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Цельно мета оболочка
После того, как Рик и Морти преодолевают «четвёртую стену» и попадают в метамир, где существуют все вымышленные персонажи, они оказываются в ловушке, устроенной Лордом Истории из эпизода «Никогда не Рик и Морти». Лорд Истории крадёт устройство Рика, позволяющее ему путешествовать в реальный мир и разыскивать своего создателя, Джен. Тем временем Рик и Морти, стремясь вернуться в реальный мир, проникают в крепость «Самореферентной шестёрки» — группы «мета-ботаников», обладающих способностями к искажению реальности, основанными на повествовательных приёмах и средствах (таких как сюжетные повороты и ошибки в логике повествования), но подвергаются нападению и вынуждены бежать обратно в метамир. Их спасает Джозеф Кэмпбелл, который помогает им создать устройство для возвращения в реальный мир, чтобы противостоять Лорду Истории. Джен и Лорд Истории создали машину, способную высасывать мотивацию из обитателей вселенной, чтобы подпитывать собственную «мотивацию» Лорда Истории. Морти, с помощью призрачного Кэмпбелла, убеждает Джен прекратить управлять машиной, лишая Лорда Истории его сил и позволяя Рику победить его. По настоянию Морти и Кэмпбелла, Джен убивает Лорда Истории. После ухода Рика и Морти он вдохновляется на продолжение написания, к большому огорчению призрачного Кэмпбелла.
- 00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,590 Previously on rick and morty.
- 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,134 Jerry I had sex with your wife.
- 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:12,262 I did it, I fixed portal travel.
- 00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:14,556 Jack the Ripper, at your service.
- 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:16,141 - Cool. - This happened too?
- 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,935 - I’m pregnant. - Honey, she’s just like you.
- 00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:20,937 - It’s raining meatballs. - Okay something is...
- 00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:24,941 Jerry Smith died doing what he loved, getting stung by bees.
- 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,359 - Off. - Off what?
- 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,445 Have some respect, it’s Dad’s funeral.
- 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,405 I’m gonna name you Jerry Jr.
- 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,115 Thanks for solving that murder guys,
- 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,825 - here’s a skateboard. - Thanks Tony Hawk.
- 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,118 - Morty, say you’ll marry me.
- 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,161 - What? - Just say yes!
- 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,787 - Yes? - Okay.
- 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:40,081 - Rick, do you promise to... - I do and for our honeymoon
- 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,375 let's go to a sealed chamber lined with ionized deuterium!
- 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,710 - Why? - Because the charge acts
- 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,212 as a narrative decelerant. Morty, none of this is real,
- 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,465 we’re in a Previously On spiral, clear your head.
- 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,216 - After all that’s happened? - No.
- 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:53,803 I’m innocent! I didn’t release those bees! I love Jerry!
- 00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:55,096 What’d I just say?
- 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,556 - When? - Okay, great execution,
- 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,099 let’s go back to the chamber.
- 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,935 Now repeat after me, Morty: Next time on Rick and Morty.
- 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,729 Next time on Rick and Morty?
- 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:05,523 - No. Previously on Rick and Morty. - Ignore it, Morty.
- 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,192 Next time on Rick and Morty.
- 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,736 - It counteracts his toxins. - Next time on Rick and Morty.
- 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,571 - Whose toxins? - Hey stop it!
- 00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:13,323 Previous Leon. Grab him!
- 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,868 Hold on tight, Morty! We gotta get through the opening titles!
- 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,328 Opening titles of what?
- 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:19,996 - We’re in space. - Let go of me.
- 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:24,667 Oh my god! Oh my god!
- 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,715 - What planet is this? - Cover you eyes on this part!
- 00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:32,842 Oh my god, it’s a giant squirrel
- 00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:35,470 Why are we dressed like old timey people?
- 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,347 - What the hell’s going on? - Oh my god, no way.
- 00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:40,350 Why is my dad in a suit?
- 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,393 - Best episode! - Who is that?
- 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:43,520 OK, we’re almost through.
- 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,487 And we’re back!
- 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:54,864 {\an8}- Stop! Let go of me! - What just happened?
- 00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:55,907 {\an8}Why was there music?
- 00:01:57,075 --> 00:02:00,036 {\an8}Because of this conceptual little piece of shit! Grab his feet!
- 00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,580 {\an8}If we have opening titles, does that mean that we’re a...
- 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,125 {\an8}Let your body purge the meta-venom, Morty, don’t succumb to his
- 00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:08,670 {\an8}- pointless self aware bullshit. - It’s not pointless, it’s cool!
- 00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,172 {\an8}- He’s got a gun! - Eat lead, pussy!
- 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,593 {\an8}No no no! Fuck!
- 00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:19,848 {\an8}- Son of a... - Did he use a portal?
- 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:22,433 {\an8}He wishes. He wriggled back to the meta layer through a hole
- 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,561 {\an8}in the fourth wall. Put these on and help me find it.
- 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:28,273 {\an8}I don’t like this, Rick.
- 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,400 {\an8}You shouldn’t, it’s not a likable premise.
- 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,443 {\an8}I mean it’s funny when I do a little nod to viewers
- 00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:33,403 {\an8}- but... - What viewers?
- 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,946 {\an8}That’s the right attitude, Morty.
- 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:37,240 {\an8}A few carefree verbal asides, always by me,
- 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,409 {\an8}none of this Season Three Moonlighting shit.
- 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,286 {\an8}- Okay, here it is. - You’re going to patch it?
- 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,580 {\an8}No, he subverted actual reality, Morty,
- 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,874 {\an8}he needs to be put down like a rabid dog.
- 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:56,092 {\an8}- Fuck! - Oh yeah,
- 00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,760 {\an8}no, you don’t wanna wear those over here.
- 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:00,722 {\an8}Maybe he went down that road?
- 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,682 {\an8}No no no, if he took that he’d end up a hero.
- 00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,475 {\an8}Dammit, Rick. I don’t like this.
- 00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:07,145 {\an8}- is this whole place just... - A bunch of groan-inducing wordplay
- 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:09,272 {\an8}for seven TV critics that won’t even enjoy it?
- 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:12,483 {\an8}It’s worse than you think, Morty, we’re basting in meta radiation right now,
- 00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:14,319 {\an8}our credibility is being permanently eroded,
- 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:17,614 {\an8}every second we spend here is the equivalent to ten Space Jam cameos.
- 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,283 {\an8}- You should've thought of that previously - Get him!
- 00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:29,375 {\an8}Oh no! Bless me Heavenly Father for you will save me...
- 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,252 {\an8}Now I feel bad. Let’s just get out of here.
- 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,462 {\an8}Because he prays?
- 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,255 {\an8}You know Hitler was Catholic, right?
- 00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:36,299 {\an8}I’m here, Leon.
- 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:39,427 {\an8}Okay. He apparently prays very well.
- 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:42,180 {\an8}- Time for you two to meet the Lord. - That’s okay, we’re good.
- 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,308 {\an8}Treat it like a bear attack, just walk backwards and make yourself look big.
- 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:50,313 {\an8}I love a good refusal of the call. Hello, Rick.
- 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:54,484 {\an8}- Hello, Amish Juggler? - His name is Story Lord.
- 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,027 {\an8}Story Lord?
- 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,571 {\an8}Listen, trust me, take Amish Juggler, you can have it.
- 00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,991 {\an8}Story Lord. Rick, he’s the villain from that toy train I bought you.
- 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:04,452 {\an8}Very good, Morty. The fictional versions of you trapped me
- 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:07,413 {\an8}in a Bible show for children but I used make-believe Christ
- 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:10,124 {\an8}to transcend fiction and enter meta-reality.
- 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:14,462 {\an8}Now I’m the one doing the trapping Leon was the bait.
- 00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:15,755 {\an8}- Bait? - Jesus?
- 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,177 Never dumb mother!
- 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:28,059 You’re using Jesus to beat us up? Have you seen South Park?
- 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,687 Good call-out, Morty, that’s the kind of meta I like,
- 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,064 the kind that keeps us creatively accountable.
- 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,066 Oh god. Not the Bane. Not the Bane!
- 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:39,529 He Baned me, Morty! Jesus Baned me!
- 00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:43,825 You can’t beat me up, I’m technically Christian child!
- 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,910 And I’m your worst nightmare.
- 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,371 I’m the Jesus from every Jesus joke.
- 00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,957 - The one without a God. - Morty! Take this and get out!
- 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:57,630 Thank you. Looks like Story Lord’s story is about to become based on real events.
- 00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,675 - What do you want with that? - I want what any character wants.
- 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:02,552 - Motivation. - What?
- 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:04,554 - That’s dumb. - So lazy.
- 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,222 Forward your notes to my ass.
- 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,101 Wait wha... he just left?
- 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,687 Kinda makes you want to be our unlikely ally huh?
- 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:13,688 I guess not.
- 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,234 Previously on Jesus Christ.
- 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,445 - Hey, I’m Jesus. - I’m Mary.
- 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,904 - That’s my mom’s name. - Stop.
- 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,949 - Dude, she’s a hooker. - She’s a better disciple than you!
- 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:30,747 Oh no.
- 00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,207 I can’t die.
- 00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:35,376 I have a proposition for you.
- 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:36,836 I work alone.
- 00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:43,426 If I suck-a your blood, I’ll be invincible! I think!
- 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:44,594 You’ll never know.
- 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:49,348 {\an8}Billionaire immortal entrepreneur Jesus Christ has placed all his money
- 00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:52,143 into what he’s calling a “second chance at love.”
- 00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:57,023 - Hang on, Mary! - The data! So beautiful!
- 00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:59,525 Make me normal, witch.
- 00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:03,071 Take it all!
- 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,447 Eat your pudding, Mr. Christ.
- 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:07,992 - What are you smiling at? - Your name.
- 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,414 - What’s happening, Rick? - Leon’s venom makes you think
- 00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:16,834 more and more of your life is behind you as he feeds on your released potential.
- 00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,254 Leon. You saved our lives!
- 00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,298 - Oh not yet he hasn’t. - Jeez Rick!
- 00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:23,466 - So mean! - He’s meta, Morty.
- 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,801 His life doesn’t matter.
- 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,761 Yours does. That’s why we need to get back.
- 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,722 Well this doesn’t feel like a Citadel.
- 00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:33,643 Maybe it’s cooler on the inside?
- 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,230 This isn’t what it looks like.
- 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,816 This is a very special diet for successful writers.
- 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:43,152 - Why do you look like my character? - I am your character.
- 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:47,198 - And you are going to improve me. - But you’re Story Lord, you’re great.
- 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:51,327 Great isn’t good enough! I’ve killed Rick and made myself real.
- 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,788 I’m better than some shitty toy train.
- 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,332 Is this your office or your apartment?
- 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,750 Why does it smell like you sleep here?
- 00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:01,212 - You’re my creator, why are you pathetic? - Because you failed!
- 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:03,798 And whose fault is that? What the hell happened?
- 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,925 You wanna know what happened? Like specifically?
