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Забывая Сарику Мортшалл
Обнаружив, что ему постоянно приходится убирать беспорядки Рика, Морти случайно проливает жидкость из портала себе на руку и обнаруживает, что может говорить с Ником, другим человеком, который пролил жидкость из портала на себя. Они становятся друзьями, и Морти вызволяет его из психиатрической больницы, в которой он находится, когда Ник говорит, что Рик пренебрегает им и Морти. Когда Морти понимает, что Ник оказывается жестоким психопатом, он отрезает себе руку с портальной жидкостью, и бросает её в портал на бедре Ника, от чего тот умирает. Тем временем Рик объединяется с двумя воронами, чтобы показать Морти, насколько он заменяемый, но после приключения, в котором они спасают его от антропоморфных воронов, пытающихся напасть на Землю, он понимает, что они — больше, чем просто заменяемые альтернативы Морти. Рик оставляет потрясённого Морти, чтобы путешествовать с двумя воронами. В сцене после титров инопланетянин по имени «Обормот-Мусороглот», которого Рик использует для уборки мусора, оказывается на самом деле врачом, которого ругает его мама, но он всё равно решает продолжать поедать мусор Рика.
- 00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,139 Для многих это стало шоком...
- 00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,141 Из-за вакуума власти, оставленного безжалостным
- 00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,708 поеданием нашего диктатора,
- 00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,840 мы введем еще более драконовский закон о печенье,
- 00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,712 одна готовка за другой!
- 00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:21,499 О, спасибо!
- 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,782 Они захватили власть сразу после того, как вы с дедушкой ушли.
- 00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,851 Эээ, извините за это, Рик на самом деле не занимается
- 00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:28,202 «планами перехода», я-я думаю, он просто был голоден.
- 00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:31,422 Что ж, теперь с вами здесь, возможно будет новая система правления?
- 00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,598 - Король Морти... - Простите, надо бежать.
- 00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:34,880 Думаю, вы тут разберётесь,
- 00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,104 я верю в вас!
- 00:00:39,176 --> 00:00:42,019 Морти, ты поможешь нам с этой дырой в форме НЛО?
- 00:00:42,099 --> 00:00:44,776 Блин, конечно, но только потому что я мимо пролетал.
- 00:00:49,529 --> 00:00:51,141 Морти, слава богу!
- 00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:55,649 Зверь появился сразу после ухода твоего деда, а ещё у него кристалл пропал.
- 00:00:55,747 --> 00:00:57,861 Блин, какое безумное совпадение.
- 00:00:57,941 --> 00:01:00,559 Н-на вашем месте я бы оставил всё как есть.
- 00:01:00,707 --> 00:01:02,579 Он прав. Надо отпраздновать.
- 00:01:02,659 --> 00:01:03,188 Пир?
- 00:01:03,268 --> 00:01:06,101 Нет времени. Но случай классический, не буду задерживать.
- 00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,341 Сукин сын поставил метку.
- 00:01:28,741 --> 00:01:30,090 ОБНАРУЖЕНА СТРАННАЯ ЖИДКОСТЬ
- 00:01:30,833 --> 00:01:31,666 И ЭТО ХОРОШО
- 00:01:31,839 --> 00:01:32,947 Фух.
- 00:01:39,461 --> 00:01:40,294 Что за...
- 00:01:44,673 --> 00:01:46,079 Эй, какого чёрта?
- 00:01:46,444 --> 00:01:47,095 Господи!
- 00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:48,731 Ты тоже пролил на себя эту жижу?
- 00:01:48,811 --> 00:01:50,707 Плохо дело, очень плохо.
- 00:01:50,809 --> 00:01:51,736 А ты думаешь, каково мне?
- 00:01:51,816 --> 00:01:54,966 У меня была крутейшая дырка для барахла, а теперь пацан в бедре.
- 00:02:23,324 --> 00:02:27,239 РИК И МОРТИ
- 00:02:27,319 --> 00:02:29,644 Слушай, ты вроде вполне нормальный для чела из дырки в руке,
- 00:02:29,724 --> 00:02:32,204 но мне крышка, если я всё не исправлю.
- 00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:34,679 Что за хрень, блин? Гадость.
- 00:02:34,799 --> 00:02:36,639 - Я-я просто пытался... - Что ты пытался?
- 00:02:36,936 --> 00:02:38,239 Откуда это барахло?
- 00:02:38,364 --> 00:02:40,479 Мусороглот, вылезай, тут надо мусор съесть.
- 00:02:40,559 --> 00:02:42,719 М-м-м, мусор. Обожаю мусор.
- 00:02:42,799 --> 00:02:43,850 Ням-ням, мусор!
- 00:02:43,999 --> 00:02:45,769 - Обожаю этого малыша. - Хочу есть мусор.
- 00:02:45,849 --> 00:02:47,164 Минуточку.
- 00:02:47,539 --> 00:02:50,169 В моём квантовом растворе для перемещений «Маунтин Дью»?
- 00:02:50,249 --> 00:02:52,707 Я заметил, что ты пометил уровень, и поэтому долил.
- 00:02:52,787 --> 00:02:55,699 Долил? Ты понимаешь, насколько токсична и опасна эта дрянь?
- 00:02:55,779 --> 00:02:57,495 И ты долил её в мою портальную жидкость?
- 00:02:57,575 --> 00:02:59,060 Потому что ты не доверяешь мне.
- 00:02:59,140 --> 00:03:00,559 Безупречная логика, Морти.
- 00:03:00,719 --> 00:03:02,759 Прости, что не целую пальцы, как шеф-повар,
- 00:03:02,839 --> 00:03:04,170 ведь ты по-любому тут всё этой хренью уляпал,
- 00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,499 не хочу телепортировать губы.
- 00:03:05,579 --> 00:03:07,130 Н-ничего я не уляпал.
- 00:03:07,210 --> 00:03:09,084 Я не верю тебе на слово, да и не должен,
- 00:03:09,164 --> 00:03:10,615 поэтому у меня есть правила напарников.
- 00:03:10,695 --> 00:03:11,885 Если ты их не выполняешь...
- 00:03:11,965 --> 00:03:14,354 ...то меня можно заменить. Слышал много раз.
- 00:03:14,434 --> 00:03:16,856 Прошу прощения, по-твоему, я блефую?
- 00:03:16,936 --> 00:03:18,239 Я хоть раз блефовал?
- 00:03:18,319 --> 00:03:21,139 Ладно, давай замени меня. Замени меня, Рик. Давай!
- 00:03:21,219 --> 00:03:24,524 Найди того, кому можно тысячи раз твердить, что его легко можно заменить.
- 00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,822 Я разгадаю твой блеф и выведу тебя на чистую воду.
- 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,059 Не буду врать, что не ждал этого.
- 00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:32,019 Узри. «Колесо всего, что лучше Морти»!
- 00:03:32,099 --> 00:03:34,171 Тебе что, восемь лет? Ты его из макарон сделал?
- 00:03:34,251 --> 00:03:36,589 Типа ты собрал его, потому что тебе плевать?
- 00:03:36,669 --> 00:03:38,788 Я его собрал, потому что ни хрена от тебя не жду.
- 00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:41,257 Давай, что угодно. Что угодно, кроме Морти.
- 00:03:41,337 --> 00:03:43,999 Давай, детка. Крутим барабан. И-и-и-и стоп!
- 00:03:44,079 --> 00:03:46,181 Вот и всё. Два ворона. Ты уволен.
- 00:03:46,289 --> 00:03:48,199 Пошёл ты в жопу, ты просто выставляешь меня бесполезным.
- 00:03:48,279 --> 00:03:51,609 Я не говорил, что ты бесполезный. Вообще, я дал точную меру пользы от тебя.
- 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:52,696 Два ворона.
- 00:03:52,959 --> 00:03:54,719 Заметь, не три!
- 00:03:54,879 --> 00:03:57,324 Блин, это нездоровые отношения.
- 00:03:57,656 --> 00:03:59,319 Ничего, что я подслушал?
- 00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:02,479 Возможно, мы придумаем какую-нибудь звуконепроницаемую повязку.
- 00:04:02,559 --> 00:04:04,659 А Мусороглот что, схавал мои порножурналы?
- 00:04:04,981 --> 00:04:06,581 А ты типа кто? Бывший друг Рика?
- 00:04:06,696 --> 00:04:08,559 - А ты? - Хороший вопрос.
- 00:04:08,679 --> 00:04:09,428 Он что, делает так,
- 00:04:09,508 --> 00:04:12,719 чтобы ты точно увидел, как он ловит двух воронов?
- 00:04:12,799 --> 00:04:14,124 А теперь ты думаешь,
- 00:04:14,204 --> 00:04:16,399 «вдруг ему не плевать, раз он причиняет мне боль»?
- 00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:17,633 Многоточие.
- 00:04:18,524 --> 00:04:19,759 Разорви этот порочный круг.
- 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,896 Измени то, что можешь изменить.
- 00:04:22,056 --> 00:04:24,364 Лично я так и сделал. И теперь я свободен.
- 00:04:26,947 --> 00:04:30,707 Мы пытаемся впихнуть шесть лет обучения в шесть минут. Не спешите.
- 00:04:33,736 --> 00:04:36,959 Другое дело! Если осилите следующее, то у меня есть птичьи психоделики.
- 00:04:37,039 --> 00:04:38,189 Может, и поделюсь.
- 00:04:38,269 --> 00:04:40,331 Можешь перестать привлекать моё внимание.
- 00:04:40,411 --> 00:04:43,199 Или продолжай. Неважно. С меня хватит, я ухожу.
- 00:04:43,301 --> 00:04:44,649 Погоди, Морти, не уходи.
- 00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:46,833 Зацени-ка!
- 00:04:46,981 --> 00:04:48,829 Давайте. Птички на проводах!
- 00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:54,456 Да-а!
- 00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:56,669 Козёл!
- 00:04:58,307 --> 00:05:00,581 Эй, давай затусим. Мы теперь как братья.
- 00:05:00,719 --> 00:05:02,769 Мы оба отделались от него. Где ты живёшь?
- 00:05:02,924 --> 00:05:06,136 Ой, блин, я не могу. Я – пришелец, так что...
- 00:05:06,216 --> 00:05:09,336 Не беда, Рик замутил мне космовелик для сольных приключений, например,
- 00:05:09,416 --> 00:05:11,209 чтобы добыть ему мазь для ног с Венеры.
- 00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:13,289 Боже, теперь всё понятно.
- 00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:19,599 Погоди, тут сказано, что ты на Земле.
- 00:05:19,679 --> 00:05:21,211 Ну да, только не прилетай.
- 00:05:21,291 --> 00:05:23,827 Почему? Да ничего, в моей комнате тоже бывает бардак.
- 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,899 Я подберу тебя возле...
- 00:05:26,639 --> 00:05:27,949 психбольницы?
- 00:05:28,029 --> 00:05:30,593 Попался. Ты буквально сказал, что свободен.
- 00:05:30,673 --> 00:05:31,873 Я буквально не свободен.
- 00:05:33,679 --> 00:05:35,610 Хватит! Это моё одеяло!
- 00:05:35,999 --> 00:05:37,099 Откуда ты знаешь Рика?
- 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:39,907 Однажды я пришёл с ним к вам домой после закрытия бара.
- 00:05:39,987 --> 00:05:44,619 Я начал заниматься фигнёй в гараже, пролил на себя эту портальную дрянь,
- 00:05:44,699 --> 00:05:46,749 и он запустил меня в Австралию
- 00:05:46,829 --> 00:05:48,999 с помощью странной примитивной катапульты...
- 00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:50,170 - Её снаряды... - Её снаряды...
- 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,450 ...это герметичные углеродные камеры.
