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На Землю прибывает технологически развитая раса динозавров, заявляя, что это их прежний дом, и что они путешествуют между мирами, чтобы распространять мир и технологии. Правительства разных миров предоставляют им контроль, и вскоре они делают работу устаревшей и создают утопию. Однако многие люди недовольны отсутствием ответственности, включая президента, который обещает позволить Рику вести церемонию вручения премии «Оскар», если тот избавится от динозавров. Рик и Морти посещают другие планеты, которые облюбовали динозавры, и обнаруживают, что все они пострадали от столкновений с астероидами, подобных тому, что вызвал образование кратера Чиксулуб. Рик объявляет, что у динозавров есть конкурирующая раса кровожадных разумных астероидов, один из которых направляется к Земле. Не желая применять насилие даже в целях самообороны, динозавры улетают, чтобы отвлечь ударную волну. Рик ведет церемонию вручения премии «Оскар», но уходит, когда Саммер сообщает ему, что динозавры находятся на Марсе, ожидая своей гибели. Он отправляется на Марс и говорит динозаврам, что бескорыстие и эгоизм — одно и то же, побуждая их уничтожить астероид. В благодарность за «спасение» Риком динозавры устраняют временной разрыв, к его большому огорчению. Рик возвращается домой и чинит свою портальную пушку, с восторгом сообщая Морти, что их межпространственные приключения могут возобновиться.
- 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:11,553 And in Weird Things in Space News, that mysterious "rift" is still there.
- 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:12,679 Not gone yet.
- 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:14,556 You remember that don’t you? It’s probably important.
- 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,682 Back to you, Tabitha.
- 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,768 Rick, Mom’s working and Dad’s still sleeping, I’m gonna be late!
- 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,187 Yeah, yeah. I got you, here.
- 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,732 Holy shit. Is the portal gun working again.
- 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,774 Yeah pretty much.
- 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,278 Sometimes that happens
- 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:33,158 Just get the keys.
- 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:38,329 It’s actually been nice taking a break from the portal travel stuff.
- 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:39,539 I’ve been racking up a lot of
- 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,125 - high school adventures. - I have a process, Morty.
- 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:46,087 I’m fixing my portal gun and every time you bring it up it blocks my creative flow
- 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,256 and then I’m forced to take longer on purpose
- 00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:51,426 - just to train you to not bring it up. - Jeez. Do you know what projection is?
- 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:54,304 - Do you? - No. I heard Mom use it.
- 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,808 Lord no! He’s here again? Morty protocol, children!
- 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:04,272 What’s it now? Brain Bugs? Space Worms? Have I been The Facultied again?
- 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:06,357 You guys don’t have to react like this every day
- 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:09,611 Last time the aliens made me lick all the toilet seats!
- 00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:12,238 That’s right, made me! I see that look on your faces.
- 00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:16,743 - What did you do, ya tiny monster? - This isn’t me.
- 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:28,713 {\an8}The people demand to know, do these visitors come in peace? But first.
- 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,548 {\an8}Peter’s Pizza Corner!
- 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:33,343 {\an8}- What slice we reviewing today, Petey? - Cheese.
- 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:42,268 If these aliens want Earth, they’ll have to go through Egypt.
- 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:45,146 And they can ask mummies how that goes.
- 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,526 <i>Mummy Mia!</i>
- 00:01:56,574 --> 00:02:00,119 - Dinosaurs are back? - Monkeys went bald?
- 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:42,579 Before we start, where are the rest of us?
- 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,250 {\an8}They died. Long time ago.
- 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,544 {\an8}Way before us. We didn’t see nothin’.
- 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:53,673 {\an8}But surely our ancestors must have left some evidence behind.
- 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:56,676 {\an8}Why is he nervous?
- 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,265 {\an8}Because, you’re dinosaurs.
- 00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,101 {\an8}It’s weird. Thought you were dead.
- 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:10,815 {\an8}Moving on, we, quote, "dinosaurs" evolved here on Earth
- 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,776 {\an8}until our technology was planetarily harmonic.
- 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,821 {\an8}That being the goal with technology.
- 00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:20,450 {\an8}After we achieved perfect balance with Mother Earth,
- 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,411 {\an8}our best and bravest left to help other planets.
- 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:27,749 {\an8}Over millions of years we’ve called many worlds home and helped each one flourish.
- 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:32,420 {\an8}Imagine our surprise upon returning home to find our species extinct
- 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:35,798 {\an8}and Earth now in the care of... you guys.
- 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,302 {\an8}When we left, you were basically squirrels.
- 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:43,765 {\an8}Well, we’ve come a long way and we’ve buried a lot more than nuts!
- 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,392 {\an8}We’ve evolved past non-constructive criticism
- 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,561 {\an8}so let’s agree you’ve done your best.
- 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,648 {\an8}You’re still alive. But surely there was some point between
- 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:52,774 {\an8}gun powder and
- 00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:55,818 {\an8}something called Amazon Prime that you folks had to think,
- 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,487 {\an8}are we supposed to be running a planet?
- 00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:58,738 {\an8}Wouldn’t we rather make
- 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,824 {\an8}"Marvel movies?" How many Marvel movies have you made?
- 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,618 {\an8}Twenty-nine and fourteen more on the way.
- 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:07,789 {\an8}See you love doing that. And we love helping new life forms get their footing.
- 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:11,501 {\an8}So now that we’re back, we can respectfully take it from here.
- 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,252 {\an8}Now hold on. If you’ve seen Endgame,
- 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:16,130 {\an8}you know invasion is not something Earth takes lying down.
- 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:20,760 {\an8}This is not an invasion, besides wouldn’t you like to lie down?
- 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,221 {\an8}You must be exhausted.
- 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:27,475 {\an8}Put your feet up, get more tattoos, finish rounding out this "Ant Man" character.
- 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:31,312 {\an8}Think of it like your Earth concept of "vacation", except permanent.
- 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:34,148 {\an8}I think I speak for all world leaders when I say that the poor people
- 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,609 {\an8}would just murder us if we made you leave, so...
- 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,238 {\an8}Welcome home. Dinosaurs.
- 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,448 {\an8}I could use a vacation!
- 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,534 {\an8}- Should we nuke them? - I’m on vacation, Curtis.
- 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,369 Well, you leaned into this fast.
- 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,541 <i>Zuniceratops.</i>
- 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,169 <i>Elvisaurus.</i>
- 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,464 <i>Bambiraptor.</i>
- 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,383 <i>Erectopus.</i>
- 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,301 <i>Dracorex.</i>
- 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,220 <i>Hogwartsia.</i>
- 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,807 <i>Gojirasaurus.</i>
- 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,851 <i>Vulcanodon.</i>
- 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,769 <i>Sauroniops.</i>
- 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:15,857 <i>Phuwiangosaurus.</i>
- 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:20,570 <i>Those are real dinosaur names.</i>
- 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,536 I can’t even pretend to feel useful in a game!
- 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:30,371 This is how humanity’s story ends?
- 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,582 Relieved of duty and sat at the kid’s table?
- 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,585 I gotta respect these dinosaurs, they dominated a whole species
- 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,087 just by calling its bluff about wanting more free time.
- 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,631 They didn’t even dominate us because we’re not worth a fight to them.
- 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,592 We’ve become biological Tyler Perry movies.
- 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,677 - All they’ve done is help. - We didn’t need their help!
- 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,305 We were not the problem! This house recycles.
- 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,767 They sort it at the trash facility!
- 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,395 WTF! My dance videos are getting like zero likes now.
- 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,814 The Dinos kicked pedophiles off TikTok.
- 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,441 Great, so now I’m broke?
- 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,819 - You don’t need money anymore. - So what’s this for now? Phone calls?
- 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,697 - C’mon, Dad, you don’t hate this too? - Why would I?
- 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,282 I was already doing what I wanted.
- 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,452 I do think it’s kind of funny that you’re all basically Jerry now.
- 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:11,454 Fuck.
- 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,166 - Jerry, how do you do it. - Yeah, Dad, how do you do it?
- 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,459 How do you do it, Dad?
- 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,461 - How do you do it? - How do you do it?
- 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,213 It’s finally happened.
- 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:37,814 Alright.
- 00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:41,442 Does anyone know how to mail things to publishers?
- 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:45,863 President only pages me if it’s an emergency or he needs molly.
- 00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:52,370 I’m sure glad you stayed open, Beau.
- 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:55,206 Wish we could pay, but, no more capitalism.
- 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,292 I never make ribs for the money, Mister President.
- 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:00,795 Here ya go.
- 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:03,673 That’s not why I called! Drugs can’t solve this problem.
- 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,299 I can’t live like this anymore.
- 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:08,678 At first it was fun spending all day watching whatever YouTube autoplays
- 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:12,181 after the last one autoplayed, but a man can only watch so many ads for Grammarly.
- 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,184 Rick. Please! You’re not bound by morality.
- 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,811 Get rid of them. Slit their necks,
- 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:20,148 Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers for the good of the species. I won’t tell!
- 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:23,276 Help us go back to the old days where we pretend to fix the problems we caused.
- 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,695 You think I’m gonna side with you over hyper-intelligent creatures
- 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:29,365 operating way beyond your comprehension? I have more in common with them than you.
- 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,827 You pompous autistic cadaver! You think you’re above this?
- 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,787 - I ought to... - Look here, Mr. President.
- 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:38,124 When I need my ribs to be tender and delicious, I pamper them.
- 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:42,753 See, if you give someone what they want, they’ll give you what you need.
- 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:44,422 Jus’ saying.
- 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:48,217 I see your point, Beau. Alright, Rick. Name your price.
- 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,137 - Crap. - Goddammit!
- 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,514 - How often are you Westworlding me? - Hang on.
- 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,850 Rib-tips jammed his folk-chip again.
- 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:59,437 Ol’ Reliable Rick. Always <i>knows what to do!</i>
- 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,190 - What do you want, Rick? - I won’t stoop to answering that again.
- 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:03,524 You know exactly what I want.
- 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,568 I can’t just snap my fingers and get you that job.
- 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:08,446 - Yeah yeah. Thanks for lunch. - Fine. Fine!
- 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:11,282 If you get rid of the dinosaurs, you can host the Oscars.
- 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,242 - Yes! <i>- Righteous Rick!</i>
- 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,829 <i>Straight shootin’, truth tellin’, never wets the bed.</i>
- 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,710 Goodbye old friends, may you rest in peace,
- 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:25,379 rather than the tank of an SUV.
- 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,632 Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers.
- 00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,843 - Can we help you? - Actually, I can probably help you.
- 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:34,639 See, I’m technically human but I’ve come to be more, you know, on your level
- 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:37,433 - We’re fine, thank you. - Maybe I’m being too indirect.
- 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:41,187 I happen to dabble in multiversal travel, and I could probably zap you guys
- 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,814 - to an alternate Earth... - We used portal travel eons ago
- 00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:48,486 but evolved to a one universe, one truth policy as the highest form of existence.
- 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:52,448 Sort of a put your own oxygen mask on before helping others type of a thing.
- 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,868 - Have you been on a plane? - Yes, I’ve been on a plane.
- 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:58,871 We have no problem if you jump dimensions.
- 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:02,458 Although we sense your gateway device is sub-optimal. Let us help.
- 00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:05,002 I don’t need help. I’m here to help you.
- 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,172 - What the hell is this? - A Portal Pistol.
- 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,424 The gateways are see-through, not a green swirl,
- 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,385 so now you can see where you’re going.
- 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,386 "Clever girl."
- 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,221 If you’d like we could patch up your little
- 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,348 - inter-dimensional rift too... - No, leave it,
- 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,392 I know how to close that, that’s there for a reason.
- 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,519 - Very canonical. - Don’t you just want it closed?
- 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:25,815 - Morty, whose team are you on? - It’s normal to be frustrated. Here.
- 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,567 Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?
- 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,776 - Goodbye. - No, wait.
- 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:32,488 What the fuck!
- 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,699 - Dr. Manhattan highroad assholes - I saw my bones!
- 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,492 - teleporting me? - Why, wasn’t that painful?
- 00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:38,703 They didn’t even do it right! My fly is down.
- 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,329 Your fly was already down.
- 00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,248 What are you doing with that?
- 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,792 - Rick! It was a better... - Nothing from them is better!
- 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,545 That thing had uptight zen snob germs all over it.
- 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,130 So what now you’re gonna fight them?
- 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,506 And prove we’re violent and stupid?
- 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,425 No, we’re gonna find out what they’re hiding.
- 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,552 Only people who have really fucked up in the past
- 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:55,845 have to virtue signal this hard.