- 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,678 Well the Ricks wanted to do a Canterbury Tales type thing,
- 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,930 but none of them have actually read fucking Canterbury Tales,
- 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,057 so then they told me to make it like the Poker Game episode
- 00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:16,102 of the Batman cartoon where the bad guys tell stories about Batman.
- 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,187 Then they kept telling me it “needed something.”
- 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:22,024 Yeah no shit it needed something! It needed to never be pitched!
- 00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:25,695 I did my job! Goomby, the Ice Queen, the Tickets Please guy.
- 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,573 They just bailed on it! The website didn’t even fucking work!
- 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:32,243 And it was a shitty URL to begin with, “Storydash Train”?
- 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,996 Who uses a dash? They set me up to fail!
- 00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:38,583 They fucked me! They fucked me and you're lucky I haven’t blown my brains out!
- 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,460 Right. Just give me a motivation, you hacky fart.
- 00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:42,879 Okay, here’s your motivation.
- 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:46,841 You’re looking for motivation. You want all the motivation.
- 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,050 That’s lazy.
- 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,303 It got you this far. Must be nice, by the way,
- 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,639 wish I could afford to dress like a bisexual acting coach from the seventies.
- 00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:58,436 - My motivation... is motivation. - Okay, bye.
- 00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:01,814 Oh no, my bitter friend, you’re coming with me.
- 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,903 Yo! If you don’t see me coming it’s a bad fortress!
- 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,908 - Where are we? - Headquarters of The Self Referential Six.
- 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:14,702 They’re meta nerds that found out they could be less bearable as a team.
- 00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:17,205 - They can help us? - No but there’s a prisoner here that can.
- 00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,916 - Don’t tell them that. - Rick Sanchez.
- 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,251 I’ve been waiting for this moment for years.
- 00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:25,504 Good, Morty, this is Miss... Lead.
- 00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:27,673 I should kill you where you stand.
- 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:32,261 I brought you Previous Leon. You’ll want to lock him up in your detention center.
- 00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,013 It’s a trick, he wants your prisoner.
- 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,014 - You dick. - Liar!
- 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,975 Talk about a mislead. Anti-meta field.
- 00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:41,479 Fancy device. I think I can recall the time you built it.
- 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,064 Don’t try it, Flash Back!
- 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,526 Y’know I’m excited about the upcoming election.
- 00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:51,697 This forcefield will be impenetrable by meta-energy. It runs on hydrogen isotopes.
- 00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:55,952 It runs on hydrogen isotopes.
- 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,621 A few barrels of petroleum should dampen it.
- 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,289 Run, Morty!
- 00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:05,378 Were those not there before? Guess there’s been a... Connie Tinuityerror.
- 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,173 - These people are the worst! - I told you! Way overpowered!
- 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:13,761 - Look out, Rick! - Forget him, he’s a nameless guard.
- 00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:16,681 That’s Protago Nick.
- 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,308 His beam has the power to make any character the protagonist.
- 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:21,477 Duck.
- 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,856 Oh man, oh man.
- 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:30,319 What are you doing, Marvin? Not dying, that’s what I’m doing!
- 00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,531 What’s going on? What happened?
- 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,158 I did it again, Katie. I ran out on another job.
- 00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:39,412 Well if you didn’t do that, you wouldn’t be my man.
- 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,222 I was almost tempted to just let it go, that’s much how I hate it here.
- 00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,223 Smash Cut!
- 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:02,226 - Remember me, Rick? - Who’s this guy now?
- 00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:07,231 I am Mr. Twist. The fifth member of the Self Referential Six.
- 00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:10,693 - Who’s the sixth? - That’s the twist, Morty. It's you.
- 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:11,902 - What? - Ignore him, Morty.
- 00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,446 The twist is there is no sixth member
- 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,198 - and he tells that to everybody. - In any case, you’re ours now.
- 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:19,660 You can’t free yourself without a twist and I control them.
- 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:22,913 You don’t control every twist, Mr. Twist. I’ve got a twist for you.
- 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,457 Impossible! What is it?
- 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,127 Nice try! Like I didn’t see that coming
- 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,547 Fuck me.
- 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,717 - Great work, Morty! - I’m adapting!
- 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,885 Here’s our ticket outta here.
- 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,929 They got him in a cell made outta of sports because it’s the opposite of story.
- 00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:41,807 - Do I want to ask who he is? - His name is Brett Caan.
- 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,685 He has the power to make things always have been other things.
- 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:47,480 I think that’s called retconning. But his name’s Brett Caan?
- 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,232 Rhett’s a name too, his name could be Rhett Caan.
- 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:53,069 It is. And always has been, now.
- 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:56,197 Careful Morty. Stay clear of his retcon range.
- 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:57,698 Until he agrees to help us.
- 00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,867 Rick. You’ve always trusted me.
- 00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:01,911 Nice try. Here’s how it’s gonna work.
- 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,205 You’re gonna make it so Morty and I never came here.
- 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:07,333 Once that’s always been the case, I’ll free you remotely with this.
- 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:08,834 <i>What is my purpose?</i>
- 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,669 To wait until I tell you to pull that lever.
- 00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:12,129 <i>You are fucking kidding me.</i>
- 00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:15,758 If you don’t free me right now Rick, I can make very, very bad things
- 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,510 always have been the case for you.
- 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,636 Is that a threat, you fuck?
- 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,763 - You can rot in there. - Rick.
- 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:24,308 You know what, Rhett? Forget what I said, we’ve always been friends.
- 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,559 Good one.
- 00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:29,105 Easy, Rhett. Don’t forget that coffee mug I gave you.
- 00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,650 You always were able to be killed with coffee.
- 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,821 New plan. Run. Again.
- 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:41,117 - The twist being... - You were born without bones.
- 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:43,869 See ya never!
- 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,957 There’s never been anything outside this fortress.
- 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,000 - Goddammit! - And this fortress
- 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,212 Has always been an orange!
- 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,801 - Great plan, Rick! - Yeah, I’m not pushing back on that Morty,
- 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,469 I have royally fucked us.
- 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,766 - It hurts. - We’ve been past the fourth wall too long.
- 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,309 We won’t be real much longer.
- 00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:11,105 You killed us, Rick. You just had to hate meta storytelling.
- 00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:15,484 In my defense, Morty, I think you can agree my hate was justified.
- 00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:21,031 Least earned death ever.
- 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,621 Death is a threshold.
- 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:35,796 - What, what happened? - You atoned.
- 00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:39,633 - Who, who are you? - I’m Joseph Campbell. Soup?
- 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,345 I almost considered not making it because my name is Campbell but,
- 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,348 then I thought, stay in the moment, Joe. Follow your bliss.
- 00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:49,310 How are you here? Rhett Caan said there was nothing.
- 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:53,564 Some things never change about mythology. There’s always an old man with soup.
- 00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:55,900 Name one story that doesn’t have one.
- 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,152 - Jack and the Beanstalk. - Basketball Diaries.
- 00:12:58,152 --> 00:12:59,862 - Every Matrix. - Every movie ever.
- 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,947 Alright, I don’t have to defend myself to you people.
- 00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,324 Where’s my soup?
- 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,952 Previous Fuckin’ Leon? Why is that prick here?
- 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,205 No more a prick than you, friend.
- 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,540 Meta characters erode reality.
- 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,792 But all characters are meta, Rick.
- 00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:18,214 All of us are nourished and consumed by chaos, like newborns at the breast
- 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:21,217 of a meth addict in a lifeboat filled with forks.
- 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:24,303 - I know what you have to do, Rick. - Scrub Campbell’s browser history?
- 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,096 Just trust Previous Leon.
- 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,432 Could you Previously us a way home?
- 00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:32,770 - I’ll sure enjoy trying. - Yeah I bet you would.
- 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:37,399 Rick can’t change, Morty. Change is what you might call his Kryptonite.
- 00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:41,320 Except, instead of being super, he’s, you know, kind of a pussy.
- 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:42,905 Let’s do it.
- 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,367 Previously on Rick.
- 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,619 - Get off him! Get off him! - Oh boy.
- 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,206 - He almost killed you! - Okay, well I feel bad,
- 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,083 I kind of pressured you into trying that.
- 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,043 - You called me a pussy! - I said I feel bad!
- 00:13:56,752 --> 00:14:00,798 This is a map to a region rich in narrative ore.
- 00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:02,550 I wish you the best of luck.
- 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:05,719 Faster, Morty! I’d help but I can’t blister my inventing hands.
- 00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,179 - How long will it take? - Years.
- 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,597 You can live in my wood shed.
- 00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:11,267 - Just don’t open the door after dark. - Why not?
- 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,352 Get out here you Communist Jews!
- 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,271 Dude. Maybe I’m not an alcoholic.
- 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,065 - I know, right? - You fucking Back to the Future ripoffs!
- 00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,859 - It’s ready. - Rick, I should stay.
- 00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:22,236 - Why? - I’m pregnant.
- 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,529 - What are you doing? - It wasn’t him, Rick!
- 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,281 - Then who? - Me.
- 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,784 I never left. But you had to think all this happened to make that.
- 00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:31,787 - And I can get this through the titles? - If you hang on tight.
- 00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,789 What about my beard and unborn child?
- 00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,124 Let them go.
- 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,084 - Thank you, Leon. - When you get home Rick,
- 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:39,753 do some classic adventures. Like season one.
- 00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:42,464 I’m so sick of that fucking note, what the fuck does it even mean?
- 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,309 Now. One last time. What’s my motivation?
- 00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:57,646 Motivation. This machine will syphon it from everyone in the universe.
- 00:14:57,646 --> 00:14:59,356 Perfect. Greenlit. Launch it.
- 00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:06,113 I think it’s working. Yes, I can feel it!
- 00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:08,782 Something I did is actually affecting someone!
- 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,038 I don’t want to work anymore.
- 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:17,374 I do, but only as an excuse to not practice guitar.
- 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,174 Why don’t we just write any number down on the score sheet?
- 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,342 Why even do that?
- 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:31,930 Wait, you have to register?
- 00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:37,019 Yes! I can feel it! I’m so motivated!
- 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,271 I want a lot!
- 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:42,941 Story time’s over.
- 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,694 - Hardly your decision. - Did you seriously
- 00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:48,113 double down on motivation as your motivation?
- 00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,282 - It’s a good idea. - There’s no such thing!
- 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,951 There’s joyful and there’s joyless. And we’ve had our fill of one.
- 00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:56,246 Morty, make that sweaty writer stop working while I kill off his character.
- 00:15:57,331 --> 00:16:00,793 I have never been more driven to destroy someone.
- 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,670 Yeah well I’m driven to lower my blood sugar
- 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:05,089 but guess who’s getting tacos after he kicks your ass?
- 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,050 So you’re jacked, who cares?
- 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,345 - Cum gutters. - I don’t like that phrase.
- 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,513 I don’t take notes.
- 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,144 You can’t beat me, Rick.
- 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:22,564 - I have one million times your motivation! - So do those guys
- 00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:24,566 with the cell phone kiosks at the mall.
- 00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:53,429 - The hair is wrong. - Like you’d be picky about licensing.
- 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,389 Actually, I would. I happen to believe that...
- 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,523 - You can do that? - You gotta want it.
