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Рик во времени
Спустя шесть месяцев после остановки времени Рик решает разморозить время. Он предупреждает Морти и Саммер, что их хронологическое время может быть нестабильным. Рик предлагает Бет и Джерри пойти за мороженым, чтобы дать им время стабилизироваться. Морти и Саммер спорят, и возникающая в результате неопределённость разрывает время на две реальности — визуально изображаемые как две в основном синхронизированные параллельные реальности. Они больше не являются частью какой-либо линии времени, а гараж окружён чёрной пустотой, заполненной котами Шрёдингера. Рик использует Кристалл Времени, чтобы попытаться соединить вероятности вместе, но продолжающаяся неуверенность Морти и Саммер мешает работать слиянию. Собственная неуверенность Рика в том, что его другое «я» замышляет против него заговор, приводит к хаосу. Из четырёхмерного пространства появляется существо с яичком вместо головы и ругает Рика. Он даёт Рику, Морти и Саммер ошейники, стабилизирующие время, которые восстанавливают порядок, объединяя линии времени в одну. Однако, поскольку Рик получил кристалл времени незаконным путём, существо говорит им, что они отправятся в тюрьму времени на вечность. Рик приказывает Морти и Саммер снять ошейники, но возникающая в результате цепочка неопределённости ещё больше разбивает их реальности на десятки различных временных линий. После победы над яйцеголовым монстром Рик замечает, что время разваливается. Ошейник Саммер переносит её в своё время, но один из ошейников Морти сломан. Когда гараж разваливается на части, Морти со сломанным ошейником падает в бескрайнюю пустоту, и Рик прыгает за ним. Он даёт Морти свой ошейник, но замечает парящий под ним ошейник. Он поспешно чинит его, и все трое воссоединяются в своём времени. Между тем, получив мороженое, Бет и Джерри сбили оленя своей машиной. Как ветеринарный хирург, Бет пытается помочь оленю в ветеринарной больнице, но замечает огнестрельное ранение в его боку. Появляется охотник и заявляет, что олень принадлежит ему, вызывая адвоката, чтобы гарантировать владение над оленем. В то время как Бет игнорирует это и пытается спасти оленя, Джерри приходит на помощь, привлекая сотрудников института дикой природы, которые могут доставить оленей к лучшим врачам за пределами юрисдикции требований охотника. Вернувшись в лес, Бет обнаруживает, что мужчины были не врачами, а сотрудниками кафе-мороженого. Бет продолжает свою операцию и спасает оленя, который возвращается в лес. В сцене после титров яйцеголовый монстр получает подкрепление. Вместе с другим таким же существом они ошибочно принимают Альберта Эйнштейна за Рика, избивают его и предупреждают, чтобы он «не шутил со временем». Это вдохновляет Эйнштейна сформулировать теорию относительности назло им.
- 00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:14,683 Hurry up, Morty.
- 00:00:14,766 --> 00:00:16,351 Grandpa's about to un-freeze time.
- 00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:18,603 You really should be cleaning from top to bottom.
- 00:00:18,687 --> 00:00:20,522 I know how to vacuum mom and dad, Summer.
- 00:00:20,605 --> 00:00:22,190 I've been doing it for six months.
- 00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:24,693 Then you've been doing it wrong for six months.
- 00:00:24,776 --> 00:00:26,486 Oh, my god, is that mildew?
- 00:00:26,569 --> 00:00:28,655 It's not my fault we froze time on a humid day.
- 00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:31,825 You have dropped so many balls, man.
- 00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:33,827 Do you ever get scared Grandpa Rick
- 00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:35,662 might make me his new sidekick?
- 00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:37,622 What?! What kind of monster are you?
- 00:00:37,706 --> 00:00:38,998 A competent one.
- 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,267 Who cares about the things you guys are
- 00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:41,418 talking about?
- 00:00:41,501 --> 00:00:42,853 the whole point of freezing time was to
- 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,879 stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad,
- 00:00:44,963 --> 00:00:47,215 and let's get this dumb universe rolling.
- 00:00:47,298 --> 00:00:48,925 Let's do this thing.
- 00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:53,680 All right, listen, you two.
- 00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,557 We froze time for a pretty long time,
- 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:56,766 so when I un-freeze it,
- 00:00:56,850 --> 00:00:58,351 the world's time is gonna be fine,
- 00:00:58,435 --> 00:01:00,270 but our time's gonna need a little time
- 00:01:00,353 --> 00:01:01,604 to, you know, stabilize.
- 00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:02,790 Our time is gonna be unstable?
- 00:01:02,814 --> 00:01:04,357 What does that even mean?
- 00:01:04,441 --> 00:01:06,443 It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty.
- 00:01:06,526 --> 00:01:08,403 Uh, I thought you learned that by now.
- 00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:09,964 It also means don't touch your parents,
- 00:01:09,988 --> 00:01:11,882 or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards.
- 00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:14,284 - Wait a minute, what? - And away we go!
- 00:01:15,577 --> 00:01:16,578 ♪♪
- 00:01:19,539 --> 00:01:21,875 Um... did we ever put that mattress under Mr. Benson?
- 00:01:21,958 --> 00:01:23,418 - Shhh. - Shush, Morty.
- 00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:25,587 ...a thing or two about... Wait, what?
- 00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:27,589 Was the house... When we pulled up,
- 00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:30,508 I could have sworn the house was completely trashed.
- 00:01:30,592 --> 00:01:31,843 Negative visualization, Jerry.
- 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,678 Explains a lot about where you're at.
- 00:01:33,762 --> 00:01:35,638 - Hi, sweetie. - Hi, dad.
- 00:01:35,722 --> 00:01:37,599 Summer, Morty, are you okay?
- 00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:39,517 We... we just missed you a lot.
- 00:01:39,601 --> 00:01:41,227 Yeah, we missed you so much.
- 00:01:41,311 --> 00:01:42,729 Too much to hug you, though.
- 00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,439 Yeah, it would literally destroy them.
- 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,333 Now, listen, why don't... Why don't... wh-why don't...
- 00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:47,960 Why don't you guys go get a free Sunday ice cream?
- 00:01:47,984 --> 00:01:49,486 Get out there and get some ice creams.
- 00:01:49,569 --> 00:01:51,863 Here's $500 cash in unmarked monies.
- 00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:53,740 I'm just gonna put it on the floor
- 00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:55,408 and kick it on over to ya.
- 00:01:55,492 --> 00:01:57,494 - You guys go nuts. - This better not be a bribe.
- 00:01:57,577 --> 00:02:00,622 If I find a single thing out of place in this house,
- 00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:02,791 my love of ice cream won't save you.
- 00:02:02,874 --> 00:02:04,417 I'll get my jacket.
- 00:02:04,501 --> 00:02:07,670 Sweetie, is your shirt on backwards?
- 00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:11,883 Yeah. I like it this way.
- 00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,343 I'm not stupid.
- 00:02:13,426 --> 00:02:14,636 - Phew! - Oh.
- 00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:16,471 Man, that guy is the Redgren Grumbholdt
- 00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,389 of pretending he knows what's going on.
- 00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:20,951 - Oh, you agree, huh? - It's funny.
- 00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:21,893 You like that Redgren Grumbholdt reference?
- 00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:22,976 Yeah.
- 00:02:23,019 --> 00:02:24,521 Well, guess what? I made him up.
- 00:02:24,604 --> 00:02:26,189 You really are your father's children.
- 00:02:26,272 --> 00:02:28,024 Think for yourselves. Don't be sheep.
- 00:03:05,562 --> 00:03:06,896 God, I feel terrible.
- 00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:08,523 Yep, it really makes you appreciate
- 00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:09,899 how fickle the Universe can be.
- 00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:12,527 One minute you're falling off a roof for six months,
- 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:13,862 the next minute, bam!
- 00:03:13,945 --> 00:03:15,780 Uh, just to be clear, it was Summer's job
- 00:03:15,864 --> 00:03:17,240 to put the mattress under...
- 00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:18,658 Uh, what? It was your job, Morty.
- 00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:19,826 - Nuh-uh! - Yuh-huh!
- 00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:21,244 Actually, sorry, Summer.
- 00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,596 I got to back the "M" bomb on this one.
- 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:24,080 I remember the conversation.
- 00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:26,583 We told Morty to replace all the bank's money with cookies.
- 00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:28,710 Your job was to put the mattress under Mr. Benson.
- 00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:31,004 Boom! In your face, Summer!
- 00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:32,755 You really dropped the ball, man.
- 00:03:32,839 --> 00:03:34,841 Shut up, Morty, you vindictive little turd!
- 00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:38,011 You shut up, you big female asshole!
- 00:03:38,094 --> 00:03:39,387 Hey, don't shove me!
- 00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:40,638 - I didn't! - You didn't what?
- 00:03:40,722 --> 00:03:42,265 - What's your problem? - What's yours?
- 00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,433 - Shut up! - You shut up!
- 00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:44,809 Wh-whoa, whoa!
- 00:03:44,893 --> 00:03:47,228 What the hell, hell, hell, hell, hell?
- 00:03:47,312 --> 00:03:49,480 Oh, god. Oh, no. What did you guys just do?
- 00:03:49,564 --> 00:03:50,791 - What did who do? - What do you mean?
- 00:03:50,815 --> 00:03:52,734 Wait, what am I saying? - Were either
- 00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:54,819 of you guys uncertain about anything just now?
- 00:03:54,903 --> 00:03:56,487 Oh, man, I don't feel good.
- 00:03:56,571 --> 00:03:57,923 - Am I me? - Am I talking right now?
- 00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:59,532 - I think so. - Wait, who said that?
- 00:03:59,616 --> 00:04:01,284 All right, both of you just don't move.
- 00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:04,704 Don't speak, don't think. I have to check something.
- 00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:05,890 - What'd you do, Morty? - I'm gonna help grandpa.
- 00:04:05,914 --> 00:04:07,081 I'll see if he needs help.
- 00:04:07,165 --> 00:04:08,434 <i>What do you mean you're gonna help him?</i>
- 00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:09,959 I can help, too.
- 00:04:10,043 --> 00:04:11,312 - What's happening, Grandpa? - What's going on, Rick?
- 00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:12,879 Sh-sh-shut up.
- 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:15,465 Oh, crap, are you kidding me? Two dots?
- 00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:17,175 This never needs to be more than one dot.
- 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,593 The two of you made us uncertain!
- 00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:19,594 - What are you talking about? - What's that mean?
- 00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:20,779 - English, please. - English?
- 00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:23,306 Our time is fractured... You two somehow created
- 00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,725 a feedback look of uncertainty that split our reality
- 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,269 into two equally possible impossibilities.
- 00:04:28,353 --> 00:04:30,605 W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining
- 00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:33,399 a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker.
- 00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:35,401 We're entirely hypothetical.
- 00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:37,528 But I thought there were infinite time lines?
- 00:04:37,612 --> 00:04:39,614 We're not on any time line, dummy.
- 00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:41,699 Look.
- 00:04:41,783 --> 00:04:42,951 Oh, my god!
- 00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:44,369 Are those cats?
- 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,496 I assume they're Schrodinger's cats.
- 00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,914 Or, actually, I assume
- 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:49,624 they both are and aren't, just like us.
- 00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,334 - Is the world gone? - Is the world gone?
- 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,853 - Where are mom and dad? - What about mom and dad?
- 00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:55,338 Mom and dad? Get your head out of your family's ass.
- 00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,548 The three of us are lost in a timeless oblivion.
- 00:04:57,632 --> 00:04:59,008 Your parents get to exist.
- 00:04:59,092 --> 00:05:01,344 They're probably living it up in some pointless,
- 00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:03,513 grounded story about their shitty marriage.
- 00:05:03,596 --> 00:05:05,431 Cold stone creamery is the best.
- 00:05:05,515 --> 00:05:08,434 What should we do with our remaining $20?
- 00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:11,312 You realize they sing no matter how much you tip?
- 00:05:11,396 --> 00:05:12,939 - Whoa! - Aaah!
- 00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:14,357 Holy shit.
- 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,025 - What happened? - I hit a deer.
- 00:05:16,109 --> 00:05:18,361 We... we have to tell the cops you were driving.
- 00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:20,613 - What? - This is rum raisin!
- 00:05:22,949 --> 00:05:24,534 It's still alive.
- 00:05:24,617 --> 00:05:28,037 Well, do we... do I, uh, get, uh, a big rock, or...?
- 00:05:28,121 --> 00:05:29,789 It's not an armadillo, asshole.
- 00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,672 I thought that's what a man's supposed to say.
- 00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,389 It's not like I could've actually done it.
- 00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:35,378 If we were near a hospital, I could treat it,
- 00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,838 but I... I think we have to just...
- 00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:39,507 It's okay. This is just something that happens.
- 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,301 And even if we were in a hospital, what could we do?
- 00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,554 You're a horse surgeon, not a deer surgeon.
- 00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:45,763 So...?
- 00:05:45,847 --> 00:05:47,306 Well, don't different animals...
- 00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:48,909 require different levels of skill to keep alive?
- 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,573 - Oh, god. Get the deer in the car, Jerry.
- 00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:51,894 Yes, Beth.
- 00:05:51,978 --> 00:05:53,896 This is why you don't freeze time, you guys.
- 00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:55,565 It's incredibly irresponsible.
- 00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:57,888 And you did it so we could clean the house after a party?
- 00:05:57,942 --> 00:06:00,528 Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty.
- 00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,363 Like, literally no time. Look around.
- 00:06:02,447 --> 00:06:04,699 Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable.
- 00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,868 Eventually, everything either is or isn't.
- 00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:09,370 And we've got about four hours to be "Is."
- 00:06:09,454 --> 00:06:11,497 - Or...? - We isn't.
- 00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:13,225 All right, since this time crystal exists in both
- 00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:14,250 possibilities,
- 00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:16,627 and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this,
- 00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:18,463 I'm probably about to press this button
- 00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,631 in both possibilities at exactly the same time.
- 00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:22,317 - How do you know... - How do you know that...
- 00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:23,944 Whatever your asking me, the answer is I'm amazing.
- 00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:25,887 And away we go.
- 00:06:29,057 --> 00:06:31,601 Huh, what do you know. It's working.
- 00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:34,312 - Ow, ow, ow! - Oh shit.
- 00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,481 What the hell is wrong with you two?
- 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,732 I-I-I-I mean you four!
- 00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,692 That hurt! That was painful.
- 00:06:39,776 --> 00:06:41,736 Good, I'm glad it was painful. You deserve it.
- 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,530 I saw you. Y-you're both all over the damn place.
- 00:06:44,614 --> 00:06:46,699 We've been split for 20 minutes and your lives
- 00:06:46,783 --> 00:06:49,035 are already scattered to the quantum fucking wind?
- 00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:50,745 What the hell do either of you two
- 00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,289 have to be so uncertain about? Your brand of zit cream?
- 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,374 Which chair to sit in while I do everything?
- 00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:56,626 Come on, spit it out!
- 00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:57,627 Well, you don't exactly make it easy, Rick.
- 00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,045 You make fun of me all the time...
- 00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,689 You're always picking on me... ...and now Summer's doing it.
- 00:07:00,713 --> 00:07:01,547 ...and now you got Summer to kiss your ass.
- 00:07:01,631 --> 00:07:03,049 Me?! What about you?
- 00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:04,193 You're just as mean to me because you're jealous...
- 00:07:04,217 --> 00:07:05,235 could you get more excited to see me fail?
- 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,820 Because you want grandpa all to yourself!
- 00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:08,697 All right, all right, cool it. I see what's happening here.
