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Это Аморте
Рик угощает семью спагетти, которые, как случайно обнаруживает Морти, добываются на планете, где тела людей, совершивших самоубийство, превращаются в спагетти, но не при любой другой смерти. Чувствуя вину, Морти раскрывает правду на похоронах. После этого президент планеты легализует самоубийство, и спагетти становятся основным экспортным товаром планеты, причем большинство людей совершают самоубийство, чтобы продавать их как спагетти и удовлетворить спрос. Попытки Рика исправить ситуацию, добыв спагетти у клонов, заканчиваются катастрофой, поэтому он заставляет последнего смертельно больного человека, Фреда Банкса, совершить самоубийство в прямом эфире и предлагает свои спагетти Морти. Во время трансляции Рик показывает всю жизнь Фреда, вызывая у всех тошноту от ужасов, которые они совершают, и отбивая у всех желание есть спагетти. Позже Рик угощает семью сализберийским стейком, предупреждая, что его происхождение тоже ужасно. Семья смеется над этим, довольные тем, что остаются в неведении о его происхождении.
«Это Аморте» — четвёртый эпизод седьмого сезона американского анимационного телесериала «Рик и Морти». Сценарий написала Хизер Энн Кэмпбелл, а режиссёром выступил Лукас Грей. Эпизод вышел в эфир на канале Cartoon Network в ночном блоке Adult Swim 5 ноября 2023 года.
- 00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,261 Who’s ready for rick’s famous spaghetti?
- 00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:14,764 - I love Spaghetti Thursdays! - Oh my god Rick,
- 00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:17,684 - it’s like it’s better every time. - Hell yeah, you like that?
- 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,352 That’s... a some good spaghetti!
- 00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,604 Grandpa Rick, I’m skull emoji but words.
- 00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:24,065 Sauce? More sauce? We gots the sauce.
- 00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,025 Dad, you had a job interview, right?
- 00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:29,529 Bombed it. But it’s nothing a little bolognese won’t cure.
- 00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,448 <i>Dad, this noodle is so tender.</i>
- 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,951 A little spicy, a little sweet. A little spicy, a little sweet.
- 00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,202 It’s so nice that we’re talking,
- 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,955 you know, all talking because we’re a family and everything,
- 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:40,248 and this a good time we’re having.
- 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,667 - Is there any more? - Seconds? Thirds?
- 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:45,295 We spa-gots as much as you can spag-eat!
- 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:49,090 Rick, I gotta know, like, what’s the secret ingredient?
- 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,760 God no. Why? Why? No.
- 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:55,096 Why is it always this shit with you? Of course it’s a person.
- 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,890 Rick, why couldn’t it just be spaghetti?
- 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:33,218 {\an8}I’m just going to say this as simply as possible
- 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,136 {\an8}and let you not believe me, on this planet,
- 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:37,138 {\an8}people that kill themselves turn into spaghetti.
- 00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:39,432 {\an8}- What? - I know, you’re a visual learner,
- 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:40,475 {\an8}so follow me.
- 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:45,897 {\an8}Hi, Doctor Hotpenis, you’re not supposed to bring patients...
- 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:49,567 {\an8}Hi, Michael, it’s okay, this alien boy has space cancer
- 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:52,904 {\an8}and his dying wish is to see deader people so he can feel superior.
- 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:53,905 {\an8}All you had to say.
- 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,866 {\an8}Check it out. Murdered.
- 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:57,867 {\an8}Gross.
- 00:01:58,785 --> 00:01:59,702 {\an8}Car crash.
- 00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:03,373 {\an8}- And suicide. - Rick, I don’t...
- 00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:06,000 {\an8}Wait, what is that smell?
- 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,461 {\an8}You know god damn well what it is, baby. Get in here.
- 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,671 {\an8}Don’t do that!
- 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,798 {\an8}You’ve been doing it for weeks every spaghetti night.
- 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,383 {\an8}Come on, Morty. Choo choo plane!
- 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,467 {\an8}- Gross. - Come on!
- 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,720 {\an8}- God damn. - Telling you.
- 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:18,805 {\an8}Why? How?
- 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,558 {\an8}Their cortisol increases the starch content in their bloodstream,
- 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:24,060 {\an8}changing their intestines into one long spaghetti noodle,
- 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:26,729 {\an8}and the surrounding tissues into a spicy sweet hematoma
- 00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,106 {\an8}that we would call a bolognese.
- 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:32,068 {\an8}But it takes a lot of cortisol. Like a suicidal amount.
- 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,403 {\an8}It’s almost better cold.
- 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,196 {\an8}Wouldn’t go that far, don’t be a hipster.
- 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,197 {\an8}Excuse me.
- 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:40,159 {\an8}- Are you two eating a corpse? - It’s okay! It’s spaghetti.
- 00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:42,495 {\an8}- Morty, they don’t know what that is. - I’m calling the police!
- 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,414 {\an8}- Before you do that, just... - No, Rick, stop!
- 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,542 {\an8}- What? Where am I? - In a morgue, eating bodies.
- 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,085 {\an8}- We’re what? - Stop using that thing!
- 00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:50,295 {\an8}What thing? Who are we?
- 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,255 {\an8}- We were just leaving. - All you had to say.
- 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:55,466 {\an8}Whose car is this? Whose sun visor is this? What’s a sun?
- 00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:59,095 {\an8}Jesus, sorry, that’s always embarrassing.
- 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:01,514 {\an8}But you see what I mean now?
- 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:04,183 {\an8}Best spaghetti in the galaxy and it’s a hundred percent guilt-free.
- 00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:05,476 {\an8}I wanna know their names.
- 00:03:05,476 --> 00:03:07,437 {\an8}Who? Michael? Coroner Number One?
- 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,480 {\an8}The people we’ve been eating every spaghetti night!
- 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:10,815 {\an8}Do you even know their names?
- 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,775 {\an8}I’m not giving you your spaghettises’ names!
- 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,278 {\an8}You’ve found my line, Morty, I find that ghoulish.
- 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:18,489 {\an8}I want their names or I’m telling Mom and no more spaghetti night.
- 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,867 You suck! Where’s the thing? Where’s the Men in Black thing?
- 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:21,659 Names!
- 00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:24,078 And if you know the fucking names of your spaghettis, that’s it?
- 00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:25,455 - This is done? - It’s all I ask!
- 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,332 You won’t get overwhelmed with even more guilt
- 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:28,875 and then demand to go to their fucking funeral?
- 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,126 Just their names and then I’m done.
- 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:31,461 I promise.
- 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:36,132 - I fucking hate you. - I just want to pay my respects.
- 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,717 The only reason you’re still alive
- 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,969 is because you don’t turn delicious when you die.
- 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,851 Thank you for that moment of silence.
- 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,562 I’d like to open it up to the congregation,
- 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:52,440 if anyone would like to say a few words about Lawrence...
- 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,574 Or another moment of silence.
- 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,284 Jeez, no wonder he killed himself.
- 00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:04,744 Okay let’s...
- 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:06,829 - For... - Hi.
- 00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,500 I just want to be honest about something.
- 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,418 After Lawrence died,
- 00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:13,419 we...
- 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,129 ...ate him.
- 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:18,841 Wait, we’re not... werewolves or anything,
- 00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:22,762 we come from a planet, where to us, when you guys kill yourselves,
- 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,139 you turn into what my planet considers food.
- 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:26,808 Spaghetti.
- 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,226 It brought us together.
- 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,728 Lawrence. Brought us together.
- 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,481 It just felt wrong not having anyone know that.
- 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,274 But he was delicious.
- 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,610 I hope that helps make it right.
- 00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:43,032 That should do it, buddy. Everybody enjoy your closure.
- 00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:47,996 So we were eating people.
- 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,539 I’m afraid so.
- 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,916 They were so... spaghettesque.
- 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,710 Yes, they were.
- 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,212 It’s going to be... hard to...
- 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,964 Hard to put out of your mind, yes,
- 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,383 which is why I thought it best to keep you all in the dark.
- 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,261 So... Morty ruined spaghetti night.
- 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,179 - Correct. - Summer, it was people!
- 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:08,391 It was people, Summer. Which is disgusting.
- 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,268 And not cool to lie about.
- 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,269 Correct.
- 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:15,189 But. It should also be noted, to Morty, that it’s not cool to tattle.
- 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:16,816 - Dad! - They were delicious.
- 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,901 - So keep eating them! - We can’t now!
- 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,278 Because of you! Sorry.
- 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,031 Morty. That was terrible parenting.
- 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:26,075 You did the quote unquote right thing.
- 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:29,370 We are technically very happy to be better informed.
- 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:30,997 First octopus, now this.
- 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:34,459 Have we thought about just giving up and joining the fascist half of the country?
- 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,669 - No! - Just saying, they get to do more.
- 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:39,922 Well, I guess I’ll go to my room since everyone hates me now.
- 00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:45,094 - Sorry. Good night, Morty. - Goodnight, Morty.
- 00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:51,142 <i>Hey, big boy. Are you depressed? Mama likes depression.</i>
- 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:57,815 <i>I spilled my milk. Now we’re both sad. I’m a bad family therapist farm girl.</i>
- 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:04,655 <i>Hello, Morty Smith. You are invited to 41-Kepler B.</i>
- 00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,783 <i>You know it as Spaghetti Planet.</i>
- 00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,494 <i>You’re not in trouble. We just want to talk.</i>
- 00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:12,038 Can that thing support my weight?
- 00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:13,289 <i>It should.</i>
- 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,375 Okay...
- 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,043 ...up here?
- 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,296 Geez. Ever heard of a ramp?
- 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:21,506 <i>This is a ramp.</i>
- 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,845 Hi, Morty, I’m the president of this planet.
- 00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:29,764 I saw the video of you at that funeral.
- 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,432 - I’m sorry. - Don’t be.
- 00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:33,643 It was quite the revelation.
- 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,479 Would you mind showing us?
- 00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:40,650 This is the "spaghetti" of a person that took their own life.
- 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,401 They did consent to be eaten.
- 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,070 Okay.
- 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:52,495 Wow, yeah, amazing as always. Not gonna lie.
- 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:55,581 And would you consider yourself a typical Earthian?
- 00:06:56,207 --> 00:07:00,419 Well, on Earth, it’s considered inferior to be typical so
- 00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:04,382 we’re all very special and different but we definitely all do like spaghetti.
- 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,843 All eight billion of you.
- 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:11,097 Morty, how would you feel about being a kind of ambassador?
- 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,015 A liaison between our worlds.