- 00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,359 Come on, just stop, I don’t wanna fight you.
- 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,279 Kid, I’m a writer that wrote something successful,
- 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,447 so if you want me to give it up
- 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,574 you’re gonna need a black belt or a big pair of tits.
- 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:17,161 - Yeah well I don’t have those. - In the mythical sense, I have both.
- 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:20,122 - Joseph Campbell? - Yeah, nice try. He died in the eighties.
- 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,416 Only you can see and hear me Morty.
- 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,418 - Just repeat what I tell you. - Okay.
- 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:30,466 Sir. You’re only proud of your creation’s success because you want to be creative,
- 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:34,219 but creation doesn’t happen through gimmicks, technology and distribution.
- 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,679 It doesn’t even happen through work.
- 00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:40,225 Creativity is frankly adjacent to mental and overlaps with it substantially.
- 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:43,437 A lot of talented people kill themselves and all of them are miserable.
- 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,981 The real gift is to be ungifted,
- 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:48,150 and from what I saw in your Green Arrow spec script,
- 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:51,612 - that’s the gift you were given. - You couldn’t have seen that.
- 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,405 I’m Joseph Campbell. I saw it.
- 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:56,241 - The villain was a placeholder. - I said I saw it Jan,
- 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:59,995 I didn’t say I could get past page five. Your villains aren’t the problem.
- 00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,289 The problem is, when you write, you’re a villain.
- 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,666 If you want to be a hero, just stop.
- 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,675 You know what? Maybe I will register.
- 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,679 Say it! Tell me I’m the new Mr. Nimbus!
- 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,352 - Oh looks like your writer took a hiatus. - Oh fuck.
- 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,772 You’re less motivated to fight now so this is literally punching down
- 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:27,856 but you’ve got it coming.
- 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:33,779 Please, lemme live. I promise to be cooler.
- 00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:37,032 I’ll be less inside baseball, maybe I change my name?
- 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:44,039 - You failed me. - No, I failed you.
- 00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:49,294 All good things must come to an end.
- 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,964 All bad things too though, so don’t flatter yourself.
- 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:55,134 Jan, Joseph Campbell says you have to be the one to put him down.
- 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,553 Wait wait wait, Joseph Campbell also says
- 00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,472 you have to use this brand new limited edition Rick plush,
- 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:03,559 available only on Rick dash plush dot biz.
- 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,227 - Supplies are limited. Act now. - He did?
- 00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:20,826 Jesus, that’s the last time I buy a toy from a Rick.
- 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,411 The plushies are obviously well made.
- 00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:32,296 - Thanks for getting us back alive, Rick. - Well, I am a master of both worlds Morty.
- 00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:39,094 Joseph Campbell told me to stop writing. Because it should be effortless.
- 00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:41,430 When it happens organically, that’s when it’s meant to be.
- 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,307 Y’know, like, like me.
- 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,684 I’m a writer, here’s a pencil. Writers use pencils.
- 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,269 Okay so like what if like a pencil used me?
- 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,897 Like okay. Yeah. Okay.
- 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,941 so it’s like a magic pencil that writes the writer’s life.
- 00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:57,404 holy shit, it’s a movie about a writer! I am back!
- 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,316 I’m Tag-Man. I live in the tag.
- 00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:39,863 I am the tag. I’m Tag-Man. Tag-tag of the episode Man.
- 00:20:40,238 --> 00:20:42,950 Did you get any of that? When, yeah, when, an episode’s over, look out,
- 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:46,662 because here comes Tag-Man! And I’m crazy!
- 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:51,667 Tag-man! Imma tag your ass! Tag dat ass.
- 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:56,672 Tag-Ass-Man! I’m an Ass-Man now! I’m a, I’m a Tag-Man!
- 00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:59,841 Here’s what you get, here’s your tag! Yeah, you want some more?
- 00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:02,344 You want, you want some more tag you sick piece of shit?!
- 00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,012 I’m, because I’m Tag Man!
- 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:10,310 I miss my wife. Too bad, this is it! Tag-Man, yeah!
- 00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:07,465 Ранее в сериале…
- 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,384 Джерри, у меня был секс с твоей женой.
- 00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:12,178 Я сделал это! Я отремонтировал портал путешествий!
- 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:14,431 Джек-потрошитель к вашим услугам.
- 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,141 - Круто. - Это тоже было?
- 00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:18,059 - Я беременна. - Дорогая, она такая же, как ты.
- 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,018 С 18-ЛЕТИЕМ, САММЕР!
- 00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,937 - Идет дождь из фрикаделек! - Что-то…
- 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:23,440 Джерри Смит умер, занимаясь любимым делом.
- 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:24,983 Его покусали пчёлы.
- 00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:26,359 - …на фиг. - Что?
- 00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:28,361 Прояви уважение к похоронам отца.
- 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,280 Я назову тебя Джерри-младший.
- 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,699 Спасибо за раскрытие убийства, ребята. Вот скейтборд.
- 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:33,783 Спасибо, Тони Хоук.
- 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,201 - Морти, скажи, что женишься на мне. - Что?
- 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:36,494 - Просто скажи да. - Да?
- 00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,955 - Хорошо. - Рик, ты обещаешь…
- 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,999 Да. А медовый месяц мы проведем в герметичной камере,
- 00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,834 - покрытой ионизированным дейтерием. - Почему?
- 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,878 Потому что заряд действует как замедлитель повествования.
- 00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:47,714 Морти, всё это ненастоящее. Мы находимся в спирали «ранее в сериале».
- 00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:48,673 Прочисти мозги.
- 00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,216 - После всего, что случилось? - Нет.
- 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,720 Я невиновна. Я не выпускала этих пчел. Я люблю Джерри.
- 00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:55,430 - Что я только что сказал? - Когда?
- 00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,099 Отличное исполнение. Вернемся в камеру.
- 00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,894 Теперь повторяй за мной, Морти: в следующей серии…
- 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,645 В следующей серии…
- 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,898 Нет. Ранее в сериале…
- 00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:07,233 Не обращай внимания, Морти. «В следующей серии…»
- 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,694 - Это нейтрализует его токсины. - В следующей серии…
- 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,780 - Чьи токсины? - Эй, прекратите!
- 00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:13,364 Предыдущий Леон! Хватай его!
- 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:16,868 Держись крепче, Морти. Мы проберемся сквозь начальные титры.
- 00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:18,495 Начальные титры чего?
- 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,205 - Мы в космосе! - Отпусти меня!
- 00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:24,959 Боже мой! О боже!
- 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,590 - Что это за планета? - В этой части закрой глаза!
- 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,634 Боже мой, это гигантская белка!
- 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,220 Почему мы одеты так старомодно?
- 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,555 - Что, чёрт возьми, происходит? - Ни за что!
- 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,266 Почему мой папа в костюме?
- 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,227 - Это лучшая серия! - Почему я масло?
- 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,561 Так, мы почти добрались.
- 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:53,363 - Вот мы и вернулись. - Хватит!
- 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:56,032 - Что это было? Почему играла музыка? - Пусти меня!
- 00:01:56,991 --> 00:02:00,120 Из-за этого концептуального куска дерьма. Хватай его за ноги!
- 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,997 Если есть начальные титры, значит, мы…
- 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,125 Позволь своему телу очиститься от метаяда, Морти.
- 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,210 Не поддавайся его бессмысленной чуши, зацикленной на нём самом.
- 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,837 Это не бессмысленно, это круто!
- 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,214 - У него пистолет! - Жри свинец, слюнтяй!
- 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,384 Нет!
- 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,177 Твою мать.
- 00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,722 - Сукин… - Он воспользовался порталом?
- 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,933 Хотел. Он вернулся на метаслой
- 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:24,811 через дыру в четвертой стене. Надень это и помоги мне найти его.
- 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,940 - Рик, мне это не нравится. - И правильно.
- 00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:30,233 Это малоприятное помещение.
- 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,694 Я к тому, что это забавно, когда я киваю зрителям…
- 00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,737 - Каким зрителям? - Правильно мыслишь, Морти.
- 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,948 Несколько беззаботных словесных отступлений всегда при мне,
- 00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:39,367 никакого дерьма из 3-го сезона «Детективного агентства "Лунный свет"».
- 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,327 - Так. Вот. - Ты его заделаешь?
- 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:45,999 Нет, он извратил настоящую реальность. Его нужно усыпить, как бешеную собаку.
- 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,550 Твою мать!
- 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,594 Ах да, это тебе больше не нужно.
- 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,304 ИСПЫТАНИЯ
- 00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:00,722 Может, он пошел по той дороге?
- 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:02,640 Нет. В таком случае он бы стал героем.
- 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:05,602 Чёрт возьми, Рик. Мне это не нравится. Это место просто…
- 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:09,230 Вызывающая стон игра слов для семи телекритиков, которым она не нравится?
- 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,275 Всё хуже, чем ты думаешь, Морти. Сейчас мы сшиваем метаизлучение.
- 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,235 Наша достоверность постоянно подрывается.
- 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:17,572 Каждая проведенная здесь секунда равна десяти эпизодам «Космического джема».
- 00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:20,658 - Надо было раньше об этом думать. - Хватай его!
- 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,292 О нет! Благослови меня, Отец Небесный, ибо Ты спасешь меня…
- 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,586 Теперь мне не по себе. Давай просто уйдем отсюда.
- 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:34,172 Потому что он молится? Ты знаешь, что Гитлер был католиком, верно?
- 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:35,965 Я здесь, Леон.
- 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,344 Так, он, видимо, очень хорошо молится.
- 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:41,304 Пора вам двоим встретиться с Господом.
- 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,306 Всё нормально. Относись к этому как к нападению медведя:
- 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,725 пяться и делай вид, что ты большой.
- 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:48,686 Люблю, когда люди умеют мастерски отказываться.
- 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,396 Привет, Рик.
- 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,607 Привет… Амиш-жонглер?
- 00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:54,609 Его зовут Повелитель историй.
- 00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:58,529 «Повелитель историй»? Слушай, поверь, «Амиш-жонглер» тебе идет больше.
- 00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:01,866 Повелитель историй! Рик, это злодей из игрушечного поезда, который я купил.
- 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,868 Отлично, Морти. Вымышленные версии тебя
- 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,870 заманили меня в детскую программу о Библии.
- 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:10,375 Но с помощью фальшивого Христа я вышел из вымысла и попал в метареальность.
- 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:14,379 Так что теперь ловушки расставляю я. Леон был приманкой.
- 00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:15,713 - Приманкой? - Иисус.
- 00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:21,386 Никогда… Гребаные сукины…
- 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:28,226 Ты используешь Иисуса, чтобы нас победить? Ты смотрел «Южный Парк»?
- 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,561 Хороший выпад, Морти. Эта мета мне нравится.
- 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:32,814 Она поддерживает творческий дух.
- 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,857 Боже, только не Бейн!
- 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:39,362 Морти, он поступил со мной по-бейновски!
- 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:43,825 Ты не можешь меня побить. Я ведь вообще-то христианин.
- 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:46,035 А я твой худший кошмар.
- 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,497 Я Иисус из тех анекдотов про Иисуса, в которых нет Бога.