- 00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:10,348 You're both young, you're both unsure
- 00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,724 about your place in the universe,
- 00:07:11,808 --> 00:07:13,601 and you both want to be Grandpa's favorite.
- 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,394 I can fix this. Morty, sit here.
- 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,979 Summer, you sit here. Now, listen.
- 00:07:17,063 --> 00:07:18,648 I know the two of you are very different
- 00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:20,000 from each other in a lot of ways,
- 00:07:20,024 --> 00:07:21,400 but you have to understand
- 00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:22,902 that as far as Grandpa's concerned,
- 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:24,612 you're both pieces of shit. Yeah.
- 00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:25,947 I can prove it mathematically.
- 00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,657 Actually, I-I-let me grab my white board.
- 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,408 This has been a long time coming, anyway.
- 00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:33,037 Emergency! Wounded deer coming in.
- 00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:34,747 Three.
- 00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:36,582 Excuse me, you can't be back here.
- 00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:38,251 I'm a certified horse surgeon,
- 00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,002 and this deer needs medical attention.
- 00:07:40,086 --> 00:07:42,547 - Nurse, please move that snake. - That's <i>my</i> nurse.
- 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,507 And as a horse surgeon, I'm sure that you know
- 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:47,677 that deer have much smaller, much more intricate organs.
- 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,762 As a vet, I'm sure you know that a deer
- 00:07:49,846 --> 00:07:52,265 is closer to a horse than you are to a doctor.
- 00:07:52,348 --> 00:07:54,725 So let's save the measuring for when our dicks are out.
- 00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:56,477 - It's time to save a life! - Geez.
- 00:07:57,979 --> 00:08:00,648 That's odd. This deer's wounded.
- 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,733 Uh, yeah, I was there. You don't have to rub it in.
- 00:08:02,817 --> 00:08:04,944 I mean it's been shot with a gun.
- 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:06,988 My gun.
- 00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:08,823 May I help <i>you,</i> sir?
- 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,534 No, but you can stop helping this deer.
- 00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,578 I shot it before these two hit it with their car,
- 00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,305 and I followed them when they hauled it off.
- 00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:16,706 This deer belongs to me.
- 00:08:16,789 --> 00:08:18,708 We don't have time for this, okay?
- 00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:20,585 I need anaesthetic and deer saline.
- 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,712 Look, I don't know what the law says about this,
- 00:08:22,795 --> 00:08:25,965 but I took an oath that I would let no animal come to harm.
- 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,818 Except when sterilizing, aborting, or euthanizing them,
- 00:08:27,842 --> 00:08:30,136 or also when eating them at also any meal.
- 00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:31,762 I'm calling my lawyer.
- 00:08:31,846 --> 00:08:33,448 I hope for all our sakes you're as bad a surgeon
- 00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:34,472 as I am a hunter.
- 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,392 In your dreams, bitch. Scalpel.
- 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:39,812 So, in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial,
- 00:08:39,896 --> 00:08:41,647 overly sensitive, clingy,
- 00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,983 hysterical, bird-brained homunculi.
- 00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,419 And I honestly can't even tell the two of you apart
- 00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:46,527 half the time
- 00:08:46,611 --> 00:08:47,838 because I don't go by height or age,
- 00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,614 I go by amount of pain in my ass,
- 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,073 which makes you both identical.
- 00:08:51,157 --> 00:08:52,491 All right, everything resolved?
- 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,328 Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world.
- 00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:56,329 Yes.
- 00:08:56,412 --> 00:08:57,747 All right, perfect. Sit still.
- 00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,707 arms down. I'm gonna do this again.
- 00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,667 This time be like Grandpa.
- 00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:02,877 You mean drunk?
- 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,670 What's that? You got something to say?
- 00:09:04,754 --> 00:09:05,754 - No. - And away we go!
- 00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,925 And away we go!
- 00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:11,802 - Huh, that's weird. - Huh, that's weird.
- 00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:14,889 - Oh, my god. - What?
- 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:15,890 The son of a bitch is gonna kill me!
- 00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:16,973 What?!
- 00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:17,850 The son of a bitch is gonna kill me!
- 00:09:17,934 --> 00:09:18,851 What?!
- 00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:20,311 Diabolical, unfeeling sociopath.
- 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:21,747 - Don't you get it?! - Don't you get it?!
- 00:09:21,771 --> 00:09:23,898 The other Rick isn't trying to merge us anymore.
- 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,250 He thinks he can save his own skin
- 00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,859 by using the crystal to kill me.
- 00:09:26,943 --> 00:09:28,819 He probably figures it's easier
- 00:09:28,903 --> 00:09:29,779 to eliminate one of the possibilities
- 00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:30,988 rather than merge them.
- 00:09:31,072 --> 00:09:32,198 I have to admit,
- 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:33,991 it was always in the back of my mind, too.
- 00:09:34,075 --> 00:09:35,995 The difference is I would never do it, until now.
- 00:09:36,035 --> 00:09:37,179 Rick, what the hell are you doing?
- 00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:38,746 Saving our lives!
- 00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:41,141 After he takes me out, he's... He's gonna be coming for you.
- 00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:42,333 - Who? - Me!
- 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,793 Aah!
- 00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:45,336 - Whoa! - You see that? Get down!
- 00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:47,213 I told you, he's a psycho. He's lost it!
- 00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,423 Th-th-th-the time fracture must have made him crazy!
- 00:09:49,507 --> 00:09:50,692 - I don't know what to do! - Oh, crap!
- 00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:52,718 - I don't know what to do!
- 00:09:54,512 --> 00:09:56,097 Oh, god, now there's three of them.
- 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,699 We're outnumbered. Get in the cupboards.
- 00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:58,975 Wait, don't... Don't do that.
- 00:09:59,058 --> 00:10:00,393 They'll know. Wait, wait.
- 00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:01,870 Think about getting in the cupboards, but don't really.
- 00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:06,691 Is this what you want, you sick fuck?!
- 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,734 You want to see children die?!
- 00:10:08,818 --> 00:10:09,819 You son of a bitch.
- 00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,196 You don't stop living until I say so!
- 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,197 - Michael.
- 00:10:13,281 --> 00:10:14,699 - Who's this now? - My lawyer.
- 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,593 I'm here to notify you, ma'am, that in this county,
- 00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,077 any deer shot by a hunter
- 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,621 is that hunter's property regardless of how far it runs
- 00:10:20,705 --> 00:10:22,915 or who intercepts it before it dies.
- 00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:24,417 It's called Brad's law.
- 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,960 We can't make you stop the surgery,
- 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,129 but at this point, you're performing it on venison.
- 00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:30,339 Actually, I've decided not to eat it.
- 00:10:30,423 --> 00:10:34,302 All this fear and conflict... I'm sure it's ruined the meat.
- 00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:36,679 I'm just gonna use the head for my rec-room wall.
- 00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,681 She normally works on horses.
- 00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,784 Jerry, if you're not gonna help, get the fuck out of here.
- 00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,476 I will reach into heaven
- 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,979 and yank your screaming deer soul back!
- 00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:46,062 Jesus.
- 00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:48,107 Shh, shh!
- 00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:50,067 I know where you are, you creepy old monster.
- 00:10:50,151 --> 00:10:51,277 I know how you think.
- 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,195 Oh, is there where you think I'm going?
- 00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:54,399 You think I'm standing here?
- 00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:55,865 Well, maybe you're right.
- 00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,035 Holy shit. Now what?
- 00:10:59,118 --> 00:11:00,512 Well, if all of me knocked out all the Ricks,
- 00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:02,163 and you peed in all of your pants,
- 00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,165 doesn't that mean that we're all synchronized?
- 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,458 - Right. - Okay.
- 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,918 So, from now on, whatever we do, we have to be certain.
- 00:11:08,002 --> 00:11:09,003 Right.
- 00:11:09,462 --> 00:11:12,214 I think I'm certain we're effed in the "A."
- 00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:18,012 Oh, god, my head.
- 00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,722 What did you guys do?
- 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:22,683 We put you in a dog crate because you were acting crazy
- 00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:24,226 and you caused another time fracture.
- 00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:25,644 You tried to kill yourself.
- 00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:27,271 O-only in self-defense.
- 00:11:27,355 --> 00:11:28,814 Myself tried to kill me first.
- 00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:30,459 Guys, I don't expect you to understand this,
- 00:11:30,483 --> 00:11:32,318 but time breaking twice means our problem is
- 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:35,321 two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it.
- 00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:37,341 Well, actually, I do expect you to understand that.
- 00:11:37,365 --> 00:11:39,909 It's basic math. C-can somebody just let me out of here?
- 00:11:39,992 --> 00:11:41,327 If I die in a cage, I lose a bet.
- 00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,079 Well, is there some way you can prove
- 00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:45,098 you're not a threat to yourself and others anymore?
- 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:46,522 Oh, for god's sake. All right, here.
- 00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,622 - Give me the time crystal. - Wh-what are you doing?
- 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:51,003 Calling myself. Here, listen.
- 00:11:51,087 --> 00:11:52,522 It'll probably go to voice-mail
- 00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,090 since, you know, I'm calling myself.
- 00:11:54,173 --> 00:11:56,050 <i>Hello, Rick here.</i>
- 00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,277 Don't fall for it. It's a bit.
- 00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:58,761 <i>Just kidding! Ha, ha!</i>
- 00:11:58,844 --> 00:11:59,929 <i>You just got Ricked.</i>
- 00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:01,281 <i>You've reached Rick's voice-mail.</i>
- 00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:02,366 <i>You know what to do.</i>
- 00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:03,599 Hey, Rick. It's Rick.
- 00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,060 Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. No hard feelings.
- 00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:08,104 I know you know I mean it, too. Take it easy.
- 00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:10,272 Whoa, damn! Look at this.
- 00:12:10,356 --> 00:12:11,941 I'm blowing up... Three new voicemails.
- 00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:13,317 <i>Hey, Rick. It's Rick.</i>
- 00:12:13,401 --> 00:12:14,544 <i>Listen, I'm sorry about earlier.</i>
- 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:15,486 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard this one.
- 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:16,821 <i>Hey, Rick. It's Rick.</i>
- 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,948 <i>Hey, Rick, it's... - You get the idea.</i>
- 00:12:19,031 --> 00:12:20,366 W-we're cool now.
- 00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:22,677 Okay, well, we're still not gonna let you out of this crate.
- 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,370 Fine. I'll just do it myself.
- 00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:26,831 If you could get out that whole time, why didn't you?
- 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,666 Because I waited until I was certain
- 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,251 it was what I wanted to do, Morty.
- 00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:31,728 That's the difference between you and me.
- 00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,087 I'm certain, and you're
- 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,256 a walking burlap sack filled with turds.
- 00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:36,507 You know, geez, Rick!
- 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,467 Y-y-you're really tearing into me right now.
- 00:12:38,551 --> 00:12:39,593 You know, words hurt.
- 00:12:39,677 --> 00:12:41,095 - Holy! - A monster!
- 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:42,888 Hey, you... Hey, quit yelling.
- 00:12:42,972 --> 00:12:45,641 Quit yelling. What the fuck
- 00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,726 your time is all ripped up to hell!
- 00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:49,395 You broke your time twice.
- 00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,105 How did this happen?
- 00:12:52,273 --> 00:12:55,234 Nevermind. Shut the fuck up. Goddamn.
- 00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,194 I'm from the fourth dimension.
- 00:12:57,278 --> 00:12:58,821 I can hear all of y'all.
- 00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,824 Now let's just see what we got here for a second.
- 00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,533 Goddamn it.
- 00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,410 Were you trying to use this to...
- 00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:07,413 Oh, see, you broke time, and you thought you could
- 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,415 just stick it back together with this?
- 00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:10,600 How you think you gonna move time
- 00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:11,834 while you're standing in it,
- 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,295 you dumb-ass three-dimensional monkey-ass dummies?
- 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:15,629 Oh, way to go, Rick.
- 00:13:15,713 --> 00:13:17,131 Yeah, Grandpa, way to go.
- 00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,942 What, you're just gonna listen to this guy now?
- 00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,843 He's got a giant testicle for a head.
- 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,178 He came here in a bubble.
- 00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:23,381 For all we know, he could be
- 00:13:23,429 --> 00:13:25,848 the David Berkowitz of Nutsackland.
- 00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:28,142 Shut up. Here, put these on.
- 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:29,727 They'll sync your possibilities up
- 00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,687 so I can bring you back to certain time.
- 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,190 Y'all are just... Just... just negligent.
- 00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:35,941 See, now... Now look right here.
- 00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:38,194 Hey, hey, hey, the three of you, put your collars on.
- 00:13:38,277 --> 00:13:39,504 - We have them on. - What are you talking about?
- 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,714 - Uh, we did. - We're not wearing collars.
- 00:13:40,738 --> 00:13:42,448 Exactly. 'Cause you're being obstinate.
- 00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:43,574 What?
- 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:46,285 Put the damn collars on if you want to live.
- 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,679 - They're on right now. - We did. They're on.
- 00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:50,039 All right, fine. Summer, Morty, put them on.
- 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,603 - Yes, we're back! - No more cats!
- 00:13:54,627 --> 00:13:56,467 - We're back in certain time. - Problem solved.
- 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:57,647 No more cats! Oh, you did it!
- 00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,507 - You fixed it. - Yeah, I did.
- 00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:01,175 Now keep those collars on so you
- 00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,698 don't break your weak-ass time again.
- 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,970 How long, exactly, do we have to wear these things?
- 00:14:05,054 --> 00:14:06,222 They're really embarrassing.
- 00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:08,474 Well, since you're going to time prison,
- 00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,060 I'd say you can keep them on forever.
- 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:12,478 - Time prison? - Yeah.
- 00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,480 Well, I don't know where you expect me to think
- 00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,106 you got that crystal over there,
- 00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:20,027 but the only way your dumb-ass assin' ass asses
- 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,655 could ever have one is if it was stolen.
- 00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,407 You stole a time-freezing crystal from testicle monsters?!
- 00:14:25,491 --> 00:14:28,077 I would've been happy to pay for it, s... Summer,
- 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,162 but they don't exactly sell them at Costco.
- 00:14:30,246 --> 00:14:32,998 Besides, there's a larger lesson to be learned here. Get him!
- 00:14:33,082 --> 00:14:34,476 No, no, no, no! You better keep back!
- 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,085 Man, this will turn your ass
- 00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:38,212 into a third-trimester fetus from 30 yards.
- 00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:41,590 Mm.
- 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:44,718 Isn't there a kitten somewhere that needs a manicure?
- 00:14:44,802 --> 00:14:47,221 That's right, Mrs. Smith. Give in to your anger.
- 00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:49,390 Neglect that deer.
- 00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:51,308 Honey, it's gonna be okay.
- 00:14:51,392 --> 00:14:53,227 These men are from the Cervine Institute
- 00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:54,979 of of elk, moose, deer, and stag.
- 00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,730 They can take this deer to a helicopter
- 00:14:56,814 --> 00:14:58,941 and fly it to the country's top deer surgeon
- 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,235 on a wildlife reserve across the state border.
- 00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,487 Where your jurisdiction ends.
- 00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,116 I guess that's the end of that.
- 00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:08,659 There is just one more thing.
- 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,328 According to this state's Veterinarian statute,
- 00:15:11,412 --> 00:15:13,247 this animal can't be transferred
- 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,291 until the current attending physician
- 00:15:15,374 --> 00:15:17,960 verbally confirms their inability
- 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,670 to provide adequate care.
- 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,089 You heard the man, horse doctor.
- 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:25,551 You have to say you couldn't hack it.
- 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:28,387 We did it!
- 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:30,306 Uh-huh. No, mother... no. Earth, dude.
