Загрузка
Продолжить с 00:00?
Серия закончилась
00:00
/
22:15
Риклантидическая путаница
The Ricklantis Mixup
Сезон: 03Серия: 07
Пока Рик и Морти готовятся к приключению в Атлантиде, их прерывает другой Рик и Морти, ищущие пожертвования в Фонд реконструкции Цитадели. Морти задаётся вопросом, что происходит в Цитадели. Затем эпизод переносится в Цитадель, где разворачивается несколько взаимосвязанных сюжетов.
- 00:00:02,690 --> 00:00:05,550 Итак, Морти, ты готов к приключению в затерянную Атлантиду?
- 00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:06,840 Готов, как никогда, Рик.
- 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:08,710 О, да что ж, блядь, такое?!
- 00:00:08,740 --> 00:00:10,450 Привет, я - Рик К-22.
- 00:00:10,490 --> 00:00:17,230 Это - мой Морти. Мы путешествуем по реальностям и просим Риков сделать пожертвование фонду реконструкции Цитадели Риков.
- 00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:19,730 Ты что, тупой? Мы покончили с Цитаделью Риков.
- 00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:24,650 Я вообще никогда их не поддерживал, поэтому я убил всё начальство и оставил Цитадель гнить.
- 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,450 О, так это был ты.
- 00:00:26,470 --> 00:00:28,030 Сначала они попытались убить его.
- 00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:31,700 Вот блин. Что ж, у нас хорошие новости - совета больше нет.
- 00:00:31,730 --> 00:00:33,550 Он в курсе. Он же их убил.
- 00:00:33,580 --> 00:00:34,840 Хочешь осадить своего Морти?
- 00:00:34,870 --> 00:00:35,600 Каждый день.
- 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,810 Фонд реконструкции Цитадели Риков. Не...
- 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:42,730 Морти, он ничего не пожертвует. Ты пытаешься протолкнуть "Бал Тайной полиции" чернокожему подростку.
- 00:00:42,890 --> 00:00:43,430 Пойдём.
- 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:44,410 Необязательно быть мудаком.
- 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:45,790 Ты вроде сам знаешь, что это не так.
- 00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:49,040 Блин, я не знал, что Рики и Морти до сих живут в Цитадели.
- 00:00:49,060 --> 00:00:50,720 Интересно, чем они живут каждый день?
- 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:54,480 Продолжай задавать себе этот вопрос, пока нас ждёт весёлое первое самостоятельное приключение в Атлантиду.
- 00:00:55,250 --> 00:00:58,290 Любой, кто пытается снова использовать Цитадель, либо тупой,
- 00:00:58,310 --> 00:01:01,350 либо один из миллионов заложников ужасных идей.
- 00:01:01,540 --> 00:01:03,260 Блин, хорошо, что я не один из них.
- 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,320 Рик и Морти. Истории из Цитадели
- 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:09,900 Авторы перевода Женя Спицын и Сарыч
- 00:01:51,550 --> 00:01:54,620 Утренние новости Цитадели. Новости о Цитадели с утра.
- 00:01:54,650 --> 00:01:56,030 Название говорит само за себя.
- 00:01:56,060 --> 00:01:58,270 Здравствуйте. Я - Рик D716-B.
- 00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:00,090 А я - Рик D716.
- 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:00,770 Здорово, наверное.
- 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,050 Сегодня в выпуске: перебои гравитации в Ист Санчез Хайтс.
- 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:06,280 А также, становится плохо из-за клеточной матрицы, работающей на уране?
- 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:10,050 Ответ вряд ли вас удивит: "Да". Это же уран.
- 00:02:10,140 --> 00:02:12,150 Всё это и другие новости после рекламы.
- 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:15,470 В шестидесяти циклах от центральной конечной кривой
- 00:02:15,540 --> 00:02:19,410 есть Рик, который больше работает с деревом, чем над поляризационной обшивкой.
- 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,700 Его зовут Рик-простак, но он не дурак.
- 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:27,230 Очень давно он понял, что его величайшее творение - это дочь.
- 00:02:27,260 --> 00:02:28,340 Люблю папочку!
- 00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:32,440 Мы сняли этот момент и крутим его по кругу в разуме Рика-простака.
- 00:02:32,580 --> 00:02:34,780 А вещество, которое заставляет его мозг выделять секреции
- 00:02:34,810 --> 00:02:37,900 идёт на производство вафельного печенья Рика-простака "Простые вафли".
- 00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:41,200 Прочувствуйте нереальный вкус вашего собственной завершённости.
- 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,060 Прочувствуйте Рика-простака.
- 00:02:43,610 --> 00:02:47,870 Остался день до того, как наша теперь демократическая Цитадель выберет своего первого президента.
- 00:02:47,890 --> 00:02:49,960 Гонка довольно однобокая среди Риков-кандидатов.
- 00:02:50,190 --> 00:02:54,550 Но ещё один кандидат получит как минимум один голос за то, что он самый очаровательный.
- 00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:57,520 Всё верно, кандидат от партии Морти всё ещё в деле,
- 00:02:57,540 --> 00:02:59,310 и его уже можно за это любить.
- 00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:02,460 Вот он машет рукой в своём костюмчике. Разве не очаровательно?
- 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,470 Маленький гадёныш.
- 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:06,180 Похоже, что у нас есть запись его речи.
- 00:03:06,510 --> 00:03:09,210 Ой блин, о боже, я проиграю в выборах и всё такое.
- 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,710 Мы неплохо держались, сэр, но по-моему, пора выходить из гонки.
- 00:03:14,930 --> 00:03:16,980 Я чувствую себя довольно уверенно перед сегодняшними дебатами
- 00:03:17,020 --> 00:03:19,510 Не стоит, сэр. Вы должны быть в ужасе.
- 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,790 Возможно, вам стоит немного поверить в меня, молодой человек.
- 00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:23,840 Вы не платите мне за веру.
- 00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:25,810 И мы одного возраста.
- 00:03:37,010 --> 00:03:38,790 Ой, извини, я ожидал...
- 00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:39,810 Напарника Рика?
- 00:03:39,940 --> 00:03:42,430 Урок номер один, новичок: ожидай неожиданного.
- 00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:43,150 Залезай.
- 00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,090 Морти тоже люди!
- 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,670 А ну-ка съебал от машины, ты, ебучее безриковое животное!
- 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,800 Эти выборы взбудоражили больше жёлтых футболок, чем Джессика в день фото.
- 00:03:53,830 --> 00:03:55,060 Довольно жестоко, сэр.
- 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,980 Ну, так доложи на меня. Всем поебать.
- 00:03:57,010 --> 00:04:00,750 Да я просто. Мне немного грустно, что коп Морти называет других Морти животными.
- 00:04:00,780 --> 00:04:04,500 Ну, а мне грустно видеть, что очередной коп Рик поддался на групповую психотерапию.
- 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:05,960 Рад узнать, что есть такие, как я.
- 00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:09,260 Да был один, как думаешь, почему кресло было пустым?
- 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,050 Ограбление на пересечении пятой и авеню.
- 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,020 Пятая? Это же Морти-таун.
- 00:04:14,050 --> 00:04:15,310 Патруль 7 уже в пути.
- 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:19,830 Хорошая мысль, Рик.
- 00:04:20,150 --> 00:04:21,430 Хорошая мысль, Рик.
- 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,450 Это отличное приключение.
- 00:04:23,490 --> 00:04:25,240 Это отличное приключение.
- 00:04:25,260 --> 00:04:27,280 Мне нравится быть твоим новым Морти.
- 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,080 Мне нравится быть твоим новым пердорти!
- 00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:32,400 Очень смешно, мистер Смит.
- 00:04:32,670 --> 00:04:36,720 Почти также смешно, как тот случай, когда твоего Рика обезглавили на Зорпантеоне-9.
- 00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:39,810 Или это был твой третий Рик? Сколько у тебя вообще было Риков?
- 00:04:40,110 --> 00:04:40,560 Пять.
- 00:04:40,670 --> 00:04:43,960 Понятно. Ты и правда кое в чём лучший в классе.
- 00:04:44,370 --> 00:04:46,390 Завтра вас передадут вашим новым Рикам.
- 00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:48,320 Надеюсь, они станут вашими последними.
- 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:49,480 Да, отсталый Ри...
- 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,580 Высокий Морти?
- 00:04:50,610 --> 00:04:53,230 А я выпшусился на этот раз?
- 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:55,040 Всё может быть, высокий Морти.
- 00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:01,500 Вряд ли мы увидимся после всего этого.
