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Арикадный автоморт „Рой”
Вдохновленные «Крепким орехом» инопланетные террористы атакуют аркаду «Блипс и Читц» и вызывают временное отключение электроэнергии. В результате Морти оказывается в ловушке виртуальной игры «Рой», и его личность разделяется между пятью миллиардами NPC игры. Рик входит в игру, играя за титульного Роя, чтобы попытаться убедить NPC, что они являются частью Морти. Рик строит миллионы космических кораблей, планируя доставить все фрагменты на край карты, что перезагрузит игру и позволит Рику и Морти выйти. Однако Рик сталкивается с сопротивлением со стороны множества фрагментов Морти, некоторые из которых начинают войну друг с другом. Один из индивидуалистичных фрагментов, Марта, ведет переговоры с Риком — она убеждает другие фрагменты Морти уйти при одном негласном условии. Тем временем Саммер уничтожает террористов, возглавляемых Чансом, одного за другим. Чанс объясняет, что все разумные виды развивают мифологию «Крепкого ореха», и что он является экспертом, написавшим несколько книг об этом. Саммер читает одну из книг Чанса, а затем побеждает его, прикрепив пистолет к своей спине скотчем, как раз в тот момент, когда Рик и Морти убегают от Роя. Рик платит сотруднику Blips and Chitz за то, чтобы тот убрал работающую машину Роя на хранение, а Марту оставил внутри.
- 00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:12,637 Hey, you kids! Don’t be bad outside my store! I keep a nice store!
- 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:16,933 Give it up, old man! We’re just cool bad kids doing young stuff!
- 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,729 You guys wanna do some more skateboard moves?
- 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:21,730 Which ones?
- 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:24,399 - The rad ones, that’s which. - How are you kids?
- 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:26,651 Did you know your Grandpa’s tryin’ a get your attention?
- 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,278 Yeah yeah, screw off, weirdo.
- 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:31,906 - Grandson, what’s that mean? - He’s one of those cult people.
- 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,118 They worship some psycho named Roy that says he’s everybody’s grandpa.
- 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,829 So what do you want to do today, eat some snacks,
- 00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:40,623 and maybe let me kiss you finally?
- 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,167 Y’know, with my mouth and stuff?
- 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:44,627 This is going on right now. Let’s go check it out.
- 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,046 - Awe geez. - Come on, just for fun, you know?
- 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,967 No, that’s not what I’m -You guys keep thinking I’m a religious leader,
- 00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,178 this isn’t a religion, this is actual truth.
- 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,805 I’m a scientist in real life, but this isn’t real life,
- 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:56,931 this is a video game.
- 00:00:57,015 --> 00:01:00,477 You at least understand that much right? This is a video game?
- 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,687 But you said I’m your grandson?
- 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,940 I’m saying everyone is. Everyone here, everyone in this world but me.
- 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,318 You’re all my grandson, your name is Morty,
- 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,445 you’re stuck in a video game and I’m here to get you out.
- 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,530 What about me? Am I your grandson?
- 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,199 I just said everyone is!
- 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:15,742 Incredible!
- 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,077 Okay, okay but don’t react like that, it’s not a religion,
- 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:19,454 this is what is happening.
- 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,457 You and me and your sister are at an arcade called Blips and Chitz.
- 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:23,958 It’s been taken over by terrorists.
- 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,712 The power went out, the game restarted, and your identity has been splintered into
- 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,297 all the non-player characters.
- 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:32,091 So I jacked in as Roy, that’s the player character,
- 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:35,595 to get you, my grandson, Morty, out of the game before it’s over and you die.
- 00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,472 OK, question over here.
- 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,724 - Am I your grandson? - Jesus! Yes!
- 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:42,477 Every single one of you is one five billionth of Morty.
- 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,646 All of you, collectively, are Morty.
- 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:47,482 Look I don’t wanna seem impatient but there’s actually a lot more that
- 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:51,027 we have to get done so if this is how hard it’s gonna be we are in a lot of trouble.
- 00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:54,197 Summer, what?! I can't do this if you keep <i>bugging me!</i>
- 00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:58,576 Do you understand time dilation? I’m losing a month a second out here.
- 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:01,246 There’s an alien army shooting people, what am I doing?!
- 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:04,207 It’s a small group of alien terrorists, just do a Die Hard.
- 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,208 What does that mean?
- 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:08,169 Sneak around, use air vents. You’ve never seen Die Hard?
- 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:11,214 I’m seventeen, no I’ve never seen fucking Die Hard!
- 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:14,050 Well neither did the guy in Die Hard so you’re nailing it! Good luck!
- 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,001 Larry...
- 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,670 No, I’m at the end of my rope with this kid, I swear to God.
- 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,173 {\an8}You gotta be kidding me.
- 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,801 {\an8}- Your beautiful hair. - This is not a daughter’s haircut.
- 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,761 I’m not a daughter, I’m a grandson.
- 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,098 {\an8}Your family had a perfectly fine religion. You were raised Jewish.
- 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,684 {\an8}Dad, tell me anything specific about being Jewish.
- 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:08,271 {\an8}There’s a million things! You go to the temple with the special hat,
- 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,814 {\an8}the falafafluten.
- 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:13,443 {\an8}The falafafluten, our Jewish words are gibberish because we're
- 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,112 {\an8}a fourteen year old boy who was raised nondenominational Christian
- 00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:17,530 and we’re in a video game.
- 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,782 {\an8}I don’t need to hear this schmoitenheiven.
- 00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:23,995 {\an8}Let me ask you this, little miss grandson, little miss video game character.
- 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:27,457 {\an8}If you’re not my daughter, why stand in my house spouting this chatschkopfka?
- 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,792 {\an8}- Why even live here? - Good question.
- 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:31,794 {\an8}There she goes! My daughter.
- 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,589 One five billionth of a kid trapped in a video game.
- 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,091 Yeah, that and a college degree’ll pay the rent.
- 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:43,765 What do you people want?
- 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:47,602 {\an8}We have many interests but right now my primary one is the location.
- 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:49,520 Of... your... safe.
- 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:53,024 {\an8}We exchange tokens for digital currency, we don’t have a safe.
- 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:56,069 {\an8}Correction, what you don’t have is a head.
- 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,447 {\an8}Is this a weapon or a medical tool?
- 00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:01,991 {\an8}Why would you give me a gun with a laser that thin?
- 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,410 {\an8}Did you hear me tell him he wouldn’t have a head?
- 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,454 {\an8}- He’s dead isn’t he? - People die in surgery.
- 00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:09,207 <i>Hey, who don’t touched me! I don’t like being touched!</i>
- 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:10,917 Check the hostages.
- 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:14,545 Make sure nobody else here is doing a Die Hard.
- 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:23,054 {\an8}<i>Hello, hello, my name is Morty, I’m a fourteen year old boy in a video game!</i>
- 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,847 - Yeah! - Geez!
- 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,809 {\an8}Yeah. Look. I feel like every time I explain this, I lose followers, but:
- 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,227 {\an8}this isn’t a religion.
- 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:32,021 And while I do have a message from a world beyond this one,
- 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,358 {\an8}and I do need the entire world to hear my message,
- 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,694 {\an8}what I do not need is any more songs about it.
- 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:38,987 Not in this genre.
- 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:42,073 I’m an old school hip hop man and no that's not an invitation
- 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,200 for you to try it because I’m just gonna say it,
- 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,244 we’re missing the mark on diversity.
- 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,709 Get down! You’re all under arrest for being religious the wrong way!
- 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,711 It’s not a religion. You know what, just shoot me.
- 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,421 You think your god makes you bullet proof?
- 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,424 There isn’t even a god in the real world, you fragmented putz,
- 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,134 there’s extra no god in here.
- 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,678 You know what, hippy? Talking like that is why you’re getting shot.
- 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,972 If you kill him, the game ends and we all die.
- 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,724 - Get down, lady! - I’m not a lady.
- 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:08,975 And you’re not a soldier.
- 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:12,770 We’re one person, split into a lot of little pieces. You feel me? Dawg?
- 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,024 You’re not gonna hurt me. You’re me.
- 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,568 My name is Kevin! I’m a Marine. I’m thirty.
- 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:21,696 I’m a little racist but my best friend is an immigrant that translated for me
- 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,239 in a generic overseas war.
- 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:26,784 That’s not true. We’re fourteen, we like pizza and masturbation,
- 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:29,954 we wear a yellow shirt and we have hair that looks like a brown helmet.
- 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:33,750 And we miss our family. And we’re in way over our heads again.
- 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,376 Why’s this always happen, man?
- 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,045 I know, right? Aw geez.
- 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,087 Aw geez.
- 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,131 Come here. Aw geez. Come here.
- 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:43,092 - Aw geez. - Aw geez.
- 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,177 Who is that?
- 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,970 Her video game name is Marta.
- 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,306 OK. See, this I can work with.
- 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:53,644 “Sneak around. Crawl in some vents. Do a Die Hard.”
- 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,366 Oh my god, it’s disgusting.
- 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,077 Actually... it tastes really good.
- 00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,370 Oh my god, it’s disgusting that it tastes good!
- 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,206 <i>Frank, have you found him? Report.</i>
- 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:17,126 Walkie talkie. That’s Die Hard. Don’t have to see it to know that.
- 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:20,046 This is Jons. I repeat, have you found him?
- 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:23,925 <i>Breaker breaker. Walkie talkie. I got your walkie talkie. Bitch.</i>
- 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,385 Are you doing <i>a Die Hard?</i>
- 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:27,970 Maybe.
- 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,139 Are you? Also?
- 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,518 <i>More or less. And my associate, Frank?</i>
- 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:37,438 Your associate Frank is definitely not doing a Die Hard.
- 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,149 <i>You might even say he’s doing a Die Easy.</i>
- 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:42,527 <i>Because I killed him and it wasn’t difficult.</i>
- 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,862 Calm yourself, Winslow.
- 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:46,614 Winslow!
- 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:52,286 It’s not every day one meets a fellow Die Hard enthusiast, Ms...
- 00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:54,080 <i>Call me Die Hard.</i>
- 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:58,209 Okay. “Die Hard.” Tell me. What do you know about Die Hard?
- 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,170 <i>What do you care? You writing a book about Die Hard?</i>
- 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,047 As a matter of fact I’ve written several.
- 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:07,218 <i>Every sentient civilization across the galaxy eventually develops the same myth.</i>
- 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,637 In Centauri it’s known as Tower Man.
- 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:13,558 The Orionese have their Thornberg Cycle and in Andromeda it’s called
- 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,893 Foolish to Have Imagined You’d Be Able to Kill...
- 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,521 <i>all of them what you’d call Die Hard.</i>
- 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:22,024 The difference being that cultures like mine are aware of its importance
- 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,653 whereas I’m starting to doubt <i>you could even recall a single line.</i>
- 00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:27,864 Walkie talkie Die Hard, motherfucker.
- 00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:34,579 {\an8}Not so long ago, Grandsonism was being dismissed as a doomsday cult.
- 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,832 {\an8}But since a majority of the world decided, hey you know what, we like jerking off
- 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,376 {\an8}and playing videogames and our sister is out there fighting terrorists,
- 00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:41,627 {\an8}major strides have been made.
- 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:45,631 {\an8}The world is united, because the world is one fourteen year old boy, Morty.
- 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,091 {\an8}But where’s it all coming from?
- 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:51,095 Some say Grandsonism’s leader, Roy, has a secret base somewhere in these mountains.
- 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:55,433 I couldn’t find it so I’m standing in, in the general area with a microphone.
- 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,101 For Good Enough News, I’m Tony!
- 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,446 There she is, my right-hand Morty.
- 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:09,655 Got enough spaceships?
- 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,617 Not yet. I figure five more years of game time before I can take the
- 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,994 whole fake population into fake outer space.
- 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,537 What do we do in outer space?
- 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,372 Nothing. It’s fake. We keep going.
- 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:21,626 The game’s map has edges, but the game’s engine will let us go past them.
- 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:24,462 That will force the game to reset, but first it will kick us out,
- 00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,339 which Morty should survive, i mean,
- 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,132 Whatever amount of Morty we have on board.
- 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,885 So if you don’t have five billion handkerchiefs soaked in chloroform
- 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,095 I hope you can keep flipping idiots to our cause.
- 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,097 They’re not idiots. Grandpa. They’re me.
- 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,725 You’ll know how funny that is when we get back.
- 00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:40,811 By the way, I had your genius of a father picked up, he’s over there.
- 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:41,896 What? Why?
- 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:45,149 I thought you’d be grateful. And less distracted than if I let him die.
- 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,360 He’s been in real bad shape since he lost his wife.
- 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,152 My mom?
- 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,821 Your not at all real mom, a mom in a video game.
- 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,241 Occupied by a tiny fraction of yourself.
- 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:56,661 A fraction of yourself which is now dead forever and fractions add up,
- 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,872 so I had your Dad brought here, you’re welcome, you heartless monster.
- 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,626 Marta. It’s me, Dad. I converted for you.
- 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:05,795 My name is Morty. So is yours.
- 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,673 And there’s no conversion, we’re both Morty, it’s a fact.
- 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,133 Sure, honey, anything you say. I don’t want to fight.
- 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,301 I’m proud of you.
- 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,304 Are you mad at me because before you became the world’s most powerful woman,
- 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,516 I shamed you for your haircut and called you a slutty jobless hobo?
