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За ужином в семье Смитов брат Джерри дядя Стив даёт им билеты на самолёт в качестве благодарности за то, что они позволили ему остаться с ними в течение всего года. Приходит Рик и стреляет в Стива, чья форма меняется на настоящую — паразита, когда тот умирает. Рик говорит, что это паразит, который размножается, внедряя ложные воспоминания в головы людей. Рик говорит, что в доме должно быть только шесть человек — он сам, Морти, Саммер, Бет, Джерри и мистер Жопосранчик, последний из которых — маленькое жёлтое существо с высокой головой. Рик изолирует дом от паразитов с помощью бронещитов, поскольку мистер Жопосранчик напоминает семье о воспоминании о кузене Ники, который затем появляется в комнате. Рик стреляет в него после того, как видит надпись с шестью настоящими членами семьи. Тем не менее, в семье по-прежнему возникают ложные коллективные воспоминания о новых персонажах, всех паразитах, которые попадают в комнату. Один из таких паразитов — Сонный Гэри, которого семья считает мужем Бет, — рассказывает Джерри о воспоминаниях о их поцелуях. Гостиная теперь заполнена паразитами вместе с семьёй Смитов. Они пытаются убедить Рика, чтобы тот опустил щит, прежде чем начать убеждать остальных, что Рик — паразит. Некоторые из них нападают на Рика и крадут его часы, чтобы опустить бронещит. Морти ведёт Рика в гараж и собирается застрелить его, убеждённый, что он паразит, но понимает, как отличить паразитов от настоящих членов семьи: все внедрённые воспоминания хорошие, но у Морти много неприятных воспоминаний о Рике. Используя этот метод, Рик и Морти уничтожают паразитов одного за другим. Плохие воспоминания о Саммер и Бет доказывают их реальность. Бет убивает Сонного Гэри, что делает Джерри склонным к самоубийству, но Бет понимает, что он настоящий. После уничтожения последних паразитов шесть первоначальных членов семьи садятся за обед. Бет, подозревая, что у неё нет плохих воспоминаний о мистере Жопосранчике, стреляет в него. Однако тот оказывается настоящим и тяжело ранен выстрелом. В сцене после титров семья Смитов наблюдает за мистером Жопосранчиком на физиотерапии; он просит медсестру передать Бет сообщение, что ему жаль, что у неё нет плохих воспоминаний о нём.
- 00:00:04,506 --> 00:00:06,257 Steve, I just got a weird e-mail.
- 00:00:06,341 --> 00:00:07,926 Did you buy us airline tickets?
- 00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:09,886 Aw, shoot. It was supposed to be a surprise.
- 00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,346 I wanted to thank you
- 00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:12,823 for letting me live here all this time,
- 00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:14,599 so I'm treating the family to a vacation!
- 00:00:14,683 --> 00:00:15,892 Steve, you're so sweet.
- 00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:17,852 - Thanks, Uncle Steve! - Best Uncle ever.
- 00:00:17,936 --> 00:00:19,312 Look out, world.
- 00:00:19,396 --> 00:00:20,814 The Smith family is going to Paris!
- 00:00:20,897 --> 00:00:22,482 Yeah! Awesome!
- 00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:24,585 Rick, I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash!
- 00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:26,236 Well, I don't like
- 00:00:26,319 --> 00:00:28,738 your unemployed genes in my grandchildren, Jerry,
- 00:00:28,822 --> 00:00:30,907 but life is made of little concessions.
- 00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,367 I... You know what?
- 00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:33,868 You're gonna land on your feet, Jer.
- 00:00:33,952 --> 00:00:35,846 Some company out there's gonna thank their lucky stars
- 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:37,664 they hired my little brother.
- 00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:38,665 Who the fuck are you?
- 00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,250 My goofy brother, Steve.
- 00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:42,460 He's been living here almost a year now.
- 00:00:42,544 --> 00:00:43,712 Are you losing your mind?
- 00:00:43,795 --> 00:00:45,380 Hey, someone's been spending
- 00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,257 too much time around glowing rocks.
- 00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:48,401 Am I right?
- 00:00:49,759 --> 00:00:50,677 - Oh, my god! - Call an ambulance!
- 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:51,678 Oh, god! Steve!
- 00:00:51,761 --> 00:00:52,863 What the hell, Rick?! What the hell?!
- 00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,156 Will everybody just relax for a second?
- 00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:56,641 There's no such thing as an "Uncle Steve."
- 00:00:56,725 --> 00:00:58,893 - That is an alien parasite.
- 00:01:00,270 --> 00:01:01,855 But I've known him my whole life.
- 00:01:01,938 --> 00:01:03,273 No, you haven't, Jerry.
- 00:01:03,356 --> 00:01:04,733 These telepathic little bastards,
- 00:01:04,816 --> 00:01:06,443 they embed themselves in memories,
- 00:01:06,526 --> 00:01:08,006 and th-then they use those to multiply
- 00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,821 and spread out, take over planets.
- 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:11,114 It's... It's disgusting.
- 00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:12,282 Steve wasn't real?
- 00:01:12,365 --> 00:01:13,575 He's a real piece of shit.
- 00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:15,160 This is a big one. Somebody probably
- 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,846 tracked it in last week on the bottom of their shoe
- 00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:18,329 on a piece of alien fruit.
- 00:01:18,413 --> 00:01:19,974 - Someone? - Get off the high road, Summer.
- 00:01:19,998 --> 00:01:21,207 We all got pink eye
- 00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:23,051 because you won't stop texting on the toilet.
- 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,044 But Uncle Steve taught me how to ride a bike!
- 00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,130 No, "Steve" put that memory in your brain
- 00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:29,400 so he could live in your house, eat your food, and multiply.
- 00:01:29,424 --> 00:01:31,050 We could be infested with these things.
- 00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:32,719 So we got to keep an eye out
- 00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:34,637 for any zany, wacky characters that pop up.
- 00:01:34,721 --> 00:01:36,181 Ooh, whee!
- 00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:37,742 Whatever you want, Rick! We're here to help!
- 00:01:37,766 --> 00:01:39,309 Thanks, Mr. Poopybutthole.
- 00:01:39,392 --> 00:01:42,061 I always could count on you.
- 00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:45,690 ♪♪
- 00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:14,969 ♪♪
- 00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,765 All right. There's six of us, and that's it.
- 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:21,643 Me, Morty, Jerry, Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole, and Summer.
- 00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:24,229 Maybe you got the first one in time, Rick!
- 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,272 Can't afford to chance it.
- 00:02:31,486 --> 00:02:34,155 Dad, why does our house have blast shields?
- 00:02:34,239 --> 00:02:35,591 Trust me, Beth, you don't want to know
- 00:02:35,615 --> 00:02:36,884 how many answers that question has.
- 00:02:36,908 --> 00:02:38,785 Ooh, gosh, it feels claustrophobic!
- 00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:40,286 Reminds me of that time
- 00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:42,455 we all got stuck in the elevator together.
- 00:02:42,539 --> 00:02:46,417 Y... remember that? After "The Hulk" musical?
- 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,507 Jerry, buttons don't work better if you hit them harder,
- 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,300 And foam fists don't make you strong.
- 00:02:54,384 --> 00:02:56,344 I know. Friends make you strong.
- 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,513 I watched the same musical you did.
- 00:02:58,596 --> 00:03:00,473 Why couldn't I bring my portal gun?
- 00:03:01,975 --> 00:03:03,577 Why did all the drinks have to be extra large?
- 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,228 Oh, the Hulk. I just got that.
- 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:07,814 Just pee your pants. I did it the minute we got stuck.
- 00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:09,691 Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, shame me.
- 00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:12,402 At least when I'm disgusting, it's on purpose.
- 00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:14,362 Oh, y'all, we're gonna be fine.
- 00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:17,532 I've always been here for you guys, and I always will be.
- 00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:20,869 Somebody call for repairs?
- 00:03:20,952 --> 00:03:22,370 Yay! Cousin Nicky!
- 00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:23,663 It's me, cousin Nicky.
- 00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,582 I'm walkin' here! I mean, I'm not.
- 00:03:25,665 --> 00:03:27,542 I'm crouched in the elevator shaft,
- 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:30,253 but hey, I'm walkin' here!
- 00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:33,256 It's true.
- 00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:35,550 We really do get into some crazy situations as a family,
- 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:37,760 mostly when we're cooped up like this.
- 00:03:37,844 --> 00:03:39,846 Hey, maybe Mr. Poopypants is right.
- 00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,389 L-let's get some fresh air.
- 00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:42,783 Come on, cousin Nicky. You heard Rick.
- 00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:44,350 We have to stay quarantined
- 00:03:44,434 --> 00:03:46,036 until we know that there's no more of these things.
- 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,478 I hear you, Morty.
- 00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:49,272 Back in Brooklyn, we got a sayin'...
- 00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:51,274 "We're walkin' here!"
- 00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:52,567 Nicky, get...
- 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:53,776 Oh!
- 00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:55,570 What the...?
- 00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:57,572 Cousin Nicky was a parasite?!
- 00:03:57,655 --> 00:03:59,490 Six, Morty! There's supposed to be six of us!
- 00:03:59,574 --> 00:04:01,743 If there's seven, then that means somebody's not real.
- 00:04:01,826 --> 00:04:03,369 But how did you know it was Nicky?
- 00:04:03,453 --> 00:04:05,014 I guessed. That's why I aimed for his shoulder.
- 00:04:05,038 --> 00:04:06,873 So we can't trust any of our memories now?
- 00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:09,083 Nicky was the reason we found that old Nazi submarine.
- 00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:10,501 Did that not even happen?
- 00:04:10,585 --> 00:04:12,629 Well, of course it happened.
- 00:04:12,712 --> 00:04:16,299 Now that I possess the mighty staff of Rah-gubaba,
- 00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:18,593 the world will tremble before the Fourth Reich!
- 00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:19,886 This is the last time
- 00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:22,138 I ask <i>you</i> for help on my history final, Rick.
- 00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:25,558 Hey, we got a word for Nazis back in Brooklyn, pal.
- 00:04:25,642 --> 00:04:27,310 I'm comfortable being called a Nazi.
- 00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:30,563 You think there's some other word that will hurt my feelings?
- 00:04:30,647 --> 00:04:32,941 Yeah. Think before you talk shit.
- 00:04:33,024 --> 00:04:36,027 Rah-gubaba, help me kill America!
- 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:38,112 Mr. Beauregard!
- 00:04:38,196 --> 00:04:42,784 After due consideration, I have elected not to retire.
- 00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:44,619 - Yeah! - Oh, thank god!
- 00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:47,914 Now, I believe someone has a final exam to attend.
- 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,333 Set a course for Morty's high school.
- 00:04:50,416 --> 00:04:52,794 Perhaps I'm biased, but if that story never happened,
- 00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:55,630 then I wouldn't still be the family butler.
- 00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:56,923 Dare to dream.
- 00:04:57,006 --> 00:04:58,007 Wait.
- 00:04:58,424 --> 00:05:00,343 And if Mr. Beauregard wasn't our butler,
- 00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:03,805 it's safe to say the family'd be in a <i>hell</i> of a lot of trouble.
- 00:05:03,888 --> 00:05:05,765 No! Don't flashback!
- 00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,284 You're just gonna make more swelling.
- 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:08,535 - Don't worry, Jerry. - Just relax.
- 00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:09,703 We called the fire department.
- 00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,646 You know they won't come here anymore.
- 00:05:15,191 --> 00:05:16,818 Marmalade is served.
- 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,528 - Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah!
- 00:05:18,611 --> 00:05:19,946 Oh, whee!
- 00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:22,824 I guess I take back what I said about British cuisine.
- 00:05:24,075 --> 00:05:25,177 Take that, Summer!
- 00:05:25,201 --> 00:05:26,786 We're trying to sleep.
- 00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:28,663 I don't want to go to the dance alone.
- 00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:32,583 Then perhaps you shouldn't.
- 00:05:32,667 --> 00:05:34,585 Aww. Mr. Beauregard.
- 00:05:34,669 --> 00:05:37,755 - Shall we, master Morty? - We shall.
- 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:39,799 Oh, wait, don't leave without letting
- 00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:41,676 Photography Raptor take a picture.
- 00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:47,098 Everybody stop remembering!
- 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,850 These parasites are like bed bugs,
- 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,977 and every flashback is another mattress. Look!
- 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:53,604 There's only supposed to be six people in this house.
- 00:05:53,688 --> 00:05:54,856 But there's always been 10.
- 00:05:54,939 --> 00:05:55,940 No!
- 00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:57,751 Uh, the fact that I wrote this number down
- 00:05:57,775 --> 00:05:58,919 means that there's four parasites.
- 00:05:58,943 --> 00:06:00,111 You sure about that, Rick?
- 00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,863 Begging your pardon, master Rick,
- 00:06:01,946 --> 00:06:03,948 but I seem to recall a great deal of confusion
- 00:06:04,032 --> 00:06:05,116 surrounding that number.
- 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,576 All right, there's six of us.
- 00:06:06,659 --> 00:06:07,827 And that's it.
- 00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:10,538 Me, Morty, Jerry, Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole,
- 00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:12,832 Frankenstein, Sleepy Gary, Photography Raptor,
- 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,208 Mr. Beauregard, and Summer.
- 00:06:14,292 --> 00:06:16,085 Uh, dad, that's like 10 people.
- 00:06:16,169 --> 00:06:18,046 6, 10, what's the difference?
- 00:06:18,129 --> 00:06:20,631 I just love the number 6 for no reason!
- 00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:21,883 Where's my pencil at?
- 00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:23,259 Here, Rick! Use me!
- 00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:25,053 Oh, thanks, Pencilvester!
- 00:06:25,136 --> 00:06:27,180 Yeah, I-I g... I guess that is what happened,
- 00:06:27,263 --> 00:06:29,140 but I-I don't get why I would do that.
- 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:30,892 Everybody makes mistakes, Rick.
- 00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:32,894 Why do you think I have one of these?
- 00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:36,314 That's it. Photos.
- 00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:37,940 Hard evidence.
- 00:06:38,024 --> 00:06:40,735 You're not in any of my photos, Mr. Poopybutthole.
- 00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:42,570 Well, what do you know about this?
- 00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:45,031 You're not in any of mine.
- 00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:49,160 All I have are pictures of me and my friends from school.
- 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,788 What? What teenage girl has pictures of her family?
