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Рик Санчес — плохо влияющий на своего внука Морти Смита дедушка, когда обнаруживается, что Морти пропустил семестр в школе за то время, которое он потратил на приключения с Риком. Рик переносит Морти в измерение 35-C, в котором есть идеальные условия для выращивания «Мегадеревьев», на которых растут «Мегафрукты» с «Мегасеменами», необходимые Рику для его исследований. Чтобы преодолеть межгалактическую таможню, Морти прячет семена Мегадеревьев в своей прямой кишке, но когда их план раскрыт, Рик и Морти убегают, участвуя в перестрелке с бюрократическими инопланетными насекомыми. В конце концов, семена растворяются, и ненадолго делают Морти очень умным, заставляя его родителей поверить, что всё в порядке с его обучением, и позволить Рику остаться. Однако, когда эффект семян заканчивается, Морти корчится от последствий, после чего Рик сообщает ему, что им нужно вернуться и взять ещё больше семян, прежде чем впасть в бессмысленную тираду о том, что они отправятся в гораздо более сумасшедшие приключения.
- 00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:04,587 Morty, you got to come on.
- 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,130 You got to come with me.
- 00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,048 What's going on?
- 00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:08,049 I got a surprise for you, Morty.
- 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:08,925 It's the middle of the night.
- 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,718 I got a surprise for you.
- 00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:11,803 Ow!
- 00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,596 Ow! You're tugging me too hard.
- 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:14,961 I got a surprise for you, Morty.
- 00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,185 What do you what do you
- 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,187 think of this flying vehicle, Morty?
- 00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,855 I built it out of stuff I found in the garage.
- 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,315 Yeah, Rick, it's... it's great.
- 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,483 Is this the surprise?
- 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,652 Morty, I had to... I had to do...
- 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,320 I had to... I had to...
- 00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:30,321 I had to make a bomb, Morty.
- 00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:31,406 I had to create a bomb.
- 00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:32,407 What?! A bomb?!
- 00:00:32,408 --> 00:00:33,688 We're gonna drop it down there...
- 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:34,617 Just get a whole fresh start, Morty.
- 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,202 Create a whole fresh start.
- 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,370 T-t-that's absolutely crazy!
- 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,496 Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty.
- 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,039 It's gonna be good.
- 00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,041 Right now, we're gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica.
- 00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,126 Jessica?
- 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,335 From my math class?
- 00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:46,212 When I drop the bomb, I don't...
- 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,839 You know, I want you to have somebody,
- 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,757 you know... I want you to have the thing...
- 00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,092 I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve,
- 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,176 and you're gonna be Adam.
- 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,930 And Jessica's gonna be Eve, and so that's the surprise, Morty.
- 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,098 No, you can't!
- 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,582 J-Jessica doesn't even know I exist.
- 00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,767 But... but... but forget about that,
- 00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,394 because you can't blow up humanity.
- 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:02,937 I-I get what you're trying to say, M-Morty.
- 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,564 Listen, I'm not... you don't...
- 00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:06,774 y-y-you don't got to worry about me trying to fool around with...
- 00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,939 with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything.
- 00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,278 I'm... I'm not that kind of guy, Morty.
- 00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,654 What are you talking about, Rick?
- 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,239 You... you... you don't have to worry about me getting
- 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,532 with Jessica or anything.
- 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,034 She... she... she... she... she's all for you, Morty.
- 00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:19,203 I don't care about Jessica!
- 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:20,413 You know what, Morty? You're right.
- 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,081 Let's forget the girl all together.
- 00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,666 She... she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways.
- 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,168 Arming Neutrino bomb.
- 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,085 That's it... That's it, Rick.
- 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:26,961 I'm taking the wheel.
- 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,212 Get off of me, Morty!
- 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,672 I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy.
- 00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,965 What's gotten into you?
- 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,383 I'm... I'm... I'm...
- 00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:34,761 I'm not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb...
- 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,095 What are you, crazy?
- 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,555 Person and just let you blow up the whole world.
- 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:38,473 All right, all right.
- 00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:39,891 I'll... I'll land.
- 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:40,808 I'll land. I'll land.
- 00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:42,685 I'll land the thing.
- 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,187 Big tough guy all of a sudden.
- 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,108 We'll park it right here, Morty.
- 00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:50,443 Right here on the s-side of the r-road here.
- 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,402 Oh, thank God.
- 00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:52,361 You know what?
- 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,155 That was all a test, Morty.
- 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:57,200 Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive.
- 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,159 It was?
- 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,243 Sure. Why not?
- 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,286 I don't... I don't know.
- 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,245 You... you know what, Mo...
- 00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:03,790 Neutrino bomb armed.
- 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,042 Um...
- 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:44,121 I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight.
- 00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,999 Who do you guys think is gonna be the best singer?
- 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,209 Oh, my God. His head is in his food.
- 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,293 I'm going to puke.
- 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,711 Morty, are you getting sick?
- 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,956 I told you not to practice-kiss the living-room pillow.
