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Первый рикцарь при дворе короля Мортура
Ожидая в очереди за едой, Морти получает предложение стать рыцарем от Рыцаря Солнца. Игнорируя предупреждения Рика и называя его «скучным», Морти отправляется на Солнце, где ему говорят, что он должен отрезать себе пенис, чтобы присоединиться к Рыцарям. Морти отказывается и пытается уйти; против него выступает Король Солнца, но он побеждает Короля в бою и сам становится Королём. Он разоблачает ошибочность мировоззрения Рыцарей и убеждает их распуститься. Без влияния Рыцарей мирный саммит лидеров планет проваливается, и начинается война. Морти застаёт Рыцарей Солнца за употреблением героина и вдохновляет их возобновить свои обязанности, обещая отрезать себе пенис, для чего Рик изготовил ему поддельный. Война заканчивается, и все планеты признают Морти Королём, но устанавливают различные механизмы, чтобы выявить его поддельный пенис, заставляя Рика и Морти инсценировать свою смерть. Таким образом, Рыцари прекращают свою традицию кастрации.
- 00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:10,385 - Why are we waiting in line for food? - It’s a pop-up.
- 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,263 It’s a rare, pop-up restaurant thing that only enters our solar system...
- 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,473 Rick, you’re gonna spoil your appetite.
- 00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:18,935 That’s a weird way to say I’m gonna stop being hungry by eating food, but whatever.
- 00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:21,563 - Three crispy, four wiggling. - You’re probably not even hungry,
- 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:23,815 you just don’t like lines because they aren’t about you.
- 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:27,026 Another weirdly aggressive way to describe a friend respecting themselves.
- 00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,821 What a wonderful thing to say!
- 00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:33,658 I was merely inspired by the wonderful thing you said!
- 00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:37,579 - Sirs? Guys? You dropped this! - Please take it as a reward!
- 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,248 - So courteous! - How nice it will be for you to eat
- 00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:43,251 what you were willing to stand in line for so much sooner!
- 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:46,004 Oh no, that’s okay. I came to stand in line and then eat.
- 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,547 I wouldn’t wanna do it differently.
- 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,093 Dear fellow, I choose this moment to surrender my sword
- 00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:55,472 so that you may succeed me as the newest Knight of the Sun.
- 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:59,434 What? No. I didn’t even want your sandwich. I don’t want your sword.
- 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,644 Oh, believe me, son. You want it.
- 00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:06,858 I don’t understand. You’re knights? With a K? Of the Sun with a U or, or an O?
- 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:09,235 Your alphabet is of no concern here.
- 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:13,782 We are sworn defenders of Helios, the center of this system.
- 00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,408 Okay, so it’s Sun with a u.
- 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,410 Oh, God. Morty, don’t take the sword.
- 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,579 Oh, I’m shocked you’re against something, Rick.
- 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,748 - You know these guys? - I know how they’re dressed
- 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,083 and how boring this sounds. You take that sword,
- 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,253 you’re gonna get sucked into a whole complicated, oh shit!
- 00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:29,881 Come on, take it.
- 00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:31,800 I mean, if that kid’s not gonna
- 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,384 - take the sword... - He didn’t offer it to you.
- 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:36,805 Sorry, can I just ask some stuff, what does a Knight of the Sun do?
- 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,556 He takes the sword, for one thing.
- 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:41,476 You know what, maybe you made a bad call. He, he doesn’t want the sword.
- 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:43,895 - I didn’t say that. - Well you sure aren’t taking it!
- 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:46,523 - Would you just take a random... - Obviously I would, yes!
- 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:49,943 And I did! Best decision of my life! And you’re shitting on it!
- 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,736 Excuse me? Is this just a free sword?
- 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:53,363 - No! - I’m taking the sword!
- 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,574 - Thank you, Dawnling. What is your name? - Morty.
- 00:01:56,574 --> 00:02:01,412 Now it is Sir Mortaniel. I made it a little knightier. Good day.
- 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,498 Wait, did he just...
- 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:06,501 Goddammit, Morty! You took the sword?! So boring!
- 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:09,587 Oh like you’re not at this point? You drunk cranky fuck!
- 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:18,137 You guys still gonna stand in line? Y ou’re not gonna take this food?
- 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,557 The pop up pays us to stand here.
- 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,517 - To drive up business. - Knew it.
- 00:02:56,843 --> 00:03:01,431 Everyone! Sir Helios’ successor, Sir Mortaniel!
- 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:04,017 {\an8}<i>Sir Mortaniel, face so bright!</i>
- 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,686 {\an8}<i>Serves the sun with strength and might!</i>
- 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,272 {\an8}<i>Sir mortaniel come and see</i>
- 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,774 {\an8}<i>Just what the sun provides for thee!</i>
- 00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:13,568 {\an8}Wow, my, my own song.
- 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:16,112 {\an8}Now you know why Sir Helios had to change your name
- 00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:20,408 {\an8}to something with three syllables! Welcome, Dawnling, to the Sun!
- 00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:22,952 {\an8}So it is the Sun, like Earth’s sun?
- 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,163 {\an8}He’s heard of us!
- 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,290 {\an8}How come I’m not, like, burning to a crisp?
- 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:31,878 {\an8}You are currently protected by our powers, but soon they will be yours!
- 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:36,215 {\an8}Our flesh is indestructible! Our lives are never-ending,
- 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:39,260 {\an8}but not even in the dumb vampire way where after a while you hate it
- 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,971 {\an8}and you can’t die. We can die whenever we want!!
- 00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:44,933 {\an8}- We just don’t have to. - But you’re not allowed to leave, right?
- 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:47,518 {\an8}Like, I’ll never see my family again?
- 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:50,355 {\an8}We leave constantly! I met you on an asteroid!
- 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,857 {\an8}Oh yeah! Between us that wasn’t a deal breaker,
- 00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,651 {\an8}but it’s even better that there’s options!
- 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,487 {\an8}You’ll have more freedom than you’ve ever known.
- 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,821 {\an8}Our king!
- 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,324 {\an8}The Sun is the center of the solar system.
- 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:04,661 {\an8}It is the home of the solar scepter, around which all worlds revolve.
- 00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:08,581 {\an8}The men who keep it safe are admired by all and live as gods.
- 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:12,418 {\an8}- Any more questions? - Yeah, where do I sign?
- 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:15,630 {\an8}Well that does it!
- 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:19,008 {\an8}- Off to the parapet to make this official. - Yeah, let’s do this!
- 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,513 {\an8}Now just cut off your penises and throw them into the sun.
- 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:29,352 {\an8}- Okey dokey. - I see Mortaniel wants to go first.
- 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:33,523 {\an8}Not true. Do I just leave the sword wherever? Is there a sword bin?
- 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,482 {\an8}What are you saying,
- 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,734 {\an8}- you don’t want to cut off... - Listen guys, can we not...
- 00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:39,195 {\an8}It’s a terrific and painful sacrifice we all make
- 00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:42,031 {\an8}for the most important and powerful job in the universe.
- 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:44,367 We’ve done it since the dawn of dawns.
- 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:47,120 Yep. There it is in stained glass. It’s official.
- 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,831 And I’m not judging it. And I’m not doing it.
- 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:51,624 People really live here?
- 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,167 This is nuts, I thought it was a metaphor.
- 00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,127 We have to go!
- 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:57,130 Boy. They’re not messing around?
- 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,507 - How are you not burning? - Oh, it’s just science,
- 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:02,260 which, unless I’m misinterpreting, is clearly not a priority here.
- 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:05,346 Okay, c’mon lil Junebug, I won’t rub your face in this one,
- 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:06,973 I’m guessing you’re feeling pretty stupid.
- 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,641 Yes. Thank you.
- 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:12,478 Sir Helios gave his life with that sword. Mortaniel took it.
- 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:15,273 He cannot leave unless he bests me in combat.
- 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:19,694 Okay, one sec. I’m guessing these guys are like pseudo immortalish since they
- 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:22,905 live on the sun, so playing by their rules might be the fastest way out of this.
- 00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:24,782 - Just best him in combat. - What?
- 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:27,827 Here. This sword uses AI to learn from an opponent’s attacks.
- 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,662 - So I have to get attacked first? - No, no, no,
- 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,707 the sword has already seen Blade. And loved it. You’ll be fine.
- 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,588 - By golly! Oh crickey. - Oh! Blimey. I say!
- 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:47,180 - Okay, so we’re done here. - No. We’re not done.
- 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,224 I am done. You are now King of the Sun.
- 00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:53,227 - Protect the Scepter always. - No, no, I don’t want to.
- 00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:01,027 Well how is that supposed to work? He’s King, but he was never even a knight?
- 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,904 - I mean that’s stupid. - it’s definitely a
- 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,906 - sun first. - A king with a penis?
- 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,282 Well what do you want from me?
- 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,576 - All hail King Mortaniel! - All hail King Mortaniel!
- 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:12,371 As your King, I hereby declare a vacation, for me,
- 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:16,167 I’ll come visit you guys, on like, Sun Days. Sundays.
- 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:20,129 If I forget, just wait a week, keep doing that, keep the crown, peace.
- 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:27,178 Hell yeah! See? That’s from when he’s fighting Deacon Frost!
- 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,264 I don’t know. I thought it was cool.
- 00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:32,809 - Okay, so. - So? Oh.
- 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,894 So you dragged me to a fake restaurant, yelled at me
- 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,563 for not doing what you wanted, then did something I told you not to
- 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,857 and it almost cost you your pud, but I saved your life
- 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,235 and now you’re waiting for me to make you feel like shit about it.
- 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,986 That’s, yeah, you nailed it.
- 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:46,781 Morty, I’m sorry I let your opinion of me get this low.
- 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,741 - Alright, I get it. - There’s nothing to get,
- 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:52,161 I’m for real. Look, I’m a drunk, I’m a psychopath, I’m a murderer,
- 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,663 but when you called me boring.
- 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,623 - I shouldn’t have... - I needed to hear it.
- 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:58,167 And you took the stupid sword and I was like, holy crap,
- 00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:01,295 this is who I am to this kid, he just does the opposite of my advice now,
- 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:04,006 I mean I, I gotta fix that, so I’m gonna be like
- 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:07,635 twenty two percent more agreeable with you for like, maybe one episode,
- 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,345 or one adventure. We’ll see how it goes.
- 00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:11,848 - Is twenty two percent a lot? - Well I’m not gonna tell you
- 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,934 of our time together I’m usually mean to you because it’ll hurt your stupid
- 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:18,187 feelings but twenty two is substantial, you’re gonna feel the difference.
- 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:20,439 Okay. I mean, I appreciate it.
- 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,734 You should, because you made a real mess with these guys.
- 00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:24,652 - Oh man.
- 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:25,695 - Sire! - You can’t leave!
- 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:26,696 Go away!
- 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:32,326 My king, it is our duty to follow you ‘til the sun sets on our watch!
- 00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:35,997 I mean, it set yesterday, so you’re done. Bye.
- 00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:38,207 Sire, the sun never sets on the sun.
- 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,043 - Can you get rid of them? - You want me to...
- 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,963 Well, you guys know he can kill you, right?
- 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,717 I think he’d find that quite difficult, sire, but if it pleases you!
- 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,845 Can’t I just tell you it pleases me for you to go away?
- 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:54,223 - No. Not really. - So you’d rather die than leave me alone.
- 00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:55,349 - Yes! - Yes!
- 00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:57,727 <i>- A pheasant plucked for my good king, - A pheasant plucked for my good king,</i>
- 00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:00,021 <i>- A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing! - A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing!</i>
- 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,483 These guys live on our sun? I’ve never heard of them.