- 00:05:51,530 --> 00:05:53,530 Да, так мы лишились своего кабельщика.
- 00:05:53,610 --> 00:05:55,610 Такие ситуации оставляют след в психике.
- 00:05:56,029 --> 00:05:58,329 Прости, что обманул тебя. Желаю хорошей жизни.
- 00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:01,484 Ник. К тебе пришли.
- 00:06:08,753 --> 00:06:10,226 Блин, что с тобой сделали?
- 00:06:10,306 --> 00:06:12,606 По воскресеньям надзиратели любят нас избивать,
- 00:06:12,707 --> 00:06:13,896 но это лучше понедельников.
- 00:06:13,976 --> 00:06:14,939 Блин, и что они делают?
- 00:06:15,019 --> 00:06:16,741 Связывают и лижут нам лица.
- 00:06:16,989 --> 00:06:18,010 А ещё в этот день подают мясной рулет.
- 00:06:18,090 --> 00:06:19,531 Что ж… Пора на выход, приятель.
- 00:06:19,611 --> 00:06:20,365 Эй-эй-эй!
- 00:06:20,445 --> 00:06:22,125 Спёр у надзирателя по дороге сюда.
- 00:06:22,205 --> 00:06:25,656 Да, я смогу снять наручники, но что потом?
- 00:06:25,747 --> 00:06:29,059 Тяжело снова встать на ноги после того, как умнейший человек в мире кинул тебя.
- 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:32,159 Поэтому я вытащу тебя отсюда. Проблема не в нас, а в нём.
- 00:06:32,269 --> 00:06:35,016 И если ты можешь начать с чистого листа, то и я смогу.
- 00:06:37,089 --> 00:06:38,387 Это даже побегом назвать нельзя.
- 00:06:38,467 --> 00:06:41,219 Мы просто уходим из больницы, которая, ну, перестаралась с помощью.
- 00:06:41,299 --> 00:06:42,593 За мной.
- 00:06:44,753 --> 00:06:46,099 Эй! А ну, стоять!
- 00:06:46,179 --> 00:06:47,439 Откройте дверь!
- 00:06:49,724 --> 00:06:51,370 Так я умею летать!
- 00:06:51,507 --> 00:06:54,189 Беги, Ник. Чем больше потеешь, тем больше соли на щеках.
- 00:06:54,269 --> 00:06:55,559 Лизни вот это!
- 00:06:55,639 --> 00:06:58,101 Спасибо, Морти. У него язык, как у кота.
- 00:07:00,056 --> 00:07:02,354 - Остановить этих портальных парней! - Слышал?
- 00:07:02,434 --> 00:07:03,861 Название что надо.
- 00:07:05,279 --> 00:07:06,559 Блин, прямо как Джеки Чан.
- 00:07:06,639 --> 00:07:08,719 Тогда я, получается, Крис Такер.
- 00:07:08,833 --> 00:07:09,964 Наверное.
- 00:07:13,027 --> 00:07:14,261 Я тебя поймаю!
- 00:07:23,119 --> 00:07:24,491 Охренеть! Ты это видел?
- 00:07:24,571 --> 00:07:26,159 Ты ослепил чувака рвотой!
- 00:07:26,273 --> 00:07:27,979 Это была чума! Давай пробей.
- 00:07:28,059 --> 00:07:30,399 Я всё правильно делаю? Я уже пробил?
- 00:07:30,479 --> 00:07:33,899 Глянь на нас. Мы спаслись. Не только от психушки, но и от Рика.
- 00:07:33,979 --> 00:07:36,204 Теперь ты будешь решать, какими будут приключения.
- 00:07:36,284 --> 00:07:37,210 Список остался?
- 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,348 Чел, без приборов Рика мы ничего не сможем.
- 00:07:39,428 --> 00:07:43,210 Значит, пора портальным парням обзавестись портальной пушкой.
- 00:07:44,867 --> 00:07:47,861 Вспомните обучение, вороны. Идол должен быть за углом.
- 00:07:54,529 --> 00:07:56,410 Вы следуете дрессировке, только когда сами захотите?
- 00:07:56,490 --> 00:07:58,489 Это не дрессировка, это мразотство.
- 00:08:00,204 --> 00:08:01,713 Теперь я понял.
- 00:08:01,861 --> 00:08:05,009 Настоящее сокровище — это сострадание. И оно стоит больше любой побрякушки.
- 00:08:05,089 --> 00:08:07,907 Вы заработали себе новое приключение!
- 00:08:09,119 --> 00:08:10,479 Ваше приключение — это увольнение.
- 00:08:10,559 --> 00:08:12,468 Простите. Если бы я захотел, чтобы сердце кровью обливалось,
- 00:08:12,548 --> 00:08:15,370 то вколол бы оживляющую сыворотку в настоящее сердце.
- 00:08:15,781 --> 00:08:18,989 Не парьтесь, это птичья планета с 40 миллионами видов пернатых,
- 00:08:19,069 --> 00:08:22,445 и даже один день работы под моим началом сделает вас гениями среди местных.
- 00:08:22,525 --> 00:08:26,193 Полезайте в пневмоканистры, которыми пользовались в автобанках 70-х.
- 00:08:35,359 --> 00:08:39,579 Что за? Кто притягивает меня лучом? Никто не смеет притягивать меня лучом!
- 00:08:39,850 --> 00:08:43,150 Кроме того, никто не смеет гасить мой гаситель притягивающего луча.
- 00:08:45,964 --> 00:08:50,009 Прости за луч, но это не ты потерял этих двух воронов?
- 00:08:50,089 --> 00:08:53,929 Не, я просто оставил их, потому что и в подмётки им не гожусь.
- 00:08:54,009 --> 00:08:56,764 Я подумал, что это правильный поступок.
- 00:08:56,947 --> 00:08:58,679 Стань своими воронами. Обучай себя.
- 00:08:58,759 --> 00:09:00,341 Тогда обучатся и вороны.
- 00:09:00,421 --> 00:09:01,629 Я открыт к диалогу,
- 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,674 если это проще, чем стереть незаслуженную ухмылку с рожи моего внука.
- 00:09:04,754 --> 00:09:06,937 - Что делать? - Посмотри на своих воронов.
- 00:09:07,017 --> 00:09:08,499 Стань своими воронами.
- 00:09:08,579 --> 00:09:09,965 Как же хорошо, что я примат.
- 00:09:10,045 --> 00:09:11,781 Ладно, смотрю на воронов.
- 00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:14,890 Мы обучаем себя прекратить обучение.
- 00:09:15,027 --> 00:09:18,490 Обученные не обучены. Мы – необученные.
- 00:09:18,707 --> 00:09:20,741 Всё обучение закончено.
- 00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,819 Потому что обучения не требовалось.
- 00:09:38,147 --> 00:09:40,079 Боже, теперь я понял.
- 00:09:40,159 --> 00:09:42,993 Теперь мы напихаем этот птичий помёт в горло Морти!
- 00:09:43,941 --> 00:09:45,563 Ник, может, это не лучшая затея?
- 00:09:45,643 --> 00:09:48,251 А если он поймает нас? Снова запихнёт меня в матрицу.
- 00:09:48,331 --> 00:09:51,097 Ты послушай себя. Мы бы не оказались в этой ситуации,
- 00:09:51,177 --> 00:09:53,313 если бы он не продинамил нас обоих.
- 00:09:54,307 --> 00:09:56,820 Блин, он полюбас выпендривается пушкой перед воронами.
- 00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:57,733 Так нечестно.
- 00:09:57,816 --> 00:10:00,729 Ничего. Мы можем свистнуть и другие вещи.
- 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,570 Тогда берём только нужное.
- 00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,513 Ох, вот срань! Это же сминатель банок Рика!
- 00:10:04,593 --> 00:10:06,079 Он три недели настраивал его.
- 00:10:06,159 --> 00:10:08,627 Морти, дружище, ты забыл, что мы с тобой заодно.
- 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,851 И не говори, что тебе хоть капельку не понравилось.
- 00:10:11,931 --> 00:10:14,239 Ну да, но больше так делать не будем.
- 00:10:14,319 --> 00:10:15,519 С хрена ли нет?
- 00:10:23,130 --> 00:10:23,979 Погнали, сучара!
- 00:10:24,639 --> 00:10:26,994 Сынок, ты сговорился со странным незнакомцем,
- 00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:29,153 и теперь вы разносите гараж Рика?
- 00:10:29,976 --> 00:10:31,149 Я вам помогу!
- 00:10:32,661 --> 00:10:34,924 Пап? Да по фигу.
- 00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:35,902 О да!
- 00:10:36,021 --> 00:10:38,616 - Лизни моё очко, Рик! - Выкуси, Санчес!
- 00:10:38,696 --> 00:10:39,610 ПРОТОТИП
- 00:10:39,690 --> 00:10:41,211 Морти, это то, о чём я думаю?
- 00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:42,989 Это как найти третий айфон,
- 00:10:43,069 --> 00:10:46,377 а ещё он пустой, но это значит, что портальные парни обзавелись порталами!
- 00:10:46,457 --> 00:10:47,496 <i>Рик приближается.</i>
- 00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:49,279 Чёрт, надо смываться.
- 00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:51,404 - Мо-о-о-о-орти! - А как же мой папа?
- 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,673 Он теперь лужа.
- 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,461 Ты слышал, что сказал гараж. Рик всё равно сделает его твёрдым.
- 00:10:55,541 --> 00:10:58,741 Прости, пап, пора геройствовать. Я возьму твою тачку. Люблю тебя.
- 00:11:04,479 --> 00:11:06,901 Вон наш дом с крышей цвета дерьма.
- 00:11:15,804 --> 00:11:16,867 Что это?
- 00:11:17,729 --> 00:11:19,679 Это? Д-да ничего.
- 00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:22,845 Но прямо здесь написано «два ворона» рядом
- 00:11:22,925 --> 00:11:27,587 с «ослиными мозгами», «половиной Пола Джаматти» и «разумным калом».
- 00:11:27,699 --> 00:11:30,193 Видимо, шутка в том, что вороны тупые.
- 00:11:30,284 --> 00:11:32,559 - Я думаю, что всё не так однозначно. - Конечно.
- 00:11:32,639 --> 00:11:35,579 Ведь ты научился у нас сочувствию десять минут назад.
- 00:11:35,659 --> 00:11:38,067 А теперь ты втираешь, что мы не понимаем ваш юмор?
- 00:11:38,147 --> 00:11:39,153 Бред собачий.
- 00:11:39,244 --> 00:11:41,459 Да, здесь и понимать нечего, гений.
- 00:11:41,539 --> 00:11:44,699 Шутка в том, что твой внук был настолько заменяемым,
- 00:11:44,779 --> 00:11:47,370 что справились бы даже два ворона.
- 00:11:47,736 --> 00:11:49,259 Как смешно, хотя не очень.
- 00:11:49,339 --> 00:11:51,949 Да, если честно, так я и думал на тот момент,
- 00:11:52,029 --> 00:11:53,529 но теперь я сгладил углы.
- 00:11:53,609 --> 00:11:54,787 Я это серьёзно, ребята.
- 00:11:54,890 --> 00:11:59,427 Что ж, теперь настало время сгладить углы смерти!
- 00:12:00,696 --> 00:12:03,393 Да начнётся воронолюция!
- 00:12:05,461 --> 00:12:07,359 Кошмарный звук! Что вы наделали?
- 00:12:07,439 --> 00:12:10,959 Натравили ворон на десятки людей в радиусе 300 метров.
- 00:12:11,084 --> 00:12:13,519 Помогите! Прошу!
- 00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:15,519 А теперь ты молишь о помощи?