- 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,290 Морти, возьми это и уходи.
- 00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:57,588 Спасибо. История о Повелителе историй будет «по мотивам реальных событий».
- 00:04:57,672 --> 00:05:00,466 - Зачем тебе это? - Я хочу того же, чего хотят все герои.
- 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:01,884 Мотивации.
- 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,387 - Что? Это глупо. - Так примитивно.
- 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,222 Направь свои замечания в мою задницу.
- 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,018 Постойте, что? Он ушел.
- 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,520 Похоже, ты теперь наш неожиданный союзник?
- 00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:13,604 Похоже, нет.
- 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,026 Ранее в сериале об Иисусе Христе…
- 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,445 - Привет. Я Иисус. - Я Мария.
- 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,363 - Так зовут мою маму. - Хватит.
- 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:25,616 - Чувак, она проститутка. - Как адепт она лучше, чем ты.
- 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:30,788 О нет.
- 00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,082 Я не могу умереть.
- 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,501 У меня к тебе предложение.
- 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,961 Я работаю один.
- 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:43,342 Думаю, если я выпью твою кровь, то стану непобедимым.
- 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,136 Ты никогда об этом не узнаешь.
- 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:46,054 СРОЧНЫЕ НОВОСТИ
- 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,307 Миллиардер, бессмертный предприниматель Иисус Христос вложил все свои деньги
- 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:52,226 в то, что он называет «вторым шансом на любовь».
- 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,644 Держись, Мария!
- 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:56,773 Информация! Она прекрасна!
- 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,484 Сделай меня нормальным, ведьма.
- 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:02,904 Возьми всё!
- 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:04,614 Ешьте свой пудинг, мистер Христос.
- 00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,407 Почему вы улыбаетесь?
- 00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:08,284 Ваше имя.
- 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:09,994 МАРИЯ
- 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,288 Что происходит, Рик?
- 00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:14,999 Яд Леона заставляет человека думать, что жизнь уже позади,
- 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,376 поскольку Леон питается высвободившимся потенциалом.
- 00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,129 Леон, ты спас нам жизнь.
- 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,715 - Еще нет. - Боже, Рик. Так жестоко!
- 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,550 Он мета, Морти. Его жизнь не имеет значения.
- 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,886 А твоя имеет. Вот почему нам надо вернуться.
- 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,096 WWW.STORY-TRAIN.COM СДЕЛАНО ООО «ЦИТАДЕЛЬ ТОЙЗ»
- 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,806 На цитадель не очень похоже.
- 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,265 «ЦИТАДЕЛЬ ТОЙЗ»
- 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,976 Возможно, внутри прикольнее.
- 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,021 Это не то, что ты подумал.
- 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,066 Это особая диета для успешных писателей.
- 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:42,860 - Почему ты похож на мой персонаж? - Я и есть твой персонаж.
- 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,279 И ты сделаешь меня лучше.
- 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:48,741 - Но ты же чудесный Повелитель историй! - «Чудесный» не значит «отличный»!
- 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,452 Я убил Рика и стал настоящим!
- 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:54,247 Я выше какого-то дерьмового игрушечного поезда.
- 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:58,126 Это твой офис или квартира? Почему здесь пахнет так, будто ты тут спишь?
- 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,294 Ты меня создал. Почему ты такой жалкий?
- 00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,212 Ты ведь потерпел неудачу.
- 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,673 А чья это вина? Что, чёрт возьми, случилось?
- 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,842 Хочешь знать, что случилось? В деталях?
- 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,636 Рики хотели сделать что-то вроде «Кентерберийских рассказов».
- 00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,805 Но никто из них на самом деле эти гребаные рассказы не читал.
- 00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:11,973 Тогда они сказали сделать всё так,
- 00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:13,933 как в эпизоде с игрой в покер из мультфильма о Бэтмене,
- 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,018 где плохие парни рассказывают истории о Бэтмене.
- 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,062 Потом они продолжали говорить, что чего-то не хватает.
- 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,858 Да, чёрт возьми, чего-то не хватало! Не хватало вообще за это браться!
- 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,151 Я сделал свою работу!
- 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,736 Гумби, Снежная Королева, кондуктор -
- 00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:26,904 они просто забили на всё это!
- 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:30,449 Сайт вообще ни хрена не работал! URL был дерьмовым с самого начала.
- 00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:33,452 «Поезд историй»? Через дефис? Кому нужен этот дефис?
- 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,746 Они настроили меня на неудачу. Они подставили меня!
- 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,583 Они меня подставили, и тебе повезло, что я не вышиб себе мозги!
- 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,419 Верно. Просто дай мне мотивацию, вонючий пердун.
- 00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:42,753 Хорошо. Вот тебе мотивация.
- 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:46,674 Тебе нужна мотивация. Ты хочешь ее всю.
- 00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,968 - Это примитивно. - Однако это завело тебя далеко.
- 00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,178 Между прочим, наверное, неплохо.
- 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:53,848 Хотел бы я одеваться как тренер-бишка по актерскому мастерству из 70-х.
- 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:57,018 Моя мотивация… это мотивация.
- 00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,478 Ладно, пока.
- 00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:02,023 О нет, мой озлобленный друг. Ты пойдешь со мной.
- 00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:06,903 Если ты не видишь, как я иду, значит, это плохая крепость.
- 00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,866 - Где мы? - В штабе самореферентной шестерки.
- 00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:14,660 Это метаботаники, которые обнаружили, что как команда они менее выносимы.
- 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,413 - Они могут нам помочь? - Нет, но здесь есть узник. Он может.
- 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,414 Не говори им этого.
- 00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:22,251 Рик Санчес. Я ждала этого момента много лет.
- 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,961 Хорошо. Морти, это мисс…
- 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,379 Лид.
- 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,590 Нужно было убить тебя на месте.
- 00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:28,716 МИСС ЛИД
- 00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,092 Я принес тебе Предыдущего Леона.
- 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,136 Запри его в изоляторе.
- 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,888 Это хитрость. Ему нужен твой узник!
- 00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:35,014 - Ах ты, мерзавец! - Лжец!
- 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:37,767 Поговорим о заблуждениях. Поле против мета.
- 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:41,354 Прикольный аппарат. Кажется, я могу вспомнить, когда ты его сделал.
- 00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:42,897 Не пытайся, Флэш Бэк.
- 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:43,856 ФЛЭШ БЭК
- 00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:47,401 Знаешь, я взволнован предстоящим выбором.
- 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:50,029 Это силовое поле будет непроницаемо для метаэнергии.
- 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,739 Оно работает на изотопах водорода.
- 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:55,910 Оно работает на изотопах водорода.
- 00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:58,496 Несколько баррелей нефти должны его ослабить.
- 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,414 Беги, Морти!
- 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,625 Их тут раньше не было?
- 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,378 Думаю, произошла ошибка Конни Тинуити.
- 00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:06,629 ОШИБКА КОННИ ТИНУИТИ
- 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,382 - Эти люди просто ужасны! - Я же сказал, слишком сильно заряжено.
- 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:13,970 - Берегись, Рик! - Забей! Он обычный охранник!
- 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,556 Это Протаго Ник.
- 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,058 Его луч способен сделать любого персонажа главным героем.
- 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:20,268 ПРОТАГО НИК
- 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:21,477 Блин!
- 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,856 Ой, блин!
- 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:28,234 Что ты делаешь, Марвин?
- 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,236 Не умираю. Вот что я делаю.
- 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,447 В чём дело? Что случилось?
- 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,075 Кэти, я опять это сделал. Я бросил очередную работу.
- 00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:39,495 Если бы ты этого не сделал, ты бы не был моим мужчиной.
- 00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:42,581 МАРВИН ТРУСЛИВЫЙ ОХРАННИК
- 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,796 В ГЛАВНОЙ РОЛИ: МАРВИН
- 00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:58,180 Я чуть не поддался соблазну забить на это. Вот как сильно я это ненавижу.
- 00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,682 Резкий переход к другой сцене!
- 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:02,143 - Ты помнишь меня, Рик? - А это еще кто?
- 00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:03,728 Я мистер Твист.
- 00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:04,729 МИСТЕР ТВИСТ
- 00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:07,106 Пятый член самореферентной шестерки.
- 00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:10,651 - А кто шестой? - В этом-то и фишка, Морти. Это ты.
- 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:11,861 - Что? - Не обращай на него внимания.
- 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:14,655 Фишка в том, что шестого члена нет, и он говорит это всем подряд.
- 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:17,199 В любом случае теперь ты наш. Тебе не освободиться
- 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,493 без какой-нибудь фишки, а я их все контролирую.
- 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,579 Мистер Твист, вы не контролируете все фишки.
- 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:24,373 - У меня есть для вас одна. - Не может быть. И что это?
- 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,169 Хорошая попытка. Можно подумать, я этого не предвидел.
- 00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,255 Твою мать.
- 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,508 - Молодец, Морти. - Я приноравливаюсь.
- 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,926 А вот и наш билет на выход отсюда.
- 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,804 Его держат в «спортивной» камере, ведь спорт - противоположность сюжету.
- 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:41,766 - Мне нужно знать, кто это? - Его зовут Бретт Каан.
- 00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:44,560 У него есть способность превращать одно в другое.
- 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,313 Думаю, это называется «реткон». Но его зовут Бретт Каан.
- 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:50,191 Кажется, Ретт - это тоже имя. Может, его зовут Ретт Каан?
- 00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:53,152 Именно. И всегда звали.
- 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:57,323 Осторожно. Опасайся его реткона, пока он не согласится нам помочь.
- 00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:59,700 Рик, ты всегда доверял мне.
- 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,744 Хорошая попытка. Вот как всё будет.
- 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:04,038 Ты сделаешь так, что мы с Морти никогда сюда не приходили.
- 00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:07,500 А раз так было всегда, я освобожу тебя дистанционно с помощью этого.
- 00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:08,751 Что мне делать?
- 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,586 Ждать, пока я не скажу тебе тянуть за рычаг.
- 00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:12,004 Ты издеваешься.
- 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:15,674 Рик, если не освободишь меня сейчас же, я могу сделать очень плохие
- 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,468 вещи, которые всегда были для тебя проблемой.
- 00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:20,054 Это угроза, твою мать? Ты же можешь там сгнить.
- 00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:21,013 Рик!
- 00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:22,932 Знаешь что, Ретт? Забудь о моих словах.
- 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,558 Мы всегда были друзьями.
- 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,559 Неплохо.
- 00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:29,647 Спокойно, Ретт. Не забывай про кофейную кружку, которую я тебе дала.
- 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:30,564 ВАЖНЕЙШИЙ УЗНИК В МИРЕ
- 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,650 Тебя всегда можно было убить с помощью кофе.
- 00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:36,904 Новый план. Бежим. Снова.
- 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,323 Фишка в том, что…
- 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,283 Ты родился без костей.
- 00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:43,619 Больше не увидимся.
- 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,665 Никогда ничего не было за пределами этой крепости.
- 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,834 - Чёрт возьми! - И эта крепость
- 00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:53,421 всегда была апельсином!
- 00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:58,717 - Отличный план, Рик. - Не буду отнекиваться, Морти.