- 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:07,111 I don’t see them doing a lot to earn interplanetary fame.
- 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:11,073 I beg your pardon, wizard, the Knights of the Sun protect the solar scepter.
- 00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:13,284 Around which even this world turns.
- 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:16,204 You do mean that, like symbolically, right?
- 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:19,832 Oh quite literally. The Scepter is the center of the solar system.
- 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,250 All planets orbit it.
- 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:24,879 We keep it on the sun so that Jupiter and Saturn don’t bump into each other.
- 00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,633 - Oh my god. - They don’t even know sixth grade science.
- 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:29,926 That’s it.
- 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,844 Yeah, so there you have it.
- 00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:35,389 Traditions suck ass and your most foundational beliefs are total bullshit.
- 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,308 We’re supposed to take your word for it?
- 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,311 Anyone can draw circles on a board and spout numbers.
- 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,105 Yes, this sounds like a fun theory, sire,
- 00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:45,233 but it would take more than this for us to give up...
- 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,401 Okay so how do you guys think it works again?
- 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,528 - Well, the Scepter... - Oh you mean this old thing?
- 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,199 You want it? Here. Take it back home. It’s a symbol.
- 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,785 It’s your culture. That’s not the same as reality.
- 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:59,664 Does this mean we cut off our penises for absolutely no reason?
- 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,708 That’s the bad news. The good news is, you’re free.
- 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,671 - Oh that stings. - Fuck this knights shit.
- 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,800 A query? I just used your computer phone to search despair.
- 00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:14,262 - Where can I get this heroin? - I’m not telling you that.
- 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:17,765 No matter, I’m seeing from most of your song lyrics that I can get it anywhere.
- 00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:24,105 You guys, someone just used critical thinking and basic physics
- 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,482 to destroy their first entire religion.
- 00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:27,942 - Nice! - Good job, Morty!
- 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,152 - So no more sun-tourage? - Yep. All done.
- 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,738 Plus, Rick and I both learned to support each other better.
- 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:36,409 So that’s it, we’re done. Feels early, but we’re done.
- 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:41,080 What’s happening? Appliances are breaking that I haven’t touched.
- 00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:44,959 Maybe the sun is celebrating?
- 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,923 The Sons of the Moon are storming the Walkway! Doesn’t matter.
- 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,466 Their aggression will be kept in check
- 00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:55,136 by a host of interplanetary treaties and alliances.
- 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:58,222 It’s very complicated, but as long as The Knights of the Sun stand together,
- 00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:01,517 the solar system will always have complete political stability
- 00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:04,186 where are the Knights of the Sun, by the way? I’m done pooping.
- 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:09,608 Did the Knights of the Sun disband?
- 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,612 While I was pooping? Sun-kward.
- 00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:21,120 <i>How many planets in our solar system have these clowns?</i>
- 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,040 <i>I guess if the sun can support life, any planet can, I mean,</i>
- 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,042 <i>maybe we all descended from a common ancestor?</i>
- 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,044 <i>Haven’t you seen, like, all of the universes?</i>
- 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:31,505 <i>Exactly, so why would I hang out on Pluto? That’s some Jerry-league shit.</i>
- 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:34,300 If the Sons of the Moon can attack the sun,
- 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,553 why should the Viscounts of Venus continue sitting in Saturn’s shadow?
- 00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:41,724 How’s this for a reason: we got all the rings and all the balls!
- 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,184 - Oh fuck you! - Really?
- 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:46,520 If the Saturno Venusian detente is no longer honored,
- 00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:49,607 I declare you all moons of Jupiter.
- 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:52,526 Because that’s what you are to us! A bunch of moons!
- 00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:55,946 Do the Knights of the Sun plan to protect Mercury from this chaos?
- 00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:00,409 Because if we’re on our own, there’s a new, very tiny sun in town.
- 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:05,998 It’s all you, pal.
- 00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:10,920 Hello? Don’t I have, like, authority over this Sons of the Moon meeting?
- 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,172 That all depends. Who the hell are you?
- 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:14,548 This guy’s the King of the Sun!
- 00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:16,384 - Holy shit the king of the sun. - Wait when did this happen?
- 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,636 Then tell your Knights to do their jobs!
- 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:24,266 Yes, your majesty. We all know the sun’s power lives and dies with your knights.
- 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:26,644 - Who are you? - Who am... Who...
- 00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:31,649 I am the Marquis of Mars! And i declare war on all of you!
- 00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:33,776 War on all of you!
- 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,779 Where are the Knights of the Sun when we need them most?
- 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,448 - Funny you should ask. - They’re gone.
- 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,493 They’ve abandoned their duties.
- 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:45,496 - I see it in the bones. - Damn, the bones nailed it.
- 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:48,165 Okay, so you have space ships and magic ladies?
- 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:49,750 Look, I’m not gonna read all the books,
- 00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:52,920 what will it take to let this Sons of the Moon fiasco resolve itself.
- 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:57,633 Excuse me. How did you become King of the Sun? You look like an Earthling.
- 00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,260 - Santa? - Santa?
- 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:02,555 What the hell is that, I’m the Earl of Earth goddammit.
- 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,265 I agree with Earth on one thing.
- 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,518 Venus questions the legitimacy of this King’s authority.
- 00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:10,187 - My people say I say aye! Never! - That sun shall be ours!
- 00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:12,857 I’m the King! I’ve got the scepter right here!
- 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:13,816 What the fuck?
- 00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:17,027 Yeah yeah I know you’re freaking out because it’s not on the sun.
- 00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:19,155 No, because whoever has it
- 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:22,074 - rules the solar system! - It’s up for grabs, get it!
- 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,075 After it!
- 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,620 Yes! Yes! I have the scepter.
- 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:30,374 Soon Jupiter will be the center of our solar system’s newest dark age...
- 00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:34,003 Fuck that, Mercury will now be the shining beacon of...
- 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,964 Time to throw it all against the wall!
- 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:38,966 <i>I think you crushed it.</i>
- 00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:41,594 <i>I mean, not just anybody can start Solar War One.</i>
- 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,179 <i>- Stop supporting me! - Can do.</i>
- 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:48,476 <i>Goodbye, blue sky</i>
- 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:53,814 <i>Goodbye, blue sky Goodbye</i>
- 00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,777 <i>Goodbye</i>
- 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:05,493 <i>Did you see the frightened ones?</i>
- 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:10,080 <i>Did you hear the falling bombs?</i>
- 00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:16,337 <i>Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the</i>
- 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:21,342 <i>Promise of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue Sky?</i>
- 00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:45,157 <i>Did you see the frightened ones?</i>
- 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:49,537 <i>Did you hear the falling bombs?</i>
- 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:55,501 The flames are all long gone, but the pain lingers on
- 00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:03,092 <i>Goodbye, blue sky</i>
- 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:08,556 <i>Goodbye, blue sky Goodbye</i>
- 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,102 <i>Goodbye</i>
- 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:19,024 Damn, who would have thought giving the Amish nukes
- 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:22,319 - would threaten the solar system? - Maybe we should just jump universes.
- 00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,447 I don’t know buddy, feels like we’re kind of more about trying out commitment now,
- 00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:27,950 ya know? Let’s put our heads together, maybe there’s something
- 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,452 - we haven’t tried yet. - Oh, here’s an idea. Fuck you!
- 00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:31,870 - Hey! - Rick, I can’t take it,
- 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,497 I admit I’m wrong, I screwed up,
- 00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:37,585 you’re killing me here yes-anding me to death, what is this, Vat of Acid again?
- 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,712 Look man, I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick in the past
- 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,338 that you think I’m doing a thing here.
- 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,465 I’m honestly just trying to do better by you.
- 00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,759 - Are you a robot? - Morty!
- 00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:46,594 - A clone? - Morty!
- 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,721 This family’s got enough clones and robots in it.
- 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,556 Come on, Morty, stop asking what you’re asking
- 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,266 and let’s just get back to our crisis.
- 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:55,144 I’m sorry, it’s just been a hard road with you, Rick.
- 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,229 Morty, I get that but you can trust me when I say
- 00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:58,772 I’m just trying to do right by you.
- 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:03,902 Okay, Rick. You’re right, maybe I just need to round up some Knights?
- 00:15:03,902 --> 00:15:07,531 If I disillusioned the old ones, I’ll just have to reillusion them.
- 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:08,949 It shouldn’t be that hard, right?
- 00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,792 Cousins, we need to return to the walkway at once!
- 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,296 Why are you laughing,
- 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:24,882 - did I say something funny? - Oh, Mortaniel!
- 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:28,677 The only person we bend the knee to these days is that sweet Black Betty.
- 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:34,141 - Yeah man, all hail Mr. Brownstone! - And his doctor. Feelgood that is!
- 00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:36,185 They’re talking about heroin, Morty, they like it.
- 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,020 - Obviously. - Obviously?
- 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:41,732 Apparently living on the sun has turned our veins into triple-bonded carbon,
- 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:44,109 so try this tale on for size, Mortaniel.
- 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:47,446 - We can’t OD! - C’mon, you guys are a mess.
- 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,323 Well, they actually seem kinda awesome, Morty.
- 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:52,493 Lemme be your king. I admit I wanted what you once had.
- 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,995 Brotherhood, tradition, stability, purpose.
- 00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:57,498 I just didn’t want to cut my dick off for it.
- 00:15:57,498 --> 00:16:00,834 Yeah that’s the point. We were quick to follow this boy before,
- 00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:03,504 without even forcing him to commit to our traditions.
- 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:07,508 And all he did was break our faith and our walkway. And now,
- 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:12,930 this random fucking guy is here again to tell us what to do? No fucking way.
- 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,432 What if I cut off my dick?
- 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:19,144 But you’d be cutting it off for no reason.
- 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:22,189 Yeah that’s the point of tradition, doing things for no reason,
- 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,275 but it’d be reason enough doing it for you guys.
- 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:29,321 Well you do that, that would compete with heroin.
- 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,490 Cool, cool can I maybe get maybe a minute?
- 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:36,954 Buddy, what’s up? Reaching some sad conclusions about your situation?
- 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,956 Yes, but that walkway needs those knights,
- 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:41,750 those knights need a king and that king needs no dick!
- 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,752 Damn, Morty, you really are stepping up.
- 00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,338 Now do you want me to help you not have to
- 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,048 - cut your dick off though? - Yes please!
- 00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:50,426 - Then I got you. - You really mean it, Rick?
- 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,553 Of course, buddy. I’ll give you a fake dick.
- 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,514 With three layers of failsafes, they’ll never know the difference.
- 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:59,101 Morty. We’re gonna make your dick so fake, buddy.
- 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,651 The signal!
- 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:10,362 - Sir the Knights of the Sun are once more! - Hold fire!
- 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:13,073 If this return to the Old Ways is true,
- 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:16,201 I’d be willing to return home and put an end to the bloodshed.
- 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:33,010 Sir, Shall we hold off on the anti matter hydrogen bombing?
- 00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:36,680 Those crusty knights won’t do the sun much good without their...
- 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,433 Let’s hear them out.
- 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:46,940 I, Lithdor, son of Thrifdor personally oversee the stumping of thy King’s stem.
- 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:51,862 If his stem burns true, peace will be restored between the spheres!
- 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,494 Present the shears of stumping!
- 00:17:58,952 --> 00:18:01,455 - Morty the brave! You got this, my king! - Yes! Good for you!
- 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,043 First thing’s first,
- 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:09,963 step through this machine which checks for nano technological hologram dicks.
