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Устав от нападений суперзлодеев, Рик обращается за советом к доктору Вонг из «Огурчика Рика». Она рекомендует ему игнорировать их. Злодей по имени Писсмастер провоцирует Рика на битву с ним, и Джерри занимает его место, когда Писсмастер отпускает сексуальное замечание в адрес Саммер. Инцидент становится вирусным, и Джерри приглашают в совет межгалактических супергероев, что вызывает зависть у Рика, пока доктор Вонг не указывает, что Рик теперь свободен от бремени. Рик сначала рад, пока не обнаруживает, что Писсмастер покончил жизнь самоубийством, оставив записку, в которой обвиняет Джерри. Рик надевает костюм Писсмастера и совершает множество героических поступков, восстанавливая репутацию злодея. Совет посылает Джерри предложить Писсмастеру место среди них, что Джерри неохотно и силой пытается сделать, в то время как Рик обезвреживает бомбу, жертвуя костюмом Писсмастера, чтобы скрыть свое самоубийство героической смертью. Совет увольняет Джерри за его высокомерие. Рик лжет, что он все это время был Писсмастером, чтобы Джерри почувствовал себя лучше, но тайно передает Морти предсмертную записку настоящего Писсмастера. В ужасе Морти тут же рассказывает об этом остальным членам семьи, которые ругают Рика за его поступок и стыдят Джерри за смерть Писсмастера.
- 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,590 I can't hold them off, Rick! There's too many!
- 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:15,932 Richard! Your fortress is a salty waste of coral and clam.
- 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,100 Relinquish it at once!
- 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:27,444 - Submit, you continental cunt. - Got a better idea.
- 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,029 Oh shit, oh shit.
- 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,911 - Happy? - Of course I'm happy,
- 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,622 you're acting like you won but this is exactly what I wanted.
- 00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:41,875 I am Mister Nimbus!
- 00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,002 Whatever. Come on, Morty.
- 00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:47,964 - Man, that was intense. - Yeah, nice work, buddy.
- 00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,883 Sorry I had to blow up your bunker.
- 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:55,847 Not so fast, Sanchez. It is I, Cookie Magneto.
- 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:56,973 What the fuck.
- 00:00:56,973 --> 00:01:00,185 - I'm not engaging this guy. - That's hardly up to you, Rick.
- 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:03,188 I'm sorry, do you control things that people agree are cookies?
- 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,732 - Yes. - Okay but cookies aren't a substance,
- 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,485 - they're more of a name we-we give to - To the things I control
- 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:11,821 Do you control cookie ingredients, because y'know that sounds dangerous,
- 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:16,242 - y'know, everything has sugar in it. - Fight me and find ou...
- 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,912 - Jesus, Rick! - I'm sorry, Morty, I know you're gonna say
- 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,498 it's punching down but I can't fight another one of these nineties
- 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,875 style goofball super villains, I'm not the fucking Tick,
- 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,710 - I'm exhausted. - Okay but
- 00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:28,630 if you really have a lot of these guys gunning for you maybe you should look
- 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,508 - into what you're doing to... - Don't start that crap, Morty.
- 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,760 I don't do anything for these dipshits to seek me out
- 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,137 I am Mr. Calypso.
- 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:41,309 Face me, you ugly, drunk, ugly piece of shit.
- 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:43,937 Okay I might look into it.
- 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,056 - Why don't you have a seat? - Because this isn't a therapy session,
- 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,225 {\an8}I'm just asking you what people in your racket
- 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,727 {\an8}say about handling this particular situation.
- 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:27,355 {\an8}First we'd want you to define the situation.
- 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:30,024 {\an8}I'm a walking target for a neverending sea of angry nerds
- 00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:31,901 {\an8}that think getting in a fight with me is some kind of
- 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,571 {\an8}I don't know, platform? I mean, look at this guy.
- 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,239 {\an8}He shows up and calls me an "ugly drunk."
- 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,908 {\an8}Because of course that's the angle of attack that's gonna undo me, right.
- 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,161 {\an8}You don't shoot Batman in his fucking Batman logo.
- 00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:44,497 {\an8}And you think locking this man in a chamber
- 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,584 {\an8}and milking him of cosmic fluid will somehow resolve this?
- 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:51,379 {\an8}I think it's the best I can do to profit from a situation and maybe set an example.
- 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:55,091 {\an8}But you've set this example many times and it's not changing your situation.
- 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,302 {\an8}Yeah and now you're gonna tell me to ignore them
- 00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,680 {\an8}- but guess what, they want that too. - And why would they want to be ignored?
- 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,599 {\an8}You really believe if I let a guy like this
- 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,893 {\an8}do whatever he wants, he gets bored and vanishes?
- 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,604 {\an8}Rick, would you be interested in proving me wrong?
- 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,814 {\an8}- Yes. - Then show me data.
- 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,941 {\an8}Ignore them for a week and see what happens.
- 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,943 {\an8}You're on, bitch.
- 00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,029 {\an8}Is that man dead?
- 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,615 {\an8}Is everything in here confidential?
- 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,199 {\an8}- Everything but murder. - Then he's fine.
- 00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,536 {\an8}I mean, I think it's pretty big, you know?
- 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,288 {\an8}Big step for the big cheese.
- 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,999 {\an8}- Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed. - Can we not make it a big deal?
- 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,500 {\an8}It's worth celebrating, Rick.
- 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,127 {\an8}You accepted the concept of therapy
- 00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:33,713 {\an8}without turning yourself into a pickle or a housefly.
- 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:36,925 {\an8}Jerry, for fuck's sake, that was a regular fly in her office that day.
- 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,177 {\an8}- What the hell? <i>- Rick!</i>
- 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,054 {\an8}<i>How ‘bout a little piss?</i>
- 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,514 {\an8}Rick, why is there a man shooting piss
- 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,308 {\an8}- on our front lawn? - I'm sure he'll tell you.
- 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:51,439 {\an8}<i>I am Pissmaster! Here to flush the toilet that is Rick Sanchez.</i>
- 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:55,652 {\an8}He's spraying my lavender bush. My bees need that lavender.
- 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,488 {\an8}Remember five seconds ago when you guys were stoked about me changing
- 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,239 {\an8}because it made you feel superior?
- 00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:03,368 {\an8}<i>Whole family's here. Who's that redhead?</i>
- 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,578 {\an8}<i>Wouldn't mind spraying her with a golden shower.</i>
- 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,121 - Oh my god, what? - Hey!
- 00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:09,165 - Okay, that's it! - Jerry, please think about this,
- 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:10,959 if you fight this guy, I'm either an asshole
- 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,627 for not helping or an asshole for helping.
- 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:16,547 My daughter just got spoken of in porno terms and I'll respond how I choose.
- 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:17,548 - Wait Dad, don't. - Honey.
- 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,593 - Hey. - You want a piece of piss?
- 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:24,180 If that's your stupid rude way of saying I have to fight you I will.
- 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,100 - Take your shot, pussy. - Don't talk to me that way,
- 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,267 - go away. - Make me.
- 00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,978 Go away.
- 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,023 Careful, honey!
- 00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:45,368 Just stay down.
- 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,996 - I don't even know you. - Yeah you don't know me.
- 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:50,873 But I'm gonna know your whole ass you son of a gun.
- 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,006 - Hey, none of that. Come on. - Break it up, guys.
- 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:06,139 Come on, you dirty motherfucker.
- 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:12,937 No! No!
- 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,068 Stop!
- 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:24,323 Uncle! Mercy! Mercy! Stop! I give up!
- 00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:27,618 - Apologize to my daughter. - For what?
- 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,412 You know for what!
- 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:35,668 I'm sorry! I'm sorry I sexualized you! It came out wrong!
- 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:39,464 That's my dad. That's my fucking dad!
- 00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,135 Honey, I'm so proud of you.
- 00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:47,972 - Oh sorry. - Thank you, Rick.
- 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,810 Damn, hashtag FlamingoDad is everywhere!
- 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:56,606 Buzzfeed made an odd numbered list of other people's observations about you
- 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,775 and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis
- 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,818 on White Twitter's impression of Black Twitter.
- 00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:04,280 Jezebel's offering a cash reward for evidence that you're a bad person.
- 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,325 - That is their highest honor! - So this is what it's like to trend.
- 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:08,701 Feels good.
- 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,078 - Feels right. - Just keep in mind now
- 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,080 a bunch more assholes are gonna know they can get a rise out of you.
- 00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:16,292 - Rick, let a dog have one day. - I'm letting. I'm letting.
- 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:20,379 Are those orbs?
- 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,173 This is what I'm talking about.
- 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:25,718 Some asshole saw that fight and believe it not, they were jealous of Pissmaster.
- 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:33,643 I am Blagnar the Eternal. We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster.
- 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,144 That's my dad, Jerry Smith!
- 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:40,066 Jerry Smith. Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice and those who deliver it.
- 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,317 - Wait, what? - Our great council
- 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:45,988 would like to offer you this silver orb. And with it, a place amongst us.
- 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,658 - It's sticky. - Yeah.
- 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:51,202 That means it's found a pure heart it wants to bond with.
- 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:54,163 you guys saw my son-in-law on the news, now he gets a sticky orb,
- 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:56,082 what's the catch? We're not rubes.
- 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,960 Yeah your power is well known in our jurisdiction, Rick Sanchez,
- 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,547 and it should come as no surprise that our orbs are unsticky for you.
- 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:06,342 Oh no, first I get banned from the Next Door app, now this.
- 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,886 I'd be honored to join your organization.
- 00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:13,141 So what do I do, rub the orb when I see crime, or eat the orb like spinach?
- 00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:17,145 The orb is raw power. Trust your heart, Jerry.
- 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,729 It will know what to do.
- 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:28,573 - Did you turn on the microwave? - No? Maybe? I was trying to fly.
- 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,076 - What? - I mean, come on, Rick.
- 00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:35,872 - Orbs and goblets, this is your thing. - Orbs and goblets.
- 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:39,500 I'm just saying, you're the orb guy in the family. Can you please help me?
- 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:42,170 Jerry, I give you raw power, you'll end up miserable like me.
- 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,006 - Trust me, I'm helping by not helping. - Seriously, Rick?
- 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:48,384 What the eff, Grandpa! Some creep tried to pee on my tits and you did nothing,
- 00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:51,220 now you're gonna sit there and hold our dad back from being a hero?
- 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,890 - Are you seriously that petty? - Okay, you know what, fine!
- 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,808 Here. Here's your goddamn suit.
- 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,186 I hard-wired the orb's infinite energy right into it.
- 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,229 This shooty-thing looks cool.
- 00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:03,774 That "shooty thing" is a nuclear disruptor that can blow up planets.
- 00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:05,276 - So tight. - Kinda hot.
- 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:09,780 Ok show me acts of evil happening around the galaxy.
- 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:15,369 Space Hitlers? "Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime."
- 00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,747 My god, each one of them is their own type of Hitler
- 00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,207 - Yeah, that's a problem. - Oh shit, do that one.
- 00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,250 - You guys. - That's my parents.
- 00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:27,548 Well family, looks like Jerry Smith has his first orb mission.
- 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,926 Lawn Flaming-ho!
- 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,429 Just a reminder, you guys asked for this.