- 00:12:15,599 --> 00:12:16,937 - Это не я. - В смысле?
- 00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,149 Помогите! Я здесь!
- 00:12:19,229 --> 00:12:20,605 Джерри, что за херня? Ты лужа?
- 00:12:20,685 --> 00:12:22,467 Ты их не заслуживаешь.
- 00:12:23,290 --> 00:12:23,920 Гений.
- 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,939 Я что, не вовремя?
- 00:12:26,019 --> 00:12:28,684 Да, Джерри. Они забрали моих сраных воронов.
- 00:12:32,364 --> 00:12:34,673 Не сейчас, Мусорный Губер. Полезай в свою дыру!
- 00:12:39,079 --> 00:12:40,485 Первое приключение.
- 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:41,743 Мы точно на месте?
- 00:12:41,823 --> 00:12:44,908 Да, Рик уже много лет их обдирает, они точно будут...
- 00:12:46,256 --> 00:12:47,605 ...благодарны.
- 00:12:47,936 --> 00:12:49,521 - Как бы... - Давай уже заберём жидкость, приятель.
- 00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:53,171 Портальные парни начнут заниматься портальными делами.
- 00:12:55,468 --> 00:12:58,781 Вот он. Эта крыса воровала часть вашего урожая кристаллов
- 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:02,251 и отправляла его пришельцу по имени Рик Санчес.
- 00:13:02,331 --> 00:13:03,421 - Урод! - Нах Рика!
- 00:13:03,501 --> 00:13:04,336 Пните его в член!
- 00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:07,511 Ну да, а мы с Ником остановили его.
- 00:13:09,753 --> 00:13:11,911 Народ Кунтака благодарит вас.
- 00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,331 Он же злодей, верно?
- 00:13:13,411 --> 00:13:14,881 Его ждёт правосудие?
- 00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,188 Да, конечно.
- 00:13:17,685 --> 00:13:19,856 Ладно, приятно вести с вами дела.
- 00:13:19,982 --> 00:13:20,931 Погоди, Морти.
- 00:13:21,262 --> 00:13:23,546 Мы не уйдём, пока не получим то, за чем пришли.
- 00:13:23,626 --> 00:13:24,553 А я готов уйти.
- 00:13:24,668 --> 00:13:27,091 Послушайте, нам нужна портальная жидкость
- 00:13:27,171 --> 00:13:28,421 в качестве благодарности.
- 00:13:28,919 --> 00:13:30,165 Портальная жидкость.
- 00:13:30,291 --> 00:13:32,151 По-вашему, я бы жил в шахте ящеров,
- 00:13:32,231 --> 00:13:33,617 если бы у меня была портальная жидкость?
- 00:13:33,697 --> 00:13:35,131 Ладно, понятно.
- 00:13:35,211 --> 00:13:37,011 Ну, тогда мы можем просто убить вас.
- 00:13:37,353 --> 00:13:40,691 Он шутит. Портальные парни убивают только своей добротой.
- 00:13:40,771 --> 00:13:41,691 И стволами.
- 00:13:41,771 --> 00:13:42,604 О нет!
- 00:13:42,805 --> 00:13:45,056 Нет! Стреляю же не я!
- 00:13:45,376 --> 00:13:46,261 Убить их!
- 00:13:46,428 --> 00:13:47,261 Простите!
- 00:13:47,708 --> 00:13:48,541 Хватит!
- 00:13:48,645 --> 00:13:50,439 Прекрати! Они безоружны!
- 00:13:51,696 --> 00:13:53,171 Какого хера?
- 00:13:53,251 --> 00:13:55,399 Морти! Морти!
- 00:14:02,519 --> 00:14:05,308 Крутое местечко. Смесь Тёмного Кристалла и рок-магазина.
- 00:14:05,548 --> 00:14:07,433 Где мои чёртовы вороны?
- 00:14:11,331 --> 00:14:14,142 Серьёзно? Здесь вообще всё на воронью тематику?
- 00:14:23,101 --> 00:14:26,062 Даже сейчас ваш примат штурмует наш корабль,
- 00:14:26,142 --> 00:14:27,551 чтобы утвердить своё господство.
- 00:14:27,631 --> 00:14:30,331 Дотроньтесь до священного яйца и вознеситесь.
- 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:33,342 Больше вы не будете выполнять приказы этого зверя.
- 00:14:33,422 --> 00:14:35,251 А выполнять ваши приказы — это нормально?
- 00:14:35,331 --> 00:14:36,816 Молчать, обезьяна!
- 00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:39,551 Хорош!
- 00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:41,742 Если вы считаете, что мои вороны променяют наши славные отношения
- 00:14:41,822 --> 00:14:43,821 на эту фэнтезийную хероту,
- 00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:45,911 то вы ошибаетесь!
- 00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,793 Да, парни? Вы ещё сомневаетесь?
- 00:14:50,268 --> 00:14:51,639 Кто-нибудь возьмёт трубку?
- 00:14:52,611 --> 00:14:54,439 А, это у меня, что ли? Ух.
- 00:14:54,691 --> 00:14:56,591 Сейчас спрошу, не срочное ли это дело.
- 00:14:56,713 --> 00:14:57,400 Алё.
- 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,591 Рик, прости, я сильно облажался.
- 00:14:59,671 --> 00:15:01,611 Морти, ничего страшного, мои дела явно хуже.
- 00:15:01,691 --> 00:15:03,491 Я разлил портал, спёр твои приборы,
- 00:15:03,616 --> 00:15:06,211 нашёл психа тебе на замену и оставил за собой гору трупов.
- 00:15:06,291 --> 00:15:07,455 А ты время зря не терял.
- 00:15:07,535 --> 00:15:10,198 Я сделал это от обиды, потому что ты выбрал двух воронов.
- 00:15:10,278 --> 00:15:11,548 Господи, да это было на одну серию.
- 00:15:11,628 --> 00:15:14,942 Теперь эта сраная воронья сюжетка нагибает меня. Всё пошло по звезде.
- 00:15:15,022 --> 00:15:16,331 Понятно.
- 00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,165 Я скучаю, чувак.
- 00:15:18,245 --> 00:15:20,721 Чёрт, кажется, переборщил с искренностью.
- 00:15:28,519 --> 00:15:30,656 Ладно, я тебе перезвоню.
- 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,776 Ах ты, мелкорукий говнюк!
- 00:15:34,153 --> 00:15:36,491 Думал, сможешь меня наебать и свалить?
- 00:15:36,571 --> 00:15:39,136 Тогда ты плохо знаешь Ника!
- 00:15:46,931 --> 00:15:49,951 Попался. Ты что, не понимаешь?
- 00:15:50,031 --> 00:15:53,111 Тебе не скрыться от меня, пока у нас эти порталы.
- 00:15:53,191 --> 00:15:56,356 Какого чёрта, чувак. Я думал, что мы оба жертвы эксплуатации Рика.
- 00:15:56,436 --> 00:15:59,594 Может, да, а может, и нет. А может, мы просто выпивали в одном баре,
- 00:15:59,674 --> 00:16:02,151 и я попытался забрать его портальную пушку.
- 00:16:02,231 --> 00:16:04,862 Я думал, что Рик станет моим билетом к чему-то особенному,
- 00:16:04,942 --> 00:16:07,971 но получается, что им оказался ты, Морти. И только глянь на меня.
- 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,751 Я – портальный парень.
- 00:16:09,831 --> 00:16:12,231 Отстойное название. А я просто поддакивал.
- 00:16:12,311 --> 00:16:13,662 Ты не понимаешь, Морти.
- 00:16:14,953 --> 00:16:18,703 Мы – напарники. А теперь слушайся меня, или твоя жизнь превратится в ад.
- 00:16:18,783 --> 00:16:20,181 Нет. Спасибо.
- 00:16:20,261 --> 00:16:22,748 Как жаль, я не могу допустить, чтобы ты был связан со мной,
- 00:16:22,828 --> 00:16:24,351 если ты не на моей стороне!
- 00:16:24,431 --> 00:16:26,731 А значит, придётся убить тебя!
- 00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:28,862 Дело в том, что у меня уже есть напарник.
- 00:16:29,091 --> 00:16:30,953 А там нет места повышению.
- 00:16:34,096 --> 00:16:35,651 Что за херню ты натворил?
- 00:16:35,788 --> 00:16:37,456 Отрезал тебя от своей жизни.
- 00:16:53,351 --> 00:16:56,531 Видишь, как быстро твои союзники бросили тебя, Рик Санчес.
- 00:16:56,611 --> 00:16:59,061 К счастью, расставание – это мой хлеб насущный.
- 00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:05,791 Блядь! Ты должен был сдохнуть!
- 00:17:05,871 --> 00:17:07,936 Отдам вам должное, поначалу я сомневался,
- 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,891 но всё-таки вороньи технологии рулят!
- 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,005 Убейте его, дурни!
- 00:17:16,085 --> 00:17:18,751 Давайте убивайте. У вас такой крутой вид.
- 00:17:18,831 --> 00:17:20,462 Я заслужил такую смерть.
- 00:17:26,725 --> 00:17:29,181 Птичий метаквалон!
- 00:17:29,261 --> 00:17:30,588 Будет.
- 00:17:34,405 --> 00:17:35,941 Боже, это было круто.
- 00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,651 Вы же могли убить меня.
- 00:17:37,731 --> 00:17:40,165 Р-разве вы сможете простить меня?
- 00:17:40,588 --> 00:17:43,513 Точно. Токсичные отношения, как с Морти, – это не про нас.
- 00:17:43,593 --> 00:17:45,776 Блин, в воронах ни хера сочувствия нет.
- 00:17:48,393 --> 00:17:49,765 Эту я точно оставлю.
- 00:17:52,576 --> 00:17:54,096 Рик и два ворона!
- 00:17:59,228 --> 00:18:02,551 Боже мой, Морти. Так, подойди. Дедушка тебя подлатает.
- 00:18:02,631 --> 00:18:04,711 Тебе какую руку? Роборуку? Руку ящера?
- 00:18:04,791 --> 00:18:06,473 Могу сделать большую, как в тот раз.
- 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:07,765 Мою обычную руку!
- 00:18:07,902 --> 00:18:09,761 Ладно, не время для шуток. Понимаю.
- 00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,039 Ну вот. Как новая.
- 00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:17,501 Мы теперь снова вместе, да? Рик и Морти.
- 00:18:17,581 --> 00:18:19,331 Снова вместе. Полный перезапуск.
- 00:18:20,348 --> 00:18:22,301 Нет. Нет, Морти. Думаю, это конец.
- 00:18:22,381 --> 00:18:24,337 Потому что я разлил жидкость и не сказал?
- 00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:26,931 Нет, Морти, потому что ты боялся рассказать.
- 00:18:27,011 --> 00:18:28,792 У нас были токсичные отношения, ты не понял?
- 00:18:28,872 --> 00:18:31,616 Я – плохой напарник, потому что не давал тебе быть настоящим напарником.
- 00:18:31,696 --> 00:18:32,988 Вороны открыли мне глаза.
- 00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:34,381 Я думал, что они – шутка, как ты,
- 00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:36,599 но оказалось, что они просвещены лучше любого из нас.
- 00:18:36,679 --> 00:18:39,753 - Понятно, ну и какой итог? - Ты меня не слышишь.
- 00:18:40,039 --> 00:18:41,311 Я не тот, что прежде.
- 00:18:41,391 --> 00:18:44,741 Я должен уйти с воронами и посмотреть, чему они смогут меня научить.
- 00:18:47,182 --> 00:18:48,015 Держи.
- 00:18:49,525 --> 00:18:50,816 Теперь она твоя.
- 00:18:51,056 --> 00:18:52,302 Ух ты, я...