- 00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:03,570 Предлагаю провести последний день с пользой.
- 00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:06,100 Предлагаю... пойти к порталу желаний.
- 00:05:06,230 --> 00:05:06,910 Это миф.
- 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:07,940 Это не миф.
- 00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:11,170 Четвёртый Морти моего первого Рика знал, чей Морти туда ходил.
- 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,310 Если мы здесь не ради выпуска, то наши задницы окажутся в Морти-тауне.
- 00:05:14,340 --> 00:05:17,700 Я думал, что твой последний Рик объединил тебя с ящером, а не с цыплёнком.
- 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,220 Ладно, я в деле.
- 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:19,930 Я тоже.
- 00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:21,800 Какого чёрта?
- 00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:23,600 Я вроде как муху увидел.
- 00:05:34,060 --> 00:05:35,330 Послушайте, распиздяи.
- 00:05:35,350 --> 00:05:39,120 Я был вашим супервайзером пять лет, но всё херовое когда-то кончается,
- 00:05:39,140 --> 00:05:41,830 и вот меня повысили до регионального менеджера.
- 00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:44,720 Я чувствую то же самое, возможно, мы больше никогда не увидимся.
- 00:05:44,990 --> 00:05:47,930 Правда теперь вакансия супервайзера открыта, так что...
- 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,920 Начиная со следующей недели вы будете вылизывать задницу...
- 00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:54,330 К-83, которого с признательносью называют Крутым Риком.
- 00:05:55,270 --> 00:05:59,000 Да, я новенький в Цитадели, и кто-то из вас может подумать, что я ещё зелёный,
- 00:05:59,080 --> 00:05:59,970 но что тут скажешь?
- 00:06:00,170 --> 00:06:01,250 Я крутой Рик!
- 00:06:01,530 --> 00:06:03,060 Йоу, зацените, какой я.
- 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,280 Ладно, болваны, есть вопросы?
- 00:06:06,350 --> 00:06:08,630 Отлично, тогда за работу, вы, золотые добрикчики.
- 00:06:18,130 --> 00:06:22,070 Без Риков, без семей, охреневшие и неуправляемые.
- 00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:25,670 Из Морти воспитывают прихлебал. Но когда прихлёбывать не с кого,
- 00:06:25,870 --> 00:06:27,340 они начинают просто давать по ебалу.
- 00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:31,430 Они были моего роста, им было где-то по четырнадцать лет.
- 00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:32,980 О, они были в жёлтых футболках.
- 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,380 Обязательно это запиши.
- 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,250 Были какие-нибудь мутации, модификации?
- 00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:38,330 Три глаза, хвост, может стрижка под "ёжик"?
- 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,130 Нет, просто четыре нормальных Морти.
- 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:40,860 Нормальных?
- 00:06:40,890 --> 00:06:41,910 Напиши об этом в блоге.
- 00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:43,480 Надо кое-что прочесать.
- 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,520 О, блин, привет, чем заняты, ребята?
- 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:49,150 О, блин, чувак, да ничем, чувак, просто зависаем и всё такое.
- 00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:53,450 Я понял, о, блин, я должен разобраться, кто ограбил магазин на той стороне улицы,
- 00:06:53,470 --> 00:06:54,970 но, блин, я не знаю.
- 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,650 О, блин, чувак, отстойно, что Рик заставляет тебя этим заниматься.
- 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,060 Он не мой Рик, он - мой напарник.
- 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,390 О, блин.
- 00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:03,800 Ну, наверное, форма оказывает большое влияние.
- 00:07:03,870 --> 00:07:07,300 Откуда мне знать? Как по мне... то ты похож на прихлебателя.
- 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,450 Назови меня прихлебателем ещё раз! Назови меня прихлебате.лем!
- 00:07:10,470 --> 00:07:11,450 Чувак, хорош, о, блин!
- 00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:12,560 Хотите увидеть, как я покрашу стену?
- 00:07:12,580 --> 00:07:15,910 Это были Безумцы Морти-тауна, чувак. Безумцы Морти-тауна.
- 00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:19,470 Ты в курсе, сколько положений кодекса только что нарушил?
- 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,870 О, блин, Рик, да что я могу знать о том, что знаю?
- 00:07:22,210 --> 00:07:23,310 Пиздуй в тачку.
- 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,350 Больше лазеров.
- 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,340 Если хотите, что можете потратить больше времени на ответ.
- 00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:31,610 Ладно, Рик-жонглёр,
- 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,280 как бы Вы разрешили финансовый кризис Цитадели?
- 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:38,810 Для начала я хотел бы сказать, что эта Цитадель - самая лучшая во всей мультивселенной.
- 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:42,200 Итак, я думаю, что ответ на Ваш вопрос состоит из трёх частей.
- 00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:46,240 Во-первых, затраты на образование должны быть намного выше.
- 00:07:46,410 --> 00:07:48,200 Но их нужно сбалансировать с обороной.
- 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,150 Проверьте эти факты, будьте добры.
- 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,640 Хотя ладно, кого я обманываю? Гонка окончена.
- 00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:55,400 Вот так нужно управлять Цитаделью.
- 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,150 Кандидат Морти, число Морти-одиночек стремительно растёт,
- 00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,170 в то время, как уровень удовлетворённости Риков падает,
- 00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:04,710 а раскола между двумя группами не было шире.
- 00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:06,400 Быстро решите эту проблему.
- 00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:11,140 Я не вижу раскола между Риками и Морти.
- 00:08:11,170 --> 00:08:12,010 Не может быть!
- 00:08:13,830 --> 00:08:15,210 У меня есть встречный аргумент.
- 00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:18,350 Господа, господа, думаю, мы можем согласиться в одном.
- 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,740 Получилось не одно, а два, но суть вы поняли.
- 00:08:22,620 --> 00:08:23,490 Вы закончили?
- 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:28,800 Я вижу раскол между Риками и Морти, которые хотят, чтобы этот раскол имел место быть,
- 00:08:29,230 --> 00:08:30,090 и нами.
- 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:33,040 Я вижу это повсюду.
- 00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:38,310 Я вижу это в школах, где Морти учат быть одинаковыми, потому что им угрожают тем, что делает нас уникальными.
- 00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:41,480 Я вижу это на улицах, где Морти выдают пистолеты,
- 00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:44,780 чтобы мы были заняты борьбой друг с другом, а не борьбой с настоящей несправедливостью.
- 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:49,180 Я вижу это на фабриках, где Рики работают за гроши по сравнению с зарплатой босса,
- 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,780 хотя они такие же и с таким же уровнем интеллекта.
- 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,610 Проблема Цитадели не в бездомных Морти и разгневанных Риках.
- 00:09:00,570 --> 00:09:04,320 Проблема Цитадели в том, что Рики и Морти живут за счёт её смерти.
- 00:09:04,350 --> 00:09:04,890 Пиздец.
- 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,540 Он направился во вкусовое ядро!
- 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,340 Но я хочу сказать им пару слов.
- 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,630 От Риков и Морти, которые поддерживают в ней жизнь,
- 00:09:13,510 --> 00:09:14,410 пара слов
- 00:09:15,410 --> 00:09:18,570 от Риков и Морти, которые верят в Цитадель,
- 00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:21,460 тем Рикам и Морти, которые не верят.
- 00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:24,160 Вы в меньшинстве.
- 00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:31,170 Охренеть.
- 00:09:32,950 --> 00:09:35,380 Не могу поверить. Я не верю.
- 00:09:35,410 --> 00:09:37,270 Знаю. Поэтому ты уволен.
- 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:43,680 Похоже, что тебе нужна работа. Могу предложить очень заманчивую зарплату.
- 00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:45,670 Но сначала поговорим о льготах.
- 00:09:46,450 --> 00:09:47,680 Папочка любит тебя.
- 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,630 Ты папина дочурка.
- 00:09:49,650 --> 00:09:52,040 Твоя жизнь - ложь, чувак. Все ваши жизни - ложь.
- 00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:54,760 Вы не поняли? Они сказали, что мы особенные, потому что мы - Рики,
- 00:09:54,810 --> 00:09:56,890 но потом забрали всё, что делало нас уникальными.
- 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,840 Мы тебя понимаем. Мы такие же работяги Рики, как ты,
- 00:09:59,870 --> 00:10:01,490 только наш конвеер - это правосудие.
- 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:02,750 Каковы твои требования?
- 00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:05,720 М-мне нужна портальная пушка, незарегистрированная, которую невозможно отследить,
- 00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:08,380 с достаточным количеством жидкости, чтобы вытащить меня из этой чёртовой тюрьмы!
