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Скандалы, Рик и расследования
Рик выражает отвращение к качеству современного телевидения и заменяет обычную кабельную приставку семьи Смитов устройством, которое позволяет им смотреть шоу из бесконечных реальностей. Рик листает каналы, чтобы показать безграничные возможности, в том числе реальность, в которой Джерри — известный актёр. Джерри, Бет и Саммер взволнованы и умоляют Рика показать им их альтернативные жизни. Он достаёт пару межпространственных очков, которые позволят им видеть глазами своего альтернативного «я». Морти остаётся с Риком, и они продолжают смотреть различные рекламные ролики и клипы из альтернативных реальностей. Джерри, Бет и Саммер по очереди надевают очки. Альтернативное «я» Джерри живёт жизнью наркотиков и разврата, в то время как Бет видит себя работающей с людьми, а не лошадьми. Саммер, однако, обнаруживает, что все реальности, в которых она существует, в основном не изменились. Джерри и Бет признаются Саммер, что она была нежеланным ребёнком, и что её рождение помешало им достичь своих целей. Это очень расстраивает Саммер, и она объявляет о своих планах сбежать. Пока Саммер начинает собирать чемоданы, Морти пытается её утешить. Он показывает Саммер могилы, которые они с Риком выкопали на заднем дворе в эпизоде «Напиток Рика #9», признавая, что Морти из её реальности мёртв, и он её брат из другой реальности. В заключение он говорит: «Никто не существует по определённой причине, никто ни к чему не привязан, все однажды умрут… Пойдём посмотрим телевизор?» Саммер соглашается остаться, и они вместе спускаются вниз, чтобы посмотреть телевизор с Риком. Джерри возвращается в гостиную и говорит Морти, что они с Бет решили провести некоторое время отдельно. По телевизору внезапно показывают альтернативную реальность: Джерри с нервным срывом едет на скутере по автостраде, преследуемый полицией. Они смотрят, как альтернативный Джерри подходит к порогу альтернативной Бет, говоря ей, что он ненавидит свою жизнь и сожалеет о том, что не продолжает их отношения. Увидев, насколько важны их отношения друг для друга, Бет и Джерри бросаются в объятия друг друга. В сцене после титров семья Смитов смотрит новости из «Мира ректальных хомяков». Они задают Рику самые разные вопросы о мире, пока он неохотно создаёт в него портал, чтобы они могли найти ответы для себя. Затем семья проводит приятный отпуск в «Мире ректальных хомяков».
- 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,463 Cynthia...
- 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:07,173 Oh, my god. No. No.
- 00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,175 - I told you. - Hold on.
- 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,177 Will you please...
- 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,970 not marry me? I chose Veronica.
- 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,222 - What?! - Yes!
- 00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:16,224 - Hold it. - Why would he chose Veronica?
- 00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:17,892 Because he loves her?
- 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,310 Well, if it's any consolation, Summer,
- 00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:21,145 none of it mattered and the entire show was stupid.
- 00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,605 Okay, I've got an idea, Rick.
- 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,607 You show us your concept of good TV,
- 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,526 and we'll crap all over that.
- 00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:29,195 Thought you'd never ask.
- 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,446 Hey.
- 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,448 Oh, cool. ls that crystallized xanthanite?
- 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,409 It conducts electrons across dimensions.
- 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,327 20% accurate as usual, Morty.
- 00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:37,829 The important thing being,
- 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,789 I just upgraded our cable package
- 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,041 with programing from every conceivable reality.
- 00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,626 Wait. Does that mean we get Showtime Extreme?
- 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,420 How about Showtime Extreme in a world
- 00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,088 where man evolved from corn?
- 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,132 We're not so different. We're both corn of action.
- 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,134 Yeah, but one of us is dead corn!
- 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,510 Boring.
- 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,554 Summer you just spent three months
- 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,472 watching a man choose a fake wife.
- 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,477 So, what, it'd be better if the people were corn?
- 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,101 Jerry, you don't get it.
- 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:03,354 This is infinite TV from infinite universes.
- 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,148 Look. - This shit is delicious.
- 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:08,192 A movie about a guy eating shit.
- 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,236 A violent antique show.
- 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,654 It's a pleasure to have you.
- 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,573 The pleasure's all mine.
- 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,658 Letterman from a timeline where Jerry's famous.
- 00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,368 - Wait! - What in the hell?
- 00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:18,995 I agree. Where is this going?
- 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,580 No, the other thing! Go back.
- 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,123 Really? All right, fine.
- 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,625 Glen, this court order says you can't eat shit anymore.
- 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,627 - All right, Jerry.
- 00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,463 When you're right, you're right.
- 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:29,839 Now I'm hooked.
- 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,748 Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss,"
- 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,374 Shmlony has a nightmare.
- 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,419 - Shmlantha! Shmlona! - Amazing... a dimension
- 00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,421 where all proper nouns begin with "Shmla."
- 00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:12,924 Shmla... Shmlangela?
- 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,592 Shmlonathan?
- 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,886 All right, that actually got old pretty quick.
- 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,429 Rick!
- 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,681 Will you please go back to me on "David Letterman"?
- 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,433 Infinity's a big number, Jerry.
- 00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:23,935 I don't remember the channel.
- 00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:25,520 Ah! Go back! Go back!
- 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:28,022 - Geez. - You speak the true-true.
- 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,358 Oh, my god. Dad's in "Cloud Atlas"!
- 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:33,152 I'm in "Cloud Atlas"! What's "Cloud Atlas"?
- 00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:34,779 Sometimes, small true-true
- 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,781 different than the big true-true.
- 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,324 How is this possible?
- 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,618 Infinite timelines, infinite possibilities,
- 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,582 including a timeline where Jerry's a movie star.
- 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,163 Look, you guys are getting excited
- 00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,915 about the wrong aspect of this device.
- 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,583 Wha... look at this.
- 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,253 And now, another quick mystery.
- 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,097 I just want to know who could have done this.
- 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,090 It's a travesty. - I did.
- 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,508 See this knife and all the blood on it?
- 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:56,801 Here's my fingerprints.
- 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,178 Guilty. I sentence you to life in prison.
- 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:00,763 Here's another quick mystery.
- 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,765 - My mother's dead. - And I killed her.
- 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,475 Here's the weapon, and cuff me.
- 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:05,768 Thank you very much.
- 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,395 Guilty. Sentenced to murder.
- 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,773 - Here's another. - I'm the killer.
- 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,442 Oh, wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it?
- 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,987 Now, who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows
- 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,239 from different dimensions, and... and then who wants
- 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,825 to narcissistically obsess about their alternate selves?
- 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,494 I want to obsess about myself.
- 00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:25,496 Here, these scan your retinas
- 00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:27,498 and let you view parallel timelines
- 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,375 through genetically matching versions of your eyes.
- 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,459 Go fetch.
- 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,336 - This is so cool. - Ladies first.
- 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:33,546 I'm proud of you, Morty.
- 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,673 Hey, man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick.
- 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,592 Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo.
- 00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:38,926 I'm Ants in My Eyes Johnson,
- 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:41,262 here at Ants in My Eyes Johnson's electronics.
- 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,347 I mean, there's so many ants in my eyes.
- 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:46,392 And there's so many TVs, microwaves, radios, I think.
- 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,687 I can't... I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock
- 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,397 because I can't see anything.
- 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:54,233 Our prices, I hope, aren't too low.
