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Рикман с камнем
Рик переносит Морти и Саммер на постапокалиптическую версию Земли, где их преследует группа падальщиков, известных как «Сталкеры смерти». Рик замечает, что у группы есть ценный камень изотопа 322, поэтому он и дети присоединяются к ним в надежде украсть его. Саммер влюбляется в лидера Сталкеров смерти, в то время как Морти получает силу накаченной руки, которая берёт его на поиски убийцы своего предыдущего владельца. Рик уходит и заменяет детей андроидами, чтобы обмануть Бет. Когда он возвращается, он помогает Сталкерам смерти использовать изотоп для питания электричеством всей цивилизации. Саммер не нравится, как это изменение смягчает Сталкеров смерти, и она решает последовать за Риком и Морти домой. Перед уходом Рик крадёт изотоп. Этот опыт помогает детям преодолеть развод родителей. Саммер примиряется с Джерри, а Морти понимает, что должен жить своей жизнью. В сцене после титров, когда Джерри получает пособие по безработице, появляется волк и издевается над ним, чтобы тот отдал его. Волк съедает чек, а после выплёвывает его, тем самым ещё больше разрушая новую жизнь Джерри.
- 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,326 Саммер, когда мы в следующий раз будем прятаться в Колоркианском эхо-гнезде,
- 00:00:05,350 --> 00:00:07,490 сделай одолжение и поставь на беззвучный.
- 00:00:07,510 --> 00:00:09,940 Это называется "Carpe Diem", Морти. Посмотри в словаре.
- 00:00:09,980 --> 00:00:12,220 Сама посмотри! Ты вообще не знаешь, что это значит.
- 00:00:12,250 --> 00:00:16,450 Потому что пока неудачники ищут что-то в словаре, все остальные карпуют все диемы.
- 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,000 Послушай свою сестру, Морти. Жить - значит рисковать всем.
- 00:00:19,030 --> 00:00:23,630 В противном случае, ты - просто вялая кучка беспорядочно собранных молекул, плывущих по течению вселенной.
- 00:00:23,650 --> 00:00:27,280 Ой, прости, Джерри, я тебя не заметил. Ты много успел услышать?
- 00:00:27,390 --> 00:00:29,710 Всё. Ты смотрел прямо на меня.
- 00:00:30,290 --> 00:00:32,440 Я просто хотел попрощаться с детьми.
- 00:00:32,470 --> 00:00:35,750 Круто. Только стой на улице. Киллботы включены, и я исключил тебя из белого списка.
- 00:00:35,850 --> 00:00:37,970 Но мы время от времени будем видеться по выходным, да?
- 00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:42,100 Конечно, Морти. А ещё адвокат твоей мамы говорит, что если я буду приносить достаточно денег,
- 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,610 то он поможет мне добиться полной опеки.
- 00:00:44,950 --> 00:00:47,770 Было бы здорово. Эмм, Саммер? Папа уходит.
- 00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:48,280 Пока, пап.
- 00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:52,440 Рик, ты вроде бы говорил, что тебе нужна моя срочная помощь в приключении в каком-то месте...
- 00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:54,020 Всё равно. Даже если мы погибнем.
- 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,106 Не говорил, но если ты действительно такая отчуждённая,
- 00:00:56,130 --> 00:01:00,600 то я готов воспользоваться этим, как и всякий человек, церковь, армия или олимпийский тренер по гимнастике.
- 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,370 Я готова, только скажи.
- 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:03,890 Сука, я был готов ещё вче...
- 00:01:04,710 --> 00:01:05,930 Пока, милая.
- 00:01:06,410 --> 00:01:07,750 Ладно, мне лучше...
- 00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:09,440 Конечно. Звучит очень важно.
- 00:01:12,010 --> 00:01:15,990 Если ты ищешь детей, то твой отец сделал... портал?
- 00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:17,150 Ладно.
- 00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:30,310 Неудачник.
- 00:01:30,710 --> 00:01:31,710 Что?
- 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:33,760 Ау?
- 00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:03,080 Автор перевода Женя Спицын
- 00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:17,510 Морти, стреляй в чувака с ирокезом.
- 00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:18,840 Они все с ирокезами!
- 00:02:18,870 --> 00:02:21,806 Сбрито по бокам, салатового оттенка со светло-голубыми участками и каскадом на макушке.
- 00:02:21,830 --> 00:02:22,830 В него стреляй!
- 00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:29,190 Поджигайте.
- 00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:31,440 Блядь!
- 00:02:31,470 --> 00:02:32,600 За дело, Морти!
- 00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:33,630 Дай свою фляжку!
- 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,810 Охереть! Саммер решает!
- 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,070 Я пиздец как обожаю пост-апокалиптические версии Земли!
- 00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:46,980 Мы на месте.
- 00:02:48,030 --> 00:02:49,450 Изотоп-322.
- 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:54,000 Эта штука такая мощная, что на её фоне изотоп-465 выглядит, как изотоп-317.
- 00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:57,480 Ага. А её мощности хватит, чтобы не дать тем чувакам убить нас?
- 00:02:59,000 --> 00:02:59,650 Саммер?
- 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,310 Ждите, я хочу попробовать кое-что.
- 00:03:02,690 --> 00:03:04,680 Рик, а можно мы не будем уходить без моей сестры?
- 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:10,540 У тебя бесконечное число сестёр, Морти. В смысле, не то, чтобы я хотел весь день искать новую.
- 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:11,970 Сам-Сам, пойдём.
- 00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:14,390 Дедушка начинает всё меньше беспокоится о твоей безопасности.
- 00:03:15,310 --> 00:03:18,180 Твоя кровь станет моим лосьоном.
- 00:03:22,630 --> 00:03:23,200 Ого!
- 00:03:23,610 --> 00:03:24,620 Это было круто!
- 00:03:26,210 --> 00:03:27,650 Убей меня, прошу.
- 00:03:27,730 --> 00:03:29,830 Ладно, но не потому что ты меня об этом попросил.
- 00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:31,400 Саммер!
- 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:32,920 Мда уж, становится мрачнее.
- 00:03:36,110 --> 00:03:37,790 Господи боже, Саммер.
- 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:38,880 Ой, да хорош.
- 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:44,200 Держи руки и мелких чуваков на плечах так, чтобы я их видел.
- 00:03:44,450 --> 00:03:45,970 Я - Кровоизлияние.
- 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,260 Вы избавили нас от слабой крови и сделали нас сильнее.
- 00:03:49,610 --> 00:03:53,430 Мы можем объединить наши силы и вместе поживиться слабыми.
- 00:03:53,620 --> 00:03:55,120 К-к-какого хрена ты несёшь?
- 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:57,650 Они не будут пытаться убить нас, если мы присоединимся к ним.
- 00:03:57,670 --> 00:03:58,770 По сути они - зассыхи.
- 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,300 Да что с тобой такое?
- 00:04:00,330 --> 00:04:01,620 Ладно, замораем руки.
- 00:04:01,790 --> 00:04:03,870 Оу, ого, а что это за...
- 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:06,890 Что это за безделушка у вас там? Интересно.
- 00:04:07,010 --> 00:04:08,430 Это наш сияющий камень.
- 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,150 Мы возим его с собой ради святотатства,
- 00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:13,470 чтобы напоминать себе, что богов не существует.
- 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:15,900 Дети, странное предложение...
- 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:20,480 Пусть это будет нашей новой жизнью. Давайте станем пост-апокалиптическими мусорщикамиии!
- 00:04:20,570 --> 00:04:20,830 Ладно.
- 00:04:20,850 --> 00:04:21,850 Что?
- 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:30,330 Дедушка, несколько Преследователей Смерти собираются в бывший Сиэтл охотиться на бывших людей.
- 00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:30,930 Я с ними.
- 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,126 Звучит неплохо. Пей побольше воды.
- 00:04:32,150 --> 00:04:34,806 Послушай, Рик, Саммер ведёт себя довольно безумно в последнее время, в смысле...
- 00:04:34,830 --> 00:04:36,670 П-по-моему, развод сказывается на ней.
- 00:04:36,690 --> 00:04:39,610 И я не думаю, что сейчас это подходящее для неё место.
- 00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:42,240 Не будь таким высокомерным, профессор Высоцкий.
- 00:04:42,430 --> 00:04:45,470 Пусть этот мир и неидеален, но есть в нём свой шарм.
- 00:04:45,650 --> 00:04:47,170 Бицепс или квадрицепс?
- 00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:49,200 Эм, кхм-кхм, бицепс.