- 00:10:08,820 --> 00:10:09,910 Там пресса снаружи.
- 00:10:09,930 --> 00:10:11,040 Так не впускай их.
- 00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:14,060 В общем, да, подозреваемый говорит, что Цитадель - это ложь,
- 00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:15,930 что она построена на лжи, и прочую херню.
- 00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:19,800 Хочу сказать, что нужно ценить то, что имеешь, потому что жизнь всегда может быть хуже.
- 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:20,720 Слово вам, Рики.
- 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,730 Спасибо, Рик D0716-C. Какой же выблядок.
- 00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:24,430 И не говори.
- 00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:27,490 Тем временем выборы приняли неожиданный оборот,
- 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,890 когда голоса за Морти из партии Морти взлетели до небес.
- 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,450 Морти, Морти, Морти, "Рик Таймс".
- 00:10:32,470 --> 00:10:32,980 Да.
- 00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:35,390 Морти, из какой Вы реальности и где Ваш Рик?
- 00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:38,460 Боже, мы так много путешествовали, что уже и не вспомнить.
- 00:10:38,490 --> 00:10:41,950 В каждом Рике я вижу своего Рика, надеюсь, что они видят во мне своего Морти.
- 00:10:42,930 --> 00:10:44,760 Можно повторить, только воды меньше?
- 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,770 Взбодрись, приятель. Морти станет президентом.
- 00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:51,000 Представь, как эту мордашку начнут винить во всём.
- 00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,570 Наверное, надо было больше верить.
- 00:10:52,710 --> 00:10:55,320 Тебе нужна не вера, а страх.
- 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:58,320 Что это?
- 00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:00,190 Секреты.
- 00:11:00,550 --> 00:11:02,830 А что это по-твоему? Посмотри, во что я одет.
- 00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:05,560 Взяв всю систему на прицел, вы боитесь за свою безопасноть?
- 00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:07,230 Лучше я буду жить с надеждой, чем в страхе.
- 00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:10,540 Если придётся чего-то бояться, то я бы боялся, что другим людям страшно.
- 00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:12,010 Что их пугает сам страх.
- 00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:13,800 Но нет, я не боюсь.
- 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,350 Эй, Рик, чувак, когда Морти станет президентом, ты отлижешь мне яйца или чё?
- 00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:21,360 Блин, внучок, пока ты позволяешь мне чистить скрёбвоньки и забирать шип-шипки,
- 00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,030 я буду лизать всё, что не прибито к полу.
- 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:25,400 Руки вверх!
- 00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,310 Что за хрень, чувак? Что за херня нахрен?
- 00:11:27,330 --> 00:11:29,760 Что, ребята, делаете домашку по химии с дедушкой?
- 00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:30,850 Это то, о чём я подумал?
- 00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:32,150 Палёная портальная жидкость.
- 00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:38,360 Похоже, в расчётах ошибся.
- 00:11:38,390 --> 00:11:39,720 Обыщи это место.
- 00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:47,250 Т-ты мой новый Рик?
- 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:48,440 Всё нормально, Морти.
- 00:11:54,910 --> 00:11:55,690 Господи.
- 00:11:55,830 --> 00:11:57,780 Он пырнул меня. Хорошенько приложился.
- 00:11:57,810 --> 00:11:59,190 Всё нормально, жить будешь.
- 00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:02,270 Ты был прав. Всё, чему меня учили в академии...
- 00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,840 Не важно. Нет ничего плохого, если немного веришь в Морти.
- 00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:06,700 Нужно лишь выбрать верного.
- 00:12:07,290 --> 00:12:08,630 Почему тут стоит колыбель?
- 00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:10,800 Такими вещами они занимаются. Чтобы тебе стало хуже.
- 00:12:11,270 --> 00:12:13,220 Блин, бумажной работы будет по самое не балуйся.
- 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:14,830 Сходи за аптечкой в машине.
- 00:12:15,090 --> 00:12:16,210 А с этими я разберусь.
- 00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:24,750 Что случилось?
- 00:12:24,780 --> 00:12:25,850 То же, что и всегда.
- 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:27,610 Морти убивают Морти.
- 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:32,950 Почти...
- 00:12:33,550 --> 00:12:34,270 ...дотянулся.
- 00:12:34,930 --> 00:12:37,750 Эй, а ну-ка руки прочь от моих драных мегафруктов!
- 00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:39,660 Взять их, мальчик!
- 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,130 Я не для того ношу эту грёбаную шляпу и придерживаюсь деревенского образа,
- 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,500 чтобы вы бесплатно ели, пока не достигли совершеннолетия.
- 00:12:45,790 --> 00:12:48,660 Держу пари, что портал желаний ведёт в реальность, где... все...
- 00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:51,070 Где живут гренки с сисями.
- 00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:54,310 А я думаю, что он ведёт в место, где полно му... мух.
- 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,190 А я думаю, он никуда не ведёт.
- 00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:59,250 Наверняка, это просто дыра, куда вся Цитадель выбрасывает свои несбывшиеся надежды.
- 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,240 Пижон, почему ты так драматизируешь?
- 00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:03,490 Хочешь знать почему? Из-за этого.
- 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:07,090 Я - один из экспериментальных Морти с имплантированной драмой.
- 00:13:07,140 --> 00:13:10,570 Как думаешь, каково это, Толстый Морти, знать, что куда бы ты ни пошёл,
- 00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:14,320 именно из-за меня все будут чувствовать грусть и немного скуки.
- 00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:16,600 Пижон, имплантат не делает тебя тем, кто ты есть.
- 00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,680 Ты ещё рукава подворачиваешь.
- 00:13:19,410 --> 00:13:21,530 Я думал, что я - Морти-левша.
- 00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:24,270 Тогда пользуйся левой рукой, чтобы есть побольше овощей.
- 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,930 Здравствуйте. Как дела?
- 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:26,950 Рад познакомиться.
- 00:13:26,970 --> 00:13:29,190 Я - сантехник, сэр. Я - Рик, и я сантехник.
- 00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:32,540 Это не похоже на работу для Рика. Вы же не пришли в Цитадель, чтобы работать сантехником, не так ли?
- 00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:33,960 Это верно, сэр.
- 00:13:33,990 --> 00:13:37,240 Мистер Морти, мистер Морти, я клонировал себя, чтобы вы могли поцеловать меня в виде ребёнка!
- 00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:38,850 Он прямо как ребёнок Морти.
- 00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,740 Эй... ты нашёл новую работу?
- 00:13:43,770 --> 00:13:46,120 Да, нашёл. Я работаю твоим убийцей.
- 00:13:48,650 --> 00:13:49,310 В порядке...
- 00:13:49,850 --> 00:13:50,930 Я в порядке, я...
- 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,890 О, блин, о, боже.
- 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,550 Вам бы не помешало повеселиться.
- 00:14:02,660 --> 00:14:04,890 Один танец за десятку, два за двадцать пять.
- 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,650 Нет, спасибо. И ты считать не умеешь.
- 00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:09,340 Да, как же весело!
- 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:10,420 Что это за место?
- 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,590 Жуткий Морти.
- 00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:14,790 Как там обычно говорят Рики? Не бери в голову.
- 00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:17,450 Пойдём, я хочу, чтобы ты познакомился с важным человеком.
- 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,190 Дорогой!
- 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,870 Как идут дела с Безумцами Морти-тауна?
- 00:14:21,890 --> 00:14:25,120 С ними произошёл несчатный случай. Больше от них не будет проблем.
- 00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:26,950 Это были плохие Морти.
- 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,730 Очень плохие Морти.
- 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:33,090 Большой Морти жертвует деньги, чтобы поддерживать мир в Морти-тауне.
- 00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:36,980 Можешь считать его наркобароном, а нас копами в его штате.
- 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:37,360 Морти.
- 00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:38,550 Какой Морти?
- 00:14:38,730 --> 00:14:39,670 М-мой напарник.
- 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,070 Морти, ты прав. Морти-таун - плохое место,
- 00:14:42,170 --> 00:14:44,060 но это не значит, что мы тоже должны быть плохими.
- 00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:46,020 Эй, что за дела, Морти?
- 00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:46,910 Какой Морти?
- 00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:48,270 Коп, олухи.
- 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,750 Не волнуйся насчёт Рика, Морти. Он новенький.
- 00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:52,930 Он ещё не понимает, как всё работает.
- 00:14:52,950 --> 00:14:55,320 Тоже самое ты говорил о своём последнем напарнике.
- 00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:58,400 Зачем ты говоришь такое, Большой Морти?