- 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:38,309 Soon, our legion of Hitlers will bring about a new galactic order.
- 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,229 - A reich, if you will. - Riddle Hitler me this.
- 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:44,023 I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now?
- 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:48,486 -<i>Auf wiedersehen</i>, bad guys! - Exterminate him!
- 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:51,197 Shit, oh Jesus. One at a time!
- 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:54,784 Oh my god!
- 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,708 Hope there weren't other people on that planet.
- 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,629 {\an8}And there were no other people on the planet. Only Hitlers.
- 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,965 {\an8}Each one ready to start their own holocaust,
- 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:12,718 {\an8}meaning an estimated thirty billion lives were saved by a single blast.
- 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,931 {\an8}And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith. <i>Hashtag FlamingoDad.</i>
- 00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:20,935 - You gotta be fucking kidding me. <i>- Up next, oh actually nothing.</i>
- 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,853 <i>I guess we're just gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more.</i>
- 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:29,026 I dunno, therapy is starting to feel hopeless. I've got so many issues!
- 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,154 - We need to talk. - Hey. No.
- 00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:36,659 I will not speak with you if you refuse to treat me and my patients with respect.
- 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:44,250 Oh lord. I was a fly! So unburdened, so free of shame!
- 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,501 Welp, I'm officially cured!
- 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,504 Here. Here's your data. Hard proof that god hates me.
- 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,965 I ignored a troll and Jerry beat the guy's ass.
- 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,968 Now he's got this orb and he's using the power which I gave him
- 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:56,887 to annihilate planets of Hitlers and everyone's popping champagne.
- 00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:00,683 Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change and they're changing.
- 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,767 It's working.
- 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:05,438 So if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law beats up people, it's "working".
- 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,398 But if I do it, it's a cosmic abuse of power?
- 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,066 Rick, listen to yourself.
- 00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:12,445 You're complaining about how you have to be careful with your immense power.
- 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:16,115 And that Hitlers are dead. Everything you're describing is positive.
- 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:20,494 Oh shit, not reacting. That really is the kill move?
- 00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:23,164 I don't know if you need to think about it in terms of murder,
- 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,874 but yes just stay the course.
- 00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:28,210 - Okay, good talk. - Well what you're describing is therapy
- 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,962 and if you'd like to keep receiving it,
- 00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,381 start scheduling your visits with Judy up front.
- 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,593 Thank you, thank you Flamingo Fam.
- 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,554 you know, when they asked me if I wanted to be the first human
- 00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:42,391 to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer, I thought well I don't know,
- 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:45,936 I got this cool orb suit that goes really fast. But you know what sold me?
- 00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:50,107 The Council said I could pick my own bridge crew.
- 00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,735 Morty, Summer, Beth, what do you say?
- 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:56,405 - What? Are you serious? - Oh shit yeah, I love Mitsubishi!
- 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,407 - Me too! I've heard of them! - This is so exciting!
- 00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,992 Oh my god this is so cool!
- 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,328 Alright gang, orbs away!
- 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:13,130 O me o my, can it be? A giant piece of shit I see?
- 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:19,929 I am Mr. Stringbean! No one resists my rhyming scheme!
- 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,098 Hey douchebag, why don't you chill out?
- 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,351 - Who's this asshole? - I am Doctor Buckles!
- 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,353 Here to tighten the belt on your opinions!
- 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,439 You wanna see the Bean get mean?
- 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:36,112 I'll be damned. I'm out.
- 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,364 I'm out.
- 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:42,868 I'm-I'm out.
- 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,705 Oh my god, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on.
- 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:50,459 Look at him, he tried to crawl under the car. What a loser.
- 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,586 - Hey you watching the Pissmaster video? - Yeah.
- 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:55,548 He has to be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy, right?
- 00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:59,260 Without a doubt. Who could relate, being that much of a piece of shit.
- 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:35,921 Goddamnit.
- 00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:42,261 Fuck, shit, come on man. Fuck, come on where is it? Shit, shit.
- 00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:46,724 Fuck!
- 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,352 Come on Pissmaster, come on.
- 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,527 Damn it.
- 00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:09,580 <i>It's me. Please, please just open up</i>
- 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:14,168 <i>Dad? Mom told me you weren't responding to her calls and I'm worried, okay?</i>
- 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,962 I know I said terrible things about you on my podcast,
- 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,298 it's just, I've been so frustrated with you.
- 00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:22,968 <i>Look, if you were to ever do something I'd never stop blaming myself.</i>
- 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,261 <i>Just, please.</i>
- 00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:26,680 <i>- Please let me know you're okay.</i> - God damn it.
- 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,561 <i>- I'm okay honey, we're good.</i> - I thought something happened to you.
- 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,064 <i>I can tell you for sure. If anything happens to me,</i>
- 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,650 <i>it's 100% not on you, it's my own choice.</i>
- 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,736 You still sound like you're gonna do something bad.
- 00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,405 Just promise you won't, okay?
- 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:47,409 <i>- Okay, yeah. Promise.</i> - Love you, Dad.
- 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,082 Fuck.
- 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:06,971 <i>Well this is it. I'm killing myself because of Jerry Smith. The Earth man.</i>
- 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:12,351 <i>FlamingoDad. Seeing them all cheer as I got my ass whipped made me realize.</i>
- 00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:19,149 <i>People just wanna see me fail. All I've ever wanted to do is prove them wrong.</i>
- 00:14:34,873 --> 00:14:35,791 Help!
- 00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,004 Wait! Who are you?
- 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:44,341 <i>Pissmaster. Make, make sure you tell everybody Pissmaster saved you.</i>
- 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,386 <i>Those were heat-seeking pissiles by the way. Not just missiles.</i>
- 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,263 Oh, okay.
- 00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:50,639 <i>Y'all ready for piss?</i>
- 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:54,768 Yo! Pissmaster! You saving that cat to make people forget you suck?
- 00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,437 <i>Nope, just saving it to save it.</i>
- 00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:57,730 Okay, we got nothing.
- 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:10,492 <i>Piss! Pee! Urine! Number one!</i>
- 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:16,957 <i>Pee pee! Piss! Pee pee!</i> - Look, it's Pissmaster!
- 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,045 <i>Dr. Wong, what's up?</i>
- 00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:24,006 <i>- Rick, you're late for your session. - Cancel it. Bill me. I'm good.</i>
- 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,633 <i>You're good?</i>
- 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:28,344 <i>Yeah see, I put on the suit of my enemy and I fucking love it.</i>
- 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,554 <i>Now I'm gonna make a giant bomb, plant it in a city,</i>
- 00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:33,015 <i>and then have his suit auto-pilot the bomb into space.</i>
- 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:36,101 <i>Boom. Everyone will think Pissmaster sacrificed himself.</i>
- 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:40,147 <i>He dies a hero, I get a win I'd otherwise never get myself, nice wet bow on top.</i>
- 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:44,860 I'm tempted to second guess a lot of that but I think you might be nailing it.
- 00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:47,488 -<i>What?</i> - If it's free and fun, do it.
- 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:48,614 It sounds healthy.
- 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,575 <i>That wasn't my goal but, good to know. Shit, gotta go.</i>
- 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,797 No, exactly. And the slave planet thing,
- 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,591 I hear he broke their chains with pure urine, so.
- 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:13,055 Hey guys, sorry I'm late, lot of traffic on the orbway.
- 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:17,643 Take a seat, Jerry. We were just discussing Pissmaster's honorable rise.
- 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,894 I mean, who cares, right?
- 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:22,898 People are talking about him. He's becoming likable. Good, even.
- 00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:25,776 - But he's Pissmaster. - People change, Jerry.
- 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,486 Everyone loves a comeback story.
- 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,529 - Yes. - I agree.
- 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:33,867 All in favor of offering orbship to Eugene Michael Piss, aka Pissmaster?
- 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:34,993 - Orb-yes. - Orb-yes.
- 00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:37,871 - All those opposed? - Obviously orb-no.
- 00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:39,081 The orbship has spoken.
- 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,794 You know what Jerry, I think this is a good test for you.
- 00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:47,339 If you can't let go of your pettiness enough to recruit Pissmaster,
- 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:53,721 maybe you don't deserve your orb. And Jerry. Don't come back without him.
- 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:58,600 {\an8}Absolute chaos! No one knows who planted the bomb, but one thing is clear.
- 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:04,106 {\an8}Orphan Island, a city populated entirely by orphans, now sits on the brink of doom.
- 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:07,526 {\an8}The Orphan Island bomb squad is trying to dismantle it as we speak.
- 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:12,740 I can't stress enough, I'm 8 years old, I have no idea what I'm doing!
- 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,825 Look! It's Pissmaster!
- 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,412 <i>Oh no, there's no time to dismantle it! Come on, it's not safe here.</i>
- 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:21,832 <i>Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop?</i>
- 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,836 - Pissmaster. <i>- Jerry, what are you doing here?</i>
- 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:30,799 Eugene Michael Piss. By decree of the Andromeda strain, our great council
- 00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,135 presents you with this orb, which you have to take.
- 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,095 <i>Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in the middle of something.</i>
- 00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:38,432 Excuse me? Hey, this is the greatest honor you could ever be given.
- 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,267 <i>- I don't want it!</i> - Well you have to take it.
- 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,144 <i>Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of here!</i>
- 00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:47,608 He's flying it into space! He's gonna sacrifice himself!
- 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,612 Get back here, you ungrateful shit!
- 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:52,821 <i>What is your problem?</i>
- 00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:55,199 <i>- You're screwing up my hero death!</i> - Good!
- 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:58,869 FlamingoDad wants us to blow up? When did he become a shitheel?
- 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,662 Life comes at you fast.
- 00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:03,791 - Jesus, Dad! People are filming! - Yeah, maybe dial it back?
- 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,425 - Rick? - PissSuit!
- 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,344 - Auto-pilot the payload! <i>- Confirmed.</i>
- 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,983 That's my fucking dad.
- 00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:37,032 - Jerry? - Dad, are you okay?
- 00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:39,743 Your father is the fucking Pissmaster!
- 00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:41,537 Grandpa? What the hell?
- 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,542 Jerry, what is this? People are saying you turned shitheel?
- 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:50,295 Well apparently my father-in-law is Pissmaster so why don't you ask him?
- 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:54,842 What the? Rick Sanchez, thePissmaster? Okay, this is not a good look.
- 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,635 This family, man
- 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,429 Look, I don't know what kinda weird shit you two are pulling
- 00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,682 but it's completely unstickworthy. We're done here.
- 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:06,812 But I didn't know! I'm a good guy, I made you all famous!
- 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,188 I'm a thousand years old.
- 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:12,234 You know how many "Flamingo Dads" I've seen? Don't orb us.
- 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,115 I don't get it. You were Pissmaster the whole time?
- 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:21,243 Obviously not, Jerry, I put the suit on once Pissmaster kill...
- 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:23,412 When, when you made him...
- 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,624 Yeah. I've always been Pissmaster.
- 00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:31,378 But, that would mean you let my dad beat you up just so he could, like,
- 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,213 feel more confident?
- 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,591 - Damn, Rick. - Yeah that's amazing.
- 00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:40,429 Hold on, everyone's just accepting this? Wait wasn't Pissmaster an alien?
- 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:42,180 - He obviously avatar'd it. - Probably a robot.