- 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,090 The dog sleeps on it.
- 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,842 I wasn't kissing a pillow, Mom.
- 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,344 I just... I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
- 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,471 Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something.
- 00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,756 Or maybe you were out all night again with grandpa Rick.
- 00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:03,599 What?!
- 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:04,475 Dad?
- 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,352 What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now?
- 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,604 You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?
- 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,522 Damn it!
- 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,773 - Jerry! - Beth!
- 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:11,899 Oh, my God. My parents are so loud.
- 00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:12,984 I want to die.
- 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,360 Mm, there is no God, Summer.
- 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,237 You got to rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank me later.
- 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,072 Okay, with all due respect, Rick...
- 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,991 What am I talking about? What respect is due?
- 00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:23,661 How is my son supposed to pass his classes if you keep dragging
- 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,372 him off for high-concept sci-fi rigamarole?
- 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,749 Listen, Jerry, I-l don't want to overstep my bounds or anything.
- 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,376 It's your house. It's your world.
- 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,580 You're a real Julius Caesar.
- 00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:32,670 But I'll tell you some... tell you how...
- 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:33,994 how I feel about school, Jerry.
- 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,256 It's a waste of time...
- 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,674 A bunch of people running around,
- 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,800 bumping into each other.
- 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,552 G-guy up front says, "Two plus two."
- 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,387 The people in the back say, "Four."
- 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,631 Then the bell rings, and they give you a carton of milk
- 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,767 and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or something.
- 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,270 I mean, it's... it's not a place for smart people, Jerry.
- 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,479 And I know that's not a popular opinion,
- 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,691 but it's my two cents on the issue.
- 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,401 This was a good breakfast, Beth.
- 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,528 You really made the crap out of those eggs.
- 00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,822 I wish your mother was here to eat them.
- 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,198 Oh, Dad.
- 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,074 What?
- 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,035 For real?
- 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,786 All right, now, everybody get settled.
- 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,538 Get away from the windows!
- 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:08,789 Now, look, we're gonna be
- 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,750 dealing with some real serious stuff today.
- 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,710 You might have heard of it. It's called math.
- 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,837 And without it, none of us would even exist,
- 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,048 so let's jump right in... two plus two.
- 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,132 Jessica.
- 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,592 Five plus five.
- 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:20,885 Tenssica.
- 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:21,969 Okay, good.
- 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,054 It's time for the quiz.
- 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,431 Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad!
- 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:26,557 Tough!
- 00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,809 First row, take one. Pass it back for me.
- 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,686 The stakes are high in this room.
- 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:34,023 There's crucial things happening here every day.
- 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:34,982 People getting smarter.
- 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,108 Some of y'all getting dumber.
- 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,444 Some of y'all ain't gonna see 3:00.
- 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,948 Hi, Morty.
- 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,032 Whoa!
- 00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,158 Hi, Jessica.
- 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,576 Can I show these to you?
- 00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:46,535 Wow.
- 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,703 Th-they're both great.
- 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,788 Thank you.
- 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:49,747 You know what I named these?
- 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,040 My little Morties.
- 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,918 Uh, that's flattering... and a little weird.
- 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,962 Do you know what I want you to do with them?
- 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,046 Rename them?
- 00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,464 Squeeze them.
- 00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,632 Manhandle them.
- 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:00,758 Give them the business.
- 00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,218 See if you can shuffle them.
- 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,512 I mean, really get in there and knock them around.
- 00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:05,763 No wrong answers.
- 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,639 Wow.
- 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,015 Well, okay, Jessica.
- 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,475 L-let's give this a shot.
- 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,726 Mm.
- 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:11,811 Oh, Morty.
- 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,354 What are you doing to me?
- 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,606 Uh, I-I'm just doing my best.
- 00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:16,691 Morty!
- 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:17,566 What are you doing to me?!
- 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,484 Jessica.
- 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,610 Morty!
- 00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,696 Jessica.
- 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,739 Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad.
- 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,700 Je-Jessica.
- 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:26,993 Jessica.
- 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,317 Not my fault this is happening.
- 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,373 Well, well, well.
- 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,457 Uh, morning, Frank.
- 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,500 "Morning"?
- 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,501 What was... what is that supposed to mean?
- 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:36,711 You making fun of me?
- 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:37,920 Are you trying to say my family's poor?
- 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,046 Oh, geez, Frank.
- 00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:40,464 I don't know if a knife is necessary.
- 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,883 I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it.
- 00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:45,219 You telling me how to bully now?
- 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,679 Big mistake, Morty.
- 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:51,017 And now I'm gonna cut you, 'cause my family's rich.
- 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:53,978 There you are, Morty.
- 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,229 Listen to me.
- 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,939 I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension.
- 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,524 I need an extra pair of hands.
- 00:05:58,608 --> 00:05:59,734 Oh, geez, Rick.
- 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,152 W-what'd you do to Frank?
- 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,611 It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him.
- 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,530 Now listen... I need your help, Morty.
- 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,157 I mean, we got... we got to get...