- 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,810 If I were you I’d be a little mad about that.
- 00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:23,479 You are me. And why would I be mad at myself?
- 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,440 Good point! Is there anything to eat around here?
- 00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:27,984 There’s a kitchenette in the break room.
- 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,361 A kitchenette you say, such red carpet treatment.
- 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,279 Excuse me?
- 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:34,073 I said thank you, I love it, we’re all part of Morty
- 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:36,325 Some of us more important parts than others...
- 00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:39,161 Man, the part of me that’s my father is a twat.
- 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,080 That’s also gonna be funny when we get back.
- 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:43,541 Next time you try to do a Die Hard...
- 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,086 Don’t hide under a long table like the guy from Die Hard.
- 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,463 Okay I won’t.
- 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,925 I thought you said she doesn’t know how to do a Die Hard!
- 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,594 - She doesn’t. - She’s killing us off one by one.
- 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,723 What do you expect her to do, buy us each an ice cream? Two by two?
- 00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:02,059 She’s improvising. Which is how she’s going to fall right into our trap.
- 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,479 I’m going to wander the arcade unarmed and when she comes across me.
- 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,189 I’ll pretend to be a hostage.
- 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,816 And because she hasn’t seen Die Hard
- 00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:12,445 instead of handing me an unloaded gun, she’ll hand me a...
- 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,447 Die Hard! Die Hard!
- 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,866 What the hell was that?
- 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,284 <i>Die Hard! Die Hard!</i>
- 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:21,662 You can’t just keep yelling "Die Hard" into a walkie talkie and...
- 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,998 She threw her walkie talkie away.
- 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:25,458 She hates Die Hard.
- 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:29,712 Which makes her the ultimate McClane.
- 00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:33,883 Forget everything you know about Die Hard and just go shoot that bitch!
- 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,469 Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Roy.
- 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,930 Half the country hangs on your every word. Heck, most of the world.
- 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,099 You’re, like, kind of a pope I reckon.
- 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,394 I’m not a pope because it’s not a religion we’re literally in a video game
- 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,730 I’ve heard the message, Roy, you’re not on the clock here.
- 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:51,192 So you want every single person on a space ship. But you got a bunch of holdouts.
- 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,778 Maybe people that prefer their leaders a little more elected.
- 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:54,737 Right. Your voters.
- 00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,406 People that like being told what to do but don’t like admitting it.
- 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,824 Yeah not sure I’d put it that way.
- 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,786 I’m sure you’d put it a stupid way. I told you this was a waste of time.
- 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:04,121 I’ve got ninety-two percent of you ready to vamoose,
- 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,957 we’re not gonna get the rest by making deals with parasites.
- 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,502 Mr. President. Roy is Rick. He’s not us.
- 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,588 You and I, we’re Morty. Is that really so hard to believe?
- 00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:15,049 Kid, I’ve known it and I’ve believed it longer than you have.
- 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,135 We both became video game characters at the same moment, but I knew the truth
- 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,971 before you dropped your skateboard and went to your first cult meeting.
- 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,557 How do you think a guy becomes a President in this game, honey?
- 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,725 By not paying attention?
- 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,978 Sorry to call you honey, I know we’re both parts of a fourteen year old boy but
- 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,147 my part’s old fashioned and vaguely southern.
- 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,983 I’m confused. If you know Rick is real, why?
- 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,694 Why hold out? Because he’s a rude, entitled cock.
- 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,739 He’s here to save us. He could’ve left the game and let us die,
- 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,075 - ...he’s spent fifty years. - Fifty years, it’s what?
- 00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,243 a couple hours to him?
- 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:45,788 He refuses to leave without his grandson but what’s grandson mean to him?
- 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,081 Sounds like it means butler.
- 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:50,042 Someone to Help Summer with her "Die Hard” whatever that means.
- 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:53,129 I’ll tell you what it doesn’t mean. Fly fishing. A hug.
- 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:56,006 A little appreciation for what is clearly a pretty decent kid.
- 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:59,176 At least the eight percent of him that makes up the decent half of the greatest
- 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,845 god damn nation on the planet.
- 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:04,056 We’re not a person to him yet. We’re not Morty yet, we’re divided
- 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,392 We’re divided because some of us doesn’t trust the guy.
- 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,978 What happens to that part of us when we’re all back together?
- 00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:12,189 One Morty? Indivisible? Under a cranky old bag of dicks?
- 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,693 A man you can lock in a box with five billion pieces of his own god damn flesh
- 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:19,405 and blood for fifty god damn simulated years and never hear him say I love you?
- 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,741 Sorry pumpkin tits, that dog don’t hunt.
- 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,704 Want some heroin? It’s a video game, might as well.
- 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,711 Just about ready for launch, kiddo. I can finally get outta these clothes,
- 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,171 I don’t have nearly enough pockets.
- 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,047 And it’ll be nice to have my own dick back.
- 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,175 You’re fine leaving eight percent of me to die?
- 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,051 It’s not your finest eight percent, Morty.
- 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,012 And eight percent of anything is expendable.
- 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,638 Eight percent of pizza is crust.
- 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,057 Eight percent of the Snyder Cut was Batman dreaming.
- 00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:49,602 I don’t know what that reference is. We’re in a video game.
- 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,354 - Not for long, baby. - I’m not leaving without all of me.
- 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,398 What? Oh no, let me crunch these numbers,
- 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:57,568 eight percent of five billion plus one person, my god,
- 00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,820 if you stay, it changes nothing! Bye.
- 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,031 <i>If she’s not going I don’t think my country wants to go.</i>
- 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,325 Who invited you to chime in, monitor face?
- 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,660 <i>Why give me a monitor if my opinion doesn’t matter?</i>
- 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,914 <i>Your opinion isn’t allowed to matter for the rest of us. We’re all Morty.</i>
- 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:11,874 <i>How many chunks of us are we supposed to give up?</i>
- 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:15,085 <i>Look, I don’t know about you but I was already taking a big leap of faith, here,</i>
- 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:18,255 we’re basically giving up our lives to become a tiny part of a stranger.
- 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,341 - These lives aren’t real. - Yeah but they’re longer.
- 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:23,761 What is this, suicide by summit meeting?
- 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:24,887 Everyone stop.
- 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,014 Rick.
- 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:29,975 I’ll get every single part of me to get on every ship and go with you.
- 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,228 - Good. - But you have to tell us you love us.
- 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:37,816 <i>I mean. At this point even if he said it, what’s with the pause.</i>
- 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,944 <i>- Screw you, wait for it! - Holy war!</i>
- 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,987 <i>- Holier war! - Holiest war ever!</i>
- 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:52,373 <i>Loyalist Evacucratic Grandsonistas claimed the seven new cities today.</i>
- 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:55,751 <i>While the Stayputlican Contrasurgent Confederation of Dedication</i>
- 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:58,837 <i>to Video Game Reality invaded the territories of Mortopia,</i>
- 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:01,048 <i>New South Saint Morty and Wemortyall.</i>
- 00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:03,050 <i>In the end, what does it matter, everyone’s Morty,</i>
- 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:05,761 <i>nobody wants to die and that’s a hell of a reason to kill yourself</i>
- 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,638 <i>but what can we do. Aw geez.</i>
- 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,194 You know you’re my grandson and none of this is real.
- 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,947 What are you trying to achieve? You’re only hurting yourself.
- 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:28,742 The only reason any of us matter is we’re pieces of Morty! You taught us that, Rick.
- 00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:31,161 But you also taught us you don’t care about Morty.
- 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:33,706 Here’s how much I care.
- 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:36,083 If you don’t stop blowing up my flying saucers,
- 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:39,253 I will exterminate every last one of you! Anything it takes!
- 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:42,965 What do I have to say? I love and respect you, OK?
- 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,341 Too late for talk, Rick.
- 00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:48,345 A robot. Of course.
- 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,806 I’m not gonna risk dying because if I die in the game,
- 00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:52,683 you go brain dead, you’re welcome!
- 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:54,893 Better to die in Roy than to serve in hell!
- 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,104 And what about Summer? Do you not care about her?
- 00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,189 We gotta get back, Morty, we gotta help her.
- 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:02,359 You know what, wherever she is, I’m sure she’s doing fine without your help.
- 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:03,777 Woof, jinx, anyon...
- 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,531 Should we finish the job, blow the place?
- 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,366 No, this can’t end, not like this.
- 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,119 Do you think I jinxed her?
- 00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:16,123 Why aren’t you shooting higher?
- 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,167 I don’t wannna shoot the glass. Because...
- 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:22,338 You don’t have to not do things that were done in Die Hard, you can shoot the glass.
- 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:26,800 Shoot the glass! Throw grenades! Do everything! Just kill her!
- 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:38,062 Why are you here, Miss Die Hard? I want to know why you don’t just leave?
- 00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,356 <i>- Die Hard!</i> - Wait.
- 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,316 <i>...person on a spaceship, and then what?</i>
- 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,401 <i>And then we help your sister do her Die Hard.</i>
- 00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,034 Too much. It’s too much.
- 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,452 Sorry.
- 00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:56,121 <i>I’ve got a special guest with me, Miss Die Hard!</i>
- 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,708 <i>Or should I call you this guy’s sister?</i>
- 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:08,384 - Mom. - Hello, dear.
- 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,928 - I’m joining the other side. - What. Why?
- 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:14,682 I wanna live in the real world with Roy. I wanna help Summer with her Die Hard.
- 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:15,933 His name is Rick.
- 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:19,603 And we have no way of knowing if your generation is actually part of Morty.
- 00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,146 Do you know how offensive that is?
- 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,066 It’s parenting like this that pushed me into religious radicalism.
- 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,192 - Bye. - It’s not...
- 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,362 Not a religion. But. Okay.
- 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:33,409 Ma’am. It’s really not safe out here. Also, it’s... time.
- 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,164 Are we going on the spaceship now?
- 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,291 Pretty soon, Dad. Yeah.
- 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,835 Are you lying?
- 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:46,004 You kind of said it with that tone in your voice that we use for dying people.
- 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,339 I won’t lie to you.
- 00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,300 you’re dying Dad, and we’re...
- 00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,804 not leaving the video game. We’re-we’re gonna live our lives out here.
- 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,639 What? Why the fuck? Why?
- 00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,808 - It’s more real here. - The hell it is!
- 00:16:57,808 --> 00:16:59,810 My liver hurts! I’m old here!
- 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,687 I want to be a teenage boy.
- 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,982 I want to jump around and do homework and jerk off all over the place.
- 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,024 But Dad. That’s...
- 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:10,237 we would’ve been one tiny part of that. In here, we get to be who we really are.
- 00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:13,949 Great. Dead. I get to be a dead father. Who do I make the...
- 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,201 Who do I...
- 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,495 - Who... - Don’t talk, Dad.
- 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:21,039 - Gotta finish my zinger - You don’t.
- 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,750 Who do, who do...
- 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,169 Who, do I...
- 00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:28,505 make the check out to. “Best Daughter Ever...
- 00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:31,091 Incorporated”?
- 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:43,771 Thought you woulda left by now.
- 00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:45,898 I was hoping to get at least half of you home.
- 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,357 I can’t hold out much longer.
- 00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,194 I’m pretty much beating my heart voluntarily at this point.
- 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:54,448 Ok, this is a little awkward, but the time dilation has given me a chance to reflect.
- 00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,575 And I gotta say.
- 00:17:56,575 --> 00:18:00,245 There’s no need for that. I’ve come to tell you, I’m giving the go-ahead.
- 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,998 All of Morty will leave with you. To the real world.
- 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:06,710 To be your grandson, may we help Summer do her Die Hard.
- 00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:11,173 I gotta say. I was not expecting that. Why the change of heart?
- 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,759 My people are staying only out of loyalty to me.
- 00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,678 I’m a relic. I don’t represent them anymore.
- 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,640 You really are a good grandson, you know that?
- 00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:22,893 - I’m proud of you, Morty. - Please, call me Marta.
- 00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:24,728 That’s my video game name.
- 00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,940 Speaking of which, I do have one condition.
- 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:32,653 <i>I must say I admire you, Ms. Die Hard. You were a genuine McClane.</i>
- 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:37,282 <i>A most worthy yankee doodle ruffian. But now it’s all come to an end.</i>
- 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,621 And the quarterback, as they say, is toast.
- 00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:45,457 I don’t suppose you have a gun taped to your back.
- 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:46,708 What the hell does that mean?
- 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,044 It’s how Die Hard ends. Doesn’t matter now.
- 00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:52,548 Die Hard tapes a gun to his back? That’s the end of your perfect movie
- 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,883 that you’ve patterned your whole criminal life after?
- 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,969 Well it seems to have worked out pretty well for me
- 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,221 since you’re the one about to die.
- 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:03,892 What was it you said? Ah yes. “Walkie talkie Die Hard”Mother fucker.
- 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,145 Why are you laughing?
- 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,357 Well it’s funny. The way you said mother fucker.
- 00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,150 - Just laughing. - Okay. It’s just that...
- 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:15,028 Oh does that happen in Die Hard, does John McClane laugh,
- 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:18,532 and then Hans Gruber is confused but then they start laughing together for a second.
- 00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:22,077 That actually does happen, yes! Wait. You knew their names this whole time?
- 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,830 Not this whole time, no. You left your book in the bathroom.