- 00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:58,472 - Look at Sean Penn. - But Rick, aren’t these feelings, like,
- 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:01,058 what they talked about? Like life gets,
- 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,520 "programmed for competition by early stages of evolution,
- 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,856 like, amoebas have to fight amoebas for energy but
- 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,693 once a species can get enough sugar from a machine to give itself diabetes,
- 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,862 it’s allowed to start thinking beyond conflict."
- 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,530 I mean it’s all in their pamphlet.
- 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,785 Morty, you’re a genius. I clearly mean that in the 90s ironic sense
- 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:23,205 but this self-fellating 'zine is a treasure map to every fossilized
- 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,832 bone in their skeleton closet.
- 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,542 They’re gonna call us Laura Dern
- 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:29,295 because we’re about to get elbow deep in dino doo doo.
- 00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:30,838 Get it, Morty? The gloves?
- 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,798 - You remember the big gloves? - Yeah, no. I get it, Rick.
- 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,508 I said "Clever Girl" earlier,
- 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,801 - you didn’t even react. - I was angry!
- 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,561 I’m looking for a few of my friends.
- 00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:49,732 Kinda look like the Skullfeet that used to live on our planet way before us.
- 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:50,775 They’re long gone now.
- 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,235 Really? They’re extinct here too?
- 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,571 Yeah! We keep their bones in that museum over there.
- 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,784 These guys aren’t gonna be much help.
- 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:03,162 The leading theory is the Skullfeet stepped on their own brains so much
- 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,456 they straight up died. Such a shame.
- 00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,583 - Would have loved to hear them sing. - Sing?
- 00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:10,795 We figured they used to hold huge outdoor concerts in their land amphitheater.
- 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,589 - You people are idiots. - We didn’t have much to go by. ==
- 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,425 - Bones aren’t big on conversation. - Yeah, neither are you, pal.
- 00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:20,888 The majestic Basketsaur! Aren’t they incredible?
- 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:23,599 We’re even making a series of increasingly terrible movies
- 00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:25,434 about cloning them in a theme park!
- 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,812 - So what happened to them? - No idea.
- 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,607 But we do know they all loved eating communal soup out of the Great Dirt Bowl.
- 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,776 Starting to see a pattern here.
- 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,320 Breathtaking aren’t they?
- 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,448 It’s a common misconception that they roamed our planet.
- 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:43,369 The truth is, they rolled. Street-style mostly. Some vert.
- 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:47,373 Lemme guess. There’s a very large, deep circular indentation in which these
- 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,125 "Grindasaurs" used to shred.
- 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:53,754 We think they had a second brain in their butt dedicated to pulling ten eighties.
- 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,716 Three planets visited by dinosaurs, three apocalyptic meteor impacts.
- 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:58,843 Gimme the board.
- 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:00,261 I’m dropping in for data.
- 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,556 Rick! That’s the hardest thing in skateboarding!
- 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,475 It looked so easy on Pro Skater 3!
- 00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:10,104 Hello.
- 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:13,482 Jackpot, Morty.
- 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,609 You still think the dinosaurs got something to hide?
- 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,571 No, Morty, they have a reason to hide.
- 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,406 - Come here ya little whippersnapper. - No Rick, stop.
- 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:21,782 - C’mere Morty! Come on, gimme a hug. - No, don’t touch me.
- 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,117 - What’s the matter with you? - Your hands are greasy!
- 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:26,871 It’s become clear your species is having a hard time
- 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,748 adjusting to its reduced accountability.
- 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:33,627 Our solution is to hold these regular keynotes, or talks,
- 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:36,130 which you used to launch new phones and religions.
- 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,257 I see someone’s eager to speak!
- 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,510 Hi, what do you do when you want to kill yourself?
- 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:45,598 You don’t do that, thank you for asking though. Very important.
- 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,392 We recently discovered a new piece of human literature
- 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,394 that we think everyone should read.
- 00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:53,481 Holy shit! I’m a famous author!
- 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,483 Wait, where’s my name?
- 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,360 We will distribute it to everyone on Earth tomorrow.
- 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,447 Excuse me, aren’t you gonna say who wrote it?
- 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,366 Nope. Whoever wrote it must be above needing credit.
- 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,786 It’s all here in this book that belongs to everyone. For free.
- 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:13,042 You communist lizard scum bags! I wrote that! Me, Jerry Smith!
- 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,639 Guess what! Dinosaurs are not secretly evil
- 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,682 and they’re not out to cause anybody trouble
- 00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:31,393 but it turns out trouble has a way of following them.
- 00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:34,480 Yes, it’s showtime.
- 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:38,609 Literally every planet with dinosaurs on it is eventually smashed by a huge
- 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:41,320 space rock that takes out them and most existing life.
- 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,322 What? That can’t be true.
- 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,616 It’s alright to be frustrated. Let me explain.
- 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:48,786 Why would planet killing meteors follow Dinosaurs?
- 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:53,249 As these reptiles evolved to higher and higher levels of loving vegan godhood,
- 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:56,252 another life-form devolved into an equally selfless,
- 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:59,213 hate filled species of barely sentient rocks.
- 00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:02,758 They hurtle through space and do as much damage as they can to their chosen enemy,
- 00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,051 which is guess-who.
- 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:08,597 Everywhere these dinos go, these rocks, they come-a crashing. And this one...
- 00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,560 is headed directly towards us.
- 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:17,189 - And all of our work? It was for... - Nothing, bingo!
- 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:19,400 Welcome to life, it’s a big boat with a lot of holes
- 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,568 but we’re all in it together.
- 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,610 Oh my.
- 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:23,571 So much death.
- 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:28,284 Congratulations, primates. Looks like Earth could have done worse!
- 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:31,787 Rick out! And don’t forget to tune into this year’s Oscars.
- 00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:36,500 Well, this is a, a lot to take in.
- 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:40,337 I like trains now!
- 00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:42,590 Okay, that hurt.
- 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:45,384 Trains rule! Dino’s Drool!
- 00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:50,139 And you had no idea about the disastrous meteors that followed in your wake?
- 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,851 We just learned about it like you. Truly heartbreaking news.
- 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:57,187 But I assume you’re gonna destroy it when it arrives here, right?
- 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:02,776 We’re in the process of finding a solution that um doesn’t involve violence.
- 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,195 Hold on, you’re in the process?
- 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:09,491 Well there you have it Cooperheads. An angry species of rock is gonna slamm
- 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,785 into our... sorry, their planet,
- 00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:14,830 and our new planet runners are weighing whether to let it happen.
- 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:20,336 I mean no one knows if the meteor species is even real!
- 00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,630 No. It’s very real. We all know that.
- 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,841 You know what’s real? A rear naked choke hold. I’ll show you.
- 00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:27,384 What?
- 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,679 Final question, how we doing?
- 00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:36,226 We have come to the conclusion the only way to ensure humanity will be safe
- 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:39,104 is for us to go. We’re leaving the planet for good.
- 00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:46,528 <i>Exxon spilling the oil, Chernobyl blowing up,</i>
- 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:52,618 <i>Asbestos in Montana, Atlantic City, type 2 diabetes,</i>
- 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:57,081 <i>Deepwater deeply blew it,</i>
- 00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,792 <i>giant garbage island,</i>
- 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,295 <i>and all the bees are dying,</i>
- 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:08,300 <i>fuck off and Dienosaurs.</i>
- 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:17,393 Maybe it’s the molly, but I fucking love you, Rick!
- 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:18,394 It’s the molly.
- 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:22,272 Isn’t this nice? Rivalries behind us, dinos gone,
- 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:23,857 two cool guys living in the moment!
- 00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:28,195 So, like, you know what you’re gonna wear, because...
- 00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:29,405 I can’t get another plus one.
- 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:33,283 What?! I’m the one who got you the gig, you son of a bitch. I feel this napkin.
- 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:37,121 Feel this napkin. So soft.
- 00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:41,375 This is the 95th annual Academy Awards!
- 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,502 Now, please welcome your host,
- 00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:46,171 an old science guy who got rid of the dinosaurs
- 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,674 Rick Sanchez!
- 00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:54,096 Suck my grey tits, Hollywood pinkos!
- 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,724 Where’s the mic? The raising mic?
- 00:16:58,642 --> 00:16:59,560 Bring it up!
- 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,275 Tommy! Tom Hanks is here!
- 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,485 C’mon, do it.
- 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:13,323 Come on. Do it.
- 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,825 Okay okay, one time.
- 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,370 Wilson!
- 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,331 I’m Oscar Host Rick!
- 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:25,669 Grandpa Rick, this is so cool.
- 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,755 - That microphone bit killed. - Yeah, told you it would!
- 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,674 - That was all scripted? - Every moment at the Oscars is.
- 00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:31,759 Even that one thing.
- 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:35,846 - Look who stole themselves a swag bag! - Fucking Sprinkles coupon!
- 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:36,847 We’re splitting that.
- 00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:41,268 So I was thinking it might be funny to add dinosaurs to the In Memoriam.
- 00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:44,354 It feels beneath us, it’s funnier that they left and we don’t even care.
- 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:47,316 Yeah, they left but they keep begging for attention.
- 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,860 You haven’t heard? The dinos are just standing up there on Mars
- 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,571 with their dicks in their hands. So dramatic.
- 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:55,532 What, they’re just gonna let the meteor hit them and die?
- 00:17:55,616 --> 00:18:00,204 Good. If being superior to everyone makes you die, I call that balance.
- 00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:04,666 It’s all in my globally published book the Dinos stripped my name from!
- 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,169 Oscars are over.
- 00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:09,087 Where are my keys?
- 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,298 Goddammit, I need to fix portal travel!
- 00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:13,425 And I’m going to, I have a process!
- 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,055 Our final act of kindness.
- 00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:21,099 It’s been an honor serving the sanctity of life with you all.
- 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:32,152 - Rick, what are you doing? - Standing here with you guys.
- 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,530 You don’t want to do that. We’re sacrificing ourselves here.
- 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:38,659 Then so am I! Y’know? Elon Musk be damned, we’re blowing up Mars.
- 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:42,579 No. We’re doing something selfless, you’re doing it out of pettiness.
- 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,832 How is anyone supposed to know the difference?
- 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,834 Consider it a game of virtue chicken.
- 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,132 Okay, if you won’t go, we’ll make you go.
- 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,220 Sorry, I dino-proofed my tech to spite you guys.
- 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,390 Which further proves selflessness and selfishness are two sides of the same coin
- 00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:03,058 so what’s the point?
- 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:16,280 Fine. Cool with me that your final chapter is dying on Mars with an old dick head.
- 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:23,787 Alright! Welcome back!
- 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,789 You obnoxious little twat!
- 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:29,418 Yeah but you’re alive! No David Foster Wallace-ing in my galaxy.
- 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,421 You don’t get to be so smart that you remove yourself from everybody.
- 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:35,299 From one god being to another, you’re welcome.
- 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,509 Well, as long as we’re doing each other favors.
- 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,721 Wait what are you doing?
- 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,186 You fixed my Rift?! You fucking hypocritical cocks!
- 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,563 It was all canonical and shit!
- 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,481 We coulda milked that thing for a whole season.
- 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:54,234 Or like a three episode arc at least!
- 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:58,572 Sorry. That’s just us. We love helping, god beings to god being.
- 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,450 Seriously! I was gonna fix that!
- 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:07,873 Shit. They’re coming back!
- 00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:12,252 Can we turn on the AC? It’s like a thousand degrees outside!
- 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,422 Yes! New follower! Named...
- 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,633 Crypto_For_Bare_Toes
- 00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,801 Not sure I get it but sounds like business!
- 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:21,762 - Proud of you, honey. - Is Dad okay?
- 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,806 Yes, I’m just writing my second book.
- 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,601 I don’t know what it’s gonna be about, but I can tell you one thing
- 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:31,438 the title is "Jerry Smith Presents: A Book By Jerry Smith."
- 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:33,482 Chapter one.
- 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:38,487 Fuck!
- 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:41,907 <i>Morty, get your ass in the garage.</i>
- 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,916 Check it out. A dimension where hats wear people.
- 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,753 I did it, I fixed portal travel!
- 00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,839 - Oh shit! - Figured my guy deserves a vacation.
- 00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:00,676 - Boob world! - You’re damn right. And it’s Areola Week.
- 00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:04,513 - Alright! Good old fashioned portal fun! - Yep, like this!
- 00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:08,058 - It’s gonna be classic episodes, Morty! - I’m gonna puke, Rick!
- 00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:10,519 Portaling in! Wrecking shit, portaling out, Morty.
- 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:14,523 Oh my god, adventures, Morty! Social commentary! Crude characters!
- 00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:16,566 Here we go! Rick and Morty time!
- 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:50,767 This is our home now.