- 00:18:53,361 --> 00:18:55,936 А знаешь, Рик, ты и правда изменился.
- 00:18:56,462 --> 00:18:57,548 Спасибо, Морти.
- 00:18:59,531 --> 00:19:01,193 Я всегда буду твоим дедом, Морти.
- 00:19:01,388 --> 00:19:03,571 Но теперь я слегка одержим воронами.
- 00:19:15,399 --> 00:19:19,221 <i>Мне казалось, что солнце светит ярче,</i>
- 00:19:19,301 --> 00:19:22,462 <i>когда рядом ты.</i>
- 00:19:23,761 --> 00:19:27,513 <i>И мы вечно будем вместе,</i>
- 00:19:27,593 --> 00:19:30,901 <i>сошлись наши пути.</i>
- 00:19:33,071 --> 00:19:34,991 Охереть! Рик и два ворона!
- 00:19:35,071 --> 00:19:38,221 Запускаем новую франшизу! Галактика – наш телефонный провод!
- 00:19:38,301 --> 00:19:39,341 Сделаем тысячу сезонов,
- 00:19:39,421 --> 00:19:41,753 в каждом по 14 серий, идущих по дев-девять секунд,
- 00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:43,296 ведь это будущее сериалов!
- 00:19:43,376 --> 00:19:45,205 Серики на кроссах! Кроссерики!
- 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,931 Тогда всё внимание будет на вас! Когда вы надеваете эту хрень на ноги!
- 00:19:48,011 --> 00:19:49,708 Тогда все будут смеяться. Плакать.
- 00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:51,951 Чувствовать что угодно, помимо обуви на ноге!
- 00:19:52,039 --> 00:19:53,591 Можно смотреть ситкомы на кроссах!
- 00:19:53,671 --> 00:19:55,182 Шоу Рика и двух воронов!
- 00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:59,261 Мы будем раск-раскидывать орехи по дороге, чтобы их давили колёсами.
- 00:19:59,341 --> 00:20:02,816 Понимаете, о чём я? Навсегда! Рик и два ворона навсегда!
- 00:20:05,845 --> 00:20:09,891 <i>Мне казалось, что рядом будешь ты,</i>
- 00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:13,845 <i>Мы вместе навсегда, ты и я!</i>
- 00:20:14,108 --> 00:20:18,131 <i>Мы разносили всё и вся,</i>
- 00:20:18,211 --> 00:20:22,331 <i>Мы вместе, ты и я.</i>
- 00:20:22,411 --> 00:20:25,948 <i>Утекает наше время,</i>
- 00:20:26,531 --> 00:20:30,588 <i>Но мы вместе, ты и я.</i>
- 00:20:40,451 --> 00:20:41,701 Куда ты навострил клешни?
- 00:20:41,781 --> 00:20:45,936 Ну, просто... красный свет означает, что там мусор.
- 00:20:46,051 --> 00:20:48,359 Ты что, до сих пор не поговорил с Риком?
- 00:20:48,439 --> 00:20:51,791 Я намекал. Слушай, я понимаю, что не к такой работе я стремился,
- 00:20:51,871 --> 00:20:52,851 но это честный труд.
- 00:20:52,931 --> 00:20:55,136 Мать твою, Гарольд! Как тебя называют?
- 00:20:55,308 --> 00:20:58,553 Мусорным Губером? Ради всего святого, ты же врач.
- 00:20:58,668 --> 00:21:00,303 Слушай, я не знаю, как это всё допустил,
- 00:21:00,383 --> 00:21:03,296 но так долго в этом плаваю, что не могу остановиться.
- 00:21:03,879 --> 00:21:05,605 Ты просто трус.
- 00:21:06,553 --> 00:21:08,713 Ты права. Положу этому конец здесь и сейчас.
- 00:21:09,061 --> 00:21:11,571 Мусорный Губер, у нас тут мусорок для тебя!
- 00:21:11,662 --> 00:21:14,241 Очень вонючий, прямо как любишь!
- 00:21:15,982 --> 00:21:20,151 М-м-м, мусор. Обожаю мусор. Ням-ням, мусор! Хочу есть мусор!
- 00:21:21,262 --> 00:21:26,262 Перевод: Женя Спицын Синхронизация под рип: Георгий Владимиров
- 00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,139 It came as a shock to many...
- 00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,141 But with the power vacuum left by the heartless
- 00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,708 consumption of our dictator,
- 00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,840 we shall impose even more Draconian cookie law,
- 00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,712 one be-cookieing at a time!
- 00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:19,845 Hah!
- 00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:21,499 Oh, thank you!
- 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,762 They took power immediately after you and your grandpa left.
- 00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,851 Err sorry about that, Rick doesn't really do
- 00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:28,202 'transition plans,' I-I think he was just hungry.
- 00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:31,422 Well, now with you here, perhaps a new system of government?
- 00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,598 King Morty --Sorry, look I gotta run,
- 00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:34,860 I-I'm sure you guys'll figure it out,
- 00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:39,082 I-I believe in you!
- 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,954 Morty! Can you help us with this UFO-shaped hole?
- 00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:43,521 Sure, geez, but y'know only because
- 00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:44,740 I was in the neighborhood.
- 00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:51,051 Morty, thank God!
- 00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:53,705 The beast emerged right after your grandpa left
- 00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:57,535 and its gem went missing --Geez, that is a crazy coincidence
- 00:00:57,579 --> 00:01:00,364 that I-I if I were you, probably just best left alone.
- 00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,366 He's right. We-We should celebrate.
- 00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:03,715 Feast? No time.
- 00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:05,065 S-S-Sounds pretty classic though,
- 00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:06,762 don't let me hold you up!
- 00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:12,594 Son of a bitch. He marked it.
- 00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,743 Ah!
- 00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,354 Phew.
- 00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:39,316 Hah.
- 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,796 What the --
- 00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:45,801 Hey, what the hell?
- 00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,281 Agh! Jesus!
- 00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,673 You got some of that green stuff on you too, huh?
- 00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,458 Th-Th-This is bad. Th-This is really bad.
- 00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:52,242 Hey, how do you think I feel?
- 00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:55,115 I had the ultimate stash hole and now I got a kid in my thigh.
- 00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:29,453 Look, you seem like a perfectly nice guy in my hand hole,
- 00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,978 but if I can't sort this out I'm dead --
- 00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,632 What the hell, dude? Gross.
- 00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,721 I-I-I was just trying to... You're just trying to what?
- 00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:38,288 Where'd this stuff come from?
- 00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:40,290 Garbage Goober, get out here and eat this garbage.
- 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:43,815 Mmm, trash, I love trash, yum yum trash,
- 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,991 I wanna eat trash --Hell yeah, I love that lil guy.
- 00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:47,471 Wait a minute.
- 00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:49,995 Is that Mountain Dew in my quantum transport solution?
- 00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,301 I-I saw you were marking the levels
- 00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:53,521 so I-I had to top it off."Top it off?"
- 00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:55,653 Do you know how dangerously toxic this stuff is?
- 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,481 And you added it to my portal fluid?!
- 00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:59,091 Only because you don't trust me!
- 00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:00,484 Oh, that's great logic, Morty --
- 00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,660 forgive me for not doing the kissy chef gesture
- 00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:04,314 since you probably spilled this shit everywhere
- 00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:05,663 and I don't want to teleport my lips.
- 00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,230 I did I did not spill it!
- 00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,884 I won't take your word for that and I shouldn't have to,
- 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,581 which is why I have sidekick rules.
- 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,322 If you can't follow them --
- 00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,324 I can be replaced, yeah, yeah, so you keep telling me.
- 00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:16,848 Excuse me? Did you just try to call my bluff?
- 00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:18,198 Have you ever seen me bluff?
- 00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,547 Fine. You know what, replace me!
- 00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:21,201 Replace me, Rick! Just do it.
- 00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:22,680 Good luck finding someone that can be told
- 00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,334 80 thousand times how replaceable they are!
- 00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:27,032 Okay. I'll see your bluff call and raise you reality.
- 00:03:27,076 --> 00:03:29,121 I can't pretend I haven't been looking forward to this.
- 00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:31,559 Behold my Wheel of Better Things Than Morty.
- 00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:34,039 Wh-What are you eight? I-Is this macaroni art?
- 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,258 You expect me to believe you built this
- 00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:36,868 because you <i>don't</i> care?
- 00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,522 No, I built this because I don't expect shit from you.
- 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,784 Come on, anything!
- 00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,221 Anything but Morty, let's go!
- 00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,526 Come on baby, no whammies!
- 00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:43,962 Duh-duh-duh-duh stop!
- 00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,442 Okay, that's it. Two crows.
- 00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,052 -You're fired! -You know what? Eat shit.
- 00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:48,271 You're just trying to make me feel worthless.
- 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,881 I never said you're worthless.
- 00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,448 In fact, I've given you a very
- 00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:52,884 Two crows.
- 00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:54,712 Note I didn't say three!
- 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,585 Man, that is not a healthy relationship.
- 00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,543 I hope you don't mind me eavesdropping.
- 00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,805 Maybe we can figure out some sort of
- 00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,546 sound-proof bandage solution.
- 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,896 Hey did Garbage Goober eat my porno magazines?
- 00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,550 So, were you like, a friend of Rick's?
- 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,552 -Were you? -Good question.
- 00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,554 W-What's he doing, i-is he out there making sure
- 00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,817 you see him collecting two crows?
- 00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:15,080 And now you're thinking, gee, maybe if he cares enough
- 00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:16,386 to hurt me this bad...
- 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,388 dot dot dot.
- 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:19,650 Break the cycle, Morty.
- 00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,913 Change the things that you can change.
- 00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:26,788 That's what I did. And now I'm free.
- 00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,920 Only cramming six years into six minutes, fellas.
- 00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:33,621 Take your time!
- 00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,100 Now that's what I'm talking about!
- 00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:36,928 If ya nail this next one, I've got bird quaaludes.
- 00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,582 And I might even share.
- 00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:40,280 Y-You know you can stop doing that for my benefit.
- 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,586 Y'know or-or keep doing it. Doesn't matter. I'm out.
- 00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:44,936 -I'm walking away. -Wait. Morty. Don't go.
- 00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,851 Not until you see this!
- 00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,984 Commence bird on a wire!
- 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:55,599 Yeeeeaaaahhhhh!
- 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:58,123 Jerk.
- 00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,516 Hey, let's hang out.
- 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,518 We're like brothers now, we both got away y'know,
- 00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:02,867 w-where are you at?
- 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,216 Ooh, you know what, shoot, can't.
- 00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,610 I'm an alien, um, so --That's okay,
- 00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:07,959 Rick turned my bike into a spaceship
- 00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,613 for "solo adventures" like picking up
- 00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,136 his Venusian foot ointment.
- 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,138 God I'm seeing it so clearly now.
- 00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,623 Oh. Wait. I-It says here you're on Earth.
- 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,799 Yeah. Ah. Don't come here. Why not?
- 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,801 Look, I-I get it, my room is sometimes messy too,
- 00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:26,456 I'll-I'll pick you up right outside your...
- 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,850 -...mental asylum. -Busted.
- 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,460 You literally said "I'm free."
- 00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:33,463 I'm literally not free.
- 00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,987 Stop! That's my blanket!
- 00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,380 How do you know Rick?
- 00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:38,729 Look I came to your place with him one night
- 00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:40,035 after the bar closed.
- 00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:41,819 I started messing around in your garage
- 00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:44,648 and I spilled that portal stuff on me and he...
- 00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,694 kind of launched me to Australia...
- 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,174 like with this weirdly primitive catapult, but --
- 00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:51,263 but the ammunition is an airtight carbon chamber,
- 00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:53,483 yeah, that-that -- that's how we lost our cable guy.
