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Большой переполох в маленьком Санчезе
Рик становится «Мелким Риком», переселяя свой разум в клона-подростка, чтобы убить вампира в школе Морти и Саммер. Мелкий Рик общителен и популярен, но подсознательно взывает о помощи в текстах песен и рисунков. К большому пренебрежению её одноклассников, Саммер намеренно выгоняет Мелкого Рика из школы, называя его убийцей тренера Ферату, вампира. Морти и Саммер в конце концов убеждают Рика вернуться в своё тело. Между тем, Джерри и Бет проходят терапию на чужой планете. Создаются два проявления представлений партнёров друг о друге: Бет Джерри воплощена в виде возвышающегося враждебного ксеноморфоподобного насекомого, а Джерри Бет — раболепного червя. Насекомое Бет освобождается из камеры с помощью червя Джерри, убивая несколько пар и сотрудников. В конце концов, Джерри действует храбро, заставляя Бет представить себе сильного Джерри, что, в свою очередь, заставляет Джерри представить себе богинеподобную Бет, которая уничтожает ксеноморфоподобного монстра. В сцене после титров главный вампир выступает против использования таких имён, как «Тренер Ферату», которые выдают их статус вампира.
- 00:00:02,337 --> 00:00:03,755 What's new at school?
- 00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,382 - Nothing. - Nothing!
- 00:00:05,465 --> 00:00:07,384 Oh, uh, one of the lunch ladies died.
- 00:00:07,467 --> 00:00:09,445 They found her in the gym with, like, two holes in her neck
- 00:00:09,469 --> 00:00:11,137 and all the blood drained out of her.
- 00:00:11,221 --> 00:00:12,972 Good lord! Who does something like that?
- 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,433 Obviously a vampire. W-W-Where's the pepper?
- 00:00:15,517 --> 00:00:17,268 Wait, what?! Vampires are real?!
- 00:00:17,352 --> 00:00:20,230 Yes, Summer, vampires are real. Who knew?
- 00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:22,982 Oh, right, all humanity, for hundreds of years, now.
- 00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:24,386 Yeah, Summer, it's a big universe.
- 00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,277 Get used to it. R-Right, Rick?
- 00:00:26,361 --> 00:00:27,588 Well, what are we going to do?!
- 00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:29,531 We're gonna live our lives until we die.
- 00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:31,533 Possibly by vampire. More likely auto accident
- 00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:34,160 or heart disease, but possibly vampire.
- 00:00:34,244 --> 00:00:37,163 Grandpa Rick, couldn't you, like, use your superknowledge
- 00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:39,999 to turn yourself into a teenager and come to our school
- 00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:42,544 and help us hunt the vampire down?
- 00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,212 Um... Wow.
- 00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,548 Yeah, pretty specific pitch, Summer.
- 00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:49,384 I probably <i>could</i> turn myself into a teenager
- 00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:52,262 and hang out in the zit-covered, hormone-addled,
- 00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:54,305 low-stakes assworld that is high school.
- 00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:56,015 But here's my reverse-ask...
- 00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,810 Why in the fuck would I ever do that, ever?
- 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,104 And how dare you even ask me that?
- 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,981 And why aren't you more ashamed of yourself?
- 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,191 - Dad! - Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie.
- 00:01:05,275 --> 00:01:07,128 Jerry! Do you know what you just said to our daughter?
- 00:01:07,152 --> 00:01:09,112 Sor-ry! I wasn't paying attention.
- 00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,573 To a conversation about vampires?!
- 00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:14,242 Clearly, I didn't know it was about vampires,
- 00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:16,077 because I wasn't paying attention,
- 00:01:16,161 --> 00:01:17,579 which <i>you</i> would know,
- 00:01:17,662 --> 00:01:19,414 if <i>you</i> ever paid attention to <i>me!</i>
- 00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:21,416 Oh, here we go, right to the victim role.
- 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:23,084 Am I a victim, Beth,
- 00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:24,878 or am I married to a mean, unfair monster
- 00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:26,171 that always hurts me?!
- 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,173 Jesus Christ! Will you fix your marriage...
- 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:31,259 or get a divorce already?
- 00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:35,346 Well, we tried a couples' therapist.
- 00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:36,973 That's Earth therapy.
- 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,743 You might as well ask a horse to fix a merry-go-round.
- 00:01:38,767 --> 00:01:41,728 I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly, he's just gonna get horrified.
- 00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:44,606 I know about a place off-planet with a 100% success rate.
- 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,150 Well, we want to make it work, if we can.
- 00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:48,610 It's just... - Then it's settled.
- 00:01:48,693 --> 00:01:50,111 No need to pack. - Oh!
- 00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:51,672 Let's go, go, go, go!
- 00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:54,699 Do you think Mom and Dad are, you know,
- 00:01:54,783 --> 00:01:56,159 gonna get a divorce?
- 00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:57,994 I think it's okay to dream, Morty.
- 00:01:58,077 --> 00:02:01,790 I'm gonna go make some wooden stakes.
- 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,750 ♪♪
- 00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:29,484 ♪♪
- 00:02:33,822 --> 00:02:36,366 I booked you for a two-day intensive at Nuptia Four,
- 00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:39,118 the galaxy's most successful couples' counseling institute.
- 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,662 They could save the marriage of a dog
- 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:42,288 and a bar of dark chocolate.
- 00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:43,665 They could save the marriage
- 00:02:43,748 --> 00:02:45,375 of a porn star and a porn star.
- 00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:47,144 Well, I know <i>I'm</i> ready to try whatever it takes.
- 00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,753 Which clearly implies that I'm not.
- 00:02:48,837 --> 00:02:50,213 It's not a competition, Beth.
- 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,090 Oh is that how you're gonna try to win,
- 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,092 by implying <i>I'm</i> competitive? - If the shoe fits.
- 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,927 - My shoe fits up your ass. - You wish!
- 00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,846 Okay, have fun. See ya Thursday!
- 00:02:58,096 --> 00:02:59,514 Oh!
- 00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,516 Jerk. - Don't insult my father.
- 00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:03,518 He's the reason our kids are only half-stupid.
- 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,228 Ha! You just called yourself...
- 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,437 Oh.
- 00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:08,106 - Beth and Jerry Smith? - Yes.
- 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,691 I'm Glaxo Slimslom.
- 00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:11,693 Welcome to Nuptia Four.
- 00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:14,237 Your marriage can rest easy now.
- 00:03:15,697 --> 00:03:18,783 Jerry, go ahead and sit there and put this on.
- 00:03:18,867 --> 00:03:21,536 This machine isolates the part of the subject's brain
- 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:24,831 containing all perceptions of its romantic partner.
- 00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:27,959 And we will now render Jerry's perception of Beth
- 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:31,421 with artificial biological life.
- 00:03:33,715 --> 00:03:35,717 Interesting.
- 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,719 What the hell is that?! Take that back!
- 00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,554 You do <i>not</i> think that about me!
- 00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,448 I didn't do anything! They scanned it out of my brain.
- 00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:43,141 Can I take it back?
- 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,684 There's nothing to regret.
- 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,811 We're dealing with unconscious, unhealthy thoughts.
- 00:03:46,895 --> 00:03:48,438 Beth.
- 00:03:48,521 --> 00:03:50,773 Now, we scan for Beth's perceptions of Jerry.
- 00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:53,484 - Scan hard. He's dead to me. - Everything's dead to you.
- 00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:55,069 - What? - Nothing.
- 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,744 Read it and weep, bitch.
- 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,467 Does everybody see what I mean?
- 00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:06,748 I think we all see what you both mean.
- 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,335 Any leads on the vampire?
- 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,836 No, Summer! I mean, you know,
- 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,005 I think it might be time that we just I-let it go.
- 00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,757 Oh, so, now, <i>you're</i> too cool for this,
- 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,258 just because Grandpa Rick is?
- 00:04:17,342 --> 00:04:19,302 It's not that, it's just that the universe
- 00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,596 is a little too big to care about something so small.
- 00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:24,015 Aah! - What up, my Helsings?
- 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,934 Who wants to hunt a vampire? Ha ha ha!
- 00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:27,602 Rick? How... How did you...
- 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,285 Yeah, I got bored and then, I remembered,
- 00:04:29,354 --> 00:04:31,354 this morning, how I blew Summer off, and I thought,
- 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,125 "Hey, why are you such a grumpy douche, Rick?
- 00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:34,609 Go to the garage, transfer your mind
- 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,319 into a younger clone of yourself,
- 00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:38,154 and get embroiled in some youthful hijinks.
- 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,906 What's the BFD?" So here I am.
- 00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:42,033 I'm Tiny Rick! - O-O-Okay.
- 00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,660 Well, it's good you're here, Rick.
- 00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:45,137 I was pretty sure we didn't have what it takes
- 00:04:45,161 --> 00:04:46,555 to deal with a bloodsucker on our own.
- 00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,914 Don't short-sell yourself, Summer.
- 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,117 You got everything it takes. But it'll still be fun...
- 00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:52,710 to do this as a fucking team, motherfucker. Tiny Rick!
- 00:04:52,794 --> 00:04:55,630 Yeah! Oh, my god, Toby Matthews!
- 00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:57,924 Hey, Toby. I'm Tiny Rick. I'm new.
- 00:04:58,174 --> 00:05:00,134 Hey oh... Go easy on me. Ha ha. Just kiddin'.
- 00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:02,595 Hey, I like your straightforward style
- 00:05:02,679 --> 00:05:04,430 and that lab coat's pretty cool.
- 00:05:04,514 --> 00:05:05,807 Summer.
- 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,684 He knows my name!
- 00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:09,060 Why wouldn't he? You're great!
- 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,603 But, listen, just be careful.
- 00:05:10,687 --> 00:05:12,122 We can't rule anybody out as the vampire,
- 00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,357 not even the dreamboats.
- 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,608 Stop, Tiny Rick.
- 00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:17,652 Huntin' a vampire with my grandkids!
- 00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:20,238 Fuck! Tiny Ri-i-ck!
- 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,216 The next step is to watch your mythologues
- 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,326 interact together and, uh... big surprise...
- 00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:27,787 It's never pretty.
- 00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,498 Here we have Garrrh and Zharbidar Gloompfschs,
- 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,417 or, should I say, here we have the way
- 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,794 Garrrh and Zharbidar perceive each other.
- 00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:38,589 As we can all see,
- 00:05:38,673 --> 00:05:40,800 this is hardly the real Garrrh and Zharbidar.
- 00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,510 Which is good, because the relationship
- 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,221 in their heads is not only ugly,
- 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,557 it's unsustainable.
- 00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:53,563 You may already be learning something important...
- 00:05:53,646 --> 00:05:55,815 All of these relationships are different,
- 00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,818 none of them are real, and none of them work.
- 00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:02,447 We are <i>not</i> the monsters we sometimes see each other as,
- 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,242 because we are real and we are functional.
- 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,412 That's what makes us better than them.
- 00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,248 We can find solutions.
- 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,624 We can adapt.
- 00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:15,877 We can communicate.
- 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,672 And, most importantly,
- 00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:23,760 we can work together.
- 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,138 Well, it was a tough adventure, but it paid off...
- 00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,182 Our school is vampire-free!
- 00:06:29,265 --> 00:06:31,976 Man, who would've suspected Coach Feratu?
- 00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:33,954 You did great, guys. Couldn't have done it without ya.
- 00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:35,748 You know, we... w-we should be proud of ourselves.
- 00:06:35,772 --> 00:06:38,024 We killed a vampire <i>and</i> a gym teacher.
- 00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:40,276 Ha ha ha. Talk about two-for-one, right?!
- 00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,153 So, how, exactly, is your old body living
- 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,613 in there, Grandpa Rick?
- 00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,215 Oh, you know, hyperbaric quantum fluid,
- 00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,217 ... that kind of thing. It preserves living tissue.
- 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,202 Not that there was much to preserve.
- 00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:51,996 Look at that mummy! Ha! Ha ha!
- 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,516 And I guess it's time for me to get back inside the old-timer.
- 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,417 Oh, my god. Toby Matthews is asking...
- 00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:58,419 if my parents are still out of town
- 00:06:58,503 --> 00:07:00,088 and if we can have a party!
- 00:07:00,338 --> 00:07:02,298 All right, way to go, Summer! What did I tell you?
- 00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:05,468 Ohh! He's asking if Tiny Rick will be here.
- 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,178 Well, you know what, Summer?
- 00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,930 Tell him Tiny Rick <i>will</i> be here!
- 00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,640 And tell him to bring some brews!
- 00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,975 For real? Y-Y-Y-You would stay as Tiny Rick,
- 00:07:13,059 --> 00:07:14,769 just so we can have a party?
- 00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,521 Hell, yeah! What's one more night?
- 00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:19,084 And who can have fun with this old bastard hanging around, huh?
- 00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:21,692 Wubby lubby doob doob!
- 00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:23,444 - Whoo! - Tiny Rick!
- 00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:28,407 Moving on. Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith
- 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,409 from the planet E-Arth.
- 00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,453 - My heart is pounding. - This is gonna be great.
- 00:07:32,537 --> 00:07:34,455 The E-Arth relationships are simpler.
- 00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:37,125 It's a primitive planet, so their dysfunctions are oh...
- 00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:38,918 W-Wait, what? What's going on?
- 00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,670 Where are the Smith mythologues?
- 00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:46,843 Oh, my god.
- 00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:49,846 Aah! Aah!
- 00:07:49,929 --> 00:07:52,974 - Oh, my god. - Secure the cell!
- 00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:54,934 Aaaah!
- 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,478 Uh, hey! You know what's fun? Our gift shop.
- 00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:59,355 Why don't we proceed in an orderly...
- 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,484 Oh, dear god, no.
- 00:08:03,568 --> 00:08:06,821 They're codependent! Run!
- 00:08:08,990 --> 00:08:09,991 Oh!
- 00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,623 Oh, yeah, yeah, you really know how
- 00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:19,834 to sport that color blue. - Really?
- 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,836 - You're looking real good. - Oh, my god.
