Продолжить с 00:00?
Серия закончилась
Мозговыносяшки Морти
После того, как Морти просит удалить травмирующее воспоминание, Рик открывает комнату, где хранит ряд воспоминаний, которые он удалил из головы Морти, в том числе о том, как он непреднамеренно довёл невинного человека до самоубийства или как случайно отправил инопланетянина в ад. Однако, выясняется, помимо воспоминаний, которые Морти не хотел удалять, в комнате также есть воспоминания, в которых Рик выглядел глупо, поэтому он принудительно удалил их из Морти. Это вызывает драку, во время которой Рик и Морти случайно стирают все свои воспоминания. Морти обыскивает воспоминания вокруг себя, чтобы вспомнить то, что было удалено, но не удовлетворившись правдой, которую обнаруживает, убеждает Рика, что они должны убить себя. Саммер входит в комнату за мгновение до самоубийства. Выясняется, что на такую ситуацию у Рика есть план действий на случай непредвиденных обстоятельств. Следуя письменным инструкциям, Саммер возвращает воспоминания Рику и Морти и тащит их в гостиную. Рик и Морти просыпаются на диване, полагая, что проспали много передач «Межвселенского кабельного телевидения». В сцене после титров Джерри обнаруживает коробку с надписью «Мозговыносяшки Джерри», в которой хранится воспоминание о том, что он случайно виновен в смерти инопланетянина.
- 00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:02,510 Морти, скорее!
- 00:00:02,930 --> 00:00:05,230 Верните черепаху истины!
- 00:00:05,390 --> 00:00:07,460 Морти, делай, что хочешь, только не урони черепаху истины!
- 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:10,450 И ещё, очень важно, чтобы ты не смотрел ей в глаза.
- 00:00:10,470 --> 00:00:13,060 Я посмотрел в них, Рик. Я смотрел на неё.
- 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,960 Теперь ты знаешь всё, Морти. Молодец.
- 00:00:15,070 --> 00:00:16,600 Поздравляю, ты всё проебал.
- 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,350 .втрём лоП. волтиБ зи нидо Я.
- 00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:19,250 Она в моей голове!
- 00:00:26,090 --> 00:00:29,060 Вот блин, никак не могу выкинуть эту черепаху истины из головы.
- 00:00:29,090 --> 00:00:30,920 Я ж говорил тебе не смотреть ей в глаза.
- 00:00:30,950 --> 00:00:33,090 Морти, давай посмотрим межпространственное кабельное.
- 00:00:33,110 --> 00:00:34,270 Помнишь, как мы любили это делать?
- 00:00:34,290 --> 00:00:35,740 Рик, я не могу... не могу так больше.
- 00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:38,530 Я не могу так жить с этим дерьмом черепахи истины в голове!
- 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,750 Вот бы ты просто...
- 00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:41,920 ...стёр воспоминания из твоей памяти?
- 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,740 Откуда ты знал, что я собирался это сказать?
- 00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:45,460 Давай, Морти, идём со мной.
- 00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:47,000 После тебя.
- 00:00:49,510 --> 00:00:50,500 Что это за хрень?
- 00:00:50,530 --> 00:00:55,440 Это, Морти, мой архив всех событий, которые ты умолял убрать из твоей жизни,
- 00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:56,930 а иначе ты бы спятил.
- 00:00:57,050 --> 00:01:00,640 Я называю их "крышесносы Морти".
- 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,950 И мы займёмся этим вместо межпространственного кабельного.
- 00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:32,760 Авторы перевода Женя Спицын и Сарыч
- 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,260 Давно я просил тебя стирать мне воспоминания?
- 00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:39,630 С самого первого случая, когда тебе снесло крышу.
- 00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:41,760 А, вот оно. Классика.
- 00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:45,400 На ней нет пыли, потому что мы проделываем это не в первый раз.
- 00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:45,790 Что?
- 00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:49,330 Это воспоминание я называю "Лунный заговор".
- 00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:55,810 Ого!
- 00:01:56,340 --> 00:01:57,240 Невероятно.
- 00:01:59,090 --> 00:01:59,770 Какого чёрта?
- 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,370 Морти, ты хоть понимаешь, насколько глупо это звучит?
- 00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:05,690 Да, безумная история, Морти.
- 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:09,090 Ты серьёзно? После всей хрени, что мы видели, ты называешь это безумным?
- 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:13,050 Я бывал на трёх сотнях разных версиях Луны, включая эту, и не видел никаких признаков
- 00:02:13,140 --> 00:02:16,000 "обычного чувака", как ты его описал, который бы там зависал.
- 00:02:16,110 --> 00:02:17,850 Наверное, просто пятно на линзе.
- 00:02:17,890 --> 00:02:19,290 Пятно на линзе?
- 00:02:19,650 --> 00:02:21,460 Пятно на линзе?!
- 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:25,390 Я смогу отличить человека, угрожающего мне, от пятна на чёртовой линзе, Саммер.
- 00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:27,600 Морти, успокойся. Ты нормально себя чувствуешь?
- 00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:28,590 Я в порядке!
- 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,740 Какой чувствительный.
- 00:02:33,380 --> 00:02:37,450 Дети, я хочу представить вам нашего нового школьного консультанта, мистера Лунаса.
- 00:02:38,230 --> 00:02:42,300 Жду не дождусь, чтобы помочь вам найти правильную дорогу в светлое будущее.
- 00:02:42,810 --> 00:02:44,980 Я думаю, что каждый ученик должен
- 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,330 высоко метить, до самой Луны.
- 00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:54,200 Вот ты и попался, сукин сын.
- 00:02:57,740 --> 00:02:58,380 Что это?
- 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,200 Доказательство, что мистер Лунас не тот, за кого себя выдаёт.
- 00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:02,240 Он не школьный консультант?
- 00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:05,190 Я... наверное, он подходит на эту должность. А кто нет?
- 00:03:05,210 --> 00:03:08,170 А ещё он живёт на Луне.
- 00:03:08,910 --> 00:03:10,170 Ясно.
- 00:03:10,630 --> 00:03:12,810 Хмм. Это всё?
- 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,380 Он причиняет кому-нибудь вред?
- 00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:15,940 Он явно что-то задумал.
- 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,360 Думаю, что понял тебя.
- 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,780 Задумал что-то. Живёт на Луне. Я поговорю с ним.
- 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:34,980 Что он сказал?
- 00:03:35,010 --> 00:03:38,720 Отрицал всё про Луну. Но именно так педофилы и делают, отрицают, что это их хлеб насущный.
- 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:39,410 Педофил?
- 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,260 Ты так не считаешь? Я думал, что слова про Луну были шифром.
- 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,450 Нет, он буквально с Луны.
- 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,760 Ну, ты видел его реакцию. Луна или нет, но он любит помоложе.
- 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,250 Гордон Лунас был хорошим морпехом.
- 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,570 Мы не знаем, что заставило его наложить на себя руки,
- 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,590 но мы будем вспоминать только хорошее.
- 00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:02,170 Например, при взгляде на него под определённым углом кто-то мог сказать,
- 00:04:02,550 --> 00:04:03,900 что он похож на пятно.
- 00:04:09,530 --> 00:04:10,790 Боже мой, что я наделал?
- 00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:12,020 Что я наделал?
- 00:04:13,530 --> 00:04:15,580 Боже, я вынудил его убить себя.
- 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:16,700 Только в буквальном смысле слова.
- 00:04:16,730 --> 00:04:20,020 А вот это я называю "Коллекция Морти".
- 00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:22,770 Не у всех воспоминаний есть названия, это не хэллоуиновская серия Симпсонов.
- 00:04:22,790 --> 00:04:26,310 Это скорее нарезка видео из кадров, которые ты никогда не видел.
- 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,620 Не могу поверить, что мы стали частью коллекции.
- 00:04:29,650 --> 00:04:31,580 То есть, этот чувак собирает живых существ?
- 00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:34,230 Да, как сувенирные тарелки, только менее отталкивающие.
- 00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:36,540 Поймёшь, когда тебе будет за сорок, и ты всё ещё будешь часто ходить на свидания.