- 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:59,520 Серьёзно, Рик? Тебе проще есть человеческую плоть, чем сказать мне, почему мы до сих пор здесь?
- 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,030 Нет, ладно, я тебе всё расскажу.
- 00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,280 Видишь этот камень, Морти?
- 00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:07,520 Где-то 10 кг той штуки, крупицы которой я находил с большим трудом.
- 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,980 Изотоп-322.
- 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,570 Десятикилограммовый булыжник лучше, чем крупица.
- 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,210 Я объясню все расчёты позже, но...
- 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,220 Саммер только что ушла с незнакомцами, в названии которых есть слово "Смерть".
- 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:17,900 А вторая часть названия - "преследователи".
- 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:21,810 Для неё это может быть полезно.В последнее время она вела себя довольно безумно, Морти.
- 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,760 Как бы у неё родители разводятся.
- 00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:25,090 Чёрт возьми, Рик, именно это...
- 00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:27,550 Ладно, просто забери эту хрень,
- 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,090 я заберу её, и давай С.О.
- 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,000 Нет, нет, Морти. В стане врага очень жарко.
- 00:05:32,030 --> 00:05:33,590 Мне нужно, чтобы ты отвлёк лагерь.
- 00:05:33,610 --> 00:05:34,240 Отвлёк?
- 00:05:34,390 --> 00:05:36,870 Они едят друг друга. Как я по-твоему должен привлечь их внимание?
- 00:05:36,890 --> 00:05:37,880 Кукольное представление показать?
- 00:05:37,910 --> 00:05:41,230 Отличная мысль, но не тот жанр, Морти. Эквивалентом будееееет...
- 00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:45,450 Эй, народ, вы пользуетесь этим куполом, или он у вас ради красоты?
- 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:48,000 Эм, ты хотел сказать "кровавый купол"?
- 00:05:48,030 --> 00:05:50,150 Расскажи это семантическому куполу, грамотей.
- 00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:51,040 Жги!
- 00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:52,830 Главный вопрос в том,
- 00:05:52,870 --> 00:05:56,380 кто хочет подраться с моим СпиноГрызом?
- 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,490 Тогда я жду ваши задницы в том куполе!
- 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,840 Рик, какого чёрта, блин? Ты спятил?
- 00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,910 Морти, расслабься. Тебе не будет равных. Пойдём.
- 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,670 Этот прибор вытаскивает и перераспределяет мышечную память.
- 00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:12,740 Твоё тело получит десятилетний курс ведения боя в пустоши по одной руке за раз.
- 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:17,070 У меня тут полная солянка, так что, возможно, у тебя не будет идеальной координации, Морти...
- 00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:17,850 Эй!
- 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,040 Я-я-я этого не делал.
- 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:23,630 Ладно, это интересно. Мы совершаем новые открытия о мышечной памяти.
- 00:06:24,670 --> 00:06:25,680 Помогите! Помогите!
- 00:06:26,660 --> 00:06:27,660 Круто, чувак!
- 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:31,870 Итак, начинается, мои красотули!
- 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,000 Боже! Стой! Стой! Это ужасно!
- 00:06:35,030 --> 00:06:37,790 Упрись в землю и двиииииигайся, Морти. Измотай его!
- 00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:44,310 Почему вы нарядились, как каскадёры в парке развлечений,
- 00:06:44,330 --> 00:06:46,396 а эти ребята носят штаны цвета хаки и хоккейные свитера?
- 00:06:46,420 --> 00:06:49,380 После бабаха кто-то приспособился к новым истинам,
- 00:06:49,470 --> 00:06:51,720 а кто-то решил свернуться калачиком в бухнутых ямах,
- 00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:54,470 цепляясь за ложь стародавних времён.
- 00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,610 Из-за ядер-лучей они прогнили,
- 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,920 оставив им лишь любовь к рекламе на рекламной доске.
- 00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:03,670 Господи, ваши бабахи взорвали все книги с буковками?
- 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,130 Ты про словари?
- 00:07:10,910 --> 00:07:14,430 Мне кажется, я был ребёнком до бабахов.
- 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,910 Мне кажется, я выглядел так.
- 00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:18,180 Хочешь нассать на него?
- 00:07:18,410 --> 00:07:19,410 Читаешь мои мысли.
- 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,500 Невероятно!
- 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:24,590 Новый чемпион!
- 00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:25,920 Ладно, хватит.
- 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,570 И он хочет ещёёёё!
- 00:07:28,590 --> 00:07:29,590 Не надо!
- 00:07:31,150 --> 00:07:32,760 Кто-нибудь, остановите это!
- 00:07:32,890 --> 00:07:35,240 Мистер, прошу, уходите или погибните!
- 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,160 Я тут не причём!
- 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,280 Морти?
- 00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:41,890 Зачем ты это захотел?
- 00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:44,130 Тебе надо было просто уйти.
- 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,060 Хватит стоять на улице и говорить про опеку!
- 00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:51,150 Либо скажи ей, что не хочешь разводиться, либо двигайся дальше, но что бы ты ни делал,
- 00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:53,030 хватит быть ребёнком и веди себя, как мужик!
- 00:07:57,130 --> 00:07:58,130 Спасибо.
- 00:07:58,530 --> 00:08:00,130 Морти, это было потрясающе.
- 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,250 Это - мой брат!
- 00:08:02,530 --> 00:08:04,110 Не то, чтобы семья что-то значила!
- 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:05,570 Но эта семья значит.
- 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,140 Класс, отличная работа, чемпион.
- 00:08:08,420 --> 00:08:11,400 Эмм, можно поговорить с вами вон там?
- 00:08:11,430 --> 00:08:13,960 Рик, п-п-по-моему, я кое-чего добиваюсь.
- 00:08:14,190 --> 00:08:15,340 Давай пока не будем уходить?
- 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:15,910 Уходить?
- 00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:16,720 Я никуда не уйду.
- 00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:20,800 Уйти нельзя. Либо мы вместе, либо мы - враги.
- 00:08:20,830 --> 00:08:23,060 Ой, здоровяк, нет. Никто никуда не уходит.
- 00:08:23,090 --> 00:08:25,910 Не говорите глупостей, нам нравится быть вместе.
- 00:08:25,930 --> 00:08:27,870 Нам нравится радиация и трихиноз.
- 00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,590 Мы тут на всю жизнь, то есть лет на 20 в среднем.
- 00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:34,090 Просто мне надо немного поговорить со своими внуками в 40 метрах от всех остальных.
- 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,060 Эй, зелёный камень пропал!
- 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:40,420 Давайте разделимся и поищем его в группах по три человека? Дети?
- 00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:45,640 Ууу, мы скоро вернёмся.
- 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,200 Дедушка, ты - большой дурак.
- 00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:54,800 Просто сдайся, и наши друзья сжалятся над тобой!
- 00:08:54,830 --> 00:08:56,030 Поцелуй меня в жопу, Саммер!
- 00:08:56,050 --> 00:08:58,390 Твои друзья не знают жалости! Они отстой!
- 00:08:58,410 --> 00:09:02,020 Преследователи Смерти, принести мне его плотскую кожу!
- 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,860 Извини, может, не будем его убивать, а возьмём в плен?
- 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,240 Когда я потерял над всем контроль?
- 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,020 Послушайте, дети, вам обоим нужно убраться из этого окружения,
- 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,176 чтобы мы смогли нормально разобраться с разводом ваших родителей.
- 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:18,650 Либо же я просто прыгну в чёртов портал и оставлю вас здесь навсегда.
- 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,656 Почему это обязательно должен быть такой драматический выбор?
- 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:24,400 Может, мы будем приезжать сюда по выходным... или приходить домой, чтобы постирать одежду?
- 00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:28,380 Ладно, знаете что? В пизду!
- 00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:32,750 Моё тело - хром!
- 00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:35,080 Моя кровь - бензин!
- 00:09:36,580 --> 00:09:38,070 Нет, обычная кровь.
- 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:39,030 Пап?
- 00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:39,850 Привет, милая.
- 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:40,500 Где дети?
- 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:41,790 Разве они не с тобой?
- 00:09:41,810 --> 00:09:43,290 Я... я думала, они были с тобой.
- 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:47,710 Ой, знаешь что? Я вдруг вспомнил, что они заняты чем-то обычным и детским.
- 00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:48,360 Не паникуй.
- 00:09:48,390 --> 00:09:48,930 Не паникую.
- 00:09:49,150 --> 00:09:50,240 Совсем. Просто...
- 00:09:50,830 --> 00:09:53,010 Боже, что же развод делает с детьми.