- 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,541 I read it while I took a shit. I mean mostly the ending.
- 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,553 Yi...
- 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,892 pe...
- 00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:49,688 dippee doo, baby!
- 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,775 Nice timing, Grandpa Rick!
- 00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:56,987 Tochter aus Elysium.
- 00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:00,449 Hi, remember me?
- 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:04,620 You shot me on that table, and the near death experience got me reflecting.
- 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:08,415 I didn’t used to be like this. I ate a kid.
- 00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:10,542 It was dark, and I thought he was a grown-up.
- 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:13,003 Ever since then I haven’t eaten anybody at all.
- 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:16,757 I think I was channeling all that pent up eating energy into this job. But now
- 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,887 Thank you for freeing me.
- 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:28,393 Classic Tower Man. Almost too on the nose. Right, Morty?
- 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:33,482 Sure. I mean, whatever you say, Rick, you know best! I trust you implicitly.
- 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,651 - Is he all right? - He’s fine.
- 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,779 Got him all out, every last piece.
- 00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:44,201 What’s with the jacked-up Roy Machine, shouldn’t you be taking that to repairs?
- 00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:48,288 Nah, special order. Some rich douche wants his last game to keep running,
- 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:51,083 hooked it up to an external battery, we’re just supposed to store it.
- 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,459 - Weird. - Yeah and get this.
- 00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:54,586 The game’s still going but Roy’s dead.
- 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,380 - Wha? - He’s just a corpse floating
- 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:59,341 at the edge of outer space but for some reason the game won’t restart
- 00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:01,927 cause it’s centered on some old lady living a full life.
- 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,972 Sounds bad. <i>Well. Put it in there.</i>
- 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,689 Hey is anybody that wants this later gonna be able to...
- 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,316 Oh, yeah, everything’s cataloged and tracked.
- 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,485 People got the wrong idea from the size of the space
- 00:21:18,485 --> 00:21:19,945 but it’s all supported digitally.
- 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:21,655 So I can put it anywhere. Here’s fine?
- 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,281 That’s as fine as anywhere else!
- 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:05,365 - Why isn’t anyone attacking him? - It’s fucking freezing out.
- 00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:06,825 No, I think it’s the sign.
- 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,369 Well the sign from Die Hard 3 was clearly racist.
- 00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:13,415 Obviously. But I think we went too broad. “Everybody” I mean who is that offending?
- 00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:14,833 Everybody?
- 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,294 At this point, why even do it?
- 00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:21,423 I wish my brother was still alive.
- 00:00:06,081 --> 00:00:07,983 УНИВЕРСАМ «У ЧОЯ»
- 00:00:08,066 --> 00:00:10,944 Эй, дети, не хулиганьте возле моего магазина!
- 00:00:11,027 --> 00:00:12,487 У меня хороший магазин!
- 00:00:12,571 --> 00:00:13,822 Да ладно тебе, старикан!
- 00:00:13,905 --> 00:00:16,866 Мы просто крутые дети, занимаемся своими обычными делами.
- 00:00:18,660 --> 00:00:20,662 Хотите другие движения на скейтах?
- 00:00:20,745 --> 00:00:23,290 - Какие? - Клевые. Вот какие.
- 00:00:23,373 --> 00:00:24,416 Как дела, народ?
- 00:00:24,499 --> 00:00:26,585 Знаете, что ваш дед хочет привлечь ваше внимание?
- 00:00:26,668 --> 00:00:27,836 Да. Отвали, урод.
- 00:00:27,919 --> 00:00:29,170 МИТИНГ «ТЫ МОЙ ВНУК» СЕГОДНЯ!
- 00:00:29,254 --> 00:00:30,255 «Внук»? В смысле?
- 00:00:30,338 --> 00:00:31,798 Он из тех, верующих.
- 00:00:31,881 --> 00:00:35,176 Боготворят психа по имени Рой. Он говорит, что он всем дедушка.
- 00:00:35,260 --> 00:00:36,928 Ну что, чем сегодня займемся?
- 00:00:37,012 --> 00:00:40,557 Перекусим, а потом, может, разрешишь наконец-то тебя поцеловать?
- 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,100 В губы и всё такое…
- 00:00:42,183 --> 00:00:44,561 Митинг идет прямо сейчас! Давайте посмотрим?
- 00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:47,480 - Боже. - Да ладно, ради интереса.
- 00:00:47,564 --> 00:00:48,773 Нет, не то чтобы я…
- 00:00:48,857 --> 00:00:50,859 Вы всё еще думаете, что я религиозный лидер.
- 00:00:50,942 --> 00:00:53,111 Это не религия. Это правда.
- 00:00:53,194 --> 00:00:54,613 В реальной жизни я ученый.
- 00:00:54,696 --> 00:00:56,907 Но это не реальность, а видеоигра.
- 00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:00,368 Вы хоть это понимаете? Это же видеоигра!
- 00:01:00,452 --> 00:01:02,412 Но ты сказал, что я твой внук!
- 00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:05,832 Я сказал, что вы все - мои внуки. Все в этом мире, кроме меня.
- 00:01:05,916 --> 00:01:08,168 Все вы - мой внук. Вас зовут Морти.
- 00:01:08,251 --> 00:01:10,253 Ты застрял в видеоигре, я пришел за тобой.
- 00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:12,255 А я? Я твой внук?
- 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:13,923 Я же сказал: все вы!
- 00:01:15,967 --> 00:01:17,969 Не реагируйте так. Это не религия.
- 00:01:18,053 --> 00:01:19,387 Вот что происходит.
- 00:01:19,471 --> 00:01:22,307 Ты, я и твоя сестра - в галерее игровых автоматов «Блипс и Читц».
- 00:01:22,390 --> 00:01:24,851 Ее захватили террористы. Отключилось электричество.
- 00:01:24,934 --> 00:01:27,354 Игра перезапустилась, и твоя личность распалась
- 00:01:27,437 --> 00:01:29,230 на всех этих неигровых персонажей.
- 00:01:29,314 --> 00:01:32,025 Поэтому я подключился как Рой, персонаж игрока,
- 00:01:32,108 --> 00:01:33,652 чтоб вытащить тебя, внук Морти,
- 00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:35,654 из игры: а то она кончится, и ты умрешь.
- 00:01:35,737 --> 00:01:37,322 Так, здесь вопрос.
- 00:01:37,405 --> 00:01:39,824 - Я твой внук? - Господи. Да!
- 00:01:39,908 --> 00:01:42,202 Каждый из вас - пятимиллиардная часть Морти.
- 00:01:42,285 --> 00:01:44,454 А все вместе вы - Морти.
- 00:01:44,537 --> 00:01:46,039 Не хочу показаться нетерпеливым,
- 00:01:46,122 --> 00:01:47,958 но нам еще многое предстоит сделать.
- 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,919 Так что если всё будет так сложно, мы в большой…
- 00:01:51,002 --> 00:01:52,003 Саммер, что?
- 00:01:52,087 --> 00:01:54,673 Я не смогу, если ты продолжишь доставать меня.
- 00:01:54,756 --> 00:01:56,675 Ты понимаешь замедление времени?
- 00:01:56,758 --> 00:01:58,259 Здесь я теряю месяц в секунду.
- 00:01:58,343 --> 00:02:00,261 Инопланетная армия стреляет в людей.
- 00:02:00,345 --> 00:02:02,889 - Что делать? - Инопланетян-террористов немного.
- 00:02:02,973 --> 00:02:05,058 - Сделай как в «Крепком орешке». - Что?
- 00:02:05,141 --> 00:02:07,894 Подкрадись через вентиляцию. Не смотрела «Крепкий орешек»?
- 00:02:07,977 --> 00:02:11,064 Мне 17 лет. Я не смотрела гребаный «Крепкий орешек».
- 00:02:11,147 --> 00:02:12,524 Мужик из «Крепкого орешка» - тоже.
- 00:02:12,607 --> 00:02:14,442 В общем, ты врубилась. Удачи!
- 00:02:47,183 --> 00:02:48,351 - Ларри. - Нет,
- 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,937 этот ребенок меня до ручки довел, клянусь!
- 00:02:52,647 --> 00:02:53,898 Издеваешься?
- 00:02:53,982 --> 00:02:55,024 Твои красивые волосы!
- 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:56,693 Дочери так не стригутся!
- 00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,820 Я не дочь. Я внук.
- 00:02:58,903 --> 00:03:00,739 В твоей семье была чудесная религия!
- 00:03:00,822 --> 00:03:01,948 Тебя воспитали как еврейку.
- 00:03:02,031 --> 00:03:04,576 Пап, скажи что-нибудь конкретное о евреях.
- 00:03:04,659 --> 00:03:07,203 Да куча всякого разного! Походы в храм в…
- 00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:09,873 В особой шляпе, фалафель…
- 00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:12,459 Фалафель? Еврейские слова - тарабарщина,
- 00:03:12,542 --> 00:03:14,043 потому что мы - 14-летний мальчик,
- 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:15,920 воспитанный внецерковным христианином,
- 00:03:16,004 --> 00:03:17,422 и мы в видеоигре!
- 00:03:17,505 --> 00:03:19,966 Не хочу слушать эту белиберду!
- 00:03:20,049 --> 00:03:22,010 Позволь спросить, мисс Внучка,
- 00:03:22,093 --> 00:03:23,803 мисс персонаж видеоигры:
- 00:03:23,887 --> 00:03:27,432 если ты не моя дочь, почему стоишь у меня дома и несешь этот бред?
- 00:03:27,515 --> 00:03:30,059 - Зачем вообще здесь жить? - Хороший вопрос.
- 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,644 Вот она, моя дочь!
- 00:03:31,728 --> 00:03:34,522 Пятимиллиардная часть ребенка, пойманного в ловушку в видеоигре.
- 00:03:35,023 --> 00:03:37,233 Это и диплом колледжа отобьют арендную плату!
- 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,656 Что вам надо?
- 00:03:43,740 --> 00:03:46,576 Много чего, но сейчас мой основной интерес -
- 00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:49,454 местонахождение твоего сейфа.
- 00:03:49,537 --> 00:03:53,083 Мы обмениваем жетоны на цифровую валюту. У нас нет сейфа.
- 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:56,127 Поправлю: чего у тебя нет, так это головы.
- 00:03:57,378 --> 00:03:59,214 Это оружие или медицинский инструмент?
- 00:03:59,297 --> 00:04:01,716 Зачем ты дал мне пистолет с таким тонким лазером?
- 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,093 Слышали, как я сказал ему, что у него нет головы?
- 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,304 - Он умер, да? - Люди умирают от скальпеля.
- 00:04:06,387 --> 00:04:09,265 Кто меня трогал? Не люблю, когда меня трогают.
- 00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:11,142 Проверьте заложников.
- 00:04:11,226 --> 00:04:14,687 Убедитесь, что никто больше не делает как в «Крепком орешке».
- 00:04:16,064 --> 00:04:19,275 Привет, меня зовут Морти
- 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:22,654 Я 14-летний мальчик в видеоигре
- 00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:27,492 По-моему, каждый раз объясняя это, я теряю последователей,
- 00:04:27,575 --> 00:04:28,993 но это не религия.
- 00:04:29,077 --> 00:04:31,871 И хотя у меня есть сообщение из мира за пределами этого
- 00:04:31,955 --> 00:04:35,124 и мне нужно, чтобы весь мир услышал мое сообщение,
- 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,585 мне совершенно не нужны песни об этом.
- 00:04:37,669 --> 00:04:40,505 Не в этом жанре. Я заядлый любитель хип-хопа,
- 00:04:40,588 --> 00:04:42,882 и нет, это не приглашение попробовать
- 00:04:42,966 --> 00:04:44,509 только потому, что я это сказал.
- 00:04:44,592 --> 00:04:46,469 Нам не хватает разнообразия.
- 00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:52,517 На пол! Вы все арестованы за неверную религиозность!
- 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,561 Это не религия. Знаешь что? Стреляй в меня.
- 00:04:54,644 --> 00:04:56,229 Думаешь, твой бог спасет тебя от пули?
- 00:04:56,312 --> 00:04:59,232 В реальном мире даже бога нет, ты, фрагментированный придурок.
- 00:04:59,315 --> 00:05:00,984 Здесь есть лишний не-бог.
- 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:01,901 Знаешь что, хиппи?
- 00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:03,528 За такие разговоры убивают.
- 00:05:03,611 --> 00:05:05,613 Если вы убьете его, игра закончится, и мы умрем.
- 00:05:05,697 --> 00:05:08,700 - На колени, дамочка! - Я вам не дамочка! А вы не солдат!
- 00:05:08,783 --> 00:05:11,703 Все мы - один человек, разбитый на множество фрагментов.
- 00:05:11,786 --> 00:05:12,996 Понял, пес паршивый?
- 00:05:13,496 --> 00:05:15,832 Ты не причинишь мне вреда. Ты - это я.
- 00:05:15,915 --> 00:05:18,376 Меня зовут Кевин. Я морской пехотинец. Мне 30 лет.
- 00:05:18,459 --> 00:05:20,628 Я немного расист, но мой лучший друг - иммигрант.
- 00:05:20,712 --> 00:05:22,839 Из-за него я ввязался в заморскую войну.
- 00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:26,342 Это неправда. Нам по 14 лет. Мы любим пиццу и мастурбацию.
