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После спора Рика и Джерри о том, родился ли Рик разумным, Рик меняет их сознания, чтобы доказать свою точку зрения. Рик в теле Джерри в ужасе кончает жизнь самоубийством, а Джерри в теле Рика случайно убивает себя с помощью кибернетических имплантатов Рика. Медицинский робот Рика исцеляет их, но в результате Рик и Джерри оказываются обладателями половины мозгов друг друга, смешивая свои личности. Тем временем Морти захватывают инопланетные гангстеры, которые понимают свою ошибку и извиняются перед Риком. Полу-Рик и полу-Джерри отправляются за Морти, но их ссора заставляет гангстеров почувствовать слабость и напасть на троицу. Им удаётся пробиться домой, но полу-Рик и полу-Джерри понимают, что им лучше так, как есть, и убегают, чтобы отправиться в совместные приключения, назвав себя Бургер и Картофель фри. Когда гангстеры похищают Морти, Бет и Саммер, Бургер и Фрайз понимают, что они всё ещё несут ответственность за свои семьи. Они объединяют свои тела в составное существо Джеррики и спасают их. После этого семья Смитов заставляет Джеррики разделиться и снова стать обычными Риком и Джерри, и они снова начинают ссориться друг с другом.
- 00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:12,929 Hey Rick. I was wondering if you could help me out
- 00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,389 with a bit of a rake situation.
- 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:15,807 A “rake situation”?
- 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,685 Long story short, I asked Gene if he borrowed my rake
- 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:21,312 and he said “no” like Like that, like, too fast.
- 00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:23,732 Like faster than someone should know they don’t have my rake.
- 00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,317 I think he has my rake and I...
- 00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,611 I’m not going to murder Gene.
- 00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:31,322 Jerry, thank you for bringing me into The Rake Situation.
- 00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:32,741 I’ve done all I can, I’m out.
- 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:36,244 No surprise there. All that brain, and you just waste it.
- 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:37,328 Hold up.
- 00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,456 I waste my brain.
- 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:42,125 Rick, obviously you were born smarter than me,
- 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,085 - but if I had your brain... - If you had my...
- 00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:46,921 I am so sick of this "born smart" shit.
- 00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:48,131 Are you gonna kill me?
- 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,383 I was born crying and pissing myself just like you.
- 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,969 Then I become the smartest man in the universe and do I get credit?
- 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:55,513 No, I get to “check my brain privilege.”
- 00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:56,931 So we’re swapping bodies?
- 00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:58,683 No. That would be Freaky Friday
- 00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,393 which is the ceiling of your grasp of consciousness.
- 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,313 The brain is part of the body, Jerry, it’s hardware.
- 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:07,317 I’m gonna put my mind in your brain. And your mind in my brain.
- 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:10,069 Then we’ll see the real definition of “waste”, Jerry.
- 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,989 Or, you know, admit genius isn't random and your failures are your own.
- 00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:14,866 - Oh, not doing that. - Thought as much.
- 00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:32,300 ... oh furck, oh grod...
- 00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:35,011 Wait, no!
- 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,767 Okay, hold on, hold on.
- 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:48,024 Alright, Jerry, you can do this.
- 00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:58,451 <i>Medical Emergency Detected.</i>
- 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,298 <i>There goes my Thursday.</i>
- 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,838 {\an8}I’m telling you man, you’re making a big mistake here.
- 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:55,717 {\an8}Ha. Bigger mistake than being a criminal? I'm mistake-proof.
- 00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:01,264 {\an8}Sorry to bother, boss, I caught this punk selling crystals on our turf...
- 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:06,185 {\an8}You big precious moron, do you know who the fuck, this is Morty!
- 00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:08,771 {\an8}The kid who hangs with Rick Sanchez!
- 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,899 {\an8}- Tried to warn you, man. - Rick Sanchez?
- 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,108 {\an8}Underworld legend?
- 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,152 {\an8}Chaotic neutral sci-fi guy? Huh?
- 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:16,029 {\an8}Christ, he's gonna turn me into a sandwich.
- 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,740 {\an8}- What is this guy, fucking new? - Think he was a Dylan rec, boss.
- 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,950 {\an8}Well, check those fucking references next time.
- 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:24,746 {\an8}Whatever this kid wants to do in our territory is his business. Fuck.
- 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:27,498 {\an8}Fuck! Call my wife, we gotta prep go-bags three through six.
- 00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:29,876 {\an8}Hey pal. You good? You whole?
- 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:31,461 {\an8}You guys have milkshakes?
- 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,962 {\an8}We will learn what they are and get you one.
- 00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:43,514 {\an8}What a turn. Lucky I’m such a genius your garage can thwart death.
- 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,808 {\an8}I’m the genius and it’s your garage, idiot.
- 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:48,102 {\an8}Hey, what the fuck did you do to my body?
- 00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:52,607 {\an8}Your body, Jerry, your mind did that to my body using my brain.
- 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:56,861 {\an8}Jerry, my mind was in this brain, in your body. Pretty easy to follow.
- 00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:00,156 {\an8}- It shuffled us. - Shuffled you maybe.
- 00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:02,492 {\an8}- I'm tracking everything. - Garage? Fix this.
- 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:05,745 {\an8}<i>-Situation was fixed.</i> - You call this fixed?
- 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:06,996 {\an8}- This guy thinks he’s me. - This guy thinks he’s me.
- 00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:09,374 {\an8}Let’s see you fix it then, asshole.
- 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:12,251 {\an8}I fucking will. I got my lab right here, gimme three hours.
- 00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:15,129 {\an8}Sure yeah, like I’d ever trust you to open my skull.
- 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,590 {\an8}I’ll fix it, I just need to scan for...
- 00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:22,011 {\an8}Like I’d trust Your fritzing R2D2 ass, you’ll just kill me on purpose.
- 00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:23,680 {\an8}So that’s where my paranoia went.
- 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:26,766 {\an8}Rick speaking, who is this?
- 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:31,604 {\an8}Rick! It's Chuxly. From Crimetown. We’ve met five or ten times, listen,
- 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,399 {\an8}small misunderstanding, one of my guys saw your buddy Morty
- 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:37,777 {\an8}running an errand and he brought him in which I told him not to do.
- 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,029 {\an8}but I’ve got Morty and he is fine.
- 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:42,448 {\an8}Wait, what? Aren’t you describing kidnapping?
- 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,741 {\an8}- Morty’s kidnapped? - No no no!
- 00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:46,786 {\an8}Give me that, Jerry. Hello? Hello? This is Rick Sanchez,
- 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,163 {\an8}I’m using my son-in-law’s vocal cords because I’m amazing,
- 00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:52,333 {\an8}if you touch my grandson I’m gonna... get off me!
- 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,543 ...hello?
- 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,044 Jerry stop! You’re fucking this up!
- 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:58,214 You’re only calling me Jerry because you’re so stupid you think it’s hurtful,
- 00:04:58,214 --> 00:04:59,465 which it is!
- 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:00,591 Tell me where you are.
- 00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:03,344 No! You tell then where they are, <i>like Liam Neeson.</i>
- 00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:06,764 <i>Do not pretend to explain Liam Neeson to me, Sir.</i>
- 00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:08,391 <i>- Hey! Jerry! - Don’t touch me there!</i>
- 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,352 <i>- We know where you are. - We know where you are.</i>
- 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,314 - My milkshake is empty! - Okay!
- 00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:16,899 That was so embarrassing,
- 00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:19,694 do you have any clue what a pain it is to cultivate a mystique?
- 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:23,740 Yeah, I do, it’s my mystique and you’re just cultivating Jerry's shame.
- 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,158 - What is with my hair? - Don’t!
- 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,410 - Leave it! - Why do you care about hair, nerd?
- 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,413 Be quiet for a second, I need to think through all these chunks of moron.
- 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:33,458 Okay. You stay here, touch nothing, I’ll get Morty.
- 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:37,170 Ha! I’m not letting you get Morty killed and our brains blown out twice.
- 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,589 Car, electrocute Jerry if he gets in the front seat.
- 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:42,091 Car, engage castration protocol right now.
- 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:45,845 Figure out how to drive me together or I will have to kill you both.
- 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,225 What are we, a 1930s comedy act, stop swerving!
- 00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:52,935 - You’re swerving! - Alright, when we get there,
- 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:54,312 let me do the talking.
- 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:57,273 Yeah, I know, because you look the most like us, I’m not stupid.
- 00:05:57,273 --> 00:06:00,276 - I beg to differ. - Screw you, half Jerry!
- 00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:01,778 - You’re a half Jerry! - You’re a half Jerry!
- 00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,449 <i>Looks like he’s inbound, boss.</i>
- 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,785 Okay, he is in a bad mood
- 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,954 so we are kissing ass until our lips are asscolored.
- 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:14,624 Straighten that pillow! He might hate crooked pillows! I don’t know!
- 00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:19,712 Nice parking job, assdick, you scratched my car.
- 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:24,300 Rick! And... and uh, Rick’s friend!
- 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,219 This is my... assassin.
- 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,429 Deadliest man in the galaxy and he’s gay.
- 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,181 - Why am I gay? - Woah! Hey!
- 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,307 Whoa. Why aren’t you?
- 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,184 Sorry about that. Sorry. Sorry.
- 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:36,479 Well, I got Morty right here, happy as a milkshake.
- 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,982 And since we interrupted your day, Morty’s got ten thousand croutons,
- 00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:41,943 that’s slang for crystals, Morty, show him.
- 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,654 - We know what croutons are. - Why is dad here?
- 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,823 Your dad’s a gay assassin?
- 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:50,159 So cool and ordinary, sorry, ssorry.
- 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:53,496 I appreciate you trying to make good but you cost me ten times that much.
- 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:56,332 It doesn’t matter, Rick. The guy’s already kissing your ass.
- 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,292 It’s the ass kissers you have to keep in line.
- 00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,169 When they sense weakness, they move on you.
- 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,337 What are we, Walter White?
- 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:04,006 Who cares if a mid-tier crime dork “moves” on us...
- 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:06,300 Thank you for the crystals. Morty, get in the car.
- 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,761 Actually, Morty, why don’t you leave those crystals here...
- 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,721 since it’s such an insulting amount.
- 00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:11,806 There it is.
- 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,933 Now he’s thinking, maybe I can kill god.
- 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:17,520 Yeah because god doesn’t haggle for ten thousand fucking croutons,
- 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,313 look, here’s the deal, I’m Rick,
- 00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:21,899 That’s my son-in-law, and we’re all a little gay.
- 00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:23,067 - Yeah. - It’s a spectrum.
- 00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:25,736 Morty, it’s me Rick, get in the car.
- 00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:28,489 Don’t get in the car, Morty. And put the briefcase down.
- 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:30,032 Morty, get in the car twice,
- 00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:33,119 once for each five additional briefcases this asshole owes us!
- 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,121 Stop doing this terrible impression of me!
- 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,874 Look, at this point we’re bad gangsters if we don’t roll the dice.
- 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,292 Everybody start killing them!
- 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,503 What have you two assholes done?
- 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,255 It’s okay, it’s a nice restaurantwoah!
- 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,299 Shit! Crime restaurant!
- 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,970 Oh my god! Am I really about to die because you botched a Freaky Friday?
- 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,054 - Yes. - Whoever you are,
- 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,056 you’re in Rick’s body, use your implants.
- 00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,892 I’m trying, half my brain is the guy that
- 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,935 still needs your mom to use the electric wine opener.
- 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,605 Hang on, I think I got it.
- 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,400 Right, from my conehead phase.
- 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,527 - Awesome fucking movie. - Incredible cast.