- 00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:17,103 Now hold on. I went to that funeral because...
- 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,523 Because you felt bad. Because you didn’t have permission.
- 00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:21,816 Show him.
- 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,819 <i>My name is Tanya Radcliffe.</i>
- 00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:27,822 <i>I’ve been living in pain for years,</i>
- 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:31,450 <i>I’ve lost all my loved ones, I’ve got nothing.</i>
- 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:36,164 <i>So when doctors told me I could finally have the "right to die"</i>
- 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:39,000 <i>if I agree to be dinner for some alien boy,</i>
- 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:43,421 <i>I simply said, "I hope I’m delicious."</i>
- 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:45,923 God damn.
- 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,968 And would you say that makes it taste better?
- 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,762 It makes it go down a lot easier.
- 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:52,930 I like that.
- 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:57,894 Maybe it’s time we allow some people the right to die and be delicious.
- 00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,896 Please feel free to finish Tanya.
- 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,815 - It is what she wanted. - No. No I think I’m good.
- 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,818 Thanks. Tanya, you really were tasty.
- 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,949 Actually, can I take her to go?
- 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,911 Who’s ready for more ethical spaghetti?
- 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,746 Me. I love this ethical shit.
- 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,706 Full admission, I was fine before to.
- 00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:21,667 God this is so good! Pass the Parmesan!
- 00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,212 Where’s Dad? Why does he keep missing spaghetti night?
- 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,464 I guess he got butthurt because Morty high-roaded him
- 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:29,842 and got us the delicious spaghetti without all the lies and nihilism.
- 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:33,054 And another cheer for the added bonus of no Rick...
- 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,013 Boom.
- 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,390 Sorry to interrupt Morty’s perfect spaghetti night,
- 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,893 - but thought he’d wanna see this. - What the fuck is that?
- 00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:44,148 "Morty-O’s Suicide Spaghetti is 100% ethical, single-origin pasta."
- 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:45,608 Oh dear God.
- 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,568 Lemme guess, you went back to the planet,
- 00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:49,654 gave some thoughtful insight to their leader,
- 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:52,073 and now they’re selling their dead at every Space Walmart.
- 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,283 I did, but I didn’t say to do this.
- 00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:56,285 Is this people, or not people?
- 00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:59,497 I just need to know how much I should pretend to be upset.
- 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,332 This seems to be ‘Roger.’
- 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,877 <i>Hi. I’m Roger Wayne Marder. I was a serial killer and cannibal,</i>
- 00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,088 <i>and now I get to kill myself and be food for you,</i>
- 00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,632 <i>which I suppose is a silver lining to all my misdeeds.</i>
- 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,175 <i>Anyway, please enjoy me.</i>
- 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,971 So "yes" to people?
- 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,807 I mean, on the bright side,
- 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,935 I feel like one could look at this as a really nice epilogue
- 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,645 to a story about telling the truth.
- 00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:25,147 Care to see that epilogue?
- 00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:29,902 What is all this...
- 00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:32,488 Cans of spaghetti selling out to every neighboring planet.
- 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,699 Wanna go see how ethical it is down there?
- 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,119 {\an8}This is Spaghetti Planet?
- 00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,162 - What happened? - You happened.
- 00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,456 You happened all over those billboards.
- 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,917 Oh jeez, oh no.
- 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,712 See that, they call that bridge "The Most Scenic Jump".
- 00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:49,672 There used to be safety rails,
- 00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,174 they melted them down for giant spaghetti strainers.
- 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:55,678 - You wanna turn on the radio? - I get it, it’s all Enya.
- 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:59,140 Nope, all morning Zoo teams. Just patter. No songs.
- 00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:00,725 Oh and for TV?
- 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,853 Wall-to-wall reality television, but not the good kind.
- 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,938 It’s like their whole planet was bought by Discovery.
- 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,857 Jesus Christ, this is depressing.
- 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,692 That’s definitely what they’re going for.
- 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:12,945 Look at this shit! They dyed their sun institutional grey.
- 00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,905 That’s not easy, kinda impressed.
- 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,241 And all of it is thanks to.
- 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:20,494 Oh god. I’m a murderer.
- 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:24,165 Oh no, Morty. What you did was much more indirect.
- 00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:28,002 I understand your concerns, but look around.
- 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:30,504 With what’s coming in from intergalactic spaghetti trade,
- 00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:34,050 we’ve decreased our debt, are making a lot of money.
- 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,428 We’ve got clean energy...
- 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:40,181 That space where you paused is where you should have said "mental healthcare."
- 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:43,100 Alright, we had to put our fingers on the scale, a little.
- 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:47,730 But if we stop this, the supply chain crumbles and kills the global economy.
- 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,940 How many people will suffer then?
- 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:53,402 Okay, tough problem, definitely a spicy meat-a-ball.
- 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,488 But we can fix it. Right, Rick?
- 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,032 - You mean me. You want me to fix it. - A moment?
- 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,326 Yes, I want you to fix it.
- 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,703 None of this would have happened if you’d been honest about the spaghetti.
- 00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:05,748 Morty, I lied to protect you, you told the truth to hurt me.
- 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,249 I can’t travel the galaxy with you
- 00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:10,002 if every time we come near a fucked-up system you leap into its wires
- 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:11,003 and electrocute yourself.
- 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,463 I promise to stop.
- 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,298 - You what? - If you help me,
- 00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:16,801 I promise I’ll never look under the curtain at a Rick thing
- 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,552 to figure out what’s bad about it, ever again.
- 00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:19,970 And you can never say no to me.
- 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:21,847 What are you, Keith Raniere?
- 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:22,932 - For two weeks. - Fine.
- 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,683 My grandson kissed my ass so I’m in.
- 00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:28,854 Okay, so, w-we just need to figure out something else besides
- 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,773 people to put in the cans, right?
- 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,068 But people are the spaghetti, that’s the whole thing.
- 00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,736 But what if they weren’t?
- 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,322 - I’m listening. - Me, too.
- 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:41,742 I mean, what if we make something like a person.
- 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,703 Like... Rick you’re always doing clones, right?
- 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,163 What are you suggesting here?
- 00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:48,624 A sped up lifespan and indoctrination program?
- 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,126 Limiting their exposure to the world
- 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,628 and convincing them that becoming spaghetti is their destiny?
- 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,094 I won’t be delicious for them!
- 00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,596 I love you, CLONE-5617B!
- 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,438 That was some speed run of Never Let Me Go.
- 00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:11,564 Spoilers, Rick!
- 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:14,024 I guess all clone stories turn out the same way.
- 00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:17,820 So. We’re back to the regular people, regular suicides?
- 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,030 No, hold on, hold on. we can do this.
- 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:21,991 Maybe we make them less...
- 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,409 ...people.
- 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,162 How much of a people do they have to be to become spaghetti?
- 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,456 Grey areas. My specialty.
- 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:29,999 Subject one.
- 00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,626 No frontal lobe, <i>no empathy centers.</i>
- 00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,670 <i>Otherwise the same physiology as a person.</i>
- 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:39,717 <i>Unfortunately, to this guy there’s no difference between life and death.</i>
- 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,510 So, no spaghetti.
- 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,053 Then there’s this one.
- 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:45,848 It’s in horrible, unimaginable pain from the moment it’s born.
- 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,516 Oh jeez, oh no, Rick!!
- 00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:50,978 And so I didn’t even bother to make it because I knew you’d take issue.
- 00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:53,063 Even though you’d be doing it a favor by ending its life.
- 00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:53,856 Fuck you.
- 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,192 You might want to examine that "Trolley Problem" at some point, Morty.
- 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,776 Anyway, here’s the last one.
- 00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:00,362 Kept the brain stem, internal motor functions.
- 00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,656 But essentially just a headless, boneless torso.
- 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,784 There’s spaghetti inside that?
- 00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:08,204 Theoretically, yes. The problem is the...
- 00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:09,622 You know.
- 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,000 Could you, Like.
- 00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:17,046 What is that, what are you, is this charades?
- 00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,714 Okay, are you making a fist?
- 00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,466 Wait is that supposed to be a phone?
- 00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:22,426 Ah fuck it, just spell it out for me.
- 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,095 Maybe give them...
- 00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:28,307 ...a claw-like, hand so they can, ya know,
- 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,185 - stab themselves to death? - All you had to say.
- 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,897 Well, this is some solution you guys have cooked up.
- 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,215 - Spaghetti! - Technically.
- 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,258 Good enough for me.
- 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,802 We need to fill hundred thousand cans by the weekend.
- 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:08,222 So let’s fire up these chunky boys!
- 00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:12,184 Torso’s rights! Torso’s rights!
- 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:14,436 The new spaghetti sucks!
- 00:14:14,853 --> 00:14:16,605 We want authentic spaghetti!
- 00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:20,818 - Were you... - Wait, you’re gonna blow yourself up?
- 00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,945 Yeah, but if you wanna do it...
- 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,114 Well, you clearly have a morally superior position so.
- 00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:26,991 Please. Go ahead.
- 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,785 You just want me to kill myself so you can eat the spaghetti, right?
- 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,121 - Fucking alien piece of shit... - Fuck you!
- 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,163 Fuck you!
- 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,880 How long does a society take to collapse?
- 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,132 Let’s find out.
- 00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:46,093 What’s the fucking hold-up?
- 00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:48,345 I’ve got an entire planet waiting on delivery.
- 00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:52,099 - They say they’re out of spaghetti. - Then let’s go down there and make some.
- 00:14:55,561 --> 00:15:01,442 Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself,
- 00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:06,989 I understand. Divert half of the armed patrols to civil unrest,
- 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,741 the other half to planetary defense.
- 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,535 Take every action necessary to restore order.
- 00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:13,787 Still didn’t hear much diverting towards mental healthcare.
- 00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:16,749 The brainstorming is over, you ghoulish little corpse-eating alien.
- 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:17,833 You’ve helped enough.
- 00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,879 Fuck. We owe so much spaghetti to so many planets
- 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,464 that we’re all going to have to kill ourselves.
- 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,632 Slow down, slow down.
- 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:28,427 Rick can synthesize anything he gets a sample of, can’t we still try that?
- 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:32,806 I mean, is there anyone else left who might wanna kill themselves?
- 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,559 There’s one, but good luck.
- 00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:37,978 Two months to live.
- 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,564 Bedridden, terrible pain...
- 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:42,900 Why hasn’t he done it yet?
- 00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,027 - Hey! - Fuck you, spaghetti child!
- 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,403 - What gives? - I’m in pain...
