410 Давай!
- 00:17:01,827 --> 00:17:03,888 ГРАНД-УНИВЕРМАГ КОРОЛЕВСКИХ ДЖАКУЗИ ОТ УЭСА АНДЕРСОНА
- 00:17:08,129 --> 00:17:10,636 Это были лучшие дни в моей жизни, Чурри.
- 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,550 Ладно, Рик. Можешь превратить его обратно в обычный чуррос.
- 00:17:14,571 --> 00:17:18,660 Что? Ничего не выйдет. Ты попросил оживить его. Всё. Готово.
- 00:17:18,681 --> 00:17:22,076 Но раз это чуррос, то у него нет внутренних органов, мозга и так далее.
- 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,410 По сути, пришлось сделать его бессмертным.
- 00:17:26,290 --> 00:17:27,035 Что?
- 00:17:33,189 --> 00:17:35,779 Моя... моя семья!
- 00:17:35,866 --> 00:17:37,724 Прощай, Чурри! Я буду скучать.
- 00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:44,837 Это же просто обычные чуррос.
- 00:17:44,858 --> 00:17:47,798 О господи! Нееет!
- 00:17:48,043 --> 00:17:52,093 Помяни мои слова, Морти! Я брошу тебя также, как ты бросил меня!
- 00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:55,990 На пустынной планете с желанием умереть!
- 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,299 Понятно, почему адвокат бесплатный.
- 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,030 Ладно! Но специально мы никого калечим.
- 00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:02,200 Да! У нас приключения!
- 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,410 Бывают проблемы, но никого не убиваем забавы ради.
- 00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:06,460 О! На эту тему есть ролик!
- 00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:10,559 Я это сделал, Морти! Я убил наши версии из Космического Джема!
- 00:18:10,580 --> 00:18:11,523 Помоги с трупами.
- 00:18:11,543 --> 00:18:13,000 Ого! Как ты это сделал, Рик?
- 00:18:13,021 --> 00:18:15,840 Это было легко, Морти. Они хотели умереть, они ждали смерти, Морти.
- 00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:19,340 Нет-нет, вы не поняли. Они умоляли меня, это был акт милосердия.
- 00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:20,419 Я не помог?
- 00:18:20,439 --> 00:18:22,550 Помог стороне обвинения.
- 00:18:22,550 --> 00:18:24,337 Всё, я слышал достаточно.
- 00:18:24,357 --> 00:18:25,720 А вот и нихуя.
- 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,440 Если нас ждёт смерть, позвольте хотя бы привести свои аргументы.
- 00:18:28,461 --> 00:18:29,940 - Возмутительно! - Мне это не нравится.
- 00:18:29,940 --> 00:18:32,520 Пускай. Только не валяйте дурака.
- 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,730 Потребуется всего один ролик, ваша честь.
- 00:18:34,751 --> 00:18:37,764 С позволения суда, сейчас вы офигеете.
- 00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:44,772 Я - нога, Морти! Нравится?
- 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:47,490 Я знаю, что нравится.
- 00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:49,500 Это мы уже видели.
- 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:50,967 Нет, то был другой раз.
- 00:18:50,987 --> 00:18:52,460 И это ваша последняя надежда?
- 00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:54,166 Зря только офигевал.
- 00:18:54,186 --> 00:18:56,170 - Бууу! - Среднячок!
- 00:18:56,191 --> 00:19:00,491 Сим признаю Рика и Морти виновными. Пора умирать.
- 00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:10,686 Какого дьявола?
- 00:19:10,706 --> 00:19:11,600 Сюжетный поворот!
- 00:19:11,621 --> 00:19:13,581 Чего вы ждали? Сами дали доступ к своим технологиям.
- 00:19:15,299 --> 00:19:18,740 Короче, мы себя героями не считаем, но через две минуты я получу доступ к серверу
- 00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,611 и увижу, что вы ничуть не лучше. Вот, зацените ролик.
- 00:19:23,820 --> 00:19:27,071 На помощь! Прошу! О господи! Прошу!
- 00:19:27,691 --> 00:19:28,565 Прошу!
- 00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:36,590 Ерунда! Если в ролике был Наблюдатель, кто же за ним наблюдал?
- 00:19:36,611 --> 00:19:37,611 Рад, что ты спросил!
- 00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:39,300 Прошу!
- 00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:44,090 Господи боже.
- 00:19:44,430 --> 00:19:47,079 Нельзя стыдить нас за наблюдения. В этом наша суть.
- 00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:49,520 Ага! И вы никогда этим не пользуетесь.
- 00:19:49,829 --> 00:19:53,709 Новиночки! Только отсмотренные! Тут Аватар с третьего по шестой!