- 00:15:30,389 --> 00:15:32,641 No, I'm talking about... Yeah, with the dinosaurs.
- 00:15:32,725 --> 00:15:35,311 No, if you get to the dolphin people, you gone too far.
- 00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:37,479 All right, man, I'll talk to you later. Okay.
- 00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:39,106 You know what they do
- 00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:41,029 to third-dimensional life forms in time prison?
- 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,253 Same thing they do in every other prison, only forever.
- 00:15:43,277 --> 00:15:44,570 Why are you doing this?
- 00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,989 You think I want to be an omniscient immortal being
- 00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,712 transcending time and space my whole life?
- 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,117 I got ambitions, man.
- 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,036 Bringing you guys in is my ticket up.
- 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:55,039 What if I told you there's a huge ticket
- 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,248 up right behind you?
- 00:15:56,332 --> 00:15:57,475 You really think I'm that stupid?
- 00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,168 All right, hear me out on this.
- 00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:01,187 You're immortal, right, which means your life is infinite.
- 00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,131 Okay, well, then that means there's a 100% chance
- 00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:04,608 that you'll eventually do everything,
- 00:16:04,632 --> 00:16:07,009 including turning around to look behind you.
- 00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,218 I cannot argue that.
- 00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:10,012 Aaah!
- 00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:12,306 Oh, god, gross and weird!
- 00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,475 - Chris!
- 00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,018 You killed my gun!
- 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:17,537 Summer, Morty, take off your collars.
- 00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:19,188 What? What the hell are you doing?
- 00:16:19,271 --> 00:16:23,609 Good question. I suppose the answer is I'm not certain.
- 00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:25,194 Oh, no, what are you doing?
- 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:26,987 - I have no idea. - I'm not sure.
- 00:16:27,071 --> 00:16:28,447 Stop it!
- 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:31,116 Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
- 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,202 I'm really uncertain about everything,
- 00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:34,495 even kicking your ass.
- 00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:36,038 List... hey! Tw... ow!
- 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:38,123 But the... these arms are vestigial!
- 00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,726 Now, you poked me where an eye would've been
- 00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,502 about 6 million years ago.
- 00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:43,504 Come on, let's help Grandpa.
- 00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:45,964 Yes! I'm 100% not sure about anything!
- 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,633 Yeah, totally uncertain.
- 00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,510 Beat his ass! Get him! Beat him up!
- 00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,970 - Kick his ass, Rick! - Die, motherfucker.
- 00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,347 Ow! I'm defeated.
- 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,349 - What's happening? - Time is falling apart.
- 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:56,701 We've got to get back to certainty quick.
- 00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,185 Give me your collars.
- 00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,163 Oh, man. Don't you have to fix, like, 30 of them?
- 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,563 Morty, I have to fix three of them.
- 00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:03,315 And then there's 31 other versions of me
- 00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:05,984 that have to also fix three, for a total of 96.
- 00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,278 I'm not an idiot. I know how to be decisive.
- 00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:09,881 Now hand me that flat-head screwdriver.
- 00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:12,258 - Actually, make it a flat-head. - Actually, make it a phillips.
- 00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:13,951 Oh, shit.
- 00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:17,830 Look, I know I was kind of a nuisance today.
- 00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:19,415 I know it's my fault we hit the deer.
- 00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,542 And I know you wanted to be the one to save it.
- 00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:22,626 Whatever.
- 00:17:23,669 --> 00:17:25,379 How petty would I have to be to care less
- 00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,798 about an animal's life than my own ego?
- 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:31,427 Well, you'd have to be pretty petty.
- 00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,512 But you'd still be the woman I married.
- 00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:35,389 Where are we going?
- 00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:37,599 One last stop.
- 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,146 Where's the helicopter?
- 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,106 There is no helicopter.
- 00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,150 And there is no Cervine Institute.
- 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,818 But the top deer surgeon...
- 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,695 I'm looking at her.
- 00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,005 Thanks for teeing me up like that.
- 00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,281 You better get moving.
- 00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:54,175 These lights are designed for basic ice-cream work.
- 00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,743 They're not gonna last all night.
- 00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:57,244 I need five minutes.
- 00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:31,695 Jerry, this was the most romantic weekend I've ever had.
- 00:18:31,779 --> 00:18:33,947 Thanks to Cold Stone Creamery.
- 00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:35,657 You're welcome.
- 00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:37,451 - Okay, collars are done. - Put them on.
- 00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:39,161 We're out of time. It's ironic, huh?
- 00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:43,290 Huh? Wait a minute.
- 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,416 - Great. - Rick!
- 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,417 What's going on?
- 00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:47,294 The collar. Oh, the latch is broken.
- 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:48,646 It won't latch closed around my neck.
- 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,731 - Oh, are you kidding me? - Geez, what's going on?
- 00:18:49,755 --> 00:18:51,173 How come our collars aren't green?
- 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,942 Obviously because someone doesn't know how to put
- 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,511 his collar on, and one of me is stuck trying to help him.
- 00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:56,804 Don't blame this on me.
- 00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:58,239 You're the one that couldn't fix a latch.
- 00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,699 What are you talking about? It's not broken, Morty.
- 00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,183 I fixed it. Just put it on.
- 00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,018 It won't close. It's broken.
- 00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,853 Fine, bring it here.
- 00:19:04,937 --> 00:19:06,188 Oh!
- 00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,065 - Rick! - Morty!
- 00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:10,901 Oh, really, Morty? Well, I'm sorry.
- 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,570 I'm not the one who's so fucking uncertain about everything.
- 00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:14,839 You know what I'm certain of, Rick?
- 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,490 I've really made up my mind about this.
- 00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,116 I never want to see you again!
- 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,345 You're never gonna see anything again, you little dummy!
- 00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:22,788 You killed us!
- 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,206 God damn it.
- 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,290 ♪♪
- 00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:30,796 Rick! Oh!
- 00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:32,273 Morty, where's your collar? I'll fix it.
- 00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:33,924 I dropped it.
- 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,595 What the hell? What have you done to me, Morty?
- 00:19:39,972 --> 00:19:42,516 I'm okay with this. Be good, Morty.
- 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,268 Be better than me.
- 00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:47,771 Oh shit! The other collar!
- 00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:50,357 I'm not okay with this. I am not okay with this!
- 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,751 Oh, sweet Jesus, please let me live.
- 00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:53,419 Oh, my god, I have to... I've got to fix this thing.
- 00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,237 Please, god in heaven. Please, God.
- 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,822 Oh, lord, hear my prayers.
- 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,949 Yes! Fuck you, God!
- 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,326 Not today, bitch!
- 00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:03,596 Please, God, if there's a hell, please be merciful to me.
- 00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:07,666 Yes, I did it! There is no God!
- 00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:09,001 In your face!
- 00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:10,878 One dot, motherfucker!
- 00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,462 Yes! Oh, yes!
- 00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:15,382 All right, you know what I'm talking about.
- 00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:16,818 - Oh, that was a close call. - Oh, yeah!
- 00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:18,343 I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty.
- 00:20:18,427 --> 00:20:19,487 - Oh, yeah, do it. - Check me out.
- 00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:20,572 I'm doing the Cabbage Patch.
- 00:20:20,596 --> 00:20:21,906 - Do it right. - I'm doing it, too.
- 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,199 - Do the cabbage patch. - It's a classic dance.
- 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,100 - Do it. Do the dance. - Oh shit look at that.
- 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,579 Hey, wait a second, how come you guys took longer to get here?
- 00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:30,939 I don't know. I think, like, 1/64 of my collars didn't work.
- 00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:32,441 It's hard to keep straight now
- 00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,651 that I have 63 other memories of everything.
- 00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:35,735 Yeah.
- 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,362 But I feel like one of the 64 Ricks,
- 00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:38,864 like, sacrificed himself for me?
- 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:41,575 - Maybe? I think? - Shut up, Morty.
- 00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,952 The last time you felt something, we all almost died.
- 00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:45,412 You little piece of shit.
- 00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:46,747 Hey, guys, we're home.
- 00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:47,956 Mom! Dad!
- 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,708 Uh, hold the phone.
- 00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:52,294 Where did you guys get those necklaces from?
- 00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,671 Uh, Lady Gaga, table for three. Am I right?
- 00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:56,882 Are you guys Power Rangers,
- 00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,526 but only on one small part of your necks?
- 00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,093 Hey, do those things need batteries?
- 00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:01,863 Were they included? Cleanup in the fruit aisle.
- 00:21:01,887 --> 00:21:04,222 Not in a homophobic way, though.
- 00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,075 They're just fruity necklaces is what I was saying.
- 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,099 I'm gonna pee my pants!
- 00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:08,060 Somebody call the planet of "Tron"!
- 00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,245 Doesn't feel so good, does it?
- 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,103 We have three "Tron" people over here.
- 00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:11,897 No, it doesn't. It hurts.
- 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,107 Seriously, are these halloween costumes?
- 00:21:14,191 --> 00:21:15,400 Are you going as motorcycles
- 00:21:15,484 --> 00:21:17,244 with green headlights instead of normal ones?
- 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,321 Are you dogs? Robot dogs?
- 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,782 Gosh, you guys are lame.
- 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,742 Are those chokers from the '90s?
- 00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:26,495 What is this, a '90s nostalgia thing?
- 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:30,040 Are you guys in that movie "The Craft" with Fairuza Balk?
- 00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,328 Hey, man, when the hell were you?
- 00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:09,705 Looking for you, asshole.
- 00:22:09,788 --> 00:22:11,206 I told you past the dinosaurs.
- 00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:13,542 You know how much time is past the dinosaurs?
- 00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:14,751 Half of all time!
- 00:22:14,835 --> 00:22:15,853 Come on, man. It's this way.
- 00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:17,021 - Come on. - Give me that thing.
- 00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:18,272 Speed it up. He can't be this far back.
- 00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:19,649 No, no, there he is. There he is. There he is.
- 00:22:19,673 --> 00:22:20,966 There he is. Stop, stop.
- 00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:23,176 - So, that's the guy, huh? - Yeah, that's him.
- 00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:24,845 Hey, man. Remember me?
- 00:22:24,928 --> 00:22:26,531 I got something for your ass.
- 00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,557 Don't... mess... with time!
- 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,892 You don't fuck with time!
- 00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:31,977 Motherfucker!
- 00:22:37,566 --> 00:22:41,111 I will mess with time.
- 00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:42,779 I will mess with time.
- 00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:45,407 Did you get any of that?
- 00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:47,492 It's a good show.
- 00:00:10,345 --> 00:00:12,347 [Vacuum running]
- 00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:14,683 Hurry up, Morty.
- 00:00:14,766 --> 00:00:16,351 Grandpa's about to un-freeze time.
- 00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:18,603 You really should be cleaning from top to bottom.
- 00:00:18,687 --> 00:00:20,522 I know how to vacuum mom and dad, Summer.
- 00:00:20,605 --> 00:00:22,190 I've been doing it for six months.
- 00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:24,693 Then you've been doing it wrong for six months.
- 00:00:24,776 --> 00:00:26,486 Oh, my god, is that mildew?
- 00:00:26,569 --> 00:00:28,655 It's not my fault we froze time on a humid day.
- 00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:31,825 You have dropped so many balls, man.
- 00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:33,827 Do you ever get scared Grandpa Rick
- 00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:35,662 might make me his new sidekick?
- 00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:37,622 What?! What kind of monster are you?
- 00:00:37,706 --> 00:00:38,998 A competent one.
- 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,267 Who cares about the [burps] things you guys are
- 00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:41,418 talking about?
- 00:00:41,501 --> 00:00:42,853 [Burps] the whole point of freezing time was to
- 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,879 stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad,
- 00:00:44,963 --> 00:00:47,215 and let's get this dumb universe rolling.
- 00:00:47,298 --> 00:00:48,925 Let's do this thing.
- 00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:53,680 All right, listen, you two.
- 00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,557 We froze time for a pretty long time,
- 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:56,766 so when I un-freeze it,
- 00:00:56,850 --> 00:00:58,351 the world's time is gonna be fine,
- 00:00:58,435 --> 00:01:00,270 but our time's gonna need a little time
- 00:01:00,353 --> 00:01:01,604 to, you know, stabilize.
- 00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:02,790 Our time is gonna be unstable?
- 00:01:02,814 --> 00:01:04,357 What does that even mean?
- 00:01:04,441 --> 00:01:06,443 It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty.
- 00:01:06,526 --> 00:01:08,403 Uh, I thought you learned that by now.
- 00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:09,964 It also means don't touch your parents,
- 00:01:09,988 --> 00:01:11,882 or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards.
- 00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:14,284 - Wait a minute, what? - And away we go!
- 00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:15,493 [Device warbles]
- 00:01:15,577 --> 00:01:16,578 ♪♪
- 00:01:19,539 --> 00:01:21,875 Um... did we ever put that mattress under Mr. Benson?
- 00:01:21,958 --> 00:01:23,418 - Shhh. - Shush, Morty.
- 00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:25,587 ...a thing or two about... Wait, what?
- 00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:27,589 Was the house... When we pulled up,
- 00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:30,508 I could have sworn the house was completely trashed.
- 00:01:30,592 --> 00:01:31,843 Negative visualization, Jerry.
- 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,678 Explains a lot about where you're at.
- 00:01:33,762 --> 00:01:35,638 - Hi, sweetie. - Hi, dad.
- 00:01:35,722 --> 00:01:37,599 Summer, Morty, are you okay?
- 00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:39,517 We... we just missed you a lot.
- 00:01:39,601 --> 00:01:41,227 Yeah, we missed you so much.
- 00:01:41,311 --> 00:01:42,729 Too much to hug you, though.
- 00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,439 Yeah, it would literally destroy them.
- 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,333 Now, listen, why don't... Why don't... wh-why don't...
- 00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:47,960 Why don't you guys go get a free Sunday ice cream?
- 00:01:47,984 --> 00:01:49,486 Get out there and get some ice creams.
- 00:01:49,569 --> 00:01:51,863 Here's $500 cash in unmarked monies.
- 00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:53,740 I'm just gonna put it on the floor
- 00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:55,408 and kick it on over to ya.
- 00:01:55,492 --> 00:01:57,494 - You guys go nuts. - This better not be a bribe.
- 00:01:57,577 --> 00:02:00,622 If I find a single thing out of place in this house,
- 00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:02,791 my love of ice cream won't save you.
- 00:02:02,874 --> 00:02:04,417 I'll get my jacket.
- 00:02:04,501 --> 00:02:07,670 Sweetie, is your shirt on backwards?
- 00:02:07,754 --> 00:02:09,464 [All gasp]
- 00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:11,883 Yeah. I like it this way.
- 00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,343 I'm not stupid.
- 00:02:13,426 --> 00:02:14,636 - Phew! - Oh.
- 00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:16,471 Man, that guy is the Redgren Grumbholdt
- 00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,389 of pretending he knows what's going on.
- 00:02:18,473 --> 00:02:19,599 [Rick and Summer laugh]
- 00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:20,951 - Oh, you agree, huh? - It's funny.
- 00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:21,893 You like that Redgren Grumbholdt reference?
- 00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:22,976 Yeah.
- 00:02:23,019 --> 00:02:24,521 Well, guess what? I made him up.
- 00:02:24,604 --> 00:02:26,189 You really are your father's children.
- 00:02:26,272 --> 00:02:28,024 Think for yourselves. Don't be sheep.
- 00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:32,987 [Dramatic electronic music plays]
- 00:02:56,928 --> 00:02:59,556 [Electricity crackles]
- 00:03:05,562 --> 00:03:06,896 God, I feel terrible.