- 00:06:51,871 --> 00:06:53,706 It's not like we're Mormon or dying.
- 00:06:53,790 --> 00:06:56,834 I will admit it's suspicious that Summer's only friend
- 00:06:56,918 --> 00:06:59,712 is a magic ballerina lamb that we've never seen.
- 00:06:59,796 --> 00:07:00,797 Summer!
- 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,256 Tinkles!
- 00:07:03,007 --> 00:07:05,051 It's past my bedtime.
- 00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,136 Not in Never Past Bedtime Land!
- 00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:09,055 Here we go!
- 00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:10,640 ♪ Summer and Tinkles ♪
- 00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,141 ♪ Friends with each other ♪
- 00:07:12,225 --> 00:07:15,228 ♪ Living in Never Past Bedtime Land ♪
- 00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:17,146 ♪ No kitchen sinkles ♪
- 00:07:17,230 --> 00:07:18,940 ♪ No little brother ♪
- 00:07:19,023 --> 00:07:21,943 ♪ Going to raves and waving our hands ♪
- 00:07:22,026 --> 00:07:23,837 ♪ Summer and Tinkle, friends to the end ♪
- 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,506 ♪ Group text the whole crew, my motherfuckin' friends! ♪
- 00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:27,323 ♪ Ketchup to the salt, salt to the fry ♪
- 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,884 ♪ "T" to the "inkle" with a capital "I" ♪
- 00:07:28,908 --> 00:07:30,701 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
- 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,890 - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! - Summer, we're trying to sleep.
- 00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:36,415 It was Tinkles!
- 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:37,500 Tinkles?
- 00:07:37,917 --> 00:07:39,269 That is su...... Suspicious.
- 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,253 We're always hearing about this Tinkles character,
- 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,922 - But we never get to... - Hi, everybody.
- 00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:45,091 I'm Tinkles, and these are my friends.
- 00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:47,927 See, everyone? Tinkles is real.
- 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:49,262 That means so am I.
- 00:07:49,345 --> 00:07:51,472 - Sorry, Summer. - Man, I'm sorry, Summer.
- 00:07:51,556 --> 00:07:54,183 I was on the wrong side of the pitchfork on this one.
- 00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:56,978 Okay, look, we shouldn't need evidence or logic
- 00:07:57,061 --> 00:07:59,063 to know who's family and who isn't.
- 00:07:59,147 --> 00:08:00,857 I know who the Smiths are.
- 00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,942 I've known Beth since High School.
- 00:08:03,025 --> 00:08:04,819 And her husband, sleepy Gary,
- 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:07,029 is hands down my absolute best friend.
- 00:08:07,113 --> 00:08:08,239 Thanks, Jerry.
- 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,116 Beyond that, no offense to any of you,
- 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:11,534 but all bets are off.
- 00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:14,078 Look, I'm not used to being this unsure for this long.
- 00:08:14,162 --> 00:08:15,597 I'm just gonna aim for shoulders starting with the weird girl.
- 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:16,622 Aah!
- 00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:19,000 - Grandpa Rick! - Hold still, "Summer."
- 00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:21,252 Rick, that is my daughter.
- 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,880 Oh, yeah? Well, what if you just think that, sleepy Gary?
- 00:08:23,963 --> 00:08:26,174 I've known you for 15 years. Don't make me hurt you.
- 00:08:26,257 --> 00:08:28,509 Rick, these are our family and friends,
- 00:08:28,593 --> 00:08:30,344 the people we barbecue with.
- 00:08:30,428 --> 00:08:32,346 Have you forgotten the barbecue?
- 00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:33,848 Wait, why would you want me to...
- 00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:35,171 You're one of them, aren't you?
- 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:38,144 Rick. You love those barbecues, Rick.
- 00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,478 You <i>lo ve</i> them. Hai!
- 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:40,938 Remember it, Rick?
- 00:08:41,022 --> 00:08:43,274 Shut up, Hamurai! Shut up, Amish Cyborg!
- 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,067 What is this? '90s Conan?
- 00:08:45,151 --> 00:08:47,028 Remember the barbecue.
- 00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:48,321 Remember the barbecue.
- 00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:50,114 Remember the barbecue.
- 00:08:50,198 --> 00:08:52,283 You know what, Pencilvester?
- 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,368 It took me my whole life to realize it,
- 00:08:54,452 --> 00:08:56,037 but I love barbecuing.
- 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,872 - You're good at it, Rick. - Watch me, baby.
- 00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,916 I'm like Tom Cruise from, um, "Cuisine"
- 00:08:59,999 --> 00:09:02,585 or w-whatever that movie's called where he makes drinks.
- 00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,045 Yeah, check me out.
- 00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:05,630 I'm like Tom Cruise from "Cuisine."
- 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,048 Yeah.
- 00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:08,549 Is that what it's called? "Cuisine"?
- 00:09:08,633 --> 00:09:10,092 Wow! Hey, everybody.
- 00:09:10,176 --> 00:09:12,345 Let's give it up for the grillmaster Rick!
- 00:09:12,428 --> 00:09:13,596 Rick! Rick! Rick!
- 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,601 Wait.
- 00:09:21,771 --> 00:09:22,772 Noooooo!
- 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:24,357 Shoot. Now look.
- 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,667 It's like a "Where's Waldo?" page.
- 00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:26,984 Can you find me?
- 00:09:27,068 --> 00:09:28,378 Check out all these zany characters.
- 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:30,279 We'll be right back after these messages.
- 00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:34,158 I think you should put down the gun
- 00:09:34,242 --> 00:09:35,701 and we should get you to a doctor.
- 00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:37,638 What do you say we take down these blast shields?
- 00:09:37,662 --> 00:09:39,181 - yeah. - I can't do that, sleepy Gary.
- 00:09:39,205 --> 00:09:40,623 All right, everybody listen to me.
- 00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:42,184 I don't know if any of you guys are real,
- 00:09:42,208 --> 00:09:44,186 but this house has been infested with fake loved ones
- 00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:45,753 that spread through fake memories,
- 00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:47,648 and our planet will be destroyed if they get out.
- 00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:50,716 But, Rick, even you have to admit
- 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,052 you do tend to overreact to stuff.
- 00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,512 You guys, we got to hurry.
- 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,055 I just got back from Walmart.
- 00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,766 They're selling Nintendo 3DS systems for $149.99 on sale,
- 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:01,143 plus every time you buy one, you get a $50 gift card.
- 00:10:01,227 --> 00:10:03,521 Brings the total price down to $110 after tax.
- 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,690 Now, listen, we can flip those sons of bitches
- 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,066 for 230 bucks apiece easy!
- 00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,068 They're all limited-edition "Zelda" ones.
- 00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,736 Hurry! Hurry! Come with me!
- 00:10:10,820 --> 00:10:12,822 We can be rich, and we also all get to keep one
- 00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:14,615 and we can play Nintendo games!
- 00:10:14,699 --> 00:10:16,784 Nintendo, give me free stuff.
- 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:19,078 Okay, yes, I definitely remember doing that,
- 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:20,955 but also, I would never do that.
- 00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:22,581 Don't overreact, Rick.
- 00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,667 Sleepy Gary, a word? Sure, Jerry.
- 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,252 Rick, keep a level head, okay?
- 00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:29,005 'Cause I'll tell you a secret about Frankenstein...
- 00:10:29,088 --> 00:10:33,217 He's actually Frankenstein's monster.
- 00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:37,847 Sleepy Gary, m-my head is filled
- 00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:39,223 with memories of our friendship.
- 00:10:39,307 --> 00:10:40,826 I'm convinced that you're Beth's husband
- 00:10:40,850 --> 00:10:42,101 and I'm your friend,
- 00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:44,270 but if those memories can't be trusted, then...
- 00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:45,730 Jerry, just say it.
- 00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:48,983 Sleepy Gary, how do we know <i>I'm</i> real?
- 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,985 Jesus, Jerry.
- 00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,486 No, you're real.
- 00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:53,863 Hey, look at me.
- 00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:55,590 Now, I don't know which way is up out there,
- 00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:58,159 but I know us, and you're real, Jerry.
- 00:10:58,242 --> 00:10:59,869 Remember our vacation?
- 00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:05,249 They're filming that new "Star Wars" movie down the coast.
- 00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:06,417 Should we check it out?
- 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,502 Sure. Why not?
- 00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:19,055 Maybe we'll see Chewbacca.
- 00:11:19,138 --> 00:11:21,265 I'd like that.
- 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,191 What are we doing?
- 00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:37,740 I don't give a damn what else happens out there.
- 00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:40,409 You and I are going to survive this.
- 00:11:40,493 --> 00:11:41,494 Okay.
- 00:11:42,078 --> 00:11:43,454 Hey, we agreed.
- 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,206 Never in the house.
- 00:11:47,333 --> 00:11:48,560 That's a cool watch there, Rick.
- 00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:49,627 Can I check it out?
- 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,253 Uh, no thank...
- 00:11:51,337 --> 00:11:52,254 Okay.
- 00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:53,338 Trying to figure out
- 00:11:53,381 --> 00:11:54,483 how to lower the blast shields, huh?
- 00:11:54,507 --> 00:11:56,384 Anybody here think it's suspicious
- 00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:58,844 that a lot of people in here can't wait to get <i>out</i> of here?
- 00:11:58,928 --> 00:12:02,348 Ah, you're paranoid, Rick. You've been paranoid since 'Nam.
- 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:03,933 So, what are you gonna do
- 00:12:04,016 --> 00:12:05,410 when you rotate back to the world, Frankenstein?
- 00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:08,104 Shi-i-i-i-t. I'mma bust a...
- 00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:11,148 No! Get out of my head, parasite!
- 00:12:11,232 --> 00:12:12,066 - No! - Drop it.
- 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,293 Give me the gun, Frankenstein!
- 00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:17,321 Give it back!
- 00:12:17,405 --> 00:12:19,281 Yeah!
- 00:12:19,365 --> 00:12:20,366 Frankenstein!
- 00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:22,998 Is anyone here even real?
- 00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:24,578 Am I the only real person on Earth?!
- 00:12:24,662 --> 00:12:25,704 Maybe.
- 00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:28,541 Or maybe, just maybe, we're all real.
- 00:12:28,624 --> 00:12:29,851 You know me. I'm Reverse Giraffe.
- 00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:31,544 I have a short neck and legs.
- 00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:33,087 I went to college with Hamurai. Hai!
- 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,256 I saved Ghost In A Jar's life in Vietnam.
- 00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:37,258 Boo rah! And, Beth, how many times
- 00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,343 have I been a shoulder for you to cry on?
- 00:12:39,427 --> 00:12:41,220 Too many.
- 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,139 Okay, so maybe we're just all fake.
- 00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:44,723 That don't make no sense!
- 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:47,518 Or maybe there's only one deceiver here...
- 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:48,787 The person that keeps telling us
- 00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:51,439 the path to salvation is being held prisoner
- 00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:52,773 and mistrusting each other.
- 00:12:52,857 --> 00:12:53,983 Hey, don't blame me!
- 00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,419 I tried to shoot Summer 10 minutes ago!
- 00:12:55,443 --> 00:12:57,778 I know we all have beloved memories of Rick,
- 00:12:57,862 --> 00:12:59,738 but are we really supposed to believe
- 00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:02,491 that a mad scientist inventor with a flying car
- 00:13:02,575 --> 00:13:06,036 just showed up on our doorstep after being gone for years?
- 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,538 Yeah, you know, he does have
- 00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,040 a lot of really weird, made-up sounding catchphrases.
- 00:13:10,124 --> 00:13:11,542 Wubba lubba dub dub!
- 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,836 Ricky ticky tavi, beyotch!
- 00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:16,964 And that's the wa-a-a-a-y the news goes.
- 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,174 Hit the sack, Jack.
- 00:13:18,257 --> 00:13:20,009 Uh-oh! Somersault jump.
- 00:13:20,092 --> 00:13:21,093 AIDS!
- 00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:25,139 And that's why I always say shum shum shlippedy dop!
- 00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:28,225 Grassss tastes bad-ah.
- 00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:30,352 No jumpin' in the sewer.
- 00:13:30,436 --> 00:13:31,562 Burger time!
- 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,439 Rubber baby baby bunkers!
- 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,441 Lick, lick, lick my balls!
- 00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:36,859 Yeah!
- 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,152 Say that all the time.
- 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:41,168 That's a fake-ass catchphrase right there.
- 00:13:41,197 --> 00:13:43,365 Yeah, don't forget his incredibly vague back story.
- 00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:44,992 Beth, I'm your father!
- 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,243 Oh, are you, dad? Are you?
- 00:13:46,327 --> 00:13:48,078 Rick, if you want to prove you're real,
- 00:13:48,162 --> 00:13:50,289 just do what any of the rest of us would do and...
- 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,641 And... and open the blast shields
- 00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,375 and let us the hell out of here!
- 00:13:53,459 --> 00:13:56,462 Why don't you make me, implausibly naive pubescent boy
- 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:59,048 with an old Jewish comedy writer's name?
- 00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,382 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
- 00:14:00,466 --> 00:14:02,593 In your face!
- 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,303 Give me the gun.
- 00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:07,431 I'm not doing this in front of Pencilvester.
- 00:14:07,515 --> 00:14:09,225 Bring him to the garage.
- 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:13,521 You listen to me, you son of a bitch parasite scum.
- 00:14:13,604 --> 00:14:16,148 We could either do this the easy way or the hard way.
- 00:14:16,232 --> 00:14:17,459 You know, y-y-y... Do you want to live?
- 00:14:17,483 --> 00:14:18,943 Then open the blast shield doors.
- 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,712 Shut up, Morty, you brainwashed, little turd
- 00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:23,197 that might not even be real because I'm brainwashed, too.
- 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,990 You know, Rick, this isn't easy for us.
- 00:14:25,074 --> 00:14:26,718 You know, w-we all remember you as a friend.
- 00:14:26,742 --> 00:14:28,494 Oh, oh, oh, really?
- 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,430 Well, I remember you as a whiny, little piece of shit, Morty!
- 00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:31,622 - Oh... oh, yeah? - Yeah!
- 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,415 I've got about a thousand memories
- 00:14:33,499 --> 00:14:35,727 of your dumb, little ass and about six of them are pleasant.
- 00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,503 The rest is annoying garbage.
- 00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:39,564 So why don't you do us both a favor and pull the trigger?
- 00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:40,714 Do it! Do it, motherfucker!