- 00:19:53,730 --> 00:19:57,440 Показ для друзей и семьи, эффекты ещё не доделаны, но все уже синие.
- 00:19:57,839 --> 00:20:00,009 Я не виноват, что видел эти фильмы.
- 00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:02,450 Да! Мы наблюдаем и больше ничего не делаем.
- 00:20:02,471 --> 00:20:04,181 Делаете ещё как!
- 00:20:05,410 --> 00:20:07,675 Дам двадцатку, если начнёте драться.
- 00:20:08,547 --> 00:20:10,377 Деньжулечки.
- 00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:14,229 Оказывается, чего вы только не творите! Вы ничуть не лучше нас.
- 00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:17,710 Не все мы плохие. Смотрю сейчас на парочку гнилых яблок.
- 00:20:17,731 --> 00:20:19,651 Кого это ты яблоком назвал?
- 00:20:19,672 --> 00:20:22,613 Может, посмотрим, что ты делал с женой Тома?
- 00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:25,692 Наблюдай за мной жёстче! Жёстче!
- 00:20:25,949 --> 00:20:29,289 Ни о чём не жалею, Том. Ты так и не смог разглядеть,
- 00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:31,060 какое же Нэнси сокровище.
- 00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:31,996 Я тебя убью!
- 00:20:32,016 --> 00:20:33,640 Посмотрим, как ты это сделаешь!
- 00:20:37,060 --> 00:20:39,690 Блин, Рик! Все ебутся с чужими жёнами.
- 00:20:39,711 --> 00:20:42,990 Брак - это кидалово, Морти. Валим.
- 00:20:42,990 --> 00:20:45,160 Погодите! У меня есть и другие ролики!
- 00:20:46,299 --> 00:20:50,969 Морти, спасибо за всю историю с карточками, это моя старая тема.
- 00:20:50,990 --> 00:20:53,830 Спасибо. Тогда поставишь печать?
- 00:20:53,830 --> 00:20:55,885 Или засчитаем это моим приключением?
- 00:20:55,906 --> 00:20:57,710 Предлагаю забить на него.
- 00:20:57,710 --> 00:20:59,542 Да. Да, правильно.
- 00:21:00,536 --> 00:21:01,594 Повысим ставочку?
- 00:21:01,614 --> 00:21:02,275 Слегка.
- 00:21:02,296 --> 00:21:02,830 Идёт.
- 00:21:03,739 --> 00:21:06,619 Ну что, Рик? Полетаем в космосе, может, наткнёмся на что-нибудь,
- 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,592 я изъявлю свой моральный протест, что-то пойдёт не так, а ты потом вытащишь нас из передряги?
- 00:21:10,613 --> 00:21:11,943 Ну, давай попробуем.
- 00:21:12,430 --> 00:21:15,604 Рик и Морти! Мы вернулись, детка! Открой бардачок!
- 00:21:15,940 --> 00:21:17,497 Ого! Ещё одна пушка!
- 00:21:49,862 --> 00:21:52,402 Эй, Морти, увидимся на тусовке фрисби-гольфистов.
- 00:21:52,423 --> 00:21:54,193 Да. Конечно, Джимми.
- 00:21:56,452 --> 00:21:57,963 Я знал, что настанет этот день.
- 00:21:59,260 --> 00:22:00,512 О боже.
- 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,543 Класс. Халявный чуррос.
- 00:22:08,865 --> 00:22:10,350 ТРОСТНИКОВЫЙ САХАР. СКОРО.
- 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,924 [ Blows raspberries ]
- 00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,592 H-Hey, Rick...
- 00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:13,012 uh, need me for any adventures?
- 00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:14,055 Huh?
- 00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:15,265 Adventures? Remember those?
- 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,183 Oh, y-yeah, not right now, Morty, uh,
- 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,144 but d-definitely next week though.
- 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:21,020 You been saying that a while now, buddy,
- 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:23,773 so, I think I'm gonna give you a little nudge
- 00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:26,234 by cashing in a few of these bad boys.
- 00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,862 Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're still doing the punch card system?
- 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,071 Never stopped.
- 00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:31,990 Bam! Read 'em and weep.
- 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,075 Fully punched cards, each entitling me
- 00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:35,869 to an adventure of my choosing.
- 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,621 I don't make the rules. Yeah, I do, you little gremlin,
- 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,290 and I definitely did not stamp all these.
- 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,208 You never remember to stamp the cards. You're always drunk.
- 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,835 I didn't know we were still doing this!
- 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,546 T-This stinks to high heaven, Morty. I'm not accepting these.
- 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,006 I knew you were going to do this.
- 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,841 So I got receipts, bitch.
- 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,217 I k-- I kept notes.
- 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,302 This is gibberish.
- 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,928 "Isle of the Mortysaurs"?