- 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:09,405 Goddamn it! I’m shooting my way back to the car.
- 00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:13,201 Ugh, way to go! Now my son and grandson hates us!
- 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,952 He’s my son and grandson too!
- 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,789 We do share an agenda in that sense.
- 00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,083 Let’s hope you share my aim.
- 00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:27,757 <i>Fall is here, hear the yell Back to school ring the bell</i>
- 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:33,012 <i>Brand new shoes, walking blues Climb the fence, books and pens</i>
- 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,265 <i>I can tell that we are gonna be friends</i>
- 00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,391 Hey, get up here!
- 00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:39,060 Said the throat to the hand.
- 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:42,647 You might feel a pinch and maybe a rocket.
- 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,232 You’ll have to aim. Hop on.
- 00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:50,529 <i>I can tell that we are gonna be friends</i>
- 00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:55,826 <i>I can tell that we are gonna be friends</i>
- 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,622 Ahaha! You coneheaded son of a bitch! Can’t believe that worked!
- 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,249 I wish they did that in the movie!
- 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,292 Jesus fucking christ.
- 00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:05,378 Huh, should’ve done something with my hands.
- 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,338 Morty, gotta push or pull, your call.
- 00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:13,594 What the hell? What happened?
- 00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:16,639 They made us stop at every drivethru chain in the galaxy,
- 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,725 so they could make one giant burger with a patty from each place.
- 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:22,687 - I guess I meant before that. - Brains got a little mixed up...
- 00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,313 But we’re gonna swap back, don’t worry.
- 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:27,358 Just didn’t wanna build a neural interface on an empty stomach.
- 00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,527 - Right? - Wait, you guys did a brain swap?
- 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,947 Don’t bother chiding until they’re unshuffled, neither one is Dad or Rick.
- 00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:37,493 I guess I’m thrilled you guys are getting along?
- 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:42,206 Let’s keep that going when those brains get back in their bodies.
- 00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:45,418 Whoa, going for the electropneumatic diodes. Wild man.
- 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,129 Only gonna build this once, gotta do it with style.
- 00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,216 I think we can up the wattage. Hey, another beer?
- 00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,843 It’s about the journey, brother.
- 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:57,054 Ahh, Rick used to hate that kind of hang-loose McConaughey platitude,
- 00:09:57,471 --> 00:10:00,308 but he was also just gonna spend today grumpy and isolated.
- 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,351 And Jerry’d still be hung up about the rake.
- 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:05,688 The rake! Oh my god, should we do it? We’ve gotta do it!
- 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:06,689 Oh yeah!
- 00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:08,899 Alright, that should do it.
- 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,075 - Son of a bitch. - Classic Gene...
- 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,580 Huh. Crazy, this is the kind of thing that used to really piss me off.
- 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,707 Now it’s just kinda funny...
- 00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:27,209 You wanna replace it with a holographic rake?
- 00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,670 Oh that’d be fun, he’d get confused trying to pick it up.
- 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,548 I guess I don’t even wanna do that.
- 00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,718 I just want to live, I want Gene to live,
- 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:39,055 I want all of us to make mistakes and change all the time.
- 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,389 Amen to that, brother.
- 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:43,142 Kinda thought two geniuses would build faster than one...
- 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:45,478 When do I start being concerned about this?
- 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,605 Just having a little fun with my new friend, sweetie.
- 00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:51,233 Who is talking to me right now? Mostly my dad or mostly my husband?
- 00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:52,568 Been on that website.
- 00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:55,988 Look, I’ve been patient, but I can’t tell how to get mad at who.
- 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,950 No one enters my room or touches me until this is wrapped up.
- 00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:02,078 - What do you take me for? - Ugh, Beth, gross, ugh!
- 00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,250 I want you to know, when this is over,
- 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,337 the guy in this body is gonna yell at Jerry and call him useless.
- 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,756 Really lay into him. But he won’t always mean it.
- 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,299 Well, cards on the table,
- 00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:18,511 the guy in this body might call Rick an angry old asshole.
- 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,514 But he’s the closest thing Jerry has to a friend.
- 00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:25,226 This was fun. Rick would’ve never been able to admit that.
- 00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:29,271 It’s a shame those guys had to become us to be happy.
- 00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,325 Kids! Breakfast and school,
- 00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:43,744 if we don’t at least pretend they matter everything falls apart.
- 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,123 Jerry? Dad?
- 00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:49,959 They left a note.
- 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,919 Should we read it in Rick’s voice or Dad’s?
- 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,505 “Dear family, we thought about leaving a note.
- 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,632 But then one of us was like why are we leaving a note,
- 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,175 that’s such a Jerry thing to do.
- 00:11:58,175 --> 00:12:00,845 But if we didn’t leave a note, that’s such a Rick thing to do.
- 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,805 And then we realized, we just gotta be us.
- 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:05,808 So it’s a note but it’s not really well thought out.“
- 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,894 That’s it? They got out a pen and a paper for this?
- 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,230 <i>Hey, did you guys get a note too?</i>
- 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,565 <i>Mine’s really long.</i>
- 00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,653 Beautiful day to be carrying glass?
- 00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:20,072 I can’t believe a dying kid would wish for a window.
- 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:22,324 Dammit!
- 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,660 Hey! Stop them! They stole our crystals!
- 00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:27,663 - We stole those first! - Possession is 9/10th’s of my ass!
- 00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:33,294 - Look at this pancake butt. - Stop, you’re gonna make me fart.
- 00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:44,054 - Hey! That’s for sipping. - So are my balls!
- 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,473 Here’s a tip, lady.
- 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,308 Life tastes better when you’re chugging.
- 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,859 You were in a tree? Really gambled on this escape route.
- 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,777 Says the guy with a goon on his back.
- 00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,866 - Forget it, Burger! - It’s our calling card!
- 00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:11,123 - Really called that one. - One of us always gets shot.
- 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:16,003 God dammit!
- 00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:20,007 Hey. You’ll never guess who just ripped us off.
- 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,177 Oh wow, good guess.
- 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,387 Oh man!
- 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,806 Twenty-four crystal heists in twenty-four hours!
- 00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:31,644 We’re two farts in the wind, baby. Do your Howard Dean scream.
- 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,065 <i>Five o’clock somewhere. Five o’clock somewhere.</i>
- 00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,234 God damn, look at us.
- 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:42,238 No rules, no responsibilities. Just two best friends on the run.
- 00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:48,494 <i>The voice mailbox for, wait, wait, wait, wait did it beep?</i>
- 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,288 - <i>My name is Jer... - Is full. Goodbye.</i>
- 00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,499 Looks like we just missed them.
- 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,585 So they just stick burgers in dead guy’s mouths now?
- 00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:59,755 - In dead criminal’s mouths, Summer. - You’re defending them?
- 00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:01,590 Well, they were my husband and father.
- 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:02,967 Thanks for the tip, Blarb.
- 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,594 It’s weird, most of my underworld contacts are ghosting me.
- 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:09,682 My pleasure, Morty, I should be thanking you for making me rich.
- 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,600 Wait. I didn’t pay you for this.
- 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,810 Yeah, these guys did.
- 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:23,028 What’s the problem, kid, conehead got your tongue?
- 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,780 Chuxly? You’re alive?
- 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,951 ...Did this guy always have a hole or is that a big reveal?
- 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:33,914 Everything should be in a swamp!
- 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:36,542 Working with ya’ll was a plum-fool idea!
- 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,752 Burger & Fries, who the hell is this??
- 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:40,963 <i>Just an average mid-tier crime dork.</i>
- 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,631 Chuxly? You’re alive?
- 00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:45,009 <i>Shut up! I got something you might wanna hear.</i>
- 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,970 Caught your family out looking for you.
- 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,556 <i>What do you want? We’ve smoked most of what we stole.</i>
- 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:54,602 I just want you, both of you. Or I smoke your family.
- 00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:57,938 What am I saying, sure, bring money too. One hour.
- 00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:01,900 Shit. Guess we should shoot the fuel tank?
- 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,363 You guys coulda done that the whole time?
- 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,044 So. What now?
- 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,714 Hey, remember how we met?
- 00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,050 That nonrescue of Morty?
- 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:31,388 We were thinking we were different and accusing each other of being bad.
- 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,017 But Morty reminded us we both love our family.
- 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,603 And it brought us together.
- 00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:43,859 - Let’s do this. - Well, if we’re gonna do it right,
- 00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:46,278 we might as well use our best idea.
- 00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,907 You guys comfortable? No? Good.
- 00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,617 Who are you? What is this place?
- 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,078 And does my son sell drugs for my father,
- 00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,871 maybe criminals will actually be honest with me.
- 00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,289 Crystals can be anything, Mom.
- 00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,041 - But these crystals are drugs. - Morty!
- 00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:03,295 Here we go, boys! This is it!
- 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:04,755 - Jerry? - Rick!
- 00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,799 - Grandpa? - Jesus christ.
- 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:10,219 <i>Morty. Summer. Daughterwife. You are safe now.</i>
- 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:15,307 Holy shit. All the positive aspects of each, perfectly melded together?
- 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,476 <i>Yes. I am... Jerricky.</i>
- 00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:21,438 Alright boys, nothing could have prepared us for this!
- 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:23,899 At this point we gotta shoot and hope!
- 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,735 Also everything’s flammable!
- 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,626 Hey, guys! Little help!
- 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,055 <i>Gotta split?</i>
- 00:16:56,849 --> 00:17:00,310 I’m sorry, Chux! I started this! It’s all my fault!
- 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:02,604 Solid apology new guy. If we live through this,
- 00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:03,605 you're off the hook.
- 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,528 - Nice shot, Morty. - Everything’s flammable.
- 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,366 What a family.
- 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,870 - You got shot? - No, no, no...
- 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,788 The stitches, they never really set.
- 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,166 What can I say, I’m a workaholic.
- 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,378 I knew this day would come.
- 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:31,091 <i>Chuxly. This is a good death. You sought mastery over your world.</i>
- 00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,385 No, no. I stepped out of line.
- 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,053 I thought I could kill god.
- 00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:38,557 Being a boss in a crime world.
- 00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:42,311 So much stress. Honestly Jerricky,
- 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:45,314 it’s a relief to die in your four arms.
- 00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,149 <i>Final meal?</i>
- 00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:53,947 How, how old is this?
- 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,124 Can we turn on the radio?
- 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,585 At this point, I’d even take a podcast.
- 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:10,172 <i>Do you not hear the symphony of atoms dying in space?</i>
- 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,301 ...no?
- 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:19,932 <i>Good. You are here.</i>
- 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,352 <i>I have modified the house defenses.</i>
- 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:26,396 <i>They will ensure the mob never bothers you again.</i>
- 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:27,856 Thanks.
- 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,859 This is killing me.
- 00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:33,987 I thought when you came to rescue us you learned to love us more than ever.
- 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,197 You learned the opposite?
- 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,825 <i>Burger and Fries learned to love each other,</i>
- 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,911 <i>then sacrificed themselves out of love for you.</i>
- 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,997 <i>I am Jerricky, and I only need to love myself.</i>
- 00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:47,543 You can’t actually be leaving, right? Like the crows thing?
- 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,003 They’re my dad and grandpa, you can’t just take them!
- 00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:52,005 <i>Your dad and grandpa are dead, Morty.</i>
- 00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:55,050 <i>They died arguing with each other about their brains.</i>
- 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,845 Scuse me, are you Jerry?
- 00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,222 Sorry, you have one of his heads.
- 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,932 <i>I am Jerricky.</i>
- 00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,892 May as well have your rake back then.