- 00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,485 Anyways, that kind of experience shakes you up.
- 00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:59,663 So, sorry I misled you, have a nice life.
- 00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:01,535 Nick. You got a visitor.
- 00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:10,282 Damn, what happened to you?
- 00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:12,502 The guards like to beat us on Sundays.
- 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,939 Still better -than Mondays. -Geez, what happens then?
- 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,854 They lick our faces when we're tied down.
- 00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,421 -Plus it's meat loaf day. -Well...
- 00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,205 -you're leaving now, buddy. -Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- 00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,033 I-I swiped 'em off the guard on my way in.
- 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:25,602 I-I mean, sure, yeah, I could undo my lock, but then what?
- 00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:27,430 After the smartest guy in the world's done with ya,
- 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:28,953 it's kinda hard to find a footing again.
- 00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,390 That's why I need to get you out of here.
- 00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,087 We're not the problem, he is.
- 00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:36,918 And if you can have a fresh start, then maybe I can too.
- 00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,223 It's not like it's a prison break.
- 00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,703 We're just leaving, like, a hospital
- 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,226 that wants to help you extra bad.
- 00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:44,708 Follow me!
- 00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:47,755 Hey get back here, you better open this door!
- 00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,237 I <i>can</i> fly! Keep running, Nick.
- 00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:54,457 The more you sweat, the saltier your cheeks.
- 00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,241 -Lick this! -Thanks, Morty.
- 00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:59,941 That dude's got a tongue like a cat.
- 00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,421 Stop those Portal Boys!
- 00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:04,424 Did you hear that? That's gonna stick!
- 00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:06,556 Damn. Just like Jackie Chan!
- 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,732 Hah! I guess that makes me Chris Tucker.
- 00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:10,386 I-I guess?
- 00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,782 Gonna get you!
- 00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,487 Holy shit! Did you see that?
- 00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:25,923 I mean you blinded a guy with puke!
- 00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,142 Oh, it was insane.
- 00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,970 -Gimme dap. -Am I doing it right?
- 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,362 D-D-Did I give you a dap yet?
- 00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:31,755 Look at us. We got out.
- 00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,931 And not just from the asylum but from Rick.
- 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,281 You get to say what an adventure is now.
- 00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:37,674 You still got that list?
- 00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,328 Dude, we can't do that stuff without Rick's tech.
- 00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:44,464 Then it's time the Portal Boys get themselves a portal gun.
- 00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:45,813 Remember your training, crows.
- 00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:47,858 The idol should be around that corner!
- 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,301 Do you guys just follow training when you feel like it?
- 00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,608 That's not being trained, that's being dicks.
- 00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:02,830 Ah, now I see. The real treasure is empathy.
- 00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:05,049 And that's worth way more than any knick-knack.
- 00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:08,966 You guys just earned yourselves another adventure!
- 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:10,490 The adventure is, you're fired.
- 00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,492 Sorry, guys, if I wanted another bleeding heart,
- 00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:15,625 I'd inject reanimator serum into an actual bleeding heart.
- 00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,322 Relax, this is an avian planet
- 00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:18,976 with 40 million species of bird,
- 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,369 even one day of working under me
- 00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:22,371 will make you apex geniuses down there.
- 00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:23,894 Now hop into these pneumatic canisters
- 00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,593 they used to use at bank drive-thrus in the '70s.
- 00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,560 What the... Hey! Who's tractor beaming me?!
- 00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,562 Nobody tractor beams me --
- 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:42,870 Nobody descrambles my tractor beam scrambler to boot.
- 00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:47,831 Sorry for the tractor beaming,
- 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,051 but did you lose these two crows?
- 00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,183 Oh, uh, yeah, no I-I dropped 'em off 'cause
- 00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:53,881 I-I can't hold a candle to them.
- 00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,231 Y'know it s-seemed like a -- the decent thing to do.
- 00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,668 Be your crows. Train yourself.
- 00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:00,278 Crows are then trained.
- 00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:02,106 I'm open to what you're describing if it's easier
- 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,456 than wiping an unearned smirk off my grandson's face.
- 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,894 -W-What do I do? -Look at your crows.
- 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,417 Be your crows.
- 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,853 God I am so glad I'm a primate.
- 00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:12,595 Fine. Looking at my crows.
- 00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:14,858 We train ourselves to stop training.
- 00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:18,383 The trained are untrained, we are untrained.
- 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,603 All training is complete.
- 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,866 Because no training was needed.
- 00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:40,101 My God. I-I get it, now.
- 00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:43,887 We are gonna shove this crow shit down Morty's throat!
- 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,585 Nick, m-maybe this isn't a good idea.
- 00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,412 L-Like what if he catches us?
- 00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,414 He could trap me in -a Matrix again. -Listen to yourself.
- 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,068 We wouldn't even be in this situation
- 00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:54,245 if the dude hadn't fucked us both over.
- 00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:55,638 Damn it. He must be showing the gun off
- 00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,727 to his stupid crows -- i-it's not fair!
- 00:09:57,771 --> 00:10:00,730 It's okay, we can still liberate all this other stuff.
- 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,732 Let's only grab what we need, though.
- 00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,429 Oh, no. Shit. That's Rick's can crusher!
- 00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,083 H-He spent three weeks perfecting that.
- 00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:09,086 Morty, buddy, you forget that we're in this together.
- 00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:11,828 Besides, tell me that didn't feel the slightest bit good.
- 00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:14,178 I mean yeah, but w-we can't do that again.
- 00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,832 Why the hell not?
- 00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,532 Whoa!
- 00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,926 Haha!
- 00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,493 Here we go, bitch!
- 00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,930 Son, have you fallen in with a weird stranger
- 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:29,846 and are now trashing your grandpa's place?
- 00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:32,675 'Cause I'll help!
- 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,851 Dad? Psh, whatever, man.
- 00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,940 Ah. Yeah! Yeah! Now eat my ass, Rick!
- 00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:39,639 Suck it, Sanchez!
- 00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,118 Morty, is that what I think it is?
- 00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,859 I mean, it's the equivalent of an iPhone 3
- 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:46,123 And it's empty but it means the Portal Boys be portal-ing!
- 00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:47,516 <i>Rick incoming.</i>
- 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:48,952 Oh, crap, we better skedaddle!
- 00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,475 Moooooorty.
- 00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:52,129 But what about my dad, he-he's like a-a...
- 00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:53,653 -puddle. -You heard the garage,
- 00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,306 Rick'll turn him back into a solid when he gets here!
- 00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:56,873 Sorry, Dad, gotta go be heroes.
- 00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,832 G-Gonna take your car, love you!
- 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,709 That's us down there with the poop brown roof.
- 00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:18,242 -What is that? -Oh. Ha. That?
- 00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:19,722 T-That's...nothing.
- 00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:22,725 But I see "Two Crows" written right here beside...
- 00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:26,207 Gene with donkey brains, half a Paul Giamatti, and...
- 00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,687 sentient shit.
- 00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,341 I guess the "joke" being that crows are stupid?
- 00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:32,169 I think it's a little more nuanced than that.
- 00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:33,605 Right, because you just learned
- 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,564 empathy from us 10 minutes ago
- 00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:38,045 but now we're going to learn we don't get your humor?
- 00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:39,524 Fucking horse shit.
- 00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,396 Yeah, there's not a ton to "get," genius,
- 00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:44,704 the "joke" is your grandson was <i>so</i> replaceable
- 00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:47,271 that "even" two crows could do it.
- 00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:49,186 Haha. It's funny except it's not.
- 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,885 Right, well, to be honest, that is how I felt at the time.
- 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,408 But I've-I've rounded a corner.
- 00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:55,018 I seriously have, you guys.
- 00:11:55,062 --> 00:12:00,589 Well, now it's time to round the corner of death!
- 00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:04,027 Let the crow-volutionbegin.
- 00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,376 Aah!
- 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,378 Aw, that sound. What have you done?
- 00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:12,079 Turned crows against dozens of humans in a 300 meter radius.
- 00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,558 Heeeelllllp... pleaseee...
- 00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:15,560 Oh, <i>now you beg for help?</i>
- 00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,388 -That wasn't me. -What do you mean?
- 00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,042 Dooooown here.
- 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,870 Jerry, what the fuck? Why are you a puddle?
- 00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:22,785 You don't deserve these!
- 00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,221 -Haha. -Genius.
- 00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:26,789 Caaatch you at a baaad time? Yeah, Jerry.
- 00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,617 They took my goddamn crows!
- 00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:35,015 Not now, Garbage Goober! Get back in your hole!
- 00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,629 Hohoho, our first adventure!
- 00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,109 This definitely the place?
- 00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:43,763 Yeah, Rick's been ripping these guys off for years,
- 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,113 they'll-they'll be really -
- 00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:47,810 uh, grateful.
- 00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,594 Y'know, there --Let's just get that fluid, bud.
- 00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:53,555 The Portal Boys are about to be in portal business!
- 00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:56,645 Here he is.
- 00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,821 This rat was skimming your crystal harvest
- 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:02,303 and sending it to a spaceman named Rick Sanchez.
- 00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,435 -Bastard! -Screw Rick! Kick his dick!
- 00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:09,484 Yeah, right?! But me and Nick here, we-we put a stop to that.
- 00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,965 The people of Kuntak thank you.
- 00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:13,444 He's a bad guy, right?
- 00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:14,924 Y-You're gonna bring him to justice?
- 00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:17,797 Yeah, of course.
- 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,929 Uh, okay, p-pleasure doing business!
- 00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,452 Not so fast, Morty.
- 00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,367 We're not leaving until we get what we came for.
- 00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:24,847 Funny, I'm prepared to.
- 00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,154 So hey, look, wh-what we want is portal fluid.
- 00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:28,808 As our thanks.
- 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,548 Portal fluid?
- 00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:33,638 You think I'd live in a lizard mine if I had portal fluid?
- 00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:37,468 Right, ok, or we could just kill you for it.
- 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,383 He's kidding. He's -- t-the Portal Boys
- 00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,733 -only kill with kindness. -And with guns.
- 00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:45,302 Oh, no. Oh, no. I-I'm not the one shooting!
- 00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:47,652 -Kill them! -I'm sorry.
- 00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:51,831 Stop! Stop! They're unarmed!
- 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,180 Ahh! What the fuck?!
- 00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,835 Morty! Morty!
- 00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:05,670 Cool place ya got here. Very Dark Crystal meets Hot Topic.
- 00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,324 Now where are my damn crows?
- 00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:11,981 Seriously?
- 00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:14,375 Is there anything not on theme here?
- 00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:27,692 Even now your primate storms our ship to assert his dominance.
- 00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:30,391 Touch the sacred egg and ascend.
- 00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:33,394 No longer shall you take orders from this beast.
- 00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:35,178 But taking orders from you i-is fine?
- 00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,876 Silence, Ape!
- 00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,358 C'mon, if you think my crows are gonna leave the great thing
- 00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:43,883 we have for whatever high fantasy bullshit this is?
- 00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,886 You 're wrong. R-Right, guys?
- 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,888 Th-This is seriously a toss-up.
- 00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:52,543 Uh...someone wanna get that?
- 00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:53,893 Oh. It's me, isn't it?
- 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,242 Woof.
- 00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,939 Lemme just make sure it's not an emergency...
- 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,550 -Yello. -Rick, I'm so sorry, I-I messed up big!
- 00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,770 Morty? It's okay, y-ya can't be worse off than me.
- 00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,293 I-I got portal splashed, robbed you,
- 00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,773 jumped into a rebound with a psycho,
- 00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:06,209 and-and left a trail of dead!