- 00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:08,523 Yep, it really makes you appreciate
- 00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:09,899 how fickle the Universe can be.
- 00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:12,527 One minute you're falling off a roof for six months,
- 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:13,862 the next minute, bam!
- 00:03:13,945 --> 00:03:15,780 Uh, just to be clear, it was Summer's job
- 00:03:15,864 --> 00:03:17,240 to put the mattress under...
- 00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:18,658 Uh, what? It was your job, Morty.
- 00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:19,826 - Nuh-uh! - Yuh-huh!
- 00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:21,244 Actually, sorry, Summer.
- 00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,596 I got to back the "M" bomb on this one.
- 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:24,080 I remember the conversation.
- 00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:26,583 We told Morty to replace all the bank's money with cookies.
- 00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:28,710 Your job was to put the mattress under Mr. Benson.
- 00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:31,004 Boom! In your face, Summer!
- 00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:32,755 You really dropped the ball, man.
- 00:03:32,839 --> 00:03:34,841 Shut up, Morty, you vindictive little turd!
- 00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:38,011 You shut up, you big female asshole!
- 00:03:38,094 --> 00:03:39,387 [Warbles] Hey, don't shove me!
- 00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:40,638 - I didn't! - You didn't what?
- 00:03:40,722 --> 00:03:42,265 - What's your problem? - What's yours?
- 00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,433 - Shut up! - You shut up!
- 00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:44,809 [Rumbling] - Wh-whoa, whoa!
- 00:03:44,893 --> 00:03:47,228 What the [echoing] hell, hell, hell, hell, hell?
- 00:03:47,312 --> 00:03:49,480 [Echoing] Oh, god. Oh, no. What did you guys just do?
- 00:03:49,564 --> 00:03:50,791 - What did who do? - What do you mean?
- 00:03:50,815 --> 00:03:52,734 Wait, what am I saying? - [burps] Were either
- 00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:54,819 of you guys uncertain about anything just now?
- 00:03:54,903 --> 00:03:56,487 Oh, man, I don't feel good.
- 00:03:56,571 --> 00:03:57,923 - Am I me? - Am I talking right now?
- 00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:59,532 - I think so. - Wait, who said that?
- 00:03:59,616 --> 00:04:01,284 All right, both of you just don't move.
- 00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:04,704 Don't speak, don't think. I have to check something.
- 00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:05,890 - What'd you do, Morty? - I'm gonna help grandpa.
- 00:04:05,914 --> 00:04:07,081 I'll see if he needs help.
- 00:04:07,165 --> 00:04:08,434 <i>What do you mean you're gonna help him?</i>
- 00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:09,959 [scoffs] I can help, too.
- 00:04:10,043 --> 00:04:11,312 - What's happening, Grandpa? - What's going on, Rick?
- 00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:12,879 Sh-sh-shut up.
- 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:15,465 Oh, crap, are you kidding me? Two dots?
- 00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:17,175 This never needs to be more than one dot.
- 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,593 The two of you made us uncertain!
- 00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:19,594 - What are you talking about? - What's that mean?
- 00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:20,779 - English, please. - English?
- 00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:23,306 Our time is fractured... You two somehow created
- 00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,725 a feedback look of uncertainty that split our reality
- 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,269 into two equally possible impossibilities.
- 00:04:28,353 --> 00:04:30,605 W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining
- 00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:33,399 a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker.
- 00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:35,401 We're entirely hypothetical.
- 00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:37,528 But I thought there were infinite time lines?
- 00:04:37,612 --> 00:04:39,614 We're not on any time line, dummy.
- 00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:41,699 Look. [cat meows]
- 00:04:41,783 --> 00:04:42,951 Oh, my god!
- 00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:44,369 SUMMER: Are those cats?
- 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,496 I assume they're Schrodinger's cats.
- 00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,914 Or, actually, I assume
- 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:49,624 they both are and aren't, just like us.
- 00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,334 - Is the world gone? - Is the world gone?
- 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,853 - Where are mom and dad? - What about mom and dad?
- 00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:55,338 Mom and dad? Get your head out of your family's ass.
- 00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,548 The three of us are lost in a timeless oblivion.
- 00:04:57,632 --> 00:04:59,008 Your parents get to exist.
- 00:04:59,092 --> 00:05:01,344 They're probably living it up in some pointless,
- 00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:03,513 grounded story about their shitty marriage.
- 00:05:03,596 --> 00:05:05,431 JERRY: Cold stone creamery is the best.
- 00:05:05,515 --> 00:05:08,434 What should we do with our remaining $20?
- 00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:11,312 You realize they sing no matter how much you tip?
- 00:05:11,396 --> 00:05:12,939 - Whoa! - Aaah!
- 00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:14,357 Holy shit.
- 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,025 - What happened? - I hit a deer.
- 00:05:16,109 --> 00:05:18,361 We... we have to tell the cops you were driving.
- 00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:20,613 - What? - This is rum raisin!
- 00:05:22,949 --> 00:05:24,534 It's still alive.
- 00:05:24,617 --> 00:05:28,037 Well, do we... do I, uh, get, uh, a big rock, or...?
- 00:05:28,121 --> 00:05:29,789 It's not an armadillo, asshole.
- 00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,672 I thought that's what a man's supposed to say.
- 00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,389 It's not like I could've actually done it.
- 00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:35,378 If we were near a hospital, I could treat it,
- 00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,838 but I... I think we have to just...
- 00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:39,507 It's okay. This is just something that happens.
- 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,301 And even if we were in a hospital, what could we do?
- 00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,554 You're a horse surgeon, not a deer surgeon.
- 00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:45,763 So...?
- 00:05:45,847 --> 00:05:47,306 Well, don't different animals...
- 00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:48,909 require different levels of skill to keep alive?
- 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,573 - Oh, god. Get the deer in the car, Jerry.
- 00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:51,894 Yes, Beth.
- 00:05:51,978 --> 00:05:53,896 This is why you don't freeze time, you guys.
- 00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:55,565 It's incredibly irresponsible.
- 00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:57,888 And you did it so we could clean the house after a party?
- 00:05:57,942 --> 00:06:00,528 Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty.
- 00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,363 Like, literally no time. Look around.
- 00:06:02,447 --> 00:06:04,699 Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable.
- 00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,868 Eventually, everything either is or isn't.
- 00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:09,370 And we've got about four hours to be "Is."
- 00:06:09,454 --> 00:06:11,497 - Or...? - We isn't.
- 00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:13,225 All right, since this time crystal exists in both
- 00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:14,250 possibilities,
- 00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:16,627 and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this,
- 00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:18,463 I'm probably about to press this button
- 00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,631 in both possibilities at exactly the same time.
- 00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:22,317 - How do you know... - How do you know that...
- 00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:23,944 Whatever your asking me, the answer is I'm amazing.
- 00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:25,887 And away we go.
- 00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:26,971 [Warbling]
- 00:06:29,057 --> 00:06:31,601 Huh, what do you know. It's working.
- 00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:34,312 - Ow, ow, ow! - Oh shit.
- 00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,481 What the hell is wrong with you two?
- 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,732 I-I-I-I mean you four!
- 00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,692 BOTH: That hurt! That was painful.
- 00:06:39,776 --> 00:06:41,736 Good, I'm glad it was painful. You deserve it.
- 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,530 I saw you. Y-you're both [burps] all over the damn place.
- 00:06:44,614 --> 00:06:46,699 We've been split for 20 minutes and your lives
- 00:06:46,783 --> 00:06:49,035 are already scattered to the quantum fucking wind?
- 00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:50,745 What the hell do either of you two
- 00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,289 have to be so uncertain about? Your brand of zit cream?
- 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,374 Which chair to sit in while I do everything?
- 00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:56,626 Come on, spit it out!
- 00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:57,627 Well, you don't exactly make it easy, Rick.
- 00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,045 You make fun of me all the time...
- 00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,689 You're always picking on me... ...and now Summer's doing it.
- 00:07:00,713 --> 00:07:01,547 ...and now you got Summer to kiss your ass.
- 00:07:01,631 --> 00:07:03,049 Me?! What about you?
- 00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:04,193 You're just as mean to me because you're jealous...
- 00:07:04,217 --> 00:07:05,235 could you get more excited to see me fail?
- 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,820 Because you want grandpa all to yourself!
- 00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:08,697 All right, all right, cool it. I see what's happening here.
- 00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:10,348 You're both young, you're both unsure
- 00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,724 about your place in the universe,
- 00:07:11,808 --> 00:07:13,601 and you both want to be Grandpa's favorite.
- 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,394 I can fix this. Morty, sit here.
- 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,979 Summer, you sit here. Now, listen.
- 00:07:17,063 --> 00:07:18,648 I know the two of you are very different
- 00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:20,000 from each other in a lot of ways,
- 00:07:20,024 --> 00:07:21,400 but you have to understand
- 00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:22,902 that as far as Grandpa's concerned,
- 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:24,612 you're both pieces of shit. Yeah.
- 00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:25,947 I can prove it mathematically.
- 00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,657 Actually, I-I-let me grab my white board.
- 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,408 This has been a long time coming, anyway.
- 00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,327 [Tires screech]
- 00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:33,037 Emergency! Wounded deer coming in.
- 00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:34,747 [Air hissing] - Three.
- 00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:36,582 Excuse me, you can't be back here.
- 00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:38,251 I'm a certified horse surgeon,
- 00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,002 and this deer needs medical attention.
- 00:07:40,086 --> 00:07:42,547 - Nurse, please move that snake. - That's <i>my</i> nurse.
- 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,507 And as a horse surgeon, I'm sure that you know
- 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:47,677 that deer have much smaller, much more intricate organs.
- 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,762 As a vet, I'm sure you know that a deer
- 00:07:49,846 --> 00:07:52,265 is closer to a horse than you are to a doctor.
- 00:07:52,348 --> 00:07:54,725 So let's save the measuring for when our dicks are out.
- 00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:56,477 - It's time to save a life! - Geez.
- 00:07:56,561 --> 00:07:57,895 [Grunts, sighs]
- 00:07:57,979 --> 00:08:00,648 That's odd. This deer's wounded.
- 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,733 Uh, yeah, I was there. You don't have to rub it in.
- 00:08:02,817 --> 00:08:04,944 I mean it's been shot with a gun.
- 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:06,988 MAN: My gun.
- 00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:08,823 May I help <i>you,</i> sir?
- 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,534 No, but you can stop helping this deer.
- 00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,578 I shot it before these two hit it with their car,
- 00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,305 and I followed them when they hauled it off.
- 00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:16,706 This deer belongs to me.
- 00:08:16,789 --> 00:08:18,708 [Sighs] We don't have time for this, okay?
- 00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:20,585 I need anaesthetic and deer saline.
- 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,712 Look, I don't know what the law says about this,
- 00:08:22,795 --> 00:08:25,965 but I took an oath that I would let no animal come to harm.
- 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,818 Except when sterilizing, aborting, or euthanizing them,
- 00:08:27,842 --> 00:08:30,136 or also when eating them at also any meal.
- 00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:31,762 I'm calling my lawyer.
- 00:08:31,846 --> 00:08:33,448 I hope for all our sakes you're as bad a surgeon
- 00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:34,472 as I am a hunter.
- 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,392 In your dreams, bitch. Scalpel.
- 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:39,812 So, in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial,
- 00:08:39,896 --> 00:08:41,647 overly sensitive, clingy,
- 00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,983 hysterical, bird-brained homunculi.
- 00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,419 And I honestly can't even tell the two of you apart
- 00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:46,527 half the time
- 00:08:46,611 --> 00:08:47,838 because I don't go by height or age,
- 00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,614 I go by amount of pain in my ass,
- 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,073 which makes you both identical.
- 00:08:51,157 --> 00:08:52,491 All right, everything resolved?
- 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,328 Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world.
- 00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:56,329 BOTH: - Yes.
- 00:08:56,412 --> 00:08:57,747 All right, perfect. Sit still.
- 00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,707 [Burps] arms down. I'm gonna do this again.
- 00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,667 This time be like Grandpa.
- 00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:02,877 You mean drunk?
- 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,670 What's that? You got something to say?
- 00:09:04,754 --> 00:09:05,754 - No. - And away we go!
- 00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,925 And away we go!
- 00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:11,802 - Huh, that's weird. - Huh, that's weird.
- 00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:13,763 [Button clicking]
- 00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:14,889 - Oh, my god. - What?
- 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:15,890 The son of a bitch is gonna kill me!
- 00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:16,973 What?!
- 00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:17,850 The son of a bitch is gonna kill me!
- 00:09:17,934 --> 00:09:18,851 What?!
- 00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:20,311 Diabolical, unfeeling sociopath.
- 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:21,747 - Don't you get it?! - Don't you get it?!
- 00:09:21,771 --> 00:09:23,898 The other Rick isn't trying to merge us anymore.
- 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,250 He thinks he can save his own skin
- 00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,859 by using the crystal to kill me.
- 00:09:26,943 --> 00:09:28,819 He probably figures it's [belches] easier
- 00:09:28,903 --> 00:09:29,779 to eliminate one of the possibilities
- 00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:30,988 rather than merge them.
- 00:09:31,072 --> 00:09:32,198 [laughs] I have to admit,
- 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:33,991 it was always in the back of my mind, too.
- 00:09:34,075 --> 00:09:35,995 The difference is I would never do it, until now.
- 00:09:36,035 --> 00:09:37,179 Rick, what the hell are you doing?
- 00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:38,746 Saving our lives!
- 00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:41,141 After he takes me out, he's... He's gonna be coming for you.
- 00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:42,333 - Who? - Me!
- 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,793 [Gunshot] - Aah!
- 00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:45,336 - Whoa! - You see that? Get down!
- 00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:47,213 I told you, he's a psycho. He's lost it!
- 00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,423 Th-th-th-the time fracture must have made him crazy!
- 00:09:49,507 --> 00:09:50,692 - I don't know what to do! - Oh, crap!
- 00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:52,718 - I don't know what to do! [rumbling]
- 00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:54,428 [Device beeps]
- 00:09:54,512 --> 00:09:56,097 Oh, god, now there's three of them.
- 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,699 We're outnumbered. Get in the cupboards.
- 00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:58,975 Wait, don't... Don't do that.
- 00:09:59,058 --> 00:10:00,393 They'll know. Wait, wait.
- 00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:01,870 Think about getting in the cupboards, but don't really.
- 00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:03,896 [Gunshots] [screams]
- 00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:06,691 Is this what you want, you sick fuck?!
- 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,734 You want to see children die?!
- 00:10:08,818 --> 00:10:09,819 You son of a bitch.
- 00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,196 You don't stop living until I say so!
- 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,197 - Michael.
- 00:10:13,281 --> 00:10:14,699 - Who's this now? - My lawyer.
- 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,593 I'm here to notify you, ma'am, that in this county,
- 00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,077 any deer shot by a hunter
- 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,621 is that hunter's property regardless of how far it runs
- 00:10:20,705 --> 00:10:22,915 or who intercepts it before it dies.
- 00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:24,417 It's called Brad's law.
- 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,960 We can't make you stop the surgery,
- 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,129 but at this point, you're performing it on venison.
- 00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:30,339 Actually, I've decided not to eat it.
- 00:10:30,423 --> 00:10:34,302 All this fear and conflict... I'm sure it's ruined the meat.
- 00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:36,679 I'm just gonna use the head for my rec-room wall.
- 00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,681 She normally works on horses.
- 00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,784 Jerry, if you're not gonna help, get the fuck out of here.
- 00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,476 I will reach into heaven
- 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,979 and yank your screaming deer soul back!
- 00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:46,062 Jesus.
- 00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:48,107 Shh, shh!