- 00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:29,804 Мы носим желтые футболки, а наши волосы похожи на коричневый шлем.
- 00:05:29,888 --> 00:05:33,516 А еще мы скучаем по нашей семье, и мы снова в тупике.
- 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,019 - Почему это всегда повторяется? - А я знаю?
- 00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:37,937 - Боже. - Боже.
- 00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:40,690 - Иди сюда. Блин, иди сюда. - Блин.
- 00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:42,817 - Боже. - Боже.
- 00:05:42,901 --> 00:05:43,985 Кто это?
- 00:05:44,068 --> 00:05:45,778 В видеоигре ее зовут Марта.
- 00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:48,406 Хорошо. С этим можно поработать.
- 00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,784 «Подкрасться через вентиляцию…
- 00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:53,369 Как в "Крепком орешке"».
- 00:06:05,548 --> 00:06:07,634 Боже, какая гадость!
- 00:06:07,717 --> 00:06:09,218 Вообще-то очень вкусно.
- 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,304 Боже, какая гадость, но вкусно!
- 00:06:11,387 --> 00:06:13,473 Фрэнк, ты нашел его? Прием.
- 00:06:13,556 --> 00:06:15,558 Рация, это «Крепкий орешек».
- 00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:17,352 И смотреть не надо, и так понятно.
- 00:06:17,435 --> 00:06:19,979 Это Джонз. Повторяю, ты его нашел?
- 00:06:20,063 --> 00:06:22,065 Прием-прием, рация.
- 00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:23,816 У меня ваша рация, суки.
- 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,277 Ты что, делаешь как в «Крепком орешке»?
- 00:06:26,611 --> 00:06:27,737 Возможно.
- 00:06:28,363 --> 00:06:30,281 Ты тоже?
- 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:33,284 В какой-то мере. А мой коллега Фрэнк?
- 00:06:33,785 --> 00:06:37,246 Твой коллега Фрэнк точно не делает как в «Крепком орешке».
- 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:40,041 Он, скорее, делает как в «Мягком орешке»,
- 00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:42,585 потому что я его прикончила, что было нетрудно.
- 00:06:43,294 --> 00:06:45,213 Успокойся, Уинслоу.
- 00:06:45,296 --> 00:06:46,631 Уинслоу!
- 00:06:48,132 --> 00:06:52,345 Не каждый день можно встретить поклонников «Крепкого орешка», мисс…
- 00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:55,515 - Зовите меня Крепким Орешком. - Хорошо, Крепкий Орешек.
- 00:06:55,598 --> 00:06:58,184 Скажите, что вам известно о «Крепком орешке»?
- 00:06:58,267 --> 00:07:01,062 Тебе-то что? Пишешь книгу о «Крепком орешке»?
- 00:07:01,145 --> 00:07:02,939 Вообще-то, уже написал, и не одну.
- 00:07:03,022 --> 00:07:05,274 Каждая разумная цивилизация по всей галактике
- 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,360 в конечном итоге создает одинаковые мифы.
- 00:07:07,443 --> 00:07:09,487 На Центавре это «Человек-башня».
- 00:07:09,570 --> 00:07:12,115 У жителей Ориона - «Цикл Торнбурга».
- 00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:13,491 А в Андромеде -
- 00:07:13,574 --> 00:07:15,827 «Глупо было воображать, что сможешь убивать».
- 00:07:15,910 --> 00:07:18,162 И все они - то, что у вас зовется «Крепким орешком».
- 00:07:18,246 --> 00:07:21,916 Разница в том, что культуры, подобные моей, осознают его важность.
- 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,543 Кстати, я начинаю сомневаться,
- 00:07:23,626 --> 00:07:25,795 что вы можете процитировать хотя бы строчку.
- 00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:28,047 Рация, «Крепкий орешек», ублюдок.
- 00:07:30,675 --> 00:07:31,509 НЕПЛОХИЕ НОВОСТИ!
- 00:07:31,592 --> 00:07:34,512 Не так давно внучатизм отвергали как культ конца света.
- 00:07:34,595 --> 00:07:36,222 Но когда большая часть мира решила:
- 00:07:36,306 --> 00:07:38,558 «А нам нравится дрочить и играть в видеоигры,
- 00:07:38,641 --> 00:07:40,435 пока наша сестра сражается с террористами», -
- 00:07:40,518 --> 00:07:41,769 мы достигли больших успехов.
- 00:07:41,853 --> 00:07:45,440 Мир един, потому что он - это один 14-летний мальчик Морти.
- 00:07:45,523 --> 00:07:46,858 Но откуда всё это?
- 00:07:46,941 --> 00:07:48,860 Говорят, что у лидера внучатизма, Роя,
- 00:07:48,943 --> 00:07:50,903 где-то в этих горах есть секретная база.
- 00:07:50,987 --> 00:07:55,199 Я не смог ее найти, поэтому стою с микрофоном в обычном месте.
- 00:07:55,283 --> 00:07:57,201 Тони, «Неплохие новости».
- 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,212 А вот и она, моя правая рука, Морти.
- 00:08:08,296 --> 00:08:09,505 Космических кораблей хватит?
- 00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:11,549 Еще нет. Думаю, надо лет пять игрового времени,
- 00:08:11,632 --> 00:08:13,551 прежде чем я смогу вывезти всё население
- 00:08:13,634 --> 00:08:14,844 в фальшивый космос.
- 00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:16,471 Что будем делать в открытом космосе?
- 00:08:16,554 --> 00:08:18,222 Ничего. Он же фальшивый. Полетим.
- 00:08:18,306 --> 00:08:19,557 Карта игры имеет края,
- 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,434 но движок позволит вылететь за их пределы.
- 00:08:21,517 --> 00:08:22,977 Тогда игра перезагрузится.
- 00:08:23,061 --> 00:08:25,855 Но сначала нас выбросит из игры, так что Морти должен выжить.
- 00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:28,024 Я про тех Морти, которые будут на борту.
- 00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:30,735 Так что если у тебя нет пяти миллиардов платков с хлороформом,
- 00:08:30,818 --> 00:08:32,904 продолжай переманивать идиотов на нашу сторону.
- 00:08:32,987 --> 00:08:35,073 Они не идиоты, дедушка. Они - это я.
- 00:08:35,573 --> 00:08:37,533 Ты поймешь, как это смешно, когда мы вернемся.
- 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,994 Кстати, я подобрал твоего гениального отца.
- 00:08:40,078 --> 00:08:41,788 - Он там. - Что? Почему?
- 00:08:41,871 --> 00:08:44,957 Я думал, ты поблагодаришь и не будешь отвлекаться, если он не умрет.
- 00:08:45,041 --> 00:08:47,251 Он очень плох с тех пор, как потерял жену.
- 00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:49,420 - Мою маму? - Твою совсем не настоящую маму.
- 00:08:49,504 --> 00:08:53,091 Маму в видеоигре, занятую крошечной частицей тебя.
- 00:08:53,174 --> 00:08:56,427 Частицей тебя, которая умерла навсегда. И таких становится всё больше.
- 00:08:56,511 --> 00:08:59,931 В общем, я сказал привезти сюда твоего отца. Не за что, бессердечный монстр.
- 00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:03,393 Марта, это я, папа. Я обратился ради тебя.
- 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,603 Меня зовут Морти. Как и тебя.
- 00:09:05,686 --> 00:09:07,814 И нет никакого обращения. Мы оба Морти.
- 00:09:07,897 --> 00:09:09,148 - Это факт. - Конечно, дорогая.
- 00:09:09,232 --> 00:09:12,235 Как скажешь. Не хочу ссориться. Я тобой горжусь.
- 00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:14,070 Ты злишься на меня, ведь прежде чем ты стала
- 00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:16,406 влиятельнейшей в мире, я отругал тебя за прическу
- 00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,324 и обозвал распутной и безработной бродягой?
- 00:09:18,407 --> 00:09:20,660 На твоем месте я бы немного разозлился.
- 00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:23,538 Ты - это я. С чего бы мне злиться на себя?
- 00:09:23,621 --> 00:09:26,290 Логично. Тут есть где поесть?
- 00:09:26,374 --> 00:09:27,917 В комнате отдыха есть мини-кухня.
- 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,336 Мини-кухня? Прям как на красной ковровой дорожке.
- 00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:32,171 - Что, прости? - Я сказал: «Спасибо, супер.
- 00:09:32,255 --> 00:09:34,132 Мы все - часть Морти».
- 00:09:34,215 --> 00:09:36,509 Некоторые из нас - более важные части, другие - менее.
- 00:09:36,592 --> 00:09:39,053 Блин, та часть меня, которая мой отец, - придурочная.
- 00:09:39,137 --> 00:09:41,305 Это также будет смешным, когда мы вернемся.
- 00:09:41,389 --> 00:09:43,516 Когда опять будешь делать как в «Крепком орешке»,
- 00:09:43,808 --> 00:09:47,061 не прячься под длинным столом, как мужик из «Крепкого орешка».
- 00:09:48,312 --> 00:09:49,439 Ладно, не буду.
- 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:50,773 «ПАРАДИГМА НАКАТОМИ»
- 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,817 Ты ж сказал, она не в курсе «Крепкого орешка».
- 00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:55,486 - Не в курсе. - Она убивает нас одного за другим.
- 00:09:55,570 --> 00:09:58,656 Что, по-твоему, она должна делать? Купить нам по мороженому?
- 00:09:58,739 --> 00:10:02,451 Она импровизирует, и именно поэтому попадет прямиком в нашу ловушку.
- 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,245 Я буду бродить по галерее без оружия,
- 00:10:04,328 --> 00:10:07,039 а когда она встретится со мной, притворюсь заложником.
- 00:10:07,123 --> 00:10:08,833 А раз она не смотрела «Крепкий орешек»,
- 00:10:08,916 --> 00:10:11,961 то вместо того, чтобы вручить мне незаряженное ружье, она даст мне…
- 00:10:12,461 --> 00:10:14,547 «Крепкий орешек!»
- 00:10:15,173 --> 00:10:16,632 Что это было?
- 00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:18,176 «Крепкий орешек!»
- 00:10:18,259 --> 00:10:21,637 Нельзя просто орать в рацию: «Крепкий орешек!»
- 00:10:21,971 --> 00:10:25,558 Она выбросила свою рацию. Она ненавидит «Крепкий орешек»,
- 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:29,937 что делает ее идеальным Макклейном.
- 00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:33,816 Забудь всё, что знаешь о «Крепком орешке», и просто пристрели эту суку!
- 00:10:34,525 --> 00:10:36,694 Спасибо, что согласились встретиться, м-р Рой.
- 00:10:36,777 --> 00:10:38,488 Полстраны ловит каждое ваше слово.
- 00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:42,116 Чёрт возьми, большая часть мира! Думаю, вы что-то вроде Папы.
- 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,951 Я не Папа, так как это не религия.
- 00:10:44,035 --> 00:10:45,244 Мы реально в видеоигре.
- 00:10:45,328 --> 00:10:47,663 Я слышал послание, Рой. Вы здесь не на работе.
- 00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,582 Вы хотите собрать всех на космические корабли,
- 00:10:49,665 --> 00:10:51,000 но у вас ведь есть противники.
- 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:53,586 Может, это те, кто предпочитает законно избранных лидеров?
- 00:10:53,669 --> 00:10:55,171 Точно. Ваши избиратели. Те, кто любит
- 00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:57,465 действовать по указке, но не любит признавать это.
- 00:10:57,548 --> 00:11:00,009 - Я бы не стал так заявлять. - Вы сказали бы глупее.
- 00:11:00,092 --> 00:11:01,677 Я же говорил: пустая трата времени.
- 00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:03,971 Смыться готовы 92% из вас.
- 00:11:04,055 --> 00:11:07,058 Мы не доберемся до остальных, заключая сделки с паразитами.
- 00:11:07,141 --> 00:11:08,518 М-р президент, Рой - это Рик.
- 00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:12,271 Он - не мы. Вы и я, мы - Морти. Неужели в это так трудно поверить?
- 00:11:12,355 --> 00:11:14,857 Малыш, я знаю это и верю в это дольше, чем ты.
- 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,193 Мы оба стали персонажами видеоигры одновременно.
- 00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:19,487 Но я знал правду до того, как ты забросила свой скейт
- 00:11:19,570 --> 00:11:20,821 и пошла на первое собрание.
- 00:11:20,905 --> 00:11:23,407 Как мужику стать президентом в этой игре, а, дорогая?
- 00:11:23,491 --> 00:11:24,909 Не обращать ни на что внимания?
- 00:11:24,992 --> 00:11:27,411 Извини, что зову тебя «дорогая». Знаю, мы оба - мальчик,
- 00:11:27,495 --> 00:11:29,997 но моя часть мальчика старомодная и слегка южная.
- 00:11:30,081 --> 00:11:32,750 Я в замешательстве. Вы знаете, что Рик настоящий, но почему…
- 00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:35,419 Зачем утаивать? Затем, что он грубый, заносчивый петух.
- 00:11:35,503 --> 00:11:36,629 Он здесь, чтоб спасти нас.
- 00:11:36,712 --> 00:11:38,547 Он мог выйти из игры и бросить нас умирать.
- 00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:42,134 - Он провел 50 лет… - Для него 50 лет - это пара часов, да?