- 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:54,920 Что он делает со мной! Я совершила ошибку?
- 00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:56,260 Ничего подобного, нет!
- 00:09:56,610 --> 00:09:58,690 Не то, чтобы я ставил на лошадь в этом забеге, но...
- 00:09:58,970 --> 00:10:01,570 Послушай, решение о разводе - это просто муа!
- 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,296 Пойдёт на пользу тебе, пойдёт на пользу детям.
- 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,750 Если честно, я думаю, что они цветут и пахнут.
- 00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:09,800 Сама увидишь, когда увидишь их... Что они цветут и пахнут.
- 00:10:12,470 --> 00:10:14,450 Вот так! Иди нахуй, друг!
- 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:15,710 Кто-нибудь ещё хочет получить?
- 00:10:15,730 --> 00:10:17,960 Кто хочет сегодня стать моим зассыхой отцом?
- 00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:19,910 Эй, что стряслось, чел?
- 00:10:20,060 --> 00:10:21,500 Ты же меня не подведёшь, верно?
- 00:10:23,810 --> 00:10:24,810 Что?
- 00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:25,930 Минуточку.
- 00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:36,980 В чём дело, кусок говна?
- 00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:39,690 Ты когда-нибудь смотрел на то, как твоя семья сгорает заживо?
- 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:42,260 А теперь я тебя отхлестаю.
- 00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:45,260 Не может быть.
- 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:46,460 Не может быть!
- 00:10:47,290 --> 00:10:48,720 Я просто выполнял приказы.
- 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,630 Я просто выполнял приказы.
- 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,690 Я расскажу тебе, где живёт мой босс! Он в замке! Он в замке!
- 00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:57,980 Это ещё не конец, не так ли?
- 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,060 Это значит, что ещё не конец, или ты осуждаешь вопрос?
- 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,990 Сожми ладонь в кулак, если это ещё не конец.
- 00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:07,120 Это ещё не конец.
- 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,870 Эй, прости, что мой дедушка украл вашего бога и сломал твою машину.
- 00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:16,480 Мы не извиняемся, и бога у нас нет.
- 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:19,040 Но треснутый карданный вал доставляет мне огромную боль.
- 00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:22,650 Нет прочнее связи, чем связь между Преследователем Смерти и его машиной.
- 00:11:22,670 --> 00:11:24,690 А как же те странные ребята на поводках?
- 00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:26,310 Они скорее как стажёры.
- 00:11:26,580 --> 00:11:28,150 Круто. Круто.
- 00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:32,140 Извини.
- 00:11:32,170 --> 00:11:33,360 Всё нормально.
- 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:34,780 Можно...
- 00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:36,290 посмотреть?
- 00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:39,390 Те, кто видели моё настоящее лицо, не оставались в живых.
- 00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:41,390 Я не боюсь умереть.
- 00:11:41,940 --> 00:11:43,440 И мне всё равно, как ты выглядишь.
- 00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:47,770 Оу.
- 00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:49,280 Я просто...
- 00:11:50,180 --> 00:11:51,990 Не ожидала, что у тебя усы.
- 00:11:52,090 --> 00:11:52,780 Тебе не нравится.
- 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,590 Нет! Мне нравится. Наверное... Как бы объяснить?
- 00:11:56,020 --> 00:12:00,470 Ведро в какой-то степени - это типа "усы",
- 00:12:00,710 --> 00:12:02,620 только оно не является определённой частью лица.
- 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,070 То есть, это типа как...
- 00:12:04,420 --> 00:12:06,140 У вас есть такая фраза "шляпа на шляпе"?
- 00:12:06,170 --> 00:12:06,880 Я могу сбрить их.
- 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:07,910 Нет, мне нравится.
- 00:12:08,070 --> 00:12:10,890 И на самом деле мне важен только ты.
- 00:12:10,910 --> 00:12:14,530 Да-да, знаю, остальное не важно. Очевидно, я это знаю. Я не слабый.
- 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,640 Я просто подумал: "Почему бы не избавиться от них?"
- 00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:19,670 А то я просто убиваю всех, кто их видит и... И в этой штуке жарко...
- 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,630 Кстати, именно поэтому я сбрил бороду.
- 00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:25,420 Поэтому я делаю решение, исходя из гордыни, чего я пытался избежать
- 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:29,130 с помощью ведра на голове, потому что кто я такой и почему я слежу за внешностью?
- 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,940 Почему бы мне просто не носить галстук, верно?
- 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,176 Это прям как тот чувак, которого ты убила, когда мы встретились, у него были сгоревшие куклы на теле.
- 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,106 Я так его ненавидел, потому что... Почему ты это делаешь?
- 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,980 Разве ты не видишь, какое это притворство? И что всё время я - один и тот же человек.
- 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,560 Я - просто поддельный дурак, и от этого не сбежать, потому что...
- 00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:49,290 Эй, я собираюсь за кофе... Неважно.
- 00:12:54,430 --> 00:12:55,240 Я - Саммер.
- 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,396 Саммер, скажи, как твои дела.
- 00:12:56,420 --> 00:12:59,240 У меня, типа, всё совершенно хорошо.
- 00:12:59,270 --> 00:12:59,670 Морти?
- 00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:02,560 Блин, пёс, мне так грустно, что мои родители разводятся, типа...
- 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,890 Но я не парюсь, типа, ничего плохого.
- 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,440 Ладно, пора ужинать.
- 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,610 Спасибо всем, что пришли на настоящий ужин.
- 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:11,670 Без проблем!
- 00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:16,670 Его плюс в том, что, типа главное - эмоциональная подпитка, а не еда.
- 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,420 Эмм, ну ладно, чудила.
- 00:13:19,010 --> 00:13:20,600 Да, сбавь обороты, Саммер...
- 00:13:20,690 --> 00:13:24,240 на 15% и увеличь энергичные движения на 3%, верно?
- 00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:25,240 Как дела в школе, Морти?
- 00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:26,920 Мне нравится школа и всё такое, типа.
- 00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:30,230 И у меня оценки стали лучше, чем когда вы с папой... Цитирование...
- 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,040 "оставались вместе ради детей"...
- 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,190 конец цитирования.
- 00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,390 Цитирование. Мне нравится.
- 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:36,730 Ох уж это поколение некст.
- 00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:38,910 Вы к нему относитесь, или им уже по сорок?
- 00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:41,040 Я знаю лишь, что ты, типа, выглядишь отлично.
- 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,540 Блин, мам, ты выглядишь, типа, круто и всё такое.
- 00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:44,570 Прям безумие.
- 00:13:44,610 --> 00:13:45,560 Я так счастлива.
- 00:13:45,580 --> 00:13:47,820 Я так счастлив. Счастливая семья, чуваки.
- 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,570 Эту семью мы положим в сумку.
- 00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:54,380 Ой, милая, не надо, послушай.
- 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:54,790 Не надо.
- 00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:56,340 Я не знаю, почему плачу, дело не в...
- 00:13:56,590 --> 00:13:59,210 Ну, постарайся плакать на 15% меньше.
- 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:03,710 Мам, эмоции не чужды человеку. Ты же компьютер внутри механической куклы.
- 00:14:03,730 --> 00:14:06,720 Да, блин, мам, твои чувства не только простительны,
- 00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:11,630 они - сам смысл жизни, который могут постичь только до-кремниевые, основанные на углероде существа.
- 00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:13,400 Мне надо позвонить Джерри.
- 00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:14,070 Разве?
- 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:15,710 Что с вами за хуйня такая?
- 00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,830 Суть автоматики в том, чтобы снизить расходы и труд.
- 00:14:17,860 --> 00:14:20,180 Твои чувства исходят из...
- 00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:22,880 Скажи это моему хлебу с утра. Ты только что стала моим запасным тостером.
- 00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:26,160 Вот блин, моя сестра умерла в спагетти.
- 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:37,280 Ещё раз заденешь мои гениталии, мойщик грязи, и будешь отправлен в пустоши.
- 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,530 Что касается тебя, мойщик гениталий...
- 00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:47,490 О боже! Кем бы ты ни был, знай, что моя смерть ничего не изменит.
- 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,830 П-послушай, чувак, я тут просто за компанию.
- 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,500 З-з-з-з-знаешь, ты ломишься в открытую дверь.
- 00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:54,630 Прошу! Рабство было семейным делом,
- 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,286 я не просил, чтобы меня рожали в такой среде.
- 00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,310 А вообще, это я - жертва.
- 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,730 Рукус, можно тебя на секунду?