- 00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:50,067 I know where you are, you creepy old monster.
- 00:10:50,151 --> 00:10:51,277 I know how you think.
- 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,195 Oh, is there where you think I'm going?
- 00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:54,399 You think I'm standing here?
- 00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:55,865 Well, maybe you're right.
- 00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,825 [Morty grunts] [Rick groans]
- 00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,035 SUMMER: Holy shit. Now what?
- 00:10:59,118 --> 00:11:00,512 Well, if all of me knocked out all the Ricks,
- 00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:02,163 and you peed in all of your pants,
- 00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,165 doesn't that mean that we're all synchronized?
- 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,458 - Right. - Okay.
- 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,918 So, from now on, whatever we do, we have to be certain.
- 00:11:08,002 --> 00:11:09,003 Right.
- 00:11:09,462 --> 00:11:12,214 I think I'm certain we're effed in the "A."
- 00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:18,012 Oh, god, my head.
- 00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,722 [Groans] What did you guys do?
- 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:22,683 We put you in a dog crate because you were acting crazy
- 00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:24,226 and you caused another time fracture.
- 00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:25,644 You tried to kill yourself.
- 00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:27,271 O-only in self-defense.
- 00:11:27,355 --> 00:11:28,814 Myself tried to kill me first.
- 00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:30,459 Guys, I don't expect you to understand this,
- 00:11:30,483 --> 00:11:32,318 but time breaking twice means our problem is
- 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:35,321 two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it.
- 00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:37,341 Well, actually, I do expect you to understand that.
- 00:11:37,365 --> 00:11:39,909 It's basic math. C-can somebody just let me out of here?
- 00:11:39,992 --> 00:11:41,327 If I die in a cage, I lose a bet.
- 00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,079 Well, is there some way you can prove
- 00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:45,098 you're not a threat to yourself and others anymore?
- 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:46,522 Oh, for god's sake. All right, here.
- 00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,622 - Give me the time crystal. - Wh-what are you doing?
- 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:51,003 Calling myself. Here, listen.
- 00:11:51,087 --> 00:11:52,522 It'll [burps] probably go to voice-mail
- 00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,090 since, you know, I'm calling myself.
- 00:11:54,173 --> 00:11:56,050 <i>Hello, Rick here.</i>
- 00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,277 Don't fall for it. It's a bit.
- 00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:58,761 <i>Just kidding! Ha, ha!</i>
- 00:11:58,844 --> 00:11:59,929 <i>You just got Ricked.</i>
- 00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:01,281 <i>You've reached Rick's voice-mail.</i>
- 00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:02,366 <i>You know what to do. [beep</i>]
- 00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:03,599 Hey, Rick. It's Rick.
- 00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,060 Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. No hard feelings.
- 00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:08,104 I know you know I mean it, too. Take it easy.
- 00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:10,272 Whoa, damn! Look at this.
- 00:12:10,356 --> 00:12:11,941 I'm blowing up... Three new voicemails.
- 00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:13,317 <i>Hey, Rick. It's Rick.</i>
- 00:12:13,401 --> 00:12:14,544 <i>Listen, I'm sorry about earlier.</i>
- 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:15,486 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard this one.
- 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:16,821 <i>Hey, Rick. It's Rick.</i>
- 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,948 <i>Hey, Rick, it's... - You get the idea.</i>
- 00:12:19,031 --> 00:12:20,366 [burps] W-we're cool now.
- 00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:22,677 Okay, well, we're still not gonna let you out of this crate.
- 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,370 Fine. I'll just do it myself.
- 00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:26,831 If you could get out that whole time, why didn't you?
- 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,666 Because I waited until I was certain
- 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,251 it was what I wanted to do, Morty.
- 00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:31,728 That's the difference between you and me.
- 00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,087 I'm certain, and you're
- 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,256 a walking burlap sack filled with turds.
- 00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:36,507 You know, geez, Rick!
- 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,467 Y-y-you're really tearing into me right now.
- 00:12:38,551 --> 00:12:39,593 You know, words hurt.
- 00:12:39,677 --> 00:12:41,095 - Holy! - A monster!
- 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:42,888 Hey, you... Hey, quit yelling.
- 00:12:42,972 --> 00:12:45,641 Quit yelling. What the fuck
- 00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,726 your time is all ripped up to hell!
- 00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:49,395 [Warbles] You broke your time twice.
- 00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,105 - [Sighs] - How did this happen?
- 00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:52,249 [All speaking indistinctly]
- 00:12:52,273 --> 00:12:55,234 Nevermind. Shut the fuck up. Goddamn.
- 00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,194 I'm from the fourth dimension.
- 00:12:57,278 --> 00:12:58,821 I can hear all of y'all.
- 00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,824 Now let's just see what we got here for a second.
- 00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,533 - [Groans] - Goddamn it.
- 00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,410 Were you trying to use this to...
- 00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:07,413 Oh, see, you broke time, and you thought you could
- 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,415 just stick it back together with this?
- 00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:10,600 How you think you gonna move time
- 00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:11,834 while you're standing in it,
- 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,295 you dumb-ass three-dimensional monkey-ass dummies?
- 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:15,629 Oh, way to go, Rick.
- 00:13:15,713 --> 00:13:17,131 Yeah, Grandpa, way to go.
- 00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,942 What, you're just gonna listen to this guy now?
- 00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,843 He's got a giant testicle for a head.
- 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,178 He came here in a bubble.
- 00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:23,381 For all we know, he could be
- 00:13:23,429 --> 00:13:25,848 the David Berkowitz of Nutsackland.
- 00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:28,142 Shut up. Here, put these on.
- 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:29,727 They'll sync your possibilities up
- 00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,687 so I can bring you back to certain time.
- 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,190 Y'all are just... Just... just negligent.
- 00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:35,941 See, now... Now look right here.
- 00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:38,194 Hey, hey, hey, the three of you, put your collars on.
- 00:13:38,277 --> 00:13:39,504 - We have them on. - What are you talking about?
- 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,714 - Uh, we did. - We're not wearing collars.
- 00:13:40,738 --> 00:13:42,448 Exactly. 'Cause you're being obstinate.
- 00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:43,574 [Belches] What?
- 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:46,285 Put the damn collars on if you want to live.
- 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,679 - They're on right now. - We did. They're on.
- 00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:50,039 All right, fine. Summer, Morty, put them on.
- 00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:51,749 [Device beeps]
- 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:52,833 [Warbling]
- 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,603 - Yes, we're back! - No more cats!
- 00:13:54,627 --> 00:13:56,467 - We're back in certain time. - Problem solved.
- 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:57,647 No more cats! Oh, you did it!
- 00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,507 - You fixed it. - Yeah, I did.
- 00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:01,175 Now keep those collars on so you
- 00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,698 don't break your weak-ass time again.
- 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,970 How long, exactly, do we have to wear these things?
- 00:14:05,054 --> 00:14:06,222 They're really embarrassing.
- 00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:08,474 Well, since you're going to time prison,
- 00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,060 I'd say you can keep them on forever.
- 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:12,478 - Time prison? - Yeah.
- 00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,480 Well, I don't know where you expect me to think
- 00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,106 you got that crystal over there,
- 00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:20,027 but the only way your dumb-ass assin' ass asses
- 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,655 could ever have one is if it was stolen.
- 00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,407 You stole a time-freezing crystal from testicle monsters?!
- 00:14:25,491 --> 00:14:28,077 I would've been happy to pay for it, s... [burps] Summer,
- 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,162 but they don't exactly sell them at Costco.
- 00:14:30,246 --> 00:14:32,998 Besides, there's a larger lesson to be learned here. Get him!
- 00:14:33,082 --> 00:14:34,476 No, no, no, no! You better keep back!
- 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,085 Man, this will turn your ass
- 00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:38,212 into a third-trimester fetus from 30 yards.
- 00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:40,297 [Monitor beeping]
- 00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:41,590 Mm.
- 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:44,718 Isn't there a kitten somewhere that needs a manicure?
- 00:14:44,802 --> 00:14:47,221 That's right, Mrs. Smith. Give in to your anger.
- 00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:49,390 Neglect that deer.
- 00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:51,308 Honey, it's gonna be okay.
- 00:14:51,392 --> 00:14:53,227 These men are from the Cervine Institute
- 00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:54,979 of of elk, moose, deer, and stag.
- 00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,730 They can take this deer to a helicopter
- 00:14:56,814 --> 00:14:58,941 and fly it to the country's top deer surgeon
- 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,235 on a wildlife reserve across the state border.
- 00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,487 Where your jurisdiction ends.
- 00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,116 I guess that's the end of that.
- 00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:08,659 There is just one more thing.
- 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,328 According to this state's Veterinarian statute,
- 00:15:11,412 --> 00:15:13,247 this animal can't be transferred
- 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,291 until the current attending physician
- 00:15:15,374 --> 00:15:17,960 verbally confirms their inability
- 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,670 to provide adequate care.
- 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,089 You heard the man, horse doctor.
- 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:25,551 You have to say you couldn't hack it.
- 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:28,387 We did it!
- 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:30,306 Uh-huh. No, mother... no. Earth, dude.
- 00:15:30,389 --> 00:15:32,641 No, I'm talking about... Yeah, with the dinosaurs.
- 00:15:32,725 --> 00:15:35,311 No, if you get to the dolphin people, you gone too far.
- 00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:37,479 All right, man, I'll talk to you later. Okay.
- 00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:39,106 You know what they do
- 00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:41,029 to third-dimensional life forms in time prison?
- 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,253 Same thing they do in every other prison, only forever.
- 00:15:43,277 --> 00:15:44,570 Why are you doing this?
- 00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,989 You think I want to be an omniscient immortal being
- 00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,712 transcending time and space my whole life?
- 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,117 I got ambitions, man.
- 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,036 Bringing you guys in is my ticket up.
- 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:55,039 What if I told you there's a huge ticket
- 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,248 up right behind you?
- 00:15:56,332 --> 00:15:57,475 You really think I'm that stupid?
- 00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,168 All right, hear me out on this.
- 00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:01,187 You're immortal, right, which means your life is infinite.
- 00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,131 Okay, well, then that means there's a 100% chance
- 00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:04,608 that you'll eventually do everything,
- 00:16:04,632 --> 00:16:07,009 including turning around to look behind you.
- 00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,218 I cannot argue that.
- 00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:10,012 [Thud!] - Aaah!
- 00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:12,306 [Squeals] - Oh, god, gross and weird!
- 00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,475 - Chris! [splat!]
- 00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,018 You killed my gun!
- 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:17,537 RICK: Summer, Morty, take off your collars.
- 00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:19,188 What? What the hell are you doing?
- 00:16:19,271 --> 00:16:23,609 Good question. I suppose the answer is I'm not certain.
- 00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:25,194 Oh, no, what are you doing?
- 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:26,987 - I have no idea. - I'm not sure.
- 00:16:27,071 --> 00:16:28,447 Stop it!
- 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:31,116 [Echoing] Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
- 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,202 I'm really uncertain about everything,
- 00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:34,495 even kicking your ass.
- 00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:36,038 List... hey! Tw... ow!
- 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:38,123 But the... these arms are vestigial! [grunts]
- 00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,726 Now, you poked me where an eye would've been
- 00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,502 about 6 million years ago.
- 00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:43,504 SUMMER: [echoing] Come on, let's help Grandpa.
- 00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:45,964 MORTY: [echoing] Yes! I'm 100% not sure about anything!
- 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,633 Yeah, totally uncertain.
- 00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,510 Beat his ass! Get him! Beat him up!
- 00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,970 - Kick his ass, Rick! - Die, motherfucker.
- 00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,347 Ow! I'm defeated.
- 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,349 - What's happening? - Time is falling apart.
- 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:56,701 We've got to get back to certainty quick.
- 00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,185 Give me your collars.
- 00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,163 Oh, man. Don't you have to fix, like, 30 of them?
- 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,563 Morty, I have to fix three of them.
- 00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:03,315 And then there's 31 other versions of me
- 00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:05,984 that have to also fix three, for a total of 96.
- 00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,278 I'm not an idiot. I know how to be decisive.
- 00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:09,881 Now hand me that flat-head screwdriver.
- 00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:12,258 - Actually, make it a flat-head. - Actually, make it a phillips.
- 00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:13,951 Oh, shit.
- 00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:17,830 Look, I know I was kind of a nuisance today.
- 00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:19,415 I know it's my fault we hit the deer.
- 00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,542 And I know you wanted to be the one to save it.
- 00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:22,626 Whatever.
- 00:17:23,669 --> 00:17:25,379 How petty would I have to be to care less
- 00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,798 about an animal's life than my own ego?
- 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:31,427 Well, you'd have to be pretty petty.
- 00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,512 But you'd still be the woman I married.
- 00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:35,389 [Car rattles] - Where are we going?
- 00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:37,599 One last stop.
- 00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:39,685 [Tires squeal]
- 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,146 Where's the helicopter?
- 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,106 There is no helicopter.
- 00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,150 And there is no Cervine Institute.
- 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,818 But the top deer surgeon...
- 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,695 I'm looking at her.
- 00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,005 Thanks for teeing me up like that.
- 00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,281 You better get moving.
- 00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:54,175 These lights are designed for basic ice-cream work.
- 00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,743 They're not gonna last all night.
- 00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:57,244 I need five minutes.
- 00:17:57,327 --> 00:18:00,372 [Upbeat music plays]
- 00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:31,695 Jerry, this was the most romantic weekend I've ever had.
- 00:18:31,779 --> 00:18:33,947 Thanks to Cold Stone Creamery.
- 00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:35,657 You're welcome.
- 00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:37,451 RICK: Okay, collars are done. Put them on.
- 00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:39,161 We're out of time. It's ironic, huh?
- 00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:40,245 [Beeping]
- 00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:43,290 Huh? Wait a minute.
- 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,416 - Great. - Rick!
- 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,417 What's going on?
- 00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:47,294 The collar. Oh, the latch is broken.
- 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:48,646 It won't latch closed around my neck.
- 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,731 - Oh, are you kidding me? - Geez, what's going on?
- 00:18:49,755 --> 00:18:51,173 How come our collars aren't green?
- 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,942 Obviously because someone doesn't know how to put
- 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,511 his collar on, and one of me is stuck trying to help him.
- 00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:56,804 Don't blame this on me.
- 00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:58,239 You're the one that couldn't fix a latch.
- 00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,699 What are you talking about? It's not broken, Morty.
- 00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,183 I fixed it. Just put it on.
- 00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,018 It won't close. It's broken.
- 00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,853 Fine, bring it here.
- 00:19:04,937 --> 00:19:06,188 [Groans] Oh!
- 00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,065 - Rick! - Morty!
- 00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,149 [Screams]
- 00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:10,901 Oh, really, Morty? Well, I'm sorry.
- 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,570 I'm not the one who's so fucking uncertain about everything.
- 00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:14,839 You know what I'm certain of, Rick?
- 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,490 I've really made up my mind about this.
- 00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,116 I never want to see you again!
- 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,345 You're never gonna see anything again, you little dummy!
- 00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:22,788 You killed us!
- 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,206 God damn it. [grunts]
- 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,290 ♪♪
- 00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:30,796 Rick! Oh!
- 00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:32,273 Morty, where's your collar? I'll fix it.
- 00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:33,924 I dropped it.
- 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,008 [Beeping]
- 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,595 What the hell? What have you done to me, Morty?
- 00:19:39,972 --> 00:19:42,516 I'm okay with this. Be good, Morty.
- 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,268 Be better than me.
- 00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:47,771 Oh shit! The other collar!
- 00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:50,357 I'm not okay with this. I am not okay with this!
- 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,751 Oh, sweet Jesus, please let me live.