- 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,903 Check out this refrigerator, only $200.
- 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,779 What about this microwave? Only $100.
- 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,406 That's fair.
- 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,867 I'm Ants in My Eyes Johnson. Everything's black.
- 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,327 I can't see a thing.
- 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,329 And also, I can't feel anything, either.
- 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,455 Did I mention that?
- 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:10,041 But that's not as catchy as having ants in your eyes,
- 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,668 so that always goes, you know, off by the wayside.
- 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,837 I can't feel. It's a very rare disease.
- 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,547 All my... all my nerves,
- 00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:18,883 they don't allow for the sensation of touch,
- 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,843 so I never know what's going on.
- 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,845 Am I standing, sitting? I don't know.
- 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,389 Are we sure we wanna look at our own alternate lives?
- 00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,725 You're right. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee.
- 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,852 Give me those.
- 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:30,937 What do you see?
- 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:33,940 Whiteness... pure whiteness.
- 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,610 You're my best friend, Jerry Smith.
- 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,070 I love doing cocaine with you.
- 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:42,156 Whoa, I love doing cocaine with you, too, Johnny Depp.
- 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,242 Haven't we spent enough time on you?
- 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,995 I'm performing surgery...
- 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,997 but not on a horse... on a human.
- 00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:51,624 That's great, Beth.
- 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,876 You always wanted to be a real surgeon.
- 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,878 I am a real surgeon.
- 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,588 Uh... Summer's turn.
- 00:04:57,673 --> 00:04:59,590 Finally.
- 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,592 I don't see anything.
- 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,344 Well, you should select a different timeline.
- 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,348 I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams,
- 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,847 there's a chance you weren't even born.
- 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,350 That came out wrong. That came out very wrong.
- 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,937 Fine. I'll find a world where you bothered to have me.
- 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:18,109 We're playing Yahtzee.
- 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,860 Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahtzee.
- 00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,529 It's a fun game for fun families.
- 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,781 Hey, could I get those goggles back for a second?
- 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:27,201 It's a 45-horsepower with antilock brakes,
- 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:30,371 and it's the official car of "Mr. Sneezy 3D."
- 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:33,165 It's the brand-new Sneezy XL.
- 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:36,043 The horn, when you honk it, makes a sneeze noise.
- 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,213 It's polite, it's right,
- 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:44,260 and it's Sneezy, Deezy MC... Deluxe.
- 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,928 I'm Mr. Sneezy.
- 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,472 Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions
- 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,391 has a somewhat looser feel to it.
- 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,227 Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone.
- 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,855 It's in theaters now. Coming this Summer.
- 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,357 Two brothers in a van,
- 00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,817 and then a meteor hits.
- 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,069 And they ran as fast as they could
- 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:03,946 from giant cat monsters.
- 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,865 And then a giant tornado came.
- 00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:11,245 And that's when things got knocked into 12th gear.
- 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:14,123 A Mexican armada shows up,
- 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,460 with weapons made from t-tomatoes.
- 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,712 And you better bet your bottom dollar
- 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:23,466 that these two brothers know how to handle business
- 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:27,428 in "Alien Invasion Tomato Monster
- 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,763 Mexican Armada Brothers,
- 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,848 Who are Just Regular Brothers,
- 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,100 Running in a Van from an Asteroid
- 00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:37,146 and All Sort of The Movie."
- 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,148 Hold on. There's more.
- 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,567 Old women are coming, and they're also in the movie.
- 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,444 And they're gonna come
- 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,988 and cross attack these two brothers.
- 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,573 But let's get back to the brothers,
- 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,576 because they're... they have a strong bond.
- 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:51,869 You don't want to know about it here,
- 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:53,537 but I'll tell you one thing.
- 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,790 The moon... it comes crashing into Earth.
- 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,750 And what do you do then?
- 00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:00,544 It's two brothers and... and they're gonna...
- 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,546 It's called "Two Brothers." "Two Brothers."
- 00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,715 It's just called "Two Brothers."
- 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,967 Holy crap. I am winning a Nobel prize.
- 00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,136 Come on. Time's up.
- 00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,846 I'm taming a lion.
- 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,973 No, wait. There are film cameras.
- 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,601 I might be a lion tamer in a movie.
- 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,311 You get the idea. I work with lions.
- 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,899 Ohh, we're not playing Yahtzee!
- 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,193 We're playing Chutes and Ladders.
- 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,904 Seems like when I exist, life gets a little more...
- 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,572 I don't know... predictable?
- 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,616 When two people create a life together,
- 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,619 they set aside their previous lives as individuals.
- 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,246 Give me a break.
- 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,998 We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night.
- 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,333 Oh, I get it.
- 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,502 Now that you know you could have had it better,
- 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,921 you resent me for holding you back.
- 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,507 Well, now that we know you think the tables are turning,
- 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,431 we know you thought there were unturned tables.
- 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,386 What are you talking about?
- 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,054 All this time, you've been thinking, "what if that loser,
- 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,348 Jerry, hadn't talked me out of the abortion?"
- 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,433 - Um... - Well, now you know.
- 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,560 You'd be a doctor. Whoop-DE-do.
- 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,228 You'd also be drinking wine alone
- 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,480 in a house full of exotic birds.
- 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:04,316 And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht, banging Kristen Stewart.
- 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,735 You thought about getting an abortion?
- 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,195 Everyone thinks about it.
- 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,280 Obviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it,
- 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:13,284 so you're welcome. - Yeah, you're welcome.
- 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:14,952 Yeah, thank you guys so much.
- 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,662 It's a real treat to be raised by parents
- 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,414 that forced themselves to be together
- 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,124 instead of being happy.
- 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,293 Hey, do we have any wafer cookies?
- 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,627 Mmm!
- 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:24,795 Oh, boy.
- 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,297 Looks like you guys have been checking out alternate lives
- 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,141 and realizing you don't have it as good, huh?
- 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,383 That's too bad.
- 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,107 You know, me and Morty are having a blast.
- 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:32,720 We just discovered a show called "Ball Fondlers."
- 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,680 I mean, I don't want to rub it in or anything,
- 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,683 but you guys clearly backed the wrong conceptual horse.
- 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,115 - I'm in heaven right now. - The best day of my life.
- 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,867 So, now what do we do?
- 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,071 That show "Ball Fondlers" sounded kind of interesting.
- 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,704 - Dad! - What?!
- 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,998 They're having fun in there. What do you guys want from me?
- 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,000 Every family on this block has to wonder
- 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,710 if they're together by choice.
- 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,587 Our family just has interdimensional goggles
- 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,006 to show us for a fact that we're not.
- 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,675 - Well, I'm leaving. - You can't leave. You're 17.
- 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,260 Yeah, and I'm not pregnant.
- 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:16,222 I'm gonna have better judgment than you guys had at my age.
- 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,682 I'm gonna move to the southwest and...
- 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,852 I don't know, do something with turquoise.
- 00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:25,856 It's "Saturday Night Live,"
- 00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:28,525 starring a piece of toast,
- 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,861 two guys with handlebar mustaches,
- 00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:33,781 a man painted silver who makes robot noises,
- 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,616 Gar Ma Nar Nar,
- 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,327 three, um, um, um...
- 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,162 I'll get back to that one,
- 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,872 a hole in the wall
- 00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:44,041 where the men can see it all,
- 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:48,337 and, returning for his 25th consecutive year,
- 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,757 Bobby Moynihan!