- 00:14:58,430 --> 00:15:00,570 Ты делаешь хуёво нам обоим.
- 00:15:00,590 --> 00:15:03,540 Неверно. Это он сделает хуёво вам обоим,
- 00:15:03,890 --> 00:15:05,860 если не возьмёт деньги.
- 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,640 Большой Морти, ты арестован.
- 00:15:08,870 --> 00:15:10,920 С... самый умный человек в галактике.
- 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,400 Это реквизит! Пр... просто реквизит!
- 00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:23,040 Сейчас-то ты не такой большой, да?
- 00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:25,020 Я и не был! Это ж метафора!
- 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:25,740 Достаточно.
- 00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,180 Если оставим его в живых, то он расколется.
- 00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:28,810 Не оставишь, и расколюсь я.
- 00:15:28,950 --> 00:15:30,030 О... одно то я точно знаю,
- 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,700 Ковбой Морти точно не проболтается, не беспокойтесь.
- 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,970 Пора этому ковбойчику волочить отсюда ноги.
- 00:15:36,230 --> 00:15:38,230 Ты говорил мне довериться верному Морти.
- 00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:39,850 Я в тебя верю, напарник.
- 00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:41,170 Поступи правильно.
- 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,150 Деда Рик,
- 00:15:44,170 --> 00:15:46,170 Я-я не хочу больше работать в Цитадели.
- 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,850 Я хочу жить, как обычный ребёнок.
- 00:15:47,950 --> 00:15:50,930 Я-я хочу ходить в школу, бросать мяч и мастурбировать.
- 00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:01,020 Какого чёрта там произошло?
- 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:02,450 То же, что и всегда.
- 00:16:02,690 --> 00:16:04,170 Рики убивают Морти.
- 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,190 Так, чувак, всё готово. Мы принесли пушку.
- 00:16:13,380 --> 00:16:14,680 Что за хрень он удумал?
- 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,690 Агх... Где... где это я?
- 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,190 В плохом месте, но скоро окажешься в хорошем.
- 00:16:19,220 --> 00:16:20,380 Эй! Эй!
- 00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:22,390 Нет, нет, нет, нет...
- 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:24,700 Мать твою!
- 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,490 Портал во вселенную блендеров?!
- 00:16:26,510 --> 00:16:27,850 Самая древняя уловка!
- 00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:30,180 Я же Рик! Во мне Рика больше, чем в любом из вас!
- 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,520 Тогда ты знаешь, что ты только что убил своё единственное преимущество.
- 00:16:32,550 --> 00:16:34,130 Ну так попробуйте достать меня, уёбки!
- 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,620 Притормозите! Я Рик Ди. Санчез Третий,
- 00:16:41,650 --> 00:16:43,560 владелец этого самого вафельного предприятия,
- 00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:45,500 и тот самый Рик прав, скажу я вам.
- 00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:47,300 В нём больше Рика, чем в любом из вас.
- 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,250 Он террорист!
- 00:16:48,270 --> 00:16:49,480 А какой Рик - нет?
- 00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:52,740 Цитадель была основана Риками для Риков и их свободы!
- 00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:54,150 Молодой человек, как вас зовут?
- 00:16:54,170 --> 00:16:55,180 Рик. И мне...
- 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,430 Столько же, сколько и мне, знаю.
- 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,670 Давно вы здесь работаете?
- 00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:58,510 Пятнадцать лет.
- 00:16:58,540 --> 00:17:00,220 Что же с нами стало?
- 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,870 Сколько бы вы не дали ему, он своё отслужил.
- 00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:03,780 Покончим же с этим.
- 00:17:03,810 --> 00:17:05,010 Пойдём со мной, дружище.
- 00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:05,810 Куда?
- 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:06,990 В твою новую жизнь.
- 00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:09,670 А начнём мы с того, что съебнём отсюда подальше.
- 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:11,220 Йоу, J-22, задай им жару!
- 00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:18,730 Есть такой Рик, который захватил заложника на фабрике, а потом убил своего босса и нескольких коллег.
- 00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:22,430 На фабрике печенья со вкусом лжи.
- 00:17:22,970 --> 00:17:25,110 Он заставил всех нас задуматься.
- 00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:27,750 И взамен он получил незабываемый вкус настоящей свободы.
- 00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:31,170 И мы сохранили этот вкус,
- 00:17:31,210 --> 00:17:34,500 чтобы передать его ему, а он в свою очередь передаст его вам
- 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,500 в каждом кусочке новых "Отборных вафель свободы Простака Рика".
- 00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:41,940 Прочувствуйте всю палитру вкуса разбитых надежд.
- 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,360 Прочувствуйте "Простака Рика".
- 00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,940 Так это не сказки.
- 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:49,670 После вас.
- 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,270 Вот и он. Портал желаний.
- 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:02,660 Говорят, чтобы желание сбылось, нужно пожертвовать чем-то действительно важным.
- 00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,720 Для меня - это мой панини гриль.
- 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,290 Желаю кучу сэндвичей.
- 00:18:08,310 --> 00:18:10,240 И да, я уловил иронию.
- 00:18:10,270 --> 00:18:13,710 Кажись, мне остаётся пожелать что-то покруче этой дебильной сёрферской феньки.
- 00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:17,300 Желаю, чтобы инцест-порнушка стала... популярнее среди более широкой публики.
- 00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:18,600 Э... это для друга.
- 00:18:19,130 --> 00:18:20,910 Вы же понимаете, что ничего не сбудется?
- 00:18:21,430 --> 00:18:23,120 Желаниям Морти не суждено стать явью.
- 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:24,700 Не в Цитадели.
- 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,230 Тогда почему ты привёл нас сюда?
- 00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:27,740 Потому что надеялся, что это изменится.
- 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,280 Что-нибудь в этой жизни. Хоть какие-нибудь перемены.
- 00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:33,090 Что ж, надеюсь, для такого ты пожертвуешь чем-то охрененно важным.
- 00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:34,370 И я.
- 00:18:35,110 --> 00:18:35,970 Но это вряд ли.
- 00:18:36,940 --> 00:18:38,450 -Нееееет! -Пижоооон!
- 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,800 М... может... Может сейчас он в лучшем мире.
- 00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:45,470 Утилизация отходов.
- 00:18:45,580 --> 00:18:47,150 Будьте осторожны.
- 00:18:52,140 --> 00:18:53,090 Его нужно было остановить.
- 00:18:53,210 --> 00:18:55,590 Не... нельзя... Я не мог дать ему победить.
- 00:18:55,620 --> 00:18:57,630 Тогда тебе стоило точнее целиться, бро.
- 00:18:57,660 --> 00:19:00,050 Он выжил? Нет, нет, нет. Выслушайте меня.
- 00:19:00,070 --> 00:19:00,990 Я работал на него.
- 00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:02,460 Я руководил предвыборной кампанией.
- 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,550 Этот Морти не тот, за кого себя выдаёт.
- 00:19:04,580 --> 00:19:07,190 Ну, да. Ещё ни один Морти не выдавал себя за президента.
- 00:19:07,210 --> 00:19:09,080 -Он... выиграл? -Ага.
- 00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:11,400 Это был полный отрыв.
- 00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:13,150 Не сказал бы, что это полный отрыв.
- 00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:15,040 Там чуть ли не дошло до пересчета голосов.
- 00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:17,370 Боже. Ты тоже в Ха-ха-хранника решил поиграть?
- 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:19,550 Почему я ещё здесь?
- 00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:21,070 Я слышал, он во всём сознался.
- 00:19:21,090 --> 00:19:23,120 Твоё дело пересмотрели. Ты свободен.
- 00:19:23,140 --> 00:19:26,020 Но... Я нарушил как минимум десяток положений ведомственного кодекса.
- 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,690 Новое ведомство. Новые кодексы.
- 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,170 Новая Цитадель.
- 00:19:30,090 --> 00:19:31,690 Мы пропустили выпускной?
- 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:32,700 Где новые Рики?
- 00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:34,370 Ни выпускного. Ни Риков.
- 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,000 -У школы новый учебный план. -Какой?
- 00:19:37,020 --> 00:19:38,670 Я знать не знаю, да мне и не обязательно.
- 00:19:38,690 --> 00:19:39,440 Меня уволили.
- 00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:40,750 Удачи, говнюки.
- 00:19:40,770 --> 00:19:43,440 Нихрена ж себе. Желание Пижона сбылось.
- 00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:48,190 Простите за опоздание, Мистер Президент. Разбирался с проблемами на работе.