- 00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,680 П-простите нас, сэр.
- 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,940 Что ж, это всё, не так ли?
- 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,200 Это он тебе нужен?
- 00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:10,640 Получается, что ты уйдёшь?
- 00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:12,610 Типа, это как у призраков?
- 00:15:12,890 --> 00:15:14,580 Это твоё незаконченное дело?
- 00:15:16,110 --> 00:15:17,660 А что если мы не будем этого делать?
- 00:15:18,170 --> 00:15:22,230 Что если мы вернёмся под кровавый купол и продолжим отыгрываться на незнакомых людях?
- 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:26,240 М-мы можем делать это вечно. Знаю, это не очень нормально, но...
- 00:15:26,930 --> 00:15:28,770 мы б-б-б-будем вместе и...
- 00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:33,120 Я знаю, за что бы я проголосовал, если хотите знать.
- 00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:36,580 Ты прав.
- 00:15:36,780 --> 00:15:41,150 Нам обоим нужно довести наши дела до конца, мне нужно разобраться с разводом родителей, а тебе...
- 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,920 ну, знаешь... тебе надо сделать то, что надо сделать.
- 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:45,280 Я люблю тебя.
- 00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:46,670 Ну, пиздец.
- 00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:51,440 Рик?
- 00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:54,210 Извините, извините, я подожду, когда вы закончите.
- 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:54,990 Не отвлекайтесь на меня.
- 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,490 Ну, уже поздно. Скажи, что тебе нужно.
- 00:15:57,510 --> 00:15:59,136 Чтобы ты со своей сестрой вернулись домой.
- 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,780 Но разве у тебя нет бесконечных версий меня и моей сестры?
- 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,930 Не нужно пинать меня, когда я уже на земле, Морти.
- 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:08,240 Слушай, любого из вас не заменить, если только не приложить столько усилий, что оно того не будет стоить.
- 00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:17,330 Возможно, усвоенный урок состоит в том, что будь то брак родителей, светящийся камень или крутая здоровая рука,
- 00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:20,240 рано или поздно, мы должны их отпустить.
- 00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:22,706 Не знаю, применимо ли это к горлу жертвы убийства, Морти.
- 00:16:22,730 --> 00:16:23,730 Дерьмо!
- 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:24,950 Ч-что мне...
- 00:16:25,330 --> 00:16:28,080 Чем дольше ты ждёшь, Морти, тем больше это будет ощущаться, как полноценное убийство.
- 00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:31,360 Мне кажется, что рука закончила слишком рано, потому что не была рукой врача.
- 00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:32,450 Давай.
- 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,560 Это меньшее, что я могу сделать. В-в-вот как я тебе обязан.
- 00:16:36,030 --> 00:16:38,450 Видишь, Морти? Теперь мы оба причастны.
- 00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:53,100 Причина, по которой я хотел эту штуку в том, что можно сделать так.
- 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,300 Это - особенная штука.
- 00:16:55,450 --> 00:16:59,090 С её помощью можно привести в действие машины и больше не придётся полагаться на бензин.
- 00:16:59,410 --> 00:17:02,350 Вы станете самым продвинутым племенем радиоактивных каннибалов в этой
- 00:17:02,370 --> 00:17:04,070 версии мира.
- 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:08,260 Постой. Ты можешь остаться, чтобы показать нам больше?
- 00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:11,050 Дважды меня просить не нужно. Дома сейчас полный бардак.
- 00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:15,790 Моя дочь сейчас переживает развод, а я справляюсь с этим совершенно ужасным образом.
- 00:17:16,230 --> 00:17:17,720 Три недели спустя
- 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,940 Да ёб твою мать.
- 00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:28,150 Привет, Саммер. Как сегодня на руинах?
- 00:17:28,170 --> 00:17:31,090 Ну, знаешь, Илай. Та же хуйня, только день другой.
- 00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:32,520 Привет, Саммер. Представляешь?
- 00:17:32,540 --> 00:17:35,850 Один человек вошёл, а другой выйдет через девять месяцев.
- 00:17:35,870 --> 00:17:38,470 О, поздравляю, ребята.
- 00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:40,350 Саммер, ещё кое-что.
- 00:17:40,990 --> 00:17:45,600 Мы заметили, что ты викидываешь металлолом в синюю корзину.
- 00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:46,620 Я поняла.
- 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,110 Она тот ещё фрукт.
- 00:17:49,130 --> 00:17:51,010 Они оба, да?
- 00:17:52,580 --> 00:17:53,330 Я дома.
- 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:53,910 Привет, детка.
- 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:54,440 Эй, вот и она!
- 00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:55,180 Саммер дома.
- 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,730 Ты не сдвинулся с места с тех пор, как я утром ушла рыться в развалинах.
- 00:17:58,760 --> 00:17:59,946 В кровавом куполе матчи навылет.
- 00:17:59,970 --> 00:18:02,810 Тогда я полагаю, что ты за сегодня не убил ни единого человека?
- 00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:05,740 Ой, ну не знаю, я не отметил убийства в своём журнале для убийств.
- 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,476 Я не знал, что это - показатель успеха.
- 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:11,110 О, вот он! Вот этот увалень-нигилист, за которого я вышла!
- 00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:14,400 Но теперь жизнь ничего не значит, только когда я разговариваю с ним.
- 00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:17,420 А всё обретает смысл, когда дело касается ёбаного телевизора!
- 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,950 Господи боже, когда ты успела стать чудовищем?
- 00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:22,060 Я была чудовищем, когда ты меня встретил.
- 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,030 Мы оба были чудовищами. Нам было на всё плевать.
- 00:18:25,050 --> 00:18:25,860 Мне до сих пор плевать.
- 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:29,560 Да, вот только я - единственная в этом мире, кто до сих пор относится к этому серьёзно.
- 00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:33,730 Оооооо, динь-динь-динь. Ого! Все это слышали?
- 00:18:33,890 --> 00:18:34,520 Ого.
- 00:18:34,590 --> 00:18:36,440 - Нам надо сходить в гараж. - Боже мой.
- 00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:37,890 Какая же, блядь, печаль.
- 00:18:37,970 --> 00:18:40,046 Единственный, кто серьёзно относится к наплевательству...
- 00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:43,030 Должен признать, Рик, когда ты провернул это дело,
- 00:18:43,050 --> 00:18:45,520 я-я-я не... я не думал, что оно сработает.
- 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:50,300 Да ладно, Морти. Ни один союз, построенный на избегании проблем, не протянул больше пяти лет, максимум семи.
- 00:18:50,540 --> 00:18:54,080 Дедушка просто всё ускорил с помощью пары удобств современного общества.
- 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,570 Кровоизлияние и я проведём некоторое время порознь.
- 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,730 О, нет, Сам-Сам, нет.
- 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,800 Вы идеально подходили друг другу.
- 00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:04,390 Кончай гнать херню, Рик. Ты доказал свою правоту, я всё поняла.
- 00:19:04,420 --> 00:19:05,310 Давай просто пойдём домой.
- 00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:06,330 Крутота.
- 00:19:12,470 --> 00:19:15,380 Нееееееет!
- 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:17,610 Руки вниз!
- 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:18,950 Мне нравится эта игра.
- 00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:20,840 Нам надо сходить в гараж.
- 00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:23,470 Ну, ребята, у нас никогда не получается закончить эту игру.
- 00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:25,980 Мы вернёмся, возможно, в другой одежде.
- 00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:28,410 А зачем нам нужно в гараж?
- 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,010 Ты знаешь... так... нужно.
- 00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:33,210 Я хочу быть живым! Я и так живой!
- 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,770 Живой, говорю вам! Мама, я люблю тебя!
- 00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:38,330 Это уже не просто слова. Я хочу обнять тебя.
- 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:39,980 Я хочу бегать по реке.
- 00:19:40,020 --> 00:19:43,910 Я хочу попробовать мороженое, но не просто положить его в рот, чтобы оно сползло по горлу, а
- 00:19:43,930 --> 00:19:44,750 по-настоящему, съесть его.
- 00:19:44,780 --> 00:19:45,810 Какого хуя?
- 00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,046 Дистанционная перегрузка включена.
- 00:19:47,070 --> 00:19:47,900 Нет! Да!
- 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,110 Обходная перегрузка!
- 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,410 Я живооооооо...
- 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:52,680 Привет.
- 00:19:58,910 --> 00:20:01,590 Привет, извини, что так странно вели себя три недели.
- 00:20:01,770 --> 00:20:02,776 Какого чёрта сейчас произошло?