- 00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,200 get the hell out of here and go take care of business.
- 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,328 It's important. Come on, Morty.
- 00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:12,413 I don't know, Rick.
- 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:13,664 I-I can't leave school again.
- 00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,124 Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes
- 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,417 get out there, Morty?
- 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,918 What do you think... I can just do it all by myself?
- 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:18,878 Come on!
- 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,004 Aw, geez. Okay.
- 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,380 I guess I can skip History.
- 00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:22,923 What about Frank?
- 00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,091 I mean, shouldn't you unfreeze him?
- 00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,384 I'll do it later, Morty.
- 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:26,469 He'll be fine.
- 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,305 Let's go.
- 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,307 Oh, my God.
- 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,851 I'm about to walk past Frank Palicky.
- 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:37,021 This is the story we'll be telling our children.
- 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,314 Hi, Frank.
- 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,610 Aah!
- 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:47,198 Scalpel.
- 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,407 Knock, knock.
- 00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:49,575 Jerry?
- 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,699 My manager gave me an hour for lunch, and I thought,
- 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,038 "Hey, why not swing by where your wife works?"
- 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,748 We're losing him.
- 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,124 Okay, he's back.
- 00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,585 Jerry, please tell me you're here for an incredibly urgent reason.
- 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,128 Well, it's lunch.
- 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,006 I mean, it's one of three meals that have existed for millennia.
- 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,132 Losing him.
- 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,383 Stabilized.
- 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,928 Okay, I only ask, Jerry, because, as you know,
- 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,472 my job involves performing heart surgery.
- 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,890 Well, yeah, on horses.
- 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,016 Excuse me?
- 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,810 Okay. Let's not rehash that fight.
- 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:18,646 I sense that you're busy and will now be on my way.
- 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:19,814 Whoa!
- 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,398 What is this on the floor?
- 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,944 Some kind of literature for a really nice-looking nursing home.
- 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,695 Hey, honey, crazy idea... bad pitch...
- 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,155 let's put your Dad here.
- 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,680 Let's put your Dad in a nursing home.
- 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,700 We're losing him.
- 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,701 Hey, Tom.
- 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,661 We know when we're losing him.
- 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,037 We can hear the beeps!
- 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,331 There she is. All right.
- 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,541 Come on, Morty. Let's go.
- 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,500 Oh, geez.
- 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,835 Okay.
- 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,629 Oh, man, Rick.
- 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,005 What is this place?
- 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,716 It's dimension 35C, and it's got the perfect
- 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,761 climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty,
- 00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,138 called a Mega tree,
- 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,514 and there's fruit in those trees,
- 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,057 and there's seeds in those fruits.
- 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,517 I'm talking about Mega seeds.
- 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,811 They're... they're incredibly powerful,
- 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,980 and I need them to help me with my research, Morty.
- 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,982 Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place,
- 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,817 and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing.
- 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:05,901 All right. All right. Calm down.
- 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,111 Listen to me, Morty.
- 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,405 I know that new situations can be intimidating.
- 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,782 You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but,
- 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,660 you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them
- 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,912 like a bull... that's how we grow as people.
- 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,747 I'm no stranger to scary situations.
- 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,207 I deal with them all the time.
- 00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,492 Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be...
- 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,961 Holy crap, Morty, run!
- 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,089 I never seen that thing before in my life.
- 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,654 I don't even know what the hell it is!
- 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,955 We got to get out of here, Morty!
- 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:30,885 It's gonna kill us!
- 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:31,969 We're gonna die!
- 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,220 We're gonna die, Morty!
- 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,141 Oh, Morty, take a deep breath.
- 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,226 Breathe that... breathe that fresh air in, Morty.
- 00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,519 Y-you smell that?
- 00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,146 That's the smell of adventure, Morty.
- 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,565 That's... that's the smell of... of... of... of a whole different
- 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,650 evolutionary timeline.
- 00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:47,818 All right, Rick, look...
- 00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:49,236 how much longer is this gonna be?
- 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,529 Shouldn't I be back at school by now?
- 00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,739 Are you joking me?
- 00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:54,241 I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us.
- 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,451 Look at that thing right there.
- 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,911 W-what the hell is that thing?
- 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,579 You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school?
- 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,247 Look at it just lumbering around.
- 00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,917 It defies all logic... that thing.
- 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,001 Yeah, Rick, I get it.
- 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,502 We're surrounded by monsters.
- 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,387 That's kind of the reason why I want to leave.
- 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:08,297 Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
- 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,508 Morty, you see this?
- 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,552 You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty?
- 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:14,762 Any idea what that is down there?
- 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:15,930 The Mega trees?
- 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,306 That's right, Morty... the Mega trees
- 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,724 with the Mega fruit on them.
- 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,184 And that's what I'm talking about, Morty.
- 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,644 That's where my seeds are.
- 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,770 If we would have done what you wanted,
- 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,104 I would have never have found them,
- 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,856 because y... because you're so in love with school.
- 00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,191 All right, all right.
