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Космическая Бет возвращается, чтобы отпраздновать День благодарения. Она и Бет сближаются за бутылкой венерианского вина, которое Космическая Бет привезла с Венеры. В конце концов, их непринужденный флирт перерастает в настоящий роман. Саммер и Морти замечают это, но пытаются игнорировать, играя в «реалистичные» инопланетные видеоигры. Рик догадывается об измене после того, как он и его внуки застают их за игрой в «Сан-Хуниперо» в его голодеке. Рик говорит Бет, что хотя он сам когда-то делал нечто подобное, ей следует быть осторожнее с тем, что это может сделать с семьей. Саммер и Морти начинают беспокоиться о Джерри, который ранее заявлял, что покончит с собой, если Бет изменит ему. Когда Космическая Бет признается Джерри в измене, он превращается в мокрицу (систему эмоциональной защиты, которую Рик построил для него, пока они были пьяны вместе). Обе Бет просят Рика стереть им воспоминания об измене. Джерри подслушивает это и выходит из своей формы мокрицы, чтобы предотвратить стирание, но говорит, что уходит от Бет. Космическая Бет понимает, что Джерри расстроен лишь тем, что роман произошёл без его ведома. С полного согласия Джерри он и Бет устраивают секс втроём, к отвращению Саммер и Морти. После ухода Космической Бет Рик запирает венерианское вино в невидимом шкафу и уничтожает его пульт дистанционного управления.
- 00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:10,635 Oh my god, I cannot fucking believe this, here we fucking go!
- 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:12,637 Jeez!
- 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:17,642 Pardon the interruption. We are once again in the federal clear.
- 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:20,270 Rick what the hell? Are you a Turkey Dracula now?
- 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:21,688 Morty, is that a Pooplickian GamePod?
- 00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,523 Actually it’s the GamePod XL.
- 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,692 They say it’s the most realistic video game console ever.
- 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,694 - I never got you that. - Space Mom did.
- 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,612 She’s in for the holiday weekend. Remember?
- 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,364 Shit, in that case, let’s go,
- 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,241 - let’s get out of h... <i>- I heard you smack the glass, Dad,</i>
- 00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:35,702 <i>- if you bail, I’ll disown you! - I’d say don’t hop through a portal.</i>
- 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,328 <i>But wait, you can’t.</i>
- 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,414 Look at it this way, Morty.
- 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:42,542 Life is a subscription and Thanksgiving is your family’s yearly charge.
- 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,169 Wow Dad, good job.
- 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:49,132 Rick, put some pants on. Today has so few rules.
- 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:50,258 Yes, Patriarch.
- 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:58,600 I’d like to make a toast. Today is a day for thanks. And for family.
- 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,436 And for remembering all of those that have less.
- 00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:03,438 - Okay, pick a scope. - Pick a scope?
- 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:07,150 - Can we please have a normal Thanksgiving? - Well seems like all the ones I remember.
- 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,276 Good point.
- 00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,529 Baby, you, it’s a toast.
- 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:12,572 - Sorry! - Sorry!
- 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:18,912 Anyway, I’m thankful for my wife. Beth. The Beth that chose me.
- 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:23,583 I’m so grateful to you, and I literally could not live without you.
- 00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:26,586 I really mean that. If something were to happen to you,
- 00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:29,506 or if you were to leave me, or be unfaithful, I would die.
- 00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:32,300 Literally. Probably by my own hand.
- 00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:34,511 - Okay. - I know how I’d do it.
- 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,387 Our first blender has an extra long cord
- 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:39,641 and it was manufactured before safety fuses, so I’d draw a warm bath...
- 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,602 And blend some stuff, good toast, honey. To thankfulness.
- 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,481 - To... America? - To ending the toast?
- 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,525 - To ending the toast. - To ending the toast.
- 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:51,653 Just to, be clear, I was saying I’d kill myself.
- 00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,321 - God. - God, we know.
- 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:29,649 {\an8}- Sorry Jerry got all husband-y. - Yeah. Do not miss that.
- 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:32,193 {\an8}So I was thinking we could set you up in Jerry’s man cave?
- 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,654 {\an8}That’s okay, I’ll sleep in my car. It’s got a Tardis thing going on,
- 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:39,200 {\an8}bigger on the inside. Dad calls it hack, but my soaking tub begs to differ.
- 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:43,371 {\an8}Maybe I’ll trade you... my lower back.
- 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:47,333 {\an8}- I got this. - Jesus, that was great.
- 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:52,380 {\an8}Well, you’re me. I find this is usually the biggest help.
- 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:57,385 {\an8}I just love... the Venusian stuff.
- 00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:59,679 {\an8}It’s cool, I get insecure trying to pronounce this crap too
- 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,681 {\an8}but I got just the thing for that. Here.
- 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,699 {\an8}Okay shoot that asteroid. Now shoot that one.
- 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,327 {\an8}Now shoot me in the face. This game’s trash.
- 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,412 {\an8}I didn’t want to say anything but this does seem lame.
- 00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,706 {\an8}I thought it was maybe cause we’ve shot so many real asteroids
- 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:27,707 {\an8}let’s look at the menu
- 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,667 {\an8}There’s the realism setting.
- 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,587 {\an8}Cool. Also stupid. The factory setting is 4?
- 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,630 {\an8}What do we want, 10?
- 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,673 {\an8}No, do 9, I’m kidding.
- 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,634 {\an8}- Shut up, Summer. - Shut up Summer. Put ten.
- 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,181 {\an8}- This is the same. - It’s worse. It’s...
- 00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:47,352 {\an8}I get it. Okay. It’s more real. The vast majority of space is empty.
- 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,729 {\an8}What? Who cares? Then what am I doing?
- 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:53,441 {\an8}Looks like you can record a video for your kid in case you die.
- 00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:55,652 {\an8}Not a bad idea, you’re gonna be in space for a while.
- 00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,279 {\an8}May as well.
- 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,616 {\an8}Son. If you’re seeing this,
- 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,619 {\an8}I starved to death while looking for an asteroid.
- 00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:08,331 {\an8}This is stupid. You guys are obviously just trying to convince yourselves
- 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,208 {\an8}it’s cool because you feel lame about it.
- 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,251 {\an8}Summer you know nothing about gamer culture.
- 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,711 {\an8}Bro, tell your son you love the shit out of him.
- 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,088 {\an8}I’m gonna!
- 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,307 {\an8}Of course we both can’t sleep at the same time.
- 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,393 {\an8}We do share a shitty back.
- 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,645 {\an8}- Turn around. At least let me... - Yes please.
- 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:34,399 {\an8}- My God. - Okay I know we’re not massage people
- 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:37,610 {\an8}but you need this. See you act like this bad ass space cowboy
- 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:42,615 but I know you’re just a scared little overachiever that keeps all her OCD right.
- 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,492 - My God. - Yeah.
- 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,786 By the way you better be taking notes, I’m next.
- 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,330 - It’s my back you dumb bitch. - Nice.
- 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,165 What?
- 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,467 <i>- Well I better get back to bed. - Same</i>
- 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,350 So now you’re into highly realistic video games?
- 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,686 Maybe I decided real life was too much right now
- 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,730 or maybe I’m not afraid to change my mind about stuff,
- 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:17,275 maybe mental flexibility is stronger than stubbornness.
- 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:20,528 Nice manip’, Sum-Sum. Okay, I’m in the alley behind the library.
- 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,613 - Uptown or downtown? - Shit, there’s one uptown, too?
- 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,532 It’s okay, stay there, I think I’m near the red line.
- 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:27,326 - Is this Street Fighter? - Street Fighter where you start
- 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,329 at the beginning of each fighter’s day and have to find each other to fight.
- 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,665 It’s very realistic. Not even guaranteed a fight will happen.
- 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:35,501 That meter filling up is us forgetting what made us so mad.
- 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:39,714 If anyone’s interested in a higher level of realism, I’m “booting up” the O.G.
- 00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:44,552 That’s Original Game, called a jigsaw puzzle, in the den.
- 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,723 Hey, gang! Me and my space self are gonna make a run to the Gloppy Drop System
- 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,225 for ice cream. Any flavor requests?
- 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:51,768 - Vanilla! - Vanilla!
- 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:55,313 Why do you guys have to go all the way to deep space just for ice cream?
- 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,565 Gloppy Dropulites have less taste buds than humans,
- 00:05:57,565 --> 00:05:59,400 their ice cream is like a hospital bed,
- 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,569 it’s designed for you to do less so it does more.
- 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:03,237 Okay see ya in a bit.
- 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:07,325 I’ll get started sorting all the obvious sky pieces. Secret technique.
- 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:08,659 - Oh fuck it’s ON, bitch! - Oh shit there you are!
- 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:11,370 - I’m gonna eat your ass. - You will die in the street like a dog!
- 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:15,708 <i>Stunning.</i>
- 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,253 <i>Thank you. This is incredible.</i>
- 00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:22,173 <i>Just glad I had something in your size.</i>
- 00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:28,262 <i>How far is Gloppy Drop? And why do I always think I’m wearing a watch?</i>
- 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:31,474 <i>I actually have a pint of Gloppy Drop on a little apartment orbiting Earth.</i>
- 00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:34,477 <i>- So we have time. - You have your own space station?</i>
- 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,605 <i>We have our own space station. We’re the same person.</i>
- 00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:41,692 <i>There’s differences. Like, one of us has no idea who she really is.</i>
- 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,611 <i>Wrong. But let’s make a deal.</i>
- 00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:47,406 <i>Let’s trust ourselves enough to stop wondering who we are when we’re together.</i>
- 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,950 <i>We get to say anything to each other.</i>
- 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,953 <i>Things we’d never say to anyone else, even ourselves.</i>
- 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:53,788 <i>What don’t we say to ourselves?</i>
- 00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:57,500 <i>How about my ass looks good in that space suit.</i>
- 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,585 <i>I mean it. I’m a good looking woman.</i>
- 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:00,920 <i>Well that’s nice of you to say.</i>
- 00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:05,967 <i>I also... find myself... quite attractive.</i>
- 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,229 We forgot the ice cream.
- 00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:23,276 I want you back in my guts like I’m one of your sick little fillies.
- 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:34,328 Goddammit, Morty! You can’t just take my controller.
- 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:35,496 Yes I can! It’s mine.
- 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,541 - Okay, Sum-Sum, gimme. - Make your own controller,
- 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,293 some of us need all the control we can get.
- 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:41,627 Fuck you!
- 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,423 So why are you so suddenly into realistic video games?
- 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:48,426 - I already was. - But now you’re into them the way I am.
- 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,511 You mean like staring at them in a numb trance.
- 00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,805 Not judging, just noticing.
- 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,600 You tend to notice stuff a little before I do.
- 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,018 But eventually you do notice.
- 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,520 And now we can both not notice together, yes.
- 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:00,688 <i>My god, Beth?!</i>
- 00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,940 <i>I thought you said you got ice cream?</i>
- 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:07,695 - I. It must be in the... - The car! We left it in the car.
- 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:10,573 Okay, good, because that would have been weird!
- 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,700 I worry things might become more and more noticeable.
- 00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,036 And if he kills himself we’re gonna have to get a new dad
- 00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:16,704 Jesus Christ, Summer!
- 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:24,003 - Dad. What’s this? - Making a controller.
- 00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:27,715 This species of bionic space whale has carbon wiring, great for smooth gameplay.
- 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:29,717 I’m not killing it, for the record.
- 00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:32,678 I’m just replacing its esophagus with a better one. For free.
- 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,556 It should thank me. And it will, with its mind.
- 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,725 These things are telepathic, Beth, they talk to you in dreams.
- 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:41,771 Does your replicator thing make ice cream from the Gloppy Drop system?
- 00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:44,982 Why would you want replicated Gloppy Drop ice cream, poser?
- 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,736 Crazy thing, I went with Space Beth to get some and we had such a great time
- 00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:51,614 we forgot the ice cream. Crazy right?
- 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,492 - That’s a real question? - Maybe?
- 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:55,534 Come here, hold the pup down.
- 00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:57,745 You’re talking about an infinite father.
- 00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,789 I’ve met myself out there infinite times...
- 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:03,668 Infinite shit happens. Including, as you put it, forgetting the ice cream.