- 00:11:42,218 --> 00:11:45,638 Он отказывается уезжать без внука. Но что для него значит понятие «внук»?
- 00:11:45,721 --> 00:11:46,931 Звучит как «дворецкий»,
- 00:11:47,014 --> 00:11:50,142 тот, кто поможет Саммер с «Крепким орешком», что бы это ни значило.
- 00:11:50,226 --> 00:11:51,602 Скажу тебе, что это не значит.
- 00:11:51,686 --> 00:11:56,023 Ловля рыбы, объятия, признательность за весьма приличного ребенка…
- 00:11:56,107 --> 00:11:57,233 Минимум 8% его
- 00:11:57,316 --> 00:12:00,569 составляют половину величайшей гребаной нации на планете.
- 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,029 Мы для него еще не человек.
- 00:12:02,113 --> 00:12:03,906 Мы еще не Морти. Мы разделены.
- 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,284 Разделены, так как некоторые не доверяют этому мужику.
- 00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:08,828 Что будет с этой частью, когда мы станем единым целым?
- 00:12:08,911 --> 00:12:12,081 Один Морти, неделимый, под капризным старым мешком членов,
- 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:14,500 которого запирают в коробке с пятью миллиардами штук
- 00:12:14,583 --> 00:12:17,628 его собственной плоти и крови на 50 гребаных сымитированных лет
- 00:12:17,712 --> 00:12:19,380 и который сроду не сказал «я люблю тебя»!
- 00:12:20,381 --> 00:12:23,134 Извини, глупые сиськи. Дохлый номер.
- 00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,177 Хочешь героина?
- 00:12:25,261 --> 00:12:26,762 Это видеоигра. Почему бы и нет?
- 00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:31,892 Почти готов к запуску, детка.
- 00:12:31,976 --> 00:12:33,561 Наконец-то я избавлюсь от этой одежды.
- 00:12:33,644 --> 00:12:36,939 Тут почти нет карманов, и было бы неплохо вновь обрести собственный член.
- 00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:39,025 Тебе нормально, если 8% меня умрут?
- 00:12:39,108 --> 00:12:42,862 Это не самые лучшие 8%, Морти, ими можно пожертвовать.
- 00:12:42,945 --> 00:12:44,488 Восемь процентов пиццы - корочка.
- 00:12:44,572 --> 00:12:46,907 Восемь процентов «Версии Снайдера» - спящий Бэтмен.
- 00:12:46,991 --> 00:12:49,410 Я не знаю, что это за отсылка. Мы в видеоигре.
- 00:12:49,493 --> 00:12:52,246 - Ненадолго, детка. - Я не уеду без всего себя.
- 00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:54,290 Что? О нет. Давай объясню эти цифры.
- 00:12:54,373 --> 00:12:56,959 Восемь процентов от пяти миллиардов плюс один человек…
- 00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:59,628 Боже, если ты останешься, это ничего не изменит. Пока.
- 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,881 Если она не полетит, моя страна тоже не захочет.
- 00:13:01,964 --> 00:13:04,216 Кто просил вас влезать, лицо на мониторе?
- 00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,677 Зачем давать монитор, если мое мнение ничего не значит?
- 00:13:06,761 --> 00:13:08,929 Ваше мнение ничего не значит для остальных из нас.
- 00:13:09,013 --> 00:13:11,724 Мы все Морти. От скольких частей нас мы должны отказаться?
- 00:13:11,807 --> 00:13:15,061 Не знаю, как вы, а я уже совершил большой прыжок веры.
- 00:13:15,144 --> 00:13:18,105 По сути, мы жертвуем своей жизнью, чтоб стать частичкой незнакомца.
- 00:13:18,189 --> 00:13:20,691 - Эти жизни ненастоящие. - Да, но они длиннее.
- 00:13:20,775 --> 00:13:23,611 Что это, самоубийство на саммите?
- 00:13:23,694 --> 00:13:24,904 Всё, хватит!
- 00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:29,450 Рик, я соберу все части себя на все корабли и отправлюсь с тобой.
- 00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:32,078 - Хорошо. - Но ты должен сказать, что любишь нас.
- 00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:36,040 Даже если он сейчас это скажет…
- 00:13:36,123 --> 00:13:37,541 К чему такая пауза?
- 00:13:37,625 --> 00:13:38,834 Да пошел ты! Ждать его еще!
- 00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,711 - Священная война! - Священная война!
- 00:13:40,795 --> 00:13:42,254 Самая священная война!
- 00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:50,930 Лоялисты, сторонники эвакуакратического внучатизма,
- 00:13:51,013 --> 00:13:52,515 контролируют сегодня семь городов,
- 00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:55,267 а государственно-общественная Контрконфедерация
- 00:13:55,351 --> 00:13:58,270 Преданности Реальности Видеоигры вторглась на территории
- 00:13:58,354 --> 00:14:00,940 Мортопии, в Новый Южный Сент-Морти и в Мывсемортию.
- 00:14:01,023 --> 00:14:02,400 В конце концов, какая разница?
- 00:14:02,483 --> 00:14:04,110 Все Морти. Никто не хочет умирать.
- 00:14:04,193 --> 00:14:05,861 Это адский повод убить себя.
- 00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:07,738 Но что мы можем сделать? Боже.
- 00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:22,294 Ты же знаешь, что ты мой внук и что всё это ненастоящее.
- 00:14:22,378 --> 00:14:25,047 Чего ты хочешь добиться? Ты ведь себе только хуже делаешь.
- 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,842 Мы ценны только потому, что мы - фрагменты Морти.
- 00:14:27,925 --> 00:14:29,135 Ты учил нас этому, Рик.
- 00:14:29,218 --> 00:14:31,804 Но ты также дал нам понять, что тебе плевать на Морти.
- 00:14:32,763 --> 00:14:34,014 Вот насколько мне не плевать!
- 00:14:34,098 --> 00:14:36,267 Если не перестанешь взрывать мои летающие тарелки,
- 00:14:36,350 --> 00:14:38,352 я уничтожу каждого из вас, до последнего.
- 00:14:38,436 --> 00:14:39,603 Я на всё пойду.
- 00:14:40,229 --> 00:14:43,065 Что я должен сказать? Я люблю и уважаю тебя, хорошо?
- 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,483 Слишком поздно для разговоров.
- 00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:49,530 - Робот. Конечно. - Я не рискну умереть,
- 00:14:49,613 --> 00:14:52,658 потому что если я умру в игре, у тебя умрет мозг. Не благодари.
- 00:14:52,742 --> 00:14:54,952 Лучше умереть в игре «Рой», чем прислуживать в аду.
- 00:14:55,035 --> 00:14:57,329 А Саммер? О ней ты подумал?
- 00:14:57,413 --> 00:14:59,331 Мы должны вернуться, помочь ей.
- 00:14:59,415 --> 00:15:02,585 Где бы она ни была, уверена, она прекрасно справляется без твоей помощи.
- 00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:03,919 Не сглазь! Кто-нибудь!
- 00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:07,673 Закончить работу и подорвать это место?
- 00:15:07,757 --> 00:15:09,758 Нет, это не может закончиться. Не так.
- 00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:12,636 Думаешь, я ее сглазила?
- 00:15:14,972 --> 00:15:16,474 Почему ты не стреляешь выше?
- 00:15:16,557 --> 00:15:18,392 Не хочу попасть в стекло, потому что…
- 00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:21,187 Не нужно избегать делать то, что было в «Крепком орешке».
- 00:15:21,270 --> 00:15:24,064 В стекло стрелять можно. Стреляй в стекло.
- 00:15:24,148 --> 00:15:26,984 Бросай гранаты. Делай всё, только убей ее!
- 00:15:32,323 --> 00:15:35,493 Зачем вы здесь, мисс Крепкий Орешек?
- 00:15:35,576 --> 00:15:38,245 Хочу понять, почему вы не уходите.
- 00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:39,872 «Крепкий орешек…»
- 00:15:39,955 --> 00:15:42,333 - Подождите. - …на космическом корабле. И что потом?
- 00:15:42,416 --> 00:15:44,793 Потом мы поможем твоей сестре с ее «Крепким орешком».
- 00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:52,301 Это уже чересчур.
- 00:15:52,801 --> 00:15:53,719 Извини.
- 00:15:53,802 --> 00:15:56,263 Мисс Крепкий Орешек, у меня тут особый гость.
- 00:15:56,722 --> 00:16:00,059 Или мне лучше называть вас сестрой этого парня?
- 00:16:06,649 --> 00:16:08,526 - Мама! - Здравствуй, дорогая.
- 00:16:08,609 --> 00:16:11,195 - Я перехожу на другую сторону. - Что? Почему?
- 00:16:11,278 --> 00:16:12,988 Хочу жить в реальном мире с Роем.
- 00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:14,907 Хочу помочь Саммер с «Крепким орешком».
- 00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:17,284 Его зовут Рик, и мы не можем знать,
- 00:16:17,368 --> 00:16:19,787 является ли ваше поколение частью Морти.
- 00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:21,539 Знаешь, как это обидно?
- 00:16:21,622 --> 00:16:24,291 Такое воспитание и подтолкнуло меня к религиозному радикализму.
- 00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:25,543 - Пока! - Это не…
- 00:16:26,627 --> 00:16:28,671 Не религия, ну да ладно.
- 00:16:29,547 --> 00:16:31,840 Мэм, здесь действительно небезопасно.
- 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,509 К тому же уже пора.
- 00:16:35,678 --> 00:16:37,012 ЛАРРИ
- 00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:39,723 Мы сейчас полетим на космическом корабле?
- 00:16:39,807 --> 00:16:42,685 - Уже скоро, пап. Да. - Ты лжешь?
- 00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:46,564 Ты сказала это тоном, которым говорят с умирающими.
- 00:16:46,647 --> 00:16:49,149 Не буду тебе лгать. Ты умираешь, пап.
- 00:16:49,233 --> 00:16:52,236 И мы не уйдем из видеоигры.
- 00:16:52,319 --> 00:16:53,946 Будем жить здесь.
- 00:16:54,029 --> 00:16:55,864 Что? Какого хрена? Почему?
- 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,950 - Здесь более реально. - Да уж, блин!
- 00:16:58,033 --> 00:17:00,244 У меня болит печень. Я здесь стар.
- 00:17:00,327 --> 00:17:01,829 Я хочу быть подростком.
- 00:17:01,912 --> 00:17:05,124 Хочу прыгать, делать домашнюю работу и постоянно дрочить.
- 00:17:05,207 --> 00:17:08,127 Но, папа, это… Мы были бы крошечной частью этого.
- 00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:10,379 Здесь мы те, кем являемся на самом деле.
- 00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:13,340 Да, отлично. Мертвые. Я стану мертвым отцом.
- 00:17:13,424 --> 00:17:14,383 Кого я делаю…
- 00:17:15,092 --> 00:17:18,596 - Кого я… Кого… - Не разговаривай, пап.
- 00:17:18,679 --> 00:17:20,139 Хочу закончить свою остроту.
- 00:17:20,222 --> 00:17:23,183 - Не надо… - Кого я…
- 00:17:23,892 --> 00:17:27,229 Кого я выставил из дома?
- 00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:28,772 Самую лучшую дочь на свете…
- 00:17:29,523 --> 00:17:31,400 Зафиксировано?
- 00:17:42,578 --> 00:17:43,996 Думала, ты уже улетел.
- 00:17:44,079 --> 00:17:46,165 Я надеялся вернуть хотя бы половину вас домой.
- 00:17:46,248 --> 00:17:47,458 Я больше не могу ждать.
- 00:17:47,541 --> 00:17:50,294 В этот момент мое сердце бьется почти добровольно.
- 00:17:50,377 --> 00:17:53,464 В общем, это немного странно, но замедление времени дало мне
- 00:17:53,547 --> 00:17:55,215 возможность как следует подумать,
- 00:17:55,299 --> 00:17:58,093 - и я должен сказать… - В этом нет необходимости.
- 00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:00,387 Я пришла сказать, что даю добро.
- 00:18:00,471 --> 00:18:04,642 Все Морти улетят с тобой в реальный мир, чтобы стать твоим внуком.
- 00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:06,894 Может, мы поможем Саммер с ее «Крепким орешком».
- 00:18:06,977 --> 00:18:09,730 Хочу сказать, что такого я не ожидал.
- 00:18:09,813 --> 00:18:11,273 С чего такие перемены?
- 00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:14,109 Мои люди остаются со мной только из преданности мне.
- 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,862 Я реликт. Я их больше не представляю.
- 00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:19,990 Ты действительно хороший внук, знаешь?
- 00:18:20,074 --> 00:18:21,158 Я горжусь тобой, Морти.
- 00:18:21,241 --> 00:18:23,285 Пожалуйста, зови меня Мартой.
- 00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:24,828 Это мое имя в видеоигре.
- 00:18:25,579 --> 00:18:28,165 Кстати, об игре. У меня есть одно условие.
- 00:18:28,791 --> 00:18:30,918 Признаю: я восхищаюсь вами, мисс Крепкий Орешек.
- 00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:35,214 Вы настоящий Макклейн, достойнейший головорез-янки.
- 00:18:35,297 --> 00:18:37,508 Но теперь всему пришел конец.
- 00:18:39,677 --> 00:18:43,013 А квотербек, как говорится, произнесет тост.
