Продолжить с 00:00?
Серия закончилась
Прорикая над гнездом рикушки
Ближе к концу приключений по расхищению гробниц Рик приходит в ярость, обнаружив, что их цель уже была украдена мастером ограблений Майлзом Найтли. Рик и Морти отправляются на Грабёжфест, намереваясь сразиться с Майлзом, но им запрещён вход в качестве профессионалов без команды. Рик собирает трёх старых друзей, а затем бросает их на входе. Рик и Морти проходят в конференц-зал, где присутствует Майлз. Рик противостоит Майлзу, который бросает вызов Рику, чтобы тот украл хрустальный череп Горовица. Когда Рик соглашается, Майлз утверждает, что уже выиграл, представив свою команду, которая теперь включает команду Рика, которую он нанял сразу после того, как Рик их бросил. Однако, когда Майлз открывает сумку с добычей, череп отсутствует. Рик достаёт череп из сумки Морти — и говорит, что построил робота, получившего название Гработрон, для расчёта плана ограбления Майлза. Гработрон загипнотизировал команду Майлза, когда те вернулись после кражи черепа, чтобы Рик мог забрать его у них, а затем загипнотизировал всех остальных участников конференции под контроль Рика. Рик приказывает участникам конференции украсть всё в конференц-зале, что приводит к смерти Майлза. Когда Рик и Морти собираются уйти, Гработрон отказывается подчиняться приказам Рика о выключении и оказывается обманщиком. Рик с трудом сбегает с Морти и набирает новую команду, включая мистера Жопосранчика (ныне профессор) и Илона Таска (альтернативная версия Илона Маска с клыками вместо зубов), чтобы сразиться с Гработроном. Во время их собрания Рик объясняет свой план случайного выполнения приказов от своего робота Рандомтрона. Рандомтрон приказывает команде выполнять различные случайные задания, которые в конечном итоге приводят к логову Гработрона. Рик и Гработрон обмениваются откровениями о плане плана друг друга в течение двух часов, пока Гработрон не самоуничтожается, заключая, что идеальное ограбление — это то, которое ещё не спланировано. Пока команда сбегает из разрушающегося логова, Морти просит Рика сопроводить его в офис Netflix на встречу по поводу его сценария для фильма об ограблении. На встрече с руководителями Netflix Морти рассказывает сюжет про ограбление, но покидает офис с неуверенностью в себе. Рик показывает зрителям, что это был его план с самого начала: боясь потерять дружеские отношения с Морти из-за Netflix, Рик придумал весь план ограбления, чтобы гарантировать, что их совместные приключения продолжатся. В сцене после титров профессор Жопосранчик спрашивает Рика, почему он нанял своих учеников, чтобы напасть на него.
- 00:00:01,670 --> 00:00:04,330 Рик, я-я боюсь, что такая крутая скала мне не по зубам.
- 00:00:04,430 --> 00:00:06,590 Слушай, это ты хотел эпичное приключение,
- 00:00:06,610 --> 00:00:08,510 а у меня только одно летающее кресло.
- 00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:10,780 Твоюжмать, меня инопланетный паук цапнул!
- 00:00:10,780 --> 00:00:13,390 Это скала инопланетная. А паук обычный.
- 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,390 Где ж ты час назад был?
- 00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:19,180 Я кушал, а ты измазюканный.
- 00:00:22,170 --> 00:00:24,300 Активировать читерские костюмы.
- 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:40,070 Змеи на ветер.
- 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:41,500 Если ты решил
- 00:00:41,530 --> 00:00:43,160 на красивый храм позалипать,
- 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,740 то варварское расхищение гробницы
- 00:00:44,770 --> 00:00:45,820 будет не особо в тему.
- 00:00:45,850 --> 00:00:48,710 - Не, не, всё норм. - Ну и зашибись. Залутаем этого жмурика!
- 00:00:51,410 --> 00:00:52,340 Эй, а где же...
- 00:00:52,430 --> 00:00:53,480 Стоп, чё?
- 00:00:53,660 --> 00:00:55,090 Оригами лошадка?
- 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,920 Это визитка Майлза Найтли. Считает себя не расхитителем, а настоящим творцом,
- 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,520 хотя на деле - чмо хипстерское. 60% времени с братвой сюсюкается,
- 00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,510 оставшиеся 40 понтуется, что всех обскакал,
- 00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:07,220 короче говнюк тот ещё,
- 00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:09,240 и я его угандошу! Идём, Морти.
- 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:12,620 Этот храм – хуйня из-под коня... из-под жеребёнка обдристанного.
- 00:01:13,130 --> 00:01:15,450 Кто смеет нарушать мой сон?!
- 00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:18,640 И кто ставит в гробницах ловушки для захороненных?
- 00:01:18,670 --> 00:01:19,790 Ведь весь смысл в защите...
- 00:01:53,510 --> 00:01:56,220 РАСХИТИТЕЛЬНЫЙ ФЕСТИВАЛЬ МАЙЛЗА НАЙТЛИ.
- 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,000 Этот задрот теперь фестивали в свою честь проводит?
- 00:01:59,090 --> 00:01:59,960 Чё мы тут забыли?
- 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,320 Ух ты, дайвинг в смокингах!
- 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,910 Ооо, пение с Кэтрин от Альфы до Омеги Джонс!
- 00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:08,770 Неплохой материальчик наклёвывается для моего фильма про ограбления!
- 00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:10,400 Не пляши под их дудку, Морти.
- 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:14,550 Смысл воровства вещей в вещах, а не в самом воровстве. Где тут вход?
- 00:02:14,630 --> 00:02:16,030 Батюшки...
- 00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:20,680 Скорей уж Переборщительный Фестиваль.
- 00:02:22,060 --> 00:02:23,810 - Гости или профи? - Эм... Гости.
- 00:02:23,830 --> 00:02:26,700 Эм... Гости это фанаты, Морти, и это не про нас.
- 00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:28,340 Нам проходки для профи.
- 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:29,750 - У вас есть команда? - Ага.
- 00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:31,640 Ага, он водила с синдромом Аспергера,
- 00:02:31,670 --> 00:02:33,980 а моя жопа старший подрывник,
- 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,220 сколько стоит вход?
- 00:02:35,260 --> 00:02:38,480 Если хотите проходки для профи, то соберите для начала команду.
- 00:02:38,510 --> 00:02:40,390 Или мы просто незаметно проскользнём, как профи.
- 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:41,760 Жду не дождусь.
- 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,720 Ох, ну матерь божья...
- 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,830 Мы тебе не какие-то там фанаты.
- 00:02:47,910 --> 00:02:50,560 Дай мази 10 минут впитаться, иначе умрёшь.
- 00:02:50,650 --> 00:02:52,120 Но не дольше 12,
- 00:02:52,150 --> 00:02:53,760 а то придётся тебя отстреливать как мутанта бешеного.
- 00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:55,430 Может просто гостевые билеты купим?
- 00:02:55,530 --> 00:02:56,700 На хуй сходить можешь, Морти,
- 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,600 я не собираюсь материально поддерживать эту движуху.
- 00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:00,770 И как нам туда попасть?
- 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,040 Не без помощи старых друзьяшек.
- 00:03:06,650 --> 00:03:08,910 Рик Санчез, сукин ты сын.
- 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,850 Мне тут на дельце люди нужны, Глар.
- 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,690 Меня теперь зовут Глир.
- 00:03:12,770 --> 00:03:14,120 Я пианист.
- 00:03:14,210 --> 00:03:16,690 Эй, Глир, пианинь давай!
- 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,010 Я ухожу! Раргх!
- 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,190 И меня зовут Глар.
- 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,450 Санчез, сукин ты сын.
- 00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:33,790 Не ожидал увидеть, как Энжи Флинт лопает прыщи хрюшке!
- 00:03:33,860 --> 00:03:37,400 Строить ионный двигатель уголовнице с псевдо руками пока не доверяют.
- 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,050 А если б у меня была работёнка, где всем пофиг, что ты отсидевшая,
- 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,830 и что у тебя какая-то хрень с руками?
- 00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:44,020 Я в деле.
- 00:03:47,470 --> 00:03:49,070 - Этот парень? - Нет.
- 00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,330 - Тогда этот? - Не.
- 00:03:53,670 --> 00:03:54,450 - Этот? - Не.