- 00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:23,921 - Hey, Morty. - Oh, hey... hey, Jessica.
- 00:08:24,005 --> 00:08:27,508 So, is Tiny Rick your brother or cousin, or...?
- 00:08:27,592 --> 00:08:29,552 No, my grandpa just transferred his consciousness
- 00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,971 into a clone of himself so he could be in our high school.
- 00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,347 Cool.
- 00:08:33,431 --> 00:08:35,474 Hey, Tiny Rick's playing guitar.
- 00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:36,726 All right, everybody.
- 00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,537 This next one's coming straight from the heart.
- 00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,563 Making the lyrics up right off the top of my head.
- 00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:42,023 ♪ Let me out ♪
- 00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:45,401 ♪ What you see is not the same person as me ♪
- 00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:46,569 ♪ My life's a lie ♪
- 00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:47,987 ♪ I'm not who you're looking at ♪
- 00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,156 ♪ Let me out, set me free ♪
- 00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,116 ♪ I'm really old; this isn't me ♪
- 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:57,580 ♪ My real body's slowly dyin' in a vat ♪
- 00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:59,290 ♪ Is anybody listening' ♪
- 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,167 ♪ Can anyone understand? ♪
- 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:04,837 ♪ Stop lookin' at me like that and actually help me ♪
- 00:09:04,921 --> 00:09:05,922 ♪ Help me! ♪
- 00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:07,757 ♪ Help me; I'm gonna die! ♪
- 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,675 Tiny Rick! Thanks, everybody!
- 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:10,944 This guy's amazing!
- 00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:11,886 - I love Tiny Rick! - Bad. Ass.
- 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,764 Yeah!
- 00:09:23,898 --> 00:09:24,899 Aah!
- 00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,867 Huh?
- 00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:36,619 What the fuck?
- 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,680 Yeah, I know! What kind of operation are you running?
- 00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:41,415 Us?! What the hell kind of relationship do you have?!
- 00:09:41,499 --> 00:09:42,792 Oh, right, blame this on us.
- 00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:46,087 Okay, uh, I can and I am!
- 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:49,757 Your demonized mythologizations of each other are cooperating.
- 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,094 - Isn't that good? - No. No! It's bad!
- 00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:56,222 You have the single worst marriage I've ever witnessed.
- 00:09:56,472 --> 00:09:58,057 It shouldn't exist!
- 00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,142 You should never, ever, ever, have gotten together
- 00:10:00,226 --> 00:10:02,895 and I do not understand how, or <i>why,</i>
- 00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,939 you would ever stay together.
- 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,274 Aaah!
- 00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:07,876 Well, this is just bad couples' therapy.
- 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,193 Totally.
- 00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:17,159 - Wait for us! - There's only room for one more.
- 00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:18,995 I'm a therapist. I'll talk to them.
- 00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:21,831 They're not therapists. Go, go, go!
- 00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,958 There's gotta be a way to contact my dad.
- 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,918 Let's find a control room or something.
- 00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:32,967 Beth! You'll want to see this.
- 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,511 - What is it? - It's a small, hinged panel...
- 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,264 with a tiny amount of space behind it.
- 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,224 If you can find one, too,
- 00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:43,519 we should be safe for hours, maybe days!
- 00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,980 You stay put, Jerry.
- 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,316 I'll send help, if I make it.
- 00:10:48,566 --> 00:10:50,326 You don't want to find your own little hatch?
- 00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:53,112 Jerry, I believe that, if you hide by yourself,
- 00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,406 you might survive and I believe I,
- 00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,575 by myself, have a shot of getting out of here,
- 00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,411 but the two of us, together?
- 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,871 I don't know.
- 00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:03,873 Look, maybe the shrink was right.
- 00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,208 Good luck.
- 00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:10,522 All right, now, you listen to me.
- 00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:11,672 Oh! Or don't.
- 00:11:11,756 --> 00:11:13,716 Hey! Don't! Please!
- 00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,262 Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god!
- 00:11:18,346 --> 00:11:20,139 Now, I know I've said, in the past,
- 00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:21,974 that math is important... And it is!...
- 00:11:22,058 --> 00:11:24,435 But I also think that, one day, you'll all look back
- 00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:28,105 on being in high school with Tiny Rick and Morty,
- 00:11:28,189 --> 00:11:31,192 who I hear had a great party last night.
- 00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:34,570 So, class dismissed. You've got the day off!
- 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,822 All right! Good work, Mr. Goldenfold!
- 00:11:36,906 --> 00:11:38,783 Yeah, get outside. Read a book.
- 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,284 Put on some sunscreen, Danielle!
- 00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:42,036 Hey, what's up, Summer? Ooh, nice top.
- 00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:44,038 Thanks. Tiny Rick, you think you might be
- 00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,748 getting back into your old body tonight?
- 00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,750 No can do. Tonight's the big dance.
- 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,211 And Morty's bringing Jessica. He needs his tiny wing man.
- 00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:52,004 Tiny Rick!
- 00:11:52,088 --> 00:11:54,673 Okay, but if not tonight, when?
- 00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,217 I don't know. When I feel like it?
- 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,219 Damn, girl! You need to chill out!
- 00:11:58,302 --> 00:12:00,388 This whole thing was your idea, in the first place,
- 00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:02,238 and, now, you're trying to rush it along.
- 00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,058 Yeah, and you know what? I like high school.
- 00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,851 I like hanging out. Tiny Rick!
- 00:12:05,935 --> 00:12:08,646 But what if the you that likes it isn't you?
- 00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,314 Oh!
- 00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:11,982 Oh, Summer!
- 00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:13,776 It's just Rick in a younger body.
- 00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,212 What's the... What's... What's... What's...
- 00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:16,516 What's the... What's the problem?
- 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,239 Look at his art, Morty.
- 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:21,075 I've got an emo streak. Part of what makes me so rad.
- 00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:23,702 Why does it say "help me Morty and Summer!"?
- 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,038 Come on, Summer, that's the title of the art.
- 00:12:26,122 --> 00:12:28,165 Why was Knight Rider called Knight Rider?
- 00:12:28,249 --> 00:12:30,501 The car's name was Kitt. Nobody rode Michael Knight.
- 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:33,212 You're overthinking it, Summer. I'm Tiny Rick!
- 00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,214 Grandpa, I think that, when you put your mind
- 00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,882 into this body's young brain,
- 00:12:36,966 --> 00:12:38,509 it did what young brains do...
- 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,152 It shoved the bad thoughts into the back
- 00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,971 and put a wall around them.
- 00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,265 But those bad thoughts are the real Rick.
- 00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,058 The fact that you're old,
- 00:12:46,142 --> 00:12:47,869 the fact that we're all going to die one day,
- 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,645 the fact that the universe is so big,
- 00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,356 nothing in it matters... Those facts are who you are.
- 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,376 So you're trapped in there and you can only come out
- 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,986 in the form of Tiny Rick's teen angst!
- 00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,405 Well, <i>Summer,</i> I hear
- 00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:01,782 Toby Matthews isn't into psycho chicks.
- 00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:03,451 Can't think of anyone that is.
- 00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:06,120 I'll see you motherfuckers at the dance! Tiny Rick!
- 00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,830 Morty, you have to help me!
- 00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:09,832 Summer, he's happy! I'm happy!
- 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,625 I-I-Is that why you're doing this,
- 00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:13,229 you don't want me and Rick to be happy?
- 00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:15,212 - No. - Then get your shit together!
- 00:13:15,296 --> 00:13:17,923 Get it all together and put it in a backpack.
- 00:13:18,007 --> 00:13:20,718 All your shit, so it's together.
- 00:13:21,719 --> 00:13:23,220 And if you gotta take it somewhere,
- 00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:24,680 take it somewhere, you know?
- 00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,223 Take it to the shit store and sell it
- 00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:28,559 o-or put it in a shit museum. I don't care what you do!
- 00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,227 You just gotta get it together.
- 00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:33,314 Get your shit together.
- 00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:40,321 Get back!
- 00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:43,032 Wait, for real?
- 00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,494 You're how Beth sees me?
- 00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:49,497 Oh, my god. Turn around!
- 00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:51,332 I said turn around!
- 00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:53,584 How can Beth have these thoughts about me?!
- 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,253 That judgmental monster bitch!
- 00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,047 I'm not taking this.
- 00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,465 I want to know where my wife is.
- 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,509 <i>You</i> are going to help me.
- 00:14:01,759 --> 00:14:03,802 No! Nobody's doing that!
- 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,599 Stay.
- 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,435 - What do you want? - Jerrys.
- 00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:14,480 <i>You want Jerry? I</i> don't even want Jerry.
- 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:17,274 I want Jerrys.
- 00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:20,486 An army.
- 00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:22,947 An army of Jerrys.
- 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:26,617 The value of his subservience is wasted on you.
- 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,870 I will use it to dominate the universe.
- 00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:31,723 Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must think I'm pretty stupid,
- 00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,290 for you to be this stupid.
- 00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:34,917 Wouldn't it make more sense
- 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,919 to put my dumb-ass husband in this chair,
- 00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,921 so you can make an army of <i>your</i> badass self?
- 00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:42,508 There could never be more than one of me.
- 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:45,553 I'm the strongest, smartest being alive
- 00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:48,556 because <i>Jerry</i> thinks you're that much stronger
- 00:14:48,806 --> 00:14:51,892 and smarter than you are!
- 00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:54,311 Okay, ouch.
- 00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,108 ♪♪
- 00:14:59,191 --> 00:15:02,903 Oh, hey h-hey-y! Morty, Jessica, what's up?
- 00:15:02,987 --> 00:15:04,446 Check out the new dance I made up.
- 00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:06,490 It's called "Ooh let me out!"
- 00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:08,492 ♪ Let me out, Let me out ♪
- 00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:10,494 ♪ This is not a dance ♪
- 00:15:10,578 --> 00:15:12,496 ♪ I'm beggin' for help, I'm screamin' for help ♪
- 00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,498 ♪ Please come let me out ♪
- 00:15:14,582 --> 00:15:16,500 ♪ Let me out, Let me out ♪
- 00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:18,502 ♪ This is not a dance ♪
- 00:15:18,586 --> 00:15:20,504 ♪ I'm beggin' for help, I'm screamin' for help ♪
- 00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:22,423 ♪ Please come let me out ♪
- 00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,175 ♪ I'm dyin' in a vat in the gara-a-ge ♪♪
- 00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:27,469 Awesome!
- 00:15:27,553 --> 00:15:29,346 Okay, that last part was really weird.
- 00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,098 Maybe Summer's on to something here.
- 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,433 I don't know. It was fun.
- 00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:33,767 You want to slow dance?
- 00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,524 Tiny Rick, hey, great dancing as usual.
- 00:15:40,608 --> 00:15:42,234 Moment of your time?
- 00:15:42,318 --> 00:15:44,069 Tiny Rick, this conversation
- 00:15:44,153 --> 00:15:45,904 is gonna break my heart wide open.
- 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,548 You're a great student and the fact that
- 00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:49,366 you're an 80-Year-Old man in a clone body,
- 00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:51,035 it never bothered me.
- 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,398 But this here is another matter.
- 00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:54,330 You recognize this?
- 00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,206 We got a tip it was in your locker.
- 00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,208 Yeah, now, because the gym coach was a vampire,
- 00:15:58,292 --> 00:15:59,960 the school board is embarrassed
- 00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:01,629 and won't take it public, However,
- 00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:03,356 they can't have students killin' teachers.
- 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,299 I gotta expel you for this one, TR.
- 00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,426 I'm sorry.
- 00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:10,346 I just got expelled, Summer!
- 00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:13,223 Oh! So I guess there's no need to stay young.
- 00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:15,225 My top! - Screw your top!
- 00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:17,061 You ratted on me?! I'm Tiny Rick!
- 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,021 Fine! Yes! Because I love you...
- 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,981 and I'm trying to save your life!
- 00:16:21,065 --> 00:16:23,400 High school <i>is</i> my life!
- 00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:25,402 Summer Smith is a fucking psycho nerd
- 00:16:25,486 --> 00:16:27,529 and she just got me kicked out of school!
- 00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,411 Boo!
- 00:16:34,495 --> 00:16:35,913 Summer, I thought you were cool!
- 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,623 I'm sorry, okay?
- 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,667 How can you be such a bitch?
- 00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,418 Oh, my god, Morty.
- 00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,671 Your sister crossed Tiny Rick?
- 00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:45,631 Talk about self-destructive.
- 00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,424 Yeah.
- 00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,345 Hey, Jerry-Lover!
- 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,472 How about a taste of the real thing?
- 00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,557 Jerry!
- 00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:57,518 Ah. Ah. Ah.
- 00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,895 Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah.
- 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,900 Not on my watch.
- 00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,902 That's it!
- 00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:09,029 Beth, it's me, your husband!
- 00:17:09,113 --> 00:17:11,031 I'm here to save you.
- 00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:13,534 Or my name isn't Jerry Smith!
- 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,077 - Aha! - Yes!
- 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,537 Jerry Smith!
- 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,913 - Yeah, here. - Aha!
- 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,707 Okay, fair enough.
- 00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,674 Say goodnight, old man.
- 00:17:30,426 --> 00:17:31,903 What the hell are you doing?! - Put it down!
- 00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:33,637 Summer, you bitch!
- 00:17:33,721 --> 00:17:35,801 Don't talk to her that way! She's your granddaughter!
- 00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:38,183 I don't need a granddaughter! I'm Tiny Ri-i-ck!
- 00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:40,185 She's my sister! And if Tiny Rick is
- 00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:42,271 gonna be an asshole to my sister, then,
- 00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:44,356 you know, y-y-you may as well be old again.
- 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,066 You think you're tough, huh, Morty?
- 00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,585 What are you gonna do? I'm Tiny Rick.
- 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,278 I'm the coolest kid in your school.
- 00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,464 How are you gonna just make me do whatever you say, huh?
- 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,608 I'm gonna do what real Rick would do if he was here...
- 00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:55,617 I'm gonna kick your ass!
- 00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:57,035 Ohhhh!
- 00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,581 Rick, I know you're in there!