- 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,636 Я кинул нас по полной.
- 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,683 - Больно. - Мы слишком долго за четвертой стеной.
- 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,393 Мы больше не будем настоящими.
- 00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:08,686 Ты убил нас, Рик.
- 00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:11,147 Надо было так ненавидеть метарассказы!
- 00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,233 В свою защиту, Морти, скажу вот что, и, думаю, ты со мной согласишься:
- 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:15,568 моя ненависть была оправданна.
- 00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:21,157 Наименее… заслуженная… смерть… в истории.
- 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:27,746 Смерть - это просто черта.
- 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:34,879 Что случилось?
- 00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:35,880 Вы искупили свою вину.
- 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:37,339 Кто вы?
- 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,675 Я Джозеф Кэмпбелл. Суп?
- 00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:43,095 Я почти решил не делать этого, ведь меня зовут Кэмпбелл.
- 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,221 Но потом подумал:
- 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,182 «Оставайся в моменте, Джо, иди за своим счастьем».
- 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:49,185 Как ты здесь оказался? Ретт Каан сказал, что ничего нет.
- 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,479 Некоторые вещи в мифологии изменить нельзя.
- 00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,731 Там всегда есть старик с супом.
- 00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:56,358 Назовите хоть один сюжет, в котором его нет.
- 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,152 - «Джек и бобовый стебель». - «Дневники баскетболиста».
- 00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,778 - Все «Матрицы». - Да вообще все фильмы.
- 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,822 Хорошо. Я не обязан оправдываться перед вами.
- 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,240 Где мой суп?
- 00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,451 Предыдущий чертов Леон.
- 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:09,038 - Почему этот придурок здесь? - Он такой же придурок, как ты, друг.
- 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:13,584 - Метаперсонажи разрушают реальность. - Но все персонажи - мета, Рик.
- 00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:16,629 Всех нас питает и поглощает хаос,
- 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:19,048 как новорождённых, вскормленных наркоманкой
- 00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,091 и находящихся в спасательной шлюпке, полной вилок.
- 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:24,178 - Я знаю, что ты должен сделать, Рик. - Почистить историю браузера Кэмпбелла?
- 00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:28,307 Просто доверься Предыдущему Леону. Можешь ранее найти нам дорогу домой?
- 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,644 Я обязательно и с удовольствием попробую.
- 00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:34,522 - Да, держу пари, ты можешь. - Рик не может измениться, Морти.
- 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:37,274 Перемены - это то, что можно назвать его криптонитом.
- 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:41,445 Вот только вместо того, чтобы быть супером, он эдакий… слабак.
- 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:42,780 За дело.
- 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,200 Ранее в сериале «Рик…»
- 00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:48,536 - Убери его! - О боже.
- 00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,162 Он чуть тебя не убил.
- 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:53,916 Так. Мне очень не по себе, ведь это я заставил тебя попробовать.
- 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,377 - Ты назвал меня слабаком. - Я же сказал, что мне не по себе.
- 00:13:56,585 --> 00:14:00,923 Вот карта, ведущая в регион, богатый нарративной рудой.
- 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,424 Желаю вам удачи.
- 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,594 Быстрее, Морти. Я бы помог, но должен беречь руки для изобретений.
- 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,012 - Сколько времени это займет? - Годы.
- 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:10,391 Живите в моём дровяном сарае. Только не открывайте дверь, когда стемнеет.
- 00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:13,352 - Почему? - Убирайтесь отсюда, евреи-коммунисты!
- 00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:15,145 Дружище, может, я и не алкоголик.
- 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:18,190 - Я знаю, ясно? - Вы, плагиаторы из «Назад в будущее»!
- 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,693 - Всё готово. - Рик, я должен остаться.
- 00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:22,236 - Почему? - Я забеременел.
- 00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:23,696 - Что ты делаешь? - Это был не он, Рик!
- 00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,072 - Тогда кто? - Я!
- 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,659 Я и не уходил. Вы должны были думать, что всё было так, чтобы сделать это.
- 00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:31,787 - А я смогу пронести это сквозь титры? - Если будешь крепко держаться.
- 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,622 А что с моей бородой и будущим ребенком?
- 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,915 Отпусти их.
- 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,959 - Спасибо, Леон. - Когда ты вернешься домой, Рик,
- 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,670 отправляйся за обычными приключениями, как в первом сезоне.
- 00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:42,673 Тошнит от этого чертова намека! Что, чёрт возьми, это вообще значит?
- 00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,349 А теперь в последний раз.
- 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:54,727 - Какая у меня мотивация? - Мотивация.
- 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:57,521 Эта машина будет выкачивать ее из всех во вселенной.
- 00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,690 Идеально. Зеленый свет. Запускай.
- 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,030 Кажется, работает. Да, я это чувствую!
- 00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:08,782 Наконец-то то, что я создал, на кого-то влияет!
- 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:13,954 Я больше не хочу работать.
- 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:17,499 А я хочу, но только чтобы избежать занятий по игре на гитаре.
- 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,215 Может, просто запишем в протокол счёта любое число?
- 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:26,467 Зачем вообще что-то писать?
- 00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,096 «ЯНКМЭЙТ» - НЕ ДРОЧИ В ОДИНОЧКУ! ЗАРЕГИСТРИРОВАТЬСЯ
- 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,306 Стоп, надо регистрироваться?
- 00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:34,850 Да. Я чувствую это!
- 00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:36,852 Я так сильно мотивирован!
- 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,396 Я хочу очень многого!
- 00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:44,652 - Время сказочек закончилось. - Вряд ли это тебе решать.
- 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:47,988 Ты серьезно удвоил мотивацию как свою собственную?
- 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,199 - Хорошая идея. - Такого не бывает.
- 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,993 Есть радость и уныние, и одним мы сыты по горло.
- 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,828 Морти, заставь этого потного писателя перестать работать,
- 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,039 а я пока прикончу его героя.
- 00:15:57,122 --> 00:16:00,709 Я в жизни никого не хотел уничтожить сильнее, чем тебя.
- 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,586 Да, так, я хочу снизить уровень сахара в крови.
- 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:05,130 Угадай-ка, кто получит тако после того, как надерет тебе задницу?
- 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,050 Итак, ты в ударе. Какая разница?
- 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,052 О, трубы для спермы?
- 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,220 Мне не нравится эта фраза.
- 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,388 Мне плевать на твои комментарии.
- 00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:19,019 Рик, тебе меня не победить.
- 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,772 У меня в миллион раз больше мотивации!
- 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,483 Как и у ребят с киосками мобильных телефонов в торговых центрах.
- 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:53,303 - Волосы не те. - А тебе прям так важно лицензирование.
- 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,264 Вообще-то да. Я верил, что…
- 00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:04,314 - Ты и это умеешь? - Нужно только захотеть.
- 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,568 Ну же. Просто остановитесь. Я не хочу с вами драться.
- 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,987 Малыш, я писатель, который написал что-то успешное.
- 00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:11,321 Так что если хочешь, чтобы я остановился,
- 00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:13,657 тебе понадобится черный пояс или пара больших сисек.
- 00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:17,119 - У меня нет ни того, ни другого. - У меня есть. В метафорическом смысле.
- 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,997 - Джозеф Кэмпбелл? - Хорошая попытка. Он умер в 80-х.
- 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,207 Только ты можешь видеть и слышать меня, Морти.
- 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,626 - Просто повторяй то, что я тебе скажу. - Хорошо.
- 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,547 Сэр, вы гордитесь только успехом своего творения,
- 00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,340 потому что хотите творить.
- 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:34,219 Но творчеству не способствуют уловки, технологии и распространение.
- 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:35,846 Ему не способствует даже работа.
- 00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:38,307 Творчество откровенно соседствует с психическим заболеванием
- 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,975 и постоянно с ним пересекается.
- 00:17:40,058 --> 00:17:43,270 Многие талантливые люди убивают себя, и все они несчастны.
- 00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,856 Настоящий дар - быть бездарным.
- 00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:48,358 И, судя по тому, что я видел в вашем сценарии «Зеленой Стрелы»,
- 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,902 у вас есть этот дар.
- 00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:53,530 - Ты не мог его видеть. - Я Джозеф Кэмпбелл. Я видел его.
- 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:56,116 - Злодей был козлом отпущения. - Я сказал, что видел сценарий.
- 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,118 Но не сказал, что осилил больше пяти страниц.
- 00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,661 Твои злодеи - не проблема.
- 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,414 Проблема в том, что ты сам злодей, когда пишешь.
- 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,833 Если хочешь быть героем, просто остановись.
- 00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,967 Знаете что? Возможно, я зарегистрируюсь.
- 00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,888 Скажи! Скажи, что я новый мистер Нимб!
- 00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:22,601 Похоже, твой писатель взял перерыв.
- 00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:23,644 Твою мать.
- 00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:26,647 Теперь у тебя меньше мотивации драться, и это буквально сбивает тебя с ног.
- 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:28,273 Но ты сам нарвался.
- 00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,361 Пожалуйста. Позволь мне жить.
- 00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:33,946 Обещаю быть спокойнее.
- 00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:37,074 Я буду меньше заниматься бейсболом. Может, мне сменить имя?
- 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,286 Ты подвел меня.
- 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,164 Нет, я подвел тебя.
- 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,125 Всё хорошее…
- 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,253 …когда-нибудь кончается.
- 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:52,172 Впрочем, и всё плохое тоже. Так что не обольщайся.
- 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,217 Джен, Джозеф Кэмпбелл говорит, что вы сами должны его убить.
- 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,427 Постой. Джозеф Кэмпбелл также говорит, что ты
- 00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:00,347 должен задействовать ограниченный выпуск игрушки «плюшевый Рик»,
- 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:03,350 доступный только на сайте «Рик дефис плюшевый точка биз».
- 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,352 - Экземпляров мало. Действуй. - Он так сказал?
- 00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,742 Господи, это последний раз, когда я покупаю игрушку у Рика.
- 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,911 Плюшевые игрушки явно хорошего качества.
- 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,002 Спасибо, что вернул нас к жизни, Рик.
- 00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:32,379 Я хозяин обоих миров, Морти.
- 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:39,136 Джозеф Кэмпбелл сказал, чтоб я перестал писать, ведь это должно быть легко.
- 00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:41,263 Когда это получится само собой, тогда и надо браться за перо.
- 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,223 Ну, как я.
- 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,559 Я писатель. Вот карандаш. Писатели пользуются карандашами.
- 00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:47,185 Ладно, а что если меня использует карандаш?
- 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,104 Как… Ладно. Ага.
- 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,733 Итак, это как волшебный карандаш, который пишет жизнь писателя.
- 00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:56,278 Блин! Это же фильм о писателе!
- 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:57,529 Я вернулся!
- 00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:32,397 Да, я Титромен!
- 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:34,524 Я живу в сцене после титров.
- 00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:37,903 Я сам сцена после титров! Я Титромен!
- 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:40,822 Я человек из сцены после титров. Тебе хоть что-то понятно?
- 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,824 Когда серия закончится, берегитесь.
- 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,118 Потому что да, вот летит Титромен!