- 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:48,906 ...and I wish I could die.
- 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:51,867 But I won’t feed your sick system of profit.
- 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,453 Integrity means living with pain.
- 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:57,790 What if I told you this would end the spaghetti trade forever?
- 00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,335 - What do you mean? - I’ll explain on the way.
- 00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:12,888 Did you have a, like a... euthanasia chamber ready to go?
- 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:13,931 It’s just a place.
- 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:20,187 <i>Hey! Hey! Everyone Stop! Stop!</i>
- 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,148 <i>I have a solution to get you all spaghetti.</i>
- 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,858 <i>We’re gonna do this one last time.</i>
- 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:28,570 This guy here, he’s gonna do the deed and I’ll synthesize it.
- 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,281 This is the Kitty Hawk of our Wright Brothers flight,
- 00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:34,034 or the fill-in-the-blank from your fill-in-the-planet.
- 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,578 Now, Fred? Just think about your life.
- 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:39,289 This machine will put it on screen for everyone to see.
- 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,458 When you’re ready, press the button.
- 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,174 - Do you think this is gonna work? - Trust me.
- 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:16,410 <i>Maybe, I don’t really wanna know,</i>
- 00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:19,246 <i>How your garden grows,</i>
- 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:22,624 <i>Cause I just wanna fly.</i>
- 00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:27,588 <i>Lately, did you ever feel the pain,</i>
- 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,299 <i>In the morning rain,</i>
- 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:34,303 <i>As it soaks you to the bone?</i>
- 00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:40,350 <i>Maybe I just wanna fly, Wanna live I don’t wanna die,</i>
- 00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:45,939 <i>Maybe I just wanna breathe, Maybe I just don't believe,</i>
- 00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:51,653 <i>Maybe you're the same as me, We see things they'll never see,</i>
- 00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:56,366 <i>You and I are gonna live forever.</i>
- 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,330 <i>I said maybe,</i>
- 00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,041 <i>I don't really wanna know,</i>
- 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:10,547 <i>How your garden grows, Cause I just wanna fly.</i>
- 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:18,055 <i>Lately, did you ever feel the pain, In the morning rain,</i>
- 00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:22,893 <i>As it soaks you to the bone?</i>
- 00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:28,232 <i>Maybe I will never be, All the things that I wanna be.</i>
- 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:34,196 <i>Now is not the time to cry, Now's the time to find out why,</i>
- 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:39,618 <i>I think you're the same as me, We see things they'll never see.</i>
- 00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:44,706 <i>You and I are gonna live forever.</i>
- 00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:52,214 <i>Maybe, I don't really wanna know,</i>
- 00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:58,595 <i>How your garden grows, Cause I just wanna fly.</i>
- 00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:04,309 <i>Lately, did you ever feel the pain,</i>
- 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,562 <i>In the morning rain,</i>
- 00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:10,190 <i>As it soaks you to the bone?</i>
- 00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:16,238 <i>Maybe I just wanna fly, Wanna live, I don't wanna die,</i>
- 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:22,244 <i>Maybe I just wanna breathe, Maybe I just don't believe,</i>
- 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:27,583 <i>Maybe you're the same as me, We see things they'll never see,</i>
- 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,962 <i>You and I are gonna live forever,</i>
- 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:37,593 <i>Gonna live forever.</i>
- 00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:02,117 <i>Bon appétit.</i>
- 00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:13,754 Well, fuck.
- 00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,008 I think I can speak on behalf of my people.
- 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:19,968 We’ve had enough spaghetti.
- 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,387 You did it, didn’t you.
- 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,140 You couldn’t change everyone’s taste, but you could make it...
- 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:26,975 distasteful.
- 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,187 - It wasn’t the death, was it? - It was the complexity of life.
- 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,730 God, what was the point?
- 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,399 If you’re asking whether this was a story about right and wrong,
- 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,652 the answer is, I don’t care.
- 00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:39,154 - So what do we do? - Cells consume, Morty.
- 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,657 Life itself is wrong, and that means death is right.
- 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,241 But you can’t side with that.
- 00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:45,869 So you live, even when it means eating.
- 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,413 And Fred here really did it well.
- 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:57,339 The hell is this? Where is the spaghetti?
- 00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,882 Why don’t you go fuck yourself, Summer?
- 00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,467 - What? - What’s wrong with Salisbury Steaks?
- 00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:01,468 At least try them.
- 00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:03,261 Holy shit, this is...
- 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,473 the best Salisbury steak I’ve ever had.
- 00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:08,684 Is it actually Salisbury steak?
- 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,894 Do you want to know or not?
- 00:21:10,894 --> 00:21:12,354 No thanks!
- 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,773 Just so you know, it’s really bad.
- 00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:17,776 - Whatever you say. - Seriously, I’m not kidding.
- 00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:20,487 I won’t tell you but I need you to know the truth is horrible
- 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:23,240 so that if you ever find out on accident you can’t blame me.
- 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,324 Now that’s a deal.
- 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,868 Honestly if you knew you might kill yourselves,
- 00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:28,870 - that’s the last thing I’ll say forever. - Good!
- 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:11,371 <i>Gonna live forever.</i>
- 00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:19,963 That’s where vacuum cleaner bags come from?
- 00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:21,006 Oh my god.
- 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,180 Кому легендарных спагетти от Рика?
- 00:00:12,390 --> 00:00:13,740 Обожаю спагеттные четверги.
- 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,230 Господи, Рик, они с каждым разом всё лучше!
- 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:19,350 А то ж! Нравится? Отличные спагетти!
- 00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:21,540 Деда Рик, я как эмодзи череп, только на словах.
- 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,960 Соус? Ещё соуса? Есть у нас соусяка.
- 00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,840 Пап, как прошло твоё собеседование?
- 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,430 Фигово, но болоньезе всё исправит.
- 00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:31,410 Пап, макарошки такие нежные.
- 00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:34,750 Слегка остренько, чутка сладко. Слегка остренько, чутка сладко.
- 00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:38,850 Как круто, что мы общаемся. Болтаем, потому что мы - семья и всё такое.
- 00:00:38,870 --> 00:00:40,300 Отлично проводим время.
- 00:00:40,930 --> 00:00:41,590 Есть ещё?
- 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:45,420 Добавку? Ещё навалить? У меня целая спагеттуча спагеттосов.
- 00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:49,310 Рик, я должен узнать, что за секретный ингредиент?
- 00:00:49,330 --> 00:00:51,670 Господи! Нет! Почему? Почему? Нет!
- 00:00:51,690 --> 00:00:53,340 Почему ты всегда творишь всякую поебень?
- 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:57,100 Ну, конечно же это человек! Рик, почему нельзя просто приготовить спагетти?
- 00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:34,360 Можешь мне не верить, но я скажу, как есть.
- 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:37,130 Если житель этой планеты убивает себя, то он превращается в спагетти.
- 00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:37,470 Чё?
- 00:01:37,490 --> 00:01:40,470 Ага. Ты у нас только глазам веришь, так что подыграй.
- 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,690 Здравствуйте, доктор Опупенис, врачи не должны приводить пациентов...
- 00:01:45,710 --> 00:01:49,540 Привет, Майкл, да ничего, у этого инопланетного мальчика космо-рак,
- 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,900 и он хочет напоследок посмотреть на более мёртвых людей, чтобы почувствовать превосходство.
- 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:53,920 Ну, раз такое дело!
- 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:56,860 Зацени. Убийство.
- 00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:57,980 Фу, гадость.
- 00:01:58,690 --> 00:01:59,610 Авария.
- 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,030 И самоубийство.
- 00:02:02,050 --> 00:02:03,430 Рик, я не...
- 00:02:04,030 --> 00:02:05,910 Стоп, что за аромат?
- 00:02:05,930 --> 00:02:08,440 Ты прекрасно знаешь, что это, детка. Налетай.
- 00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:09,670 Не ешь.
- 00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:11,790 Да ты каждую неделю ел по спагеттным вечерам.
- 00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,230 Давай, Морти. Летит самолётик.
- 00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:13,690 Фуу.
- 00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:14,330 Давай!
- 00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:16,780 Твою мать.
- 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:17,660 Я ж говорил.
- 00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:18,800 Почему? Как?
- 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,550 Кортизол увеличивает количество крахмала в крови,
- 00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:24,060 превращая внутренности в одну длинную спагеттину,
- 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:28,120 а все окружающие ткани в остро-сладкую гематому, которую мы называем болоньезе.
- 00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:32,040 Но на это уходит много кортизола. Самоубийственно много.
- 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:33,400 В холодном виде даже лучше.
- 00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:35,190 Это уже перебор, не будь хипстером.
- 00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,210 Простите.
- 00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,460 Вы что, едите труп?
- 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,980 Всё хорошо. Это же спагетти.
- 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,390 Морти, они не знают, что это.
- 00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:42,470 Я звоню в полицию.
- 00:02:42,490 --> 00:02:43,350 Пока ты этого не сделал...
- 00:02:43,370 --> 00:02:44,220 Нет, Рик, стой!
- 00:02:44,670 --> 00:02:45,990 Что? Где я?
- 00:02:46,010 --> 00:02:47,380 В морге, поедаешь труп.
- 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:47,960 Чего?
- 00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:48,890 Да выбрось ты эту фигню.
- 00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:50,270 Какую? Кто мы?
- 00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:51,450 Мы уже уходим.
- 00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:52,340 Ну, раз такое дело.
- 00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:55,410 Чья это тачка? Чей это козырёк от солнца? Что такое солнце?
- 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,310 Господи, прости. Каждый раз стыдно.
- 00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:01,500 Но теперь-то ты понял?
- 00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:04,180 Лучшее спагетти в галактике, и никакого самоедства.
- 00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:05,470 Я хочу узнать их имена.
- 00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:07,320 Чьи? Майкла? Следака номер один?
- 00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:09,480 Людей, которых мы ели каждую неделю.
- 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:10,680 Ты хоть знаешь, как их зовут?
- 00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:12,780 Нафига как-то называть своё спагетти?
- 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,120 Здесь я провожу черту, Морти. Это отвратительно.
- 00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:18,350 Я хочу знать их имена, а иначе расскажу всё маме, и больше никакого спагетти.
- 00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:20,840 Говнюк! Где эта штука? Где штука из Людей в Чёрном?
- 00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:21,560 Имена!
- 00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:24,530 Когда узнаешь имя своего сраного спагетти, мы закроем эту тему?
- 00:03:24,550 --> 00:03:25,450 О большем не прошу.