- 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:07,505 - You’ve... forgotten the ice cream? - Drill me for details when I’m drunker.
- 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,757 In the meantime, don’t worry about what’s crazy.
- 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:13,761 - I’know, as the kids say, you do you. - Thanks. Thank you so much, Dad.
- 00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:15,096 One thing to keep in mind, though.
- 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:18,099 It’s not just your own ice cream you’re forgetting. It’s your family’s.
- 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,643 If you forget it too much, you start having to keep secrets.
- 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:24,063 - And you’re against secrets. - Against? Hell no. Secrets are great.
- 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,067 For instance, I’ve had a pint of vanilla Gloppy Drop in my fridge this whole time.
- 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,069 Take it. I’m just saying, lies pile up.
- 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:33,114 Like credit card debt. You retain an advantage by staying liquid.
- 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:37,702 Gotcha. Well. I’d call this a simple cash transaction.
- 00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,079 Fun. And. Done.
- 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,463 Favorite Culkin?
- 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:50,464 - Kieran! - Kieran!
- 00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,008 Favorite song by Britney?
- 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,009 - Work Bitch! - Work Bitch!
- 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,093 Favorite hangover cure?
- 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,052 - Hair of the dog - Hair of the dog
- 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,679 with a guilty pleasure like Humans Weekly.
- 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:04,812 I told Dad. I mean I didn’t have to. He knew.
- 00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:07,523 I guess that’s one reason you didn’t have to tell him.
- 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,152 What’d he say?
- 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:13,571 We kind of talked in code, I think he said it’s fine
- 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,157 until it makes us feel indebted to our lessers.
- 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,658 That sounds like Dad.
- 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:21,037 Do... we... owe... the family an explanation?
- 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:24,081 Do we have to spend our time together figuring out how to please others?
- 00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:28,127 I’m married. We both are but I’m in our marriage.
- 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,129 It’s the defining difference between us.
- 00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,506 Well there’s no rule book that says you have to be.
- 00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:39,180 What’s gonna happen? What is this? Are we in love? With ourself?
- 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,767 I mean, does that make us the most or the least healthy woman in the universe?
- 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:46,729 Anybody ever tell you you’re overly analytical? Which I do love?
- 00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,857 - If that’s what you need to call it? - I don’t need to call it anything.
- 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:56,072 - I would like to know... its shelf life. - I might know a way to gather that data.
- 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:57,740 - The Holodeck! - Motel Room!
- 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,783 I like yours better.
- 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:12,171 <i>Beth! My Beth! Well, not “my” Beth, but... I finished! It’s done!</i>
- 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,759 Kids do you know where your moms are? Oh you’re busy with your GamePod,
- 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,053 don’t worry about it, I’ll find those two somewhere
- 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:23,724 No! No, dad, come play videogames with us.
- 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,143 Okay Dad here’s the infinite menu screen.
- 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,728 - I dunno. - Here, here,
- 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,563 I’ll have the console choose a game!
- 00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:32,650 Maybe let’s skip this one?
- 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:34,110 Really? Why? Looks fun!
- 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:41,659 So we are a woman married to a man but having a sexual affair with another woman!
- 00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:45,663 - Very spicy. - Very spicy, Jer. Good job.
- 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,665 Looks pretty single player, kids?
- 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:58,092 Seriously you two?! What the hell did you do in my holodeck?!
- 00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:02,096 Holy shit, you did a full ‘San Junipero’ in here?
- 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:05,599 My god, Beth, there’s masturbating and then there’s masturbating.
- 00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,685 - Dad stop, I’m sorry! - You’d know, old man.
- 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,271 Look, this isn’t my business and by all means
- 00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:14,150 enjoy being sapphic horse girls together. But you suck at doing it secretly.
- 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,610 - We all know. - Including Jerry?!
- 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,779 No, Dad’s so in the dark that he’s enjoying a video game
- 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,239 about being in an affair right now.
- 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,158 If you guys are doing this, you gotta tell him.
- 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,702 - Okay, little man, back off. - Take it easy. They’re right.
- 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,288 Right about what, that we have to be twice as considerate
- 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:30,666 and twice as repressed because some dick split us in two?
- 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,044 This is the shit I left. This isn’t. This is me.
- 00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:38,132 This is the me that doesn’t tell you all to fuck off. So allow me. Fuck off.
- 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,718 She’ll tell her husband what she wants when she feels like it.
- 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,720 And you can deal with it or you can deal with me.
- 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,181 But you should know I have all the Predator weapons.
- 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:47,808 - Works for me. - That’s cool.
- 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,768 - Fair enough. - I guess it’s time for ice cream.
- 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,271 Come on, kids, you’re inhaling this stuff.
- 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:56,066 Your Moms went to space, did you even thank them for doing it?
- 00:12:57,693 --> 00:13:00,070 Thanks for... doing it, Moms.
- 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,322 Very selfless of you.
- 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:04,325 Eat your ice cream however you want. Nothing good lasts forever.
- 00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:14,710 Okay, c’mon, it’s Thanksgiving, the least we can do is speak English.
- 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,296 Jerry, I had sex with your wife.
- 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:20,758 Or, I’m your wife and had sex with the clone you sleep with.
- 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,259 Your pick. We had sex. We loved it.
- 00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:27,181 Beth Sanchez sure is something?
- 00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:31,143 - I think I’ll ask her to prom. - Jerry. For your own sake.
- 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,853 Stay away from Beth Sanchez.
- 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:36,357 - Worst case, she says “no”. - No, Jerry. Worst case she says “yes”.
- 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:41,195 She’s too much woman for you. Maybe she’d find your simple naïveté endearing
- 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:44,198 but she’s intense. Sooner or later, she’d tear you apart.
- 00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:48,160 I’d be lucky to be torn apart by Beth Sanchez.
- 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:57,169 - What the fuck?! - Dad’s a bug! Dad rolled into a bug!
- 00:13:57,253 --> 00:14:00,089 Forgot I installed that.
- 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,386 - Why does Jerry have a Pill Bug Protocol? - It’s an emotional defense system.
- 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:06,720 I got drunk with Jerry one night
- 00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,055 and he said it’s what he wanted most in the world.
- 00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:10,474 Don’t blame me, I wanted tattoos
- 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:13,060 Anyway, he’s in perfect health in there and he can unroll when he chooses to
- 00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:16,063 but can also stay in metabolic hibernation pretty much indefinitely.
- 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:18,065 It’s a cool power to have, like if you have to fly coach
- 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,985 or if Summer asks you what you thought of ‘Wonder Woman 1984
- 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,778 - How do we undo it? - Only he can.
- 00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:25,739 That’s the point. It’s total safety. Even I can’t reverse it.
- 00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,410 If you try to pry him out and hit a nerve, he’ll literally turn into a Shrek.
- 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,537 In his own sad way, he’s taken control.
- 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:35,040 This is classic Jerry. He’d rather be a bug than have a conversation.
- 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,418 Have you heard the way you start conversations?
- 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,503 You ladies discuss responsibility while I get stoned
- 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,921 and play video games with your kids.
- 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,766 - Fuck! More forest! - Look around!
- 00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:57,730 Try heading North?
- 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,901 - Oh shit. - Wait, what the fuck.
- 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,778 Maybe keep heading North?
- 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,954 - What the hell?! - God, what happens in the shadows?
- 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:14,997 Jerry, sweetie?
- 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:18,709 - If you can hear me, please, unroll. - He doesn’t want to.
- 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,794 It’s a little late to worry about what he wants.
- 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:24,006 Jesus, Beth, don’t fall for this. This isn’t love, it’s a tantrum.
- 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:27,968 Yeah but his tantrum is self destructive. Yours is destructive.
- 00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,471 Maybe that’s why I’m the one that loves him. He worries.
- 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,057 He wants to do right. He’s ashamed when he fails.
- 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,476 Aren’t those things you love about me?
- 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:39,146 You want me to be like him? You want me to propose? Threaten to kill myself?
- 00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:43,150 No. I love you the way you are. And I did it forever in a video game.
- 00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,486 But in life, things go wrong. Things stop working.
- 00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:48,489 I like to fix those things, and when I can’t, I’m pretty useless.
- 00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:50,783 - Like my husband. - I don’t get it.
- 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,826 You’re the house wife and I’m the space lady
- 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,995 but you’re the one that chewed me up and spit me out.
- 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,830 I don’t want to just forget about you.
- 00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:00,376 Me neither. It’s a problem.
- 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,420 But we know someone that owes us a solution.
- 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,007 Shit, we’re out of the forest! We found a clearing!
- 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,842 Go check it out! Go check out the clearing!
- 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,517 Vampires?! Oh, come on! That’s not realistic!
- 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:19,186 Morty, it’s obviously set in a world where vampires hunt in clearings.
- 00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:20,020 How did you...
- 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,897 I’m working with the same information you are.
- 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,858 No more screen time until your homework’s done, Dad.
- 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,528 - What did that mean? - We refuse to care
- 00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:30,030 Damn. You really came of age this Thanksgiving.
- 00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:33,033 How old are we? We’ve had a million Thanksgivings.
- 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:36,912 - Can I explain how irrational this is? - Asked the guy that cloned his daughter.
- 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,163 Will I ever live that down?
- 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:38,914 - No - No
- 00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,499 You guys are having me Eternal Sunshine
- 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,835 all the Multiplicity porn scenes from your minds?
- 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:43,961 - Yep. Basically. - Sounds right.
- 00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:46,964 Meanwhile, everyone around you, your father, your cuckhold husband,
- 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:50,175 your jaded children will just happily and silently bear the burden
- 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,219 because it’s more practical for them than the truth
- 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,221 and you don’t care becausei t won’t be your problem.
- 00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,890 - Solid repipe, Dad. - It’s like he has a lifetime of experience
- 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:57,975 as a selfish ass.
- 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,231 When this fails and the two of you fall in love again
- 00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,066 and you attack me for taking part in this,
- 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,235 I’m gonna lie and say I tried to talk you out of it for hours.
- 00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:09,236 In truth, I don’t care.
- 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,740 - Three, two... - For God’s sake, all of you, grow up.
- 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:13,949 - Jerry! You un rolled! - What the hell?
- 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,784 Plot twist, Deus Ex Husbanda.
- 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,078 Don’t lobotomize yourselves for my comfort.
- 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,874 I may be a man but I’m also a baby and babies don’t take responsibility
- 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,918 for other people’s suffering. I should never have said I’d kill myself
- 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,253 if you left me. It’s not true.
- 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:30,090 All I’d do is pack my shit and cry while I look for a job on Starbuck’s wifi.
- 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,842 And that’s what I’m gonna do.
- 00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:35,763 So the two of you can get clone lesbian married by a robot
- 00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:38,891 and finger yourselves on the moon while laughing in Martian French
- 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,935 - about my weird little dick! - Jerry, wait.
- 00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:51,278 - Jerry, don’t leave angry. - Should I float out on a lotus leaf?
- 00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:55,032 I have to be twice as confident because my wife cheated on me with herself?
- 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,910 - It’s not even cheating. - You here to help? You suck.
- 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,995 You don’t even know which one is your real wife.
- 00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,122 If it’s me, have you been cheating with a clone?
- 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,791 I’m not the clone but she has a point.
- 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:07,294 what a provocative conversation it would’ve been great to have before
- 00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:09,963 the two of you, and I am counting two,
- 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:14,134 gave each other unfairly expert orgasms while mocking my weird little dick!
- 00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,720 Jerry, you’re the only one who keeps saying weird and little.
- 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,972 Well you’ve both seen it! And you’ve both seen each other
- 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:21,308 and now you want to tell me all about it but it’s a little late.
- 00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:25,938 My God. You’re not mad that it was about you. You’re mad that it wasn’t.
- 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,065 He wanted to permit our love.
- 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:31,026 Okay it’s not "Handmaid’s Tale" to loop in your husband.
- 00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:32,986 I agree for the record, we made a mistake.
- 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:37,324 because we should’ve noticed ourselves losing control and gone to Sexmaster Jerry
- 00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:40,911 and said oh pretty please, Jerry, can I make out with myself?
- 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:41,954 Yes you may.
- 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:45,958 See. Not so hot when it’s above board. Homewreckers.
- 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,336 - So we won’t enjoy this? - Well hold on hold on, this is weird.