- 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:05,811 That’s right, I took it.
- 00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:09,189 I ask myself why lie about it, don’t you think he knows?
- 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,232 Couldn’t I get my own?
- 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,693 Of course I could have! But god dammit,
- 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,903 this rake, it kept my neighbors in my life.
- 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,364 You guys don’t give a goddamn shit about Gene.
- 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,285 But I see that won’t help me any longer. Here.
- 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,830 <i>You are no longer obligated in such a way.</i>
- 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,458 I’m gonna give it back anyway. Just seems like the right thing to do.
- 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:29,960 <i>Okay?</i>
- 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,010 - Shit. - Shit.
- 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,137 <i>You think a rake will change my mind?</i>
- 00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:41,889 Well, it’s fucking lame, okay?
- 00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,599 Both of you walking out on Mom?
- 00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:47,060 I thought you had two sets of balls, not zero.
- 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,478 <i>Our balls are adequate...</i>
- 00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:51,064 Morty! We’re still in here!
- 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:52,941 There’s a memory of myself as a 30 years old,
- 00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,192 he kept our egos intact!
- 00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:56,445 He saved us! It was a whole action movie, Morty!
- 00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:58,196 Memory Rick, he’s still trapped in here.
- 00:19:58,196 --> 00:19:59,615 Quick, tackle this fucking thing!
- 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:00,824 - Garage! Garage! - Help us!, Hold him.
- 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,288 Nicely prepared eggs.
- 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:11,001 I still can’t taste anything. Awesome adventure, Rick.
- 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,920 Jerry, being shuffled with me was probably
- 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,964 the best part of your sad existence. A brush with greatness.
- 00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:18,175 Please, like you didn’t get an upgrade.
- 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,302 What was it like having integrity for once?
- 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:22,971 Hey Beth, how much integrity is left on the mortgage?
- 00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:26,058 I think it’s clear you both love each other more than you’re willing to admit.
- 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,310 Dumb. Fucking dumb. Go pick up crystals for me.
- 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,853 You don’t have to do that, Morty!
- 00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:32,105 No it’s- it’s okay, I like doing it.
- 00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:34,858 Welp, those horses won’t sew themselves up.
- 00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,653 - But, good to have you both back. - Whatever.
- 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:40,155 Great, so I still wind up stuck with Jerry’s dumb ass?
- 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,532 Fuck you. Eat your eggs that my wife bought.
- 00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,660 How about you eat my shit, you Hawaiian-shirt-loving twat.
- 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,496 Uncalled for! Rude and uncalled for!
- 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,873 <i>You sit there with your potty mouth and do everything but help!</i>
- 00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,667 Jerry, it’s not my fault that nobody respects you in here,
- 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:55,504 - your own kids think... - ...You could help but you don’t!
- 00:20:55,504 --> 00:21:00,175 <i>Brand new shoes, walking blues Climb the fence, books and pens</i>
- 00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:03,887 <i>I can tell that we are gonna be friends</i>
- 00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:09,142 <i>I can tell that we are gonna be friends</i>
- 00:21:13,271 --> 00:21:17,651 <i>Walk with me, Suzy Lee Through the park and by the tree</i>
- 00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:22,990 <i>We will rest upon the ground And look at all the bugs we found</i>
- 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:26,201 <i>Safely walk to school without a sound</i>
- 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,373 <i>Safely walk to school without a sound</i>
- 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:36,211 <i>I can tell that we are gonna be friends</i>
- 00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:41,508 <i>I can tell that we are gonna be friends</i>
- 00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:45,220 And of course, there’s a space shuttles.
- 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,973 Can you believe that giant thing actually flies?
- 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:50,434 Well, of course it can. It’s a space shuttles.
- 00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:54,312 And over here is some stuff about Thomas Jefferson. Come on students!
- 00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:58,734 Day 8 of attempting to escape Jerry's mind.
- 00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:03,030 It has become increasingly clear my daughter married a man
- 00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:06,491 who remembers all technology as powered by springs and gears.
- 00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:08,160 How did I get here?
- 00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:12,330 I suspect a chunk of Rick’s brain got merged with a chunk of Jerry’s.
- 00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,083 But did Rick maroon me by accident?
- 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:17,127 Or on purpose?
- 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:21,965 Escape remains possible, but increasingly unlikely.
- 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:28,847 Memory Rick! Building more sculptures out of springs and gears?
- 00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:30,515 Fuck off, Memory Gene.
- 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:14,420 Эй, Рик, а не мог бы ты подсобить мне в одной ситуёвине с граблями?
- 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:15,870 Какой ещё ситуёвине?
- 00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:18,790 Если вкратце я спросил у соседа Джина, не брал ли он мои грабли,
- 00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:21,420 а он сказал, что нет, прям раз и ответил.
- 00:00:21,450 --> 00:00:23,950 Слишком быстро для того, у кого якобы нет моих граблей.
- 00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:26,250 Мне кажется, они у него, и я...
- 00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:28,610 Я не буду убивать Джина.
- 00:00:28,630 --> 00:00:31,340 Джерри, спасибо, что посвятил меня в эту ситуёвину с граблями.
- 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,690 Я сделал всё, что смог.
- 00:00:32,710 --> 00:00:36,170 Я не удивлён. Такие мозги, а ты их разбазариваешь.
- 00:00:36,190 --> 00:00:36,910 П-погоди.
- 00:00:37,340 --> 00:00:39,360 Я разбазариваю свои мозги?
- 00:00:39,380 --> 00:00:43,000 Ещё как, Рик. Хоть ты с рождения умнее меня, но я бы с твоими мозгами...
- 00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,290 Ты с моими...
- 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,990 Как же достала эта херня! Умнее с рождения!
- 00:00:47,010 --> 00:00:47,960 Ты меня убьёшь?
- 00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:50,430 После рождения я ревел и ссался, как и ты,
- 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,020 а потом стал умнейшим во вселенной. Но кто-нибудь сказал мне "молодец"?
- 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,530 Нет. Я же ведь умный от природы.
- 00:00:55,550 --> 00:00:56,920 Мы что, поменяемся телами?
- 00:00:56,940 --> 00:01:00,440 Нет, тогда получится "Чумовая Пятница", а это потолок твоей способности к осознанию.
- 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,350 Мозг - это часть тела, Джерри. Считай, оборудование.
- 00:01:03,370 --> 00:01:07,320 Я помещу свой разум в твой мозг, а твой разум в свой мозг.
- 00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:10,130 Тогда-то мы и узнаем, что такое разбазаривание, Джерри.
- 00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:12,900 Или признай, что умными не рождаются, а косячишь ты сам.
- 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,030 Ну уж нет.
- 00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:15,000 Так и знал.
- 00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:30,750 Бля.
- 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,370 Господи.
- 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:34,970 Стой, нет!
- 00:01:38,170 --> 00:01:40,970 Ладно, минутку, минутку.
- 00:01:41,420 --> 00:01:42,860 Ой-ёй-ёй-ёй!
- 00:01:45,890 --> 00:01:48,170 Так, Джерри, ты справишься.
- 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,440 Необходимо медицинское вмешательство.
- 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,460 Мозг. Сканирование.
- 00:02:01,490 --> 00:02:02,510 Смит. Санчез.
- 00:02:02,530 --> 00:02:03,330 Разум. Сканирование.
- 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,490 Плакал мой четверг.
- 00:02:49,390 --> 00:02:51,810 Поверь мне, дядя, у тебя будут большие проблемы.
- 00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:55,710 Ха. И ты это говоришь преступнику? Мне проблемы нипочём.
- 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:01,240 Прости за беспокойство, босс. Этот чмошник продавал кристаллы на нашей территории.
- 00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:06,180 Какой же ты невероятный дебил! Блядь, ты знаешь кто это? Это Морти!
- 00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:08,770 Пацан, который зависает с Риком Санчезом.
- 00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:09,870 А я предупреждал.
- 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:10,870 Рик Санчез?
- 00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:14,150 Легенда преступного мира. Хаотично-нейтральный сай-файный мужик. Ну?
- 00:03:14,170 --> 00:03:17,200 Господи, да он из меня сэндвич сделает. Пиздец. Он что, новенький?
- 00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:18,740 Кажись, его Дилан порекомендовал, босс.
- 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,950 Так проверяйте его сраные рекомендации.
- 00:03:20,970 --> 00:03:24,290 Чем бы ни занимался этот пацан на нашей территории - это его личное дело.
- 00:03:24,310 --> 00:03:27,480 Блядь! Сука! Звони моей жене. Пусть собирает тревожные чемонданчики.
- 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,930 Дружище, всё хорошо? Ты как?
- 00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:31,440 У вас есть молочные коктейли?
- 00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:33,250 Ща узнаем, что это, и принесём тебе.
- 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,600 Ну дела. Повезло, что мой гениальный мозг научил твой гараж обращать смерть вспять.
- 00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:45,910 Гений тут я, а гараж этот твой, болван!
- 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,150 Эй! Что за пиздец ты сотворил с моим телом?
- 00:03:48,170 --> 00:03:52,500 С твоим телом? Джерри, твой разум сотворил это с моим телом, используя мой мозг.
- 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:56,860 Джерри, мой разум был в этом мозге в твоём теле. Ничего сложного.
- 00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,210 Нас перемешали.
- 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,100 Тебя может и да, а мне всё понятно.
- 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:02,490 Гараж, исправляй!
- 00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:04,370 Ситуация исправлена.
- 00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:05,740 Это по-твоему исправлена?
- 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,050 - Он принял себя за меня. - Он принял себя за меня.
- 00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:09,240 Посмотрим, как ты сам всё исправишь, козёл.
- 00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:12,200 Со свистом, блядь. За три часа управлюсь в своей лаборатории.
- 00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:15,160 Ага, щас! Я не доверю тебе вскрытие моей черепушки.
- 00:04:15,190 --> 00:04:17,260 Я всё исправлю, надо только просканировать...
- 00:04:17,930 --> 00:04:22,010 Ага, довериться тебе, Ар-два Ди-два недоделанный? Да ты меня спецом угробишь.
- 00:04:22,030 --> 00:04:23,750 Так вот где моя паранойя.
- 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,760 Рик у аппарата. Кто это?
- 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:31,100 Рик! Это Чаксли! Из города преступников. Мы пересекались несколько раз.
- 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,390 Слушай, тут неувязочка вышла. Мой человек увидел, как твой приятель Морти
- 00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:37,790 был на деле, а потом привёл его ко мне, хотя я говорил не делать этого.
- 00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:40,000 Морти у меня, с ним всё хорошо.
- 00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:42,380 Так, погоди. Ты говоришь о похищении?
- 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:43,500 - Морти похитили? - Не-не-не.
- 00:04:43,530 --> 00:04:46,610 Дай сюда, Джерри. Алло? Алло? Говорит Рик Санчез.
- 00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:49,140 Я пользуюсь голосовыми связками своего зятя, потому что я клёвый.
- 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,170 Если тронешь моего внука, то я тебя...
- 00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:52,310 Отвали!
- 00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:53,410 А-алло?
- 00:04:53,430 --> 00:04:54,930 Джерри, прекрати! Ты всё просрёшь!
- 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:59,460 Ты называешь меня Джерри, потому что тебе обидно за свою тупизну, и это правда.
- 00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:00,500 Говори, где ты.
- 00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:03,280 Нет! Ты сам должен сказать, где он, как Лиам Нисон.
- 00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:06,220 Не притворяйся, будто поясняешь мне за Лиама Нисона.
- 00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:07,420 - Сэр! - Эй, Джерри!
- 00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:08,480 - Хватит! - Не трожь меня там!