- 00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:52,853 We shall live out the rest of our days here.
- 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:55,731 Never interfering with the ways of the universe again.
- 00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:56,857 We are content.
- 00:21:57,524 --> 00:21:58,442 It was a good run.
- 00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:00,485 Speaking of a good run.
- 00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:02,821 I bet I could switch heel onto that manny pad, big spin out,
- 00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:05,407 Tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail, drop into the bowl,
- 00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,826 stale fish into a Christ air and then we get fucking wrecked.
- 00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:09,745 It’s on, Iguanadon.
- 00:22:09,745 --> 00:22:12,539 <i>Grinding some rocks. Nollie the hubba.</i>
- 00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:15,751 <i>Goofyfoot, kickflip, take care of the Groms.</i>
- 00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:20,422 <i>But you’re a bad little dino boy and you’re rotting in a crater.</i>
- 00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:21,798 <i>So now let’s make some noise.</i>
- 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,300 И к новостям о странностях в космосе:
- 00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:12,220 таинственная трещина всё еще там. Она никуда не делась.
- 00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:13,388 Вы ведь про нее не забыли, правда?
- 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:15,390 Возможно, это важно. Снова передаю слово тебе, Табита.
- 00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:18,643 Рик, мама работает, а папа еще спит. Я так опоздаю.
- 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:21,271 Ага. Понял. Вот.
- 00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,523 Блин! Портальная пушка снова заработала?
- 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:24,774 Да, в общем-то.
- 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,111 И такое иногда бывает.
- 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,241 Ключи бери, и всё.
- 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:38,121 На самом деле было приятно отдохнуть от путешествий по порталам.
- 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:40,206 У меня набралось много школьных приключений.
- 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,167 Морти, я же занят. Я в процессе.
- 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,418 Чиню портальную пушку.
- 00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:45,837 Когда ты поднимаешь эту тему, мой творческий поток блокируется.
- 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,922 И мне приходится нарочно затягивать процесс,
- 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,382 чтобы отучить тебя поднимать эту тему.
- 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,092 Боже. Ты знаешь, что такое проекция?
- 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:54,304 - А ты? - Нет, слышал, как мама такое говорила.
- 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,472 СРЕДНЯЯ ШКОЛА ГАРРИ ХЕРПСОНА
- 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,182 Господи, нет. Он снова здесь.
- 00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:58,725 Морти-протокол, дети.
- 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:00,727 Что у тебя сегодня?
- 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:03,980 Мозговые жуки? Космические червяки? Опять насмотрелся «Факультета»?
- 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,107 Не стоит каждый день так реагировать.
- 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:09,444 В прошлый раз инопланетяне заставили меня вылизать все сиденья унитаза.
- 00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:12,155 Именно так. Заставили. Я вижу эти красноречивые взгляды.
- 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,825 Что ты наделал, крошечный монстр?
- 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:16,785 Это не я!
- 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,287 ГОЛЛИВУД
- 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:26,961 Люди хотят знать: эти гости пришли с миром?
- 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,005 ГОСТИ ИЗ КОСМОСА? ПРИШЛИ ЛИ ОНИ ХОТЬ РАЗ С МИРОМ?
- 00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:32,342 Но сначала о пиццерии Питера. Какой кусок мы сегодня анализируем, Пити?
- 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:33,426 С сыром.
- 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:42,352 Если этим инопланетянам нужна Земля, им придется для начала победить Египет.
- 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,854 Пусть поинтересуются у мумий, каково это - соваться в Египет.
- 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,442 Мумия миа!
- 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,867 Динозавры вернулись?
- 00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:00,036 Обезьяны облысели?
- 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,868 Прежде чем мы начнем:
- 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,287 где остальные… из нас?
- 00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:45,081 Вымерли.
- 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,167 Давным-давно, задолго до нас.
- 00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:49,794 Мы ничего не видели.
- 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:53,548 Но наши предки наверняка оставили после себя какие-то доказательства.
- 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:56,467 Почему он нервничает?
- 00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:02,056 Потому что… вы динозавры.
- 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:05,059 Это непривычно. Я думал, вы вымерли.
- 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,437 Идем дальше.
- 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,732 Мы, «динозавры», эволюционировали здесь, на Земле,
- 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:13,860 до тех пор, пока наша технология не стала планетарно-гармоничной.
- 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,738 Такова цель технологии.
- 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:20,658 Достигнув идеального баланса с Матерью-Землей,
- 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,994 наши лучшие и храбрейшие улетели помогать другим планетам.
- 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:24,579 На протяжении миллионов лет
- 00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:27,540 мы называли домом многие миры и способствовали процветанию каждого.
- 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:32,170 Представьте наше удивление, когда, вернувшись домой, мы обнаружили,
- 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:35,924 что наш вид вымер, а Земля теперь на вашем, народ, попечении.
- 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,801 Когда мы улетали, вы были в основном белками.
- 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:43,640 Что ж, мы прошли долгий путь и закопали нечто большее, чем просто орехи.
- 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,184 Мы уже миновали стадию неконструктивной критики.
- 00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,311 Так что, допустим, вы сделали всё возможное.
- 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,520 Вы выжили.
- 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:52,190 Но наверняка был какой-то момент между изобретением пороха
- 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:55,693 и чем-то под названием «Amazon Prime», когда вам, народ, следовало задуматься:
- 00:03:55,777 --> 00:04:00,114 «Мы будем управлять планетой? Может, лучше снимать фильмы о "Marvel"?»
- 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:01,741 Сколько фильмов о «Marvel» вы сняли?
- 00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,368 Двадцать девять. Еще 14 на подходе.
- 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:04,911 Вот видите, вам нравится это делать.
- 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:07,747 А мы любим помогать новым формам жизни крепнуть и вставать на ноги.
- 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:11,584 Итак, теперь, раз уж мы вернулись, мы можем перенять эстафету.
- 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,169 Стоп. Вы смотрели фильм «Мстители: финал»?
- 00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:15,922 Если да, то знаете, что при вторжении земляне не сидят сложа руки.
- 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,423 Это не вторжение.
- 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:20,760 Кроме того, разве вы сами не хотите сидеть сложа руки?
- 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,845 Вы ведь наверняка устали.
- 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,181 Поднимите ноги, сделайте больше татуировок.
- 00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:27,433 Спокойно завершите образ Человека-муравья.
- 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:31,145 Подумайте об этом как о вашей земной концепции отпуска, только постоянного.
- 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,647 Думаю, что выскажу мнение всех мировых
- 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:36,109 лидеров, если скажу, что бедные люди нас просто убьют, если мы вас отпустим.
- 00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:37,026 Так что…
- 00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:40,029 Добро пожаловать домой, динозавры.
- 00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:42,115 Мне отпуск как нельзя кстати.
- 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:44,367 - Ну что, уничтожим их? - Кёртис, я в отпуске.
- 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,244 Что-то ты быстро втянулся.
- 00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:47,870 «СИРАКЬЮС ОРАНЖ ПИЛ»: ДИНОЗАВРЫ ВСЁ СДЕЛАЮТ САМИ
- 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:52,291 «ФИЛАДЕЛЬФИЯ АНСЭРЕР»: НЕХВАТКА ДЕФИЦИТА
- 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,713 «АБСОЛЮТ-БАР» - БЕСПЛАТНЫЙ БАР БЕСПЛАТНАЯ ЕДА, БЕСПЛАТНОЕ ВИНО!
- 00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,548 «ЧИКАГО ТРИБЬЮТ»: РАБОТА ОТМЕНЕНА, ХОЛОДИЛЬНИК ПОЛОН!
- 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:02,510 ЦЕННЫХ БУМАГ БОЛЬШЕ НЕТ!
- 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:05,888 «ТРЕНТОН ТОКИ ТРИБЬЮН»: БЕЗРАБОТИЦА - 100%
- 00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:10,143 РЕАЛЬНО НЕ НА ЧТО ЖАЛОВАТЬСЯ
- 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,231 «ЛОС-АНДЖЕЛЕС ПЛЭЙСЕЗ»: ПОСЛЕДНИЙ ЗАГОЛОВОК! НАБОРЩИКИ ОПЕЧАЛЕНЫ
- 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,278 ПЕРВОЕ ПЕРЕКАТИ-ПОЛЕ ВАШИНГТОНА
- 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:28,327 Я даже не могу притворяться, что чувствую себя полезной в игре.
- 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,204 Так заканчивается история человечества,
- 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:32,540 освобожденного от работы и севшего за детский стол?
- 00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:35,585 Эти динозавры достойны уважения. Они подчинили себе целый вид,
- 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,920 умело сыграв на желании людей иметь больше свободного времени.
- 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,465 Подчинили бы нас хотя бы потому, что мы недостойны сражаться с ними…
- 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:42,425 Но нет. Мы стали ходячими фильмами Тайлера Перри.
- 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:43,468 Они же просто нам помогли.
- 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,678 Нам не нужна была их помощь! У нас не было проблем.
- 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,513 В этом доме сортируют мусор.
- 00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,683 Его сортируют на свалке!
- 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:54,228 Что за фигня? Мои танцевальные видео набирают ноль лайков.
- 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,731 Ага, динозавры выкинули педофилов из «Тик-Тока».
- 00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:59,650 - Супер. Значит, теперь я на мели? - Тебе больше не нужны деньги.
- 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,861 И для чего мне теперь эта штука? Чтобы звонить?
- 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,113 Пап, тебе ведь тоже всё это не нравится.
- 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,324 Почему это? Я и так делал что хотел.
- 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:09,452 Я правда считаю слегка забавным то, что вы все теперь похожи на Джерри.
- 00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:11,329 Твою мать.
- 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,957 - Джерри, как ты это делаешь? - Да, пап, как ты это делаешь?
- 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,250 Как ты это делаешь, пап?
- 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,878 - Как ты это делаешь? - Как ты это делаешь?
- 00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,254 Наконец-то это произошло.
- 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:22,715 ВЕЩИ
- 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,717 ЗАБЫТЫЕ ВЕЩИ - ЗАБЫТЫЕ ВЕЩИ (2) УДАЛИТЬ ЭТО - МЕСТА «ТИТАНИКА»
- 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,469 падающие панды.mov, змея_ в_мини-юбке.jpg, страшная_собака.jpg
- 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,849 Рукопись_FINAL.doc Рукопись_FINAL_FINAL.doc
- 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,267 Рукопись_FINAL_FINAL_FINAL.doc
- 00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:37,605 Отлично.
- 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:41,484 Кто-нибудь знает, как отправить рукопись в издательство?
- 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:46,030 Президент зовет меня лишь в экстренных случаях или если ему нужно экстази.
- 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,865 «БАР-БО-КЮ»
- 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:52,161 Я рад, Бо, что ты не закрылся.
- 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,789 Я бы и рад заплатить, но капитализма больше нет.
- 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:58,417 Я никогда не готовлю ребрышки за деньги, господин президент.
- 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:00,503 Вот.
- 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:01,963 Я звонил не поэтому.
- 00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,589 Наркотиками эту проблему не решить.
- 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,049 Я больше не могу так жить.
- 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,260 Сначала было весело смотреть весь день
- 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,762 автоматом воспроизводящиеся ролики в «Ютубе», один за другим.
- 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,181 Но сколько можно смотреть рекламу «Grammarly»?
- 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,976 Рик, прошу. У тебя нет никаких моральных принципов.
- 00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:16,853 Избавься от них. Перережь им горло.
- 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,147 Преврати их в двухсотые во благо нашего вида.
- 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,149 Я смолчу. Помоги нам вернуть старые добрые времена,
- 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,067 когда мы якобы решали созданные нами же проблемы.
- 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,653 Думаете, я буду за вас и пойду против высшего разума, существ,
- 00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:27,530 функционирующих далеко за пределами вашего понимания?
- 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,365 У меня больше общего с ними, чем с вами.
- 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,827 Ты напыщенный, аутичный труп! Думаешь, ты выше этого?
- 00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,412 - Я должен… - Послушайте, господин президент,
- 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:38,040 когда мне нужно, чтобы мои ребрышки были нежными и вкусными, я их балую.
- 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:42,920 Если дать кому-то желаемое, этот кто-то даст вам то, что нужно вам.
- 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,590 - Я просто говорю… - Я понял тебя, Бо.
- 00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:46,674 Ладно, Рик.
- 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,468 Назови свою цену.
- 00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,094 Чёрт.
- 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,388 Чёрт возьми! Сколько еще ты будешь водить меня за нос?
- 00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:55,808 Подождите. Ребра снова задели его человеческий чип.
- 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:59,270 Старый надежный Рик. Всегда знает, что делать.
- 00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:00,396 Чего ты хочешь, Рик?