- 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,004 Weird and permitted.
- 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:53,173 - Wait, you like this? - Who cares what he likes.
- 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,008 - I do. - I might like it
- 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,011 - and if she likes it I permit it. - You little pervert.
- 00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:01,139 - You like a little pervert. - I like humiliating a little pervert.
- 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:05,185 - I approve. Carry on. - I’m freaked out by how hot this is.
- 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:08,313 <i>- Am I permitted to do this? - Until further notice.</i>
- 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:10,899 <i>- I love it. - Then it’s permitted from now on.</i>
- 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:14,319 <i>Because you like whatever she likes. Because you’re a worm.</i>
- 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,029 <i>I will allow that assessment.</i>
- 00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:18,782 - Pass the salt? - Dammit.
- 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,201 <i>- I allow this. - Well then it’s required.</i>
- 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,870 <i>I approve the requirement.</i>
- 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,329 <i>- You get over there. - Good idea</i>
- 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,833 <i>- Okay. Honey? - I’m fine if you are.</i>
- 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:31,336 <i>- You’re never fine, shut up. - Okay but... Okay.</i>
- 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:35,048 <i>- This is not how I pictured this but... - I have zero complaints so far.</i>
- 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,926 <i>- Because I know what you want. - I do not disagree with that.</i>
- 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:41,221 <i>- Can I make a pitch? What if we... - Are you serious?</i>
- 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:44,182 <i>- Is this making fun of me? - Well is that bad?</i>
- 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,225 <i>I’ll allow it.</i>
- 00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:50,814 Jesus Christ, you need to fix the portal gun, Rick.
- 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,941 Morty, you asking makes me wanna do it less.
- 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,944 Okay, Thanksgiving! Let’s talk about Thanksgiving!
- 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,363 Who’s thankful for what? Go, Summer, you first.
- 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:02,993 I guess I’m thankful, for like, water?
- 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,912 Perfect! Wonderful! Morty, what about you?
- 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:08,290 Fucking. Are you fucking kidding me? Why? Why?
- 00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:11,168 Discovery Channel! Discovery Channel, why?!
- 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:14,963 Okay. Just, eat your food. Everyone eat the food.
- 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,089 <i>Sorry, I'm... this...</i>
- 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:21,303 Well, bye kids! I’ll keep an eye out for my grandkid in space.
- 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:24,389 Your what? Oh! Right. Naruto.
- 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,266 Thanks for visiting, Space Beth.
- 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:34,983 Well, seems like we all learned a little lesson this weekend!
- 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,195 - At least, I know I did! - Me too, Jerry. Me too.
- 00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:24,825 Hello there, Jerry! How can I help you today?
- 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:28,036 Howdy! Just, just here to hang!
- 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,373 I’m sorry, sweetie. You can’t come here by yourself.
- 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,291 Why not? It’s just me in there!
- 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:38,171 Well, not that this is something you’d do, but sometimes we have Jerries come here
- 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,382 and try to touch other Jerries.
- 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:44,344 No, that’s, that’s not good. Well, see you later!
- 00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:52,394 - Okay. - Thank you!
- 00:00:06,589 --> 00:00:08,717 Боже мой, поверить не могу!
- 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,343 Вот, чёрт возьми.
- 00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:12,345 Боже.
- 00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:17,350 Прости, что перебиваю. Мы снова в федеральном сбросе.
- 00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,602 Какого чёрта? Ты теперь Дракула-индейка?
- 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,646 Это игровая приставка «Говнолизка»?
- 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,273 Вообще-то это приставка XL.
- 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,608 Говорят, это самая реалистичная игровая приставка.
- 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,444 - Я тебе ее не дарил. - Это от КосмоМамы.
- 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,362 Она же у нас на праздники, забыл?
- 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,364 Чёрт. Тогда пошли. Давай выбираться…
- 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,699 Пап, я слышала, ты врезался в окно.
- 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,493 - Если свалишь, я от тебя отрекусь. - Я бы не советовала прыгать в портал.
- 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,078 О, постой, ты же не можешь.
- 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:38,788 Взгляни на это иначе, Морти.
- 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:39,831 Жизнь - это подписка,
- 00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:42,375 а День благодарения - это ежегодный взнос твоей семьи.
- 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,502 Ого, пап, очень круто!
- 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,796 Рик, надень штаны.
- 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,008 - Сегодня и так мало правил. - Есть, глава семьи!
- 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,095 Хочу сказать тост.
- 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,639 Сегодня день благодарностей.
- 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,558 День семьи
- 00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:01,644 и воспоминаний о тех, кто имеет гораздо меньше.
- 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,438 - А поконкретнее? - Поконкретнее?
- 00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:05,315 А можно нормально отпраздновать День благодарения?
- 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,484 - По-моему, я помню всех. - Точно подмечено.
- 00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,321 Детка, я же тост говорил.
- 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:12,572 - Извини. - Извини.
- 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:17,744 В общем, я благодарен своей жене Бет,
- 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:19,037 той Бет, что выбрала меня.
- 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,122 Я очень благодарен тебе
- 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,666 и жить без тебя не могу.
- 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,669 Я серьезно. Если с тобой что-то случится,
- 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,755 если ты бросишь меня или изменишь мне,
- 00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:32,217 я умру… Это действительно так. Возможно, я покончу с собой.
- 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:34,427 - Ясно. - Я знаю, как я это сделал бы.
- 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,262 У нашего первого блендера очень длинный шнур,
- 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,306 и его сделали до изобретения предохранителей.
- 00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,725 - Я наполнил бы ванну теплой водой… - И что-нибудь измельчил бы.
- 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:41,893 Хороший тост, милый.
- 00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:45,188 - За благодарность. - За Америку.
- 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,481 За окончание тоста?
- 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,441 - За окончание тоста! - За окончание тоста!
- 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,943 Хочу кое-что прояснить:
- 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,778 я говорил, что покончил бы с собой.
- 00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,488 - Джерри… - Боже, мы поняли!
- 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,814 Извините, Джерри вошел в роль мужа.
- 00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:29,691 Да уж, по такому я не скучаю.
- 00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:31,985 Я хотела разместить тебя в мужской берлоге Джерри.
- 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,236 Забей. Я посплю в своей машине.
- 00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,697 У меня там эдакий ТАРДИС. Внутри она больше, чем кажется снаружи.
- 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,825 Папа говорит, это полная халтура, но мое джакузи иного мнения.
- 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,910 Может, я с тобой поменяюсь.
- 00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:42,996 Моя поясница!
- 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,372 Сейчас полегчает.
- 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,167 Боже! Это было круто.
- 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,376 Ну, ты ведь - это я.
- 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:52,297 По-моему, это лучше всего помогает.
- 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,801 Обожаю венерианские штучки.
- 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,679 Оно крутое. Я тоже неуверенно произношу эту фигню вслух.
- 00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:01,306 Но у меня есть то, что нужно.
- 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,348 Вот.
- 00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,183 Теперь ты знаешь венерианский.
- 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,936 Боже, как красиво звучит!
- 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,229 Спасибо.
- 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:11,024 Слово за тобой. Жги!
- 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,651 Я та самая модель…
- 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,194 …современного генерал-майора.
- 00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:19,949 Так, стреляй в этот астероид. А теперь в этот.
- 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,035 А теперь стреляй мне в лицо. Эта игра - отстой.
- 00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:24,287 Не хотел комментировать, но да, полный отстой.
- 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,623 Думаю, это потому, что мы сбили много астероидов в реальности.
- 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:27,832 Давайте посмотрим меню.
- 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,376 - Можно настроить реализм. - Круто.
- 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,629 Тоже фигня. Заводская установка - четыре.
- 00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:33,671 А нам сколько нужно? Десять?
- 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:34,923 Нет, сделай девять.
- 00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,341 - Шутка. - Заткнись, Саммер.
- 00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:38,009 Заткнись, Саммер. Выбери десять.
- 00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:42,513 - То же самое. - Даже хуже.
- 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,140 Это… Нет, я понял.
- 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:45,558 Так более реалистично.
- 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,101 Большая часть пространства пустует.
- 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,938 Что? Кому это надо? А мне тогда что делать?
- 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,941 Можешь записать видео для своего ребенка, если вдруг умрешь.
- 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:56,027 Неплохая идея. Ты ведь какое-то время будешь в космосе.
- 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:57,654 Тоже можно.
- 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:01,532 Эй, сынок, если ты смотришь это видео,
- 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,494 значит, я умер от голода, пока искал астероид.
- 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,371 Глупость какая-то.
- 00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,706 Вы явно пытаетесь убедить друг друга, будто это крутая игра,
- 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:09,999 хотя понимаете, что она отстойная.
- 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,252 Ты ничего не смыслишь в геймерской культуре.
- 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,836 Скажи своему сыну, что любишь его до усрачки.
- 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:14,796 Я как раз собирался.
- 00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:26,099 Конечно, нам обеим не спится одновременно.
- 00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,184 Да уж, спина у нас дерьмовая.
- 00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,227 Повернись.
- 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,312 - Дай мне хотя бы… - Да, пожалуйста.
- 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,480 Боже мой.
- 00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:35,441 Так, знаю, мы не массажистки, но тебе это нужно.
- 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,527 Ты ведешь себя как крутой космический ковбой.
- 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,821 Но я-то знаю, что ты просто напуганная маленькая отличница,
- 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:42,490 скрывающая свое обсессивно-компульсивное состояние…
- 00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:43,658 Боже мой…
- 00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:46,744 Да. Кстати, лучше конспектируй, а то я следующая.
- 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:49,122 - Моя спина, тупая сучка! - Мило.
- 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:50,790 Что?
- 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,675 Лучше пойду обратно в постель.
- 00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:02,010 Ага. И я тоже.
- 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:06,806 ПРИГОТОВЬТЕСЬ К УЛИЧНОЙ БОРЬБЕ!
- 00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,309 Значит, теперь ты увлекаешься высокореалистичными видеоиграми?
- 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,602 Может, я решила, что реальная жизнь сейчас слишком трудна.
- 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,813 Или, может, я не боюсь менять свое мнение.
- 00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:16,983 Возможно, гибкость ума сильнее упрямства.
- 00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:18,609 Зачетная манипуляция, Сам-Сам.
- 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,445 Так, я в переулке за библиотекой.
- 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,697 - В центре или на окраине? - Чёрт. На окраине она тоже есть?
- 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,615 Спокойно. Стой там. Думаю, я возле красной линии.
- 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:25,867 Это «Стрит Файтер»?
- 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:27,660 «Стрит Файтер», где начинаешь день бойца
- 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:30,079 с начала и ищешь соперника, чтобы сражаться.
- 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,665 Это очень реалистично. Даже драка не гарантируется.
- 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,543 Заполнение счетчика означает, что мы забываем, что нас так разозлило.
- 00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:39,922 Если кого-то интересует более высокий уровень реализма, то я загружаю ОГ.
- 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:44,635 Это оригинальная игра-головоломка. В коробке.
- 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:47,889 Я и мое космическое альтер эго хотим смотаться
- 00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,641 в систему Глоппи Дроп за мороженым. Кому какой вкус?
- 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,726 - Ванильное! - Ванильное!
- 00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:55,063 Зачем отправляться в глубины космоса ради мороженого?
- 00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,482 У глоппи-дропулитов меньше вкусовых рецепторов, чем у людей.
- 00:05:57,565 --> 00:05:59,233 Их мороженое сродни больничной койке.
- 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,861 Оно дает больше, а ты прилагаешь меньше усилий.
- 00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:03,571 Ладно. Скоро увидимся.
- 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:06,240 Я начну сортировать все четкие фрагменты неба.
- 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,408 Секретная техника.
- 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,785 - Погнали, сучка! - Чёрт! Вот ты где.
- 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:11,579 - Я сожру твою задницу! - Ты подохнешь на улице, как собака!
- 00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:15,958 Красота.
- 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:19,378 Спасибо. Это невероятно.
- 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,090 Рада, что у меня нашелся твой размер.
- 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,384 Глоппи Дроп далеко?
- 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,054 И почему мне всегда кажется, что на мне часы?
- 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:31,265 У меня есть мороженое из Глоппи Дроп в квартирке на орбите Земли.