- 00:14:40,798 --> 00:14:43,717 Pull the fucking trigger!
- 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,387 Oh, wow.
- 00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,305 Baby Wizard was a parasite?
- 00:14:48,389 --> 00:14:50,182 He set me up with my wife.
- 00:14:50,266 --> 00:14:52,101 What the hell?
- 00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:53,644 I figured it out, Rick!
- 00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,247 The parasites can only create pleasant memories.
- 00:14:55,271 --> 00:14:56,480 I know you're real
- 00:14:56,564 --> 00:14:59,608 because I have a ton of bad memories with you!
- 00:14:59,692 --> 00:15:04,780 ♪ These memories that we have ♪
- 00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:12,413 ♪ These memories that we cherish ♪
- 00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:20,496 ♪ I wish that we can go back to that time ♪
- 00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:24,341 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- 00:15:24,425 --> 00:15:26,594 Holy crap, Morty, you're right.
- 00:15:26,677 --> 00:15:28,738 Is... is... isn't that what you were trying to make me understand by yelling at me?
- 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,348 Well, yeah, duh-doy.
- 00:15:31,432 --> 00:15:34,184 T-took you long enough.
- 00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,271 Now let's go, Morty.
- 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,440 We got a lot of friends and family to exterminate.
- 00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:45,487 Everybody remain calm! This is gonna take some explaining.
- 00:15:45,571 --> 00:15:48,240 We need to kill everyone that we can only remember fondly.
- 00:15:48,324 --> 00:15:50,409 Who's got a bad memory about Mrs. Refrigerator?
- 00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:53,245 I-I-I-I... everyone has bad memories of me.
- 00:15:53,329 --> 00:15:55,164 You remember that one time?
- 00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:02,254 Ooh, man, we couldn't stop screaming.
- 00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:05,674 Uh, roller coasters aren't bad, Mrs. Refrigerator.
- 00:16:05,758 --> 00:16:07,384 They're thrilling.
- 00:16:07,468 --> 00:16:10,804 And you've been a perfect companion to me my entire life.
- 00:16:10,888 --> 00:16:12,264 The jig is up!
- 00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:13,849 Get me out of here.
- 00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,559 Get me out of here!
- 00:16:15,643 --> 00:16:17,269 Aah!
- 00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:18,812 Oh shit!
- 00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:20,689 Everybody back! If you're not a parasite,
- 00:16:20,773 --> 00:16:22,733 you have nothing to fear. So what about Summer?
- 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,611 Why am I always your go-to?
- 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,783 - Never go in my room again. - I didn't!
- 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:31,784 She's real.
- 00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:33,535 She's my bitch of a sister.
- 00:16:34,453 --> 00:16:35,537 Nice.
- 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:37,956 ♪♪
- 00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,626 Mom, are you driving me to...
- 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:42,419 Hmm? Yeah, yeah, yes. What time?
- 00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:43,796 Oh, my god. Are you drunk?
- 00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:45,381 What are you?
- 00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:46,757 My wife coach? - Your what?
- 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,342 - Oh! God! - Oh. Oh, my gosh.
- 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:49,343 - Oh! God! Mom! - Sweetheart, are you okay?
- 00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,594 I didn't mean to...
- 00:16:50,678 --> 00:16:52,846 I'm gonna have a bruise! It's picture day!
- 00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:55,849 It's not... don't overreact. I can clean it up.
- 00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:57,851 I want the police to take me!
- 00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,770 Morty, give a gun to the lady
- 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,939 that got pregnant with me too early
- 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,316 and constantly makes it our problem.
- 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,068 Thank you, sweetie.
- 00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,069 Beth, Beth, please!
- 00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:08,254 I thought it was too good to be true
- 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,531 that we'd have compatible kidneys.
- 00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:26,463 Come on, man.
- 00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:28,024 Haven't we ever had an uncomfortable silence
- 00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,758 or an awkward fart on a road trip?
- 00:17:29,842 --> 00:17:31,760 Come on, Pencilvester. Give me anything.
- 00:17:31,844 --> 00:17:33,095 Rick, I'm Pencilvester.
- 00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,097 Listen to that name. You can't kill me.
- 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,182 You're right.
- 00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,560 Kill Pencilvester.
- 00:17:50,195 --> 00:17:51,905 Summer, I've always loved you!
- 00:17:51,989 --> 00:17:54,032 Yep.
- 00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:10,549 Oh, my god!
- 00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,259 I-I-I thought you went to a concert!
- 00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:15,471 We forgot the tickets! Why in the kitchen?!
- 00:18:15,554 --> 00:18:17,347 I do it everywhere! Stop shaming me!
- 00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,141 You're not the victim here!
- 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,161 I hate you, and I was thinking about your friend Grace!
- 00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:22,186 Aaaaaah!
- 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,777 Ah. Master Rick.
- 00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,779 Remember when you <i>weren't</i> going to shoot me?
- 00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:35,574 I guess <i>I</i> did the Butler! Ha ha!
- 00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:37,493 Does... D-does that scan?
- 00:18:37,576 --> 00:18:38,827 Oh, I-I get it.
- 00:18:38,911 --> 00:18:40,913 It's a play on "The Butler Did It."
- 00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:42,372 Thanks, Ghost In A Jar.
- 00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:45,542 You always were good at pointing out potentially obscure comedy.
- 00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:52,382 You got to hide me, sleepy Gary.
- 00:18:52,466 --> 00:18:53,801 Don't worry. I have a plan.
- 00:18:53,884 --> 00:18:55,552 If we can get to my boat, there's a...
- 00:18:57,805 --> 00:18:58,931 No. No!
- 00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:02,893 Just send me to Gary. I want to be with Gary.
- 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,103 Oh, god.
- 00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,980 Whoa. What the hell?
- 00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:08,440 Look out for that homeless guy!
- 00:19:08,524 --> 00:19:10,734 Open the door! Open the door! Open the door!
- 00:19:10,818 --> 00:19:13,070 There isn't time! Just run!
- 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,738 Get out here and help me!
- 00:19:14,822 --> 00:19:17,491 They say you shouldn't do that! Just run!
- 00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:20,369 Ugh. Sorry, Jerry. You're real.
- 00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:22,579 I'm a parasite!
- 00:19:22,663 --> 00:19:24,748 Yeah, but you're real.
- 00:19:24,832 --> 00:19:28,794 Uh, uh, I need time to forget about sleepy Gary.
- 00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:30,295 Me, too.
- 00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:35,384 From now on, let's all be careful
- 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,845 to wash our hands when we get back from outer space.
- 00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:39,471 That goes for everyone.
- 00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:40,764 This is depressing.
- 00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:42,808 We killed every good person in the house.
- 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,810 <i>We 're</i> what's left? What a family.
- 00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,478 At least we're real, Jerry.
- 00:19:46,562 --> 00:19:48,230 We're real. Ricky ticky tavi!
- 00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:50,816 Ooh, whee! Amen to that.
- 00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:53,527 Now, this little Poopypants is hungry.
- 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,529 Will somebody pass me a pork chop?
- 00:19:58,657 --> 00:19:59,783 Huh.
- 00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:01,743 I-is... is something wrong, Beth?
- 00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:02,953 Ow!
- 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,246 Oh, my god!
- 00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,455 No, Beth! Oh fuck!
- 00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:07,332 Wait, but I...
- 00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:08,643 - Oh, Beth! Why?! - I need an ambulance!
- 00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:10,252 There's been a shooting. My wife shot...
- 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:13,088 Uh, my... my wife shot a long-time family friend.
- 00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:14,172 Why?
- 00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:15,942 Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, Mr. Poopybutthole.
- 00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:17,551 - I-I thought... - Keep breathing!
- 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,303 - Oh, god. What's happening? - Look at me!
- 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:20,905 Look at me! Don't... don't fall asleep!
- 00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,890 Is... is this what bleeding to death is?
- 00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:24,725 Oh, whee. Is this how I die?
- 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:25,893 Oh, geez! Oh, my god!
- 00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:27,561 Why would you do this? Beth.
- 00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,438 It's not supposed to hurt.
- 00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:30,314 - I-I thought...
- 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,399 Ooh, whee.
- 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:36,653 ♪♪
- 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:12,064 Oh, he... he's looking a lot better.
- 00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,941 Listen, Beth, don't torture yourself.
- 00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,901 I made a similar mistake years ago,
- 00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:18,362 but, you know, on a planetary scale.
- 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:19,905 Is, um, is he mad at me?
- 00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:21,782 He's not pressing charges.
- 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:24,368 I mean, that's got to be the "You shot me" equivalent
- 00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,662 of not being mad.
- 00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,455 Can he have visitors?
- 00:21:28,538 --> 00:21:30,791 He'd like to be alone.
- 00:21:30,874 --> 00:21:33,835 He told me to tell you he's sorry
- 00:21:33,919 --> 00:21:35,879 you didn't have bad memories of him?
- 00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:40,759 If you love him, you should leave.
- 00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:47,557 And that's the wa-a-a-a-y the news goes.
- 00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:50,352 Did you get any of that?
- 00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:52,562 It's-a good show-a.
- 00:00:04,506 --> 00:00:06,257 Steve, I just got a weird e-mail.
- 00:00:06,341 --> 00:00:07,926 Did you buy us airline tickets?
- 00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:09,886 Aw, shoot. It was supposed to be a surprise.
- 00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,346 I wanted to thank you
- 00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:12,823 for letting me live here all this time,
- 00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:14,599 so I'm treating the family to a vacation!
- 00:00:14,683 --> 00:00:15,892 Steve, you're so sweet.
- 00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:17,852 - Thanks, Uncle Steve! - Best Uncle ever.
- 00:00:17,936 --> 00:00:19,312 Look out, world.
- 00:00:19,396 --> 00:00:20,814 The Smith family is going to Paris!
- 00:00:20,897 --> 00:00:22,482 SUMMER: Yeah! Awesome!
- 00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:24,585 Rick, I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash!
- 00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:26,236 Well, I don't like
- 00:00:26,319 --> 00:00:28,738 your unemployed genes in my grandchildren, Jerry,
- 00:00:28,822 --> 00:00:30,907 but life is made of little concessions.
- 00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,367 I... You know what?
- 00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:33,868 You're gonna land on your feet, Jer.
- 00:00:33,952 --> 00:00:35,846 Some company out there's gonna thank their lucky stars
- 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:37,664 they hired my little brother.
- 00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:38,665 Who the fuck are you?
- 00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,250 My goofy brother, Steve.
- 00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:42,460 [Chuckles] He's been living here almost a year now.
- 00:00:42,544 --> 00:00:43,712 Are you losing your mind?
- 00:00:43,795 --> 00:00:45,380 Hey, someone's been spending
- 00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,257 too much time around glowing rocks.
- 00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:48,401 - Am I right? - [laughter]
- 00:00:48,425 --> 00:00:49,426 [Screaming]
- 00:00:49,759 --> 00:00:50,677 - Oh, my god! - Call an ambulance!
- 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:51,678 JERRY: Oh, god! Steve!
- 00:00:51,761 --> 00:00:52,863 What the hell, Rick?! What the hell?!
- 00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,156 Will everybody just relax for a second?
- 00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:56,641 There's no such thing as an "Uncle Steve."
- 00:00:56,725 --> 00:00:58,893 - That is an alien parasite. [screeches]
- 00:00:58,977 --> 00:01:00,186 [Both gasp]
- 00:01:00,270 --> 00:01:01,855 But I've known him my whole life.
- 00:01:01,938 --> 00:01:03,273 No, you haven't, Jerry.
- 00:01:03,356 --> 00:01:04,733 These telepathic little bastards,
- 00:01:04,816 --> 00:01:06,443 they embed themselves in memories,
- 00:01:06,526 --> 00:01:08,006 and th-then they use those to multiply
- 00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,821 and spread out, take over planets.
- 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:11,114 It's... It's disgusting.
- 00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:12,282 Steve wasn't real?
- 00:01:12,365 --> 00:01:13,575 He's a real piece of shit.
- 00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:15,160 This is a big one. Somebody probably
- 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,846 tracked it in last week on the bottom of their shoe
- 00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:18,329 on a piece of alien fruit.
- 00:01:18,413 --> 00:01:19,974 - Someone? - Get off the high road, Summer.
- 00:01:19,998 --> 00:01:21,207 We all got pink eye
- 00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:23,051 because you won't stop texting on the toilet.
- 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,044 But Uncle Steve taught me how to ride a bike!
- 00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,130 No, "Steve" put that memory in your brain
- 00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:29,400 so he could live in your house, eat your food, and multiply.
- 00:01:29,424 --> 00:01:31,050 We could be infested with these things.
- 00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:32,719 [Belches] So we got to keep an eye out
- 00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:34,637 for any zany, wacky characters that pop up.
- 00:01:34,721 --> 00:01:36,181 Ooh, whee!
- 00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:37,742 Whatever you want, Rick! We're here to help!
- 00:01:37,766 --> 00:01:39,309 Thanks, Mr. Poopybutthole.
- 00:01:39,392 --> 00:01:42,061 I always could count on you.
- 00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:45,690 ♪♪
- 00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:14,969 ♪♪
- 00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,765 All right. There's six of us, and that's it.
- 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:21,643 Me, Morty, Jerry, Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole, and Summer.
- 00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:24,229 Maybe you got the first one in time, Rick!
- 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,272 - Can't afford to chance it. - [beep]
- 00:02:31,486 --> 00:02:34,155 Dad, why does our house have blast shields?
- 00:02:34,239 --> 00:02:35,591 Trust me, Beth, you don't want to know
- 00:02:35,615 --> 00:02:36,884 how many answers that question has.
- 00:02:36,908 --> 00:02:38,785 Ooh, gosh, it feels claustrophobic!
- 00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:40,286 Reminds me of that time
- 00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:42,455 we all got stuck in the elevator together.
- 00:02:42,539 --> 00:02:46,417 Y... remember that? After "The Hulk" musical?
- 00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:50,213 [Grunting] [<i>Muzak playing</i>]
- 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,507 Jerry, buttons don't work better if you hit them harder,
- 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,300 And foam fists don't make you strong.
- 00:02:54,384 --> 00:02:56,344 I know. Friends make you strong.
- 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,513 I watched the same musical you did.
- 00:02:58,596 --> 00:03:00,473 Why couldn't I bring my portal gun?
- 00:03:00,557 --> 00:03:01,891 [Winces]
- 00:03:01,975 --> 00:03:03,577 Why did all the drinks have to be extra large?