- 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,399 Больше не буду отвечать на этот вопрос. Вы прекрасно знаете, чего я хочу.
- 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,443 Я не могу по щелчку пальцев устроить тебя на эту работу.
- 00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:08,237 - Ага. Спасибо за обед. - Ну ладно.
- 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,199 Если избавишь нас от динозавров, сможешь вести «Оскар».
- 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,034 - Да! - Благочестивый Рик.
- 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:16,871 Прямолинейный, правдивый, никогда не мочится в постель.
- 00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,417 Пока, старые друзья.
- 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:25,087 Покойтесь с миром, а не в баке внедорожника.
- 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,882 Привет, дружественные космические путешественники.
- 00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:29,008 Чем можем помочь?
- 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,843 Вообще-то, это я могу вам помочь.
- 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,262 Понимаете, технически я человек, но стою скорее
- 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,932 - на вашем уровне. - У нас всё хорошо, спасибо.
- 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:39,352 Возможно, я чересчур неясно выразился. Я побывал а разных вселенных
- 00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,771 и, наверное, мог бы отправить вас на альтернативную Землю.
- 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,439 Мы уже миллиарды лет не используем порталы.
- 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:46,484 Став совершенными, мы придерживаемся политики «одна вселенная -
- 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,528 одна истина», будучи высшей формой существования.
- 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:52,365 Что-то вроде «Наденьте сами кислородную маску, прежде чем помогать другим».
- 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,158 Вы летали на самолетах?
- 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,826 Да, летал.
- 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,746 Мы без претензий по поводу ваших прыжков по измерениям.
- 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:02,375 Хотя чувствуем, что ваш шлюз работает неоптимально. Позвольте нам помочь.
- 00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:04,835 Мне не нужна помощь. Я пришел, чтобы помочь вам.
- 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,922 - Что это, чёрт возьми? - Портальный пистолет.
- 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:10,299 Шлюзы получаются прозрачные, а не зеленый вихрь.
- 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,093 Так вам будет видно, куда вы направляетесь.
- 00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:13,261 Умница…
- 00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:16,347 Если хотите, мы можем залатать и вашу маленькую межпространственную трещину.
- 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,307 Нет. Не трогайте ее. Я знаю, как ее заделать.
- 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,477 - Она нужна. По определенной причине. - Ты разве не хотел ее заделать?
- 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,812 Морти, на чьей ты стороне?
- 00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,855 Разочаровываться - это нормально.
- 00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,524 - Вот. - Вы что, издеваетесь?
- 00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:27,483 ТАК, ЗНАЧИТ, У ВАС ЕСТЬ ДИНОЗАВРЫ?
- 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,944 - До свидания. - Нет, подождите. Какого хрена!
- 00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:33,447 Блин, я видел свои кости!
- 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,408 Высокоморальные придурки меня телепортировали?
- 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:37,618 - Почему не было больно? - И даже не сделали это правильно!
- 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:40,204 - У меня ширинка расстегнулась. - Она и была расстегнута.
- 00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,456 Что ты там делаешь?
- 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,792 - Рик, было бы лучше… - От них ничего не лучше.
- 00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:47,211 Это существо насквозь пропитано чопорностью, дзеном и снобизмом.
- 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,671 Так ты собираешься с ними сражаться?
- 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,506 И доказать, что мы жестокие и глупые? Нет.
- 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,258 Мы выясним, что они скрывают.
- 00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:55,845 Лишь те, кто здорово облажался ранее, будут так рьяно играть на публику.
- 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,763 - Посмотри на Шона Пенна. - Рик, разве не об этих чувствах
- 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,515 они говорили?
- 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:04,312 Что-то типа этого: «Жизнь на ранних стадиях эволюции запрограммирована
- 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,564 на конкуренцию - амебы должны бороться с амебами за энергию.
- 00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:10,568 Но как только виду удается начать получать из автомата массу сахара,
- 00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:12,778 чтобы получить диабет, ему можно думать вне конфликта».
- 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,822 Я к тому, что это всё и так есть в их брошюре.
- 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:16,449 ТАМОРУС ЛАЙТ, РОНКОНКОМА, АЛЬФА ЦЕНТАВРА
- 00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:17,575 Морти, ты гений.
- 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,660 Это я иронично, в стиле 90-х.
- 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,912 Эта высокомерная брошюра - ценнейшая карта
- 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,707 по всем их окаменелым костям, запрятанным в виде скелета в шкафу.
- 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,292 Нас будут звать Лорой Дерн,
- 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:29,587 ведь мы по самый локоть закопаемся в дерьмо динозавров.
- 00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:31,672 Понял, Морти? Перчатки? Помнишь большую перчатку?
- 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,924 Я понял, Рик. Я же сказал до этого «умница».
- 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:35,843 - А ты даже не отреагировал. - Я разозлился.
- 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,728 Я ищу своих друзей.
- 00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:47,480 Похожи на черепоногих,
- 00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:49,482 живших на нашей планете задолго до нас.
- 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:50,649 Они давно вымерли.
- 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:52,902 Правда? Они и тут вымерли?
- 00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,404 Ага. Мы храним их кости вон в том музее.
- 00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,575 Эти ребята вряд ли нам помогут.
- 00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,160 Ведущая теория такова: черепоногие
- 00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:04,163 так сильно отдавили сами себе мозги, что в результате вымерли.
- 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,707 Очень жаль. Вот бы услышать, как они пели!
- 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,459 - «Пели»? - Да, мы выяснили, что они ставили
- 00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,669 масштабные шоу в амфитеатре под открытым небом.
- 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:11,837 Вы идиоты.
- 00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:14,882 У нас мало что было в наличии. Кости не особо разговорчивы.
- 00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,217 Да и ты тоже, приятель.
- 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,721 Величественный баскетзавр. Ну разве они не потрясающие?
- 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:23,474 Мы даже снимаем серию всё более ужасных фильмов
- 00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:25,226 об их клонировании в тематическом парке.
- 00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:27,645 - Так что же с ними случилось? - Понятия не имею.
- 00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:31,774 Но нам известно, что все они любили есть суп из большой грязной миски.
- 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,984 Начинаю видеть в этом закономерность.
- 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:36,278 Аж дух захватывает, правда?
- 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:39,198 Это распространенное заблуждение, будто они бродили по нашей планете.
- 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:43,160 На самом деле они катались на роликах. В основном стритстайл, иногда верт.
- 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,580 Дай угадаю. У вас есть очень большая, глубокая круглая яма, в которой
- 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,916 эти грайндозавры зажигали на скейтах.
- 00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:51,669 Мы считаем, что у них в заднице был второй мозг,
- 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:53,629 ответственный за трюки на 1 080 градусов.
- 00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:57,425 Три планеты, посещенные динозаврами. Три апокалиптических падения метеорита.
- 00:11:57,508 --> 00:12:00,010 Дай-ка сюда доску. Скатаюсь за инфой.
- 00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,347 Рик, это самое сложное в скейтбординге!
- 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:06,225 В игре это выглядело довольно просто!
- 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:09,770 Привет.
- 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:12,565 РАЗУМНАЯ ЖИЗНЬ ОБНАРУЖЕНА
- 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:13,482 Джекпот, Морти.
- 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,401 Ты всё еще думаешь, динозаврам есть что скрывать?
- 00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:18,446 Нет, Морти, у них есть веская причина скрываться.
- 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,197 - Иди-ка сюда, сопляк. - Нет! Хватит.
- 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,574 - Обними меня. - Не трогай меня.
- 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:22,825 У тебя руки жирные.
- 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,034 ВОПРОСЫ И ОТВЕТЫ: СЕГОДНЯ С ДИНОЗАВРАМИ
- 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,871 Стало ясно: ваш вид переживает тяжелые времена,
- 00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:29,623 приспосабливаясь к понижению ответственности.
- 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:33,502 Мы предлагаем проводить регулярные собрания или переговоры
- 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,046 типа тех, которые вы проводили, запуская новые телефоны или религии.
- 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,007 Вижу, кто-то хочет высказаться.
- 00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:39,300 Привет.
- 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,594 Что делать, если хочется покончить с собой?
- 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,095 Не делать этого.
- 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,347 Но спасибо, что спросили. Очень важная тема.
- 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,474 Недавно мы обнаружили новое
- 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:49,185 произведение человеческой литературы, которое всем советуем прочесть.
- 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:50,102 «НЕ ПОПРОБУЕШЬ - НЕ ОШИБЕШЬСЯ»
- 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,604 Блин!
- 00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:53,522 Я известный писатель!
- 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,899 Стоп, а где мое имя?
- 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:58,319 Завтра мы раздадим его всем на Земле.
- 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:01,155 Извините. Вы не хотите сказать, кто это написал?
- 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:04,158 Нет. Тот, кто это написал, не нуждается в похвале.
- 00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:08,162 Всё, что в этой книге, принадлежит всем и каждому совершенно бесплатно.
- 00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:10,164 Ах вы, коммунистические ящерицы, мрази!
- 00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:12,958 Это я это написал! Я, Джерри Смит!
- 00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,171 Эй, эй, эй!
- 00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:20,257 ПОШУМИТЕ!
- 00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:26,555 Знаете что? Динозавры не тайные злодеи
- 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,432 и не собираются причинять кому-либо неприятности.
- 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:31,435 Но, оказывается, неприятности имеют свойство их преследовать.
- 00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:34,313 Да. Сейчас будет шоу.
- 00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:36,774 Буквально на каждую планету, где были динозавры,
- 00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:38,984 в конце концов падал огромнейший метеорит,
- 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,195 уносивший их жизни наряду со всеми остальными.
- 00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:42,905 Что? Это невозможно. Не может быть.
- 00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:44,615 Разочаровываться - это нормально.
- 00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:45,741 Сейчас объясню.
- 00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:48,786 Почему метеориты, разрушающие планеты, преследуют динозавров?
- 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:51,288 По мере того, как эти рептилии достигали всё более высоких уровней
- 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,040 любящей веганской божественности,
- 00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:54,917 другая форма жизни регрессировала
- 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,921 до самоотверженного вида полуразумного камня, переполненного ненавистью.
- 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,632 Они рассекают по космосу и наносят столько урона, сколько могут,
- 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,884 своим заклятым врагам. Угадайте с трех раз кому?
- 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:07,638 Ага. Куда бы ни направились динозавры, за ними летят эти сокрушительные камни,
- 00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:08,722 а этот…
- 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,140 ПРЯМАЯ ТРАНСЛЯЦИЯ
- 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,726 …направляется прямиком к нам.
- 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,604 То есть всё это время мы работали…
- 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,773 Впустую. Бинго! Такова жизнь.
- 00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:20,317 Это большая лодка с кучей дыр, но мы в ней все вместе.
- 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:21,652 О боже…
- 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,529 Столько смертей.
- 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,656 Поздравляю, приматы.
- 00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:27,992 Похоже, Земля еще легко отделалась.
- 00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,451 Рик сматывает удочки!
- 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,704 И не забудьте в этом году посмотреть «Оскар».
- 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,333 Такое трудно принять. Это уже слишком.
- 00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,337 Мне теперь нравятся поезда.
- 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:42,381 Было больно.
- 00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:45,509 Поезда рулят! Динозавры - отстой!
- 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,595 И вы понятия не имели
- 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,097 о жутких метеоритах, следующих за вами?
- 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:53,559 Мы только что узнали об этом, как и вы. Поистине душераздирающая новость.
- 00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:57,062 Полагаю, вы собираетесь уничтожить его, когда он сюда прилетит, верно?
- 00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:02,610 Мы находимся в процессе поиска решения, не связанного с насилием.
- 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,029 Постойте. Что значит «в процессе»?
- 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:06,071 ЗОНА ЛЮДЕЙ
- 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,406 Так-то, медноголовые.
- 00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,034 Разъяренный вид камней собирается врезаться в нашу…
- 00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:11,827 Простите, в их планету,
- 00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:14,830 а наши новые управляющие планетой раздумывают, а не допустить ли это.
- 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:17,750 ДЖО РОГАН «ОПЫТ»
- 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,127 Я о том, что неизвестно, реален ли вообще этот вид метеоритов.
- 00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:22,713 Нет, он более чем реален. Мы все это знаем.
- 00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:25,090 Знаете, что реально? Удушающий захват сзади.
- 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,842 - Я вам покажу. - Что?
- 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,385 Последний вопрос.
- 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,596 Как у нас дела?
- 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,057 Мы пришли к выводу,
- 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:37,269 что единственный способ обеспечить безопасность человечества - наш отъезд.
- 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,063 Мы покидаем планету навсегда.