- 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:34,560 - Так что время у нас есть. - У тебя личная космическая станция?
- 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,187 У нас личная космическая станция.
- 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,563 Мы один и тот же человек.
- 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:41,901 Есть отличия. Одна из нас будто понятия не имеет, кто она на самом деле.
- 00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:43,444 Неверно. Но давай кое о чём договоримся.
- 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:47,240 Давай доверять себе, чтоб не задаваться вопросом, кто мы, когда мы вместе.
- 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:48,699 Мы можем говорить друг другу то,
- 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,786 что ни за что не сказали бы кому-то еще, даже самой себе.
- 00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:53,871 А что мы не можем сказать самой себе?
- 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:57,333 Может, это? «Ух ты, моя задница отлично смотрится в этом скафандре».
- 00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,460 Я серьезно. Я красивая женщина.
- 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,170 Это мило с твоей стороны.
- 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:05,925 Я тоже считаю себя весьма привлекательной.
- 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,104 Мы забыли про мороженое.
- 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:23,109 Хочу, чтоб ты опять взволновала меня, как будто я одна из твоих глупышек.
- 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,078 Чёрт возьми! Морти, нельзя просто взять и забрать мой контроллер.
- 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,705 Можно. Он мой.
- 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,416 - Ладно. Сам-Сам, дай мне твой. - Сделай себе свой.
- 00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,168 Некоторым из нас нужен максимум контроля.
- 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:41,627 Идите вы в жопу!
- 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:45,214 Так с чего ты так внезапно увлекся реалистичными видеоиграми?
- 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,174 Я ими давно увлекаюсь.
- 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,259 Но теперь ты любишь их не меньше моего.
- 00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:50,928 Ты имеешь в виду, что я смотрю на них в оцепенелом трансе?
- 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,722 Я не осуждаю, чисто замечание.
- 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,433 Да уж, ты склонна замечать вещи немного раньше меня.
- 00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:56,893 Но в итоге ты тоже их замечаешь.
- 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,312 А теперь мы оба можем не замечать. Вместе. Да.
- 00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:00,771 Господи! Бет!
- 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,857 Ты вроде говорила, что привезешь мороженое.
- 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,693 Да, я… Оно, наверно, в…
- 00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:07,653 В машине! Мы оставили его в машине.
- 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,406 Ладно, хорошо. Иначе это было бы странно.
- 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,742 Я беспокоюсь, что всё становится заметнее.
- 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,036 Ага. Если он покончит с собой, нам придется искать нового отца.
- 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,621 Господи, Саммер!
- 00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:21,334 Привет, пап.
- 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,086 - Что это? - Я делаю контроллер.
- 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,547 Этот вид бионических космических китов имеет углеродную проводку.
- 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,132 Идеально для плавного игрового процесса.
- 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,717 Я его не убиваю, к твоему сведению,
- 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,678 а бесплатно меняю пищевод на улучшенную версию.
- 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,013 Он должен меня благодарить.
- 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,431 И поблагодарит, с его-то интеллектом.
- 00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:38,601 Эти существа - телепаты, Бет. Они разговаривают с тобой во сне.
- 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,979 Твой Репликатор делает мороженое из системы Глоппи Дроп?
- 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,815 Зачем тебе копия мороженого из Глоппи Дроп, притворщица?
- 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:47,485 Дурдом какой-то. Я полетела за ним вместе с КосмоБет.
- 00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:50,571 Мы так здорово провели время, что забыли про мороженое.
- 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,823 - Дурдом, да? - Ты на полном серьезе спрашиваешь?
- 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,576 - Возможно. - Подойди сюда. Держи малыша покрепче.
- 00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,703 Ты говоришь о бесконечном отце.
- 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,705 Я встречал себя там бессчетное количество раз.
- 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,082 Происходит бесконечное дерьмо.
- 00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:03,793 В том числе, как ты выразилась, забывание мороженого.
- 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,670 Ты… тоже забывал мороженое?
- 00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:07,380 Спроси у меня подробности, когда я напьюсь.
- 00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:09,632 А пока не переживай о том, что ты назвала дурдомом.
- 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,134 - Как говорят дети, делай как знаешь. - Спасибо.
- 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,844 Большое спасибо, пап.
- 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,304 Но помни одну вещь:
- 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,015 ты забыла не только собственное мороженое, но и мороженое своей семьи.
- 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,518 Если это будет слишком часто повторяться, у тебя появятся секреты.
- 00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:24,105 - А ты против секретов. - Против? Ни фига. Секреты - это класс.
- 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:27,984 Например, у меня в холодильнике есть ванильное мороженое из Глоппи Дроп.
- 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:31,237 Возьми его. Я лишь хочу сказать: вранье копится, как долги по кредитке.
- 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,739 Ты сохраняешь преимущество, оставаясь ликвидной.
- 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:37,785 Поняла. Я бы назвала это простой операцией с налом.
- 00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,371 Весело и задорно.
- 00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:49,380 Любимый Калкин?
- 00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:50,923 - Киран. - Киран.
- 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:51,924 Любимая песня Бритни?
- 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:52,925 - «Work bitch». - Да!
- 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:53,926 Любимая штука от похмелья?
- 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,887 «Шерсть собаки» с постыдным удовольствием, как «Us Weekly».
- 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,436 Я сказала папе.
- 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,062 Я имею в виду, мне не нужно было. Он знал.
- 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:08,274 Думаю, это одна из причин, по которой не нужно было говорить ему.
- 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,027 И что он сказал?
- 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,903 Мы общались загадками. Думаю, он сказал так:
- 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:16,157 «Всё хорошо, пока мы не чувствуем себя в долгу перед нашими арендодателями».
- 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,575 Это в его духе!
- 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:20,911 Будем рассказывать семье?
- 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,914 Тратить время, выясняя, как угодить другим?
- 00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:25,082 Я замужем.
- 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:28,127 Мы обе замужем, но я в нашем браке.
- 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,338 Это определяющая разница между нами.
- 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:33,090 Нет правил, где написано, какой ты должна быть.
- 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,718 И что будет? Что это?
- 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:39,096 Влюблены ли мы в себя?
- 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,683 Делает ли это нас самой здоровой или нездоровой женщиной во вселенной?
- 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,977 Тебе когда-нибудь говорили, что ты обожаешь анализировать?
- 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:48,230 Я это тоже очень люблю, если это называть именно так.
- 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,483 Мне не нужно это как-то называть.
- 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:53,778 Я хочу узнать только срок годности.
- 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,364 Возможно, я знаю способ узнать эту информацию.
- 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,657 - Номер в мотеле! - Голопалуба!
- 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,033 Твой вариант мне нравится больше.
- 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,542 Бет! Я имею в виду, моя Бет!
- 00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,420 Так, не моя Бет, но я закончил!
- 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,421 Я всё!
- 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,049 Дети, не знаете, где ваши мамы?
- 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:16,759 Вы заняты игрой…
- 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,803 Не берите в голову, я их где-нибудь найду.
- 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,554 Нет. Нет, папа…
- 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,474 Поиграй с нами в видеоигру.
- 00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:26,102 Так, пап. Вот бесконечный экран меню.
- 00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:29,814 - Не знаю… - Пусть консоль выберет игру.
- 00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:31,190 СКРЫТЬ РОМАН
- 00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:32,483 Пожалуй, эту пропустим.
- 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,360 Правда? Почему? Кажется, это веселая игра.
- 00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:36,570 ЦЕЛЬ РАЗДЕЛА: СОВРАТЬ ЕМУ О СВОЕЙ НЕВЕРНОСТИ…
- 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,656 Так. Значит, мы женщина, которая замужем за мужчиной,
- 00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:41,659 но имеет сексуальную связь с другой женщиной.
- 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,620 - Очень пикантно. - Очень пикантно, Джерри.
- 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:47,540 Хорошая работа. Похоже, это игра для одного игрока, ребятки.
- 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,589 Вы серьезно?
- 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,008 Какого чёрта вы делаете на моей голопалубе?
- 00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:02,012 Вот чёрт! Развели тут «Сан-Джуниперо».
- 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:05,474 Боже мой, Бет! Есть мастурбация, а есть… мастурбация.
- 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,643 - Знал бы ты, старик… - Папа, хватит! Извини.
- 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,687 Слушай, это не мое дело.
- 00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:12,398 И, конечно, наслаждайтесь вместе, лесбийские любительницы лошадей.
- 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,066 Но вот шифруетесь вы хреново.
- 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,402 - Мы уже все всё знаем. - Даже Джерри?
- 00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,821 Нет, папа в неведении, он наслаждается видеоигрой
- 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:20,114 о романе на стороне.
- 00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,866 Если вы делаете это, вы должны ему сказать.
- 00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:23,325 Так, малыш, отстань.
- 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,660 Не расстраивайся. Они правы.
- 00:12:24,743 --> 00:12:28,414 Правы в чём? Что мы должны быть в два раза внимательнее и сдержаннее,
- 00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:31,876 так как какой-то хрен располовинил нас? Я только выбралась из этого дерьма!
- 00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:33,752 Это не так. Это я.
- 00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,088 Это я, которая не посылает вас на хрен.
- 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,965 Так что позвольте мне: идите на хрен!
- 00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,593 Она скажет мужу, что захочет и когда захочет.
- 00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:42,470 А вы уж смиритесь, а то будете иметь дело со мной.
- 00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:45,723 Но помните: у меня есть всё оружие Хищника.
- 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,058 - Ладно. - Круто.
- 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,685 Думаю, пора поесть мороженое.
- 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,396 Дети, вы что? Вы его прям всасываете.
- 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,898 Ваши мамы летали в космос.
- 00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:56,358 Вы хоть поблагодарили их за это?
- 00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:01,155 - Спасибо, мамочки. - Очень самоотверженно с вашей стороны.
- 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,032 Ешьте мороженое как хотите.
- 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,283 Ничто хорошее не длится вечно.
- 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:05,910 Хочешь сказать, я потеряла тебя,
- 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,036 земная девочка?
- 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:08,954 Хочешь сказать, что тебя можно было иметь,
- 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,122 космический повстанец?
- 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,333 Ладно вам. Сегодня ведь День благодарения.
- 00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,752 Мы можем хотя бы говорить по-английски.
- 00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:17,379 Джерри, у меня был секс с твоей женой.
- 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,549 Или я твоя жена, и я занималась сексом с клоном, с которым ты спишь.
- 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,551 Выбирай сам. Мы занимались сексом, и нам понравилось.
- 00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,473 Бет Санчес - это, конечно, что-то с чем-то.
- 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,600 Наверно, я приглашу ее на выпускной.
- 00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:32,686 Джерри, ради твоего же блага, держись подальше от Бет Санчес.
- 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:36,398 - В худшем случае она скажет «нет». - Нет. В худшем случае она скажет «да».
- 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,150 Она слишком женственна для тебя.
- 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:42,112 Да, возможно, она найдет твою наивность милой, но она слишком пылкая.
- 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,448 Рано или поздно она разорвет тебя на части.
- 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:48,077 Я был бы счастлив, если бы меня разорвала на части Бет Санчес.
- 00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:56,835 - Что за хрень? - Папа - жук! Он закрутился в жука!
- 00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,089 Да, я и забыл, что установил эту штуку.
- 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,260 Почему у Джерри есть протокол превращения в мокрицу?
- 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:05,678 Это система эмоциональной защиты.
- 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:06,929 Однажды мы с Джерри напились,
- 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,639 и он сказал, что очень хотел бы этого.
- 00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,683 Не ругай меня. Я хотел татуировки.
- 00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:13,394 В общем, он жив-здоров и может развернуться когда захочет.
- 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:16,480 Впрочем, он также может оставаться в метаболической спячке хоть вечно.
- 00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,649 Это суперспособность. Например, для полетов экономклассом,
- 00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:21,277 или когда Саммер спрашивает, как тебе «Чудо-женщина: 1984».
- 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,612 - Как это отменить? - Это только он может. В том-то и дело.
- 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,990 Полная безопасность. Даже я не могу это изменить.
- 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:29,493 Если попытаться вытащить его и задеть нерв, он превратится в реального Шрека.
- 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,745 По-своему, в печали, он контролирует свое состояние.
- 00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,330 Таков типичный Джерри.