- 00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,180 "Takes One to Know One"?
- 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,765 I make up titles for each adventure.
- 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:59,309 You did the same thing for that MS readathon at your school,
- 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,977 Morty, and you didn't read shit.
- 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,687 It's okay to lie when you're fighting Multiple Sclerosis!
- 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,981 Or when you think you won't get caught!
- 00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,274 How are you going to "catch me"?
- 00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,234 Oh, you done and did it now, little man.
- 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,653 That's your ass. Don't grift a grifter, Morty.
- 00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:12,947 I got friends in cosmic places.
- 00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:13,990 Yeah, uh-huh.
- 00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,450 I need an audit.
- 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,494 Oh, right, you were already watching.
- 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,621 I'll come get you. Wha-Wh-What is this?
- 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,750 I am The Observer! You're so busted.
- 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,335 Look at your face, you're so fucked.
- 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,712 I observe all!
- 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,255 They observe all, Morty.
- 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,508 Cosmic all-seeing species. So?
- 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,676 So, they're basically universal police body-cams
- 00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:35,804 but you can't turn them off before you beat a minority.
- 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,473 Or in your case, before you cook the adventure books!
- 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,433 I don't do that! We gonna find out!
- 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,770 Oh, I'm here for this!
- 00:01:43,770 --> 00:02:15,468 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:18,471 {\an8}I bet a solid 70% of these are bullshit.
- 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,223 {\an8}Oh, quit your bitchin' and do the audit.
- 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,683 {\an8}I-I got nothing to hide!
- 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,434 {\an8}Alright, Observer, gimme "Truth or Dare."
- 00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:24,894 {\an8}Christ, these names, Morty.
- 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,313 {\an8}It's shorthand! I have observed it!
- 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:31,401 {\an8}Now gaze upon me and so shall you...
- 00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,865 {\an8}Two attack patterns and a giant glowing weak spot--
- 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,117 {\an8}"Legend of Zelda" tutorial-ass bullshit.
- 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,368 {\an8}I thought it was kind of fun.
- 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,829 {\an8}Halt, unidentified adventurers.
- 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,540 {\an8}We are the guardians of this sanctuary.
- 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:49,878 {\an8}One of us tells only truths, the other, only lies.
- 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,379 {\an8}You ever fucked this guy's wife?
- 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,589 {\an8}Yes.
- 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:55,049 {\an8}Well, how about that, he guessed right.
- 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,093 {\an8}I forgive you!
- 00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,136 {\an8}Oh, shit!
- 00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,262 {\an8}Alright, next room.
- 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,097 {\an8}No, I wanna watch.
- 00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:03,474 {\an8}Did you see how one of them lied?
- 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,018 {\an8}Fine, I'll call that one legit.
- 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,478 {\an8}I'm not here to nitpick, I'm here to find blatant fraud.
- 00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:11,232 {\an8}Okay, uh, show me "Late Night Western."
- 00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:14,027 {\an8}Morty, Morty, Morty, take me-- drive me--
- 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,028 {\an8}take me--
- 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,905 {\an8}w-wan go western bacon.
- 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,573 {\an8}M-Morty, western bacon now.
- 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:19,824 {\an8}Ugh.
- 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,413 {\an8}Ohoho, yeah.
- 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,123 {\an8}Before you say anything-- I knew it! Busted!
- 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,666 {\an8}You're banned from that Carl's Jr.!
- 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,501 {\an8}That doesn't make the drive-thru an adventure, Morty.
- 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:31,669 {\an8}Invalid.
- 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:34,714 {\an8}Sounds like it's anyone's game!
- 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,550 {\an8}Well, n-no, it-- it's not a bet, it's an audit.
- 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:41,471 {\an8}Observer, show us "Maximum Overdrive with Clothes"!
- 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,850 {\an8}At least this is better than cars.
- 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,143 {\an8}Cars can run you over.
- 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:50,313 {\an8}[ Screams ]
- 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,523 {\an8}Okay, no, this is worse.
- 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,400 {\an8}Boom. Adventure, suck it.
- 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,610 {\an8}Alright, fine.
- 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,696 {\an8}Uh, how 'bout "Whistlering Dixie"?
- 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,203 {\an8}Whistler! Whattaya got to tag and bag these bastards?
- 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:09,082 {\an8}Made this lil' puppy after I bagged my first neck-rophiliac.
- 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,001 {\an8}Double-action triggers pumping out 1,400 kilos
- 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:13,670 {\an8}of holy water per square inch.
- 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,672 {\an8}Um... This ol' girl's got dry-aged,
- 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,674 {\an8}Sicilian garlic expelling out
- 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,884 {\an8}at 3,200 feet per second,
- 00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:23,221 {\an8}is swaddled by 5,200 Solar-joules
- 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,014 {\an8}of raw ultraviolet... Yeaahhh...