- 00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:49,050 Стоило того!
- 00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:50,880 Ничего страшного.
- 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,340 Уберите верхушку, пожалуйста.
- 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,000 Так что ты там говорил, Рик швейного квартала?
- 00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:59,760 Мы говорили о том, "Президент" Морти, что нам всё равно, кто сидит в этом кресле.
- 00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:01,620 Что Рик, что Морти, даже грёбаный Джерри...
- 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:02,410 Никакой разницы.
- 00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:06,580 Здесь наше слово было законом ещё до Совета Риков, и вскоре ты поймешь, что так оно и есть и по сей день.
- 00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:08,790 Он на самом деле говорит от лица всех присутствующих?
- 00:20:08,820 --> 00:20:09,450 -Мм. -Ага.
- 00:20:09,470 --> 00:20:11,060 Что ж, думаю нужно раставить точки над и.
- 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,100 Поднимите руки, если вы с ним солидарны.
- 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,310 До... достаточно убрано с верхушки?
- 00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:22,700 Даже не знаю. Достаточно ли?
- 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,340 -Да, да, да, мать твою, да! -Всё просто зашибись!
- 00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:25,090 Прекрасно.
- 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:31,340 Нет более подходящего момента для выпивки и для зловещей расчётливой речи, от которой душа уходит в пятки.
- 00:20:32,450 --> 00:20:33,860 Речи о политике...
- 00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:36,480 О порядке...
- 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,310 Братстве...
- 00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:40,020 Власти.
- 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,280 Но речи - удел агитаторов.
- 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,790 Настало время для тех, кто действует.
- 00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,650 Уху! Ха-ха-ха! Да!
- 00:21:45,670 --> 00:21:47,920 -Атлантида, крошка! -Это было офигенно!
- 00:21:47,950 --> 00:21:49,460 Ты подцепил ту русалочку.
- 00:21:49,490 --> 00:21:51,950 Я очень надеюсь, что это было не на один раз, и мы ещё встретимся.
- 00:21:51,970 --> 00:21:56,200 Кстати, слушай, эм... Тебе ведь интересно, во что вылилась эта история с Цитаделью?
- 00:21:56,220 --> 00:21:57,330 Пффф. Ни капельки, Морти.
- 00:21:57,350 --> 00:22:00,380 Эта дыра больше никак не повлияет на наши жизни.
- 00:22:00,410 --> 00:22:02,780 -В отличие от той Русалки! Даааа! -Уууууу!
- 00:22:02,810 --> 00:22:05,970 Мы туда ещё вернемся! Да мы каждую неделю будем там отрываться, чел!
- 00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:07,680 -Атлантидааа!
- 00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:03,879 All right, Morty, you ready for our adventure
- 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,214 to the Lost City of Atlantis?
- 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,590 Ready as I'll ever be, Rick.
- 00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:08,550 -[ Portal opens ] -Oh, for fuck's sake.
- 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:11,053 Hello. I'm Rick K-22. This is my Morty.
- 00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:12,804 We're going from reality to reality
- 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,223 asking Ricks to contribute
- 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,934 to the Citadel of Ricks Redevelopment Fund.
- 00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:17,935 What are you, stupid?
- 00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,520 We're done with the Citadel of Ricks.
- 00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:21,772 I was [burps] never on board with it in the first place.
- 00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,066 That's why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot.
- 00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,151 Oh, that was you.
- 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,695 -They tried to murder him first. -Aw, geez.
- 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,406 Well, you'll be happy to know that the council's gone now.
- 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,158 Yeah, he knows. He murdered them.
- 00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,410 -You want to rein in your Morty? -Every day.
- 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,454 The Citadel of Ricks Redevelopment Fund donates...
- 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,623 Morty, he's not gonna [burps] donate.
- 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,124 You're pitching the Policeman's Ball
- 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,584 to a black teenager here.
- 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,211 -Let's go. -You don't have to be a dick.
- 00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:45,837 I think you know that's not true.
- 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,798 Geez. I didn't know there were still Ricks and Mortys
- 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:48,799 living on the Citadel.
- 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,467 I wonder what their day-to-day lives are like.
- 00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:51,552 Well, you can keep wondering that
- 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:52,636 while we go on a fun, fresh,
- 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,846 self-contained adventure to Atlantis.
- 00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:57,975 Anyone continuing to explore the Citadel is either stupid
- 00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,268 or one of the unfortunate millions
- 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,144 held hostage by their terrible ideas.
- 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,355 Man, I'm glad I'm not one of them!
- 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:08,860 ♪ Somewhere out on that horizon ♪
- 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,658 ♪ Out beyond the neon lights ♪
- 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:21,081 ♪ I know there must be somethin' better ♪
- 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:26,795 ♪ But there's nowhere else in sight ♪
- 00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:32,217 ♪ It's survival in the city ♪
- 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:38,015 ♪ When you live from day to day ♪
- 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:44,062 ♪ City streets don't have much pity ♪
- 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:50,986 ♪ When you're down, that's where you'll stay ♪
- 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,613 ANNOUNCER RICK: Citadel Morning News.
- 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,364 News about the Citadel in the morning,
- 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:55,866 pretty self-explanatory.
- 00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:57,909 Good morning. I'm Rick D-716B.
- 00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:00,454 -And I'm Rick D-716. -Must be nice.
- 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,873 Coming up, gravity outages in East Sanchez Heights.
- 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:04,916 And is your uranium-powered cellular matrix
- 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,084 making you sick?
- 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,878 The answer may not surprise you.
- 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,755 It's... Yes, it's uranium.
- 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,090 Those stories and more after this break.
- 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:15,552 SAM ELLIOT: 60 iterations off the central finite curve,
- 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:17,471 there's a Rick that works more with wood
- 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,222 than polarity plating.
- 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:22,392 His name is Simple Rick, but he's no dummy.
- 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:23,935 He realized long ago
- 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,979 that the greatest thing he'd ever create
- 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,230 was his daughter.
- 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,398 I love Daddy!
- 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:29,691 SAM ELLIOT: We captured that moment.
- 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,277 We run it on a loop through Simple Rick's mind,
- 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,404 and the chemical it makes his brain secrete
- 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:37,616 goes into every Simple Rick's "Simple Wafers" Wafer Cookie.
- 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,534 Come home to the impossible flavor
- 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,078 of your own completion.
- 00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:43,121 Come home to Simple Rick's.
- 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,999 Just one day remains before our newly democratic Citadel
- 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:47,668 elects its first President.
- 00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:50,087 It's anyone's race among the Rick candidates.
- 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:51,838 But a certain other candidate should be getting
- 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,299 at least one vote for most adorable.
- 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:57,177 That's right. The Morty party candidate's still in the race,
- 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,137 and you just gotta love him for that.
- 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,056 RICK D-716: Here you see him in his little Morty suit waving.
- 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,266 RICK D-716B: Isn't that adorable? Little jackass.
- 00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:04,518 RICK D-716: Uh, yeah, I think we actually have
- 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,103 the audio for his speech here.
- 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,396 "Aw, geez. Aw, man.
- 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,106 I'm gonna lose the election and stuff."
- 00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:11,191 [ Both laugh ]
- 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,442 We had a good run, sir,
- 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,653 but I think it's time to pull out of the race.
- 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,780 I feel pretty confident about tonight's debate.
- 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:19,491 You shouldn't, sir. You should be terrified.
- 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,618 Maybe you should find a little faith, young man.
- 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,121 You don't pay me to have faith.
- 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:25,789 And we're the same age!
- 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,916 [ All cheering ]
- 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,423 -Aah! -Whoa!
- 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,635 Oh. Sorry. I-I was expecting...
- 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:39,636 A Rick partner?
- 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,180 Lesson one, rookie, expect the unexpected.
- 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,640 Now, get in.
- 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,977 Mortys are human!
- 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,479 Get the fuck off the car, you Rickless fuckin' animal!
- 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:50,647 -Whoa! -MORTY COP: The election's
- 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,232 got these yellow shirts more riled up
- 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,650 than a picture-day Jessica.
- 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:54,985 That's pretty harsh, sir.
- 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,653 So report me. Nobody gives a fuck.
- 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,238 Look, I'm just saying, it makes me a little sad
- 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,449 to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys animals.
- 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,325 Well, it makes me sad to hear another Rick cop
- 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:04,119 buying into his sensitivity training.
- 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,704 Well, I'm glad to know there's more like me.
- 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:06,830 Oh, there was one.
- 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,291 Why do you think that seat was empty?