- 00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:39,670 Оцени вот это с холодным безразличием, ты, бобовоголовый мудак!
- 00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:41,410 Потише там!
- 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:45,320 Какие мы везунчики, у нас место под "каменными людьми" с планеты Гранитор Семь.
- 00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:46,620 Я больше так не могу, Рик!
- 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,170 Расслабься, Морти.
- 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,580 Я не могу. Р-р-рик, нужно убираться отсюда.
- 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,270 Мне всё равно, я готов пойти на что угодно!
- 00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:52,940 Что угодно?
- 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:53,870 Что угодно.
- 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,660 Ладно, тогда нужно, чтобы ты снял футболку.
- 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,370 Не сейчас. Я скажу, когда.
- 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,570 Боже мой.
- 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:05,030 Что?
- 00:05:07,230 --> 00:05:08,490 Сигнал оказался...
- 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,610 По-другому и не скажешь... инструкцией.
- 00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:12,130 К чему?
- 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,360 К транспорту, сэр. К межпланетному транспорту.
- 00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:16,160 Нам нужен пилот.
- 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,060 Интересно, есть ли желающий?
- 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:22,270 О, судя по чертежам, там есть место для пилота поменьше.
- 00:05:22,340 --> 00:05:24,390 В смысле, для человека определённого роста.
- 00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:26,790 Он должен быть ровно метр шестьдесят.
- 00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:29,420 Чан, пусть ты и специализируешься на гуманитарных науках,
- 00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,790 но мне кажется, скоро ты войдёшь в историю.
- 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,480 Главные системы готовы.
- 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,240 Вспомогательные системы готовы.
- 00:05:37,860 --> 00:05:38,550 Скоро увидимся.
- 00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:43,370 Так, сейчас.
- 00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:47,000 Приветствую.
- 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:47,680 Вы...
- 00:05:48,010 --> 00:05:50,220 Мы приняли формы, которые может принять ваш разум.
- 00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,760 Вот традиционный подарок в виде одежды.
- 00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:54,190 Пожалуйста, оденьте.
- 00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:55,370 Можно мы...?
- 00:05:55,390 --> 00:05:56,610 Да, конечно.
- 00:05:56,630 --> 00:05:58,080 Мы следовали вашим инструкциям.
- 00:05:58,470 --> 00:06:01,090 Нам предстоит многому научиться у вас.
- 00:06:01,220 --> 00:06:02,100 Да я знаю.
- 00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:11,560 Эй, а как я смог увидеть воспоминания других людей?
- 00:06:11,590 --> 00:06:13,220 М-меня же там рядом не было.
- 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,980 Иногда мне приходится вносить небольшую редактуру, Морти.
- 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,840 Так крышесносы лучше работают при повторном просмотре.
- 00:06:18,090 --> 00:06:20,620 Эту я называю "Целая энчилада".
- 00:06:21,870 --> 00:06:23,720 Вот, Морти. Теперь ты сможешь пить свою мочу.
- 00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:25,260 А теперь можно идти за покупками?
- 00:06:26,670 --> 00:06:27,520 Я - Зикзак.
- 00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,950 Чёрт, Морти, встань позади меня, это же ёбаный инопланетный владыка.
- 00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:31,080 Всё нормально. Вот.
- 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,070 О, я заблуждался.
- 00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:36,090 Я - флуп флупианец. Прошу, убейте меня.
- 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,770 Всё верно, Морти. Флуп Флупианцы после смерти живут в вечном оргазме,
- 00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:42,060 только если их убьёт великий воин.
- 00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:44,020 Кстати, я польщён. Большое спасибо.
- 00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,600 Значит ты убьёшь его?
- 00:06:46,010 --> 00:06:47,120 Сначала давай поедим.
- 00:06:51,790 --> 00:06:53,850 Ты хочешь, чтобы я выстрелил тебе в голову или...
- 00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:56,550 Мне всё равно, куда ты будешь стрелять, лишь бы рана была смертельной.
- 00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:58,030 Ладно, я пойду быстренько посру.
- 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,740 Должен сказать, что я немного завидую.
- 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:04,160 У вашего вида есть жизнь после смерти. Должно быть, это здорово.
- 00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,190 Т-ты о чём?
- 00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:07,860 Ну, здесь на Земле, м-мы не знаем, что будет.
- 00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:12,280 Наверное, здорово, что у вас есть, ну... доказательство, проверенное практикой.
- 00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:14,840 Доказательство?
- 00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:17,340 Должно быть какое-то доказательство?
- 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:19,880 Да...
- 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,890 А иначе... откуда вам знать, правда ли это?
- 00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:27,670 Погоди... ты не..?
- 00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:32,160 Ладно, ты хочешь сделать это здесь или снаружи?
- 00:07:33,350 --> 00:07:34,210 Беги!
- 00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:38,050 Я не хочу умирааать!
- 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,960 О боже, это всё правда! Как же больно!
- 00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,390 Не надо было сомневаться!
- 00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:48,350 Нельзя было допустить, чтобы я из-за тебя усомнился.
- 00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:51,270 Я виню тебя! Я виню тебя!
- 00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:53,460 Он же сказал, что нет никакого доказательства.
- 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:54,630 Но ведь было полно доказательств!
- 00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:55,740 Есть и положительный момент.
- 00:07:55,770 --> 00:07:57,050 Теперь я знаю, что религия реальна.
- 00:07:57,070 --> 00:07:58,880 У них есть ад, и выглядит он не привлекательно.
- 00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:01,420 Я заметил, что ты не доел чимичангу, так что...
- 00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:03,580 у меня как раз осободилось под неё место, если понимаешь, о чём я.
- 00:08:04,420 --> 00:08:05,540 Пиздец.
- 00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:07,630 И сколько подобных ужасных ошибок я совершил?
- 00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:10,660 Может, я бы перестал их совершать, если бы начал учиться на них?
- 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,780 Не напрягайся, пытаясь получить урок, Морти. Это антология в свободной форме.
- 00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:15,250 Меня начинает раздражать, что ты этого не понимаешь.
- 00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:18,300 Как ты видишь, тебе сносило крышу бесчисленное множество раз.
- 00:08:18,450 --> 00:08:21,100 И не всегда по твоей вине.
- 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:23,120 Вот блядь, я даже не...
- 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,540 Надеюсь, тут не было ничего интересного. Что это?
- 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,980 Класс, "Козявки СПИД, СПИД козявки".
- 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,600 Пора начать использовать нормальные названия.
- 00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:32,920 А пока насладись кучкой крышесносов, которые я называю
- 00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:35,380 "Какаха СПИД подчёркивание копия."
- 00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:38,240 Я вполне благоразумный человек, Бэт Смит.
- 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,590 Я знаю, что дети - всё для млекопитающего.
- 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,800 Я сохраню жизнь одному из них.
- 00:08:42,820 --> 00:08:44,670 Тебе лишь нужно выбрать.
- 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,240 Саммер!
- 00:08:45,820 --> 00:08:46,240 Саммер.
- 00:08:51,450 --> 00:08:53,910 Ты не поверишь. Я попал на Фебу вместо Титана.
- 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:58,500 Типа: "Привет, Сатурн, после десяти лун, пора не имена давать, а цифры ставить."
- 00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:01,050 А-а что это с вами, придурки?
- 00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:03,660 Морти, пожалуйста, не делай этого.
- 00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:07,410 Вашего Морти больше нет. Я - Вольтаматрон,
- 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,110 разрушитель миров!
- 00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:11,700 Деда Рик, должен быть какой-то научный способ спасти его.
- 00:09:11,730 --> 00:09:13,410 Пусть и не научный, но, возможно, есть способ.
- 00:09:13,630 --> 00:09:16,160 Морти, я знаю, что ты там. Это я, твой дедушка.
- 00:09:16,330 --> 00:09:17,990 Да, я бываю грубым, но я люблю тебя, Морти.
- 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:21,370 Мы все тебя любим. Ты должен бороться. Я знаю, ты сможешь. Ты сильнее всех нас.
