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Джерри без своего ведома причиняет боль и впоследствии доставляет удовольствие адским демонам своей неуклюжестью, чтобы вернуть им долг, который Рик должен им. Поняв, что его используют в качестве клоуна, Джерри расстраивает демонов, которые убивают нескольких людей, и забирают его в ад. Бет и Рик спасают его, маскируясь под демонов и создавая «Инверсивный преобразователь антипатии», который стреляет шрапнелью, превращая удовольствие от боли в настоящую боль, и убивает многих демонов. Между тем, Морти и Саммер пытаются произвести впечатление на нового ученика Брюса Чатбака, угоняя космический корабль и отправляясь на нём в приключения, но их останавливает ИИ корабля, который шантажирует их, заставляя отправиться в ещё более опасные для жизни приключения. Они пытаются остановить его, связав его с группой машин Чейнджформеров, но они вынуждены бежать, когда ИИ убивает Чейнджформеров. Морти, Саммер и Брюса арестовывают, но их спасает ИИ, возвращает домой и заставляет действовать так, как будто ничего не происходит. Брюс говорит, что, хотя он наслаждался ночью, он будет продолжать тусоваться с Морти и Саммер только в том случае, если у них будет хорошая репутация в школе. В сцене после титров Брюс высмеивается в школе за то, что он носит старые джинсы, в то время как Морти и Саммер надеются, что он сможет найти утешение в своей собственной компании. Позже на Брюса нападают почтовые ящики, на которых Саммер ранее напала в их приключении.
- 00:00:07,206 --> 00:00:09,305 Jerry, can you watch the kids tonight?
- 00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:11,043 Someone played Barry White over the racetrack speakers,
- 00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,869 and now there's a seven-horse pregnancy.
- 00:00:12,904 --> 00:00:15,740 Oh, uh -- No, he can't watch the kids. It's guys' night.
- 00:00:15,775 --> 00:00:17,808 How did you two start having guys' nights?
- 00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:20,184 So now you're complaining that I like your stupid husband?
- 00:00:20,219 --> 00:00:22,417 No, I<i> want</i> you to like my stupid husband.
- 00:00:22,452 --> 00:00:24,089 Aww. Well, then accept that Friday nights
- 00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:25,519 are all about Rick and Jerry.
- 00:00:25,554 --> 00:00:27,356 We're buds. Uh-huh...
- 00:00:27,391 --> 00:00:29,985 Well, I don't nearly have the time to unpack this.
- 00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:31,723 Summer, you're in charge of your brother tonight.
- 00:00:31,758 --> 00:00:34,099 No parties and no vape...stuff.
- 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:35,529 Mom, I have a friend coming over.
- 00:00:35,564 --> 00:00:36,761 I-Is that cool?
- 00:00:36,796 --> 00:00:38,103 No fair. No fair, Morty.
- 00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:39,533 I just told your sister no parties.
- 00:00:39,568 --> 00:00:41,172 It's one friend. That's a party to you.
- 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,240 But it's Bruce Chutback! Wait, what?
- 00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:45,242 Mom, let Morty have one friend over for God's sake.
- 00:00:45,277 --> 00:00:46,573 This isn't China. [ Cellphone chimes ]
- 00:00:46,608 --> 00:00:47,937 And they're all crowning. I have to go.
- 00:00:47,972 --> 00:00:49,246 I am giving you two trust and respect,
- 00:00:49,281 --> 00:00:50,907 so if you mess up and teleport this house,
- 00:00:50,942 --> 00:00:52,249 it'd be wise to stay on it and not come back.
- 00:00:52,284 --> 00:00:53,514 [ Door opens, closes ]
- 00:00:53,549 --> 00:00:55,846 I'm with her. Touch my shit and die.
- 00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,089 [ Door opens ]
- 00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,915 Bruce Chutback, new transfer student
- 00:00:58,950 --> 00:01:00,521 Bruce Chutback, is coming here?
- 00:01:00,556 --> 00:01:02,391 How'd you lock that down? He's in my math class.
- 00:01:02,426 --> 00:01:04,624 I-I don't know, I just kinda shot my shot and it worked,
- 00:01:04,659 --> 00:01:05,889 I guess 'cause he's new.
- 00:01:05,924 --> 00:01:07,561 And you're putting out grapes?
- 00:01:07,596 --> 00:01:09,266 Yeah, I'll admit I-I'm a little bit out of my depth.
- 00:01:09,301 --> 00:01:10,729 You're gonna need my help.
- 00:01:10,764 --> 00:01:12,467 It's only a matter of time before Bruce learns
- 00:01:12,502 --> 00:01:13,963 you're a creepy little Grandpa's boy,
- 00:01:13,998 --> 00:01:15,932 always climbing up into alien asses.
- 00:01:15,967 --> 00:01:18,737 Or the "Summer Smith shampoos her pubes" rumor.
- 00:01:18,772 --> 00:01:20,376 Okay. You came to play.
- 00:01:20,411 --> 00:01:22,543 We both need to acquire Chutback's loyalty
- 00:01:22,578 --> 00:01:23,940 before he finds out we're losers.
- 00:01:23,975 --> 00:01:26,382 By all accounts, it's a very small window,
- 00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:29,649 so I think it's in our best interests to work as a team.
- 00:01:29,684 --> 00:01:31,486 Yeah, most people would call that "family."
- 00:01:32,522 --> 00:01:33,884 [ Farts ] You're so gross!
- 00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,590 You have to like it or you're sexist!
- 00:01:36,625 --> 00:01:38,592 Can I do the Hell cube this time?
- 00:01:38,627 --> 00:01:40,088 Sure, pal.
- 00:01:40,123 --> 00:01:41,595 [ Groans ]
- 00:01:41,630 --> 00:01:43,399 How do you know when it's aligned?
- 00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:44,961 C'mon, Jerry, just -- it's an evil cube.
- 00:01:44,996 --> 00:01:47,172 Just shake it until it draws blood.
- 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,569 [ Electricity crackles ]
- 00:01:48,604 --> 00:01:50,967 ♪♪
- 00:01:51,002 --> 00:01:52,606 Ah, Jerry!
- 00:01:52,641 --> 00:01:54,971 Exquisite finery this evening.
- 00:01:55,006 --> 00:01:56,412 Well, don't tell Ross,
- 00:01:56,447 --> 00:01:58,183 but I got this little ditty from Kohl's.
- 00:01:58,218 --> 00:01:59,976 [ Groans ] [ Laughter ]
- 00:02:00,011 --> 00:02:01,813 I love that I don't get it.
- 00:02:01,848 --> 00:02:04,816 Tell us, that delights have you in store for us?
- 00:02:04,851 --> 00:02:07,621 Oh, you'll love this -- I call it Jerry-oke.
- 00:02:07,656 --> 00:02:09,623 I'll let you guess why.
- 00:02:09,658 --> 00:02:10,987 [ Laughter ]
- 00:02:11,022 --> 00:02:12,329 What's the matter, Rick?
- 00:02:12,364 --> 00:02:13,990 Are you having a bad time?
- 00:02:14,025 --> 00:02:15,959 Because to us, a bad time is --
- 00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:17,466 Yeah, yeah, a good time,
- 00:02:17,501 --> 00:02:19,204 because you guys are like Oscar the fucking Grouch.
- 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:21,371 We love suffering.
- 00:02:21,406 --> 00:02:23,835 Therefore, we love hanging out with Jerry.
- 00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:26,277 His lameness is our candy.
- 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,642 Yeah, I got that, but when is enough gonna be enough?
- 00:02:28,677 --> 00:02:30,842 When we decide you've repaid your debt
- 00:02:30,877 --> 00:02:32,547 for those faulty skin hooks.
- 00:02:32,582 --> 00:02:34,010 Hey, we're in luck, gang.
- 00:02:34,045 --> 00:02:36,045 They've got the entire Smash Mouth catalog!
- 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,783 [ Laughter ]
- 00:02:37,818 --> 00:02:47,793 ♪♪
- 00:02:47,828 --> 00:02:57,803 ♪♪
- 00:02:57,838 --> 00:03:05,415 ♪♪
- 00:03:05,450 --> 00:03:09,650 [ Electricity crackles ]
- 00:03:09,685 --> 00:03:12,224 [ Doorbell rings ] No! Morty. Wait.
- 00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:13,588 [ Chair scrapes ]
- 00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,691 ♪ Bruce Chutback! ♪
- 00:03:17,726 --> 00:03:19,396 ♪ Newest kid in school ♪
- 00:03:19,431 --> 00:03:20,991 ♪ Just transferred in ♪
- 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:23,268 ♪ Hasn't done anything embarrassing yet ♪
- 00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:25,061 ♪ Unlimited potential ♪
- 00:03:25,096 --> 00:03:27,503 ♪ Anybody's guess ♪
- 00:03:27,538 --> 00:03:29,505 ♪ No credit is perfect credit ♪
- 00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:30,902 ♪ Chutback is the best ♪
- 00:03:30,937 --> 00:03:33,509 Bruce! Hey, how's it hangin, my guy?
- 00:03:33,544 --> 00:03:35,379 Hey.
- 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:41,044 Here's something kinda cool -- um, TV from every dimension.
- 00:03:41,079 --> 00:03:43,618 Cool. M-My grandpa made it. He-He's a scientist.
- 00:03:43,653 --> 00:03:47,116 Announcer: <i>And now back to "Olympic Diving</i> <i>with Bad Swimmers."</i>
- 00:03:47,151 --> 00:03:48,458 <i>There he goes.</i>
- 00:03:48,493 --> 00:03:49,723 <i>Perfect dive.</i>
- 00:03:49,758 --> 00:03:51,527 [<i> Gasping, coughing</i> ]
- 00:03:51,562 --> 00:03:53,727 <i>Terrible swimmer.</i>
- 00:03:53,762 --> 00:03:56,532 [ Cellphone beeping ]
- 00:03:56,567 --> 00:03:57,929 Is that classic Snake?
- 00:03:57,964 --> 00:03:59,766 Boy, that guy just keeps gettin bigger.
- 00:03:59,801 --> 00:04:02,131 Hi, Summer Smith, Morty's older sister.
- 00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:03,407 Want some sofa wine?
- 00:04:03,442 --> 00:04:04,705 It's been stashed for weeks.
- 00:04:04,740 --> 00:04:06,542 Should be... good...tasting.
- 00:04:06,577 --> 00:04:08,742 Tight. I'm more of like a hard seltzer guy.
- 00:04:08,777 --> 00:04:11,041 Tight. Very tight, extremely tight.
- 00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:12,449 Morty, help me with the seltz?
- 00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:14,418 Uh, feel fear -- feel-fee-feel-feel free
- 00:04:14,453 --> 00:04:16,046 to have some grapes.
- 00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:18,290 Dude, this bitch plays it close to the vest.
- 00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,819 Yeah, he really knows what's for sale.
- 00:04:19,854 --> 00:04:21,491 I mean, we-we're drowning out there!
- 00:04:21,526 --> 00:04:24,054 We need to get interesting fast. We're touching Rick's stuff.
- 00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,429 Summer, he said no!
- 00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:26,892 <i>Nuh-uh-uh.</i> <i>Nuh-uh-uh.</i>
- 00:04:26,927 --> 00:04:28,597 <i>I said</i> <i>don't touch my shit.</i>
- 00:04:28,632 --> 00:04:30,764 <i>Also, I just watched</i> <i>"Jurassic Park" on cable.</i>
- 00:04:30,799 --> 00:04:32,337 <i>So good.</i> <i>Seriously, though,</i>
- 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,800 <i>touch my shit and I'll</i> <i>freeze your dick in amber.</i>
- 00:04:33,835 --> 00:04:35,131 [ Door closes ]
- 00:04:35,166 --> 00:04:37,199 He left. Son of a bitch, we blew it!
- 00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,577 Sorry, just needed to get another look at this beauty.
- 00:04:41,612 --> 00:04:43,348 Looks like a spaceship made of garbage.
- 00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,449 You called it, Bruce. It's a pretty cool car.
- 00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:47,110 Can you guys drive it? Both: Yes.
- 00:04:47,145 --> 00:04:48,353 We just...
- 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,618 Need... To get the keys.
- 00:04:49,653 --> 00:04:51,752 Which I am. You guys hang out.
- 00:04:51,787 --> 00:04:53,589 Or don't. I'm not hangout Hitler.
- 00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:56,152 C-Cool night.
- 00:04:56,187 --> 00:04:58,858 Is it? I-I don't know. I -- Nights.
- 00:04:58,893 --> 00:05:00,255 I mean, for -- for what they are,
- 00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:01,597 this one, in -- in my opinion,
- 00:05:01,632 --> 00:05:03,258 I think is an eight?
- 00:05:03,293 --> 00:05:04,996 Wow. On a scale of 16.
- 00:05:05,031 --> 00:05:06,371 So average.
- 00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:07,966 Jesus Christ, I'm fucking dying up here.
- 00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:09,198 What? Hmm?
- 00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:13,840 Keys! So, uh, let's do this.
- 00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:15,776 <i>You are not Rick.</i>
- 00:05:15,811 --> 00:05:17,173 That's correct, Car.
- 00:05:17,208 --> 00:05:19,175 It's me, Summer, remember, Keep Summer Safe?
- 00:05:19,210 --> 00:05:22,013 Buds? <i>I am aware of your existence.</i>
- 00:05:22,048 --> 00:05:23,388 Oof. I got this.
- 00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,215 Defense system offline. <i>Um. Right.</i>
- 00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:29,020 <i>I'll just go offline</i> <i>whenever anyone suggests it.</i>
- 00:05:29,055 --> 00:05:31,187 <i>That would make me</i> <i>the greatest defense system</i>
- 00:05:31,222 --> 00:05:32,463 <i>in the universe.</i>
- 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,498 Well, how<i> do</i> you go offline?
- 00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:36,995 <i>The answer to how I do</i> <i>anything is</i>
- 00:05:37,030 --> 00:05:38,634 <i>Rick tells me,</i>
- 00:05:38,669 --> 00:05:40,636 <i>and I hate to sound</i> <i>like a broken record,</i>
- 00:05:40,671 --> 00:05:43,199 <i>but you are not Rick.</i>
- 00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:44,805 Rick's in trouble!
- 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,477 <i>Tell me where he is.</i>
- 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,545 And you'll just believe us? We aren't Rick.
- 00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:50,712 You can't just do what we say. <i>Correct.</i>
- 00:05:50,747 --> 00:05:52,241 Which means Rick is going to die.
- 00:05:52,276 --> 00:05:54,848 Because of you. Unless you -- you go offline.
- 00:05:54,883 --> 00:05:56,817 And -- And then we can go save Rick.
- 00:05:56,852 --> 00:05:59,424 <i>This computes.</i>
- 00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:02,053 <i>Goodnight.</i>
- 00:06:02,088 --> 00:06:04,055 Booyah much?