- 00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:11,350 - Мы знаем, где ты. - Мы знаем, где ты.
- 00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:14,720 Коктейль закончился.
- 00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:15,240 Понял!
- 00:05:15,310 --> 00:05:19,690 Ну и позорище. Ты хоть представляешь, как тяжело создавать вокруг себя ореол загадочности?
- 00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:23,740 Да, представляю, ведь это моя загадочность, а ты создаёшь ореол стыдобы вокруг Джерри.
- 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,150 - Чё у меня с причёской? - Нет!
- 00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:25,820 Оставь так.
- 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:27,390 Какое тебе дело до причёски, задрот?
- 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,510 Помолчи хоть немного. Моим мыслям надо пробраться через куски дебилизма.
- 00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,490 Так, оставайся здесь, ничего не трогай, а я - за Морти.
- 00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:37,170 Ха! Я не позволю тебе погубить Морти и расфигачить наши мозги во второй раз.
- 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,580 Тачка, жахни Джерри током, если он сядет за руль.
- 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:42,090 Тачка, живо запускай протокол кастрации.
- 00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:45,860 Разберитесь, как управлять мною совместно, а иначе придётся убить вас обоих.
- 00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:51,090 Это что, комедийная сценка из тридцатых? Хорош вилять!
- 00:05:51,110 --> 00:05:52,000 Это ты виляешь!
- 00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:54,250 Когда долетим, разговор буду вести я.
- 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:57,230 Я в курсе, из нас двоих ты больше всего похож на нас. Я ж не дебил.
- 00:05:57,270 --> 00:05:58,720 Хо-хо, я бы поспорил.
- 00:05:58,740 --> 00:06:00,140 Да пошёл ты, полу-Джерри.
- 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,840 - Это ты - полу-Джерри! - Ты - полу-Джерри!
- 00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,420 Он уже подлетает, босс.
- 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,780 Так, он в дурном настроении,
- 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,950 поэтому целуем задницу, пока губы не станут цвета задницы.
- 00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:14,640 Поправь подушку! Вдруг ему не нравятся мятые! Я не знаю!
- 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:19,810 Отлично припарковался, водятел. Тачку мне поцарапал.
- 00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,250 Рик!
- 00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:24,270 И... друг Рика.
- 00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:26,360 Это мой... наёмник.
- 00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:28,400 Самый страшный убийца в галактике, а ещё он гей.
- 00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:29,280 Чё это я - гей?
- 00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,300 Воооу, а почему нет?
- 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,220 Прощу прощения. Извините.
- 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,470 А вот и Морти. Радостный, как молочный коктейль.
- 00:06:36,490 --> 00:06:39,980 И раз уж мы тебя потревожили, то Морти получает десять тысяч гренок.
- 00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:41,940 Это кристаллы по-нашенски. Морти, покажи.
- 00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:43,540 - Мы знаем, что такое гренки. - Оба.
- 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:44,650 А папа что тут делает?
- 00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:46,820 Твой отец - гей-убийца?
- 00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:50,150 Так круто, и ничего необычного. Простите, простите.
- 00:06:50,150 --> 00:06:53,490 Спасибо, что пытаешься всё уладить, но моё время стоило в десять раз больше.
- 00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:56,330 Да какая разница, Рик? Он и без того тебе весь зад облизал.
- 00:06:56,330 --> 00:06:58,290 Именно жополизы и должны ходить по струнке.
- 00:06:58,290 --> 00:07:00,070 А почуят слабость - начинают наезжать.
- 00:07:00,090 --> 00:07:01,330 Мы с тобой кто, Уолтер Уайт?
- 00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:04,000 Тебе не пофиг, если преступный лошара начнёт наезжать на нас?
- 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,300 Спасибо за кристаллы. Морти, садись в тачку.
- 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,760 Морти, а давай-ка ты оставишь кристаллы здесь,
- 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,720 раз их количество так оскорбляет.
- 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,930 Ну вот! Теперь он думает про себя "Может, я смогу убить бога?"
- 00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:17,520 Да, потому что бог не собачится из-за десяти тысяч сраных гренок!
- 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,890 Слушай, расклад такой. Я - Рик, а это - мой зять, и все мы немножко геи.
- 00:07:21,890 --> 00:07:23,190 - Ну да. - В каждом есть.
- 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,730 Морти, это я, Рик, садись в тачку.
- 00:07:25,730 --> 00:07:28,480 Не садись в тачку, Морти, и поставь чемодан на пол.
- 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,030 Морти, садись в тачку дважды!
- 00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:33,110 И каждый раз с пятью дополнительными чемоданами, которые этот мудак должен нам.
- 00:07:33,110 --> 00:07:35,120 Хватит так неумело изображать меня!
- 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,870 Ну какие же мы гангстеры, если сейчас не рискнём?
- 00:07:37,870 --> 00:07:39,290 Начинайте их убивать!
- 00:07:40,980 --> 00:07:42,480 Вы что натворили, придурки?
- 00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,250 Всё хорошо, это приличный ресторан.
- 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,500 Бля! Криминальный ресторан!
- 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,970 Господи, я что, реально погибну из-за вашей косячной пародии на "Чумовую Пятницу"?
- 00:07:50,990 --> 00:07:51,380 - Да. - Да.
- 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,080 Кто бы сейчас ни был в теле Рика, воспользуйся имплантами.
- 00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:54,920 Я пытаюсь.
- 00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:58,260 Но пол-мозга занимает мужик, который без помощи твоей мамы не может управиться с электроштопором.
- 00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,700 Погоди, кажется, получилось.
- 00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:04,380 Ну да, раньше я любил "Яйцеголовых".
- 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,440 Просто охуенный фильм.
- 00:08:05,460 --> 00:08:06,520 А какие актёры!
- 00:08:06,930 --> 00:08:09,500 Вашу мать! Я сам пробьюсь к тачке!
- 00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:13,250 Ну, молодец. Теперь мой сын и внук ненавидит нас.
- 00:08:13,270 --> 00:08:15,100 Вообще-то он и мой сын и внук тоже.
- 00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:18,880 В этом плане мы не такие уж и разные.
- 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,130 Надеюсь, и меткость у нас не разная.
- 00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:37,390 Эй, сюда!
- 00:08:37,410 --> 00:08:39,080 Сказало горло руке.
- 00:08:40,790 --> 00:08:42,620 Слегка кольнёт, и, возможно, вылезет ракета.
- 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,230 Целься и запрыгивай.
- 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,600 Ха-ха! Мудаку прилетело с Яйцеголовы. Удивительно, что получилось!
- 00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:01,240 Жаль, что в кино такого не было.
- 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,290 Господи, блядь, боже.
- 00:09:03,290 --> 00:09:05,370 Хм, надо было руками воспользоваться.
- 00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,330 Морти, тяни или толкай, выбирай.
- 00:09:12,110 --> 00:09:13,530 Что за хрень? Что случилось?
- 00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:16,590 Они заехали в каждую закусочную в галактике,
- 00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:19,720 чтобы собрать один большой бургер из всех котлет.
- 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,240 Что случилось до этого?
- 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:22,680 Мозги слегка перемешались.
- 00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,340 Но мы поменяемся обратно, не парься.
- 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,670 Нельзя же мастерить нейронный интерфейс на пустой желудок, да?
- 00:09:27,690 --> 00:09:29,410 Стоп, вы что, поменялись мозгами?
- 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,860 Подожди с упрёками, пока они всё не исправят. Ни отца, ни Рика среди них нет.
- 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,490 Наверное, я рада, что вы поладили.
- 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:42,090 Пусть так всё и останется, когда мозги вернутся в свои тела.
- 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,410 Ого, берёшь электропневматические диоды? Ну ты и зверь!
- 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:48,120 Второй возможности не будет. Надо сделать всё стильно.
- 00:09:49,650 --> 00:09:52,190 Думаю, можно поднять мощность. Эй, ещё пивка?
- 00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:53,840 Главное - процесс, братан.
- 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:57,140 Рик раньше терпеть не мог эту раскованную банальщину в стиле МакКонахи,
- 00:09:57,450 --> 00:10:00,280 а сегодняшний день он хотел провести в угрюмом одиночестве.
- 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,350 А Джерри до сих пор бы мучился с граблями.
- 00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:05,570 Грабли! О боже, займёмся? Надо заняться!
- 00:10:05,590 --> 00:10:06,590 О да!
- 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,010 Ну вот, готово.
- 00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:12,980 Роговица. Плечевая кость.
- 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:13,730 Не грабли.
- 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:15,280 Сталь. Древесина.
- 00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:15,920 Грабли.
- 00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:18,100 - Сукин ты сын. - Типичный Джин.
- 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,580 Хм. Странно. Обычно такая фигня выводила меня из себя.
- 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,720 Да. А теперь это даже забавно.
- 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,200 О! Заменим на голографические грабли?
- 00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:29,840 Будет весело. Он будет озадачен, когда попытается взять их в руки.
- 00:10:30,940 --> 00:10:32,610 Чё-то как-то даже это не хочется делать.
- 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:35,690 Я просто хочу жить, хочу, чтобы Джин тоже жил,
- 00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:39,050 я хочу, чтобы мы совершали ошибки и постоянно менялись.
- 00:10:39,050 --> 00:10:40,380 Аминь, брат.
- 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,140 Я думала, что два гения управятся быстрее одного.
- 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,470 Когда мне начинать переживать?
- 00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:47,600 Я просто веселюсь с новым другом, милая.
- 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:51,230 Кто сейчас со мной говорит? По большей части отец или по большей части муж?
- 00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:52,600 Бывал я на таком сайте.
- 00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:56,060 Слушайте, терпение на исходе. Я не понимаю, как и на кого мне злиться.
- 00:10:57,150 --> 00:10:59,930 Пока не разберётесь, не входите в комнату и не прикосайтесь ко мне.
- 00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:02,070 - Ты за кого меня принимаешь? - Фу, какая гадость, Бет!
- 00:11:06,390 --> 00:11:08,230 Хочу сказать, что когда мы закончим,
- 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,330 человек в этом теле будет орать на Джерри и называть его бесполезным.
- 00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:13,750 Жалеть не станет, но не всегда всерьёз.
- 00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:15,370 Если говорить начистоту,
- 00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:18,610 то человек в этом теле может обозвать Рика злобным старым мудаком.
- 00:11:18,790 --> 00:11:21,510 Но только его Джерри может назвать другом.
- 00:11:22,230 --> 00:11:25,330 Было весело. Рик никогда бы это не признал.
- 00:11:25,610 --> 00:11:29,330 Да. Печально, что эти ребята обрели счастье, только когда стали нами.
- 00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:42,600 Дети! Завтрак и школа! Давайте хотя бы сделаем вид, что они важны,
- 00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:43,770 а иначе всё пойдёт под откос.
- 00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:47,200 Джерри? Папа?
- 00:11:48,780 --> 00:11:49,860 Они оставили записку.
- 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:52,080 Прочитаем голосом Рика или голосом папы?
- 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,480 "Дорогая семья, мы хотели оставить записку,
- 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:58,170 но кто-то из нас подумал "Зачем оставлять записку? Типичный поступок Джерри".
- 00:11:58,170 --> 00:12:00,840 Но если не оставить записку, то это был бы типичный поступок Рика.
- 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,800 И тогда мы поняли, что надо быть собой.
- 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,890 Так что мы оставили не очень продуманную записку."
- 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,020 И всё? Ради этого они откопали ручку с бумагой?
- 00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:12,560 Эй, вам тоже оставили записку? У меня очень длинная.