- 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,626 RICK DISPATCH: <i>Robbery at Fifth and [belches] Avenue.</i>
- 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,712 Fifth and [belches] That's Morty Town.
- 00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:14,713 Unit seven responding.
- 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:16,131 -[ Zaps ] -Ohh!
- 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,341 [ Siren wailing ]
- 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:19,885 RICK TEACHER: Good idea, Rick.
- 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,344 ALL MORTY STUDENTS: Good idea, Rick.
- 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,096 This is a great adventure.
- 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,015 ALL: This is a great adventure.
- 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,225 RICK TEACHER: I love being your new Morty.
- 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,685 ALL: I love being your new Mor...
- 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,270 -Farty. -[ Laughter ]
- 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,189 Very amusing, Mr. Smith.
- 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,191 Almost as amusing as when your first Rick
- 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,610 was decapitated on Zorpantheon Nine.
- 00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:39,613 Or was that your third Rick? How many Ricks have you had?
- 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,114 -Five. -I see.
- 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,742 So you <i>are</i> top of the class in something.
- 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,077 Tomorrow you'll be transferred to your new Ricks.
- 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,163 Hopefully they will be your last.
- 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,207 Yes, Slow Ri... Tall Morty?
- 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,959 Di... Did I gradgitate this time yet?
- 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:54,795 Anything's possible, Tall Morty.
- 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:55,879 -[ Groans ] -[ Laughter ]
- 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,006 [ Bell rings ]
- 00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:01,218 I guess we won't be seeing each other after this, huh?
- 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,386 I say we make our last day count.
- 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,764 I say...we go to the Wishing Portal.
- 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,682 -That's a myth. -It's not a myth.
- 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,351 My first Rick's fourth Morty
- 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,811 knew a Rick whose Morty went there.
- 00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:12,562 If we're not here for graduation,
- 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:14,147 our butts are gonna wind up in Morty Town.
- 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,358 I thought your last Rick fused you with a lizard,
- 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,484 not a chicken.
- 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:18,944 Okay, fine. I'm in.
- 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,320 Me too.
- 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,949 -What the hell?! -I thought I saw a fly.
- 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,082 [ Alarm blaring ]
- 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,750 SUPERVISOR RICK: [ Whistles ]
- 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,126 Listen up, fuck nuts.
- 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:36,920 I've been your supervisor for five years,
- 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,839 but all shitty things must come to an end,
- 00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,258 and I have been promoted to regional manager.
- 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:42,133 [ Mock cheering ]
- 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:44,594 Yeah, I feel the same way. May be never meet again.
- 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:45,595 Of course, that makes
- 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,138 the position of supervisor available,
- 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:49,766 so, as of next week, the ass you'll be kissing
- 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,309 will be that of...
- 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,895 K-83, affectionately known as Cool Rick.
- 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,231 -[ All grumbling ] -I know I'm new to the Citadel,
- 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,400 and some of you might not think I put in my time,
- 00:05:58,525 --> 00:05:59,818 but what can I say?
- 00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,027 I'm Cool Rick!
- 00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,821 Yo! Ha! Ha! Check me out!
- 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,906 All right knuckle[burps]heads, any questions?
- 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:08,994 All right, then, back to work, you gold rickers.
- 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:14,040 [ Hip-hop music plays ]
- 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,796 No Ricks, no families,
- 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,173 high off their asses, and running amuck.
- 00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:24,217 Mortys are raised to be Sidekicks.
- 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,095 Without a side to kick, they just start kicking.
- 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,639 They were... They were about my height,
- 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,182 around 14 years old.
- 00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,559 Oh, their... their shirts were yellow!
- 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:34,144 Yeah, make sure you get that down.
- 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:36,062 Any mutations, augmentations?
- 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,189 Uh, three eyes? A tail? Maybe a buzz cut?
- 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,733 No. Just four normal Mortys.
- 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,651 -Normal? -Put it in your blog.
- 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,320 Let me turn over a few rocks.
- 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:46,323 Aw, geez. Hey, what's goin' on, fellas?
- 00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:47,699 Aw, geez, man. Nothing, man.
- 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,034 We're just hanging out and stuff.
- 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,243 I hear that Aw, geez.
- 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,620 I guess I'm supposed to be figurin' out
- 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,038 who robbed the store across the street.
- 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,748 But, aw, geez, I don't know.
- 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:55,999 Aw, geez man, that sucks
- 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,417 that your Rick's making you do that.
- 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,753 He's not my Rick. He's my partner.
- 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,171 Aw, geez.
- 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:03,423 Well, maybe the uniform makes a big difference.
- 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,716 Who am I to say?
- 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,218 To me, you just look like a sidekick.
- 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,095 Call me a sidekick one more time!
- 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,722 -Call me a sidekick! -Hey, man! Come on! Aw, geez!
- 00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,265 Wanna see how I paint a wall?!
- 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:13,892 It was the Morty Town Locos, man!
- 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,435 -The... The Morty Town Locos! -[ Groans ]
- 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,062 Aah! Aah!
- 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,064 Do you realize how many codes you just violated?
- 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,273 Aw, geez, Rick.
- 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:21,942 What do I know about knowin' stuff?
- 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,777 Get in the fuckin' car.
- 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,195 More lasers.
- 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,405 You could take more time to answer the question if you like.
- 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,701 Okay, Juggling Rick,
- 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:34,037 how would you solve the Citadel's financial crisis?
- 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,373 First off, can I just say that I believe this Citadel
- 00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,625 is the greatest in the entire multi-verse.
- 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,710 Now, I believe the answer to your question
- 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,087 has three parts.
- 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:46,049 First, education spending must get much higher.
- 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,009 But it has to be balanced with defense...
- 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,053 -Whoa! Whoa! -Can we fact-check this please?
- 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,346 Never mind. Who am I kidding?
- 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,722 This race is over.
- 00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:55,558 And that's how you run a Citadel!
- 00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:56,893 [ All Ricks cheering ]
- 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,938 Candidate Morty, the number of displaced Mortys is soaring
- 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,023 while Rick satisfaction levels are plummeting,
- 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,526 and the divide between the two groups has never been wider.
- 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,236 Solve that one real quick.
- 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:07,904 [ Ricks cheering, chuckling ]
- 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,782 I don't see a divide between Ricks and Mortys.
- 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:11,866 Oh, shocker.
- 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,827 -[ Farts ] -[ Laughter ]
- 00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,745 I'd like to offer a re-buttal. [ Farts ]
- 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,248 Gentlemen, gentlemen, I think we can all agree on one thing.
- 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,166 [ Farts twice ] Well, it came out as two things,
- 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:21,793 but you get the idea.
- 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,253 -[ Laughter ] -You guys finished?
- 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,462 [ Laughing stops ]
- 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,923 The division I see is between the Ricks and Mortys
- 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,758 that like the Citadel divided...
- 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,343 and the rest of us.
- 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,887 I see it everywhere I go.
- 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,514 I see it in our schools
- 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,224 where they teach Mortys we're all the same,
- 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,351 because they're threatened by what makes us unique.
- 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:41,187 I see it in our streets where they give guns to Mortys
- 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:44,774 so we're too busy fighting each other to fight real injustice.
- 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,192 I see it in our factories
- 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:48,945 where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss' salary
- 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,614 even though they're identical and have the same IQ.
- 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,993 <i>The Citadel's problem</i> <i>isn't homeless Mortys</i>
- 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,494 <i>or outraged Ricks.</i>
- 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:57,495 [ Screams ]
- 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,456 [ Gunshots ]
- 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:02,208 <i>The Citadel's problem</i> <i>is the Ricks and Mortys</i>
- 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,543 <i>feeding on the Citadel's death.</i>
- 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,628 -Holy shit. -[ Alarm sounding ]
- 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,006 RICK SECURITY OFFICER: He's headed for the flavor core!
- 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,258 <i>But I've got</i> <i>a message for them,</i>
- 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,219 <i>from the Ricks and Mortys</i> <i>keeping it alive,</i>
- 00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:16,347 <i>a message</i> <i>from the Ricks and Mortys</i>
- 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:19,142 that believe in this Citadel
- 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,519 to the Ricks and Mortys that don't.
- 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,647 You're outnumbered.
- 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:29,069 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:31,529 Holy shit.
- 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:33,740 I don't believe it.
- 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,158 I-I <i>can't</i> believe it.
- 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,494 I know. That's why you're fired.
- 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:40,705 Sounds like you're looking for work.
- 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,583 I can offer you a very enticing compensation package.
- 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,627 First, let's talk benefits.
- 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:49,214 Daddy loves you. That's Daddy's good girl.