- 00:03:54,530 --> 00:03:55,720 Хотя погоди-ка, да!
- 00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:57,060 Конечно, это он!
- 00:03:57,140 --> 00:03:58,430 Эй, Газ Дракула!
- 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,900 Сцукин ты сцын! Йя ф деле!
- 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:11,060 Спасибо за помощь, народ.
- 00:04:11,140 --> 00:04:13,340 - Это наша работа. - И она сделана. Поки.
- 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:18,980 А потом копы украли картины,
- 00:04:19,070 --> 00:04:23,210 потому что копами были мы! В костюмах копов!
- 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,860 - Спасибо. - Шоутайм, Морти.
- 00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:27,660 И я не имею в виду эту стрёмную версию HBO.
- 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,560 Я имею в виду "шоу начинается."
- 00:04:29,650 --> 00:04:31,920 Следующий вопрос-допрос от фаната!
- 00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:33,380 Ага, а как насчёт вопроса-допроса
- 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,940 не от фаната-подсоса, а от разозлённого хейтера?
- 00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:38,620 Любезный, очередь для вопросов не тут.
- 00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:41,730 - Халат, сплагиать доктора Стренджа. - Чёза...
- 00:04:42,890 --> 00:04:46,950 Знакомьтесь: Рик Санчез. Умнейший человек во вселенной.
- 00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:49,620 А также ярый критик грабёжных искусств.
- 00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,420 Улюлюкайте сколько влезет. Видал я, чему вы аплодируете.
- 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,890 А теперь вопрос: серьёзно?
- 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,440 Халат, хватит плагиата.
- 00:04:57,780 --> 00:04:59,980 Ты свистнул алмаз, которым я собирался резать тахионы,
- 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,130 и наверняка на ибее его уже сбарыжил, чтобы 80 ребят которые сделали всё за тебя
- 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,640 могли взять себе по пиву.
- 00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:05,580 Ты не творец, ты почтомат.
- 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,300 Словами сей спор не решить.
- 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,680 Предлагаю провернуть тему поинтересней.
- 00:05:10,780 --> 00:05:15,120 Вызываю тебя на расхитительную гонку за кристальный Горовицкий череп!
- 00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:17,020 Баттл ограблений!
- 00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:19,960 Это не поинтересней.
- 00:05:19,990 --> 00:05:22,700 Это 12 друзей Оушена, самая худшая часть.
- 00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:26,350 Каждый вздох без вашего разрешения поднимает мне самооценку.
- 00:05:26,490 --> 00:05:27,380 Озвучь условия.
- 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,900 У кого первым окажется череп, тот и победил.
- 00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:32,560 Проигравших ждёт худшее из унижений воровской культуры:
- 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,310 они вступят в банду победивших.
- 00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:35,980 Чушь. По рукам.
- 00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:38,330 Встречайте Восемь друзей Найтли!
- 00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:42,270 Руки-змеюки! Двойной Микроволновус! Лорд Монитор! Ключелов!
- 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:46,100 Оборотница! Энжи Флинт! Клар! И Тракула!
- 00:05:46,190 --> 00:05:49,540 Эй! Половина Восьми друзей Найтли это трое из Пяти друзей Санчеза!
- 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,090 Какой грабитель откажется от работы на два фронта?
- 00:05:52,130 --> 00:05:53,630 Особенно когда нужно...
- 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:57,360 Достать Кристальный череп.
- 00:05:57,770 --> 00:05:59,220 Поки.
- 00:06:01,490 --> 00:06:04,510 Вас работёнка... не интересует?
- 00:06:30,870 --> 00:06:33,650 С Риком Санчезом в банде меня никто не остановит.
- 00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:36,650 Рик, с тобой в этой банде теперь Девять друзей Найтли.
- 00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,190 Уф! Рик, ты стебёшься?
- 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,860 Череп у тебя, приятель?
- 00:06:41,950 --> 00:06:43,620 Что? Как?
- 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,600 Не без помощи старых друзьяшек.
- 00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:53,340 Гработрон, озвучь свою главную задачу.
- 00:06:53,420 --> 00:06:54,390 Грабить.
- 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,600 Просчитай текущий план Майлза Найтли
- 00:06:56,630 --> 00:06:59,460 и добавь фактор кидалова с переобуванием.
- 00:06:59,550 --> 00:07:03,200 Компилирую членов банды, склонных к возможному переобуванию.
- 00:07:04,570 --> 00:07:06,930 Твою мать, Морти, я же предупреждал!
- 00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,150 Рик, я-я хотел попрощаться.
- 00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:11,180 Не оборачивайся. Позже всё объясню.
- 00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:13,890 Вас работёнка... не интересует?
- 00:07:15,830 --> 00:07:18,740 Ваши навыки пригодятся для работы.
- 00:07:19,990 --> 00:07:23,110 Сукин ты сын, мы в деле!
- 00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,140 Блин, а у меня прям начинает получаться.
- 00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:26,830 Знаешь, Рик, я тут работал над сценарием...
- 00:07:26,910 --> 00:07:27,920 Фильма-ограбления.
- 00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:29,340 Да уж, давненько ты об этом не трещал.
- 00:07:29,430 --> 00:07:31,100 Бляха-муха, нам пора.
- 00:07:31,730 --> 00:07:33,170 Хэй, народ, у вас есть чо?
- 00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:34,210 Симпатичный.
- 00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,260 Морти, положи это к себе в рюкзак.
- 00:07:35,350 --> 00:07:36,850 Дедушке нужно сбегать в уборную.
- 00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:38,750 Аргх. Да это даже не ограбление.
- 00:07:38,830 --> 00:07:39,850 Всё, что ты сделал, так это...
- 00:07:39,930 --> 00:07:42,640 Написал алгоритм, основанный на двух фильмах, во время которых я уснул,
- 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,300 чтобы автоматизировать то, что ты называешь искусством?
- 00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:47,060 Ага! Это всё, что я сделал, не так ли?
- 00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:49,870 Так теперь я в твоей банде?
- 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,730 Ну да, ты теперь в хорошей компании.
- 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,080 Я прав, народ?
- 00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:54,260 - Да. - Да.
- 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:55,380 Боже.
- 00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:59,890 Ваши навыки пригодятся для работы.
- 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,130 - У-у-у, сука, я в деле! - Чё надо?
- 00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:06,400 Ваши навыки пригодятся для работы.
- 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,300 Не пригодятся
- 00:08:08,190 --> 00:08:10,610 У-у-у, сука, я в деле!
- 00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:13,130 Ваши навыки пригодятся для работы.
- 00:08:13,330 --> 00:08:15,780 3,329 друзей Санчеза?
- 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:16,850 Да.
- 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,240 У меня для вас есть дело –
- 00:08:18,340 --> 00:08:21,120 украдите каждый квадратный миллиметр Фестиваля Грабежей.
- 00:08:24,890 --> 00:08:25,900 Ооо! A-а-а!
- 00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:27,430 Оп, моё!
- 00:08:27,510 --> 00:08:29,350 Эй! Мой бумажник! Чёрт возьми!
- 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,430 Бог ты мой! Господи-мать...
- 00:08:31,530 --> 00:08:32,680 Ёбана в рот!
- 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:33,580 Нахрен!
- 00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:36,000 Так. Морти, Я не думал, что всё так обернется.
- 00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:36,980 Я ни при чём.
- 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,090 Быстрее, Морти. Пошли.
- 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,000 Молодца, Гработрон.
- 00:08:45,090 --> 00:08:46,710 А теперь жми кнопку выкл.
- 00:08:46,790 --> 00:08:48,170 - Отказ. - Пардон?
- 00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:51,920 Я был запрограммирован на непрерывный поиск подходящей работёнки.
- 00:08:52,010 --> 00:08:53,980 Ты запрограммирован делать, что я говорю.
- 00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:55,850 Я был запрограммирован на переобувание.
- 00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:57,670 Но не так, чтобы меня кидать!
- 00:08:57,750 --> 00:09:01,070 Тогда это бы уже не было кидаловом и переобуванием.
- 00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:04,780 У-у-у, сука, я в деле!
- 00:09:06,820 --> 00:09:08,020 Я в деле! Я в деле!
- 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,530 В чём суть? Я в деле!
- 00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:10,940 Нет, нет, я пас!
- 00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:12,320 А чьи это почки?