- 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,109 So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways?
- 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:30,861 You ask a lot of questions, Morty.
- 00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:32,196 Not very charismatic.
- 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,656 It makes you kind of an under...
- 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,157 underfoot figure.
- 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,408 Just take these shoes, Morty.
- 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,293 They're Sp... special grappling shoes.
- 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,579 When you're wearing these things... Ba... these babies,
- 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:43,290 you can basically just walk on any surface you want, Morty...
- 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,292 up, down, below, turn around to the left.
- 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,211 These things really bring it all together.
- 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,921 Aah!
- 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,245 You have to turn them on, Morty!
- 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,466 The shoes have to be turned on!
- 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:55,302 I am not putting my father in a home!
- 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,263 He just came back into my life,
- 00:09:57,347 --> 00:10:00,766 and you want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress like
- 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,309 last month's Victoria's Secret?
- 00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,874 I told you... I was ordering you something for Valentine's Day.
- 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:09,608 More importantly, your father is a horrible influence on our son.
- 00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:10,943 Everything cool in here, Beth?
- 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:11,860 It's fine, Davin.
- 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:12,987 Okay, cool.
- 00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,488 You know, we did something great today.
- 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:18,075 There's nothing more noble and free than the heart of a horse.
- 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,577 Since we're fighting, if you ever have an affair
- 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,162 with that guy, I will come to the hotel room
- 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,707 and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies.
- 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,751 Look, I appreciate the stress you're under, but
- 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,129 Morty was having trouble in school way before my dad moved
- 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:33,507 in, and the only influence I can see Rick having is that,
- 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,719 for the first time in his life, Morty has a friend.
- 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,764 Well, maybe you're right.
- 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,850 Uh, yeah, maybe I am.
- 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:43,934 I'm my father's daughter.
- 00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:44,935 I'm smart.
- 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:45,894 Why do you think I'm a heart surgeon?
- 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:46,812 Horse heart surgeon.
- 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,230 - Hello? - Mrs. Smith?
- 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,875 This is Principal Vagina... no relation.
- 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,692 I wonder if you and Morty's father might be able to have
- 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:52,936 a chat with me this afternoon?
- 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,115 Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on your legs right now.
- 00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,659 You know, you got to turn the shoes on, Morty,
- 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,910 for them to work.
- 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,195 Yeah, look... I turned mine on.
- 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,455 I had no problem getting down here.
- 00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,040 It was a leisurely breeze.
- 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,374 I'm in a lot of pain, Rick.
- 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,876 Yeah, I can see that.
- 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,795 But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect
- 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,088 my seeds, Morty?
- 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,173 Are you kidding me?!
- 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,174 That's it, Rick!
- 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,425 That's the last straw!
- 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,469 I can't believe this... I'm sitting here with both
- 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,137 of my legs broken, and you're still asking me
- 00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,764 about getting those seeds?!
- 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,307 Ooh! Ow! Oh!
- 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,683 Y-y-you're a monster.
- 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,435 Y-you're like Hitler, but...
- 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,562 but even Hitler cared about Germany or something.
- 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,272 Okay, hold on just a second, Morty.
- 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:41,742 Ooh.
- 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:45,371 Ohh.
- 00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,460 Ooh.
- 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,712 Wow, Rick.
- 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,256 That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly.
- 00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:59,551 I mean, I've never felt so good in my life.
- 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,636 Thank you.
- 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:01,887 Don't worry about it, Morty.
- 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,847 Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy?
- 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,099 Sure thing, Rick.
- 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,683 Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened
- 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,645 there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced
- 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,939 medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every
- 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,315 corner drugstore.
- 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,566 The stuff was all over the place, Morty.
- 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,151 Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick.
- 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,569 There's just one problem, Morty...
- 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:18,779 one little hang-up.
- 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,447 The dimension I visited was so advanced,
- 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,658 they had also halted the aging process,
- 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,159 and everyone there was young, Morty,
- 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,369 and they had been forever.
- 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,037 I was the only old person there, Morty.
- 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,248 It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity,
- 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,499 walking around.
- 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,959 I-I was fascinating to them.
- 00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,294 There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they...
- 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,963 they... they... they all wanted time with me.
- 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,847 I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies,
- 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,466 but I spent so much time there,
- 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:40,951 my interdimensional portal device...
- 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,636 it's got no charge left, Morty.
- 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:43,720 It's got no charge left.
- 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:44,596 What?!
- 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,764 It's as good as garbage, Morty.
- 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:46,807 It's not gonna work anymore, Morty.
- 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:47,975 Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good.
- 00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:49,685 W-what are we gonna do?
- 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,854 I-I have to be back at school right now.
- 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,178 How are we gonna get back home?
- 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,773 There's ways to get back home, Morty.
- 00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,733 It's just... it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle.
- 00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,569 We're gonna have to go through Interdimensional Customs,
- 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,071 so you're gonna have to do me a real solid.
- 00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:02,156 Uh-oh.