- 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:50,465 Your life is a lie, man.
- 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,509 All your life's are lies! Don't you get it?!
- 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,552 They told us we were special because we were Ricks,
- 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,679 but they stripped us of everything that made us unique!
- 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:57,680 We know how you feel.
- 00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,516 We're working-stiff Ricks just like you.
- 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,309 but our assembly line is justice.
- 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,519 What are your demands?
- 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:03,937 I-I-I want a portal gun.
- 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,396 Unregistered, untraceable,
- 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:08,191 with enough fluid to take me off this goddamn prison!
- 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:11,027 -The media's outside. -Well, keep 'em there.
- 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:13,822 Anyway, so, yeah, the suspect says the Citadel's a lie,
- 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,740 built on lies, and some other shit.
- 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,742 I say appreciate the life you have,
- 00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:19,369 because it can always be worse.
- 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:20,370 Back to you, Ricks.
- 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,580 Thank you, Rick D-716C.
- 00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,124 -That fuckin' guy. -Tell me about it.
- 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,750 [ Clears throat ] Meanwhile, in election news,
- 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,670 an unexpected turn of events as Morty from the Morty Party
- 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,255 soars to the top of the polls.
- 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,549 -Morty! Morty! Morty! -Yes.
- 00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:35,051 Morty, what's your original reality, and where's your Rick?
- 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:38,263 Gosh, we moved around so much, it's hard to remember.
- 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,056 I see every Rick as my Rick.
- 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,225 I hope they see me as their Morty.
- 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,602 Another? Please? With less water?
- 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,104 Hey, cheer up, pal.
- 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,730 A Morty's gonna be president.
- 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,567 Imagine this kisser getting blamed for everything.
- 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,527 I guess I should've had more faith.
- 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,280 It's not faith you need. It's fear.
- 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,074 What's this?
- 00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,201 It's secrets.
- 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,327 Wh-Wh-Wh-What do you think it is?
- 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,328 Look at how I'm dressed.
- 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,788 RICK REPORTER: <i>Having taken aim</i> <i>at the system,</i>
- 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,290 <i>are afraid at all</i> <i>for your safety?</i>
- 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,916 CANDIDATE MORTY: <i>I'd rather live</i> <i>in hope than fear.</i>
- 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:10,461 <i>If I had to fear anything, I'd</i> <i>fear other people being afraid.</i>
- 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,671 <i>Of fear. Itself.</i>
- 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,506 <i>But, no, I'm not afraid.</i>
- 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:14,507 MORTY TOWN LOCO #1: Hey, Rick, man,
- 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,260 when there's a Morty president, you gonna lick my balls or what?
- 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,469 Sheeeet, grandson,
- 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:21,097 you keep me peelin' skrabquams and slippin' nib nibs,
- 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,016 I'll lick whatever ain't nailed down.
- 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,267 -[ Laughter ] -[ Door crashes ]
- 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,185 Hands in the air!
- 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,020 What the hell, man?! What the hellin' hell?
- 00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,563 You guys doing a little chemistry homework
- 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,607 -with Grandpa? -Is this what I think it is?
- 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:31,983 Bootleg portal fluid.
- 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,945 [ Screams ]
- 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,198 I guess his math was off.
- 00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:39,574 Search the place.
- 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,828 [ Sobbing ]
- 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,998 Are... Are you... my new...R-Rick?
- 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,499 It's okay, Morty.
- 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,003 -[ Grunts ] -[ Screams ]
- 00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:53,963 [ Mobile playing ]
- 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,548 Jesus.
- 00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,050 He stabbed me. He got me bad, Morty.
- 00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,843 Shh. It's okay. You're okay.
- 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,178 You were right. [ Coughs ]
- 00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:01,763 Everything I learned at the academy was...
- 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:02,680 Doesn't matter.
- 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,807 Nothing's wrong with putting your faith in a Morty.
- 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,768 You just gotta pick the right one.
- 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,353 Why is there a crib in here?
- 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,647 Something they do. To make you feel bad.
- 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,941 Boy, I got us knee-deep in paperwork, huh?
- 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,734 Go to the car and grab a medi-pack.
- 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,527 Let me worry about this.
- 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,620 -What happened? -Same old story.
- 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,039 Mortys killing Mortys.
- 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,045 Almost...got it.
- 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,338 -[ All yelping ] -FARMER RICK: Hey!
- 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,507 Y'all get the hell away from my damn mega fruit!
- 00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:38,508 [ All yelping ]
- 00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,176 -Sic 'em, boy! -[ Barking ]
- 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,302 I don't wear this dag-nab hat
- 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,012 and commit to this rural character
- 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,223 so you can eat for free while you come of age!
- 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,475 I bet the Wishing Portal leads to a reality
- 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,476 where they're... where all...
- 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,853 where it's a bunch of French toast with boobies.
- 00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,522 I bet it leads to a place with a bunch of fry...
- 00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:54,190 fly... flies everywhere.
- 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,984 Yeah, I bet it goes nowhere.
- 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:56,985 I bet it's a big hole
- 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,112 where the Citadel dumps all its broken dreams.
- 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:01,239 Slick, why do you have to be so dramatic?
- 00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,324 You wanna know why? Because of this.
- 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,118 I'm part of an experimental line of Mortys
- 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:06,744 with a drama implant.
- 00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,746 How do you think it feels, Fat Morty,
- 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,164 to know that no matter where I go,
- 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,457 I'll always be the one
- 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,960 that makes everybody sad and a little bored?
- 00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:16,337 Slick, that implant isn't who you are, okay?
- 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,965 You also roll up your sleeves.
- 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,384 I thought I was Left-Handed Morty.
- 00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:24,387 Then you should use your left hand to eat more vegetables.
- 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,639 Hey, there. How you doing? Great to meet you.
- 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,933 I'm a plumber, sir. I'm a Rick, and I'm a plumber.
- 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,143 That doesn't sound like Rick work.
- 00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,228 You didn't come to the Citadel to be a plumber, did you?
- 00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:33,563 Ha! ha! I sure didn't, sir!
- 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:34,731 Mr. Morty! Mr. Morty!
- 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,941 I cloned myself so you could kiss me as a baby!
- 00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,443 This is just like a Morty baby!
- 00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:40,778 [ All cheering ]
- 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:43,531 Hey, did you, uh, end up getting a new job?
- 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,658 Yeah, I did. Assassinating you.
- 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:46,617 [ Groans ]
- 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,577 [ Screams ]
- 00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:50,288 I'm okay. I'm okay.
- 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,833 [ Groans ]
- 00:13:56,544 --> 00:14:00,381 Aw, man. Aw, geez. Aw, hah.
- 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,258 You look like you could use a good time.
- 00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,594 One dance for $10, two for $25.
- 00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:07,096 No, thank you. And bad math.
- 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,098 Ha! Ha! Yeah! This is a good time!
- 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,267 -What is this place? -The Creepy Morty.
- 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,144 What is it your kind's always saying?
- 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,604 "Don't think about it."
- 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:17,273 Come on. There's someone important I want you to meet.
- 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,275 Ah, Bubbala!
- 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,486 How'd it go with the Morty Town Locos?
- 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:22,862 They had a little accident.
- 00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,822 They won't be causing any trouble anymore.
- 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:28,284 Those were bad Mortys. Very bad Mortys.
- 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:29,285 [ Snaps fingers ]
- 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,037 Big Morty likes to contribute
- 00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:32,955 to keeping the peace in Morty Town.
- 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:36,709 Think of him as a "drug lord" and us as cops on his payroll.
- 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,169 -Morty... -TOGETHER: Which Morty?
- 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:39,837 M-M-My partner.
- 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,923 Morty, you're right. Morty Town is bad.
- 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,800 But that doesn't mean that we have to be.
- 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,635 Hey, what's going on here, Morty?
- 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,054 -TOGETHER: Which Morty? -The cop, morons!
- 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,597 Don't worry about Rick, Big Morty.
- 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,515 He's new.
- 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,725 He doesn't understand how it works.
- 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,186 That's what you said about your last partner.
- 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,022 Why would you say something like that, Big Morty?
- 00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,274 You're fucking things up for both of us here.
- 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,653 Wrong. He's fucking things up for both of you.
- 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,072 Unless he takes the money.
- 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,574 Big Morty, you're under arrest.
- 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,910 S-Smartest man in the universe.
- 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:12,161 [ Grunts ]
- 00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:14,747 [ All shouting, gunfire ]
- 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:19,085 They're just props! Th-They're just props!