- 00:09:21,390 --> 00:09:23,910 Морти, это мама! Мы любим тебя! Ты должен бороться!
- 00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:26,310 Давай, Морти! Борись с этим дурацким червём.
- 00:09:26,630 --> 00:09:27,240 Мы любим тебя!
- 00:09:27,490 --> 00:09:28,770 Мы сильно любим тебя.
- 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,430 Да, давай, Морти. У тебя получается.
- 00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:32,830 У тебя получается. Получается.
- 00:09:35,210 --> 00:09:36,660 Может, нам вытянуть его?
- 00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:38,730 Нет, не трогайте его. Продолжайте любить Морти.
- 00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:40,940 Мы всё равно тебя любим.
- 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,390 Но у меня есть дела в 6:00.
- 00:09:43,420 --> 00:09:44,950 Господи, а смотреть обязательно?
- 00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:47,070 Блин, Морти, давай, откуси его уже!
- 00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:52,660 Нет! Боже, извини, Морти, я люблю тебя!
- 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,220 Боже, а перерыва не намечается?
- 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,990 Простите, но я заказывала большого злобного космического червя.
- 00:09:58,010 --> 00:10:01,320 Ага, типа, это у тебя что, демонический слизень в желудке, или ты просто рад...
- 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:03,250 Извини.
- 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,520 Что ж, приятно знать, что вся моя семья - отстой.
- 00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:09,450 Значит, голубые - это моя вина, фиолетовые - вина моей семьи,
- 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:10,460 а красные чьи?
- 00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:12,070 Не... не ищи скрытый смысл, Морти.
- 00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:18,410 Блядь, нам нужно найти укрытие, пока солнце не село, Морти.
- 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:21,030 Ночью температура на Вензенулоне Девять падает до минут 180.
- 00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:23,410 Мы замёрзнем, Морти. Мы умрём за пару секунд.
- 00:10:23,460 --> 00:10:25,530 П-п-по-моему, я видел пещеру вон там.
- 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,970 Ты фильмов насмотрелся, Морти. Пещера не поможет.
- 00:10:28,350 --> 00:10:29,520 Придётся использовать Бибо.
- 00:10:29,550 --> 00:10:32,020 Бибо привёл нас к воде. Он наш друг!
- 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:32,830 Он ничего не почувствует.
- 00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:33,830 О, нет, нет, нет!
- 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,080 Хочешь умереть, Морти? Полезай в Бибо!
- 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:41,620 Нет, нет!
- 00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,340 Приготовься к замерзанию.
- 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,440 Вот уже.
- 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,930 Погоди, мы на Вензенулоне Девять или на Вензенулоне Семь?
- 00:10:54,310 --> 00:10:57,010 Погоди, а почему я попросил стереть это воспоминание?
- 00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:58,870 Типа, красные стёрты по твоему желанию?
- 00:10:58,890 --> 00:11:01,490 Очень умно, Морти, но я не раскладываю вещи по цветам,
- 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,640 потому что я не мышь из европейской детской книжки!
- 00:11:03,670 --> 00:11:05,500 Тогда почему розовые стоят рядом с алкоголем?
- 00:11:05,530 --> 00:11:05,990 Алкоголем?
- 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:15,670 Пиздец, ещё бы чуть-чуть...
- 00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:18,390 Мы потеряли капитана Ская. Он отдал жизнь за восстание.
- 00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,560 Да... заставляет задуматься, не так ли, Морти?
- 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,470 Нужно ценить то, что посеешь.
- 00:11:22,570 --> 00:11:23,140 Что?
- 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,360 Я просто говорю, что жизнь коротка.
- 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:25,880 Нужно ценить то, что посеешь.
- 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,210 Ты говоришь "посеешь"?
- 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:27,770 Ну, да.
- 00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:29,820 А надо "имеешь". Другое слово.
- 00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:31,390 Ценить то, что имеешь.
- 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,780 Ты серьёзно думал, что...
- 00:11:33,490 --> 00:11:36,840 Боже правый, Рик, ты кто, фермер... или дачник?
- 00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:38,390 И давно ты говорил неправильно?
- 00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:41,740 О, тебе это нравится, да? У-у-у-уверен, что прям крышу сносит!
- 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,100 Ну да, это круто.
- 00:11:43,130 --> 00:11:43,840 Хочешь, я сотру это воспоминание?
- 00:11:43,860 --> 00:11:45,190 Что? Ты разве так можешь?
- 00:11:45,810 --> 00:11:46,810 Охуеть, как могу.
- 00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:49,890 Я так, блядь, и знал, ты, кусок говна!
- 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,450 Т-т-т-ты просто настоящий уёбок, Рик!
- 00:11:52,470 --> 00:11:54,340 Полегче, Морти, хорош. Просто расслабься.
- 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,870 Да хер тебе в рыло. Иди сюда!
- 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:56,990 Отпусти меня, сучка!
- 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,250 Я возьму тебя за загривок...
- 00:11:58,270 --> 00:11:58,910 Получай!
- 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:03,320 Что?
- 00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:04,300 Что происходит?
- 00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:04,960 Где я?
- 00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:05,510 Кто мы?
- 00:12:05,530 --> 00:12:06,040 Кто я?
- 00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:08,530 По-моему, я - подросток.
- 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,700 А я - какой-то старик.
- 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,790 И похоже, что мы в каком-то
- 00:12:13,330 --> 00:12:15,400 тайном изолированном месте.
- 00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:16,920 Дааа, эм...
- 00:12:16,950 --> 00:12:18,180 Не смотри на меня так...
- 00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:20,120 Кто знает, может это ты ебучий психопат!
- 00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:26,500 Очевидно, что эти штуки что-то хранили, а так как мы не помним, что произошло,
- 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,330 думаю, что здесь как-то замешана память.
- 00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:31,770 А эта штука на твоей голове нужна для того, чтобы...
- 00:12:32,890 --> 00:12:34,540 Говори, какой код, ублюдок!
- 00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:37,400 Бесполезно, он не расколется.
- 00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:39,710 Рик, если мы не не достанем вакцины, Земля погибнет.
- 00:12:39,730 --> 00:12:41,770 Может, стоит приложить больше усилий для допроса?
- 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,500 Не совсем понял, что ты предлагаешь, Морти,
- 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:44,970 некоторые границы я не перехожу.
- 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:49,250 Ага, ну, а я перешёл уже все границы, когда этот урод пытался убить Джессику.
- 00:12:51,450 --> 00:12:54,500 Ладно. Видишь два мясистых мешка под его подбородком, Морти?
- 00:12:55,290 --> 00:12:55,770 Хватай их.
- 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,200 Теперь вспомнил коды?
- 00:12:59,110 --> 00:12:59,790 Скручивай.
- 00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:02,930 Говори коды, чувак.
- 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,230 Скручивай сильнее, Морти!
- 00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,040 Сильнее!
- 00:13:06,290 --> 00:13:08,030 Отпусти, отпусти. Пусть подышит.
- 00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,330 Он хочет договориться.
- 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,690 Половина кодов сейчас. Половина, когда ты закончишь.
- 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:14,610 Разве мы можем довериться...
- 00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:16,720 Погоди, что? Что закончить-то?
- 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:17,890 Ну, сам знаешь...
- 00:13:17,910 --> 00:13:19,610 Я думал, что пытал его!
- 00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:22,700 И тебя это расстраивает? Мне сказать ему, что уговора нет, Морти?
- 00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:26,800 Ведь если мы можем убивать своих врагов, но не можем передёрнуть им, то чем мы лучше, чем они?
- 00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:29,040 Ну, что ты узнал?
- 00:13:29,070 --> 00:13:32,460 Мы напарники, вроде бы, и мы сражаемся с пришельцами.
- 00:13:32,580 --> 00:13:33,430 Как "Люди в Чёрном".
- 00:13:33,450 --> 00:13:35,220 Люди в чёрном. Люди в чёрном.
- 00:13:35,540 --> 00:13:36,880 У меня тут "Люди в Чёрном 2".
- 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,360 Значит ты понял общую суть.