- 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,590 - What? - War opened our eyes
- 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:15,761 to the wonders of new technologies! Please, step through my liege.
- 00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:27,189 Sorry, my lord, but we’re gonna need you to step through this second machine
- 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,192 - which checks for emergency clone dicks. - Oh wow,
- 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,986 you guys really embraced a lot of specific new tech.
- 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,531 - A sunspot! - What? Where?
- 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,578 Boy, is that a third detector I see as well?
- 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,665 You’ll find out after the second one, we don’t like to reveal them
- 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,333 until the previous detecting threshold
- 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:47,751 - has been crossed. - Right.
- 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:53,632 The third detector is going to scan for a prosthetic dick.
- 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,260 - Oh good. - Okay well go on through,
- 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:59,471 and of course, by prosthetic we mean witchcraft dick.
- 00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:00,848 - Shit. - Fuck!
- 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:04,476 I sense one! The bones say he’s still packin’!
- 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,399 Can’t get nothin’ past the chicken bone lady. Just testing her.
- 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:14,319 Stump. Thy. Stem.
- 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:18,824 <i>Morty? Morty, don’t answer out loud, can you hear me? It’s Rick,</i>
- 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,243 <i>- I’m talking to you with my mind.</i> - Yeah I can hear you.
- 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,912 <i>- You said that out loud, don’t speak.</i> - Sorry. <i>Sorry.</i>
- 00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:27,207 <i>I uplinked a telepathic nano satellite so we could hear each other’s thoughts,</i>
- 00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:31,169 <i>carefully do everything I tell you in the exact order I tell you to do it.</i>
- 00:19:31,169 --> 00:19:33,005 <i>- Okay. - Grab the scissors.</i>
- 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,339 <i>Okay. Got the scissors.</i>
- 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,426 <i>- Now run. - Oh shit, shit!</i>
- 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,760 Guards, seize them!
- 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:40,846 <i>Run? You couldn’t have just said that?!</i>
- 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,472 You don’t have to use telepathy anymore,
- 00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,600 you can just ask your rhetorical questions out loud!
- 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,976 I don’t understand, Rick.
- 00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:47,936 Here’s something that’s easy to understand buddy,
- 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:50,230 I’m proud of you for trying to solve your own shit.
- 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,400 - I didn’t want to have to do this. - It’s okay this time,
- 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,610 we don’t have any choice.
- 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,404 - I love you, Rick. - Love you too, buddy.
- 00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:06,330 And that’s when King Morty and Rick were left with no choice
- 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,956 but to leap into the sun.
- 00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:12,085 Such shame he felt for what he’d done to our society, sacrificing his dick
- 00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:16,673 wasn’t enough, he gave his entire body and wizard servant as well.
- 00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:20,135 And after a while, their sun-proof bones floated up to the top.
- 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,680 We even checked with a royal ladle to ensure it was real sun,
- 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,558 not just them hiding beneath in a vat of fake sun.
- 00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:31,063 Such a violent death. And finally when our grief could bear no more,
- 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:34,775 we decided to abolish our medieval act of stem stumping.
- 00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:38,153 And we have King Morty the Molten to thank for that!
- 00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:41,281 - Morty the Molten! King Morty the Molten! - Morty the Molten! King Morty the Molten!
- 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:42,950 See, Morty? Worked like a charm!
- 00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,369 Aren’t we risking it all coming back here?
- 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:48,246 Morty, we had to know, plus the heat, it’s good for my joints.
- 00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:50,582 King Mortaniel? You’re alive?
- 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:53,835 Yeah, go tell everybody. Your reward’s gonna be cutting off your own dick.
- 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:58,548 Right. Point taken. RIP and cheerio.
- 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,378 - One crispy, one wriggling. - Coming right up.
- 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:40,173 - Three loozums. - How ‘bout ten years? In jail.
- 00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:44,970 Special Agent Mongo Bongo, you’re under arrest for illegal hot dog trafficking.
- 00:21:59,693 --> 00:22:01,862 Be free, my little babies.
- 00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,408 Surprised they actually made it.
- 00:22:06,867 --> 00:22:09,202 Kinda thought maybe some birds would swoop down or...
- 00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:12,122 <i>I jinxed it!</i>
- 00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,510 Почему мы стоим в очереди за едой?
- 00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,887 Это всплывающее окно. Это редкость - всплывающее окно ресторана,
- 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,472 который входит в нашу Солнечную систему только…
- 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,224 Рик, ты испортишь себе аппетит.
- 00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:17,935 Это странный способ сказать, что я перестану быть голодным, съев еду.
- 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:18,894 Впрочем, без разницы.
- 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,521 - Три хрустящих, четыре шевелящихся. - Ты, наверное, даже не голоден.
- 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,690 Просто не любишь реплики, когда они не про тебя.
- 00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:27,152 Еще один странно агрессивный способ описать уважающего себя друга.
- 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:30,322 Какие замечательные слова!
- 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:33,617 Меня реально вдохновила твоя речь.
- 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,702 Господа, ребята, вы уронили.
- 00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,454 Пожалуйста, прими это как награду.
- 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,082 - Ты такой любезный. - Как приятно тебе будет есть то,
- 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:43,043 ради чего ты собирался выстоять длинную очередь.
- 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,086 Нет, всё нормально.
- 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:47,547 Я пришел, чтобы постоять в очереди, а потом поесть. По-другому не хочу.
- 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,969 Дорогой друг, я выбираю этот момент, чтобы передать свой меч,
- 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:55,347 так что ты будешь моим преемником, новым Рыцарем Солнца.
- 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:58,225 Что? Нет, я даже ваш сэндвич не хотел брать,
- 00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,393 не то что меч.
- 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,436 Поверь, сынок. Ты хочешь его.
- 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,439 Не понимаю. Вы Рыцари? На букву Р?
- 00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,942 Солнца? Или Сынка?
- 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,069 Твой алфавит тут ни при чём.
- 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:13,657 Мы верные защитники Гелиоса, центра этой системы.
- 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,244 - Ясно. Значит, всё-таки Солнца. - Боже, Морти, только меч не бери.
- 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,746 Я в шоке - ты вдруг протестуешь, Рик.
- 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:20,747 Ты их знаешь?
- 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,041 Я знаю, как они одеты и как скучно всё это звучит.
- 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:26,253 Если ты возьмешь этот меч, ты влезешь в сложнейшую…
- 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:27,462 Чёрт!
- 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,673 Давай же, бери.
- 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:32,259 Если вдруг этот парень не возьмет меч…
- 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,427 Его тебе не предлагали!
- 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,137 Извините. Можно кое-что спросить?
- 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,680 Что делает Рыцарь Солнца?
- 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,390 Во-первых, он берёт меч.
- 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,225 Знаешь что? Возможно, ты не того выбрал.
- 00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,352 - Он не хочет брать меч. - Я этого не говорил.
- 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:43,729 Ты же точно его не возьмешь.
- 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,398 - Вот вы бы выбрали случайного… - Конечно выбрал бы. Да.
- 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:49,818 Я и выбрал. Это было лучшим решением в моей жизни. А тебе насрать на него.
- 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:51,612 Простите. Это у вас ничейный меч?
- 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,238 - Нет. - Я беру меч.
- 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,616 Спасибо, Доунлинг. Как тебя зовут?
- 00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:58,994 - Морти. - Теперь ты сэр Мортаниэль.
- 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,621 Так твое имя звучит по-рыцарски.
- 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:01,872 Хорошего дня.
- 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:04,374 - Стоп. Он только что… - Чёрт возьми, Морти.
- 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,543 Ты взял меч? Скукотища.
- 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,713 Можно подумать, ты бы не взял, пьяный и вечно злой ублюдок!
- 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:18,305 Ребята, вы всё еще собираетесь стоять в очереди? Вы не возьмете эту еду?
- 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:21,475 Всплывающее окно платит нам за то, что мы стоим здесь. Это для бизнеса.
- 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:22,476 Я так и знал.
- 00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:01,223 Народ, это преемник сэра Гелиоса, сэр Мортаниэль.
- 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,850 <i>Сэр Мортаниэль, такой сияющий лик</i>
- 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:06,561 <i>Он служит солнцу со всей силой и мощью</i>
- 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:09,106 <i>Сэр Мортаниэль, иди и смотри</i>
- 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,566 <i>Что дарует тебе солнце</i>
- 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,568 Ого, песня в мою честь!
- 00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,278 Теперь понимаешь, почему сэру Гелиосу
- 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,739 пришлось поменять твое имя на другое, из четырех слогов.
- 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:20,200 Добро пожаловать на солнце, Доунлинг.
- 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,994 Значит, это и есть солнце? Как то, что около Земли?
- 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:25,038 Он слышал о нас.
- 00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:27,165 Почему я не сгораю дотла?
- 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:31,795 Пока тебя защищают наши силы. Но скоро они станут твоими.
- 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,047 Наша плоть несокрушима.
- 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,091 Наша жизнь бесконечна.
- 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,093 Но не так, как у тупых вампиров: впоследствии
- 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,220 они начинают ненавидеть жизнь, а умереть не могут.
- 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,931 Мы можем умереть когда захотим. Просто в этом нет необходимости.
- 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,808 Но уехать отсюда мне нельзя, да?
- 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,352 Я больше никогда не увижу свою семью?
- 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:50,147 Мы всё время в разъездах. Я встретил тебя на астероиде.
- 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,691 Ах да. Между нами: это не было бы помехой для сделки.
- 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,317 Но лучше, когда есть варианты.
- 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:57,404 У тебя будет больше свободы, чем ты когда-либо имел.
- 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,739 Наш король.
- 00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:01,199 Солнце является центром Солнечной системы.
- 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:04,911 Это дом солнечного скипетра, вокруг которого вращаются все миры.
- 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,623 Люди, которые охраняют его, вызывают всеобщее восхищение и живут как боги.
- 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:09,791 Еще вопросы есть?
- 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,419 Ага. Где мне подписать?
- 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:13,587 Ура!
- 00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:17,674 Вот теперь всё. К парапету, сделаем всё официально!
- 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,050 Да, за дело!
- 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,889 А теперь просто отрежьте свои пенисы и бросьте их на солнце.
- 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,267 Хорошо.
- 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,186 Вижу, Мортаниэль хочет сделать это первым.
- 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,606 Неправда. Я просто положу куда-нибудь меч, ладно?
- 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,357 - Тут есть ящик для мечей? - Ты что,
- 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,651 - не хочешь отрезать… - Народ, а можно как-нибудь без этого?
- 00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:39,154 Это прекрасная и болезненная жертва, которую мы все приносим
- 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,948 во имя самой важной и могущественной работы во вселенной.
- 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:44,117 Мы делали это испокон веков.
- 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,119 Ага. Вон, на витражах.
- 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:49,998 Это официально, и я вас не осуждаю. Но я этого делать не буду.
- 00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,458 Здесь реально живут люди?
- 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,210 Бред какой-то. Я думал, это метафора.
- 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,211 Нам пора.
- 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,130 Да уж, серьезные ребята.
- 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,256 Почему ты не сгорел?
- 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,717 Это обычная наука, которая, если я не ошибаюсь,
- 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,427 здесь явно не в приоритете.
- 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:03,595 Ладно. Пойдем, июньский жучок.
- 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,222 Не буду тебя этим попрекать.
- 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,932 Думаю, ты и так чувствуешь себя довольно глупо.
- 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,558 Да, спасибо.
- 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:12,437 Сэр Гелиос погиб от этого меча. Мортаниэль взял его.
- 00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:15,315 Он не может уйти, пока не победит меня в бою.