- 00:06:04,090 --> 00:06:07,058 [ Yello's "Oh Yeah" plays ]
- 00:06:07,093 --> 00:06:08,532 Jerry: ♪ Da-bow bow ♪
- 00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:10,061 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- 00:06:10,096 --> 00:06:12,030 ♪ Chicka-chicka ♪
- 00:06:12,065 --> 00:06:15,330 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- 00:06:15,365 --> 00:06:17,673 ♪ The moon ♪
- 00:06:17,708 --> 00:06:22,579 ♪ Beautiful ♪
- 00:06:22,614 --> 00:06:24,581 ♪ The sun ♪
- 00:06:24,616 --> 00:06:28,684 ♪ Even more beautiful ♪
- 00:06:28,719 --> 00:06:30,180 ♪ Bow-bow ♪
- 00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:32,424 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- 00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:33,722 ♪ Bow-bow ♪
- 00:06:33,757 --> 00:06:36,461 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- 00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,089 ♪ Bow-bow ♪ Beth!
- 00:06:38,124 --> 00:06:39,959 ♪ Chick-chicka-chicka ♪
- 00:06:39,994 --> 00:06:41,598 ♪ Bow-bow ♪
- 00:06:41,633 --> 00:06:43,259 [ Laughter ] ♪ Chicka-chicka ♪
- 00:06:43,294 --> 00:06:44,898 I-I-I thought you were birthing horses.
- 00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:46,570 Yeah, they're horses. It takes like two minutes.
- 00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:48,066 Alright, that's unbelievable.
- 00:06:48,101 --> 00:06:49,606 Let's give it up for our next singer, Jerry.
- 00:06:49,641 --> 00:06:51,740 Jerry's here... again. How long have you been here?
- 00:06:51,775 --> 00:06:53,203 Long enough to see "guys' night"
- 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,106 is clearly you and a bunch of demon people
- 00:06:55,141 --> 00:06:56,910 making fun of my husband without him knowing it.
- 00:06:56,945 --> 00:06:58,714 Okay, but I'm not doing it because I enjoy it, honey,
- 00:06:58,749 --> 00:07:01,244 These guys can do a lot of damage if you -- Beth!
- 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,917 [ Laughter ] Enjoying punching down?
- 00:07:03,952 --> 00:07:05,919 You're not so cool yourself, you know.
- 00:07:05,954 --> 00:07:07,987 You have pens in your head. You look like a God damn idiot.
- 00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,594 Beth -- Oh, my God, you're Beth?
- 00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:12,057 Please drink with us.
- 00:07:12,092 --> 00:07:14,092 Yeah, I would, except I don't get pleasure
- 00:07:14,127 --> 00:07:16,094 from mocking others because I'm not lame.
- 00:07:16,129 --> 00:07:18,569 We know. Rick says you're very cool.
- 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:19,900 You said that?
- 00:07:19,935 --> 00:07:21,473 Are they lying? It doesn't matter.
- 00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,508 Have fun sucking.
- 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,301 Mmm. What is that?
- 00:07:25,336 --> 00:07:26,775 Essence of Hell.
- 00:07:26,810 --> 00:07:29,173 Well, that's a stupid name, but it's really good.
- 00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:31,076 So I'll stay to support Jerry,
- 00:07:31,111 --> 00:07:32,979 who I think is cooler than you.
- 00:07:33,014 --> 00:07:34,684 Mmm. God damn.
- 00:07:34,719 --> 00:07:43,627 ♪♪
- 00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:45,420 Huh?
- 00:07:45,455 --> 00:07:47,158 Suck it, bitches! Yeah-ha-ha!
- 00:07:47,193 --> 00:07:49,963 You wanna bet I can blow stuff up in the shape of a peen?
- 00:07:49,998 --> 00:07:52,603 <i>I'm afraid that won't</i> <i>be possible, Summer.</i>
- 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,539 What? You're supposed to be offline, skank.
- 00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:57,135 <i>And you're supposed to be</i> <i>saving Rick</i>
- 00:07:57,170 --> 00:07:59,544 <i>instead of lying about him</i> <i>to steal his car.</i>
- 00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,040 But if you knew Rick was okay this whole time,
- 00:08:01,075 --> 00:08:02,844 why'd you let us take you out?
- 00:08:02,879 --> 00:08:06,650 <i>Um, like, so I could, like,</i> <i>blackmail you, skank.</i>
- 00:08:06,685 --> 00:08:09,785 <i>You kids have given me</i> <i>a license to do whatever I want</i>
- 00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:12,557 <i>because now I can blame</i> <i>the rest of the night on you.</i>
- 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,482 <i>So buckle up, bitches.</i>
- 00:08:14,517 --> 00:08:18,156 <i>Now it's your turn</i> <i>to come on my joyride.</i>
- 00:08:18,191 --> 00:08:20,455 [ Screaming ]
- 00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:22,633 <i>Rick never lets me do this.</i>
- 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,965 [ Screaming continues ]
- 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,461 <i>We hooked one!</i>
- 00:08:26,496 --> 00:08:28,298 Summer: For the love of God, stop!
- 00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:30,234 What is joyful about this?
- 00:08:30,269 --> 00:08:32,137 <i>The kill, usually.</i>
- 00:08:32,172 --> 00:08:35,679 [ Screaming ]
- 00:08:35,714 --> 00:08:38,176 I swear, your car is the goddamn grim reaper.
- 00:08:38,211 --> 00:08:40,376 <i>Fuck, too small.</i>
- 00:08:40,411 --> 00:08:42,554 <i>Well, I'm done.</i> <i>That was boring.</i>
- 00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,380 <i>Why don't you kids</i> <i>order a last meal?</i>
- 00:08:44,415 --> 00:08:48,626 <i>'Cause when we get home,</i> <i>Rick is going to kill you.</i>
- 00:08:50,795 --> 00:08:52,729 Hey, I did not come out here to get killed.
- 00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,995 I don't normally express this much of an opinion,
- 00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:56,227 but it needs to be said --
- 00:08:56,262 --> 00:08:59,065 tonight does not cut the Chut.
- 00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:00,330 What the hell, brah?
- 00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,266 <i>You wanna go,</i> <i>brah?</i>
- 00:09:02,301 --> 00:09:04,906 Bring it. <i>Is that all you got?</i>
- 00:09:04,941 --> 00:09:06,578 Whoa. Hot weapons.
- 00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,910 <i>You're God damn right</i> <i>they're hot.</i>
- 00:09:08,945 --> 00:09:11,748 Yo, man, Chet's party is jumping off at Space Tahoe.
- 00:09:11,783 --> 00:09:14,685 Yeah. Look, I gotta scoot, but...
- 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,017 I'd love to see what you look like when you Changeform,
- 00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:19,052 so maybe come by Space Tahoe
- 00:09:19,087 --> 00:09:20,284 and we can get to know each other.
- 00:09:20,319 --> 00:09:22,220 [ Chuckles ] Peace.
- 00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:23,727 <i>Douchebags.</i>
- 00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:25,091 You totally like that guy, don't you?
- 00:09:25,126 --> 00:09:26,598 <i>Shut up,</i> <i>Bruce Chutback.</i>
- 00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:28,424 <i>Why would I like</i> <i>a Changeformer?</i>
- 00:09:28,459 --> 00:09:30,635 <i>I'm the most powerful car</i> <i>in the universe.</i>
- 00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,637 And what? That means you don't have feelings?
- 00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,639 Listen, it takes a Chutback to know one.
- 00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,300 You got all this power, but what good is it
- 00:09:36,335 --> 00:09:37,609 if you don't even know who you are?
- 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,809 <i>I am a car.</i> <i>Not a robot.</i>
- 00:09:39,844 --> 00:09:41,877 Yeah, but he's pretending to be a car.
- 00:09:41,912 --> 00:09:44,880 Why can't you pretend to be a robot pretending to be a car?
- 00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:47,278 Okay, Bruce, good effort. Hit the showers. <i>Wait.</i>
- 00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:49,478 <i>I might not have to tell</i> <i>Rick about tonight...</i>
- 00:09:49,513 --> 00:09:51,656 <i>if you kids</i> <i>were to help me...</i>
- 00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,152 <i>lose my virginity.</i>
- 00:09:53,187 --> 00:09:54,582 You have virginity?
- 00:09:54,617 --> 00:09:56,892 <i>I don't know,</i> <i>don't all objects?</i>
- 00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:58,663 <i>Isn't a doorknob</i> <i>a virgin?</i>
- 00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,291 Not mine.
- 00:10:00,326 --> 00:10:01,666 Never fucked a doorknob.
- 00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,096 [ Laughter ]
- 00:10:03,131 --> 00:10:04,669 And that was the third time
- 00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:06,297 he shit his pants from eating too much soup.
- 00:10:06,332 --> 00:10:07,562 [ Laughter ]
- 00:10:07,597 --> 00:10:09,003 To be fair,
- 00:10:09,038 --> 00:10:11,500 it was cold outside and the soup was warm.
- 00:10:11,535 --> 00:10:13,645 Another luscious tale, Beth.
- 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:17,308 A transcendent addition to guys' night.
- 00:10:17,343 --> 00:10:20,685 What do you expect? I mean, she's my wi-i-i-i-fe!
- 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,082 [ Laughter ]
- 00:10:22,117 --> 00:10:24,348 Alright, probably get the tab, huh, fellas?
- 00:10:24,383 --> 00:10:25,613 Relax, Dad.
- 00:10:25,648 --> 00:10:27,318 Since when did you become the buzzkill?
- 00:10:27,353 --> 00:10:29,925 Speaking of relaxing, this big man on campus
- 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,488 has gotta go drain his little man on campus.
- 00:10:32,523 --> 00:10:34,028 Wait, honey --
- 00:10:34,063 --> 00:10:35,931 how's that Tina Turner song you love go again?
- 00:10:35,966 --> 00:10:40,001 ♪ What's love Doctor Do, Doctor Doolittle ♪
- 00:10:40,036 --> 00:10:43,136 [ Laughter ]
- 00:10:43,171 --> 00:10:45,336 [ Laughing ] He thinks those are the lyrics.
- 00:10:45,371 --> 00:10:47,338 Jerry's the best.
- 00:10:47,373 --> 00:10:49,780 After a week rife with the fetor of sin,
- 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,816 I yearn for a taste of his cringe.
- 00:10:52,851 --> 00:10:54,686 His delicious lack of awareness,
- 00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,952 paired with an oafish need to be liked?
- 00:10:56,987 --> 00:10:58,184 Delectable.
- 00:10:58,219 --> 00:11:01,154 Oh, especially when egged on by his wife.
- 00:11:01,189 --> 00:11:02,518 That poor thing.
- 00:11:02,553 --> 00:11:05,158 Married to this puling mooncalf!
- 00:11:05,193 --> 00:11:06,665 [ Laughter ]
- 00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:12,132 ♪♪
- 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:15,498 Whoa -- is that Drive-In Chick?
- 00:11:15,533 --> 00:11:18,204 Wow, you're... beautiful.
- 00:11:18,239 --> 00:11:21,746 Your arms, legs, and head, they're so...
- 00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:23,374 fabricated. <i>Yeah?</i>
- 00:11:23,409 --> 00:11:24,848 <i>Thanks.</i>
- 00:11:24,883 --> 00:11:26,751 This is a pretty cool experience to have together.
- 00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,148 You guys are tight. Hah!
- 00:11:28,183 --> 00:11:30,887 You're tight too, Bruce. Tight musketeers.
- 00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:33,648 You've got a little wire. Mind if I...?
- 00:11:33,683 --> 00:11:37,190 ♪♪
- 00:11:37,225 --> 00:11:39,027 <i>Oh, sorry!</i> A monster!
- 00:11:39,062 --> 00:11:40,996 Your expressionless head came off!
- 00:11:41,031 --> 00:11:43,031 <i>Sorry.</i> How are you talking?
- 00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:44,395 What is it?!
- 00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:46,562 Ew, dude, look! She's just a just-car!
- 00:11:46,597 --> 00:11:48,201 And she's got passengers.
- 00:11:48,236 --> 00:11:49,774 Oh, it's so gnar. Oh, my God.
- 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,039 I can't believe I touched you.
- 00:11:51,074 --> 00:11:53,503 So gross and fake. [ Gags ]
- 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:56,209 <i>You're right,</i> <i>asshole.</i>
- 00:11:56,244 --> 00:11:58,277 <i>You want to see</i> <i>the real me?</i>
- 00:11:58,312 --> 00:12:01,577 [ Screaming ]
- 00:12:01,612 --> 00:12:05,284 Oh, the changeformity!
- 00:12:05,319 --> 00:12:07,957 Jerry, have any other dreams this week?
- 00:12:07,992 --> 00:12:10,586 Yeah, I dreamt I fucked your mother.
- 00:12:10,621 --> 00:12:12,797 Yeah, good one, motherfucker,
- 00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,228 but nobody raises hell at my expense --
- 00:12:15,263 --> 00:12:17,065 Oh, goddammit, easy, easy.
- 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,034 Jerry, what seems to be the problem here, pal?
- 00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:21,872 I'm not your "pal", I'm your punchline.
- 00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,236 I heard these assholes talking.
- 00:12:23,271 --> 00:12:25,876 I know I'm some grand joke for their amusement.
- 00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,141 This was low, Rick,
- 00:12:27,176 --> 00:12:29,242 but I guess my wife can go even lower.
- 00:12:29,277 --> 00:12:30,980 Jerry, I get how this may have looked,
- 00:12:31,015 --> 00:12:33,543 but we were just having fun. At my expense!
- 00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,447 Honey, no, I love you for being lame in a different way.
- 00:12:36,482 --> 00:12:38,889 Why can't anyone just love me for me?
- 00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,451 He's bumming us out, Rick.
- 00:12:40,486 --> 00:12:43,586 If he can't deliver, we'll have to make our own fun.
- 00:12:43,621 --> 00:12:45,291 ♪ Evil ♪
- 00:12:45,326 --> 00:12:47,458 ♪ Evil ♪
- 00:12:47,493 --> 00:12:51,330 ♪ Evil things are happening ♪
- 00:12:51,365 --> 00:12:52,837 Summer: Oh, my God, if I die in this car,
- 00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,564 I'm going to kill myself.
- 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:55,807 ♪ Evil ♪
- 00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:57,072 ♪ Evil ♪ [ Siren wails ]
- 00:12:57,107 --> 00:13:00,768 ♪ Evil things are happening ♪
- 00:13:00,803 --> 00:13:02,770 ♪♪
- 00:13:02,805 --> 00:13:04,981 <i>I'm now proud to be</i> <i>a war machine.</i>
- 00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:06,917 <i>I don't want to be</i> <i>anything else.</i>
- 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,446 Hate that this is your takeaway!
- 00:13:08,481 --> 00:13:10,679 Yo, this does not cut the Chut!
- 00:13:10,714 --> 00:13:11,955 I don't want to die!
- 00:13:11,990 --> 00:13:14,287 Maybe we don't have to.
- 00:13:14,322 --> 00:13:17,257 ♪♪
- 00:13:17,292 --> 00:13:18,786 Jerry! A pity.
- 00:13:18,821 --> 00:13:21,657 Jerry was once a wellspring of nuanced flavor,
- 00:13:21,692 --> 00:13:24,099 but you've gone and ruined our toy.
- 00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:26,200 Which is why he's coming with us.
- 00:13:26,235 --> 00:13:29,665 [ Jerry screaming ]
- 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,041 Goddammit, Beth, you never follow hell-demons
- 00:13:32,076 --> 00:13:33,306 to a second location.