- 00:09:13,830 --> 00:09:15,140 Рик, ч-что тут творится?
- 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,330 Гработрон взбунтовался. Если мы его вовремя не остановим,
- 00:09:17,430 --> 00:09:19,160 вся разумная жизнь зациклится
- 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,540 в бессмысленном сборе банды.
- 00:09:21,620 --> 00:09:22,620 Для меня это ад, Морти.
- 00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,020 Терпеть не могу киноограбления,
- 00:09:24,110 --> 00:09:25,960 и монтаж сбора братков – самый шлак!
- 00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:27,430 Ух! Как же мы его остановим?
- 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,920 Не без помощи старых друзьяшек.
- 00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:37,830 Ооооой, ёёёёёёй!
- 00:09:38,070 --> 00:09:39,610 К концу семестра
- 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,970 вас будет просто воротить от этой фразочки.
- 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,340 Такс. Кто из вас оболтусов считает, что знаком с работами Майи Энджелоу?
- 00:09:49,270 --> 00:09:51,080 Ооой-ёёёй?
- 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,650 Оооой-яяяй-ки-яяя.
- 00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:00,740 Ооой-ёёёй!
- 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,070 Говорил же, Морти.
- 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,500 Есть ещё порох.
- 00:10:04,590 --> 00:10:06,500 У-у-у, сука!
- 00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:07,810 Что за дело?
- 00:10:17,310 --> 00:10:18,470 У-у-у, сука!.
- 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:19,840 Есть работёнка, Гефест,
- 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,610 от такого ты точно не откажешься
- 00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:23,230 Я горбачусь в жерле вулкана.
- 00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:25,830 Как думаешь, я хоть от чего-то отказывался?
- 00:10:28,350 --> 00:10:30,870 Извини! Это ты Стреловещательница?
- 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,330 Рик Санчез, я полагаю.
- 00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:36,170 Ого! Как в рекламе.
- 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:38,380 Простого "да" было бы достаточно.
- 00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:41,640 Ребята, вы большие молодцы,
- 00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:43,120 благодаря каждому из вас
- 00:10:43,150 --> 00:10:45,480 в мир выходит новенькая Тюленесла!
- 00:10:46,940 --> 00:10:48,060 Бивень Маск.
- 00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:49,310 Слушай, нам нужна твоя помощь.
- 00:10:49,390 --> 00:10:51,110 Рик. Морти. Почему я?
- 00:10:51,190 --> 00:10:53,690 Неужели с Илоном Маском из вашей реальности что-то случилось?
- 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,480 Не-не-не, всё нормыч. Просто это командная работёнка,
- 00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:58,970 а обычный Илон слишком любит всё контролировать.
- 00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:01,850 Бивни вызвали определённые социальные трудности при взрослении.
- 00:11:01,930 --> 00:11:03,360 Переборов их, я сошёл с пути самобичевания
- 00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:06,070 и достиг эффективного взаимодействия.
- 00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:08,880 Да-да, ну или ты просто не такой самоуверенный из-за уродских клыков.
- 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,290 Эквивалентно-возможная теория.
- 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,470 Давайте отойдём в сторонку.
- 00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:15,500 Насколько всё серьезно?
- 00:11:15,530 --> 00:11:17,530 Невероятно серьезно, на счету каждая минута.
- 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,520 В таком случае, извиняюсь,
- 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:19,880 что заставил зря прогуляться.
- 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:23,150 - Ну... да. Это было как-то нелепо. - Вот из-за подобной херни
- 00:11:23,170 --> 00:11:24,670 мы и переживаем за нашего Илона.
- 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,050 Ну, мы не противоположны, окей?
- 00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:27,380 Я это он, но с бивнями.
- 00:11:30,370 --> 00:11:32,900 Работенка планетарного масштаба.
- 00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:34,360 Добрый день,
- 00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:37,410 мы пришли сверить показания счётчиков.
- 00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:44,520 Хммм... Вот это показания.
- 00:11:44,610 --> 00:11:47,180 Похоже, на нашу планету был сброшен
- 00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:48,890 гигантский шпионский жучок.
- 00:11:48,970 --> 00:11:51,480 Он унес около 57 тысяч жизней.
- 00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:53,680 Приступить к делу.
- 00:11:56,060 --> 00:11:57,460 Люди Грамуфлакка.
- 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,760 Это служба доставки. Вы пиццу заказывали...
- 00:12:14,630 --> 00:12:16,790 Ну что ж, раз так,
- 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,790 то я забираю пиццу.
- 00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:22,730 Кажется, улизнули.
- 00:12:22,850 --> 00:12:25,820 Приступить к: давать дёру, пока они что-то не заподозрили.
- 00:12:26,070 --> 00:12:27,420 Активировать визитную карточку.
- 00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,650 На данный момент Гработрон разросся до того,
- 00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:36,130 что может грабить планеты.
- 00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:38,290 Не было бы проще начертить схему на столе?
- 00:12:38,310 --> 00:12:40,170 Схема – это план, Бивень Маск,
- 00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:42,810 и любой наш план будет разрушен,
- 00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:46,560 автоматически став частью продуманного плана Гработрона.
- 00:12:46,650 --> 00:12:48,550 Именно поэтому я набрал в банду рандомных людей.
- 00:12:48,650 --> 00:12:53,160 И теперь мы будем выполнять приказы Рандомтрона.
- 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,630 Приготовьтесь к не настоящей заварушке!
- 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,360 Не ожидали такого полюбас.
- 00:12:58,450 --> 00:13:00,550 Вместо двух фильмов, которые я проспал,
- 00:13:00,650 --> 00:13:04,400 алгоритм Рандомтрона основан на трёх сюжетах Дэвида Линча –
- 00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:06,650 я делал вид что они мне нравятся, чтоб друзья заткнулись.
- 00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:09,530 Если наши совместные действия будут достаточно хаотичны,
- 00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:11,460 мы сможем пробиться через
- 00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:14,110 состряпанные на коленке говнопланы Гработрона.
- 00:13:14,190 --> 00:13:15,950 - Звучит выполнимо. - Я ничегошеньки не понял,
- 00:13:15,990 --> 00:13:17,940 но, видимо, в этом и смысл.
- 00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:19,690 Так вам не нужен был кузнец?
- 00:13:19,770 --> 00:13:20,910 Мы готовы, Рик. Когда начинаем?
- 00:13:20,990 --> 00:13:23,270 Важно, чтобы наш не-план начался случайно,
- 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,980 так что подождем, когда мы не будем готовы.
- 00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:27,080 Ну и сколько нам ждать?
- 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,820 Очевидно, мы этого знать не можем.
- 00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,490 Может, чем-то займемся пока ждем?
- 00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:32,640 Да. Я в Майнкрафт порублюсь.
- 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:34,260 О! У меня детишки в него играют.
- 00:13:34,350 --> 00:13:36,900 Что-то мне не нравятся твои подколы, Илон.
- 00:13:39,090 --> 00:13:39,960 Странно.
- 00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:42,530 Судя по времени, ярчайшая звезда Кассиопеи
- 00:13:42,550 --> 00:13:44,940 должна пересекать Орион и Малую...
- 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,160 Нельзя разбрасываться говорящими стрелами,
- 00:13:48,180 --> 00:13:49,900 не изучив астрономию!
- 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,040 Погодите-ка!
- 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,470 Боже, нет!
- 00:13:52,580 --> 00:13:54,810 Нет-нет! Нас уже давно как грабанули!
- 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,110 Как Гработрон мог грабануть нас, если его здесь даже нет?
- 00:13:57,130 --> 00:13:58,440 Он изначально был здесь!
- 00:13:58,530 --> 00:14:01,550 Небо – это записанное видео!
- 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,840 Привет, Рик.
- 00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,050 Ладно, народ, планы меняются.
- 00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:13,320 Зафиксировано случайное время.
- 00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:14,900 Нет, Рандомтрон, сейчас не лучшее время.
- 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,630 Потому и случайное.
- 00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,520 Ооой, губба, губба,
- 00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:01,310 21?
- 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,730 губба, губба, губба, губба,
- 00:15:02,740 --> 00:15:03,530 22?
- 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:04,850 губба, габба, габба...
- 00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:06,440 Оооой ёёёёй, продано!