- 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,624 Он предпочтет быть жуком, нежели вести беседу.
- 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,501 А ты слышала, как ты заводишь беседу?
- 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,670 Вы, дамы, спорьте, кто виноват, а я курну
- 00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:41,672 и пойду играть в видеоигры с вашими детьми.
- 00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,968 ВЫ ПРОСНУЛИСЬ В ЛЕСУ.
- 00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:48,345 ЗАЛЕЗТЬ НА ДЕРЕВО.
- 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,848 ВЫ ЗАЛЕЗЛИ НА ДЕРЕВО. ЕЩЕ БОЛЬШЕ ЛЕСА.
- 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,975 - Твою мать. Еще больше леса. - Посмотри вокруг.
- 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,019 ОСМОТРЕТЬСЯ.
- 00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:56,854 ВЫ ОСМОТРЕЛИСЬ И ВИДИТЕ БОЛЬШЕ ЛЕСА.
- 00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:57,938 Попробуй пойти на север.
- 00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:58,856 ПОЙТИ НА СЕВЕР.
- 00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,149 ВЫ ИДЕТЕ НА СЕВЕР. ВЫ В ЛЕСУ.
- 00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,484 ПРОШЛО ТРИДЦАТЬ МИНУТ. ВАША МАТЬ ЖДЕТ В АЭРОПОРТУ.
- 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,652 - Блин! - Постой. Что за хрень?
- 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,112 Может, продолжать идти на север?
- 00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:06,405 ПРОДОЛЖИТЬ ПУТЬ НА СЕВЕР.
- 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,615 ВЫ ПРОДОЛЖАЕТЕ ИДТИ НА СЕВЕР.
- 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,700 ПРОШЕЛ ЧАС. НАД АЭРОПОРТОМ СГУСТИЛИСЬ СУМЕРКИ.
- 00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:11,118 СКОРО ВАША МАТЬ ОКАЖЕТСЯ В ТЕМНОТЕ.
- 00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:14,121 - Какого чёрта? - Боже! А что будет в темноте?
- 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,625 Джерри, милый, если ты меня слышишь, пожалуйста, развернись.
- 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:18,876 Он не хочет.
- 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,003 Немного поздно беспокоиться о том, чего он хочет.
- 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,880 Господи, Бет, не ведись на это.
- 00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,340 Это не любовь. Это истерика.
- 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,675 Да, но его истерика саморазрушительна.
- 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,218 А твоя - разрушительна.
- 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,054 Может, поэтому его люблю именно я.
- 00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,805 Он беспокоится. Он хочет всё делать правильно.
- 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,766 Ему стыдно, когда он терпит неудачу.
- 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,726 Разве не это ты любишь во мне?
- 00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:36,977 Хочешь, чтобы я делала как он?
- 00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,480 Хочешь, чтобы я сделала предложение, угрожая покончить с собой?
- 00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:41,440 Нет. Я люблю тебя такой, какая ты есть.
- 00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:43,484 И всегда любила. В видеоигре.
- 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,986 Но в жизни что-то идет не так, что-то не складывается.
- 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:49,031 Мне бы хотелось всё исправить, но когда у меня не получается,
- 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,033 - я бесполезна, как мой муж. - Не понимаю.
- 00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,077 Ты домохозяйка, а я космическая леди.
- 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,204 Но это ты меня прожевала и выплюнула?
- 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,581 Я не хочу просто взять и забыть о тебе.
- 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,876 Я тоже. В этом-то и проблема.
- 00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:04,254 Но я знаю, кто обязан разрулить нашу ситуацию.
- 00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:07,341 Чёрт! Мы вышли из леса и нашли поляну.
- 00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,218 Иди проверь. Проверь поляну.
- 00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:10,552 ПОЙТИ НА ПОЛЯНУ.
- 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:11,845 ВЫ НА ПОЛЯНЕ.
- 00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:14,390 ВЫ БОЛЬШЕ НЕ В ЛЕСУ, ТАК ЧТО ВАМПИРЫ ПОБЕДИЛИ. КОНЕЦ.
- 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,892 Вампиры? Да ладно! Это не реалистично.
- 00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:18,352 Морти, это, вероятно, мир,
- 00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:20,187 - где вампиры охотятся на полянах. - Как ты…
- 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,523 Я располагаю той же информацией, что и ты.
- 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,526 Папа, больше никакого сидения перед экраном, пока не сделал домашку.
- 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,945 - Что бы это значило? - Не будем заморачиваться.
- 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,322 Блин. В этот День благодарения ты реально повзрослел.
- 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,283 Сколько нам лет? У нас был миллион Дней благодарения.
- 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,077 Я объясню, насколько это иррационально.
- 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,121 Сказал мужик, клонировавший свою дочь.
- 00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:39,248 - Я когда-нибудь заглажу свою вину? - Нет.
- 00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,874 Вы, девочки, хотите, чтобы я стер
- 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,918 все сцены про порно с клонами из вашей памяти?
- 00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:44,211 - Ага. В общем и целом. - Верно.
- 00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,629 Но при этом все окружающие -
- 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:48,298 ваш отец, ваш муж-рогоносец, ваши измотанные дети -
- 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,509 будут радостно и молча нести бремя воспоминаний,
- 00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:52,594 потому что для них это более практично, чем правда,
- 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,722 а вам будет всё равно, потому что не будет вас касаться?
- 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,390 - В яблочко, пап. - Похоже, у него большой опыт
- 00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:58,308 в роли эгоистичного подонка.
- 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,603 Я буду по тебе скучать.
- 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,896 Будем надеяться, что нет.
- 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,732 Ничего не выйдет, вы снова влюбитесь друг в друга,
- 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,400 а потом наедете на меня за мое участие в этом.
- 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,610 А я вам навру и скажу, что отговаривал вас несколько часов.
- 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:09,903 По правде говоря, мне плевать.
- 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,906 - Три, два… - Господи, хоть бы вы все повзрослели.
- 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,241 - Джерри, ты развернулся! - Блин!
- 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,993 Резкий поворот сюжета. Счастливая развязка.
- 00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,537 Не делайте себе лоботомию ради моего комфорта.
- 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,581 Я, может, и мужчина, но я также и ребенок.
- 00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,459 А дети не несут ответственность за страдания других.
- 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,837 Нельзя было говорить, что я убью себя, если ты меня бросишь. Это неправда.
- 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,466 Я бы собрал свой хлам и плакал, сидя в «Старбаксе» и ища работу в интернете.
- 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,050 Именно это я и сделаю.
- 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,594 Так что вы двое можете вступить
- 00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:37,723 в клоно-лесбийский брак и трахать друг друга пальцами на луне сколько угодно,
- 00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:40,976 высмеивая на марсианском французском мой странный маленький член.
- 00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:42,227 Джерри, подожди!
- 00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:49,026 Джерри, не уходи в гневе.
- 00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:51,653 Мне что, выплыть на листе лотоса?
- 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:55,324 Мне надо быть в два раза увереннее, ведь жена изменила мне с самой собой.
- 00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:58,202 - Это даже не измена. - Пришла помочь? Ты вообще отстой.
- 00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,287 Ты даже не знаешь, кто твоя настоящая жена.
- 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,539 Вдруг это я, а ты изменял мне с клоном?
- 00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,291 Я не клон, но она права.
- 00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:05,667 Какой провокационный разговор.
- 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,545 Было бы здорово, если б раньше у меня были бы вы обе,
- 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,255 я имею в виду вас двоих…
- 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:14,551 Дарили б друг другу офигенные оргазмы, издеваясь над моим маленьким членом!
- 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,845 Джерри, один ты продолжаешь говорить «странный» и «маленький».
- 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,097 Вы обе его видели. Вы обе видели друг друга,
- 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,975 а теперь хотите мне всё рассказать? Но уже поздно.
- 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,520 Бог мой, ты злишься не потому, что всё произошло из-за тебя,
- 00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,146 а потому, что, наоборот, не из-за тебя.
- 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,398 Он хотел сам разрешить нам нашу любовь.
- 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,318 Мы не в сериале «Рассказ служанки», и нам не надо постоянно оповещать мужа.
- 00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,112 Согласна. Кстати, мы совершили ошибку.
- 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,823 Потому что сами должны были заметить, что теряем контроль,
- 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,200 и обратиться к гуру секса Джерри, сказав:
- 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,078 «Прошу, Джерри, можно мне целоваться с самой собой?»
- 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,079 Да, можно.
- 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:46,333 Ага. Видите? Не так уж это и круто, когда в открытую, разлучницы.
- 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,044 - Значит, нам это не понравится? - Подожди.
- 00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:51,171 - Это странно. - Странно и дозволено.
- 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,549 - Постой. Тебе это нравится? - Кого волнует, что ему нравится?
- 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,217 - Меня. - Может, и нравится.
- 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,094 А если нравится ей, то я разрешаю.
- 00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:59,471 - Ты маленький извращенец! - Тебе нравится маленький извращенец.
- 00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:03,225 - Мне нравится его унижать. - Одобряю. Продолжай.
- 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,561 Я в шоке, насколько это всё меня заводит.
- 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:08,897 - Мне можно это сделать? - Да, пока я не скажу иначе.
- 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,191 - Мне это нравится. - Тогда с этого момента это разрешено.
- 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:13,402 Потому что тебе нравится всё, что нравится ей,
- 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:16,238 - ведь ты червь. - Я принимаю это определение.
- 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,531 Передай соль.
- 00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,283 - Мне плевать, что ты разрешаешь. - Чёрт!
- 00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:21,618 - Я разрешаю это. - Тогда это просто необходимо.
- 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,163 - Я одобряю данное требование. - Иди сюда.
- 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:27,082 - Хорошая идея. - Ладно. Дорогая?
- 00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:29,209 - Я за, если ты согласна. - Ты всегда против, заткнись.
- 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,335 Хорошо, но…
- 00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:34,047 - Ладно. - Я не так себе это представляла. Но…
- 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,925 - У меня пока ноль жалоб. - Потому что я знаю, чего ты хочешь.
- 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,510 Не могу не согласиться.
- 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,597 - Внесу предложение. Что если мы… - Серьезно?
- 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,474 - Издеваетесь надо мной? - А что? Так плохо?
- 00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:45,726 Я разрешаю.
- 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,981 Господи, Рик, ты должен починить портальную пушку.
- 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:53,150 Когда ты о чём-то просишь, я меньше всего хочу это делать.
- 00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:56,153 Ладно. День благодарения. Давайте говорить о Дне благодарения.
- 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:59,072 Кто за что благодарен? Давай, Саммер. Ты первая.
- 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:03,118 Думаю, я благодарна, к примеру, за воду.
- 00:20:03,201 --> 00:20:05,120 Чудесно. Замечательно. А ты, Морти?
- 00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:08,749 Ты издеваешься, что ли? Почему?
- 00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:11,752 Канал «Дискавери». Почему?
- 00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:15,047 Ладно, сидите и ешьте молча. Просто ешьте.
- 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,673 Извини. Это…
- 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,384 Ну, пока, дети.
- 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,720 Я буду следить за своим внуком из космоса.
- 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:22,721 За твоим чем?
- 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,681 Точно. Наруто.
- 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,934 Спасибо, что заскочила, КосмоБет.
- 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:35,108 Что ж, кажется, мы все усвоили небольшой урок в эти выходные.
- 00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:36,652 По крайней мере, я-то уж точно.
- 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,695 Я тоже, Джерри. Я тоже.
- 00:21:21,738 --> 00:21:24,825 Привет, Джерри. Чем я могу помочь тебе сегодня?
- 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:28,245 Привет. Да я просто потусоваться.
- 00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:31,665 Извини, дорогой, но одному тебе сюда нельзя.
- 00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:33,709 Почему? Там только я.
- 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:36,211 Не принимай это на свой счет,
- 00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:40,799 просто сюда иногда приходят Джерри, чтобы полапать других Джерри.
- 00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:43,135 О нет, это ужасно.
- 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:44,886 Ладно, до встречи!
- 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,103 - Хорошо. - Спасибо.
- 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,025 СВЕТЛОЙ ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА
- 00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:00,944 Перевод субтитров: Татьяна Грачева
- 00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:08,508 Oh, my God, I cannot fucking believe this!
- 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,510 Here we fucking go!