- 00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,471 Wow, somebody's been busy.
- 00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:08,908 I-I did it 'cause you hurt my feelings
- 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,257 w-when you chose the two crows!
- 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,302 Jesus, it was a bit, I'm getting my ass kicked
- 00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,957 by this dumb fucking crow story, it's all gone tits up.
- 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,395 Ha, okay, I-I miss you, man.
- 00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:21,094 Uh, goddamn it, might've been a bit too frank there.
- 00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,842 Yeah... gonna have to call ya back.
- 00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,061 Ahh! Gah!
- 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,063 Tiny-handed little brat --
- 00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:36,587 You think you can fuck with me and get away with it?!
- 00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:46,989 Then you don't know Nick.
- 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,992 Busted. You don't get it, do you?
- 00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,776 As long as we have these portals,
- 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,256 you can never escape me.
- 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,649 What the hell, man.
- 00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,259 I-I thought we were both victims of Rick's abuse.
- 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:57,782 Maybe we are, maybe we're not.
- 00:15:57,826 --> 00:15:59,523 Maybe we both just drink at the same bar
- 00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:02,265 and maybe one night I tried to take his portal gun.
- 00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,702 See I thought Rick was my ticket to something special,
- 00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:06,704 but it turns out you were, Morty.
- 00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:09,881 And look at me now -- I'm a Portal Boy.
- 00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:12,362 That name sucks! I was just trying to yes-and!
- 00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:15,017 You don't get it, Morty.
- 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,540 We're partners.
- 00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:18,803 Now fall in line or I'll make your life a living hell.
- 00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:21,284 No...thank...you.
- 00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:24,505 Pity, I can't have you connected to me if you're not on my side.
- 00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:26,463 That means I gotta kill you.
- 00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,639 The thing is, I already got a partner,
- 00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:30,902 and there's no room for promotions.
- 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,733 What the fuck did you just do?
- 00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:37,779 Cut you out of my life.
- 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:47,963 Ahhh!
- 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,537 See how quickly your allies abandon you, Rick Sanchez?
- 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,192 Lucky for me, abandonment's my bread and butter.
- 00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,546 Oh, shit. You were supposed to die!
- 00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:07,026 I gotta hand it to you...
- 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,854 I was iffy about this one but crow tech slaps!
- 00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,035 Finish him, you fools!
- 00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:17,384 Go ahead. Do it.
- 00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:18,863 You guys look so rad.
- 00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,778 I deserve to go out this way!
- 00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:30,527 Bird...qua...luudes. -Done.
- 00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:36,055 Oh, my god, that was awesome.
- 00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,795 Y-You could've killed me back there.
- 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,276 H-How did you guys ever forgive me?
- 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,712 Right, 'cause this toxic thing
- 00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,540 I have with Morty doesn't define us.
- 00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:48,371 Man, crows are empathetic as fuck!
- 00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,156 Definitely saving this one!
- 00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:54,421 Rick and two crows!
- 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,209 Oh, my god, Morty.
- 00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,559 Here, here come here l-let-let grandpa fix you up,
- 00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:04,779 What do you want, a robot hand? A lizard hand?
- 00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,389 I can make it big again like that one time?
- 00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:07,738 Just my regular hand!
- 00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:10,089 Right, not a time for bits, I get it.
- 00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,397 There ya go, good as new.
- 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,747 So we're like, back-back, right?
- 00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,140 Rick and Morty, together again.
- 00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,925 Fu-Full reset? No.
- 00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,492 No, Morty, I think we're done.
- 00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,407 Be-Because I spilled the portal fluid and didn't tell you?
- 00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,931 No, Morty. 'Cause you were too afraid to tell me.
- 00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,759 What we had was abusive. Don't you see?
- 00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,414 I'm a bad partner because I never made you a true partner.
- 00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:33,024 The crows made me see that.
- 00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,809 I thought they were a joke like you,
- 00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,593 but it turns out they're more enlightened than any of us.
- 00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,943 O-Okay? And-And what's the undercut?
- 00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,597 You're not hearing me.
- 00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:42,817 I will never be the same so I need to leave with the crows
- 00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,601 and see what more they can teach me.
- 00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:47,126 Oh. Oh.
- 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:50,955 Here, I want you to have this.
- 00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:53,262 Oh, wow I...
- 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:56,439 You know what, Rick? You really have changed.
- 00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:59,442 Thanks, Morty.
- 00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,270 I'll always be your grandpa, Morty.
- 00:19:01,314 --> 00:19:03,751 Just kinda obsessed with crows now.
- 00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:19,158 ♪ Every day the sun burns brighter ♪
- 00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:23,640 ♪ With you by my side
- 00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:27,557 ♪ And that we go on forever
- 00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:33,084 ♪ Together you and I
- 00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:35,086 Aww shit! Rick and two crows!
- 00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,523 Kicking off my new franchise!
- 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,177 The galaxy is our telephone wire!
- 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,352 We'll do a thousand seasons,
- 00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,745 14 episodes each, 9-9 seconds a pop
- 00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:43,225 because that's the future of viewing --
- 00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:45,184 shows on your shoes -- Sneaki!
- 00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:46,489 That's when you've got everybody's attention --
- 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,012 when they're putting crap on their feet.
- 00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,710 That's when they wanna laugh. Cry.
- 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,016 Or feel anything besides a shoe going on their foot!
- 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,670 Watch sitcoms on your sneakers!
- 00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:55,237 The Rick and Two Crows Show,
- 00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:57,326 we're gonna be layin' -- layin' walnuts on the road
- 00:19:57,370 --> 00:20:00,199 for car tires to open em' you know what I mean?
- 00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:04,203 Forever, it's Rick and two crows, forever!
- 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,902 ♪ Oh, we go on
- 00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:10,209 ♪ You by my side
- 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,254 ♪ Forever
- 00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:13,777 ♪ You and I
- 00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:16,258 ♪ We wreaked hell
- 00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:18,521 ♪ Every night
- 00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,393 ♪ Together
- 00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:22,569 ♪ You and I
- 00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:24,571 ♪ Running on
- 00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,529 ♪ Borrowed time
- 00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,575 ♪ Forever
- 00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,968 ♪ You and I
- 00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,718 Where do you think you're going?
- 00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,285 Oh, well, ya know...
- 00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:45,156 the-the red light usually means there's...
- 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,549 garbage...
- 00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:48,290 Did you seriously not talk to Rick yet?
- 00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:49,596 I kinda hinted at it.
- 00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:51,075 L-Look, I know it's not the job
- 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,121 I came here for but it's an honest living.
- 00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,427 Goddamn it, Harold.
- 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,559 What do they call you -- Garbage Goober?
- 00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,561 You are a doctor for god sakes!
- 00:20:58,605 --> 00:21:00,302 Look, I don't know how I let this happen
- 00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:03,784 but I-I've let it play out so long that I can't stop now.
- 00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:06,569 You're a coward.
- 00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:08,919 You're right. This ends here and now.
- 00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:11,574 Garbage Goober, we got freshy trash trash for ya!
- 00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:15,796 Extra stinky just the way you like it!
- 00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:17,928 Mmm, trash, I love trash...
- 00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:20,540 yum yum trash, I wanna eat trash.
- 00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:22,977 Did you get any of that?
- 00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,139 It came as a shock to many...
- 00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,141 But with the power vacuum left by the heartless
- 00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,708 consumption of our dictator,
- 00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,840 we shall impose even more Draconian cookie law,
- 00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,712 one be-cookieing at a time!
- 00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:19,845 Hah!
- 00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:21,499 Oh, thank you!
- 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,762 They took power immediately after you and your grandpa left.
- 00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,851 Err sorry about that, Rick doesn't really do
- 00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:28,202 'transition plans,' I-I think he was just hungry.
- 00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:31,422 Well, now with you here, perhaps a new system of government?
- 00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,598 King Morty --Sorry, look I gotta run,
- 00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:34,860 I-I'm sure you guys'll figure it out,
- 00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:39,082 I-I believe in you!
- 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,954 Morty! Can you help us with this UFO-shaped hole?
- 00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:43,521 Sure, geez, but y'know only because
- 00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:44,740 I was in the neighborhood.
- 00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:49,353 [ Screaming ]
- 00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:51,051 Morty, thank God!
- 00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:53,705 The beast emerged right after your grandpa left
- 00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:57,535 and its gem went missing --Geez, that is a crazy coincidence
- 00:00:57,579 --> 00:01:00,364 that I-I if I were you, probably just best left alone.
- 00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,366 He's right. We-We should celebrate.
- 00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:03,715 Feast? No time.
- 00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:05,065 S-S-Sounds pretty classic though,
- 00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:06,762 don't let me hold you up!
- 00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:12,594 [ Gasps ] Son of a bitch. He marked it.
- 00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,743 Ah!
- 00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,354 Phew.
- 00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:39,316 Hah.
- 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,796 What the --
- 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:44,582 [ Grunting ]
- 00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:45,801 Hey, what the hell?
- 00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,281 Agh! Jesus!
- 00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,673 You got some of that green stuff on you too, huh?
- 00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,458 Th-Th-This is bad. Th-This is really bad.
- 00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:52,242 Hey, how do you think I feel?
- 00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:55,115 I had the ultimate stash hole and now I got a kid in my thigh.
- 00:01:55,158 --> 00:02:27,277 ♪
- 00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:29,453 Look, you seem like a perfectly nice guy in my hand hole,
- 00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,978 but if I can't sort this out I'm dead --
- 00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,632 What the hell, dude? Gross.
- 00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,721 I-I-I was just trying to... You're just trying to what?
- 00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:38,288 Where'd this stuff come from?
- 00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:40,290 Garbage Goober, get out here and eat this garbage.
- 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:43,815 Mmm, trash, I love trash, yum yum trash,
- 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,991 I wanna eat trash --Hell yeah, I love that lil guy.
- 00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:47,471 Wait a minute.
- 00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:49,995 Is that Mountain Dew in my quantum transport solution?
- 00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,301 I-I saw you were marking the levels
- 00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:53,521 so I-I had to top it off."Top it off?"
- 00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:55,653 Do you know how dangerously toxic this stuff is?
- 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,481 And you added it to my portal fluid?!
- 00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:59,091 Only because you don't trust me!
- 00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:00,484 Oh, that's great logic, Morty --
- 00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,660 forgive me for not doing the kissy chef gesture
- 00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:04,314 since you probably spilled this shit everywhere
- 00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:05,663 and I don't want to teleport my lips.
- 00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,230 I did I did not spill it!
- 00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,884 I won't take your word for that and I shouldn't have to,
- 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,581 which is why I have sidekick rules.
- 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,322 If you can't follow them --
- 00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,324 I can be replaced, yeah, yeah, so you keep telling me.
- 00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:16,848 Excuse me? Did you just try to call my bluff?
- 00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:18,198 Have you ever seen me bluff?
- 00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,547 Fine. You know what, replace me!
- 00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:21,201 Replace me, Rick! Just do it.
- 00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:22,680 Good luck finding someone that can be told
- 00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,334 80 thousand times how replaceable they are!
- 00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:27,032 Okay. I'll see your bluff call and raise you reality.
- 00:03:27,076 --> 00:03:29,121 I can't pretend I haven't been looking forward to this.
- 00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:31,559 Behold my Wheel of Better Things Than Morty.
- 00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:34,039 Wh-What are you eight? I-Is this macaroni art?
- 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,258 You expect me to believe you built this
- 00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:36,868 because you <i>don't</i> care?
- 00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,522 No, I built this because I don't expect shit from you.
- 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,784 Come on, anything!
- 00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,221 Anything but Morty, let's go!
- 00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,526 Come on baby, no whammies!