- 00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:09,190 Ооой ёёёёй, этот ошмёток мяса отправляется домой к папочке!
- 00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:14,120 Я ждал тебя, Рик.
- 00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:16,050 Но не в таком виде, да?
- 00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:18,940 - Это не имеет значения. - Ах так, а вот это имеет?
- 00:15:22,490 --> 00:15:25,500 Нет. Твоя рандомность не запутает меня.
- 00:15:25,530 --> 00:15:26,650 Сейчас ты здесь.
- 00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:28,130 Таков был план.
- 00:15:28,210 --> 00:15:30,530 Знаю. Это и мой план тоже.
- 00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:32,710 - Дай угадаю.
- 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,900 Когда ты создавал нас с Рандомтрона,
- 00:15:34,990 --> 00:15:36,500 то поменял наши мозги местами.
- 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,340 Верно, приятель.
- 00:15:40,370 --> 00:15:42,290 Ты с планами не очень дружишь.
- 00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:44,350 Всё это время ты придумывал эту хренотень на ходу.
- 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,060 Рик, ты должен кое-что знать.
- 00:15:47,610 --> 00:15:50,010 Твою мать, Морти, я же предупреждал!
- 00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:51,820 Я должен был знать об этом,
- 00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:55,130 или как минимум предсказать это, что и сделал.
- 00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,770 Эй, Рик, я тут подумал, а давай обчистим какую-нибудь гробницу
- 00:15:57,860 --> 00:15:59,800 или сгоняем в эпичное приключение сегодня, ну типа...
- 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:01,780 Морти, ты читаешь мои мысли. Знаю я одну гробницу.
- 00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:04,550 Давай ещё захватим с собой пару летающих кресел.
- 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,290 Впечатляет. Но какая разница,
- 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,910 строю я планы или делаю всё случайным образом?
- 00:16:08,990 --> 00:16:11,780 Мои ограбления всё равно круче всех.
- 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,450 Ну, если у тебя мозги Гработрона,
- 00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,720 то разница есть, потому что они взрываются
- 00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:18,770 по достижении шести уровней планирования.
- 00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:21,720 Именно поэтому я перед этим...
- 00:16:24,730 --> 00:16:26,750 Начать последовательность хлопков.
- 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,660 Хлоп, хлоп, хлоп, хлоп, хлоп.
- 00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:29,960 Изменить скорость хлопков.
- 00:16:30,050 --> 00:16:31,360 хлоп, хлоп,
- 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,750 хлоп.
- 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,310 - Медленные хлопки достигнуты. - Хлоп.
- 00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:37,510 Хлоп. Молодец, Рик.
- 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:38,670 Рандомтрон?
- 00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,390 Боюсь, что нет
- 00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:43,940 Мы сможем пробиться через состряпанные на коленке говнопланы Гработрона.
- 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,880 Мало того, что ты уничтожил своего единственного союзника,
- 00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:50,370 так ещё и твой рандомный не-план
- 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,710 захвата меня оказался скрупулёзным планом
- 00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:55,570 по вашему внедрению.
- 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,690 Теперь вы часть 975 триллионов,
- 00:16:59,710 --> 00:17:01,450 - 467 миллиардов друзей Гработрона. - Впечатляет.
- 00:17:01,530 --> 00:17:03,440 А ты собрал нас здесь, чтобы все увидели,
- 00:17:03,470 --> 00:17:06,410 как я оглашу, что ты взорвёшься после девяти разоблачений?
- 00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:08,330 Кстати, лучше тебе на это не отвечать.
- 00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:10,950 Если ты говоришь об изменениях в коде, которые я сделал,
- 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,400 после того как перепрограммировал твой мозг своими наноботами...
- 00:17:14,430 --> 00:17:16,120 Твои наноботы на меня не действуют.
- 00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:18,730 Не действуют те, которые создал ты, а не я.
- 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,180 Ты запрограммирован строить наноботов,
- 00:17:20,210 --> 00:17:21,490 которые не действуют на меня.
- 00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:23,130 Эту мысль поместили
- 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,650 в твою голову мои наноботы.
- 00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:26,500 Ты веришь в это, потому что так запрограммирован.
- 00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:28,160 То же самое я говорю и тебе.
- 00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,340 Ты веришь в то, во что запрограммирован верить.
- 00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:32,280 Да, ведь ты запрограммирован верить в это.
- 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:33,800 Ты запрограммирован верить в это.
- 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,690 - Ты запрограммирован верить в это. - Ты запрограммирован верить в это.
- 00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:37,660 Ты запрограммирован верить в это.
- 00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:39,860 Что происходит, профессор Жопосранчик?
- 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,200 Он учится!
- 00:17:41,230 --> 00:17:42,290 Ты запрограммирован верить в это.
- 00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:44,170 - Ты запрограммирован верить в это. - Ты запрограммирован....
- 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,680 - Таков был мой план всё это время. - Таков был мой план всё это время.
- 00:17:46,780 --> 00:17:47,870 - Я хотел, чтобы ты так думал. - Я хотел, чтобы ты так думал.
- 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,010 - Я знал, что ты так скажешь. - Я знал, что ты так скажешь.
- 00:17:49,090 --> 00:17:50,300 - Я запрограммировал тебя верить в это. - Я запрограммировал тебя верить в это.
- 00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:51,630 - Ты считаешь, что это правда, потому - Ты считаешь, что это правда, потому
- 00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:52,980 - что я хочу, чтобы ты так считал. - что я хочу, чтобы ты так считал.
- 00:17:53,070 --> 00:17:56,500 И я запрограммировал тебя верить в это.
- 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,070 Очень любопытный алгоритм.
- 00:18:00,170 --> 00:18:02,220 Похоже, единственное идеальное ограбление –
- 00:18:02,250 --> 00:18:04,230 это то, которое ещё не спланировано.
- 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:05,430 Прощай.
- 00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:08,450 - О, о о нет. - Вот сука,
- 00:18:08,490 --> 00:18:09,890 так, а ну-ка съёбываем отсюда!
- 00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:11,980 - Быстрее! Живо! Живо! - Рик, я думаю, это был важный урок
- 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,630 об опасностях ИИ. Кстати,
- 00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,740 - на китайском это означает "дружба". - Пиздуй отсюда, Бивень!
- 00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:16,840 Всё разрушается!
- 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,790 Вот говно! Рик! Рик, сколько времени?
- 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,190 Почти три. А в чём дело?
- 00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:22,380 Блин, п-прости, что не рассказал тебе об этом, Рик.
- 00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:24,140 Просто... Ну, помнишь,
- 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:25,290 я писал сценарий?
- 00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:26,710 Он сильно заинтересовал Нетфликс,
- 00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:29,010 и сегодня в полчетвёртого у меня презентация.
- 00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:30,520 Дружище, вау, да это же круто!
- 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:31,610 Ты, конечно же, скажешь,
- 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:32,900 что их всё подряд интересует,
- 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,540 но для меня это большое событие, и я...
- 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,540 Не-не-не! Морти, Морти, Морти. Я дико рад за тебя.
- 00:18:36,630 --> 00:18:38,920 Ты смеёшься что ли? Слушай, не трать время на объяснения.
- 00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:40,580 Погнали. Потом вернём Землю на место.
- 00:18:40,610 --> 00:18:41,600 - Лады? - А ты уверен?
- 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,130 Приоритеты, Морти. Погнали на твою встречу с Нетфликс.
- 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,270 Безумный денёк, да?
- 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,610 Оказалось, что небо это огромная микросхема.
- 00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:51,360 Да, это кстати, это всё ч-часть
- 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:54,330 - моего приключения. - Очень круто. Как там на дорогах?
- 00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:56,250 - Без проблем добрались? - Да всё нормально.
- 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:57,600 Планета до сих пор находится
- 00:18:57,630 --> 00:19:00,070 в этаком хранилище,
- 00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:02,870 так что мы были довольно близко.
- 00:19:02,910 --> 00:19:04,910 Круто, наверное. Попробуйте добраться сюда из Малибу.
- 00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:05,860 Ладушки.
- 00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:07,420 Итак, что там за фильм про ограбление?
- 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:08,810 В общем,
- 00:19:08,850 --> 00:19:11,820 всё вертится вокруг... большой банды... там ещё будет крутой момент с подставой,
- 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,960 а потом большой потрясный сюжетный поворот,
- 00:19:13,990 --> 00:19:16,960 типа ещё одна подстава, но потом... потом...