- 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,300 Interesting fun fact...
- 00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:55,886 Moynihan and a piece of toast hate each other.
- 00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:58,889 Apparently, they've got some real creative differences.
- 00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,307 Hey, are you tired of real doors
- 00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,976 cluttering up your house,
- 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,644 where you open them and you actually go somewhere,
- 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,020 and you go into another room?
- 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,606 Get on down to Real Fake Doors. That's us.
- 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,066 Fill a whole room up with them.
- 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,317 See, watch. Check this out.
- 00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,443 Won't open.
- 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,569 Won't open.
- 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,904 Not this one.
- 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,072 Not this one.
- 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,156 None of them open.
- 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:17,866 Fakedoors.com is our website,
- 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,869 so check it out for a lot of really great deals
- 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:24,164 on fake do-o-o-o-rs!
- 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,172 Hey, wait a minute, Rick.
- 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,632 I thought this was a commercial.
- 00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:35,342 What's going on? - Relax, Morty.
- 00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:39,096 Don't... don't worry about it. Let's just see where this goes.
- 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,223 Step on it! We all got places to be!
- 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,642 Son of a bitch.
- 00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,271 Oh, that must be where he lives.
- 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,689 Okay.
- 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:52,318 Huh. He's making himself a sandwich now.
- 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,864 Hey, everybody. So, this is my house.
- 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:59,199 Just made a sandwich... peanut butter and jelly.
- 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,118 Still here, still selling fake doors.
- 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,244 What?
- 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,288 Oh, my god. It's still the commercial.
- 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:06,290 We have fake doors like you wouldn't believe.
- 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,667 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors.
- 00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,961 Call us up and order some fake doors today.
- 00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,838 Don't even hesitate, don't even worry,
- 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:13,922 and don't even...
- 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,090 All right, I'm bored. Change it.
- 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,925 Wait, wait, Rick. Hold on, hold on.
- 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,135 That's our slogan.
- 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,429 See it on the bottom of the screen below our name.
- 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,556 Here's another slogan right below that one.
- 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,142 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors.
- 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,144 Get in here quick, get out quicker
- 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,937 with an arm of fake doors in your arms.
- 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,440 Okay, okay, you can change it.
- 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,984 I hate Mamumanums-days,
- 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:36,487 and I really could go for some enchiladas.
- 00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:38,906 Hey, Rick, that's pretty cool.
- 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,825 It's just like Garfield, only instead it's Gazorpazorpfield.
- 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,536 Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where those sex robots came from?
- 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,580 Remember that whole thing?
- 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,582 Yeah. Hey, that's a pretty... pretty...
- 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,125 That's true. That's right.
- 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,795 Yeah. Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield.
- 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,797 Hey, John. It's me, Gazorpazorpfield.
- 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,632 Boy fuck you, John,
- 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,385 you fuckin' dumb, stupid idiot.
- 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:02,388 Come on, Gazorpazorpfield. Go easy on me, huh?
- 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:05,182 You dumb, stupid, weak,
- 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:08,310 pathetic, white, white,
- 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,646 uh... guilt...
- 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,065 white-guilt milquetoast
- 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,109 piece of human garbage.
- 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:16,473 Geez, Gazorpazorpfield, that's...
- 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,070 you know, you're pretty mean to me,
- 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,321 but that takes the cake.
- 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,989 I don't give a fuck.
- 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,283 I'm Gazorpazorp-fuckin'-field, bitch.
- 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,619 Now give me my fucking enchiladas.
- 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,913 Hey, Rick, you know, did they use Bill Murray for this?
- 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,456 Sounds a lot like Bill Murray.
- 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:30,916 No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music.
- 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,584 In this reality, he's still alive.
- 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,420 Oh, okay. Was his name "Lorenzo Music"?
- 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:35,963 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
- 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,923 He also did the voice of that one guy from "Ghostbusters,"
- 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,050 which is really strange because it's the same character
- 00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,260 Bill Murray played in the movie.
- 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,719 But then, when they made the movie,
- 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,847 Bill Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp...
- 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,891 - or Garfield, I mean. - That's pretty cool, Rick.
- 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,767 So all that happened in this reality, too?
- 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:49,935 I don't know.
- 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,478 Just making conversation with you, Morty.
- 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:52,938 What, you think I'm a... I'm...
- 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,065 I know everything about everything?
- 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:57,234 Did you really talk me out of the abortion?
- 00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:00,487 Well, we... we blew a tire on the way to the clinic.
- 00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:03,866 I think, in my head, I was doing it all for the kids.
- 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:07,369 And now the first kid is going to do something with turquoise.
- 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,496 Which is either code for crystal meth
- 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,373 or a gateway to it.
- 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,500 So we didn't do the kids any favors.
- 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,378 So we should stay together for each other and ourselves,
- 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,255 or...
- 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,174 Or...
- 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,595 Man, woman, and now Trunkman?
- 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,513 We know science has created men that have a trunk
- 00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,140 that allows them to have sex with both
- 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,225 male and female partners.
- 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,519 But we don't like the idea of these people getting married.
- 00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,314 Put a line in the sand, everybody.
- 00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:37,107 Vote "no" on proposition XW2.
- 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:39,526 The act that says trunkpeople can get married.
- 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:40,903 Who needs it?
- 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,404 Not on my watch.
- 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:46,283 Paid for by Michael Denny and The Denny Singers.
- 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,410 Hi. I'm a trunkperson, and I want...
- 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,163 I feel love in my heart, too, just like you.
- 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:52,998 I wanna be able to express that love
- 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,791 with both a man and a woman.
- 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,293 And I won't be able to
- 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,629 if Denny and The Denny Singers get their way.
- 00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:01,131 Hey, let the trunkpeople have sex and get married, huh?
- 00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:03,842 Paid for by trunkpeople.
- 00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,011 Oh, I love me strawberry sniggles.
- 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,138 Ooh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me
- 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:11,433 and tries to steal my strawberry smiggles.
- 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:12,918 I'm gonna eat every last one of them,
- 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,895 because... and then they'll be in my stomach,
- 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,980 and nobody will ever be able to eat them.
- 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,441 Except for me, because they'll be all inside my stomach.
- 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:23,820 Um, my name is Mr. Tophat Jones,
- 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,656 and God forbid anyone ever take my sner...
- 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,449 little-people snibbles.
- 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,951 I'm keeping them all for me.
- 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,994 Mmm. Mmm.
- 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,038 Last bite. Mmm.
- 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,040 Oh, now they're all resting comfortably in my stomach.
- 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,583 Ooh, am I feeling good.
- 00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,877 No! Get away from me! Get away from me!
- 00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,879 There's no more strawberry snibbles... no!
- 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,466 Jesus Christ!
- 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,134 Jesus Christ! It hurts!
- 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,636 My entrails are out!
- 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,179 Why would you even want to eat these?
- 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,348 They're soaked with my stomach acid.
- 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,600 Oh, Jesus Christ, lord, savior,
- 00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,477 and spirit, save me.
- 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,187 Take me to the light.
- 00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,939 Oh, my god. I see demons.
- 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,482 I see demons are coming!
- 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,192 Geez, Rick. Oh, my god.
- 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,637 That's some pretty hard-core stuff,
- 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,571 you know, for a cereal commercial.