- 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,516 {\an8}...and she's only getting started.
- 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,851 {\an8}I'm talkin' crucifix-shaped Chinese stars,
- 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,895 {\an8}mirror-tipped wooden stakes, and a--
- 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,021 [ Portal gun zaps ] Wha--
- 00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:34,565 Hello? G-Guys?
- 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,943 Morty, that was just an old man a rambling at us.
- 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,152 People died!
- 00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,571 So, by your logic, 9/11 was an adventure?
- 00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:42,031 Tweet it, see who agrees.
- 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:42,991 Very well!
- 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,409 Bear witness to 9/11!
- 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,535 What? No!
- 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,828 Dude, don't, just,
- 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,287 y-you need to let us throw to the stuff, okay?
- 00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:49,539 Okay, what's next?
- 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,542 What the hell is "Leg Day"?
- 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,043 Hey, look, Morty!
- 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,004 I-I'm a leg!
- 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,171 A leg, Morty!
- 00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,881 I'm Leg Riiick!
- 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,299 Okay, I'll give you that last one.
- 00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,968 What? I-I mean--
- 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,970 I mean, I'll take it but-- Hey, Morty, check this out.
- 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,430 That's clearly unlicensed.
- 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,597 License this!
- 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,307 Wait, what are you doing?
- 00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:09,726 Hey, Smith, you look hungry!
- 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,270 How 'bout some knuckle pie?
- 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,521 Wuh the huh?
- 00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,481 Aw, geez. Rick's implants.
- 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,900 Big Doug... get the truck.
- 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:21,279 Whoo! I've never felt so alive!
- 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,572 Ayyy!
- 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:23,906 Oh!
- 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,995 Man.
- 00:05:28,995 --> 00:06:02,945 {\an8}♪
- 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:06,365 Turn! Back! Into! A boat!
- 00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:08,159 I'm trying!
- 00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:12,246 I'm trying... Oh, Big Doug.
- 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,876 Big Doug, no.
- 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,127 There's my guy!
- 00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:19,796 C'mon, the hamsters turned on me, Morty.
- 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,297 We gotta go.
- 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,341 R.I.P., Big Doug!
- 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,634 Wasn't even in that one!
- 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,469 Who cares, i-it wasn't even on my list.
- 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,804 T-This guy just cued it up!
- 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,306 Speaking of cues, what about all those times
- 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,183 you two misunderstood each other?
- 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,977 Wait, what? Are you setting up a series of them?
- 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:38,481 Trust me, the key is grouping them with thematic connections.
- 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,316 Uhhhhhhh...
- 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,819 I-I just want to talk to Morty in private,
- 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,320 about something unrelated.
- 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,739 Yeah, we'll be right back.
- 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,408 Okay, this guy might have been kind of a mistake.
- 00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:51,077 He's really, like, aggressive.
- 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,286 He's steamrolling us.
- 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,913 He thinks he's hosting a fucking clip show.
- 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,832 And I don't like his voice. I don't like his voice,
- 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,333 I-I don't like that he's doing jokes,
- 00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,960 I don't like that he's talking down to you.
- 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,337 Thank you! Okay. Let's rethink this.
- 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,172 I still don't trust these, but I'll accept these cards
- 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,674 at 70 cents on the dollar.
- 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,217 Done. Fair.
- 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,802 How do we get rid of him?
- 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,595 Eh, I'll just pay the asshole and tell him he did a great job.
- 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:11,264 <i>He thinks he's hosting a fucking clip show.</i>
- 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,182 <i>And I don't like his voice.</i> <i>I don't like his voice,</i>
- 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,684 <i>I-I don't like that he's doing jokes,</i>
- 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:16,018 <i>I don't like him talking down to you.</i>
- 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:17,145 Okay, well, that's-- th-that's on us.
- 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,354 Should have seen that coming.
- 00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,689 Seeing is more my thing.
- 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,190 Well then you know he's about to pay you.
- 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:23,568 And "tell me I did a great job"?
- 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,237 Fine, you caught us, we secretly think you suck.
- 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,947 Oh! Here's twice what I owe you.
- 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,365 That's how little conversation
- 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:30,658 we want to have about you leaving.
- 00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:33,494 I have never seen two bigger assholes!
- 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,371 And I see all assholes!
- 00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,373 Then you can see yours out.
- 00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:40,585 Byyyyee.
- 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:41,836 Christ.
- 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:50,887 [ Microwave beeps ]
- 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,055 Shit, howt, so howt.
- 00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,933 Gotta start in the middle, statistically the coolest.