- 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,228 Oh, the Hulk. I just got that.
- 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:07,814 Just pee your pants. I did it the minute we got stuck.
- 00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:09,691 Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, shame me.
- 00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:12,402 At least when I'm disgusting, it's on purpose.
- 00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:14,362 Oh, y'all, we're gonna be fine.
- 00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:17,532 I've always been here for you guys, and I always will be.
- 00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:20,869 [Chuckles] Somebody call for repairs?
- 00:03:20,952 --> 00:03:22,370 ALL: Yay! Cousin Nicky!
- 00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:23,663 It's me, cousin Nicky.
- 00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,582 I'm walkin' here! I mean, I'm not.
- 00:03:25,665 --> 00:03:27,542 I'm crouched in the elevator shaft,
- 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:30,253 but hey, I'm walkin' here!
- 00:03:30,336 --> 00:03:31,588 [laughter]
- 00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:33,256 It's true.
- 00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:35,550 We really do get into some crazy situations as a family,
- 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:37,760 mostly when we're cooped up like this.
- 00:03:37,844 --> 00:03:39,846 Hey, maybe Mr. Poopypants is right.
- 00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,389 L-let's get some fresh air.
- 00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:42,783 Come on, cousin Nicky. You heard Rick.
- 00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:44,350 We have to stay quarantined
- 00:03:44,434 --> 00:03:46,036 until we know that there's no more of these things.
- 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,478 I hear you, Morty.
- 00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:49,272 Back in Brooklyn, we got a sayin'...
- 00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:51,274 "We're walkin' here!" [laughter]
- 00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:52,567 Nicky, get...
- 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:53,776 Oh! [gasps]
- 00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:55,570 [Groaning] What the...?
- 00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:57,572 Cousin Nicky was a parasite?!
- 00:03:57,655 --> 00:03:59,490 Six, Morty! There's supposed to be six of us!
- 00:03:59,574 --> 00:04:01,743 If there's seven, then that means somebody's not real.
- 00:04:01,826 --> 00:04:03,369 But how did you know it was Nicky?
- 00:04:03,453 --> 00:04:05,014 I guessed. That's why I aimed for his shoulder.
- 00:04:05,038 --> 00:04:06,873 So we can't trust any of our memories now?
- 00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:09,083 Nicky was the reason we found that old Nazi submarine.
- 00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:10,501 Did that not even happen?
- 00:04:10,585 --> 00:04:12,629 Well, of course it happened.
- 00:04:12,712 --> 00:04:16,299 Now that I possess the mighty staff of Rah-gubaba,
- 00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:18,593 the world will tremble before the Fourth Reich!
- 00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:19,886 This is the last time
- 00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:22,138 I ask <i>you</i> for help on my history final, Rick.
- 00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:25,558 Hey, we got a word for Nazis back in Brooklyn, pal.
- 00:04:25,642 --> 00:04:27,310 I'm comfortable being called a Nazi.
- 00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:30,563 You think there's some other word that will hurt my feelings?
- 00:04:30,647 --> 00:04:32,941 Yeah. Think before you talk shit.
- 00:04:33,024 --> 00:04:36,027 Rah-gubaba, help me kill America!
- 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:38,112 ALL: Mr. Beauregard!
- 00:04:38,196 --> 00:04:42,784 After due consideration, I have elected not to retire.
- 00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:44,619 - ALL: Yeah! - Oh, thank god!
- 00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:47,914 Now, I believe someone has a final exam to attend.
- 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,333 Set a course for Morty's high school.
- 00:04:50,416 --> 00:04:52,794 Perhaps I'm biased, but if that story never happened,
- 00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:55,630 then I wouldn't still be the family butler.
- 00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:56,923 [Chuckles] Dare to dream.
- 00:04:57,006 --> 00:04:58,007 Wait.
- 00:04:58,424 --> 00:05:00,343 And if Mr. Beauregard wasn't our butler,
- 00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:03,805 it's safe to say the family'd be in a <i>hell</i> of a lot of trouble.
- 00:05:03,888 --> 00:05:05,765 [laughter] No! Don't flashback!
- 00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,284 You're just gonna make more swelling.
- 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:08,535 - Don't worry, Jerry. - Just relax.
- 00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:09,703 We called the fire department.
- 00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,646 You know they won't come here anymore.
- 00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:12,730 [Grunting]
- 00:05:13,398 --> 00:05:15,108 [All gasp]
- 00:05:15,191 --> 00:05:16,818 Marmalade is served.
- 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,528 - Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah!
- 00:05:18,611 --> 00:05:19,946 [Jerry laughs] Oh, whee!
- 00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:22,824 I guess I take back what I said about British cuisine.
- 00:05:22,907 --> 00:05:23,992 [laughter]
- 00:05:24,075 --> 00:05:25,177 [laughter] Take that, Summer!
- 00:05:25,201 --> 00:05:26,786 We're trying to sleep.
- 00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:28,663 I don't want to go to the dance alone.
- 00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:32,583 MR. BEAUREGARD: Then perhaps you shouldn't.
- 00:05:32,667 --> 00:05:34,585 Aww. Mr. Beauregard.
- 00:05:34,669 --> 00:05:37,755 - Shall we, master Morty? - We shall.
- 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:39,799 Oh, wait, don't leave without letting
- 00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:41,676 Photography Raptor take a picture.
- 00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,761 [Raptor screeches] [camera shutter clicks]
- 00:05:43,845 --> 00:05:44,971 [laughter]
- 00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:47,098 Everybody stop remembering!
- 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,850 These parasites are like bed bugs,
- 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,977 and every flashback is another mattress. Look!
- 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:53,604 There's only supposed to be six people in this house.
- 00:05:53,688 --> 00:05:54,856 But there's always been 10.
- 00:05:54,939 --> 00:05:55,940 No!
- 00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:57,751 Uh, the fact that I wrote this number down
- 00:05:57,775 --> 00:05:58,919 means that there's four parasites.
- 00:05:58,943 --> 00:06:00,111 You sure about that, Rick?
- 00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,863 Begging your pardon, master Rick,
- 00:06:01,946 --> 00:06:03,948 but I seem to recall a great deal of confusion
- 00:06:04,032 --> 00:06:05,116 surrounding that number.
- 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,576 All right, there's six of us.
- 00:06:06,659 --> 00:06:07,827 [Belches] And that's it.
- 00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:10,538 Me, Morty, Jerry, Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole,
- 00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:12,832 Frankenstein, Sleepy Gary, Photography Raptor,
- 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,208 Mr. Beauregard, and Summer.
- 00:06:14,292 --> 00:06:16,085 Uh, dad, that's like 10 people.
- 00:06:16,169 --> 00:06:18,046 6, 10, what's the difference?
- 00:06:18,129 --> 00:06:20,631 I just love the number 6 for no reason!
- 00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:21,883 Where's my pencil at?
- 00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:23,259 Here, Rick! Use me!
- 00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:25,053 Oh, thanks, Pencilvester!
- 00:06:25,136 --> 00:06:27,180 Yeah, I-I g... I guess that is what happened,
- 00:06:27,263 --> 00:06:29,140 but I-I don't get why I would do that.
- 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:30,892 Everybody makes mistakes, Rick.
- 00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:32,894 Why do you think I have one of these?
- 00:06:32,977 --> 00:06:34,937 [laughter, camera shutter clicks]
- 00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:36,314 That's it. Photos.
- 00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:37,940 Hard evidence.
- 00:06:38,024 --> 00:06:40,735 You're not in any of my photos, Mr. Poopybutthole.
- 00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:42,570 Well, what do you know about this?
- 00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:45,031 You're not in any of mine.
- 00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:49,160 All I have are pictures of me and my friends from school.
- 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,788 What? What teenage girl has pictures of her family?
- 00:06:51,871 --> 00:06:53,706 It's not like we're Mormon or dying.
- 00:06:53,790 --> 00:06:56,834 I will admit it's suspicious that Summer's only friend
- 00:06:56,918 --> 00:06:59,712 is a magic ballerina lamb that we've never seen.
- 00:06:59,796 --> 00:07:00,797 Summer!
- 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,256 Tinkles!
- 00:07:03,007 --> 00:07:05,051 It's past my bedtime. [giggles]
- 00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,136 Not in Never Past Bedtime Land!
- 00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:09,055 Here we go!
- 00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:10,640 ♪ Summer and Tinkles ♪
- 00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,141 ♪ Friends with each other ♪
- 00:07:12,225 --> 00:07:15,228 ♪ Living in Never Past Bedtime Land ♪
- 00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:17,146 ♪ No kitchen sinkles ♪
- 00:07:17,230 --> 00:07:18,940 ♪ No little brother ♪
- 00:07:19,023 --> 00:07:21,943 ♪ Going to raves and waving our hands ♪
- 00:07:22,026 --> 00:07:23,837 [Rapping] ♪ Summer and Tinkle, friends to the end ♪
- 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,506 ♪ Group text the whole crew, my motherfuckin' friends! ♪
- 00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:27,323 ♪ Ketchup to the salt, salt to the fry ♪
- 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,884 ♪ "T" to the "inkle" with a capital "I" ♪
- 00:07:28,908 --> 00:07:30,701 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
- 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,890 - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! - Summer, we're trying to sleep.
- 00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:36,415 It was Tinkles!
- 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:37,500 Tinkles?
- 00:07:37,917 --> 00:07:39,269 That is su... [belches]... Suspicious.
- 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,253 We're always hearing about this Tinkles character,
- 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,922 - But we never get to... - Hi, everybody.
- 00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:45,091 I'm Tinkles, and these are my friends.
- 00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:46,259 [All sigh]
- 00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:47,927 See, everyone? Tinkles is real.
- 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:49,262 That means so am I.
- 00:07:49,345 --> 00:07:51,472 - Sorry, Summer. - Man, I'm sorry, Summer.
- 00:07:51,556 --> 00:07:54,183 I was on the wrong side of the pitchfork on this one.
- 00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:56,978 Okay, look, we shouldn't need evidence or logic
- 00:07:57,061 --> 00:07:59,063 to know who's family and who isn't.
- 00:07:59,147 --> 00:08:00,857 I know who the Smiths are.
- 00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,942 I've known Beth since High School.
- 00:08:03,025 --> 00:08:04,819 And her husband, sleepy Gary,
- 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:07,029 is hands down my absolute best friend.
- 00:08:07,113 --> 00:08:08,239 Thanks, Jerry.
- 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,116 Beyond that, no offense to any of you,
- 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:11,534 but all bets are off.
- 00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:14,078 Look, I'm not used to being this unsure for this long.
- 00:08:14,162 --> 00:08:15,597 I'm just gonna aim for shoulders starting with the weird girl.
- 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:16,622 Aah!
- 00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:19,000 - Grandpa Rick! - Hold still, "Summer."
- 00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:21,252 Rick, that is my daughter.
- 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,880 Oh, yeah? Well, what if you just think that, sleepy Gary?
- 00:08:23,963 --> 00:08:26,174 I've known you for 15 years. Don't make me hurt you.
- 00:08:26,257 --> 00:08:28,509 Rick, these are our family and friends,
- 00:08:28,593 --> 00:08:30,344 the people we barbecue with.
- 00:08:30,428 --> 00:08:32,346 Have you forgotten the barbecue?
- 00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:33,848 Wait, why would you want me to...
- 00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:35,171 You're one of them, aren't you?
- 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:38,144 Rick. You love those barbecues, Rick.
- 00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,478 You <i>lo ve</i> them. Hai!
- 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:40,938 Remember it, Rick?
- 00:08:41,022 --> 00:08:43,274 Shut up, Hamurai! Shut up, Amish Cyborg!
- 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,067 What is this? '90s Conan?
- 00:08:45,151 --> 00:08:47,028 ALL: Remember the barbecue.
- 00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:48,321 Remember the barbecue.
- 00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:50,114 Remember the barbecue.
- 00:08:50,198 --> 00:08:52,283 [Chatter] You know what, Pencilvester?
- 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,368 It took me my whole life to realize it,
- 00:08:54,452 --> 00:08:56,037 but I love barbecuing.
- 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,872 - You're good at it, Rick. - Watch me, baby.
- 00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,916 I'm like Tom Cruise from, um, "Cuisine"
- 00:08:59,999 --> 00:09:02,585 or w-whatever that movie's called where he makes drinks.
- 00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,045 Yeah, check me out.
- 00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:05,630 I'm like Tom Cruise from "Cuisine."
- 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,048 [chuckles] Yeah.
- 00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:08,549 Is that what it's called? "Cuisine"?
- 00:09:08,633 --> 00:09:10,092 Wow! Hey, everybody.
- 00:09:10,176 --> 00:09:12,345 Let's give it up for the grillmaster Rick!
- 00:09:12,428 --> 00:09:13,596 Rick! Rick! Rick!
- 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,682 [All chanting "Rick"]
- 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,601 Wait.
- 00:09:19,143 --> 00:09:21,145 [Breathing heavily]
- 00:09:21,771 --> 00:09:22,772 Noooooo!
- 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:24,357 Shoot. Now look.
- 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,667 It's like a "Where's Waldo?" page.
- 00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:26,984 Can you find me?
- 00:09:27,068 --> 00:09:28,378 Check out all these zany characters.
- 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:30,279 We'll be right back after these messages.
- 00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:34,158 I think you should put down the gun
- 00:09:34,242 --> 00:09:35,701 and we should get you to a doctor.
- 00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:37,638 What do you say we take down these blast shields?
- 00:09:37,662 --> 00:09:39,181 - ALL: yeah. - I can't do that, sleepy Gary.
- 00:09:39,205 --> 00:09:40,623 All right, everybody listen to me.
- 00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:42,184 I don't know if any of you guys are real,
- 00:09:42,208 --> 00:09:44,186 but this house has been infested with fake loved ones
- 00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:45,753 that spread through fake memories,
- 00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:47,648 and our planet will be destroyed if they get out.
- 00:09:47,672 --> 00:09:48,798 [Grunts]
- 00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:50,716 But, Rick, even you have to admit
- 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,052 you do tend to overreact to stuff.
- 00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,512 You guys, we got to hurry.
- 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,055 I just got back from Walmart.
- 00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,766 They're selling Nintendo 3DS systems for $149.99 on sale,
- 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:01,143 plus every time you buy one, you get a $50 gift card.