- 00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:43,640 But why? Why would Rick even
- 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,392 - prop me up like that? - Jesus, Jerry.
- 00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:48,937 Rick did something nice for once okay? He's obviously trying to change.
- 00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:54,067 <i>You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi.</i>
- 00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:59,531 Proud of you, Dad. Or should I say: Pissmaster.
- 00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:01,825 Yeah Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you.
- 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,286 And I guess I'm sorry for trying to
- 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,914 stop you from killing yourself with a nuclear bomb, I just...
- 00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:09,374 really liked having an orb.
- 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,793 Don't sweat it, Jer. Piss under the bridge.
- 00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,880 Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh?
- 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,507 Opening up, doing all that just to make my dad feel good.
- 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:18,634 That's pretty great of you, Rick.
- 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,136 Yeah that's right, Morty. That's right.
- 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,388 Wait Morty, you have to promise not to tell anyone
- 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,223 but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself.
- 00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:27,392 - Oh man, what? - Yeah, I mean, I found him dead
- 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:30,812 and I put on his suit but look at this, he literally blames your dad.
- 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,522 Holy shit.
- 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,816 Wait, you kept the suicide note?
- 00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:36,526 - That's so messed up! - I know, I mean,
- 00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:37,778 I had to tell someone, Morty,
- 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,655 - I couldn't just sit on that. - And you expect me to?
- 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:40,864 Morty, no! What are you doing?
- 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:46,203 - What the hell?! He killed himself? - Jesus, Dad, you should've told us!
- 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,705 - Especially if Jerry murdered him! - Wait, don't say that,
- 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:50,582 - I didn't murder! - Hey, I thought it was pretty cool
- 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,709 - that I withheld that information. - But you didn't withhold it!
- 00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,836 - You're walking around with the note! - Yeah Grandpa, you gotta like,
- 00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:56,588 keep it in your heart as a great sacrifice,
- 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,007 - that's the cool move. - I mean, how am I the bad guy?
- 00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,175 He sprayed piss on us! You all cheered me on!
- 00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:02,135 - You all cheered me on! - Don't drag us into this.
- 00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,845 - A man is dead, Dad. - Again, wasn't gonna say it,
- 00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:05,180 - but I told you this would happen. - Get off your high horse.
- 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,890 - Dr. Wong would be so proud. - Go ahead and boo,
- 00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:10,018 - I was breathing piss, you think I care? - Is this what it's like to trend?
- 00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:13,814 This is a nightmare, I should've just let him pee on my daughter!
- 00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,232 What the hell, Dad?
- 00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:52,185 how about Jack Miller, aka CarJack? He lifted a car off a stranger.
- 00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:54,021 - Next. - Orb-no.
- 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,981 We're fresh off a dad and a piss guy.
- 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:58,275 Maybe we add someone that's already powerful?
- 00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,402 We have to be realistic about who we can get.
- 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:03,155 - I have a pitch. - We're not gonna add Scarlett Johansson.
- 00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:08,118 Next up: Mr. Nimbus. Lord of the oceans.
- 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,786 I hear he controls the police.
- 00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:11,288 - The police? - Orb-yes.
- 00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:15,250 Guys, I already checked, his reps say he's really busy right now.
- 00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:17,586 - Everyone says that. - And we're not busy?
- 00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:07,716 Я не могу сдерживать их, Рик. Их слишком много.
- 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:15,807 Ричард, твоя крепость - соленая пустошь из кораллов и моллюсков.
- 00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,225 Бросай ее сразу же.
- 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:19,769 «ЭВЕРГИЗ»
- 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,775 Сдавайся, ты, континентальная тварь.
- 00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:27,569 Есть идея получше.
- 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,155 Чёрт…
- 00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:36,786 - Доволен? - Конечно доволен.
- 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,497 Ты ведешь себя как победитель. Но именно этого я и добивался.
- 00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,833 Я мистер Нимб!
- 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,294 Плевать. Давай, Морти.
- 00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:45,754 Блин, взрыв был сильный.
- 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,881 Ага. Молодец, приятель.
- 00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,758 Прости, что пришлось взорвать твой бункер.
- 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:52,427 Не так быстро, Санчес.
- 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:55,555 Это я, Куки Магнето.
- 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:58,433 Какого хрена? Я не буду связываться с этим мужиком.
- 00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:00,101 Вряд ли это зависит от тебя, Рик.
- 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:03,021 Сожалею. Ты контролируешь то, что люди считают файлами куки?
- 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:05,523 - Да. - Ладно. Но куки - это не субстанция.
- 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:08,485 - Так мы обычно называем… - То, что я контролирую.
- 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,278 Ты контролируешь даже ингредиенты печенья?
- 00:01:10,361 --> 00:01:13,198 Потому что это звучит опасно. Везде есть сахар.
- 00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:14,574 Сразись со мной и выясни…
- 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,994 - Господи, Рик! - Прости, Морти.
- 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,746 Я знаю, ты хочешь сказать, что это удар под дых,
- 00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:22,791 но я не могу драться еще с одним тупым суперзлодеем в стиле 90-х.
- 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,876 Я не гребаный Тик. Я устал.
- 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,796 Ладно, но если на тебя правда охотится куча этих парней,
- 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,923 может, стоит разобраться, что ты делаешь, чтобы…
- 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,466 Морти, не начинай.
- 00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:33,760 Я ничего не делаю для того, чтобы эти придурки меня искали.
- 00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:36,221 Я мистер Калипсо.
- 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:41,351 Сразись со мной, уродливый, пьяный кусок дерьма.
- 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,062 Ладно, я, пожалуй, проверю…
- 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,513 Может, сядете?
- 00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:19,973 Это не сеанс психотерапии.
- 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,350 Я просто спрашиваю, что думают ваши коллеги
- 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,602 о том, как справиться с данной конкретной ситуацией.
- 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,313 Во-первых, надо понять, что у вас за ситуация.
- 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:30,066 Я ходячая мишень для бесконечного моря злобных ботаников,
- 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,319 которые считают, что сразиться со мной - их первоочередная задача.
- 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,571 Взять, к примеру, вот этого.
- 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,447 Явился, обозвал меня уродливым пьяницей…
- 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,992 Можно подумать, именно такой подход меня и погубит, верно?
- 00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:42,120 Ты же не стреляешь в Бэтмена, целясь прямо в его гребаный логотип?
- 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,372 Так вы считаете, что, заперев это существо в камере
- 00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:47,500 и вытянув из него космическую жидкость, решите эту проблему?
- 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:51,296 Думаю, это лучшее, что я могу сделать, чтобы извлечь выгоду и подать пример.
- 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:54,966 Вы же уже много раз подавали этот пример, однако ничего не меняется.
- 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,176 Ну да, теперь вы посоветуете мне не обращать на них внимания.
- 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,887 Знаете что? Они ведь тоже этого хотят.
- 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,555 А почему они хотят, чтобы их игнорировали?
- 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,473 Вы правда верите, что, если я позволю такому парню
- 00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,767 делать то, что он хочет, ему станет скучно и он исчезнет?
- 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:07,687 Рик, не хотите ли доказать, что я ошибаюсь?
- 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,689 - Да. - Так докажите. Соберите информацию.
- 00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:12,025 Игнорируйте их в течение недели и посмотрите, что получится.
- 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:13,860 Заметано, сучка.
- 00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:15,987 Это существо умерло?
- 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,489 Здесь полная конфиденциальность?
- 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,450 - Да, кроме убийства. - Тогда он в порядке.
- 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,578 Я к тому, что это весьма серьезно.
- 00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,121 Большой шаг для большого тупицы.
- 00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:27,916 - Да, папа, я под впечатлением. - Можно не делать много шума из ничего?
- 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:31,044 Это стоит отпраздновать, Рик. Ты принял концепцию терапии,
- 00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:33,588 не превратив себя в соленый огурец или муху.
- 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:36,883 Джерри, чёрт возьми, в тот день в ее кабинете была обычная муха.
- 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:41,137 - Какого чёрта? - Рик, как насчет немного помочиться?
- 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,223 Рик, почему наш дом поливает мочой какой-то чувак?
- 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:47,393 - Уверен, он тебе сам скажет. - Я, Повелитель мочи,
- 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:51,731 явился сюда, чтобы смыть в унитаз отходы по имени Рик Санчес.
- 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:55,526 Он поливает мой лавандовый куст! Моим пчелам нужна эта лаванда!
- 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,363 Помните, как пять секунд назад вы были в восторге от того, что я меняюсь,
- 00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,114 поскольку это давало вам ощущение превосходства?
- 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,200 Вся семья здесь.
- 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:03,284 А это что за рыжуха?
- 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,453 Я не прочь окатить ее золотым дождем.
- 00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:06,621 Боже мой, что?
- 00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:08,039 - Эй! - Ладно, хватит.
- 00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:09,958 Джерри, подумай: если будешь драться с этим парнем,
- 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,543 то я буду либо мудак, если не помогу, либо мудак, если помогу.
- 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,879 О моей дочери только что говорили, использовав терминологию порно,
- 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,423 - и я отвечу, как захочу. - Подожди, папа, не надо.
- 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,510 - Эй. - Хочешь порцию мочи?
- 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:24,097 Если это твой глупый и грубый способ вызвать меня на драку, то я это сделаю.
- 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:26,975 - Получи свою порцию, слюнтяй. - Не говори со мной так!
- 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,184 - Проваливай! - А ты заставь меня!
- 00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:30,061 Проваливай!
- 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,065 Осторожно, дорогой.
- 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,286 Лежи, и всё. Я тебя даже не знаю.
- 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,912 Да, ты меня не знаешь.
- 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:51,040 Но я как следует узнаю твою задницу, сукин ты сын.
- 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,089 - Эй, хватит. - Закругляйтесь, парни.
- 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,097 Давай, грязный ублюдок.
- 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:10,977 Нет!
- 00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:12,937 Нет!
- 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:18,985 Хватит!
- 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,947 Сдаюсь! Пощады!
- 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,741 Хватит! Я сдаюсь!
- 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,368 - Извинись перед моей дочерью. - За что?
- 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,705 - Сам знаешь за что. - Извини.
- 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,624 Прости, что сексуализировал тебя.
- 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,752 Я не это имел в виду.
- 00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:39,505 Это мой папа, мой крутыш!
- 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:44,218 Дорогой, я так горжусь тобой.
- 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,429 Извини.
- 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,181 Спасибо, Рик.
- 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,727 Блин. #Папа-Фламинго повсюду.
- 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:56,397 BuzzFeed составил список с нечетным числом наблюдений других людей о тебе,
- 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,608 и ты получаешь много смайликов с хлопками в ладоши
- 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,943 в белом «Твиттере». Впечатления черного «Твиттера».
- 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,155 Jezebel.com предлагает награду за доказательство того, что ты плохой.
- 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,782 Это их наивысшая похвала.
- 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:09,160 Итак, вот что значит быть в тренде. Это приятно. Правильные такие ощущения.
- 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:10,745 Просто учти, что гораздо больше придурков
- 00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:12,580 узнают, что благодаря тебе они могут стать известными.
- 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:14,874 Рик, пусть он насладится моментом.
- 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:16,417 Да пусть.
- 00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:20,671 Это шары?
- 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,048 Я же говорил.