- 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,156 Well, Morty... I mean, you wanna sell boxes of cereal,
- 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,950 you gotta pump the gas a little.
- 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,660 Pedal to the metal, Morty.
- 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:15,080 In a world where muscular Mannies are coming,
- 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,748 and they're coming strong,
- 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:20,377 there's only three unmuscular Michaels.
- 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,629 Get down. Hurry. Run.
- 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:28,385 And that's when real Turbulent Juice is coming,
- 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:31,096 and you got to take care of it.
- 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,515 With Turbulent Juice, turbulent tables,
- 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,269 no room is safe from the turbulent power
- 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,396 of Turbulent Juice.
- 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,398 - What in the hell? - Sex sells, Morty.
- 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,400 Sex sells what?
- 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,986 Was that a movie or, like, does it clean stuff?
- 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,487 Hey, Dad.
- 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,989 - God. - What's going on?
- 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,833 Well, your mother and I are gonna be spending
- 00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,409 some time apart, Morty.
- 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,411 And your sister found out she was an unwanted pregnancy.
- 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,247 - What? - Speaking of what,
- 00:15:57,332 --> 00:16:00,626 Morty, what should we watch next?
- 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,461 What about this?
- 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,421 Babylegs, you're a good detective.
- 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,965 But not good enough, because of your baby legs.
- 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,967 So I'm partnering you up with Regularlegs.
- 00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:10,427 Hey, there.
- 00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,429 Detective, I'm... this is upsetting to me
- 00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,265 because I feel like I don't need no regular-leg partner.
- 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:17,059 Babylegs, don't talk back to me.
- 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,560 Good luck, you two.
- 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,604 There's a criminal to kill.
- 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,648 Wow, you sure found this guy quick.
- 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,650 Uh, yeah, because I'm a good detective.
- 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,443 Look, Babylegs. It's the criminal.
- 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,195 Oh, fuck it. I'm the killer. I'm running.
- 00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,279 I'm running real quick.
- 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,281 Babylegs, here we go!
- 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,827 That's the sound I make when I'm trying to run fast.
- 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,456 All right, I'm not gonna get him.
- 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,458 I just learned a real valuable lesson.
- 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,168 I'm coming, Babylegs.
- 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,045 I'm... Regularlegs.
- 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,672 We got him.
- 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,340 Hey, that was good teamwork.
- 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,217 Babylegs and Regularlegs,
- 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,219 I'm proud of you two for working together.
- 00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:54,221 And, Babylegs, I know it was hard for you
- 00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:56,682 to come to the conclusion that you need a partner,
- 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,266 but I'm proud of you that you did it.
- 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,351 Hey, thanks, Chief.
- 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,061 Now get the fuck out of here.
- 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,646 Pretty cool, huh, Morty?
- 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,231 Oh. - I thought it was cool.
- 00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:07,693 I don't give a fuck what you think, Jerry.
- 00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:14,574 Hey, uh, y-you doing okay?
- 00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,243 I kind of know how you feel, Summer.
- 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,120 No, you don't. You're the little brother.
- 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,924 You're not the cause of your parents misery.
- 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,624 You're just a symptom of it.
- 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,669 - Can I show you something? - Morty, no offense...
- 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,712 but a drawing of me you made when you were eight
- 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,380 isn't gonna make me feel like less of an accident.
- 00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:31,216 That out there? That's my grave.
- 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,927 - Wait, what? - On one of our adventures...
- 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,722 Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world,
- 00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,725 so we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one.
- 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,227 Because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed.
- 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,438 And in this one, we were dead.
- 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,362 So we came here and... and we buried ourselves,
- 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,233 and we took their place.
- 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,360 And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast
- 00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:54,239 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse.
- 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,074 So you're not my brother?
- 00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,784 I'm better than your brother.
- 00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,549 I'm a version of your brother you can trust
- 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,496 when he says "don't run."
- 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,124 Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere.
- 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:06,543 Everybody's gonna die.
- 00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:10,297 Come watch TV.
- 00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:12,632 Mrs. Sullivan always planned
- 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:15,135 to leave everything to her cats.
- 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,638 But sometimes, plans need a helping paw.
- 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,267 What are the kitties to do
- 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,561 but buckle together and work as a team?
- 00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:27,522 Mrs. Sullivan, I... please, forgive me for being forward,
- 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,065 but your eyes are so beautiful.
- 00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,778 Wait. This is an actual movie?
- 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:35,280 This fall, sparks will fly...
- 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,701 Mrs. Sullivan. Ohh.
- 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,828 Between one guy who can't get a break...
- 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:44,164 There's something about you, Mrs. Sullivan.
- 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:47,042 And nine cats who break all the rules.
- 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,961 "Last Will and Testi-meow:
- 00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:52,547 Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House II."
- 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,008 Well, somebody in Hollywood just lost their job.
- 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,843 Written and directed by Jerry Smith.
- 00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:59,304 I wrote and directed that? What am I, nuts?
- 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,264 Oh, hey, Morty. You just missed a preview
- 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,891 for your Dad's "Citizen Kane."
- 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,351 Doesn't matter.
- 00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,019 Hey, if your mother and I had to split custody,
- 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,646 who would you guys chose?
- 00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,314 Doesn't matter.
- 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:12,108 Breaking news... Academy Award-Winning actor Jerry Smith
- 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,861 is leading police on a slow-speed pursuit
- 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,905 after suffering an apparent breakdown.
- 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,615 Don't even think about it.
- 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,617 Come on. Are you kidding me, Jerry?
- 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,536 It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap.
- 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:26,248 It's my life, and we're watching it.
- 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:29,876 You did it, Beth. You really nailed it.
- 00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:34,297 You're a surgeon... a human surgeon.
- 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:37,217 Yay, you win.
- 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,885 Where the hell am I going?
- 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,054 Wh... What are you asking me for, Jerry?
- 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,223 I'm sitting here trying to figure out
- 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,891 why the cops don't just take you out.
- 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,060 I mean they got a clear shot to your head.
- 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,521 I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this.
- 00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,072 Jerry?
- 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:01,408 Jerry Smith?
- 00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:04,077 Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school.
- 00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:06,037 I hate acting. I hate cocaine.
- 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,622 I hate Kristen Stewart.
- 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,374 I wish you hadn't gotten that abortion,
- 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:13,879 and I've never stopped thinking about what might have been.
- 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:18,508 ♪ Give me a name ♪
- 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:24,264 ♪ Hear my faith ♪
- 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:29,352 ♪ Seal my fate ♪
- 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:36,776 ♪ And when you breathe ♪
- 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:39,279 ♪ You breathe for two ♪
- 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:41,043 Hey, "Ball Fondlers"? Huh, "Ball Fondlers"?
- 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,713 Yeah, I could go for some "Ball Fondlers."
- 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,242 Yeah, "Ball Fondlers."
- 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,787 Aah!
- 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,863 Ha ha, Hamster in Butt World Weather is done,
- 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,573 and now it's sports time coming up.
- 00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:25,450 - Oh, hello, there. - Good day to you, miss.
- 00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:27,410 So, the hamsters live
- 00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:28,870 inside the rectums of those people?
- 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,580 Yes, sweetie. That's where the live.
- 00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:31,998 Well, how does that work?
- 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:34,000 I mean, do the butts look like little apartments inside?
- 00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:35,585 Yeah, and can they leave the butt
- 00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:37,295 and, like, walk around on their own?