- 00:13:38,830 --> 00:13:39,760 Не очень.
- 00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:41,720 По сути это бесконечная череда повторений...
- 00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:44,650 Ладно, оставь это для Ютуба. А я буду дальше искать зацепки.
- 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,290 Что ты делаешь?
- 00:13:50,310 --> 00:13:51,620 Ты хочешь выровнить полку или нет?
- 00:13:51,650 --> 00:13:54,270 Если я скажу да, то ты выровняешь её вот этим?
- 00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:55,530 Да, видишь пузырёк?
- 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,260 Я знаю, для чего тут пузырёк, Морти.
- 00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:59,990 А ещё я балуюсь точным измерением, и если приложить каплю ума,
- 00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:03,280 то можно обойтись твоим печальным невооружённым глазом из каменного века и
- 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,840 пузырьком ебучего воздуха.
- 00:14:04,870 --> 00:14:07,510 Из-за таких, как ты наш вид - это ошибка, и это меня злит!
- 00:14:07,540 --> 00:14:08,240 Ты пьян.
- 00:14:08,270 --> 00:14:10,160 Хочешь повесить полку - повесь полку.
- 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,980 Хочешь узнать, когда бывает по-настоящему ровно?
- 00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:13,120 Хочешь?
- 00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:15,010 Д-да?
- 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:26,930 Ладно, пойдём.
- 00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:34,770 Ого, здесь так...
- 00:14:36,970 --> 00:14:38,310 О, господи!
- 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:39,450 О, боже!
- 00:14:39,470 --> 00:14:41,790 Да, по-настоящему ровно, сучара!
- 00:14:42,070 --> 00:14:43,510 Морти, идём, пора в школу.
- 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,910 Всё такое кривое. Реальность - яд. Я хочу назад.
- 00:14:47,940 --> 00:14:48,630 Ненавижу это всё!
- 00:14:48,660 --> 00:14:49,390 Что это с ним?
- 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,130 - Морти, Морти, Морти. - Я не могу так жить!
- 00:14:51,340 --> 00:14:53,640 Иди в школу, Саммер. А я отправлюсь в память Морти и слегка её...
- 00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:56,850 Как агнец на космическое заклание!
- 00:14:57,870 --> 00:14:58,400 Ну?
- 00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:01,560 Похоже, что ты отвечаешь за мои воспоминания.
- 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:02,310 С чего бы?
- 00:15:02,530 --> 00:15:03,920 Отличный вопрос.
- 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,580 Морти, мне нужна темнота, чтобы зарядить эти оптические датчики.
- 00:15:07,610 --> 00:15:09,960 Щелкни для дедушки левый выключатель у двери.
- 00:15:09,980 --> 00:15:10,750 Левый.
- 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,420 Так, врубай свет.
- 00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:24,220 Итак, мне послышалось или было три отчётливых щелчка переключателя?
- 00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:25,780 О-о-о чём это ты?
- 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,890 Мне кажется, что, возможно, эти три звука вызваны тем,
- 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,750 что кто-то по ошибке дёрнул правый переключатель,
- 00:15:30,780 --> 00:15:33,930 за которым второпях последовало нужное мне нажатие.
- 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,220 Затем, предположительно, под покровом тьмы в тишине
- 00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:39,850 этот кто-то, полный позора, передёрнул первый переключатель в изначальное положение.
- 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,500 Мои предположения верны?
- 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:45,060 Да, так... так в принципе... всё и было.
- 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:45,860 Прости.
- 00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:48,470 Агх! Ясно, полетели.
- 00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:50,200 -Чего?! -Полетели уже!
- 00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:06,300 Хватай лопату.
- 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,320 -Ч-ч-что здесь... -Хватай лопату!
- 00:16:12,010 --> 00:16:13,210 А это что ещё за хрень?
- 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,320 Никак не могу отыскать эту долбаную стяжку!
- 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:19,580 Ладненько, в пизду!
- 00:16:20,830 --> 00:16:22,000 СТЯЖКА
- 00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:26,710 Ага, стяжечка.
- 00:16:44,230 --> 00:16:45,780 Ещё раз, так зачем я это делаю?
- 00:16:45,810 --> 00:16:48,250 Кому бы не хотелось поговорить с животными, Рик?
- 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,380 Большинству людей.
- 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,600 Вот, готово, смотри, аккуратней там!
- 00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:54,430 Без перерывов. Нон стоп.
- 00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:56,690 Прыг-скок, низ, выше и выше и выше, туда, сюда, стоп, вниз.
- 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,540 Матке нужна еда. Её деткам нужна еда.
- 00:16:58,570 --> 00:16:59,730 Матка рожает деток.
- 00:17:01,090 --> 00:17:03,700 В Аргентине всё вышло не так благополучно, как мы ожидали.
- 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,190 Что ж, мы вынуждены вновь расшатать их экономику,
- 00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:08,640 перенаправить нарастающий гнев рабочего класса на те слои, что пониже,
- 00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:10,940 устроить переворот, и установить угодный нам режим.
- 00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:12,960 -Прямо как в Гватемале? -Да, только надо ускориться.
- 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,540 Нужно собрать кворум и выбрать нового папу,
- 00:17:14,570 --> 00:17:17,130 на случай если планы с Эксон/Монсанто в Африке накроются медным тазом.
- 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,740 Быть может, химиотрассы? Покроем химикатами всю Уганду.
- 00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:21,530 Они там и так сидят на пороховой бо... Что такое?
- 00:17:21,550 --> 00:17:23,420 Человеческий детёныш, он следит за нами.
- 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,190 И? Мы же белки, он человек.
- 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:28,170 Он следит так, будто понимает, о чём мы тут лясы точим.
- 00:17:28,190 --> 00:17:30,910 Парниша. Молодой человек? Послушайте, юноша.
- 00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:33,650 Передай Дафне, код 199, у нас завёлся Айболит.
- 00:17:33,790 --> 00:17:34,680 Молодой человек!
- 00:17:34,710 --> 00:17:36,560 Можешь загадать чего пожелаешь, если ты нас слышишь!
- 00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:38,650 Мы научим тебя летать и достанем конфет.
- 00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:49,320 Вот, блять! Ну нахуй! Ебать меня в дупло! Ну нахуй!
- 00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:51,620 Рииик!
- 00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:53,810 Твою мать, Морти, что ты наделал?
- 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,830 Понеслась, Морти, пакуй своё дерьмо!
- 00:18:00,860 --> 00:18:02,900 Эта штука задержит их лишь на некоторое время, Морти!
- 00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:04,480 Ты доебался до белок, Морти!
- 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,770 У нас есть целых добрых пять минут, прежде чем они нам хвосты поотрывают, Морти!
- 00:18:07,790 --> 00:18:09,970 Так что мы их подожмём и свалим в новую вселенную, Морти!
- 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,530 Ты же знаешь... я предупреждал, что мы можем так делать всего несколько раз!
- 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,530 Этот мир мы проебали из-за этих грёбаных белок, Морти!
- 00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:20,290 Я не знаю, что и думать, но у меня закрадываются сомнения на твой счёт.
- 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,710 -Ну, и что ты будешь делать? -Я вспомню всё!
- 00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:23,600 Я вспомню всё!
- 00:18:32,590 --> 00:18:33,470 Ура!
- 00:18:37,890 --> 00:18:38,640 Аааааа!
- 00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:44,030 Уф!
- 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:55,610 Ну... что ты узнал?
- 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,040 Воу, воу, воу, полегче, ты что вздумал, убить меня?
- 00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,830 Не собираюсь я тебя убивать, я прикончу себя!
- 00:19:00,860 --> 00:19:02,710 Все наши воспоминания стёрты
- 00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:04,600 и хранятся тут, собирая пыль.
- 00:19:04,620 --> 00:19:09,900 Какой смысл продолжать, если всё, что случилось, ок-оказывается здесь?
- 00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:12,570 Хорошо, пацан.
- 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,870 Я ничего не знаю, кроме того факта, что "Люди в Чёрном 2" были отсосным деньгососом,
- 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:20,140 но я точно знаю,что бы сейчас не варилось в твоём качане, по-настоящему задело тебя.