- 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,524 ПОКА, ЗАВРЫ! БОЛЬШЕ НИКАКИХ ДИНОЗАВРОВ!
- 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,693 «РЕЗЕРФОРД-ФОЛЛЗ ПОСТ»: УТОПИЯ УЗУРПИРОВАНА!
- 00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:47,529 «ЛЕВИ МОРНИНГ НЬЮС»: ОПЯТЬ НЕ ХВАТАЕТ ФРУКТОВ! ФРУКТЫ - ПРОДАНО
- 00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:49,907 «ПЕДЖЕТС ГАЗЕТ»: ЕСЛИ НЕ СЛОМАНО, НЕ ЧИНИТЕ!
- 00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:50,991 ВООБЩЕ-ТО ДАЖЕ ЕСЛИ СЛОМАНО, ВСЁ РАВНО НЕ ЧИНИТЕ!
- 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,661 «ВАШИНГТОНСКИЕ ХРОНИКИ»: РОСТ ПРЕСТУПНОСТИ НА 1000%
- 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,333 «ДЕНВЕР ДЭЙЛИ ДОУЗЕС»: СЧАСТЬЯ МЕНЬШЕ, НО НАМ ТАК БОЛЬШЕ НРАВИТСЯ!
- 00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:04,088 УЛИЦА ЛИНКОЛЬНА
- 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,590 ПРОСПЕКТ ДИНОЗАВРОВ
- 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,133 ПРОСПЕКТ ОТСТОЙНЫХ ДИНОЗАВРОВ
- 00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:17,017 Может, это всё из-за экстази, но я чертовски люблю тебя, Рик.
- 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,269 - Это именно из-за экстази. - Ну разве не мило?
- 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:22,022 Соперничество позади. Динозавры свалили.
- 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,774 Два крутых парня живут настоящим.
- 00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:26,568 Ну как,
- 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,196 - что ты наденешь? Ведь… - Я не могу завести еще одного друга.
- 00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,782 Что? Это ведь я протолкнул тебя в шоу, сукин ты сын!
- 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:34,535 Я ощущаю эту салфетку.
- 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:37,204 Так мягко…
- 00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:41,125 Это 95-я ежегодная церемония вручения премии «Оскар».
- 00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:43,127 А теперь поприветствуйте ведущего,
- 00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:46,046 старого ученого, избавившего мир от динозавров, -
- 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,799 Рика Санчеса!
- 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:54,263 Сосите мои сиськи, голливудские леваки!
- 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,765 Где микрофон? Микрофон!
- 00:16:58,392 --> 00:16:59,309 Поднимайте его.
- 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:06,066 Томми! Том Хэнкс здесь.
- 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,777 Давай, сделай это.
- 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,740 Давай же, сделай это.
- 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,867 Ладно. Один раз.
- 00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:18,579 Уилсон!
- 00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:21,582 Я ведущий «Оскара», Рик!
- 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,544 Дедушка Рик. Так круто!
- 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:26,879 Микрофон просто убил!
- 00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:28,964 - Да, я же сказал, что так и будет. - Это всё было в сценарии?
- 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,675 Каждый момент на «Оскаре». Даже это.
- 00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:34,136 Смотрите, кто надыбал сумку с добычей.
- 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,638 - Гребаный купон «Спринклс». - Мы его поделим.
- 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:40,726 В общем, я тут подумал, что будет забавно добавить динозавров в некролог.
- 00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:41,977 Это ниже нашего уровня.
- 00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:44,271 Будет забавнее, если нам наплевать на то, что они улетели.
- 00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:47,024 Да, они улетели, но всё еще просят внимания.
- 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,108 Ты не слышал?
- 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:51,111 Динозавры реально стоят на Марсе со своими членами в руках.
- 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,196 Так драматично!
- 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:55,199 Что? Они позволят метеориту попасть в них и умрут?
- 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:58,285 Супер. Если превосходство над остальными приводит к смерти,
- 00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,912 можно назвать это балансом. Всё это
- 00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:04,792 есть в моей всемирно изданной книге, из которой динозавры убрали мое имя!
- 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,711 «Оскар» закончился.
- 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:08,837 Где мои ключи?
- 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,089 Проклятье! Нужно починить портальные перемещения.
- 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,342 Этим я и займусь. Уже в процессе.
- 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,763 Наш последний акт доброты.
- 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:21,016 Для меня было честью служить святости жизни вместе со всеми вами.
- 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,860 - Рик, что ты делаешь? - Стою здесь с вами, ребята.
- 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,571 Не нужно этого делать. Мы тут приносим себя в жертву.
- 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,823 Тогда я тоже.
- 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,408 Будь проклят Илон Маск. Мы взорвем Марс.
- 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,744 Нет, мы делаем это из бескорыстия.
- 00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:42,371 А ты - из мелочности.
- 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,623 Как понять разницу?
- 00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,792 Считайте это игрой в добродетель.
- 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,924 Ладно. Если ты не уйдешь, мы заставим тебя уйти.
- 00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:58,846 Извините, я защитил свою технологию от динозавров вам назло, что еще раз
- 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,390 доказывает: самоотверженность и эгоизм - две стороны одной медали.
- 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:02,891 Тогда в чём смысл?
- 00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:16,405 Я не против того, что вы встретите свою смерть на Марсе. Со старым придурком.
- 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:25,706 - Отлично! С возвращением! - Ты противный мелкий ублюдок.
- 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:26,790 Да, но зато вы живы.
- 00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:29,251 Нечего разводить самоубийства в моей галактике.
- 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:32,296 Нельзя быть настолько умными, чтобы отдалиться от всех.
- 00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,756 Говорю как богосущество другим богосуществам: не благодарите.
- 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,509 Ну, раз уж мы делаем друг другу одолжения…
- 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,679 Эй. Постойте. Что вы делаете?
- 00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:47,853 Вы заделали мою трещину? Ах вы, гребаные лицемерные петухи!
- 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,229 Это было канонично и всё такое!
- 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:51,315 Мы могли бы использовать эту штуку целый сезон,
- 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,901 ну или хотя бы три серии подряд.
- 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:55,277 Извини, но в этом все мы.
- 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,739 Мы любим помогать, как богосущества богосуществу.
- 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,408 Я правда собирался ее исправить!
- 00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:07,956 Чёрт! Они возвращаются.
- 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:12,211 Можно включить кондиционер? На улице градусов пятьсот.
- 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:17,341 Да! Новый подписчик с ником «крипто-для-босых-пальцев-ног»?
- 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,593 Не уверена, что понимаю, но звучит как бизнес.
- 00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:21,637 - Горжусь тобой, дорогая. - Папа в порядке?
- 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,640 Да. Я как раз пишу свою вторую книгу.
- 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:28,352 Не знаю, о чём она будет, но могу сказать вам одно - название.
- 00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:31,396 «Джерри Смит представляет: книга Джерри Смита».
- 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:33,482 Глава первая.
- 00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:38,320 Твою мать!
- 00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:42,032 Морти, тащи свою задницу в гараж!
- 00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:50,874 Смотри: измерение, где шляпы носят людей.
- 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,962 Я сделал это! Я исправил портал путешествий!
- 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,547 - Вот чёрт! - Думаю, мой мальчик заслужил отпуск.
- 00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:58,966 - Мир сисек! - Чертовски верно.
- 00:20:59,049 --> 00:20:59,883 МИР СИСЕК!
- 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,677 - И неделя ареол! - Ладно!
- 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,471 - Старая добрая портальная забава! - Ага. Вот так.
- 00:21:05,263 --> 00:21:07,808 - Классические эпизоды, Морти! - Меня вырвет, Рик!
- 00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:10,269 Портал туда, крушение хрени, портал обратно, Морти!
- 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,895 Господи. Приключения, Морти.
- 00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:14,272 Общественное высказывание, грубые персонажи!
- 00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,900 Ну вот, время Рика и Морти!
- 00:21:49,182 --> 00:21:50,600 Здесь теперь наш дом.
- 00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:52,561 Проживем остаток наших дней здесь
- 00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:55,480 и никогда больше не будем вмешиваться в судьбу Вселенной.
- 00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,024 Мы довольны.
- 00:21:57,107 --> 00:22:00,110 - Это был хороший забег. - Кстати, о хорошем забеге:
- 00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:01,945 бьюсь об заклад, я могу сделать свич-хил на скейте,
- 00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:05,073 большой переворот, тре флип, рельс 5-0, спуск в боул,
- 00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:07,784 крайст-эйр… И тогда мы все разобьемся на хрен.
- 00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:09,494 Давай, Игуанодон.
- 00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:10,704 Дробление камней
- 00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:12,539 Нолли хабба
- 00:22:12,622 --> 00:22:14,041 Гуфифут, кикфлип
- 00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:15,584 Позаботьтесь о молодняке на скейтбордах
- 00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:18,462 Но ты плохой маленький мальчик-динозавр
- 00:22:18,545 --> 00:22:21,923 И ты гниешь почем зря в кратере Так давай пошумим
- 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:26,428 СВЕТЛОЙ ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА
- 00:22:27,387 --> 00:22:29,389 Перевод субтитров: Татьяна Грачева
- 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:07,507 [ Laughter ]
- 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,259 <i>And in weird things in space news,</i>
- 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,386 <i>that mysterious "rift" is still there.</i>
- 00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:13,263 <i>Not gone yet. You remember that, don't you?</i>
- 00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,514 [ Groans ]
- 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:14,514 <i>It's probably important.</i>
- 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,807 <i>Back to you, Tabitha.</i>
- 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,517 Rick, Mom's working, and Dad's still sleeping.
- 00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:18,643 I'm-- I'm-- I'm gonna be late.
- 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,603 Yeah, yeah. [ Burps ] I-I got you.
- 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,980 Here. Holy shit.
- 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,648 I-Is the portal gun working again?
- 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,983 Yeah, pretty much.
- 00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:27,235 [ Roars ]
- 00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:28,361 Sometimes that happens.
- 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:31,531 [ Spray hissing ] [ Shrieking ]
- 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,408 Just get the keys.
- 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:36,870 It's actually been nice taking a break
- 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,288 from the portal travel stuff.
- 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,290 I-I've been racking up a lot of high-school adventures.
- 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,250 I have a process, Morty. Huh?
- 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,377 I'm fixing my portal gun, and every time you bring it up,
- 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,879 it blocks my creative flow.
- 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,964 A-And then I'm forced to take longer on purpose
- 00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,466 just to train you to not bring it up.
- 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,301 Geez. Do you know what "projection" is?
- 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:52,761 Do <i>you?</i> No.
- 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,429 I-I-I heard Mom use it.
- 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,472 [ School bell rings ]
- 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,307 Lord, no. He's here again?
- 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,017 Morty protocol, children.
- 00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,017 [ Students scream ]
- 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,852 Oh, what's it now?
- 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,604 Brain bugs? Space worms?
- 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:03,980 Have I been "The Faculty'd" again?
- 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,191 You guys don't have to react like this every day.
- 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:09,569 Last time, the aliens made me lick all the toilet seats.
- 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:10,737 That's right-- <i>made</i> me.
- 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,071 I see that look on your faces.
- 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,531 [ Rumbling, students screaming ]
- 00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,617 What did you do, ya tiny monster?
- 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:16,910 This isn't me.
- 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,328 [ Ominous music plays ]
- 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:24,334 {\an8}♪
- 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,752 {\an8}The people demand to know--
- 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:28,171 {\an8}Do these visitors come in peace?
- 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,465 {\an8}But first, "Peter's Pizza Corner."
- 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,091 {\an8}What slice we reviewing today, Petey?
- 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,593 {\an8}Cheese.
- 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:38,807 {\an8}♪
- 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,558 If these aliens want Earth,
- 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,477 they'll have to go through Egypt.
- 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:45,230 And they can ask mummies how that goes.
- 00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:49,776 Mummy mia!
- 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:56,282 {\an8}♪
- 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,034 Dinosaurs are back?
- 00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:00,703 Monkeys went bald?
- 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:09,587 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:27,438 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:36,155 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,282 {\an8}[ Feedback whines ]
- 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,449 {\an8}[ Man clears throat ]
- 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:38,449 {\an8}Man: Shh!
- 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,034 {\an8}Before we start...
- 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,703 {\an8}where are the rest of...
- 00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:43,162 {\an8}us?
- 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,289 {\an8}Uh...
- 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,665 {\an8}They died. Uh...
- 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,000 {\an8}Long time ago.
- 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,794 {\an8}Way before us. We didn't see nothin'.
- 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:54,048 {\an8}But surely our ancestors must have left some evidence behind.
- 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,051 {\an8}Why is he nervous?
- 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,845 {\an8}[ Grunts ] [ Feedback whines ]
- 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,640 {\an8}Because, uh, you're dinosaurs.