- 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,470 Oh! Jeez!
- 00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,265 Pardon the interruption.
- 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,183 We are once again in the federal clear.
- 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,561 Rick, what the hell?! A-Are you a Turkey Dracula now?
- 00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,438 Morty, is that a Pooplickian GamePod?
- 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,022 Actually it's the GamePod XL.
- 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:25,316 They say it's the most realistic video game console ever.
- 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,277 - I never got you that. - Space Mom did.
- 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:28,987 She's in for the holiday weekend, remember?
- 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,822 Shit, in that case, let's go, let's get out of here--
- 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,323 Home Beth: I heard you smack the glass, Dad.
- 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:33,950 If you bail, I'll disown you!
- 00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:35,702 Space Beth: Yeah, I'd say don't hop through a portal.
- 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,078 But, oh, wait, you can't.
- 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,538 - [ Laughs ] - Look at it this way, Morty.
- 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,373 Life is a subscription, and Thanksgiving
- 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,208 is your family's yearly charge.
- 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,335 Wow, Dad, good job.
- 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,588 Rick, put some pants on.
- 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,631 Today has so few rules.
- 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,800 Yes, Patriarch.
- 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,218 Ding ding ding!
- 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,803 I'd like to make a toast.
- 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,473 Today is a day for thanks.
- 00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,266 And for family.
- 00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:01,186 And for remembering all of those that have less.
- 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,979 Okay, pick a scope.
- 00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:02,979 Pick a scope?
- 00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:04,814 Can we please have a normal Thanksgiving?
- 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,649 Well, seems like all the ones I remember.
- 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,485 Good point.
- 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:11,279 Baby, you-- It's a toast.
- 00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:12,822 Sorry! Sorry!
- 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,032 [ Both laugh ]
- 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,951 Anyway, I'm thankful for my wife.
- 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,828 Beth. The Beth that chose me.
- 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,164 I'm so grateful to you,
- 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,166 and I literally could not live without you.
- 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,375 Aw!
- 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,375 -Aw! -Aw!
- 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:25,543 I really mean that.
- 00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,003 If something were to happen to you,
- 00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,546 or if you were to leave me, or be unfaithful,
- 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:29,964 I would die. -Mm! -Uh...
- 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,758 Literally. Probably by my own hand.
- 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:32,967 Eww. Okay.
- 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,302 I know how I'd do it.
- 00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:35,929 Our first blender has an extra long cord
- 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,139 and it was manufactured before safety fuses,
- 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,557 so I'd draw a warm bath--
- 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,684 And blend some stuff. Good toast, honey.
- 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,102 To thankfulness.
- 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,021 To... A-America?
- 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:46,231 To ending the toast?
- 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:48,066 All: To ending the toast!
- 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:51,361 Just to, uh, be clear, I was saying I'd kill myself.
- 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,363 -Jerry. -God!
- 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,363 We know!
- 00:01:53,363 --> 00:02:25,103 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:27,647 {\an8}Sorry Jerry got all husbandy.
- 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,315 {\an8}Yeah, do not miss that.
- 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,401 {\an8}So I was thinking we could set you up in Jerry's man cave?
- 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,944 {\an8}Oh, that's okay, I'll sleep in my car.
- 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,405 {\an8}It's got a TARDIS thing going on, bigger on the inside.
- 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:38,658 {\an8}Dad calls it hack, but my soaking tub begs to differ.
- 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,327 {\an8}Hmm, maybe I'll trade you. Ohh!
- 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:42,745 {\an8}Agh! My lower back.
- 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,747 {\an8}Oh, I got this. [ Back cracks ]
- 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,958 {\an8}Ah, Jesus, that was great.
- 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:49,419 {\an8}Well, you're me. [ Chuckles ]
- 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:52,881 {\an8}I find this is usually the biggest help.
- 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,258 {\an8}Mmm, oh, I just love...
- 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,843 {\an8}the Venusian stuff.
- 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,304 {\an8}It's cool, I get insecure trying to pronounce this crap, too,
- 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,180 {\an8}but I got just the thing for that.
- 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:04,058 {\an8}Here. [ Speaking French ]
- 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:11,900 {\an8}Um...
- 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,944 {\an8}[ Singing ]
- 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,988 {\an8}[ Both laughing ]
- 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,657 {\an8}Okay, shoot that asteroid. Now shoot that one.
- 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,659 {\an8}Now shoot me in the face. This game's trash.
- 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,786 {\an8}I didn't want to say anything, but this does seem lame.
- 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,079 {\an8}Yeah, I thought it was maybe
- 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,414 {\an8}'cause we've shot so many real asteroids.
- 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:27,624 L-Let's look at the menu.
- 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,459 Oh! T-There's the realism setting.
- 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,919 Oh, cool. Also stupid.
- 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,421 The factory setting is 4? What do we want, 10?
- 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,340 No, do 9. I'm kidding.
- 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,966 Shut up, Summer.
- 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,966 Yeah, shut up, Summer.
- 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,635 Put 10.
- 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,639 This is the same. It's worse. It's--
- 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,140 Oh. Oh. I get it. Okay.
- 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,350 It's-- It's more real.
- 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,976 The vast majority of space is empty.
- 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,311 What? Who cares?
- 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,979 T-Then what am I doing?
- 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,814 Looks like you can record a video for your kid
- 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,316 in case you die.
- 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,319 Not a bad idea, you're gonna be in space for a while.
- 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,904 [ Sighs ] May as well.
- 00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,156 {\an8}Um, hey, son. Uh...
- 00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:01,824 {\an8}If you're seeing this, I...
- 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,285 {\an8}starved to death while looking for an asteroid.
- 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,995 {\an8}Ugh. This is stupid.
- 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,997 {\an8}You guys are obviously just trying to convince yourselves
- 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,666 {\an8}it's cool because you feel lame about it.
- 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,876 {\an8}Summer you know nothing about gamer culture.
- 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,586 {\an8}Bro, tell your son you love the shit out of him.
- 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,129 {\an8}Oh, I'm gonna!
- 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,974 {\an8}Of course we both can't sleep at the same time.
- 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,017 {\an8}Yeah, we do share a shitty back.
- 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,560 {\an8}Turn around. At least let me--
- 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,020 {\an8}Yes, please. [ Back cracks ]
- 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,563 {\an8}Oh, my God.
- 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:35,108 {\an8}Okay, I know we're not massage people but you need this.
- 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,193 {\an8}See, you act like this badass space cowboy,
- 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,570 {\an8}but I know you're just a scared little overachiever
- 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,281 {\an8}that keeps all her OCD right--
- 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,033 Oh, my God! Yeah.
- 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,411 By the way you better be taking notes-- I'm next.
- 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:47,996 It's my back, you dumb bitch.
- 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,789 Nice. [ Chuckles ]
- 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,499 What?
- 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:57,046 [ Clatter ]
- 00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:00,133 Well, I better get back to bed.
- 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,094 [ Chuckles ]
- 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:03,094 Yep. Same.
- 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:06,347 {\an8}♪
- 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,891 Oh, so now you're into highly realistic video games?
- 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,227 Maybe I decided real life was too much right now,
- 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,396 or maybe I'm not afraid to change my mind about stuff.
- 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,774 Maybe mental flexibility is stronger than stubbornness.
- 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,234 Nice manip', Sum-Sum.
- 00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,028 Okay, I-I'm in the alley behind the library.
- 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,113 - Uptown or downtown? - Shit, there's one uptown, too?
- 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,032 It's okay, stay there, I think I'm near the red line.
- 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,533 Is this "Street Fighter"?
- 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,784 "Street Fighter" where you start
- 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,286 at the beginning of each fighter's day
- 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,746 and have to find each other to fight.
- 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,039 Rick: It's very realistic.
- 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,749 Not even guaranteed a fight will happen.
- 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,209 That meter filling up is us forgetting what made us so mad.
- 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,879 If anyone's interested in a higher level of realism,
- 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,714 I'm booting up the OG--
- 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:43,217 that's Original Game, called a jigsaw puzzle--
- 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,761 in the den.
- 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,095 Home Beth: Hey, gang!
- 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,555 Me and my space self are gonna make a run
- 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,474 to the Gloppy Drop System for ice cream.
- 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,767 Any flavor requests?
- 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,018 - Vanilla! - Vanilla!
- 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,352 Why do you guys have to go
- 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:54,979 all the way to deep space just for ice cream?
- 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,190 Gloppy Dropulites have less taste buds than humans.
- 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,900 Their ice cream is like a hospital bed.
- 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,277 It's designed for you to do less so it does more.
- 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,112 Okay, see ya in a bit.
- 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,031 I'll get started sorting all the obvious sky pieces.
- 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,449 Secret technique.
- 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,451 - Oh, shit, there you are! - Oh, fuck, it's on, bitch!
- 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,329 I'm gonna eat your ass!
- 00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:11,329 You will die in the street like a dog!
- 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:15,708 [ Sighs ] Stunning.
- 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:18,961 Thank you. This is incredible.
- 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,798 Eh. Just glad I had something in your size.
- 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,216 [ Laughs ]
- 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,009 How far is Gloppy Drop?
- 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,553 And why do I always think I'm wearing a watch?
- 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,263 I actually have a pint of Gloppy Drop
- 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,140 on a little apartment orbiting Earth.
- 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,433 So we have time.
- 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,435 You have your own space station?
- 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,187 We have our own space station.
- 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,272 We're the same person.
- 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,272 There's differences.
- 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:41,400 Like, one of us has no idea who she really is.
- 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,194 Wrong. But let's make a deal.
- 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,238 Let's trust ourselves enough to stop wondering
- 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,906 who we are when we're together.
- 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,491 We get to say anything to each other.
- 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:51,577 Things we'd never say to anyone else, even ourselves.
- 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,538 What don't we say to ourselves?
- 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:56,916 How about, "Wow, my ass looks good in that space suit"?
- 00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,210 I mean it. I'm a good-looking woman.
- 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,045 Well, that's nice of you to say.
- 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,672 I also...
- 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,465 find myself...
- 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,342 quite attractive.
- 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:09,220 [ Both moaning ]
- 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:13,558 {\an8}♪
- 00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:17,854 We forgot the ice cream.
- 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,522 [ Both laugh ]
- 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,065 I want you back in my guts like
- 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,442 I'm one of your sick little fillies.
- 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,403 [ Both moaning ]
- 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,033 {\an8}♪
- 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,243 Oh, God damn it, Morty!
- 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:33,911 You can't just take my controller
- 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,371 Yes, I can! It's mine!
- 00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,165 Ugh. Okay, Sum-Sum, gimme.
- 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,791 Make your own controller, some of us need
- 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,126 all the control we can get.
- 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,253 Ugh, fuck you!
- 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,881 So why are you so suddenly into realistic video games?
- 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,174 I already was.
- 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,884 Yeah, but now you're into them the way I am.
- 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:50,094 You mean, like staring at them in a numb trance?
- 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,471 Uh-huh. Not judging, just noticing.
- 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,266 Yeah, y-you tend to notice stuff a little before I do.
- 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,642 But eventually you do notice.
- 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:59,103 And now we can both not notice together, yes.
- 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,479 Jerry: Oh, my god-- Beth!
- 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,356 I thought you said you got ice cream?
- 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,649 [ Both sigh ]
- 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,401 Home Beth: Yeah, I, uh-- It must be in the, uh...
- 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,320 Space Beth: Oh, the car! We left it in the car.
- 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,198 Jerry: Okay, good, because that would have been weird!
- 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,283 I worry things might become more and more noticeable.
- 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,618 Yeah, and if he kills himself,
- 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:14,994 we're gonna have to get a new dad
- 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,537 Jesus Christ, Summer!
- 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,209 Hey, Dad.
- 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,668 Um, hmm, what's this?
- 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,045 Making a controller.
- 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,255 This species of bionic space whale has carbon wiring,
- 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,840 great for smooth gameplay.
- 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,342 I'm not killing it, for the record.
- 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,677 I'm just replacing its esophagus with a better one.
- 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,596 For free. I-It should thank me.
- 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:34,972 And it will, with its mind.
- 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,432 These things are telepathic, Beth.
- 00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,351 They talk to you in dreams.
- 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,228 Does your replicator thing make ice cream
- 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,729 from the Gloppy Drop system?