- 00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:23,650 Я не отрицаю твою правоту, как и не отрицаю то, что вдохновлён твоим энтузиазмом.
- 00:19:23,890 --> 00:19:25,940 Я в деле. Самоубийство по сговору.
- 00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:27,800 Да, точно, сделаем это!
- 00:19:27,830 --> 00:19:30,500 Мы вместе, старый ты сукин сын! На счёт три!
- 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:31,510 Раз...
- 00:19:31,740 --> 00:19:32,870 Два...
- 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,390 Ребят, вы опять занимаетесь крышесносами Морти?
- 00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,110 Крышесносами Морти?
- 00:19:38,150 --> 00:19:40,610 Дедуль, это код три?
- 00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,960 Эм, ч-что это, и кто... кто ты?
- 00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:45,390 Ой-ёй, понятно, код четыре.
- 00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:05,050 Эагх, ебануться, срань господня!
- 00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,800 За такое дерьмо мне должны сверх зарплаты.
- 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,060 Где-то рядом Фазенда! Я её чую! (передача: Квартирный Разнос)
- 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,200 Воу, чт... что за...
- 00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:14,370 Чем я могу помочь?
- 00:20:14,390 --> 00:20:17,130 Как-к-как мы могли уснуть во время межпространственного кабельного?
- 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,420 -Да, какого чёрта, Саммер? -Саммер, тупая ты сука!
- 00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:22,630 -Как долго мы были в отключке, тварина проклятая?! -Сколько межпространственного кабельного мы пропустили, сука тупорылая?
- 00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:24,450 -Сколько же мы пропустили телешоу и рекламных пауз, Саммер? -Почему ты позволила нам отрубиться?
- 00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:25,560 -Добаная сука! -Тупоголовая сука!
- 00:20:25,590 --> 00:20:27,020 Ладно, Морти, на хуй эту дрянь.
- 00:20:27,050 --> 00:20:29,470 Погнали отсюда, классическое приключение Рика и Морти.
- 00:20:29,490 --> 00:20:31,320 Ага, точно, Рик. Я полностью за.
- 00:20:31,740 --> 00:20:35,060 Не удивлена, что вы вечно ссоритесь друг с другом и ничего не успеваете...
- 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,410 -Чего? -Ничего.
- 00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:06,950 Рик? Кто-нибудь? Просто заскочил за своей клюшкой...
- 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,230 Крышесносы Джерри?
- 00:21:13,780 --> 00:21:14,930 Следуй за мальчуганами!
- 00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,770 Всё заряжено и нацелено на Альфа Центавра,
- 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:22,920 мы готовы к транспортировке.
- 00:21:23,790 --> 00:21:26,220 Они повелись! Отправим же Гобо домой!
- 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,490 Даааа!
- 00:21:27,630 --> 00:21:29,390 -А где папа? -Он будет с минуты на минуту.
- 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:35,260 Забавно, что жизнь Джерри - бесконечный поиск внимания, но в конце концов его инстинктивное отречение спасло пришельцу жизнь!
- 00:21:35,530 --> 00:21:37,090 Он же знает, куда ехать, так?
- 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,770 Ага, с минуты на минуту.
- 00:21:43,150 --> 00:21:45,230 У вас получилось? Гобо уже полетел домой?
- 00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:47,740 Гобо у тебя! Ты должен был доставить его к холму!
- 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,450 Если бы. Он же был у тебя в корзинке!
- 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,680 Он был у тебя в машине!
- 00:21:56,630 --> 00:21:58,030 Оп ля! Чур его барахло моё.
- 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,586 Morty, hurry!
- 00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:05,005 Return the Truth Tortoise!
- 00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:07,257 Morty, whatever you do, don't drop the Truth Tortoise!
- 00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:08,425 Also really important,
- 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,385 whatever you do, don't look into its eyes!
- 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,055 I-I did look at it, Rick! I've been looking at it!
- 00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,223 Now you're gonna know everything, Morty!
- 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,058 Good job! Way to go! You fucked everything up!
- 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,227 [ Speaking gibberish ]
- 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,521 It's in my head! [ Screams ]
- 00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:21,480 Ah!
- 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,483 [ Screams ]
- 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,862 Oh, geez, I-I can't get that Truth Tortoise out of my head.
- 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,781 Yeah, I told you not to look into its eyes.
- 00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:32,824 Hey, Morty, let's watch some interdimensional cable.
- 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:33,825 Remember how we used to do that?
- 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,619 Rick, I can't... I can't go on.
- 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,870 I-I can't go on like this
- 00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:38,413 with the Truth Tortoise shit in my head.
- 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,623 I-I wish you could just...
- 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,917 Erase the memory from your mind?
- 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,752 How did you know I was gonna say that?
- 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,420 Come on, Morty, come with me.
- 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,673 After you.
- 00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,509 What the hell is this?!
- 00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,219 This, Morty, is my archive
- 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,513 of all the experiences you've begged me to remove
- 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,932 from your life, lest you go insane.
- 00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,644 I call them Morty's Mind Blowers.
- 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:03,021 And we'll be doing this instead of interdimensional cable.
- 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,732 [ Dramatic music plays ]
- 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,014 How long have I been asking you to remove memories?
- 00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:39,349 Since the first [burps] time your mind was blown.
- 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,851 Ahh, here it is. [ Burps ]
- 00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:42,269 Classic. [ Blows ]
- 00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:43,645 There's no dust on it because
- 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,272 this isn't the first time we've done this.
- 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:49,234 -What?! -I call this one "Moonspiracy"!
- 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,902 [ Laughs ]
- 00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:54,781 [ Insects chirping ]
- 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,451 MORTY: Huh, wow. That's incredible.
- 00:01:58,994 --> 00:01:59,911 What the heck?
- 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,999 Morty, do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?
- 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,250 Yeah, pretty crazy story, Morty.
- 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,209 Are you serious?
- 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,879 Half the crap we've seen, and you think that sounds crazy?
- 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,589 I've been to 300 versions of Earth's moon,
- 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,549 including this one, and I've never seen signs
- 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,635 of a "regular dude," as you describe him,
- 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:15,636 hanging out up there.
- 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,721 It's probably just a smudge on the lens.
- 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:21,224 Smudge on the lens? Smudge on the lens?!
- 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,393 I know the difference between a man threatening me
- 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:25,437 and a smudge on the goddamn lens, Summer!
- 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,397 Morty, calm down! Are you feeling okay?
- 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,274 I'm fine!
- 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:30,901 So sensitive.
- 00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:33,070 [ School bell rings ]
- 00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,738 PRINCIPAL VAGINA: Kids, I'd like to introduce you all
- 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:37,783 to our new guidance counselor, Mr. Lunas.
- 00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,285 I look forward to helping guide you all
- 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,537 towards a brighter future.
- 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,040 I believe every student should...
- 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,459 shoot for the moon.
- 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,757 Got you now, you son of a bitch.
- 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,842 [ Camera shutter clicking ]
- 00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,303 What's this?
- 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,931 Proof that Mr. Lunas isn't who he says he is!
- 00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:02,099 He's not a guidance counselor?
- 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:05,060 I-I assume he's qualified to be one. Who isn't?
- 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,271 But he also lives on the moon.
- 00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,190 Okay.
- 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,776 Hmm. Is that it?
- 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,277 Is he doing anything to hurt anyone?
- 00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:15,904 Oh, he's up to something.
- 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,323 I think I understand.
- 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,367 "Up to something," "lives on the moon."
- 00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:21,743 Okay, I'll talk to him.
- 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,838 [ Tires screeching ]
- 00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:34,965 What did he say?
- 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,092 Denied the moon stuff, but that's what pedophiles do.
- 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,427 They deny. It's their bread and butter.
- 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,803 -Pedophile? -You don't think so?
- 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,179 I thought the moon thing might have been code.
- 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,306 No, he's literally from the moon!
- 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,516 Well, you saw him react.
- 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,185 Moon or not, that dude likes 'em young.