- 00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,207 I know you're trying to get out!
- 00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,960 That's it, Morty! Hold him down!
- 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,004 <i>♪ Drink up, baby ♪</i>
- 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,631 ♪ Stay up all night ♪
- 00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:12,634 Listen to it, Tiny Rick. Listen to Elliott Smith.
- 00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:14,136 Ugh! No!
- 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,679 Feel what he's feeling.
- 00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:18,932 Ugh! Noooooooo! God!
- 00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:20,392 ♪ That you'll never see ♪
- 00:18:20,476 --> 00:18:22,478 Oh, god, what is life?
- 00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:25,105 How can someone so talented die so young?
- 00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,940 What is being young?
- 00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,526 I'm not young. I'm old. I'm... I'm gonna die.
- 00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:31,195 My body isn't real.
- 00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,113 Morty! Summer! It's me!
- 00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:34,740 It's Rick! Regular Rick!
- 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,700 Rick! How do we get you back into your body?
- 00:18:36,784 --> 00:18:37,910 Okay, listen carefully.
- 00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,995 There's a set of diodes on the vat's control panel,
- 00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,205 a blue one and a red one.
- 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,349 Oh, god, what kind of world is this? I didn't ask to be born.
- 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,126 I need you to connect the blue one to my left temple
- 00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:48,229 and the red one to... Why doesn't anyone really like me?
- 00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:50,231 - Focus, Grandpa! - Just put the stupid wires on my head!
- 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,965 I hate being a teenager!
- 00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,809 Ugh! Arrgghh!
- 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,189 Ah! Uhhhhh!
- 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,566 Jerry, you can't bend metal.
- 00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,652 Then make a me that can! - How can I do that...
- 00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:14,363 while I'm watching you totally fail to bend metal?
- 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:15,906 Good old Beth!
- 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,950 The mind of a robot and the heart of an insect!
- 00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,785 Don't talk that way about her!
- 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,912 What?
- 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,289 Oh, it hurts!
- 00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:25,582 Oh, god.
- 00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:29,920 <i>Stop.</i>
- 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,674 <i>This representation displeases me.</i>
- 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,467 Aaah!
- 00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,807 Good lord. How did you...?
- 00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:43,684 Well, I had a feeling that, in your mind,
- 00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,519 the ideal version of me is one smart enough
- 00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,271 to see you as...
- 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,856 a goddess.
- 00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:51,233 Not such a stupid worm now, are you?
- 00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,944 Honey, when it comes to the subject of your ego,
- 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,988 I'm Stephen fucking Hawkinson.
- 00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,532 Ugh, it's... Never mind.
- 00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:00,325 I love you.
- 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,876 - Rick! - Pants!
- 00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:11,003 Holy shit! Thanks, kids.
- 00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:13,130 You figured it out. Well, Summer did.
- 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,215 Kind of weird that you were that willing
- 00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:17,301 to sell my existence out for some trim, Morty.
- 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,844 - What?! - Pants!
- 00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:20,864 But listen... I forgive you both because you know what?
- 00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:22,723 I learned, today, something important...
- 00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:24,433 The teenage mind is its own worst enemy.
- 00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:25,726 Oh, I also learned this...
- 00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,689 Operation Phoenix is not the fallback I thought it would be.
- 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,441 I guess it's back to the drawing board.
- 00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:33,984 Oh, my god!
- 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,360 Oh, my god!
- 00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:38,238 - Oh, my god. - Put some pants on!
- 00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:39,489 Put pants on.
- 00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,450 Grandpa's back, baby!
- 00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:42,659 Grandpa's...
- 00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:44,578 Oh, man, I gotta pick up your parents.
- 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,496 They have been blowin' me up.
- 00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:47,706 One last swing for the road!
- 00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,333 Aaaaaaaaaaah!
- 00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,834 For the love of god, get dressed!
- 00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,464 So, what do you think? You wanna...
- 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,215 keep this marriage going a while longer?
- 00:20:57,299 --> 00:21:00,719 At least until Morty has graduated high school.
- 00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,429 Oh. Mm.
- 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,767 Aha, you see? What did I tell you two?
- 00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,143 It worked.
- 00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,787 You know what, Rick? I guess, in a way...
- 00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,939 Already lost interest. Get in the car.
- 00:21:12,189 --> 00:21:13,541 I've been inside a kid all day and, now,
- 00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,084 I can feel my bones scraping each other.
- 00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,235 Uh, just so you're prepared,
- 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,237 there's a bunch of dead mes in the garage.
- 00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:22,658 Huh! Sounds like our stories were connected by a theme.
- 00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,910 Not really, Jerry.
- 00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:28,288 Probably a cosmetic connection your mind <i>mistakes</i> for thematic.
- 00:21:28,372 --> 00:21:29,790 Oh.
- 00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:31,875 Old Rick! Ruinin' everything!
- 00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:33,627 ♪♪
- 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,912 - Master. - Speak.
- 00:22:08,996 --> 00:22:12,082 Coach Feratu's presence was discovered by the humans.
- 00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,418 He has been destroyed. - No bother.
- 00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,086 The mortals shall soon...
- 00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:17,355 I'm sorry, what did you say his name was?
- 00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,214 - Coach Feratu. - Coach Feratu.
- 00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,550 That was his real name, like his actual vampire name?
- 00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:23,677 No no no no. His vampire name was Balik Alistane.
- 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,387 Why the fuck would he name himself
- 00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:27,281 after a famous vampire movie? Was he doing a bit?
- 00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,557 I do not know, your unholiness.
- 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,267 Jesus fucking Christ.
- 00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:32,811 From now on, no more of this clever-name bullshit.
- 00:22:32,894 --> 00:22:34,539 When a vampire is pretending to be a human,
- 00:22:34,563 --> 00:22:35,772 they can just call themselves
- 00:22:35,856 --> 00:22:37,607 Alan Jefferson or something like that.
- 00:22:37,691 --> 00:22:38,984 It's crazy, right?
- 00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:40,360 I mean, am I being an asshole?
- 00:22:40,444 --> 00:22:41,987 Okay, I feel like everybody in the room
- 00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,297 is looking at me like I'm the buzzkill.
- 00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:44,322 I'm not?
- 00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:47,784 Good. Okay. Great.
- 00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,787 Did you get any of that?
- 00:22:50,871 --> 00:22:52,789 It's-a good-a show!
- 00:00:02,337 --> 00:00:03,755 What's new at school?
- 00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,382 - Nothing. - Nothing!
- 00:00:05,465 --> 00:00:07,384 Oh, uh, one of the lunch ladies died.
- 00:00:07,467 --> 00:00:09,445 They found her in the gym with, like, two holes in her neck
- 00:00:09,469 --> 00:00:11,137 and all the blood drained out of her.
- 00:00:11,221 --> 00:00:12,972 Good lord! Who does something like that?
- 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,433 Obviously a vampire. W-W-Where's the pepper?
- 00:00:15,517 --> 00:00:17,268 Wait, what?! Vampires are real?!
- 00:00:17,352 --> 00:00:20,230 Yes, Summer, vampires are real. Who knew?
- 00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:22,982 Oh, right, all humanity, for hundreds of years, now.
- 00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:24,386 Yeah, Summer, it's a big universe.
- 00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,277 Get used to it. R-Right, Rick?
- 00:00:26,361 --> 00:00:27,588 Well, what are we going to do?!
- 00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:29,531 We're gonna live our lives until we die.
- 00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:31,533 Possibly by vampire. More likely auto accident
- 00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:34,160 or heart disease, but possibly vampire.
- 00:00:34,244 --> 00:00:37,163 Grandpa Rick, couldn't you, like, use your superknowledge
- 00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:39,999 to turn yourself into a teenager and come to our school
- 00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:42,544 and help us hunt the vampire down?
- 00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,212 Um... Wow.
- 00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,548 Yeah, pretty specific pitch, Summer.
- 00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:49,384 I probably <i>could</i> turn myself into a teenager
- 00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:52,262 and hang out in the zit-covered, hormone-addled,
- 00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:54,305 low-stakes assworld that is high school.
- 00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:56,015 But here's my reverse-ask...
- 00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,810 Why in the fuck would I ever do that, ever?
- 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,104 And how dare you even ask me that?
- 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,981 And why aren't you more ashamed of yourself?
- 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,191 - Dad! - Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie.
- 00:01:05,275 --> 00:01:07,128 Jerry! Do you know what you just said to our daughter?
- 00:01:07,152 --> 00:01:09,112 Sor-ry! I wasn't paying attention.
- 00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,573 To a conversation about vampires?!
- 00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:14,242 Clearly, I didn't know it was about vampires,
- 00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:16,077 because I wasn't paying attention,
- 00:01:16,161 --> 00:01:17,579 which <i>you</i> would know,
- 00:01:17,662 --> 00:01:19,414 if <i>you</i> ever paid attention to <i>me!</i>
- 00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:21,416 Oh, here we go, right to the victim role.
- 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:23,084 Am I a victim, Beth,
- 00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:24,878 or am I married to a mean, unfair monster
- 00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:26,171 that always hurts me?!
- 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,173 Jesus Christ! Will you fix your marriage...
- 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:31,259 or get a divorce already?
- 00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:35,346 Well, we tried a couples' therapist.
- 00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:36,973 That's Earth therapy.
- 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,743 You might as well ask a horse to fix a merry-go-round.
- 00:01:38,767 --> 00:01:41,728 I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly, he's just gonna get horrified.
- 00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:44,606 I know about a place off-planet with a 100% success rate.
- 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,150 Well, we want to make it work, if we can.
- 00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:48,610 It's just... - Then it's settled.
- 00:01:48,693 --> 00:01:50,111 No need to pack. - Oh!
- 00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:51,672 Let's go, go, go, go! [door opens, closes]
- 00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:54,699 Do you think Mom and Dad are, you know,
- 00:01:54,783 --> 00:01:56,159 gonna get a divorce?
- 00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:57,994 I think it's okay to dream, Morty.
- 00:01:58,077 --> 00:02:01,790 I'm gonna go make some wooden stakes.
- 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,750 ♪♪
- 00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:29,484 ♪♪
- 00:02:33,822 --> 00:02:36,366 I booked you for a two-day intensive at Nuptia Four,
- 00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:39,118 the galaxy's most successful couples' counseling institute.
- 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,662 They could save the marriage of a dog
- 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:42,288 and a bar of dark chocolate.
- 00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:43,665 They could save the marriage
- 00:02:43,748 --> 00:02:45,375 of a porn star and a porn star.
- 00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:47,144 Well, I know <i>I'm</i> ready to try whatever it takes.
- 00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,753 Which clearly implies that I'm not.
- 00:02:48,837 --> 00:02:50,213 It's not a competition, Beth.
- 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,090 Oh is that how you're gonna try to win,
- 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,092 by implying <i>I'm</i> competitive? - If the shoe fits.
- 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,927 - My shoe fits up your ass. - You wish!
- 00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,846 RICK: Okay, have fun. See ya Thursday!
- 00:02:58,096 --> 00:02:59,514 JERRY: Oh!
- 00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,516 Jerk. - Don't insult my father.
- 00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:03,518 He's the reason our kids are only half-stupid.
- 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,228 Ha! You just called yourself...
- 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,437 Oh.
- 00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:08,106 - Beth and Jerry Smith? - Yes.
- 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,691 I'm Glaxo Slimslom.
- 00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:11,693 Welcome to Nuptia Four.
- 00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:14,237 Your marriage can rest easy now.
- 00:03:15,697 --> 00:03:18,783 Jerry, go ahead and sit there and put this on.
- 00:03:18,867 --> 00:03:21,536 This machine isolates the part of the subject's brain
- 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:24,831 containing all perceptions of its romantic partner.
- 00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:27,959 And we will now render Jerry's perception of Beth
- 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:31,421 with artificial biological life.
- 00:03:33,715 --> 00:03:35,717 - [Growl] - GLAXO: Interesting.
- 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,719 What the hell is that?! Take that back!
- 00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,554 You do <i>not</i> think that about me!
- 00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,448 I didn't do anything! They scanned it out of my brain.
- 00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:43,141 Can I take it back?
- 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,684 There's nothing to regret.
- 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,811 We're dealing with unconscious, unhealthy thoughts.
- 00:03:46,895 --> 00:03:48,438 Beth.
- 00:03:48,521 --> 00:03:50,773 Now, we scan for Beth's perceptions of Jerry.
- 00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:53,484 - Scan hard. He's dead to me. - Everything's dead to you.
- 00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:55,069 - What? - Nothing.
- 00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:01,117 [Whimper]
- 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,744 Read it and weep, bitch.
- 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,467 [Crying] Does everybody see what I mean?
- 00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:06,748 I think we all see what you both mean.
- 00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:08,333 [Bell rings]
- 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,335 Any leads on the vampire?
- 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,836 No, Summer! I mean, you know,
- 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,005 I think it might be time that we just I-let it go.
- 00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,757 Oh, so, now, <i>you're</i> too cool for this,
- 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,258 just because Grandpa Rick is?
- 00:04:17,342 --> 00:04:19,302 It's not that, it's just that the universe
- 00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,596 is a little too big to care about something so small.
- 00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:24,015 Aah! - What up, my Helsings?
- 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,934 Who wants to hunt a vampire? Ha ha ha!
- 00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:27,602 Rick? How... How did you...
- 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,285 Yeah, I got bored and then, I remembered,
- 00:04:29,354 --> 00:04:31,354 this morning, how I blew Summer off, and I thought,
- 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:33,125 "Hey, why are you such a grumpy douche, Rick?
- 00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:34,609 Go to the garage, transfer your mind
- 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,319 into a younger clone of yourself,
- 00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:38,154 and get embroiled in some youthful hijinks.
- 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,906 What's the BFD?" So here I am.
- 00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:42,033 I'm Tiny Rick! - O-O-Okay.
- 00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,660 Well, it's good you're here, Rick.
- 00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:45,137 I was pretty sure we didn't have what it takes
- 00:04:45,161 --> 00:04:46,555 to deal with a bloodsucker on our own.