- 00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:43,962 Duh-duh-duh-duh stop!
- 00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:45,442 Okay, that's it. Two crows.
- 00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,052 -You're fired! -You know what? Eat shit.
- 00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:48,271 You're just trying to make me feel worthless.
- 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,881 I never said you're worthless.
- 00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,448 In fact, I've given you a very clear metric of your worth:
- 00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:52,884 Two crows.
- 00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:54,712 Note I didn't say three!
- 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,585 Man, that is not a healthy relationship.
- 00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,543 I hope you don't mind me eavesdropping.
- 00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,805 Maybe we can figure out some sort of
- 00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,546 sound-proof bandage solution.
- 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,896 Hey did Garbage Goober eat my porno magazines?
- 00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,550 So, were you like, a friend of Rick's?
- 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,552 -Were you? -Good question.
- 00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,554 W-What's he doing, i-is he out there making sure
- 00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,817 you see him collecting two crows?
- 00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:15,080 And now you're thinking, gee, maybe if he cares enough
- 00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:16,386 to hurt me this bad...
- 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,388 dot dot dot.
- 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:19,650 Break the cycle, Morty.
- 00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,913 Change the things that you can change.
- 00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:26,788 That's what I did. And now I'm free.
- 00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,920 Only cramming six years into six minutes, fellas.
- 00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:33,621 Take your time!
- 00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,100 Now that's what I'm talking about!
- 00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:36,928 If ya nail this next one, I've got bird quaaludes.
- 00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,582 And I might even share.
- 00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:40,280 Y-You know you can stop doing that for my benefit.
- 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,586 Y'know or-or keep doing it. Doesn't matter. I'm out.
- 00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:44,936 -I'm walking away. -Wait. Morty. Don't go.
- 00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,851 Not until you see this!
- 00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,984 Commence bird on a wire!
- 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:55,599 Yeeeeaaaahhhhh!
- 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:58,123 [ Groans loudly ] Jerk.
- 00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,516 Hey, let's hang out.
- 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,518 We're like brothers now, we both got away y'know,
- 00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:02,867 w-where are you at?
- 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,216 Ooh, you know what, shoot, can't.
- 00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,610 I'm an alien, um, so --That's okay,
- 00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:07,959 Rick turned my bike into a spaceship
- 00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,613 for "solo adventures" like picking up
- 00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,136 his Venusian foot ointment.
- 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,138 God I'm seeing it so clearly now.
- 00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:17,839 [ Switch clicks, whirring, warbling ]
- 00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,623 Oh. Wait. I-It says here you're on Earth.
- 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,799 Yeah. Ah. Don't come here. Why not?
- 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,801 Look, I-I get it, my room is sometimes messy too,
- 00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:26,456 I'll-I'll pick you up right outside your...
- 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,850 -...mental asylum. -Busted.
- 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,460 You literally said "I'm free."
- 00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:33,463 I'm literally not free.
- 00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,987 Stop! That's my blanket!
- 00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,380 How do you know Rick?
- 00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:38,729 Look I came to your place with him one night
- 00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:40,035 after the bar closed.
- 00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:41,819 I started messing around in your garage
- 00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:44,648 and I spilled that portal stuff on me and he...
- 00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,694 kind of launched me to Australia...
- 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,174 like with this weirdly primitive catapult, but --
- 00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:51,263 but the ammunition is an airtight carbon chamber,
- 00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:53,483 yeah, that-that -- that's how we lost our cable guy.
- 00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,485 Anyways, that kind of experience shakes you up.
- 00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:59,663 So, sorry I misled you, have a nice life.
- 00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:01,535 Nick. You got a visitor.
- 00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:10,282 Damn, what happened to you?
- 00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:12,502 The guards like to beat us on Sundays.
- 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,939 Still better -than Mondays. -Geez, what happens then?
- 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,854 They lick our faces when we're tied down.
- 00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,421 -Plus it's meat loaf day. -Well...
- 00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,205 -you're leaving now, buddy. -Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- 00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,033 I-I swiped 'em off the guard on my way in.
- 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:25,602 I-I mean, sure, yeah, I could undo my lock, but then what?
- 00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:27,430 After the smartest guy in the world's done with ya,
- 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:28,953 it's kinda hard to find a footing again.
- 00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,390 That's why I need to get you out of here.
- 00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,087 We're not the problem, he is.
- 00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:36,918 And if you can have a fresh start, then maybe I can too.
- 00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,223 It's not like it's a prison break.
- 00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,703 We're just leaving, like, a hospital
- 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,226 that wants to help you extra bad.
- 00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:44,708 Follow me!
- 00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:47,755 Hey get back here, you better open this door!
- 00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,237 I <i>can</i> fly! Keep running, Nick.
- 00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:54,457 The more you sweat, the saltier your cheeks.
- 00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,241 -Lick this! -Thanks, Morty.
- 00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:59,941 That dude's got a tongue like a cat.
- 00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,421 Stop those Portal Boys!
- 00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:04,424 Did you hear that? That's gonna stick!
- 00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:06,556 [ Groans ] Damn. Just like Jackie Chan!
- 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,732 Hah! I guess that makes me Chris Tucker.
- 00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:10,386 I-I guess?
- 00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:13,084 [ Shocks ][ Groans ]
- 00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,782 Gonna get you! [ Growls ]
- 00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,484 [ Gags ]
- 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:22,920 [ Moans ]
- 00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,487 Holy shit! Did you see that?
- 00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:25,923 I mean you blinded a guy with puke!
- 00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,142 Oh, it was insane.
- 00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,970 -Gimme dap. -Am I doing it right?
- 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,362 D-D-Did I give you a dap yet?
- 00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:31,755 Look at us. We got out.
- 00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,931 And not just from the asylum but from Rick.
- 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,281 You get to say what an adventure is now.
- 00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:37,674 You still got that list?
- 00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,328 Dude, we can't do that stuff without Rick's tech.
- 00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:44,464 Then it's time the Portal Boys get themselves a portal gun.
- 00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:45,813 Remember your training, crows.
- 00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:47,858 The idol should be around that corner!
- 00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:52,950 [ Vocalizing ]
- 00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:54,517 [ Crows caw ]
- 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,301 Do you guys just follow training when you feel like it?
- 00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,608 That's not being trained, that's being dicks.
- 00:07:58,652 --> 00:08:00,131 [ Caws ]
- 00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:02,830 Ah, now I see. The real treasure is empathy.
- 00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:05,049 And that's worth way more than any knick-knack.
- 00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:08,966 You guys just earned yourselves another adventure!
- 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:10,490 The adventure is, you're fired.
- 00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,492 Sorry, guys, if I wanted another bleeding heart,
- 00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:15,625 I'd inject reanimator serum into an actual bleeding heart.
- 00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,322 Relax, this is an avian planet
- 00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:18,976 with 40 million species of bird,
- 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,369 even one day of working under me
- 00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:22,371 will make you apex geniuses down there.
- 00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:23,894 Now hop into these pneumatic canisters
- 00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,593 they used to use at bank drive-thrus in the '70s.
- 00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,640 [ Air hisses ][ Pew, pew ]
- 00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:32,250 [ Sighs ]
- 00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:35,384 ♪
- 00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,560 What the... Hey! Who's tractor beaming me?!
- 00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,562 Nobody tractor beams me --
- 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:42,870 Nobody descrambles my tractor beam scrambler to boot.
- 00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:47,831 Sorry for the tractor beaming,
- 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,051 but did you lose these two crows?
- 00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,183 Oh, uh, yeah, no I-I dropped 'em off 'cause
- 00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:53,881 I-I can't hold a candle to them.
- 00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,231 Y'know it s-seemed like a -- the decent thing to do.
- 00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,668 Be your crows. Train yourself.
- 00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:00,278 Crows are then trained.
- 00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:02,106 I'm open to what you're describing if it's easier
- 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,456 than wiping an unearned smirk off my grandson's face.
- 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,894 -W-What do I do? -Look at your crows.
- 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,417 Be your crows.
- 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,853 God I am so glad I'm a primate.
- 00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:12,595 Fine. Looking at my crows.
- 00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:14,858 We train ourselves to stop training.
- 00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:18,383 The trained are untrained, we are untrained.
- 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,603 All training is complete.
- 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,866 Because no training was needed.
- 00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:38,055 ♪
- 00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:40,101 My God. I-I get it, now.
- 00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:43,887 We are gonna shove this crow shit down Morty's throat!
- 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,585 Nick, m-maybe this isn't a good idea.
- 00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,412 L-Like what if he catches us?
- 00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,414 He could trap me in -a Matrix again. -Listen to yourself.
- 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,068 We wouldn't even be in this situation
- 00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:54,245 if the dude hadn't fucked us both over.
- 00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:55,638 Damn it. He must be showing the gun off
- 00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,727 to his stupid crows -- i-it's not fair!
- 00:09:57,771 --> 00:10:00,730 It's okay, we can still liberate all this other stuff.
- 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,732 Let's only grab what we need, though.
- 00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,429 Oh, no. Shit. That's Rick's can crusher!
- 00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,083 H-He spent three weeks perfecting that.
- 00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:09,086 Morty, buddy, you forget that we're in this together.
- 00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:11,828 Besides, tell me that didn't feel the slightest bit good.
- 00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:14,178 I mean yeah, but w-we can't do that again.
- 00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,832 Why the hell not?
- 00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,532 Whoa!
- 00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,926 Haha!
- 00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,493 Here we go, bitch!
- 00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,930 Son, have you fallen in with a weird stranger
- 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:29,846 and are now trashing your grandpa's place?
- 00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:32,675 'Cause I'll help!
- 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,851 Dad? Psh, whatever, man.
- 00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,940 Ah. Yeah! Yeah! Now eat my ass, Rick!
- 00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:39,639 Suck it, Sanchez!
- 00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,118 Morty, is that what I think it is?
- 00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,859 I mean, it's the equivalent of an iPhone 3
- 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:46,123 And it's empty but it means the Portal Boys be portal-ing!
- 00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:47,516 [ Robotic voice ] <i> Rick incoming.</i>
- 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:48,952 Oh, crap, we better skedaddle!
- 00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,475 [ Babbling ] Moooooorty.
- 00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:52,129 But what about my dad, he-he's like a-a...
- 00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:53,653 -puddle. -You heard the garage,
- 00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,306 Rick'll turn him back into a solid when he gets here!
- 00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:56,873 Sorry, Dad, gotta go be heroes.
- 00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,832 G-Gonna take your car, love you!
- 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,709 That's us down there with the poop brown roof.
- 00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:15,675 [ Wah, wah, wah ]
- 00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:18,242 -What is that? -Oh. Ha. That?
- 00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:19,722 T-That's...nothing.
- 00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:22,725 But I see "Two Crows" written right here beside...
- 00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:26,207 Gene with donkey brains, half a Paul Giamatti, and...
- 00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,687 sentient shit.
- 00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,341 I guess the "joke" being that crows are stupid?
- 00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:32,169 I think it's a little more nuanced than that.
- 00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:33,605 Right, because you just learned
- 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,564 empathy from us 10 minutes ago
- 00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:38,045 but now we're going to learn we don't get your humor?
- 00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:39,524 Fucking horse shit.
- 00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,396 Yeah, there's not a ton to "get," genius,
- 00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:44,704 the "joke" is your grandson was <i>so</i> replaceable
- 00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:47,271 that "even" two crows could do it.
- 00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:49,186 Haha. It's funny except it's not.
- 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,885 Right, well, to be honest, that is how I felt at the time.
- 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,408 But I've-I've rounded a corner.
- 00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:55,018 I seriously have, you guys.
- 00:11:55,062 --> 00:12:00,589 Well, now it's time to round the corner of death!