- 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,058 {\an8}It's weird. [ Chuckles nervously ]
- 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,227 {\an8}Thought you were dead. [ Chuckles nervously ]
- 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:10,815 {\an8}Moving on, we "dinosaurs" evolved here on Earth
- 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:14,027 {\an8}until our technology was planetarily harmonic.
- 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,612 {\an8}That being the goal
- 00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:17,614 {\an8}with technology.
- 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,366 {\an8}After we achieved perfect balance with Mother Earth,
- 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,202 {\an8}our best and bravest left to help other planets.
- 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,122 {\an8}Over millions of years, we've called many worlds home
- 00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,041 {\an8}and helped each one flourish.
- 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,043 {\an8}Imagine our surprise upon returning home
- 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:34,797 {\an8}to find our species extinct and Earth now in the care of...
- 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,132 {\an8}you guys.
- 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:38,927 {\an8}When we left, you were basically squirrels.
- 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,137 {\an8}Well, uh, we've come a long way,
- 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:43,681 {\an8}and we-- We've buried a lot more than nuts.
- 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,225 {\an8}We've evolved past nonconstructive criticism,
- 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,561 {\an8}so let's agree you've done your best.
- 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,938 {\an8}You're still alive.
- 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,190 {\an8}But surely there was some point between gunpowder
- 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,400 {\an8}and something called Amazon Prime
- 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,652 {\an8}that you folks had to think,
- 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,904 {\an8}"Are we supposed to be running a planet?
- 00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:58,988 {\an8}Wouldn't we rather make...
- 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,239 {\an8}Marvel movies?"
- 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,741 {\an8}How many Marvel movies have you made?
- 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,618 {\an8}29, and 14 more on the way.
- 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,161 {\an8}See, you love doing that.
- 00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,622 {\an8}And we love helping new life-forms get their footing.
- 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:11,459 {\an8}So now that we're back, we can respectfully take it from here.
- 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,169 {\an8}Now, hold on. If you've seen "Endgame,"
- 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:14,796 {\an8}you know invasion is not something
- 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,089 {\an8}Earth takes lying down.
- 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,590 {\an8}This is not an invasion.
- 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,927 {\an8}Besides, wouldn't you like to lie down?
- 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,054 {\an8}Ugh. You must be exhausted.
- 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:25,264 {\an8}Put your feet up, get more tattoos,
- 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,308 {\an8}finish rounding out this "Ant-Man" character.
- 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,894 {\an8}Think of it like your Earth concept of "vacation,"
- 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,187 {\an8}except permanent.
- 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:32,855 {\an8}I think I speak for all world leaders
- 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,941 {\an8}when I say that the poor people would just murder us
- 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,484 {\an8}if we made you leave, so...
- 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:40,029 {\an8}[Clears throat] welcome home, dinosaurs.
- 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,198 {\an8}Man: Oh. I could use a vacation.
- 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:44,409 {\an8}Should we nuke them?
- 00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:44,409 {\an8}I'm on vacation, Curtis.
- 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,411 {\an8}Well, you leaned into this fast.
- 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:47,787 {\an8}♪
- 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:51,916 ♪ Zuniceratops ♪
- 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,211 ♪ Elvisaurus ♪
- 00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,755 ♪ Bambiraptor ♪
- 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,133 ♪ Erectopus ♪
- 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:04,470 ♪ Dracorex hogwartsia ♪
- 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:07,974 ♪ Gojirasaurus ♪
- 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:10,101 ♪ Vulcanodon ♪
- 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,853 ♪ Sauroniops ♪
- 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:15,898 ♪ Phuwiangosaurus ♪
- 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:20,570 ♪ Those are real dinosaur names ♪
- 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,697 [ Sighs ]
- 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:25,533 [ Buzzing ]
- 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:28,411 Ugh. I can't even pretend to feel useful in a game.
- 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,246 This is how humanity's story ends?
- 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:32,457 Relieved of duty and sat at the kids' table?
- 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,000 I gotta respect these dinosaurs.
- 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,585 They dominated a whole species
- 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,087 just by calling its bluff about wanting more free time.
- 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,338 They didn't even dominate us
- 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,798 because we're not worth a fight to them.
- 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,425 We've become biological Tyler Perry movies.
- 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,677 All they've done is help.
- 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,677 We didn't need their help.
- 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,928 We were not the problem.
- 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,431 This house recycles.
- 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,892 They sort it at the trash facility.
- 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:52,727 What the "F"? My dance videos
- 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,228 are getting, like, zero likes now.
- 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,773 Oh, yeah. The dinos kicked pedophiles off TikTok.
- 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,357 Great. So now I'm broke?
- 00:05:58,441 --> 00:05:59,859 You don't need money anymore.
- 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:00,985 So what's this for now?
- 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,695 Phone calls? Ugh.
- 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,113 Oh, c'mon, Dad. You don't hate this, too?
- 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,240 Why would I? I-I was already doing what I wanted.
- 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,533 I do think it's kind of funny
- 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,994 that you're all basically Jerry now.
- 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,829 Fuck.
- 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,456 Jerry, how do you do it?
- 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:16,417 - Yeah, Dad, how do you do it? - How do you do it, Dad?
- 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,544 Huh? Together: How do you do it?
- 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,505 It's finally happened.
- 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,382 {\an8}[ Mouse clicks ]
- 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:27,220 {\an8}[ Mouse clicks ]
- 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,055 {\an8}[ Mouse clicking ]
- 00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:34,018 {\an8}[ Mouse clicks ]
- 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:36,729 [ Laughs ]
- 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,064 All right.
- 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:41,150 Does anyone know how to mail things to publishers?
- 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,276 [ Pager beeps ]
- 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,778 Uhp. President only pages me
- 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,280 if it's an emergency or he needs Molly.
- 00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:50,159 [ Slurping ]
- 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,328 I'm sure glad you stayed open, Beau.
- 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:53,371 Wish we could pay,
- 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,498 but no more capitalism. [ Chuckles ]
- 00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:58,501 I never make ribs for the money, Mr. President.
- 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,795 Oh, um, here ya go.
- 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,088 That's not why I called.
- 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,756 Drugs can't solve this problem.
- 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,091 I can't live like this anymore.
- 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,009 At first it was fun spending all day
- 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,678 watching whatever YouTube autoplays
- 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,096 after the last one autoplayed,
- 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,431 but a man can only watch so many ads for Grammarly.
- 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:13,599 Rick. Please.
- 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,017 You're not bound by morality.
- 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,853 Get rid of them. Slit their necks.
- 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:19,188 Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers for the good of the species.
- 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,190 I won't tell. Help us go back to the old days,
- 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,192 where we pretend to fix the problems we caused.
- 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,443 You think I'm gonna side with you
- 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,695 over hyper-intelligent creatures
- 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,613 operating way beyond your comprehension?
- 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,448 I have more in common with them than you.
- 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,492 You pompous autistic cadaver!
- 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,494 You think you're above this? I ought to...
- 00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,954 Look here, Mr. President.
- 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,206 When I need my ribs to be tender and delicious,
- 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,457 I pamper them.
- 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,960 See, if you give someone what they want,
- 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,753 they'll give you what you need.
- 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,338 I'm jus' saying.
- 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,715 I see your point, Beau.
- 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,216 All right, Rick. Ha ha.
- 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,759 Name your price. [ Gasps ]
- 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,678 - Aw, crap. - God damn it.
- 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:52,430 How often are you "Westworld-ing" me?
- 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:55,766 Hang on. Rib-tips jammed his folk-chip again.
- 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,226 Ol' reliable Rick.
- 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,853 Always k-knows what to do.
- 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,396 What do you want, Rick?
- 00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:00,396 Trustworthy.
- 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:01,981 I won't stoop to answering that again. Honest.
- 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,482 You know exactly what I want.
- 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,526 I can't just snap my fingers and get you that job.
- 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,195 Yeah, yeah. Thanks for lunch.
- 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,321 Fine. Fine!
- 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,989 If you get rid of the dinosaurs...
- 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,407 you can host the Oscars.
- 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,117 Yes!
- 00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:13,117 Righteous R-Rick.
- 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,702 Straight shootin', t-truth-tellin',
- 00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:17,622 never wets the bed.
- 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,166 {\an8}♪
- 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,375 Goodbye, old friends.
- 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,211 May you rest in peace,
- 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,338 rather than the tank of an S.U.V.
- 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,673 Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers.
- 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,008 Can we help you?
- 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,801 Actually, I can probably help <i>you.</i>
- 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,387 See, I'm technically human, but I've come to be more,
- 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:34,805 you know, on your level.
- 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,057 We're fine, thank you.
- 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,391 Maybe I'm being too indirect.
- 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,310 I happen to dabble in multiversal travel,
- 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,812 and I could probably zap you guys to an alternate Earth.
- 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:45,191 We used portal travel eons ago, but evolved to a one-universe,
- 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,527 one-truth policy as the highest form of existence.
- 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,529 Sort of a "put your own oxygen mask on
- 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,865 before helping others" type of a thing.
- 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,367 Have you been on a plane?
- 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,952 Yes, I've been on a plane.
- 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,746 We have no problem if you jump dimensions.
- 00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:01,666 Although we sense your gateway device is suboptimal.
- 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,543 Let us help.
- 00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:03,543 <i>I</i> don't need help.
- 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,919 I-I'm here to help <i>you.</i>
- 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,629 What the hell is this?
- 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,047 A "Portal Pistol."
- 00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:10,299 The gateways are see-through, not a green swirl,
- 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,218 so now you can see where you're going.
- 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,344 Clever girl.
- 00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:14,762 If you'd like, we could patch up
- 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:16,264 your little interdimensional rift too.
- 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,307 No, leave it. I know how to close that.
- 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,059 That's there for a reason. Very canonical.
- 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:21,560 Don't you just want it closed?
- 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,853 Morty, whose team are you on?!
- 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,606 It's normal to be frustrated. Here.
- 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,650 Oh, my God, are you fucking kidding me?
- 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,818 Goodbye. No. Wait.
- 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,945 What the fuuuuu...
- 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:35,116 Aah! Dr. Manhattan high-road assholes teleporting me?
- 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:35,116 Ah! I saw my bones!
- 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,659 Why-- Why wasn't that painful?
- 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:38,744 They didn't even do it right. My-- My-- My fly is down.
- 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,621 Your fly was already down.
- 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,498 What are you doing with that?
- 00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:43,624 Rick, it was a better--
- 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,084 Nothing from them is better.
- 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,461 That thing had uptight Zen snob germs all over it.
- 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,921 So, what, now you're gonna fight them?
- 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,423 And prove we're violent and stupid?
- 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,258 No. We're gonna find out what they're hiding.
- 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,510 Only people who have really fucked up in the past
- 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:55,678 have to virtue signal this hard.
- 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,221 Look at Sean Penn. But, Rick,
- 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,598 aren't these feelings, like, what they're talking about?
- 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,183 Like, life gets, um...
- 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,312 "programmed for competition by early stages of evolution."
- 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,439 Like, amoebas have to fight amoebas for energy,
- 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,275 but once a species can get enough sugar from a machine
- 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,651 to give itself diabetes,
- 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,695 it's allowed to start thinking beyond conflict.
- 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:15,197 I mean, it's all in their pamphlet.
- 00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:17,575 Morty, you're a genius.
- 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,702 I clearly mean that in the '90s ironic sense,
- 00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,871 but this self-fellating zine is a treasure map
- 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,790 to every fossilized bone in their skeleton closet.
- 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,334 They're gonna call us Laura Dern
- 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:29,045 because we're about to get elbow deep in dino doo-doo.
- 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,338 Get it, Morty? The gloves?
- 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,505 You-- You remember the big gloves?
- 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,090 Yeah, no, I get it, Rick.
- 00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,800 I said "clever girl" earlier. You didn't even react.
- 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:35,968 I was angry.
- 00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:41,766 {\an8}♪
- 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:45,728 Um, I'm looking for a few of my, uh, friends.
- 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:47,438 Hmm. Kinda look like the Skullfeet
- 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,565 that used to live on our planet way before us.
- 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,817 They're long gone now. Really?
- 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,486 They're extinct here, too? Yeah.
- 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,946 We keep their bones in that museum over there.
- 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,990 {\an8}Um, wow.
- 00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,575 {\an8}These guys aren't gonna be much help.
- 00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:01,118 {\an8}The leading theory is, the Skullfeet
- 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:04,205 stepped on their own brains so much they straight-up died.
- 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,582 Such a shame. Would have loved to hear them sing.
- 00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:07,917 Sing? Yeah.