- 00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:28,600 Тебя не поглотит чувство вины, и ты не потребуешь пиздовать на похороны?
- 00:03:28,630 --> 00:03:30,150 Я хочу узнать имена и всё.
- 00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:31,460 Даю слово.
- 00:03:33,170 --> 00:03:34,250 Как же ты заебал.
- 00:03:34,270 --> 00:03:36,070 Я просто хочу выразить почтение.
- 00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:40,040 Ты жив только благодаря тому, что не становишься вкусным после смерти.
- 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,940 Благодарю вас за минуту молчания.
- 00:03:47,370 --> 00:03:49,540 Я хочу обратиться к прихожанам,
- 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,620 никто не желает сказать пару слов о Лоуренсе?
- 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,550 Или же почтим его ещё одной минутой молчания.
- 00:04:01,570 --> 00:04:03,280 Боже, неудивительно, что он убил себя.
- 00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:04,650 Ладно, погна...
- 00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:06,230 Да чтоб те...
- 00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:06,820 Привет.
- 00:04:08,090 --> 00:04:10,610 Я хочу признаться кое в чём.
- 00:04:10,910 --> 00:04:13,320 После того, как Лоуренс умер, мы...
- 00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,120 ...съели его.
- 00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:18,840 Нет, мы не... оборотни или типа того...
- 00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,620 мы с другой планеты.
- 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:25,230 Когда житель вашей планеты убивает себя, он превращается в то, что у нас считается едой.
- 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,220 В спагетти. Оно примирило нашу семью.
- 00:04:28,780 --> 00:04:30,840 Лоуренс примирил нас.
- 00:04:31,130 --> 00:04:33,580 Мне было не по себе от того, что об этом никто не знает.
- 00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:35,330 Он был таким вкусным.
- 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,700 Надеюсь, я загладил вину.
- 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,200 Молодец, приятель. Теперь все могут проститься.
- 00:04:45,260 --> 00:04:47,970 То есть, мы ели... людей.
- 00:04:47,990 --> 00:04:49,530 Боюсь, что да.
- 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,970 Они были такими... спагеттными.
- 00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:53,710 Да, это так.
- 00:04:54,020 --> 00:04:56,190 Будет довольно... сложно...
- 00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:57,960 Сложно выбросить это из головы, да,
- 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,380 поэтому я решил ничего не рассказывать.
- 00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:03,260 То есть... Морти испортил нам спагеттные вечера.
- 00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:03,710 Верно.
- 00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:05,170 Саммер, это были люди!
- 00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:08,390 Это были люди, Саммер, что, конечно, отвратительно.
- 00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,260 И врать об этом не круто.
- 00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:11,260 Верно.
- 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,180 Но стоит также отметить, Морти, что ябедничать тоже не круто.
- 00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:15,600 Пап!
- 00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:16,740 Они такие вкусные!
- 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:17,720 Так ешь их дальше!
- 00:05:17,740 --> 00:05:18,850 Теперь не могу!
- 00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:20,280 Из-за тебя! Прости.
- 00:05:20,650 --> 00:05:23,030 Морти, родители не должны так себя вести.
- 00:05:23,030 --> 00:05:26,070 Ты поступил правильно в кавычках.
- 00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:29,370 Чисто технически мы рады, что получили всю информацию.
- 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:30,990 Сначала осьминог, а теперь вот это.
- 00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:34,450 Может, проще сдаться и присоединиться к фашистской половине страны?
- 00:05:34,450 --> 00:05:35,020 Нет!
- 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,660 Они столько всего себе позволяют.
- 00:05:36,660 --> 00:05:39,920 Пойду-ка я в свою комнату, раз уж теперь все меня ненавидят.
- 00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:43,890 Ой, прости. Спокойной ночи, Морти.
- 00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:44,360 Спокойной ночи, Морти.
- 00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:45,090 Спокойной ночи, Морти.
- 00:05:46,670 --> 00:05:51,350 Эй, здоровяк, тебе грустно? Мамочка любит депрессию.
- 00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:54,690 Ой, я пролила молоко, теперь мы оба в печали.
- 00:05:54,710 --> 00:05:57,810 Я - семейный психолог и очень плохая деревенская девочка.
- 00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:04,650 Здравствуйте, Морти Смит. Вы приглашены на 41-Кеплер Б.
- 00:06:04,670 --> 00:06:06,880 Вы называете её планетой спагетти.
- 00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:09,490 Вам ничего не грозит, мы просто хотим поговорить.
- 00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:12,080 Эта штука выдержит мой вес?
- 00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:13,280 Должна.
- 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,370 Н-ну ладно.
- 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:17,480 Мне сюда?
- 00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:20,290 Блин. Про трап не слышали?
- 00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:21,500 Это и есть трап.
- 00:06:25,190 --> 00:06:27,820 Привет, Морти. Я - президент этой планеты.
- 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,760 Я видела ролик с похорон.
- 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:30,480 Простите.
- 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,830 Не извиняйся. Для нас это было... откровением.
- 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:36,570 Можешь показать, как это делать?
- 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,870 Это "спагетти" из человека, который покончил с собой.
- 00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:42,430 Он дал на всё согласие.
- 00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:44,070 Ладно.
- 00:06:49,010 --> 00:06:52,470 Ого, да! Как всегда великолепно, врать не буду.
- 00:06:52,490 --> 00:06:55,650 Ты бы мог назвать себя среднестатистическим землянином?
- 00:06:56,180 --> 00:07:00,390 У нас на Земле не принято опускать себя до такого уровня.
- 00:07:00,410 --> 00:07:04,380 Мы все разные и особенные, но мы точно любим спагетти.
- 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,860 Все восемь миллиардов?
- 00:07:07,490 --> 00:07:11,070 Морти, не желаешь ли ты стать этаким послом?
- 00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:13,120 Звеном между нашими мирами.
- 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,080 Оой... погодите. Я пришёл на похороны, потому что...
- 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:20,520 Потому что испытывал вину. Потому что не получил разрешение.
- 00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:21,810 Покажите ему.
- 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,890 Меня зовут Таня Рэдклифф.
- 00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:27,800 Я уже многие годы страдаю от боли,
- 00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:31,450 я потеряла всех близких, у меня не осталось ничего.
- 00:07:32,090 --> 00:07:36,140 Когда врачи сказали, что я наконец-то получу "право умереть",
- 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,180 если соглашусь стать ужином для мальчика-пришельца,
- 00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:43,570 я просто сказала "Надеюсь, я вкусная".
- 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:45,920 Вот блин.
- 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,030 После этого становится вкуснее?
- 00:07:49,610 --> 00:07:51,740 Уплетать становится намного проще.
- 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:52,930 Мне это нравится.
- 00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:57,870 Возможно, пора давать некоторым людям право умирать и становиться вкусными.
- 00:07:57,890 --> 00:08:00,930 Будь добр, доешь Таню, это её желание.
- 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,520 Нет. Не, я наелся. Спасибо.
- 00:08:03,910 --> 00:08:05,810 Таня, ты была очень вкусной.
- 00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:12,030 А хотя... можно завернуть её с собой?
- 00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:14,890 Кому морально-этических спагетти?
- 00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:16,740 Мне. Обожаю этическую хрень.
- 00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:18,700 Скажу честно, я и не был против.
- 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,660 Боже, какая вкуснота. Подай пармизиан.
- 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:24,210 Где папа? Почему он стал пропускать спагеттные вечера?
- 00:08:24,210 --> 00:08:26,460 Наверное, у него подгорает, потому что Морти его осудил
- 00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:29,780 и притащил нам вкуснецкое спагетти без лжи и нигилизма.
- 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,010 Порадуемся же за ещё один плюс этого вечера - отсутствие Рика.
- 00:08:33,050 --> 00:08:33,720 Бум.
- 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,560 Простите, что прерываю идеальный спагеттный вечер Морти, но я хотел показать вот это.
- 00:08:37,580 --> 00:08:39,070 Ого! Что эта за хуйня?
- 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:44,250 Суицидальное спагетти Морти-О. На 100% морально-этическая паста единственного сорта.
- 00:08:44,460 --> 00:08:45,580 Господи боже.
- 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:49,650 Дай угадаю, ты вернулся на планету, вразумил их лидера,
- 00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:52,070 и теперь они продают мёртвых людей в каждом космо-супермаркете.
- 00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:54,280 Вразумил, но я не просил делать вот это.
- 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:56,480 В банке люди или уже нет?
- 00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:59,460 Хочу понять, насколько сильно надо изобразить печаль.
- 00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:01,330 Это вроде бы Роджер.
- 00:09:01,890 --> 00:09:04,850 Привет. Я - Роджер Уэйн Мардер. Я был серийным убийцей и каннибалом,
- 00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:07,150 но теперь могу убить себя и стать вашей едой.
- 00:09:07,170 --> 00:09:09,770 Наверное, это ложка мёда в бочке дёгтя моих поступков.
- 00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:11,340 Приятно вам отужинать мной.
- 00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:14,970 То есть, всё-таки люди?
- 00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:17,800 Ого. Ну... с другой стороны,
- 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:22,640 можно сказать, что это очень хороший эпилог истории о том, что надо говорить правду.
- 00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:25,190 Ага. Хочешь увидеть этот эпилог?
- 00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:29,790 Это ещё что?
- 00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:32,700 Банки спагетти, которые продают всем соседним планетам.
- 00:09:32,770 --> 00:09:34,870 Хочешь узнать, насколько там всё этично?
- 00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:38,240 Это планета спагетти?
- 00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:39,210 Что случилось?
- 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:42,330 Ты. Ты случился на всех рекламных щитах.
- 00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:43,050 ОНИ ЖИВУТ СЧАСТЛИВУЮ ЖИЗНЬ, ПОТОМУ ЧТО ТЕБЯ БОЛЬШЕ НЕТ!
- 00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:44,050 Вот блин. ТЕРАПЕВТЫ. БЕСПЛАТНОЕ ПЕРЕОБУЧЕНИЕ.
- 00:09:44,070 --> 00:09:44,830 О нет.
- 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:47,860 Видишь? Этот мост называют "Самый живописный прыжок".
- 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:52,170 Раньше здесь были перила, но их переплавили в огромные дуршлаги.
- 00:09:52,670 --> 00:09:53,900 Хочешь послушать радио?
- 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,670 Там теперь одна Эния.
- 00:09:55,690 --> 00:09:59,160 Нет, только юмористические передачи. Только трёп, никаких песен.
- 00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:03,850 А по телеку сплошные реалити-шоу. Причём паршивые.