- 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,977 Rick: <i>You won't find a carb on my plate, Morty.</i>
- 00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,395 <i>I'm all about that keto.</i>
- 00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:01,355 No. Is that-- Is that a fucking--
- 00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:03,065 Clip? <i>I'm a fats man.</i>
- 00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:04,358 <i>Gimme all the fats!</i>
- 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,777 That burrito looks pretty carby!
- 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,029 This fucking guy.
- 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,822 That's your move? Diet shaming?
- 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,157 Just take the L, man!
- 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,241 Th-This is embarrassing.
- 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:15,203 Oh, I'll show you embarrassing!
- 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,579 Haaaaaaaa!
- 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,749 Do it, Morty! I-It's the only way to save the universe!
- 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,043 H-How? H-How is it the only way?
- 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,295 Morty... I'm dying...
- 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,005 it's up to you...
- 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:29,300 Aahh!
- 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,676 Riiick!
- 00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:31,969 Aghhh! What the hell are you doing?
- 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:35,056 Saving the universe! I think?
- 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,933 Right, Rick?
- 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:41,646 {\an8}♪
- 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,649 - This guy's nuts! - Screw you, Morty!
- 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,109 What the hell? You told me I was a hero!
- 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:49,278 You were that night. What the hell's going on?
- 00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:52,240 Is that angry stone playing... videoclips?
- 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,117 It's some weirdo Grandpa hired to prove I'm a bad person.
- 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:58,621 Turns out people that take that job aren't fun to be around.
- 00:08:58,621 --> 00:08:59,664 Get out of here!
- 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,582 Sidewalk's public property, bro!
- 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,960 I can observe all I want from here!
- 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,169 This isn't our problem, Dad.
- 00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:07,380 Please make this loud thing go away.
- 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,298 Yeah, I was studying for a test.
- 00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:10,508 The Observer: No, you weren't!
- 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,134 Fucking rock asshole.
- 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,511 Now you've done it!
- 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:18,015 As they've shamed me, so shall I now shame you!
- 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,813 [ Knock on door ] Summer: Mom? Are you drinking wine in there?
- 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,940 Um... no, I'm shitting.
- 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,776 Bitch, I know the sound of a toilet lid moving.
- 00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,611 Woof. Two birds, one stone.
- 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,196 More embarrassing for Mom than me.
- 00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,699 I wasn't lying, I was going to shit.
- 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,075 What's going on here?
- 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,327 Cosmic being playing embarrassing clips out of spite?
- 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,662 Damn, Jerry. Nailed it.
- 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,706 I was watching from the upstairs window.
- 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,000 Well, watch this, loser!
- 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,668 Morty, I'm throwing out some stuff
- 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,003 from our last couple adventures.
- 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,671 You got any use for this diamond?
- 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,756 Morty: Nope. I'm good.
- 00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,140 This is gonna be fine.
- 00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:02,893 [ Screaming ]
- 00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:06,814 I'm sorry! I can't stop once I start!
- 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:09,150 Whatever, everyone knows I'm embarrassing.
- 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,986 I'm bulletproof. Oh, my God, this is so sad.
- 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:15,656 Not as sad as you after this!
- 00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,533 <i>The so-called "Hottie Snatchers"</i>
- 00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,993 {\an8}<i>have spread to Canada and Mexico,</i>
- 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,703 {\an8}<i>grabbing the most attractive residents</i>
- 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,538 {\an8}<i>and taking them God knows where.</i>
- 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:26,167 {\an8}<i>All Americans, even sub-sevens, are advised to stay indoors.</i>
- 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,210 {\an8}<i>You certainly wouldn't be safe out there.</i>
- 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,421 {\an8}<i>Not on the air, Michael.</i>
- 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,381 BRB, bathroom.
- 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,800 I need to know!
- 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,430 It's okay!
- 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,974 It's not real, they're just doing it at random!
- 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,726 [ Screams ]
- 00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:45,644 Is everything okay? I heard a--
- 00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,355 [ Screams ]
- 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,566 You too, huh?
- 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,526 It's not so bad once you get used to it.
- 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,197 I don't deserve this. I just walked downstairs.
- 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,407 Okay, well, if Dad's just gonna stand here,
- 00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,867 should I do something?
- 00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:01,118 Unless that somehow tees me up--
- 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:02,411 Walked right into it!
- 00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:05,414 This is our target, Dichotomus Daniel--
- 00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:07,917 [ Farts ]
- 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,919 That was my chair.
- 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,254 It was a fart. Birdperson always knows.
- 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,173 It's true! He's got that beak!
- 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,758 Get lost, you piece of shit!
- 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,677 Why, so you can do stuff like thiiis?
- 00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,554 [ Snoring ]
- 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:26,769 Ugh, Morty...
- 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,854 I'm afraid the only way out is through the bottom
- 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,190 of this massive vat of whale semen.