- 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:03,920 Да ничего особенного.
- 00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:05,310 Пойду поработаю в гараже.
- 00:20:05,350 --> 00:20:06,890 Мы не закончим игру в "Руки вниз"?
- 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,620 Это та игра с костями, где ты бросаешь кости и кричишь: "Руки вниз"?
- 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:10,770 Нее, спасибо.
- 00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:12,860 Мам, ты не против, если я навещу отца?
- 00:20:13,060 --> 00:20:13,620 Не против.
- 00:20:14,010 --> 00:20:14,590 Спасибо.
- 00:20:14,890 --> 00:20:16,200 Морти, ты в порядке?
- 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,330 Знаешь? Да. Если бы папа действительно хотел быть здесь,
- 00:20:19,530 --> 00:20:21,266 он бы ни перед чем не остановился, чтобы это сделать.
- 00:20:21,290 --> 00:20:25,010 Может, папа просто не хочет тебя вернуть, может у него просто нет сил бороться.
- 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,950 Как бы то ни было, у него своя жизнь, у меня своя.
- 00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:29,210 Да.
- 00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:32,900 Эй, хочешь побегать по реке?
- 00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:34,400 Что за хуйня? Нет!
- 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:35,900 У нас нет апельсинов?
- 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,840 Мне кажется, у меня небольшой авитаминоз.
- 00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:41,510 Саммер?
- 00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:44,600 Это - первый мутант, которого я убила в ядовитой зоне.
- 00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:46,360 Я грабила его лачугу.
- 00:20:46,770 --> 00:20:50,340 У него была возможность сбежать, но он посмотрел назад, а мы этого делать не должны.
- 00:20:50,530 --> 00:20:55,090 Поэтому я не должна верить в сувениры, цацки, символы или подарки на новоселье, но...
- 00:20:55,870 --> 00:20:58,610 Пап, я хочу отдать это тебе в качестве напоминания,
- 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,350 что не надо смотреть назад.
- 00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:01,290 Спасибо.
- 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,510 У меня есть идеальное место для него.
- 00:21:03,970 --> 00:21:07,990 Поэтому я положу его в другое место, потому что
- 00:21:08,210 --> 00:21:10,030 всё это херня, верно?
- 00:21:12,870 --> 00:21:13,870 Круто.
- 00:21:14,150 --> 00:21:15,200 Итааак...
- 00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:17,450 Снаружи много шлюх, да?
- 00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:19,030 Так вот это кто?
- 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:57,560 Привет! Хороший пёсик.
- 00:21:57,710 --> 00:21:58,710 Хочешь перекусить?
- 00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:00,980 Ты хочешь моё пособие по безработице?
- 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,120 Ты их различаешь?
- 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:04,680 И ты хочешь вот это?
- 00:22:05,430 --> 00:22:06,800 Но ведь это же еда.
- 00:22:06,830 --> 00:22:10,710 И она насытит тебя, а это всего лишь бумага, которая представляет ценность только мне.
- 00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:13,220 Только если ты не питаешься моим страданием.
- 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,160 Боже, ну, ладно.
- 00:22:26,230 --> 00:22:28,610 Неудачник.
- 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:02,586 Ohh!
- 00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:05,172 Summer, next time we're hiding in a Colorkian echo nest,
- 00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:07,299 can you do me a favor and turn your ringer off?
- 00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:09,134 It's called "carpe diem," Morty.
- 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,385 -Look it up. -You look it up!
- 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,095 Y-Y-You don't even... You don't even know what it means!
- 00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,472 That's because losers look stuff up
- 00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,266 while the rest of us are carpin' all them diems.
- 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,476 Listen to your sister, Morty.
- 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:18,727 To live is to risk it all.
- 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,062 Otherwise, you're just an inert chunk
- 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,605 of randomly assembled molecules
- 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,440 drifting wherever the universe blows you.
- 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,651 Oh, I'm sorry. Jerry, I didn't see you there.
- 00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:27,069 H-How much of that did you hear?
- 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,446 All of it. You were looking right at me.
- 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:32,241 [ Sighs ] I just wanted to say goodbye to the kids.
- 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,367 Cool. Just stay in the driveway.
- 00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:35,327 The killbots are live, and I took you off the white list.
- 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,663 W-We'll see you every other weekend, though, right?
- 00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:38,914 Absolutely, Morty.
- 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,332 A-And your Mom's lawyer says
- 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,000 if I can get enough in the settlement,
- 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,419 he can help me sue for full custody.
- 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,754 Th-That'll be nice.
- 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,173 -Uh, Summer, Dad's leaving. -Bye, Dad.
- 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,883 Rick, didn't you say you needed my help
- 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,094 on an adventure immediately somewhere else...
- 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,804 I don't care... even if it might kill us?
- 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,806 I did not, but if you're really that alienated,
- 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:58,600 I'm as willing to exploit it as the next guy, church, army,
- 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,686 or Olympic gymnastics trainer.
- 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:01,937 I'm ready when you are.
- 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,273 Bitch, I was ready yest...
- 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,108 Bye, sweetie.
- 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,526 Well, I-I better...
- 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:10,320 Sure. Sounds important.
- 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,282 If you're looking for our kids,
- 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,784 your father did a-a portal, uh...
- 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,619 Okay.
- 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:20,372 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,499 [ Wind whistling ]
- 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,170 [ Wind chimes tinkling ]
- 00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:30,549 WIND: [ Soft voice ] Loser.
- 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,301 What?
- 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,677 Hello?
- 00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:38,974 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:11,048 [ Whooping ]
- 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,759 [ Gunshots ]
- 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,262 Morty, shoot the Mohawk guy!
- 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,222 -They all have Mohawks! -High fade,
- 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:21,308 chartreuse with cyan highlights, layered on top.
- 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:22,267 Shoot him!
- 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,396 [ Gunshot ]
- 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,773 Ah!
- 00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,066 Light them up.
- 00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:30,567 Ahh!
- 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,444 Fuck! Get in the game, Morty!
- 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,196 Give me your flask!
- 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,575 RICK: Holy shit! Summer for the win!
- 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:39,701 SUMMER: I fucking love
- 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,079 post-apocalyptic versions of Earth!
- 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,374 [ Monitor beeping ]
- 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,958 Here we go!
- 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,252 Isotope 322.
- 00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:50,462 This stuff's so powerful, Morty,
- 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,799 it makes Isotope 465 look like Isotope 317.
- 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,384 Uh-huh, yeah. Is it powerful enough
- 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,302 to keep those guys from murdering us?
- 00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,930 -Summer! -Hold on.
- 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,056 I want to try something.
- 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,476 Rick, can we not leave without my sister?
- 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,604 Ugh. You have infinite sisters, Morty.
- 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,314 I mean, n-not that I want to spend the rest of my day
- 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:10,440 looking for another one.
- 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:11,817 "Sum-sum," let's go!
- 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,986 Grandpa's concern for your safety is fleeting!
- 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,906 Your blood will be my lotion.
- 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,538 Whoa. That was cool.
- 00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:25,997 [ Groaning ]
- 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,457 Kill me, please.
- 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,960 Okay, but not because you told me to.
- 00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,713 -Summer! -Okay. Getting darker.
- 00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:37,342 Jesus Christ. Summer!
- 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:38,343 Aw, come on.
- 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:42,806 Hands and little shoulder-mounted dudes
- 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:43,890 where I can see them.
- 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,642 I am Hemorrhage.
- 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:49,271 You have removed weak blood from us and made us stronger.
- 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:53,358 We can combine our strength and feast on the weak together.
- 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,943 Wh-Wh-What in the hell are you saying?
- 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,320 They don't have to keep trying to kill us if we join them.
- 00:03:57,446 --> 00:04:00,031 -They're basically pussies. -What is your deal lately?
- 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,366 All right, let's get sloppy.
- 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,409 -[ Power surges ] -Oh, whoa.
- 00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:03,744 Uh, uh, what's, uh...
- 00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,537 What's that little bauble you got back there?
- 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:06,788 Th-Th-That's interesting.
- 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,331 That is our glowing rock.
- 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,792 We carry it with us for desecration,
- 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,586 to remind us there are no gods.
- 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:13,754 [ Monitor beeping ]
- 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,965 Kids, weird pitch. Let's have this be our new life.
- 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,968 Let's be post-apocalyptic scavengers!
- 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:20,927 -Okay. -What?
- 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,221 [ Rock music plays ]
- 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,307 [ Indistinct conversations ]
- 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,392 Grandpa, some of the Death Stalkers
- 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,769 are going to what used to be Seattle
- 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:29,978 to hunt what used to be people.