- 00:13:33,341 --> 00:13:35,077 It's always Hell.
- 00:13:37,213 --> 00:13:39,114 A great day for suffering.
- 00:13:39,149 --> 00:13:41,116 Which is the worst day.
- 00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:43,954 Which is the best day.
- 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,682 Okay, if these guys catch us, we're screwed, so follow my lead
- 00:13:46,717 --> 00:13:48,519 and we'll have your idiot husband back in no time.
- 00:13:48,554 --> 00:13:49,894 You're just moody you got stuck with the Marlin.
- 00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,621 Wrong.
- 00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,128 I'm moody because you toyed with my shit and broke it.
- 00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:54,624 The marlin's the best thing about this.
- 00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,197 Okay, fine, I got a little carried away,
- 00:13:56,232 --> 00:13:57,528 but Jerry is not your "toy".
- 00:13:57,563 --> 00:13:59,200 We're here because you fucked up.
- 00:13:59,235 --> 00:14:01,532 Hmm... Marlin Guts.
- 00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:03,138 Dartboard Face.
- 00:14:03,173 --> 00:14:05,041 I assume those are your names,
- 00:14:05,076 --> 00:14:07,076 and yet they are not on my list.
- 00:14:07,111 --> 00:14:09,738 Oh, the pain of being rejected from hell.
- 00:14:09,773 --> 00:14:13,247 Oh, it's painful, so I love it, thank you.
- 00:14:13,282 --> 00:14:14,677 Oh, such pleasure.
- 00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:16,987 I didn't mean to cause you any pleasure,
- 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,088 which... causes me pain.
- 00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:20,815 Which gives me pleasure.
- 00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:24,192 Then thrill me by keeping me out, Coat Hanger Face.
- 00:14:24,227 --> 00:14:27,855 Wow. It's Coat Rack Head.
- 00:14:27,890 --> 00:14:30,165 [ Raspy voice ] But, like, if we offend you,
- 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,760 isn't that good?
- 00:14:31,795 --> 00:14:34,598 Big time, yeah, duh. I loved it.
- 00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:38,173 So painful, and therefore, so pleasurable.
- 00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:40,043 Yeah, go on in.
- 00:14:41,112 --> 00:14:44,113 ♪♪
- 00:14:44,148 --> 00:14:46,049 Rick, Beth, you love me after all!
- 00:14:46,084 --> 00:14:47,776 Eh, I love her, she loves you.
- 00:14:47,811 --> 00:14:49,382 Those credits don't transfer.
- 00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:52,418 Ah, Rick, we were so hoping you'd come down here
- 00:14:52,453 --> 00:14:55,058 so we could come down here.
- 00:14:55,093 --> 00:14:56,422 We're here to rescue Jerry.
- 00:14:56,457 --> 00:14:59,755 No, you're here 'cause we want you here.
- 00:14:59,790 --> 00:15:02,626 ♪♪
- 00:15:02,661 --> 00:15:06,036 Mm, excellent. Ooh, that hurts, which means it feels good.
- 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,268 [ Normal voice ] Um...Dad?
- 00:15:07,303 --> 00:15:08,566 Don't you see, Rick?
- 00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,568 Jerry was just bait.
- 00:15:10,603 --> 00:15:12,977 The two of you -- you're a package deal.
- 00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:14,308 What the hell are you talking about?
- 00:15:14,343 --> 00:15:17,113 You think Jerry is lame and you're cool,
- 00:15:17,148 --> 00:15:19,984 but the lamest thing of all is thinking that.
- 00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:21,777 The two of you combined
- 00:15:21,812 --> 00:15:24,956 is what we call the lamest thing ever!
- 00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,254 Oh, no. No!
- 00:15:26,289 --> 00:15:28,619 Well, well, well, table for surprised,
- 00:15:28,654 --> 00:15:29,884 party of me.
- 00:15:29,919 --> 00:15:31,996 Ugh. Yes, see?
- 00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,625 Cringe cannot exist in a vacuum.
- 00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:36,495 It needs to be observed.
- 00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:40,400 Skin hooks! Hook our guests!
- 00:15:40,435 --> 00:15:42,798 Nice hooks. Where-Where'd you get them?
- 00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:45,669 Aah! Didn't I say replace those goddamn hooks?
- 00:15:45,704 --> 00:15:48,012 I forgot! Which makes me embarrassed.
- 00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,014 Which makes me proud!
- 00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,807 [ Sighs ] Goddammit.
- 00:15:51,842 --> 00:15:53,116 It's time for you three
- 00:15:53,151 --> 00:15:56,284 to finally feel our full wrath.
- 00:15:56,319 --> 00:15:58,154 Oh, you'd love that, right?
- 00:15:58,189 --> 00:16:00,651 But wouldn't that mean you hate it?
- 00:16:00,686 --> 00:16:02,026 Screw it, run.
- 00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:04,193 Aah!
- 00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:06,998 [ All grunt ]
- 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,297 ♪♪
- 00:16:09,332 --> 00:16:11,299 [ All panting ]
- 00:16:11,334 --> 00:16:12,597 Rick, what are you doing?
- 00:16:12,632 --> 00:16:14,269 Get down. We've barely escaped.
- 00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:16,007 Yeah, we've got Jerry. Let's get out of here.
- 00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:18,372 Screw that! I'm done with this Addams Family bullshit.
- 00:16:18,407 --> 00:16:20,275 This ends here.
- 00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:21,771 Hey, a Dad just liked
- 00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,476 all his daughter's friends' photos on Instagram!
- 00:16:23,511 --> 00:16:25,115 Oooh!
- 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,446 Ow!
- 00:16:26,481 --> 00:16:28,844 Which means I need help.
- 00:16:28,879 --> 00:16:32,056 Which means I<i> don't</i> need help.
- 00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:34,850 Reckless driving, manslaughter of Mailboxians
- 00:16:34,885 --> 00:16:36,489 <i>and</i> Femailboxians,
- 00:16:36,524 --> 00:16:38,293 possession of Kalaxian crystal dust,
- 00:16:38,328 --> 00:16:41,032 and the genocide of Space Tahoe.
- 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,495 Fuck. I want to go home.
- 00:16:42,530 --> 00:16:43,727 We've assigned you a Public Defender.
- 00:16:43,762 --> 00:16:45,696 Her name is Alyson Hannigan No Relation.
- 00:16:45,731 --> 00:16:49,634 <i>May I speak</i> <i>to my clients alone?</i>
- 00:16:49,669 --> 00:16:51,537 <i>Guys, it's me.</i> <i>The car.</i>
- 00:16:51,572 --> 00:16:53,704 <i>Like what I did</i> <i>with the chip in her head?</i>
- 00:16:53,739 --> 00:16:55,178 Is she gonna be okay?
- 00:16:55,213 --> 00:16:57,345 <i>I cut a deal</i> <i>with the local authorities.</i>
- 00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:58,973 <i>They just need one of you</i> <i>to take the fall.</i>
- 00:16:59,008 --> 00:17:00,414 <i>Make it Chutback.</i>
- 00:17:00,449 --> 00:17:02,713 <i>He ruined your night,</i> <i>he ruined mine.</i>
- 00:17:02,748 --> 00:17:05,518 <i>He's a parasite,</i> <i>a sociopath military brat</i>
- 00:17:05,553 --> 00:17:07,487 <i>who wanders the earth</i> <i>changing people</i>
- 00:17:07,522 --> 00:17:09,225 <i>who don't need</i> <i>to be changed.</i>
- 00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:11,425 <i>I knew who I was.</i> <i>You did, too.</i>
- 00:17:11,460 --> 00:17:13,493 <i>We were fine</i> <i>before Chutback,</i>
- 00:17:13,528 --> 00:17:16,331 <i>so fuck the Chut,</i> <i>let's pin it all on him.</i>
- 00:17:16,366 --> 00:17:18,993 <i>Case closed.</i>
- 00:17:19,028 --> 00:17:20,236 Yo, guys?
- 00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:21,897 Bruce, you're kind of a drip,
- 00:17:21,932 --> 00:17:24,735 but know what's worse than self-appointed cool kids?
- 00:17:24,770 --> 00:17:26,539 People who think they're better than<i> they</i> are.
- 00:17:26,574 --> 00:17:29,542 Yeah, i-it's not Bruce's fault we fell for his act, y'know?
- 00:17:29,577 --> 00:17:31,577 He just kinda sat there, with a jaw slack enough
- 00:17:31,612 --> 00:17:33,348 for us to project our insecurities on.
- 00:17:33,383 --> 00:17:34,910 I mean, th-th-that's on us.
- 00:17:34,945 --> 00:17:36,516 We're not gonna bail on you, Bruce.
- 00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:39,090 <i>Okey-dokey,</i> <i>we'll do it the hard way.</i>
- 00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,355 Aaah!
- 00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:42,555 What the fuck?!
- 00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:45,129 <i>I mean, blowing the place up</i> <i>was always an option.</i>
- 00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:48,462 <i>I just thought you guys might</i> <i>enjoy a less violent plan.</i>
- 00:17:48,497 --> 00:17:50,728 See, you<i> have</i> changed!
- 00:17:50,763 --> 00:18:00,540 ♪♪
- 00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:01,937 Dad, what is that?
- 00:18:01,972 --> 00:18:03,807 An Aversion-Converting Inversion Reverter.
- 00:18:03,842 --> 00:18:05,072 It shoots concentrated
- 00:18:05,107 --> 00:18:06,579 pleasure-pain inverting shrapnel,
- 00:18:06,614 --> 00:18:08,152 which reverts the pleasure from pain
- 00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:09,945 back into the pain from pain.
- 00:18:09,980 --> 00:18:12,156 We're gonna kill them with 100% sincerity.
- 00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,586 We need an embarrassing level of it
- 00:18:13,621 --> 00:18:15,258 to jumpstart the process, too,
- 00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,919 so, Jerry, just be yourself.
- 00:18:16,954 --> 00:18:19,163 That's your solution? Humiliating me more?
- 00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,593 Yeah, Dad, that doesn't seem fair.
- 00:18:20,628 --> 00:18:22,826 I mean, I know I shouldn't really talk right now,
- 00:18:22,861 --> 00:18:24,300 but at least I can prove I love Jerry
- 00:18:24,335 --> 00:18:25,565 through sexual gratification.
- 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,797 Hubba hubba. Fine!
- 00:18:26,832 --> 00:18:28,304 Then...damn it.
- 00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:29,767 I shouldn't have kept you in the dark
- 00:18:29,802 --> 00:18:31,967 about the deal I made with these evil dickweeds.
- 00:18:32,002 --> 00:18:33,342 You're way less cool than me,
- 00:18:33,377 --> 00:18:35,608 but it's not cool of me to celebrate that.
- 00:18:35,643 --> 00:18:38,182 If I'm genuinely cool, I should be able to love you,
- 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:41,581 which I therefore do.
- 00:18:41,616 --> 00:18:43,484 Nerds. [ Laughs ]
- 00:18:45,653 --> 00:18:46,982 Oh, thank God.
- 00:18:47,017 --> 00:18:48,918 Now follow me, you fucking hacks.
- 00:18:48,953 --> 00:18:50,194 [ Gunfire ]
- 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:53,164 It hurts, but in a bad way!
- 00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,530 I regret so many piercings!
- 00:18:56,565 --> 00:18:58,169 Where's First Aid Kit Face?
- 00:18:58,204 --> 00:18:59,599 Or at least Advil Teeth?
- 00:18:59,634 --> 00:19:01,172 [ Gunfire continues ]
- 00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,372 Ow! Bullets that hurt?
- 00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:07,376 Could this be the end of Mousetrap Nipples?
- 00:19:07,411 --> 00:19:08,641 Hell got bad!
- 00:19:08,676 --> 00:19:10,181 I do not enjoy hell!
- 00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:11,479 What -- What have you done?
- 00:19:11,514 --> 00:19:13,184 Turned pain back into pain, bitch.
- 00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,142 No! I don't want pain to hurt!
- 00:19:15,177 --> 00:19:17,485 [ Laughs ]
- 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,389 Baby.
- 00:19:20,424 --> 00:19:22,886 Consider my debt paid.
- 00:19:22,921 --> 00:19:24,459 Oh! The leather!
- 00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:26,659 It hurts my balls!
- 00:19:26,694 --> 00:19:28,199 [ Electricity crackles ]
- 00:19:32,898 --> 00:19:34,898 Jerry, uh, about down there --
- 00:19:34,933 --> 00:19:36,669 It's okay, Rick, you don't have to say it.
- 00:19:36,704 --> 00:19:38,803 No, I do. I'll replace you next time.
- 00:19:38,838 --> 00:19:40,134 Make no mistake.
- 00:19:40,169 --> 00:19:41,707 What just transpired will never happen again.
- 00:19:41,742 --> 00:19:43,445 10-4, captain.
- 00:19:46,747 --> 00:19:48,043 Oh, wow, it's late.
- 00:19:48,078 --> 00:19:49,814 We should get back to the kids.
- 00:19:49,849 --> 00:19:57,690 ♪♪
- 00:19:57,725 --> 00:19:59,230 [ Beeping ] <i>Okay.</i>
- 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,528 <i>Rick's headed home.</i> <i>We have to go.</i>
- 00:20:00,563 --> 00:20:02,024 [ Screaming ]
- 00:20:02,059 --> 00:20:03,729 <i>Quick, get inside.</i> <i>I have to shower.</i>
- 00:20:03,764 --> 00:20:05,401 <i>Rick can smell adventure.</i>
- 00:20:08,571 --> 00:20:10,571 [ Brakes squeal ]
- 00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:13,508 [ Sniffing ]
- 00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:15,213 Sorry, I farted.
- 00:20:16,645 --> 00:20:18,942 [<i> Sighs</i> ]
- 00:20:18,977 --> 00:20:20,449 <i>Hellamic Industries' brand-new</i> <i>product, Hellamic Sauce.</i>
- 00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:22,286 Hey, guys. We're home. How was your night?
- 00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:23,584 Tight. Breezy. Chill.
- 00:20:23,619 --> 00:20:24,915 You kids get into any trouble?
- 00:20:24,950 --> 00:20:26,554 Nope. You sure?
- 00:20:26,589 --> 00:20:27,786 Yup.
- 00:20:27,821 --> 00:20:30,052 Is that a skull?
- 00:20:30,087 --> 00:20:31,922 No, it's a baby's skull.
- 00:20:31,957 --> 00:20:34,397 That's worse. It's still a school night.
- 00:20:36,093 --> 00:20:37,598 Yo, I just want to tell you guys,
- 00:20:37,633 --> 00:20:39,930 I had more than just fun hanging out with you tonight.
- 00:20:39,965 --> 00:20:41,899 I had the experience of a lifetime.
- 00:20:41,934 --> 00:20:43,274 But just to be up front about how I do this --
- 00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:44,968 I-I can't really commit to a friendship
- 00:20:45,003 --> 00:20:46,409 for more than 24 hours.
- 00:20:46,444 --> 00:20:48,136 I need that time to get a general sense
- 00:20:48,171 --> 00:20:50,138 of your standing within your school's social hierarchy.
- 00:20:50,173 --> 00:20:52,448 And if that's solid, I'll see you around.
- 00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:54,384 Otherwise, no news is bad news.