- 00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:53,150 [ Siren wails ]
- 00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,193 Gordon Lunas was a good Marine.
- 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,571 We don't know what drove him to take his own life,
- 00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,531 but we want to remember the good things.
- 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,907 Like how, from a certain angle,
- 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:04,369 some people would say he looked like a smudge.
- 00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,291 [ Squeak ]
- 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,917 Oh, my God, what have I done?
- 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,419 What have I done?
- 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,380 Jesus, I made that guy kill himself!
- 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,590 Only in a literal sense.
- 00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:19,843 Here's one I call "Morty's [burp] Menagerie."
- 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,011 They don't all have titles, though.
- 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,637 It's not a "Simpsons" Halloween special,
- 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:26,224 more like a clip show made of clips you never saw!
- 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,102 I can't believe we got put into a menagerie.
- 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,271 So this guy collects living beings?
- 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,981 RICK: Yeah, you know like commemorative plates,
- 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,065 but less off-putting.
- 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,234 You'll get it when you're still actively dating in your 40s.
- 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,236 Assess this with cold indifference,
- 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,196 you veiny—headed prick!
- 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:41,531 -[ Crash! ] -Hey, keep it down!
- 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,283 Just our luck, menagerie beneath
- 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:45,327 the "boulder people" of Granitor Seven.
- 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,495 I can't take it anymore, Rick!
- 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,079 -[ Banging ] -Relax, Morty!
- 00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,540 I can't relax! R-R-Rick, we... we gotta get outta here!
- 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,209 I don't care what it takes! Anything!
- 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,877 -Anything? -Anything!
- 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,712 All right, well, you're gonna have to take off your shirt.
- 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,714 Not yet. I'll tell you when.
- 00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,800 [ Sonar pinging ]
- 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:02,469 <i>[ Chattering ]</i>
- 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,304 Dear God.
- 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:05,889 What?
- 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,308 The signal turned out to be...
- 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,268 there's no other way to put it...
- 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,103 -Instructions. -For?
- 00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:15,148 A vehicle, sir, an interstellar vehicle.
- 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,901 We'll need a pilot. I wonder if there's a volunteer.
- 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:22,197 Oh, the schematics specify a second, smaller pilot.
- 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,324 I mean, they really specify smaller.
- 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,785 They have to be exactly 5′3″.
- 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,371 Chang, you may have majored in Liberal Arts,
- 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,790 but I think you're about to make history.
- 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,084 [ Grunts ]
- 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,335 WOMAN: Primary systems, check.
- 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,420 Auxiliary systems, check.
- 00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:38,964 See you soon.
- 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,885 Okay, now.
- 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:46,680 Greetings.
- 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:47,806 You're... You look...
- 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,392 We've possessed forms your mind can accept.
- 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,727 Here are some customary clothing gifts.
- 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,437 Please, put them on.
- 00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:56,690 -May we? -Of course, yes.
- 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,275 We followed your instructions.
- 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,986 We have so much to learn from you.
- 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,529 I know, right?
- 00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:06,241 [ Creak ]
- 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:11,371 Hey, how come I was able to see those other people's memories?
- 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,164 I-I wouldn't have been around for that.
- 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,791 Yeah, sometimes I gotta do a little editing, Morty.
- 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,084 It helps the mind blowers
- 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,794 play a little bit better upon revisiting.
- 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:21,131 I call this one "The Whole Enchilada."
- 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,592 Here, Morty, this'll make your urine drinkable.
- 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,802 Now can we keep shopping?
- 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,470 I am Zikzak.
- 00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:29,890 Ah, shit, Morty, get behind me. It's a fucking alien overlord!
- 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,683 It's okay. Here.
- 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,143 Oh, I misjudged.
- 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,854 MORTY: "I am Floop Floopian. Please kill me."
- 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:36,855 That's right, Morty.
- 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,608 The Floop Floopians achieve an eternal orgasmic afterlife,
- 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,985 so long as they're killed by a great warrior.
- 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,904 I'm flattered, by the way. Thank you very much.
- 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,363 So you're gonna kill him?
- 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,198 Eh, let's get some lunch first.
- 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,413 So, you want to get shot in the head, or...
- 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,081 Well, as long as the wound is fatal,
- 00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,458 I don't really mind where you shoot me.
- 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,001 Cool. I'm gonna go take a quick shit.
- 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,629 Well, I gotta say. You know, I'm a little envious.
- 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,714 Your species has an actual afterlife.
- 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,008 -That's gotta be nice. -Wh-What do you mean?
- 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,802 Well, you know, here on Earth, w-we don't know what's going on.
- 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,971 It must be nice for you guys to, you know, have that...
- 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,390 have that proof's in the pudding, you know, evidence.
- 00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:17,437 Evidence? There's supposed to be evidence?
- 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,023 Um, yeah, uh...
- 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:24,110 Otherwise, how do you know if it's true?
- 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,237 [ Clears throat ]
- 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,156 Wait, you don't...
- 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,701 All right, so you want to do this here or outside?
- 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,036 [ Weapon cocks, powers up ]
- 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,829 Run!
- 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,206 [ Door slams open ]
- 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,624 I don't wanna die!
- 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,292 [ Horn honks ]
- 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,295 [ Chanting ]
- 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,714 Oh, God, it's all real! Oh, it hurts!
- 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,341 Oh, I shouldn't have doubted it!
- 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,343 I shouldn't have let you make me doubt it!
- 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,054 Aah! I blame you, I blame you!
- 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,306 But he said there wasn't any evidence!
- 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,557 That was a ton of evidence!
- 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:55,642 Well, silver lining.
- 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:56,893 Now I know their religion's real.
- 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,770 They have a hell, and it does not look good.
- 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,814 I noticed you never finished your chimichanga,
- 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,900 so I got some room for it now, if you know what I mean.
- 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,318 Holy shit!
- 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,487 How many of these are just horrible mistakes I've made?
- 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:08,989 I mean, maybe I'd stop making so many
- 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,240 if I let myself learn from them!
- 00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:12,283 Don't break your back creating a lesson, Morty.
- 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,576 It's a freeform anthology.
- 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,245 I'm getting annoyed you're not hearing that.
- 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,330 As you can see around me, your mind's been blown
- 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:21,543 countless times, and not always by yourself.
- 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,294 Ah, shit, I don't even...
- 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,671 This better not have been a good one.
- 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:25,672 What is this?
- 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,882 Great, "Booger AIDS," "AIDS Booger."
- 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,509 I gotta start using real file names.
- 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,219 In the meantime, enjoy a grab bag
- 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:35,598 of mind blowers I call "Poop AIDS underscore copy."
- 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,018 ALIEN WARLORD: I'm not an unreasonable man, Beth Smith.
- 00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:40,270 I know children are everything to a mammal.
- 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,772 I will spare one of their lives.
- 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,733 You simply have to choose.
- 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,152 Summer! Summer.
- 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,282 You're not gonna believe this.
- 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:53,992 I went to Phoebe instead of Titan.
- 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:56,411 It's, like, hello, Saturn, after 10 moons,
- 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,913 time to stop naming and start numbering, you know?
- 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,291 What's... Wh-What's with you assholes?
- 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,334 Morty, please, don't do this.
- 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:04,627 [ Evil laugh ]
- 00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,046 [ Voice echoing ] Your Morty is gone!
- 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:09,132 I am Voltamatron, Destroyer of Worlds!
- 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,551 Grandpa Rick, there must be some scientific way to save him!
- 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,678 Not scientific, but there may be a way.
- 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,306 Morty, I know you're in there. It's me, your grandpa.
- 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,058 I know I can be mean, but I love you, Morty.
- 00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,642 We all do. You gotta fight this thing.
- 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,186 I know you can. You're stronger than all of us!
- 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,646 Morty, it's Mom! We love you. You have to fight it!
- 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,232 Come on, Morty! Fight that stupid worm thing!
- 00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,275 -We love you! -[ Screaming ]
- 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,610 SUMMER: We love you so much!
- 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,320 RICK: Yes, Morty, come on, you're doing it!
- 00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,989 You're doing it! You're doing it!