- 00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:40,006 I don't know. I'm watching the same thing you guys are.
- 00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:41,883 Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt
- 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,510 and the person wanders off,
- 00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,178 how would they find their butt person again?
- 00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:47,180 I don't know, Summer. I can't even hear the TV.
- 00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:48,640 All right, that's it.
- 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,100 We're just gonna go there so you idiots
- 00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:51,893 can ask your stupid questions all day.
- 00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:54,145 Ooh, family vacation!
- 00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:09,953 Did you get any of that?
- 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,997 It's a good-a show!
- 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,253 [ dramatic music plays]
- 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,463 Cynthia...
- 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:07,173 JERRY: Oh, my god. No. No.
- 00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,175 - I told you. - Hold on.
- 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,177 Will you please...
- 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,970 not marry me? I chose Veronica.
- 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,222 - What?! - Yes!
- 00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:16,224 - Hold it. - Why would he chose Veronica?
- 00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:17,892 Because he loves her?
- 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,310 Well, if it's any consolation, Summer,
- 00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:21,145 none of it mattered and the entire show was stupid.
- 00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,605 Okay, I've got an idea, Rick.
- 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,607 You show us your concept of good TV,
- 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,526 and we'll crap all over that.
- 00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:29,195 Thought you'd never ask.
- 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,446 Hey.
- 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,448 Oh, cool. ls that crystallized xanthanite?
- 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,409 It conducts electrons across dimensions.
- 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,327 20% accurate as usual, Morty.
- 00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:37,829 The important thing being,
- 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,789 I just upgraded our cable package
- 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,041 with programing from every conceivable reality.
- 00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,626 Wait. Does that mean we get Showtime Extreme?
- 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,420 How about Showtime Extreme in a world
- 00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,088 where man evolved from corn?
- 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,132 We're not so different. We're both corn of action.
- 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,134 Yeah, but one of us is dead corn!
- 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,510 SUMMER: Boring.
- 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,554 Summer [burps] you just spent [burps] three months
- 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,472 watching a man choose a fake wife.
- 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,477 So, what, it'd be better if the people were corn?
- 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,101 RICK: Jerry, you don't get it.
- 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:03,354 This is infinite TV from infinite universes.
- 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,148 Look. - This shit is delicious.
- 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:08,192 A movie about a guy eating shit.
- 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,236 A violent antique show.
- 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,654 [ laughs] It's a pleasure to have you.
- 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,573 The pleasure's all mine.
- 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,658 Letterman from a timeline where Jerry's famous.
- 00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,368 - JERRY: Wait! - BETH: What in the hell?
- 00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:18,995 RICK: I agree. Where is this going?
- 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,580 No, the other thing! Go back.
- 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,123 RICK: Really? All right, fine.
- 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,625 Glen, this court order says you can't eat shit anymore.
- 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,627 [ dramatic music plays] - All right, Jerry.
- 00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,463 When you're right, you're right.
- 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:29,839 Now I'm hooked.
- 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,748 Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss,"
- 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,374 Shmlony has a nightmare.
- 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,419 - Shmlantha! Shmlona! - RICK: Amazing... a dimension
- 00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,421 where all proper nouns begin with "Shmla."
- 00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:12,924 Shmla... Shmlangela?
- 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,592 Shmlonathan?
- 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,886 All right, that actually got old pretty quick.
- 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,429 [ groans ] Rick!
- 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,681 Will you please go back to me on "David Letterman"?
- 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,433 Infinity's a big number, Jerry.
- 00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:23,935 I don't remember the channel.
- 00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:25,520 SUMMER: Ah! Go back! Go back!
- 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:28,022 - RICK: Geez. - You speak the true-true.
- 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,358 Oh, my god. Dad's in "Cloud Atlas"!
- 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:33,152 I'm in "Cloud Atlas"! What's "Cloud Atlas"?
- 00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:34,779 Sometimes, small true-true
- 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,781 different than the big true-true.
- 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,324 How is this possible?
- 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,618 Infinite timelines, infinite possibilities,
- 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,582 including a timeline where Jerry's a movie star.
- 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,163 Look, you guys are getting excited
- 00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,915 about the wrong aspect of this device.
- 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,583 Wha... look at this.
- 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,253 And now, another quick mystery.
- 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,097 I just want to know who could have done this.
- 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,090 It's a travesty. - I did.
- 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,508 See this knife and all the blood on it?
- 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:56,801 Here's my fingerprints.
- 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,178 Guilty. I sentence you to life in prison.
- 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:00,763 Here's another quick mystery.
- 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,765 - My mother's dead. - And I killed her.
- 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,475 Here's the weapon, and cuff me.
- 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:05,768 Thank you very much.
- 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,395 Guilty. Sentenced to murder.
- 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:08,521 [ chokes, gags]
- 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,773 - Here's another. - I'm the killer.
- 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,442 Oh, wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it?
- 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,987 Now, who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows
- 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,239 from different dimensions, and... and then who wants
- 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,825 to narcissistically obsess about their alternate selves?
- 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,494 I want to obsess about myself.
- 00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:25,496 [ sighs ] Here, these scan your retinas
- 00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:27,498 and let you view parallel timelines
- 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,375 through genetically matching versions of your eyes.
- 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,459 Go fetch.
- 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,336 - This is so cool. - Ladies first.
- 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:33,546 I'm proud of you, Morty.
- 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,673 Hey, man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick.
- 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,592 Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo.
- 00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:38,926 I'm Ants in My Eyes Johnson,
- 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:41,262 here at Ants in My Eyes Johnson's electronics.
- 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,347 I mean, there's so many ants in my eyes.
- 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:46,392 And there's so many TVs, microwaves, radios, I think.
- 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,687 I can't... I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock
- 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,397 because I can't see anything.
- 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:54,233 Our prices, I hope, aren't too low.
- 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,903 Check out this refrigerator, only $200.
- 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,779 What about this microwave? Only $100.
- 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,406 That's fair.
- 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,867 I'm Ants in My Eyes Johnson. Everything's black.
- 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,327 I can't see a thing.
- 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,329 And also, I can't feel anything, either.
- 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,455 Did I mention that?
- 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:10,041 But that's not as catchy as having ants in your eyes,
- 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,668 so that always goes, you know, off by the wayside.
- 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,837 I can't feel. It's a very rare disease.
- 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,547 All my... all my nerves,
- 00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:18,883 they don't allow for the sensation of touch,
- 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,843 so I never know what's going on.
- 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,845 Am I standing, sitting? I don't know.
- 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,389 Are we sure we wanna look at our own alternate lives?
- 00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,725 You're right. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee.
- 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,852 Give me those. [ beeping ]
- 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:30,937 BETH: What do you see?
- 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:33,940 Whiteness... pure whiteness.
- 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,858 [ snorting ]
- 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,610 You're my best friend, Jerry Smith.
- 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,070 I love doing cocaine with you.
- 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:42,156 Whoa, I love doing cocaine with you, too, Johnny Depp.
- 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,242 [ groans ] Haven't we spent enough time on you?
- 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,995 [ beeping ] I'm performing surgery...
- 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,997 but not on a horse... on a human.
- 00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:51,624 JERRY: That's great, Beth.
- 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,876 You always wanted to be a real surgeon.
- 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,878 I am a real surgeon.
- 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,588 Uh... Summer's turn.
- 00:04:57,673 --> 00:04:59,590 Finally. [ beeping ]
- 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,592 I don't see anything.