- 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,484 Ладно. Секунду.
- 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,444 Полагаю, эти парни псевдобессмертны,
- 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:20,445 поскольку живут на солнце.
- 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,906 Сыграв по их правилам, мы, может, быстрее выйдем из этой ситуации.
- 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,616 - Победи его в бою, и всё. - Что?
- 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:27,786 Держи. У этого меча искусственный интеллект, он учится на атаках врага.
- 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,246 Значит, сначала на меня должны напасть?
- 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,957 Нет. Меч уже посмотрел фильм «Блэйд», и тот ему понравился.
- 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:32,958 С тобой всё будет хорошо.
- 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,095 Итак, мы закончили.
- 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,013 Нет, мы не закончили.
- 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,265 Это я закончил.
- 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,100 Теперь ты Король Солнца.
- 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,810 Всегда защищай скипетр.
- 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,603 Нет! Я не хочу!
- 00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,109 Как такое может быть?
- 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,902 Он король, но никогда не был даже рыцарем.
- 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:03,530 - Я к тому, что это глупо. - Да уж, на солнце это явно впервые.
- 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,949 - Король с пенисом? - Что тебе от меня надо?
- 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:09,035 - Слава королю Мортаниэлю! - Слава королю Мортаниэлю!
- 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:12,455 Как ваш король, я объявляю каникулы. Для меня.
- 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:16,334 Я буду приходить к вам в гости по солнечным дням… По воскресеньям.
- 00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:20,547 Если забуду, ждите неделю. Продолжайте в том же духе. Храните корону. Мир.
- 00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:27,137 Чёрт, да. Видел? Это из драки с Дьяконом Фростом.
- 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,140 Не знаю… Я думал, это круто.
- 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,267 - Ладно. В общем… - В общем…
- 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,769 В общем, ты затащил меня в поддельный ресторан, кричал на меня,
- 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:37,355 так как я не делал то, что ты хотел, потом сделал то, что я запретил делать.
- 00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,024 И это чуть не стоило тебе члена.
- 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,817 Но я спас тебе жизнь, и теперь ты ждешь,
- 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,068 что я заставлю тебя об этом пожалеть.
- 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,862 Это… Да. Прямо в точку.
- 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:46,656 Морти, мне жаль, что я позволил тебе настолько меня недооценивать.
- 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,866 Хорошо, я понял.
- 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,534 Тут нечего понимать. Я серьезно.
- 00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:52,078 Слушай, я пьяница. Я психопат. Я убийца.
- 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,413 Но когда ты назвал меня скучным…
- 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,624 - Я не должен был. - Мне нужно было это услышать.
- 00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:56,875 А потом ты взял этот дурацкий меч.
- 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,294 И я подумал: «Чёрт возьми. Вот кто я для этого ребенка?
- 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,254 Он поступает вопреки моему совету?
- 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,756 Мне нужно это исправить».
- 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,675 Итак, я буду на 22% чаще соглашаться с тобой,
- 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,345 может, на один эпизод или одно приключение.
- 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,639 - Посмотрим, как пойдет. - Двадцать два процента - это много?
- 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,974 Я не собираюсь говорить тебе, какой процент проведенного вместе времени
- 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,226 я обычно груб с тобой, потому что это ранит твои глупые чувства.
- 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,770 Но 22 - это существенно.
- 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:20,398 - Ты почувствуешь разницу. - Хорошо. Благодарю.
- 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:22,734 И правильно, потому что ты серьезно
- 00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,194 - вляпался с этими мужиками. - Блин…
- 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,571 - Сир, вы не можете уйти. - Проваливайте!
- 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:32,243 Король, наш долг - следовать за тобой до заката солнца на наших часах.
- 00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:35,872 Так закат был вчера. Так что с вами всё. Пока.
- 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,291 Сир, на солнце никогда не бывает заката.
- 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,378 - Можешь от них избавиться? - Ты хочешь, чтобы я…
- 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,172 Вы, ребята, знаете, что он может вас убить, верно?
- 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,424 Думаю, сир, ему будет весьма сложно сделать это,
- 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,802 - но если вам угодно… - Можно я просто скажу вам,
- 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,804 что мне угодно, чтобы вы свалили?
- 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:54,099 - Нет, нельзя. - Вы скорее умрете, чем оставите меня?
- 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,308 - Да! - Да!
- 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,602 <i>Фазан ощипан для моего доброго короля</i>
- 00:07:57,686 --> 00:08:00,313 <i>Веселая музыка Поют сладкоголосые птицы</i>
- 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,359 Эти ребята живут на нашем солнце? Никогда о них не слышала.
- 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,987 Незаметно, чтоб они стремились к межпланетной славе.
- 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,530 Прошу прощения, волшебник.
- 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:11,074 Рыцари Солнца защищают солнечный скипетр,
- 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,493 вокруг которого вращается даже этот мир.
- 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,954 Вы имеете в виду, символически, верно?
- 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,539 В буквальном смысле.
- 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,708 Скипетр - центр Солнечной системы.
- 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,042 Все планеты вращаются вокруг него.
- 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:25,088 Мы храним его на солнце, чтобы Юпитер и Сатурн не столкнулись друг с другом.
- 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,800 Они даже естествознания за шестой класс не знают.
- 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,051 Вот оно!
- 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:31,177 ГРАВИТАЦИОННАЯ МАССА СОЛНЦА
- 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,846 Ага. Ну вот. Традиции - отстой,
- 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,973 а ваши основополагающие убеждения - полная ерунда.
- 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,225 Мы должны поверить вам на слово?
- 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,145 Кто угодно может нарисовать на доске круги и сыпать цифрами.
- 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,939 Да, это похоже на весьма забавную теорию, сир.
- 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,108 Чтобы убедить нас сдаться, нужно нечто более убедительное.
- 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,277 Ладно. Так как, вы говорите, работает та штука?
- 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,696 - Скипетр… - Ты про эту старинную фигню?
- 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,198 Тебе она нужна? На, забери домой.
- 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,075 Это символ. Это ваша культура.
- 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,952 Это не то же самое, что реальность.
- 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:59,706 Означает ли это, что мы отрезаем себе пенисы абсолютно без всякой причины?
- 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:02,584 Это плохая новость. Хорошая новость: вы свободны.
- 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,880 - Полный отстой. - К чёрту это рыцарство.
- 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:10,884 Вопрос. Я поискал в твоем компьютерном телефоне слово «отчаяние».
- 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,094 Где взять этот «героин»?
- 00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,220 Этого я тебе не скажу.
- 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,891 Неважно. Судя по словам ваших песен, его можно взять где угодно.
- 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,938 Народ, кое-кто только что использовал критическое мышление и основы физики,
- 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,274 чтобы уничтожить первую религию целого народа.
- 00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,692 - Хорошо. - Молодец, Морти.
- 00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:28,985 Значит, с солнечной фигней покончено?
- 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:32,530 Ага. Всё. А еще мы с Риком научились лучше поддерживать друг друга.
- 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,532 В общем, вот. Всё.
- 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,409 Рановато, но мы закончили.
- 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,580 Что происходит? Ломается техника, к которой я даже не прикасался.
- 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,751 Может, это на солнце празднуют?
- 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,923 Сыны Луны штурмуют проход.
- 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,342 Но это неважно. Их агрессия будет сдержана
- 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,053 множеством межпланетных договоров и союзов.
- 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:58,056 Это всё очень сложно, но пока Рыцари Солнца вместе,
- 00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:01,351 Солнечная система всегда будет полностью политически стабильна.
- 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,813 Кстати, а где Рыцари Солнца? Я уже покакал.
- 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,108 Рыцари Солнца
- 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,319 самораспустились, пока я какал?
- 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,988 Вот же странно…
- 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:18,326 «СТАРЫЙ СВЕТ» НЕЙТРАЛЬНАЯ ЗОНА
- 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:21,246 На скольких планетах нашей Солнечной системы есть эти клоуны?
- 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,456 Солнце поддерживает жизнь. Они могут быть на любых планетах.
- 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,917 Я имею в виду, что, может, мы все произошли от общего предка.
- 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,044 Разве ты не видел все вселенные?
- 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,879 Именно. На фига мне тогда торчать на Плутоне?
- 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,422 Это какое-то дерьмо в стиле Джерри.
- 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:34,175 Если Сыны Луны могут напасть на солнце,
- 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:37,470 то почему виконты Венеры должны оставаться в тени Сатурна?
- 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,805 На каком основании?
- 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:41,599 У нас все кольца и все мячи.
- 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:42,892 - Да пошел ты! - Правда?
- 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:46,604 Если перемирие между Сатурном и Венерой больше не соблюдается,
- 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:51,234 я объявляю вас всех лунами Юпитера, потому что для нас вы такие и есть, -
- 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,360 куча лун!
- 00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:55,947 Рыцари Солнца планируют защитить Меркурий от этого хаоса?
- 00:10:56,030 --> 00:11:00,451 Потому что, если мы будем одни, скоро появится новое, малюсенькое солнце.
- 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:05,999 Это всё ты, приятель.
- 00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:10,795 Привет. Разве у меня нет власти над этим собранием Сынов Луны?
- 00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:12,881 Это как посмотреть. Ты кто такой вообще?
- 00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,549 Этот парень - Король Солнца.
- 00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,720 Так прикажи своим рыцарям выполнять их обязанности.
- 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,388 Да, Ваше Величество.
- 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:23,975 Мы все знаем, что сила солнца живет и умирает вместе с вашими рыцарями.
- 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,603 - Ты кто? - Кто…
- 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:31,649 Я маркиз Марс, и я объявляю всем вам войну!
- 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,693 Войну всем вам!
- 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,654 Где Рыцари Солнца, когда они нужны нам больше всего?
- 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:37,947 Забавно, что вы спрашиваете.
- 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,616 Они ушли!
- 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:42,368 Отказались от своих обязанностей.
- 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:45,455 - Я вижу это в костях. - Блин. Кости угадали.
- 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,957 Так, значит, у вас есть космические корабли и волшебницы?
- 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,626 Слушайте, я не собираюсь читать все книги подряд.
- 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,879 Что нужно сделать, чтобы фиаско Сынов Луны разрешилось само собой?
- 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:53,838 Извините.
- 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,965 Как вы стали Королем Солнца?
- 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,634 Вы похожи на землянина.
- 00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,428 - Санта? - «Санта»? Что это еще за фигня?
- 00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,388 Я граф Земли, чёрт возьми!
- 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,390 Я согласна с Землей в одном:
- 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:07,602 Венера ставит под сомнение легитимность власти этого короля.
- 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,105 Я король!
- 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,441 - У меня скипетр прямо здесь. - Какого хрена?
- 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:16,611 Да, знаю, вы психуете, потому что он не на солнце.
- 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:20,406 Нет, потому что тот, у кого он есть, правит Солнечной системой!
- 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,909 - Хватайте его! Держите! - За ним!
- 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,537 Да, скипетр у меня.
- 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:30,416 Вскоре Юпитер станет центром новейшей темной эры нашей Солнечной системы…
- 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:34,170 К чёрту это. Теперь Меркурий будет сияющим маяком…
- 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,965 Пора бросить его об стену!
- 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:41,344 Похоже, ты зажег. Не каждому дано начать Первую cолнечную войну.
- 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,471 - Перестань меня поддерживать. - Можно.