- 00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,914 Don't short-sell yourself, Summer.
- 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,117 You got everything it takes. But it'll still be fun...
- 00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:52,710 to do this as a fucking team, motherfucker. Tiny Rick!
- 00:04:52,794 --> 00:04:55,630 Yeah! Oh, my god, Toby Matthews!
- 00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:57,924 Hey, Toby. I'm Tiny Rick. I'm new.
- 00:04:58,174 --> 00:05:00,134 Hey oh... Go easy on me. Ha ha. Just kiddin'.
- 00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:02,595 Hey, I like your straightforward style
- 00:05:02,679 --> 00:05:04,430 and that lab coat's pretty cool.
- 00:05:04,514 --> 00:05:05,807 Summer.
- 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,684 He knows my name!
- 00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:09,060 Why wouldn't he? You're great!
- 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,603 But, listen, just be careful.
- 00:05:10,687 --> 00:05:12,122 We can't rule anybody out as the vampire,
- 00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,357 not even the dreamboats.
- 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,608 Stop, Tiny Rick.
- 00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:17,652 Huntin' a vampire with my grandkids!
- 00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:20,238 Fuck! Tiny Ri-i-ck!
- 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,216 GLAXO: The next step is to watch your mythologues
- 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,326 interact together and, uh... big surprise...
- 00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:27,787 It's never pretty. - [laughter]
- 00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,498 Here we have Garrrh and Zharbidar Gloompfschs,
- 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,417 or, should I say, here we have the way
- 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,794 Garrrh and Zharbidar perceive each other.
- 00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:36,963 [Roaring]
- 00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:38,589 [Chuckling] As we can all see,
- 00:05:38,673 --> 00:05:40,800 this is hardly the real Garrrh and Zharbidar.
- 00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,510 Which is good, because the relationship
- 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,221 in their heads is not only ugly,
- 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,557 it's unsustainable. <i>[beep]</i>
- 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,640 [roar]
- 00:05:48,683 --> 00:05:50,560 [Growling]
- 00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:53,563 You may already be learning something important...
- 00:05:53,646 --> 00:05:55,815 All of these relationships are different,
- 00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,818 none of them are real, and none of them work.
- 00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:02,447 We are <i>not</i> the monsters we sometimes see each other as,
- 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,242 because we are real and we are functional.
- 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,412 That's what makes us better than them.
- 00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,248 We can find solutions.
- 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,624 We can adapt.
- 00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:15,877 We can communicate. - [growl]
- 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,672 And, most importantly,
- 00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:23,760 we can work together.
- 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,138 SUMMER: Well, it was a tough adventure, but it paid off...
- 00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,182 Our school is vampire-free!
- 00:06:29,265 --> 00:06:31,976 Man, who would've suspected Coach Feratu?
- 00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:33,954 You did great, guys. Couldn't have done it without ya.
- 00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:35,748 You know, we... w-we should be proud of ourselves.
- 00:06:35,772 --> 00:06:38,024 We killed a vampire <i>and</i> a gym teacher.
- 00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:40,276 Ha ha ha. Talk about two-for-one, right?!
- 00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,153 So, how, exactly, is your old body living
- 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,613 in there, Grandpa Rick?
- 00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,215 Oh, you know, hyperbaric quantum fluid,
- 00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,217 [burp]... that kind of thing. It preserves living tissue.
- 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,202 Not that there was much to preserve.
- 00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:51,996 Look at that mummy! Ha! Ha ha!
- 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,516 And I guess it's time for me to get back inside the old-timer.
- 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,417 Oh, my god. Toby Matthews is asking...
- 00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:58,419 if my parents are still out of town
- 00:06:58,503 --> 00:07:00,088 and if we can have a party!
- 00:07:00,338 --> 00:07:02,298 All right, way to go, Summer! What did I tell you?
- 00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:05,468 Ohh! He's asking if Tiny Rick will be here.
- 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,178 Well, you know what, Summer?
- 00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,930 Tell him Tiny Rick <i>will</i> be here!
- 00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,640 And tell him to bring some brews!
- 00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,975 For real? Y-Y-Y-You would stay as Tiny Rick,
- 00:07:13,059 --> 00:07:14,769 just so we can have a party?
- 00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,521 Hell, yeah! What's one more night?
- 00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:19,084 And who can have fun with this old bastard hanging around, huh?
- 00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:21,692 [laughter] Wubby lubby doob doob!
- 00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:23,444 - Whoo! - Tiny Rick!
- 00:07:23,528 --> 00:07:24,529 [Growl]
- 00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:28,407 Moving on. Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith
- 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,409 from the planet E-Arth.
- 00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,453 - My heart is pounding. - This is gonna be great.
- 00:07:32,537 --> 00:07:34,455 The E-Arth relationships are simpler.
- 00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:37,125 It's a primitive planet, so their dysfunctions are oh...
- 00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:38,918 W-Wait, what? What's going on?
- 00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,670 Where are the Smith mythologues?
- 00:07:40,753 --> 00:07:43,047 [Suspenseful music plays]
- 00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:46,843 JERRY: Oh, my god.
- 00:07:46,926 --> 00:07:48,427 - [Shriek] - [gasp]
- 00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:49,846 Aah! Aah!
- 00:07:49,929 --> 00:07:52,974 - Oh, my god. - Secure the cell!
- 00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:54,934 Aaaah! [slice]
- 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,478 Uh, hey! You know what's fun? Our gift shop.
- 00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:59,355 Why don't we proceed in an orderly...
- 00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:00,606 [growl]
- 00:08:00,690 --> 00:08:02,233 [Whimpering]
- 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,484 Oh, dear god, no.
- 00:08:03,568 --> 00:08:06,821 They're codependent! Run!
- 00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:07,905 [Roaring]
- 00:08:08,990 --> 00:08:09,991 Oh!
- 00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:11,701 [Crickets chirp] [chatting]
- 00:08:11,784 --> 00:08:13,536 [Rock music plays]
- 00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,746 [laughter]
- 00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,623 Oh, yeah, yeah, you really know how
- 00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:19,834 to sport that color blue. - Really?
- 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,836 - You're looking real good. - Oh, my god.
- 00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:23,921 - Hey, Morty. - Oh, hey... hey, Jessica.
- 00:08:24,005 --> 00:08:27,508 So, is Tiny Rick your brother or cousin, or...?
- 00:08:27,592 --> 00:08:29,552 No, my grandpa just transferred his consciousness
- 00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,971 into a clone of himself so he could be in our high school.
- 00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,347 Cool.
- 00:08:33,431 --> 00:08:35,474 Hey, Tiny Rick's playing guitar.
- 00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:36,726 All right, everybody.
- 00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,537 This next one's coming straight from the heart.
- 00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,563 Making the lyrics up right off the top of my head.
- 00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:42,023 ♪ Let me out ♪
- 00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:45,401 ♪ What you see is not the same person as me ♪
- 00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:46,569 ♪ My life's a lie ♪
- 00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:47,987 ♪ I'm not who you're looking at ♪
- 00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,156 ♪ Let me out, set me free ♪
- 00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,116 ♪ I'm really old; this isn't me ♪
- 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:57,580 ♪ My real body's slowly dyin' in a vat ♪
- 00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:59,290 ♪ Is anybody listening' ♪
- 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,167 ♪ Can anyone understand? ♪
- 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:04,837 ♪ Stop lookin' at me like that and actually help me ♪
- 00:09:04,921 --> 00:09:05,922 ♪ Help me! ♪
- 00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:07,757 ♪ Help me; I'm gonna die! ♪
- 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,675 Tiny Rick! Thanks, everybody!
- 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:10,944 [Cheering] This guy's amazing!
- 00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:11,886 - I love Tiny Rick! - Bad. Ass.
- 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,764 [Hooting] - Yeah!
- 00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:17,767 [Snarl]
- 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,936 [Hiss]
- 00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:22,730 [Screaming in distance]
- 00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:23,814 [Rattle]
- 00:09:23,898 --> 00:09:24,899 Aah!
- 00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:28,277 [Ominous music plays]
- 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,449 [Growl]
- 00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,867 Huh?
- 00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:36,619 What the fuck?
- 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,680 Yeah, I know! What kind of operation are you running?
- 00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:41,415 Us?! What the hell kind of relationship do you have?!
- 00:09:41,499 --> 00:09:42,792 Oh, right, blame this on us.
- 00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:46,087 Okay, uh, I can and I am!
- 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:49,757 Your demonized mythologizations of each other are cooperating.
- 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,094 - Isn't that good? - No. No! It's bad!
- 00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:56,222 You have the single worst marriage I've ever witnessed.
- 00:09:56,472 --> 00:09:58,057 It shouldn't exist!
- 00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,142 You should never, ever, ever, have gotten together
- 00:10:00,226 --> 00:10:02,895 and I do not understand how, or <i>why,</i>
- 00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,939 you would ever stay together.
- 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,274 Aaah!
- 00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:07,876 Well, this is just bad couples' therapy.
- 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,193 Totally.
- 00:10:10,278 --> 00:10:12,113 [Panting]
- 00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:14,282 [Suspenseful music plays]
- 00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:17,159 - Wait for us! - There's only room for one more.
- 00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:18,995 I'm a therapist. I'll talk to them.
- 00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:21,831 They're not therapists. Go, go, go!
- 00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,958 There's gotta be a way to contact my dad.
- 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,918 Let's find a control room or something.
- 00:10:26,002 --> 00:10:29,005 [Suspenseful music plays]
- 00:10:29,088 --> 00:10:31,132 [Creak]
- 00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:32,967 JERRY: Beth! You'll want to see this.
- 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,511 - What is it? - It's a small, hinged panel...
- 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,264 with a tiny amount of space behind it.
- 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,224 If you can find one, too,
- 00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:43,519 we should be safe for hours, maybe days!
- 00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,980 You stay put, Jerry.
- 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:48,316 I'll send help, if I make it.
- 00:10:48,566 --> 00:10:50,326 You don't want to find your own little hatch?
- 00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:53,112 Jerry, I believe that, if you hide by yourself,
- 00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,406 you might survive and I believe I,
- 00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,575 by myself, have a shot of getting out of here,
- 00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,411 but the two of us, together?
- 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,871 I don't know.
- 00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:03,873 Look, maybe the shrink was right.
- 00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,208 Good luck.
- 00:11:07,335 --> 00:11:09,211 [Roar]
- 00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:10,522 All right, now, you listen to me.
- 00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:11,672 Oh! Or don't.
- 00:11:11,756 --> 00:11:13,716 Hey! Don't! Please!
- 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,092 [Hissing]
- 00:11:15,176 --> 00:11:16,719 [Whining]
- 00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,262 Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god!
- 00:11:18,346 --> 00:11:20,139 Now, I know I've said, in the past,
- 00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:21,974 that math is important... And it is!...
- 00:11:22,058 --> 00:11:24,435 But I also think that, one day, you'll all look back
- 00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:28,105 on being in high school with Tiny Rick and Morty,
- 00:11:28,189 --> 00:11:31,192 who I hear had a great party last night.
- 00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:34,570 So, class dismissed. You've got the day off!
- 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,822 All right! Good work, Mr. Goldenfold!
- 00:11:36,906 --> 00:11:38,783 Yeah, get outside. Read a book.
- 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,284 Put on some sunscreen, Danielle!
- 00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:42,036 Hey, what's up, Summer? Ooh, nice top.
- 00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:44,038 Thanks. Tiny Rick, you think you might be
- 00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,748 getting back into your old body tonight?
- 00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,750 No can do. Tonight's the big dance.
- 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,211 And Morty's bringing Jessica. He needs his tiny wing man.
- 00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:52,004 - BOTH: Tiny Rick! - [laughs]
- 00:11:52,088 --> 00:11:54,673 Okay, but if not tonight, when?
- 00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,217 I don't know. When I feel like it?
- 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,219 Damn, girl! You need to chill out!
- 00:11:58,302 --> 00:12:00,388 This whole thing was your idea, in the first place,
- 00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:02,238 and, now, you're trying to rush it along.
- 00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,058 Yeah, and you know what? I like high school.
- 00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,851 I like hanging out. Tiny Rick!
- 00:12:05,935 --> 00:12:08,646 But what if the you that likes it isn't you?
- 00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,314 [laughter] - Oh!
- 00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:11,982 BOTH: Oh, Summer!
- 00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:13,776 It's just Rick in a younger body.
- 00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,212 What's the... What's... What's... What's...
- 00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:16,516 What's the... What's the problem?
- 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,239 Look at his art, Morty.
- 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:21,075 I've got an emo streak. Part of what makes me so rad.
- 00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:23,702 Why does it say "help me Morty and Summer!"?
- 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,038 Come on, Summer, that's the title of the art.
- 00:12:26,122 --> 00:12:28,165 Why was Knight Rider called Knight Rider?
- 00:12:28,249 --> 00:12:30,501 The car's name was Kitt. Nobody rode Michael Knight.
- 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:33,212 You're overthinking it, Summer. I'm Tiny Rick!
- 00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,214 Grandpa, I think that, when you put your mind
- 00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,882 into this body's young brain,
- 00:12:36,966 --> 00:12:38,509 it did what young brains do...
- 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,152 It shoved the bad thoughts into the back
- 00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,971 and put a wall around them.
- 00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,265 But those bad thoughts are the real Rick.
- 00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,058 The fact that you're old,
- 00:12:46,142 --> 00:12:47,869 the fact that we're all going to die one day,
- 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,645 the fact that the universe is so big,
- 00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,356 nothing in it matters... Those facts are who you are.
- 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,376 So you're trapped in there and you can only come out
- 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,986 in the form of Tiny Rick's teen angst!
- 00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,405 Well, <i>Summer,</i> I hear
- 00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:01,782 Toby Matthews isn't into psycho chicks.
- 00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:03,451 Can't think of anyone that is.
- 00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:06,120 I'll see you motherfuckers at the dance! Tiny Rick!
- 00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,830 Morty, you have to help me!
- 00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:09,832 Summer, he's happy! I'm happy!