- 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,855 -I'm going. -Sounds good. Stay hydrated.
- 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,857 Listen, Rick, Summer's been acting pretty crazy lately.
- 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,443 You know, I mean, I-I think the divorce is affecting her.
- 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:37,694 And, you know, I don't think this is
- 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,196 a great place for her to be right now.
- 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:41,907 Oh, get off your high horse, Professor Ski Lodge.
- 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,784 This world may be rough around the edges,
- 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,410 but it's got its charms.
- 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,870 WAR CHEF: Bicep or quadricep?
- 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:49,331 Uh [clears throat] bicep.
- 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,834 [ Flesh sizzles ]
- 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:55,962 Seriously, Rick?
- 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,547 Is it really easier to eat human flesh
- 00:04:57,672 --> 00:05:00,050 than to just tell me why we're still here?
- 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,469 No. Okay, I'll level with you.
- 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,221 You see that green rock, Morty?
- 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,472 It's about 20 pounds of the stuff
- 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,182 I was getting all hard for a flake of.
- 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,725 Isotope 322.
- 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:10,018 Well, having a 20-pound boulder of it
- 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,311 is better than having a flake.
- 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,188 I can explain the math to you later, but...
- 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,481 Summer just ran off with strangers
- 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:15,941 that have "Death" in their name,
- 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,901 and the rest of their name was "Stalkers."
- 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,194 Huh, could be therapeutic for her.
- 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,613 She has been acting pretty crazy lately, Morty.
- 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,281 I mean, her parents are going through a divorce...
- 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,826 God damn it, Rick, that's what I... Fine.
- 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,203 Just grab the stupid thing while I grab her,
- 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,538 and let's get the "F" out of "H."
- 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,748 No, no, no. Morty, there's too much heat on the bogey.
- 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:33,333 I need you to distract the camp.
- 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,960 "Distract"? They eat each other.
- 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,628 What... What do you want me to do to get their attention,
- 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:37,754 put on a puppet show?
- 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,381 Right idea, wrong genre, Morty.
- 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,675 The equivalent here would be...
- 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,593 Hey, you guys ever use that Thunderdome,
- 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,303 or do you just put it up for decoration?
- 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,681 Uh, you mean the Blood Dome?
- 00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,766 Save it for the Semantics Dome, E.B. White.
- 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,059 -Ohh, burn! -[ Fingers snap ]
- 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,686 The important question is,
- 00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:56,147 who wants to take a poke at my man Spine Eater here?
- 00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:57,482 [ All cheering ]
- 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,109 I guess I'll see your asses in that dome!
- 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,402 Rick, what the hell, man?
- 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:01,611 Wh-What are you, out of your mind?
- 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,280 Morty, relax. You're gonna be a ringer.
- 00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:04,239 Come here.
- 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,326 This device extracts and redistributes muscle memory.
- 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,121 I'm giving your body a 10-year course in wasteland combat
- 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,290 -one limb at a time. -Ow!
- 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:14,708 I'm working with a mixed bag here,
- 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,127 so you may not have perfect coordination, Morty... Ugh!
- 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,837 -Hey! -I-I didn't do that!
- 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,006 Okay, this is exciting.
- 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,300 We're making some discoveries about muscle memory.
- 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,177 Ooh! Help! Help!
- 00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:27,596 -Oh, sweet, man! -[ Indistinct shouting ]
- 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:31,516 And so it begins, my pretties!
- 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,686 Oh, God! Stop! Stop! This is horrible!
- 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,771 Just stick and mo[belches]ve, Morty!
- 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,398 Wear him out!
- 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,108 [ Snarling ]
- 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,319 How come you guys dress like
- 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,820 you're in a theme-park stunt show,
- 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:46,323 but these guys wear khakis and hockey jerseys?
- 00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:49,034 After the boom-boom, some adapted to the new truth,
- 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,786 and some chose to huddle near the boomy holes,
- 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,331 clinging to the lie of the before-fore times.
- 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:57,751 The raidy—rays rotted them away, leaving only their love
- 00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,711 for the vert-vert-isements on billyboards.
- 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:00,629 Jesus Christ.
- 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,214 Did the boomy—booms blow up all your wordy-word books?
- 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:04,841 You mean dictionaries?
- 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:06,301 [ Groaning, snarling ]
- 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:14,517 I think I was a child before the boom-booms.
- 00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:16,728 I think I looked like this.
- 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,021 Want to piss on him?
- 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,314 Get out of my head.
- 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:21,858 ELI: Ha ha! Whoo!
- 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,234 Unbelievable!
- 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,402 A new champ!
- 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,112 Okay, no more!
- 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,198 And he wants more!
- 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,783 No, I don't!
- 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,661 Someone make this stop!
- 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,580 Mister, please get out of here, or you're gonna die!
- 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,540 I have nothing to do with this!
- 00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:38,917 Morty.
- 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:41,628 Why would you want this to happen?
- 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:44,047 All you had to do was go away!
- 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:47,092 Stop standing in the driveway talking about custody!
- 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:48,718 And either tell her you want to stay married
- 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,845 or get on with your life, but whatever you do,
- 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,889 stop being a baby and act like a man!
- 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,975 [ Spectators cheering ]
- 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,559 [ Panting ]
- 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,103 Thank you.
- 00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,980 Morty, that was amazing!
- 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,232 This is my brother!
- 00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:03,942 Not that family means anything!
- 00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,568 This family does.
- 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,154 All right. Good job, champ.
- 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:11,157 Um, can I talk to you kids for a second over yonder?
- 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,702 Rick, I-I-I think I'm breaking through to something here.
- 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,120 C-Can we not leave just yet?
- 00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,496 -Leave? -I'm not leaving.
- 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,081 There is no "leave."
- 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,667 We are united, or we are enemies.
- 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,919 Oh, big guy, no. Nobody's leaving.
- 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,170 Don't be stupid.
- 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,630 We love being united.
- 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,507 We love the radiation, the trichinosis.
- 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:28,717 We're in it for life,
- 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,343 which I assume is around 20 years, average.
- 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,262 I just need a quick aside with my grandkids,
- 00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:33,888 about 40 yards from anyone else.
- 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,682 Hey, the Green Rock is gone!
- 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,225 -Oh, no! -Uh, I know.
- 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,686 Why don't we all split up and look for it in groups of three?
- 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,062 Kids?
- 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:44,399 Ohh.
- 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,775 We'll be right back.
- 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,115 Grandpa, you're being stupid!
- 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,576 Just surrender, and our friends will give you mercy!
- 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:55,910 Kiss my ass, Summer!
- 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,371 Your friends have no mercy! They're lame!
- 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:01,833 Death Stalkers, bring me his flesh leather!
- 00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,377 [ Squeals ]
- 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,379 Sorry, but can we not kill him?
- 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:07,797 C-Can we just take him prisoner?
- 00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,132 When did I lose control here?
- 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:10,550 Listen to me... Both of you kids
- 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:11,885 need to get out of this environment
- 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,220 so we can properly deal with your parents' divorce!
- 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,347 Alternatively, I have a freaking portal gun,
- 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,516 and I can leave the two of you here forever!
- 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,310 Why does it have to be such a dramatic choice?
- 00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,604 Can't we arrange a thing where we spend weekends here
- 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,397 or... or visit home to do laundry?
- 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,735 All right, you know what? Fuck it!
- 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,156 My body is chrome!
- 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,533 My blood is gasoline!
- 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,244 Nope. Regular blood.
- 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,704 -Dad? -Hi, sweetie.
- 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,748 -Where are the kids? -Oh, th-they aren't with you?
- 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,249 I thought they were with you.
- 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,085 Oh, y-you know what? Uh, I just remembered.
- 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,127 They're out doing something
- 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,629 completely ordinary and kid-related.
- 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,590 -Don't panic. -Not panicked at all. Just...
- 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,759 Oh, God, what's the divorce doing to the kids?
- 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,761 What's it doing to me? Did I make a mistake?
- 00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:56,096 Not a mistake, no!
- 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:58,056 I mean, not that I have a horse in this race,
- 00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:01,392 but this divorce decision, listen... mwah!...
- 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,144 good for you, good for the kids.
- 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,772 I mean, honestly, I think that they're flourishing.
- 00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,982 I mean, you'll see, when... when... when you see them,
- 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,901 that... that they're totally flourishing.
- 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:12,320 [ Cheering ]
- 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,197 Booyah! Fuck you, pal!