- 00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:23,382 Какой-то придурок увидел ту драку.
- 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,177 Хотите верьте, хотите нет - они позавидовали Повелителю мочи.
- 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,140 Я Благнар Вечный.
- 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,518 Мы ищем землянина, избившего Повелителя мочи.
- 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,144 Это мой отец, Джерри Смит.
- 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,688 Джерри Смит. Наш галактический корабль
- 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,024 жаждет справедливости и взывает к тем, кто ее вершит.
- 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,150 - Постой, что? - Наш великий совет
- 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,778 хотел бы предложить тебе этот серебряный шар.
- 00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:46,030 А вместе с ним и место среди нас.
- 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,865 Он липкий.
- 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:51,119 Да, это означает, что он нашел чистое сердце, с которым хочет сблизиться.
- 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:54,163 Вы увидели моего зятя в новостях, а теперь он получил липкий шар.
- 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,915 В чём тут подвох? Мы не лохи.
- 00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:58,918 Да, твоя сила хорошо известна в наших краях, Рик Санчес.
- 00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,505 Неудивительно, что наши шары для тебя нелипкие.
- 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:06,217 О нет. Сначала меня забанили в приложении «Nextdoor», а теперь это.
- 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,719 Для меня будет честью вступить в вашу организацию.
- 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:09,637 Что мне нужно делать?
- 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,890 Потереть шар, когда увижу преступление? Или съесть шар, как шпинат?
- 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,560 Шар - это грубая сила.
- 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,311 Доверься своему сердцу, Джерри.
- 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,980 Оно подскажет, что нужно делать.
- 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,195 Ты включил микроволновку?
- 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,739 Нет. Хотя возможно. Я пытался летать.
- 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,160 - Что? - Брось, Рик.
- 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,370 Шары, кубки… Это же твоя тема.
- 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,788 «Шары и кубки».
- 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,082 Я просто говорю, что ты в семье главный по шарам.
- 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,208 Можешь мне помочь?
- 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,128 Джерри, если я дам тебе грубую силу, ты будешь таким же несчастным, как и я.
- 00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,255 Поверь, я помогаю, не помогая.
- 00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:46,007 - Серьезно, Рик? - Что за фигня, дедушка?
- 00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:48,259 Подонок хотел помочиться на мои сиськи, а ты ничего не сделал.
- 00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:51,179 А теперь ты будешь тут сидеть и мешать нашему отцу стать героем?
- 00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:52,638 Ты правда такой мелочный?
- 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:53,890 Ладно. Знаете что? Прекрасно.
- 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,725 Вот. Вот твой проклятый костюм.
- 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,269 Я перенаправил бесконечную энергию шара прямо в него.
- 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,062 Эта стреляющая штука выглядит круто.
- 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,733 «Эта стреляющая штука» - ядерный дезинтегратор. Он взрывает планеты.
- 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,151 - Так туго. - Возбуждающе.
- 00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:06,319 Ладно. Покажи мне…
- 00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:07,236 ГОРЕ
- 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,198 …злодеяния, происходящие в галактике.
- 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:11,782 Космические Гитлеры?
- 00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:12,700 СЛЕТ КОСМИЧЕСКИХ ГИТЛЕРОВ «ЗЕПЛАР ПРАЙМ»
- 00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:15,536 «Космические Гитлеры собираются на "Зеплар Прайм"».
- 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,747 Боже. У каждого из них свой тип Гитлера.
- 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,582 - Чёрт. Разрули это. - Да, это серьезная проблема.
- 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,542 - Ребята… - Это мои родители!
- 00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:27,590 Что ж, семья, похоже, у Джерри Смита первая шаровая миссия.
- 00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,926 Газонный Фламин-ГО!
- 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,513 Хочу напомнить, что вы сами об этом просили.
- 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:38,476 Вскоре наш легион Гитлеров установит новый галактический порядок.
- 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,769 Рейх, если угодно.
- 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,437 Разгадайте-ка загадку Гитлера.
- 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,106 Извините. Мы теперь всех Гитлеров впускаем?
- 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,817 Auf weidersehen, плохиши.
- 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,569 Убейте его!
- 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,364 Боже! По очереди!
- 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:54,867 Господи!
- 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,000 Надеюсь, на этой планете не было других людей.
- 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:03,918 СРОЧНАЯ НОВОСТЬ: ДЖЕРРИ СМИТСАЦИЯ! НАКОНЕЦ-ТО КРУТОЙ ПАПА
- 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,294 Других людей на планете не было.
- 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,798 Только Гитлеры, и каждый из них был готов начать свой холокост.
- 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:12,593 Таким образом, один взрыв спас около 30 миллиардов жизней.
- 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:15,429 И галактика обязана Джерри Смиту абсолютно всем.
- 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,098 #Папа-Фламинго.
- 00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:18,557 Да вы, блин, издеваетесь!
- 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:19,558 Далее…
- 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:23,145 Вообще-то, ничего. Поговорим, пожалуй, еще о Джерри Смите.
- 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,983 Даже не знаю… Терапия начинает казаться безнадежной.
- 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,985 У меня так много проблем!
- 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:30,987 Нам нужно поговорить.
- 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,405 Привет. Нет.
- 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:36,701 Нет, если вы не будете относиться ко мне и моим пациентам с уважением.
- 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:44,083 Господи… Я был мухой! Никаких тебе проблем, никакого чувства стыда…
- 00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:45,668 Я официально выздоровел.
- 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,754 Вот. Ваши данные. Веское доказательство того, что Бог меня ненавидит.
- 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,881 Я проигнорировал тролля, а Джерри надрал ему задницу.
- 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:51,799 Теперь у него есть шар,
- 00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:53,843 и он использовал силу, которую я ему дал,
- 00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:57,138 для уничтожения планеты Гитлеров, и теперь все открывают шампанское.
- 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,557 Рик, вы пришли сюда, потому что хотели, чтобы всё изменилось.
- 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,517 Вот всё и меняется. Терапия работает.
- 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,313 Значит, если мой неуклюжий придурок-зять бьет людей, это хорошо.
- 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,523 А если это делаю я, то это космическое злоупотребление властью?
- 00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:08,983 Рик, послушайте себя.
- 00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,985 Вы жалуетесь на то, что вам приходится быть осторожным
- 00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,863 со своей безграничной властью и что Гитлеры мертвы.
- 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:16,449 Всё, что вы описываете, положительно.
- 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:20,369 Блин. Не реагировать. Это правда убийственный прием?
- 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,122 Не уверена, что стоит применять терминологию убийства.
- 00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:24,915 Но да. Просто не отклоняйтесь от курса.
- 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,334 Хорошо. Классно побеседовали.
- 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,127 То, что вы описываете, и есть терапия.
- 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,920 И если хотите продолжать сеансы,
- 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,673 начните планировать свои визиты с Джуди заранее.
- 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:33,591 «КОСМИЧЕСКИЙ МИЦУБИСИ»
- 00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:35,801 Спасибо, семья Фламинго.
- 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,429 Когда меня спросили, хочу ли я быть первым человеком
- 00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:41,015 за рулем «Космического Мицубиси-Лансер», я подумал:
- 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:44,935 «Не знаю. У меня есть классный костюм с шаром, он реально быстрый».
- 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:46,228 Но знаете, что меня подкупило?
- 00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,815 Совет сказал, что я могу сам набрать себе команду.
- 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,735 Морти, Саммер, Бет. Что скажете?
- 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,320 Что? Ты серьезно?
- 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,364 Блин, да! Обожаю «Мицубиси».
- 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,491 - Я тоже. Наслышан о них. - Так захватывающе!
- 00:10:58,574 --> 00:10:59,909 Боже мой, так круто!
- 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,244 Ладно, банда. Шары, прочь!
- 00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:13,464 Боже мой! Не может быть! Огромный кусок дерьма! Такое не скрыть!
- 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,843 Я мистер Стрингбин.
- 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,887 Перед моим чувством ритма не устоит ни один.
- 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:22,181 Эй, придурок. Может, успокоишься?
- 00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:23,766 А это что за мудак?
- 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:27,603 Я доктор Баклз, и я здесь, чтоб затянуть ремень на твоем мнении!
- 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,523 Хочешь увидеть, как злится Бин?
- 00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,028 Будь я проклят. Я в этом не участвую.
- 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:38,406 Я в этом не участвую.
- 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,160 Я в этом не участвую.
- 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,872 Боже мой. Этот ссаный парень огреб по полной.
- 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:50,418 Смотри. Он пытался залезть под машину. Вот непруха!
- 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,586 - Смотрите видео про Повелителя мочи? - Ага.
- 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,297 Он самый большой кусок дерьма в галактике, да?
- 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:59,343 Несомненно. Кто ж еще способен на такое? Только огромный кусок дерьма.
- 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:35,921 Проклятье.
- 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,550 Твою мать! Вот дерьмо! Ну же, мужик.
- 00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:41,010 Твою мать! Ну же. Где оно?
- 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:42,803 Блин.
- 00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:46,974 Твою мать.
- 00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,519 Ну же, Повелитель мочи, давай.
- 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,486 Блин!
- 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:06,785 Это я.
- 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,705 Прошу, просто открой.
- 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,750 Пап, мама сказала, что ты не отвечаешь на ее звонки.
- 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,335 А я волнуюсь, ясно?
- 00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:16,712 Я знаю, что говорила ужасные вещи о тебе в своем подкасте.
- 00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:19,507 Просто я очень расстроилась из-за тебя.
- 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:23,177 Если ты что-нибудь с собой сделаешь, я всю жизнь буду себя винить.
- 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,513 Пожалуйста, дай знать, что ты в порядке.
- 00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:26,889 Проклятье.
- 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:30,976 Я в порядке, дорогая. Всё хорошо.
- 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,728 Я думала, с тобой что-то случилось.
- 00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:33,771 Скажу тебе точно:
- 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,482 если со мной что-то случится, это стопудово будет не по твоей вине.
- 00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:37,775 Это мой собственный выбор.
- 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:41,362 Ты всё еще говоришь так, будто собираешься сделать что-то плохое.
- 00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,989 Пообещай, что не будешь, ладно?
- 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,492 Хорошо. Ага. Обещаю.
- 00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:47,618 Люблю тебя, папа.
- 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,123 Твою мать.
- 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:05,678 «Что ж, вот и всё. Я убиваю себя из-за Джерри Смита.
- 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,264 Землянина. Папы-Фламинго.
- 00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:12,268 Когда я увидел, в каком восторге все были, когда он надрал мне задницу,
- 00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,019 я понял: люди хотели, чтобы я потерпел неудачу.
- 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:19,358 Всё, что я когда-либо хотел сделать, - это доказать, что они ошибаются».
- 00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:36,000 Помогите!
- 00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,087 Постой. Кто ты?
- 00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,297 Повелитель мочи.
- 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,550 Обязательно скажи всем, что тебя спас Повелитель мочи.
- 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,136 Между прочим, это мочеракеты с тепловым наведением, а не просто ракеты.
- 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,263 Хорошо.
- 00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:50,848 Готов получить порцию мочи?
- 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,768 Эй, Повелитель мочи! Ты спасаешь этого кота, чтобы все забыли, что ты отстой?
- 00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:56,520 Нет. Я спасаю его, чтобы спасти.