- 00:10:01,227 --> 00:10:03,521 Brings the total price down to $110 after tax.
- 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,690 Now, listen, we can flip those sons of bitches
- 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,066 for 230 bucks apiece easy!
- 00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,068 They're all limited-edition "Zelda" ones.
- 00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,736 Hurry! Hurry! Come with me!
- 00:10:10,820 --> 00:10:12,822 We can be rich, and we also all get to keep one
- 00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:14,615 and we can play Nintendo games!
- 00:10:14,699 --> 00:10:16,784 Nintendo, give me free stuff.
- 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:19,078 Okay, yes, I definitely remember doing that,
- 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:20,955 but also, I would never do that.
- 00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:22,581 Don't overreact, Rick.
- 00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,667 Sleepy Gary, a word? Sure, Jerry.
- 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,252 Rick, keep a level head, okay?
- 00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:29,005 'Cause I'll tell you a secret about Frankenstein...
- 00:10:29,088 --> 00:10:33,217 He's actually Frankenstein's monster.
- 00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:37,847 Sleepy Gary, m-my head is filled
- 00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:39,223 with memories of our friendship.
- 00:10:39,307 --> 00:10:40,826 I'm convinced that you're Beth's husband
- 00:10:40,850 --> 00:10:42,101 and I'm your friend,
- 00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:44,270 but if those memories can't be trusted, then...
- 00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:45,730 Jerry, just say it.
- 00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:48,983 Sleepy Gary, how do we know <i>I'm</i> real?
- 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,985 Jesus, Jerry.
- 00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,486 No, you're real.
- 00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:53,863 Hey, look at me.
- 00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:55,590 Now, I don't know which way is up out there,
- 00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:58,159 but I know us, and you're real, Jerry.
- 00:10:58,242 --> 00:10:59,869 Remember our vacation?
- 00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:05,249 They're filming that new "Star Wars" movie down the coast.
- 00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:06,417 Should we check it out?
- 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,502 Sure. Why not?
- 00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:19,055 Maybe we'll see Chewbacca.
- 00:11:19,138 --> 00:11:21,265 I'd like that.
- 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:25,394 [Moaning]
- 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,191 What are we doing?
- 00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:37,740 I don't give a damn what else happens out there.
- 00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:40,409 You and I are going to survive this.
- 00:11:40,493 --> 00:11:41,494 Okay.
- 00:11:42,078 --> 00:11:43,454 Hey, we agreed.
- 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,206 Never in the house.
- 00:11:47,333 --> 00:11:48,560 That's a cool watch there, Rick.
- 00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:49,627 Can I check it out?
- 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,253 Uh, no thank... [grunts]
- 00:11:51,337 --> 00:11:52,254 Okay.
- 00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:53,338 Trying to figure out
- 00:11:53,381 --> 00:11:54,483 how to lower the blast shields, huh?
- 00:11:54,507 --> 00:11:56,384 Anybody here think it's suspicious
- 00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:58,844 that a lot of people in here can't wait to get <i>out</i> of here?
- 00:11:58,928 --> 00:12:02,348 Ah, you're paranoid, Rick. You've been paranoid since 'Nam.
- 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:03,933 So, what are you gonna do
- 00:12:04,016 --> 00:12:05,410 when you rotate back to the world, Frankenstein?
- 00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:08,104 Shi-i-i-i-t. I'mma bust a...
- 00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:11,148 [grunts] No! Get out of my head, parasite!
- 00:12:11,232 --> 00:12:12,066 - No! - Drop it.
- 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,293 Give me the gun, Frankenstein!
- 00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:15,569 [Indistinct shouting]
- 00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:17,321 Give it back!
- 00:12:17,405 --> 00:12:19,281 Yeah! [applause]
- 00:12:19,365 --> 00:12:20,366 Frankenstein!
- 00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:22,998 [Breathing heavily] Is anyone here even real?
- 00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:24,578 Am I the only real person on Earth?!
- 00:12:24,662 --> 00:12:25,704 REVERSE GIRAFFE: Maybe.
- 00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:28,541 Or maybe, just maybe, we're all real.
- 00:12:28,624 --> 00:12:29,851 You know me. I'm Reverse Giraffe.
- 00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:31,544 I have a short neck and legs.
- 00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:33,087 I went to college with Hamurai. Hai!
- 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,256 I saved Ghost In A Jar's life in Vietnam.
- 00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:37,258 Boo rah! And, Beth, how many times
- 00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,343 have I been a shoulder for you to cry on?
- 00:12:39,427 --> 00:12:41,220 [Sighs] Too many.
- 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,139 Okay, so maybe we're just all fake.
- 00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:44,723 That don't make no sense!
- 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:47,518 Or maybe there's only one deceiver here...
- 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:48,787 The person that keeps telling us
- 00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:51,439 the path to salvation is being held prisoner
- 00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:52,773 and mistrusting each other.
- 00:12:52,857 --> 00:12:53,983 Hey, don't blame me!
- 00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,419 I tried to shoot Summer 10 minutes ago!
- 00:12:55,443 --> 00:12:57,778 I know we all have beloved memories of Rick,
- 00:12:57,862 --> 00:12:59,738 but are we really supposed to believe
- 00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:02,491 that a mad scientist inventor with a flying car
- 00:13:02,575 --> 00:13:06,036 just showed up on our doorstep after being gone for years?
- 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,538 Yeah, you know, he does have
- 00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,040 a lot of really weird, made-up sounding catchphrases.
- 00:13:10,124 --> 00:13:11,542 Wubba lubba dub dub!
- 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,836 Ricky ticky tavi, beyotch!
- 00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:16,964 And that's the wa-a-a-a-y the news goes.
- 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,174 Hit the sack, Jack.
- 00:13:18,257 --> 00:13:20,009 Uh-oh! Somersault jump.
- 00:13:20,092 --> 00:13:21,093 AIDS!
- 00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:25,139 And that's why I always say shum shum shlippedy dop!
- 00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:28,225 Grassss tastes bad-ah.
- 00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:30,352 No jumpin' in the sewer.
- 00:13:30,436 --> 00:13:31,562 Burger time!
- 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,439 Rubber baby baby bunkers!
- 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,441 Lick, lick, lick my balls!
- 00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:36,859 [laughs] Yeah!
- 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,152 Say that all the time.
- 00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:39,445 [All muttering]
- 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:41,168 That's a fake-ass catchphrase right there.
- 00:13:41,197 --> 00:13:43,365 Yeah, don't forget his incredibly vague back story.
- 00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:44,992 Beth, I'm your father!
- 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,243 Oh, are you, dad? Are you?
- 00:13:46,327 --> 00:13:48,078 Rick, if you want to prove you're real,
- 00:13:48,162 --> 00:13:50,289 just do what any of the rest of us would do and...
- 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,641 And... and open the blast shields
- 00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,375 and let us the hell out of here!
- 00:13:53,459 --> 00:13:56,462 Why don't you make me, implausibly naive pubescent boy
- 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:59,048 with an old Jewish comedy writer's name?
- 00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,382 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
- 00:14:00,466 --> 00:14:02,593 WOMAN: In your face!
- 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,303 Give me the gun.
- 00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:07,431 I'm not doing this in front of Pencilvester.
- 00:14:07,515 --> 00:14:09,225 Bring him to the garage.
- 00:14:09,308 --> 00:14:10,601 [All cheering]
- 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:13,521 You listen to me, you son of a bitch parasite scum.
- 00:14:13,604 --> 00:14:16,148 We could either do this the easy way or the hard way.
- 00:14:16,232 --> 00:14:17,459 You know, y-y-y... Do you want to live?
- 00:14:17,483 --> 00:14:18,943 Then open the blast shield doors.
- 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,712 Shut up, Morty, you brainwashed, little turd
- 00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:23,197 that might not even be real because I'm brainwashed, too.
- 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,990 You know, Rick, this isn't easy for us.
- 00:14:25,074 --> 00:14:26,718 You know, w-we all remember you as a friend.
- 00:14:26,742 --> 00:14:28,494 Oh, oh, oh, really?
- 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,430 Well, I remember you as a whiny, little piece of shit, Morty!
- 00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:31,622 - Oh... oh, yeah? - Yeah!
- 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,415 I've got about a thousand memories
- 00:14:33,499 --> 00:14:35,727 of your dumb, little ass and about six of them are pleasant.
- 00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,503 The rest is annoying garbage.
- 00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:39,564 So why don't you do us both a favor and pull the trigger?
- 00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:40,714 Do it! Do it, motherfucker!
- 00:14:40,798 --> 00:14:43,717 Pull the fucking trigger!
- 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,387 - [Screeches] - Oh, wow.
- 00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,305 Baby Wizard was a parasite?
- 00:14:48,389 --> 00:14:50,182 He set me up with my wife.
- 00:14:50,266 --> 00:14:52,101 [Screeches] - What the hell?
- 00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:53,644 I figured it out, Rick!
- 00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,247 The parasites can only create pleasant memories.
- 00:14:55,271 --> 00:14:56,480 I know you're real
- 00:14:56,564 --> 00:14:59,608 because I have a ton of bad memories with you!
- 00:14:59,692 --> 00:15:04,780 ♪ These memories that we have ♪
- 00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:12,413 ♪ These memories that we cherish ♪
- 00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:20,496 ♪ I wish that we can go back to that time ♪
- 00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:24,341 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- 00:15:24,425 --> 00:15:26,594 Holy crap, Morty, you're right.
- 00:15:26,677 --> 00:15:28,738 Is... is... isn't that what you were trying to make me understand by yelling at me?
- 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,348 Well, yeah, duh-doy.
- 00:15:31,432 --> 00:15:34,184 T-took you long enough.
- 00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:35,269 [Whirring]
- 00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,271 RICK: Now let's go, Morty.
- 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,440 We got a lot of friends and family to exterminate.
- 00:15:39,523 --> 00:15:41,317 - [Grunts] - [screaming]
- 00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:45,487 Everybody remain calm! This is gonna take some explaining.
- 00:15:45,571 --> 00:15:48,240 We need to kill everyone that we can only remember fondly.
- 00:15:48,324 --> 00:15:50,409 Who's got a bad memory about Mrs. Refrigerator?
- 00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:53,245 I-I-I-I... everyone has bad memories of me.
- 00:15:53,329 --> 00:15:55,164 You remember that one time?
- 00:15:55,247 --> 00:15:56,248 [Screaming]
- 00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:02,254 Ooh, man, we couldn't stop screaming.
- 00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:05,674 Uh, roller coasters aren't bad, Mrs. Refrigerator.
- 00:16:05,758 --> 00:16:07,384 They're thrilling.
- 00:16:07,468 --> 00:16:10,804 And you've been a perfect companion to me my entire life.
- 00:16:10,888 --> 00:16:12,264 The jig is up!
- 00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:13,849 [Whimpering] Get me out of here.
- 00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,559 Get me out of here!
- 00:16:15,643 --> 00:16:17,269 Aah! [screeching]
- 00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:18,812 - [All gasping] - Oh shit!
- 00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:20,689 Everybody back! If you're not a parasite,
- 00:16:20,773 --> 00:16:22,733 you have nothing to fear. So what about Summer?
- 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,611 Why am I always your go-to?
- 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,322 [Grunts] [whimpers]
- 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,783 - Never go in my room again. - I didn't!
- 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:31,784 She's real.
- 00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:33,535 She's my bitch of a sister.
- 00:16:34,453 --> 00:16:35,537 Nice.
- 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:37,956 ♪♪
- 00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,626 Mom, are you driving me to...
- 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:42,419 Hmm? Yeah, yeah, yes. What time?
- 00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:43,796 Oh, my god. Are you drunk?
- 00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:45,381 [Belches] What are you?
- 00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:46,757 My wife coach? - Your what?
- 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,342 - Oh! God! - Oh. Oh, my gosh.
- 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:49,343 - Oh! God! Mom! - Sweetheart, are you okay?
- 00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,594 I didn't mean to...
- 00:16:50,678 --> 00:16:52,846 I'm gonna have a bruise! It's picture day!
- 00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:55,849 It's not... don't overreact. I can clean it up.
- 00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:57,851 [Sobs] I want the police to take me!
- 00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,770 Morty, give a gun to the lady
- 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,939 that got pregnant with me too early
- 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,316 and constantly makes it our problem.
- 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,068 Thank you, sweetie.
- 00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,069 Beth, Beth, please!
- 00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:08,254 I thought it was too good to be true
- 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,531 that we'd have compatible kidneys.
- 00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:11,615 [Screeches]
- 00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,076 [Guns cock]
- 00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,120 [Screaming]
- 00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:19,873 [Blasting]
- 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,001 [Screeching]
- 00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:26,463 Come on, man.
- 00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:28,024 Haven't we ever had an uncomfortable silence
- 00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,758 or an awkward fart on a road trip?
- 00:17:29,842 --> 00:17:31,760 Come on, Pencilvester. Give me anything.
- 00:17:31,844 --> 00:17:33,095 Rick, I'm Pencilvester.
- 00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,097 Listen to that name. You can't kill me.
- 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,182 You're right.
- 00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,560 Kill Pencilvester.
- 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,479 [Screeches]
- 00:17:43,439 --> 00:17:44,440 [Screeches]
- 00:17:45,733 --> 00:17:46,734 [Screeching]
- 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,111 [Tinkle!]
- 00:17:50,195 --> 00:17:51,905 Summer, I've always loved you!
- 00:17:51,989 --> 00:17:54,032 Yep. [screeches]
- 00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:55,492 [All gasp]
- 00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:59,830 [Screeching]
- 00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:06,295 [Shouts]
- 00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:10,549 Oh, my god!
- 00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,259 I-I-I thought you went to a concert!
- 00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:15,471 We forgot the tickets! Why in the kitchen?!
- 00:18:15,554 --> 00:18:17,347 I do it everywhere! Stop shaming me!
- 00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,141 You're not the victim here!
- 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,161 I hate you, and I was thinking about your friend Grace!
- 00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:22,186 Aaaaaah!
- 00:18:23,562 --> 00:18:26,106 [Screeching]
- 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,777 Ah. Master Rick.
- 00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,779 Remember when you <i>weren't</i> going to shoot me?
- 00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:32,863 [Screeches]
- 00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:35,574 I guess <i>I</i> did the Butler! Ha ha!
- 00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:37,493 Does... D-does that scan?
- 00:18:37,576 --> 00:18:38,827 Oh, I-I get it.