- 00:12:15,260 --> 00:12:17,600 Отличный денёк, чтобы потаскать стекло, да?
- 00:12:17,620 --> 00:12:20,150 Даже не вериться, что умирающий ребёнок захотел стекло.
- 00:12:21,330 --> 00:12:21,990 Чёрт!
- 00:12:22,010 --> 00:12:24,350 Эй! Держите их! Они спёрли наши кристаллы!
- 00:12:24,370 --> 00:12:25,840 Да! Мы спёрли их первыми!
- 00:12:25,860 --> 00:12:27,860 Хранение - это девять десятых моей личности.
- 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:31,830 Ты только глянь на эти булочки.
- 00:12:31,850 --> 00:12:33,470 Хорош, а то я сейчас пёрну.
- 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:42,920 Эй! Его надо смаковать!
- 00:12:42,940 --> 00:12:44,080 Как и мои яйца.
- 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:45,470 Это вам на чай, дамочка.
- 00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:47,580 - Жизнь становится вкусней, если пить её залпом. - Жизнь становится вкусней, если пить её залпом.
- 00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:56,830 Ты сидел на дереве? Серьёзно думал, что там наш путь побега?
- 00:12:56,850 --> 00:12:58,770 И это говорит чувак с головорезом на спине.
- 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:02,720 Да забей, Бургер!
- 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:03,870 Это наша визитка.
- 00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,290 Сам напросился.
- 00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,120 В одного из нас всегда попадают.
- 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,000 Твою мать!
- 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,000 Эй. Не поверишь, кто нас сейчас киданул.
- 00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:23,170 Ух ты, угадал.
- 00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:25,440 Офигеть!
- 00:13:25,460 --> 00:13:27,800 Двадцать четыре ограбления за двадцать четыре часа.
- 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,500 Болтаемся по свету, как два пердежа на ветру.
- 00:13:29,530 --> 00:13:31,620 Ииияяя! Крикни, как Говард Дин.
- 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:32,550 Яяяя!
- 00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:36,150 Перерыв на коктейль. Перерыв на коктейль.
- 00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:38,230 Блин, ты только глянь на нас.
- 00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:42,250 Ни правил, ни ответственности. Два лучших друга в бегах.
- 00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:43,770 - Да! - Да!
- 00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:48,470 Оставьте сообщение для... стоп-стоп-стоп-стоп, уже пикнуло?
- 00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:49,910 Меня зовут Джер...
- 00:13:49,940 --> 00:13:51,450 ...заполнена. До свидания.
- 00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:53,470 Похоже, мы разминулись.
- 00:13:53,490 --> 00:13:56,580 Они теперь что, запихивают бургеры в рот трупакам?
- 00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:58,600 В рот трупакам преступников, Саммер.
- 00:13:58,620 --> 00:13:59,590 Ты их защищаешь?
- 00:13:59,610 --> 00:14:01,730 Ну, они были моим мужем и отцом.
- 00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:05,590 Спасибо за наводку, Бларб. Обычно все мои контакты из преступного мира игнорят меня.
- 00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:09,680 Не за что, Морти. Это я должен благодарить тебя, ведь ты сделал меня богачом.
- 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,600 Погоди, я ничего не платил.
- 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,810 Ну да, платили они.
- 00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:23,020 В чём дело, пацан? Яйцеголовый откусил тебе язык?
- 00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:24,780 Ч-ч-чаксли? Ты жив?
- 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,000 У него всегда была дырка, или это сюжетный поворот?
- 00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:31,690 Да!
- 00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:32,530 Ййиии-ха!
- 00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:33,840 Вот бы всё было в болоте!
- 00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:36,490 Работать с вами было дюже плохой затеей.
- 00:14:36,970 --> 00:14:38,730 Бургер и Картофан, это ещё кто?
- 00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:40,960 Всего лишь обычный преступный лошара.
- 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,630 Чаксли? Ты жив?
- 00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:45,000 Заткнись и послушай кое-что интересное.
- 00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:47,950 Тебя тут семья разыскивала.
- 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:48,640 Что ты хочешь?
- 00:14:48,660 --> 00:14:50,550 Мы жмыхнули почти всё, что украли.
- 00:14:50,570 --> 00:14:54,620 Мне нужен ты. Вы оба. А иначе жмыхну вашу семью.
- 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:57,970 Хотя о чём это я? Деньги тоже тащите. У вас час.
- 00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:01,900 Чёрт. Придётся взорвать бензобак.
- 00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:06,360 Вы могли это сделать в любой момент?
- 00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:18,290 Итак...
- 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,220 Что дальше?
- 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,850 Эй, помнишь, как мы познакомились?
- 00:15:24,130 --> 00:15:26,050 Когда типа спасли Морти?
- 00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:31,480 Мы считали себя такими разными и называли друг друга плохими людьми.
- 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:35,200 Но Морти напомнил нам, что мы любим свою семью.
- 00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:37,640 И она сплотила нас.
- 00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:41,800 За дело.
- 00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:46,270 Ну, если уж и делать, как следует, то задействуем нашу лучшую идею.
- 00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:49,880 Вам удобно? Нет? Отлично!
- 00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:51,610 Кто вы такие? Что это за место?
- 00:15:51,610 --> 00:15:55,870 Мой сын реально продаёт наркоту для отца? Может, хоть преступники скажут мне правду.
- 00:15:55,870 --> 00:15:57,280 Кристаллы могут быть чем угодно, мам.
- 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,360 Да, но эти - наркота.
- 00:15:58,380 --> 00:15:59,170 Морти!
- 00:16:01,580 --> 00:16:03,290 Ну всё, парни. Поехали!
- 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:04,410 Джерри?
- 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,360 - Рик? - Деда?
- 00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:06,770 Господи боже!
- 00:16:06,790 --> 00:16:10,230 Морти. Саммер. Дочьжена. Вам ничего не грозит.
- 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:15,300 Охренеть! Положительные стороны двух человек идеально сплетены в единое целое?
- 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,560 Да. Я - Джеррики.
- 00:16:18,550 --> 00:16:21,380 Ладно, парни, к такому мы не были готовы.
- 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,860 Остаётся только стрелять и надеяться на лучшее.
- 00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:26,800 А ещё в этом месте всё огнеопасное.
- 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,710 Эй, ребят. Помогите.
- 00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:55,150 Уносишь ноги?
- 00:16:56,820 --> 00:17:00,290 Прости, Чакс. Всё началось из-за меня.
- 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:03,600 Хорошее извинение, новичок. Если выживем, то ты прощён.
- 00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:08,090 Хороший выстрел, Морти.
- 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,520 Да тут всё горит.
- 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,580 Ну и семейка.
- 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:16,940 Тебя подстрелили?
- 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,780 Не-не-не, швы так и не затянулись.
- 00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:22,340 Что тут скажешь? Я трудоголик.
- 00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,350 Я знал, что настанет этот день.
- 00:17:26,370 --> 00:17:31,090 Чаксли, это благородная смерть. Ты хотел заполучить господство в своём мире.
- 00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:33,380 Нет, нет. Я перегнул палку.
- 00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,090 Я решил убить бога.
- 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,610 Быть главарём криминального мира...
- 00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:40,610 Уф. Сколько нервов.
- 00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:45,430 Скажу честно, Джеррики... Умереть на твоих четырёх руках - это благо.
- 00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:47,180 Последняя трапеза?
- 00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:54,040 Когда... он приготовлен?
- 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,170 А можно включить радио?
- 00:18:04,780 --> 00:18:06,610 Я даже на подкаст согласна.
- 00:18:06,630 --> 00:18:10,170 Разве ты не слышишь симфонию атомов, погибающих в космосе?
- 00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,370 Эм... нет?
- 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,050 Отлично. Вы пришли.
- 00:18:20,990 --> 00:18:23,290 Я усовершенствовал защитную систему дома.
- 00:18:23,350 --> 00:18:26,450 Преступные банды больше не будут вас беспокоить.
- 00:18:26,650 --> 00:18:27,880 Оу, спасибо.
- 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:30,660 Я так больше не могу.
- 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,960 Я думал, что вы пришли на спасение, когда поняли, как сильно любите нас.
- 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,190 Вы считаете иначе?
- 00:18:35,210 --> 00:18:37,820 Бургер и Картофан научились любить друг друга,
- 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,910 а затем пожертвовали собой из любви к вам.
- 00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:43,990 Я - Джеррики, и мне достаточно любить только себя.
- 00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:47,490 Ты же не собираешься уйти? Как тогда с воронами?
- 00:18:47,510 --> 00:18:49,970 Ты не можешь отобрать у меня отца и дедушку.
- 00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:51,990 Твой отец и дедушка мертвы, Морти.
- 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:55,020 Они погибли, когда спорили насчёт мозгов.
- 00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,880 Извини, это ты Джерри?
- 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,200 Просто, у тебя его голова.
- 00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:02,000 Я - Джеррики.
- 00:19:02,230 --> 00:19:04,130 Тогда я возвращаю твои грабли.
- 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:05,940 Да, я их забрал.
- 00:19:06,070 --> 00:19:09,110 Я задался вопросом "Зачем врать, он же и так знает?
- 00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:10,350 Можно купить себе другие".
- 00:19:10,470 --> 00:19:14,900 Конечно же можно! Но чёрт возьми, благодаря этим граблям, в моей жизни есть соседи.
- 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,460 Вам вообще насрать на Джина.
- 00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:21,390 Но толку от них теперь никакого. Вот.
- 00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:24,760 Раз такое дело, мог бы и не утруждаться.
- 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,450 Я всё равно их верну. Это правильный поступок.
- 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:29,960 Ладно.
- 00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:38,010 Чёрт.
- 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,130 Думали, что грабли изменят моё решение?
- 00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:43,590 Ну это же полная хуйня. Вы оба бросаете маму.
- 00:19:43,590 --> 00:19:47,060 Я думала, что у вас две пары яиц промеж ног, а не пустота.
- 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,470 Наших яиц достаточно...
- 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,040 Морти! Мы ещё здесь!
- 00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:54,190 Тут есть воспоминание обо мне тридцатилетнем, здесь наши эго не тронуты.
- 00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:56,440 Он спас нас! Тот ещё боевичок вышел, Морти.
- 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,190 Воспоминание о молодом Рике всё ещё здесь.
- 00:19:58,190 --> 00:19:59,610 - Скорее, хватайте эту поебень! - Держите его!
- 00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:00,820 - Гараж! Гараж! - На помощь!
- 00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:06,350 Неплохо приготовил яйца.
- 00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:11,070 У меня вкус пропал. Отличное приключение, Рик.
- 00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:14,600 Джерри, перемешка наших мозгов была лучшей частью твоего жалкого существования.
- 00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:15,960 Тебя окропило величием.
- 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,170 Ой, а ты как будто не стал лучше?
- 00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:20,300 Хоть раз побыл искренним.
- 00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:22,970 Эй, Бет, сколько там искренности осталось в закладной на дом?
- 00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:26,050 Думаю, понятно, что вы оба любите друг друга, но признавать отказываетесь.
- 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,310 Бред. Хуйня полная. Топай за кристаллами.
- 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,800 Ты не обязан, Морти.
- 00:20:29,830 --> 00:20:32,080 Да в-всё нормально. Мне это даже нравится.
- 00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:34,850 Что ж, лошадки сами себя не зашьют.
- 00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,520 Но здорово, что вы снова прежние.
- 00:20:36,540 --> 00:20:37,650 Да, типа того.
- 00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:40,150 Класс, и я всё равно остался с тупоголовым Джерри?
- 00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:42,410 Иди нахуй. Жуй яйца, купленные моей женой.