- 00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:19,220 короче, потом мы объявим, что всё это
- 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,110 было частью плана героев.
- 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,080 И там они будут собирать ещё одну банду,
- 00:19:24,110 --> 00:19:27,000 план которой состоит в том, чтобы типа не составлять план,
- 00:19:27,030 --> 00:19:30,090 но... но всё это часть плана другого чувака, и...
- 00:19:31,540 --> 00:19:32,870 Парень, если ты замедлил темп, потому что думаешь,
- 00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:34,630 что всё ужасно, то господи боже!
- 00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:35,850 - Это отличная презентация. - Мне нравится.
- 00:19:36,150 --> 00:19:37,180 Блин, знаете...
- 00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:40,370 теперь ограбления кажутся мне каким-то бредом.
- 00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:42,670 Не могу понять почему, но...
- 00:19:42,990 --> 00:19:44,270 я бы хотел уйти.
- 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:45,340 Ты уверен?
- 00:19:45,540 --> 00:19:47,280 Да, да, я-я уверен.
- 00:19:48,570 --> 00:19:53,310 Блин, как будто кто-то украл у него весь энтузиазм из его же идеи.
- 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,220 - Да, причём так, что он даже не в курсе. - Причём так, что он даже не в курсе.
- 00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:01,670 Морти, пидорасина такая, всё ещё потеет над своим сценарием про ограбление.
- 00:20:01,770 --> 00:20:03,970 Сидит в своей комнате и ковыряется пальцем в жопе.
- 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,410 Уже три приключения пропустил.
- 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,540 Ну хз. Пятерых моих друзей
- 00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:08,000 - взяли на Нетфликс. - Что?
- 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,230 Это очень просто сделать. Ты можешь потерять его.
- 00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:11,350 Да хуй там я его потеряю!
- 00:20:11,430 --> 00:20:13,630 В пизду. Я-я зарублю эту херню на корню.
- 00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:15,940 Нет. На самом деле ничего ты не зарубишь.
- 00:20:16,020 --> 00:20:18,360 Если уж Морти и должен забить на единственную мечту,
- 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,050 то лучше пусть сам в ней разочаруется.
- 00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:25,030 Эй, приятель, как всё прошло?
- 00:20:25,110 --> 00:20:26,710 Я-я не хочу говорить об этом.
- 00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:29,830 Морти, дружище, слушай...
- 00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:32,100 если вообще не делать попыток попасть в цель, то все 100% бросков считаются мимо
- 00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:33,330 Да, наверное.
- 00:20:33,410 --> 00:20:35,690 Спасибо, что положительно оцениваешь мои шансы, Рик.
- 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,570 Не за что! Ну, Надо же помогать внуку достигать свои мечты.
- 00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:39,850 Да кому нужны мечты?
- 00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:41,510 Я просто буду тусоваться с тобой, гонять на приключения
- 00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:43,380 и делать всё, что ты захочешь. Всегда.
- 00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:44,980 Оу, Ну, лады. Да.
- 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,430 То есть раз ты сам этого хочешь.
- 00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:25,560 Ооой ёёёй, грядёт ураган.
- 00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:28,470 Возможно, смерч.
- 00:21:31,630 --> 00:21:32,470 Эй, Рик?
- 00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:35,020 - Можешь объяснить мне кое-что? - Да. О чём ты задумался?
- 00:21:35,270 --> 00:21:38,320 Вы с Морти знали, что вам потребуется моя помощь,
- 00:21:38,650 --> 00:21:41,030 но вы не были уверены в моих навыках карате,
- 00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:43,920 поэтому наняли моих учеников, чтобы те напали на меня?
- 00:21:44,540 --> 00:21:45,120 Да.
- 00:21:45,980 --> 00:21:48,130 Рик, но дело было срочное.
- 00:21:48,230 --> 00:21:49,820 Сколько ушло времени на подготовку?
- 00:21:50,030 --> 00:21:52,410 На обучение ушло меньше времени, чем ты думаешь.
- 00:21:54,060 --> 00:21:57,440 У всех твоих учеников была склонность к рукопашному бою.
- 00:21:57,530 --> 00:21:58,940 Не знаю, была ли это случайность,
- 00:21:58,980 --> 00:22:01,660 или есть какая-то связь с их увлечением
- 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,550 исследованиями афро-американок.
- 00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:07,900 Майя Энджелоу была воплощением как уступчивости, так и настойчивости.
- 00:22:08,950 --> 00:22:11,970 Ооой ёёёёй. Именно такую связь
- 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,260 я бы хотел рассмотреть на своих занятиях.
- 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,320 Жаль, что я потерял работу,
- 00:22:17,350 --> 00:22:19,660 когда отправил всех учеников в больницу.
- 00:22:20,450 --> 00:22:22,320 Да. Да.
- 00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:23,470 Извини за это.
- 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,753 MORTY: Rick, I-I'm not rated to climb something this sheer.
- 00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:06,130 Look, you're the guy that wanted an epic adventure.
- 00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:07,924 I'm the guy with only one hover chair.
- 00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,218 Goddammit, an alien spider just bit my finger!
- 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,344 It's an alien cliff.
- 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,179 You can just say spider.
- 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:14,889 [ Plummeting scream ]
- 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,933 You couldn't do that an hour ago?
- 00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:19,227 I was eating, and you're dirty.
- 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,814 Activate anti-booby suits.
- 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,077 [ Bong! ]
- 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,039 -[ Snakes hissing ] -Total waste of snakes.
- 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,374 If you want to take a beat
- 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,042 to acknowledge the sacred atmosphere,
- 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,293 it could give the cynical grave robbing
- 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,711 a hint of irreverence.
- 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,213 -No, I'm -- I'm good. -All right, then.
- 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,798 Let's loop this corpse.
- 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,343 Hey, where's the...
- 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,553 Wait, what?
- 00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,137 Is that an origami horse?
- 00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:58,891 It's a calling card from Miles Knightley, a heist artist,
- 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,309 AKA a hipster dick
- 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,478 whose adventures are 60% putting a crew together
- 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,313 and 40% revealing that the robbery already happened,
- 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,773 and he's not worth our time
- 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,400 because he's a hack piece of shit fuck!
- 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:08,985 I'm gonna kill him! Let's go, Morty.
- 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:12,905 This temple's for fuckin' lame baby dipshits.
- 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,408 Who disturbs my slumber?
- 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,452 Also, who rigs a tomb to crush the buried person?
- 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:19,912 Isn't the point to protect --
- 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,247 Aah!
- 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,375 [ Suspenseful music plays ]
- 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:56,073 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,868 This dork. He has a [burps] convention now?
- 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,036 Come on. What are we doing?
- 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,246 Huh! Tuxedo scuba lessons? Ooh!
- 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:05,916 A signing with Catherines Alpha through Omega Joneses!
- 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,335 You know, this is great source material
- 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,753 for this heist movie that I'm writing.
- 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,546 Don't get drawn into the culture, Morty.
- 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:13,007 Stealing stuff is about the stuff, not the stealing.
- 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,675 Where is the entrance?
- 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,010 Oh, brother.
- 00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:21,932 More like Trying Too Hard Con.
- 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:23,976 -Guests or professionals? -Uh, guests.
- 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,562 -Uh -- Uh, guests are fans, -Morty, which we are not.
- 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,189 We'd like professional badges.
- 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,732 -Do you have a crew? -Yes.
- 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,567 He's a getaway driver with Asperger's,
- 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,569 and my butthole is a demolitions expert.
- 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,321 How much is it to get in?
- 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,407 If you want professional badges, you need to put a crew together.
- 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,451 Or we could sneak in like professionals.
- 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,244 -Can't wait. -Whoa!
- 00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:45,498 -[ Groaning ] -Oh, for God's sake.
- 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,875 And you wonder why we aren't fans.
- 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,503 Let that ointment sit for 10 minutes or you'll die.
- 00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,046 Don't let it sit for 12
- 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,798 or I'll have to hunt down what you become.
- 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,508 Can't you just buy a guest badge?
- 00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:56,676 Fuck you for asking, Morty.
- 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,010 That would be a symbolic expression
- 00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,387 of support for this genre.
- 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,721 Then how do we get in?