- 00:18:43,097 --> 00:18:45,557 У вас же нет пистолета, приклеенного скотчем к спине?
- 00:18:45,641 --> 00:18:48,185 - Что это значит? - Так заканчивается «Крепкий орешек».
- 00:18:48,268 --> 00:18:49,186 Хотя сейчас неважно.
- 00:18:49,269 --> 00:18:50,980 В «Крепком орешке» у него сзади пистолет?
- 00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,648 Таков конец идеального фильма,
- 00:18:52,731 --> 00:18:55,109 по которому вы строили всю свою криминальную жизнь?
- 00:18:55,192 --> 00:18:57,152 Похоже, это сыграло мне на руку,
- 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:59,238 потому что умрете именно вы.
- 00:18:59,363 --> 00:19:00,614 Как вы там говорили?
- 00:19:00,698 --> 00:19:04,326 Ах да. «Рация, "Крепкий орешек", ублюдок…»
- 00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,706 - Почему вы смеетесь? - Смешно.
- 00:19:08,789 --> 00:19:11,041 То, как ты сказал «ублюдок». Ржака.
- 00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:12,334 Ладно, просто…
- 00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,086 Это из «Крепкого орешка»?
- 00:19:14,169 --> 00:19:16,672 Смеется Джон Макклейн, чем сбивает с толку Ганса Грубера,
- 00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:18,799 и они какое-то время смеются вместе?
- 00:19:18,882 --> 00:19:20,592 Да, там всё именно так и происходит.
- 00:19:20,676 --> 00:19:22,177 Стоп. Ты знала, как их зовут?
- 00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:25,097 Не с самого начала. Нет. Ты оставил свою книгу в туалете.
- 00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:28,016 Я читала ее, пока какала. В основном концовку.
- 00:19:48,203 --> 00:19:50,247 Оп-па, малыш!
- 00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:54,126 Как вовремя, дедушка Рик!
- 00:19:55,335 --> 00:19:57,421 Доктор Осолизиум.
- 00:19:59,339 --> 00:20:00,549 Привет. Помнишь меня?
- 00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:02,051 Ты подстрелил меня на столе.
- 00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:05,053 Предсмертный опыт заставил меня задуматься.
- 00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:06,555 Раньше я не был таким.
- 00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:10,726 Я съел ребенка. Было темно, и я подумал, что он взрослый.
- 00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:13,145 С тех пор я вообще никого не ем.
- 00:20:13,228 --> 00:20:16,356 Думаю, я направил всю сдерживаемую энергию на эту работу.
- 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:17,357 Но теперь…
- 00:20:20,444 --> 00:20:22,029 Спасибо, что освободила меня.
- 00:20:25,115 --> 00:20:26,658 Классический «Человек-башня».
- 00:20:26,742 --> 00:20:29,119 - Даже чересчур. Верно, Морти? - Конечно.
- 00:20:29,203 --> 00:20:31,914 В том смысле, что как скажешь, Рик. Тебе лучше знать.
- 00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:33,749 Я доверяю тебе безоговорочно.
- 00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:36,043 - С ним всё в порядке? - Да.
- 00:20:36,126 --> 00:20:38,879 Я достал его полностью, всего. До последнего фрагмента.
- 00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:42,758 Что по поводу брошенного аппарата «Рой»?
- 00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:44,384 Не отвезешь его в ремонт?
- 00:20:44,468 --> 00:20:45,511 Нет. Особый приказ.
- 00:20:45,594 --> 00:20:48,430 Какой-то богатый придурок хочет продолжать последнюю игру.
- 00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:50,015 Подключился к внешнему аккумулятору.
- 00:20:50,099 --> 00:20:51,725 - Его надо просто хранить. - Странно.
- 00:20:51,809 --> 00:20:54,561 Ага, а как тебе это? Игра продолжается, а Рой мертв.
- 00:20:54,645 --> 00:20:56,105 - Что? - Да, он просто труп,
- 00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:57,523 дрейфующий по краю космоса.
- 00:20:57,606 --> 00:20:59,441 Но почему-то игра не перезагружается,
- 00:20:59,525 --> 00:21:02,277 поскольку она замкнута на какую-то старуху, живущую там.
- 00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:03,737 Звучит не очень…
- 00:21:03,821 --> 00:21:05,447 Ладно, поставь его туда.
- 00:21:05,781 --> 00:21:09,118 «РОЙ» ОТЛИЧНО ПРОЖИТАЯ ЖИЗНЬ
- 00:21:11,453 --> 00:21:13,831 А если кто-то захочет, он сможет…
- 00:21:13,914 --> 00:21:16,458 Да, всё каталогизировано и отслежено.
- 00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:18,752 Люди неправильно представляли размер пространства,
- 00:21:18,836 --> 00:21:21,255 - оно в цифровом виде. - Так можно поставить куда угодно?
- 00:21:21,338 --> 00:21:23,715 - Здесь нормально? - Везде нормально.
- 00:21:56,957 --> 00:22:00,085 Я ВСЕХ НЕНАВИЖУ
- 00:22:02,296 --> 00:22:04,089 Почему на него никто не нападает?
- 00:22:04,173 --> 00:22:05,507 Из-за мороза?
- 00:22:05,591 --> 00:22:07,217 Нет, думаю, из-за надписи.
- 00:22:07,301 --> 00:22:09,469 Надпись из «Крепкого орешка - 3» явно расистская.
- 00:22:09,553 --> 00:22:11,889 Точно. Но, думаю, мы зашли слишком далеко.
- 00:22:11,972 --> 00:22:15,392 - «Всех?» Обидно же! - Всех?
- 00:22:15,475 --> 00:22:17,644 В данный момент зачем вообще это делать?
- 00:22:19,229 --> 00:22:21,857 Вот бы мой брат был жив.
- 00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:26,570 СВЕТЛОЙ ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА
- 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:10,593 Hey, you kids! Don't be bad outside my store!
- 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,137 I keep a nice store!
- 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,555 Give it up, old man!
- 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:17,350 We're just cool bad kids doing young stuff! Chh!
- 00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:18,601 [ Laughter ]
- 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,478 You guys wanna do more skateboard moves?
- 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,981 Which ones? The rad ones, that's which!
- 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,607 How are you kids?
- 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,276 Did you know your grandpa's tryin' to get your attention?
- 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,902 Yeah, yeah, screw off, weirdo.
- 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,904 Grandson, w-w-what's that mean?
- 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,614 He's one of those cult people.
- 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,116 They worship some psycho named Roy
- 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,743 that says he's everybody's grandpa.
- 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:37,954 So what do you want to do today, e-eat some snacks
- 00:00:37,954 --> 00:00:40,290 and maybe let me kiss you finally?
- 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,833 Y'know, with my mouth and stuff?
- 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,209 This is going on right now.
- 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:44,919 L-Let's go check it out. Aw, geez.
- 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,422 C-Come on, just for fun, you know?
- 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,840 No, that's not what I'm--
- 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,633 You guys keep thinking I'm a religious leader.
- 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,969 This isn't a religion. This is actual truth.
- 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,387 I'm a scientist in real life,
- 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,473 but this isn't real life, this is a video game.
- 00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,933 Y-Y-You at least understand that much, right?
- 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,185 This is a video game?
- 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,103 But you said I'm your grandson?
- 00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:03,480 I'm saying everyone is.
- 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,565 Everyone here, everyone in this world but me.
- 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,901 You're all my grandson, your name is Morty,
- 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,153 you're stuck in a video game, and I'm here to get you out.
- 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:12,155 What about me? Am I your grandson?
- 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,865 I just said everyone is!
- 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:15,158 - Wow! - Incredible!
- 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,659 Okay, okay, but don't react like that.
- 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:19,120 It's not a religion. This is what is happening.
- 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,955 You and me and your sister are at an arcade
- 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,207 called Blips and Chitz.
- 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:23,666 It's been taken over by terrorists.
- 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,668 The power went out, the game restarted,
- 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,128 and your identity has been splintered
- 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,963 into all the non-player characters.
- 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,800 So I jacked in as Roy, that's the player character,
- 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,343 to get you, my grandson, Morty,
- 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,637 out of the game before it's over and you die.
- 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,138 Okay, question over here.
- 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:39,516 Am I your grandson? Jesus! Yes!
- 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:42,101 Every single one of you is one five-billionth of Morty.
- 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:44,187 All of you, collectively, are Morty.
- 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:45,772 Look, I-I don't wanna seem impatient
- 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,857 but there's actually a lot more that we have to get done
- 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,484 so if this is how hard it's gonna be,
- 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:50,819 we are in a lot of trou--
- 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,153 Summer, what?!
- 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,531 I can't do this if you keep bugging me!
- 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,407 Do you understand time dilation?
- 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,117 I'm losing a month a second out here.
- 00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:00,119 There's an alien army shooting people.
- 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:01,496 What am I doing?!
- 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:02,872 It's a small group of alien terrorists.
- 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,291 Just do a "Die Hard." What does that mean?
- 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,794 Sneak around, use air vents. You've never seen "Die Hard"?
- 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,880 I'm 17. No, I've never seen fucking "Die Hard"!
- 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,340 Well, neither did the guy in "Die Hard,"
- 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:14,926 so you're nailing it! Good luck!
- 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:22,892 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:38,741 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:46,708 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,042 {\an8}Joanna: Larry...
- 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,502 {\an8}Larry: No, I'm at the end of my rope with this kid,
- 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,380 {\an8}I swear to God...
- 00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,716 {\an8}Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
- 00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:54,716 {\an8}Your beautiful hair!
- 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,676 {\an8}This is not a daughter's haircut!
- 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,428 {\an8}I'm not a daughter, I'm a grandson.
- 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,388 {\an8}Your family had a perfectly fine religion!
- 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:01,890 {\an8}You were raised Jewish!
- 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,142 {\an8}Dad, tell me anything specific about being Jewish.
- 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,602 {\an8}There's a million things!
- 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:08,021 {\an8}You go to the temple with the-- the-- the special hat,
- 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,606 {\an8}t-the falafafluten--
- 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,024 {\an8}Oh, the falafafluten?
- 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,442 {\an8}Our Jewish words are gibberish
- 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:13,902 {\an8}because we're a 14-year-old boy
- 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,820 {\an8}who was raised nondenominational Christian
- 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,196 {\an8}and we're in a video game!
- 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,782 {\an8}I don't need to hear this schmoitenheiven!
- 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,784 {\an8}Let me ask you this, little miss grandson,
- 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,620 {\an8}little miss video game character.
- 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,788 {\an8}If you're not my daughter, why stand in my house
- 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,373 {\an8}spouting this chatschkopfka?
- 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:28,625 {\an8}Why even live here?
- 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:29,959 {\an8}Good question.
- 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,377 {\an8}There she goes! My daughter!
- 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,547 {\an8}One five-billionth of a kid trapped in a video game!
- 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:37,216 {\an8}Yeah, that and a college degree'll pay the rent!
- 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,594 {\an8}[ Static ]
- 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,264 {\an8}What do you people want?
- 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,599 {\an8}We have many interests,
- 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:47,644 {\an8}but right now my primary one is the location.
- 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,520 {\an8}Of. Your. Safe.
- 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,856 {\an8}We exchange tokens for digital currency.
- 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,149 {\an8}We don't have a safe.
- 00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:55,818 {\an8}Correction, what you don't have is a head.
- 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,236 {\an8}Ohh!
- 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,280 {\an8}Is this a weapon or a medical tool?
- 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,658 {\an8}Why would you give me a gun with a laser that thin?
- 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,077 {\an8}Did you hear me tell him he wouldn't have a head?
- 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,079 {\an8}- He's dead, isn't he? - People die in surgery.
- 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,497 {\an8}<i>Hey! Who don't touched me?!</i>
- 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,415 {\an8}<i>I don't like being touched!</i>
- 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,959 {\an8}Check the hostages.
- 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:16,005 {\an8}Make sure nobody else here is doing a "Die Hard."
- 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,967 {\an8}♪ Hello, hello, hello, my name is Morty ♪
- 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:22,553 {\an8}♪ I'm a 14-year-old boy in a video game ♪
- 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,472 {\an8}- Alright! Yeah! - Aw, geez!
- 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,849 {\an8}Yeah. Look. I feel like every time I explain this,
- 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,768 {\an8}I lose followers, but this isn't a religion.
- 00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,604 {\an8}And while I do have a message from a world beyond this one,
- 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,899 {\an8}and I do need the entire world to hear my message,
- 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:37,443 {\an8}what I do not need is any more songs about it.
- 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,695 Not in this genre.
- 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,238 I'm an old-school hip-hop man,
- 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,782 and no, that's not an invitation for you to try it
- 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,200 because I'm just gonna say it,
- 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,327 we're missing the mark on diversity.
- 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,080 [ Crashing ]
- 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,665 Get down!
- 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,458 You're all under arrest for being religious the wrong way!
- 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,293 It's not a religion! You know what, just shoot me.
- 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,087 You think your god makes you bulletproof?
- 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,755 There isn't even a God in the real world,
- 00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,173 you fragmented putz.
- 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,591 There's extra no God in here.
- 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:01,843 You know what, hippie?
- 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,261 Talking like that is why you're getting shot!
- 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,596 If you kill him, the game ends and we all die.
- 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,390 Get down, lady! I'm not a lady.