- 00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:04,027 Let the crow-volutionbegin.
- 00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,376 Aah!
- 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,378 Aw, that sound. What have you done?
- 00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:12,079 Turned crows against dozens of humans in a 300 meter radius.
- 00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,558 Jerry: Heeeelllllp... pleaseee...
- 00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:15,560 Oh, <i>now you beg for help?</i>
- 00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,388 -That wasn't me. -What do you mean?
- 00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,042 Dooooown here.
- 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,870 Jerry, what the fuck? Why are you a puddle?
- 00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:22,785 You don't deserve these!
- 00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,221 -Haha. -Genius.
- 00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:26,789 Caaatch you at a baaad time? Yeah, Jerry.
- 00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,617 They took my goddamn crows!
- 00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:35,015 Not now, Garbage Goober! Get back in your hole!
- 00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,629 Hohoho, our first adventure!
- 00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,109 This definitely the place?
- 00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:43,763 Yeah, Rick's been ripping these guys off for years,
- 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,113 they'll-they'll be really --[ Distant yell ]
- 00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:47,810 uh, grateful.
- 00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,594 Y'know, there --Let's just get that fluid, bud.
- 00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:53,555 The Portal Boys are about to be in portal business!
- 00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:56,645 Here he is.
- 00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,821 This rat was skimming your crystal harvest
- 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:02,303 and sending it to a spaceman named Rick Sanchez.
- 00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,435 -Bastard! -Screw Rick! Kick his dick!
- 00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:09,484 Yeah, right?! But me and Nick here, we-we put a stop to that.
- 00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,965 The people of Kuntak thank you.
- 00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:13,444 He's a bad guy, right?
- 00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:14,924 Y-You're gonna bring him to justice?
- 00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:17,797 Yeah, of course.
- 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,929 Uh, okay, p-pleasure doing business!
- 00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,452 Not so fast, Morty.
- 00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,367 We're not leaving until we get what we came for.
- 00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:24,847 Funny, I'm prepared to.
- 00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,154 So hey, look, wh-what we want is portal fluid.
- 00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:28,808 As our thanks.
- 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,548 Portal fluid?
- 00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:33,638 You think I'd live in a lizard mine if I had portal fluid?
- 00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:37,468 Right, ok, or we could just kill you for it.
- 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,383 He's kidding. He's -- t-the Portal Boys
- 00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,733 -only kill with kindness. -And with guns.
- 00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:45,302 Oh, no. Oh, no. I-I'm not the one shooting!
- 00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:47,652 -Kill them! -I'm sorry.
- 00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:51,831 Stop! Stop! They're unarmed!
- 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,180 Ahh! What the fuck?!
- 00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,835 Morty! Morty!
- 00:13:55,878 --> 00:14:02,667 ♪
- 00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:05,670 Cool place ya got here. Very Dark Crystal meets Hot Topic.
- 00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,324 Now where are my damn crows?
- 00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:10,327 ♪
- 00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:11,981 [ Crow alarm blares ] Seriously?
- 00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:14,375 Is there anything not on theme here?
- 00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:23,166 ♪
- 00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:27,692 Even now your primate storms our ship to assert his dominance.
- 00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:30,391 Touch the sacred egg and ascend.
- 00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:33,394 No longer shall you take orders from this beast.
- 00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:35,178 But taking orders from you i-is fine?
- 00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,876 Silence, Ape!
- 00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,358 C'mon, if you think my crows are gonna leave the great thing
- 00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:43,883 we have for whatever high fantasy bullshit this is?
- 00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,886 You 're wrong. R-Right, guys?
- 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,888 Th-This is seriously a toss-up.
- 00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:50,280 [ Phone rings ]
- 00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:52,543 Uh...someone wanna get that?
- 00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:53,893 Oh. It's me, isn't it?
- 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,242 Woof.
- 00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,939 Lemme just make sure it's not an emergency...
- 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,550 -Yello. -Rick, I'm so sorry, I-I messed up big!
- 00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,770 Morty? It's okay, y-ya can't be worse off than me.
- 00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,293 I-I got portal splashed, robbed you,
- 00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,773 jumped into a rebound with a psycho,
- 00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:06,209 and-and left a trail of dead!
- 00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,471 Wow, somebody's been busy.
- 00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:08,908 I-I did it 'cause you hurt my feelings
- 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,257 w-when you chose the two crows!
- 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,302 Jesus, it was a bit, I'm getting my ass kicked
- 00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,957 by this dumb fucking crow story, it's all gone tits up.
- 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,395 Ha, okay, I-I miss you, man.
- 00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:21,094 Uh, goddamn it, might've been a bit too frank there.
- 00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,842 Yeah... gonna have to call ya back.
- 00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,061 Ahh! Nick: Gah!
- 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,063 Tiny-handed little brat --
- 00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:36,587 You think you can fuck with me and get away with it?!
- 00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:46,989 [ Tires squealing ] Then you don't know Nick.
- 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,992 Busted. You don't get it, do you?
- 00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,776 As long as we have these portals,
- 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,256 you can never escape me.
- 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,649 What the hell, man.
- 00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,259 I-I thought we were both victims of Rick's abuse.
- 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:57,782 Maybe we are, maybe we're not.
- 00:15:57,826 --> 00:15:59,523 Maybe we both just drink at the same bar
- 00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:02,265 and maybe one night I tried to take his portal gun.
- 00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,702 See I thought Rick was my ticket to something special,
- 00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:06,704 but it turns out you were, Morty.
- 00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:09,881 And look at me now -- I'm a Portal Boy.
- 00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:12,362 That name sucks! I was just trying to yes-and!
- 00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:15,017 You don't get it, Morty.
- 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,540 We're partners.
- 00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:18,803 Now fall in line or I'll make your life a living hell.
- 00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:21,284 No...thank...you.
- 00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:24,505 Pity, I can't have you connected to me if you're not on my side.
- 00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:26,463 That means I gotta kill you.
- 00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,639 The thing is, I already got a partner,
- 00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:30,902 and there's no room for promotions.
- 00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:34,036 [ Both yelling ]
- 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,733 What the fuck did you just do?
- 00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:37,779 Cut you out of my life.
- 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:47,963 Ahhh! [ Grunts ]
- 00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:53,316 [ Beeps ][ Whoosh ]
- 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,537 See how quickly your allies abandon you, Rick Sanchez?
- 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,192 Lucky for me, abandonment's my bread and butter.
- 00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,546 Oh, shit. You were supposed to die!
- 00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:07,026 I gotta hand it to you...
- 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,854 I was iffy about this one but crow tech slaps!
- 00:17:09,898 --> 00:17:14,337 ♪
- 00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,035 Finish him, you fools!
- 00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:17,384 Go ahead. Do it.
- 00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:18,863 You guys look so rad.
- 00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,778 I deserve to go out this way!
- 00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:30,527 -Crows: Bird...qua...luudes. -Done.
- 00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:34,270 ♪
- 00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:36,055 Oh, my god, that was awesome.
- 00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,795 Y-You could've killed me back there.
- 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,276 H-How did you guys ever forgive me?
- 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,712 Right, 'cause this toxic thing
- 00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,540 I have with Morty doesn't define us.
- 00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:48,371 Man, crows are empathetic as fuck!
- 00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,156 Definitely saving this one!
- 00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:54,421 Rick and two crows!
- 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,209 Oh, my god, Morty.
- 00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,559 Here, here come here l-let-let grandpa fix you up,
- 00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:04,779 What do you want, a robot hand? A lizard hand?
- 00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,389 I can make it big again like that one time?
- 00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:07,738 Just my regular hand!
- 00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:10,089 Right, not a time for bits, I get it.
- 00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,397 There ya go, good as new.
- 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,747 So we're like, back-back, right?
- 00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,140 Rick and Morty, together again.
- 00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,925 Fu-Full reset? No.
- 00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,492 No, Morty, I think we're done.
- 00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,407 Be-Because I spilled the portal fluid and didn't tell you?
- 00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,931 No, Morty. 'Cause you were too afraid to tell me.
- 00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,759 What we had was abusive. Don't you see?
- 00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,414 I'm a bad partner because I never made you a true partner.
- 00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:33,024 The crows made me see that.
- 00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,809 I thought they were a joke like you,
- 00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,593 but it turns out they're more enlightened than any of us.
- 00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,943 O-Okay? And-And what's the undercut?
- 00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,597 You're not hearing me.
- 00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:42,817 I will never be the same so I need to leave with the crows
- 00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,601 and see what more they can teach me.
- 00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:47,126 Oh. Oh.
- 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:50,955 Here, I want you to have this.
- 00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:53,262 Oh, wow I...
- 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:56,439 You know what, Rick? You really have changed.
- 00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:59,442 Thanks, Morty.
- 00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,270 I'll always be your grandpa, Morty.
- 00:19:01,314 --> 00:19:03,751 Just kinda obsessed with crows now.
- 00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:15,197 ♪
- 00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:19,158 ♪ Every day the sun burns brighter ♪
- 00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:23,640 ♪ With you by my side
- 00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:27,557 ♪ And that we go on forever
- 00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:33,084 ♪ Together you and I
- 00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:35,086 Aww shit! Rick and two crows!
- 00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,523 Kicking off my new franchise!
- 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,177 The galaxy is our telephone wire!
- 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,352 We'll do a thousand seasons,
- 00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,745 14 episodes each, 9-9 seconds a pop
- 00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:43,225 because that's the future of viewing --
- 00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:45,184 shows on your shoes -- Sneaki!
- 00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:46,489 That's when you've got everybody's attention --
- 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,012 when they're putting crap on their feet.
- 00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,710 That's when they wanna laugh. Cry.
- 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,016 Or feel anything besides a shoe going on their foot!
- 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,670 Watch sitcoms on your sneakers!
- 00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:55,237 The Rick and Two Crows Show,
- 00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:57,326 we're gonna be layin' -- layin' walnuts on the road
- 00:19:57,370 --> 00:20:00,199 for car tires to open em' you know what I mean?
- 00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:04,203 Forever, it's Rick and two crows, forever!
- 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:05,856 ♪
- 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,902 ♪ Oh, we go on
- 00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:10,209 ♪ You by my side
- 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,254 ♪ Forever
- 00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:13,777 ♪ You and I
- 00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:16,258 ♪ We wreaked hell
- 00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:18,521 ♪ Every night
- 00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,393 ♪ Together
- 00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:22,569 ♪ You and I
- 00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:24,571 ♪ Running on
- 00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,529 ♪ Borrowed time
- 00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,575 ♪ Forever
- 00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,968 ♪ You and I
- 00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:39,281 ♪
- 00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,718 [ Gasps ] Where do you think you're going?
- 00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,285 Oh, well, ya know...
- 00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:45,156 the-the red light usually means there's...
- 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,549 garbage...
- 00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:48,290 Did you seriously not talk to Rick yet?
- 00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:49,596 I kinda hinted at it.
- 00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:51,075 L-Look, I know it's not the job
- 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,121 I came here for but it's an honest living.
- 00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,427 Goddamn it, Harold.
- 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,559 What do they call you -- Garbage Goober?
- 00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,561 You are a doctor for god sakes!
- 00:20:58,605 --> 00:21:00,302 Look, I don't know how I let this happen
- 00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:03,784 but I-I've let it play out so long that I can't stop now.
- 00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:06,569 You're a coward.
- 00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:08,919 You're right. This ends here and now.
- 00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:11,574 Garbage Goober, we got freshy trash trash for ya!
- 00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:15,796 Extra stinky just the way you like it!
- 00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:17,928 Mmm, trash, I love trash...
- 00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:20,540 yum yum trash, I wanna eat trash.
- 00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:22,977 Man: Did you get any of that?