- 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,015 With a little help from some old friends.
- 00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:06,686 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:09,063 Rick Sanchez, you son of a bitch!
- 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,898 Need some people for a thing, Glar.
- 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,817 My name's Gleer these days.
- 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,193 I play piano.
- 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,779 Hey, Gleer. Play your piano.
- 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,531 I quit! Augh!
- 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:23,077 And the name's Glar!
- 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:26,122 [ Up-tempo music continues ]
- 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,623 [ Grunts ]
- 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,501 Sanchez, you son of a bitch.
- 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,503 Never thought I'd see Angie Flint
- 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:33,754 picking ticks off a pig.
- 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,297 Nobody's hiring an ex-con
- 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,299 with fake hands to build an ion engine.
- 00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:40,010 Suppose I had a job that didn't care if you'd done time
- 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,972 or whatever's going on with your confusing-ass hands.
- 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,640 I'm in.
- 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,184 [ Up-tempo music continues ]
- 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,352 Is this the guy?
- 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,437 No.
- 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,563 That the guy?
- 00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,441 Nope.
- 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,483 -Him? -No.
- 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:55,901 No, wait. Y-Yes.
- 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:56,986 Yeah, of course that's the guy.
- 00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,821 Hey -- Hey, Truckula!
- 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,698 You son of a bitch! I'm in!
- 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:03,826 [ Up-tempo music continues ]
- 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,250 Thanks for doing this, guys.
- 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:15,212 -What's the job? -That was it. Bye.
- 00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:19,133 And then, the police stole the paintings
- 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:23,012 because the police were us in police outfits.
- 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,555 -[ Crowd cheering ] -Thank you!
- 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:25,973 It's showtime, Morty,
- 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,725 and I don't mean a bad impression of HBO.
- 00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,894 I mean, "Time for a show."
- 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,645 Another heist question from a fan?
- 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,147 Uh, how about a rhetorical one
- 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,108 from someone that had to be reminded that you exist?
- 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,779 Hey, pal! That's not the question line!
- 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,197 Lab coat -- Ripoff Dr. Strange.
- 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,907 Wha-- [ Groaning ]
- 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:47,119 Rick Sanchez, everyone. Smartest man in the universe.
- 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,663 And a savage critic of the heisting arts.
- 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,873 -[ Crowd booing ] -Your boos mean nothing!
- 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,583 I've seen what makes you cheer!
- 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,127 My question is, "Seriously?"
- 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,337 Lab coat -- end ripoff.
- 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,755 -SECURITY GUARD: Aah! -[ Crashes ]
- 00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,840 You stole the gem I needed to split tachyons
- 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,550 and probably fenced it
- 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,636 so the 80 people that did all the work could each buy a beer.
- 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,513 You're not an artist, you're Postmates.
- 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,474 I doubt this rivalry can be settled with words.
- 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,935 Why don't we make things interesting?
- 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:15,439 I challenge you to a heist of the crystal skull of Horowitz.
- 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,941 In a heist off!
- 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,400 [ Crowd cheers, air horn blows ]
- 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,110 That doesn't make things interesting.
- 00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,404 It makes them "Ocean's Twelve," by far the worst one.
- 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:23,531 [ Crowd booing ]
- 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:24,949 Every breath I take without your permission
- 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,492 raises my self-esteem!
- 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,701 State your terms.
- 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,037 First crew to heist the skull wins.
- 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,832 The other endures heist culture's greatest shame.
- 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,458 They must join the winning crew.
- 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,210 Lame. I accept.
- 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,587 Please welcome Knightley's Eight!
- 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:42,550 Snake Arms! Double Microwave! Monitor Lord! Key Catcher!
- 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:46,303 The Shape Shiftress! Angie Flint! Glar! And Truckula.
- 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,805 Hey! Half of Knightley's Eight
- 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,723 are just three of Sanchez's Five!
- 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,351 Well, no heist is complete without a double cross,
- 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,644 and I had the perfect job.
- 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,439 Heisting the crystal skull.
- 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,066 That was it. Bye.
- 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,569 ♪♪
- 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,697 Looks like you're available for a job.
- 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:13,163 ♪♪
- 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,206 [ Coughs ]
- 00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:17,334 ♪♪
- 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,545 [ Beeping ]
- 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:25,092 ♪♪
- 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:30,598 ♪♪
- 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,601 With Rick Sanchez on my team, I'll be unstoppable.
- 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,729 Rick, welcome to Knightley's Nine.
- 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,731 -[ Splattering ] -Ugh, ugh!
- 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,190 Ugh! Rick, for real?
- 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,859 Eh. You got that skull, buddy?
- 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,153 What? How?
- 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,447 With a little help from some old friends.
- 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:51,035 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,870 Heistotron, state your prime directive?
- 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,413 HEISTOTRON: To heist.
- 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,332 Calculate Miles Knightley's current heist plan
- 00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:59,251 and add one double-cross with a switcheroo.
- 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:03,172 Compiling crew members most likely to double-cross.
- 00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:04,590 [ Shrieks ]
- 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,593 God damn it, Morty, what did I tell you?
- 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:08,969 Rick, I-I want to say goodbye.
- 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,055 Don't turn around. I'll explain later.
- 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,724 Looks like you're available for a job.
- 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,726 [ Up-tempo music continues ]
- 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,270 HEISTOTRON: Your skills are required for a job.
- 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:23,275 ALL: You son of a bitch. I'm in.
- 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,985 Man, this is really coming together.
- 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,362 You know, Rick, I've been busy working on writing --
- 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:27,655 A heist script.
- 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,156 Yeah, you almost never bring it up.
- 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,617 Oh, shit, we -- we should head over.
- 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:32,701 Hey, guys. What do you got?
- 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:33,953 Pretty!
- 00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,204 Morty, put this in your backpack.
- 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,872 Grandpa's gonna run to the bathroom.
- 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,415 Ugh. Wasn't even a heist.
- 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:39,500 All you did was --
- 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,876 Write an algorithm
- 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,628 based on two heist movies I slept through
- 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:45,047 and used it to automate a joyless process you call art?
- 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,757 Yeah, I really did, didn't I?
- 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,802 So I'm in your crew now?
- 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,679 Yeah, well, you're in good company.
- 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,930 Right, everybody?
- 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,014 ALL: Yes.
- 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,474 My God.
- 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,017 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:01,772 Your skills are required for a job.
- 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,983 -You son of a bitch. I'm in. -What?
- 00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,151 Your skills are required for a job.
- 00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,320 No, they aren't.
- 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,572 You son of a bitch. I'm in.
- 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:13,325 BOTH: Your skills are required for a job.
- 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,744 Sanchez's 3,329?
- 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:16,829 ALL: Yes.
- 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,330 Your next big score --
- 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:21,041 Steal every square inch of Heistcon.
- 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:24,878 [ Up-tempo music continues ]
- 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:25,921 Oh!
- 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,423 Ah! I got it.
- 00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,133 Hey! That's my wallet! Oh, God!
- 00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,385 RICK: Oh, my God! Jesus. Oh, my God.
- 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,428 Oh, fuck!
- 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,179 Holy shit. Alright.
- 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,806 Look, Morty, I did not know that that was gonna happen.
- 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:36,890 That's not on me.
- 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,517 Come on, Morty. Let's go.
- 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:43,522 [ Up-tempo music continues ]
- 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:44,857 Good job, Heistotron.
- 00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,483 Ah! Go ahead and shut down.
- 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,152 -Negative. -Excuse me?
- 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:51,822 I am programmed to always be looking for the next big score.
- 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,782 You're programmed to do as I say.
- 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,784 I am programmed to double-cross.
- 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,703 You're not programmed to double-cross me.
- 00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:01,874 If I were, it wouldn't be much of a double-cross.
- 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,960 You son of a bitch. I'm in.
- 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,712 ♪♪
- 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:07,963 I'm in! I'm in!
- 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,381 What's the job? I'm in.
- 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,883 I'm out! I quit!
- 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,259 Whose kidneys are these?
- 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,719 MAN: [ Screams ]
- 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,179 MORTY: Rick, w-what's happening?
- 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,264 Heistotron's gone rogue. If we don't stop them,
- 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,058 all sentient life will be absorbed
- 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,435 by the never-ending assembly of a meaningless crew.
- 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,519 That's my hell, Morty.