- 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,344 Well, you should select a different timeline.
- 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,348 I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams,
- 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,847 there's a chance you weren't even born.
- 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,350 That came out wrong. That came out very wrong.
- 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,937 Fine. I'll find a world where you bothered to have me.
- 00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,982 [ beeping ]
- 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:18,109 We're playing Yahtzee.
- 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,860 Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahtzee.
- 00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,529 It's a fun game for fun families.
- 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,781 Hey, could I get those goggles back for a second?
- 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:27,201 It's a 45-horsepower with antilock brakes,
- 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:30,371 and it's the official car of "Mr. Sneezy 3D."
- 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:33,165 It's the brand-new Sneezy XL.
- 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:36,043 The horn, when you honk it, makes a sneeze noise.
- 00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:37,211 [ sneezes]
- 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,213 It's polite, it's right,
- 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:44,260 and it's Sneezy, Deezy MC... Deluxe.
- 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,928 I'm Mr. Sneezy. [ sneezes]
- 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,472 Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions
- 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,391 has a somewhat looser feel to it.
- 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,227 Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone.
- 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,855 It's in theaters now. Coming this Summer.
- 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,357 Two brothers in a van,
- 00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,817 and then a meteor hits.
- 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,069 And they ran as fast as they could
- 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:03,946 from giant cat monsters.
- 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,865 And then a giant tornado came.
- 00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:11,245 And that's when things got knocked into 12th gear.
- 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:14,123 A Mexican armada shows up,
- 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,460 with weapons made from t-tomatoes.
- 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,712 And you better bet your bottom dollar
- 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:23,466 that these two brothers know how to handle business
- 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:27,428 in "Alien Invasion Tomato Monster
- 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,763 Mexican Armada Brothers,
- 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,848 Who are Just Regular Brothers,
- 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,100 Running in a Van from an Asteroid
- 00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:37,146 and All Sort of Things: The Movie."
- 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,148 Hold on. There's more.
- 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,567 Old women are coming, and they're also in the movie.
- 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,444 And they're gonna come
- 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,988 and cross attack these two brothers.
- 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,573 But let's get back to the brothers,
- 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,576 because they're... they have a strong bond.
- 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:51,869 You don't want to know about it here,
- 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:53,537 but I'll tell you one thing.
- 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,790 The moon... it comes crashing into Earth.
- 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,750 And what do you do then?
- 00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:00,544 It's two brothers and... and they're gonna...
- 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,546 It's called "Two Brothers." "Two Brothers."
- 00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,715 [ laughing ] It's just called "Two Brothers."
- 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,967 Holy crap. I am winning a Nobel prize.
- 00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,136 Come on. Time's up. [ beeping ]
- 00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,846 I'm taming a lion.
- 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,973 No, wait. There are film cameras.
- 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,601 I might be a lion tamer in a movie.
- 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,311 You get the idea. I work with lions.
- 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,522 [ beeping ]
- 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,899 Ohh, we're not playing Yahtzee!
- 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,193 We're playing Chutes and Ladders.
- 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,904 Seems like when I exist, life gets a little more...
- 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,572 I don't know... predictable?
- 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,616 When two people create a life together,
- 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,619 they set aside their previous lives as individuals.
- 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,246 Give me a break.
- 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,998 We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night.
- 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,333 Oh, I get it.
- 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,502 Now that you know you could have had it better,
- 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,921 you resent me for holding you back.
- 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,507 Well, now that we know you think the tables are turning,
- 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,431 we know you thought there were unturned tables.
- 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,386 What are you talking about?
- 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,054 All this time, you've been thinking, "what if that loser,
- 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,348 Jerry, hadn't talked me out of the abortion?"
- 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,433 - Um... - Well, now you know.
- 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,560 You'd be a doctor. Whoop-DE-do.
- 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,228 You'd also be drinking wine alone
- 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,480 in a house full of exotic birds.
- 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:04,316 And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht, banging Kristen Stewart.
- 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,735 You thought about getting an abortion?
- 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,195 Everyone thinks about it.
- 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,280 Obviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it,
- 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:13,284 so you're welcome. - Yeah, you're welcome.
- 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:14,952 Yeah, thank you guys so much.
- 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,662 It's a real treat to be raised by parents
- 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,414 that forced themselves to be together
- 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,124 instead of being happy.
- 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,293 Hey, do we have any wafer cookies?
- 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,627 Mmm!
- 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:24,795 Oh, boy.
- 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,297 Looks like you guys have been checking out alternate lives
- 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,141 and realizing you don't have it as good, huh?
- 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,383 That's too bad.
- 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,107 You know, me and Morty are having a blast.
- 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:32,720 We just discovered a show called "Ball Fondlers."
- 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,680 I mean, I don't want to rub it in or anything,
- 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,683 but you guys clearly backed the wrong conceptual horse.
- 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:41,562 [ metal music plays]
- 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,115 - I'm in heaven right now. - The best day of my life.
- 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,867 So, now what do we do?
- 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,071 That show "Ball Fondlers" sounded kind of interesting.
- 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,704 - Dad! - What?!
- 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,998 They're having fun in there. What do you guys want from me?
- 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,000 Every family on this block has to wonder
- 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,710 if they're together by choice.
- 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,587 Our family just has interdimensional goggles
- 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,006 to show us for a fact that we're not.
- 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,675 - Well, I'm leaving. - You can't leave. You're 17.
- 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,260 Yeah, and I'm not pregnant.
- 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:16,222 I'm gonna have better judgment than you guys had at my age.
- 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,682 I'm gonna move to the southwest and...
- 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,852 I don't know, do something with turquoise.
- 00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:25,856 It's "Saturday Night Live,"
- 00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:28,525 starring a piece of toast,
- 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,861 two guys with handlebar mustaches,
- 00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:33,781 a man painted silver who makes robot noises,
- 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,616 Gar Ma Nar Nar,
- 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,327 three, um, um, um...
- 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,162 I'll get back to that one,
- 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,872 a hole in the wall
- 00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:44,041 where the men can see it all,
- 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:48,337 and, returning for his 25th consecutive year,
- 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,757 Bobby Moynihan!
- 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,300 Interesting fun fact...
- 00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:55,886 Moynihan and a piece of toast hate each other.
- 00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:58,889 Apparently, they've got some real creative differences.
- 00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,307 Hey, are you tired of real doors
- 00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,976 cluttering up your house,
- 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,644 where you open them and you actually go somewhere,
- 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,020 and you go into another room?
- 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,606 Get on down to Real Fake Doors. That's us.
- 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,066 Fill a whole room up with them.
- 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,317 See, watch. Check this out.
- 00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,443 [ grunts ] Won't open.
- 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,569 [ grunts ] Won't open.
- 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,904 [ grunts ] Not this one.
- 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,072 [ grunts ] Not this one.
- 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,156 None of them open.
- 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:17,866 Fakedoors.com is our website,
- 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,869 so check it out for a lot of really great deals
- 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:24,164 on fake do-o-o-o-rs!
- 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,172 Hey, wait a minute, Rick.
- 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,632 I thought this was a commercial.
- 00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:35,342 What's going on? - Relax, Morty.
- 00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:39,096 Don't... don't worry about it. Let's just see where this goes.
- 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,223 Step on it! We all got places to be!
- 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,642 [ honks horn ] Son of a bitch.