- 00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:44,524 Why would you want replicated Gloppy Drop ice cream, poser?
- 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,068 Crazy thing. I went with Space Beth to get some,
- 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,987 and we had such a great time we forgot the ice cream!
- 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,405 Crazy, right?
- 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,990 That's a real question?
- 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,158 M-Maybe?
- 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,785 Come here, hold the pup down.
- 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,411 You're talking about an infinite father.
- 00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,497 I've met myself out there infinite times.
- 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,998 Infinite shit happens.
- 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,584 Including, as you put it, forgetting the ice cream.
- 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,503 You've... forgotten the ice cream?
- 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,004 Drill me for details when I'm drunker.
- 00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,632 In the meantime, don't worry about what's crazy.
- 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,217 You know, as the kids say, you do you.
- 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,427 Oh, thanks. Thank you so much, Dad.
- 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:14,887 One thing to keep in mind, though.
- 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,847 It's not just your own ice cream you're forgetting.
- 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,349 It's your family's.
- 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,309 If you forget it too much, you start having to keep secrets.
- 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,978 Oh, and you're against secrets?
- 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,854 Against? Hell no. Secrets are great.
- 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,898 For instance, I've had a pint of vanilla
- 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,733 Gloppy Drop in my fridge this whole time.
- 00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,652 Take it. I'm just saying, lies pile up.
- 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:30,987 Like credit card debt.
- 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,489 You retain an advantage by staying liquid.
- 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:34,824 Gotcha. Well...
- 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,868 I'd call this a simple cash transaction.
- 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,496 Fun and done.
- 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:42,957 [ Both moaning ]
- 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,838 Favorite Culkin.
- 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,506 - Kieran! [ Laughs ] - Kieran! [ Laughs ]
- 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,133 Favorite song by Britney.
- 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,801 "Work Bitch"! Favorite hangover cure.
- 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,511 Hair of the dog with a guilty
- 00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,346 pleasure like "Humans Weekly."
- 00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:57,346 pleasure like "Us Weekly."
- 00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:01,142 [ Both laughing ]
- 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,019 I told Dad.
- 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,520 I mean, I didn't have to. He knew.
- 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,732 I guess that's one reason you didn't have to tell him.
- 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:10,526 [ Sighs ] What'd he say?
- 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,862 We kind of talked in code, I think he said it's fine
- 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,573 until it makes us feel indebted to our lessers.
- 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,199 That sounds like Dad.
- 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,286 Do we owe... the family an explanation?
- 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,996 Do we have to spend our time together
- 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,581 figuring out how to please others?
- 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:24,749 I'm married.
- 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,626 We both are, but I'm in our marriage.
- 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,545 It's the defining difference between us.
- 00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:32,631 Well, there's no rule book that says you have to be.
- 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,383 [ Chuckles ] What's gonna happen?
- 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,428 What is this? Are we in love...
- 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:38,721 with ourself?
- 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,056 I mean, does that make us the most
- 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,183 or the least healthy woman in the universe?
- 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,602 Anybody ever tell you you're overly analytical?
- 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,270 Which I do love.
- 00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:47,855 If that's what you need to call it.
- 00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:49,982 I don't need to call it anything.
- 00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:53,652 I would like to know... its shelf life.
- 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,654 I might know a way to gather that data.
- 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,281 Motel room! The Holodeck!
- 00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,991 I like yours better.
- 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,702 Jerry: Hmm... Uh...
- 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,247 [ Gasps ]
- 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,000 Beth! Uh, m-my Beth!
- 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,045 Well, not "my" Beth, but-- I finished!
- 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,546 It's done!
- 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,090 Kids, do you know where your moms are?
- 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,300 Oh, you're busy with your GamePod.
- 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,427 Don't worry about it, I'll find those two somewhere.
- 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:23,099 No! No, Dad, um, come play video games with us!
- 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,684 Okay, Dad, here's the infinite menu screen.
- 00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,103 Oh, I dunno.
- 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,563 Here, here, I-I'll have the console choose a game!
- 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,066 Um, maybe let's skip this one?
- 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,235 Really? Why? Looks fun!
- 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,113 Jerry: Oh, okay, so we are
- 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,447 a woman married to a man
- 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,782 but having a sexual affair
- 00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,575 with another woman!
- 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:42,868 Very spicy.
- 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,079 Very spicy, Jer. G-Good job.
- 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,790 Looks pretty single player, kids?
- 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:53,462 {\an8}♪
- 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,631 Rick: Seriously, you two?!
- 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:58,217 What the hell did you do in my Holodeck?!
- 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,470 Holy shit, you-- you did a full "San Junipero" in here?
- 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,347 Oh, my God, Beth, there's masturbating
- 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,141 and then there's <i>masturbating.</i>
- 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,309 Ew, Dad stop, I'm sorry!
- 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:07,309 You'd know, old man.
- 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,228 Argh! Look, this isn't my business,
- 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,856 and by all means, enjoy being sapphic horse girls together.
- 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,732 But you suck at doing it secretly.
- 00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,901 We all know. Including Jerry?!
- 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,987 No, Dad's so in the dark that he's enjoying a video game
- 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,530 about being in an affair right now.
- 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,449 If you guys are doing this, you got to tell him!
- 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:22,867 Okay, little man, back off.
- 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,160 Take it easy. They're right.
- 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,995 Right about what, that we have to be twice
- 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,164 as considerate and twice as repressed
- 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,166 because some dick split us in two?
- 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:33,377 This is the shit I left. This isn't. This is me.
- 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,629 This is the me that doesn't tell you all to fuck off.
- 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,423 So allow me. Fuck off.
- 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:40,009 She'll tell her husband what she wants when she feels like it.
- 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,844 And you can deal with it or you can deal with me.
- 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:45,806 But you should know I have all the Predator weapons.
- 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,808 Works for me. Fair enough. That's cool.
- 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,351 I guess it's time for ice cream.
- 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,937 Come on, kids, you're inhaling this stuff.
- 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,522 Your Moms went to space.
- 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,192 Did you even thank them for doing it?
- 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,943 Thanks for...
- 00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,403 <i>doing it,</i> Moms.
- 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:00,863 Very selfless of you.
- 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,573 Eat your ice cream however you want.
- 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,074 Nothing good lasts forever.
- 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:09,872 {\an8}[ Speaking French ]
- 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,874 Okay, come on, it's Thanksgiving.
- 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:15,336 The least we can do is speak English.
- 00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,962 Jerry, I had sex with your wife.
- 00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:20,216 Or I'm your wife and had sex with the clone you sleep with.
- 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,426 Your pick. We had sex. We loved it.
- 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,262 [ Bell rings ]
- 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,515 Beth Sanchez sure is something, huh?
- 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,099 I think I'll ask her to prom.
- 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,518 Jerry, for your own sake,
- 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,269 stay away from Beth Sanchez.
- 00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:33,729 Worst case, she says "no."
- 00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,023 No, Jerry. Worst case she says "yes."
- 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,775 She's too much woman for you.
- 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,444 Yeah, maybe she'd find your simple naiveté endearing,
- 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:41,695 but she's intense.
- 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,906 Sooner or later, she'd tear you apart.
- 00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:48,118 [ Sighs ] I'd be lucky to be torn apart by Beth Sanchez.
- 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:51,872 [ Inhales deeply ]
- 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,082 [ Groaning ]
- 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,500 - Aah! - What the fuck?!
- 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,585 Dad's a bug! Dad rolled into a bug!
- 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,838 Oh, yeah. Sh-- Forgot I installed that.
- 00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,592 Why does Jerry have a Pill Bug Protocol?
- 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:05,678 It's an emotional defense system.
- 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,887 I got drunk with Jerry one night
- 00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,013 and he said it's what he wanted most in the world.
- 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,848 Don't blame me, I wanted tattoos.
- 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,267 Anyway, he's in perfect health in there
- 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,768 and he can unroll when he chooses to,
- 00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:14,520 but can also stay in metabolic hibernation
- 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,605 pretty much indefinitely. It's a cool power to have,
- 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,107 like if you have to fly coach or if
- 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,609 Summer asks you what you thought of "Wonder Woman 1984."
- 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,194 How do we undo it? Only he can.
- 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,946 That's the point. It's total safety.
- 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,656 Even I can't reverse it.
- 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,116 If you try to pry him out and hit a nerve,
- 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,784 he'll literally turn into a Shrek.
- 00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:31,078 In his own sad way, he's taken control.
- 00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:32,621 This is classic Jerry.
- 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,665 He'd rather be a bug than have a conversation.
- 00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,667 Oh, have you heard the way you start conversations?
- 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,377 You ladies discuss responsibility
- 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,921 while I get stoned and play video games with your kids.
- 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,756 [ Door closes ]
- 00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:51,223 Rick: Fuck! More forest!
- 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,975 Morty: L-Look around!
- 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,896 Summer: Try heading north.
- 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,693 Oh, shit. Wait, what the fuck?
- 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,862 Um, maybe keep heading north?
- 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,327 Ew, what the hell?
- 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,454 Oh, God, w-what happens in the shadows?
- 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,707 Jerry, sweetie, if you can hear me, please unroll.
- 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,208 He doesn't want to.
- 00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,377 It's a little late to worry about what <i>he</i> wants.
- 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,004 Jesus, Beth, don't fall for this.
- 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,672 This isn't love, it's a tantrum.
- 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,091 Yeah, but his tantrum is self-destructive.
- 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,509 Yours is destructive.
- 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,303 Maybe that's why I'm the one that loves him.
- 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,221 He worries. He wants to do right.
- 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,057 He's ashamed when he fails.
- 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,975 Aren't those things you love about me?
- 00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,436 You want me to be like him? You want me to propose?
- 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:38,854 Threaten to kill myself?
- 00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,856 No. I love you the way you are.
- 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:42,775 And I did it forever in a video game.
- 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,110 But in life, things go wrong. Things stop working.
- 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,196 I-I like to fix those things, and when I can't,
- 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,239 I'm pretty useless. Like my husband.
- 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:50,532 I don't get it.
- 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,326 You're the house wife and I'm the space lady,
- 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,536 but you're the one that chewed me up and spit me out.
- 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,955 I don't want to just forget about you.
- 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,333 [ Sighs ] Me neither.
- 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,751 It's a problem.
- 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:03,629 But we know someone that owes us a solution.
- 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,798 Oh, shit, we're out of the forest.
- 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,049 We found a clearing.
- 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,301 Go check it out! Go check out the clearing!
- 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,473 Morty: Vampires?!
- 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,100 Oh, come on! That's not realistic!
- 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,393 Morty, it's obviously set in a world
- 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,228 where vampires hunt in clearings.
- 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,563 How did you--
- 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,563 I'm working with the same information you are!
- 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:22,940 Ow!
- 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,234 No more screen time until your homework's done, Dad.
- 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,236 - What did that mean? - We refuse to care.
- 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,571 Damn. You really came of age this Thanksgiving.
- 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,781 How old are we?
- 00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,574 We've had a million Thanksgivings.
- 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,410 Can I explain how irrational this is?
- 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,412 Asked the guy that cloned his daughter.
- 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,580 Will I ever live that down?
- 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,580 -No. -No.
- 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,249 You guys are having me "Eternal Sunshine"
- 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,292 all the "Multiplicity" porn scenes from your minds?
- 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,669 Yep. Basically. Sounds right.
- 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,087 Meanwhile, everyone around you--
- 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,505 your father, your cuckhold husband,
- 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,465 your jaded children-- will just happily
- 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,050 and silently bear the burden
- 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,885 because it's more practical for them than the truth
- 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,971 and you don't care because it won't be your problem?
- 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:55,597 Solid repipe, Dad.
- 00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,725 It's like he has a lifetime of experience as a selfish ass.
- 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,351 [ Both laugh ]
- 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:02,271 {\an8}[ Speaking French ]
- 00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:04,022 When this fails and the two of you fall in love again
- 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,733 and you attack me for taking part in this,
- 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,943 I'm gonna lie and say I tried to talk you out of it for hours.
- 00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,903 In truth, I don't care. Three, two--
- 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,030 Oh, for God's sakes, all of you, grow up.
- 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,657 - Jerry! You unrolled! - What the hell?!