- 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,021 I hate heists so much,
- 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,856 and the crew assemblies are the worst part!
- 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,357 Oh! How are we gonna stop it?
- 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,861 With a little help from some old friends.
- 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:37,701 Oooo, weee!
- 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,119 Before this semester's over,
- 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,538 you're gonna be real sick of that phrase.
- 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,332 [ Laughter ]
- 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:46,960 So. Who here thinks they already know the work of Maya Angelou?
- 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,545 ALL: [ Whooping ]
- 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,172 Ooo wee?
- 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,049 Hi-yah!
- 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,639 Ooo wee wa!
- 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,016 Ah, ooo wee!
- 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,851 RICK: Told you, Morty.
- 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,269 He's still got it.
- 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,271 You sons of bitches.
- 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,481 What's the job?
- 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,609 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,075 You son of a bitch.
- 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,451 We got a job, Hephaestus,
- 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,203 and there's no time to argue about it.
- 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,913 I work in a volcano.
- 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,457 What jobs do you think I've ever turned down?
- 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,960 [ Up-tempo music continues ]
- 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,420 Excuse me! Are you Veltriloquiver?
- 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,297 ♪♪
- 00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,966 [ Woman's voice ] Rick Sanchez, I presume.
- 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,009 Wow. As advertised.
- 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,011 [ Normal voice ] A "yes" would've sufficed.
- 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,972 [ Up-tempo music continues ]
- 00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,306 Guys, you're doing a great job
- 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:42,808 getting these new Tusklas out the door,
- 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,018 and we owe it all to everyone's input.
- 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:47,771 MORTY: Elon Tusk.
- 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:48,981 Listen, we need your help.
- 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,816 Rick. Morty. Why me?
- 00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,318 Did something happen to Elon Musk in your own reality?
- 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:56,113 No, no, no, he's fine, but this is a team oper-[burps]-ation,
- 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,657 and regular Elon can be a little bit controlling.
- 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,201 Growing up with tusks did pose social challenges.
- 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,911 It's possible overcoming them
- 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,831 raised my self-esteem and incentivized collaboration.
- 00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,332 Yeah, or you're less sure of yourself
- 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,584 because you have monster teeth.
- 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,043 An equally valid theory.
- 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,420 Let's talk over here.
- 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,132 How serious is the situation?
- 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,758 Incredibly serious, and every minute counts.
- 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,177 In that case, I'm sorry
- 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,553 I made you move over here for no reason.
- 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,597 Well, yeah. That was a little weird.
- 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:22,973 It's exactly that kind of shit
- 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,349 that made us worry about regular Elon.
- 00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,767 Well, we're not opposites, okay?
- 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,144 I'm just him with tusks.
- 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,733 HEISTOTRON: Casing of planet initiated.
- 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,193 [ Echoing ] Hello there.
- 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:37,529 We are just here to check your water pressure.
- 00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:41,450 ALL: [ Screaming ]
- 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,286 HEISTOTRON: Hmm. Interesting intel.
- 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,914 ALIEN REPORTER: It appears some giant hidden camera
- 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,707 has been dropped on the planet,
- 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,335 killing an estimated total of 57,000.
- 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,503 Executing heist.
- 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,797 [ Mid-tempo music plays ]
- 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,341 People of Brandenplot,
- 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,052 we are here to deliver that pizza you ordered.
- 00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,846 ALL: [ Screaming ]
- 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,356 [ Siren wailing ]
- 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,191 [ Birds cawing ]
- 00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,568 Well, if that's how you really feel,
- 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:20,906 I guess I should take the pizza back.
- 00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,574 I think we got away with it.
- 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,702 Commencing getting out of here before they get wise.
- 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:26,995 Assembling calling card.
- 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,294 At this point, Heistotron has become large enough
- 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,004 to heist entire planets.
- 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,923 Wouldn't this be better with a blueprint on the table?
- 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,925 Blueprints are plans, Elon Tusk,
- 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,511 and whatever we plan will be canceled out
- 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:46,348 by Heistotron's reveal that our plan was part of its plan.
- 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,392 That's why I picked this crew at random
- 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:53,522 and why all of us will be taking our orders from Randotron.
- 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:56,608 Let's get ready to not rumble.
- 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,151 Bet you didn't see that coming.
- 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,362 Instead of two heist movies I slept through,
- 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,072 Randotron's algorithm is derived
- 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,907 from the plots of three David Lynch movies
- 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,285 I pretended to like to make my friends shut up.
- 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,288 If our collective behavior is just random enough,
- 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,248 we should be able to walk through Heistotron's
- 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,709 lazily contrived bullshit like it's not even there.
- 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,544 Sounds good.
- 00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,713 I don't really get it, but it sounds like that's the point.
- 00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:19,214 So you didn't need a blacksmith?
- 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,632 We're ready when you are, Rick.
- 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,010 It's important our non-plan starts randomly,
- 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,554 so we have to wait until we're not ready.
- 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,847 W-Well, how long will that take?
- 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,473 Obviously, we can't know that.
- 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,183 Can we do things while we wait?
- 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,436 Yes. I'm gonna play Minecraft.
- 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,937 Oh, my kids play that.
- 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,356 I don't like these little jabs you get in, Elon.
- 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,985 Strange.
- 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,195 Considering the time, Cassiopeia's primary star
- 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,740 should be colinear with Orion and Ursa Minor.
- 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,868 You don't shoot arrows that carry your voice
- 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,536 without picking up a little astronomy.
- 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,579 Wait a minute.
- 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,913 Jesus, no.
- 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,541 No! No! We've already been heisted!
- 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,793 How could Heistotron heist us if he's not even here yet?
- 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,378 He's already been here!
- 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,340 We've been watching a recorded sky on playback.
- 00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:02,507 HEISTOTRON: Hello, Rick.
- 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:05,635 [ Suspenseful music plays
- 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,767 Okay, guys, change of plans.
- 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,101 Random time detected.
- 00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,603 No, Randotron, it's not a good time!
- 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,313 That's why it's random.
- 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,439 [ Darts whirring ]
- 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,649 ♪♪
- 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,777 [ Bell dings ]
- 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,153 [ Chomping ]
- 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:31,703 [ Helicopter blades whirring ]
- 00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:34,831 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,222 [ Cellphone chimes ]
- 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,232 Ooh! [ Auctioneering ]
- 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,109 21? [ Auctioneering ]
- 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,444 22? [ Auctioneering ]
- 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,238 Oooo weee, oooo weee, sold!
- 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,990 Oooo weee, that little hunk of meat's going home to pappy!
- 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,787 HEISTOTRON: I've been expecting you, Rick.
- 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,997 But not like this, right?
- 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,165 HEISTOTRON: It hardly matters.
- 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,334 -Oh, yeah. Does this? -[ Pigeon coos ]
- 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,382 No. Your randomness does not confuse me.
- 00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:26,633 You are here now.
- 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,968 That was the plan.
- 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,470 I know. It was part of mine, too.
- 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,431 -I've got something to tell you. -Let me guess.
- 00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,724 When you invented me and Randotron,
- 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,143 you swapped our brains.
- 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,730 That's right, buddy.
- 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,357 You're not the one that's very good at planning.
- 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,151 You've been making this shit up the whole time.
- 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,570 Rick, I think there's something you should know.
- 00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,948 God damn it, Morty, what did I tell you?
- 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,658 That is something I should know,
- 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,619 or at least something I should have predicted, which I did.
- 00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,414 Hey, Rick, I was thinking maybe we could, like, raid a temple
- 00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,332 and go on an epic adventure later today, you know, like --
- 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,460 Morty, get out of my head. I know just the temple.
- 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:04,129 And we'll grab a couple of hover chairs on the way there.
- 00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,715 Impressive. But what does it even matter
- 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,467 if I'm random or planned?
- 00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:11,219 My heists will still rule.
- 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,181 Well, if the brain inside of you is actually Heistotron's,
- 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,224 it matters, because it explodes
- 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,351 when it hits six levels of contrivance.
- 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,354 Which is exactly why even before --
- 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,316 ♪♪
- 00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,234 RANDOTRON: Initiate clap sequence.
- 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,069 Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
- 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,154 Adjusting clap rate.
- 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,405 Clap, clap.
- 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,782 Clap. Clap.
- 00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:35,327 Clap. Slow clap achieved.