- 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:57,897 Так, у нас ничего.
- 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,984 ДЕТСКАЯ БОЛЬНИЦА
- 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,152 НОВЫЙ МОЧЕКАТОК ДЛЯ РАКОВОГО КОРПУСА
- 00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:04,069 ПОВЕЛИТЕЛЬ МОЧИ: ЗОЛОТОЙ БОГ?
- 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:04,987 Моча!
- 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:05,904 ССЫ НА МЕНЯ, Я ИРЛАНДЕЦ
- 00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:06,822 Ссы!
- 00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:07,740 17 ТВИТОВ, УБЕЖДАЮЩИХ, ЧТО ПОВЕЛИТЕЛЬ МОЧИ - ВЕЛИЧАЙШИЙ ИЗ ВЕЛИКИХ
- 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:08,657 Моча!
- 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:09,575 В ДУШЕ Я РАД ВОЗВРАЩЕНИЮ ПОВЕЛИТЕЛЯ МОЧИ
- 00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:10,492 Номер один!
- 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,410 ПОВЕЛИТЕЛЬ МОЧИ СЕКСАПИЛЕН ЭТОТ ЧУВАК ОФИГЕННЫЙ
- 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,620 Ссы!
- 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,455 Ссы!
- 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,040 Ссы!
- 00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:16,957 Смотри, Повелитель мочи!
- 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,170 Доктор Вонг. Как дела?
- 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,713 Рик, вы опаздываете на сеанс.
- 00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:24,173 Отмените его. Пришлите мне счет. Я в порядке.
- 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:25,174 Вы в порядке?
- 00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:28,218 Ага. Видите ли, я надел костюм своего врага, и мне это чертовски нравится.
- 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,387 Теперь я собираюсь сделать гигантскую бомбу, заложить ее в городе,
- 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,265 а потом запрограммировать костюм автопилотом запустить ее в космос. Бум!
- 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,726 Все будут думать, что Повелитель мочи пожертвовал собой.
- 00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:38,937 Он погибнет как герой. Я получу победу, которой сам бы никогда не получил,
- 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,397 красивый мокрый бант сверху.
- 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:44,693 Я склонна во многом из этого сомневаться, но, думаю, вы справитесь.
- 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,363 - Что? - Если это весело и бесплатно - вперед.
- 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:48,447 Звучит здраво.
- 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,699 Моей целью было другое. Но учту.
- 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:51,784 Блин. Мне пора.
- 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,755 Нет, точно. И история с планетой рабов.
- 00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:07,800 Я слышал, он разорвал их цепи чистой мочой. Так что…
- 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,971 Эй, ребята, простите, что опоздал. На трассе много пробок.
- 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,473 Садись, Джерри.
- 00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:17,476 Мы как раз обсуждали почетное повышение Повелителя мочи.
- 00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,936 Кого это волнует?
- 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,647 О нём много говорят. Он начинает нравиться.
- 00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:22,773 Даже становится хорошим.
- 00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:24,400 Но он же Повелитель мочи.
- 00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:27,528 Люди меняются, Джерри. Все любят истории о реванше.
- 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:28,487 - Согласен. - Да.
- 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:32,074 Все за то, чтобы предложить членство Юджину Майклу Писсу,
- 00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,742 он же Повелитель мочи?
- 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:34,952 - Да. - Да.
- 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:36,245 Остальные против?
- 00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:37,621 Конечно против.
- 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,081 Совет постановил.
- 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:44,003 Знаешь что, Джерри? Думаю, для тебя это хорошая проверка.
- 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:47,423 Если не можешь забыть свою мелочность и завербовать Повелителя мочи,
- 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:50,050 то, возможно, ты не заслуживаешь своего шара.
- 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:54,179 И, Джерри, без него не возвращайся.
- 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:57,266 Полный хаос. Никто не знает, кто заложил бомбу.
- 00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,475 Но ясно одно.
- 00:16:58,559 --> 00:16:59,393 ПРЯМОЙ ЭФИР СИРОТЫ В ОПАСНОСТИ
- 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,979 Остров сирот, город, полностью населенный сиротами,
- 00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,981 оказался на грани гибели.
- 00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:07,609 Пока мы разговариваем, группа саперов Острова сирот пытается обезвредить ее.
- 00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,738 У меня силы не хватает, мне всего восемь лет.
- 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,656 Понятия не имею, что я делаю.
- 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,075 Смотрите, Повелитель мочи!
- 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:18,620 Нет. Нет времени разбирать ее. Ну же. Здесь небезопасно.
- 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:22,124 Мочеледенцы?
- 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,794 - Повелитель мочи. - Джерри, что ты тут делаешь?
- 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,798 Юджин Майкл Писс, по указу Штамма Андромеды
- 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,967 наш великий совет дарит тебе этот шар,
- 00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,927 - который ты должен принять. - Отвали, Джерри.
- 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,929 - Я занят. - Что, прости?
- 00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:38,348 Это величайшая честь, которой когда-либо можно удостоиться.
- 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,392 - Я не хочу. - А надо. Придется взять.
- 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,269 Боже, вали на фиг отсюда!
- 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,898 Он отправляет бомбу в космос.
- 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,691 Он хочет пожертвовать собой.
- 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,403 Вернись, неблагодарный кусок дерьма!
- 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:54,114 Что тебе? Ты не даешь мне умереть геройской смертью!
- 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:55,032 Отлично.
- 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:57,076 Папа-Фламинго хочет, чтобы мы взорвались?
- 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,077 Когда это он стал таким дерьмом?
- 00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,621 Быстро же ты учишься жизни.
- 00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:03,874 - Господи, папа. Люди снимают. - Ага, может, дадим задний ход?
- 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:12,674 Рик?
- 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,260 - Костюм с мочой, автопилотируй груз! - Подтверждено.
- 00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,232 ПРЯМОЙ ЭФИР, СРОЧНЫЕ НОВОСТИ: ПОВЕЛИТЕЛЬ МОЧИ ПОЖЕРТВОВАЛ СОБОЙ!
- 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,150 Это мой чертов папа!
- 00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:36,865 - Джерри! - Папа, ты в порядке?
- 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,910 Твой отец - чертов Повелитель мочи.
- 00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:41,537 Дедушка? Какого чёрта?
- 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:44,581 Джерри, что такое?
- 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,458 Говорят, ты стал подлецом.
- 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,919 Ну, видимо, мой тесть - Повелитель мочи.
- 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,212 Так что можете спросить его.
- 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:53,590 Что за… Рик Санчес, Повелитель мочи?
- 00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,175 Так, это плохо.
- 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:56,510 Ну и семейка, блин.
- 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,304 Так, не знаю, что вы там оба городите,
- 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,807 но такое поведение не способствует липкости. С нас хватит.
- 00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,768 Но я не знал. Я же хороший.
- 00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,687 Я сделал вас всех знаменитыми.
- 00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:08,230 Мне 1 000 лет.
- 00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,941 Знаешь, сколько Пап-Фламинго я повидал на своем веку?
- 00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:12,192 Отстань от нас.
- 00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,990 Не понимаю. Всё это время ты был Повелителем мочи?
- 00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,324 Конечно нет, Джерри.
- 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,285 Я надел костюм после того, как Повелитель мочи убил…
- 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,745 Когда ты вынудил его…
- 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,958 Да, я всегда был Повелителем мочи.
- 00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:30,169 Но это значит, что ты позволил отцу избить тебя,
- 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:33,297 чтобы он мог, типа, почувствовать себя увереннее?
- 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,507 - Чёрт, Рик. - Да, это потрясающе.
- 00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,051 Постойте. Все принимают это как должное?
- 00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,387 Подожди, разве Повелитель мочи не был инопланетянином?
- 00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,055 - Может, он был роботом. - Или использовал аватар.
- 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:44,641 Но почему? Зачем Рику меня поддерживать?
- 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,977 Господи, Джерри, Рик хоть раз сделал что-то хорошее, ясно?
- 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,021 Он явно пытается измениться.
- 00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:54,192 Вы больше не достойны «Мицубиси».
- 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,195 Я горжусь тобой, папа.
- 00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:59,615 Или мне называть тебя… Повелителем мочи?
- 00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:02,075 Да, дедушка. Прости, что накричала на тебя.
- 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,745 Мне, наверно, следует извиниться за то, что я пытался воспрепятствовать
- 00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:06,496 твоему самоубийству ядерной бомбой.
- 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:09,249 Мне просто… очень нравилось иметь шар.
- 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,002 Не парься, Джер. Дело прошлое. Помочись и забудь.
- 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,796 Блин, кажется, терапия помогла.
- 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,341 Ты раскрылся с неожиданной стороны, сделав всё это ради чувств отца.
- 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:18,759 Очень мило с твоей стороны, Рик.
- 00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:21,470 Да, верно, Морти. Точно.
- 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:23,263 Постой, Морти. Пообещай, что никому не скажешь.
- 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,140 Твой папа вынудил Повелителя мочи покончить с собой.
- 00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:26,600 - Боже, что? - Ага. В общем,
- 00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:28,477 я нашел его мертвым и надел его костюм.
- 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,146 Смотри. Он четко винит в смерти твоего отца.
- 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,606 Вот блин…
- 00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,733 Постой, ты забрал предсмертную записку?
- 00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:35,776 Всё так запуталось…
- 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:38,570 Знаю. Надо было кому-то рассказать. Не могу держать это в тайне.
- 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,240 - А ты думаешь, я буду? - Морти, нет. Что ты делаешь?
- 00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,368 Какого чёрта? Он покончил жизнь самоубийством?
- 00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:46,078 Боже, папа… Ты должен был нам об этом сказать.
- 00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:47,746 Тем более если это из-за Джерри.
- 00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:49,289 Не говори так. Я никого не убивал.
- 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,583 Я думал, будет лучше скрыть от вас эту информацию.
- 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,835 Но ты же не скрыл! Ходишь повсюду, размахивая этой запиской.
- 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,505 Да, дедушка, ты должен был хранить это в своем сердце как великую жертву.
- 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,840 - Круто. - Я злодей? Как такое возможно?
- 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,259 Он поливал нас мочой. Вы все меня подбадривали.
- 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:02,886 - На нас не надо валить. - Пап, он мертв.
- 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:05,055 Повторю: я не хотел говорить. Но сказал, что так и будет.
- 00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:06,848 - Слезай с постамента, а! - Д-р Вонг гордилась бы!
- 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,892 Орите. Я дышал мочой. Думаете, меня волнуют ваши вопли?
- 00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:11,269 Вот что значит «быть в тренде»? Это же кошмар!
- 00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:14,231 Надо было разрешить ему помочиться на мою дочь.
- 00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,273 Какого чёрта, папа?
- 00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:50,475 Как насчет Джека Миллера, также известного как Машинный Джек?
- 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,019 Он поднял машину и спас незнакомца.
- 00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:53,937 - Можно. - Я против.
- 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,856 Мы только что избавились от папы и писающего мужика.
- 00:21:55,939 --> 00:21:58,191 Может, пригласим кого-то, кто уже силен?
- 00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,402 Надо реалистично оценивать наши шансы по поводу кандидатов.
- 00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:01,486 У меня есть предложение…
- 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:04,239 Скарлетт Йоханссон мы добавлять не будем. Дальше.