- 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,234 ПЕРВАЯ СОЛНЕЧНАЯ ВОЙНА: ЮПИТЕР БЕРЁТ СКИПЕТР ПОД ГРАВИТАЦИОННЫЙ КОНТРОЛЬ
- 00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,913 МЕРКУРИЙ БЫСТРО ПЕРЕХВАТЫВАЕТ СКИПЕТР
- 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,509 ВЕНЕРА НАНОСИТ УДАР С ПОМОЩЬЮ НОВЫХ ТЕХНОЛОГИЙ
- 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,765 САТУРН ПРИМЕНЯЕТ СЕРНЫЙ ГОРЧИЧНЫЙ ГАЗ ПРОТИВ ВЕНЕРЫ
- 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,900 Чёрт. Кто бы мог подумать, что данное амишам ядерное оружие
- 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,485 будет угрожать всей Солнечной системе?
- 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,153 Может, попрыгать по вселенным?
- 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,404 Не знаю, приятель. Такое чувство,
- 00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,823 что сейчас мы проверяем свои обязательства.
- 00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:28,743 Давай подумаем вместе. Может, есть что-то, чего мы еще не пробовали?
- 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,703 - У меня идея. Да пошел ты! - Эй!
- 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:34,165 Рик, это невыносимо. Я признаю, что ошибся. Я облажался. Ты меня убиваешь
- 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,333 своими «да, и».
- 00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,585 Что это, опять «Чан с кислотой»?
- 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,670 Прости меня за то, что я был такой тварью,
- 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,172 что ты думаешь, будто я занят чем-то важным.
- 00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:43,883 Я честно просто пытаюсь делать как лучше для тебя.
- 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,134 Ты робот?
- 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,177 - Морти! - Клон?
- 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:48,638 Морти, в этой семье хватает клонов и роботов.
- 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,390 Брось, Морти. Перестань задавать такие вопросы,
- 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,974 давай лучше займемся нашим кризисом.
- 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,894 Извини. Просто я столько с тобой пережил, Рик…
- 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,063 Морти, я понимаю. Но ты можешь мне доверять, когда я говорю,
- 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,815 что стараюсь хорошо с тобой обращаться.
- 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,566 Хорошо, Рик, ты прав.
- 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:01,651 Может быть…
- 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,861 Может быть, мне просто нужно собрать несколько рыцарей.
- 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:07,407 Если я разочаровал старых, нужно просто заново создать их иллюзии.
- 00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,075 Не должно быть очень сложно, верно?
- 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:18,793 Кузены, нам нужно немедленно вернуться к проходу.
- 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,214 Почему вы смеетесь? Я сказал что-то смешное?
- 00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:26,926 Мортаниэль, единственная, перед кем мы преклоняем колени в эти дни, -
- 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,344 это милая Черная Бетти. Наркота.
- 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,139 Ага. Приветствую мистера Героина.
- 00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:34,183 И его врача Отличное Самочувствие.
- 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,144 Они говорят о героине, Морти. Он им понравился.
- 00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:37,854 - Явно. - «Явно»?
- 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,188 Видимо, жизнь на солнце
- 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,816 превратила наши вены в углерод с тройной связью.
- 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:45,570 Как тебе новость, Мортаниэль? У нас не может быть передозировки!
- 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,321 Хватит. Вы уже просто в хлам.
- 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:49,240 На самом деле они улётные, Морти.
- 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:52,243 Позвольте мне быть вашим королем. Признаюсь, я хотел того же, что и вы.
- 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,871 Братства, традиций, стабильности, целей…
- 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,415 Я просто не хотел отрезать ради этого свой член.
- 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:58,666 Да, в том-то и дело.
- 00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:00,751 Мы сломя голову помчались за этим мальчиком,
- 00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:03,463 даже не заставив его соблюдать наши традиции.
- 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:06,757 А он сделал только одно: убил в нас веру и наш проход.
- 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:11,471 А теперь этот случайный гребаный парень снова здесь, указывает нам, что делать?
- 00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:12,972 Ни за что.
- 00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:15,349 А если я отрежу свой член?
- 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,978 Но так ты отрежешь его без какой-либо причины.
- 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:22,315 Да, в этом и есть суть традиции - делать что-то без причины.
- 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:25,651 Достаточно того, что я сделаю это ради вас, мужики.
- 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,361 Если ты это сделаешь,
- 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,155 эффект посоперничает с героином.
- 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,449 Круто. Можно мне минутку?
- 00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,327 Приятель, что случилось?
- 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,829 Пришел к печальным выводам о своей ситуации?
- 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,831 Да, но в проходе нужны эти рыцари.
- 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:41,584 Этим рыцарям нужен король. А этому королю не нужен член.
- 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,961 Чёрт, Морти, ты растешь на глазах.
- 00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:46,923 Хочешь, я помогу тебе не отрезать тебе член?
- 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,091 - Да, пожалуйста. - Тогда я тебя спасу.
- 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,344 - Ты серьезно, Рик? - Конечно, приятель.
- 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,971 Я дам тебе фальшивый член с тремя слоями предохранителей.
- 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:56,140 Они ни за что не поймут разницу.
- 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:59,477 Морти, мы сделаем твой член очень фальшивым, приятель.
- 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:09,445 Сигнал! Сэр, Рыцари Солнца снова здесь.
- 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,907 Прекратить огонь. Если мы правда возвращаемся в старые добрые времена,
- 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:16,619 я буду готов вернуться домой и положить конец кровопролитию.
- 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:33,052 Сэр, отложить водородную бомбардировку антивеществом?
- 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:36,681 Эти грубые рыцари не принесут солнцу ничего хорошего без своего…
- 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,600 Давайте выслушаем их.
- 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:45,064 Я, Литдор, сын Трифдора, лично прослежу
- 00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,024 за обрубанием стебля моего короля.
- 00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:52,029 Если его стебель сгорит, между сферами восстановится мир.
- 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,786 Предъявите секатор для корчевания!
- 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,622 - Морти храбрый! - Ты сможешь, мой король!
- 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,128 Обо всём по порядку. Пройди в эту машину -
- 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,880 она проверяет нанотехнологические голограммы членов.
- 00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,465 - Что? - Война открыла нам глаза
- 00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,634 на чудеса новых технологий.
- 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,803 Прошу, проходите, мой повелитель.
- 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,022 Извините, милорд, но нужно, чтобы вы прошли
- 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,692 сквозь вторую машину, которая проверяет наличие запасных клонов членов.
- 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:33,112 Да вы, мужики, внедрили до фига новых технологий!
- 00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:36,115 - Пятно на солнце! - Что? Где?
- 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,746 Боже, там еще и третий детектор?
- 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,749 Узнаете после второго. Мы не любим их показывать,
- 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,376 пока не пройден предыдущий детектор.
- 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,669 Верно.
- 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,758 Третий детектор просканирует члены-протезы.
- 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,177 - Хорошо. - Хорошо. Проходите дальше.
- 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:59,930 И, конечно же, под протезом мы подразумеваем колдовской член.
- 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:00,890 - Блин. - Чёрт.
- 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,477 Я чувствую один. Кости говорят, у него что-то есть!
- 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,398 От дамы с куриными костями ничего не укроется.
- 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,650 Я просто ее проверял.
- 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:14,612 Обруби свой стебель.
- 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:17,448 <i>Морти, не отвечай громко.</i>
- 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:20,117 <i>Ты меня слышишь? Это Рик. Я говорю с тобой мысленно.</i>
- 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,952 - Да, слышу. <i>- Ты сказал это вслух.</i>
- 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,704 <i>- Не болтай.</i> - Извини.
- 00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:27,124 <i>Я запустил телепатический наноспутник, чтоб мы могли слышать мысли друг друга.</i>
- 00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:31,003 <i>Тщательно выполняй всё, что я говорю, в том порядке, как я говорю.</i>
- 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,963 <i>- Хорошо. - Возьми ножницы.</i>
- 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:34,674 <i>Хорошо. Взял.</i>
- 00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:37,385 <i>- А теперь беги! - Чёрт!</i>
- 00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,136 Охрана, хватайте их!
- 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,846 <i>Бежать? Ты не мог просто взять и сказать это?</i>
- 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,348 Не нужно больше использовать телепатию.
- 00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,475 Можешь задавать свои риторические вопросы вслух.
- 00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,018 Я не понимаю, Рик.
- 00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:47,895 Вот кое-что, что легко понять, приятель.
- 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,314 Я горжусь тобой потому, что ты пытаешься решить собственные проблемы.
- 00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:51,941 Я не хотел этого делать.
- 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:55,152 На этот раз всё в порядке. У нас нет выбора.
- 00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:57,363 - Я люблю тебя, Рик. - Я тоже люблю тебя, приятель.
- 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,079 В тот момент королю Морти и Рику
- 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,748 не оставалось ничего другого, кроме как прыгнуть на солнце.
- 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:10,960 Ему было очень стыдно за то, что он сделал с нашим обществом.
- 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,878 Пожертвовать членом было недостаточно.
- 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:16,590 Он отдал всё свое тело и тело волшебника тоже.
- 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:20,302 И через некоторое время их солнцезащитные кости всплыли наверх.
- 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:23,597 Мы даже проверили королевским ковшом и убедились, что это настоящее солнце,
- 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:26,350 а они не прячутся в баке с фальшивым солнцем.
- 00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:28,352 Какая жестокая смерть!
- 00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:30,938 И, наконец, когда мы не могли больше скорбеть,
- 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:34,650 мы решили отменить наш средневековый акт обрубки стебля.
- 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,112 А благодарить за это мы должны короля Морти Растопленного.
- 00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,488 - Морти Растопленный! - Растопленный!
- 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,282 - Король Морти Растопленный! - Морти Растопленный!
- 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,325 Вот видишь, Морти? Сработало как амулет.
- 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,244 Разве мы не рискуем всем, возвращаясь сюда?
- 00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:48,122 Морти, надо же было проверить. Плюс жара. Она полезна для моих суставов.
- 00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,666 Король Мортаниэль, ты жив?
- 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,462 Ага. Иди всем расскажи. Твоей наградой будет отрезание собственного члена.
- 00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:56,380 Точно. Намек понят.
- 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,716 Покойся с миром и ура.
- 00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:37,588 - Один хрустящий, один извивающийся. - Сейчас. Три лузума.
- 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:40,341 Как насчет десяти лет в тюрьме?
- 00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,176 Специальный агент Монго Бонго.
- 00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:45,054 Вы арестованы за незаконную торговлю хот-догами.
- 00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:47,515 ПОЛИЦИЯ
- 00:21:47,598 --> 00:21:48,599 ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК
- 00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,654 Будьте свободны, мои маленькие дети.
- 00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,617 Удивлен, что им удалось спастись.
- 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:08,869 Я думал, может, какие-нибудь птицы налетят…
- 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,164 Я сглазил!
- 00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:17,336 СВЕТЛОЙ ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА
- 00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:20,256 Перевод субтитров: Татьяна Грачева
- 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:07,298 {\an8}♪
- 00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:08,883 Why are we waiting in line for food?
- 00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,135 It's a pop-up.
- 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,553 It's a rare, pop-up restaurant thing
- 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,555 that only enters our solar system-- Rick.
- 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,140 Morty: You're gonna spoil your appetite.
- 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,725 That's a weird way to say I'm gonna stop being hungry
- 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,518 by eating food, but whatever.
- 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,061 Three crispy, uh, four wiggling.
- 00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:22,105 You're probably not even hungry. You just don't like lines
- 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,648 because they aren't about you.
- 00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,233 Another weirdly aggressive way to describe a friend
- 00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:27,402 respecting themselves. - Eugh!
- 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:29,279 Helios: What a wonderful thing to say!
- 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:33,074 Ha ha! I was merely inspired by the wonderful thing <i>you</i> said!