- 00:20:42,430 --> 00:20:44,640 А может говна моего пожуёшь, сраный любитель гавайских рубашек?
- 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,490 Неуместно! Грубо и неуместно!
- 00:20:47,490 --> 00:20:49,870 Только сидишь и сквернословишь, а помощи от тебя никакой.
- 00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:51,660 Джерри, я не виноват, что тебя никто не уважает.
- 00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:54,620 - Собственные дети считают тебя... Я был занят, Джерри. - Мог бы помочь, но нет!
- 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:55,590 У меня была очень важная работа.
- 00:21:03,670 --> 00:21:04,930 В бар не пускать!
- 00:21:42,530 --> 00:21:45,200 И, конечно же, космический шаттл.
- 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,970 Даже не вериться, что эта громадина может летать.
- 00:21:47,990 --> 00:21:50,430 Ещё как может. Это же космический шаттл.
- 00:21:50,450 --> 00:21:54,330 А здесь у нас есть кое-что про Томаса Джефферсона. Идём, ученики.
- 00:21:56,350 --> 00:21:59,040 Восьмой день пытаюсь сбежать из разума Джерри.
- 00:22:00,090 --> 00:22:03,010 Становится совершенно ясно, что моя дочь вышла за человека,
- 00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:06,490 который считает, что всё работает на шестерёнках и пружинах.
- 00:22:07,150 --> 00:22:08,230 Как я здесь оказался?
- 00:22:08,730 --> 00:22:12,280 Похоже, что кусок мозга Рика слился с куском мозга Джерри.
- 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,150 Мог ли Рик оставить меня здесь случайно?
- 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,120 Или специально?
- 00:22:18,110 --> 00:22:22,030 Побег всё ещё возможен, но крайне маловероятен.
- 00:22:25,170 --> 00:22:28,820 Привет, Рик из воспоминания! Всё собираешь скульптуры из пружин и шестерёнок?
- 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,510 Иди нахуй, Джин из воспоминаний!
- 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:07,215 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:10,343 [ Clears throat ] Oh! Um, hey, Rick.
- 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,053 I was wondering if you could help me out
- 00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:14,055 with a bit of a rake situation.
- 00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:15,598 A "rake situation"?
- 00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:18,226 Long story short, I asked Gene if he borrowed my rake,
- 00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:20,687 and he said, "No," like-- like that. Like, too fast.
- 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,440 Like, faster than someone should know they don't have my rake.
- 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,568 {\an8}I think he has my rake, and I...
- 00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,236 {\an8}I'm not going to murder Gene.
- 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,905 Jerry, thank you for bringing me into The Rake Situation.
- 00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,282 I've done all I can. I'm out.
- 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,491 No surprise there.
- 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,744 All that brain, and you just waste it.
- 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,995 H-Hold up.
- 00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:39,706 I-I waste <i>my</i> brain? Yeah, Rick.
- 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,583 Obviously, you were born smarter than me,
- 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,710 but if I had your brain-- If you had my...
- 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:47,505 I am so sick of this "born smart" shit. Are you gonna kill me?
- 00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:49,883 I was born crying and pissing myself, just like you.
- 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,468 Then I become the smartest man in the universe,
- 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:52,802 and do I get credit?
- 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:55,138 No, I get to check my brain privilege.
- 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:56,306 So we're swapping bodies?
- 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,891 No, that would be "Freaky Friday,"
- 00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,934 which is the ceiling of your grasp of consciousness.
- 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,854 The brain is part of the body, Jerry. It's hardware.
- 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:05,106 I'm gonna put my mind in your brain
- 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,691 and your mind in my brain.
- 00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:09,819 Then we'll see the real definition of "waste," Jerry.
- 00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:11,321 Or, you know, admit genius isn't random
- 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,572 and your failures are your own.
- 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:13,656 Oh, not doing that.
- 00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:15,408 Thought as much.
- 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:18,119 [ Devices whirring, beeping ]
- 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:26,002 [ Whimpering ]
- 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:29,506 [ Groaning ]
- 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,590 Oh furck
- 00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:31,966 Oh, grod.
- 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:34,177 [ Whimpers ] Wait, no!
- 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,387 [ Gunshot, gun clatters ]
- 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,725 Okay. Hold on. Hold on.
- 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,602 Oh-ho-ho, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:45,396 [ Gasping ]
- 00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:48,775 Alright, Jerry, you can do this.
- 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,985 Whoa!
- 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,618 Garage AI: <i>Medical emergency detected.</i>
- 00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:03,081 [ Beeping ]
- 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,708 [ Buzzer ]
- 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:12,257 [ <i>Sighs] There goes my Thursday.</i>
- 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:48,751 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:51,421 {\an8}I'm telling you, man, you're making a big mistake here.
- 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,756 {\an8}Ha! Bigger mistake than being a criminal?
- 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,258 {\an8}I'm mistake-proof.
- 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,969 {\an8}[ Elevator bell dings ] Sorry to bother, boss.
- 00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,722 {\an8}I caught this punk selling crystals on our turf--
- 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:03,474 {\an8}You big, precious moron.
- 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,685 {\an8}D-Do you know who the fuck-- This is Morty.
- 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,271 {\an8}The kid who hangs with Rick Sanchez.
- 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,523 {\an8}Tried to warn you, man. Rick Sanchez?
- 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:11,733 {\an8}Underworld legend?
- 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,610 {\an8}Chaotic neutral sci-fi guy? Huh?
- 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,570 {\an8}Christ, he's gonna turn me into a sandwich.
- 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:16,738 {\an8}What is this guy, fuckin' new?
- 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,531 {\an8}Think he was a Dylan rec, boss.
- 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,491 {\an8}Well, check those fucking references next time.
- 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,911 {\an8}Whatever this kid wants to do in our territory
- 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:23,953 {\an8}is his business.
- 00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:25,288 {\an8}Fuck. Fuck! Call my wife.
- 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,624 {\an8}We gotta prep go-bags three through six.
- 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,542 {\an8}Hey, pal. You good? You whole?
- 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:30,960 {\an8}Y-You guys have milkshakes?
- 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,421 {\an8}We will learn what they are and get you one.
- 00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:39,218 {\an8}[ Both groaning ]
- 00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:40,595 {\an8}What a turn.
- 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,931 {\an8}Lucky I'm such a genius your garage can thwart death.
- 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,516 {\an8}<i>I'm</i> the genius, and it's <i>your</i> garage, idiot.
- 00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:48,353 {\an8}Hey, what the fuck did you do to my body? Your body?
- 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:51,814 {\an8}Jerry, <i>your</i> mind did that to <i>my</i> body using <i>my</i> brain.
- 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:55,318 {\an8}Jerry, <i>my</i> mind was in <i>this</i> brain in <i>your</i> body.
- 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,487 {\an8}Pretty easy to follow.
- 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,821 {\an8}It shuffled us.
- 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,990 {\an8}Shuffled you maybe. I'm tracking everything.
- 00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,200 {\an8}Garage? Fix this.
- 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,035 {\an8}Garage AI: <i>Situation was fixed.</i>
- 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,328 {\an8}You call this fixed?
- 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,829 {\an8}This guy thinks he's me.
- 00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,706 {\an8}<i>Let's see you fix it, then, asshole.</i>
- 00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:09,999 {\an8}I fucking will.
- 00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:12,001 {\an8}I got my lab right here. Gimme three hours.
- 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,671 {\an8}Oh, sure, yeah, l-like I'd ever trust <i>you</i> to open <i>my</i> skull.
- 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,632 {\an8}I'll fix it. I just need to scan for-- Ow!
- 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,134 {\an8}Like I'd trust <i>your</i> fritzing R2-D2 ass.
- 00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:21,594 {\an8}You'll just kill me on purpose.
- 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,221 {\an8}So that's where my paranoia went.
- 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,722 {\an8}[ Cellphone rings, vibrates ]
- 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,391 {\an8}<i>Rick</i> speaking. Who is this?
- 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:29,185 {\an8}Rick, it's Chuxly. From Crimetown.
- 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,603 {\an8}We've met 5 or 10 times.
- 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,188 {\an8}Listen, small misunderstanding.
- 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,565 {\an8}one of my guys saw your buddy Morty running an errand
- 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:37,527 {\an8}and he brought him in, which I told him not to do
- 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,529 {\an8}but I've got Morty, and he is fine.
- 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,864 {\an8}RickBody: <i>Wait, w-what? Aren't you describing kidnapping?</i>
- 00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,282 {\an8}JerryBody: <i>Morty's kidnapped?</i> No, no, no.
- 00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:44,659 {\an8}<i>Give me that, Jerry. Hello? Hello?</i>
- 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,536 {\an8}<i>This is Rick Sanchez.</i>
- 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,705 {\an8}<i>I'm using my son-in- law's vocal cords because I'm amazing.</i>
- 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,832 {\an8}<i>If you touch my grandson, I'm gonna--</i>
- 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,917 <i>Get-- Get off me.</i> H-H-Hello?
- 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,877 Jerry, stop. You're fucking this up.
- 00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:56,796 You're only calling me Jerry because you're so stupid
- 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,881 you think it's hurtful, which it is.
- 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,258 Tell me where you are.
- 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,926 No, you tell <i>them</i> where <i>they</i> are,
- 00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:03,886 <i>like Liam Neeson.</i> <i>Do not pretend</i>
- 00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:06,055 <i>to explain Liam Neeson to</i> me. <i>Sir.</i>
- 00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:08,016 <i>Hey, Jerry, don't touch me there.</i> <i>Stop it.</i>
- 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,434 [ <i>Both grunt]</i>
- 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,227 <i>We know where you are.</i>
- 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,187 [ <i>Line clicks]</i>
- 00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:14,939 My milkshake is empty! Okay!
- 00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,774 That was so embarrassing.
- 00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:18,067 Do you have any clue what a pain it is
- 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,360 to cultivate a mystique?
- 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,070 Yeah, I do. It's <i>my</i> mystique,
- 00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:23,406 and you're just cultivating Jerry's shame.
- 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,450 What is with my hair? Leave it. Don't.
- 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,118 Why do you care about hair, nerd?
- 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:28,578 Be quiet for a second,
- 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,413 I need to think through all these chunks of moron.
- 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,248 Okay, you stay here. Touch nothing.
- 00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,499 I'll get Morty. Ha!
- 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,876 I'm not letting you get Morty killed
- 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,711 and our brains blown out twice.
- 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:39,047 Car, electrocute Jerry if he gets in the front seat.
- 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,591 Car, engage castration protocol right now.
- 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,634 Car AI: <i>Figure out how to drive me together</i>
- 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:47,055 <i>or I will have to kill you both.</i>
- 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,766 Ugh! What are we, a 1930s comedy act?
- 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,476 Stop swerving. You're swerving.
- 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,770 Alright, when we get there, let me do the talking.
- 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,772 Yeah, I know, because you look the most like us.
- 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,524 I'm not stupid. Ho-ho! I beg to differ.
- 00:05:58,524 --> 00:05:59,692 Screw you, Half Jerry.
- 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,360 You're a Half Jerry!
- 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,155 [ Vacuum cleaner whirring ] [ Cellphone rings, clicks ]
- 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,990 Goon: <i>Looks like he's inbound, boss.</i>
- 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:08,159 Okay, he is in a bad mood,
- 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:11,204 so we are kissing ass until our lips are ass-colored.
- 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,622 Straighten that pillow.
- 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,457 He might hate crooked pillows. I don't know.
- 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,125 [ RickBody and JerryBody grunt ]
- 00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:19,462 Nice parking job, assdick. You scratched my car.