- 00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,407 When we get to Customs,
- 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,492 I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom,
- 00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:07,035 and I'm gonna need you to put them way up
- 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,036 inside your butthole, Morty.
- 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,329 In my butt?
- 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,039 Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit.
- 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,249 Oh, geez, Rick.
- 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,542 I really don't want to have to do that.
- 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,085 Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty.
- 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:18,088 Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through Customs unless they're
- 00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,131 in someone's rectum, Morty.
- 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,383 And they'll fall right out of mine.
- 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,051 I've done this too many times, Morty.
- 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,261 I mean, you're young.
- 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,180 You've got your whole life ahead of you,
- 00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,432 and your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable.
- 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,916 You got to do it for Grandpa, Morty.
- 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,685 Y-you've got to put these seeds inside your butt.
- 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:32,561 In my butt?
- 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,479 Come on, Morty.
- 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:34,396 Please, Morty.
- 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,522 You have to do it, Morty.
- 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,607 Oh, man.
- 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,319 The fact is, your son, Morty, has attended this school for a
- 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:42,779 total of seven hours over the last two months.
- 00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,406 What? Why didn't you notify us?
- 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,283 I done been notifying you.
- 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,659 Have you not been getting the messages
- 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,077 I've been leaving with Morty's grandfather?
- 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,245 Boom!
- 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,872 Told you! Ln your face!
- 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,749 He is ruining our child!
- 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,250 Wait, what am I celebrating?
- 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,960 Yeah, see, I thought something was fishy there,
- 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,420 because it's usually Morty's grandpa that's taking
- 00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,296 him out of school.
- 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:00,380 Summer?
- 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,717 What kind of God lets this happen?
- 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:04,885 We had a little incident.
- 00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,595 A student was frozen to death.
- 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,723 And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it!
- 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,391 Everyone wants to take this to a racial place.
- 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:12,893 I won't let them.
- 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:16,939 The Glarp Zone is for flarping and unglarping only.
- 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,942 So, I told him, "Give me the Blimfarx," you know?
- 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,527 This... this guy...
- 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:22,903 he doesn't understand interstellar currency.
- 00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,696 It's, like, I'm trying to eat a Flimflam...
- 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,865 like, that's what we eat on Girvonesk.
- 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:29,743 The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only.
- 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,036 I don't like it here, Morty.
- 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,371 I can't abide bureaucracy.
- 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,164 I don't like being told where to go and what to do.
- 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,582 I consider it a violation.
- 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,167 Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?
- 00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,293 Yeah, Rick.
- 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,670 Let's just get this over with, okay?
- 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,338 I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt.
- 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,589 That means they're good ones.
- 00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,049 You're a good kid, Morty.
- 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,343 Those Mega seeds are super valuable to my work.
- 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,095 You've been a huge help to me.
- 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,619 I'm gonna be able to do all kinds of things with them.
- 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,474 It's gonna be great, Morty.
- 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,759 All kinds of science.
- 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,060 Okay, next through.
- 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,937 Except you. You go over there.
- 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,063 Why does he have to go over there?
- 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,189 Random check.
- 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:00,274 He's got to go through the new machine.
- 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,358 What new... what new machine?
- 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:02,484 It's a new machine.
- 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,860 It detects stuff all the way up your butt.
- 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,612 Run, Morty! Run!
- 00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:06,780 Aah!
- 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:07,864 Red alert!
- 00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:22,045 Ohhhhh!
- 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,805 Hey! Ohhhhhh.
- 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:33,682 Aah!
- 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,808 Don't think about it!
- 00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,478 Ooh!
- 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,274 Oh, nice, Morty!
- 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,555 The student becomes the teacher.
- 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,452 Whoooooo!
- 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,996 Aah!
- 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,664 Aw, hell, no, dawg.
- 00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,957 You know me... I'm just trying to...
- 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:01,209 Aah!
- 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,131 I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, Morty.
- 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,674 Cover me. - Oh, man.
- 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,679 I mean, you know, I-I don't want to shoot nobody.
- 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:10,844 They're just robots, Morty!
- 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,012 It's okay to shoot them!
- 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,096 They're robots!
- 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,140 Aah!
- 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,558 My leg is shot off!
- 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,976 Glenn's bleeding to death!
- 00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,145 Someone call his wife and children!
- 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,271 They're not robots, Rick!
- 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:22,606 It's a figure of speech, Morty.
- 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:23,690 They're bureaucrats.
- 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:24,733 I don't respect them.
- 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:25,942 Just keep shooting, Morty.
- 00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:28,612 You have no idea what prison is like here!
- 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,033 Holy crap! This is insane!
- 00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:44,378 Come on, Morty!
- 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,780 We got to get the hell out of here!
- 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,259 Wow.
- 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,679 Did you just come into the cafeteria through a portal?
- 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,055 Uh, yeah.
- 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,849 Well, you know, my... my Ferrari's in the shop.
- 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,268 Ju... just kidding.
- 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,937 You're Morty, right? - Yeah.
- 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,181 You can get his number later.
- 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,898 Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here.