- 00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:53,419 Oh, my god, I have to... I've got to fix this thing.
- 00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,237 Please, god in heaven. Please, God.
- 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,822 Oh, lord, hear my prayers.
- 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,949 [Collar beeps] Yes! Fuck you, God!
- 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,326 Not today, bitch!
- 00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:03,596 Please, God, if there's a hell, please be merciful to me.
- 00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,706 [Collar beeps]
- 00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:07,666 Yes, I did it! There is no God!
- 00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:09,001 In your face!
- 00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:10,878 One dot, motherfucker!
- 00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,462 Yes! Oh, yes!
- 00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:15,382 All right, you know what I'm talking about.
- 00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:16,818 - Oh, that was a close call. - Oh, yeah!
- 00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:18,343 I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty.
- 00:20:18,427 --> 00:20:19,487 - Oh, yeah, do it. - Check me out.
- 00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:20,572 I'm doing the Cabbage Patch.
- 00:20:20,596 --> 00:20:21,906 - Do it right. - I'm doing it, too.
- 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,199 - Do the cabbage patch. - It's a classic dance.
- 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,100 - Do it. Do the dance. - Oh shit look at that.
- 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,579 Hey, wait a second, how come you guys took longer to get here?
- 00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:30,939 I don't know. I think, like, 1/64 of my collars didn't work.
- 00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:32,441 It's hard to keep straight now
- 00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,651 that I have 63 other memories of everything.
- 00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:35,735 Yeah.
- 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,362 But I feel like one of the 64 Ricks,
- 00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:38,864 like, sacrificed himself for me?
- 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:41,575 - Maybe? I think? - Shut up, Morty.
- 00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,952 The last time you felt something, we all almost died.
- 00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:45,412 You little piece of shit.
- 00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:46,747 BETH: Hey, guys, we're home.
- 00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:47,956 TOGETHER: Mom! Dad!
- 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,708 Uh, hold the phone.
- 00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:52,294 Where did you guys get those necklaces from?
- 00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,671 Uh, Lady Gaga, table for three. Am I right?
- 00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:56,882 Are you guys Power Rangers,
- 00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,526 but only on one small part of your necks?
- 00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,093 Hey, do those things need batteries?
- 00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:01,863 Were they included? Cleanup in the fruit aisle.
- 00:21:01,887 --> 00:21:04,222 Not in a homophobic way, though.
- 00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,075 They're just fruity necklaces is what I was saying.
- 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,099 I'm gonna pee my pants!
- 00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:08,060 Somebody call the planet of "Tron"!
- 00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,245 Doesn't feel so good, does it?
- 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,103 We have three "Tron" people over here.
- 00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:11,897 No, it doesn't. It hurts.
- 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,107 Seriously, are these halloween costumes?
- 00:21:14,191 --> 00:21:15,400 Are you going as motorcycles
- 00:21:15,484 --> 00:21:17,244 with green headlights instead of normal ones?
- 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,321 Are you dogs? Robot dogs? [laughs]
- 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,782 Gosh, you guys are lame.
- 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,742 Are those chokers from the '90s?
- 00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:26,495 What is this, a '90s nostalgia thing?
- 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:30,040 Are you guys in that movie "The Craft" with Fairuza Balk?
- 00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:33,210 [Dramatic electronic music plays]
- 00:22:03,281 --> 00:22:04,282 [Warbling]
- 00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,328 Hey, man, when the hell were you?
- 00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:09,705 Looking for you, asshole.
- 00:22:09,788 --> 00:22:11,206 I told you past the dinosaurs.
- 00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:13,542 You know how much time is past the dinosaurs?
- 00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:14,751 Half of all time!
- 00:22:14,835 --> 00:22:15,853 Come on, man. It's this way.
- 00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:17,021 - Come on. - Give me that thing.
- 00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:18,272 Speed it up. He can't be this far back.
- 00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:19,649 No, no, there he is. There he is. There he is.
- 00:22:19,673 --> 00:22:20,966 There he is. Stop, stop.
- 00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:23,176 - So, that's the guy, huh? - Yeah, that's him.
- 00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:24,845 Hey, man. Remember me?
- 00:22:24,928 --> 00:22:26,531 I got something for your ass. [grunting]
- 00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,557 Don't... mess... with time!
- 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,892 You don't fuck with time!
- 00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:31,977 Motherfucker!
- 00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:34,896 [Warbles]
- 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,190 [Groans]
- 00:22:37,566 --> 00:22:41,111 [German accent] I will mess with time.
- 00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:42,779 [Whimpers] I will mess with time.
- 00:22:42,863 --> 00:22:43,989 [Shouting]
- 00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:45,407 MAN: Did you get any of that?
- 00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:47,492 MAN: [Italian accent] It's a good show.
- 00:00:13,517 --> 00:00:15,876 Торопись, Морти, дедушка скоро запустит время.
- 00:00:16,276 --> 00:00:18,415 Вообще-то лучше чистить сверху вниз.
- 00:00:18,615 --> 00:00:21,843 Я знаю как пылесосить маму с папой, Саммер. Я шесть месяцев это делаю.
- 00:00:22,043 --> 00:00:24,135 Ты неправильно это делаешь шесть месяцев.
- 00:00:24,335 --> 00:00:26,141 Боже мой, это что, плесень?
- 00:00:26,341 --> 00:00:28,707 Я не виноват что мы остановили время в такой влажный день.
- 00:00:28,907 --> 00:00:32,257 Парень, ты так облажался. Ты никогда не боялся что
- 00:00:32,269 --> 00:00:35,367 дедушка Рик может найти себе нового помощника?
- 00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:37,748 Что? Что ты за чудовище?
- 00:00:37,948 --> 00:00:38,948 Авторитетное.
- 00:00:39,134 --> 00:00:41,424 Никому нет дела до того о чём вы там спорите. Весь
- 00:00:41,436 --> 00:00:43,919 смысл остановки времени в том чтобы забить на всё хуй.
- 00:00:44,119 --> 00:00:46,011 Одень футболку на своего тупого папашу и
- 00:00:46,023 --> 00:00:48,206 стартанём эту тупую вселенную. Закончи с этим.
- 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,668 Ладно слушайте сюда. Мы остановили время на довольно долгое время. Так что когда я его запущу время
- 00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:00,680 в мире будет в порядке, но нашему времени нужно будет немного времени чтобы, ну, стабилизироваться.
- 00:01:01,717 --> 00:01:03,951 Наше время будет нестабильно, а что это вообще значит?
- 00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:08,048 Значит расслабься и не ссы, Морти, я думал ты уже это усвоил.
- 00:01:08,248 --> 00:01:10,044 Ещё это значит не трогайте своих родителей, или мы
- 00:01:10,056 --> 00:01:12,041 рассыплемся на бесчисленное количество мелких осколков.
- 00:01:12,065 --> 00:01:12,759 Постой-ка, что?
- 00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:14,139 И, поехали.
- 00:01:20,053 --> 00:01:22,392 А мы положили матрас под мистера Бенсона?
- 00:01:22,592 --> 00:01:23,210 Тише, Морти.
- 00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:26,933 Мне кажется вам двоим... стоп, что? Дом был... когда мы
- 00:01:26,945 --> 00:01:30,986 подъехали я готов был поклясться что дом был совершенно разбит.
- 00:01:31,186 --> 00:01:33,468 Негативное суждение Джерри, понятно почему ты такой.
- 00:01:33,668 --> 00:01:34,668 Привет, дорогая.
- 00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:35,694 Привет, пап.
- 00:01:35,831 --> 00:01:37,448 Саммер, Морти, вы в порядке?
- 00:01:37,648 --> 00:01:39,536 Мы просто сильно по тебе соскучились.
- 00:01:39,736 --> 00:01:42,906 Да, мы так по тебе соскучились. Даже так сильно что не можем обнять.
- 00:01:43,106 --> 00:01:44,346 Да, это буквально их уничтожит.
- 00:01:44,426 --> 00:01:46,931 Слушайте, а а а почему б вам ребята не пойти поесть немного
- 00:01:46,943 --> 00:01:49,124 мороженного в выходной, идите возьмите мороженного.
- 00:01:49,324 --> 00:01:52,510 Вот пятьсот долларов не меченными купюрами. Я
- 00:01:52,522 --> 00:01:55,789 кладу их на пол и пинаю вам. Идите веселитесь.
- 00:01:55,989 --> 00:01:59,100 Лучше бы это не было взяткой. Если хоть что-то в этом
- 00:01:59,112 --> 00:02:02,466 доме не так, даже моя любовь к мороженному вас не спасёт.
- 00:02:02,666 --> 00:02:04,238 Пойду возьму куртку.
- 00:02:04,438 --> 00:02:06,495 Дорогой, твоя майка наоборот?
- 00:02:09,388 --> 00:02:13,096 Да, мне так нравится. Я не тупой.
- 00:02:14,450 --> 00:02:18,237 Блин, он как буро-малиновый гнус, который притворяется что знает что происходит.
- 00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:22,392 Согласны, да? Понравилось сравнение с гнусом?
- 00:02:22,592 --> 00:02:24,988 А знаете что, я его выдумал вы дети своего
- 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,633 отца, думайте своей головой, не будьте стадом.
- 00:02:57,445 --> 00:03:00,438 Перевод - RAD
- 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,167 Боже я ужасно себя чувствую.
- 00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:10,596 Да заставляет ценить переменчивость этой вселенной.
- 00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:13,350 Падаешь ты с крыши шесть месяцев и тут бах.
- 00:03:13,550 --> 00:03:16,918 Чтобы было ясно, это Саммер должна была подложить этот матрас.
- 00:03:17,118 --> 00:03:18,789 Что? Это твоя работа, Морти.
- 00:03:18,989 --> 00:03:19,344 Не-а.
- 00:03:19,544 --> 00:03:19,994 Ага.
- 00:03:20,194 --> 00:03:22,549 Вообще-то извини, Саммер, мне есть чем это закончить.
- 00:03:22,749 --> 00:03:26,051 Я помню разговор, мы сказали Морти заменить все деньги печеньками,
- 00:03:26,063 --> 00:03:28,981 а твоей задачей было подложить матрас под мистера Бенсона.
- 00:03:29,181 --> 00:03:32,969 Бам, утрись, Саммер. Ты реально облажалась.
- 00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:35,179 Заткнись, Морти. Мелкий злопамятный мудак.
- 00:03:35,379 --> 00:03:37,863 Сама заткнись большая... мудилиха.
- 00:03:38,063 --> 00:03:39,575 Не толкай меня.
- 00:03:39,775 --> 00:03:40,179 Я не собиралась.
- 00:03:40,379 --> 00:03:40,915 Не собиралась что?
- 00:03:41,115 --> 00:03:41,578 Да что с тобой?
- 00:03:41,778 --> 00:03:42,387 С тобой что?
- 00:03:42,587 --> 00:03:42,869 Заткнись.
- 00:03:43,069 --> 00:03:43,582 Сама заткнись.
- 00:03:43,782 --> 00:03:46,699 Чччё за херня?
- 00:03:46,899 --> 00:03:49,553 Боже, нет. И что вы наделали?
- 00:03:49,753 --> 00:03:50,463 Ты о чём? Кто?
- 00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:51,801 О чём это я?
- 00:03:52,001 --> 00:03:54,329 Никто из вас ничего не заметил?
- 00:03:54,529 --> 00:03:56,382 Блин, что-то мне не хорошо.
- 00:03:56,582 --> 00:03:58,887 Да вроде нет. Я что-то говорю?
- 00:03:59,087 --> 00:04:00,087 Стоп, кто это сказал?
- 00:04:00,227 --> 00:04:04,369 Так, вы оба. Не двигайтесь, не говорите, не думайте. Мне нужно кое что проверить.
- 00:04:04,569 --> 00:04:06,201 Что ты сделал, Морти? Пойду помогу деду?
- 00:04:06,401 --> 00:04:08,481 Мне кажется ему нужна помощь. Что значит, ты ему поможешь?
- 00:04:08,505 --> 00:04:09,825 Я тоже могу помочь.
- 00:04:10,025 --> 00:04:11,435 Что происходит дедушка? Что такое, Рик?
- 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:12,100 Заткнись.
- 00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:15,345 Чёрт, ты издеваешься? Две точки?
- 00:04:15,545 --> 00:04:18,742 Больше одной не нужно. Две делают это неопределённым.
- 00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:19,605 Что, а по русски? Ты о чём?
- 00:04:19,805 --> 00:04:20,602 О чём ты? А можно по русски?
- 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:24,396 Наше время расщепилось. Вы как-то создали обратную петлю и
- 00:04:24,408 --> 00:04:27,952 разделили реальность на два одинаково возможных варианта.
- 00:04:28,152 --> 00:04:31,671 Мы почти как мужчина способный войти в платоническую связь
- 00:04:31,683 --> 00:04:35,154 с привлекательной коллегой, мы совершенно гипотетические.
- 00:04:35,354 --> 00:04:37,434 Я думал есть бесконечное количество временных линий.
- 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:39,822 Мы не в одной из них, тупица. Смотри.
- 00:04:42,163 --> 00:04:42,964 Боже мой.
- 00:04:43,164 --> 00:04:44,308 Это кошки?
- 00:04:44,508 --> 00:04:47,053 Я предполагаю это кошки Шрёдингера. Вообще я думаю
- 00:04:47,065 --> 00:04:49,522 они одновременно существуют и нет, прямо как мы.
- 00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:52,391 То-есть мир исчез. А что насчёт мамы и папы?
- 00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:54,803 Мамы и папы? Достань свою голову из семейной
- 00:04:54,815 --> 00:04:57,384 задницы. Мы втроём затеряны в безвременном небытие.
- 00:04:57,584 --> 00:05:00,268 Твои родители хотя-бы существуют и наверняка сейчас
- 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,872 рассказывают нудные истории про свой сраный брак.
- 00:05:03,963 --> 00:05:08,308 Мороженное Колд Стоун лучшее. На что спустим оставшиеся 20 долларов?
- 00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:11,148 Ты же понял что они сказали "Не важно сколько вы оставите на чай"?
- 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:14,825 Срань господня, что случилось?
- 00:05:15,025 --> 00:05:15,664 Я сбил оленя.
- 00:05:15,864 --> 00:05:18,006 Мы должны сказать копам что ты была за рулём.
- 00:05:18,206 --> 00:05:18,592 Что?
- 00:05:18,792 --> 00:05:20,353 Это ромовый изюм.
- 00:05:23,001 --> 00:05:24,001 Он ещё жив.
- 00:05:24,102 --> 00:05:28,289 Так нам... мне найти большой камень, или...
- 00:05:28,489 --> 00:05:29,876 Это не броненосец, скотина.
- 00:05:30,076 --> 00:05:33,256 Я думал так положено сказать, не то чтобы я действительно это сделал.
- 00:05:33,456 --> 00:05:36,711 Если бы мы были в госпитале, с должным уходом, но похоже нам остаётся только...
- 00:05:36,911 --> 00:05:39,733 Да всё в порядке, такое случается. В смысле даже
- 00:05:39,745 --> 00:05:42,521 если бы мы были в госпитале, что бы мы сделали.
- 00:05:42,721 --> 00:05:44,642 Ты же конский хирург, а не олений.
- 00:05:44,842 --> 00:05:45,645 Ииии...
- 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:46,984 Это ж разные животные.
- 00:05:47,184 --> 00:05:49,347 Которым требуется разный уровень навыков чтобы спасти?
- 00:05:49,547 --> 00:05:49,990 О, боже.
- 00:05:50,190 --> 00:05:51,310 Тащи оленя в машину, Джерри.