- 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,776 Well, that last one was just for shock value.
- 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:34,985 Fuck this guy!
- 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,154 Haha, if you can't take the heat,
- 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,656 get out of the watchin'!
- 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,990 You-- You-- You-- You suck!
- 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,659 S-Showing weird shit just 'cause
- 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,702 we w-wouldn't let you treat our lives like a clip show!
- 00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:45,246 - Yeah, get him, Morty! - Mess him up, little bro!
- 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:48,624 What, you gonna beat me up like the piss guy?
- 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,167 Hey! Not cool!
- 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,378 Why don't you tee up this clip of me kicking your ass!
- 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,796 Ow! Oww!
- 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:58,092 Aghhh, I'm all rocks now!
- 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:03,514 I never saw this coming...
- 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:04,932 Shit!
- 00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,142 T-These guys can die?!
- 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,643 I-I thought they were cosmic!
- 00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,395 You know what, I say we leave this thing in the street,
- 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,689 deny any involvement, and just hope this blows over.
- 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:14,233 Unless, of course, they play this exact clip on a screen
- 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,777 <i>in front of a jury with some kind of built-in bias.</i>
- 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:20,072 As an observer, I try to stay impartial,
- 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,658 but I am not seeing innocence.
- 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:23,951 It's not blowing over, Rick.
- 00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:25,369 I'd tell you to stay positive, Morty,
- 00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:28,372 but I do not like the looks of that jury.
- 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,001 I can't believe we got ourselves into this mess
- 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,669 over something as petty as what an adventure is.
- 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,254 Yeah, I-I guess I can admit
- 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,465 I got a little loose with the stamps-- Gotcha!
- 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,508 Can the stenographer read back that confession, please?
- 00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:43,053 Silence! The killing of an observer is unforgivable.
- 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:47,224 We must now decide whether to end your existence.
- 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:49,935 Your Honor, if everyone here has truly seen everything,
- 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,187 then you all know my grandson
- 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,147 and I did this whole thing with giants.
- 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,899 Did what whole thing?
- 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,442 I will address that!
- 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,819 I'm your court-appointed defender.
- 00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:01,280 Your Honor, observe the time Rick and Morty
- 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,240 did this with giants!
- 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,658 This is an open and shut case, Morty.
- 00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,494 Y'know w-w-what do ya think is gonna happen,
- 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,496 some magical angel's gonna show up and--
- 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,830 Fee-fi-fo-fum,
- 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,540 I smell the violation of civil liberties!
- 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:14,376 The moments are practically identical, Your Honor.
- 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:17,296 I move for a mistrial on the grounds it bumps.
- 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,173 If the argument is that Rick and Morty
- 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:22,551 repeat their mistakes, the prosecution agrees!
- 00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:25,638 Oh, God, y-you sound just like the guy we killed--
- 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,597 uh, a-allegedly.
- 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,349 That was my brother!
- 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:29,892 I didn't like his voice either!
- 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,644 Well, this isn't gonna help our case.
- 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,230 Neither will this next clip!
- 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,023 Morty, I made you a gorilla gun.
- 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,858 Pretty cool, huh? A gorilla gun?
- 00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,610 D-Does this do what I think it does?
- 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:40,736 Yup!
- 00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:42,071 Where's your lunch money, punk?
- 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,364 Lunch money?
- 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,658 Are you sure you wouldn't rather have... a banana?
- 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,326 [ Screams ] [ Crash ]
- 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:50,496 [ Crying ] I thought it would turn him into a gorilla.
- 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,957 Why would you want a bully to be a gorilla?
- 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,458 It was a gun that kills gorillas.
- 00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,835 Please go easy on him, th-this one's on me,
- 00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:57,962 and it won't happen again.
- 00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,672 Morty, this is a bully gun.
- 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,798 Whoa! Cool!
- 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,091 Any questions about it? Not really.
- 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,801 Yeah, should be self-explanatory.
- 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:04,927 Have fun.
- 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,095 Hey. Give me your backpack.
- 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,972 You trying to bully me? Yeah.
- 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,682 Well, how are you going to bully...
- 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,809 another bully?
- 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,644 What are you doing?
- 00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,106 [ Coughing ]
- 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,733 I feel like this one's not entirely my fault.
- 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,068 Okay, how do you feel?
- 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,278 I-I'm okay.
- 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,363 I mean, maybe just stop giving me guns, or--
- 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,824 Or make them less ambiguous, way ahead of you.
- 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,242 Here. Take this.
- 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,619 This is a gun, and I want to be really specific here,
- 00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:34,123 this is a gun that you only use to shoot bad people.
- 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,833 Are we clear? Okay, Rick.
- 00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,209 When are you going to use that?