- 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,668 We figured they used to hold huge outdoor concerts
- 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:10,795 in their land amphitheater.
- 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,004 You people are idiots.
- 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,004 Hey.
- 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,422 We didn't have much to go by.
- 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,007 Bones aren't big on conversation.
- 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:17,093 Yeah, neither are you, pal.
- 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:20,554 {\an8}The majestic Basketsaur. Aren't they incredible?
- 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:23,432 {\an8}We're even making a series of increasingly terrible movies
- 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,351 {\an8}about cloning them in a theme park.
- 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,603 So what happened to them?
- 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,603 No idea.
- 00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:30,147 But we do know they all loved eating communal soup
- 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,982 out of the Great Dirt Bowl.
- 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,610 Starting to see a pattern here.
- 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,278 Breathtaking, aren't they?
- 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:39,323 It's a common misconception that they roamed our planet.
- 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,950 The truth is, they <i>rolled.</i>
- 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,576 {\an8}Street-style mostly.
- 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:43,828 {\an8}Some vert. Lemme guess.
- 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,288 There's a very large, deep circular indentation
- 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,958 in which these "Grindasaurs" used to shred.
- 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,752 We think they had a second brain in their butt
- 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,587 dedicated to pulling 1080s.
- 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,464 Three planets visited by dinosaurs,
- 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,633 three apocalyptic meteor impacts.
- 00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:58,884 Gi-- Gi-- Gimme the board.
- 00:11:58,968 --> 00:11:59,969 I'm dropping in for data.
- 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,554 Aah!
- 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,554 Rick!
- 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,389 That's the hardest thing in skateboarding. Oh! Ow!
- 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:06,600 It looked so easy on-- aah-- "Pro Skater 3."
- 00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:07,726 Oww.
- 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:08,978 [ Grunts ]
- 00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,396 Hello.
- 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,607 Jackpot, Morty.
- 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,401 You still think the dinosaurs got something to hide?
- 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,695 No, Morty, they have a <i>reason</i> to hide.
- 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,989 Come here, ya little whippersnapper.
- 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,989 No, Rick, stop!
- 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,158 C'mere, Morty. Come on, gimme a hug.
- 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,158 No, don't touch me. Your hands are greasy.
- 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,826 {\an8}What's the matter with you?
- 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,912 {\an8}It's become clear your species is having a hard time
- 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,540 adjusting to its reduced accountability.
- 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,461 Our solution is to hold these regular keynotes, or talks,
- 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:36,046 which you used to launch new phones and religions.
- 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,549 Uhp, I see someone's eager to speak.
- 00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:41,635 Hi. Um, what do you do when you want to kill yourself?
- 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,971 You don't do that. Thank you for asking, though.
- 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,473 Ver-- Very important.
- 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:48,225 We recently discovered a new piece of human literature
- 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,186 that we think everyone should read.
- 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:53,606 Holy shit! I'm a famous author!
- 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,940 Wait, where's my name?
- 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:58,611 We will distribute it to everyone on Earth tomorrow.
- 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,155 Excuse me. Aren't you gonna say who wrote it?
- 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:04,158 Nope. Whoever wrote it must be above needing credit.
- 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,952 It's all here in this book that belongs to everyone.
- 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,287 For free.
- 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,289 You Communist lizard scumbags!
- 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:11,373 <i>I</i> wrote that.
- 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:12,833 Me, Jerry Smith!
- 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:15,419 [ Air horn blows, up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,254 <i>Hey, hey, hey!</i>
- 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:23,427 {\an8}♪
- 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,555 Guess what. Dinosaurs are not secretly evil,
- 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,474 and they're not out to cause anybody trouble,
- 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,644 but it turns out trouble has a way of following them.
- 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,730 Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's showtime.
- 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,815 {\an8}Literally every planet with dinosaurs on it
- 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,984 {\an8}is eventually smashed by a huge space rock
- 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,445 {\an8}that takes out them and most existing life.
- 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,988 {\an8}What? That can't be true.
- 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:44,573 {\an8}It's all right to be frustrated.
- 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:45,824 {\an8}Let me explain.
- 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,786 {\an8}Why would planet-killing meteors follow dinosaurs?
- 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:51,372 {\an8}As these reptiles evolved to higher and higher levels
- 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,082 {\an8}of loving vegan godhood,
- 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:55,960 {\an8}another life-form devolved into an equally selfless,
- 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,921 {\an8}hate-filled species of barely sentient rocks.
- 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:01,131 They hurtle through space and do as much damage
- 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:04,009 as they can to their chosen enemy, which is guess who.
- 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,761 {\an8}Yup, everywhere these dinos go,
- 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,805 {\an8}these rocks, they come a-crashing.
- 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:08,973 {\an8}And this one...
- 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,140 {\an8}[ <i>Muttering]</i>
- 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:13,018 {\an8}...is headed directly towards us.
- 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,688 And all of our work? It was for...
- 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,773 Nothing. Bingo. Welcome to life.
- 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,275 It's a big boat with a lot of holes,
- 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,609 but we're all in it together.
- 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,610 - Oh, my. - Ohhhhh.
- 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,529 Mm. So much death.
- 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,698 [ Air horn blares ]
- 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,698 Congratulations, primates.
- 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,117 Looks like Earth <i>could</i> have done worse.
- 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,577 Rick out. Oh.
- 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:32,705 And don't forget to tune in to this year's Oscars.
- 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:36,584 Well, this is a-- a lot to take in.
- 00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:40,504 I like trains now.
- 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,172 Okay, that hurt.
- 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,258 Man: Trains rule!
- 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:46,302 Dinos drool!
- 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:49,013 And you had no idea about the disastrous meteors
- 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,306 that followed in your wake?
- 00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,099 We just learned about it like you.
- 00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:53,684 Truly heartbreaking news.
- 00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,811 But I assume you're gonna destroy it
- 00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:57,146 when it arrives here, right?
- 00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,482 Um, we're in the process of finding a solution
- 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,818 that, um, doesn't involve violence.
- 00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:05,195 Hold on. You're in the process?!
- 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,363 [ Audience shouting indistinctly ]
- 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,740 Well, there you have it, Cooperheads.
- 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,825 An angry species of rock is gonna slam into our--
- 00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:13,245 sorry-- <i>their</i> planet, and our new planet runners
- 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,414 are weighing whether to let it happen.
- 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:16,832 [ Audience booing ]
- 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:20,252 I mean, no one knows if the meteor species is even real.
- 00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:21,587 No. It's very real.
- 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,672 We all know that.
- 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,672 You know what's real?
- 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,716 A rear naked choke hold. I'll show you
- 00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:26,925 - Hmm? - What?
- 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,721 Final question-- How we doing?
- 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,682 [ Sighs ] We have come to the conclusion the only way
- 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:37,353 to ensure humanity will be safe is for us to go.
- 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,313 We are leaving the planet for good.
- 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,357 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:44,860 ♪ Exxon spilling the oil ♪
- 00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,278 ♪ Chernobyl blowing up ♪
- 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,656 ♪ Asbestos in Montana ♪
- 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,199 {\an8}♪ Atlantic City ♪
- 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,618 {\an8}♪ Type 2 diabetes ♪
- 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:57,247 ♪ Deepwater deeply blew it ♪
- 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,917 ♪ Giant garbage island ♪
- 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:03,337 ♪ And all the bees are dying ♪
- 00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:08,384 ♪ Fuck off and die-nosaurs ♪
- 00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,054 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:17,142 Maybe it's the Molly, but I fucking love you, Rick.
- 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,311 It's the Molly. Isn't this nice?
- 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:22,106 Rivalries behind us, dinos gone,
- 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:24,608 two cool guys living in the moment.
- 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,402 So, uh, like, uh [Clears throat]
- 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:27,945 you know what you're gonna wear? Because--
- 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,571 I can't get another plus-one.
- 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:29,571 What?!
- 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,990 I'm the one who got you the gig, you son of a bitch!
- 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:32,950 I feel this napkin--
- 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,743 Feel this napkin.
- 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,246 So soft.
- 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:41,250 Announcer: This is the 95th annual Academy Awards.
- 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,252 Now, please welcome your host,
- 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:46,422 an old science guy who got rid of the dinosaurs...
- 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:49,383 Rick Sanchez.
- 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,427 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:54,263 Suck my gray tits Hollywood pinkos.
- 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,431 Where's the mic?
- 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,765 The-- The-- The raising mic?
- 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,350 Ha. [ Burps ]
- 00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,768 Bring it up!
- 00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,313 [ Feedback whines ]
- 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,523 Tommy.
- 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,276 Tom Hanks is here.
- 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:10,028 C'mon. Do it.
- 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,572 Come on.
- 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,240 Do ittttt.
- 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,534 Okay, okay, one time.
- 00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:18,203 "Wilson!"
- 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:19,705 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,623 I'm Oscar host Rick.
- 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,586 Grandpa Rick, this is so cool.
- 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,921 That microphone bit killed.
- 00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,921 Yeah, told you it would.
- 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,048 That was all scripted?
- 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,632 Every moment at the Oscars is.
- 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,967 Even that one thing. - Ha ha!
- 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,761 Look who stole themselves a swag bag.
- 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,764 - Ah, fucking Sprinkles coupon! - We're splitting that.
- 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,932 Hey, so I was thinking it might be funny
- 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,559 to add dinosaurs to the "In Memoriam."
- 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,019 Eh, it feels beneath us.
- 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,896 It's funnier that they left and we don't even care.
- 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,982 Oh, yeah, they left, but they keep begging for attention.
- 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,358 You haven't heard?
- 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,818 The dinos are just standing up there on Mars
- 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,237 with their dicks in their hands. So dramatic.
- 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,282 What, they're just gonna let the meteor hit them a-and die?
- 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:58,494 Good. If being superior to everyone makes you die,
- 00:17:58,494 --> 00:17:59,953 I call that balance.
- 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,164 It's all in my globally published book
- 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,666 the dinos stripped my name from!
- 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,877 Ugggh. Oscars are over.
- 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,670 Where are my keys?
- 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,131 God damn it, I need to fix portal travel.
- 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,592 And-- And I'm going to. I have a process.
- 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,886 {\an8}♪
- 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,763 Our final act of kindness.
- 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,140 It's been an honor serving the sanctity of life
- 00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:21,183 with you all.
- 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:23,435 Hee-aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh!
- 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,853 [ Muttering ]
- 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:29,274 {\an8}♪
- 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,526 Rick, what are you doing?
- 00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,027 Standing here with you guys.
- 00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:33,195 You don't want to do that.
- 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,655 We're sacrificing ourselves here.
- 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,115 Then so am I. Y'know?
- 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,450 Elon Musk be damned, we're blowing up Mars.
- 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,744 No. We're doing something selfless.
- 00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:42,371 You're doing it out of pettiness.
- 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,623 How is anyone supposed to know the difference?
- 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:47,000 Consider it a game of virtue chicken.
- 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:48,293 [ Muttering ]
- 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,128 [ Shrieking ]
- 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,466 Okay, if you won't go, we'll make you go.
- 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,970 Oh. Sorry. I-I dino-proofed my tech to spite you guys.
- 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,930 Which further proves selflessness and selfishness
- 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:03,141 are two sides of the same coin, so what's the point?
- 00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,352 [ Muttering ]
- 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:09,940 [ Muttering ]
- 00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,236 Fine. Cool with me that your final chapter
- 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,655 is dying on Mars with an old dickhead.
- 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,115 [ Muttering ]
- 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,283 Hyaaaa!
- 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,826 Aaaah!
- 00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,620 All right! Welcome back.
- 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,581 You obnoxious little twat!
- 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,915 Yeah, but you're alive.
- 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,334 No David Foster Wallace-ing in my galaxy.
- 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:30,669 You don't get to be so smart
- 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,212 that you remove yourself from everybody.
- 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,048 From one god being to another, you're welcome.
- 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:38,093 Well, as long as we're doing each other favors...
- 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,929 Hey. Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
- 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,351 You fixed my rift?
- 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,978 You fucking hypocritical cocks.
- 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,521 I-It was all canonical and shit.
- 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,273 We coulda milked that thing for a whole season.
- 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:54,067 O-Or, like, a three-episode arc at least.
- 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,444 Sorry. That's just us.
- 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:56,695 We love helping,
- 00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,448 god beings to god being.
- 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,867 Seriously. I was gonna fix that.
- 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,535 [ Grunts ]
- 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,624 Shit. They're coming back.
- 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,042 Summer: Can we turn on the A.C.?
- 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,628 It's, like, a thousand degrees outside.
- 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,713 [ Gasps ] Yes! New follower.
- 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,424 Named... CryptoForBareToes?
- 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,801 Not sure I get it, but sounds like business.