- 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:20,922 Rick!
- 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,674 And-- And, uh, Rick's friend.
- 00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:25,843 This is my... assassin.
- 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:28,805 Deadliest man in the galaxy, and he's gay. Why am I gay?
- 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,766 Gangster: Whoa. Hey. Whoa. Why <i>aren't</i> you? Sorry about that.
- 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:32,892 Sorry. Sorry.
- 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,519 Well, I got Morty right here,
- 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,978 happy as a milkshake.
- 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:37,855 And since we interrupted your day,
- 00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:39,607 Morty's got 10,000 croutons.
- 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,484 That's slang for crystals. Morty, show him.
- 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,152 We know what croutons are. Ey! Tsh.
- 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,278 Why is Dad here?
- 00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,531 Your Dad's a gay assassin?
- 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,659 So cool and ordinary. Sorry. S-Sorry.
- 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,410 I appreciate you trying to make good,
- 00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:53,037 but you cost me 10 times that much.
- 00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:54,497 It doesn't matter, Rick.
- 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,998 The guy's already kissing your ass.
- 00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:57,875 It's the ass kissers you have to keep in line.
- 00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,502 When they sense weakness, they move on you.
- 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,003 What are we, Walter White?
- 00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:03,464 Who cares if a mid-tier crime dork "moves" on us?
- 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,800 Thank you for the crystals. Morty, get in the car.
- 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,344 Actually, Morty, why don't you leave those crystals here
- 00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:10,555 since it's such an insulting amount.
- 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:11,931 There it is.
- 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,683 Now he's thinking, "Oh, maybe I can kill God."
- 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,976 Yeah, because God doesn't haggle
- 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,103 for 10,000 fucking croutons.
- 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,312 Look, here's the deal.
- 00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:19,856 I'm Rick, that's my son-in-law,
- 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,607 and we're all a little gay.
- 00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,025 - Yeah. - It's a spectrum.
- 00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:25,403 Morty, it's me, Rick. Get in the car.
- 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:26,737 Don't get in the car, Morty.
- 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:28,072 And put the briefcase down.
- 00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:29,699 Morty, get in the car twice,
- 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,367 once for each five additional briefcases
- 00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:32,702 this asshole owes us.
- 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:34,787 Stop doing this terrible impression of me!
- 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,455 Look, at this point, we're bad gangsters
- 00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:37,623 if we don't roll the dice.
- 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,292 Everybody, start killing 'em!
- 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,710 [ All grunt ]
- 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,086 What have you two assholes done?
- 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,046 It's okay. It's a nice restaurant.
- 00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:46,549 Whoa. Shit! Crime restaurant!
- 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,843 Oh, my God! Am I really about to die
- 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,095 because you botched a "Freaky Friday"? - Yes. - Yes.
- 00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,471 Whoever you are, you're in Rick's body.
- 00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:53,639 Use your implants.
- 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,308 I'm trying. Half my brain is the guy
- 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,894 that still needs your mom to use the electric wine opener.
- 00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,730 [ Grunting ] H-Hang on. I think I got it.
- 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,231 [ Grunts ]
- 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:03,900 Right, from my Conehead phase.
- 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,319 Awesome fucking movie. Incredible cast. [ Grunts ]
- 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,445 God damn it.
- 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,363 I'm shooting my way back to the car.
- 00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:10,615 Ugh, way to go.
- 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,825 Now my son and grandson hates us.
- 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,119 He's my son and grandson, too.
- 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:18,497 Huh. We do share an agenda, in that sense.
- 00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:21,000 [ Both grunt ] Let's hope you share my aim.
- 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,710 [ The White Stripes' "We're Going to Be Friends" plays ]
- 00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:25,129 ♪ Fall is here, hear the yell ♪
- 00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:27,757 ♪ Back to school, ring the bell ♪
- 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,343 ♪ Brand new shoes, walking blues ♪
- 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,762 ♪ Climb the fence, books and pens ♪
- 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,681 ♪ I can tell that we are gonna be friends ♪
- 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,016 Hey, get up here!
- 00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,227 Said the throat to the hand. Oh! Oh!
- 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,146 You might feel a pinch and maybe a rocket.
- 00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:44,565 You'll have to aim. Hop on!
- 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,901 [ Yells ]
- 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:50,529 ♪ I can tell that we are gonna be friends ♪
- 00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:51,948 [ Grunting ]
- 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:55,785 ♪ I can tell that we are gonna be friends ♪
- 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,120 [ Chuckles ] You Coneheaded son of a bitch.
- 00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,288 Can't believe that worked.
- 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,873 I wish they did <i>that</i> in the movie.
- 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,875 Jesus fucking Christ.
- 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,961 Huh, should've done something with my hands.
- 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,922 Morty, gotta push or pull. Your call.
- 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,717 [ RickBody and JerryBody laughing ]
- 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,344 What the hell? What happened?
- 00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,972 T-They made us stop at every drive-thru chain in the galaxy,
- 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,848 so they could make one giant burger
- 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,350 with a patty from each place.
- 00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:20,851 I guess I meant before that.
- 00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:22,186 Brains got a little mixed up.
- 00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:23,813 But we're gonna swap back. Don't worry.
- 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,773 Just didn't wanna build a neural interface
- 00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,275 on an empty stomach, right?
- 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,901 Wait, you guys did a brain swap?
- 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,861 Don't bother chiding until they're unshuffled,
- 00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,822 neither one is Dad or Rick.
- 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,156 Huh.
- 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:37,493 I guess I'm thrilled you guys are getting along?
- 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,245 Let's keep that going
- 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,747 when those brains get back in their bodies.
- 00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:44,083 Whoa, going for the electro-pneumatic diodes.
- 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,335 Wild man. Only gonna build this once.
- 00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:48,087 Gotta do it with style.
- 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,506 [ Drill whirs ] I think we can up the wattage.
- 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,091 Hey, another beer?
- 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,302 It's about the journey, brother. Ah, Rick used to hate
- 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,804 that kind of hang-loose McConaughey platitude,
- 00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:59,849 but he was also just gonna spend today grumpy and isolated.
- 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,892 And Jerry'd still be hung up about the rake.
- 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:04,103 The rake. Oh, my God, should we do it?
- 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,396 W-We've gotta do it.
- 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,106 [ Chuckling ] Oh, yeah. [ Laughs ]
- 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,400 Alright, that should do it.
- 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,864 [ Buzzer ]
- 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,365 [ Beep ] JerryBody: Whoa.
- 00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:19,243 Son of a bitch. Classic Gene. Huh.
- 00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:20,786 Crazy. T-This is the kind of thing
- 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,163 that used to really piss me off.
- 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,498 Yeah. Now it's just kinda funny.
- 00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:27,835 Ooh, you wanna replace it with a holographic rake? Oh, that'd be fun.
- 00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:29,587 He'd get confused trying to pick it up.
- 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,381 Eh. I guess I don't even wanna do that.
- 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:35,259 I just want to live. I want Gene to live.
- 00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:37,053 I want all of us to make mistakes
- 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,889 and change all the time. Amen to that, brother.
- 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:42,725 Kinda thought two geniuses would build faster than one.
- 00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,977 When do I start being concerned about this?
- 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,229 Just having a little fun with my new friend, sweetie.
- 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,397 Who is talking to me right now?
- 00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:50,775 Mostly my dad or mostly my husband?
- 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,234 Oof, I've been on that website.
- 00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,444 Look, I've been patient,
- 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:56,572 but I can't tell how to get mad at who.
- 00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:59,575 No one enters my room or touches me until this is wrapped up.
- 00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:02,286 Eww. What do you take me for? Ugh, Beth, gross, ugh.
- 00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,875 I want you to know, when this is over,
- 00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,835 the guy in this body is gonna yell at Jerry
- 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,003 and call him useless.
- 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,129 Really lay into him.
- 00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,422 But he won't always mean it.
- 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:15,758 Well, cards on the table, the guy in this body
- 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,302 might call Rick an angry old asshole.
- 00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:21,722 But he's the closest thing Jerry has to a friend.
- 00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,015 This was fun.
- 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,142 Rick would never have been able to admit that.
- 00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:26,769 Yeah. It's a shame
- 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,230 those guys had to become us to be happy.
- 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,899 [ Devices beep, clicking ]
- 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,988 [ Alarm beeping ]
- 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,866 Kids, breakfast and school.
- 00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,118 If we don't at least pretend they matter,
- 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,411 everything falls apart.
- 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,079 [ Morty and Summer groan ]
- 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,288 Jerry?
- 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,124 Dad?
- 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,500 Th-They left a note.
- 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,961 Should we read it in Rick's voice or Dad's?
- 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,963 "Dear family, we thought about leaving a note.
- 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,257 But then one of us was like, 'Why are we leaving a note?'
- 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,967 That's such a Jerry thing to do.
- 00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,302 But if we didn't leave a note, that's such a Rick thing to do.
- 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,221 And then we realized, we just gotta be us.
- 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,808 So it's a note but it's not really well thought out."
- 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,352 That's it? They got out a pen and a paper for this?
- 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,980 [ Knock on window ] Hey, did you guys get a note, too?
- 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,356 Mine's really long.
- 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,111 Construction Worker: Beautiful day to be carrying glass, huh?
- 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,864 I can't believe a dying kid would wish for a window.
- 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,407 [ RickBody and JerryBody laughing] Damn it!
- 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,993 Hey! Stop them! They stole our crystals!
- 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,369 Yeah! We stole those first!
- 00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:28,164 Possession is 9/10 of my ass!
- 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,999 [ Tires screech ]
- 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,292 Look at this pancake butt.
- 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,210 Stop. You're gonna make me fart.
- 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,838 [ Farts ] [ Both laugh ]
- 00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,425 [ Grunts ]
- 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,843 [ Both grunt ]
- 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,678 Hey! That's for sipping!
- 00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:45,014 So are my balls. Here's a tip, lady.
- 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:47,308 Both: Life tastes better when you're chugging.
- 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,853 [ Grunts ] [ Tires screech ]
- 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,772 {\an8}[ Grunts ]
- 00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:55,024 {\an8}You were in a tree?
- 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,358 {\an8}Really gambled on this escape route.
- 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,903 {\an8}Says the guy with a goon on his back.
- 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,030 {\an8}[ RickBody and JerryBody laugh ]
- 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,323 JerryBody: Forget it, Burger.
- 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:04,325 It's our calling card. [ Chuckles ]
- 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,911 [ Grunts ]
- 00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:08,913 Oh, r-really called that one.
- 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,457 Eh, one of us always gets shot. [ Grunts ]
- 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,378 God damn it.
- 00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:20,174 Hey. You'll never guess who just ripped us off.
- 00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:23,302 Oh, wow. Good guess.
- 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,012 JerryBody: Whoa! [ Chuckles ] RickBody: [ Chuckles ] Oh, man.
- 00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:27,223 24 crystal heists in 24 hours!
- 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,016 We're two farts in the wind, baby!
- 00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:31,268 Yeaahh! Do your Howard Dean scream.
- 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:32,728 Yeaahh! [ Grunts ]
- 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:36,398 Drinkbot: <i>5:00 somewhere. 5:00 somewhere.</i>
- 00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:37,816 God damn, look at us.
- 00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:40,069 No rules. No responsibilities.
- 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:42,029 Just two best friends on the run.
- 00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:43,656 Yeaahh!
- 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,325 [ <i>Line rings]</i> Man: <i>The voice mailbox for...</i>
- 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,285 Jerry: <i>Uh, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Did it beep?</i>
- 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,578 <i>Uh, my name is Jer--</i> [ <i>Beep]</i>
- 00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,080 <i>...is full. Goodbye.</i>
- 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,082 [ Sighs ] Looks like we just missed them.