- 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,625 I-I-Is that why you're doing this,
- 00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:13,229 you don't want me and Rick to be happy?
- 00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:15,212 - No. - Then get your shit together!
- 00:13:15,296 --> 00:13:17,923 Get it all together and put it in a backpack.
- 00:13:18,007 --> 00:13:20,718 All your shit, so it's together.
- 00:13:21,719 --> 00:13:23,220 And if you gotta take it somewhere,
- 00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:24,680 take it somewhere, you know?
- 00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,223 Take it to the shit store and sell it
- 00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:28,559 o-or put it in a shit museum. I don't care what you do!
- 00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,227 You just gotta get it together.
- 00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:33,314 Get your shit together.
- 00:13:34,899 --> 00:13:36,901 [Slug wailing]
- 00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:40,321 [Gasping] Get back!
- 00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:43,032 [Fart] - Wait, for real?
- 00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:44,158 [Whimpers]
- 00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,494 You're how Beth sees me?
- 00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:49,497 Oh, my god. Turn around!
- 00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:51,332 I said turn around!
- 00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:53,584 How can Beth have these thoughts about me?!
- 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,253 That judgmental monster bitch!
- 00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,047 I'm not taking this.
- 00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,465 I want to know where my wife is.
- 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:01,509 <i>You</i> are going to help me.
- 00:14:01,759 --> 00:14:03,802 No! Nobody's doing that!
- 00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:06,597 [Growling]
- 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,599 Stay.
- 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,435 - What do you want? - Jerrys.
- 00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:14,480 <i>You want Jerry? I</i> don't even want Jerry.
- 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:17,274 I want Jerrys.
- 00:14:17,358 --> 00:14:18,859 [Whimpering]
- 00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:20,486 An army.
- 00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:22,947 [laughs] An army of Jerrys.
- 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:26,617 The value of his subservience is wasted on you.
- 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,870 I will use it to dominate the universe.
- 00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:31,723 Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must think I'm pretty stupid,
- 00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,290 for you to be this stupid.
- 00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:34,917 Wouldn't it make more sense
- 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,919 to put my dumb-ass husband in this chair,
- 00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,921 so you can make an army of <i>your</i> badass self?
- 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,506 [laughs]
- 00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:42,508 There could never be more than one of me.
- 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:45,553 I'm the strongest, smartest being alive
- 00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:48,556 because <i>Jerry</i> thinks you're that much stronger
- 00:14:48,806 --> 00:14:51,892 and smarter than you are!
- 00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:54,311 Okay, ouch.
- 00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,108 ♪♪
- 00:14:59,191 --> 00:15:02,903 Oh, hey h-hey-y! Morty, Jessica, what's up?
- 00:15:02,987 --> 00:15:04,446 Check out the new dance I made up.
- 00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:06,490 It's called "Ooh let me out!"
- 00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:08,492 ♪ Let me out, Let me out ♪
- 00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:10,494 ♪ This is not a dance ♪
- 00:15:10,578 --> 00:15:12,496 ♪ I'm beggin' for help, I'm screamin' for help ♪
- 00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,498 ♪ Please come let me out ♪
- 00:15:14,582 --> 00:15:16,500 ♪ Let me out, Let me out ♪
- 00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:18,502 ♪ This is not a dance ♪
- 00:15:18,586 --> 00:15:20,504 ♪ I'm beggin' for help, I'm screamin' for help ♪
- 00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:22,423 ♪ Please come let me out ♪
- 00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,175 ♪ I'm dyin' in a vat in the gara-a-ge ♪♪
- 00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:27,469 [Cheering] - Awesome!
- 00:15:27,553 --> 00:15:29,346 Okay, that last part was really weird.
- 00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,098 Maybe Summer's on to something here.
- 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,433 I don't know. It was fun.
- 00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:33,767 You want to slow dance?
- 00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,524 Tiny Rick, hey, great dancing as usual.
- 00:15:40,608 --> 00:15:42,234 Moment of your time?
- 00:15:42,318 --> 00:15:44,069 Tiny Rick, this conversation
- 00:15:44,153 --> 00:15:45,904 is gonna break my heart wide open.
- 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,548 You're a great student and the fact that
- 00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:49,366 you're an 80-Year-Old man in a clone body,
- 00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:51,035 it never bothered me.
- 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,398 But this here is another matter.
- 00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:54,330 You recognize this?
- 00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,206 We got a tip it was in your locker.
- 00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,208 Yeah, now, because the gym coach was a vampire,
- 00:15:58,292 --> 00:15:59,960 the school board is embarrassed
- 00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:01,629 and won't take it public, However,
- 00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:03,356 they can't have students killin' teachers.
- 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,299 I gotta expel you for this one, TR.
- 00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,426 I'm sorry.
- 00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:10,346 I just got expelled, Summer!
- 00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:13,223 Oh! So I guess there's no need to stay young.
- 00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:15,225 My top! - Screw your top!
- 00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:17,061 You ratted on me?! I'm Tiny Rick!
- 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,021 Fine! Yes! Because I love you...
- 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,981 and I'm trying to save your life!
- 00:16:21,065 --> 00:16:23,400 High school <i>is</i> my life!
- 00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:25,402 Summer Smith is a fucking psycho nerd
- 00:16:25,486 --> 00:16:27,529 and she just got me kicked out of school!
- 00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:30,449 ALL: [gasp]
- 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,910 [Thud]
- 00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,411 Boo!
- 00:16:34,495 --> 00:16:35,913 Summer, I thought you were cool!
- 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,623 I'm sorry, okay?
- 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,667 How can you be such a bitch?
- 00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,418 Oh, my god, Morty.
- 00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,671 Your sister crossed Tiny Rick?
- 00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:45,631 Talk about self-destructive.
- 00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,424 Yeah.
- 00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,345 JERRY: Hey, Jerry-Lover!
- 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,472 How about a taste of the real thing?
- 00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,557 - [Roar] - Jerry!
- 00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:57,518 Ah. Ah. Ah.
- 00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,895 Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah.
- 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,900 Not on my watch.
- 00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,902 That's it!
- 00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:09,029 Beth, it's me, your husband!
- 00:17:09,113 --> 00:17:11,031 I'm here to save you.
- 00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:13,534 Or my name isn't Jerry Smith!
- 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,077 - Aha! - Yes!
- 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,537 Jerry Smith!
- 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,913 - Yeah, here. - Aha!
- 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,707 Okay, fair enough.
- 00:17:19,957 --> 00:17:21,083 [Ominous music plays]
- 00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,751 [Door creaks open]
- 00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,674 Say goodnight, old man.
- 00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:30,342 [Gasp]
- 00:17:30,426 --> 00:17:31,903 What the hell are you doing?! - Put it down!
- 00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:33,637 Summer, you bitch!
- 00:17:33,721 --> 00:17:35,801 Don't talk to her that way! She's your granddaughter!
- 00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:38,183 I don't need a granddaughter! I'm Tiny Ri-i-ck!
- 00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:40,185 She's my sister! And if Tiny Rick is
- 00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:42,271 gonna be an asshole to my sister, then,
- 00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:44,356 you know, y-y-you may as well be old again.
- 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,066 You think you're tough, huh, Morty?
- 00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,585 What are you gonna do? I'm Tiny Rick.
- 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,278 I'm the coolest kid in your school.
- 00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,464 How are you gonna just make me do whatever you say, huh?
- 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,608 I'm gonna do what real Rick would do if he was here...
- 00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:55,617 I'm gonna kick your ass!
- 00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:57,035 Ohhhh!
- 00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,120 [Grunting]
- 00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,581 Rick, I know you're in there!
- 00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,207 I know you're trying to get out!
- 00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,960 That's it, Morty! Hold him down!
- 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,004 <i>[Ballad] ♪ Drink up, baby ♪</i>
- 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,631 ♪ Stay up all night ♪
- 00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:12,634 Listen to it, Tiny Rick. Listen to Elliott Smith.
- 00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:14,136 Ugh! No!
- 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,679 Feel what he's feeling.
- 00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:18,932 Ugh! Noooooooo! God!
- 00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:20,392 ♪ That you'll never see ♪
- 00:18:20,476 --> 00:18:22,478 Oh, god, what is life?
- 00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:25,105 How can someone so talented die so young?
- 00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,940 What is being young?
- 00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,526 I'm not young. I'm old. I'm... I'm gonna die.
- 00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:31,195 My body isn't real.
- 00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,113 Morty! Summer! It's me!
- 00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:34,740 It's Rick! Regular Rick!
- 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,700 Rick! How do we get you back into your body?
- 00:18:36,784 --> 00:18:37,910 Okay, listen carefully.
- 00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,995 There's a set of diodes on the vat's control panel,
- 00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,205 a blue one and a red one.
- 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,349 Oh, god, what kind of world is this? I didn't ask to be born.
- 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,126 I need you to connect the blue one to my left temple
- 00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:48,229 and the red one to... Why doesn't anyone really like me?
- 00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:50,231 - Focus, Grandpa! - Just put the stupid wires on my head!
- 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,965 I hate being a teenager!
- 00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,809 Ugh! Arrgghh!
- 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,189 Ah! Uhhhhh!
- 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,566 Jerry, you can't bend metal.
- 00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,652 Then make a me that can! - How can I do that...
- 00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:14,363 while I'm watching you totally fail to bend metal?
- 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:15,906 Good old Beth!
- 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,950 The mind of a robot and the heart of an insect!
- 00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,785 Don't talk that way about her!
- 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,912 What?
- 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,289 Oh, it hurts!
- 00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:25,582 Oh, god.
- 00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:29,920 <i>Stop.</i>
- 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,674 <i>This representation displeases me.</i>
- 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,467 Aaah!
- 00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,807 Good lord. How did you...?
- 00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:43,684 Well, I had a feeling that, in your mind,
- 00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:45,519 the ideal version of me is one smart enough
- 00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,271 to see you as...
- 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,856 a goddess.
- 00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:51,233 Not such a stupid worm now, are you?
- 00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,944 Honey, when it comes to the subject of your ego,
- 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,988 I'm Stephen fucking Hawkinson.
- 00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,532 Ugh, it's... Never mind.
- 00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:00,325 I love you.
- 00:20:00,409 --> 00:20:03,829 <i>[Processing, powering up]</i>
- 00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,664 <i>[buzz]</i>
- 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,876 - Rick! - Pants!
- 00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:11,003 Holy shit! Thanks, kids.
- 00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:13,130 You figured it out. Well, Summer did.
- 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,215 Kind of weird that you were that willing
- 00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:17,301 to sell my existence out for some trim, Morty.
- 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,844 - What?! - Pants!
- 00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:20,864 But listen... I forgive you both because you know what?
- 00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:22,723 I learned, today, something important...
- 00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:24,433 The teenage mind is its own worst enemy.
- 00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:25,726 Oh, I also learned this...
- 00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:27,603 <i>[beeping]</i>
- 00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,689 Operation Phoenix is not the fallback I thought it would be.
- 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,441 I guess it's back to the drawing board.
- 00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:33,984 Oh, my god!
- 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,360 Oh, my god!
- 00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:38,238 - Oh, my god. - Put some pants on!
- 00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:39,489 Put pants on.
- 00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,450 Grandpa's back, baby!
- 00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:42,659 Grandpa's... <i>[buzz]</i>
- 00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:44,578 Oh, man, I gotta pick up your parents.
- 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,496 They have been blowin' me up.
- 00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:47,706 One last swing for the road!
- 00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,333 Aaaaaaaaaaah!
- 00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,834 For the love of god, get dressed!
- 00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,464 So, what do you think? You wanna...
- 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,215 keep this marriage going a while longer?
- 00:20:57,299 --> 00:21:00,719 At least until Morty has graduated high school.
- 00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,429 Oh. Mm.
- 00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,556 [Moaning lightly]
- 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,767 Aha, you see? What did I tell you two?
- 00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,143 It worked.
- 00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,787 You know what, Rick? I guess, in a way...
- 00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,939 Already lost interest. Get in the car.
- 00:21:12,189 --> 00:21:13,541 I've been inside a kid all day and, now,
- 00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,084 I can feel my bones scraping each other.
- 00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,235 Uh, just so you're prepared,
- 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,237 there's a bunch of dead mes in the garage.
- 00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:22,658 Huh! Sounds like our stories were connected by a theme.
- 00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,910 - [laughter] - Not really, Jerry.
- 00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:28,288 Probably a cosmetic connection your mind <i>mistakes</i> for thematic.
- 00:21:28,372 --> 00:21:29,790 Oh.
- 00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:31,875 Old Rick! Ruinin' everything!
- 00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:33,627 ♪♪
- 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:05,158 [Squeaking]
- 00:22:05,242 --> 00:22:07,077 [Ominous music plays]
- 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,912 - Master. - Speak.
- 00:22:08,996 --> 00:22:12,082 Coach Feratu's presence was discovered by the humans.
- 00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,418 He has been destroyed. - No bother.
- 00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,086 The mortals shall soon...
- 00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:17,355 I'm sorry, what did you say his name was?
- 00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,214 - Coach Feratu. - Coach Feratu.
- 00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,550 That was his real name, like his actual vampire name?
- 00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:23,677 No no no no. His vampire name was Balik Alistane.
- 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,387 Why the fuck would he name himself
- 00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:27,281 after a famous vampire movie? Was he doing a bit?
- 00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,557 I do not know, your unholiness.
- 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,267 Jesus fucking Christ.
- 00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:32,811 From now on, no more of this clever-name bullshit.
- 00:22:32,894 --> 00:22:34,539 When a vampire is pretending to be a human,
- 00:22:34,563 --> 00:22:35,772 they can just call themselves
- 00:22:35,856 --> 00:22:37,607 Alan Jefferson or something like that.
- 00:22:37,691 --> 00:22:38,984 It's crazy, right?
- 00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:40,360 I mean, am I being an asshole?
- 00:22:40,444 --> 00:22:41,987 Okay, I feel like everybody in the room
- 00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,297 is looking at me like I'm the buzzkill.
- 00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:44,322 I'm not?