- 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,808 And you're not a soldier.
- 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,310 We're one person, split into a lot of little pieces.
- 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,562 Y-You feel me? Dawg?
- 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,732 Y-Y-You're not gonna hurt me. You're me.
- 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:18,192 My name is Kevin! I'm a Marine! I'm 30!
- 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,819 I'm a little racist but my best friend
- 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,404 is an immigrant that translated for me
- 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,031 in a generic overseas war!
- 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,240 That's not true.
- 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,492 We're 14, we like pizza and masturbation,
- 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:27,869 we wear a yellow shirt,
- 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,662 and we have hair that looks like a brown helmet.
- 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:30,997 A-And we miss our family.
- 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,458 And we're in way over our heads again.
- 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,084 Why's this always happen, man?
- 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,003 I know, right?
- 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:40,089 Aw, geez. Come here.
- 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:42,842 - Aw, geez. - Aw, geez.
- 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:43,926 Who is that?
- 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,595 Her video game name is Marta.
- 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:49,348 Okay. See, this I can work with.
- 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,768 "Sneak around. Crawl in some vents.
- 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,728 Do a 'Die Hard.'"
- 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:55,855 [ Screams ]
- 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,857 {\an8}♪
- 00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,525 [ Chiming ]
- 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:00,902 [ Gasps ]
- 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:05,281 [ Both scream ]
- 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:07,492 Oh, my God, it's disgusting!
- 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,993 Actually, it tastes really good.
- 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,496 Oh, my God, it's disgusting that it tastes good!
- 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,039 <i>Frank, have you found him? Report.</i>
- 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,625 Oh. Oh. Walkie talkie. That's "Die Hard."
- 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,085 Don't have to see it to know that.
- 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:20,129 This is Jons. I repeat, have you found him?
- 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,881 <i>Breaker, breaker. Walkie talkie.</i>
- 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,674 <i>I got your walkie talkie. Bitch.</i>
- 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:26,511 Are you doing a "Die Hard"?
- 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,137 Maybe.
- 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,598 Are... you? Also?
- 00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:31,599 <i>More or less.</i>
- 00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,267 <i>And my associate, Frank?</i>
- 00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,603 Uh, your associate Frank is definitely not
- 00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:37,063 doing a "Die Hard."
- 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:40,191 <i>You might even say he's doing a Die Easy.</i>
- 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:43,236 <i>Because I killed him and it wasn't difficult.</i>
- 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,321 Calm yourself, Winslow.
- 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:46,531 Winslow!
- 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,199 Ugh.
- 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,034 It's not every day one meets a fellow
- 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,620 "Die Hard" enthusiast, Ms...
- 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:53,830 <i>Call me "Die Hard."</i>
- 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,331 Okay, Die Hard.
- 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,084 Tell me. What do you know about "Die Hard"?
- 00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,878 <i>What do you care? You writing a book about "Die Hard"?</i>
- 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,755 As a matter of fact, I've written several.
- 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,007 <i>Every sentient civilization across the galaxy</i>
- 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,218 <i>eventually develops the same myth.</i>
- 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:09,303 In Centauri, it's known as "Tower Man."
- 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:12,014 The Orionese have their "Thornberg Cycle."
- 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,349 And in Andromeda it's called
- 00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:15,852 "Foolish to Have Imagined You'd Be Able to Kill."
- 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,020 <i>All of them what you'd call "Die Hard."</i>
- 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,231 The difference being that cultures like mine
- 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:23,526 are aware of its importance whereas I'm starting to doubt
- 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,486 <i>you could even recall a single line.</i>
- 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,156 Walkie talkie "Die Hard," motherfucker.
- 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,366 Aaah!
- 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,827 {\an8}News Anchor: <i>Not so long ago, Grandsonism was being dismissed</i>
- 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:34,328 {\an8}<i>as a doomsday cult.</i>
- 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:35,872 {\an8}<i>But since a majority of the world decided,</i>
- 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,623 {\an8}<i>hey you know what, we like jerking off</i>
- 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,417 {\an8}<i>and playing video games and our sister is out there</i>
- 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,544 {\an8}<i>fighting terrorists, major strides have been made.</i>
- 00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,171 {\an8}<i>The world is united, because the world</i>
- 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,047 {\an8}<i>is one 14-year-old boy, Morty.</i>
- 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,299 {\an8}<i>But where's it all coming from?</i>
- 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,509 {\an8}Some say Grandsonism's leader, Roy,
- 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,720 {\an8}has a secret base somewhere in these mountains.
- 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,055 {\an8}I-I-I couldn't find it so I'm standing in--
- 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,099 {\an8}in the general area with a microphone.
- 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,226 {\an8}For Good Enough News, I'm Tony!
- 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:06,068 {\an8}♪
- 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,070 There she is, my right-hand Morty!
- 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,739 Got enough spaceships? Not yet.
- 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,407 I figure five more years of game time
- 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,534 before I can take the whole fake population
- 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:14,660 into fake outer space.
- 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,245 What do we do in outer space?
- 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,914 Nothing. It's fake. W-We keep going.
- 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,373 The game's map has edges,
- 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,250 but the game's engine will let us go past them.
- 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,960 That will force the game to reset,
- 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:25,463 but first it will kick us out, which Morty should survive.
- 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,924 I mean, whatever amount of Morty we have on board.
- 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,467 So if you don't have five billion handkerchiefs
- 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,927 soaked in chloroform,
- 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,720 I hope you can keep flipping idiots to our cause.
- 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,180 They're not idiots, Grandpa.
- 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,640 They're me. Ha.
- 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,266 You'll know how funny that is when we get back.
- 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,852 By the way, I had your genius of a father picked up.
- 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,479 He's over there. What? Why?
- 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,522 I thought you'd be grateful and less distracted
- 00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,107 than if I let him die.
- 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,901 He's been in real bad shape since he lost his wife--
- 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,277 My mom?
- 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,571 Your not-at-all-real mom, a mom in a video game.
- 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,865 Occupied by a tiny fraction of yourself.
- 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,034 A fraction of yourself which is now dead forever,
- 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,662 and fractions add up, so I had your dad brought here.
- 00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:00,122 You're welcome, you heartless monster.
- 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,958 Marta. It's me, Dad.
- 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,292 I converted for you.
- 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,419 My name is Morty. So is yours.
- 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,754 And there's no conversion.
- 00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:08,339 We're both Morty. It's a fact.
- 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,715 Sure, honey, anything you say.
- 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,134 I don't want to fight. I'm proud of you.
- 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,761 Are you mad at me because before you became
- 00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:16,180 the world's most powerful woman, I shamed you for your haircut
- 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,140 and called you a slutty jobless hobo?
- 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,685 If I were you, I'd be a little mad about that.
- 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:23,354 You are me. A-and why would I be mad at myself?
- 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:26,107 Good point! Is there anything to-- to eat around here?
- 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,650 There's a kitchenette in the break room.
- 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,152 Oh, a kitchenette you say. Such red carpet treatment.
- 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,988 Excuse me? I said thank you, I love it,
- 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,864 we-- we-- we're all part of Morty!
- 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:36,325 Some of us more important parts than others...
- 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,786 Man, the part of me that's my father is a twat.
- 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,163 That's also gonna be funny when we get back.
- 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,457 Next time you try to do a "Die Hard,"
- 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:47,086 don't hide under a long table like the guy from "Die Hard."
- 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,129 [ Screams ]
- 00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,423 Okay, I won't.
- 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,550 I thought you said she doesn't know how to do a "Die Hard"!
- 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:55,177 She doesn't.
- 00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:55,177 She's killing us off one by one!
- 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,513 What do you expect her to do, buy us each an ice cream?
- 00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,765 Two by two? She's improvising.
- 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:02,268 Which is how she's going to fall right into our trap.
- 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,936 I'm going to wander the arcade unarmed,
- 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,814 and when she comes across me, I'll pretend to be a hostage.
- 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,649 And because she hasn't seen "Die Hard,"
- 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,568 instead of handing me an unloaded gun,
- 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,111 she'll hand me a-- ugh!
- 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,114 "Die Hard"! "Die Hard"! "Die Hard"!
- 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,615 What the hell was that?!
- 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,034 Summer: <i>"Die Hard"! "Die Hard"!</i>
- 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,036 You can't just keep yelling "Die Hard"
- 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,871 into a walkie talkie and-- ugh!
- 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,040 She threw her walkie talkie away!
- 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,916 She hates "Die Hard"!
- 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,837 Which makes her the ultimate McClane.
- 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,881 Forget everything you know about "Die Hard"
- 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,924 and just go shoot that bitch!
- 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,552 President Leland: Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Roy.
- 00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:38,387 Half the country hangs on your every word.
- 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,889 Heck, most of the world.
- 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,724 You're, like, uh, kind of a pope, I reckon.
- 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,642 L-- I'm not a pope because it's not a religion.
- 00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:45,311 We're literally in a video game.
- 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,396 I've heard the message, Roy. You're not on the clock here.
- 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,023 So you want every single person on a spaceship.
- 00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,733 But you got a bunch of holdouts.
- 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,319 Maybe people that prefer their leaders a little more elected.
- 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,612 Right. Your voters.
- 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:55,946 People that like being told what to do
- 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,239 but don't like admitting it.
- 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,449 Yeah, not sure I'd put it that way.
- 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,117 I'm sure you'd put it a stupid way.
- 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,494 I told you this was a waste of time.
- 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,662 I've got 92% of you ready to vamoose.
- 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:06,624 We're not gonna get the rest by making deals with parasites.
- 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,334 Mr. President, Roy is Rick.
- 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,878 He's not us. You and I, w-we're Morty.
- 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,254 Is that really so hard to believe?
- 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,506 Kid, I've known it and I've believed it
- 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,091 longer than you have.
- 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,884 We both became video game characters at the same moment,
- 00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:19,261 but I knew the truth before you dropped your skateboard
- 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,930 and went to your first cult meeting.
- 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,265 How do you think a guy becomes a President in this game, honey?
- 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,558 By not paying attention?
- 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,976 Sorry to call you honey,
- 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,603 I know we're both parts of a 14-year-old boy,
- 00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:29,814 but my part's old-fashioned and vaguely Southern.
- 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,608 I'm confused. If-- If you know Rick is real, why--
- 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,111 Why hold out? Because he's a rude, entitled cock.
- 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,445 He's here to save us.
- 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,364 He-- He could've left the game and let us die.
- 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,615 He's spent 50 years--
- 00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:41,909 50 years, it's what, a couple hours to him?
- 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,869 He refuses to leave without his grandson,
- 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,413 but what's grandson mean to him?
- 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:46,872 Sounds like it means butler.
- 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,958 Someone to "Help Summer with her 'Die Hard,'"
- 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,167 whatever that means.
- 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,419 I'll tell you what it doesn't mean.
- 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,129 Fly fishing. A hug.
- 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,756 A little appreciation for what is clearly a pretty decent kid.
- 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,217 At least the 8% of him that makes up the decent half
- 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,469 of the greatest God damn nation on the planet.
- 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,762 We're not a person to him yet.
- 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,764 We're not Morty yet. We-We're divided.
- 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,016 We're divided because some of us doesn't trust the guy.
- 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,727 What happens to that part of us when we're all back together?
- 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,146 One Morty? Indivisible?
- 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,856 Under a cranky old bag of dicks?
- 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:14,275 A man you can lock in a box with five billion pieces
- 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,818 of his own God damn flesh and blood
- 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,653 for 50 God damn simulated years
- 00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:20,156 and never hear him say "I love you"?
- 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:23,784 Sorry, pumpkin tits, that dog don't hunt.
- 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:24,869 Wa-Want some heroin?
- 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:27,079 I-It's a video game, might as well.
- 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,667 Roy: Just about ready for launch, kiddo.
- 00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,335 I can finally get outta these clothes.
- 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,837 I don't have nearly enough pockets.
- 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,589 And it'll be nice to have my own dick back.
- 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,883 Y-you're fine leaving 8% of me to die?
- 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,676 It's not your finest 8%, Morty.
- 00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:42,761 And 8% of anything is expendable.
- 00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,305 8% of pizza is crust.
- 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,682 8% of the Snyder Cut was Batman dreaming.
- 00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,017 I don't know what that reference is!
- 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,436 We're in a video game!
- 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,436 Not for long, baby!
- 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,021 I'm not leaving without all of me.
- 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,273 What? Oh, no, let me crunch these numbers.
- 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,692 8% of five billion plus one person--
- 00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:59,403 my God, if you stay, it changes nothing! Bye.
- 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,697 If she's not going, I don't think my country wants to go.
- 00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:03,949 Who invited you to chime in, monitor face?
- 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,202 Why give me a monitor if my opinion doesn't matter?
- 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,621 Your opinion isn't allowed to matter for the rest of us.
- 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,039 We're all a-Morty.
- 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,540 How many chunks of us are we a-supposed to give up?
- 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,209 Look, I don't know about you, but I was already
- 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,793 taking a big leap of faith, here.
- 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,378 We-We're basically giving up our lives
- 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:17,922 to become a tiny part of a stranger--
- 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,048 These lives aren't a-real!
- 00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,841 Yeah, but they're longer!
- 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,511 What-- What is this, suicide by summit meeting?
- 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,888 Everyone stop.
- 00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,890 Rick, I'll get every single part of me
- 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,892 to get on every ship and go with you. Good.