- 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,005 -[ Groans ] -Not so big now, are ya?
- 00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,841 I never was! It was figurative!
- 00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:25,675 That's enough.
- 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:26,968 If we don't kill him, he'll talk.
- 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,553 If you do, <i>I'll</i> talk.
- 00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:29,846 O-One thing's for sure.
- 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:32,473 Y-Y'all don't have to worry about Cowboy Morty talkin'.
- 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:35,852 This little cowpoke's gonna mosey up on out of here.
- 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:38,062 You told me to put my faith in the right Morty.
- 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,730 I've got faith in you, partner.
- 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,441 Do the right thing.
- 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,026 Oh, Grandpa Rick,
- 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,945 I-I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore.
- 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,655 I wanna be a regular kid.
- 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,699 I-I wanna to go to school and throw balls around
- 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,242 and masturbate.
- 00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,039 [ Sirens wailing ]
- 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:00,960 What the hell happened in there?
- 00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,462 Same old story.
- 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,547 Ricks killing Mortys.
- 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,216 Okay, man, okay, we got your portal gun.
- 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,807 What the hell's he doing?
- 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,101 -[ Groans ] Where... Where am I? -A bad place.
- 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,811 But you're going to a better one soon.
- 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,230 Hey! Hey!
- 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,399 -No, no, no, no! -Whaa...
- 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,400 God damn it!
- 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,319 A portal to the blender dimension?
- 00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:27,778 That's the oldest trick in the book!
- 00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,822 I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you!
- 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,241 Then you should know you just killed your only leverage!
- 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,826 Then comes and get me, motherfuckers!
- 00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:35,495 [ Guns cock ]
- 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,206 [ Buzzing ]
- 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,375 Stop. I'm Rick D. Sanchez the Third,
- 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,252 owner of this here wafer establishment,
- 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,463 and I say that the Rick in there is right.
- 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:46,839 He's more Rick than any of you.
- 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,090 He's a terrorist!
- 00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:49,258 What Rick isn't?!
- 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:52,345 The Citadel was founded by Ricks for Ricks to be free!
- 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,930 What's your name, young man?
- 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:56,140 -Rick. And I'm... -The same age as me, I know.
- 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,434 -How long have you worked here? -15 years.
- 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,019 What the hell have we become?
- 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,563 Whatever time you were gonna make him serve, he's served it.
- 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:03,940 It ends now.
- 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,650 -Come with me, friend. -Where are we going?
- 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:06,817 To your new life.
- 00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,153 Which starts with walking the fuck out of here.
- 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,197 -Yo J-22, give 'em hell! -[ Burps ]
- 00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,658 [ Cheers and applause ]
- 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,660 SAM ELLIOT: There's a Rick that held a factory hostage
- 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,704 after murdering his boss and several co-workers.
- 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:22,792 The factory made cookies, flavored them with lies.
- 00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,794 He made us all take a look at what we were doing.
- 00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:27,463 And in the bargain, he got a taste of real freedom.
- 00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,549 [ Gunshot ]
- 00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:32,426 We captured that taste, and we keep giving it to him
- 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,178 so he can give it right back to you
- 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,473 in every bite of new Simple Rick Freedom Wafer Selects.
- 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,809 Come home to the unique flavor
- 00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:41,894 of shattering the grand illusion.
- 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,480 Come home to Simple Rick.
- 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,899 It is real.
- 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,442 [ Grunts ]
- 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,735 After you.
- 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:58,411 SPECS: There it is. The Wishing Portal.
- 00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,121 They say for your wish to come true,
- 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:03,207 you have to give up something really important.
- 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,418 For me, that's my panini maker.
- 00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:08,087 I wish for a million sandwiches.
- 00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,047 And, yes, I see the irony.
- 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,674 I guess I wish I had something cooler
- 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,301 than this dumbass surfer necklace.
- 00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:17,263 I wish incest porn had... had a more mainstream appeal.
- 00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:18,889 For... For a friend of mine.
- 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,891 None of those things are gonna happen, you know.
- 00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:23,311 Morty wishes never come true.
- 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,604 Not on the Citadel.
- 00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:25,938 Then why did you bring us here?
- 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,648 Because I wish that would change.
- 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,067 I wish anything about this life would change.
- 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,235 Well, I hope you're putting something
- 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,404 pretty goddamn important in there.
- 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:34,697 Me too.
- 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:36,073 But I doubt it.
- 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,534 -No! -Slick!
- 00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:41,996 M-Maybe...
- 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,706 Maybe it went somewhere nice.
- 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:45,207 AUTOMATED RICK: <i>Garbage dump.</i>
- 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,293 <i>Stand [burp] back.</i>
- 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,049 He had to be stopped.
- 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,551 He... He cou... He c... couldn't be allowed to win.
- 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,470 Then you should've [burps] worked on your aim, bro.
- 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,764 He's alive? No, no, no. You gotta listen to me.
- 00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:02,224 I-I worked for him. I was his campaign manager.
- 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,310 That Morty is not what he seems.
- 00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,854 Yeah, well, no Morty seems like a president.
- 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,898 -He...won? -Yeah.
- 00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:11,233 It was a blowout.
- 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,860 I would hardly call it a blowout.
- 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,695 It was almost close enough to trigger a recount.
- 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,281 Jesus. What are you, joke security now, too?
- 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:18,949 RICK COP: Why am I still here?
- 00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:20,618 I heard he confessed to everything.
- 00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,870 Your case has been reviewed. You're free to go.
- 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,831 But... I violated at least a dozen departmental codes.
- 00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,833 New department. New codes.
- 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,335 New Citadel.
- 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:32,421 SPECS: Did we miss graduation? Where are the new Ricks?
- 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,256 No graduation. No new Ricks.
- 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:36,050 The school's curriculum is changing.
- 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:36,801 To what?
- 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,219 I don't know, and I don't have to know.
- 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,303 I've been fired.
- 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:40,805 [ Burping ] Good luck, turds.
- 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,432 Holy crap. Slick's wish came true.
- 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:46,686 Sorry I'm late, Mr. President.
- 00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:49,188 -Had a little crisis at work. -Worth it!
- 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:50,606 It's no problem.
- 00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,274 Uh, a little more off the top.
- 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,027 You were saying, Garment District Rick.
- 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,822 We were saying, "President" Morty,
- 00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,490 that we don't care who sits in that seat.
- 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,034 A Rick, a Morty, a goddamn Jerry, doesn't matter.
- 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,412 We've been running the Citadel since before the council,
- 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,372 and you'll find that we're still running it now.
- 00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,499 Does he really speak for everyone here?
- 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:09,250 -Mm-hmm. -Yeah.
- 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,043 Well, I think it's important to be clear.
- 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,878 Raise your hand if he speaks for you.
- 00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:18,092 [ All screaming ]
- 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,219 Is...that enough off the top?
- 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:22,555 I don't know. Is it?
- 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:23,889 -Yes, yes, goddamn, yes. -I think it's great.
- 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:25,683 Good.
- 00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,768 This seems like a good time for a drink
- 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:31,355 and a cold calculated speech with sinister overtones.
- 00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:34,859 A speech about politics...
- 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,527 about order...
- 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,696 brotherhood...
- 00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:40,197 power.
- 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,533 But speeches are for campaigning.
- 00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:45,411 Now is the time for action.
- 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,331 [ Blond Redhead's "For the Damaged" plays ]
- 00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:53,002 ♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
- 00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:56,088 ♪ Ah, ah-ah ♪
- 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:59,759 ♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
- 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:01,886 ♪ Ah, ah-ah ♪
- 00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:16,650 ♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
- 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,653 ♪ Ah, ah-ah ♪
- 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:23,282 ♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
- 00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:25,701 ♪ Ah, ah-ah ♪
- 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,346 Whoo! [ Laughs ] Yeah!
- 00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:47,556 -Atlantis, baby! -That was amazing.
- 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:49,099 You got some of that mermaid puss.
- 00:21:49,225 --> 00:21:50,559 I'm really hoping it wasn't a one-off thing
- 00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:51,644 and I can see her again.
- 00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:53,729 By the way, hey, um, still not curious about
- 00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:55,940 what might've happened at that crazy Citadel place?
- 00:21:56,065 --> 00:21:57,942 Psh. Not at all, Morty. That place will never have
- 00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:00,110 any bearing over our lives ever again.
- 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,363 Unlike that mermaid puss! Yeah!
- 00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:03,823 We're going back for seconds!
- 00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:05,533 We're gonna do that shit every week, man!
- 00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,493 -That was Atlantis! -Oh, shit!