- 00:18:38,911 --> 00:18:40,913 It's a play on "The Butler Did It."
- 00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:42,372 Thanks, Ghost In A Jar.
- 00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:45,542 You always were good at pointing out potentially obscure comedy.
- 00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:47,586 [Screeches]
- 00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:49,922 [Screeches]
- 00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:52,382 You got to hide me, sleepy Gary.
- 00:18:52,466 --> 00:18:53,801 Don't worry. I have a plan.
- 00:18:53,884 --> 00:18:55,552 If we can get to my boat, there's a...
- 00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:56,637 [screeches]
- 00:18:57,805 --> 00:18:58,931 No. No!
- 00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:02,893 Just send me to Gary. I want to be with Gary.
- 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,103 Oh, god. [whimpering]
- 00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,980 Whoa. What the hell?
- 00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:08,440 Look out for that homeless guy!
- 00:19:08,524 --> 00:19:10,734 Open the door! Open the door! Open the door!
- 00:19:10,818 --> 00:19:13,070 There isn't time! Just run!
- 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,738 [Grunts] Get out here and help me!
- 00:19:14,822 --> 00:19:17,491 They say you shouldn't do that! Just run!
- 00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:20,369 Ugh. Sorry, Jerry. You're real.
- 00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:22,579 [Crying] I'm a parasite!
- 00:19:22,663 --> 00:19:24,748 Yeah, but you're real.
- 00:19:24,832 --> 00:19:28,794 Uh, uh, I need time to forget about sleepy Gary.
- 00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:30,295 Me, too.
- 00:19:31,922 --> 00:19:32,923 [Whirring]
- 00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:35,384 RICK: From now on, let's all be careful
- 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,845 to wash our hands when we get back from outer space.
- 00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:39,471 That goes for everyone.
- 00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:40,764 This is depressing.
- 00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:42,808 We killed every good person in the house.
- 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,810 <i>We 're</i> what's left? What a family.
- 00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,478 At least we're real, Jerry.
- 00:19:46,562 --> 00:19:48,230 We're real. Ricky ticky tavi!
- 00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:50,816 Ooh, whee! Amen to that.
- 00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:53,527 Now, this little Poopypants is hungry.
- 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,529 Will somebody pass me a pork chop?
- 00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:56,613 [Chomping]
- 00:19:58,657 --> 00:19:59,783 Huh.
- 00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:01,743 I-is... is something wrong, Beth?
- 00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:02,953 Ow!
- 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,246 [Screams] Oh, my god!
- 00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,455 RICK: No, Beth! Oh fuck!
- 00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:07,332 Wait, but I...
- 00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:08,643 - Oh, Beth! Why?! - I need an ambulance!
- 00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:10,252 There's been a shooting. My wife shot...
- 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:13,088 Uh, my... my wife shot a long-time family friend.
- 00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:14,172 Why?
- 00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:15,942 Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, Mr. Poopybutthole.
- 00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:17,551 - I-I thought... - Keep breathing!
- 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,303 - Oh, god. What's happening? - Look at me!
- 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:20,905 Look at me! Don't... don't fall asleep!
- 00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,890 Is... is this what bleeding to death is?
- 00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:24,725 Oh, whee. Is this how I die?
- 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:25,893 Oh, geez! Oh, my god!
- 00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:27,561 Why would you do this? Beth.
- 00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,438 It's not supposed to hurt.
- 00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:30,314 - I-I thought... [siren wails]
- 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,399 Ooh, whee.
- 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:36,653 ♪♪
- 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:12,064 Oh, he... he's looking a lot better.
- 00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,941 RICK: Listen, Beth, don't torture yourself.
- 00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,901 I made a similar mistake years ago,
- 00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:18,362 but, you know, on a planetary scale.
- 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:19,905 Is, um, is he mad at me?
- 00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:21,782 He's not pressing charges.
- 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:24,368 I mean, that's got to be the "You shot me" equivalent
- 00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,662 of not being mad.
- 00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,455 Can he have visitors?
- 00:21:28,538 --> 00:21:30,791 He'd like to be alone.
- 00:21:30,874 --> 00:21:33,835 He told me to tell you he's sorry
- 00:21:33,919 --> 00:21:35,879 you didn't have bad memories of him?
- 00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:40,759 If you love him, you should leave.
- 00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:42,594 [Door closes]
- 00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:47,557 And that's the wa-a-a-a-y the news goes.
- 00:21:47,641 --> 00:21:48,642 [Screaming]
- 00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:50,352 MAN: Did you get any of that?
- 00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:52,562 MAN: It's-a good show-a.
- 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:06,292 Стив, мне только что пришло странное
- 00:00:06,304 --> 00:00:08,220 сообщение. Ты что купил нам билеты на самолёт?
- 00:00:08,420 --> 00:00:11,834 О, блин. Это должен был быть сюрприз. Я хотел отблагодарить вас за то что
- 00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:15,226 позволили жить здесь всё это время и решил отправить всю семью в отпуск.
- 00:00:15,426 --> 00:00:16,742 Стив, ты такой милый.
- 00:00:16,942 --> 00:00:17,464 Спасибо, дядя Стив!
- 00:00:17,664 --> 00:00:18,304 Самый лучший дядя.
- 00:00:18,504 --> 00:00:21,384 Берегись, мир! Семья Смит едет в Париж!
- 00:00:21,584 --> 00:00:23,490 Да! Офигенно!
- 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,084 Рик, мне не нравятся святящиеся камни в кухонном мусоре!
- 00:00:26,284 --> 00:00:28,687 Ну а мне не нравятся твои безработные гены в моих
- 00:00:28,699 --> 00:00:31,403 внуках, Джерри, но жизнь состоит из маленьких уступков.
- 00:00:31,603 --> 00:00:32,403 Я... знаешь что?
- 00:00:32,603 --> 00:00:35,362 Ты не пропадёшь, Джер. Какая-то компания будет восхвалять
- 00:00:35,374 --> 00:00:37,906 небеса за то что смогли нанять моего младшего брата.
- 00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:39,106 А ты чё за хуй?
- 00:00:39,151 --> 00:00:40,516 Мой забавный брат, Стив.
- 00:00:40,716 --> 00:00:44,041 Он тут уже почти год живёт. Ты сходишь с ума?
- 00:00:44,241 --> 00:00:47,215 Эй, кое-кто проводит слишком много времени со святящимися камнями. Я прав?
- 00:00:50,962 --> 00:00:52,078 Боже мой! Звоните в скорую!
- 00:00:52,278 --> 00:00:53,071 Боже! Стив!
- 00:00:53,271 --> 00:00:53,917 Что за херня, Рик?! Что за херня?!
- 00:00:54,117 --> 00:00:56,005 Вы можете на секунду успокоиться? Нет
- 00:00:56,017 --> 00:00:58,316 никакого "Дяди Стива". Это иноземный паразит.
- 00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:02,141 Но я знал его всю мою жизнь.
- 00:01:02,341 --> 00:01:04,716 Ничего подобного, Джерри. Эти мелкие телепатические
- 00:01:04,728 --> 00:01:06,748 ублюдки, они вставляют себя в воспоминания,
- 00:01:06,948 --> 00:01:09,328 а п-потом с их помощью размножаются и распространяются,
- 00:01:09,340 --> 00:01:11,347 захватывают планеты. Это... это отвратительно.
- 00:01:11,547 --> 00:01:12,547 Стив не был настоящим?
- 00:01:12,691 --> 00:01:14,632 Он настоящий кусок говна. Этот здоровенный.
- 00:01:14,832 --> 00:01:16,587 Наверное кто-то притащил его на прошлой
- 00:01:16,599 --> 00:01:18,587 неделе, на подошве, или на иноземном фрукте.
- 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:19,170 Кто-то?
- 00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:20,490 Не всё так очевидно, Саммер.
- 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,149 У нас у всех режет глаза, потому что ты никак
- 00:01:22,161 --> 00:01:23,553 не можешь перестать смситься в туалете.
- 00:01:23,577 --> 00:01:25,393 Но дядя Стив учил меня ездить на велосипеде!
- 00:01:25,593 --> 00:01:27,656 Нет, "Стив" засунул эти воспоминания тебе в голову чтобы
- 00:01:27,668 --> 00:01:29,706 он мог жить в твоём доме, есть твою еду и размножаться.
- 00:01:29,730 --> 00:01:31,248 Мы можем быть заражены этими штуками.
- 00:01:31,448 --> 00:01:33,647 Так что нам надо быть на чеку насчёт всяких юморных,
- 00:01:33,659 --> 00:01:35,495 прикольных типков которые вдруг появляются.
- 00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:38,944 Ооой дааа. Как скажешь, Рик! Мы здесь чтобы помочь!
- 00:01:39,144 --> 00:01:41,624 Спасибо, мистер Сраная Попка. Я всегда мог на тебя положиться.
- 00:02:11,072 --> 00:02:13,159 Перевод - RAD
- 00:02:16,885 --> 00:02:18,593 Ладно. Тут нас шестеро и всё.
- 00:02:18,793 --> 00:02:21,792 Я, Морти, Джерри, Бэт, мистер Сраная Попка и Саммер.
- 00:02:21,992 --> 00:02:25,126 Может ты вовремя прибил первого, Рик!
- 00:02:25,326 --> 00:02:26,366 Не могу на это полагаться.
- 00:02:31,950 --> 00:02:34,463 Пап, почему у нашего дома есть взрывостойкие щиты?
- 00:02:34,663 --> 00:02:37,283 Поверь мне, Бэт, тебе не стоит знать сколько есть ответов на этот вопрос.
- 00:02:37,307 --> 00:02:41,059 Боженьки, как-то клаустрофобно! Напоминает мне
- 00:02:41,071 --> 00:02:44,434 тот раз когда мы вместе застряли в лифте.
- 00:02:44,634 --> 00:02:46,774 В... помните? После мюзикла "Халк"?
- 00:02:50,448 --> 00:02:52,667 Джерри, кнопки не работают лучше если ты бьёшь по ним
- 00:02:52,679 --> 00:02:54,868 сильнее и поролоновые кулаки не делают тебя сильным.
- 00:02:55,068 --> 00:02:58,940 Я знаю. Друзья делают тебя сильным. Я смотрел тот-же мюзикл что и ты.
- 00:02:59,140 --> 00:03:00,748 Почему я не взял свою портальную пушку?
- 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:05,227 Почему все напитки должны быть очень большими? А, Халк. Я понял.
- 00:03:05,427 --> 00:03:08,101 Просто мочись в штаны. Я сделала это в ту-же минуту как мы застряли.
- 00:03:08,125 --> 00:03:12,357 А, ну да, да, стыдите меня. Я хотя бы отвратительна по какой-то причине.
- 00:03:12,557 --> 00:03:18,158 Эй, ребят, всё будет хорошо. Я всегда был с вами и всегда буду.
- 00:03:19,507 --> 00:03:20,906 Вызывали ремонт?
- 00:03:21,106 --> 00:03:22,722 Даа! Кузен Ники!
- 00:03:22,922 --> 00:03:26,796 Это я, кузен Ники. Тут рядом проходил! В смысле не
- 00:03:26,808 --> 00:03:30,922 совсем. Я ползаю по лифтовой шахте, но эй, я ж рядом!
- 00:03:32,676 --> 00:03:35,412 И вправду. Мы действительно попадаем в сумасшедшие
- 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:38,225 истории всей семьёй, особенно когда сидим взаперти.
- 00:03:38,425 --> 00:03:41,610 Эй, может мистер Сраная Попка и прав. Давайте выйдем на свежий воздух.
- 00:03:41,810 --> 00:03:44,051 Да ладно, кузен Ники. Ты слышал Рика. Нам нужно оставаться в
- 00:03:44,063 --> 00:03:46,537 карантине пока мы не будем уверены что здесь больше нет этих штук.
- 00:03:46,561 --> 00:03:51,226 Я понял, Морти. В Бруклине мы говорили "Мы тут рядом проходили!".
- 00:03:51,426 --> 00:03:52,426 Ники...
- 00:03:55,494 --> 00:03:57,667 Что за... Кузен Ники был паразитом?!
- 00:03:57,867 --> 00:04:02,159 Шесть, Морти! Нас должно быть шесть! Если нас семь, значит кто-то не настоящий.
- 00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:03,679 Но как ты узнал что это был Ники?
- 00:04:03,847 --> 00:04:05,459 Угадал. Поэтому целился ему в плечо.
- 00:04:05,659 --> 00:04:07,613 То есть теперь мы не можем верить ни одному из наших воспоминаний?
- 00:04:07,637 --> 00:04:10,760 Из-за Ники мы нашли ту старую нацистскую подлодку. Этого что не было?
- 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,416 Да конечно было.
- 00:04:13,323 --> 00:04:16,413 Теперь, когда я обладаю Посохом силы Ра-гУбаба,
- 00:04:16,425 --> 00:04:19,269 мир будет трепетать перед четвёртым рейхом!
- 00:04:19,469 --> 00:04:22,572 Это последний раз когда я прошу тебя помочь мне с экзаменом по истории, Рик.
- 00:04:22,772 --> 00:04:25,921 Эй, в Бруклине у нас было прозвище для нацистов, приятель.
- 00:04:26,121 --> 00:04:29,459 Меня устраивает когда меня называют нацистом. Думаешь какое-то
- 00:04:29,471 --> 00:04:32,875 другое слово оскорбит меня? Да. Думай перед тем как нести чушь.
- 00:04:33,075 --> 00:04:36,072 Ра-губАба, помоги мне убить Америку!
- 00:04:36,272 --> 00:04:38,042 Мистер Борегард!
- 00:04:38,242 --> 00:04:42,500 Поразмыслив, я решил не уходить в отставку.
- 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:43,712 Да!
- 00:04:43,912 --> 00:04:44,654 Слава Богу!
- 00:04:44,854 --> 00:04:50,247 Я думаю, кому-то надо сдать итоговый экзамен. Курс на школу Морти.
- 00:04:50,447 --> 00:04:53,597 Возможно я придираюсь, но если эта история никогда не
- 00:04:53,609 --> 00:04:57,181 происходила, я бы не был до сих пор семейным лакеем. Мечтай.
- 00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:58,381 Погодите.
- 00:04:58,537 --> 00:05:01,011 А если бы мистер Борегард не был нашим лакеем, можно
- 00:05:01,023 --> 00:05:03,696 смело сказать что наша семья была бы по уши в проблемах.