- 00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,271 Oh, that must be where he lives.
- 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,689 Okay.
- 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:52,318 RICK: Huh. He's making himself a sandwich now.
- 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,864 Hey, everybody. So, this is my house.
- 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:59,199 Just made a sandwich... peanut butter and jelly.
- 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,118 Still here, still selling fake doors.
- 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,244 MORTY: What?
- 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,288 Oh, my god. It's still the commercial.
- 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:06,290 We have fake doors like you wouldn't believe.
- 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,667 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors.
- 00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,961 Call us up and order some fake doors today.
- 00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,838 Don't even hesitate, don't even worry,
- 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:13,922 and don't even...
- 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,090 All right, I'm bored. Change it.
- 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,925 Wait, wait, Rick. Hold on, hold on.
- 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,135 That's our slogan.
- 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,429 See it on the bottom of the screen below our name.
- 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,556 Here's another slogan right below that one.
- 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,142 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors.
- 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,144 Get in here quick, get out quicker
- 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,937 with an arm of fake doors in your arms.
- 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,440 Okay, okay, you can change it.
- 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,984 [ yawns] I hate Mamumanums-days,
- 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:36,487 and I really could go for some enchiladas.
- 00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:38,906 MORTY: Hey, Rick, that's pretty cool.
- 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,825 It's just like Garfield, only instead it's Gazorpazorpfield.
- 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,536 Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where those sex robots came from?
- 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,580 Remember that whole thing?
- 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,582 Yeah. Hey, that's a pretty... pretty...
- 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,125 That's true. That's right.
- 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,795 Yeah. Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield.
- 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,797 Hey, John. It's me, Gazorpazorpfield.
- 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,632 Boy fuck you, John,
- 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,385 you fuckin' dumb, stupid idiot.
- 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:02,388 Come on, Gazorpazorpfield. Go easy on me, huh?
- 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:05,182 You dumb, stupid, weak,
- 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:08,310 pathetic, white, white,
- 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,646 uh... guilt...
- 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,065 white-guilt milquetoast
- 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,109 piece of human garbage.
- 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:16,473 Geez, Gazorpazorpfield, that's...
- 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,070 you know, you're pretty mean to me,
- 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,321 but that takes the cake.
- 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,989 I don't give a fuck.
- 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,283 I'm Gazorpazorp-fuckin'-field, bitch.
- 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,619 Now give me my fucking enchiladas.
- 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,913 Hey, Rick, you know, did they use Bill Murray for this?
- 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,456 Sounds a lot like Bill Murray.
- 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:30,916 No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music.
- 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,584 In this reality, he's still alive.
- 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,420 Oh, okay. Was his name "Lorenzo Music"?
- 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:35,963 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
- 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,923 He also did the voice of that one guy from "Ghostbusters,"
- 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,050 which is really strange because it's the same character
- 00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,260 Bill Murray played in the movie.
- 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,719 But then, when they made the movie,
- 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,847 Bill Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp...
- 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,891 - or Garfield, I mean. - That's pretty cool, Rick.
- 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,767 So all that happened in this reality, too?
- 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:49,935 I don't know.
- 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,478 Just making conversation with you, Morty.
- 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:52,938 What, you think I'm a... I'm...
- 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,065 I know everything about everything?
- 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:57,234 Did you really talk me out of the abortion?
- 00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:00,487 Well, we... we blew a tire on the way to the clinic.
- 00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:03,866 I think, in my head, I was doing it all for the kids.
- 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:07,369 And now the first kid is going to do something with turquoise.
- 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,496 [ sighs ] Which is either code for crystal meth
- 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,373 or a gateway to it.
- 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,500 So we didn't do the kids any favors.
- 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,378 So we should stay together for each other and ourselves,
- 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,255 or...
- 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,174 Or...
- 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,595 Man, woman, and now Trunkman?
- 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,513 We know science has created men that have a trunk
- 00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,140 that allows them to have sex with both
- 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,225 male and female partners.
- 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,519 But we don't like the idea of these people getting married.
- 00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,314 Put a line in the sand, everybody.
- 00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:37,107 Vote "no" on proposition XW2.
- 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:39,526 The act that says trunkpeople can get married.
- 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:40,903 Who needs it?
- 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,404 Not on my watch.
- 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:46,283 Paid for by Michael Denny and The Denny Singers.
- 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,410 Hi. I'm a trunkperson, and I want...
- 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,163 I feel love in my heart, too, just like you.
- 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:52,998 I wanna be able to express that love
- 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,791 with both a man and a woman.
- 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,293 And I won't be able to
- 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,629 if Denny and The Denny Singers get their way.
- 00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:01,131 Hey, let the trunkpeople have sex and get married, huh?
- 00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:03,842 Paid for by trunkpeople.
- 00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,011 Oh, I love me strawberry sniggles.
- 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,138 Ooh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me
- 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:11,433 and tries to steal my strawberry smiggles.
- 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:12,918 I'm gonna eat every last one of them,
- 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,895 because... and then they'll be in my stomach,
- 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,980 and nobody will ever be able to eat them.
- 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,441 Except for me, because they'll be all inside my stomach.
- 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:23,820 Um, my name is Mr. Tophat Jones,
- 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,656 and God forbid anyone ever take my sner...
- 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,449 little-people snibbles.
- 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,951 I'm keeping them all for me.
- 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,994 Mmm. Mmm.
- 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,038 Last bite. Mmm.
- 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,040 Oh, now they're all resting comfortably in my stomach.
- 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,583 Ooh, am I feeling good.
- 00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,877 No! Get away from me! Get away from me!
- 00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,879 There's no more strawberry snibbles... no!
- 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,548 [ chokes, sputters]
- 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,466 Jesus Christ!
- 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,134 Jesus Christ! It hurts!
- 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,636 My entrails are out!
- 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,179 Why would you even want to eat these?
- 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,348 They're soaked with my stomach acid.
- 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,600 Oh, Jesus Christ, lord, savior,
- 00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,477 and spirit, save me.
- 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,187 Take me to the light.
- 00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,939 Oh, my god. I see demons.
- 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,482 I see demons are coming!
- 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,192 Geez, Rick. Oh, my god.
- 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,637 That's some pretty hard-core stuff,
- 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,571 you know, for a cereal commercial.
- 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,156 Well, Morty... I mean, you wanna sell boxes of cereal,
- 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,950 you gotta pump the gas a little.
- 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,660 Pedal to the metal, Morty.
- 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:15,080 In a world where muscular Mannies are coming,
- 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,748 and they're coming strong,
- 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:20,377 there's only three unmuscular Michaels.
- 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,629 Get down. Hurry. Run.
- 00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,172 [ screeching]
- 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:28,385 And that's when real Turbulent Juice is coming,
- 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:31,096 and you got to take care of it.
- 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,515 With Turbulent Juice, turbulent tables,
- 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,269 no room is safe from the turbulent power
- 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,396 of Turbulent Juice.
- 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,398 - What in the hell? - Sex sells, Morty.
- 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,400 Sex sells what?
- 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,986 Was that a movie or, like, does it clean stuff?
- 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,487 - [ sighs ] - Hey, Dad.
- 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,989 - God. - What's going on?
- 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,833 Well, your mother and I are gonna be spending
- 00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,409 some time apart, Morty.
- 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,411 And your sister found out she was an unwanted pregnancy.