- 00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:47,663 Я сумасшедший! Титромен!
- 00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:50,582 Ага! Я помечу вашу задницу!
- 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:53,293 Помечу эту задницу! Титро-заднице-мен!
- 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,128 Теперь я Задница-мен.
- 00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:58,257 Я Титромен. Получи. Вот твоя пометка.
- 00:20:58,340 --> 00:20:59,675 Ага. Хочешь еще?
- 00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:02,552 Хочешь еще пометку, больной кусок дерьма?
- 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,262 Потому что я Титромен!
- 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:08,433 Я скучаю по своей жене. Очень жаль. Вот и всё.
- 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,435 Титромен, да!
- 00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,065 СВЕТЛОЙ ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА
- 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,026 Перевод субтитров: Татьяна Грачева
- 00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:07,215 {\an8}<i>Previously, on "Rick and Morty"...</i>
- 00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:09,259 Jerry, I had sex with your wife.
- 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,301 Ohhh!
- 00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:12,137 I did it! I fixed portal travel!
- 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,180 Jack the Ripper, at your service.
- 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,932 Cool!
- 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:16,933 I'm pregnant.
- 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,685 Honey, she's just like you!
- 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,645 It's raining meatballs!
- 00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:23,231 Jerry Smith died doing what he loved--
- 00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:24,774 getting stung by bees.
- 00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,025 Off.
- 00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:28,153 Have some respect. It's Dad's funeral.
- 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,988 I'm gonna name you Jerry Jr.
- 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,448 Thanks for solving that murder, guys.
- 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,491 Here's a skateboard.
- 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:34,951 - Morty, say you'll marry me! - What? - What?
- 00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,244 Just say yes!
- 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,621 Okay... Rick, do you promise to--
- 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,707 I do, and for our honeymoon let's go to a sealed chamber
- 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,500 lined with ionized deuterium!
- 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,753 Because the charge acts as a narrative decelerant.
- 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,087 Morty, none of this is real.
- 00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,006 We're in a "previously on" spiral. Clear your head.
- 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,924 After all that's happened?! No.
- 00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:52,552 I-I'm innocent! I didn't release those bees!
- 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:53,553 I love Jerry!
- 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,221 What'd I just say?
- 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,724 Okay, great execution. [ Burps ] Let's go back to the chamber.
- 00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,810 Now repeat after me, Morty-- "Next time on 'Rick and Morty.'"
- 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,479 Next time on "Rick and Morty"?
- 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,481 <i>No. Previously, on "Rick and Morty"...</i>
- 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,983 Ignore it, Morty. "Next time on 'Rick and Morty.'"
- 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,318 It counteracts his toxins.
- 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,236 Next time on "Rick and Morty." Whose toxins?
- 00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,654 Previous Leon: Hey, stop it!
- 00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:13,031 Previous Leon! Grab him!
- 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,699 [ Grunting ]
- 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:16,743 We got to get through the opening titles!
- 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,286 Morty: Opening titles of what?
- 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,330 Whoa! We're in space!
- 00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,999 [ Indistinct shouting ]
- 00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:25,251 Morty: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,545 [ Grunting ]
- 00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:29,005 What planet is this?
- 00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:30,340 Cover your eyes on this part.
- 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:33,176 Rick: Oh, my god, it's a giant squirrel!
- 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,053 Why are we dressed like old-timey people?
- 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,347 What the hell's going on?
- 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,515 [ Indistinct shouting ]
- 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:39,891 Why is my dad in a suit?
- 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,393 Rick: Best episode!
- 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:43,561 Okay, we're almost through.
- 00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,188 Ohh!
- 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,648 {\an8}♪
- 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:47,774 {\an8}Ow!
- 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,153 {\an8}Ugh, and we're back!
- 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:53,196 {\an8}Stop!
- 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,364 {\an8}Let go of me!
- 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,825 {\an8}Why was there music?
- 00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,952 {\an8}Because of this conceptual little piece of shit!
- 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,370 {\an8}Grab his feet!
- 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,705 {\an8}If we have opening titles, d-does that mean that we're a--
- 00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:04,582 {\an8}Let your body purge the meta-venom, Morty.
- 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:06,835 {\an8}Don't succumb to his pointless self-aware bullshit.
- 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,920 {\an8}It's not pointless, it's cool!
- 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:12,006 He's got a gun!
- 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:14,217 No, no, no!
- 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,385 Fuck!
- 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,887 Oh!
- 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:18,930 Son of a...
- 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:20,223 {\an8}Did he use a portal?
- 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,558 {\an8}He wriggled back to the meta layer
- 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:22,767 {\an8}through a hole in the fourth wall.
- 00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:24,185 {\an8}Put these on and help me find it.
- 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,189 {\an8}I-I don't like this, Rick.
- 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:30,149 {\an8}Yeah, you shouldn't. It's not a likable premise.
- 00:02:30,149 --> 00:02:32,402 {\an8}I mean it's funny when I do a little nod to the viewers, but...
- 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,487 {\an8}What viewers?!
- 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,573 {\an8}A few carefree verbal asides, always by me.
- 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,992 {\an8}None of this season-three "Moonlighting" shit.
- 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,076 {\an8}Okay, here it is.
- 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,327 {\an8}You're going to-- to patch it?
- 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:43,037 {\an8}No, he subverted actual reality, Morty.
- 00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:46,082 {\an8}[ Burps ] He needs to be put down like a rabid dog.
- 00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:53,923 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,425 Ow! Fuck!
- 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,510 Oh, yeah, no, you don't wanna wear those over here.
- 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,388 {\an8}Maybe he went down that road?
- 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,307 {\an8}No, no, no. If he took that, he'd end up a hero.
- 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,100 {\an8}Damn it, Rick. I don't like this.
- 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,310 {\an8}I-Is this whole place just--
- 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,936 {\an8}A bunch of groan-inducing wordplay
- 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:08,897 {\an8}for seven TV critics that won't even enjoy it?
- 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,398 {\an8}It's worse than you think, Morty.
- 00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:11,983 {\an8}We're basting in meta radiation right now.
- 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,027 {\an8}Our credibility is being permanently eroded.
- 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,320 {\an8}Every second we spend here
- 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,155 {\an8}is the equivalent to 10 "Space Jam" cameos.
- 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,532 You should have thought of that... previously!
- 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,617 Get him!
- 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,119 {\an8}♪
- 00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:25,914 {\an8}Ow! Ow!
- 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,123 {\an8}Oh, no!
- 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,042 {\an8}Bless me, Heavenly Father, for you will save me.
- 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,210 {\an8}Now I feel bad. Let's just get out of here.
- 00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:32,462 {\an8}Because he prays?
- 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,672 {\an8}You know Hitler was Catholic, right?
- 00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:35,798 {\an8}I'm here, Leon.
- 00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:36,966 {\an8}Uhh... Okay.
- 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,843 {\an8}He apparently prays very well.
- 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,762 {\an8}Time for you two to meet the Lord.
- 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:41,888 {\an8}That's okay, we're good.
- 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,306 {\an8}Treat it like a bear attack.
- 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,391 {\an8}Just walk backwards and make yourself look big.
- 00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:48,353 {\an8}I love a good refusal of the call.
- 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:50,188 {\an8}Hello, Rick.
- 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,065 {\an8}Hello... Amish Juggler?
- 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,275 {\an8}His name is Story Lord.
- 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:55,777 Story... Lord?
- 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,362 Listen, trust me, take Amish Juggler.
- 00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,905 You can have it.
- 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,491 Rick, h-he's the villain from that toy train I bought you.
- 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,825 Very good, Morty.
- 00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:04,577 The fictional versions of you trapped me
- 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,829 {\an8}in a Bible show for children, but I used make-believe Christ
- 00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:09,999 {\an8}to transcend fiction and enter meta-reality.
- 00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:12,502 {\an8}Now I'm the one doing the trapping.
- 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,087 {\an8}Leon was the bait.
- 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,630 {\an8}Bait?! Jesus?
- 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,465 Aaah!
- 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:18,591 Aah!
- 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,719 Don't ever...! Dumb mother...!
- 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,847 [ Grunting ]
- 00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:26,224 You're using Jesus to beat us up?
- 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,642 Have you seen "South Park"?
- 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:28,851 Good call-out, Morty.
- 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,353 That's the kind of meta I like,
- 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,563 the kind that keeps us creatively accountable.
- 00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:36,109 Oh, God. Not the Bane. Not the Bane!
- 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:40,405 He Baned me, Morty. Oh, Jesus Baned me.
- 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:43,616 Y-You can't beat me up. I-I'm-- I'm-- I'm technically a Christian child!
- 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,618 And I'm your worst nightmare.
- 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,912 I'm the Jesus from every Jesus joke.
- 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,122 The one without a God.
- 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,749 Morty! Take this and get out!
- 00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:53,543 Thank you.
- 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,753 Looks like Story Lord's story is about to become...
- 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,380 based on real events.
- 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,589 What do you want with that?
- 00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,341 I want what any character wants.
- 00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:01,676 Motivation!
- 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,052 What? [ Burps ] That's dumb.
- 00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,178 So lazy!
- 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:08,224 Forward your notes to my ass!
- 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,642 Wait, what? He just left.
- 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:12,395 Kind of makes you want to be our unlikely ally, huh?
- 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,438 Oh, I guess not.
- 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,897 [ Squelches ]
- 00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:18,401 <i>Previously, on Jesus Christ...</i>
- 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,028 Hey, I'm Jesus. I'm Mary.
- 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,196 That's my mom's name!
- 00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:23,364 Dude, she's a hooker.
- 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:25,450 She's a better disciple than you!
- 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,369 Ow! Aw! Owww!
- 00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:31,456 [ Gasps ] Oh, no.
- 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:32,790 I can't die.
- 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,376 [ French accent ] I 'ave a proposition for you.
- 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,919 I work alone.
- 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,175 If I suck-a your blood, I'll be invincible!
- 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,968 I think!
- 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,261 Aah!
- 00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:47,513 Billionaire immortal entrepreneur Jesus Christ
- 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:50,224 has placed all his money into what he's calling
- 00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,101 a "second chance at love."
- 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:53,770 Hang on, Mary!
- 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,606 The data! So beautiful!
- 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:59,358 Make me normal, witch.
- 00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:02,695 Take it all!
- 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,781 Eat your pudding, Mr. Christ.
- 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:05,865 What are you smiling at?
- 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,451 [ Chuckles ] Your name.
- 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,912 [ Monitor beeping ]
- 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,413 What's happening, Rick?
- 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,123 Leon's venom makes you think more and more of your life
- 00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:18,169 is behind you as he feeds on your released potential.
- 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,046 Leon, y-you saved our lives!
- 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,297 Oh, not yet he hasn't.
- 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,507 Jeez, Rick! So mean!
- 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,300 He's meta, Morty. His life doesn't matter.
- 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,677 Yours does. That's why we need to get back.
- 00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:29,722 Well, this doesn't feel like a citadel.
- 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,851 Uh, maybe it's cooler on the inside.
- 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:36,854 [ Gasps ] This isn't what it looks like.
- 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:39,315 This is a very special diet for successful writers.