- 00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:34,075 Sirs? Guys?
- 00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:35,285 You dropped this.
- 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:36,911 Please, take it as a reward.
- 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,079 So courteous!
- 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,789 How nice it will be for you to eat
- 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:42,584 what you were willing to stand in line for so much sooner.
- 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:43,710 Oh, no, that's okay.
- 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,587 I came to stand in line and then eat.
- 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,255 I-I wouldn't wanna do it differently.
- 00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:48,423 Both: Hmm...
- 00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,300 Dear fellow, I choose this moment
- 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,219 to surrender my sword so that you may succeed me
- 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,054 as the newest Knight of the Sun.
- 00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:56,181 What? No.
- 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,891 I-I-I didn't even want your sandwich.
- 00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,017 I don't want your sword.
- 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,226 Oh, believe me, son.
- 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:02,020 You want it.
- 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,063 You're knights? With a "K"?
- 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,357 Of the Sun with a "U" or-- or an "O"?
- 00:01:06,357 --> 00:01:08,651 Your alphabet is of no concern here.
- 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:11,404 We are sworn defenders of Helios,
- 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,323 the center of this system.
- 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,949 Okay, so it's "Sun" with a "U."
- 00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:17,285 Rick: Oh, God. Morty, don't take the sword.
- 00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:19,287 Oh, I'm shocked you're against something, Rick.
- 00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:20,705 You know these guys?
- 00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:22,624 I know how they're dressed and how boring this sounds.
- 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,626 You take that sword, you're gonna get sucked
- 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,044 into a whole complicated--
- 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:27,754 Oh, shit!
- 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,297 Come on, take it.
- 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,800 Uh...
- 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,051 He didn't offer it to you.
- 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,761 Sorry. Can I just ask some stuff?
- 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,387 W-What does a Knight of the Sun do?
- 00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:37,972 He takes the sword, for one thing.
- 00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,724 You know what? Maybe you made a bad call.
- 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:40,975 He-- He doesn't want the sword.
- 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,143 I didn't say that.
- 00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:43,436 Well, you sure aren't taking it.
- 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:44,854 Would you just take a random--
- 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,815 Obviously I would, yes! And I <i>did!</i>
- 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,233 Best decision of my life!
- 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,484 And you're shitting on it!
- 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,277 Excuse me? Is this just a free sword?
- 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,779 Knights: No!
- 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,156 Thank you, Dawnling. What is your name?
- 00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,157 Morty.
- 00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:58,660 Now it is Sir Mortaniel.
- 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,620 I made it a little knightier.
- 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,830 Good day.
- 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,164 Wait, did he just--
- 00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:04,999 God damn it, Morty! You took the sword?
- 00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:06,167 So boring!
- 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,752 Oh, like you're not at this point?
- 00:02:07,752 --> 00:02:09,587 You drunk cranky fuck!
- 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,634 Ouch.
- 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,094 You guys still gonna stand in line?
- 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,887 Y-You're not gonna take this food?
- 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:20,390 The pop-up pays us to stand here.
- 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:21,432 To drive up business.
- 00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:22,517 Knew it.
- 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:56,092 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,760 Everyone!
- 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,930 Sir Helios' successor, Sir Mortaniel!
- 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,433 {\an8}Together: ♪ Sir Mortaniel, face so bright ♪
- 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:06,227 {\an8}♪ Serves the Sun with strength and might ♪
- 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:08,646 {\an8}♪ Sir Mortaniel, come and see ♪
- 00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:11,357 {\an8}♪ Just what the Sun provides for thee ♪
- 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,901 {\an8}Wow, my-- my own song!
- 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:15,528 {\an8}Now you know why Sir Helios had to change your name
- 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,238 {\an8}to something with three syllables.
- 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:19,866 {\an8}Welcome, Dawnling, to the Sun!
- 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,744 {\an8}So it is <i>the</i> Sun, like Earth's sun?
- 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:24,579 {\an8}Ah-ha, he's heard of us!
- 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:26,706 {\an8}How come I'm not, like, burning to a crisp?
- 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:29,584 {\an8}You are currently protected by our powers,
- 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,419 {\an8}but soon they will be yours.
- 00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:33,588 {\an8}Our flesh is indestructible!
- 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,799 {\an8}Our lives are never-ending, but not even in the dumb
- 00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:38,843 {\an8}vampire way where after a while you hate it
- 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:39,928 {\an8}and you can't die.
- 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,387 {\an8}We can die whenever we want.
- 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:42,597 {\an8}We just don't have to.
- 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,474 {\an8}But you're not allowed to leave, right?
- 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,976 {\an8}L-Like, I'll-- I'll-- I'll never see my family again?
- 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,269 {\an8}We leave constantly!
- 00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:49,687 {\an8}I met you on an asteroid.
- 00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:52,231 {\an8}Oh, yeah. Between us, that wasn't a deal breaker,
- 00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:53,983 {\an8}but it's even better that there's options.
- 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:57,111 {\an8}You'll have more freedom than you've ever known.
- 00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:58,279 {\an8}Our king.
- 00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,782 {\an8}The Sun is the center of the solar system.
- 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,617 {\an8}It is the home of the solar Scepter,
- 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,369 {\an8}around which all worlds revolve.
- 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:08,456 {\an8}The men who keep it safe are admired by all and live as gods.
- 00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:09,958 {\an8}Any more questions?
- 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,210 {\an8}Uh, yeah, where do I sign?
- 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,128 {\an8}Huzzah.
- 00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:15,380 {\an8}Well, that does it.
- 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,298 {\an8}Off to the parapet to make this official.
- 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:18,925 {\an8}Yeah, let's do this.
- 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:23,680 {\an8}Now just cut off your penises and throw them into the Sun.
- 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,975 {\an8}Oooooooookey-dokey.
- 00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,060 {\an8}I see Mortaniel wants to go first.
- 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,144 {\an8}Uh, not true.
- 00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:31,854 {\an8}Do I just leave the sword wherever?
- 00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,147 {\an8}I-Is there a sword bin?
- 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:34,899 {\an8}What are you saying? You don't want to cut off--
- 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:36,359 {\an8}Listen, guys, c-can we not--
- 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,069 {\an8}It's a terrific and painful sacrifice
- 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:39,696 {\an8}we all make for the most important
- 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,489 {\an8}and powerful job in the universe.
- 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,825 We've done it since the dawn of dawns.
- 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,702 Yep. There it is in stained glass.
- 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,329 It's official. A-And I'm not judging it.
- 00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:49,789 And I'm not doing it.
- 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,165 People really live here?
- 00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:52,792 This is nuts. I thought it was a metaphor.
- 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,335 We have to go.
- 00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,671 Ah. Boy. They're not messing around, huh?
- 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,047 How are you not burning?
- 00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,173 Oh, it's just science,
- 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:00,425 which, unless I'm misinterpreting,
- 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,010 is clearly not a priority here.
- 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,344 Okay, c'mon, lil' June bug.
- 00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:04,762 I-I won't rub your face in this one.
- 00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:06,639 I-I'm guessing you're feeling pretty stupid.
- 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,266 Yes. Thank you.
- 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,852 Sir Helios gave his life with that sword.
- 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,145 Mortaniel took it.
- 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:15,189 He cannot leave unless he bests me in combat.
- 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,191 Hmm. Okay, uh, one sec.
- 00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:18,985 I'm guessing these guys are, like, pseudo-immortalish
- 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,945 since they live on the Sun, so playing by their rules
- 00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:22,363 might be the fastest way out of this.
- 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:23,823 J-Just best him in combat.
- 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,408 What?
- 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,368 This sword uses A.I. to learn from an opponent's attacks.
- 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:28,911 So I have to get attacked first?
- 00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,663 No, no, no, the sword has already seen "Blade."
- 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:33,291 And loved it. You'll be fine.
- 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,293 [ Knights gasp, murmuring ]
- 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:38,796 - By golly! - Ooh! Crikey!
- 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:42,800 {\an8}♪
- 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,761 Okay, so we're done here.
- 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,721 No. We're not done.
- 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,014 <i>I</i> am done.
- 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,682 You are now king of the Sun.
- 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,350 Protect the Scepter always.
- 00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,019 No, no, no, no, I don't want to!
- 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,187 [ Gasps ]
- 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,733 Well, how is that supposed to work?
- 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,526 He's king, but he was never even a knight.
- 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:01,736 I mean, that's stupid.
- 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,404 it's definitely a... Sun first.
- 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:04,530 A king with a penis?
- 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,157 Well, what do you want from me?!
- 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,117 Together: All hail King Mortaniel!
- 00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,327 Uhhhhh, as your king,
- 00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:12,080 I hereby declare a vacation, for me.
- 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,791 I'll come visit you guys, on, like, Sun Day...
- 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:15,958 Sundays.
- 00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:17,418 If I forget, just wait a week.
- 00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,254 Keep doing that, keep the crown. Peace.
- 00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,259 Hell yeah. See?
- 00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:27,720 That's from when he's fighting Deacon Frost.
- 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,847 I don't know. Um, I-I thought it was cool.
- 00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:31,140 Okay. So...
- 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,433 So? Oh.
- 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,102 So, you dragged me to a fake restaurant,
- 00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,436 yelled at me for not doing what you wanted,
- 00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:36,771 then did something I told you not to,
- 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,356 and it almost cost you your pud,
- 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,358 but I saved your life, and now you're waiting for me
- 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:41,692 to make you feel like shit about it.
- 00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:43,361 That's-- Yeah, you nailed it.
- 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:46,322 Morty, I'm sorry I let your opinion of me get this low.
- 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:47,532 All right, I get it.
- 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,158 There's nothing to get. I'm for real.
- 00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,993 Look, I'm a drunk, I'm a psychopath,
- 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,286 I'm a murderer, but...
- 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:54,080 when you called me boring...
- 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,706 ...I needed to hear it.
- 00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:57,708 And you took the stupid sword, and I was like, "Holy crap,
- 00:06:57,708 --> 00:06:59,127 this is who I am to this kid?
- 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,837 He just does the opposite of my advice now.
- 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,421 I mean, I-I gotta fix that."
- 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,340 So I'm gonna be, like, 22%
- 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,842 more agreeable with you for, like,
- 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,885 maybe one episode, or one adventure.
- 00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:10,263 We'll see how it goes.
- 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,472 Well, I-I'm not gonna tell you
- 00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:12,557 what percentage of our time together
- 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:13,891 I'm usually mean to you
- 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:15,226 because it'll hurt your stupid feelings,
- 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,477 but 22% is substantial.
- 00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:17,645 You're gonna feel the difference.
- 00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:21,107 Okay. I mean, I-I appreciate it.
- 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,067 You should, because you made a real mess with these guys.
- 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,152 Oh, man!
- 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,319 - Sire. - You can't leave.
- 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:26,737 Go away!
- 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,740 My king, it is our duty to follow you
- 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,742 till the sun sets on our watch.
- 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:35,538 I mean, it set yesterday, so you're done. Bye.
- 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,666 Sire, the sun never sets on the Sun.
- 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:39,834 Can you get rid of them?
- 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,836 You want me to...
- 00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:43,671 You guys know he can kill you, right?
- 00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:45,840 I think he'd find that quite difficult, sire,
- 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,341 but if it pleases you.
- 00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:50,428 Can't I just tell you it pleases me for you to go away?
- 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,637 No. Not really.
- 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,639 So you'd rather die than leave me alone?
- 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:54,932 Together: Yes.