- 00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:05,930 Как будто всю планету выкупили Дискавери.
- 00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:07,850 Господи, какая депрессуха.
- 00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:09,690 На то и расчёт.
- 00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:12,940 Посмотри на эту хрень. Они окрасили солнце в строгий серый цвет.
- 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,900 Дело непростое, я даже впечатлён.
- 00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:17,430 И всё это благодаря...
- 00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:20,490 О боже! Я - убийца.
- 00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:24,210 О нет, Морти. Ты сотворил гораздо более неумышленную штуку.
- 00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:27,920 Понимаю ваше беспокойство, но вы оглянитесь.
- 00:10:27,980 --> 00:10:30,480 Прибыль от межгалактической торговли спагетти
- 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:34,050 позволила нам снизить долг и заработать кучу денег.
- 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:37,400 Мы перешли на чистую энергию.
- 00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:40,180 Во время этой паузы надо было сказать про психическое здравоохранение.
- 00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:43,180 Ну, возможно, мы переборщили... слегка.
- 00:10:43,470 --> 00:10:47,730 Но если мы остановим производство, то система поставок рухнет и убьёт мировую экономику.
- 00:10:48,050 --> 00:10:49,850 Сколько людей тогда будет страдать?
- 00:10:49,870 --> 00:10:53,510 Да уж, дело непростое, определённо фрикадельное.
- 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,480 Но мы всё исправим. Да, Рик?
- 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,250 То есть, я. Типа я должен всё исправить.
- 00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:58,150 Мы отойдём.
- 00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:00,230 Да, я хочу, чтобы ты всё исправил.
- 00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:02,680 Ничего бы не случилось, если бы ты не врал про спагетти.
- 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,740 Морти, я соглал, чтобы защитить тебя, а ты сказал правду, чтобы навредить мне.
- 00:11:05,740 --> 00:11:08,950 Как мне бороздить с тобой галактику, если в каждой пизданутой системе
- 00:11:08,970 --> 00:11:11,080 ты начинаешь копаться в проводах и получаешь удар током?
- 00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:12,600 Я больше не буду.
- 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:13,560 Чего?
- 00:11:13,580 --> 00:11:16,800 Если поможешь, то даю слово, больше никогда не копаться в твоих делах
- 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,550 с целью найти там какую-нибудь грязь.
- 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:19,990 И ты не будешь мне отказывать.
- 00:11:20,550 --> 00:11:21,590 Ты кто, Кит Раньер?
- 00:11:21,610 --> 00:11:22,260 Две недели.
- 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:22,770 Ладно.
- 00:11:22,930 --> 00:11:24,770 Внук поцеловал меня в зад, так что я в деле.
- 00:11:24,790 --> 00:11:27,870 В общем, н-нам нужно придумать что-то
- 00:11:27,890 --> 00:11:30,770 помимо распихивания людей по банкам, так?
- 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:34,060 Но люди - это спагетти, в этом вся суть.
- 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,730 А если это не так?
- 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,410 Я слушаю.
- 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,320 Я тоже.
- 00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:41,760 Типа... что если мы сделаем подобие человека?
- 00:11:42,180 --> 00:11:44,680 Типа... Рик, ты же постоянно создаёшь клонов, так?
- 00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,160 Что ты предлагаешь?
- 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,620 Ускорить жизненный цикл и учебную программу?
- 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:52,850 Хочешь ограничить им познание мира и убедить их, что стать спагетти - это их судьба?
- 00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:54,700 ТРИ ДНЯ СПУСТЯ
- 00:11:57,980 --> 00:12:00,070 Я не стану для них вкуснятиной.
- 00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:02,590 Я люблю тебя, клон 5617Б.
- 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,430 Считай проспидранили фильм "Не отпускай меня".
- 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,560 Спойлеры, Рик.
- 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,020 Похоже, что все истории с клонами заканчиваются одинаково.
- 00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:17,820 Значит, возвращаемся к обычным людям и обычным самоубийствам?
- 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,050 Нет, погодите-погодите. Всё получится.
- 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,230 Может, сделать их менее... человечными?
- 00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:26,180 Насколько человечными они должны быть, чтобы стать спагетти?
- 00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:28,510 Ууу, серые грани. Моя специальность.
- 00:12:29,030 --> 00:12:29,940 Подопытный номер один.
- 00:12:30,910 --> 00:12:34,760 Нет лобной доли, нет узлов сочувствия. Но по физиологии такой же человек.
- 00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:39,780 К сожалению, в его понимании нет разницы между жизнью и смертью.
- 00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,600 Так что никакого спагетти.
- 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,780 А тут ещё один. С момента рождения он испытывает ужасную невероятную боль.
- 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,470 О господи! О, нет, Рик!
- 00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:50,970 Я даже не стал создавать его, потому что знал, что ты будешь против.
- 00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:53,060 Даже несмотря на то, что лишить его жизни - это благо.
- 00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:53,700 Иди нахуй.
- 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,280 Когда-нибудь тебе придётся столкнуться с проблемой вагонетки, Морти.
- 00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:57,920 Короче, тут последний.
- 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,360 Оставил ему ствол мозга, внутренние двигательные функции.
- 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,830 Но по сути, это просто туловище без костей и головы.
- 00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:05,780 И там внутри есть спагетти?
- 00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:08,200 В теории да, но проблема в том, что...
- 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,620 Ну ты понял.
- 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,160 А-а ты можешь... ну типа...
- 00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:17,040 Что это? Что это такое? Шарады?
- 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,710 Ладно, ты сжал руку в кулак?
- 00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,460 Это типа что, телефон?
- 00:13:20,790 --> 00:13:22,530 В пизду, просто скажи, как есть.
- 00:13:23,460 --> 00:13:28,300 Можешь сделать им... типа когтистую руку, чтобы они могли... ну типа...
- 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:30,170 заколоть себя до смерти?
- 00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:31,300 Ну, раз такое дело.
- 00:13:31,470 --> 00:13:35,080 Интересное решение вы придумали, ребята.
- 00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:00,300 Спагетти!
- 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,210 Формально.
- 00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:04,800 Годится. К выходным надо сделать сто тысяч банок.
- 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:08,220 Так что раскочегарим этих толстячков!
- 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,180 Права туловищ! Права туловищ!
- 00:14:13,170 --> 00:14:14,600 Новое спагетти отстой!
- 00:14:14,850 --> 00:14:16,600 Мы хотим настоящее спагетти!
- 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:19,030 - Вы что... - В-вы...
- 00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:20,790 Вы хотели взорвать себя?
- 00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:22,650 Да, но раз уж вы тоже хотели.
- 00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:25,110 Ну, ваша позиция с гораздо более высокой моралью.
- 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:26,970 Прошу. Подрывай.
- 00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:29,980 Хочешь, чтобы я убил себя, чтобы потом пожрать спагетти, да?
- 00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:31,250 Ебучий инопланетный кусок дерьма...
- 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:31,970 Иди нахуй!
- 00:14:31,990 --> 00:14:32,970 Сам иди!
- 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,880 Сколько времени уходит на крах общества?
- 00:14:42,150 --> 00:14:43,070 Ща узнаем.
- 00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:48,340 Хуйли так долго? У меня целая планета ждёт доставку.
- 00:14:48,340 --> 00:14:49,820 Говорят, спагетти закончилось.
- 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,170 Так давай приземлимся и сами наделаем.
- 00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:56,250 Убей себя.
- 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:56,710 Убей себя.
- 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,490 - Убей себя. - Хватит.
- 00:14:57,510 --> 00:14:58,580 - Убей себя. - Убей себя.
- 00:14:58,600 --> 00:14:59,410 - Убей себя. - Убей себя.
- 00:14:59,430 --> 00:15:00,630 - Убей себя. - Давай, убей себя.
- 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:01,310 Убей себя.
- 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,860 Я понимаю. Направьте половину вооружённых патрулей на подавление беспорядков,
- 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,740 а другую - на планетарную оборону.
- 00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:11,530 Примите всех необходимые действия для восстановления порядка.
- 00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:13,680 Что-то вы не склоняетесь к психическому здравоохранению.
- 00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,660 Хватит советовать, мерзкий инопланетный трупоед.
- 00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:17,830 Уже напомогал.
- 00:15:18,540 --> 00:15:21,870 Блядь! Мы задолжали спагетти стольким планетам,
- 00:15:21,870 --> 00:15:23,460 что нам всем придётся убить себя.
- 00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:24,630 Погодите, погодите.
- 00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:28,570 Рик может синтезировать любое вещество по образцу. Может попробуем?
- 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:32,720 Ну... у вас не осталось людей, которые хотели бы убить себя?
- 00:15:33,230 --> 00:15:35,910 Есть один... но удачи с ним.
- 00:15:36,890 --> 00:15:38,130 Жить осталось два месяца.
- 00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,690 Прикован к постели, страдает от боли.
- 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:42,890 Почему он не покончил с собой?
- 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,020 - Эй! - Иди нахуй, спагеттный пацан!
- 00:15:45,020 --> 00:15:45,650 Что за фигня?
- 00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:46,460 Мне больно...
- 00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:48,900 ...и я хочу умереть.
- 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,860 Но не буду кормить вашу больную корыстную систему.
- 00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:54,450 Буду из принципа жить с болью.
- 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,850 А если я скажу, что ты поможешь покончить с торговлей спагетти навсегда?
- 00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:00,260 В каком смысле?
- 00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:01,630 Объясню по дороге.
- 00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:12,860 Ты что типа... заранее подготовил зал для эвтаназии?
- 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:13,930 Это просто такое место.
- 00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:20,190 Эй! Эй! Прекратите! Прекратите!
- 00:16:20,790 --> 00:16:23,120 Я знаю, как обеспечить всех спагетти.
- 00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:24,950 Сделаем это в последний раз.
- 00:16:25,290 --> 00:16:28,680 Этот человек сделает дело, а я синтезирую спагетти.
- 00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:31,280 Считайте, что это Китти-Хок для наших братьев Райт
- 00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:34,170 или вставьте свой вариант, подходящий для вашей планеты.
- 00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:36,680 Итак, Фред. Думай о своей жизни.
- 00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:39,540 Аппарат покажет её на экране, и все её увидят.
- 00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:41,580 Когда будешь готов, нажми на кнопку.
- 00:16:46,780 --> 00:16:48,460 Д-думаешь, что получится?
- 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,170 Доверься мне.
- 00:17:58,190 --> 00:17:59,370 АРХИТЕКТУРА. НЕУД.