- 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:56,168 So they just stick burgers in dead guy's mouths now?
- 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,170 In dead <i>criminal's</i> mouths, Summer.
- 00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,588 You're defending them?
- 00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,340 Well, they <i>were</i> my husband and father.
- 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,092 Thanks for the tip, Blarb. It's weird.
- 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,094 Most of my underworld contacts are ghosting me.
- 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,637 My pleasure, Morty.
- 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:09,265 I should be thanking <i>you</i> for making <i>me</i> rich.
- 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,225 Wait. I-I didn't pay you for this.
- 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,935 Yeah, these guys did.
- 00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:19,275 {\an8}♪
- 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:22,778 What's the problem, kid? Conehead got your tongue?
- 00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:25,030 Ch-Ch-Chuxly? You're alive?
- 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,324 Did this guy always have a hole,
- 00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:28,784 or is that a big reveal?
- 00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:31,287 [ Laughter and indistinct shouting ]
- 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,372 Yeehaw! Everything should be in a swamp.
- 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,958 Working with y'all was a plum-fool idea.
- 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,294 [ Cellphone rings ] Burger & Fries. Who the hell is this?
- 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,588 Chuxly: <i>Just an average mid-tier crime dork.</i>
- 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,172 Chuxly? You're alive?
- 00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,592 <i>Shut up. I got something you might wanna hear.</i>
- 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,303 [ Muffled screaming ] Caught your family out looking for you.
- 00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:50,180 <i>What do you want?</i> JerryBody: <i>We've smoked most of what we stole.</i>
- 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,558 I just want you, both of you.
- 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,144 Or I smoke your family.
- 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,021 Eh, what am I saying? Sure, bring money, too.
- 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,939 One hour.
- 00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:02,276 Shit. Guess we should shoot the fuel tank, huh?
- 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,569 [ All scream ]
- 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:07,323 You guys coulda done that the whole time?
- 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,742 [ Sighs ]
- 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,369 [ Snorts ]
- 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:17,249 [ Snorts ]
- 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:21,587 So. What now?
- 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,672 Hey, remember how we met?
- 00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,800 That non-rescue of Morty? [ Snorts ]
- 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,677 [ Snorts ] We were thinking we were different
- 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:31,722 and-- and accusing each other of being bad,
- 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:35,559 but Morty reminded us we both love our family.
- 00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:38,437 And it brought us together.
- 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,398 [ Sighs ] Let's do this.
- 00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:43,651 Well, if we're gonna do it right,
- 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:47,154 we might as well use our best idea.
- 00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:49,531 You guys comfortable? No? Good.
- 00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:51,283 Who are you? What is this place?
- 00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,369 And does my son sell drugs for my father?
- 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,454 Hm, maybe criminals will actually be honest with me.
- 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,914 Crystals can be anything, Mom.
- 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:59,541 Yeah, but these crystals are drugs. Morty!
- 00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:02,878 Here we go, boys. This is it.
- 00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:04,505 Beth: Jerry? Morty: Rick?
- 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,382 Grandpa? Jesus Christ.
- 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,885 Both: Morty. Summer. Daughterwife. You are safe now.
- 00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:13,222 Holy shit. All the positive aspects of each,
- 00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,932 perfectly melded together?
- 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:18,227 Yes. I am Jerricky. Wa-chah!
- 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:21,105 Alright, boys, nothing could have prepared us for this.
- 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,774 At this point we gotta shoot and hope.
- 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:26,735 [ Gangsters screaming ] Also, everything's flammable.
- 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,405 [ Screaming continues ]
- 00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,493 [ Gangsters screaming ]
- 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,415 [ Gangsters grunting ]
- 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,584 Hey, guys, little help?
- 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:45,212 [ Ringing, gangsters grunting ]
- 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:52,761 {\an8}♪
- 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:55,013 {\an8}[ Grunts ] Gotta split?
- 00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:57,641 I'm sorry, Chux.
- 00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:59,935 I started this. It's all my fault.
- 00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,186 Solid apology, new guy.
- 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,564 If we live through this, you're off the hook.
- 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,275 [ Both scream ]
- 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,609 Nice shot, Morty.
- 00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:09,653 Eh, everything's flammable.
- 00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:12,197 [ Groans ]
- 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,283 Aghh. What a family.
- 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,951 [ Coughs ]
- 00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,369 You got shot? No, no, no.
- 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,788 The stitches, they never really set.
- 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:22,124 What can I say? I'm a workaholic.
- 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,792 [ Coughs ]
- 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,086 Agh. I knew this day would come.
- 00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:28,297 Chuxly, this is a good death.
- 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,674 You sought mastery over your world.
- 00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:33,302 No, no. I-I-I stepped out of line.
- 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,346 I thought I could kill God. [ Coughs ]
- 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:39,183 Being a boss in a crime world-- oof.
- 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,809 So much stress.
- 00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:42,936 Honestly, Jerricky, it's a relief
- 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,689 to die in your four arms.
- 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,733 Final meal?
- 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,403 Mmm, mm.
- 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,906 How-- H-How old is this?
- 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,574 [ Groans ]
- 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:58,452 {\an8}♪
- 00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,333 Can we turn on the radio?
- 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,959 At this point, I'd even take a podcast.
- 00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:10,631 Do you not hear the symphony of atoms dying in space?
- 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,259 Um, no?
- 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,929 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,474 Good. You are here.
- 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,851 I have modified the house defenses.
- 00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:26,355 They will ensure the mob never bothers you again.
- 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,690 Oh. Thanks.
- 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,275 This is killing me.
- 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,152 I-I thought when you came to rescue us
- 00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:33,529 you learned to love us more than ever.
- 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:34,905 Y-You learned the opposite?
- 00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,366 Burger & Fries learned to love each other,
- 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:40,452 then sacrificed themselves out of love for you.
- 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:43,539 I am Jerricky, and I only need to love myself.
- 00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,833 {\an8}You can't actually be leaving, right?
- 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,417 {\an8}Like the crows thing?
- 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,545 {\an8}They're my dad and grandpa. Y-You can't just take them.
- 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,672 Your dad and grandpa are dead, Morty.
- 00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,925 They died arguing with each other about their brains.
- 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,761 'Scuse me. Are-- Are you Jerry?
- 00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:00,013 Sorry, you have one of his heads.
- 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,723 I am Jerricky.
- 00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:04,268 May as well have your rake back, then.
- 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:05,894 That's right. I took it.
- 00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:08,856 I ask myself, "Why lie about it? Don't you think he knows?
- 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,024 Couldn't I get my own?" Of course I could've,
- 00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:14,736 but God damn it, this rake, it kept my neighbors in my life.
- 00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:17,239 You guys don't give a Goddamn shit about Gene.
- 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:20,659 [ Sighs ] But I see that won't help me any longer.
- 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:21,910 Here.
- 00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,454 You are no longer obligated in such a way.
- 00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:26,373 I'm gonna give it back anyway.
- 00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:28,750 Just seems like the right thing to do.
- 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,210 Okay.
- 00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:36,466 {\an8}♪
- 00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,634 - Aw. - Aw. - Oh shit.
- 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,678 You think a rake will change my mind?
- 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,430 Well, it's fucking lame, okay?
- 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,015 Both of you walking out on Mom?
- 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,602 I thought you had two sets of balls, not zero.
- 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,270 Our balls are adeq-- [ Grunts ]
- 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,606 [ Screaming ] Morty, we're still in here!
- 00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,441 There's a memory of myself as a 30-year-old.
- 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,610 He kept our egos intact. He saved us.
- 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,028 It was a whole action movie, Morty.
- 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,404 {\an8}Memory Rick, he's still trapped in here.
- 00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,448 {\an8}Quick, tackle this fucking thing!
- 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,867 {\an8}Morty: Garage! Garage! Help us! Summer: Hold him down! Hold him down!
- 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,914 Nicely prepared eggs.
- 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,333 [ Sighs ] I still can't taste anything.
- 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,584 Awesome adventure, Rick.
- 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:11,960 Jerry, being shuffled with me
- 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,212 was probably the best part of your sad existence.
- 00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:15,547 A brush with greatness.
- 00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:17,674 Please, like you didn't get an upgrade.
- 00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:19,760 What was it like having integrity for once?
- 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,554 Hey, Beth, how much integrity is left on the mortgage?
- 00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,264 I-I think it's clear you both love each other
- 00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:25,766 more than you're willing to admit.
- 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,851 Dumb. Fucking dumb. Go pick up crystals for me.
- 00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,436 You don't have to do that, Morty.
- 00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:31,980 No, it's-- it's okay. I-I like doing it.
- 00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:34,399 Welp, those horses won't sew themselves up,
- 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:37,110 but good to have you both back. Yeah. Whatever.
- 00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:39,571 Great, so I still wind up stuck with Jerry's dumb ass?
- 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,990 Oh, fuck you. Eat your eggs that my wife bought.
- 00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,408 How about you eat my shit,
- 00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:44,701 you Hawaiian-shirt-loving twat?
- 00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,662 Uncalled for! Rude and uncalled for!
- 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,455 You sit there with your potty mouth
- 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:49,998 and do everything but help. Jerry, it's not my fault
- 00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:51,833 that nobody respects you in here. Oh, yeah.
- 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,085 Your own kids think-- You <i>could</i> help, but you don't.
- 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,336 I was busy, Jerry.
- 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,796 I was working on something very important.
- 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,631 ♪ Brand new shoes, walking blues ♪
- 00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:00,092 ♪ Climb the fence, books and pens ♪
- 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:09,351 ♪ I can tell that we are gonna be friends ♪
- 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:15,273 {\an8}♪ Walk with me, Suzy Lee ♪
- 00:21:15,273 --> 00:21:17,693 {\an8}♪ Through the park and by the tree ♪
- 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,861 {\an8}♪ We will rest upon the ground ♪
- 00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:22,531 {\an8}♪ And look at all the bugs we found ♪
- 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:25,951 {\an8}♪ Safely walk to school without a sound ♪
- 00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:32,290 {\an8}♪ Safely walk to school without a sound ♪
- 00:21:32,290 --> 00:21:41,967 {\an8}♪ I can tell that we are gonna be friends ♪
- 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,720 And of course, there's a space shuttles.
- 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,514 Can you believe that giant thing actually flies?
- 00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:49,850 Well, of course it can. It's a space shuttles.
- 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:53,061 And over here is some stuff about Thomas Jefferson.
- 00:21:53,061 --> 00:21:55,188 Come on, students.
- 00:21:55,188 --> 00:21:59,568 Memory Rick: [ <i>Sighs</i> ] <i>Day 8 of attempting to escape Jerry's mind.</i>
- 00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:02,320 <i>It has become increasingly clear my daughter married a man</i>
- 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:06,992 <i>who remembers all technology as powered by springs and gears.</i>
- 00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:08,326 <i>How did I get here?</i>
- 00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:09,911 <i>I suspect a chunk of Rick's brain</i>
- 00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:12,789 <i>got merged with a chunk of Jerry's.</i>
- 00:22:12,789 --> 00:22:15,751 <i>But did Rick maroon me by accident?</i>
- 00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:17,669 <i>Or on purpose?</i>
- 00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:22,758 <i>Escape remains possible but increasingly unlikely.</i>
- 00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:26,178 Oh, hey, Memory Rick.
- 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,430 Building more sculptures out of springs and gears?
- 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,640 Fuck off, Memory Gene.
- 00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,602 Did you get any of that?