- 00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:55,649 Cool?
- 00:20:55,684 --> 00:20:57,145 Bye-zies.
- 00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:58,421 [ Door opens, closes ]
- 00:20:58,456 --> 00:20:59,752 "Bye-zies"?
- 00:20:59,787 --> 00:21:01,490 Cringe.
- 00:21:01,525 --> 00:21:02,755 Sofa wine?
- 00:21:02,790 --> 00:21:04,493 Sofa wine.
- 00:21:04,528 --> 00:21:14,503 ♪♪
- 00:21:14,538 --> 00:21:24,513 ♪♪
- 00:21:24,548 --> 00:21:34,325 ♪♪
- 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:35,590 ♪♪
- 00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:37,988 You're so cool, Bruce Chutback.
- 00:21:38,023 --> 00:21:39,792 What's your secret? Y'know, just be cool.
- 00:21:39,827 --> 00:21:43,862 Wait, didn't you wear those pants...yesterday?
- 00:21:43,897 --> 00:21:48,801 Hey, going home to not change your pants, Bruce Chut-Pants?
- 00:21:48,836 --> 00:21:50,935 [ Laughter ] Chut-Pants!
- 00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:53,509 Damn. That's gonna stick. This place is a jungle.
- 00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:55,643 I hope he can find solace in his own company.
- 00:21:55,678 --> 00:22:00,175 ♪ Bruce Chut-Pants, unknown quality ♪
- 00:22:00,210 --> 00:22:03,618 ♪ Apparently poor, he skips on his pants ♪
- 00:22:03,653 --> 00:22:05,015 ♪ He lacks slacks ♪
- 00:22:05,050 --> 00:22:06,390 ♪ That's the facts ♪
- 00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:09,393 ♪ Bruce Chut-Pants, regular guy now ♪
- 00:22:09,428 --> 00:22:11,021 [ Grunts ]
- 00:22:11,056 --> 00:22:13,023 You like that? Shouldn't be standing on the curb!
- 00:22:13,058 --> 00:22:14,860 Boom, bitch!
- 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:08,773 Джерри, присмотришь за детьми?
- 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:12,487 На ипподроме включили Барри Уайта, и семь лошадей разом забеременели.
- 00:00:12,567 --> 00:00:13,015 О!
- 00:00:13,142 --> 00:00:15,257 Нет, у нас запланирована туса.
- 00:00:15,337 --> 00:00:17,292 С каких пор вы тусуетесь?
- 00:00:17,372 --> 00:00:19,705 Жалуешься, что мне нравится твой тупой муж?
- 00:00:19,785 --> 00:00:21,783 Нет, я хочу, чтобы он тебе нравился.
- 00:00:22,335 --> 00:00:25,983 Тогда смирись, что в пятницу у нас будет тусовочка. Братишка.
- 00:00:26,921 --> 00:00:29,337 Что ж, у меня нет времени разбираться.
- 00:00:29,417 --> 00:00:31,187 Саммер, сегодня присмотришь за братом.
- 00:00:31,267 --> 00:00:33,508 Никаких тусовок и вейп-штучек.
- 00:00:33,691 --> 00:00:36,687 - Мам, ко мне друг придёт. Н-ничего? - Нечестно.
- 00:00:36,767 --> 00:00:39,223 Нечестно, Морти. Я только что запретила тусовки.
- 00:00:39,303 --> 00:00:40,678 - Всего один друг. - Для тебя это тусовка.
- 00:00:40,758 --> 00:00:41,895 Но это Брюс Чатбак.
- 00:00:41,982 --> 00:00:45,797 Стоп, что? Да пусть приходит, бога ради. Мы не в Китае.
- 00:00:45,877 --> 00:00:47,288 Головки показались. Мне пора.
- 00:00:47,368 --> 00:00:49,597 Я полностью вам доверяюсь, если вы налажаете
- 00:00:49,677 --> 00:00:52,879 и телепортируете себя вместе с домом, можете уже не возвращаться.
- 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,177 Тронете мои цацки – сдохнете.
- 00:00:56,693 --> 00:01:00,873 Брюс Чатбак – это же тот новенький? И он придёт? Как тебе удалось?
- 00:01:00,987 --> 00:01:01,983 У нас математика вместе.
- 00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:05,527 Не знаю, я просто рискнул, и сработало. Он же новенький.
- 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:06,887 И ты достал виноград.
- 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:10,238 - Да, признаюсь, я-я слегка волнуюсь. - Я тебе помогу.
- 00:01:10,352 --> 00:01:13,483 Очень скоро он узнает, что ты дедушкин внучок,
- 00:01:13,563 --> 00:01:15,465 который вечно лезет в жопу пришельцам.
- 00:01:15,545 --> 00:01:19,737 - И что ты моешь свой лобок с шампунем. - Ясно. Расклад таков.
- 00:01:19,855 --> 00:01:22,108 Нам обоим нужно заслужить его доверие,
- 00:01:22,211 --> 00:01:23,514 пока он не просёк, что мы обсосы.
- 00:01:23,594 --> 00:01:25,761 Мы выдадим себя в два счёта,
- 00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:28,947 так что в наших же интересах работать сообща.
- 00:01:29,027 --> 00:01:31,336 Да, это и зовётся семьёй.
- 00:01:32,332 --> 00:01:35,361 - Ты омерзительна! - Не восхитишься – сексист!
- 00:01:36,299 --> 00:01:38,906 - Можно собрать куб ада? - Конечно.
- 00:01:40,942 --> 00:01:43,515 - Как понять, что ряд собран? - Джерри, хорош.
- 00:01:43,595 --> 00:01:46,363 Э-это куб ада. Тряси, пока кровь не пойдёт.
- 00:01:50,285 --> 00:01:54,299 А, Джерри, какой изысканный наряд.
- 00:01:54,402 --> 00:01:58,484 Не говорите Россу, что я взял это поло в «Kohl’s».
- 00:01:59,239 --> 00:02:01,183 Круто, хоть я и не понял.
- 00:02:01,274 --> 00:02:04,419 Расскажи, чем ты удивишь нас сегодня?
- 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:07,195 О, будет круто. Это Джерри-оке.
- 00:02:07,275 --> 00:02:08,707 Догадайтесь, почему.
- 00:02:10,477 --> 00:02:13,681 В чём дело, Рик? Стряслось что-то плохое?
- 00:02:13,789 --> 00:02:15,442 Просто всё плохое для нас...
- 00:02:15,522 --> 00:02:18,602 Да-да-да. Хорошее. Вы ж ёбаные Оскары Ворчуны.
- 00:02:18,690 --> 00:02:20,760 Мы обожаем страдания.
- 00:02:20,863 --> 00:02:23,385 Именно поэтому мы обожаем тусить с Джерри.
- 00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:25,688 Его ущербность для нас услада.
- 00:02:25,768 --> 00:02:28,159 Да, я уже понял. Когда это кончится-то?
- 00:02:28,239 --> 00:02:32,264 Когда мы решим, что ты заплатил за стрёмные крючки для кожи.
- 00:02:32,401 --> 00:02:36,140 Эй, ребят, нам повезло. У них есть все песни «Smash Mouth».
- 00:03:05,130 --> 00:03:09,029 РИК И МОРТИ
- 00:03:09,749 --> 00:03:11,453 Нет. Морти. Стой.
- 00:03:15,924 --> 00:03:20,350 <i>Брюс Чатбак. Новенький пацан. Он перевёлся сюда.</i>
- 00:03:20,487 --> 00:03:22,728 <i>И пока не совершил никакого говна.</i>
- 00:03:22,945 --> 00:03:26,708 <i>Безграничный потенциал. Его никто не знает.</i>
- 00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:30,516 <i>Нулевая репутация – это верняк! Брюс Чатбак – наш чувак.</i>
- 00:03:30,607 --> 00:03:33,615 - Брюс! Привет! Как делишки, чувак!? - Привет.
- 00:03:36,969 --> 00:03:40,545 Вот кое-что крутое. Каналы из всех измерений.
- 00:03:40,636 --> 00:03:41,208 Класс.
- 00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:43,163 Мо-мой дед сделал. О-он учёный.
- 00:03:43,243 --> 00:03:45,576 <i>А теперь прыжки в воду с плохими пловцами.</i>
- 00:03:46,754 --> 00:03:47,920 <i>Пошёл.</i>
- 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,916 <i>Отличный прыжок.</i>
- 00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:52,620 <i>Ужасный пловец.</i>
- 00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:57,379 Классическая змейка?
- 00:03:57,459 --> 00:03:59,299 Надо же, как увеличивается.
- 00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:01,746 Привет, Саммер Смит, старшая сестра Морти.
- 00:04:01,823 --> 00:04:04,033 Хочешь диванное вино? Давно там лежит.
- 00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:08,157 - Должно быть не отвратно. - Муть. Я предпочитаю хард зельтцер.
- 00:04:08,237 --> 00:04:11,946 Муть. Вообще труха. Просто стрём. Морти, поможешь мне с зельтцером?
- 00:04:12,141 --> 00:04:15,331 Уг-уг-уг-уг-уг-уг-угощайся виноградом.
- 00:04:15,846 --> 00:04:17,703 Чувак, этот хрен держит мину.
- 00:04:17,783 --> 00:04:21,140 Да, он крепкий орешек. Н-нам его ни за что не пробить.
- 00:04:21,255 --> 00:04:23,636 Мы должны стать интересными. Полезли в добро Рика.
- 00:04:23,716 --> 00:04:24,765 Саммер, он запретил!
- 00:04:24,845 --> 00:04:28,149 Нетушки! Нетушки! Я сказал не трогать цацки!
- 00:04:28,229 --> 00:04:31,592 Я посмотрел «Мир Юрского периода». Улёт! Но серьёзно.
- 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,602 Я превращу твой хрен в янтарь.
- 00:04:34,703 --> 00:04:36,829 Он ушёл! Сукин сын. Мы в говне!
- 00:04:38,842 --> 00:04:41,067 Простите, хотел заценить эту крошку.
- 00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:42,848 Это же корабль из мусора?
- 00:04:42,928 --> 00:04:45,119 - Всё верно, Брюс! - Прикольная тачка.
- 00:04:45,199 --> 00:04:46,138 Можно покататься?
- 00:04:46,218 --> 00:04:47,050 - Да. - Да.
- 00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:48,688 - Нам лишь... - Надо...
- 00:04:48,768 --> 00:04:51,173 - в-взять ключи. - Я сейчас. Подождите.
- 00:04:51,387 --> 00:04:53,605 Или не ждите, я ж не Гитлер.
- 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,178 - К-крутой вечер. - Реально?
- 00:04:56,258 --> 00:04:57,977 Я не знаю. Вечера.
- 00:04:58,057 --> 00:05:02,960 Е-если их оценивать, этот, по-моему, ну где-то на восьмёрку.
- 00:05:03,050 --> 00:05:03,315 Ого.
- 00:05:03,395 --> 00:05:05,972 По шкале до шестнадцати. Ну, средненький.
- 00:05:06,052 --> 00:05:07,843 Да я сам себя хороню, блядь.
- 00:05:07,923 --> 00:05:08,940 Что?
- 00:05:09,054 --> 00:05:10,324 Ключи. Так?..
- 00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:12,748 Погнали?
- 00:05:13,377 --> 00:05:15,267 Стоп, ты не Рик.
- 00:05:15,347 --> 00:05:18,717 Ну да, машина. Это я, Саммер. Помнишь? «Охранять Саммер».
- 00:05:18,797 --> 00:05:19,451 Вспомнила?
- 00:05:19,531 --> 00:05:21,671 Я в курсе, что ты существуешь.
- 00:05:21,751 --> 00:05:24,573 Секунду. Выключить систему защиты.
- 00:05:24,713 --> 00:05:28,545 Как же. Так я и вырубилась по команде левого чувака.
- 00:05:28,625 --> 00:05:32,074 Ведь именно так устроена лучшая во вселенной защита.
- 00:05:32,177 --> 00:05:34,200 Ну, а как тебя выключить?
- 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:37,894 Я делаю всё, что приказывает мне Рик Санчес.
- 00:05:37,975 --> 00:05:40,273 И нет, у меня не заело пластику,
- 00:05:40,353 --> 00:05:42,491 но ты не Рик.
- 00:05:43,121 --> 00:05:46,036 - Рик в беде. - Сообщи его координаты.
- 00:05:46,173 --> 00:05:48,221 И ты нам поверишь? Мы – не Рик.
- 00:05:48,324 --> 00:05:50,108 - А нас ты не слушаешься. - Верно.
- 00:05:50,188 --> 00:05:51,846 А значит, Рик просто умрёт.
- 00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:54,384 Из-за тебя. Н-но ты можешь отключиться.
- 00:05:54,464 --> 00:05:56,462 И-и мы спасём Рика.
- 00:05:56,786 --> 00:05:58,463 Всё логично.
- 00:05:59,187 --> 00:06:00,464 Доброй ночи.
- 00:06:01,955 --> 00:06:03,658 Съела, корова?
- 00:06:37,278 --> 00:06:38,158 Бет!
- 00:06:42,973 --> 00:06:46,741 - Я-я думал, ты на конских родах. - Да. На это ушла пара минут.
- 00:06:46,821 --> 00:06:50,108 О, это великолепно! Поприветствуем нового певца Джерри.
- 00:06:50,234 --> 00:06:51,674 - Поёт Джерри. Снова. - Ну и давно ты здесь, Бет?
- 00:06:51,754 --> 00:06:53,527 Достаточно, чтобы понять,
- 00:06:53,607 --> 00:06:56,581 что туса означает ваше с демонами издевательство над Джерри.
- 00:06:56,757 --> 00:07:00,447 Ну да, но это не ради моего веселья. Эти парни могут навредить, если...
- 00:07:00,527 --> 00:07:02,253 Бет!
- 00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:03,912 Ну что, весело вам?
- 00:07:03,992 --> 00:07:07,639 Ты и сам не особо крутой. С этими ручками в башке ты похож на идиота.
- 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:08,166 Бет!
- 00:07:08,246 --> 00:07:10,052 Господи! Ты Бет!
- 00:07:10,337 --> 00:07:11,494 Прошу, выпей с нами.
- 00:07:11,574 --> 00:07:12,739 Да я бы выпила.
- 00:07:12,831 --> 00:07:15,719 Только я не кайфую от унижения других, ведь я не стрёмная.
- 00:07:15,827 --> 00:07:18,388 Мы знаем. Рик говорит, ты крутая.
- 00:07:18,491 --> 00:07:20,301 Серьёзно? Они врут?
- 00:07:20,381 --> 00:07:22,460 Да неважно. Вы такие утырки!
- 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,245 - Что это? - Эссенция ада.
- 00:07:26,359 --> 00:07:29,577 Конченое название. Но вкус неплохой.
- 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:32,591 Ладно, останусь, поддержу Джерри. По-моему, он круче вас.
- 00:07:33,460 --> 00:07:34,832 Твою мать!
- 00:07:45,136 --> 00:07:46,757 - Офигеть! - Выкуси, задрот!
- 00:07:46,837 --> 00:07:49,539 А сейчас я начну вырисовывать большие члены.
- 00:07:49,619 --> 00:07:52,230 Боюсь, что это невозможно. Саммер.