- 00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:47,784 Good. Okay. Great. [hiss]
- 00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:49,286 [Screaming]
- 00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,787 Did you get any of that?
- 00:22:50,871 --> 00:22:52,789 It's-a good-a show!
- 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:03,850 Чего нового в школе?
- 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:04,900 Ничего.
- 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:05,150 Ничего!
- 00:00:05,150 --> 00:00:07,420 О, эм, одна повариха умерла.
- 00:00:07,420 --> 00:00:08,930 Её нашли в спортзале с, типа, двумя дырками в шее
- 00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:11,000 и с полностью высосанной кровью.
- 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,830 Боже правый! Кто так делает?
- 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,440 Очевидно, вампир. Г-г-где перец?
- 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,110 Что, что?! Вампиры существуют?!
- 00:00:17,110 --> 00:00:20,040 Да, Саммер, вампиры существуют. Кто знал?
- 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,770 Ой, точно, всё человечество, уже на протяжении сотен лет.
- 00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:24,180 Да, Саммер, вселенная огромна.
- 00:00:24,180 --> 00:00:26,250 Привыкай. П-правда, Рик?
- 00:00:26,710 --> 00:00:27,520 Ну, что мы будем делать?!
- 00:00:28,050 --> 00:00:29,780 Мы будем жить пока не умрём.
- 00:00:29,790 --> 00:00:32,150 Возможно от вампира. Скорее всего в автокатастрофе
- 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:34,360 или от сердечного приступа, но возможно и от вампира.
- 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:37,290 Дедушка Рик, не мог бы ты, как бы, использовать свои суперзнания,
- 00:00:37,290 --> 00:00:40,360 чтобы превратить себя в подростка, прийти в школу
- 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:41,570 и помочь нам поймать вампира?
- 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,300 Эм... Вау.
- 00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:46,870 Да, довольно специфический запрос, Саммер.
- 00:00:46,870 --> 00:00:49,500 Вероятно я бы <i>мог</i> превратить себя в подростка
- 00:00:49,510 --> 00:00:52,040 и тусить в прыщавом, одурманенном гормонами,
- 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,340 дешёвом мирке, которым является старшая школа.
- 00:00:54,340 --> 00:00:56,040 Но вот мой контр-вопрос...
- 00:00:56,050 --> 00:00:58,880 Какого чёрта я вообще так поступлю когда-нибудь?
- 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,720 Как ты смеешь вообще спрашивать такое?
- 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,180 И почему тебе не стыдно?
- 00:01:03,190 --> 00:01:04,080 Папа!
- 00:01:04,090 --> 00:01:05,400 Стыдись, сладенькая.
- 00:01:05,570 --> 00:01:07,090 Джерри! Ты понял, что сказал нашей дочери?
- 00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:09,050 Изви-ни! Я не обращал внимание.
- 00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:11,860 К дискуссии о вампирах?!
- 00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:14,600 Очевидно, я не знал, что она была о вампирах,
- 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,430 ведь я не обращал внимание.
- 00:01:16,430 --> 00:01:18,330 Что ты бы поняла, если бы когда-нибудь
- 00:01:18,330 --> 00:01:19,670 обращала на меня внимание!
- 00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:21,570 О, опять, роль жертвы.
- 00:01:21,570 --> 00:01:22,900 Я и есть жертва, Бетт,
- 00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:25,270 или я женат на грубом, нечестном монстре,
- 00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:26,250 который постоянно ранит меня?!
- 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,700 Господи Иисусе!
- 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,000 Вы исправите свои отношения или наконец разведётесь?
- 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,320 Ну, мы пробовали семейного психолога.
- 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,020 Это Земной психолог.
- 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,920 С таким же успехом можно попросить лошадь починить карусель.
- 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,390 Я хочу сказать, он будет пытаться изо всех сил, но скорее всего,
- 00:01:40,390 --> 00:01:41,770 просто ужаснётся.
- 00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:44,790 Я знаю одно место вне планеты со 100%-ой историей успеха.
- 00:01:45,150 --> 00:01:47,530 Ну, мы бы хотели исправить это, если мы можем.
- 00:01:47,530 --> 00:01:48,760 Просто...
- 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:48,760 Тогда договорились.
- 00:01:48,770 --> 00:01:49,420 Не нужно собирать вещи.
- 00:01:49,420 --> 00:01:50,100 Оу!
- 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,370 Идём, идём, идём, идём!
- 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,100 Как ты думаешь, мама и папа,
- 00:01:55,110 --> 00:01:56,170 разведутся?
- 00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:58,040 Думаю, мечтать не вредно, Морти.
- 00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,600 Пойду сделаю несколько деревянных колов.
- 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:09,520 ♪
- 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:31,230 Перевод - savask, стили и тайминг - alexeymil0, английские субтитры - ButterFox
- 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:36,410 Я записал вас на двухдневный интенсивный курс на Брачнии-4,
- 00:02:36,410 --> 00:02:39,250 это наиболее успешный в галактике институт консультирования пар.
- 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:40,780 Они могут спасти брак собаки
- 00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:42,450 и плитки чёрного шоколада.
- 00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:44,850 Они могут спасти брак порнозвезды и порнозвезды.
- 00:02:44,850 --> 00:02:47,290 Ну, я знаю, что я готов попробовать всё, что для этого потребуется.
- 00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:49,300 Что явно подразумевает, что я - нет.
- 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:50,690 Это не соревнование, Бетт.
- 00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,150 СБРОС ПАССАЖИРОВ
- 00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:51,198 m -4 -12 l 26
- 00:02:50,690 --> 00:02:51,990 О, это и есть то, как ты попытаешься выиграть -
- 00:02:51,210 --> 00:02:52,150 -4 b 34 -5 37 -10 34 -14 l 2 -22 b -4 -21 -6 -16 -4 -12
- 00:02:51,990 --> 00:02:53,700 подразумевать, что я соревнуюсь?
- 00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:54,620 Если это тебе подходит.
- 00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:56,100 Мне подходит надрать тебе зад.
- 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,050 Мечтай!
- 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,670 Ладно, повеселитесь там. Увидимся в четверг!
- 00:02:57,670 --> 00:02:58,570 Оу!
- 00:02:59,670 --> 00:03:00,400 Подонок.
- 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,940 Не оскорбляй моего отца.
- 00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:03,940 Он - причина, почему наши дети только на половину тупые.
- 00:03:03,940 --> 00:03:05,770 Ха! Ты только что назвала себя...
- 00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:06,470 Оу.
- 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,250 Бетт и Джерри Смит?
- 00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:08,170 Да.
- 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:09,720 Я - Глаксо Слимслом.
- 00:03:09,950 --> 00:03:11,650 Добро пожаловать на Брачнию-4.
- 00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:14,520 Ваш брак теперь может быть спокойным.
- 00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:19,020 Джерри, подойдите, сядьте там и наденьте это.
- 00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:21,560 Эта машина изолирует часть мозга испытуемого,
- 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,030 содержащую все представления о его романтическом партнёре.
- 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:28,230 И мы теперь отобразим представления Джерри о Бетт
- 00:03:28,230 --> 00:03:31,170 с помощью искусственной жизни.
- 00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:36,240 Интересно.
- 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,900 Что это за чертовщина?! Верните её назад!
- 00:03:37,910 --> 00:03:39,620 Ты не думаешь так обо мне!
- 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,010 Я ничего не делал!
- 00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:42,310 Они сосканировали это из моего мозга.
- 00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:43,410 Могу я вернуть это назад?
- 00:03:43,410 --> 00:03:45,210 Нечего жалеть. Мы имеем дело с
- 00:03:45,210 --> 00:03:47,210 бессознательными, нездоровыми мыслями.
- 00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:47,770 Бетт.
- 00:03:48,490 --> 00:03:51,490 Теперь, мы сосканируем представления Бетт о Джерри.
- 00:03:51,490 --> 00:03:53,200 Сканируйте получше. Он мёртв для меня.
- 00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:54,050 Для тебя всё мертво.
- 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,420 Что?
- 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:55,420 Ничего.
- 00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,830 Смотри и рыдай, сучонок.
- 00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:04,500 Все ведь понимают, что я имел ввиду?
- 00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:06,950 Я думаю, мы все понимаем, что вы оба имеете ввиду.
- 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,610 Есть какие-нибудь ниточки к вампиру?
- 00:04:10,610 --> 00:04:12,070 Нет, Саммер! То есть, знаешь,
- 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,440 я думаю, возможно это время, чтобы п-просто забыть об этом.
- 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,210 Оу, теперь ты слишком крут для этого,
- 00:04:16,210 --> 00:04:17,510 просто потому, что дедушка Рик такой?
- 00:04:17,510 --> 00:04:19,350 Не по этому, просто вселенная
- 00:04:19,350 --> 00:04:21,780 немного большая, чтобы беспокоиться о чём-то таком маленьком.
- 00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:22,620 Ааа!
- 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,000 Как дела, мои Хельсинги?
- 00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:26,550 Кто хочет поохотиться на вампира? Ха-ха-ха!
- 00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:27,850 Рик? Как... как ты...
- 00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:29,260 Да, мне стало скучно, а потом я вспомнил,
- 00:04:29,260 --> 00:04:31,360 как я забил на Саммер эти утром, и подумал:
- 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,090 "Эй, почему ты такой сварливый пень, Рик?
- 00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,870 Сходи в гараж, перенеси сознание
- 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,800 в молодого клона себя и окунись
- 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,720 в бурное веселье молодости, в чём проблема?"
- 00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:40,920 И вот я здесь. Я крошка-Рик!
- 00:04:40,950 --> 00:04:42,270 Л-л-ладно.
- 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:43,700 Ну, хорошо, что ты здесь, Рик.
- 00:04:43,710 --> 00:04:45,110 Я была вполне уверена, что у нас не было всего,
- 00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,550 что нужно, чтобы справиться с кровососом самостоятельно.
- 00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:48,240 Не прибедняйся, Саммер.
- 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,320 У вас есть всё, что нужно. Но всё равно будет веселее
- 00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,710 сделать это как чёртова команда, долбанный крошка-Рик!
- 00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:55,880 Да! О, Боже мой, Тоби Мэтьюз!
- 00:04:55,890 --> 00:04:57,820 Эй, Тоби. Я - крошка-Рик. Я тут новенький.
- 00:04:57,820 --> 00:05:00,220 Эй, эм... будь со мной помягче. Ха-ха. Просто шучу.
- 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,790 Мне нравится твоя непосредственность
- 00:05:02,790 --> 00:05:04,660 и этот лабораторный халат довольно клёвый.
- 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:05,990 Саммер.
- 00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:07,620 Он знает моё имя!
- 00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:09,300 Почему бы ему и не знать? Ты классная!
- 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,800 Но, слушайте, будьте осторожными.
- 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,470 Мы не можем исключать никого из списка подозреваемых на вампира,
- 00:05:12,470 --> 00:05:14,570 даже красавчиков.
- 00:05:14,670 --> 00:05:15,800 Хватит, крошка-Рик.
- 00:05:15,810 --> 00:05:17,840 Охотимся на вампира с моими внуками!
- 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,010 *#&^! Крошка Ри-ик!
- 00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:22,270 Следующий шаг - посмотреть, как
- 00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:25,510 взаимодействуют ваши аватары, и эм.. большой сюрприз...
- 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:26,810 Это никогда не бывает приятным.
- 00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:30,480 Здесь у нас Гарр и Зарбидар Глумщ,
- 00:05:30,490 --> 00:05:32,450 или, лучше сказать, тут у нас то,
- 00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:34,990 как Гарр и Зарбидар представляют друг-друга.
- 00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:38,630 Как мы все видим,
- 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,000 это вряд ли настоящие Гарр и Зарбидар.
- 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,700 Что хорошо, потому, что из взаимоотношения
- 00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:45,270 в из головах не только уродливы,
- 00:05:45,270 --> 00:05:46,550 но и неподдерживаемые.
- 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,540 Возможно вы уже поняли кое-что важное...
- 00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:56,010 Все эти взаимоотношения различны,
- 00:05:56,010 --> 00:05:59,280 но ни одно из них не реально, и ни одно их них не работает.
- 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:02,520 Мы не монстры, которыми мы видим друг-друга,
- 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:06,290 потому, что мы настоящие и живые.
- 00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:09,660 Это и есть то, что делает нас лучше их.
- 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,520 Мы можем находить решения.
- 00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:13,020 Мы можем адаптироваться.
- 00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:15,100 Мы можем общаться.
- 00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:18,500 И, самое важное,
- 00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:23,120 мы можем работать сообща.
- 00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:27,380 Ну, это было тяжёлое приключение, но оно того стоило...
- 00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:29,040 Наша школа свободна от вампиров!
- 00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,920 Да, кто бы стал подозревать тренера Ферату?
- 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,150 Вы хорошо потрудились, ребята. Я не смог бы справиться без вас.
- 00:06:34,150 --> 00:06:35,720 Знайте, мы... м-мы должны гордиться собой.
- 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,220 Мы убили и вампира, и физрука.
- 00:06:38,220 --> 00:06:40,320 Ха-ха-ха. Два одним ударом, верно?
- 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,560 Так как именно, твоё старое тело живёт
- 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:43,660 там, дедушка Рик?
- 00:06:43,660 --> 00:06:45,470 О, знаешь, гипербарическая квантовая жидкость.
- 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:46,730 Такая штука.
- 00:06:46,730 --> 00:06:48,950 Оно сохраняет живые ткани. Не то чтобы было много,
- 00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:51,730 чего сохранять. Посмотри на эту мумию! Ха! Ха-ха!
- 00:06:51,730 --> 00:06:54,620 И, я думаю, пришло время мне возвращаться во внутрь этого старика.
- 00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:58,450 О, Боже мой. Тоби Мэтьюз спрашивает, вне города ли
- 00:06:58,470 --> 00:07:00,270 мои родители, и можем ли мы устроить вечеринку!
- 00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:02,380 Здорово, вперёд, Саммер! Что я тебе говорил?
- 00:07:03,020 --> 00:07:05,500 Оу! Он спрашивает, будет ли крошка-Рик.