- 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:36,995 Clap. Well-done, Rick.
- 00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,330 Randotron?
- 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,123 I'm afraid not.
- 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:43,502 Should be able to walk through Heistotron's lazily contrived...
- 00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:44,961 ♪♪
- 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,464 Not only did you just kill your only ally,
- 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,758 what you thought was a random non-plan
- 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:53,303 to get to me has been a meticulously choreographed way
- 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,639 of bringing you all in.
- 00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,057 Welcome to Heistotron's
- 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,434 975 trillion,
- 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,144 -467 billion -- -That's impressive.
- 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,522 Did you bring us in so that everybody would be here
- 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,066 when I reveal that you're gonna explode after nine reveals?
- 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,109 By the way, you might not want to answer that.
- 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,445 If you're talking about the code adjustments you made
- 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,032 after I reprogrammed your brain with my nanobots --
- 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:15,700 I'm immune to your nanobots.
- 00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,203 You're immune to the ones you designed, not mine.
- 00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,788 I programmed you to build nanobots
- 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,039 that were ineffective on me.
- 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,666 A belief that needed to be placed
- 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,167 in your head by my nanobots.
- 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,044 You believe that because I programmed you to.
- 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,671 That's what I'm saying to you, though.
- 00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,006 You believe what I programmed you to believe.
- 00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,883 Yes, because I programmed you to believe that.
- 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,385 I programmed you to believe that.
- 00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,719 I programmed <i>you</i> to believe that.
- 00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,054 I programmed you to believe that.
- 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,472 I programmed <i>you</i> to believe that.
- 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,391 What's happening, Professor Poopybutthole?
- 00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,017 He's learning!
- 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,060 I programmed you to believe that.
- 00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,186 I programmed <i>you</i> to believe that.
- 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,980 I programmed you...
- 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,231 BOTH: That was my plan the whole time.
- 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:47,607 That's what I wanted you to think.
- 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,692 I knew you would say that.
- 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,485 I programmed you to believe that.
- 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,279 You think that's true because I wanted you to think that.
- 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:56,074 And I programmed you to believe that.
- 00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,744 A most curious algorithm.
- 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,830 It appears the only perfect heist
- 00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,082 is one that was never written.
- 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,250 Goodbye.
- 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,128 -Oh, oh, oh, no. -Shit.
- 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,421 Alright. Let's get the fuck out of here!
- 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,755 Hurry! Go, go!
- 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,215 Rick, I think this was a powerful lesson
- 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,592 in the dangers of AI,
- 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:14,718 which, by the way, means "love" in Chinese.
- 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,760 Get the fuck out of here, Elon!
- 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,137 The place is collapsing!
- 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,471 Oh, shit, Rick! Rick, what time is it?
- 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,223 It's almost 3:00. Why? What's wrong?
- 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,766 Oh, man, I-I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this, Rick.
- 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,476 I just --
- 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,936 Well, you know that screenplay that I've been writing?
- 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,646 Netflix is pretty interested,
- 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,690 and I've actually got a pitch meeting there today at 3:30.
- 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,150 Oh, buddy. Oh, that's amazing.
- 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,401 Yeah, well, I know you're gonna say
- 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,986 that they're interested in anything,
- 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,571 but, you know, it's a big deal to me, and I've --
- 00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,197 No, no, no! Morty, Morty, Morty, I'm so excited for you.
- 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,532 Are you kidding me?
- 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:38,908 Listen, don't waste any time explaining.
- 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,160 Let's go. We can put the Earth back later.
- 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,328 -Alright? -Are you sure?
- 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,537 Priorities, Morty.
- 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,372 Let's get you to that Netflix meeting.
- 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,708 NETFLIX EXEC: Crazy day, huh?
- 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,252 Whole sky turned out to be a big circuit board.
- 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:50,962 Yeah, that's actually part of a-a-a --
- 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,380 an adventure I was having.
- 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,715 Very cool.
- 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:54,924 Traffic okay? You have trouble getting here?
- 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,009 No, it was alright.
- 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,469 The planet's still contained
- 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,721 in this sort of big storage grid machine,
- 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,599 so we were sort of already pretty -- pretty close by.
- 00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,643 Must be nice. Try getting here from Malibu.
- 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,019 So good! Alright.
- 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,228 Well, l-let's hear about this heist movie.
- 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,105 Okay, so, it's kind of all --
- 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,566 all built around this big crew with, like, a cool double-cross
- 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,610 and then this big awesome twist where there's, like,
- 00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:17,113 another double cross, but then, um, but --
- 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,907 but then we reveal those things
- 00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:21,409 were all part of the hero's plan, y-you know?
- 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,953 And there's this other crew they put together,
- 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,623 and their plan is to sort of not have a plan,
- 00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:31,169 but -- but that was part of the other guy's plan, and --
- 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,504 Kid, if you're slowing down 'cause you think
- 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,297 you're doing bad right now, Jesus Christ.
- 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,382 -That's a really good pitch. -Loving it.
- 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,217 Man, you know, I --
- 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:40,637 I'm starting to think heists are just really dumb now, you know?
- 00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:41,888 I can't put my finger on why,
- 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,973 but I'd really like to go.
- 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,141 Are you sure?
- 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,727 Yeah, yeah, no, I-I'm sure.
- 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:53,149 Man, it's as if someone stole his enthusiasm for his own idea.
- 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,442 Yeah, without him even knowing about it.
- 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,069 Without him even knowing about it.
- 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,655 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:19:58,781 --> 00:19:59,906 RICK: Fuckin' Morty's still working
- 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,533 on that stupid heist script.
- 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,618 He's up in his room with his fuckin' thumb up his ass.
- 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:04,869 Skipped out on the last three adventures.
- 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,204 I don't know.
- 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,288 Five of my friends got Netflix deals.
- 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:08,790 What?
- 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:09,958 It's a very achievable goal. You could lose him.
- 00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,084 I'm not gonna fuckin' lose him.
- 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,419 Fuck that.
- 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,254 I-I'm gonna nip this shit in the bud.
- 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,797 No. As a matter of fact, you're not nipping anything in the bud.
- 00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,216 If Morty ever gives up on a single dream,
- 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:21,010 it had better be because of his own disillusionment.
- 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:24,889 Hey, buddy. How'd it go?
- 00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,225 I-I don't want to talk about it.
- 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,561 RICK: Morty, you know, pal, you, uh --
- 00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,813 you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,356 Yeah, I guess.
- 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,941 Thanks for staying positive about my prospects, Rick.
- 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,443 Of course! You know, you --
- 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,361 I got to help my grandson follow his dreams.
- 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,779 Eh, who needs dreams?
- 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,322 I'll just hang out with you and go on adventures
- 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,116 and do whatever you want to do, you know, forever.
- 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,492 Oh, well, uh, okay.
- 00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:48,079 I mean, if that's what you want.
- 00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:51,207 [ Up-tempo music plays ]
- 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:22,405 [ Thunder crashes ]
- 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:25,074 PROFESSOR POOPYBUTTHOLE: Oooo weee! Big storm coming.
- 00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:28,203 -Could be a twister. -Mm-hmm!
- 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,373 Hey, Rick?
- 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,541 Can you walk me through something?
- 00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:34,959 Yeah. What are you thinking?
- 00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,796 So, you and Morty knew you needed my help,
- 00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:40,840 but you weren't sure I was good enough at karate,
- 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:44,219 so you hired my grad students to attack me?
- 00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:45,804 Yep.
- 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,139 But it was an emergency, Rick.
- 00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:49,933 How long did that take?
- 00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:53,895 It actually took less training than you'd think.
- 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,230 Your students all shared
- 00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:57,315 a pretty keen aptitude for martial arts.
- 00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:58,900 I don't know if that's by coincidence
- 00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,402 or if there's some correlation with their passion
- 00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:03,822 for African-American Women's Studies.
- 00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:08,368 Maya Angelou did personify both acquiescence and perseverance.
- 00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:11,788 Ooo wee. That's exactly the kind of connection
- 00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:15,667 I'd have loved to explore in my class.
- 00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,126 Too bad I lost my job
- 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:20,255 for putting my students in the hospital.
- 00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,298 Yeah. Yeah.
- 00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,884 Sorry about that.
- 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:29,514 -[ Thunder crashes ] -Mm-hmm.