- 00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:27,750 ЛЮБЯЩИЙ ОТЕЦ. ЛЮБЯЩАЯ МАТЬ.
- 00:19:18,060 --> 00:19:19,150 РАЗВОД
- 00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,070 ЛЮБЯЩАЯ ЖЕНА
- 00:20:01,190 --> 00:20:02,110 Приятного аппетита.
- 00:20:12,460 --> 00:20:14,130 Ну, пиздец.
- 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,100 Скажу от лица всего своего народа.
- 00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:20,020 Хватит с нас спагетти.
- 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,360 У тебя получилось, да?
- 00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:25,320 Ты не мог поменять всем вкусовые рецепторы, поэтому сделал спагетти
- 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:26,970 тошнотворными.
- 00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:28,850 Дело не в смерти, не так ли?
- 00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:30,350 Дело в сложности жизни.
- 00:20:30,370 --> 00:20:31,710 Боже, в чём тогда смысл?
- 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,390 Если хочешь знать, была ли эта история о том, что хорошо, а что плохо,
- 00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:36,670 то могу ответить, что мне всё равно.
- 00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:37,930 Что же делать?
- 00:20:37,950 --> 00:20:39,150 Наши клетки питаются, Морти.
- 00:20:39,170 --> 00:20:41,790 Сама жизнь дурна, а значит, смерть - штука хорошая.
- 00:20:42,070 --> 00:20:43,420 Но с этим нельзя согласиться.
- 00:20:43,570 --> 00:20:45,860 Ты продолжаешь жить, даже если для этого надо есть.
- 00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:48,500 И Фред отлично с этим справился.
- 00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:57,310 Что это за хрень? Где спагетти?
- 00:20:57,330 --> 00:20:58,880 Не пошла бы ты нахуй, Саммер?
- 00:20:58,880 --> 00:20:59,190 Что?
- 00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:01,460 Чем тебе стейки не угодили? Хоть попробуй.
- 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,330 Охренеть. Да это...
- 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,470 ...самый лучший стейк Солсбери в моей жизни.
- 00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:08,680 А это реально стейк Солсбери?
- 00:21:09,340 --> 00:21:10,800 Уверена, что хочешь знать?
- 00:21:10,820 --> 00:21:12,280 Нет, спасибо.
- 00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:14,770 Чтоб вы знали, всё очень фигово.
- 00:21:14,770 --> 00:21:15,530 Как скажешь.
- 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,770 Серьёзно. Я не шучу.
- 00:21:17,770 --> 00:21:20,480 Я ничего не скажу, но вы должны знать, что правда кошмарна,
- 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,000 и если вы случайно узнаете, то меня винить не надо.
- 00:21:23,030 --> 00:21:24,220 Договорились.
- 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:25,120 Ага.
- 00:21:25,140 --> 00:21:28,220 Честно, вы захотите порешить себя, но больше я ничего не скажу.
- 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:28,870 Ладно!
- 00:22:16,790 --> 00:22:19,960 Так вот откуда берутся пылесборники?!
- 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,000 О господи.
- 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,845 Who's ready for Rick's famous spaghetti?!
- 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,388 I love Spaghetti Thursdays!
- 00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,807 Oh, my God, Rick, i-it's like it's better every time!
- 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,058 Hell yeah, you like that?!
- 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,893 That's-a some good spaghetti!
- 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,271 Grandpa Rick, I'm skull emoji but words.
- 00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,773 Sauce? More sauce? Oh, we gots the sauce!
- 00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:26,109 Dad, you-- you had a job interview, right?
- 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,527 Bombed it!
- 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,404 But it's nothing a little Bolognese won't cure!
- 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:31,448 Dad, this noodle is sooo tender.
- 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,951 A little spicy! A little sweet!
- 00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,286 It's so nice that we're talking, you know,
- 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,495 all-- all-- all talking
- 00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:38,747 because we're a family and everything,
- 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,373 and this a good time we're having.
- 00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:41,458 Is there any more?!
- 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,834 Seconds? Thirds?
- 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,879 We spa-gots as much as you can spag-eat!
- 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:46,963 Rick, I-I got to know, like,
- 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,382 wh-what's the secret ingredient--
- 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,801 God, no! Why? Why? No!
- 00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,052 Why is it always this shit with you?!
- 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,721 O-Of course it's a person!
- 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,973 Rick, why couldn't it just be spaghetti?
- 00:00:56,973 --> 00:01:30,840 {\an8}♪
- 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,425 {\an8}Rick: I'm just going to say this
- 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:34,177 {\an8}as simply as possible and let you not believe me--
- 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,930 {\an8}on this planet, people that kill themselves turn into spaghetti.
- 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,181 {\an8}What?
- 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,433 {\an8}I know, you're a visual learner, so follow me.
- 00:01:42,101 --> 00:01:43,937 {\an8}Oh, hi, Doctor Hotpenis.
- 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,605 {\an8}You're not supposed to bring patients--
- 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:49,067 {\an8}Hi, Michael. It's okay. This alien boy has space cancer
- 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:51,194 {\an8}and his dying wish is to see deader people
- 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,695 {\an8}so he can feel superior.
- 00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,031 {\an8}All you had to say.
- 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,699 {\an8}Check it out. Murdered.
- 00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:58,243 {\an8}Oh, gross!
- 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,828 {\an8}Car crash. Oh!
- 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,871 {\an8}And suicide.
- 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,540 {\an8}Ugh, Rick, I don't--
- 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,708 {\an8}Wait, what is that smell?
- 00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:07,544 {\an8}You know God damn well what it is, baby.
- 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,212 {\an8}Get in here. Oh, don't do that!
- 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,506 {\an8}You've been doing it for weeks every spaghetti night!
- 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,341 {\an8}Come on, Morty. Choo choo plane!
- 00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:15,260 {\an8}Gross! Come on!
- 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,511 {\an8}God damn!
- 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,555 {\an8}Telling you! Why?! How?!
- 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,765 {\an8}Their cortisol increases the starch content
- 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,350 {\an8}in their bloodstream, changing their intestines
- 00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,977 {\an8}into one long spaghetti noodle,
- 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,521 {\an8}and the surrounding tissues into a spicy-sweet hematoma
- 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,356 {\an8}that we would call a Bolognese.
- 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:30,400 {\an8}But it takes a lot of cortisol...
- 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,818 {\an8}like a suicidal amount.
- 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,194 {\an8}I-It's almost better cold!
- 00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,029 {\an8}Wouldn't go that far, don't be a hipster.
- 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,239 {\an8}Excuse me.
- 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,324 {\an8}Are you two eating a corpse?
- 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,742 {\an8}It's okay! I-It's spaghetti.
- 00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,035 {\an8}Morty, they don't know what that is.
- 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:42,412 {\an8}I'm calling the police!
- 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,163 {\an8}Before you do that, just-- No, Rick, stop--
- 00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:45,748 {\an8}What?! Where am I?
- 00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,667 {\an8}In a morgue, eating bodies! We're what?!
- 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,545 {\an8}Stop using that thing! What thing? Who are we?
- 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,380 {\an8}We were just leaving. All you had to say!
- 00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,465 {\an8}Whose car is this? Whose sun visor is this?
- 00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:55,925 {\an8}What's a sun?
- 00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:59,888 {\an8}Jesus, sorry, that's always embarrassing.
- 00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,432 {\an8}But you see what I mean now? Best spaghetti in the galaxy
- 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,850 {\an8}and it's 100% guilt-free.
- 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,560 {\an8}I wanna know their names. Who?
- 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,020 {\an8}Michael? Coroner Number One?
- 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,272 {\an8}The people we've been eating every spaghetti night!
- 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,773 {\an8}Do you even know their names?
- 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,525 {\an8}I'm not giving you your spaghettises' names!
- 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,819 {\an8}You've found my line, Morty! I-I find that ghoulish!
- 00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,030 {\an8}I-I want their names o-or I'm telling Mom
- 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,239 {\an8}and no more spaghetti night!
- 00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:19,616 You suck! Where's the thing?
- 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,284 Where's the "Men in Black" thing? Names!
- 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,535 And if you know the fuckin' names
- 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:23,745 of your spaghettis, that's it?
- 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,163 This is done? It's all I ask!
- 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,915 You won't get overwhelmed with even more guilt
- 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,458 and then demand to go to their fuckin' funeral?
- 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,460 Just their names and then I'm done.
- 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,753 I promise.
- 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:34,088 I fucking hate you.
- 00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:35,715 I just want to pay my respects!
- 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,300 The only reason you're still alive
- 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,054 is because you don't turn delicious when you die.
- 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,851 Thank you for that moment of silence.
- 00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:49,103 I'd like to open it up to the congregation,
- 00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:53,316 if anyone would like to say a few words about Lawrence.
- 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,027 [ Coughs ]
- 00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:01,199 Or... another moment of silence.
- 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,618 Geez, no wonder he killed himself.
- 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:04,994 Okay, let's--
- 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:06,037 Oh, for--
- 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,747 Hi. Um...
- 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,667 I just want to be honest about something.
- 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,293 After Lawrence died,
- 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,796 we, uh, ate him.
- 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,923 [ Gasping, murmuring ] Wait, we're not...
- 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,801 werewolves or-- or anything, we-- we come from a planet,
- 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,387 where, to us, when you guys kill yourselves,
- 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:25,515 you turn into what my planet considers food.
- 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,476 Spaghetti. It brought us together.
- 00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,728 Lawrence brought us together.
- 00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:33,773 It just felt wrong not having anyone know that.
- 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,358 But he was delicious.
- 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:39,737 I-I hope that helps make it right.
- 00:04:39,737 --> 00:04:41,322 That should do it, buddy.
- 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,366 Everybody enjoy your closure.
- 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:47,996 So we were eating... people.
- 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,372 I-I'm afraid so.
- 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:52,375 They were so... spaghettiesque.
- 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,710 Yes, they were.
- 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,962 It's going to be... hard to...
- 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,714 Hard to put out of your mind, yes,
- 00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,299 which is why I thought it best to keep you all in the dark.
- 00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,426 So...
- 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,094 Morty ruined spaghetti night.
- 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,887 - Correct. - Summer! It was people!
- 00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,597 It was people, Summer.
- 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,224 Which is disgusting.
- 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,226 And not cool to lie about.
- 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:11,394 Correct.
- 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,563 But it should also be noted, to Morty,
- 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:14,981 that it's not cool to tattle.
- 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,607 Dad! They were delicious!
- 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,693 So keep eating them! We can't now!
- 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:19,777 Because of you!