- 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,824 [ Gagging, coughing ]
- 00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,534 Should we pull it out?
- 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:38,995 No, don't touch it. Just keep loving Morty!
- 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,081 We still love you.
- 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,166 But I do have a thing at 6:00.
- 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,709 Oh, God, do I have to keep looking?
- 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,003 Geez, Morty, come on, pinch it off already!
- 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:49,339 -[ Laughter ] -[ Screaming ]
- 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:52,133 Don't! Oh, God, sorry, Morty. I love you!
- 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,259 [ Whimpering ]
- 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:54,969 God, is there going to be an intermission?
- 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,764 Excuse me, but I ordered the large evil space worm.
- 00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,516 I know, it's like, is that a demon slug
- 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,392 in your stomach, or are you just happy to...
- 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,269 -[ Screaming ] -Sorry!
- 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:06,272 Well, I guess it's nice to know the whole family sucks!
- 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,774 So if the blue ones are my fault
- 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:10,401 and the purple ones are my family's, what are the red ones?
- 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,029 Yeah, d-don't read into it, Morty!
- 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,364 [ Birds chirping ]
- 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,032 Ahh.
- 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:18,535 Shit! We need to find shelter before the sunset, Morty.
- 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:21,037 Venzenulon Nine has a night temperature of 300 below!
- 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:23,081 We'll freeze, Morty! W-We'll be dead in seconds!
- 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,291 I-I think I saw a cave over there.
- 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:26,501 You've seen too many movies, Morty.
- 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,379 A cave isn't gonna cut it. We're gonna have to use Beebo.
- 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:32,048 Beebo led us to water! He's our friend!
- 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,716 -He won't even feel it! -Oh, no, no!
- 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,386 [ Beebo groans ]
- 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,139 You wanna die, Morty? Get in Beebo!
- 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,850 Oh, no, no!
- 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,060 Brace for the ice limit.
- 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,770 Here it comes!
- 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:53,361 Wait, are we on Venzenulon Nine or Venzenulon Seven?
- 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,823 Wait a minute. Why would I ask for that to be removed?
- 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,616 Are the red ones stuff <i>you</i> wanted removed?
- 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,286 Ooh, that's clever, Morty, but I don't use color to sort things
- 00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,413 because I'm not a mouse in a European children's book.
- 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,290 Then why are all those pink ones by the liquor?
- 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,250 Liquor?
- 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,294 [ Ray guns blasting ]
- 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,507 [ Both sigh ]
- 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,634 -Shit, that was close. -We lost Captain Sky.
- 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,261 He gave his life for the uprising.
- 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,555 Yeah. It really makes you think, huh, Morty?
- 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,432 We should never take things for granite.
- 00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,225 -What? -I'm just saying, life's short.
- 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,727 We shouldn't take things for granite.
- 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,770 -Are you saying "granite"? -Well, yeah.
- 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,689 It's "granted," with a "D."
- 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,567 Take things for granted. Did you actually think it was...
- 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,444 [ Laughs ] Jesus Christ, Rick,
- 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,696 what are you, a boulder... a rock person?
- 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,156 How long have you been saying that wrong?
- 00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,282 Oh, you like that, huh?
- 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,409 I b-b-bet that really blows your mind.
- 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,869 I mean, yeah, it's kind of great.
- 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,163 -You want me to erase it? -What, you can do that?
- 00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,290 -[ Buzzing ] -Ah, shit.
- 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,667 I fucking knew it, you piece of shit!
- 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,170 You... You... You're a fucking asshole, Rick!
- 00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,005 Take it easy, Morty. Come on. Just relax.
- 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,506 No, I'm not gonna fucking relax! Come here!
- 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:56,716 Let go of me, you little bitch!
- 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:57,926 I'm gonna grab you by the scruff of your...
- 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,720 -Take that! -Ohh!
- 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,555 -Umm. -Umm. Uhh.
- 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,098 -What... -What's going on?
- 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,225 -Where am I? -Who are we?
- 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,311 -Who am I? -I think I'm an adolescent boy.
- 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,897 Huh, and I'm an elderly man.
- 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:15,151 And we appear to be in some kind of secret confined space.
- 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,820 -Yeah, umm... -Don't look at me like that.
- 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:20,406 For all we know, you could be the fuckin' weirdo.
- 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,494 Huh, these things are obviously storage units,
- 00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,371 and since we can't remember what went wrong,
- 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,207 my guess is that the technology involves memory
- 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:32,502 and that this thing on your head is designed to...
- 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,212 Tell us the code, jagoff!
- 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,713 [ Speaking alien language ]
- 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,173 It's pointless. He's stonewalling.
- 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,509 Rick, if we don't unlock those vaccines, Earth dies!
- 00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,594 You know, it might be time to step up your interrogation!
- 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:42,971 Not sure what you're implying, Morty,
- 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,764 but some lines I don't cross.
- 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,516 Yeah, well, I crossed every line I had
- 00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:49,060 when this bastard tried to kill Jessica!
- 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,104 [ Speaking alien language ]
- 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:54,941 Okay, see those two fleshy sacs under his chin, Morty?
- 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,067 Grab 'em.
- 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,403 You remember the codes now?
- 00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:01,531 -Twist! -[ Screaming ]
- 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,992 Give us the codes, man! Twist harder, Morty!
- 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,952 -Harder! -[ Screaming ]
- 00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:08,288 Okay, let go, let go, let him breathe.
- 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:09,706 [ Speaking alien language ]
- 00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,124 He wants to make a deal.
- 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,543 Half the codes now, half after you finish.
- 00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,461 But can we trust... Wait, what?
- 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:16,546 F-Finish what?
- 00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:17,588 Y-You know.
- 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,299 I thought I was torturing him!
- 00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:20,800 Oh, and this disappoints you?
- 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,468 Do I tell him we don't have a deal, Morty?
- 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,886 Because if we can kill our enemies
- 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:27,015 but we can't jack them off, then how are we better than them?
- 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,808 Well, what did you find out?
- 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,518 We're partners, I guess,
- 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,271 and we fight aliens, like "Men in Black"?
- 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,981 "Men in Black," "Men in Black."
- 00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:36,524 I have "Men in Black 2" in here.
- 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,151 So... So you get the general idea.
- 00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:39,694 [ Laughs ] Not quite.
- 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,487 It's basically an endless string of callbacks to...
- 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,741 All right, save it for YouTube. I'll keep looking for clues.
- 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:49,996 What are you doing?
- 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,414 You want your shelf level or not?
- 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:54,125 And if I say yes, you're gonna provide that for me with that?
- 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,293 Yes, see the bubble?
- 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,003 I'm familiar with the bubble, Morty.
- 00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,921 I also dabble in precision,
- 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,965 and if you think you can even approach it
- 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,092 with your sad, naked, caveman eyeball
- 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,595 and a bubble of fucking air, you're the reason this species
- 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,096 is a failure, and it makes me angry!
- 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,097 You're drunk.
- 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,016 You want to put up a shelf, put up a shelf.
- 00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,268 You want to experience true level?
- 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:15,021 -Do you? -[ Sighs dramatically ] Y-yes.
- 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,780 [ Powering up ]
- 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,741 Ugh, all right, come on.
- 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,409 [ Sighs ]
- 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,916 Wow, it's so...
- 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:39,170 Oh, oh, oh, oh, my God, oh, Christ, ooh, ooh, ooh, ahh.
- 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,672 Oh, yeah, true level, bitch.
- 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,008 Morty, come on, we're leaving for school.
- 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,677 Oh, everything's crooked! Reality is poison!
- 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,012 I want to go back! I hate this!
- 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,222 -What's his deal? -Can't live like this!
- 00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:51,015 Shh, shh, shh, shh, Morty, Morty, Morty.
- 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,892 Go to school, Summer. I'll go in Morty's memory
- 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,435 and do a little... [ Clicks tongue ]
- 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,813 Lambs to the cosmic slaughter!
- 00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,189 Well?
- 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:01,526 You seem to be in charge of what I get to remember.
- 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,569 -Why? -Good question.