- 00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:51,852 Да, Бэт.
- 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:55,191 Вот почему время не останавливают, ребят. Это невероятно безответственно.
- 00:05:55,391 --> 00:05:57,912 И ты сделал это чтобы мы убрали дом после твоей вечеринки?
- 00:05:58,112 --> 00:06:01,949 Не время звать меня безрассудным, Морти. Буквально нет времени. Оглянись.
- 00:06:02,149 --> 00:06:05,543 Неопределённость вызывает нестабильность. В конце концов всё
- 00:06:05,555 --> 00:06:09,352 существует либо нет. И у нас есть 4 часа чтобы стать существующими.
- 00:06:09,552 --> 00:06:10,101 Или..
- 00:06:10,301 --> 00:06:11,386 Мы не станем.
- 00:06:11,586 --> 00:06:15,526 Ладно, раз время существует в обоих вероятностях и невозможно что у меня ничего не
- 00:06:15,538 --> 00:06:19,586 получится. Я наверное нажму на эту кнопку в обеих вероятностях в одно и то-же время.
- 00:06:20,791 --> 00:06:21,791 Откуда ты знаешь что ты..
- 00:06:21,887 --> 00:06:25,754 Каков бы не был вопрос, ответ будет "Потому что я великолепен". Ииии поехали.
- 00:06:29,612 --> 00:06:31,040 О, смотри-ка, работает.
- 00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:33,827 Вот, дерьмо.
- 00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:37,736 Да что такое с вами обоими? В смысле четырьмя..
- 00:06:37,936 --> 00:06:39,852 Больно. Это было больно.
- 00:06:40,052 --> 00:06:41,972 Хорошо, я рад что было больно, вы заслужили это.
- 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,503 Я вас видел, вы блин разбежались повсюду.
- 00:06:45,703 --> 00:06:49,055 Вы на 20 минут разъединились и ваши жизни развеяло уже развеяло квантовым ветром.
- 00:06:49,255 --> 00:06:51,889 В чём в блин оба так сильно сомневаетесь?
- 00:06:52,089 --> 00:06:54,439 В фирме крема от прыщей? На каком стуле сидеть?
- 00:06:54,451 --> 00:06:56,665 Мне всё за вас делать? Давайте выкладывайте.
- 00:06:56,865 --> 00:06:58,439 Ты совсем не помогаешь, Рик.
- 00:06:58,639 --> 00:07:01,239 Ты вечно пеняешь на меня, а потом я тебе должен задницу целовать.
- 00:07:01,411 --> 00:07:06,365 Я? Тебе больше нравиться видеть как я лажаю? Сначала сам на себя посмотри.
- 00:07:06,565 --> 00:07:10,229 Ладно, ладно. Тише, я понял что тут происходит. Вы оба юны, оба не уверенны
- 00:07:10,241 --> 00:07:13,481 в своём месте во вселенной и оба хотите стать дедушкиным любимцем.
- 00:07:13,681 --> 00:07:16,507 Я это поправлю. Морти сядь сюда, Саммер сядь сюда.
- 00:07:16,707 --> 00:07:20,219 Слушайте, я понимаю что вы сильно отличаетесь друг от друга. Но
- 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:23,811 вы должны понять, с точки зрения вашего деда вы оба куски говна.
- 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:26,895 Да, я могу это математически доказать. Вообще, дайте я притащу
- 00:07:26,907 --> 00:07:29,481 свою доску, на это понадобится много времени все равно.
- 00:07:31,749 --> 00:07:33,509 Экстренная ситуация, поступил раненый олень.
- 00:07:34,191 --> 00:07:34,702 Три.
- 00:07:34,902 --> 00:07:36,977 Извините, вам нельзя быть здесь.
- 00:07:37,177 --> 00:07:40,053 Я сертифицированный конный хирург и этому оленю нужна медицинская помощь.
- 00:07:40,077 --> 00:07:41,303 Мед брат, пожалуйста уберите эту змею.
- 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:44,571 Это мой мед брат. И раз уж вы конный хирург я уверена что
- 00:07:44,583 --> 00:07:47,895 вы знаете что у оленя более мелкие, более уязвимые органы.
- 00:07:48,095 --> 00:07:50,251 Раз уж вы ветеринар я уверена что вы знаете что
- 00:07:50,263 --> 00:07:52,431 олень больше похож на лошадь чем вы на доктора.
- 00:07:52,631 --> 00:07:55,667 Так что давайте потратим время измерения пиписек на то чтобы сохранить жизнь.
- 00:07:55,691 --> 00:07:56,691 Господи.
- 00:07:58,323 --> 00:08:00,686 Странно. Этот олень ранен.
- 00:08:00,886 --> 00:08:03,199 Ага, я там был не надо мне пояснять.
- 00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:04,960 В смысле его подстрелили, оружием.
- 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,160 Моим оружием.
- 00:08:07,385 --> 00:08:09,091 Могу я помочь вам, сэр?
- 00:08:09,291 --> 00:08:11,253 Нет, но вы можете перестать помогать этому оленю.
- 00:08:11,453 --> 00:08:14,269 Я подстрелил его до того как эти двое сбили его машиной. Я преследовал
- 00:08:14,281 --> 00:08:16,791 их после того как они его забрали. Этот олень принадлежит мне.
- 00:08:16,991 --> 00:08:20,569 У нас нет на это времени. Так, мне нужно обезболивающее и олений физ раствор.
- 00:08:20,769 --> 00:08:23,324 Слушайте, я не знаю что по этому поводу говорит закон, но я
- 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,817 дала клятву что не дам причинить вред никакому животному.
- 00:08:26,017 --> 00:08:29,837 Кроме стерилизации, абортов, эвтаназии и ещё когда ем их почти в любом блюде.
- 00:08:30,037 --> 00:08:34,237 Я звоню своему адвокату. Надеюсь она настолько же плохой хирург как я охотник.
- 00:08:34,437 --> 00:08:36,326 Мечтай, сука. Скальпель.
- 00:08:36,526 --> 00:08:40,030 И в завершении, вы оба одинаково ссыкливые, эмоционально
- 00:08:40,042 --> 00:08:43,681 неуравновешенные, истеричные человечки с птичьими мозгами.
- 00:08:43,881 --> 00:08:47,555 И, честно говоря я не могу сказать что вы родились в разное время, потому что я не сравниваю
- 00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:50,857 по возрасту, я сравниваю по температуре своего пукана, что делает вас идентичными.
- 00:08:50,881 --> 00:08:55,307 Ладно со всем разобрались. Все довольны и уверены в своём положении в моём мире?
- 00:08:55,507 --> 00:08:55,955 Да.
- 00:08:56,155 --> 00:09:01,705 Отлично. Сидите смирно, руки вниз. Я сделаю это ещё раз. На этот раз будьте как дед.
- 00:09:01,905 --> 00:09:02,983 В смысле бухим?
- 00:09:03,183 --> 00:09:05,581 Чё там? Хочешь что-то сказать? Ииии, пооооехали.
- 00:09:05,781 --> 00:09:08,243 Ииии, поооехали.
- 00:09:08,443 --> 00:09:10,285 Хм, странно.
- 00:09:13,673 --> 00:09:14,365 Боже мой.
- 00:09:14,565 --> 00:09:15,165 Что?
- 00:09:15,365 --> 00:09:16,519 Этот сукин сын меня убьёт.
- 00:09:16,719 --> 00:09:17,719 Что?
- 00:09:18,953 --> 00:09:21,563 Сраный социопат. До вас не дошло? Не дошло?
- 00:09:21,763 --> 00:09:24,112 Другой Рик уже не пытается нас объединить, он считает
- 00:09:24,124 --> 00:09:26,529 что может спасти свою шкуру убив меня этим кристаллом.
- 00:09:26,729 --> 00:09:30,741 Наверное он понял что легче уничтожить одну из вероятностей чем объединить их.
- 00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:33,641 Должен признать что и сам об этом подумывал. Разница в
- 00:09:33,653 --> 00:09:36,315 том что я бы никогда так не сделал, до этого момента.
- 00:09:36,515 --> 00:09:37,603 Рик какого хрена ты делаешь?
- 00:09:37,627 --> 00:09:40,945 Спасаю наши жизни. Когда он уберёт меня, он возьмётся за вас.
- 00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:41,483 Кто?
- 00:09:41,683 --> 00:09:42,205 Я.
- 00:09:42,405 --> 00:09:44,603 Видели? Ложитесь.
- 00:09:44,803 --> 00:09:47,289 Этот псих стреляет. Совсем поехал.
- 00:09:47,489 --> 00:09:49,295 Расщепление времени похоже свело его с ума.
- 00:09:49,495 --> 00:09:50,599 Чёрт.
- 00:09:54,317 --> 00:09:57,102 Господи, теперь их три. Мы в меньшинстве. Спрячьтесь.
- 00:09:57,114 --> 00:09:59,341 Хотя нет, стойте, не надо, они догадаются.
- 00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:01,779 Подумайте о том чтобы укрыться, но не по-настоящему.
- 00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:08,202 Ты этого хотел больной уёбок? Хочешь чтобы милые детки померли?
- 00:10:08,402 --> 00:10:11,646 Сукин сын, ты не перестанешь жить пока я тебе не скажу.
- 00:10:11,846 --> 00:10:12,558 Майкл.
- 00:10:12,758 --> 00:10:13,878 Так, а это кто?
- 00:10:14,078 --> 00:10:14,621 Мой адвокат.
- 00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:18,628 Я здесь чтобы уведомить вас, мэм, что в этом округе любой олень застреленный охотником является
- 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:22,778 собственностью этого охотника независимо от того как далеко он убежал и кто подобрал его до его смерти.
- 00:10:22,802 --> 00:10:25,592 Это называется закон хлеба. Мы не можем заставить вас остановить
- 00:10:25,604 --> 00:10:27,975 операцию, но с этого момента вы производите её на еде.
- 00:10:28,175 --> 00:10:32,098 Вообще-то я решил его не есть. Этот страх и конфликт, уверен
- 00:10:32,110 --> 00:10:36,175 испортил мясо. Просто использую его голову для комнаты отдыха.
- 00:10:36,382 --> 00:10:38,551 Она обычно работает с лошадьми.
- 00:10:38,751 --> 00:10:40,559 Джерри, если не собираешься помогать, уёбывай отсюда.
- 00:10:40,583 --> 00:10:44,569 Я залезу на небеса и притащу его визжащую оленью душу обратно.
- 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:45,769 Господи.
- 00:10:48,404 --> 00:10:51,019 Я знаю где ты, страшное старое чудовище. Я знаю что ты думаешь.
- 00:10:51,219 --> 00:10:55,449 О, думал я сюда пойду? Думаешь я стою тут? Ну может быть ты и прав.
- 00:10:57,509 --> 00:10:58,823 Срань господня, что теперь?
- 00:10:59,023 --> 00:11:01,602 Все я вырубили всех Риков, а все вы намочили штаны,
- 00:11:01,614 --> 00:11:04,156 разве это не значит что мы все синхронизировались?
- 00:11:04,356 --> 00:11:04,829 Точно.
- 00:11:05,029 --> 00:11:08,121 Теперь что бы мы не делали, мы должны быть уверены.
- 00:11:08,321 --> 00:11:08,917 Точно.
- 00:11:09,117 --> 00:11:11,681 Мне кажется у нас скорее всего получится.
- 00:11:16,678 --> 00:11:19,512 Моя голова. Вы чего ребят наделали?
- 00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:23,860 Заперли в клетке, потому что ты сбрендил. И вызвал ещё одно расщепление времени.
- 00:11:24,060 --> 00:11:25,246 Ты хотел убить себя.
- 00:11:25,446 --> 00:11:29,496 Только для самозащиты, я хотел убить себя первым. Ребят, я не ожидаю что вы поймёте но если время
- 00:11:29,508 --> 00:11:33,446 сломалось пополам значит у нас вдвое больше проблем и только половина времени чтобы их решить.
- 00:11:35,499 --> 00:11:38,352 Вообще-то я ожидаю что вы поймёте, это начальная математика. Может
- 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,186 кто-нибудь выпустит меня отсюда. Умерев в клетке я проиграю пари.
- 00:11:41,386 --> 00:11:44,700 Это будет тот кому ты докажешь что больше не представляешь угрозы для других.
- 00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:47,450 Господи, ладно, дай мне кристалл времени.
- 00:11:47,650 --> 00:11:48,469 Что ты делаешь?
- 00:11:48,669 --> 00:11:49,338 Звоню себе.
- 00:11:49,538 --> 00:11:53,395 Наверное оставлю голосовое сообщение так как я, ну это, звоню сам себе.
- 00:11:53,595 --> 00:11:55,520 Алло, это Рик.
- 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:56,988 Не ведитесь, это прикол.
- 00:11:57,188 --> 00:11:57,930 Шучу...
- 00:11:58,130 --> 00:11:59,980 Вас только что опРикинули, вы дозвонились в
- 00:11:59,992 --> 00:12:01,897 голосовую почту Рика, вы знаете что сделать.
- 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,115 Эй, Рик, это Рик. Слушай, прости за прошлое, без
- 00:12:05,127 --> 00:12:07,910 обид, ты знаешь я тоже так думаю, не дрейфь.
- 00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:11,704 Ого, смотри-ка я на расхват, 3 голосовых сообщения.
- 00:12:11,904 --> 00:12:14,157 Эй, Рик, это Рик. Слушай, прости за прошлое...
- 00:12:14,357 --> 00:12:15,357 Да, да, да это я слышал.
- 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,527 Эй, Рик, это Рик.
- 00:12:16,626 --> 00:12:17,626 Эй, Рик, это...
- 00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:19,871 Ну вы поняли, теперь всё норм.
- 00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:22,415 Ну мы все равно не выпустим тебя из этого ящика.
- 00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:23,670 Ладно, я сам это сделаю.
- 00:12:23,870 --> 00:12:26,594 Ты мог вылезти всё это время, что ж ты не вылез?
- 00:12:26,794 --> 00:12:30,807 Потому что я ждал того момента когда буду уверен что это то чего я хочу, Морти.
- 00:12:30,819 --> 00:12:34,794 В этом разница между мной и тобой. Я уверен, а тебя мотает как мешок с говном.
- 00:12:35,438 --> 00:12:39,298 Рик, ты сейчас слишком груб со мной, слова ранят.
- 00:12:39,498 --> 00:12:40,498 Господи.
- 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,794 Эй, вы, хорош, хорош орать.
- 00:12:42,994 --> 00:12:49,194 Что за хуйня? Ваше время на клочья порвало. Вы поломали своё время дважды.
- 00:12:50,007 --> 00:12:51,048 Как это произошло?
- 00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:56,427 Завалите нахуй. Бля, я из четвёртого измерения раз уж я
- 00:12:56,439 --> 00:13:00,547 пришёл к вам всем, давайте взглянем на то что здесь творится.
- 00:13:01,358 --> 00:13:05,114 О, чёрт вы пытались использовать эту... А я понял, вы
- 00:13:05,126 --> 00:13:09,243 сломали время и думали что можно собрать его обратно этим?
- 00:13:09,443 --> 00:13:14,012 Как вы хотели сместить время пока стоите в нём, тупорылые трёхмерные макаки.
- 00:13:14,212 --> 00:13:15,380 Так держать, Рик.
- 00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:16,924 Да, дедушка, так держать.
- 00:13:17,124 --> 00:13:21,013 Вы что теперь будет слушать этого чела, у него огромное яйцо вместо головы, он
- 00:13:21,025 --> 00:13:25,124 прилетел сюда в пузыре, откуда мы знаем что это не Дэвид Берковиц из Мошёнкостана.