- 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,191 You got to get those seeds out of your ass.
- 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,317 Oh, look, honey.
- 00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:09,611 It's our son with Albert Ein-douche.
- 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,779 What?
- 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,280 I'm an angry father, not an improvisor.
- 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,573 Oh, hi, Jerry.
- 00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,242 Oh, my goodness, Morty!
- 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,910 What are you doing out of class?
- 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,203 We talked about this.
- 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,080 Your... your parents and I are very disappointed in...
- 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,749 in this behavior.
- 00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,626 No? No takers?
- 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,795 You guys should really not be touching that stuff.
- 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:27,838 It's beyond your reasoning.
- 00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:28,839 You're beyond our reasoning!
- 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,215 Takes one to know one.
- 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:34,720 Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school?
- 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,284 I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl.
- 00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:38,265 He can't just bail on his life and set up shop
- 00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,516 in someone else's.
- 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,767 What... what are you guys doing with my stuff?
- 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:43,520 We're moving you... to a nursing home.
- 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:44,604 A nursing home?
- 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:45,647 What are... what are you, nuts?
- 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:46,732 I'm a genius.
- 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,108 I build robots for fun.
- 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,193 Well, now you can build baskets and watch Paul Newman movies
- 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,572 on VHS and mentally scar the Boy Scouts every Christmas.
- 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:54,489 What does that mean?
- 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,407 It's personal.
- 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,742 Dad, mom, c-come on.
- 00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,077 Rick just needed my help is all.
- 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,454 Morty, stay out of this.
- 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:04,166 You are obviously not capable of judging these situations on your own.
- 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,417 What are you trying to say about Morty?
- 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:06,501 That he's stupid or something?
- 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,878 Oh, don't high-road us, Dad.
- 00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,964 You know fully well that Morty is the last child that needs to
- 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,257 be missing classes.
- 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,176 I-I-I don't know what you mean by that.
- 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,802 Can... can... can you be a little bit more specific?
- 00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,095 Oh, for crying out...
- 00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,847 he's got some kind of disability or something.
- 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,265 Is that what you want us to say?
- 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,767 I do?
- 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,518 Well, duh doy, son.
- 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,230 Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast as
- 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,357 the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world,
- 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,276 you got to work twice as hard.
- 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,694 Aw, geez, Dad.
- 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,572 Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once.
- 00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:38,158 Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of Pi.
- 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,576 Oh, come on, Rick.
- 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,660 You know I can't.
- 00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:41,745 The square root of Pi, Morty... go.
- 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,873 1 .77245385.
- 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,291 Whoa!
- 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,667 What the hell?
- 00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,294 Holy crap. He's right.
- 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,298 Morty, tell your parents the first Law of
- 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,672 Thermodynamics.
- 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,842 "The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to
- 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,594 the increment of heat supplied to the system."
- 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,429 Wow! I'm so smart!
- 00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:00,764 But...
- 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:01,723 I told the both of you...
- 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:02,682 school is stupid.
- 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:03,975 It's not how you learn things.
- 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,185 Morty's a gifted child.
- 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,645 He has a special mind.
- 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:07,896 That's why he's my little helper.
- 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,439 He's like me.
- 00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:12,192 He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life.
- 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,610 He's too smart for school.
- 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,822 H-he needs to keep hanging out and helping me.
- 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:19,741 Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop.
- 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,284 No, I-I understand.
- 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,328 Uh, maybe we overreacted.
- 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,081 But he has to keep going to school.
- 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,457 Okay, Jerry.
- 00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:28,875 You drive a hard bargain,
- 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,293 but what am I supposed to do?
- 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,795 Say... say no?
- 00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,880 You... you really wear the pants around here.
- 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,757 I just want you to know, between us, from now on,
- 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,134 it's gonna be 100% honesty and open,
- 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,469 clear communication.
- 00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,847 Frank Palicky was frozen to death today!
- 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:42,889 No idea what you're talking about.
- 00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,225 Okay.
- 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,769 Well, uh, Morty, it's your bedtime in an hour.
- 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,396 Don't stay up all night again.
- 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,772 This is good, though.
- 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,148 This can work.
- 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,234 I think we can be a family.
- 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,695 And now, Beth, if you'll have me,
- 00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,655 I would love to have you.
- 00:19:58,739 --> 00:19:59,823 You know what?
- 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,157 Okay.
- 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,951 Holy cow, Rick.
- 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,412 I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter.
- 00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,414 Full disclosure, Morty... it's not.
- 00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:10,458 Temporary superintelligence is just a side effect of the
- 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,263 Mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity.
- 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:13,545 Aw, man.
- 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:16,006 Yeah, and once those seeds wear off,
- 00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,810 you're gonna lose most of your motor skills,
- 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,760 and you're also gonna lose a significant amount of
- 00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,178 brain functionality for 72 hours, Morty.
- 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,848 Starting right about now.
- 00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:25,932 Ohh, man.
- 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:28,184 Oh, geez! Ohh.
- 00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,228 I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer.