- 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,150 Why do you look like my character?
- 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:45,029 I <i>am</i> your character! And you are going to improve me.
- 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:46,864 But you're Story Lord. You're great.
- 00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:48,533 Great isn't good enough!
- 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:51,327 I've killed Rick and made myself real!
- 00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:54,080 I'm better than some shitty toy train.
- 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,915 Is this your office or your apartment?
- 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,834 Why does it smell like you sleep here?
- 00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:00,002 You're my creator. Why are you pathetic?
- 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:02,421 Because you failed!
- 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:03,840 What the hell happened?
- 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,591 You want to know what happened? Like, specifically?
- 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,177 Well, the Ricks wanted to do a "Canterbury Tales"-type thing,
- 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,512 but none of them have actually read
- 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:10,763 fucking "Canterbury Tales."
- 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,223 So then they told me to make it like
- 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:13,724 the poker-game episode of the Batman cartoon
- 00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,726 where the bad guys tell stories about Batman.
- 00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,854 Then they kept telling me it "needed something."
- 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,689 Yeah, no shit, it needed something!
- 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:22,859 It needed to never be pitched! I did my job!
- 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,528 Goomby, the Ice Queen, the Tickets Please guy.
- 00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:26,821 They just bailed on it!
- 00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,197 The website didn't even fucking work!
- 00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:30,074 And it was a shitty URL to begin with,
- 00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:33,202 "Story-dash-train"? Who uses a dash?
- 00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,371 They set me up to fail. They fucked me!
- 00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:38,291 They fucked me and you're lucky I haven't blown my brains out!
- 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,210 Right. Just give me a motivation, you hacky fart.
- 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,712 Okay, here's your motivation.
- 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:46,549 You're looking for motivation. You want all the motivation.
- 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:49,010 That's lazy.
- 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,428 Must be nice, by the way.
- 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,471 Wish I could afford to dress like a bisexual acting coach
- 00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:53,806 from the '70s.
- 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:56,934 My motivation... is motivation.
- 00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:58,352 Okay. Bye.
- 00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:02,106 Oh, no, my bitter friend. You're coming with me.
- 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,402 Yo! If you don't see me coming, it's a bad fortress!
- 00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:08,529 [ Gate opens ]
- 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:09,864 Where are we?
- 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,699 Headquarters of the Self-Referential Six.
- 00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:12,909 They're meta nerds that found out
- 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,535 they could be less bearable as a team.
- 00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:15,870 They can help us?
- 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,246 No, but there's a prisoner here that can.
- 00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:18,456 Shh. Don't tell them that.
- 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,790 Rick Sanchez.
- 00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,043 I've been waiting for this moment for years.
- 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:25,171 Oh, good. Morty, this is Miss... Lead.
- 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,465 I should kill you where you stand.
- 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,051 I brought you Previous Leon.
- 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,969 You'll want to lock him up in your detention center.
- 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:33,804 It's a trick! He wants your prisoner!
- 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,223 You dick.
- 00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,808 Talk about a mislead. Anti-meta field.
- 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:38,976 Fancy device.
- 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:41,270 I think I can recall the time you built it.
- 00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:42,855 Don't try it, Flash Back!
- 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:47,235 You know, I-I'm excited about the upcoming election.
- 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,946 This forcefield will be impenetrable by meta-energy.
- 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,739 It runs on hydrogen isotopes.
- 00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:53,074 Hmmm.
- 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,284 It runs on hydrogen isotopes.
- 00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:58,287 A few barrels of petroleum should dampen it.
- 00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:00,665 [ Chuckles ]
- 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,291 Were those not there before?
- 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:06,337 Guess there's been a... Connie TinuityError.
- 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:08,798 These people are the worst!
- 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:10,841 [ Alarm blaring ]
- 00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,051 Look out, Rick!
- 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,928 Forget him. He's a nameless guard.
- 00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:16,973 That's Protago Nick.
- 00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,183 His beam has the power to make any character the protagonist.
- 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,436 D-Duck!
- 00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:26,148 Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man, oh, man.
- 00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:28,150 Gah! What are you doing, Marvin?!
- 00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,444 Not dying, that's what <i>I'm</i> doing.
- 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:33,030 Oh, what's going on? What happened?
- 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:35,700 I did it again, Katie. I ran out on another job.
- 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:39,704 Well, if you didn't do that, you wouldn't be my man.
- 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:54,010 {\an8}♪
- 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,178 I was almost tempted to just let it go.
- 00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:58,139 That's how much I hate it here.
- 00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,682 Smash cut!
- 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,100 Remember me, Rick?
- 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,143 Who's this guy, now?
- 00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,520 I am Mr. Twist.
- 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,148 The fifth member of the Self-Referential Six.
- 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,232 Who's the sixth?
- 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,526 That's the twist, Morty. It's you.
- 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:11,694 What?
- 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,195 The twist is there's no sixth member
- 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,322 and he tells that to everybody.
- 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,906 In any case, you're ours now.
- 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:19,618 You can't free yourself without a twist, and I control them.
- 00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:21,370 You don't control every twist, Mr. Twist.
- 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,040 I've got a twist for you.
- 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,167 Aah! Aha! Nice try!
- 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,169 Like I didn't see that coming.
- 00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:31,589 Fuck me.
- 00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,342 Great work, Morty! I'm adapting!
- 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,718 Here's our ticket out of here.
- 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,219 They got him in a cell made out of sports
- 00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:38,804 because it's the opposite of story.
- 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,181 Do I want to ask who he is?
- 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,891 His name is Brett Caan.
- 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,518 He has the power to make things always have been other things.
- 00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:45,895 I think that's called retconning.
- 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,396 B-But his name's Brett Caan?
- 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,940 I mean, Rhett's a name too. His name could be Rhett Caan.
- 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,902 It is. And always has been... now.
- 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,403 Whoa.
- 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:55,946 Stay clear of his retcon range.
- 00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,073 Until he agrees to help us.
- 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,450 Rick, you've always trusted me.
- 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,535 Nice try. Here's how it's gonna work.
- 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:03,579 You're gonna make it so Morty and I never came here.
- 00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,581 Once that's always been the case,
- 00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:06,832 I'll free you remotely with this.
- 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,709 <i>What is my purpose?</i>
- 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,586 To wait until I tell you to pull that lever.
- 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:11,837 <i>You are fucking kidding me.</i>
- 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:13,381 If you don't free me right now, Rick,
- 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,508 I can make very, very bad things
- 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,259 always have been the case for you.
- 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,427 Is that a threat, you fuck?
- 00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:21,263 Y-Y-You can rot in there.
- 00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,765 You know what, Rhett? Forget what I said.
- 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,266 We've always been friends.
- 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:25,726 Good one.
- 00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:26,936 Whoa, easy, Rhett.
- 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,397 Don't forget that coffee mug I gave you.
- 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,650 You always were able to be killed with coffee.
- 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,027 Aaah!
- 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,946 New plan. Run. Again.
- 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,115 The twist being...
- 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,742 You were born without bones.
- 00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,285 See ya never!
- 00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,745 [ Laughs ]
- 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:47,540 There's never been anything outside this fortress.
- 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,833 God damn it!
- 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:53,629 And this fortress has always been an orange!
- 00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:57,299 Pluh! Great plan, Rick!
- 00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:58,801 Yeah, I'm not pushing back on that, Morty,
- 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,344 I have royally fucked us.
- 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,556 Ugh! It hurts.
- 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,266 We've been past the fourth wall too long.
- 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,059 We won't be real much longer.
- 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,811 You killed us, Rick.
- 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,772 You just had to hate meta storytelling. [ Groans ]
- 00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:12,982 In my defense, Morty,
- 00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:15,276 I think you can agree my hate was justified.
- 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,402 Ohh!
- 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:21,824 Least... earned... death... ever...
- 00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:25,202 {\an8}♪
- 00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:27,913 Death is a threshold.
- 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:32,501 {\an8}♪
- 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,628 Ugh! What-- What happened?
- 00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:35,713 You atoned.
- 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,173 Who-- Who are you?
- 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,467 I'm Joseph Campbell. Soup?
- 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:42,636 I almost considered not making it because my name is Campbell,
- 00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:45,222 but then I thought, stay in the moment, Joe.
- 00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,390 Follow your bliss.
- 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,558 How are you here?
- 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:49,018 R-Rhett Caan said there was nothing.
- 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:51,103 Some things never change about mythology.
- 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,397 There's always an old man with soup.
- 00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:55,691 Name one story that doesn't have one.
- 00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:58,235 Uh, Jack and the Beanstalk.
- 00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,695 Every "Matrix."
- 00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:01,530 Alright, I don't have to defend myself to you people.
- 00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,282 Where's my soup? [ Coughs ]
- 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,284 Rick: Previous Fuckin' Leon.
- 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,203 Why is that prick here?
- 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,787 No more a prick than you, friend.
- 00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:11,207 Meta characters erode reality.
- 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,375 But all characters are meta, Rick.
- 00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:16,295 All of us are nourished and consumed by chaos,
- 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,756 like newborns at the breast of a meth addict
- 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,466 in a lifeboat filled with forks.
- 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,259 I know what you have to do, Rick.
- 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:23,886 Scrub Campbell's browser history?
- 00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,971 Just trust Previous Leon.
- 00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,057 Could you previously us a way home?
- 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,352 Uh, well, I'll sure enjoy trying.
- 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,478 Yeah, I bet you would.
- 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,313 Rick can't change, Morty.
- 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,899 Change is what you might call his Kryptonite.
- 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,567 Except instead of being super,
- 00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,487 he's, you know, kind of a pussy.
- 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,696 Let's do it.
- 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,200 <i>Previously, on Rick...</i>
- 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,910 [ Squelching ]
- 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:48,869 [ Ceramic breaks ]
- 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,246 He almost killed you!
- 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,248 Okay, well, I feel bad,
- 00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,083 I kind of pressured you into trying that.
- 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,043 You called me a pussy.
- 00:13:56,043 --> 00:14:00,422 This is a map to a region rich in narrative ore.
- 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,258 I wish you the best of luck.
- 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,427 Faster, Morty! I'd help, but I can't blister my inventing hands.
- 00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:06,845 How long will it take?
- 00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:08,347 You can live in my wood shed.
- 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,808 Just don't open the door after dark.
- 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,977 Get out here, you Communist Jews!
- 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,770 Dude. Maybe I'm not an alcoholic.
- 00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:18,065 I know, right? You fucking "Back to the Future" rip-offs!
- 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:19,483 It's ready.
- 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:20,484 Rick, I should stay.
- 00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:21,944 Why? I'm pregnant.
- 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,280 What are you doing?
- 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,115 Me! I never left.
- 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,450 But you had to think all this happened to make that.
- 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,160 And I can get this through the titles?
- 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,537 If you hang on tight.
- 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,455 What about my beard and unborn child?
- 00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,499 Let them go.
- 00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:36,667 When you get home, Rick,
- 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,294 do some classic adventures.
- 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,504 Like season one--
- 00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:43,549 What the fuck does it even mean?
- 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,388 {\an8}Ohh!