- 00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:57,101 ♪ A pheasant plucked for my good king ♪
- 00:07:57,101 --> 00:08:00,104 ♪ A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing ♪
- 00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:01,522 [ Laughter ]
- 00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:04,400 These guys live on our sun? I've never heard of them.
- 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,652 I don't see them doing a lot to earn interplanetary fame.
- 00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,070 I beg your pardon, wizard.
- 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,698 The Knights of the Sun protect the solar Scepter...
- 00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:13,034 around which even this world turns.
- 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,912 Beth: You do mean that, like, symbolically, right?
- 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:17,246 Oh, quite literally.
- 00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:19,373 The Scepter is the center of the solar system.
- 00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:20,708 All planets orbit it.
- 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,210 We keep it on the Sun so that
- 00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,545 Jupiter and Saturn don't bump into each other.
- 00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:25,963 [ Laughter ]
- 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:28,507 Omigod.
- 00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:29,842 That's it!
- 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,427 {\an8}Yeah, so there you have it.
- 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:32,678 {\an8}Traditions suck ass,
- 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:33,846 {\an8}and your most foundational beliefs
- 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,097 {\an8}are total bullshit.
- 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,724 We're supposed to take your word for it?
- 00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,727 Anyone can draw circles on a board and spout numbers.
- 00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:42,521 Yes, this sounds like a fun theory, sire,
- 00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:44,607 but it would take more than this for us to give up--
- 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,776 Okay, so how do you guys think it works again?
- 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,111 Well, the Scepter--
- 00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:50,696 Together: Gaaah!
- 00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:51,906 Here. Take it back home.
- 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,658 It's a symbol. It's your culture.
- 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,284 That's not the same as reality.
- 00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:57,453 Does this mean we cut off our penises
- 00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,247 for absolutely no reason?
- 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,331 That's the bad news.
- 00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:03,918 The good news is, you're free.
- 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,878 - Ooh, that stings. - Fuck this knights shit.
- 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,338 - [ Grunts ] - A query?
- 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:10,549 I just used your "computer phone" to search "despair."
- 00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:12,760 Where can I get this heroin?
- 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,136 I'm not telling you that.
- 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:16,097 No matter. I'm seeing from most of your song lyrics
- 00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,682 that I can get it anywhere.
- 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,141 [ Clears throat ]
- 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:22,478 Um, you guys, someone just used critical thinking
- 00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:25,940 and basic physics to destroy their first entire religion.
- 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,400 - Nice. - Good job, Morty.
- 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,610 So no more sun-tourage?
- 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:32,113 Plus, Rick and I both learned to support each other better.
- 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:34,073 So that's it. We're done.
- 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,866 Feels early, but w-we're done.
- 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,285 [ Electricity crackling ]
- 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,619 What's happening?
- 00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:40,705 Appliances are breaking that I haven't touched.
- 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,710 Maybe the sun is... celebrating?
- 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:49,588 Ha ha ha ha! The Sons of the Moon are storming the walkway.
- 00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:52,008 Doesn't matter. Their aggression will be kept in check
- 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,552 by a host of interplanetary treaties and alliances.
- 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,304 It's very complicated, but as long as The Knights
- 00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:58,347 of the Sun stand together, the solar system
- 00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,975 will always have complete political stability.
- 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,226 Where are the Knights of the Sun,
- 00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:04,562 by the way? I'm done pooping.
- 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:05,563 Hmm?
- 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:08,357 Did the, uh, Knights of the Sun...
- 00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:09,817 disband?
- 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:11,736 While I was pooping?
- 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,322 Sunnnn-kward.
- 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:17,867 {\an8}♪
- 00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,745 How many planets in our solar system have these clowns?
- 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,955 I guess if the sun can support life, any planet can.
- 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:25,416 I mean, maybe we all descended from a common ancestor.
- 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,543 Haven't you seen, like, all of the universes?
- 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,170 Exactly. So why would I hang out on Pluto?
- 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,338 That's some Jerry-league shit.
- 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,797 [ Indistinct arguing ]
- 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,215 Lithdor: If the Sons of the Moon can attack the sun,
- 00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,550 why should the Viscounts
- 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:37,094 of Venus continue sitting in Saturn's shadow?
- 00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:38,512 How's this for a reason?
- 00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:41,307 We got all the rings and all the balls.
- 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,850 - Oh, fuck you. - Really?
- 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:46,062 If the Saturno Venusian détente is no longer honored,
- 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:49,190 I declare you all moons of Jupiter.
- 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:50,733 Because that's what you are to us!
- 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,026 A bunch of moons!
- 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,944 Do the Knights of the Sun plan to protect
- 00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,613 Mercury from this chaos?
- 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,073 Because if we're on our own,
- 00:10:57,073 --> 00:11:00,117 there's a new, very tiny sun in town.
- 00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:03,371 [ Fireworks exploding, indistinct shouting ]
- 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,831 [ Shouting stops ]
- 00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:06,957 Um, hello?
- 00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,542 Don't I have, like, authority
- 00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,503 over this Sons of the Moon meeting?
- 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,630 That all depends. Who the hell are you?
- 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,923 This guy's the king of the Sun.
- 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,716 - Holy shit. - When did this happen?
- 00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:18,219 Ha! Then tell your knights to do their jobs.
- 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:22,098 Yes, Your Majesty. We all know the Sun's power lives
- 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,557 and dies with your knights.
- 00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:27,311 Who are you? Who am-- Who--
- 00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:29,188 I am the Marquis of Mars!
- 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:31,399 And I declare war on all of you!
- 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,192 War on all of you!
- 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,278 Where are the Knights of the Sun when we need them most?
- 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:37,488 Funny you should ask, uh...
- 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,865 They're gone!
- 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,076 They've abandoned their duties.
- 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,744 I see it in the bones.
- 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,371 Damn, the bones nailed it.
- 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,790 Okay, so you have space ships <i>and</i> magic ladies?
- 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,208 Look, I'm not gonna read all the books.
- 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,584 What will it take to let this
- 00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,420 Sons of the Moon fiasco resolve itself?
- 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,631 Excuse me. How did you become king of the Sun?
- 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,216 You look like an Earthling.
- 00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:58,843 Santa?
- 00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,177 What the hell is that?
- 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,138 I'm the Earl of Earth, god damn it.
- 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,973 I agree with Earth on one thing--
- 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:07,017 Venus questions the legitimacy of this king's authority.
- 00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,520 My people say I say aye.
- 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,813 I'm the king.
- 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,481 I've got the Scepter right here.
- 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:13,858 Marquis of Mars: What the fuck?
- 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,109 Yeah, yeah, I know you're freaking out
- 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,402 because it's not on the sun.
- 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,446 No, because whoever has it
- 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,281 rules the solar system!
- 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,615 It's up for grabs! Get it!
- 00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:24,410 Earl of Earth: After it! Ahhhh!
- 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,036 Yes, yes. I have the Scepter.
- 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:28,956 Soon Jupiter will be the center of our solar system's
- 00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:31,000 newest dark ages.
- 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,211 Mercury will now be the shining beacon of--
- 00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:36,714 Time to throw it all against the wall.
- 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,507 I think you crushed it.
- 00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,968 I mean, not just anybody can start Solar War One.
- 00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:43,137 Stop supporting me. Can do.
- 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:49,059 ♪ Goodbye, blue sky ♪
- 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,313 ♪ Goodbye, blue sky ♪
- 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,898 {\an8}♪ Goodbye ♪
- 00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:58,194 ♪ Goodbye ♪
- 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:01,780 {\an8}♪
- 00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:06,285 ♪ Did, did, did, did you see the frightened ones? ♪
- 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:10,247 ♪ Did, did, did, did you hear the falling bombs? ♪
- 00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:13,459 ♪ Did, did, did, did you ever wonder why ♪
- 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,170 ♪ We had to run for shelter when the promise ♪
- 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:21,425 ♪ Of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue sky? ♪
- 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:29,808 ♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:37,983 ♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- 00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:41,320 [ All shouting ]
- 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:45,824 ♪ Did, did, did, did you see the frightened ones? ♪
- 00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:50,037 ♪ Did, did, did, did you hear the falling bombs? ♪
- 00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:55,584 ♪ The flames are all long gone, but the pain lingers on ♪
- 00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:07,263 ♪ Goodbye, blue sky ♪
- 00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,973 ♪ Goodbye ♪
- 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,350 [ Explosion ]
- 00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,269 ♪ Goodbye ♪
- 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,062 {\an8}♪
- 00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:16,730 [ Computer beeping ]
- 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,566 Damn, who would have thought giving the Amish nukes
- 00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,067 would threaten the solar system?
- 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,902 Maybe we should just jump universes.
- 00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:23,612 I don't know, buddy. Feels like we're kind of more
- 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,906 about trying out commitment now, ya know?
- 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,241 Let's put our heads together.
- 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,492 Maybe there's something we haven't tried yet.
- 00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:29,994 Oh, here's an idea. Fuck you!
- 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:31,537 Hey! Rick, I can't take it.
- 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,831 I admit I'm wrong, I screwed up. You're killing me here
- 00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,082 yes-and'ing me to death.
- 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,209 What is this, "Vat of Acid" again?
- 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,253 Look, man, I'm sorry I've been such a dick in the past
- 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,838 that you think I'm doing a thing here.
- 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:43,591 I'm honestly just trying to do better by you.
- 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:44,842 Are you a robot?
- 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,260 Morty! A clone?
- 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:48,262 Morty, this family's got enough clones and robots in it.
- 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,014 Come on, Morty, stop asking what you're asking
- 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,765 and let's just get back to our crisis.
- 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,643 I'm sorry. It's just been a hard road with you, Rick.
- 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,145 Morty, I get that, but you can trust me
- 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:58,439 when I say I'm just trying to do right by you.
- 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:01,233 Okay, Rick. You're right. Maybe...
- 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,527 maybe I just need to round up some Knights.
- 00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:05,237 If I disillusioned the old ones,
- 00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:06,947 I'll just have to re-illusion them.
- 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,824 It shouldn't be that hard, right?
- 00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,535 [ Mid-tempo music playing ]
- 00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:15,456 {\an8}♪
- 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:18,500 Cousins, we need to return to the walkway at once.
- 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,878 [ Laughter ]
- 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:23,047 Why are you laughing? Did I say something funny?
- 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,423 Oh, Mortaniel.
- 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,634 The only person we bend the knee to these days
- 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,177 is that sweet Black Betty.
- 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,804 Yeah, man, all hail Mr. Brownstone.
- 00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:33,432 And his doctor. Feelgood, that is.
- 00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,809 They're talking about heroin, Morty. They like it.
- 00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:37,478 Obviously.
- 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,730 Apparently living on the Sun has turned our veins
- 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,482 into triple-bonded carbon,
- 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,984 so try this tale on for size, Mortaniel...
- 00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,319 we can't OD!
- 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,862 C'mon, you guys are a mess.
- 00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,864 Well, they actually seem kinda awesome, Morty.
- 00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:50,157 Lemme be your king.
- 00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,950 I admit, I wanted what you once had--
- 00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:54,495 brotherhood, tradition, stability, purpose.
- 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,039 I just... didn't want to cut my dick off for it.
- 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,457 Phosphorant: Yeah, that's the point.
- 00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,292 We were quick to follow this boy before,
- 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:03,003 without even forcing him to commit to our traditions.
- 00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:06,340 And all he did was break our faith and our walkway.
- 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,926 And now this random fucking guy
- 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:11,220 is here again to tell us what to do?
- 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,514 No fucking way!
- 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,308 What if I cut off my dick?
- 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,644 But you'd be cutting it off for no reason.