- 00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:20,987 Sorry, [Clears throat] Morty.
- 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,780 That was terrible parenting.
- 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,742 You did the "right" thing.
- 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:29,245 We are technically very happy to be better informed.
- 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,621 First octopus, now this.
- 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:32,165 Have-- Have we thought about just giving up
- 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,292 and joining the fascist half of the country?
- 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,418 - No! - No!
- 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,003 Just saying, they get to do more.
- 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:40,173 Well, I guess I'll go to my room since everyone hates me now.
- 00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:42,925 Oh. Sorry.
- 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:44,260 - Good night, Morty. - Good night, Morty.
- 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,346 Goodnight, Morty.
- 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,890 <i>Hey, big boy. Are you depressed?</i>
- 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,350 <i>Oooooh, mama likes depression.</i>
- 00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,144 <i>Oopsie, I spilled my milk.</i>
- 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,520 <i>Now we're both sad.</i>
- 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,897 <i>I'm a bad family therapist farm girl.</i>
- 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:59,567 [ Knock on window ]
- 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,444 Space Ship: Hello, Morty Smith.
- 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,489 You are invited to 41-Kepler B.
- 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,824 You know it as Spaghetti Planet.
- 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:07,909 You're not in trouble.
- 00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,952 We just want to talk.
- 00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:12,330 Can that thing support my weight?
- 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,998 It should.
- 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,792 Uh, o-okay...
- 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,126 um... up here?
- 00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:18,753 Oh, uh, geez.
- 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,171 Ever heard of a ramp?
- 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,381 This is a ramp. Uh-huh.
- 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,553 Hi, Morty, I'm the president of this planet.
- 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,597 I saw the video of you at that funeral.
- 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,099 I'm sorry. Don't be.
- 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,643 It was quite the... revelation.
- 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,811 Uh, would you...
- 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,479 mind... showing us?
- 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,648 Uh, this is the..."spaghetti"
- 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,858 of a person that took their own life.
- 00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,652 They did consent to be eaten.
- 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,654 Uh, okay.
- 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:45,613 [ Gags ]
- 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,031 [ Retches ]
- 00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:48,616 [ Slurping ]
- 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:51,160 Wow, yeah, a-amazing as always.
- 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,662 N-Not gonna lie.
- 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:55,957 And would you consider yourself a typical Earthian?
- 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,293 Well, on Earth, it's considered inferior to be typical,
- 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,921 so we're all very special and different,
- 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:04,173 but we definitely all do like spaghetti.
- 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:07,009 All... eight billion of you? Oooh.
- 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:09,971 Morty, how would you feel about being a kind of...
- 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:13,474 ambassador? A liaison between our worlds.
- 00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,143 Oh. Now hold on.
- 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,103 I-I went to that funeral because--
- 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,563 Because you felt bad.
- 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,731 Because you didn't have permission.
- 00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:22,483 Show him.
- 00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,819 <i>My name is Tanya Radcliffe.</i>
- 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,446 <i>I've been living in pain for years,</i>
- 00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:31,450 <i>I've lost all my loved ones, I've got nothing.</i>
- 00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:35,663 <i>So when doctors told me I could finally have the "right to die"</i>
- 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:39,125 <i>if I agree to be dinner for some alien boy,</i>
- 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:43,754 <i>I simply said, "I hope I'm delicious."</i>
- 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,132 God damn.
- 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:49,135 Mm, and would you say that makes it taste better?
- 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,679 It makes it go down a lot easier.
- 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,264 Oh, I like that.
- 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:56,267 Maybe it's time we allow some people the right to die
- 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,602 and be delicious.
- 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,520 Please feel free to finish Tanya.
- 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,688 It is what she wanted.
- 00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:02,648 No. No, I-I-I think I'm good.
- 00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:03,733 Thanks.
- 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,819 Tanya, you really were tasty.
- 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:12,033 Actually, can I take her to go?
- 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,493 Who's ready for more ethical spaghetti?!
- 00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:16,495 Me! I love this ethical shit!
- 00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:18,456 Full admission, I was fine before too!
- 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,999 God, this is so good!
- 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,417 Pass the parmeesian!
- 00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:22,627 Where's Dad?
- 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,086 Why does he keep missing spaghetti night?
- 00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:26,130 I guess he got butthurt because Morty high-roaded him
- 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,882 and got us the delicious spaghetti
- 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,425 without all the lies and nihilism.
- 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:32,762 And another cheer for the added bonus of no Rick--
- 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,430 Boom. Sorry to interrupt
- 00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,057 Morty's perfect spaghetti night,
- 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,475 but thought he'd wanna see this.
- 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,976 Whoa, what the fuck is that?!
- 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:42,521 "Morty-O's Suicide Spaghetti is 100% ethical,
- 00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:44,106 single-origin pasta."
- 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,441 Oh, dear God.
- 00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,109 Lemme guess, you went back to the planet,
- 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:49,195 gave some thoughtful insight to their leader,
- 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,781 and now they're selling their dead at every Space Walmart.
- 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:54,700 I-I did but I didn't say to do this!
- 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,244 Is this people, or not people?
- 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,330 I-I just need to know how much I should pretend to be upset.
- 00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,540 This seems to be Roger.
- 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:02,959 <i>Hi. I'm Roger Wayne Marder.</i>
- 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,669 <i>I was a serial killer and cannibal,</i>
- 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,587 <i>and now I get to kill myself and be food for you,</i>
- 00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:09,882 <i>which I suppose is a silver lining to all my misdeeds.</i>
- 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,927 <i>Anyway, please enjoy me.</i>
- 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,971 So "yes" to people?
- 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,348 Wow. I-I mean, on the bright side,
- 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,100 I-I feel like one could look at this
- 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,728 as a really nice epilogue t-to a story about telling the truth.
- 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:25,523 Uh-huh, care to see that epilogue?
- 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,565 [ Horns honking ]
- 00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:29,318 What is all this?
- 00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:32,321 Cans of spaghetti selling out to every neighboring planet.
- 00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:36,325 Wanna go see how ethical it is down there?
- 00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:38,995 This is Spaghetti Planet? What happened?
- 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,288 You happened.
- 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,873 You happened all over those billboards.
- 00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,458 Oh, geez, oh, no.
- 00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:47,795 See that? They call that bridge "The Most Scenic Jump."
- 00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:49,338 There used to be safety rails.
- 00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:52,425 They melted them down for giant spaghetti strainers.
- 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,843 You wanna turn on the radio?
- 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,511 I get it, it's all Enya.
- 00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,346 Nope, all morning zoo teams.
- 00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:59,348 Just patter. No songs.
- 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,850 Oh, and for TV?
- 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,436 Wall-to-wall reality television, but not the good kind.
- 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,688 It's like their whole planet was bought by Discovery.
- 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,356 Jesus Christ, this is depressing.
- 00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:09,191 That's definitely what they're going for.
- 00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,526 Look at this shit.
- 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,987 They dyed their sun institutional gray.
- 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,281 That's not easy, kind of impressed.
- 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,616 And all of it is thanks to...
- 00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:18,909 Oh, God.
- 00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:20,870 I'm a murderer.
- 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,079 Oh, no, Morty.
- 00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:24,457 What you did was much more indirect.
- 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,169 I understand your concerns, but look around.
- 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,171 With what's coming in from intergalactic spaghetti trade,
- 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:34,342 we've decreased our debt, are making a lot of money.
- 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,220 We've got clean energy. That space where you paused
- 00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,847 is where you should have said "mental healthcare."
- 00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:43,059 Alright, we had to put our fingers on the scale, a little.
- 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,853 But if we stop this, the supply chain crumbles
- 00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,813 and kills the global economy.
- 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,482 How many people will suffer then?
- 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:53,694 Okay, tough problem, definitely a spicy meat-a-ball.
- 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,237 Bu-Bu-But we can fix it. Right, Rick?
- 00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,323 You mean me. You want me to fix it.
- 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,657 Uh, a moment?
- 00:10:58,657 --> 00:10:59,825 Yes, I want you to fix it.
- 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,160 None of this would have happened
- 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,745 if you'd been honest about the spaghetti.
- 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:05,289 Morty, I lied to protect you. You told the truth to hurt me.
- 00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:07,249 I can't travel the galaxy with you if every time
- 00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:08,834 we come near a fucked up system,
- 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,087 you leap into its wires and electrocute yourself.
- 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,130 I promise to stop. You what?
- 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,673 If you help me, I-I promise
- 00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:16,342 I'll never look under the curtain at a Rick thing
- 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,260 to figure out what's bad about it ever again.
- 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,179 And you can never say no to me.
- 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:21,305 What are you, Keith Raniere?
- 00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:22,598 For two weeks. Fine.
- 00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,308 My grandson kissed my ass so I'm in.
- 00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:27,395 Okay, so, w-we just need to figure out something else
- 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:30,356 besides people to put in the cans, right?
- 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,818 But people are the spaghetti, that's the whole thing.
- 00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:36,112 But what if they weren't?
- 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,988 I'm listening. Me, too.
- 00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:41,992 I mean, what if we make something like a person?
- 00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,285 Like...
- 00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,495 Rick, y-you're always doing clones, right?
- 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,996 What are you suggesting here?
- 00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,165 A sped-up life span and indoctrination program?
- 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:50,292 Limiting their exposure to the world and convincing them
- 00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:53,170 that becoming spaghetti is their destiny?
- 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,631 [ Alarm blaring, dogs barking ]
- 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,800 {\an8}♪
- 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,844 I won't be delicious for them!
- 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:03,389 I love you, Clone-5617B!
- 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,348 [ Gunshots ]
- 00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:07,560 [ Bodies thud ]
- 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,104 That was some speed run of "Never Let Me Go," huh?
- 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,480 Spoilers, Rick!
- 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,732 Eh, I guess all clone stories turn out the same way.
- 00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:17,653 So, we're back to the regular people, regular suicides?
- 00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:18,863 No, no, hold on, hold on.
- 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,156 We can do this.
- 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,741 Maybe we make them less... people.
- 00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:25,953 H-How much of a people do they have to be to become spaghetti?
- 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,496 Oooooh, gray areas!
- 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:28,873 My specialty!
- 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,416 Subject one.
- 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,376 No frontal lobe, no empathy centers.
- 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:35,045 Otherwise the same physiology as a person.
- 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,965 Unfortunately, to this guy,
- 00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:39,842 there's no difference between life and death.
- 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,760 So no spaghetti.
- 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,471 Then there's this one.