- 00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,451 Ooh, plot twist, Deus Ex Husbanda.
- 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,786 Oh, don't lobotomize yourselves for my comfort.
- 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,289 I may be a man, but I'm also a baby, and babies
- 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,666 don't take responsibility for other people's suffering.
- 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,877 I should never have said I'd kill myself if you left me.
- 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,170 It's not true.
- 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,838 All I'd do is pack my shit and cry
- 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,882 while I look for a job on Starbucks Wi-Fi.
- 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,383 And that's what I'm gonna do.
- 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,303 So the two of you can get clone lesbian married
- 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,972 by a robot and finger yourselves on the moon
- 00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:40,434 while laughing in Martian French about my weird little dick!
- 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:41,810 Jerry, wait!
- 00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,484 Jerry, don't leave angry.
- 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:51,028 Should I float out on a lotus leaf?
- 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,488 I have to be twice as confident
- 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,531 because my wife cheated on me with herself?
- 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:55,991 It's not even cheating.
- 00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,493 Oh, you here to help? You suck.
- 00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,578 You don't even know which one is your real wife.
- 00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,747 If it's me, have <i>you</i> been cheating with a clone?
- 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,332 I'm not the clone, but she has a point.
- 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,334 Oh, what a provocative conversation it would've been
- 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,920 great to have <i>before</i> the two of you--
- 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,588 and I am counting two--
- 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,174 gave each other unfairly expert orgasms
- 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,717 while mocking my weird little dick!
- 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,302 Jerry, you're the only one who keeps saying
- 00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:17,304 "weird" and "little."
- 00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:17,304 Well, you've both seen it!
- 00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:19,223 And you've both seen each other, and now you want
- 00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,225 to tell me all about it, but it's a little late.
- 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,559 [ Chuckling ] Oh, my God.
- 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:23,977 You're not mad that it was about you.
- 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:25,687 You're mad that it <i>wasn't.</i>
- 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,648 He wanted to permit our love.
- 00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,692 Okay, it's not "Handmaid's Tale" to loop in your husband.
- 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,319 I agree, for the record. We made a mistake.
- 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:35,030 Oh, because we should've noticed ourselves losing control
- 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:38,367 and gone to Sexmaster Jerry and said, "Oh, pretty please,
- 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,577 Jerry, can I make out with myself?"
- 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:42,162 Yes, you may.
- 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:45,582 Yeah, see. Not so hot when it's aboveboard, home-wreckers.
- 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,376 Oh, so we won't enjoy this?
- 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,211 Well, hold on, hold on, this is weird.
- 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,504 Weird and permitted.
- 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,881 Wait, you like this?
- 00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,881 Who cares what he likes.
- 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,633 I do. I might like it.
- 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,552 And if she likes it, I permit it.
- 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,762 You little pervert.
- 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,762 You like a little pervert.
- 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,848 I like humiliating a little pervert.
- 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,516 I approve. Carry on.
- 00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,977 I'm freaked out by how hot this is.
- 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,854 Am I permitted to do this?
- 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,814 Until further notice.
- 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,814 I love it.
- 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,440 Then it's permitted from now on.
- 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,526 Oh, because you like whatever she likes.
- 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,069 Because you're a worm.
- 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,571 I will allow that assessment.
- 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,364 - Pass the salt? - I don't care what you allow.
- 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:18,699 - Damn it! - What do you allow?
- 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:19,992 Home Beth: I allow this.
- 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,243 Space Beth: Well, then it's required.
- 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,536 Jerry: I approve the requirement.
- 00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,246 You get over there.
- 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,246 Good idea.
- 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,290 Oh, wow. Okay. Uh, Honey?
- 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,625 I'm fine if you are.
- 00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:28,625 You're never fine, shut up.
- 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,752 Okay, but-- Whoa! Okay.
- 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:33,046 This is not how I pictured this, but--
- 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,715 I have zero complaints so far.
- 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,300 Because I know what you want.
- 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,801 I do not disagree with that.
- 00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:39,553 Can I make a pitch? What if we...
- 00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:40,929 [ Footsteps, scraping ]
- 00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:40,929 Are you serious?
- 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,764 Hey, is-- is this making fun of me?
- 00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,683 Well, is that bad? I'll allow it.
- 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:48,353 [ Jerry laughing, Summer and Morty crying ]
- 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,230 Jesus Christ, you need to fix the portal gun, Rick!
- 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,524 Morty, you asking makes me want to do it less.
- 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:53,775 Okay, uh, Thanksgiving!
- 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,444 L-L-Let's talk about Thanksgiving!
- 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,447 Who's thankful for what? Go, Summer, y-you first.
- 00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:02,451 Um, I guess I'm thankful, for like, water?
- 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,286 Perfect! Wonderful! Morty, w-what about you?
- 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,914 F-F-Fucking Are you fucking kidding me?
- 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,374 Why? Why? Discovery Channel!
- 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,209 Discovery Channel, why?!
- 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,086 Okay. Just eat your food.
- 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,546 Ea-Ea-- Everyone eat the food.
- 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,341 Jerry: Sorry, I'm-- Is this? Ooh!
- 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,759 Well, bye, kids!
- 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,136 I'll keep an eye out for my grandkid in space.
- 00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:22,346 Your what?
- 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:24,056 Oh, right. "Naruto."
- 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,683 Thanks for visiting, Space Beth.
- 00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:34,441 Well, seems like we all learned a little lesson this weekend!
- 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:35,984 At least, I know I did.
- 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,195 Me, too, Jerry. Me, too.
- 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:49,414 [ Grinding ]
- 00:20:49,498 --> 00:21:13,021 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:20,737 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:24,199 Hello there, Jerry! How can I help you today?
- 00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:27,577 Howdy! Yeah, just, uh-- just here to hang!
- 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,204 Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
- 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,998 You can't come here by yourself.
- 00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:32,874 Why not? It's just me in there!
- 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,544 Well, not that this is something you'd do,
- 00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:37,921 but sometimes we have Jerries come here
- 00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:40,090 and try to touch other Jerries.
- 00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:42,426 Oh, no, that's-- that's not good.
- 00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:44,678 Uh, well, see you later!
- 00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:53,020 Okay. Thank you.
- 00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:55,981 <i>Did you get any of that?</i>
- 00:21:55,981 --> 00:22:00,193 {\an8}♪
- 00:03:02,526 --> 00:03:04,106 Теперь ты знаешь венузианский.
- 00:03:04,736 --> 00:03:06,736 Боже, звучит так изысканно.
- 00:03:06,876 --> 00:03:08,136 Спасибо.
- 00:03:08,136 --> 00:03:10,926 Сцена твоя. Не сдерживайся.
- 00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:15,136 Я всего лишь маленькая фигурка генерала.
- 00:05:05,216 --> 00:05:09,096 ПОПАДИ В УЛИЧНУЮ ДРАКУ!
- 00:11:29,726 --> 00:11:32,336 УТАИ ИЗМЕНУ
- 00:11:34,316 --> 00:11:37,576 ЦЕЛЬ: СОВРИ, КТО ТЫ, ВЕДЬ ЕСЛИ ОН УЗНАЕТ, ТО ЗАБЕРЁТ ДЕТЕЙ
- 00:11:37,576 --> 00:11:39,836 ОЙ-ЁЙ, ТВОЙ МУЖ ПРИШЁЛ РАНО
- 00:13:04,296 --> 00:13:06,976 Хочешь сказать, я тебя потеряла, маленькая землянка?
- 00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:10,016 Хочешь сказать, что тобой можно обладать, космо-бунтарка?
- 00:14:43,776 --> 00:14:45,516 ВЫ ПРОСНУЛИСЬ В ЛЕСУ
- 00:14:46,666 --> 00:14:47,866 ЗАЛЕЗТЬ НА ДЕРЕВО
- 00:14:47,916 --> 00:14:52,926 ВЫ ЗАЛЕЗЛИ НА ДЕРЕВО ВЫ ВСЁ ЕЩЁ В ЛЕСУ
- 00:14:52,956 --> 00:14:54,526 ОСМОТРЕТЬСЯ
- 00:14:54,526 --> 00:14:57,486 ВЫ ОСМОТРЕЛИСЬ ВЫ ВИДИТЕ ЛЕС
- 00:14:57,506 --> 00:14:58,446 ИДТИ НА СЕВЕР
- 00:14:58,446 --> 00:15:04,536 ВЫ ПОШЛИ НА СЕВЕР, ВЫ В ЛЕСУ ПРОШЛО ПОЛЧАСА, МАМА ЖДЁТ В АЭРОПОРТУ
- 00:15:04,546 --> 00:15:06,156 ИДТИ ДАЛЬШЕ НА СЕВЕР
- 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,496 ВЫ ИДЁТЕ ДАЛЬШЕ
- 00:15:07,496 --> 00:15:13,646 ПРОШЁЛ ЧАС, СГУЩАЮТСЯ СУМЕРКИ ВАША МАТЬ СКОРО ОКАЖЕТСЯ В ТЕНИ
- 00:16:08,856 --> 00:16:10,026 ПОЙТИ НА ПОЛЯНУ
- 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:16,366 ВЫ НА ПОЛЯНЕ, ВЫ ВЫШЛИ ИЗ ЛЕСА, ПОЭТОМУ ВАМПИРЫ ПОБЕДИЛИ. КОНЕЦ
- 00:16:59,806 --> 00:17:00,906 Я буду скучать.
- 00:17:01,216 --> 00:17:02,376 Надеюсь, что нет.
- 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,180 Тепер ти знаєш венеріанську.
- 00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:06,930 Боже мій, це звучить так вишукано!
- 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,220 Дякую тобі!
- 00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:11,020 Тобі слово. Дай нам жару.
- 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,650 Я справжній взірець
- 00:03:13,730 --> 00:03:15,190 сучасного генерал-майора!
- 00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:06,800 ВУЛИЧНІ ПИЗДИЛКИ
- 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,190 ПРИХОВАЙ ІНТРИЖКУ
- 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,570 МЕТА: ЗБРЕШИ ЙОМУ ПРО НЕВІРНІСТЬ, ІНАКШЕ ВІН ЗАБЕРЕ ДІТЕЙ
- 00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:38,650 ОЙ-ОЙ. ТВІЙ ЧОЛОВІК ПОВЕРНУВСЯ ДОДОМУ РАНІШЕ...
- 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,910 Хочеш сказати, що я тебе втратила,
- 00:13:05,990 --> 00:13:07,030 маленька Землянко?
- 00:13:07,110 --> 00:13:08,950 А хіба я могла тебе мати,
- 00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:10,120 Космічна Бунтівнице?
- 00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:45,960 ТИ ПРОКИДАЄШСЯ У ЛІСІ
- 00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:48,340 ВИЛІЗТИ НА ДЕРЕВО
- 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,840 ТИ ВИЛАЗИШ НА ДЕРЕВО ЩЕ БІЛЬШЕ ЛІСУ
- 00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:55,010 РОЗЗИРНУТИСЬ
- 00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:56,850 ТИ РОЗЗИРНУВСЯ НАВКОЛО БАЧИШ ЛИШЕ ЛІС
- 00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:58,850 ПІТИ НА ПІВНІЧ
- 00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:00,140 ТИ ЙДЕШ НА ПІВНІЧ. ТИ У ЛІСІ
- 00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:02,480 МИНУЛО ПІВ ГОДИНИ. МАМА ЧЕКАЄ В АЕРОПОРТУ
- 00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:06,400 ІТИ ДАЛІ НА ПІВНІЧ
- 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:07,610 ТИ ЙДЕШ ДАЛІ НА ПІВНІЧ.
- 00:15:07,690 --> 00:15:09,700 МИНУЛА ГОДИНА.
- 00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:11,310 СКОРО ТВОЯ МАТІР ОПИНИТЬСЯ У СУТІНКАХ.
- 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:10,550 ПІТИ НА ГАЛЯВИНУ
- 00:16:10,630 --> 00:16:11,840 ТИ НА ГАЛЯВИНІ.
- 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,390 ТИ БІЛЬШЕ НЕ В ЛІСІ. ОТЖЕ, ВАМПІРИ ВИГРАЛИ. КІНЕЦЬ
- 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,600 Я сумуватиму за тобою.
- 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:02,890 Сподіваюся, що ні.