- 00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:08,160 Мистер Нимб, повелитель океанов.
- 00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:09,703 Я слышал, он контролирует полицию.
- 00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:11,621 - Я за. - За.
- 00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:12,873 Народ, я уже проверила.
- 00:22:12,956 --> 00:22:15,125 Его представители говорят, что он сейчас очень занят.
- 00:22:15,208 --> 00:22:17,794 - Все так говорят. - А мы не заняты?
- 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,299 СВЕТЛОЙ ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА
- 00:22:23,216 --> 00:22:25,218 Перевод субтитров: Татьяна Грачева
- 00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:06,506 I-- I can't hold them off, Rick!
- 00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:07,841 Th-There's too many!
- 00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:12,262 [ Grunts ] Richard!
- 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:15,932 Your fortress is a salty waste of coral and clam.
- 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,058 Relinquish it at once!
- 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,476 Aah!
- 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:23,022 {\an8}♪
- 00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:24,899 Submit, you continental cunt.
- 00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,943 {\an8}Aah!
- 00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:30,238 [ Alarm blaring ]
- 00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:31,740 Aah!
- 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,117 Aah!
- 00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:35,910 Happy?
- 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:37,954 You're acting like you won,
- 00:00:37,954 --> 00:00:39,622 but this is exactly what I wanted!
- 00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:41,624 I am Mr. Nimbus!
- 00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:44,294 Ugh, whatever. Come on, Morty.
- 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:45,754 Man, that was intense.
- 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,797 Yeah ni[burps]ce work, buddy.
- 00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,799 Sorry I had to blow up your bunker.
- 00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:52,427 Not so fast, Sanchez.
- 00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:55,555 It is I, Cookie Magneto.
- 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:56,473 What the fuck?
- 00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,558 I'm-- I'm not engaging this guy.
- 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,143 That's hardly up to you, Rick.
- 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,937 I'm sorry, do you control things that people agree are cookies?
- 00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:05,690 Yes.
- 00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:07,400 They're more of a name we-- we give to--
- 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,651 To the things I control.
- 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:09,903 Do you control cookie ingredients?
- 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,738 Because, y'know, t-that sounds dangerous.
- 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,323 Y'know, everything has sugar in it.
- 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:13,948 Fight me and find--
- 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:16,326 Aah!
- 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:18,119 Jesus, Rick!
- 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:19,454 I know you're gonna say it's punching down,
- 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:21,456 but I can't fight another one of these '90s-style
- 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:22,749 goofball super villains.
- 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,000 I'm not the fucking Tick.
- 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,461 I'm-- I'm exhausted.
- 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:27,712 have a lot of these guys gunning for you,
- 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,839 maybe you should look into what you're doing to--
- 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:31,424 Oh, don't start that crap, Morty.
- 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:34,010 I don't do anything for these dipshits to seek me out.
- 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:36,137 I am Mr. Calypso!
- 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:41,518 Face me, you ugly, drunk, ugly piece of shit.
- 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,020 Okay, I <i>might</i> look into it.
- 00:01:44,020 --> 00:02:12,173 {\an8}♪
- 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,925 {\an8}[ Electricity crackling ]
- 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,973 {\an8}Why don't you have a seat? 'Cause this isn't a therapy session.
- 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,224 {\an8}I-I'm just asking you what people in your racket
- 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:24,811 {\an8}say about handling this particular situation.
- 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,355 {\an8}First, we'd want you to define the situation.
- 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:29,065 {\an8}I'm a walking target for a never-ending sea of angry nerds
- 00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:32,068 {\an8}that think getting in a fight with me is some kind of...
- 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,319 {\an8}I don't know, platform?
- 00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,654 {\an8}I mean, look at this guy.
- 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:35,989 {\an8}He shows up and calls me an "ugly drunk."
- 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,490 {\an8}Because of course that's the angle of attack
- 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,741 {\an8}that's gonna undo me, right?
- 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:41,161 {\an8}You don't shoot Batman in his fucking Batman logo.
- 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:44,247 {\an8}And you think locking this man in a chamber
- 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:47,250 {\an8}and milking him of cosmic fluid will somehow resolve this?
- 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,002 {\an8}I think it's the best I can do to profit from a situation
- 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,129 {\an8}and maybe set an example.
- 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:53,047 {\an8}But you've set this example many times
- 00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:54,591 {\an8}and it's not changing your situation.
- 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:57,010 {\an8}Yeah, yeah, yeah, and now you're gonna tell me to ignore them.
- 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,928 {\an8}But guess what? They want that too.
- 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,597 {\an8}And why would they want to be ignored?
- 00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,390 {\an8}You really believe if I let a guy like this
- 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,893 {\an8}do whatever he wants, he gets bored and vanishes?
- 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,812 {\an8}Rick, would you be interested in proving me wrong?
- 00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:09,814 {\an8}Yes!
- 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,107 {\an8}Ignore them for a week and see what happens.
- 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:14,611 {\an8}[ Chuckles ] You're on, bitch.
- 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,696 {\an8}Is that man dead?
- 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,531 {\an8}Is everything in here confidential?
- 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,574 {\an8}Everything but murder.
- 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:20,992 {\an8}Then he's fine.
- 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,703 {\an8}I mean, I-I think it's pretty big, you know?
- 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,246 {\an8}Big step for the big cheese.
- 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,581 {\an8}Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed.
- 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:27,540 {\an8}Can we not make it a big deal?
- 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,500 {\an8}It's worth celebrating, Rick.
- 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:30,793 {\an8}You accepted the concept of therapy
- 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,755 {\an8}without turning yourself into a pickle or a housefly.
- 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,715 {\an8}Jerry, for fuck's sake, that was a regular fly
- 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:36,466 {\an8}in her office that day.
- 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:39,385 {\an8}What the hell?
- 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:40,678 {\an8}How 'bout a little piss?
- 00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:44,307 {\an8}Rick, why is there a man shooting piss on our front lawn?
- 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,308 {\an8}I'm sure he'll tell you.
- 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,310 {\an8}I am Pissmaster!
- 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:51,981 {\an8}Here to flush the toilet that is Rick Sanchez.
- 00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,608 {\an8}He's spraying my lavender bush.
- 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,652 {\an8}My bees need that lavender!
- 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,986 {\an8}Remember five seconds ago
- 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,488 {\an8}when you guys were stoked about me changing
- 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,239 {\an8}because it made you feel superior?
- 00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:02,408 {\an8}Ooh, whole family's here.
- 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:03,952 Who's that redhead?
- 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,662 Wouldn't mind spraying her with a golden shower.
- 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:06,663 - Oh, my God, what? - Hey!
- 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:07,830 Okay, that's it!
- 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,123 Jerry, please think about this.
- 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,833 If you fight this guy, I'm either an asshole
- 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,710 for not helping or an asshole for helping.
- 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,963 My daughter just got spoken of in porno terms,
- 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,631 and I'll respond how I choose!
- 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:17,257 - Wait, Dad, don't! - Honey!
- 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,008 Hey.
- 00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,635 You want a piece of piss?
- 00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,679 If that's your stupid rude way of saying
- 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,263 I have to fight you, I will.
- 00:04:24,263 --> 00:04:25,682 Take your shot, pussy.
- 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,684 Don't talk to me that way. Go away!
- 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,227 Make me. Go away!
- 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:32,772 Ow!
- 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,691 Careful, honey!
- 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,985 [ Both grunting ]
- 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:44,701 Just stay down.
- 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,536 I-- I don't even know you.
- 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,787 Yeah, you <i>don't</i> know me.
- 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:51,082 But I'm gonna know your whole ass, you son of a gun.
- 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:55,962 [ Both grunting ]
- 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,630 Hey, none of that!
- 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:58,381 Hey! Come on!
- 00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:03,886 [ Both continue grunting ]
- 00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:06,347 Come on, you dirty motherfucker.
- 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,725 [ Grunting continues ]
- 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:12,270 No! No, no, no, no no!
- 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,819 Stop! Aah!
- 00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:22,905 Uncle! Mercy! Mercy!
- 00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:24,240 Stop! I give up!
- 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,409 Apologize to my daughter.
- 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,119 [ Crying ] For what?
- 00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:29,162 You know for what!
- 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,913 I'm sorry!
- 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:33,833 I'm sorry I sexualized you!
- 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:36,836 It came out wrong! [ Sobbing ]
- 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,589 That's my dad. That's my fucking dad!
- 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:42,091 [ Applause ]
- 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:43,384 Honey, I'm so proud of you.
- 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:45,261 Ow!
- 00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:46,804 Oh, sorry.
- 00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:47,263 Thank you, Rick.
- 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,935 Damn, hashtag ♪FlamingoDad is everywhere!
- 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:54,353 Buzzfeed made an odd numbered list
- 00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:56,272 of other people's observations about you,
- 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,441 and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis
- 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,027 on White Twitter's impression of Black Twitter.
- 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,362 Jezebel's offering a cash reward for evidence
- 00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:04,530 that you're a bad person.
- 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,032 That is their highest honor!
- 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,492 So this is what it's like to trend.
- 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,659 Feels good. Feels right.
- 00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:10,912 Just keep in mind, now a bunch more assholes
- 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,205 are gonna know they can get a rise out of you.
- 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,207 Both: Boooo!
- 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,793 I'm letting! I'm letting!
- 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,961 [ Whooshing ]
- 00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,671 Whoa. Are those orbs?
- 00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:21,923 This is what I'm talking about.
- 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,174 Some asshole saw that fight and, believe it not,
- 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:26,302 they were jealous of Pissmaster.
- 00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,221 {\an8}♪
- 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,224 I am Blagnar the Eternal.
- 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,643 We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster.
- 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,394 That's my dad, Jerry Smith!
- 00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:36,771 Jerry Smith.
- 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,815 Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice
- 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,316 and those who deliver it.
- 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:44,153 Our great council would like to offer you this silver orb
- 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:46,155 and with it a place amongst us.
- 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,949 Whoa. It-- It-- It's sticky.
- 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,118 Yeah, that means it's found a pure heart
- 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,285 it wants to bond with.
- 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:52,829 Y-You guys saw my son-in-law on the news,
- 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,163 now he gets a sticky orb.
- 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:56,165 What's the catch? We're not rubes.
- 00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:57,917 Yeah, your power is well known in our jurisdiction,
- 00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,293 Rick Sanchez, and it should come as no surprise
- 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:02,421 that our orbs are unsticky for you.
- 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:05,174 Oh, no, first I get banned from the Nextdoor app,
- 00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:06,467 now this.
- 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,636 I'd be honored to join your organization.
- 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:11,180 S-So what do I do? Rub the orb when I see crime?
- 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,974 Or-- Or eat the orb like spinach?
- 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,560 The orb is raw power.
- 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,145 Trust your heart, Jerry.
- 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,479 It will know what to do.
- 00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:21,274 [ Straining ]
- 00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:24,193 [ Microwave whirring ]
- 00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:25,862 Did you turn on the microwave?
- 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,155 No? Maybe?
- 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,281 I-- I was trying to fly. I--
- 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,325 What? I mean, come on, Rick.
- 00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:34,453 Orbs and goblets, this is your thing.
- 00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:35,955 Orbs and goblets.
- 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,832 I'm just saying, you're the orb guy in the family.