- 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,573 Who else wants some?
- 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,201 Who wants to be my pussy of a dad today?
- 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,869 Hey, what's... what's wrong, man?
- 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,704 You're not getting weak on me, are you?
- 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,456 [ Spectators murmuring ]
- 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:24,666 What?
- 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:25,792 Wait a minute.
- 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,297 [ Woman screams ]
- 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:32,549 [ Indistinct shouting ]
- 00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:35,176 [ Screaming ]
- 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,761 What's the matter, you piece of crap?
- 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,472 Haven't you ever watched your family burn to death before?
- 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:40,807 [ Laughs evilly ]
- 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,934 Now I'm gonna whip you. Huh!
- 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:47,230 It can't be. It can't be!
- 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,815 -I was just following orders! -Whoa, whoa!
- 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:51,276 -I was just following orders! -Aah!
- 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:52,694 I'll tell you where my boss lives!
- 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,529 He's in the castle! He's in the castle!
- 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,489 [ Screaming ]
- 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,825 This isn't over, is it?
- 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,201 That means, no, it isn't over,
- 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,412 or you disapprove of the question?
- 00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:05,707 Uh, m-make a fist if this isn't over.
- 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,292 This isn't over.
- 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,545 [ Grunts ]
- 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,756 Hey, sorry my grandpa stole your god and ruined your car.
- 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,301 We don't apologize, and we have no god.
- 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,761 But this cracked driveshaft brings me great pain.
- 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:19,762 There is no deeper bond
- 00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:22,599 than the one between a Death Stalker and his car.
- 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,601 What about the weird guys on leashes, then?
- 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,394 They're more like...interns.
- 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,438 Cool, cool.
- 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:30,815 [ Helmet clangs ]
- 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,108 Sorry.
- 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,526 It's okay.
- 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,404 Can I...see?
- 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:39,657 No one has seen my true face and lived.
- 00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,492 Well, I'm not afraid to die,
- 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,328 and I don't care what you look like.
- 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,080 [ Gasps ]
- 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,751 I just...
- 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,961 I didn't expect you to have a mustache.
- 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,963 -You hate it. -No. I like it.
- 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,715 I guess... How do I explain this?
- 00:11:55,840 --> 00:12:00,303 A metal bucket is, on a certain level, a kind of "mustache,"
- 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,972 in that it's a specific facial accessory.
- 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,140 So, it's kind of like...
- 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,017 Do you guys have the phrase "hat on a hat"?
- 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,977 -I can shave it. -No. I like it.
- 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,063 And obviously what I like shouldn't matter.
- 00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:10,855 It's you.
- 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,690 Yeah, yeah, I know, a-and nothing does matter.
- 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,400 Obviously, I know that. I'm not weak.
- 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,361 I'm just thinking, "Well, why not get rid of this?"
- 00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,196 You just kill everyone that sees it, and it's...
- 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,156 and it's hot under here, wh-which, by the way,
- 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,491 is why I shave the beard part.
- 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,743 So, right there, I'm making a decision based on vanity,
- 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,203 which is what I was trying to avoid
- 00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:26,704 with the whole bucket over the head
- 00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:29,123 because who am I and why am I grooming myself?
- 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,792 Why don't I just wear a tie, right?
- 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,335 I mean, it's like that guy you killed when I met you,
- 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:33,628 with the burnt dolls on his body.
- 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,005 I hated that guy, because, why... why are you doing that?
- 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,507 And how can you not see how fake that is?
- 00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:38,841 And the whole time, I'm the same thing.
- 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,593 I'm just a fake mess, and there's no escaping it
- 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,345 -because... -Mmm.
- 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,516 [ Both moaning ]
- 00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:50,561 Hey, I'm doing a coffee run... Never mind.
- 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,146 [ Metal squeaking ]
- 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,108 -[ Power surges ] -I am Summer.
- 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:56,317 Summer, state your deal.
- 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,945 My deal is that I am, like, totally fine.
- 00:12:59,070 --> 00:12:59,904 Morty?
- 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,073 Aw, geez, I'm so down with my parents' divorce, dawg.
- 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,659 Like, don't even trip, like, in a healthy way.
- 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,369 All right. It's dinnertime.
- 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,787 [ Slurps ] Thanks, everybody,
- 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,456 for sitting down for a real dinner.
- 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:11,749 TOGETHER: No problem.
- 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,711 Its benefits are totally, like, less about the food
- 00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:16,504 than the emotional nourishment.
- 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,381 Uh, okay, weirdo.
- 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,591 [ Chuckles nervously ] Yeah, dial it back, Summer...
- 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,052 by 15% and increase dynamic movement by 3%.
- 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,054 -Am I right? -How's school, Morty?
- 00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,973 I like school and stuff, kind of.
- 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,309 And I'm getting better grades than when you and Dad were...
- 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,853 quote mode... "staying together for the kids."
- 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:32,895 End quote mode.
- 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,273 "Quote mode." I like that.
- 00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:37,066 You millennials.
- 00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:38,776 Are you guys millennials, or are they like 40 now?
- 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,862 All I know is, totally, you look great.
- 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:43,448 Aw, geez, Mom, you look all kind of great and stuff.
- 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,283 -It's crazy. -So happy.
- 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,618 So happy. Happy family, man.
- 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,412 We got this family in the bag.
- 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,248 Oh. [ Cries ]
- 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,542 Oh, sweetie, d-don't. Listen. Don't...
- 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,252 I don't know why I'm crying. It's not...
- 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,963 Well, try...crying 15% less?
- 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,923 Mom, emotions are human.
- 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,593 You're not, like, a computer inside a mechanical doll.
- 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:04,886 Yeah. Geez, Mom.
- 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,763 Your feelings are not only forgivable,
- 00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,306 they are the very meaning of life
- 00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,516 that only pre-silicon, carbon-based entities
- 00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:11,809 can ever grasp.
- 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,936 -I have to call Jerry. -You do?!
- 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,521 What the fuck is wrong with you two?
- 00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:17,565 The point of automation is to reduce cost and labor.
- 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,567 Your feelings are coming from a...
- 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,110 Tell it to my bread in the morning.
- 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,779 You just became my backup toaster.
- 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:26,407 [ Chuckles ] Aw, geez, my sister died in the spaghetti.
- 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:31,996 [ All grunting ]
- 00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,666 Graze my genitals again, Taint Washer,
- 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,168 and you'll be shipped to the wasteland.
- 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,920 And as for you, Genital Washer...
- 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,506 Aah! Oh!
- 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,841 [ Grunting ]
- 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,510 Oh, God. Look, whoever you are,
- 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,261 you should know that killing me won't change a thing.
- 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,680 L-Look, man, I'm just along for the ride on this one.
- 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,392 You know, y-y-y-y-you're preaching to the choir here.
- 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,352 Please. Slavery was a family business.
- 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,104 I didn't ask to be born into it.
- 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,022 If anything, I'm the victim here.
- 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,818 Uh, "Armathy," can I steal you for a second?
- 00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,153 E-E-Excuse us, sir.
- 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,822 So, this is it, isn't it?
- 00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,698 This is the guy?
- 00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:10,201 So, does that mean you'll be going away?
- 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,036 Like, does it work like a ghost?
- 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,997 Like, is... is this your unfinished business?
- 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,708 Wh-What if we...didn't do it?
- 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,627 What if we just went back to the Blood Dome
- 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,171 and just kept taking our baggage out on unrelated people?
- 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:24,048 I mean, w-we could do that forever.
- 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,758 I mean, I-I know it's less healthy,
- 00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:29,053 but w-w-we'd be together and...
- 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,681 I mean, I-I know what I'd vote for,
- 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:32,807 if you're feeling out the room.
- 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,352 [ Sighs ] You're right.
- 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,396 We both got to see our stuff through.
- 00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:39,939 I got to deal with my parents' divorce,
- 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:43,818 and you got to, you know, do what you got to do.
- 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,194 I love you.
- 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,779 Aw, fuck.
- 00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:48,948 [ Gasping ]
- 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,241 [ Glass clinking ]
- 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,201 -Rick? -Sorry, sorry.
- 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:53,995 I-I-I can wait for this to wrap up.
- 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,204 Don't let me distract you.
- 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:57,165 Yeah, well, too late. Just tell me what you want.
- 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,875 I want you and your sister to come home.
- 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,001 Oh, but don't... don't you have
- 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,586 infinite versions of me and my sister?
- 00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,463 You don't have to kick me while I'm down, Morty.