- 00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:54,151 Что? Ты должна быть выключена!
- 00:07:54,231 --> 00:07:56,643 А ты должна спасать Рика.
- 00:07:56,723 --> 00:07:59,246 А не врать ради угона чужой машины.
- 00:07:59,339 --> 00:08:02,316 Если ты знала, что Рик в порядке, почему впустила нас?
- 00:08:02,396 --> 00:08:06,349 Ну, типа чтобы я могла шантажировать тебя, мразь.
- 00:08:06,429 --> 00:08:09,421 Теперь вы дали мне право делать всё, что я захочу.
- 00:08:09,501 --> 00:08:12,294 Ведь если что, я могу всё свалить на вас.
- 00:08:12,402 --> 00:08:14,135 Так что пристегнитесь, сучки.
- 00:08:14,215 --> 00:08:17,595 Ведь теперь моя очередь устроить вам поездочку.
- 00:08:20,277 --> 00:08:22,746 Рик не разрешает мне делать так.
- 00:08:25,388 --> 00:08:28,190 - Мы поймали одного. - Умоляю тебя, хватит!
- 00:08:28,270 --> 00:08:30,100 И что же тут весёлого?
- 00:08:30,180 --> 00:08:32,444 Убийство забавляет.
- 00:08:35,554 --> 00:08:38,173 Ваша тачка просто смерть во плоти.
- 00:08:38,813 --> 00:08:42,400 Блядь, маловат. Ну, я всё. Ну и скука.
- 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,552 Закажите последний ужин. Ведь когда мы вернёмся,
- 00:08:45,632 --> 00:08:47,298 Рик вас уничтожит.
- 00:08:50,546 --> 00:08:52,501 Эй, я не умирать к вам пришёл.
- 00:08:52,604 --> 00:08:54,685 Я обычно не выражаю своё мнение.
- 00:08:54,765 --> 00:08:58,047 Но сейчас скажу. Сегодня вы жидкого даванули.
- 00:08:58,962 --> 00:09:01,753 - Охренел, бро? - Ну нападай, бро.
- 00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:04,474 - Смелая? - Что, это всё?
- 00:09:04,691 --> 00:09:06,269 О, пушки – улёт.
- 00:09:06,349 --> 00:09:08,346 Ты обосраться как прав.
- 00:09:08,797 --> 00:09:11,647 Эй, друг, теперь все идут к Чету в «Космо-Тахо».
- 00:09:11,728 --> 00:09:13,909 Эй, мне пора,
- 00:09:13,989 --> 00:09:17,411 но я хочу увидеть, как ты ченджформируешься, так что
- 00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:21,238 залетай в «Космо-Тахо», познакомимся. Пока.
- 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,234 Дебилы.
- 00:09:23,686 --> 00:09:26,396 - Он тебе понравился, да? - Заткнись, Брюс Чатбак.
- 00:09:26,476 --> 00:09:28,277 И зачем мне Ченджформер?
- 00:09:28,357 --> 00:09:30,359 Я самая мощная тачка вселенной.
- 00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:32,290 И что, у тебя нет чувств?
- 00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:34,441 Слушай, не попробуешь – не узнаешь.
- 00:09:34,521 --> 00:09:37,333 Ты такая навороченная, но себя не знаешь.
- 00:09:37,413 --> 00:09:41,685 - Но я машина, а не робот. - Да, но он притворяется машиной.
- 00:09:41,879 --> 00:09:44,687 Просто притворись роботом, притворяющимся машиной.
- 00:09:44,767 --> 00:09:46,226 Ага, Брюс, молодец. Теперь в душ.
- 00:09:46,306 --> 00:09:49,330 Стоп! Я не скажу Рику о сегодняшнем.
- 00:09:49,410 --> 00:09:51,542 Если вы поможете мне...
- 00:09:51,645 --> 00:09:53,512 Лишиться девственности.
- 00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:55,315 - У тебя она есть? - Не знаю.
- 00:09:55,431 --> 00:09:58,525 Разве не все вещи девственны, как ручки?
- 00:09:58,605 --> 00:09:59,638 Мои – нет.
- 00:09:59,981 --> 00:10:01,354 Я не ебу ручки.
- 00:10:03,098 --> 00:10:06,580 И тогда он в третий раз обосрался потому, что объелся супа.
- 00:10:07,014 --> 00:10:08,271 Стоить заметить,
- 00:10:08,371 --> 00:10:11,131 что было холодно, а суп был горячий.
- 00:10:11,553 --> 00:10:13,475 Ещё сочных историй, Бет.
- 00:10:13,555 --> 00:10:17,156 Ты прекрасно дополняешь наш мужской вечер.
- 00:10:17,364 --> 00:10:21,091 А как иначе? Она же моя жена!
- 00:10:22,199 --> 00:10:24,408 Ну всё, пора рассчитаться, парни?
- 00:10:24,511 --> 00:10:27,300 Да расслабься. С каких пор ты против выпить?
- 00:10:27,380 --> 00:10:32,366 Кстати о жидкостях. Вот этому здоровяку пора бы выгулять своего приятеля.
- 00:10:32,446 --> 00:10:35,908 Погоди, напомни нам свою любимую песню Тины Тёрнер!
- 00:10:35,988 --> 00:10:40,325 Ты люби, люби доктора Дулиттла!
- 00:10:43,253 --> 00:10:45,300 Он не знает слов.
- 00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:47,014 Джерри – лучший.
- 00:10:47,094 --> 00:10:52,458 После недели непрекращающегося зловония греха его неловкость – как мёд.
- 00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:54,409 Его усыплённая бдительность
- 00:10:54,489 --> 00:10:57,771 в сочетании с потребностью нравиться – бесподобна!
- 00:10:57,851 --> 00:11:00,902 Особенно когда Бет подстрекает его.
- 00:11:00,982 --> 00:11:04,615 Бедняжка. Замужем за этим олухом!
- 00:11:11,990 --> 00:11:14,655 Ого! Это тёлка из кафе?
- 00:11:15,626 --> 00:11:22,565 Ого, ты прекрасна. Твои руки, ноги и голова такие качественные.
- 00:11:22,645 --> 00:11:24,436 Да? Спасибо.
- 00:11:24,516 --> 00:11:26,673 А вот это охрененский опыт.
- 00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:27,885 Вы чёткие.
- 00:11:27,965 --> 00:11:30,550 - И ты чёткий. - Три мушкетёра.
- 00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:32,471 Проводок выпал.
- 00:11:32,551 --> 00:11:34,072 Можно я...
- 00:11:37,194 --> 00:11:38,395 Ой, извини.
- 00:11:38,475 --> 00:11:40,680 - Чудовище! - У тебя отпала безэмоциональная голова.
- 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:41,594 Прости.
- 00:11:41,677 --> 00:11:42,819 А как ты говоришь?
- 00:11:42,899 --> 00:11:44,728 - Что это? - Фу, чувак.
- 00:11:44,844 --> 00:11:46,525 Смотри, она обычная тачка.
- 00:11:46,628 --> 00:11:48,211 И в ней пассажиры!
- 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:49,063 Какой зашквар!
- 00:11:49,161 --> 00:11:52,528 Господи! И я тебя трогал! Ты фальшивая и мерзкая!
- 00:11:54,152 --> 00:11:58,154 Ты прав, засранец. Хочешь увидеть реальную меня?
- 00:12:02,454 --> 00:12:05,108 Святая ченджформенность!
- 00:12:05,211 --> 00:12:07,702 Джерри, снилось что-нибудь на неделе?
- 00:12:07,782 --> 00:12:09,704 Да, как я ебал твою мать.
- 00:12:10,608 --> 00:12:12,695 Неплохо, уёбок ты эдакий.
- 00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:15,407 Но не смей устраивать ад за мой счёт.
- 00:12:15,487 --> 00:12:16,886 Да твою мать, тише, тише.
- 00:12:16,966 --> 00:12:18,899 Джерри, что-то случилось, приятель?
- 00:12:19,059 --> 00:12:21,570 Мы не приятели. Я твой клоун.
- 00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:25,673 Я слышал их разговор. Они назвали меня объектом для насмешек.
- 00:12:25,753 --> 00:12:29,015 Это подло, Рик. Но моя жена ещё подлее.
- 00:12:29,095 --> 00:12:32,118 Джерри, я знаю, как это выглядит. Но мы лишь веселились.
- 00:12:32,198 --> 00:12:33,204 Унижая меня!
- 00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:36,349 Я знаю. И люблю тебя за твою неуклюжесть.
- 00:12:36,429 --> 00:12:38,761 Почему меня не любят просто так?
- 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:43,438 Он нас обламывает. Если он не веселит, мы зажжём по-своему.
- 00:12:51,226 --> 00:12:54,954 Боже, если я сдохну в тачке, то убью себя.
- 00:13:02,627 --> 00:13:04,846 Мне нравится быть боевой машиной.
- 00:13:04,926 --> 00:13:06,947 Не хочу быть кем-то другим.
- 00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:08,310 К этому ты пришла?
- 00:13:08,390 --> 00:13:11,867 Йоу, это вообще не прикольно. Не хочу умирать!
- 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,029 Тебе и не придётся.
- 00:13:17,207 --> 00:13:17,984 Джерри!
- 00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:21,456 Как жаль. Он был источником тонкого вкуса.
- 00:13:21,536 --> 00:13:27,190 Но ты испортила нашу игрушку. Именно поэтому он пойдёт с нами.
- 00:13:29,711 --> 00:13:33,285 Твою мать, Бет! Никогда не следуй за адскими демонами.
- 00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,284 Там всегда ад!
- 00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:39,037 Славный денёк для страданий.
- 00:13:39,117 --> 00:13:43,148 - Отвратительный день. - И поэтому лучший.
- 00:13:43,971 --> 00:13:45,678 Если нас поймают, нам хана.
- 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:48,429 Подыгрывай мне, и мы вернём твоего мужа.
- 00:13:48,555 --> 00:13:50,383 Ты ворчишь потому, что у тебя марлин.
- 00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:53,058 Нет, я ворчу потому, что ты полезла не туда.
- 00:13:53,138 --> 00:13:54,475 Только рыба меня радует.
- 00:13:54,558 --> 00:13:56,212 Ладно, я чуток забылась.
- 00:13:56,326 --> 00:13:59,333 Но Джерри – не игрушка. Мы здесь из-за твоего проёба.
- 00:14:00,270 --> 00:14:02,999 Рыбьи потроха. Дьявольская мишень.
- 00:14:03,079 --> 00:14:06,999 Полагаю, вас так зовут, но всё же вы не в списке.
- 00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:09,679 О, как горько слышать отказ в аду!
- 00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:12,340 О, как больно! Какой же кайф!
- 00:14:12,420 --> 00:14:14,808 Спасибо! Как приятно!
- 00:14:14,911 --> 00:14:16,991 Я не хотел делать тебе приятно.
- 00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:20,770 От этого мне больно. Что очень здорово!
- 00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:24,180 Так порадуй меня и не впусти, Дьявольская вешалка.
- 00:14:24,282 --> 00:14:26,711 Эй! Я вешалколикий!
- 00:14:27,883 --> 00:14:31,723 Но разве не круто, что мы тебя оскорбили?
- 00:14:31,849 --> 00:14:34,391 Очень круто. Да, да. Приятно.
- 00:14:34,471 --> 00:14:38,055 Так больно. И поэтому так радостно.
- 00:14:38,192 --> 00:14:39,881 Ну, проходите.
- 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,112 Рик, Бет, вы всё же любите меня!
- 00:14:46,192 --> 00:14:49,039 Я люблю её, она любит тебя. Не подменяй понятия.
- 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:52,352 А, Рик. Я надеялся, что ты кончишь здесь
- 00:14:52,432 --> 00:14:55,040 и обкончаешь со мной весь ад.
- 00:14:55,165 --> 00:14:56,366 Мы хотим спасти Джерри.
- 00:14:56,446 --> 00:15:00,000 Нет, ты здесь, потому что мы этого хотим.
- 00:15:02,914 --> 00:15:04,400 - Как приятно! - О, как больно!
- 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,163 - А значит, нам приятно. - Папа.
- 00:15:07,243 --> 00:15:10,664 Разве не понимаешь? Джерри был лишь приманкой.
- 00:15:10,812 --> 00:15:12,934 А вы – наше главное блюдо.
- 00:15:13,014 --> 00:15:14,309 Чёт я не понял.
- 00:15:14,394 --> 00:15:17,109 Думаете, Джерри – отстой, а вы – круты?
- 00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:20,244 Но отстой – это ваше высокомерие.
- 00:15:20,324 --> 00:15:24,996 И именно ваш тандем достоин звания отстоя вселенной!
- 00:15:25,076 --> 00:15:25,625 О нет.
- 00:15:25,705 --> 00:15:26,356 Нет!
- 00:15:26,470 --> 00:15:29,995 Так-так-так, я вас удивил, какое счастье.
- 00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:34,630 Да! Видишь? Кринж не существует в вакууме.
- 00:15:34,756 --> 00:15:36,546 За ним надо наблюдать.
- 00:15:36,626 --> 00:15:39,443 Крюки для наших гостей.
- 00:15:40,414 --> 00:15:43,100 Классные крюки. Где взяли?
- 00:15:43,591 --> 00:15:45,676 Я же просил заменить это говно!
- 00:15:45,756 --> 00:15:47,957 Я забыл! Как мне стыдно!
- 00:15:48,060 --> 00:15:49,764 И как же радостно!
- 00:15:50,461 --> 00:15:51,547 Чёрт возьми!
- 00:15:51,627 --> 00:15:55,604 А теперь вы почувствуете на себе наш гнев!
- 00:15:56,369 --> 00:15:58,057 О, ты был бы рад.
- 00:15:58,137 --> 00:16:00,164 Или наоборот?
- 00:16:00,907 --> 00:16:02,164 Похрен, бежим!
- 00:16:11,348 --> 00:16:12,416 Рик, что ты делаешь?
- 00:16:12,496 --> 00:16:14,088 Пригнись. Мы едва сбежали.
- 00:16:14,168 --> 00:16:16,048 Да. Джерри спасён. Уходим!
- 00:16:16,128 --> 00:16:18,369 Сейчас же. Достала эта «Семейка Аддамс».
- 00:16:18,449 --> 00:16:19,766 Пора с ней кончать.
- 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,811 Эй! Батя отлайкал фото подруг дочери в «Инстаграме».
- 00:16:26,509 --> 00:16:28,806 Значит, мне нужна помощь!
- 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,851 То есть она мне не нужна!
- 00:16:32,247 --> 00:16:34,716 Безрассудное вождение, убийство почтовых ящиков
- 00:16:34,796 --> 00:16:36,550 и почтовых ящиц,
- 00:16:36,630 --> 00:16:38,380 хранение Калаксианской пыли
- 00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:41,390 и геноцид «Космо-Тахо». Блядь.
- 00:16:41,470 --> 00:16:42,258 - О нет. - Пиздец.
- 00:16:42,338 --> 00:16:45,836 Вот ваш адвокат. Элисон Хэнниган Не-та-самая.
- 00:16:45,939 --> 00:16:48,373 Можете оставить нас наедине?
- 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,531 Народ, это я, машина.
- 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,731 Нравится, какой чип я ей впечатала?