- 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,333 Can you please help me?
- 00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:41,961 Jerry, I give you raw power, you'll end up miserable like me.
- 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,754 Trust me, I'm helping by not helping.
- 00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:44,839 - Wow. - Seriously, Rick?
- 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,215 What the eff, Grandpa?
- 00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,217 Some creep tried to pee on my tits and you did nothing.
- 00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:50,219 Now you're gonna sit there and hold our dad back
- 00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:51,095 from being a hero?
- 00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,430 Are you seriously that petty?
- 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:53,890 Okay, you know what? Fine!
- 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:55,308 Here. Here's your goddamn suit.
- 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,477 I hard-wired the orb's infinite energy right into it.
- 00:07:58,477 --> 00:07:59,979 This shooty-thing looks cool.
- 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,355 That "shooty thing" is a nuclear disruptor
- 00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:04,150 that can blow up planets.
- 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,318 So tight.
- 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,069 Okay, show me, uh...
- 00:08:07,069 --> 00:08:09,989 acts of evil happening around the galaxy.
- 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,490 Whoa, Space Hitlers?
- 00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:15,077 "Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime."
- 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:17,371 My God, each one of them is their own type of Hitler.
- 00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:19,248 Yeah, th-that's a problem.
- 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,459 Aw, you guys.
- 00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:23,753 Wow.
- 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:24,712 Well, family,
- 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:25,922 looks like Jerry Smith
- 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,590 has his first orb mission.
- 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,300 Lawn Flaming-Ho!
- 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:34,055 Just a reminder, you guys asked for this.
- 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,348 Soon, our legion of Hitlers
- 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,392 will bring about a new galactic order.
- 00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:39,685 A reich, if you will.
- 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,270 Riddle Hitler me this--
- 00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:44,190 I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now?
- 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,943 <i>Auf wiedersehen,</i> bad guys!
- 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,694 Exterminate him!
- 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,446 Ow! Shit! Oh, Jesus.
- 00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:51,864 One at a time!
- 00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,450 Ah, oh, my God!
- 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:58,788 [ Explosion ]
- 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:03,125 Uh, hope there weren't other people on that planet.
- 00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,543 {\an8}And there were no other people on the planet!
- 00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:06,545 {\an8}Only Hitlers!
- 00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:08,798 {\an8}Each one ready to start their own holocaust,
- 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,925 {\an8}meaning an estimated 30 billion lives
- 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,468 {\an8}were saved by a single blast.
- 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:15,554 {\an8}And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith.
- 00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:17,265 {\an8}<i>Hashtag #FlamingoDad.</i>
- 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,266 You gotta be fucking kidding me.
- 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,559 <i>Up next-- Oh, actually nothing.</i>
- 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:22,395 <i>I guess we're just gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more.</i>
- 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,024 I dunno, therapy is starting to feel hopeless.
- 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,277 {\an8}I've got so many issues!
- 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,069 Aah!
- 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,153 We need to talk.
- 00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:32,405 Hey. No.
- 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,074 I will not speak with you if you refuse to treat me
- 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,951 and my patients with respect.
- 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:38,494 [ Buzzing ]
- 00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,496 Oh, Lord. I was a fly!
- 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:44,041 So unburdened, so free of shame!
- 00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:45,835 Welp, I'm officially cured!
- 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:46,961 Here. Here's your data.
- 00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,587 Hard proof that God hates me.
- 00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:50,548 I ignored a troll, and Jerry beat the guy's ass.
- 00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,591 Now he's got this orb and he's using the power
- 00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:55,136 which I gave him to annihilate planets of Hitlers,
- 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,846 and everyone's popping champagne.
- 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,515 Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change,
- 00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:00,516 and they're changing.
- 00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:01,851 It's working.
- 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,436 Oh, so if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law
- 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,187 beats up people, it's "working."
- 00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:06,522 But if I do it, it's a cosmic abuse of power?
- 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,774 Rick, listen to yourself.
- 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,860 You're complaining about how you have to be careful
- 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,278 with your immense power
- 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,863 and that Hitlers are dead.
- 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,907 Everything you're describing is positive.
- 00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:18,868 Oh, shit. Not reacting.
- 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,328 That really is the kill move?
- 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,704 I don't know if you need to think about it
- 00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:24,874 in terms of murder, but, yes, just stay the course.
- 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:25,958 Okay, good-- good talk.
- 00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,044 Well, what you're describing is therapy,
- 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,628 and if you'd like to keep receiving it,
- 00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:32,548 start scheduling your visits with Judy up front.
- 00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:35,426 Thank you, thank you, Flamingo Fam.
- 00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:36,886 Uh, you know, when they asked me if I wanted
- 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,513 to be the first human to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer,
- 00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:42,183 I thought, "Well, I don't know.
- 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,644 I got this cool orb suit that goes really fast."
- 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,396 But you know what sold me?
- 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,607 The Council said I could pick my own bridge crew.
- 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,567 Morty, Summer, Beth, what do you say?
- 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,444 What? Are you serious?
- 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:56,322 Oh, shit, yeah, I love Mitsubishi!
- 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,199 Me too! I-I've heard of them!
- 00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,825 Oh, my God! This is so cool!
- 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,535 Alright gang, orbs away!
- 00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:06,624 [ Applause ]
- 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,170 O me o' my, can it be?
- 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,588 A giant piece of shit I see?
- 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:17,635 I am Mr. Stringbean!
- 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,678 No one resists my rhyming scheme!
- 00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:22,598 Hey, douchebag, why don't you chill out?
- 00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:23,724 Who's this asshole?
- 00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,226 I am Doctor Buckles!
- 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,686 Here to tighten the belt on your opinions!
- 00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:30,689 Oh, you wanna see the Bean get mean?
- 00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:31,649 Aah!
- 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:34,068 [ Both grunting ]
- 00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,611 I'll be damned.
- 00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:39,115 I'm out.
- 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,411 I'm-- I'm out.
- 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,704 Oh, my God, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on.
- 00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:48,582 Oh! Look at him, he tried to crawl under the car!
- 00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:51,877 What a loser.
- 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:55,464 Yeah.
- 00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:56,882 Oh-ho, without a doubt.
- 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,634 Who could relate, being that much of a piece of shit?
- 00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:01,971 {\an8}♪
- 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,305 [ Bottles clatter ]
- 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:15,985 {\an8}♪
- 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,654 [ Doorbell dinging ]
- 00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:21,574 {\an8}♪
- 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,589 God damn it.
- 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,341 [ Grunts ] Fuck, shit, come on, man.
- 00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,302 Fuck, come on, where is it?
- 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,678 Shit, shit.
- 00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,515 Ugh! Fuck!
- 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,434 [ Electricity crackling ]
- 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,643 Come on, Pissmaster, come on.
- 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,647 Aah!
- 00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:56,942 [ Sputtering ]
- 00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,027 Damn it.
- 00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:58,569 [ Electricity crackles ]
- 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,283 [ Doorbell dings, knocking ]
- 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,369 It's me. [ Sighs ]
- 00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,788 Please, please just open up. Dad?
- 00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:12,833 Mom told me you weren't responding to her calls
- 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,502 and I'm worried, okay?
- 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,629 I know I said terrible things about you on my podcast.
- 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,672 It's just... I've been so frustrated with you.
- 00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:21,342 [ Voice breaking ] Look, if you were to ever do something,
- 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:23,052 I'd never stop blaming myself.
- 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,720 Just, please. Please let me know you're okay.
- 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,556 God damn it.
- 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,143 I'm okay, honey. We're good.
- 00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,603 I thought something happened to you.
- 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:35,022 I can tell you for sure-- if anything happens to me,
- 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,482 it's 100% not on you.
- 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,317 It's my own choice.
- 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:41,529 You still sound like you're gonna do something bad.
- 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:44,365 Just promise you won't, okay?
- 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,741 Okay, yeah.
- 00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:46,742 Promise.
- 00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:47,743 Love you, Dad.
- 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,415 Fuck.
- 00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:03,425 Pissmaster: <i>Well, this is it.</i>
- 00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:06,345 I'm killing myself because of Jerry Smith.
- 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,721 The Earth man. FlamingoDad.
- 00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:10,933 Seeing them all cheer as I got my ass whipped
- 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:14,603 made me realize-- people just wanna see me fail.
- 00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:18,732 All I've ever wanted to do is prove them wrong.
- 00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:21,735 {\an8}♪
- 00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:23,779 [ Clanging ]
- 00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:33,122 {\an8}♪
- 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:33,914 [ Screaming ]
- 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:36,458 Help!
- 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,421 Wait! Who are you?
- 00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:41,964 Pissmaster.
- 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,799 M-Make, make sure you tell everybody Pissmaster saved you.
- 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,510 Those were heat-seeking pissiles by the way.
- 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:47,553 Not just missiles.
- 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,346 Oh, ugh, okay.
- 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,348 ♪ Y'all ready for piss? ♪
- 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:52,808 Yo! Pissmaster!
- 00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:53,892 You saving that cat to make people forget you suck?
- 00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:56,937 Nope, just saving it to save it.
- 00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:57,980 Okay, we got nothing.
- 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:04,111 {\an8}♪
- 00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,821 ♪ Piss ♪
- 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,740 ♪ Pee ♪
- 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,491 ♪ Urine ♪
- 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:10,868 {\an8}♪ Number one ♪
- 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:11,744 {\an8}♪ Pee pee ♪
- 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,496 ♪ Piss ♪
- 00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:17,333 ♪ Pee ♪
- 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,253 [ Computer chimes ] Dr. Wong, what's up?
- 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,504 Rick, you're late for your session.
- 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:25,007 Cancel it. Bill me. I'm good.
- 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,134 Rick: Yeah, see, I put on the suit of my enemy
- 00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:28,510 and I fucking love it.
- 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,679 Now I'm gonna make a giant bomb, plant it in a city,
- 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,181 and then have his suit auto-pilot the bomb into space.
- 00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,850 Boom. Everyone will think Pissmaster sacrificed himself.
- 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,770 He dies a hero, I get a win I'd otherwise
- 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,356 never get myself, nice wet bow on top.
- 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,191 I'm tempted to second guess a lot of that,
- 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,776 but I think you might be nailing it.
- 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,279 What? If it's free and fun, do it.
- 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:48,530 It sounds healthy.
- 00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:49,657 Oh, that wasn't my goal,
- 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:50,699 but good to know.
- 00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,867 Shit, gotta go.
- 00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:57,373 {\an8}♪
- 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,875 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:02,544 {\an8}♪
- 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:03,879 No, exactly. And the slave planet thing,
- 00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:07,841 I hear he broke their chains with pure urine, so...
- 00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,259 [ Ship whirring ]
- 00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:12,888 Hey, guys, sorry I'm late, lot of traffic on the orbway.
- 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,348 Take a seat, Jerry.
- 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:17,643 We were just discussing Pissmaster's honorable rise.
- 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,769 I mean, who cares, right?
- 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,521 Uh, people are talking about him.
- 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:21,063 He's becoming likable.
- 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:21,814 Good, even.
- 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,400 But... he's Pissmaster.
- 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,693 People change, Jerry.
- 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,695 Everyone loves a comeback story.