- 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,247 - What? - Speaking of [burps] what,
- 00:15:57,332 --> 00:16:00,626 Morty, [burps] what should we watch next?
- 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,461 What about this?
- 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,421 Babylegs, you're a good detective.
- 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,965 But not good enough, because of your baby legs.
- 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,967 So I'm partnering you up with Regularlegs.
- 00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:10,427 Hey, there.
- 00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,429 Detective, I'm... this is upsetting to me
- 00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,265 because I feel like I don't need no regular-leg partner.
- 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:17,059 Babylegs, don't talk back to me.
- 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,560 Good luck, you two.
- 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,604 There's a criminal to kill. [ slurps]
- 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,648 Wow, you sure found this guy quick.
- 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,650 Uh, yeah, because I'm a good detective.
- 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,443 Look, Babylegs. It's the criminal.
- 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,195 Oh, fuck it. I'm the killer. I'm running.
- 00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,279 I'm running real quick.
- 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,281 Babylegs, here we go!
- 00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,158 [trilling ]
- 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,827 That's the sound I make when I'm trying to run fast.
- 00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,621 [trilling ]
- 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,456 All right, I'm not gonna get him.
- 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,458 I just learned a real valuable lesson.
- 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,168 I'm coming, Babylegs.
- 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,045 I'm... Regularlegs.
- 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,672 [ grunts ] We got him.
- 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,340 Hey, that was good teamwork.
- 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,217 Babylegs and Regularlegs,
- 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,219 I'm proud of you two for working together.
- 00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:54,221 And, Babylegs, I know it was hard for you
- 00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:56,682 to come to the conclusion that you need a partner,
- 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,266 but I'm proud of you that you did it.
- 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,351 Hey, thanks, Chief.
- 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,061 Now get the fuck out of here.
- 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,646 Pretty cool, huh, Morty?
- 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,231 Oh. - I thought it was cool.
- 00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:07,693 I don't give a fuck what you think, Jerry.
- 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:08,777 [ click ]
- 00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:14,574 Hey, uh, y-you doing okay?
- 00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,243 I kind of know how you feel, Summer.
- 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,120 No, you don't. You're the little brother.
- 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,924 You're not the cause of your parents misery.
- 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,624 You're just a symptom of it.
- 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,669 - Can I show you something? - Morty, no offense...
- 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,712 but a drawing of me you made when you were eight
- 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,380 isn't gonna make me feel like less of an accident.
- 00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:31,216 That out there? That's my grave.
- 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,927 - Wait, what? - On one of our adventures...
- 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,722 Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world,
- 00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,725 so we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one.
- 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,227 Because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed.
- 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,438 And in this one, we were dead.
- 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,362 So we came here and... and we buried ourselves,
- 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,233 and we took their place.
- 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,360 And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast
- 00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:54,239 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse.
- 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,074 So you're not my brother?
- 00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,784 I'm better than your brother.
- 00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,549 I'm a version of your brother you can trust
- 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,496 when he says "don't run."
- 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,124 Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere.
- 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:06,543 Everybody's gonna die.
- 00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:10,297 Come watch TV.
- 00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:12,632 Mrs. Sullivan always planned
- 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:15,135 to leave everything to her cats.
- 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,638 But sometimes, plans need a helping paw.
- 00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,640 [thunder rumbles]
- 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,267 What are the kitties to do
- 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,561 but buckle together and work as a team?
- 00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:27,522 Mrs. Sullivan, I... please, forgive me for being forward,
- 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,065 but your eyes are so beautiful.
- 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,650 [ cats meow]
- 00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,778 Wait. This is an actual movie?
- 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:35,280 This fall, sparks will fly...
- 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,115 [ moaning, cats meowing]
- 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,701 Mrs. [moans] Sullivan. Ohh.
- 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,828 Between one guy who can't get a break...
- 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:44,164 There's something about you, Mrs. Sullivan.
- 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:47,042 And nine cats who break all the rules.
- 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,251 [ cats meow]
- 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,961 "Last Will and Testi-meow:
- 00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:52,547 Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House II."
- 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,008 Well, somebody in Hollywood just lost their job.
- 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,843 Written and directed by Jerry Smith.
- 00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:59,304 I wrote and directed that? What am I, nuts?
- 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,264 Oh, hey, Morty. You just missed a preview
- 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,891 for your Dad's "Citizen Kane."
- 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,351 Doesn't matter.
- 00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,019 Hey, if your mother and I had to split custody,
- 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,646 who would you guys chose?
- 00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,314 Doesn't matter.
- 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:12,108 Breaking news... Academy Award-Winning actor Jerry Smith
- 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,861 is leading police on a slow-speed pursuit
- 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,905 after suffering an apparent breakdown.
- 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,615 Don't even think about it.
- 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,617 Come on. Are you kidding me, Jerry?
- 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,536 It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap.
- 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:26,248 It's my life, and we're watching it.
- 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:29,876 You did it, Beth. You really nailed it.
- 00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:34,297 [burps] You're a surgeon... a human surgeon.
- 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:37,217 Yay, you win. [ slurps ]
- 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,885 Where the hell am I going?
- 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,054 Wh... What are you asking me for, Jerry?
- 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,223 [burps] I'm sitting here [burps] trying to figure out
- 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,891 why the cops don't just take you out.
- 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,060 I mean [burps] they got a clear shot to your head.
- 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,521 I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this.
- 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,108 [ doorbell rings ]
- 00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,072 Jerry?
- 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:01,408 Jerry Smith?
- 00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:04,077 Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school.
- 00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:06,037 I hate acting. I hate cocaine.
- 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,622 I hate Kristen Stewart.
- 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,374 I wish you hadn't gotten that abortion,
- 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:13,879 and I've never stopped thinking about what might have been.
- 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:18,508 ♪ Give me a name ♪
- 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:24,264 ♪ Hear my faith ♪
- 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:29,352 ♪ Seal my fate ♪
- 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:36,776 ♪ And when you breathe ♪
- 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:39,279 ♪ You breathe for two ♪
- 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:41,043 Hey, "Ball Fondlers"? Huh, "Ball Fondlers"?
- 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,713 Yeah, I could go for some "Ball Fondlers."
- 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,242 Yeah, "Ball Fondlers."
- 00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:45,744 [ metal music plays]
- 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,787 Aah!
- 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,863 Ha ha, Hamster in Butt World Weather is done,
- 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,573 and now it's sports time coming up.
- 00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:25,450 - Oh, hello, there. - Good day to you, miss.
- 00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:27,410 BETH: So, the hamsters live
- 00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:28,870 inside the rectums of those people?
- 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,580 Yes, sweetie. That's where the live.
- 00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:31,998 Well, how does that work?
- 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:34,000 I mean, do the butts look like little apartments inside?
- 00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:35,585 Yeah, and can they leave the butt
- 00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:37,295 and, like, walk around on their own?
- 00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:40,006 I don't know. I'm watching the same thing you guys are.
- 00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:41,883 Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt
- 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,510 and the person wanders off,
- 00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,178 how would they find their butt person again?
- 00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:47,180 I don't know, Summer. I can't even hear the TV.
- 00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:48,640 All right, that's it.
- 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,100 We're just gonna go there so you idiots
- 00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:51,893 can ask your stupid questions all day.
- 00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:54,145 Ooh, family vacation!
- 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:56,189 [ camera shutter clicks ]
- 00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:09,953 Did you get any of that?
- 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,997 It's a good-a show!