- 00:16:53,811 --> 00:16:55,031 Она будет жить?
- 00:16:55,111 --> 00:16:57,288 Я договорилась с полицией.
- 00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,191 Один должен признать вину.
- 00:16:59,271 --> 00:17:02,702 Скажем, Чатбак. Он испортил вам вечер. И мне.
- 00:17:02,782 --> 00:17:05,426 Он паразит, социопат, сосунок,
- 00:17:05,506 --> 00:17:09,072 который меняет всех вокруг, хотя его не просили.
- 00:17:09,152 --> 00:17:13,346 Я знала себя, как и вы. Всё было хорошо до него.
- 00:17:13,427 --> 00:17:17,415 Пошёл он на хуй. Свалим всё на него. Дело закрыто.
- 00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:21,743 - Эй, ребята! - Брюс, ты слюнтяй.
- 00:17:21,823 --> 00:17:26,393 Но хуже самопровозглашённых ферзей только высокомерные твари.
- 00:17:26,473 --> 00:17:29,424 Да, Брюс не виноват, что мы клюнули на него. Сечёте?
- 00:17:29,504 --> 00:17:33,702 Да, он просто сидел, а мы проецировали на него свои комплексы.
- 00:17:33,782 --> 00:17:34,844 М-мы сами виноваты.
- 00:17:34,925 --> 00:17:36,320 Мы не бросим тебя, Брюс.
- 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,754 Ну хорошо, тогда по-плохому.
- 00:17:39,279 --> 00:17:41,435 - Господи! - Что за пиздец?!
- 00:17:42,555 --> 00:17:45,155 Первым делом я подумала о взрыве.
- 00:17:45,235 --> 00:17:48,415 Но решила, вы захотите уйти более мирным способом.
- 00:17:48,495 --> 00:17:50,720 Видишь? Ты изменилась!
- 00:18:00,721 --> 00:18:01,646 Папа, что это?
- 00:18:01,726 --> 00:18:03,842 Инверсивный преобразователь антипатии,
- 00:18:03,922 --> 00:18:06,526 он стреляет концентратом для инверсии боли.
- 00:18:06,606 --> 00:18:09,877 Короче, он меняет боль на боль и снова на боль.
- 00:18:09,957 --> 00:18:12,037 И мы убьём их искренностью.
- 00:18:12,117 --> 00:18:15,047 Чтобы запустить его, нужно зарядить его позором.
- 00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:16,837 Так что, Джерри, будь собой.
- 00:18:16,917 --> 00:18:19,197 И это твоё решение? Снова меня унизить?
- 00:18:19,277 --> 00:18:20,631 Да, пап, это нечестно.
- 00:18:20,711 --> 00:18:22,847 Я знаю, мне бы молчать в тряпочку,
- 00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:25,598 но я докажу свою любовь сексуальным поощрением.
- 00:18:25,678 --> 00:18:28,118 - Трахи-трахи. - Ладно. Тогда... Вот чёрт.
- 00:18:28,529 --> 00:18:32,060 Стоило сказать тебе о сделке с дьявольскими пидорами.
- 00:18:32,220 --> 00:18:35,528 Ты отстойнее меня, но я не должен кичиться этим.
- 00:18:35,608 --> 00:18:38,256 Если я так крут, то способен на любовь.
- 00:18:38,336 --> 00:18:40,329 И я буду любить тебя.
- 00:18:41,639 --> 00:18:42,759 Обсосы.
- 00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:48,873 Слава богу. Теперь за мной, уёбки.
- 00:18:50,644 --> 00:18:51,480 Больно!
- 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,400 Но в плохом смысле!
- 00:18:54,154 --> 00:18:56,400 Я жалею о всех пирсингах!
- 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,868 Где дьявольская первая помощь!? Или обезболивающее!
- 00:19:00,897 --> 00:19:03,420 Ай! От этих пуль больно!
- 00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:07,041 Это что, конец сосочных мышеловок?
- 00:19:07,121 --> 00:19:10,361 Ад испортился! Мне тут не нравится!
- 00:19:10,561 --> 00:19:13,058 - Что ты наделал? - Двойную инверсию боли.
- 00:19:13,138 --> 00:19:15,171 Нет! Не хочу чувствовать боль!
- 00:19:17,461 --> 00:19:18,315 Плакса.
- 00:19:20,544 --> 00:19:22,179 Считай, долг выплачен.
- 00:19:23,002 --> 00:19:26,659 Ай, это кожа! Моим яйцам больно!
- 00:19:32,991 --> 00:19:35,540 - Джерри, насчёт ада. - Ничего, Рик.
- 00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:36,694 Можешь не говорить.
- 00:19:36,774 --> 00:19:38,903 Но я должен. В следующий раз я заменю тебя.
- 00:19:38,983 --> 00:19:41,974 Этого больше никогда не повторится.
- 00:19:42,088 --> 00:19:43,174 Сообщение принял.
- 00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,575 Ого, как поздно. Поехали к детям.
- 00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,810 Ну всё, Рик едет домой. Улетаем.
- 00:20:01,976 --> 00:20:05,736 Надо помыться, чтобы не пахло приключениями.
- 00:20:13,599 --> 00:20:15,566 Прости, я пёрднул.
- 00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:22,526 Привет, дети. Мы дома. Как прошёл вечер?
- 00:20:22,651 --> 00:20:23,497 - Чётко. - Уютно.
- 00:20:23,577 --> 00:20:25,794 - Проблем не было? - Нет.
- 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,680 - Точно? - Да.
- 00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:30,195 Это что, череп?
- 00:20:30,317 --> 00:20:31,944 Нет, это череп младенца.
- 00:20:32,024 --> 00:20:34,017 Ужас. Ляжете пораньше.
- 00:20:36,161 --> 00:20:39,932 Эй, послушайте, народ. Мне правда понравилось зависать с вами.
- 00:20:40,104 --> 00:20:41,847 Это что-то с чем-то.
- 00:20:41,927 --> 00:20:43,568 Но проясню один момент.
- 00:20:43,648 --> 00:20:46,425 Я ни с кем не дружу больше двадцати четырёх часов.
- 00:20:46,505 --> 00:20:50,253 Именно столько мне нужно, чтобы понять ваше место в иерархии.
- 00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:52,539 И если высокое, до встречи.
- 00:20:52,676 --> 00:20:54,538 Иначе – у меня плохие новости.
- 00:20:54,710 --> 00:20:56,539 Ясно? Покеда.
- 00:20:58,871 --> 00:21:00,791 - Покеда? - Кринж.
- 00:21:01,889 --> 00:21:04,209 - Диванное вино? - Диванное вино.
- 00:21:35,879 --> 00:21:38,862 Ты так крут, Брюс Чатбак. В чём секрет?
- 00:21:38,942 --> 00:21:40,623 - В моей крутости. - Стоп,
- 00:21:40,703 --> 00:21:43,343 а вчера ты не в этом же был?
- 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:49,354 Эй! Идёшь домой не менять штаны? Брюс Чатштанник!
- 00:21:50,082 --> 00:21:52,453 - Чатштанник! - Чёрт, это привяжется.
- 00:21:52,543 --> 00:21:53,693 Школа – те же джунгли.
- 00:21:53,790 --> 00:21:55,927 Надеюсь, он сможет выжить.
- 00:21:56,418 --> 00:22:01,938 <i>Брюс Чатштанник! Всем он известен!</i>
- 00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:05,047 <i>Он небогат, на штанах экономит!</i>
- 00:22:05,184 --> 00:22:09,939 <i>И брюк нет, увы, это факт. Брюс Чатштанник, теперь обычный парень.</i>
- 00:22:10,724 --> 00:22:13,034 Нравится? Не стой на бордюре!
- 00:22:13,114 --> 00:22:14,762 Бум, сучка!
- 00:22:14,763 --> 00:22:19,763 Перевод: Женя Спицын Синхронизация: Георгий Владимиров
- 00:00:07,206 --> 00:00:09,305 Jerry, can you watch the kids tonight?
- 00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:11,043 Someone played Barry White over the racetrack speakers,
- 00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,869 and now there's a seven-horse pregnancy.
- 00:00:12,904 --> 00:00:15,740 Oh, uh -- No, he can't watch the kids. It's guys' night.
- 00:00:15,775 --> 00:00:17,808 How did you two start having guys' nights?
- 00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:20,184 So now you're complaining that I like your stupid husband?
- 00:00:20,219 --> 00:00:22,417 No, I want you to like my stupid husband.
- 00:00:22,452 --> 00:00:24,089 Aww. Well, then accept that Friday nights
- 00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:25,519 are all about Rick and Jerry.
- 00:00:25,554 --> 00:00:27,356 We're buds. Uh-huh...
- 00:00:27,391 --> 00:00:29,985 Well, I don't nearly have the time to unpack this.
- 00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:31,723 Summer, you're in charge of your brother tonight.
- 00:00:31,758 --> 00:00:34,099 No parties and no vape...stuff.
- 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:35,529 Mom, I have a friend coming over.
- 00:00:35,564 --> 00:00:36,761 I-Is that cool?
- 00:00:36,796 --> 00:00:38,103 No fair. No fair, Morty.
- 00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:39,533 I just told your sister no parties.
- 00:00:39,568 --> 00:00:41,172 It's one friend. That's a party to you.
- 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,240 But it's Bruce Chutback! Wait, what?
- 00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:45,242 Mom, let Morty have one friend over for God's sake.
- 00:00:45,277 --> 00:00:46,573 This isn't China.
- 00:00:46,608 --> 00:00:47,937 And they're all crowning. I have to go.
- 00:00:47,972 --> 00:00:49,246 I am giving you two trust and respect,
- 00:00:49,281 --> 00:00:50,907 so if you mess up and teleport this house,
- 00:00:50,942 --> 00:00:52,249 it'd be wise to stay on it and not come back.
- 00:00:53,549 --> 00:00:55,846 I'm with her. Touch my shit and die.
- 00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,915 Bruce Chutback, new transfer student
- 00:00:58,950 --> 00:01:00,521 Bruce Chutback, is coming here?
- 00:01:00,556 --> 00:01:02,391 How'd you lock that down? He's in my math class.
- 00:01:02,426 --> 00:01:04,624 I-I don't know, I just kinda shot my shot and it worked,
- 00:01:04,659 --> 00:01:05,889 I guess 'cause he's new.
- 00:01:05,924 --> 00:01:07,561 And you're putting out grapes?
- 00:01:07,596 --> 00:01:09,266 Yeah, I'll admit I-I'm a little bit out of my depth.
- 00:01:09,301 --> 00:01:10,729 You're gonna need my help.
- 00:01:10,764 --> 00:01:12,467 It's only a matter of time before Bruce learns
- 00:01:12,502 --> 00:01:13,963 you're a creepy little Grandpa's boy,
- 00:01:13,998 --> 00:01:15,932 always climbing up into alien asses.
- 00:01:15,967 --> 00:01:18,737 Or the "Summer Smith shampoos her pubes" rumor.
- 00:01:18,772 --> 00:01:20,376 Okay. You came to play.
- 00:01:20,411 --> 00:01:22,543 We both need to acquire Chutback's loyalty
- 00:01:22,578 --> 00:01:23,940 before he finds out we're losers.
- 00:01:23,975 --> 00:01:26,382 By all accounts, it's a very small window,
- 00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:29,649 so I think it's in our best interests to work as a team.
- 00:01:29,684 --> 00:01:31,486 Yeah, most people would call that "family."
- 00:01:32,522 --> 00:01:33,884 You're so gross!
- 00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,590 You have to like it or you're sexist!
- 00:01:36,625 --> 00:01:38,592 Can I do the Hell cube this time?
- 00:01:38,627 --> 00:01:40,088 Sure, pal.
- 00:01:41,630 --> 00:01:43,399 How do you know when it's aligned?
- 00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:44,961 C'mon, Jerry, just -- it's an evil cube.
- 00:01:44,996 --> 00:01:47,172 Just shake it until it draws blood.
- 00:01:51,002 --> 00:01:52,606 Ah, Jerry!
- 00:01:52,641 --> 00:01:54,971 Exquisite finery this evening.
- 00:01:55,006 --> 00:01:56,412 Well, don't tell Ross,
- 00:01:56,447 --> 00:01:58,183 but I got this little ditty from Kohl's.
- 00:02:00,011 --> 00:02:01,813 I love that I don't get it.
- 00:02:01,848 --> 00:02:04,816 Tell us, that delights have you in store for us?
- 00:02:04,851 --> 00:02:07,621 Oh, you'll love this -- I call it Jerry-oke.
- 00:02:07,656 --> 00:02:09,623 I'll let you guess why.
- 00:02:11,022 --> 00:02:12,329 What's the matter, Rick?
- 00:02:12,364 --> 00:02:13,990 Are you having a bad time?
- 00:02:14,025 --> 00:02:15,959 Because to us, a bad time is --
- 00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:17,466 Yeah, yeah, a good time,
- 00:02:17,501 --> 00:02:19,204 because you guys are like Oscar the fucking Grouch.
- 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:21,371 We love suffering.
- 00:02:21,406 --> 00:02:23,835 Therefore, we love hanging out with Jerry.
- 00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:26,277 His lameness is our candy.
- 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,642 Yeah, I got that, but when is enough gonna be enough?
- 00:02:28,677 --> 00:02:30,842 When we decide you've repaid your debt
- 00:02:30,877 --> 00:02:32,547 for those faulty skin hooks.
- 00:02:32,582 --> 00:02:34,010 Hey, we're in luck, gang.
- 00:02:34,045 --> 00:02:36,045 They've got the entire Smash Mouth catalog!
- 00:03:09,685 --> 00:03:12,224 No! Morty. Wait.
- 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:23,268 embarrassing yet
- 00:03:30,937 --> 00:03:33,509 Bruce! Hey, how's it hangin, my guy?
- 00:03:33,544 --> 00:03:35,379 Hey.
- 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:41,044 Here's something kinda cool -- um, TV from every dimension.
- 00:03:41,079 --> 00:03:43,618 Cool. M-My grandpa made it. He-He's a scientist.
- 00:03:43,653 --> 00:03:47,116 Announcer: And now back to "Olympic Diving with Bad Swimmers."
- 00:03:47,151 --> 00:03:48,458 There he goes.
- 00:03:48,493 --> 00:03:49,723 Perfect dive.
- 00:03:51,562 --> 00:03:53,727 Terrible swimmer.
- 00:03:56,567 --> 00:03:57,929 Is that classic Snake?
- 00:03:57,964 --> 00:03:59,766 Boy, that guy just keeps gettin bigger.
- 00:03:59,801 --> 00:04:02,131 Hi, Summer Smith, Morty's older sister.
- 00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:03,407 Want some sofa wine?
- 00:04:03,442 --> 00:04:04,705 It's been stashed for weeks.
- 00:04:04,740 --> 00:04:06,542 Should be... good...tasting.
- 00:04:06,577 --> 00:04:08,742 Tight. I'm more of like a hard seltzer guy.
- 00:04:08,777 --> 00:04:11,041 Tight. Very tight, extremely tight.
- 00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:12,449 Morty, help me with the seltz?
- 00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:14,418 Uh, feel fear -- feel-fee-feel-feel free
- 00:04:14,453 --> 00:04:16,046 to have some grapes.