- 00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,405 [ All muttering ]
- 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,074 offering orbship to Eugene Michael Piss,
- 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,742 aka Pissmaster?
- 00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:35,077 Together: Orb-yes.
- 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,120 All those opposed?
- 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,746 Obviously orb-no.
- 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,373 The orbship has spoken.
- 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,836 You know what, Jerry? I think this is a good test for you.
- 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,254 If you can't let go of your pettiness enough
- 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:49,925 to recruit Pissmaster, maybe you don't deserve your orb.
- 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:50,801 And, Jerry...
- 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:54,263 don't come back without him.
- 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,681 Reporter: Absolute chaos!
- 00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,266 {\an8}No one knows who planted the bomb,
- 00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:58,600 {\an8}but one thing is clear:
- 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,062 {\an8}Orphan Island, a city populated entirely by orphans,
- 00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,397 {\an8}now sits on the brink of doom.
- 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,483 {\an8}The Orphan Island bomb squad is trying to dismantle
- 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,777 it as we speak.
- 00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:10,779 I can't stress enough, I'm eight years old,
- 00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,781 I have no idea what I'm doing!
- 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,867 Look! It's Pissmaster!
- 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:15,951 Oh, no! There's no time to dismantle it!
- 00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:18,454 Come on, it's not safe here.
- 00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:19,288 Whoa, oh, oh!
- 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:22,082 Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop?
- 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,918 Pissmaster. Jerry, what are you doing here?
- 00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:26,879 [ Sighs ] Eugene Michael Piss,
- 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,715 by decree of the Andromeda strain,
- 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,717 our great council presents you with this orb,
- 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,218 which you have to take.
- 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,804 Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in the middle of something.
- 00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,973 Hey, this is the greatest honor you could ever be given.
- 00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:40,601 I don't want it!
- 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,311 Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of here!
- 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,146 {\an8}♪
- 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,022 He's flying it into space!
- 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,982 He's gonna sacrifice himself!
- 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:51,570 Get back here, you ungrateful shit!
- 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,072 What is your problem?! You're screwing up my hero death!
- 00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:57,076 FlamingoDad wants us to blow up?!
- 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,077 When did he become a shitheel?
- 00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:00,662 {\an8}Life comes at you fast.
- 00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:02,498 Jesus, Dad! People are filming!
- 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,916 Yeah, maybe dial it back?
- 00:18:05,083 --> 00:18:07,503 [ Both grunting ]
- 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:11,173 {\an8}♪
- 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,841 [ Gasps ] Rick?
- 00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:14,301 PissSuit! Auto-pilot the payload!
- 00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:15,344 Piss A.I.: <i>Confirmed.</i>
- 00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,096 [ Toilet flushing ]
- 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:24,019 {\an8}♪
- 00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:25,521 [ Jerry screaming ]
- 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,357 {\an8}♪
- 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,275 That's my fucking dad.
- 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,902 [ Jerry screams, grunts ]
- 00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:36,865 Jerry?! Dad?! Are you okay?
- 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:39,785 Your father is the fucking Pissmaster!
- 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,745 Um...
- 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,665 Jerry, what is this?
- 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,208 People are saying you turned shitheel?
- 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,877 Well, apparently my father-in-law is Pissmaster,
- 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:50,128 so why don't you ask him?
- 00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:53,507 What the...? Rick Sanchez the Pissmaster?
- 00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:54,842 Okay, this is not a good look.
- 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,552 [ Sighs ] This family, man.
- 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,220 {\an8}Look, I don't know what kinda weird shit
- 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,013 {\an8}you two are pulling, but it's completely unstickworthy.
- 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,225 {\an8}We're done here.
- 00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:06,728 I-I'm a good guy,. I-- I made you all famous!
- 00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:08,188 I'm 1,000 years old.
- 00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:11,149 You know how many "Flamingo Dads" I've seen?
- 00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:12,609 Don't orb us.
- 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:15,737 I don't get it.
- 00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:18,073 You-- You were Pissmaster the whole time?
- 00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,241 Obviously not, Jerry.
- 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,076 I put the suit on once Pissmaster kill--
- 00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:24,037 Uh, when-- when you made him...
- 00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:27,040 Uh, yeah. I-I've always been Pissmaster.
- 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,043 But that would mean you let my dad beat you up
- 00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:33,213 just so he could, like, feel more confident?
- 00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,506 Wow.
- 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,091 Yeah, that's amazing.
- 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,218 Everyone's just accepting this?
- 00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:40,220 Wait. Wasn't Pissmaster an alien?
- 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,014 {\an8}He obviously avatar'd it.
- 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,099 But why? Why would Rick even prop me up like that?
- 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,101 Jesus, Jerry. Rick did something nice for once, okay?
- 00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:49,146 He's obviously trying to change.
- 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,026 Mitsubishi Ship: <i>You are no</i> longer <i>worthy of Mitsubishi.</i>
- 00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:57,321 Proud of you, Dad.
- 00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,823 Or should I say: Pissmaster.
- 00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:01,992 Yeah, Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you.
- 00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,786 And I guess I'm sorry for trying to stop you
- 00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,580 from killing yourself with a nuclear bomb.
- 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:09,416 I just... really liked having an orb.
- 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:10,709 Eh. Don't sweat it, Jer.
- 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,002 Piss under the bridge.
- 00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:14,588 Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh?
- 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,466 Opening up, doing all that just to make my dad feel good.
- 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,884 That's pretty great of you, Rick.
- 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,594 Yeah... that's right, Morty.
- 00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:21,637 That's right. Wait, Morty.
- 00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,221 You have to promise not to tell anyone,
- 00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:24,222 but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself.
- 00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:26,767 Oh, man, what?!
- 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,268 I found him dead and I-- I put on his suit,
- 00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,145 but look at this-- he literally blames your dad.
- 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:34,399 Holy shit. Wait, you kept the suicide note?
- 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:37,653 That's so messed up!
- 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,571 I couldn't just sit on that.
- 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,156 Morty, no! What are you doing?!
- 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,909 Aah! What the hell?! He killed himself?
- 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,911 Jesus, Dad, you should've told us!
- 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:46,995 Especially if Jerry murdered him!
- 00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:48,622 Wait, don't say that, I-- I didn't murder!
- 00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,415 Hey, I-- I thought it was pretty cool
- 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,542 that I withheld that information.
- 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,252 You're walking around with the note!
- 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,254 you gotta, like, keep it in your heart as a great sacrifice.
- 00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:58,590 That's the cool move.
- 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:02,010 He sprayed piss on us! You-- You all cheered me on!
- 00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:03,595 A man is dead, Dad.
- 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:04,805 but I told you this would happen.
- 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,014 Get off your high horse.
- 00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:07,307 Dr. Wong would be so proud.
- 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,767 I was breathing piss, you think I care?
- 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:09,935 Is this what it's like to trend?
- 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,144 This is a nightmare!
- 00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:13,605 I should've just let him pee on my daughter!
- 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,357 Ew! What the hell, Dad?
- 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:46,221 {\an8}♪
- 00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:50,642 {\an8}How about Jack Miller, aka CarJack?
- 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:51,935 {\an8}He lifted a car off a stranger.
- 00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:53,395 {\an8}- Eh. - I guess.
- 00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:54,646 {\an8}- Next. - Orb-no.
- 00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:56,023 {\an8}We're fresh off a dad and a piss guy.
- 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,315 {\an8}Maybe we add someone that's already powerful?
- 00:21:57,315 --> 00:22:00,193 {\an8}We have to be realistic about who we can get.
- 00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:03,155 {\an8}I have a pitch.
- 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:07,826 {\an8}Next up: Mr. Nimbus, lord of the oceans.
- 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,578 {\an8}Oh, I hear he controls the police.
- 00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:10,579 - Wow. - The police?
- 00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:11,872 - Orb-yes. - Ohhh.
- 00:22:11,872 --> 00:22:12,998 Guys, I already checked.
- 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:15,042 His reps say he's really busy right now.
- 00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:15,917 - He just doesn't wanna do it. - Everyone says that.
- 00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:18,086 Oh, and we're not busy?
- 00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:20,964 Did you get any of that?
- 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:19,770 «ЭВЕРГИЗ»
- 00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:09,776 БЕДСТВИЕ
- 00:08:10,346 --> 00:08:15,596 СОБРАНИЕ КОСМИЧЕСКИХ ГИТЛЕРОВ
- 00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:06,546 ДЖЕРРИ СМИТСАЦИЯ! НАКОНЕЦ-ТО, КРУТОЙ ПАПОЧКА
- 00:14:49,326 --> 00:14:50,926 Готовы отлить?
- 00:14:59,256 --> 00:15:01,216 ДЕТСКИЙ ГОСПИТАЛЬ
- 00:15:01,976 --> 00:15:03,726 ЧУДО НА ЛЬДУ НОВЫЙ МОЧЕ-КАТОК В ОНКОЦЕНТРЕ
- 00:15:03,726 --> 00:15:05,196 ОБОССАКА: ЗОЛОТОЙ БОГ? Писай!
- 00:15:06,056 --> 00:15:07,926 17 ТВИТТОВ О ТОМ, ЧТО ОБОССАКА — ТОП Ссы!
- 00:15:07,926 --> 00:15:09,816 Я ПОЧТИ ТЕКУ ИЗ-ЗА ВОЗВРАЩЕНИЯ ОБОССАКИ Моча!
- 00:15:09,816 --> 00:15:11,346 ОБОССАКА СЕКСИ Номер один!
- 00:15:11,346 --> 00:15:12,526 ОБОССАКА ПРОСТО ОГОНЬ Пись-пись!
- 00:15:13,706 --> 00:15:14,836 Ссы!
- 00:16:56,776 --> 00:17:00,306 СИРОТЫ В ОПАСНОСТИ
- 00:18:26,256 --> 00:18:28,346 ОБОССАКА ПОЖЕРТВОВАЛ СОБОЙ!
- 00:22:21,016 --> 00:22:22,256 ПАМЯТИ МАЙКА МЕНДЕЛА
- 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,770 ЛИХІ СПРАВИ
- 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:11,990 ДЖЕРРІ СМІТ-САЦІЯ: НАРЕШТІ ВІН КРУТИЙ ТАТКО
- 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,170 КОСМІЧНИЙ МІЦУБІШІ
- 00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,970 <i>Готові посцяти?</i>
- 00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:01,100 ДИТЯЧА ЛІКАРНЯ
- 00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:03,400 ДИВО НА ЛЬОДУ: НОВА СЕЧОВА КОВЗАНКА ДЛЯ ДІТОК, ХВОРИХ НА РАК
- 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:04,980 СЦЯКО-МАЙСТЕР: ЗОЛОТИЙ БОГ?
- 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,650 СЦИКНИ МЕНЕ, Я ІРЛАНДЕЦЬ 17 ТВІТІВ ПРО КРУТЕЛИКА СЦЯКО-МАЙСТРА
- 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,820 ПОВЕРНЕННЯ СЦЯКО-МАЙСТРА – ТУПО ВАЙБ
- 00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:11,700 А СЦЯКО-МАЙСТЕР ТЕПЕР СЕКСІ
- 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,990 СИРІТКИ У НЕБЕЗПЕЦІ
- 00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:28,390 СЦЯКО-МАЙСТЕР ПОЖЕРТВУВАВ СОБОЮ!