- 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,461 When I want to shoot a bad person.
- 00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:40,629 Okay.
- 00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,131 I had a great time tonight, Jessica.
- 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,299 Hey. Give me your money.
- 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:47,303 Why don't you take this instead?
- 00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,304 Jeffrey Dahmer?
- 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,805 Hi. Uh, what's happening?
- 00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,640 I don't know, just run.
- 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:55,686 Let the record show this bit continued for several more guns.
- 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:58,480 What are we even guilty of in that one, being kind of dumb?
- 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,983 For being dumb over and over!
- 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:04,528 A-ha! But, Your Honor, is that not the definition
- 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,946 of experimentation?
- 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,531 The foundation of science?
- 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:11,160 And are Rick and Morty therefore not only not not learning,
- 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,120 but therefore actively learning?
- 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,913 Observe this example!
- 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,043 How long before Ben Franklin comes back to life?
- 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,128 Holy shit! Yes!
- 00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:22,671 Shit, he came back evil.
- 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:25,174 What do you think will happen if we bury him again?
- 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,550 You don't know?
- 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,761 This is my first time using Pet Sematary soil, Morty.
- 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:29,970 I mean...
- 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,388 as long as we're asking questions...
- 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,182 we've been here so long my phone died.
- 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,516 It's not gonna charge your phone!
- 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:36,060 So you can be curious and I can't?
- 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,436 Fuck, you're right.
- 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,355 W-We're sitting on top of brand-new science here.
- 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,856 L-Let's gather some data!
- 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:43,192 [ Both grunting ]
- 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,401 Put your back into it, Morty!
- 00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:46,111 Y-You think it'll refill the tank?
- 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,780 Good pitch, Morty!
- 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,032 Okay, let's bury that kangaroo from the waist down.
- 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,284 Holy shit! Will only his legs come back?
- 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,661 Who knows?!
- 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,245 Hey, I'm having a great time with you tonight, Morty!
- 00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,372 [ Alarm beeping ]
- 00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,123 W-What's that one? Ben Franklin!
- 00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,792 R-Remember we tried wrapping him in tin foil
- 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,710 to see if it'd shield him from the evil?
- 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,170 Oh, yeah.
- 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,296 [ Sizzling ] Ow!
- 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,756 Fuck! I-It's hot!
- 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:06,924 Jesus Christ...
- 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:10,719 It cooked him like a pig at a luau.
- 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:11,887 It's so moist.
- 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,055 Rick! That's a guy!
- 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,057 Man, what is this place doing to us?
- 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,810 Is nothing sacred to you two?
- 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,186 What are these clips?
- 00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:20,562 Wh-What are we even on trial for anymore?
- 00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,731 What's anyone on trial for, son?
- 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,024 Being good or evil.
- 00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,068 L-Look, sure, we can be irreverent
- 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,569 but w-we're far from evil.
- 00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,363 We make more friends than enemies!
- 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,615 Let's run the tape on that one!
- 00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:34,034 Hey, Rick, can you make my churro come to life?
- 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,536 On it!
- 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,746 Hiiiiiiii! I'm Churry!
- 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,206 Churry, do you want to have fun?
- 00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:40,249 Let's go!
- 00:16:40,249 --> 00:17:07,526 {\an8}♪
- 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,738 This has been the best time of my life, Churry.
- 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,531 Okay, thanks, Rick!
- 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,116 Y-You can turn him back into a regular churro now.
- 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,868 What? I-I can't turn him back.
- 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,829 You asked me to bring him to life. Bam, done.
- 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,456 But he's a churro, he doesn't have internal organs,
- 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,082 a brain, et cetera.
- 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:26,086 in order to live, I had to make him functionally immortal.
- 00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,838 What.
- 00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,512 My... My family!
- 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:36,597 Goodbye, Churry.
- 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,515 I'll miss you.
- 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:44,354 These are just regular churros?
- 00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:47,316 Oh, my God, no!
- 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,568 Mark my words, Morty!
- 00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,862 I shall leave you as you left me!
- 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,322 On a barren planet!
- 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,824 Praying for death!
- 00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:57,785 I'm starting to see why this lawyer was free.
- 00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:00,788 Okay, well, we never intentionally hurt people.
- 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,748 Yeah, we adventure! Stuff goes wrong.
- 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,082 We don't just murder for fun.
- 00:18:04,082 --> 00:18:06,335 Oh! Here's a clip about that topic!
- 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,045 I did it, Morty!
- 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:10,214 I killed the versions of us that were in "Space Jam"!
- 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,632 Help me with the bodies! Wow!
- 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,383 How you'd do it, Rick? It was easy, Morty.
- 00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:14,384 Th-They welcomed death!
- 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:15,844 They wanted out, Morty!