- 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,802 Proud of you, honey.
- 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:21,929 Is Dad okay?
- 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:23,472 Yes. I'm just...
- 00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:24,723 writing my second book.
- 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,099 I don't know what it's gonna be about,
- 00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,393 but I can tell you one thing-- The title is
- 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:32,147 "Jerry Smith Presents: A Book by Jerry Smith."
- 00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:34,149 Chapter one...
- 00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:38,820 Fuck!
- 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:39,988 [ Explosion ]
- 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,157 Rick: Morty, get your ass in the garage!
- 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:48,622 Hoo-ha! Check it out.
- 00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,916 A-- A dimension where hats wear people.
- 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,918 Mmmmm! Oh!
- 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,503 I did it! I fixed portal travel.
- 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,921 [ Laughs ] Oh, shit.
- 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,673 Figured my guy deserves a vacation.
- 00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,174 Boob World!
- 00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:59,174 You're damn right.
- 00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:00,425 And it's Areola Week.
- 00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,760 All right!
- 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,387 Good old-fashioned portal fun.
- 00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:04,638 Yep. Like this.
- 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:05,931 Ohh! Whoa!
- 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,182 It's gonna be classic episodes, Morty.
- 00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:08,475 Oh, I'm gonna puke, Rick!
- 00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:08,475 Portaling in.
- 00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:10,435 Wrecking shit, portaling out, Morty.
- 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:11,812 Oh, my Go-- Adventures, Morty.
- 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:13,438 Aah! Aah! Social commentary.
- 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,357 Crude characters. Here we go. [ Screaming ]
- 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:17,067 Rick and Morty time!
- 00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:25,033 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:33,041 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:40,924 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:48,849 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,559 This is our home now.
- 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,561 We shall live out the rest of our days here.
- 00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:55,689 Never interfering with the ways of the universe again.
- 00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:57,274 We are content.
- 00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:58,567 It was a good run.
- 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,235 Speaking of a good run...
- 00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:02,029 I bet I could switch heel onto that manny pad,
- 00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:04,322 big spinout, tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail,
- 00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,366 drop into the bowl, stalefish into a Christ Air,
- 00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:07,826 and then we get fucking wrecked.
- 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,619 Ho-ho. It's on, Iguanadon.
- 00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,121 ♪ Grinding some rocks ♪
- 00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:12,622 ♪ Nollie the hubba ♪
- 00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:15,625 ♪ Goofy foot, kickflip, take care of the groms ♪
- 00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:18,170 ♪ But you're a bad little dino boy ♪
- 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,213 ♪ And you're rotting in a crater ♪
- 00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:22,174 ♪ So now let's make some noise ♪
- 00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:25,302 {\an8}Did you get any of that?
- 00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:10,594 ЗАГАДОЧНАЯ РАСЩЕЛИНА ВСЁ ЕЩЁ НА МЕСТЕ
- 00:00:53,544 --> 00:00:54,814 СРЕДНЯЯ ШКОЛА ГАРРИ ХЕРПСОНА
- 00:01:24,014 --> 00:01:28,064 ГОСТИ ИЗ КОСМОСА? МОЖЕТ ХОТЬ В ЭТОТ РАЗ ОНИ С МИРОМ?
- 00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:47,524 ДИНОЗАВРЫ У ВЛАСТИ
- 00:04:47,524 --> 00:04:51,594 Зуницератопс, ДЕФИЦИТ ДЕФИЦИТОВ
- 00:04:51,594 --> 00:04:54,814 Эльвизавр, БАР И БЕСПЛАТНАЯ ЕДА
- 00:04:54,844 --> 00:04:57,644 Бэмбираптор, ВСЕ ПРИ РАБОТЕ, ПОЛНЫЕ ХОЛОДИЛЬНИКИ
- 00:04:57,684 --> 00:04:59,484 Эректопус,
- 00:04:59,574 --> 00:05:01,844 Дракорекс, БИРЖИ ЗАКРЫТЫ!
- 00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,464 Хогвартсия,
- 00:05:03,724 --> 00:05:07,244 Годжирозавр, БЕЗРАБОТИЦА 100%
- 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:09,574 Вулканодон, ЖАЛОВАТЬСЯ ВООБЩЕ НЕ НА ЧТО
- 00:05:09,574 --> 00:05:11,154 <i>Заурониопс,</i>
- 00:05:11,194 --> 00:05:14,444 <i>Фувиангозавр</i> ПОСЛЕДНИЙ В МИРЕ ЗАГОЛОВОК!
- 00:05:15,304 --> 00:05:19,814 <i>Это всё настоящие имена динозавров.</i>
- 00:06:21,484 --> 00:06:22,664 ВСЯКОЕ
- 00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:26,014 ВСЯКОЕ ЗАБЫТОЕ
- 00:06:26,644 --> 00:06:29,664 УДАЛИ ЭТО ЛОКАЦИИ ТИТАНИКА
- 00:06:29,664 --> 00:06:32,794 РУКОПИСЬ ФИНАЛ РУКОПИСЬ ФИНАЛ ФИНАЛ РУКОПИСЬ ФИНАЛ ФИНАЛ ФИНАЛ
- 00:06:35,794 --> 00:06:37,444 КТО НЕ ПРОБУЕТ, ТОТ НЕ ЛАЖАЕТ ДЖЕРРИ СМИТ
- 00:06:45,214 --> 00:06:47,064 БАР БОУ КЬЮ
- 00:09:25,054 --> 00:09:26,904 ИТАК, У ВАС ЗАВЕЛИСЬ ДИНОЗАВРЫ?
- 00:09:38,084 --> 00:09:39,834 Она уже была растёгнута.
- 00:11:15,684 --> 00:11:18,664 ПЛАНЕТА ТАМОРУС ЛАЙТ, РОНКОНКОМА АЛЬФА ЦЕНТРАВРА
- 00:12:11,104 --> 00:12:12,614 РАЗУМНАЯ ФОРМА ЖИЗНИ
- 00:12:22,354 --> 00:12:24,374 ВОПРОСЫ И ОТВЕТЫ С ДИНОЗАВРАМИ
- 00:12:47,524 --> 00:12:50,004 КТО НЕ ПРОБУЕТ, ТОТ НЕ ЛАЖАЕТ
- 00:13:14,614 --> 00:13:18,684 ДАЙТЕ ШУМА
- 00:15:40,524 --> 00:15:41,244 ДИНОЗАВРЫ, ДОМОЙ!
- 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,324 <i>Эксон нефть разливает,</i> УТОПИИ КОНЕЦ
- 00:15:44,354 --> 00:15:45,844 <i>Чернобыль подрывают,</i> СНОВА НЕТ ФРУКТОВ
- 00:15:45,884 --> 00:15:48,124 <i>В Монтане асбест,</i>
- 00:15:48,124 --> 00:15:51,444 <i>Атлантический океан, диабет второго типа,</i> ЕСЛИ НЕ СЛОМАНО, ТО И НЕ ЧИНИТЕ!
- 00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:56,524 <i>глубоководные взрывы,</i> УРОВЕНЬ ПРЕСТУПНОСТИ 1000%
- 00:15:56,684 --> 00:15:59,124 <i>огромный мусорный остров,</i> СЧАСТЬЮ КОНЕЦ
- 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:02,794 <u>и пчёлы гибнут,</u>
- 00:16:02,794 --> 00:16:07,664 <i>идите нахрен, динозавры.</i> ПРОСПЕКТ ДИНОУБЛЮДКОВ
- 00:20:57,844 --> 00:20:59,284 МИР СИСЕК
- 00:22:09,064 --> 00:22:11,774 <i>Гриндим по камням, делаем нолли,</i>
- 00:22:11,844 --> 00:22:14,994 <i>смени ногу, сделай кикфлип, помоги новичкам.</i>
- 00:22:15,074 --> 00:22:21,034 <i>Ты плохой динозаврик, гниющий в кратере. Так пошумим же!</i>
- 00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:28,040 ГОСТІ З КОСМОСУ? НЕВЖЕ ХОЧ РАЗ ВОНИ ПРИЙШЛИ З МИРОМ?
- 00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:53,310 ПОРОХ, АНІМЕ-ПОДУШКИ В ПОВНИЙ ЗРІСТ, ПРЕЗИДЕНТИ-ЗНАМЕНИТОСТІ, ФІТНЕС-ДЖАЗ
- 00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:47,910 ДИНОЗАВРИ ЗАПРАВЛЯЮТЬ УСІМ
- 00:04:47,910 --> 00:04:50,950 <i>Зуніцератопс</i>
- 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,290 У НАС НЕСТАЧА НЕСТАЧ
- 00:04:52,370 --> 00:04:55,200 БЕЗКОШТОВНІ РЕЧІ, БЕЗКОШТОВНІ ФРУКТИ, БЕЗКОШТОВНЕ УСЕ. <i>Криолофозавр</i>
- 00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:56,890 <i>Бемпіраптор</i>
- 00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:59,400 <i>Еректопус</i>. БАР НІЯКИЙ, БЕЗКОШТОВНА ЇЖА УСІ РОБОТИ СКАСОВАНО
- 00:04:59,490 --> 00:05:01,450 УСІ ХОЛОДИЛЬНИКИ ДОВЕРХУ ЗАПОВНЕНІ. ЖОДНИХ АКЦІЙ!
- 00:05:01,650 --> 00:05:04,510 <i>Дракорекс гоґвартський</i>
- 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,240 СТОВІДСОТКОВЕ БЕЗРОБІТТЯ! <i>Ґоджірозавр</i>
- 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,140 НАМ ТУПО НЕМА НА ЩО СКАРЖИТИСЬ
- 00:05:12,810 --> 00:05:15,230 ОСТАННІЙ ЗАГОЛОВОК! ДРУКАРНІ СУМУЮТЬ!
- 00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:18,710 <i>Це усе справжні назви динозаврів</i>
- 00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:20,450 ПЕРШЕ ПЕРЕКОТИПОЛЕ У ВАШИНҐТОНІ
- 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,000 ВСЯКЕ
- 00:06:23,090 --> 00:06:24,630 ЗАБУТІ ШТУКИ(2)
- 00:06:25,090 --> 00:06:27,230 ПАНДОЧКИ ПАДАЮТЬ // ЗМІЯ В МІНІСПІДНИЦІ СУТУЛА ПСИНА
- 00:06:28,090 --> 00:06:29,930 ЗАБУТІ ШТУКИ
- 00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:33,410 МАНУСКРИПТ_СУПЕР_ПУПЕР _ОСТАННЯ ВЕРСІЯ
- 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,660 НАЙКРАЩИЙ СПОСІБ – І НЕ НАМАГАТИСЯ. АВТОР: ДЖЕРРІ СМІТ
- 00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:48,000 БАР-БУ-КЮ БУ ШАРИТЬ У РЕБЕРЦЯХ
- 00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:27,690 У ТЕБЕ ДИНО-ПРЕСІЯ?
- 00:11:15,510 --> 00:11:17,850 ТАМОРУС-ЛАЙТ
- 00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:34,700 РОНКОНКОМА
- 00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,220 ВИЯВЛЕНО РОЗУМНЕ ЖИТТЯ
- 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,240 КОНФЕРЕНЦІЯ З ДИНОЗАВРАМИ
- 00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:50,310 НАЙКРАЩИЙ СПОСІБ – І НЕ НАМАГАТИСЯ
- 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,460 ПОШУМИМО
- 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,900 <i>Корпорація «Ексон» з виливами нафти</i> УТОПІЯ ЗАНЕПАЛА
- 00:15:44,980 --> 00:15:46,020 <i>Вибух у Чорнобилі</i>
- 00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:47,670 <i>Азбест у Монтані</i> ЗНОВУ ДЕФІЦИТ ФРУКТІВ
- 00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,870 НЕ ЛАГОДЬТЕ НЕЗЛАМАНЕ, І ЗЛАМАНЕ ТЕЖ НЕ ЛАГОДЬТЕ
- 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:51,960 <i>Діабет другого типу</i>
- 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,600 <i>Платформа «Діпвотер» підірвалась</i> ЗЛОЧИННІСТЬ ВИРОСЛА НА 1000%
- 00:15:57,370 --> 00:15:59,650 <i>Великий острів зі сміття</i> ЩАСТЯ НА ДНІ – ТАМ ЙОМУ І МІСЦЕ
- 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,380 <i>І бджоли вимирають</i> ВУЛИЦЯ ЛІНКОЛЬНА
- 00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:05,620 <i>Пиздуйте й здохніть, кляті динозаври</i>
- 00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:08,170 АЛЕЯ ДИНОЗАВРІВ ДИНОЗАВРИ – ВІДСТІЙ