- 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,681 It's in horrible, unimaginable pain from the moment it's born.
- 00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,016 Oh, geez, oh, no, Rick!
- 00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,185 And so I didn't even bother to make it
- 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,853 because I knew you'd take issue.
- 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,938 Even though you'd be doing it a favor by ending its life.
- 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:55,024 Fuck you. You might want to examine that Trolley Problem
- 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,442 at some point, Morty.
- 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,235 Anyway, here's the last one.
- 00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:00,029 Kept the brain stem, internal motor functions.
- 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:03,407 But essentially just a headless, boneless torso.
- 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:05,701 There's... spaghetti inside that?
- 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:06,869 Theoretically, yes.
- 00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:10,039 The problem is the... y-you know.
- 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:14,168 Cou-Could you, um, like...
- 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,879 What is that? Wh-What are you-- Is this charades?
- 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,297 Okay, okay, are you making a fist?
- 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,382 W-Wait, is that supposed to be a phone?
- 00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,426 Ah, fuck it, just spell it out for me.
- 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:26,055 Um, maybe give them a claw-like hand
- 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,642 so they can, ya know, stab themselves to death?
- 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,060 All you had to say.
- 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:35,147 Well, this is some solution you guys have cooked up.
- 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:59,046 {\an8}♪
- 00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,006 Spaghetti! Technically.
- 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,299 Good enough for me.
- 00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,468 We need to fill 100,000 cans by the weekend.
- 00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:08,430 So let's fire up these chunky boys!
- 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,810 Torso's rights! Torso's rights!
- 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:17,273 The new spaghetti sucks! We want authentic spaghetti!
- 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,524 Oh, were you--
- 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,442 Wait, you're gonna blow yourself up?
- 00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,278 Yeah, but if you wanna do it--
- 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,697 Well, you clearly have a morally superior position,
- 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,865 so please, go ahead.
- 00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:28,158 You just want me to kill myself
- 00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:29,743 so you can eat the spaghetti, right?
- 00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,412 Fuckin' alien piece of shit.
- 00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,080 Oh, fuck you! Fuck you!
- 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:38,669 [ All coughing ]
- 00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:41,922 How long does a society take to collapse?
- 00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,257 Let's find out.
- 00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,300 [ Horns honking ]
- 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,634 Ay! What's the fuckin' hold-up?
- 00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,095 I've got an entire planet waiting on delivery!
- 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:49,471 They say they're out of spaghetti!
- 00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:52,308 Then let's go down there and make some!
- 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:55,269 [ Screaming ]
- 00:14:55,269 --> 00:15:02,985 - Kill yourself. - Kill yourself...
- 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,361 Madame President: I understand.
- 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,447 Divert half of the armed patrols to civil unrest,
- 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:08,365 the other half to planetary defense.
- 00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:11,118 Take every action necessary to restore order.
- 00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,329 Still didn't hear much diverting towards mental healthcare--
- 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,663 The brainstorming is over,
- 00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,749 you ghoulish little corpse-eating alien!
- 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:17,958 You've helped enough!
- 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,293 Fuck!
- 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,462 We owe so much spaghetti to so many planets
- 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,255 that we're all going to have to kill ourselves.
- 00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:24,715 Slow down, slow down.
- 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,092 Rick can synthesize anything he gets a sample of.
- 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,802 Can't we still try that?
- 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,305 I mean, is there anyone else left
- 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,015 who might wanna kill themselves?
- 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:36,852 There's one, but good luck.
- 00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,437 Two months to live.
- 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,356 Bedridden, terrible pain.
- 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,691 Whoa. Why hasn't he done it yet?
- 00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,902 Hey! Fuck you, spaghetti child!
- 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,111 What gives?!
- 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,864 I'm in pain and I wish I could die,
- 00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:52,076 but I won't feed your sick system of profit.
- 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,370 Integrity means living with pain.
- 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:59,166 What if I told you this would end the spaghetti trade forever?
- 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:01,710 What do you mean? I'll explain on the way.
- 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,631 [ Bottles clatter ]
- 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,511 Did you have a, like a...
- 00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,721 euthanasia chamber ready to go?
- 00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,890 It's just a place.
- 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,850 [ Screaming ]
- 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:20,604 <i>Hey! Hey! Everyone stop! Stop!</i>
- 00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:22,648 <i>I have a solution to get you all spaghetti.</i>
- 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:25,109 <i>We're gonna do this one last time.</i>
- 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,069 This guy here, he's gonna do the deed,
- 00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,570 and I-I'll synthesize it.
- 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,781 This is the Kitty Hawk of our Wright Brothers flight,
- 00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:34,410 or the fill-in-the-blank from your fill-in-the-planet.
- 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,412 Now, Fred, just think about your life.
- 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:39,498 This machine will put it on screen for everyone to see.
- 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,459 When you're ready, press the button.
- 00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,422 [ Door opens, closes ]
- 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,340 D-Do you think this is gonna work?
- 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,425 Trust me.
- 00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:52,344 [ Groans ]
- 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:56,098 [ Beeping ]
- 00:16:56,098 --> 00:17:11,447 {\an8}♪
- 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,866 ♪ Maybe ♪
- 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,535 ♪ I don't really wanna know ♪
- 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:19,413 ♪ How your garden grows ♪
- 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:22,750 ♪ 'Cause I just wanna fly ♪
- 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,793 ♪ Lately ♪
- 00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:27,838 ♪ Did you ever feel the pain ♪
- 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:30,632 ♪ In the morning rain ♪
- 00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:34,720 ♪ As it soaks you to the bone? ♪
- 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,556 ♪ Maybe I just wanna fly ♪
- 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:40,184 ♪ Wanna live, I don't wanna die ♪
- 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:43,020 ♪ Maybe I just wanna breathe ♪
- 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:46,064 ♪ Maybe I just don't believe ♪
- 00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:48,734 ♪ Maybe you're the same as me ♪
- 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,570 ♪ We see things they'll never see ♪
- 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:58,869 ♪ You and I are gonna live forever ♪
- 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,622 ♪ I said maybe ♪
- 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,583 ♪ I don't really wanna know ♪
- 00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:07,461 ♪ How your garden grows ♪
- 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:10,672 ♪ 'Cause I just wanna fly ♪
- 00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,841 ♪ Lately ♪
- 00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:15,844 ♪ Did you ever feel the pain ♪
- 00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:18,472 ♪ In the morning rain ♪
- 00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:22,810 ♪ As it soaks you to the bone? ♪
- 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,562 ♪ Maybe I will never be ♪
- 00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:28,232 ♪ All the things that I wanna be ♪
- 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:31,235 ♪ Now is not the time to cry ♪
- 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,946 ♪ Now's the time to find out why ♪
- 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,657 ♪ I think you're the same as me ♪
- 00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:39,618 ♪ We see things they'll never see ♪
- 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:44,873 ♪ You and I are gonna live forever ♪
- 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,376 {\an8}♪
- 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,503 ♪ Maybe ♪
- 00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,673 ♪ I don't really wanna know ♪
- 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:55,384 ♪ How your garden grows ♪
- 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:58,720 ♪ 'Cause I just wanna fly ♪
- 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,389 ♪ Lately ♪
- 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:03,976 ♪ Did you ever feel the pain ♪
- 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,562 ♪ In the morning rain ♪
- 00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:10,732 ♪ As it soaks you to the bone? ♪
- 00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:13,527 ♪ Maybe I just wanna fly ♪
- 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:16,196 ♪ Wanna live, I don't wanna die ♪
- 00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:19,032 ♪ Maybe I just wanna breathe ♪
- 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,910 ♪ Maybe I just don't believe ♪
- 00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,746 ♪ Maybe you're the same as me ♪
- 00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:27,499 ♪ We see things they'll never see ♪
- 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:34,423 ♪ You and I are gonna live forever ♪
- 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:38,552 ♪ Gonna live forever ♪
- 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,596 [ Beeping ]
- 00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:45,267 [ Groans softly ]
- 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:48,312 [ Flatline ]
- 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,109 [ Flatline stops ]
- 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,284 Bon appétit.
- 00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:04,703 [ Gags ]
- 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,706 [ All vomiting ]
- 00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:15,505 Well, fuck.
- 00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:18,425 I think I can speak on behalf of my people--
- 00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:20,344 We've had enough spaghetti.
- 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,929 You did it, didn't you?
- 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:23,847 You couldn't change everyone's taste buds
- 00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,807 but you could make it...
- 00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,309 distasteful.
- 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,560 It wasn't the death, was it?
- 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,187 It was the complexity of life.
- 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,480 God, what was the point?
- 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,856 If you're asking whether this was a story
- 00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:35,609 about right and wrong, the answer is
- 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,818 I don't care.
- 00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,112 So what do we do? Cells consume, Morty.
- 00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:41,740 Life itself is wrong, and that means death is right.
- 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,075 But you can't side with that.
- 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,286 So you live, even when it means eating.
- 00:20:46,286 --> 00:20:49,164 And Fred here really did it well.
- 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:50,624 Mmm, mmm.
- 00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,334 [ Sighs ]
- 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:57,089 The hell is this? Where is the spaghetti?
- 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,507 Why don't you go fuck yourself, Summer?
- 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,384 What? What's wrong with Salisbury steaks?
- 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:03,512 At least try them. Holy shit, this is...
- 00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:06,390 the best Salisbury steak I've ever had.
- 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:09,184 Mmm! Is it actually Salisbury steak?
- 00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:10,602 Do you want to know or not?
- 00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:12,104 Together: No, thanks!
- 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:14,564 Just so you know, it's really bad.
- 00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:15,816 Whatever you say!
- 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,567 Seriously, haha, I'm not kidding.
- 00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,903 I won't tell you but I need you to know the truth is horrible
- 00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:22,864 so that if you ever find out on accident, you can't blame me!
- 00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,741 Now that's a deal! Yeah!
- 00:21:24,741 --> 00:21:26,535 Honestly, if you knew, you might kill yourselves.
- 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,703 That's the last thing I'll say forever.
- 00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:30,872 Good! [ Laughter ]
- 00:21:30,872 --> 00:22:07,826 {\an8}♪
- 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:10,954 ♪ Gonna live forever ♪
- 00:22:10,954 --> 00:22:16,126 [ Flatline ]
- 00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:19,713 That's where vacuum cleaner bags come from?!
- 00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,256 Oh, my God.
- 00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:23,175 Vrrrrrr!
- 00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:24,593 Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
- 00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:26,970 Hgggggg-vvrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
- 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:29,931 {\an8}Did you get any of that?