- 00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,846 No, no, no, you don't get it, they begged me.
- 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,056 It was a kindness!
- 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,098 Was that helpful?
- 00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:22,434 It was for the prosecution!
- 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:23,977 Okay, I've heard enough!
- 00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:25,521 No, you fucking haven't.
- 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,190 If we're about to die, at least let us defend ourselves.
- 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,399 - Ahh, the outrage! - Ehh, seems iffy.
- 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:30,651 I'll allow it.
- 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,194 But no lollygagging!
- 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,321 I only need one clip, Your Honor.
- 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:37,825 If it pleases the court, hold on to your tits.
- 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,118 [ Murmuring ]
- 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,789 I'm a leg, Morty!
- 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,666 You like that?
- 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,167 Yeahhh, I know you do.
- 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,211 Oh! We already saw that one.
- 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,754 No, that's the other time I did it.
- 00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,172 That was your Hail Mary?
- 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,757 I held onto my tits for nothing!
- 00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:54,716 - Boo! - Boooo!
- 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:55,801 - That was mid! - Boo!
- 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:56,969 I hereby find
- 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,054 Rick and Morty guilty!
- 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,889 Time to die!
- 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:10,232 What in tarnation?
- 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,025 Plot twist! Whattaya expect?
- 00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,736 You gave me access to your tech.
- 00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,446 Look, I-I'm not saying we're heroes,
- 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,365 but in the two minutes I've had access to your server,
- 00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,075 I can "observe" you're no better.
- 00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:23,495 Here, let's see a clip.
- 00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:25,414 Help! Please!
- 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,999 Oh, my God! Please!
- 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,042 Augh! Please!
- 00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:33,213 Absurd!
- 00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,840 If the Observer was in the clip,
- 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,258 who was watching?
- 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,634 Glad you asked!
- 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,595 Please!
- 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,471 Augh!
- 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:43,891 Jesus Christ.
- 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,560 You can't shame us for watching! It's who we are!
- 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,229 Right, and you'd never take advantage of that.
- 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,273 Hot copies! Freshly watched!
- 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,025 I've got "Avatar" 3 through 6!
- 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,777 Friends and Family screening, the VFX aren't done,
- 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,362 but they're still blue!
- 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,615 It's not my fault I saw those movies!
- 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,117 Yes! We observe, it's all we do!
- 00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:03,911 Ohhoho! It's not all you do.
- 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:08,498 I'll give you guys $20 to fight each other.
- 00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,292 Money, money!
- 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,628 As it turns out, you do plenty!
- 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:13,962 You're just as bad as us!
- 00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:15,297 We're not all bad.
- 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:17,382 I observe a couple of bad apples!
- 00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,009 Who are you calling an apple?
- 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:22,346 Should we all observe what you did with Tom's wife?
- 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:25,557 Observe me harder! Harder!
- 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,142 I regret nothing, Tom!
- 00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,810 The only thing you could never see
- 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,646 was what a treasure Nancy was.
- 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:34,066 I'll kill you! I'd like to observe you try!
- 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,028 Geez, Rick.
- 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,363 People be fucking each other's wives, huh?
- 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:41,657 Marriage is a scam, Morty.
- 00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:42,741 Let's scram.
- 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,702 Wait! I still have more clips!
- 00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:47,996 Morty, I appreciate what you were trying to do,
- 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,666 with the punch cards, my whole groove thing.
- 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:51,833 Thanks.
- 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,502 So... is this a stamp?
- 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:55,504 Or you gonna make me count this as my adventure?
- 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,464 How about we just ignore this one.
- 00:20:57,464 --> 00:21:00,259 Yeah. Yeah, good call.
- 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,301 80 cents on the dollar?
- 00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,387 75. Done.
- 00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:04,596 Whattaya say, Rick?
- 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,306 Fly through space, come upon something,
- 00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:07,766 maybe I have a moral objection,
- 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,227 stuff gets messy, and you ultimately bail us out?
- 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:11,853 L-Let's take it for a spin.
- 00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:14,231 Rick and Morty! We're back, baby!
- 00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:15,691 Check the glovebox!
- 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,317 Whoa, another gun!
- 00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:48,890 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:51,977 Hey, Morty, see you at the frolf mixer tomorrow?
- 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,271 Y-Yeah, sure thing, Jimmy.
- 00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,189 [ Screams ]
- 00:21:56,189 --> 00:21:58,483 I knew this day would come...
- 00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:00,485 Oh, oh, God!
- 00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:02,738 Aaah!
- 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:04,197 Niiice.
- 00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:05,907 Free churro.
- 00:22:05,907 --> 00:22:07,868 Whew.
- 00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,162 Aaah!
- 00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,123 {\an8}Did you get any of that?