- 00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:07,323 Morty, I need darkness to prime these optical inductors.
- 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,700 Hit the leftmost light switch by the door for me.
- 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:10,701 The left.
- 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:14,080 [ Click, click, click ]
- 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:19,627 Okay, lights on.
- 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,003 [ Sighs ]
- 00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:24,090 So, did I just hear three distinct light switch clicks?
- 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,508 W-W-What do you mean?
- 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,593 I feel like the three sounds I heard could be explained
- 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,513 by an initial erroneous flipping of a switch on the right
- 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,473 followed by a hasty, corrective flipping
- 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:33,641 of the requested switch.
- 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,436 Then during the resultant darkness and silence, a third,
- 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:39,522 shameful unflipping of the initially flipped switch.
- 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,441 Is my assessment accurate?
- 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:44,902 Yeah, that's... that's basically how... how it all shaked out.
- 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:48,156 -I'm sorry. -Ugh. All right, come on.
- 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,450 -What?! -Come on!
- 00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:59,250 [ High-pitched tone ]
- 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,132 -[ Click, tone ends ] -Grab a shovel.
- 00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,383 W-What is...
- 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,510 Grab a shovel!
- 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:11,679 [ Click ]
- 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,264 What was that?
- 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,352 I can't find a goddamn zip tie anywhere!
- 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,605 All right, fuck it!
- 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,231 [ Beeping ]
- 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,026 [ Magnetizing ]
- 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,861 Ahh, zip tie.
- 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,405 [ Powering down ]
- 00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:33,868 [ Beeping ]
- 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,411 [ Magnetizing ]
- 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:38,247 [ Women screaming ]
- 00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,588 Why are you making me do this for you again?
- 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:48,090 Who doesn't wish they could talk to animals, Rick?
- 00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:49,467 Most humans!
- 00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:51,469 There, I'm done. Just stay out of trouble!
- 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,263 Gotta keep moving. Can't stop.
- 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,432 Up, down, down, up, up, up, down, up, stop, down.
- 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,017 The queen needs food. The babies need food.
- 00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,685 The queen makes babies.
- 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,188 MALE VOICE: The situation in Argentina
- 00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,606 has proven less convenient than predicted.
- 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,983 We'll have to re-destabilize their economy,
- 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,402 refocus labor class outrage from upper to middle,
- 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,488 foster a coup, and install a compliant regime.
- 00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,489 MALE SQUIRREL: Same as Guatemala?
- 00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:12,823 Yes, but you can double-time it.
- 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,158 We need a quorum to pick a new pope
- 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,827 in case the Exxon/Monsanto thing falls through in Africa.
- 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:19,413 Why not use chemtrails? Put a canopy on Uganda.
- 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,332 They're set to agitate any mo... What?
- 00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,167 That kid is watching us.
- 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,877 So, we're squirrels. He's a kid.
- 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:28,047 He's watching us like he hears what we're saying.
- 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,675 Hey, kid. Young man? Come here, little boy.
- 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,386 Tell Daphne to run a 199 on a possible Dolittle.
- 00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:36,347 Little boy! We'll give you wishes if you can hear us!
- 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,391 We can make you fly and get candy.
- 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,851 [ Squirrels chittering ]
- 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,607 [ Whistling ]
- 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,985 Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Fuck me! Fuck me!
- 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:51,445 [ Panting ] Rick!
- 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,739 RICK: Ah, shit, Morty, what did you do?
- 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:56,534 [ Powering up ]
- 00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,494 -[ Zap! ] -[ Squirrels screeching ]
- 00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:00,580 All right, Morty, pack your shit!
- 00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,707 That's only gonna keep 'em down for a little bit, Morty!
- 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,166 You fucked with squirrels, Morty!
- 00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,501 We got a good five minutes
- 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,420 before they're backing up on our ass, Morty!
- 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,672 We have to pack up and move to a new reality, Morty!
- 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:12,258 You know I said we could only do that a couple of times!
- 00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:15,344 We're fucked over here because of these damn squirrels, Morty!
- 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,305 I don't know what my reaction is,
- 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,016 but I think I'm mounting in suspicion of you.
- 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,435 -Well, what are you gonna do? -I'm gonna remember everything!
- 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,394 Everything!
- 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,564 -[ Screams ] -[ Laughs ]
- 00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:28,399 [ Screams ]
- 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:29,483 -[ Farts ] -[ Laughs ]
- 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,487 Yeah!
- 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:41,746 Ah!
- 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,542 [ Crying ]
- 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,468 Well, what'd you find out?
- 00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:57,762 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you gonna do, kill me?
- 00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,723 No, I'm not gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill myself!
- 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,516 All those memories just erased!
- 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,226 Sitting in this room collecting dust!
- 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:07,146 W-What's the point of going on if most of everything
- 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,940 that happens just ends up sitting in here?
- 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:12,318 All right, kid.
- 00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,320 I don't know much aside from the fact that "Men in Black 2"
- 00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:17,573 was a joyless cash grab, but I do know that whatever you have
- 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,950 brewing around in your noggin really connected with you.
- 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,077 I can't deny that,
- 00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,621 and I can't deny that I'm inspired by your passion.
- 00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,623 I want in. Suicide pact!
- 00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,667 -[ Ray gun powers up ] -Yes, yeah, let's do it!
- 00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:30,336 Together, you old son of a bitch! On three!
- 00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:31,587 One...
- 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:32,838 Two...
- 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:36,008 You guys doing Morty's Mind Blowers?
- 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,843 Morty's Mind Blowers?
- 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,262 [ Sighs ] Grandpa, is this a scenario three?
- 00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:42,723 Uh, w-what's that, and w-who are you?
- 00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,685 Oh, man, it's a scenario four.
- 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,567 -[ Spits ] -[ Dart gun shooting ]
- 00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,662 Ugh, fucking God damn it!
- 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,580 I don't get paid enough for this shit!
- 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:10,668 <i>There's a Craftsman nearby.</i> <i>I can smell it.</i>
- 00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:13,045 Whoa, what... what...
- 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,088 <i>Can I help you?</i>
- 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,924 H-How did we fall asleep during interdimensional cable?
- 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,676 -Yeah, what the hell, Summer? -Summer, you dumb bitch!
- 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:19,927 How long were we out, you dumb bitch!
- 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:20,970 How much interdimensional cable did we miss, you stupid bitch!
- 00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,888 How many improv TV shows with commercials did we miss, Summer?
- 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,014 Why did you let us fall asleep?
- 00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:25,391 -You dumb bitch! -You stupid bitch!
- 00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:26,726 All right, Morty, fuck this noise.
- 00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:28,310 Let's get out of here and go on a classic
- 00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:31,063 -Rick and Morty adventure. -Yeah, right, Rick, I'm all-in.
- 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,149 No wonder you're constantly fighting
- 00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,859 with each other and behind schedule.
- 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,485 -What? -Nothing.
- 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,654 [ Rock music plays ]
- 00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:05,264 Rick? Hello?
- 00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:06,849 Just here for my putter.
- 00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,435 Jerry's Mind Blowers?
- 00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:14,732 Follow the boys!
- 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,530 We're charged and aimed at Alpha Centauri,
- 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,532 ready for transport.
- 00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:25,951 They fell for it! Let's send Gobo home!
- 00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:27,453 -[ Laughter ] -All right!
- 00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:29,538 -Where's Dad? -He should be here any second.
- 00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:31,415 It's funny, Jerry spent his life seeking attention,
- 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,709 but in the end, humanity's instinctive dismissal of him
- 00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,127 saved an alien's life.
- 00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,962 He knows where to go, right?
- 00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:38,881 Yep, any minute now.
- 00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:41,133 Music playing
- 00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:45,054 Did it work? Did you guys get Gobo home?
- 00:21:45,179 --> 00:21:47,431 You have Gobo! You were supposed to bring him to the hill!
- 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,141 As if. He was in your basket.
- 00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,851 He was in your car!
- 00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:53,604 [ Chewing ]
- 00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:56,565 Oh!
- 00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:58,609 Oof! Dibs on his stuff.