- 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,354 Yeah, that's the point of tradition--
- 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,980 doing things for no reason,
- 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:25,234 but it'd be reason enough doing it for you guys.
- 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:28,737 Fairenheat: Well, you do that, that would compete with heroin.
- 00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:31,699 Cool, cool. Can I maybe get a minute?
- 00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:32,700 [ Crying ]
- 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,034 Buddy, what's up?
- 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,412 Reaching some sad conclusions about your situation?
- 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,372 Yes, but that walkway needs those knights,
- 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:41,250 those knights need a king, and that king needs no dick.
- 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,711 Damn, Morty, you really are stepping up.
- 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,379 Now do you want me to help you
- 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,714 not have to cut your dick off, though?
- 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,716 Yes, please. Then I got you.
- 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,050 Uh, you really mean it, Rick?
- 00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:52,052 Of course, buddy. I'll give you a fake dick
- 00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:53,554 with three layers of fail-safes.
- 00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:55,055 They'll never know the difference.
- 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:56,640 [ Sobs ] Shh, Morty.
- 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,309 We're gonna make your dick so fake, buddy.
- 00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:06,108 {\an8}♪
- 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:09,361 The signal! Sir, the Knights of the Sun are once more.
- 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,529 Hold fire.
- 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,406 If this return to the Old Ways is true,
- 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:16,076 I'd be willing to return home and put an end to the bloodshed.
- 00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:17,411 [ Group cheering ]
- 00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:29,006 {\an8}♪
- 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:32,426 Sir? Shall we hold off on the antimatter hydrogen bombing?
- 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:35,095 [ Chuckles ] Those crusty knights won't do the Sun
- 00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:36,430 much good without their--
- 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:37,931 Hoo!
- 00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:39,683 Let's hear them out.
- 00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:41,518 [ Crowd cheering ]
- 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:44,730 I, Lithdor, son of Thrifdor, personally oversee
- 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,940 the stumping of thy king's stem.
- 00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,942 If his stem burns true,
- 00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,278 peace will be restored between the spheres.
- 00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:52,738 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,156 Yay!
- 00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:58,452 Present the Shears of Stumping!
- 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:01,371 - Morty the Brave! - You got this, my king!
- 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:04,458 {\an8}♪
- 00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,752 First things first. Step through this machine
- 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,587 which checks for nanotechnological
- 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,130 hologram dicks.
- 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,342 War opened our eyes to the wonders of new technologies.
- 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,719 Please, step through, my liege.
- 00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:21,308 {\an8}♪
- 00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:23,435 [ Machine beeps ] Whew!
- 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:24,978 Sorry, my lord, but we're gonna need you
- 00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:26,772 to step through this second machine,
- 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,316 which checks for emergency clone dicks.
- 00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:30,984 Oh, wow, you guys really embraced
- 00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:33,320 a lot of specific new tech, huh?
- 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,322 Whoa, a sunspot! What? Where?
- 00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:37,658 [ Crowd gasping ]
- 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:41,286 Boy, is-- is that a third detector I see, as well?
- 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,205 You'll find out after the second one.
- 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,748 We don't like to reveal them
- 00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:47,209 until the previous detecting threshold has been crossed.
- 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:49,837 Right.
- 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:53,257 The third detector is going to scan for a prosthetic dick.
- 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:54,842 Oh. Ha ha. Good.
- 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:57,177 Okay, well, go on through, and, of course, by "prosthetic"
- 00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:59,513 we mean witchcraft dick.
- 00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,682 - Shit. - I sense one.
- 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:04,393 The bones say he's still packin'.
- 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:06,353 [ Crowd gasps ]
- 00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:07,563 Ha ha, can't get nothin'
- 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:08,939 past the chicken bone lady.
- 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,858 J-Just testing her.
- 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:14,194 Stump. Thy. Stem.
- 00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:16,947 Rick: [ Thinking ] Morty? Morty, don't answer out loud.
- 00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,658 Can you hear me? It's Rick. I'm talking to you with my mind.
- 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:20,868 Yeah, I can hear you.
- 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,202 You said that out loud. Don't speak.
- 00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,537 Sorry. [ Thinking ] Sorry.
- 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,289 I uplinked a telepathic nano satellite
- 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,707 so we could hear each other's thoughts.
- 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,542 Carefully do everything I tell you
- 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,711 in the exact order I tell you to do it.
- 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,713 Okay.
- 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,965 Okay. Got the scissors.
- 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,216 Now... run!
- 00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:37,259 Oh, shit, shit!
- 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,802 Guards, seize them!
- 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,512 Morty: [ Thinking ] Run? You couldn't have just said that?!
- 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:42,306 You don't have to use telepathy anymore.
- 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,224 You can just ask your rhetorical questions out loud.
- 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,642 I don't understand, Rick.
- 00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:47,477 Here's something that's easy to understand, buddy--
- 00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:50,147 I'm proud of you for trying to solve your own shit.
- 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,648 Ugh, I didn't want to have to do this.
- 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,943 It's okay this time. We don't have any choice.
- 00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:56,111 I love you, Rick.
- 00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:58,155 Love you, too, buddy.
- 00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,907 {\an8}♪
- 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,659 Both: Whoooooaaa!
- 00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:04,620 Fairenheat: And that's when King Morty and Rick
- 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:07,414 were left with no choice but to leap into the Sun.
- 00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:10,584 Such shame he felt for what he'd done to our society,
- 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,502 sacrificing his dick wasn't enough--
- 00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:16,173 He gave his entire body and wizard servant, as well.
- 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,550 And after a while, their sun-proof bones
- 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,010 floated up to the top.
- 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,762 We even checked with a royal ladle
- 00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,221 to ensure it was real sun,
- 00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:26,141 not just them hiding beneath in a vat of fake sun.
- 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,935 Such a violent death.
- 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:30,479 And finally when our grief could bear no more,
- 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:34,274 we decided to abolish our medieval act of stem stumping.
- 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:36,526 And we have King Morty the Molten
- 00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:37,945 to thank for that.
- 00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,237 Both: Morty the Molten!
- 00:20:39,237 --> 00:20:40,948 King Morty the Molten!
- 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,699 See, Morty? Worked like a charm.
- 00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:44,868 Aren't we risking it all coming back here?
- 00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,578 Morty, we had to know. Plus the heat--
- 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:49,289 It's good for my joints. - King Mortaniel?!
- 00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:50,415 You're alive?!
- 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:51,708 Yeah, go tell everybody.
- 00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:54,252 Your reward's gonna be cutting off your own dick.
- 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,088 Right. Point taken.
- 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,924 R.I.P. and cheerio.
- 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:01,343 Whew!
- 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:32,958 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,210 One crispy, one wriggling.
- 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,253 Coming right up.
- 00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:37,337 Three loozums.
- 00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:38,839 How 'bout ten years?
- 00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:39,881 In jail.
- 00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:41,758 Huh?
- 00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:44,886 You're under arrest for illegal hot dog trafficking.
- 00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:46,304 [ Panting ]
- 00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:47,347 Oh!
- 00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,348 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:48,348 --> 00:21:50,517 [ Hot dogs crying ]
- 00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:55,856 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:58,191 [ Hot dogs crying ]
- 00:21:58,191 --> 00:22:01,778 Be free, my little babies.
- 00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:03,697 Ahh!
- 00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:06,241 Huh. Surprised they actually made it.
- 00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:08,702 Kinda thought maybe some birds would swoop down--
- 00:22:08,702 --> 00:22:10,203 Aaahhhhh! Aah!
- 00:22:10,203 --> 00:22:12,664 I jinxed it. Aah!
- 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,792 Did you get any of that?
- 00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:19,713 {\an8}♪
- 00:03:01,486 --> 00:03:03,986 <i>Мортаниэль солнцеликий!</i>
- 00:03:04,076 --> 00:03:06,656 <i>Служит Солнцу, великий!</i>
- 00:03:06,736 --> 00:03:09,246 <i>Мортаниэль, ты посмотри</i>
- 00:03:09,326 --> 00:03:11,746 <i>на Солнца щедрые дары!</i>
- 00:07:55,406 --> 00:07:59,996 <i>Фазан готов для короля, и слышно трели соловья!</i>
- 00:08:30,126 --> 00:08:32,126 СОЛНЦЕ ГРАВИТАЦИОННАЯ МАССА
- 00:10:15,776 --> 00:10:18,776 СИЕ ЕСТЬ НЕЙТРАЛЬНАЯ ЗОНА
- 00:12:53,436 --> 00:12:56,306 ПЕРВАЯ СОЛНЕЧНАЯ ВОЙНА ЮПИТЕР ПОЛУЧАЕТ КОНТРОЛЬ НАД СКИПЕТРОМ
- 00:13:07,366 --> 00:13:08,906 ВСКОРЕ ЕГО ПЕРЕХВАТЫВАЕТ МЕРКУРИЙ
- 00:13:18,746 --> 00:13:21,586 НО ВМЕШИВАЕТСЯ ВЕНЕРА С НОВЫМ ОРУЖИЕМ
- 00:13:25,756 --> 00:13:27,846 САТУРН ПРИМЕНЯЕТ ПРОТИВ ВЕНЕРЫ СЕРНЫЙ ИПРИТ
- 00:21:47,546 --> 00:21:48,636 ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК
- 00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:03,720 <i>Сер Мортаніель, ясне личко</i>
- 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,390 <i>Служить Сонцю сильно та рвучко</i>
- 00:03:06,470 --> 00:03:09,020 <i>Сер Мортаніель, прийди й загляни</i>
- 00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:11,480 <i>Що Сонце приготувало тобі</i>
- 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,430 <i>Фазана обскубали для короля осяйного</i>
- 00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,810 <i>А соловейки щебечуть святково!</i>
- 00:10:16,190 --> 00:10:18,200 СТАРА-ДОБРА НЕЙТРАЛЬНА ЗОНА
- 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:49,050 <i>Прощавай, синє небо</i>
- 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,310 <i>Прощавай, синє небо</i>
- 00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:53,890 <i>Прощавай</i>
- 00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,800 ПЕРША СОНЯЧНА ВІЙНА. ЮПІТЕР ЗАБРАВ СКІПЕТР ПІД ГРАВІТАЦІЙНИЙ КОНТРОЛЬ
- 00:13:01,860 --> 00:13:06,280 <i>Ви бачили наляканих людей?</i>
- 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:10,240 <i>Ви чули падіння бомб?</i> МЕРКУРІЙ СПРИТНО ПЕРЕХОПИВ СКІПЕТР
- 00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:13,450 <i>Невже вам ніколи не було цікаво</i>
- 00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:16,170 <i>Чому ми мусили ховатись</i>
- 00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:19,140 <i>Хоча нам обіцяли новий хоробрий світ з синім небом?</i>
- 00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:21,420 ВТРУТИЛАСЯ ВЕНЕРА З НОВИМИ ТЕХНОЛОГІЯМИ
- 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,640 САТУРН ВИКОРИСТАВ ПРОТИ ВЕНЕРИ ГІРЧИЧНИЙ ГАЗ
- 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:45,820 <i>Ви бачили наляканих людей?</i>
- 00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:50,030 <i>Ви чули падіння бомб?</i>
- 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:55,580 <i>Вогонь давно вже згас Та рани ще болять</i>
- 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:03,550 <i>Прощавай, синє небо</i>
- 00:14:03,630 --> 00:14:07,260 <i>Прощавай, синє небо</i>
- 00:14:07,340 --> 00:14:08,970 <i>Прощавай</i>
- 00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:48,700 ВІДДІЛОК ПОЛІЦІЇ