- 00:05:03,896 --> 00:05:05,801 Нет! Не вспоминай!
- 00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:08,078 Так только больше опухнет. Просто расслабься.
- 00:05:08,278 --> 00:05:09,954 Не беспокойся, Джерри. Мы вызвали пожарных.
- 00:05:09,978 --> 00:05:11,698 Ты же знаешь что они сюда больше не придут.
- 00:05:15,278 --> 00:05:17,172 Мармелад подан.
- 00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:22,124 Похоже мне надо забрать свои слова о британском кузине.
- 00:05:24,185 --> 00:05:25,332 Получай, Саммер!
- 00:05:25,532 --> 00:05:26,908 Мы пытаемся заснуть.
- 00:05:27,108 --> 00:05:29,048 Я не хочу идти на танцы один.
- 00:05:29,248 --> 00:05:31,556 Ну может и не стоит.
- 00:05:31,756 --> 00:05:34,672 Ооо, мистер Борегард.
- 00:05:34,872 --> 00:05:36,678 Могу я, господин Морти?
- 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,088 Конечно.
- 00:05:38,288 --> 00:05:41,502 Постойте, не уходите пока Фотограптор не сделал снимок.
- 00:05:45,515 --> 00:05:48,319 Народ, хватит вспоминать! Эти паразиты как постельные клопы,
- 00:05:48,331 --> 00:05:51,146 а каждое воспоминание это ещё один матрас для них. Смотрите!
- 00:05:51,346 --> 00:05:53,907 В доме должно быть всего шестеро людей.
- 00:05:54,107 --> 00:05:55,250 Но всегда было десять.
- 00:05:55,450 --> 00:05:58,987 Нет! Тот факт что я написал этот номер значит что здесь 4 паразита.
- 00:05:59,187 --> 00:06:01,022 Ты уверен, Рик?
- 00:06:01,222 --> 00:06:03,126 Прошу прощения, господин Рик, но я испытываю
- 00:06:03,138 --> 00:06:05,182 некоторое замешательство по поводу этого числа.
- 00:06:05,382 --> 00:06:09,400 Ладно, тут нас 6 и всё. Я, Морти, Джерри, Бэт, мистер Сраная Попка,
- 00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:13,382 Франкенштейн, Сонный Гарри, Фотограптор, мистер Борегард и Саммер.
- 00:06:14,613 --> 00:06:16,280 Эээ, пап, это вроде как 10 людей.
- 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:21,794 6, 10, какая разница? Мне просто непонятно почему нравится число 6! Где мой карандаш?
- 00:06:21,994 --> 00:06:23,399 Тут, Рик! Используй меня!
- 00:06:23,599 --> 00:06:24,866 О, спасибо, Пенсильвестер!
- 00:06:25,066 --> 00:06:29,373 Ага, я-я, вроде... Вроде так и было, но я-я не понимаю зачем мне так делать.
- 00:06:29,573 --> 00:06:33,097 Все совершают ошибки, Рик. Как ты думаешь, зачем мне это?
- 00:06:35,484 --> 00:06:38,335 Точно. Фотографии. Весомые улики. Тебя нет ни
- 00:06:38,347 --> 00:06:41,086 на одной из моих фото, мистер Сраная Попка.
- 00:06:41,286 --> 00:06:44,952 Ну а как насчёт того что тебя нет ни на одной моей?
- 00:06:45,152 --> 00:06:47,960 У меня только фотографии меня и моих школьных друзей.
- 00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:51,815 Что? У какой девчонки подростка есть фотографии
- 00:06:51,827 --> 00:06:53,741 своей семьи? Мы ж не мормоны и не умираем.
- 00:06:53,941 --> 00:06:56,896 Я должен заметить что подозрительно что единственный друг Саммер
- 00:06:56,908 --> 00:06:59,692 это волшебная овечка балерина, которую мы никогда не видели.
- 00:07:00,789 --> 00:07:01,912 Саммер!
- 00:07:02,112 --> 00:07:04,282 Тинклс! Уже время спать.
- 00:07:04,482 --> 00:07:08,512 Только не в стране где никогда не время спать! Полетели!
- 00:07:09,374 --> 00:07:15,294 Саммер и Тинклс дружат друг с другом И живут в стране где не надо спать
- 00:07:15,494 --> 00:07:22,053 Ни грязной посуды, ни младшего брата Руки подними, мы будем танцевать
- 00:07:22,253 --> 00:07:25,537 Саммер и Тинкл, друзья на всегда Разошлю сообщение всем блядским друзьям!
- 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:29,652 Кетчуп с солью, соль с картошкой. "Т" с "инкл" и заглавной "И"
- 00:07:33,176 --> 00:07:35,107 Саммер, мы пытаемся заснуть.
- 00:07:35,307 --> 00:07:37,549 Это была Тинклс! Тинклс?
- 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:42,016 Это по... подозрительно. Мы постоянно слышим об этой Тинклс, но никогда не...
- 00:07:42,216 --> 00:07:45,628 Всем привет. Я Тинклс, а это мои друзья.
- 00:07:46,990 --> 00:07:49,477 Видите? Тинклс настоящая. Значит и я тоже.
- 00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:50,677 Извини, Саммер.
- 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,360 Блин, прости, Саммер.
- 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,149 В этот раз я поставил не на тот случай.
- 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:57,510 Ладно, смотрите, нам не нужны доказательства,
- 00:07:57,522 --> 00:08:00,626 или логика чтобы знать кто семья, а кто нет.
- 00:08:00,826 --> 00:08:03,269 Я знаю что такие Смиты. Я знаю Бэт со школы.
- 00:08:03,469 --> 00:08:07,215 А её муж, Сонный Гари, конечно мой самый лучший друг.
- 00:08:07,415 --> 00:08:11,623 Спасибо, Джерри. Так что не обижайтесь, но все места заняты.
- 00:08:11,823 --> 00:08:14,032 Слушайте, я не привык сомневаться такое долгое время. Я
- 00:08:14,044 --> 00:08:16,424 просто начну палить по плечам начиная со странной девчонки.
- 00:08:17,006 --> 00:08:17,786 Дедушка Рик!
- 00:08:17,986 --> 00:08:19,166 Не с места, "Саммер".
- 00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:21,421 Рик, это моя дочь.
- 00:08:21,621 --> 00:08:24,017 А, да? Ну а что если ты просто так думаешь, Сонный Гарри?
- 00:08:24,029 --> 00:08:26,146 Я тебя 15 лет знаю, не заставляй меня тебя ранить.
- 00:08:26,346 --> 00:08:29,404 Рик, это наша семья и друзья, люди с которыми
- 00:08:29,416 --> 00:08:32,286 мы готовили барбекю. Ты забыл про барбекю?
- 00:08:32,486 --> 00:08:35,098 Стой, зачем ты хочешь чтобы я... Ты один из них, не так ли?
- 00:08:35,298 --> 00:08:39,446 Рик. Ты любишь эти барбекю, Рик. Ты любишь их.
- 00:08:39,646 --> 00:08:41,628 Помнишь, Рик?
- 00:08:41,828 --> 00:08:45,200 Заткнись Хамонрай! Заткнись, Эмиш Киборг! Это что? Конан из 90х?
- 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,552 Вспомни барбекю. Вспомни барбекю.
- 00:08:51,888 --> 00:08:53,867 Знаешь что, Пенсильвестер? Мне понадобилась целая
- 00:08:53,879 --> 00:08:56,030 жизнь чтобы понять это, но я обожаю готовить барбекю.
- 00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:57,430 У тебя хорошо получается, Рик.
- 00:08:57,624 --> 00:09:01,822 Смотри-ка. Я как Том Круз из, эээ, "Кузина", или как там этот фильм назывался
- 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:05,504 где он готовит напитки. Ага, зацени-ка. Я как Том Круз из "Кузина".
- 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:08,751 Да. Он так и назывался? "Кузин"?
- 00:09:08,951 --> 00:09:12,362 Ого! Эй, народ. Давайте поблагодарим грильмастера Рика!
- 00:09:12,562 --> 00:09:13,861 Рик! Рик! Рик!
- 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,340 Погоди-ка.
- 00:09:21,721 --> 00:09:23,921 Нееет!
- 00:09:24,121 --> 00:09:26,742 Чёрт. Смотри. Теперь это как картинка из "Найди Вальдо".
- 00:09:26,754 --> 00:09:28,972 Можешь меня найти? Зацени какие забавные типки.
- 00:09:29,172 --> 00:09:30,520 Мы вернёмся после этих сообщений.
- 00:09:32,691 --> 00:09:35,691 Я думаю тебе стоит положить пистолет. И мы должны отправить тебя к доктору.
- 00:09:35,796 --> 00:09:37,546 Что скажешь? Уберём эти взрывостойкие щиты?
- 00:09:37,746 --> 00:09:38,292 Да.
- 00:09:38,492 --> 00:09:41,439 Я не могу этого сделать, Сонный Гарри. Ладно, народ слушайте сюда. Не знаю
- 00:09:41,451 --> 00:09:44,331 есть ли среди вас настоящие, но этот дом заражён поддельными любимыми...
- 00:09:44,355 --> 00:09:45,985 ...которые распространяются через поддельные воспоминания
- 00:09:45,997 --> 00:09:47,497 и наша планета будет уничтожена, если они выберутся.
- 00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:52,468 Но, Рик, даже тебе придётся признать что ты зачастую слишком остро на всё реагируешь.
- 00:09:53,309 --> 00:09:56,821 Ребят, надо спешить. Я только что из Уолмарта. У них Нинтендо 3ДС по 149,99 на
- 00:09:56,833 --> 00:10:00,713 распродаже, плюс когда ты покупаешь его, ты получаешь подарочную карту на 50 долларов.
- 00:10:00,913 --> 00:10:03,718 Это значит что итоговая цена с налогом падает до 110 долларов.
- 00:10:03,730 --> 00:10:06,816 Теперь слушайте, мы можем кинуть этих сучар на 230 баксов как нехер.
- 00:10:07,016 --> 00:10:10,911 Они все из ограниченного издания "Зельда". Быстрее! Быстрее! Идём со мной! Мы
- 00:10:10,923 --> 00:10:14,829 все можем разбогатеть, а ещё мы одну оставим и сможем играть в игры Нинтендо!
- 00:10:15,029 --> 00:10:16,549 Нинтендо, пришли мне халявных штук.
- 00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:18,728 Ладно, да, я определённо помню что делал
- 00:10:18,740 --> 00:10:20,926 это, но так-же я никогда бы так не поступил.
- 00:10:21,126 --> 00:10:22,334 Не реагируй так остро, Рик.
- 00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:24,106 Сонный Гарри, можно тебя на пару слов?
- 00:10:24,306 --> 00:10:25,012 Конечно, Джерри.
- 00:10:25,212 --> 00:10:27,021 Рик, целься в голову, хорошо. Потому что я
- 00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:28,938 тебе расскажу один секрет про Франкенштейна.
- 00:10:29,138 --> 00:10:31,367 Он на самом деле монстр Франкенштейна.
- 00:10:34,989 --> 00:10:38,322 Сонный Гарри, моя голова полна воспоминаний о нашей
- 00:10:38,334 --> 00:10:41,551 дружбе. Я уверен что ты муж Бэт, а я твой друг...
- 00:10:41,751 --> 00:10:44,497 ...но, если верить этим воспоминаниям, тогда...
- 00:10:44,697 --> 00:10:45,697 Просто скажи, Джерри.
- 00:10:45,857 --> 00:10:48,769 Сонный Гарри, откуда нам знать что я настоящий?
- 00:10:48,969 --> 00:10:49,969 Господи, Джерри.
- 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:53,889 Нет, ты настоящий. Эй, посмотри на меня. Так, я не знаю как так
- 00:10:53,901 --> 00:10:58,108 получилось, но я знаю нас, и ты настоящий, Джерри. Помнишь наш отпуск?
- 00:11:02,753 --> 00:11:05,888 Чуть дальше по берегу снимают новый эпизод Звёздных Войн. Может посмотрим?
- 00:11:06,088 --> 00:11:07,468 Конечно. Почему бы нет?
- 00:11:15,139 --> 00:11:17,100 Может мы увидим Чубакку.
- 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:20,439 Я был бы рад.
- 00:11:26,962 --> 00:11:28,419 Что мы делаем?
- 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:40,213 Мне плевать что ещё тут произойдёт. Мы с тобой это переживём.
- 00:11:40,413 --> 00:11:43,993 Хорошо. Эй, мы договаривались. Только не в доме.
- 00:11:47,009 --> 00:11:49,282 Какие клёвые часы, Рик. Можно взглянуть?
- 00:11:49,482 --> 00:11:54,559 Э, нет спаси... Ладненько. Хочешь понять как опустить взрывостойкие щиты, да?
- 00:11:54,759 --> 00:11:56,621 Кому-нибудь кажется подозрительным что многие
- 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,547 здесь ждут не дождутся чтобы выбраться отсюда?
- 00:11:58,747 --> 00:12:01,723 Ты параноишь, Рик. Ты стал параноить после Вьетнама.
- 00:12:01,923 --> 00:12:04,915 И, чем займёшься когда вернёшься на гражданку, Франкенштейн?
- 00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:07,819 Бля-я-я-я, я вздрючу...
- 00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,988 Нет! Вали из моей головы, паразит!
- 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:11,572 Нет!
- 00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:12,411 Отпусти.
- 00:12:12,611 --> 00:12:13,811 Отдай мне пушку, Франкенштейн!
- 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,152 Отдай!
- 00:12:19,567 --> 00:12:20,622 Франкенштейн!
- 00:12:20,822 --> 00:12:24,412 Тут вообще есть кто нибудь настоящий? Я последний настоящий человек на планете?!
- 00:12:24,612 --> 00:12:29,871 Может быть. А может быть, просто может быть, мы все настоящие. Вы меня знаете.
- 00:12:30,071 --> 00:12:32,798 Я Жираф наоборот, у меня короткие ноги и шея. Я ходил в колледж с Хамонраем.
- 00:12:32,822 --> 00:12:35,119 Я спас жизнь привидения в банке во Вьетнаме.
- 00:12:36,193 --> 00:12:39,301 И, Бэт, как часто ты плакалась в мою жилетку?
- 00:12:39,501 --> 00:12:40,776 Слишком часто.
- 00:12:40,976 --> 00:12:43,330 Ладно, так может быть мы все ненастоящие.