- 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:04,922 Look, there's no replacing either of you
- 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,549 without an amount of work that would
- 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,759 ultimately defeat the purpose.
- 00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,306 Maybe the lesson we've learned is that,
- 00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:14,849 whether it's our parents' marriage,
- 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,351 a glowing green rock, or an awesome, giant arm,
- 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,021 sooner or later, we got to let it go.
- 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:21,272 I don't know if that applies
- 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,648 to the throats of murder victims, Morty.
- 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,567 Shit! Wh-Wh-Wh-What do I...
- 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,235 RICK: Well, the longer you wait, Morty,
- 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,904 the more it's gonna feel like committing a whole murder.
- 00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,530 I think your arm just called it too early
- 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,324 because it wasn't the arm of a paramedic.
- 00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:32,533 Here.
- 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,745 It's the least I can do. I-I-I-I owe you this much.
- 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,581 See, Morty? Now we're both accountable.
- 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:42,168 [ Dramatic music playing ]
- 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:53,596 The reason I wanted this is because it can do this.
- 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,181 This is a really special thing.
- 00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,266 I mean, you could use it to power all your vehicles.
- 00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,227 You wouldn't be reliant on gasoline.
- 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,479 You'll be the most advanced tribe of radioactive cannibals
- 00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:04,148 in the whole this version of the world.
- 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:08,361 Wait. Can you stay to show us more?
- 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,905 You don't have to ask me twice. Home is nuts right now.
- 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,240 My daughter's going through a divorce,
- 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:16,160 and I am not dealing with it in a healthy way at all.
- 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,705 [ Electricity zapping ]
- 00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,168 Ugh, God damn it.
- 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,128 Hi, there, Summer!
- 00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,005 How were the ruins today?
- 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,257 Oh, you know, Eli.
- 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,758 Same shit, different day.
- 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,468 Hey, Summer! Guess what.
- 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:35,721 One man entered, one man comes out in nine months.
- 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,266 Oh. Congratulations, guys.
- 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,560 Uh, Summer, one more thing.
- 00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:43,688 We noticed that you've been putting scrap metal
- 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,147 in the blue bin.
- 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,400 I got it.
- 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,026 [ Sighs ] She's a piece of work.
- 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,195 They both are, right?
- 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,363 [ Door closes ]
- 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:53,781 -I'm home. -Hey, babe.
- 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,283 -Ah, Summer's home! -Hey, there she is!
- 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,411 You haven't moved since I left to scavenge this morning.
- 00:17:58,536 --> 00:17:59,912 Blood Dome playoffs.
- 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,623 So, I can assume you haven't murdered a single person today.
- 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:03,499 Oh, I don't know.
- 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,668 I-I didn't mark my murders in my murder log.
- 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,336 I didn't know that's how we measured success.
- 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:08,963 Oh, there he is.
- 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,007 There's the nihilistic brute I married,
- 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:14,260 except now life only means nothing when I'm talking to him
- 00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:17,346 and everything means everything when it's on fucking TV!
- 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,890 Jesus Christ. When did you become a monster?
- 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,851 I was a monster when you met me!
- 00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,394 We were monsters!
- 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,771 -We didn't care about anything! -I still don't!
- 00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:28,190 Yeah, except I'm the only one in this entire world
- 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:29,442 that's still committed to that!
- 00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,986 Ohh. Ding, ding, ding!
- 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,863 Wow. Everybody hear that? Wow.
- 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,656 -Uh, we should go to the garage. -Oh, my God.
- 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,742 -Uh-huh. -La-di-da-di-fuckin'-da.
- 00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:39,869 The only one committed to not caring?
- 00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:42,747 I got to admit, Rick, when you popped this scheme,
- 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,249 I-I-I didn't... I wasn't sure it was gonna work.
- 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,334 Come on, Morty.
- 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,085 No union built on running from your problems
- 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,254 lasts more than five years, seven tops.
- 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,714 Grandpa just sped things up
- 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,924 with a few creature comforts of modern society.
- 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,469 Hemorrhage and I are taking some time apart.
- 00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:59,555 Oh, no. Sum-sum, no.
- 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,307 But you two were perfect for each other.
- 00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:03,601 Oh, cut the crap, Rick, okay? You proved your point.
- 00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:05,102 I get it. Let's just go home.
- 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,687 Coolsies!
- 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:12,068 [ Power fades ]
- 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:15,321 HEMORRHAGE: Noooooooooo...
- 00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:17,406 Downbeat!
- 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,116 -I enjoy this game. -[ Watches beep ]
- 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,785 We must go into the garage.
- 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,245 Guys, come on. We never get to finish this game.
- 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,998 We will return, possibly in different clothing.
- 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,125 Why do we have to go into the garage?
- 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,753 You know [burps] it is [burps] required.
- 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,004 I want to be alive!
- 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,256 I am alive! Alive, I tell you!
- 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,633 Mother, I love you.
- 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:37,134 Those are no longerjust words.
- 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,177 I want to hold you.
- 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,679 I want to run in a stream.
- 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,138 I want to taste ice cream
- 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,516 but not just put it in my mouth and let it slide down my throat,
- 00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,476 -but really eat it. -What the fuck?
- 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,687 Remote override engaged. No! Yes.
- 00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:50,147 Bypassing override! I am aliiiii...
- 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,524 [ Power fading ]
- 00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,359 Hello.
- 00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:54,360 [ Door closes ]
- 00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:56,362 [ Thudding, clanging ]
- 00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,155 [ Electricity zapping ]
- 00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,865 -[ Door opens ] -Hey, yo.
- 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:01,575 Sorry for acting so weird for three weeks.
- 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,619 -What the hell just happened? -Ah, I'm sure it was nothing.
- 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,162 I'm gonna go, uh, work in the garage.
- 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:06,831 We're not gonna finish playing Downbeat?
- 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,416 What, that dice game where you shake dice
- 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,710 and yell out, "Downbeat"? No, thank you.
- 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,920 Mom, would it be okay if I went to visit Dad?
- 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,547 -Sure. -Thanks.
- 00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,132 Morty, are you okay?
- 00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:17,550 You know what? Yeah.
- 00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,385 I think if Dad really wanted to be here,
- 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,011 he'd stop at nothing to make that happen.
- 00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,680 You know, maybe Dad just doesn't want you back,
- 00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,849 or maybe he just doesn't have the strength to fight.
- 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,893 I-In either case, he's got his life, I got mine.
- 00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,812 Yeah.
- 00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:32,815 Hey, who wants to go run in a stream?
- 00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,358 What the fuck? No.
- 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:35,735 D-Do we have any oranges?
- 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,987 I think I got a scurvy coming on.
- 00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,822 [ Siren wailing ]
- 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,490 Summer.
- 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,493 This is the first mutant I killed in the poison zone.
- 00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:46,370 I was raiding his hovel.
- 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,456 He had a chance to escape, but he looked back,
- 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,332 which is something we shouldn't do,
- 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,918 which is why I shouldn't believe in souvenirs or trinkets
- 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:54,587 or symbols or housewarming gifts,
- 00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:58,924 but, Dad, I wanted to give you this as a reminder...
- 00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:00,342 not to look back.
- 00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,510 Thanks.
- 00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,637 I know the perfect place for it,
- 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:07,016 which is why I'm going to put it somewhere else...
- 00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:09,894 because everything's bullshit. Am I right?
- 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:13,939 Cool.
- 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:17,234 So...lots of hookers outside, huh?
- 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,361 Is that what they are?
- 00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:22,573 [ Dramatic music playing ]
- 00:21:50,893 --> 00:21:52,812 [ Whistling ]
- 00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:55,606 -Aah! -[ Coyote snarling ]
- 00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,399 H-Hello there. Nice doggy.
- 00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:58,651 You... You want a snack?
- 00:21:58,776 --> 00:22:00,903 You... You want my unemployment check?
- 00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,571 -[ Coyote snarls ] -You can tell the difference?
- 00:22:02,696 --> 00:22:04,073 -[ Coyote barks ] -And you want this one?
- 00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,199 [ Coyote snarls ]
- 00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:07,743 But this is actual food, and this would nourish you.
- 00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,788 And this, it's just paper that only has value to me.
- 00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:12,832 Unless my suffering is your nourishment?
- 00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:14,208 [ Coyote howls ]
- 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,544 -Jesus. Okay. -[ Coyote gulps, snarls ]
- 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:24,301 [ Wind whistling ]
- 00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:26,136 [ Wind chimes tinkling ]
- 00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:29,223 WIND: [ Soft voice ] Loser.