- 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:34,146 But you have to tell us you love us.
- 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,856 I mean, at this point even if he said it,
- 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,316 what-- what-- what's with the pause?
- 00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:38,901 Screw you, wait for it!
- 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,569 - Holy war! - Holier war!
- 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,238 Holiest war ever!
- 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,246 News Anchor: Loyalist Evacucratic Grandsonistas
- 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,039 claimed seven new cities today
- 00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:54,583 while the Stayputlican Contrasurgent Confederation
- 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,460 of Dedication to Video Game Reality
- 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,546 invaded the territories of Mortopia,
- 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,714 New South Saint Morty, and Wemortyall.
- 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,716 In the end, what does it matter, everyone's Morty,
- 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,718 nobody wants to die, and that's a hell of a reason
- 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,804 to kill yourself, but what can we do?
- 00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,597 Aw, geez.
- 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:19,066 {\an8}♪
- 00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:21,819 You know you're my grandson and none of this is real!
- 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:24,530 What are you trying to achieve? You're only hurting yourself!
- 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,449 The only reason any of us matter is we're pieces of Morty!
- 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:28,951 You taught us that, Rick.
- 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:32,246 But you also taught us you don't care about Morty.
- 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,622 Here's how much I care.
- 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,749 If you don't stop blowing up my flying saucers,
- 00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,960 I will exterminate every last one of you!
- 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,628 Anything it takes!
- 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,715 What do I have to say? I love and respect you, okay?
- 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,633 Too late for talk, Rick.
- 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,095 A robot. Of course.
- 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,472 I'm not gonna risk dying because if I die in the game,
- 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,308 you go brain dead, you're welcome!
- 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,268 Better to die in Roy than to serve in hell!
- 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,979 And what about Summer? Do-- Do you not care about her?
- 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,814 We gotta get back, Morty. We gotta help her.
- 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,149 You know what, wherever she is,
- 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,192 I'm sure she's doing fine without your help.
- 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,903 Woof, jinx, anyone?
- 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,156 Should we finish the job, b-blow the place?
- 00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:10,534 No, this can't end, not like this.
- 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,369 Do you think I jinxed her?
- 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,040 Why aren't you shooting higher?
- 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,958 I don't wanna shoot the glass. Because...
- 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,628 You don't have to not do things that were done in "Die Hard."
- 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:23,672 You can shoot the glass. Shoot the glass!
- 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,633 Throw grenades! Do everything!
- 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:28,427 Just kill her!
- 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:35,184 Why are you here, Miss Die Hard?
- 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:38,020 I want to know why you don't just leave.
- 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,855 Summer: "Die Hard"!
- 00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,855 Wait. Shh. Shh.
- 00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:42,024 Daughter: <i>Aw, geez, we get every single person on a spaceship,</i>
- 00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,276 <i>and then what?</i>
- 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:44,276 <i>And then we help your sister do her "Die Hard."</i>
- 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:50,032 {\an8}♪
- 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,825 Too much. It's too much.
- 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,202 Ooh, sorry.
- 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,246 I've got a special guest with me, Ms. Die Hard!
- 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,873 Or should I call you...
- 00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:59,917 this guy's sister?
- 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:06,256 {\an8}♪
- 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:07,341 Mom.
- 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,385 Hello, dear.
- 00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,385 I'm joining the other side.
- 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:10,594 What? Why?
- 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,513 I wanna live in the real world with Roy.
- 00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,223 I wanna help Summer with her Die Hard."
- 00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:16,767 His name is Rick. And we have no way of knowing
- 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,228 if your generation is actually part of Morty.
- 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:20,813 Do you know how offensive that is?
- 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,398 It's parenting like this that pushed me
- 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:23,899 into religious radicalism.
- 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,734 Bye. It's not--
- 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,444 Not a religion.
- 00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,071 But okay.
- 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:31,407 Ma'am, it's really not safe out here.
- 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:34,284 Also, it's... time.
- 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,331 Are we going on the spaceship now?
- 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,916 Pretty soon, Dad. Yeah.
- 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,334 Are you... lying?
- 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:44,169 You kind of said it with that tone in your voice
- 00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:45,921 that we use for dying people.
- 00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:48,841 I won't lie to you. You're dying, Dad.
- 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,509 And we're...
- 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,760 not leaving the video game.
- 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,554 We're-- We're gonna live our lives out here.
- 00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:54,888 What? Why the fuck?!
- 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,765 Why? It's more real here.
- 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,726 The hell it is! My liver hurts!
- 00:16:58,726 --> 00:16:59,768 I'm old here!
- 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,353 I wanna be a teenage boy!
- 00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,063 I want to jump around and do homework
- 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,773 and jerk off all over the place.
- 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:05,983 But, Dad, that's--
- 00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,609 We would've been one tiny part of that.
- 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,070 In here, we get to be who we really are.
- 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,447 Yeah. Great. Dead.
- 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,990 I get to be a dead father.
- 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,366 Who do I make the--
- 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,119 [ Grunts ] Who do I-- Who--
- 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,203 Don't talk, Dad.
- 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:19,830 Gotta finish my zinger
- 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,039 You don't.
- 00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,083 Who do-- Who do--
- 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,879 Who do I make the check out to?
- 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,381 "Best Daughter Ever...
- 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,341 Incorporated"?
- 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:33,302 [ Flatline ]
- 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:41,852 {\an8}♪
- 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,228 Thought you woulda left by now.
- 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,355 I was hoping to get at least half of you home.
- 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,899 I can't hold out much longer.
- 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,651 I-I'm pretty much beating my heart voluntarily at this point.
- 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,320 Okay, this is a little awkward,
- 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,031 but the time dilation has given me a chance to reflect.
- 00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:57,534 And I-I-I gotta say--
- 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:57,534 There's no need for that.
- 00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,912 I've come to tell you, I'm giving the go-ahead.
- 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,705 All of Morty will leave with you.
- 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:02,831 To the real world.
- 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,333 To be your grandson,
- 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,335 may we help Summer do her "Die Hard."
- 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:09,213 I-I gotta say, I-I was not expecting that.
- 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:10,839 W-Why the change of heart?
- 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,759 My people are staying only out of loyalty to me.
- 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,885 I'm a relic.
- 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,762 I don't represent them anymore.
- 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,640 You really are a good grandson, you know that?
- 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,766 I'm proud of you, Morty.
- 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,935 Please, call me Marta.
- 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,020 That's my video game name.
- 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:28,232 Speaking of which, I do have one condition.
- 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,442 I must say I admire you, Ms. Die Hard.
- 00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,319 You were a genuine McClane--
- 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,822 a most worthy Yankee doodle ruffian.
- 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:39,117 But now it's all come to an end.
- 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:42,621 And the quarterback, as they say, is toast.
- 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:45,165 I don't suppose you have a gun taped to your back.
- 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,625 What the hell does that mean?
- 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,794 It's how "Die Hard" ends. Doesn't matter now.
- 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,546 "Die Hard" tapes a gun to his back?
- 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,130 That's the end of your perfect movie
- 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,550 that you've patterned your whole criminal life after?
- 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,677 Well, it seems to have worked out pretty well for me
- 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,887 since you're the one about to die.
- 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,223 What was it you said? Ah, yes.
- 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,892 "Walkie talkie 'Die Hard,' motherfucker."
- 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,394 [ Laughs ]
- 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:06,895 Why are you laughing?
- 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,272 Well, it's funny.
- 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,023 The way you said motherfucker.
- 00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,234 Just laughing. Okay. It's just that--
- 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,527 Oh, does that happen in "Die Hard"?
- 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:14,736 Does John McClane laugh,
- 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,238 and then Hans Gruber is confused
- 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:18,115 but then they start laughing together for a second?
- 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,950 That actually does happen, yes!
- 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,785 Wait. You knew their names this whole time?
- 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,245 Not this whole time, no.
- 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,538 You left your book in the bathroom.
- 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:25,789 I read it while I took a shit.
- 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,749 I mean, mostly the ending.
- 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:36,925 {\an8}♪
- 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,344 [ Slow-motion ] Yiiiiiiiiiii...
- 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:42,139 {\an8}♪
- 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:44,808 ...ippppppeeeeeeeee...
- 00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:47,603 {\an8}♪
- 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:52,232 Oh.
- 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:52,232 ...dippee doo, baby!
- 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,860 Nice timing, Grandpa Rick!
- 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:58,030 <i>Tochter aus Elysium...</i>
- 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,115 Uh...
- 00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,115 Hi, remember me?
- 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:01,533 You shot me on that table,
- 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:04,661 and the near-death experience got me reflecting.
- 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,121 I didn't used to be like this.
- 00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:08,081 I-I...uh, ate a kid.
- 00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,208 It was dark, and I thought he was a grown-up.
- 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,669 Ever since then, I haven't eaten anybody at all.
- 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,338 I think I was channeling all that pent-up
- 00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:16,006 eating energy into this job.
- 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,382 But now...
- 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:19,968 [ Snarls ]
- 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,387 Thank you for freeing me.
- 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,556 [ Roars ]
- 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,141 Classic "Tower Man."
- 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,893 Almost too on the nose. Right, Morty?
- 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,228 Sure. I mean, whatever you say, Rick.
- 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:33,148 Y-You know best! I trust you implicitly.
- 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,274 Is he alright?
- 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:35,567 Oh, yeah, he's fine.
- 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,612 Got him all out, every last piece.
- 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,199 What's with the jacked-up "Roy" machine?
- 00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:43,784 Shouldn't you be taking that to repairs?
- 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,327 Nah, special order.
- 00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,996 Some rich douche wants his last game to keep running.
- 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,498 Hooked it up to an external battery.
- 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,832 We're just supposed to store it.
- 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,167 Weird. Yeah, and get this.
- 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,252 The game's still going, but Roy's dead.
- 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,504 What? Yeah, he's just a corpse
- 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,005 floating at the edge of outer space,
- 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,966 but for some reason the game won't restart
- 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,927 'cause it's centered on some old lady living a full life.
- 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,512 Hmm. Sounds bad.
- 00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,222 Well, put it in there.
- 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:10,978 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,271 Hey is anybody that wants this later gonna be able to--
- 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,857 Huh? Oh, yeah, everything's cataloged and tracked.
- 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,193 People got the wrong idea from the size of the space,
- 00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:19,569 but it's all supported digitally.
- 00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,321 So I can put it anywhere. Here's fine?
- 00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:23,532 That's as fine as anywhere else!
- 00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:33,041 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:42,634 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:42,718 --> 00:22:01,695 {\an8}♪
- 00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:03,780 Why isn't anyone attacking him?
- 00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:05,073 It's fucking freezing out.
- 00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:06,700 No, I think it's the sign.
- 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:09,036 Well, the sign from "Die Hard 3" was clearly racist.
- 00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:11,413 Obviously. But I think we went too broad.
- 00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:13,665 "Everybody"? I mean, who is that offending?
- 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,250 Everybody?
- 00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:18,837 At this point, why even do it?
- 00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:21,715 I wish my brother was still alive.
- 00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,216 {\an8}[ Shouting indistinctly ]
- 00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:24,760 <i>Did you get any of that?</i>
- 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,261 {\an8}[ Guitar strums ]
- 00:00:06,078 --> 00:00:08,198 ПРОДУКТОВЫЙ ЧОЯ
- 00:00:27,538 --> 00:00:29,438 КАМПАНИЯ «ТЫ ПРАВДА МОЙ ВНУК»
- 00:00:41,898 --> 00:00:43,788 СЕГОДНЯ! РОЙ ПИРСОН
- 00:07:30,898 --> 00:07:39,638 НОРМАЛЬНЫЕ НОВОСТИ!
- 00:07:39,698 --> 00:07:41,518 ДЕВОЧКИ! ЖИВОЕ ВЫСТУПЛЕНИЕ ХХХ
- 00:07:41,518 --> 00:07:55,518 НОРМАЛЬНЫЕ НОВОСТИ!
- 00:21:56,938 --> 00:22:00,138 Я ВСЕХ НЕНАВИЖУ
- 00:00:06,082 --> 00:00:07,482 ПРОДУКТИ ЧОЙ
- 00:00:27,552 --> 00:00:29,082 СЬОГОДНІ МІТИНГ: «ТИ МІЙ ОНУК»
- 00:03:46,782 --> 00:03:48,782 НЕ ТОРКАЙСЯ МЕНЕ!
- 00:04:15,862 --> 00:04:18,742 <i>Привіт, привіт Мене Морті звати</i>
- 00:04:18,832 --> 00:04:22,332 <i>Мені чотирнадцять Я мушу у грі стирчати</i>
- 00:07:30,782 --> 00:07:32,482 ТАКІ СОБІ НОВИНИ!
- 00:07:39,282 --> 00:07:41,322 «ДІВУЛІ ДІВУЛІ ДІВУЛІ» 21+
- 00:09:49,992 --> 00:09:51,772 ПАРАДИГМА НАКАТОМІ
- 00:16:35,782 --> 00:16:37,442 ЛАРРІ
- 00:19:54,722 --> 00:19:57,812 Ода до радості...
- 00:21:06,782 --> 00:21:08,782 «РОЙ»: ЧУДОВО ПРОЖИТЕ ЖИТТЯ
- 00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:58,782 Я УСІХ НЕНАВИДЖУ