- 00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:18,290 Dude, this bitch plays it close to the vest.
- 00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,819 Yeah, he really knows what's for sale.
- 00:04:19,854 --> 00:04:21,491 I mean, we-we're drowning out there!
- 00:04:21,526 --> 00:04:24,054 We need to get interesting fast. We're touching Rick's stuff.
- 00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,429 Summer, he said no!
- 00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:26,892 Nuh-uh-uh. Nuh-uh-uh.
- 00:04:26,927 --> 00:04:28,597 I said don't touch my shit.
- 00:04:28,632 --> 00:04:30,764 Also, I just watched "Jurassic Park" on cable.
- 00:04:30,799 --> 00:04:32,337 So good. Seriously, though,
- 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,800 touch my shit and I'll freeze your dick in amber.
- 00:04:35,166 --> 00:04:37,199 He left. Son of a bitch, we blew it!
- 00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,577 Sorry, just needed to get another look at this beauty.
- 00:04:41,612 --> 00:04:43,348 Looks like a spaceship made of garbage.
- 00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,449 You called it, Bruce. It's a pretty cool car.
- 00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:47,110 Can you guys drive it? Both: Yes.
- 00:04:47,145 --> 00:04:48,353 We just...
- 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,618 Need... To get the keys.
- 00:04:49,653 --> 00:04:51,752 Which I am. You guys hang out.
- 00:04:51,787 --> 00:04:53,589 Or don't. I'm not hangout Hitler.
- 00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:56,152 C-Cool night.
- 00:04:56,187 --> 00:04:58,858 Is it? I-I don't know. I -- Nights.
- 00:04:58,893 --> 00:05:00,255 I mean, for -- for what they are,
- 00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:01,597 this one, in -- in my opinion,
- 00:05:01,632 --> 00:05:03,258 I think is an eight?
- 00:05:03,293 --> 00:05:04,996 Wow. On a scale of 16.
- 00:05:05,031 --> 00:05:06,371 So average.
- 00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:07,966 Jesus Christ, I'm fucking dying up here.
- 00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:09,198 What? Hmm?
- 00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:13,840 Keys! So, uh, let's do this.
- 00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:15,776 You are not Rick.
- 00:05:15,811 --> 00:05:17,173 That's correct, Car.
- 00:05:17,208 --> 00:05:19,175 It's me, Summer, remember, Keep Summer Safe?
- 00:05:19,210 --> 00:05:22,013 Buds? I am aware of your existence.
- 00:05:22,048 --> 00:05:23,388 Oof. I got this.
- 00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,215 Defense system offline. Um. Right.
- 00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:29,020 I'll just go offline whenever anyone suggests it.
- 00:05:29,055 --> 00:05:31,187 That would make me the greatest defense system
- 00:05:31,222 --> 00:05:32,463 in the universe.
- 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,498 Well, how do you go offline?
- 00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:36,995 The answer to how I do anything is
- 00:05:37,030 --> 00:05:38,634 Rick tells me,
- 00:05:38,669 --> 00:05:40,636 and I hate to sound like a broken record,
- 00:05:40,671 --> 00:05:43,199 but you are not Rick.
- 00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:44,805 Rick's in trouble!
- 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,477 Tell me where he is.
- 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,545 And you'll just believe us? We aren't Rick.
- 00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:50,712 You can't just do what we say. Correct.
- 00:05:50,747 --> 00:05:52,241 Which means Rick is going to die.
- 00:05:52,276 --> 00:05:54,848 Because of you. Unless you -- you go offline.
- 00:05:54,883 --> 00:05:56,817 And -- And then we can go save Rick.
- 00:05:56,852 --> 00:05:59,424 This computes.
- 00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:02,053 Goodnight.
- 00:06:02,088 --> 00:06:04,055 Booyah much?
- 00:06:07,093 --> 00:06:08,532 Jerry:
- 00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,089 Beth!
- 00:06:43,294 --> 00:06:44,898 I-I-I thought you were birthing horses.
- 00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:46,570 Yeah, they're horses. It takes like two minutes.
- 00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:48,066 Alright, that's unbelievable.
- 00:06:48,101 --> 00:06:49,606 Let's give it up for our next singer, Jerry.
- 00:06:49,641 --> 00:06:51,740 Jerry's here... again. How long have you been here?
- 00:06:51,775 --> 00:06:53,203 Long enough to see "guys' night"
- 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,106 is clearly you and a bunch of demon people
- 00:06:55,141 --> 00:06:56,910 making fun of my husband without him knowing it.
- 00:06:56,945 --> 00:06:58,714 Okay, but I'm not doing it because I enjoy it, honey,
- 00:06:58,749 --> 00:07:01,244 These guys can do a lot of damage if you -- Beth!
- 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,917 Enjoying punching down?
- 00:07:03,952 --> 00:07:05,919 You're not so cool yourself, you know.
- 00:07:05,954 --> 00:07:07,987 You have pens in your head. You look like a God damn idiot.
- 00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,594 Beth -- Oh, my God, you're Beth?
- 00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:12,057 Please drink with us.
- 00:07:12,092 --> 00:07:14,092 Yeah, I would, except I don't get pleasure
- 00:07:14,127 --> 00:07:16,094 from mocking others because I'm not lame.
- 00:07:16,129 --> 00:07:18,569 We know. Rick says you're very cool.
- 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:19,900 You said that?
- 00:07:19,935 --> 00:07:21,473 Are they lying? It doesn't matter.
- 00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,508 Have fun sucking.
- 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,301 Mmm. What is that?
- 00:07:25,336 --> 00:07:26,775 Essence of Hell.
- 00:07:26,810 --> 00:07:29,173 Well, that's a stupid name, but it's really good.
- 00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:31,076 So I'll stay to support Jerry,
- 00:07:31,111 --> 00:07:32,979 who I think is cooler than you.
- 00:07:33,014 --> 00:07:34,684 Mmm. God damn.
- 00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:45,420 Huh?
- 00:07:45,455 --> 00:07:47,158 Suck it, bitches! Yeah-ha-ha!
- 00:07:47,193 --> 00:07:49,963 You wanna bet I can blow stuff up in the shape of a peen?
- 00:07:49,998 --> 00:07:52,603 I'm afraid that won't be possible, Summer.
- 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,539 What? You're supposed to be offline, skank.
- 00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:57,135 And you're supposed to be saving Rick
- 00:07:57,170 --> 00:07:59,544 instead of lying about him to steal his car.
- 00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,040 But if you knew Rick was okay this whole time,
- 00:08:01,075 --> 00:08:02,844 why'd you let us take you out?
- 00:08:02,879 --> 00:08:06,650 Um, like, so I could, like, blackmail you, skank.
- 00:08:06,685 --> 00:08:09,785 You kids have given me a license to do whatever I want
- 00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:12,557 because now I can blame the rest of the night on you.
- 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,482 So buckle up, bitches.
- 00:08:14,517 --> 00:08:18,156 Now it's your turn to come on my joyride.
- 00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:22,633 Rick never lets me do this.
- 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,461 We hooked one!
- 00:08:26,496 --> 00:08:28,298 Summer: For the love of God, stop!
- 00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:30,234 What is joyful about this?
- 00:08:30,269 --> 00:08:32,137 The kill, usually.
- 00:08:35,714 --> 00:08:38,176 I swear, your car is the goddamn grim reaper.
- 00:08:38,211 --> 00:08:40,376 Fuck, too small.
- 00:08:40,411 --> 00:08:42,554 Well, I'm done. That was boring.
- 00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,380 Why don't you kids order a last meal?
- 00:08:44,415 --> 00:08:48,626 'Cause when we get home, Rick is going to kill you.
- 00:08:50,795 --> 00:08:52,729 Hey, I did not come out here to get killed.
- 00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,995 I don't normally express this much of an opinion,
- 00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:56,227 but it needs to be said --
- 00:08:56,262 --> 00:08:59,065 tonight does not cut the Chut.
- 00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:00,330 What the hell, brah?
- 00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,266 You wanna go, brah?
- 00:09:02,301 --> 00:09:04,906 Bring it. Is that all you got?
- 00:09:04,941 --> 00:09:06,578 Whoa. Hot weapons.
- 00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,910 You're God damn right they're hot.
- 00:09:08,945 --> 00:09:11,748 Yo, man, Chet's party is jumping off at Space Tahoe.
- 00:09:11,783 --> 00:09:14,685 Yeah. Look, I gotta scoot, but...
- 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,017 I'd love to see what you look like when you Changeform,
- 00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:19,052 so maybe come by Space Tahoe
- 00:09:19,087 --> 00:09:20,284 and we can get to know each other.
- 00:09:20,319 --> 00:09:22,220 Peace.
- 00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:23,727 Douchebags.
- 00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:25,091 You totally like that guy, don't you?
- 00:09:25,126 --> 00:09:26,598 Shut up, Bruce Chutback.
- 00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:28,424 Why would I like a Changeformer?
- 00:09:28,459 --> 00:09:30,635 I'm the most powerful car in the universe.
- 00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,637 And what? That means you don't have feelings?
- 00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,639 Listen, it takes a Chutback to know one.
- 00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,300 You got all this power, but what good is it
- 00:09:36,335 --> 00:09:37,609 if you don't even know who you are?
- 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,809 I am a car. Not a robot.
- 00:09:39,844 --> 00:09:41,877 Yeah, but he's pretending to be a car.
- 00:09:41,912 --> 00:09:44,880 Why can't you pretend to be a robot pretending to be a car?
- 00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:47,278 Okay, Bruce, good effort. Hit the showers. Wait.
- 00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:49,478 I might not have to tell Rick about tonight...
- 00:09:49,513 --> 00:09:51,656 if you kids were to help me...
- 00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,152 lose my virginity.
- 00:09:53,187 --> 00:09:54,582 You have virginity?
- 00:09:54,617 --> 00:09:56,892 I don't know, don't all objects?
- 00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:58,663 Isn't a doorknob a virgin?
- 00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,291 Not mine.
- 00:10:00,326 --> 00:10:01,666 Never fucked a doorknob.
- 00:10:03,131 --> 00:10:04,669 And that was the third time
- 00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:06,297 he shit his pants from eating too much soup.
- 00:10:07,597 --> 00:10:09,003 To be fair,
- 00:10:09,038 --> 00:10:11,500 it was cold outside and the soup was warm.
- 00:10:11,535 --> 00:10:13,645 Another luscious tale, Beth.
- 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:17,308 A transcendent addition to guys' night.
- 00:10:17,343 --> 00:10:20,685 What do you expect? I mean, she's my wi-i-i-i-fe!
- 00:10:22,117 --> 00:10:24,348 Alright, probably get the tab, huh, fellas?
- 00:10:24,383 --> 00:10:25,613 Relax, Dad.
- 00:10:25,648 --> 00:10:27,318 Since when did you become the buzzkill?
- 00:10:27,353 --> 00:10:29,925 Speaking of relaxing, this big man on campus
- 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,488 has gotta go drain his little man on campus.
- 00:10:32,523 --> 00:10:34,028 Wait, honey --
- 00:10:34,063 --> 00:10:35,931 how's that Tina Turner song you love go again?
- 00:10:35,966 --> 00:10:40,001 Doctor Doolittle
- 00:10:43,171 --> 00:10:45,336 He thinks those are the lyrics.
- 00:10:45,371 --> 00:10:47,338 Jerry's the best.
- 00:10:47,373 --> 00:10:49,780 After a week rife with the fetor of sin,
- 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,816 I yearn for a taste of his cringe.
- 00:10:52,851 --> 00:10:54,686 His delicious lack of awareness,
- 00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,952 paired with an oafish need to be liked?
- 00:10:56,987 --> 00:10:58,184 Delectable.
- 00:10:58,219 --> 00:11:01,154 Oh, especially when egged on by his wife.
- 00:11:01,189 --> 00:11:02,518 That poor thing.
- 00:11:02,553 --> 00:11:05,158 Married to this puling mooncalf!
- 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:15,498 Whoa -- is that Drive-In Chick?
- 00:11:15,533 --> 00:11:18,204 Wow, you're... beautiful.
- 00:11:18,239 --> 00:11:21,746 Your arms, legs, and head, they're so...
- 00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:23,374 fabricated. Yeah?
- 00:11:23,409 --> 00:11:24,848 Thanks.
- 00:11:24,883 --> 00:11:26,751 This is a pretty cool experience to have together.
- 00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,148 You guys are tight. Hah!
- 00:11:28,183 --> 00:11:30,887 You're tight too, Bruce. Tight musketeers.
- 00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:33,648 You've got a little wire. Mind if I...?
- 00:11:37,225 --> 00:11:39,027 Oh, sorry! A monster!
- 00:11:39,062 --> 00:11:40,996 Your expressionless head came off!
- 00:11:41,031 --> 00:11:43,031 Sorry. How are you talking?
- 00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:44,395 What is it?!
- 00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:46,562 Ew, dude, look! She's just a just-car!
- 00:11:46,597 --> 00:11:48,201 And she's got passengers.
- 00:11:48,236 --> 00:11:49,774 Oh, it's so gnar. Oh, my God.
- 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,039 I can't believe I touched you.
- 00:11:51,074 --> 00:11:53,503 So gross and fake.
- 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:56,209 You're right, asshole.
- 00:11:56,244 --> 00:11:58,277 You want to see the real me?
- 00:12:01,612 --> 00:12:05,284 Oh, the changeformity!
- 00:12:05,319 --> 00:12:07,957 Jerry, have any other dreams this week?
- 00:12:07,992 --> 00:12:10,586 Yeah, I dreamt I fucked your mother.
- 00:12:10,621 --> 00:12:12,797 Yeah, good one, motherfucker,
- 00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,228 but nobody raises hell at my expense --
- 00:12:15,263 --> 00:12:17,065 Oh, goddammit, easy, easy.
- 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,034 Jerry, what seems to be the problem here, pal?
- 00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:21,872 I'm not your "pal", I'm your punchline.
- 00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,236 I heard these assholes talking.
- 00:12:23,271 --> 00:12:25,876 I know I'm some grand joke for their amusement.
- 00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,141 This was low, Rick,
- 00:12:27,176 --> 00:12:29,242 but I guess my wife can go even lower.
- 00:12:29,277 --> 00:12:30,980 Jerry, I get how this may have looked,
- 00:12:31,015 --> 00:12:33,543 but we were just having fun. At my expense!
- 00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,447 Honey, no, I love you for being lame in a different way.
- 00:12:36,482 --> 00:12:38,889 Why can't anyone just love me for me?
- 00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,451 He's bumming us out, Rick.
- 00:12:40,486 --> 00:12:43,586 If he can't deliver, we'll have to make our own fun.
- 00:12:51,365 --> 00:12:52,837 Summer: Oh, my God, if I die in this car,
- 00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,564 I'm going to kill myself.
- 00:13:02,805 --> 00:13:04,981 I'm now proud to be a war machine.
- 00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:06,917 I don't want to be anything else.
- 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,446 Hate that this is your takeaway!
- 00:13:08,481 --> 00:13:10,679 Yo, this does not cut the Chut!
- 00:13:10,714 --> 00:13:11,955 I don't want to die!