- 00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:07,050 Ну, знаешь что, Саммер?
- 00:07:07,050 --> 00:07:09,000 Скажи, что крошка-Рик будет!
- 00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,670 И скажи, чтобы принёс пива!
- 00:07:10,770 --> 00:07:13,450 Правда? Т-т-т-ты останешься крошкой-Риком,
- 00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:14,750 чтобы мы смогли провести вечеринку?
- 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,560 Да, чёрт подери! Что там, одна ночь?
- 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,260 И кто может веселиться с этим мешающимся старым ублюдком, а?
- 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,930 Вуби луби дуб дуб!
- 00:07:21,930 --> 00:07:23,520 Уху! Крошка-Рик!
- 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,800 Движемся дальше. Тут мы имеем Бетт и Джерри Смит
- 00:07:28,810 --> 00:07:30,600 с планеты Зе-мля.
- 00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:31,650 У меня сердце стучит.
- 00:07:31,670 --> 00:07:32,620 Это будет классно.
- 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,610 Взаимоотношения Зе-млян проще.
- 00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:37,280 Это примитивная планета, так что их дисфункции.. о...
- 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,110 П-подождите, что? Что происходит?
- 00:07:39,420 --> 00:07:40,880 Где аватары Смитов?
- 00:07:45,890 --> 00:07:47,290 О, Боже мой.
- 00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:50,020 Ааа! Аа!
- 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,700 О, Боже мой.
- 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:52,700 Заприте камеру!
- 00:07:53,230 --> 00:07:54,820 Аааа!
- 00:07:55,130 --> 00:07:57,600 Ээ, эй! Знайте, что забавно? Наш магазин сувениров.
- 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,400 Почему бы нам не последовать в организованном...
- 00:08:02,810 --> 00:08:03,820 О, Боже правый, нет.
- 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,810 Они взаимозависимы!
- 00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:06,820 Бежим!
- 00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:09,750 Оу!
- 00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:17,770 О, да, да, ты правда знаешь, как
- 00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:19,200 носить голубой цвет.
- 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:19,800 Правда?
- 00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:21,250 Ты очень хорошо выглядишь.
- 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:21,250 О, Боже мой.
- 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:24,270 Эй, Морти.
- 00:08:22,390 --> 00:08:24,270 О, эй... эй, Джессика.
- 00:08:24,350 --> 00:08:27,820 Так крошка-Рик твой брат или кузен или...?
- 00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,500 Нет, просто мой дед переправил
- 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,150 своё сознание в молодого клона себя,
- 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,500 чтобы он мог быть в моей школе.
- 00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:33,150 Классно.
- 00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:35,050 Эй, крошка-Рик играет на гитаре.
- 00:08:35,770 --> 00:08:36,700 Ладно, ребята.
- 00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,420 Эта песня будет прямо из моего сердца.
- 00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:40,220 Слова придумываю прямо на ходу.
- 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,120 ♪ Выпусти меня, ♪
- 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,420 ♪ что ты видишь, не тот же человек ♪
- 00:08:45,450 --> 00:08:46,520 ♪ Моя жизнь - ложь ♪
- 00:08:46,570 --> 00:08:48,270 ♪ Я не тот, на кого вы смотрите ♪
- 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,350 ♪ Выпусти меня, освободи ♪
- 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,150 ♪ О очень стар, это не я ♪
- 00:08:52,370 --> 00:08:55,920 ♪ Моё тело умирает в бочке ♪
- 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,300 ♪ Кто-нибудь слушает, ♪
- 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,420 ♪ кто-нибудь понимает? ♪
- 00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:04,720 ♪ Хватит смотреть так на меня и помогите по нормальному ♪
- 00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:05,750 ♪ Помогите! ♪
- 00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:07,950 ♪ Помогите, я умру! ♪
- 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,720 Крошка-Рик! Всем спасибо!
- 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:10,920 Этот парень крут!
- 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:12,100 Я люблю крошку-Рика!
- 00:09:11,270 --> 00:09:12,100 Кру. тяк.
- 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,450 Аа!
- 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,410 Э?
- 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,500 Какого чёрта?
- 00:09:36,470 --> 00:09:38,870 Да, я знаю! Что за работой вы занимаетесь?
- 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:41,750 Мы? Что за чёртовы отношения между вами?!
- 00:09:41,850 --> 00:09:43,100 О, да, вините нас.
- 00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:46,170 Ладно, ээ, я могу и я делаю это!
- 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,620 Ваши одержимые аватары работают вместе.
- 00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:50,950 Разве это не хорошо?
- 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,370 Нет. Нет! Это плохо!
- 00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:56,620 У вас самый худший брак, что я когда-либо видел.
- 00:09:56,670 --> 00:09:57,650 Он не должен существовать!
- 00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:00,720 Вы никогда, никогда, никогда не должны были встретиться,
- 00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,900 и я не понимаю как или почему
- 00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,950 вы вообще остались вместе.
- 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:05,710 Ааа!
- 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,050 Ну, это просто плохой семейный психолог.
- 00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:08,750 Абсолютно.
- 00:10:14,850 --> 00:10:16,350 Подождите нас!
- 00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:17,790 Есть место только на одного.
- 00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:19,230 Я психолог. Я поговорю с ними.
- 00:10:19,230 --> 00:10:21,830 Они не психологи. Пошли, пошли, пошли!
- 00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:24,320 Должен быть способ связаться с отцом.
- 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,370 Давай найдём панель управления или что-то в этом роде.
- 00:10:32,020 --> 00:10:33,870 Бетт! Ты должна взглянуть на это.
- 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:34,520 Что это?
- 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,310 Это маленькая открывающаяся панель
- 00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:38,810 с небольшим количеством пространства за ней.
- 00:10:39,650 --> 00:10:40,970 Если ты найдёшь ещё одну,
- 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,520 мы будем в безопасности часами, может днями!
- 00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:46,220 Оставайся тут, Джерри.
- 00:10:46,550 --> 00:10:48,200 Я пришлю подмогу, если справлюсь.
- 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,700 Ты не хочешь искать свою собственную маленькую панель?
- 00:10:50,890 --> 00:10:53,660 Джерри, я думаю, что если ты спрячешься один,
- 00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:55,170 ты сможешь выжить и, я думаю,
- 00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:58,200 я одна имею шанс выбраться отсюда,
- 00:10:58,270 --> 00:11:00,050 а вдвоём?
- 00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:02,150 Не знаю.
- 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,100 Может тот худыль был прав.
- 00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:05,750 Удачи.
- 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:10,820 Ладно, сейчас послушай меня.
- 00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:11,950 О! Или нет.
- 00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:13,910 Эй! Не надо! Пожалуйста!
- 00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:18,350 О, Боже, о, Боже, о, Боже!
- 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,350 Теперь, я знаю, я раньше говорил,
- 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,170 что математика важна... И так и есть!
- 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,000 Но также я думаю, однажды, вы все вспомните,
- 00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:28,690 что учились в старшей школе с крошкой-Риком и Морти,
- 00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:31,400 у которых, я слышал, вчера была крутая вечеринка.
- 00:11:31,470 --> 00:11:33,600 Так что, урок отменяется.
- 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:34,870 У вас всех выходной!
- 00:11:34,870 --> 00:11:37,040 Ура! Хорошая работа, мистер Голденфолд!
- 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,210 Да, прогуляйтесь. Почитайте книжку.
- 00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:40,640 Нанеси крем от загара, Дэниель!
- 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,270 Эй, как дела, Саммер! Оо, хороший топ.
- 00:11:42,450 --> 00:11:44,570 Спасибо. Крошка-Рик, как думаешь, может сегодня тебе пора
- 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,200 вернуться назад в своё старое тело?
- 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,200 Не получится. Сегодня большие танцы
- 00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:50,970 и Морти позвал Джессику. Ему нужна поддержка.
- 00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:51,920 Крошка-Рик!
- 00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:55,020 Ладно, но если не сегодня, то когда?
- 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,570 Я не знаю. Когда захочу?
- 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,950 Чёрт, деваха! Тебе нужно остудиться!
- 00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:01,000 Это было твоей идеей в самом начале,
- 00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:02,770 а теперь ты пытаешься побыстрее всё завершить.
- 00:12:02,850 --> 00:12:04,300 Да, и знаешь что? Мне нравится старшая школа.
- 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:05,900 Я люблю тусить. Крошка-Рик!
- 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,720 Но что, если ты, которому это нравится, - не ты?
- 00:12:10,670 --> 00:12:11,700 Ох!
- 00:12:11,770 --> 00:12:12,740 Оу, Саммер!
- 00:12:11,770 --> 00:12:12,740 Оу, Саммер!
- 00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:14,340 Это просто Рик в молодом теле.
- 00:12:14,340 --> 00:12:15,600 В чём... в чём... в чём... в чём...
- 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:16,920 В чём... В чём проблема?
- 00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:18,650 Посмотри на этот рисунок, Морти.
- 00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:19,970 У меня был эмо-удар.
- 00:12:20,070 --> 00:12:21,570 Это часть того, что делает меня клёвым.
- 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,150 Почему тут говорится: "Помогите мне Морти и Саммер!"?
- 00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:26,750 Да ладно, Саммер, это название рисунка.
- 00:12:26,820 --> 00:12:28,520 Почему рыцарь дорог назван рыцарем дорог?
- 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,020 Имя машины было КИТТ. Никто не ездил на Майкле Найте.
- 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,020 (прим. пер.: это отсылка к телесериалу Knight Rider)
- 00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:33,500 Ты слишком углубляешься, Саммер. Я - кроошка-Рик!
- 00:12:33,570 --> 00:12:36,160 Деда, я думаю, что когда ты переносишь свой разум
- 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,330 в молодой мозг этого тела,
- 00:12:37,330 --> 00:12:39,000 он сделал что делают молодые мозги...
- 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,820 Запихал плохие мысли в тёмный угол
- 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,540 и построил стену вокруг них.
- 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:45,220 Но эти плохие мысли и есть настоящий Рик.
- 00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:47,070 Тот факт, что ты старый, тот факт, что
- 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:48,610 мы все умрём однажды, тот факт, что
- 00:12:48,610 --> 00:12:50,780 вселенная настолько большая, что ничего в ней не имеет значения,
- 00:12:50,780 --> 00:12:52,810 эти факты и есть ты.
- 00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:54,510 Так что ты заточён там и можешь только
- 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,280 проявляться в виде тоски крошки-Рика!
- 00:12:57,870 --> 00:12:59,720 Ну, Саммер, я слышал,
- 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,220 что Тоби Метьюзу не по душе девки-психологи.
- 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,670 Не могу припомнить никого, кому такие нравятся.
- 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:06,500 Увижу вас, сучат, на танцах! Крошка-Рик!
- 00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:08,100 Морти, ты должен помочь мне!
- 00:13:08,150 --> 00:13:10,400 Саммер, он счастлив! Я счастлив!
- 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,020 Т-т-ты делаешь это потому,
- 00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:13,630 что не хочешь, чтобы я и Рик были счастливы?
- 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:14,400 Нет.
- 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,000 Ну, тогда выбрось это дерьмо из головы!
- 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,700 Собери его в кучку и положи в ранец.
- 00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:21,110 Всё дерьмо, вместе.
- 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,480 И когда соберёшься отнести его куда-нибудь,
- 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:24,710 отнеси, да?
- 00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:26,250 Отнеси его в магазин дерьма и продай.
- 00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:28,810 И-или помести его в музей дерьма. Мне без разницы, что ты сделаешь!
- 00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:30,720 Просто выбрось его.
- 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,420 Выброси его.
- 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,570 Назад!
- 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,430 Подожди, что?
- 00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:46,850 Ты и есть то, как Бетт видит меня?
- 00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:49,000 О, Боже мой.
- 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,170 Развернись!
- 00:13:50,170 --> 00:13:51,540 Я сказал, развернись!
- 00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:54,120 Как у Бетт могут быть такие мысли обо мне?!
- 00:13:54,470 --> 00:13:56,470 Эта поверхностная сука-монстр!
- 00:13:56,850 --> 00:13:58,100 Я не буду с этим мириться.
- 00:13:58,250 --> 00:13:59,680 Я хочу знать, где моя жена.
- 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,070 И ты мне поможешь.
- 00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:04,220 Нет! Никто так не делает!
- 00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:09,300 Сиди.
- 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,120 Что ты хочешь?
- 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:10,900 Джерри.
- 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:13,690 Ты хочешь Джерри?
- 00:14:13,690 --> 00:14:15,100 Даже я не хочу Джерри.
- 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:18,130 Я хочу Джерри.
- 00:14:18,130 --> 00:14:19,200 Вааии!
- 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,450 Армию.
- 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,240 Армию Джерри.
- 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,870 Его послушность растрачивается на тебя.
- 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,310 Я воспользуюсь этим, чтобы господствовать над вселенной.
- 00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:31,710 А-ха-ха. Боже, Джерри наверное думает,
- 00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:33,870 что я довольно глупая, ведь ты такая глупая.
- 00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:36,320 Не будет ли больше смысла поместить моего тупого мужа
- 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,550 в это кресло, чтобы ты могла сделать
- 00:14:37,550 --> 00:14:39,320 армию из плохих себя?
- 00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:43,320 Меня никогда не будет больше одной.
- 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,790 Я наисильнейшее, умнейшее живое существо
- 00:14:45,790 --> 00:14:49,260 потому, что Джерри думает, что ты намного сильнее
- 00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:52,560 и умнее, чем ты есть на самом деле!
- 00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,550 Ладно, оу.
- 00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:59,340 ♪
- 00:15:00,370 --> 00:15:01,950 О, эй э-эй!
- 00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:03,410 Морти, Джессика, как дела?
- 00:15:03,410 --> 00:15:04,800 Зацените новый танец, что я придумал.
- 00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:06,750 Он называется "ууу освободи меня!"