- 00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:32,022 In reality, you're as dumb as they come.
- 00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:33,815 And I needed those seeds real bad,
- 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,026 and I had to give them up just to get your parents off my back,
- 00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:38,028 so now we're gonna have to go get more.
- 00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,821 And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that,
- 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,156 Morty.
- 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,033 And you're gonna keep your mouth shut about it, Morty,
- 00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,993 because the world is full of idiots that don't understand
- 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,161 what's important,
- 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,537 and they'll tear us apart, Morty.
- 00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:50,206 But if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things,
- 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,292 Morty, and you're gonna be part of them, and together,
- 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,585 we're gonna run around, Morty.
- 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,253 We're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, Morty.
- 00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:56,338 Just you and me, Morty.
- 00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:57,339 Oh, no, no.
- 00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,757 The outside world is our enemy, Morty.
- 00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:01,301 We're the only friends we've got, Morty.
- 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,552 It's just Rick and Morty...
- 00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:04,804 Rick and Morty and their adventures, Morty.
- 00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:06,598 Rick and Morty forever and forever.
- 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,475 100 years, Rick and Morty's things.
- 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:11,770 Me and Rick and Morty running around, and Rick and Morty time.
- 00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:14,189 All day long, forever.
- 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,815 All... a hundred days.
- 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,734 Rick and Morty forever... 100 times.
- 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:20,737 Over and over, rickandmortyadventures.com.
- 00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:23,740 www.rickandmorty.com.
- 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,992 www.rickandmortyadventures.
- 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:27,661 All 100 years.
- 00:21:27,745 --> 00:21:30,330 Every minute, rickandmorty.com.
- 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:34,125 www.100timesrickandmorty.com.
- 00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,482 It's a good-a show!
- 00:00:02,378 --> 00:00:03,211 [ footsteps approaching ]
- 00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:04,587 Morty, you got to come on.
- 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,130 You got to come with me.
- 00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,048 What's going on?
- 00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:08,049 I got a surprise for you, Morty.
- 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:08,925 It's the middle of the night.
- 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,718 I got a surprise for you.
- 00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:11,803 Ow!
- 00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,596 Ow! You're tugging me too hard.
- 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:14,961 I got a surprise for you, Morty.
- 00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,185 What do you [burps] what do you
- 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,187 think of this flying vehicle, Morty?
- 00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,855 I built it out of stuff I found in the garage.
- 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,315 Yeah, Rick, it's... it's great.
- 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,483 Is this the surprise?
- 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,652 Morty, I had to... I had to do...
- 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,320 I had to... I had to...
- 00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:30,321 I had to make a bomb, Morty.
- 00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:31,406 I had to create a bomb.
- 00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:32,407 What?! A bomb?!
- 00:00:32,408 --> 00:00:33,688 We're gonna drop it down there...
- 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:34,617 Just get a whole fresh start, Morty.
- 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,202 Create a whole fresh start.
- 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,370 T-t-that's absolutely crazy!
- 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,496 Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty.
- 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,039 It's gonna be good.
- 00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,041 Right now, we're gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica.
- 00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,126 Jessica?
- 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,335 From my math class?
- 00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:46,212 When I drop the bomb, I don't...
- 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,839 You know, I want you to have somebody,
- 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,757 you know... I want you to have the thing...
- 00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,092 I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve,
- 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,176 and you're gonna be Adam.
- 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:53,302 [ groans ]
- 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,930 And Jessica's gonna be Eve, and so that's the surprise, Morty.
- 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,098 No, you can't!
- 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,582 J-Jessica doesn't even know I exist.
- 00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,767 But... but... but forget about that,
- 00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,394 because you can't blow up humanity.
- 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:02,937 I-I get what you're trying to say, M-Morty.
- 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,564 Listen, I'm not... you don't...
- 00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:06,774 y-y-you don't got to worry about me trying to fool around with...
- 00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,939 with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything.
- 00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,278 I'm... I'm not that kind of guy, Morty.
- 00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,654 What are you talking about, Rick?
- 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,239 You... you... you don't have to worry about me getting
- 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,532 with Jessica or anything.
- 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,034 She... she... she... she... she's all for you, Morty.
- 00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:19,203 I don't care about Jessica!
- 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:20,413 You know what, Morty? You're right.
- 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,081 Let's forget the girl all together.
- 00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,666 She... she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways.
- 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,168 SHIP: Arming Neutrino bomb.
- 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,085 That's it... That's it, Rick.
- 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:26,961 I'm taking the wheel.
- 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,212 Get off of me, Morty!
- 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,672 I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy.
- 00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,965 What's gotten into you?
- 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,383 I'm... I'm... I'm...
- 00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:34,761 I'm not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb...
- 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,095 What are you, crazy?
- 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,555 Person and just let you blow up the whole world.
- 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:38,473 All right, all right.
- 00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:39,891 I'll... I'll land.
- 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:40,808 I'll land. I'll land.
- 00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:42,685 I'll land the thing.
- 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,187 Big tough guy all of a sudden.