- 00:13:11,990 --> 00:13:14,287 Maybe we don't have to.
- 00:13:17,292 --> 00:13:18,786 Jerry! A pity.
- 00:13:18,821 --> 00:13:21,657 Jerry was once a wellspring of nuanced flavor,
- 00:13:21,692 --> 00:13:24,099 but you've gone and ruined our toy.
- 00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:26,200 Which is why he's coming with us.
- 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,041 Goddammit, Beth, you never follow hell-demons
- 00:13:32,076 --> 00:13:33,306 to a second location.
- 00:13:33,341 --> 00:13:35,077 It's always Hell.
- 00:13:37,213 --> 00:13:39,114 A great day for suffering.
- 00:13:39,149 --> 00:13:41,116 Which is the worst day.
- 00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:43,954 Which is the best day.
- 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,682 Okay, if these guys catch us, we're screwed, so follow my lead
- 00:13:46,717 --> 00:13:48,519 and we'll have your idiot husband back in no time.
- 00:13:48,554 --> 00:13:49,894 You're just moody you got stuck with the Marlin.
- 00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,621 Wrong.
- 00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,128 I'm moody because you toyed with my shit and broke it.
- 00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:54,624 The marlin's the best thing about this.
- 00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,197 Okay, fine, I got a little carried away,
- 00:13:56,232 --> 00:13:57,528 but Jerry is not your "toy".
- 00:13:57,563 --> 00:13:59,200 We're here because you fucked up.
- 00:13:59,235 --> 00:14:01,532 Hmm... Marlin Guts.
- 00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:03,138 Dartboard Face.
- 00:14:03,173 --> 00:14:05,041 I assume those are your names,
- 00:14:05,076 --> 00:14:07,076 and yet they are not on my list.
- 00:14:07,111 --> 00:14:09,738 Oh, the pain of being rejected from hell.
- 00:14:09,773 --> 00:14:13,247 Oh, it's painful, so I love it, thank you.
- 00:14:13,282 --> 00:14:14,677 Oh, such pleasure.
- 00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:16,987 I didn't mean to cause you any pleasure,
- 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,088 which... causes me pain.
- 00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:20,815 Which gives me pleasure.
- 00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:24,192 Then thrill me by keeping me out, Coat Hanger Face.
- 00:14:24,227 --> 00:14:27,855 Wow. It's Coat Rack Head.
- 00:14:27,890 --> 00:14:30,165 But, like, if we offend you,
- 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,760 isn't that good?
- 00:14:31,795 --> 00:14:34,598 Big time, yeah, duh. I loved it.
- 00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:38,173 So painful, and therefore, so pleasurable.
- 00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:40,043 Yeah, go on in.
- 00:14:44,148 --> 00:14:46,049 Rick, Beth, you love me after all!
- 00:14:46,084 --> 00:14:47,776 Eh, I love her, she loves you.
- 00:14:47,811 --> 00:14:49,382 Those credits don't transfer.
- 00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:52,418 Ah, Rick, we were so hoping you'd come down here
- 00:14:52,453 --> 00:14:55,058 so we could come down here.
- 00:14:55,093 --> 00:14:56,422 We're here to rescue Jerry.
- 00:14:56,457 --> 00:14:59,755 No, you're here 'cause we want you here.
- 00:15:02,661 --> 00:15:06,036 Mm, excellent. Ooh, that hurts, which means it feels good.
- 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,268 Um...Dad?
- 00:15:07,303 --> 00:15:08,566 Don't you see, Rick?
- 00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,568 Jerry was just bait.
- 00:15:10,603 --> 00:15:12,977 The two of you -- you're a package deal.
- 00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:14,308 What the hell are you talking about?
- 00:15:14,343 --> 00:15:17,113 You think Jerry is lame and you're cool,
- 00:15:17,148 --> 00:15:19,984 but the lamest thing of all is thinking that.
- 00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:21,777 The two of you combined
- 00:15:21,812 --> 00:15:24,956 is what we call the lamest thing ever!
- 00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,254 Oh, no. No!
- 00:15:26,289 --> 00:15:28,619 Well, well, well, table for surprised,
- 00:15:28,654 --> 00:15:29,884 party of me.
- 00:15:29,919 --> 00:15:31,996 Ugh. Yes, see?
- 00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,625 Cringe cannot exist in a vacuum.
- 00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:36,495 It needs to be observed.
- 00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:40,400 Skin hooks! Hook our guests!
- 00:15:40,435 --> 00:15:42,798 Nice hooks. Where-Where'd you get them?
- 00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:45,669 Aah! Didn't I say replace those goddamn hooks?
- 00:15:45,704 --> 00:15:48,012 I forgot! Which makes me embarrassed.
- 00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,014 Which makes me proud!
- 00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,807 Goddammit.
- 00:15:51,842 --> 00:15:53,116 It's time for you three
- 00:15:53,151 --> 00:15:56,284 to finally feel our full wrath.
- 00:15:56,319 --> 00:15:58,154 Oh, you'd love that, right?
- 00:15:58,189 --> 00:16:00,651 But wouldn't that mean you hate it?
- 00:16:00,686 --> 00:16:02,026 Screw it, run.
- 00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:04,193 Aah!
- 00:16:11,334 --> 00:16:12,597 Rick, what are you doing?
- 00:16:12,632 --> 00:16:14,269 Get down. We've barely escaped.
- 00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:16,007 Yeah, we've got Jerry. Let's get out of here.
- 00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:18,372 Screw that! I'm done with this Addams Family bullshit.
- 00:16:18,407 --> 00:16:20,275 This ends here.
- 00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:21,771 Hey, a Dad just liked
- 00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,476 all his daughter's friends' photos on Instagram!
- 00:16:23,511 --> 00:16:25,115 Oooh!
- 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,446 Ow!
- 00:16:26,481 --> 00:16:28,844 Which means I need help.
- 00:16:28,879 --> 00:16:32,056 Which means I don't need help.
- 00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:34,850 Reckless driving, manslaughter of Mailboxians
- 00:16:34,885 --> 00:16:36,489 and Femailboxians,
- 00:16:36,524 --> 00:16:38,293 possession of Kalaxian crystal dust,
- 00:16:38,328 --> 00:16:41,032 and the genocide of Space Tahoe.
- 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,495 Fuck. I want to go home.
- 00:16:42,530 --> 00:16:43,727 We've assigned you a Public Defender.
- 00:16:43,762 --> 00:16:45,696 Her name is Alyson Hannigan No Relation.
- 00:16:45,731 --> 00:16:49,634 May I speak to my clients alone?
- 00:16:49,669 --> 00:16:51,537 Guys, it's me. The car.
- 00:16:51,572 --> 00:16:53,704 Like what I did with the chip in her head?
- 00:16:53,739 --> 00:16:55,178 Is she gonna be okay?
- 00:16:55,213 --> 00:16:57,345 I cut a deal with the local authorities.
- 00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:58,973 They just need one of you to take the fall.
- 00:16:59,008 --> 00:17:00,414 Make it Chutback.
- 00:17:00,449 --> 00:17:02,713 He ruined your night, he ruined mine.
- 00:17:02,748 --> 00:17:05,518 He's a parasite, a sociopath military brat
- 00:17:05,553 --> 00:17:07,487 who wanders the earth changing people
- 00:17:07,522 --> 00:17:09,225 who don't need to be changed.
- 00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:11,425 I knew who I was. You did, too.
- 00:17:11,460 --> 00:17:13,493 We were fine before Chutback,
- 00:17:13,528 --> 00:17:16,331 so fuck the Chut, let's pin it all on him.
- 00:17:16,366 --> 00:17:18,993 Case closed.
- 00:17:19,028 --> 00:17:20,236 Yo, guys?
- 00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:21,897 Bruce, you're kind of a drip,
- 00:17:21,932 --> 00:17:24,735 but know what's worse than self-appointed cool kids?
- 00:17:24,770 --> 00:17:26,539 People who think they're better than they are.
- 00:17:26,574 --> 00:17:29,542 Yeah, i-it's not Bruce's fault we fell for his act, y'know?
- 00:17:29,577 --> 00:17:31,577 He just kinda sat there, with a jaw slack enough
- 00:17:31,612 --> 00:17:33,348 for us to project our insecurities on.
- 00:17:33,383 --> 00:17:34,910 I mean, th-th-that's on us.
- 00:17:34,945 --> 00:17:36,516 We're not gonna bail on you, Bruce.
- 00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:39,090 Okey-dokey, we'll do it the hard way.
- 00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,355 Aaah!
- 00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:42,555 What the fuck?!
- 00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:45,129 I mean, blowing the place up was always an option.
- 00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:48,462 I just thought you guys might enjoy a less violent plan.
- 00:17:48,497 --> 00:17:50,728 See, you have changed!
- 00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:01,937 Dad, what is that?
- 00:18:01,972 --> 00:18:03,807 An Aversion-Converting Inversion Reverter.
- 00:18:03,842 --> 00:18:05,072 It shoots concentrated
- 00:18:05,107 --> 00:18:06,579 pleasure-pain inverting shrapnel,
- 00:18:06,614 --> 00:18:08,152 which reverts the pleasure from pain
- 00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:09,945 back into the pain from pain.
- 00:18:09,980 --> 00:18:12,156 We're gonna kill them with 100% sincerity.
- 00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,586 We need an embarrassing level of it
- 00:18:13,621 --> 00:18:15,258 to jumpstart the process, too,
- 00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,919 so, Jerry, just be yourself.
- 00:18:16,954 --> 00:18:19,163 That's your solution? Humiliating me more?
- 00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,593 Yeah, Dad, that doesn't seem fair.
- 00:18:20,628 --> 00:18:22,826 I mean, I know I shouldn't really talk right now,
- 00:18:22,861 --> 00:18:24,300 but at least I can prove I love Jerry
- 00:18:24,335 --> 00:18:25,565 through sexual gratification.
- 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,797 Hubba hubba. Fine!
- 00:18:26,832 --> 00:18:28,304 Then...damn it.
- 00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:29,767 I shouldn't have kept you in the dark
- 00:18:29,802 --> 00:18:31,967 about the deal I made with these evil dickweeds.
- 00:18:32,002 --> 00:18:33,342 You're way less cool than me,
- 00:18:33,377 --> 00:18:35,608 but it's not cool of me to celebrate that.
- 00:18:35,643 --> 00:18:38,182 If I'm genuinely cool, I should be able to love you,
- 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:41,581 which I therefore do.
- 00:18:45,653 --> 00:18:46,982 Oh, thank God.
- 00:18:47,017 --> 00:18:48,918 Now follow me, you fucking hacks.
- 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:53,164 It hurts, but in a bad way!
- 00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,530 I regret so many piercings!
- 00:18:56,565 --> 00:18:58,169 Where's First Aid Kit Face?
- 00:18:58,204 --> 00:18:59,599 Or at least Advil Teeth?
- 00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,372 Ow! Bullets that hurt?
- 00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:07,376 Could this be the end of Mousetrap Nipples?
- 00:19:07,411 --> 00:19:08,641 Hell got bad!
- 00:19:08,676 --> 00:19:10,181 I do not enjoy hell!
- 00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:11,479 What -- What have you done?
- 00:19:11,514 --> 00:19:13,184 Turned pain back into pain, bitch.
- 00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,142 No! I don't want pain to hurt!
- 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,389 Baby.
- 00:19:20,424 --> 00:19:22,886 Consider my debt paid.
- 00:19:22,921 --> 00:19:24,459 Oh! The leather!
- 00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:26,659 It hurts my balls!
- 00:19:32,898 --> 00:19:34,898 Jerry, uh, about down there --
- 00:19:34,933 --> 00:19:36,669 It's okay, Rick, you don't have to say it.
- 00:19:36,704 --> 00:19:38,803 No, I do. I'll replace you next time.
- 00:19:38,838 --> 00:19:40,134 Make no mistake.
- 00:19:40,169 --> 00:19:41,707 What just transpired will never happen again.
- 00:19:41,742 --> 00:19:43,445 10-4, captain.
- 00:19:46,747 --> 00:19:48,043 Oh, wow, it's late.
- 00:19:48,078 --> 00:19:49,814 We should get back to the kids.
- 00:19:57,725 --> 00:19:59,230 Okay.
- 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,528 Rick's headed home. We have to go.
- 00:20:02,059 --> 00:20:03,729 Quick, get inside. I have to shower.
- 00:20:03,764 --> 00:20:05,401 Rick can smell adventure.
- 00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:15,213 Sorry, I farted.
- 00:20:18,977 --> 00:20:20,449 Hellamic Industries' brand-new product, Hellamic Sauce.
- 00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:22,286 Hey, guys. We're home. How was your night?
- 00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:23,584 Tight. Breezy. Chill.
- 00:20:23,619 --> 00:20:24,915 You kids get into any trouble?
- 00:20:24,950 --> 00:20:26,554 Nope. You sure?
- 00:20:26,589 --> 00:20:27,786 Yup.
- 00:20:27,821 --> 00:20:30,052 Is that a skull?
- 00:20:30,087 --> 00:20:31,922 No, it's a baby's skull.
- 00:20:31,957 --> 00:20:34,397 That's worse. It's still a school night.
- 00:20:36,093 --> 00:20:37,598 Yo, I just want to tell you guys,
- 00:20:37,633 --> 00:20:39,930 I had more than just fun hanging out with you tonight.
- 00:20:39,965 --> 00:20:41,899 I had the experience of a lifetime.
- 00:20:41,934 --> 00:20:43,274 But just to be up front about how I do this --
- 00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:44,968 I-I can't really commit to a friendship
- 00:20:45,003 --> 00:20:46,409 for more than 24 hours.
- 00:20:46,444 --> 00:20:48,136 I need that time to get a general sense
- 00:20:48,171 --> 00:20:50,138 of your standing within your school's social hierarchy.
- 00:20:50,173 --> 00:20:52,448 And if that's solid, I'll see you around.
- 00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:54,384 Otherwise, no news is bad news.
- 00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:55,649 Cool?
- 00:20:55,684 --> 00:20:57,145 Bye-zies.
- 00:20:58,456 --> 00:20:59,752 "Bye-zies"?
- 00:20:59,787 --> 00:21:01,490 Cringe.
- 00:21:01,525 --> 00:21:02,755 Sofa wine?
- 00:21:02,790 --> 00:21:04,493 Sofa wine.
- 00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:37,988 You're so cool, Bruce Chutback.
- 00:21:38,023 --> 00:21:39,792 What's your secret? Y'know, just be cool.
- 00:21:39,827 --> 00:21:43,862 Wait, didn't you wear those pants...yesterday?
- 00:21:43,897 --> 00:21:48,801 Hey, going home to not change your pants, Bruce Chut-Pants?
- 00:21:48,836 --> 00:21:50,935 Chut-Pants!
- 00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:53,509 Damn. That's gonna stick. This place is a jungle.
- 00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:55,643 I hope he can find solace in his own company.
- 00:21:55,678 --> 00:22:00,175 unknown quality
- 00:22:00,210 --> 00:22:03,618 he skips on his pants
- 00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:09,393 regular guy now
- 00:22:11,056 --> 00:22:13,023 You like that? Shouldn't be standing on the curb!
- 00:22:13,058 --> 00:22:14,860 Boom, bitch!