- 00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:08,000 ♪ Освободи меня ♪
- 00:15:08,150 --> 00:15:09,120 ♪ Освободи меня ♪
- 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,750 ♪ Это не танец ♪
- 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,100 ♪ Я молю о помощи ♪
- 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:13,250 ♪ Я кричу о помощи ♪
- 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,920 ♪ Пожалуйста, приди и освободи меня ♪
- 00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:16,000 ♪ Освободи меня ♪
- 00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:17,260 ♪ Освободи меня ♪
- 00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:18,900 ♪ Это не танец ♪
- 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,020 ♪ Я молю о помощи ♪
- 00:15:20,260 --> 00:15:21,220 ♪ Я кричу о помощи ♪
- 00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:22,660 ♪ Пожалуйста, приди и освободи меня ♪
- 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:23,860 ♪ Я умираю в бочке ♪
- 00:15:23,870 --> 00:15:25,600 ♪ В гараааже ♪
- 00:15:26,850 --> 00:15:27,970 Восхитительно!
- 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,600 Ладно, последняя часть была действительно странной.
- 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,300 Может Саммер знает что-то об этом.
- 00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:32,640 Я не знаю. Это было весело.
- 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,210 Хочешь потанцевать?
- 00:15:38,810 --> 00:15:40,750 Крошка-Рик, эй, как обычно хороший танец.
- 00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:42,880 Можно тебя на минутку?
- 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,780 Крошка-Рик, эта беседа
- 00:15:44,790 --> 00:15:46,150 разобьёт мое сердце на куски.
- 00:15:46,370 --> 00:15:47,790 Ты хороший ученик, и тот факт, что
- 00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:49,820 ты 80-летний старик в клонированном теле,
- 00:15:49,820 --> 00:15:51,060 никогда меня не волновал.
- 00:15:51,270 --> 00:15:52,630 Но это другое дело.
- 00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:54,560 Ты узнаёшь это?
- 00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:56,230 Мы получили сообщение, что это в твоём ящичке.
- 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,030 Да, теперь, так как физрук был вампиром,
- 00:15:59,030 --> 00:16:00,530 школьный совет в неудобном положении
- 00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:01,840 и не будет предавать это огласке, но
- 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,140 они не могут оставлять учеников, убивающих учителей.
- 00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:05,510 Мне придётся отчислить тебя за это, говоря прямо.
- 00:16:05,820 --> 00:16:06,870 Извини.
- 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,570 Меня только что отчислили, Саммер!
- 00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:13,650 О! Так что, видимо, нет больше причин оставаться молодым.
- 00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:14,680 Мой топ!
- 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:15,910 В задницу твой топ!
- 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,380 Ты обманула меня?! Я - крошка-Рик!
- 00:16:17,570 --> 00:16:19,750 Отлично! Да! Потому, что я люблю тебя
- 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,490 и пытаюсь спасти твою жизнь!
- 00:16:21,490 --> 00:16:23,760 Старшая школа - моя жизнь!
- 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,860 Саммер Смит - задрот-психолог
- 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,990 и она только что добилась, что меня исключили!
- 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,070 Ууу!
- 00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,500 Саммер, я думал, ты классная!
- 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:37,940 Мне жаль, хорошо?
- 00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:39,510 Как ты можешь быть такой сукой?
- 00:16:39,510 --> 00:16:41,670 О, Боже мой, Морти.
- 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,010 Твоя сестра взбесила крошку-Рика!
- 00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:46,180 Какое саморазрушение.
- 00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:47,400 Ага.
- 00:16:49,450 --> 00:16:51,180 Эй, Джеррилюбка!
- 00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,270 Как тебе по вкусу оригинал?
- 00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:55,500 Джерри!
- 00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:57,720 Ах. Ах. Ах.
- 00:16:57,730 --> 00:17:00,160 АаааАааааа.
- 00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:03,800 Не в мою смену.
- 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,100 Это оно!
- 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,820 Бетт, это я, твой муж!
- 00:17:09,850 --> 00:17:11,750 Я тут, чтобы спасти тебя.
- 00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:14,310 Или меня зовут не Джерри Смит!
- 00:17:14,550 --> 00:17:16,140 Ага! Да!
- 00:17:16,140 --> 00:17:16,940 Джерри Смит!
- 00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:18,580 Да, здесь. Ага!
- 00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:19,810 Ладно, разумно.
- 00:17:26,390 --> 00:17:29,090 Скажи спокойной ночи, старикан.
- 00:17:30,390 --> 00:17:32,090 Какого чёрта вы делаете?!
- 00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:32,090 Положи это!
- 00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:34,250 Саммер, сука!
- 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,270 Не разговаривай с ней так! Она - твоя внучка!
- 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,800 Мне не нужна внучка! Я крошка-Риик!
- 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,620 Она - моя сестра! А если крошка-Рик
- 00:17:40,670 --> 00:17:42,720 собирается быть задницей по отношению к моей сестре, тогда,
- 00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:44,570 знаешь, т-т-ты с таким же успехом можешь быть старым.
- 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,070 Ты думаешь, ты крутой, да, Морти?
- 00:17:46,070 --> 00:17:47,740 Что ты сделаешь? Я - крошка-Рик.
- 00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:49,280 Я самый клёвый ребёнок в твоей школе.
- 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,850 Как ты собираешься заставить меня делать то, что ты хочешь, а?
- 00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:54,310 Я собираюсь сделать то, что сделал бы настоящий Рик, если бы он был здесь...
- 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,080 Я надеру тебе зад!
- 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:57,280 Ооооо!
- 00:17:58,970 --> 00:18:00,450 Рик, я знаю, ты там!
- 00:18:00,850 --> 00:18:02,220 Я знаю, ты пытаешься выбраться!
- 00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:03,760 То, что надо, Морти! Держи его!
- 00:18:05,590 --> 00:18:07,790 ♪ <i>Пей, детка </i>♪
- 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,860 ♪<i> Сиди всю ночь</i> ♪
- 00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:11,700 Слушай это, крошка-Рик.
- 00:18:11,930 --> 00:18:13,470 Слушай Эллиотта Смита.
- 00:18:13,470 --> 00:18:14,470 Ух! Нет!
- 00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:15,930 Почувствуй, что он чувствует.
- 00:18:15,940 --> 00:18:19,000 Ух! Нееееет! Боже!
- 00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,610 ♪<i> Что ты никогда не увидишь</i> ♪
- 00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:22,500 О, Боже, что есть жизнь?
- 00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:25,900 Как кто-то такой талантливый мог умереть так рано?
- 00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,170 Что такое быть молодым?
- 00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:28,420 Я не молод. Я стар.
- 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:29,780 Я... я умру.
- 00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:31,450 Моё тело не настоящее.
- 00:18:31,450 --> 00:18:32,650 Морти! Саммер!
- 00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:33,950 Это я! Это Рик!
- 00:18:33,970 --> 00:18:35,050 Обычный Рик!
- 00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:37,150 Рик! Как мы можем вернуть тебя назад в твоё тело?
- 00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:39,130 Ладно, слушайте внимательно. Там есть набор диодов
- 00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:41,330 на панели управления бочки, голубой и красный.
- 00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:43,030 О, Боже, что это за мир такой?
- 00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:44,960 Я не просил, чтобы меня рожали. Вы должны подсоединить
- 00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:47,200 голубой к моему левому виску, а красный к...
- 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,670 Почему я никому не нравлюсь?
- 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:50,350 Сконцентрируйся, деда!
- 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:50,820 Просто подключите тупые провода
- 00:18:50,850 --> 00:18:52,550 к моей голове! Ненавижу быть подростком!
- 00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:02,250 Ух! Арррг!
- 00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:07,220 А! Ыыыыы!
- 00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,990 Джерри, ты не можешь гнуть металл.
- 00:19:09,990 --> 00:19:11,400 Тогда сделай меня, что может!
- 00:19:11,470 --> 00:19:12,930 Как я могу сделать это, когда вижу, что
- 00:19:12,930 --> 00:19:15,230 ты абсолютно не можешь гнуть металл?
- 00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:16,500 Старая-добрая Бетт!
- 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,730 Ум робота и сердце насекомого!
- 00:19:18,730 --> 00:19:20,530 Не говори так о ней.
- 00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:22,400 Что?
- 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,240 О, это больно!
- 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,070 О, Боже.
- 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,210 Стоп.
- 00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:33,150 Это представление огорчает меня.
- 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,910 Ааа!
- 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,220 Боже правый. Как ты...?
- 00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:44,060 Ну, у меня было ощущение, что в твоей голове
- 00:19:44,060 --> 00:19:46,220 идеальная версия меня достаточно умна,
- 00:19:46,230 --> 00:19:47,690 чтобы представлять тебя как...
- 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:48,960 Богиню.
- 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,930 Не такой уж ты и глупый червь, не так ли?
- 00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:54,300 Дорогая, когда дело идёт о твоём эго,
- 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,700 я чёртов Стивен Хокингсон.
- 00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,770 Ах, это... Не важно.
- 00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:00,770 Я люблю тебя.
- 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:08,550 Ух ах.
- 00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:09,650 Штаны!
- 00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:09,650 Рик!
- 00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:10,920 Боже мой!
- 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:12,570 Спасибо, детки. Вы догадались.
- 00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,050 Ну, Саммер догадалась.
- 00:20:14,220 --> 00:20:16,050 Немного странно, что ты хотел
- 00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:18,100 продать моё существование в обмен на какую-то пилотку, Морти.
- 00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:18,750 Что?!
- 00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:18,750 Штаны!
- 00:20:18,820 --> 00:20:21,200 Но слушай... Я прощаю вас обоих потому, что, знаете, что?
- 00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:22,960 Сегодня я узнал кое-что важное...
- 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,970 Ум подростка - его главный враг.
- 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,100 О, я также узнал...
- 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,240 Что операция Феникс - не подстраховка, как я думал.
- 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,120 Видимо снова пора за доску.
- 00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:35,000 О, Боже мой!
- 00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:35,970 О, Боже мой!
- 00:20:35,970 --> 00:20:38,440 Надень штаны!
- 00:20:35,970 --> 00:20:38,440 О, Боже мой.
- 00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:39,750 Надень штаны.
- 00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,520 Дедушка вернулся, детка!
- 00:20:41,650 --> 00:20:42,910 Дедушкины...
- 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,080 О, чёрт, мне пора забирать ваших родителей.
- 00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:46,750 Они завалили меня звонками.
- 00:20:46,750 --> 00:20:48,070 Ещё один удар на дорожку!
- 00:20:48,070 --> 00:20:49,590 Аааааа!
- 00:20:48,070 --> 00:20:49,590 Аааааа!
- 00:20:49,590 --> 00:20:51,260 Ради Бога, оденься!
- 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,860 Так, что ты думаешь? Хочешь
- 00:20:55,860 --> 00:20:57,800 сохранить этот брак на подольше?
- 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,170 По крайней мере пока Морти не выпустится.
- 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:02,640 Оу. Мм.
- 00:21:04,770 --> 00:21:07,170 Ага, видите? Что я вам говорил?
- 00:21:07,170 --> 00:21:08,170 Сработало.
- 00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:09,940 Знаешь что, Рик? В каком-то роде...
- 00:21:09,940 --> 00:21:12,150 Мне уже не интересно. Залезайте в машину.
- 00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:13,550 Я был внутри ребёнка весь день и теперь
- 00:21:13,570 --> 00:21:15,400 я чувствую, как мои кости царапают друг-друга.
- 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,880 Эм, чтобы вы были готовы,
- 00:21:17,890 --> 00:21:19,450 в гараже лежит куча мёртвых меня.
- 00:21:19,550 --> 00:21:23,560 Ха! Похоже, что наши истории были связаны одной темой.
- 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:25,460 На самом деле, нет, Джерри.
- 00:21:25,460 --> 00:21:28,830 Скорее всего поверхностная связь, спутанная тобой с тематической.
- 00:21:29,070 --> 00:21:30,030 О.
- 00:21:30,030 --> 00:21:32,460 Старый Рик! Обламывает всё!
- 00:21:32,470 --> 00:21:34,070 ♪
- 00:22:07,570 --> 00:22:08,670 Господин.
- 00:22:08,670 --> 00:22:09,740 Говори.
- 00:22:09,740 --> 00:22:11,050 Присутствие тренера Ферату
- 00:22:11,070 --> 00:22:12,670 было обнаружено людьми.
- 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,150 Он был уничтожен.
- 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:15,070 Не проблема.
- 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:16,380 Смертные скоро...
- 00:22:16,380 --> 00:22:17,780 Простите, как вы сказали его звали?
- 00:22:17,780 --> 00:22:18,580 Тренер Ферату.
- 00:22:18,610 --> 00:22:19,510 Тренер Ферату?
- 00:22:19,510 --> 00:22:22,010 Это было его настоящее имя, то есть, вампирское?
- 00:22:22,020 --> 00:22:24,700 Нет, нет, нет, нет. Его вампирское имя было Балик Алистэйн.
- 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:25,820 Какого лешего он назвал себя
- 00:22:25,850 --> 00:22:27,920 в честь знаменитого фильма о вампирах? Он там участвовал?
- 00:22:27,950 --> 00:22:29,420 Я не знаю, ваше злобнейшество.
- 00:22:29,450 --> 00:22:30,650 Боже мой.
- 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,290 Отныне никаких этих умных имён.
- 00:22:33,290 --> 00:22:34,960 Когда вампир притворяется человеком,
- 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,260 он может просто назвать себя
- 00:22:36,260 --> 00:22:38,100 Алан Джефферсон или что-то типа того.
- 00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:39,370 Странно, правда?
- 00:22:39,370 --> 00:22:40,870 Я хочу сказать, я ведь не придираюсь?
- 00:22:40,870 --> 00:22:42,370 Ладно, я чувствую, что никто в комнате
- 00:22:42,370 --> 00:22:43,740 не смотрит на меня, как на зануду.
- 00:22:43,740 --> 00:22:44,800 Да, ведь?
- 00:22:44,810 --> 00:22:46,120 Хорошо. Ладно. Замечательно.
- 00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:49,780 О, Боже м...!
- 00:22:49,780 --> 00:22:51,130 Ты что-нибудь понял?
- 00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:53,140 Это хорошее шоу!