- 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:44,644 Это полный бред!
- 00:12:44,844 --> 00:12:48,685 А может быть здесь только один обманщик... тот кто постоянно говорит
- 00:12:48,697 --> 00:12:52,606 нам что путь к спасению это сидеть взаперти и подозревать друг друга.
- 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,326 Эй, я тут при чём! Я пытался пристрелить Саммер 10 минут назад!
- 00:12:55,512 --> 00:12:57,898 Я знаю у нас всех есть любимые воспоминания о Рике.
- 00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:00,078 Но действительно ли мы должны поверить в то...
- 00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:03,113 ...что сумасшедший учёный с летающей машиной просто
- 00:13:03,125 --> 00:13:05,863 появился на пороге после стольких лет отсутствия?
- 00:13:06,063 --> 00:13:09,619 Да, а ты знаешь, у него действительно много странных, надуманных фразочек.
- 00:13:11,445 --> 00:13:13,490 Рики - тики - тави! Сучара!
- 00:13:13,690 --> 00:13:16,350 Вот тааакие новости.
- 00:13:16,550 --> 00:13:17,844 Отвянь, Ваня.
- 00:13:18,044 --> 00:13:19,388 О-о. Сальто.
- 00:13:19,588 --> 00:13:20,628 СПИД!
- 00:13:20,828 --> 00:13:21,978 Поэтому я всегда говорю...
- 00:13:24,967 --> 00:13:28,068 От травки тянет не сладко.
- 00:13:28,268 --> 00:13:30,074 Не ныряй в канализацию.
- 00:13:30,274 --> 00:13:31,274 Время бургеров!
- 00:13:31,408 --> 00:13:33,155 Пупсовые пупсилища!
- 00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,102 Са-са-са-сосите мои яйца!
- 00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:37,732 Да! Постоянно так говорю.
- 00:13:37,932 --> 00:13:41,138 Да это вообще нелепая фраза.
- 00:13:41,338 --> 00:13:43,578 Ага, и не забудьте про его невероятно невнятную историю.
- 00:13:43,641 --> 00:13:44,688 Бэт, я твой отец!
- 00:13:44,888 --> 00:13:46,728 А, правда, пап? Правда?
- 00:13:46,928 --> 00:13:50,016 Рик, если хочешь доказать что ты настоящий, просто сделай то что любой из нас
- 00:13:50,028 --> 00:13:53,128 бы сделал и... и... и открой взрывостойкие щиты и выпусти нас отсюда наконец!
- 00:13:53,259 --> 00:13:56,222 Почему ты не вызываешь доверия, невероятно наивный половозрелый
- 00:13:56,234 --> 00:13:58,604 мальчик с именем как у старых еврейских сатириков?
- 00:13:59,716 --> 00:14:00,948 Утрись!
- 00:14:01,148 --> 00:14:08,139 Дай мне пистолет. Я не буду делать это на глазах у Пенсильвестра. Тащите его в гараж.
- 00:14:11,370 --> 00:14:13,623 Слушай меня, выродок паразитной суки. Мы может
- 00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:15,611 сделать это по-хорошему, или по-плохому.
- 00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:18,491 Знаешь, т-т-т... ты хочешь жить? Тогда открой взрывостойкие ворота.
- 00:14:18,538 --> 00:14:20,765 Заткнись, Морти, гавнюк с промытыми мозгами, который может
- 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,016 быть даже не настоящий, потому что мои мозги тоже промыты.
- 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,464 Знаешь, Рик, нам это не легко. Понимаешь, м-мы все помним тебя как друга.
- 00:14:26,664 --> 00:14:29,972 Ой-ой-ой, правда? А я помню ты был ноющим куском говна, Морти!
- 00:14:30,172 --> 00:14:30,788 А... а, да?
- 00:14:30,988 --> 00:14:33,795 Да! У меня около тысячи воспоминаний о твоей тупой заднице и
- 00:14:33,807 --> 00:14:36,488 около 6 из них положительные. Остальное это унылый мусор.
- 00:14:36,688 --> 00:14:38,953 Почему бы тебе не сделать нам обоим одолжение и не
- 00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:41,554 спустить курок? Давай! Давай, уёбок! Жми на ебаный курок!
- 00:14:45,506 --> 00:14:50,133 О, ого. Малыш маг был паразитом? Он познакомил меня с моей женой.
- 00:14:51,781 --> 00:14:52,523 Что за хрень?
- 00:14:52,723 --> 00:14:55,731 Я понял, Рик! Паразиты могут создавать только положительные воспоминания. Я
- 00:14:55,743 --> 00:14:58,843 знаю что ты настоящий потому что у меня есть о тебе куча плохих воспоминаний!
- 00:14:59,994 --> 00:15:03,998 Наши воспоминания
- 00:15:06,745 --> 00:15:10,989 Воспоминания которые мы храним
- 00:15:11,189 --> 00:15:19,189 Мне хотелось бы вернуться в то время
- 00:15:23,801 --> 00:15:25,369 Срань господня, Морти, ты прав.
- 00:15:25,569 --> 00:15:28,481 А-а-а разве не это ты хотел мне дать понять когда кричал на меня?
- 00:15:28,681 --> 00:15:32,492 Ну, да, агам. Д-долго до тебя доходило.
- 00:15:35,813 --> 00:15:38,738 Ну погнали, Морти. Нам ещё много друзей и родственников надо уничтожить.
- 00:15:42,687 --> 00:15:45,193 Сохраняйте спокойствие! Это потребует объяснений.
- 00:15:45,393 --> 00:15:47,814 Нам надо убить всех о ком мы можем вспомнить только хорошее.
- 00:15:47,826 --> 00:15:49,979 У кого есть плохие воспоминания о миссис Холодильник?
- 00:15:50,179 --> 00:15:54,543 Я-я-я-я... у всех есть плохие воспоминания обо мне. Помните как-то раз?
- 00:15:58,988 --> 00:16:02,570 Вот это да, мы не могли перестать кричать.
- 00:16:02,770 --> 00:16:06,272 Э, американские горки это не плохо, миссис Холодильник. Они
- 00:16:06,284 --> 00:16:09,740 захватывающие. А Вы были идеальной подругой всю мою жизнь.
- 00:16:09,940 --> 00:16:14,484 Покровы сорваны! Выпустите меня. Выпустите меня!
- 00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:18,536 Вот чёрт!
- 00:16:18,736 --> 00:16:22,262 Все назад! Если ты не паразит, тебе нечего бояться. Как насчёт Саммер?
- 00:16:22,462 --> 00:16:24,182 Почему ты постоянно всё переводишь на меня?
- 00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:28,858 Больше никогда не заходи в мою комнату.
- 00:16:29,058 --> 00:16:30,078 Я не заходил!
- 00:16:30,278 --> 00:16:33,037 Она настоящая. Это моя сука сестра.
- 00:16:33,237 --> 00:16:34,933 Неплохо.
- 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,053 Мам, ты отвезёшь меня...
- 00:16:40,253 --> 00:16:42,065 Ммм? Ага, ага, да. Погоди немного?
- 00:16:42,265 --> 00:16:44,097 Боже мой. Ты пьяна?
- 00:16:44,297 --> 00:16:46,098 А ты чё меня учишь быть женой?
- 00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:46,614 Чего?
- 00:16:46,814 --> 00:16:47,500 О, боже.
- 00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,500 Боже мой, ты в порядке?
- 00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:50,012 Мама!
- 00:16:50,212 --> 00:16:50,912 Я не хотела...
- 00:16:51,112 --> 00:16:52,880 У меня будет синяк! Нас сегодня фотографируют!
- 00:16:52,904 --> 00:16:55,939 Да нет... не нагнетай. Я все уберу.
- 00:16:56,139 --> 00:16:57,499 Я хочу чтобы полиция меня забрала!
- 00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:00,352 Морти, дай оружие даме которая рано мной
- 00:17:00,364 --> 00:17:02,924 забеременела и постоянно делает это нашей проблемой.
- 00:17:03,124 --> 00:17:04,896 Спасибо, дорогая.
- 00:17:05,096 --> 00:17:06,957 Бэт, Бэт, пожалуйста!
- 00:17:07,157 --> 00:17:10,237 Я знала что слишком хорошо чтобы быть правдой то что у нас совместимые почки.
- 00:17:25,307 --> 00:17:27,196 Да ладно, приятель. Разве у нас никогда не было
- 00:17:27,208 --> 00:17:29,307 неловкого молчания, или неловкого пердежа в поездке?
- 00:17:29,377 --> 00:17:31,144 Давай, Пенсильвестер, дай мне что нибудь.
- 00:17:31,344 --> 00:17:34,908 Рик, я Пенсильвестер. Услышь это имя. Ты не можешь меня убить.
- 00:17:35,108 --> 00:17:36,108 Ты прав.
- 00:17:37,239 --> 00:17:38,624 Убей Пенсильвестра.
- 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,348 Саммер, я всегда тебя любила!
- 00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:52,548 Ага.
- 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:10,152 Боже мой!
- 00:18:10,352 --> 00:18:12,117 Я-я-я думал ты ушла на концерт!
- 00:18:12,317 --> 00:18:15,038 Мы забили билеты! Почему на кухне?!
- 00:18:15,238 --> 00:18:17,115 Я везде это делаю! Хватит стыдить меня!
- 00:18:17,315 --> 00:18:18,816 Не ты здесь пострадавший!
- 00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:20,978 Я тебя ненавижу, и я думал о твоей подруге Грэйс!
- 00:18:27,893 --> 00:18:31,350 А. Господин Рик. Помните как не собирались меня убивать?
- 00:18:32,789 --> 00:18:36,918 Походу я сделал лакея! Это... это понятно?
- 00:18:37,118 --> 00:18:40,818 А, я-я понял. Это игра слов от "Это сделал лакей".
- 00:18:41,018 --> 00:18:44,914 Спасибо, призрак в банке. Ты всегда хорошо примечал тонкие шутки.
- 00:18:50,222 --> 00:18:51,797 Ты должен спрятать меня, Сонный Гарри.
- 00:18:51,997 --> 00:18:55,164 Не волнуйся, у меня есть план. Если мы сможем добраться до моей лодки, там...
- 00:18:57,557 --> 00:19:01,654 Нет, нет! Просто отправь меня к Гарри. Я хочу быть с Гарри.
- 00:19:03,294 --> 00:19:04,294 О, Боже.
- 00:19:04,780 --> 00:19:05,806 Что за фигня?
- 00:19:06,748 --> 00:19:08,372 Берегись того бездомного!
- 00:19:08,572 --> 00:19:10,165 Открой дверь! Открой дверь! Открой дверь!
- 00:19:10,189 --> 00:19:11,782 На это нет времени! Просто беги!
- 00:19:13,314 --> 00:19:14,478 Выйди и помоги мне!
- 00:19:14,678 --> 00:19:16,558 Они сказали не стоит этого делать! Просто беги!
- 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:20,125 Эх. Извини, Джерри. Ты настоящий.
- 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,276 Я паразит!
- 00:19:22,476 --> 00:19:23,549 Да, но настоящий.
- 00:19:24,634 --> 00:19:27,449 Не, не, мне нужно время чтобы забыть о Сонном Гарри.
- 00:19:28,727 --> 00:19:29,758 Мне тоже.
- 00:19:34,113 --> 00:19:36,625 Теперь давайте быть осторожнее, мойте руки когда
- 00:19:36,637 --> 00:19:38,954 возвращаетесь из космоса. Это касается всех.
- 00:19:39,154 --> 00:19:44,584 Это угнетает. Мы убили всех хороших людей в доме. Это то что осталось? Что за семья.
- 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,551 Ну хотя бы мы настоящие, Джерри. Настоящие.
- 00:19:48,552 --> 00:19:51,721 Ооой, дааа! Аминь. Так, эта сраная попка
- 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:55,302 голодна. Кто-нибудь подаст мне кусок свинины?
- 00:19:59,426 --> 00:20:02,006 Ч-ч-что-то не так, Бэт?
- 00:20:03,412 --> 00:20:04,412 Боже мой.
- 00:20:04,567 --> 00:20:05,228 Нет, Бэт!
- 00:20:05,428 --> 00:20:06,115 Вот бля!
- 00:20:06,315 --> 00:20:06,970 Стойте, но я...
- 00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:07,944 Бэт! За что?!
- 00:20:08,144 --> 00:20:10,616 Мне нужна скорая! Была перестрелка. Моя жена застрелила...
- 00:20:10,628 --> 00:20:12,860 Эээ, моя... моя жена застрелила давнего друга семьи.
- 00:20:13,060 --> 00:20:14,060 За что?
- 00:20:14,158 --> 00:20:16,886 Боже мой, боже мой, боже мой, мистер Сраная Попка.
- 00:20:17,086 --> 00:20:18,127 Я-я думала...
- 00:20:18,327 --> 00:20:19,647 Продолжай дышать. Смотри на меня!
- 00:20:19,695 --> 00:20:20,755 Боже что происходит?
- 00:20:20,955 --> 00:20:22,254 Смотри на меня! Не... не засыпай!
- 00:20:22,278 --> 00:20:25,058 Так... так истекают кровью? Ой, дааа. Так я и умру?
- 00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:26,258 Господи. Боже мой.
- 00:20:26,411 --> 00:20:27,451 Зачем ты это сделала? Бэт.
- 00:20:27,534 --> 00:20:30,752 Не должно быть так больно. Я-я думал... Ой, дааа.
- 00:21:09,263 --> 00:21:11,368 О, он... он выглядит гораздо лучше.
- 00:21:11,568 --> 00:21:14,200 Слушай, Бэт, не мучай себя. Я сделал похожую ошибку
- 00:21:14,212 --> 00:21:17,110 несколько лет назад, но, знаешь, в планетарном масштабе.
- 00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:20,338 Он, эм, он злится на меня?
- 00:21:20,538 --> 00:21:25,168 Он не выдвинул обвинений. В смысле, так не злятся люди которых подстрелили.
- 00:21:26,291 --> 00:21:27,941 К нему можно посетителям?
- 00:21:28,141 --> 00:21:31,771 Он хотел бы побыть один. Он сказал передать вам что
- 00:21:31,783 --> 00:21:35,285 ему жаль что у вас нет плохих воспоминаний о нём?
- 00:21:37,124 --> 00:21:39,765 Если вы его любите вам нужно уйти.
- 00:21:44,213 --> 00:21:46,642 Вот тааакие новости.