- 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,899 Завали. Вот, надевайте. Они синхронизируют ваши вероятности и я
- 00:13:29,911 --> 00:13:33,880 смогу вернуть вас в реальное время. Вы все просто ничтожество.
- 00:13:34,191 --> 00:13:37,896 Значит слушайте... Эй, эй, вы трое, одевайте ошейники.
- 00:13:38,096 --> 00:13:39,323 Мы одели. Ты о чём. Я одел.
- 00:13:39,523 --> 00:13:40,638 Мы не носим ошейники.
- 00:13:40,838 --> 00:13:42,622 Именно, потому что упрямые.
- 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:43,251 Что?
- 00:13:43,451 --> 00:13:46,479 Оденьте проклятые ошейники, если хотите жить.
- 00:13:46,679 --> 00:13:47,719 Да мы одели. Он уже на мне.
- 00:13:47,781 --> 00:13:49,598 Ладно, хорошо. Саммер, Морти одевайте.
- 00:13:53,696 --> 00:13:55,730 Да, мы вернулись. Никаких больше кошек.
- 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,456 У тебя получилось, ты починил его.
- 00:13:58,656 --> 00:14:00,724 Да, починил. Не снимайте эти ошейники, если не
- 00:14:00,736 --> 00:14:02,683 хотите опять поломать своё долбанное время.
- 00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:06,122 Сколько именно мы должны носить эти штуки? Это очень смущает.
- 00:14:06,322 --> 00:14:11,013 Раз уж вы едете во временную тюрьму, я бы сказал вы должны носить их вечность.
- 00:14:11,213 --> 00:14:11,976 Временную тюрьму?
- 00:14:12,176 --> 00:14:16,138 Да. Не знаю где вы ожидали я подумаю вы взяли этот кристалл. Но единственный
- 00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:20,176 путь для вас тупорылых жопных жопошников когда либо достать его, это украсть.
- 00:14:22,608 --> 00:14:25,677 Ты украл временной кристалл у яичных монстров?
- 00:14:25,877 --> 00:14:29,288 Я бы с радостью заплатил за него, Саммер. Но они совсем не продают их в
- 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:33,104 киосках. Кроме того есть более серьёзный урок который надо усвоить. Хватай его.
- 00:14:33,304 --> 00:14:35,789 Вам бы лучше отойти. Эта штука может превратить
- 00:14:35,801 --> 00:14:37,933 ваши жопы в трёхмерную кашу с 30 метров.
- 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:44,523 А нет ли какого-нибудь котёнка которому нужна медицинская помощь?
- 00:14:44,547 --> 00:14:49,221 Правильно, миссис Смит, поддайтесь своей ярости, отпустите этого оленя.
- 00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:53,429 Дорогая, всё будет в порядке. Эти люди из института оленьего здравоохранения. Они могут доставить его
- 00:14:53,441 --> 00:14:57,421 к лучшему оленьему хирургу в стране на вертолёте за границу штата где ваша юрисдикция заканчивается.
- 00:15:05,459 --> 00:15:07,055 Ну похоже на этом всё.
- 00:15:07,255 --> 00:15:11,058 И ещё кое что. Согласно ветеринарным постановлениям этого округа. Это животное не может быть
- 00:15:11,070 --> 00:15:15,255 транспортировано пока приставленный терапевт не подтвердит невозможность оказания необходимой помощи.
- 00:15:19,803 --> 00:15:24,547 Это ты конный доктор, ты должна сказать что не можешь с этим справиться.
- 00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:27,268 Мы это сделали.
- 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,583 Ага, не, нет бля, Земля чувак, да с динозаврами, не, если
- 00:15:32,595 --> 00:15:36,560 ты попал к дельфинам ты проехал. Ладно, потом поговорим.
- 00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,815 Знаете что делают с трёхмерными формами жизни во временной
- 00:15:39,827 --> 00:15:42,962 тюрьме? То же что и во всех остальных тюрьмах, только вечность.
- 00:15:43,162 --> 00:15:44,162 Зачем ты это делаешь?
- 00:15:44,337 --> 00:15:48,637 Ты думаешь я хочу мотаться за такими как вы по пространству и времени всю свою жизнь?
- 00:15:48,837 --> 00:15:51,814 У меня есть амбиции, чел. Вы мой билет наверх.
- 00:15:52,014 --> 00:15:56,268 А что если я скажу тебе что прям за тобой огромный билет наверх?
- 00:15:56,468 --> 00:15:57,512 Серьёзно думаешь я настолько тупой?
- 00:15:57,536 --> 00:16:01,462 Ладно послушай вот что. Ты ж бессмертный, да? Это значит что твоя жизнь бесконечна. Значит есть
- 00:16:01,474 --> 00:16:05,536 стопроцентная вероятность что ты сделаешь всё, включая то что ты повернёшься и посмотришь за себя.
- 00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:07,941 С этим не поспоришь.
- 00:16:09,798 --> 00:16:12,186 Боже. Мерзкое и странное.
- 00:16:12,386 --> 00:16:13,647 Крис.
- 00:16:14,714 --> 00:16:15,946 Ты убил мою пушку.
- 00:16:16,146 --> 00:16:17,626 Саммер, Морти снимайте свои ошейники.
- 00:16:17,663 --> 00:16:18,857 Что, какого хера ты творишь?
- 00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:23,661 Отличный вопрос, мне кажется ответом будет "Я не уверен".
- 00:16:23,861 --> 00:16:25,668 О нет, что ты делаешь?
- 00:16:25,868 --> 00:16:26,868 Я не уверен.
- 00:16:28,072 --> 00:16:28,595 Прекрати.
- 00:16:28,795 --> 00:16:29,952 Может прекращу, может и нет.
- 00:16:31,719 --> 00:16:34,348 Я очень сомневаюсь во всём, даже раздавая тебе пенделей.
- 00:16:34,548 --> 00:16:35,548 Слышь, эй...
- 00:16:36,147 --> 00:16:38,661 Эти руки рудиментарные, теперь ты ткнул меня
- 00:16:38,673 --> 00:16:41,312 туда где был глаз около 6 миллионов лет назад.
- 00:16:41,512 --> 00:16:42,828 Давай поможем деду.
- 00:16:43,028 --> 00:16:45,940 Да, я на 100 процентов не уверен ни в чём.
- 00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:47,460 Совершенно не уверен.
- 00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:50,141 Дай ему, напинай ему по жопе.
- 00:16:50,341 --> 00:16:50,853 Давай Рик.
- 00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,053 Сдохни ебанат.
- 00:16:52,467 --> 00:16:53,680 Я повержен.
- 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:54,541 Что происходит?
- 00:16:54,741 --> 00:16:56,753 Время распадается, мы должны быстрее вернутся
- 00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:58,745 в определённость. Давайте мне свои ошейники.
- 00:16:58,945 --> 00:17:00,385 А нам что надо их около 30 починить?
- 00:17:00,424 --> 00:17:04,436 Морти нам надо починить 3 и есть ещё 31 версия меня чтобы в общем починить 96. Я не
- 00:17:04,448 --> 00:17:08,424 идиот, я умею умножать. Дай мне плоскую отвёртку, хотя, давай крестовую. Ну, блин.
- 00:17:15,358 --> 00:17:18,332 Слушай, я знаю я сегодня напортачил, я знаю это моя вина что
- 00:17:18,344 --> 00:17:21,085 мы сбили оленя и я понимаю что ты хотела бы спасти его.
- 00:17:21,986 --> 00:17:22,612 Да пофиг.
- 00:17:22,812 --> 00:17:24,949 Какой я мелочной я должна быть чтобы заботится о
- 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,022 жизни животных меньше чем о своём достоинстве.
- 00:17:28,412 --> 00:17:32,780 Ну довольно мелочной. Но ты все равно бы была женщиной на которой я женился.
- 00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:35,094 Куда мы едем?
- 00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:36,899 Ещё всего одна остановка.
- 00:17:40,673 --> 00:17:41,730 Где вертолёт?
- 00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:45,911 Нет вертолёта и нет оленьего института.
- 00:17:46,111 --> 00:17:47,605 Но лучший олений хирург.
- 00:17:47,805 --> 00:17:50,879 Я прямо сейчас смотрю на неё. Спасибо что так меня выручаешь.
- 00:17:51,079 --> 00:17:53,192 Вам бы поторопиться, эти фонари рассчитаны на
- 00:17:53,204 --> 00:17:55,328 работу мороженщика, они не протянут всю ночь.
- 00:17:55,528 --> 00:17:56,528 Мне надо 5 минут.
- 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,092 Джерри, это были самые романтичные выходные из тех что у меня были.
- 00:18:31,292 --> 00:18:33,340 Благодаря мороженному Колд Стоун.
- 00:18:33,540 --> 00:18:34,540 Пожалуйста.
- 00:18:35,602 --> 00:18:39,072 Так, надевайте ошейники, у нас мало времени, какая ирония, да?
- 00:18:42,209 --> 00:18:43,209 Постой-ка.
- 00:18:43,238 --> 00:18:43,915 Отлично.
- 00:18:44,115 --> 00:18:44,570 Рик.
- 00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:45,262 Что происходит?
- 00:18:45,462 --> 00:18:48,522 Ошейник, застёжка сломана, он не застегнётся у меня на шее.
- 00:18:48,722 --> 00:18:49,728 Да ты прикалываешься?
- 00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:51,121 Почему огоньки на ошейниках не зелёные?
- 00:18:51,145 --> 00:18:53,344 Очевидно потому что кто-то не одел свой
- 00:18:53,356 --> 00:18:55,898 ошейник, а один я застрял пытаясь ему помочь.
- 00:18:56,098 --> 00:18:58,184 Не вали всё на меня, это ты не мог починить время.
- 00:18:58,384 --> 00:19:01,042 Он не сломан Морти, я его починил, одевай.
- 00:19:01,242 --> 00:19:02,922 Он не закроется, он сломан.
- 00:19:03,122 --> 00:19:04,122 Ладно, давай сюда.
- 00:19:05,930 --> 00:19:06,403 Рик.
- 00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:07,603 Морти.
- 00:19:09,004 --> 00:19:13,322 Чё правда, Морти, извини, я ж не тот кто так дохуя не уверен во всём.
- 00:19:13,522 --> 00:19:17,772 Знаешь в чём я уверен, я уверен в том что больше не хочу тебя видеть.
- 00:19:17,972 --> 00:19:20,755 Ты ничего больше ни когда не увидишь, мелкий тупица, ты убил нас.
- 00:19:22,602 --> 00:19:23,602 Проклятье.
- 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:29,992 Рик.
- 00:19:30,192 --> 00:19:31,788 Морти, где твой ошейник, я починю его.
- 00:19:31,988 --> 00:19:32,988 Я выронил его.
- 00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:36,620 Что за херня?
- 00:19:36,662 --> 00:19:37,826 Что ты сделал со мной, Морти?
- 00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:43,100 Всё нормально, будь хорошим, Морти, будь лучше меня.
- 00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:49,753 Ебать, ещё один ошейник, ничё не нормально, ничего не нормально.
- 00:19:49,953 --> 00:19:53,394 О Иисусе святы, дай мне выжить, боже мой я должен его починить.
- 00:19:53,406 --> 00:19:56,912 Бог мой на небесах, боже, Господи пожалуйста услышь мои молитвы.
- 00:19:57,112 --> 00:20:00,206 Да, хуй тебе господь, не сегодня, сучара.
- 00:20:00,996 --> 00:20:03,636 Прошу господь, если слышишь меня, пожалуйста будь милостив ко мне.
- 00:20:05,522 --> 00:20:10,702 Да, у меня получилось, нет никакого бога, утрись. Одна точка ебанаты.
- 00:20:10,902 --> 00:20:13,724 О да, да.
- 00:20:13,924 --> 00:20:16,157 Порядок. Вот об этом я говорю, о да.
- 00:20:16,357 --> 00:20:16,860 Пронесло.
- 00:20:17,060 --> 00:20:18,060 Я чутка тут потанцую.
- 00:20:18,104 --> 00:20:18,883 А, да, давай.
- 00:20:19,083 --> 00:20:20,380 Морти, догоняй, потанцуем.
- 00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:21,648 Давай, давай.
- 00:20:21,848 --> 00:20:23,520 Я тоже с вами.
- 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,280 Давай, классический танец, помните его?
- 00:20:25,381 --> 00:20:25,678 Погодите-ка.
- 00:20:25,878 --> 00:20:27,430 Вы чего так долго сюда возвращались?
- 00:20:27,630 --> 00:20:31,166 Я не знаю, по моему у одного из 64 меня ошейник не заработал, сложно
- 00:20:31,178 --> 00:20:34,469 проследить события, теперь у меня ещё 63 воспоминания обо всём.
- 00:20:34,669 --> 00:20:34,935 Да.
- 00:20:35,135 --> 00:20:37,725 Но мне кажется что один из 64 Риков, вроде как
- 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,616 пожертвовал собой ради меня. Возможно, я так думаю.
- 00:20:40,816 --> 00:20:43,048 Перестань, Морти. Последний раз когда тебе что-то
- 00:20:43,060 --> 00:20:45,079 показалось мы чуть не умерли, мелкий говнюк.
- 00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:46,874 Эй, ребят, мы дома.
- 00:20:47,074 --> 00:20:47,873 Мама, папа.
- 00:20:48,073 --> 00:20:51,768 Придержите объятия, где вы достали эти ошейники?
- 00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:54,655 Леди Гага, столик на троих, я угадал?
- 00:20:54,855 --> 00:20:58,631 Вы ребят повер рейнджеры? Один из вас запчасть для того что побольше?
- 00:20:58,831 --> 00:21:01,255 Им нужны батарейки, а они прилагаются?
- 00:21:01,455 --> 00:21:06,621 Какие вы красотки, ну не в гомофобном смысле, я это без задней мысли.
- 00:21:06,821 --> 00:21:08,711 Чувство не из приятных, да?
- 00:21:08,911 --> 00:21:11,689 Да, совсем. Это ранит.
- 00:21:11,889 --> 00:21:15,036 Серьёзно, это костюмы на хеллоуин? Поедете на
- 00:21:15,048 --> 00:21:18,893 мотоциклах? Это вместо катодов? Вы собаки? Робо собаки?
- 00:21:19,093 --> 00:21:23,212 Ну вы отстой, это удавки из девяностых? У вас такая ностальгия
- 00:21:23,224 --> 00:21:27,093 по девяностым? Вы из фильма "Колдовство?", снимают ремейк?
- 00:22:06,857 --> 00:22:08,347 Чувак, где тебя носило?
- 00:22:08,547 --> 00:22:09,682 Тебя искал, мудак.
- 00:22:09,882 --> 00:22:11,401 Я тебе сказал за динозаврами.
- 00:22:11,601 --> 00:22:14,775 Знаешь сколько времени после динозавров? Половина всего времени.
- 00:22:14,975 --> 00:22:16,021 Ладно, нам туда.
- 00:22:16,221 --> 00:22:18,604 Дай сюда, поддай газу не может быть так далеко назад.
- 00:22:18,804 --> 00:22:21,091 Во, во, во, это тут, стой, стой.
- 00:22:21,291 --> 00:22:22,005 Это он да?
- 00:22:22,205 --> 00:22:23,205 Да, это он.
- 00:22:23,321 --> 00:22:24,907 Эй, чел помнишь меня?
- 00:22:25,107 --> 00:22:26,507 У меня есть кое что для твоей жопы.
- 00:22:27,241 --> 00:22:32,661 Не связывайся со временем. Не доёбывайся до времени. Уёбок.
- 00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:42,367 Я буду связываться со временем, буду связываться.