- 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:52,141 Now, one last time.
- 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,268 What's my motivation?
- 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:57,313 This machine will siphon it from everyone in the universe.
- 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,815 Perfect. Greenlit. Launch it.
- 00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:02,693 [ Grunting ]
- 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,361 Oh, I think it's working!
- 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:05,779 Yes, I can feel it!
- 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:08,657 Something I did is actually affecting someone!
- 00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:12,077 {\an8}♪
- 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,579 I don't want to work anymore.
- 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:17,666 I do, but only as an excuse to not practice guitar.
- 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:21,920 {\an8}♪
- 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,923 Why don't we just write any number down on the score sheet?
- 00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,300 Oh, why even do that?
- 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,885 [ Telephone rings ]
- 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,220 {\an8}♪
- 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,139 Wait, you have to register?
- 00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:34,350 Yes! I can feel it!
- 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,019 I'm so motivated!
- 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,772 I want... a lot!
- 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,023 [ Portal opens ]
- 00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,691 Story time's over.
- 00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,360 Ha! Hardly your decision.
- 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,863 Did you seriously double down on motivation as your motivation?
- 00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:49,073 It's a good idea!
- 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,199 There's no such thing!
- 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,700 There's joyful and there's joyless,
- 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,035 and we've had our fill of one.
- 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,828 Morty, make that sweaty writer stop working
- 00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:56,789 while I kill off his character.
- 00:15:56,789 --> 00:16:00,751 I have never been more driven to destroy someone.
- 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,336 Yeah, well, I'm driven to lower my blood sugar
- 00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:05,047 but guess who's getting tacos after he kicks your ass?
- 00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:08,300 So you're jacked. Who cares?
- 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,802 [ Chuckles ] Cum gutters.
- 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,221 I don't like that phrase.
- 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,099 [ Both roaring ]
- 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,852 You can't beat me, Rick.
- 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:21,438 I have one million times your motivation!
- 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:24,900 So do those guys with the cellphone kiosks at the mall.
- 00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:27,778 [ Both grunting ]
- 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:48,924 {\an8}♪
- 00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:49,967 [ Squeaking ]
- 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,218 The hair is wrong.
- 00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:53,137 Like you'd be picky about licensing.
- 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,931 Actually, I would. I happen to believe that--
- 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,434 [ Groans ]
- 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,770 [ Grunts, laughs ]
- 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,105 You can do that?
- 00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,481 You got to want it.
- 00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:06,942 Come on, just stop. I-I don't want to fight you.
- 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:09,695 Kid, I'm a writer that wrote something successful.
- 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,280 So if you want me to give it up,
- 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,449 you're gonna need a black belt or a big pair of tits.
- 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,742 Yeah, well, I don't have those.
- 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:17,035 Campbell: In the mythical sense, I have both.
- 00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:18,162 Joseph Campbell?
- 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:19,788 Yeah, nice try. He died in the '80s.
- 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:22,207 Only you can see and hear me, Morty.
- 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,333 Just repeat what I tell you.
- 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,461 Okay. [ Clears throat ]
- 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:28,255 Sir, you're only proud of your creation's success
- 00:17:28,255 --> 00:17:29,965 because you want to be creative,
- 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,092 but creation doesn't happen through gimmicks,
- 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,635 technology, and distribution.
- 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,387 It doesn't even happen through work.
- 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:38,640 Creativity is frankly adjacent to mental illness and overlaps
- 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:39,892 with it substantially.
- 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,477 A lot of talented people kill themselves
- 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,978 and all of them are miserable.
- 00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,481 The real gift is to be ungifted,
- 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,983 and from what I saw in your Green Arrow spec script,
- 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:49,526 that's the gift you were given.
- 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,195 You couldn't have seen that.
- 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,238 I'm Joseph Campbell. I saw it.
- 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,448 The villain was a placeholder.
- 00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:55,783 I said I saw it, Jan.
- 00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,618 I didn't say I could get past page five.
- 00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,328 Y-Your villains aren't the problem.
- 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:02,164 The problem is, when you write, <i>you're</i> a villain.
- 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,792 If you want to be a hero, just stop.
- 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,377 [ Sniffles, sobs ]
- 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:14,510 You know what? Maybe I <i>will</i> register.
- 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:18,222 Say it! Tell me I'm the new Mr. Nimbus!
- 00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:22,017 Oh, looks like your writer took a hiatus.
- 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,393 Oh, fuck.
- 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,145 You're less motivated to fight now,
- 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,731 so this is literally punching down, but you've got it coming.
- 00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:30,192 [ Groaning ]
- 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,069 Please, let me live.
- 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,529 I promise to be cooler.
- 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:37,032 I'll be less inside baseball. Maybe I change my name?
- 00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:37,950 Ow!
- 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,119 You failed me.
- 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:44,081 No, <i>I</i> failed <i>you.</i>
- 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,374 [ Coughs ]
- 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:49,002 All good things must come to an end-
- 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,964 All bad things too, though, so don't flatter yourself.
- 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,257 Jan, Joseph Campbell says
- 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:54,883 you have to be the one to put him down.
- 00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,094 Wait, wait, wait, Joseph Campbell also says
- 00:18:57,094 --> 00:19:00,305 you have to use this brand-new limited edition Rick plush,
- 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,058 available only on rick-plush.biz.
- 00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:04,560 Supplies are limited. Act now.
- 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,894 He did?
- 00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:07,271 [ Squeaking, muffled grunting ]
- 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,189 [ Grunting ]
- 00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,652 Shhh.
- 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:17,739 [ Breathes heavily ]
- 00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:20,158 Jesus, that's the last time I buy a toy from a Rick.
- 00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:22,828 Ooh, the plushies are obviously well made.
- 00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:29,710 Thanks for getting us back alive, Rick.
- 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,588 Well, I am a master of both worlds, Morty.
- 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:37,175 Joseph Campbell told me to stop writing.
- 00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:38,844 Because it should be effortless.
- 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,096 And when it happens organically, that's when it's meant to be.
- 00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,890 You know, like, um, like me.
- 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:45,309 I'm a writer, here's a pencil. Writers use pencils.
- 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:46,935 Okay, so, like, what if, like, a pencil used me?
- 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,896 Like, um-- okay! Yeah!
- 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,772 Okay, so it's like a magic pencil
- 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,441 that writes the writer's life--
- 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:56,111 holy shit, it's a movie about a writer!
- 00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:58,363 I am back!
- 00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:29,978 {\an8}♪
- 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:32,272 Yeah, I'm Tag-Man!
- 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:34,816 I-I-I-I live in the tag!
- 00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:36,652 I-I-I am the tag!
- 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:37,736 I'm Tag-Man!
- 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,154 Tag-- Tag of the episode... man!
- 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,656 "Did you get any of that?"
- 00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,532 When the-- yeah, when an episode's over, look out,
- 00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,868 because, yaaaah, here comes Tag-Man!
- 00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:47,496 And I'm-- I'm crazy! Tag-Man!
- 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:50,499 Yeah! I'm-- I'mma tag your ass!
- 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,792 Tag that ass.
- 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,210 Tag-Ass-Man!
- 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,087 I'm an Ass-Man now!
- 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,421 I'm a-- I'm a Tag-Man!
- 00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:58,340 Here's what you get. Here's your tag!
- 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,050 Yeah, you want some more?
- 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,052 You want-- you want some more tag you sick piece of shit?!
- 00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:05,138 I'm-- because I'm Tag-Man!
- 00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:06,640 I miss my wife.
- 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,517 Too bad. This is it!
- 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,394 Tag-Man, yeah!
- 00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:11,895 [ Indistinct talking ]
- 00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,480 Did you get any of that?
- 00:00:16,456 --> 00:00:18,996 С ВОСЕМНАДЦАТИЛЕТИЕМ, САММЕР!
- 00:02:27,306 --> 00:02:32,326 РОЯЛЬ В КУСТАХ, ЧЕХОВСКИЕ РУЖЬЯ ТИКАЮЩИЕ ЧАСЫ, ПРЕДЗНАМЕНОВАНИЕ
- 00:02:57,936 --> 00:02:59,686 ИСПЫТАНИЯ
- 00:05:45,526 --> 00:05:51,286 СРОЧНАЯ НОВОСТЬ!
- 00:06:08,416 --> 00:06:10,416 МАРИЯ
- 00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:28,526 СДЕЛАНО В «ИГРУШКАХ ЦИТАДЕЛИ»
- 00:06:30,126 --> 00:06:31,656 ИГРУШКИ ЦИТАДЕЛИ
- 00:08:27,636 --> 00:08:29,016 ГЛАВНАЯ ГЕРОИНЯ
- 00:08:43,236 --> 00:08:44,486 ФЛЭШБЕК
- 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,856 ОШИБКА ПОВЕСТВОВАНИЯ
- 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:20,726 ПРОТАГО НИК
- 00:09:39,586 --> 00:09:42,526 «МАРВИН — ТРУСЛИВЫЙ ОХРАННИК»
- 00:09:47,396 --> 00:09:49,306 В РОЛЯХ: МАРВИН
- 00:10:04,046 --> 00:10:05,046 НЕОЖИДАННЫЙ ПОВОРОТ
- 00:11:29,966 --> 00:11:31,846 ЛУЧШИЙ ПЛЕННИК В ИСТОРИИ
- 00:15:29,776 --> 00:15:32,456 НЕ ДРОЧИ В ОДИНОЧКУ РЕГИСТРАЦИЯ
- 00:21:13,746 --> 00:21:16,106 ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА
- 00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:07,450 РІК І МОРТІ
- 00:00:16,220 --> 00:00:19,010 САММЕР, З 18-ИМ ДНЕМ НАРОДЖЕННЯ!
- 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,020 «БОГ ІЗ МАШИНИ» - ЧЕХОВСЬКІ РУШНИЦІ - БЕЗПРИЧИННЕ НАСИЛЬСТВО
- 00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,480 ЦОКАЮЧИЙ ГОДИННИК - ПЕРЕДВІСНИКИ - ДОДАВАЧ ЕКШНУ
- 00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,420 ВИПРОБУВАННЯ
- 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,120 МАРІЯ
- 00:06:27,010 --> 00:06:28,090 ПОЇЗД ІСТОРІЙ: ВИГОТОВЛЕНО ТОВ «ІГРАШКИ З ЦИТАДЕЛІ»
- 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:30,990 ІГРАШКИ З ЦИТАДЕЛІ
- 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,000 ОМА АНА
- 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,000 ФЛЕШ БЕК
- 00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:06,700 НЕПОСЛІДОВНІСТЬ СЮ ЖЕТУ
- 00:09:19,230 --> 00:09:20,230 ПРО ТАЙҐА НІСТ
- 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,370 МАРВІН, СЦИКЛИВИЙ СТОРОЖ
- 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,400 У РОЛЯХ: МАРВІН
- 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,120 ПАН ПОВОРОТ
- 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,120 НАЙКРАЩИЙ В’ЯЗЕНЬ У СВІТІ
- 00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:47,980 РІК І МОРТІ
- 00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:31,980 ДРОЧКО-ДРУЖОК НЕ ДРОЧИ САМ!