- 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,108 We'll park it right here, Morty.
- 00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:50,443 Right here on the s-side of the r-road here.
- 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,402 Oh, thank God.
- 00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:52,361 You know what?
- 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,155 That was all a test, Morty.
- 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:57,200 Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive.
- 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,159 It was?
- 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,243 Sure. Why not?
- 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,286 I don't... I don't know.
- 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,245 You... you know what, Mo...
- 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:02,413 [ snoring ]
- 00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:03,790 SHIP: Neutrino bomb armed.
- 00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:04,874 [ beeping ]
- 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,042 Um...
- 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,877 [ beeping increases ]
- 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:44,121 I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight.
- 00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,999 Who do you guys think is gonna be the best singer?
- 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,209 Oh, my God. His head is in his food.
- 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,293 I'm going to puke.
- 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,711 Morty, are you getting sick?
- 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,956 I told you not to practice-kiss the living-room pillow.
- 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,090 The dog sleeps on it.
- 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,842 I wasn't kissing a pillow, Mom.
- 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,344 I just... I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
- 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,471 Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something.
- 00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,756 Or maybe you were out all night again with grandpa Rick.
- 00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:03,599 What?!
- 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:04,475 Dad?
- 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,352 What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now?
- 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,604 You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?
- 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,522 Damn it!
- 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,773 - Jerry! - Beth!
- 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:11,899 Oh, my God. My parents are so loud.
- 00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:12,984 I want to die.
- 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,360 Mm, there is no God, Summer.
- 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,237 You got to rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank me later.
- 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,072 Okay, with all due respect, Rick...
- 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,991 What am I talking about? What respect is due?
- 00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:23,661 How is my son supposed to pass his classes if you keep dragging
- 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,372 him off for high-concept sci-fi rigamarole?
- 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,749 Listen, Jerry, I-l don't want to overstep my bounds or anything.
- 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,376 It's your house. It's your world.
- 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,580 You're a real Julius Caesar.
- 00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:32,670 But I'll tell you some... tell you how...
- 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:33,994 how I feel about school, Jerry.
- 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,256 It's a waste of time...
- 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,674 A bunch of people running around,
- 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,800 bumping into each other.
- 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,552 G-guy up front says, "Two plus two."
- 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,387 The people in the back say, "Four."
- 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,631 Then the bell rings, and they give you a carton of milk
- 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,767 and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or something.
- 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,270 I mean, it's... it's not a place for smart people, Jerry.
- 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,479 And I know that's not a popular opinion,
- 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,691 but it's my two cents on the issue.
- 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,401 This was a good breakfast, Beth.
- 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,528 You really made the crap out of those eggs.
- 00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,822 I wish your mother was here to eat them.
- 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,198 Oh, Dad.
- 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,074 What?
- 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,035 For real?
- 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,786 TEACHER: All right, now, everybody get settled.
- 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,538 Get away from the windows!
- 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:08,789 Now, look, we're gonna be
- 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,750 dealing with some real serious stuff today.
- 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,710 You might have heard of it. It's called math.
- 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,837 And without it, none of us would even exist,
- 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,048 so let's jump right in... two plus two.
- 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,132 Jessica.
- 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,592 Five plus five.
- 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:20,885 Tenssica.
- 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:21,969 Okay, good.
- 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,054 It's time for the quiz.
- 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,138 [ all groan ]
- 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,431 Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad!
- 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:26,557 Tough!
- 00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,809 First row, take one. Pass it back for me.
- 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,686 The stakes are high in this room.
- 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:34,023 There's crucial things happening here every day.
- 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:34,982 People getting smarter.
- 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,108 Some of y'all getting dumber.
- 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,444 Some of y'all ain't gonna see 3:00.
- 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,948 JESSICA: Hi, Morty.
- 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,032 Whoa!
- 00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,158 Hi, Jessica.
- 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,576 Can I show these to you?
- 00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:46,535 Wow.
- 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,703 Th-they're both great.
- 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,788 Thank you.
- 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:49,747 You know what I named these?
- 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,040 My little Morties.
- 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,918 Uh, that's flattering... and a little weird.
- 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,962 Do you know what I want you to do with them?
- 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,046 Rename them?
- 00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,464 Squeeze them.
- 00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,632 Manhandle them.
- 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:00,758 Give them the business.
- 00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,218 See if you can shuffle them.
- 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,512 I mean, really get in there and knock them around.
- 00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:05,763 No wrong answers.
- 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,639 Wow.
- 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,015 Well, okay, Jessica.
- 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,475 L-let's give this a shot.
- 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,726 Mm.
- 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:11,811 Oh, Morty.
- 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,354 What are you doing to me?
- 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,606 Uh, I-I'm just doing my best.
- 00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:16,691 Morty!
- 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:17,566 What are you doing to me?!
- 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,484 Jessica.
- 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,610 Morty!
- 00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,696 [ mumbling ] Jessica.
- 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,739 Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad.
- 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,700 Je-Jessica.
- 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:26,993 [ mumbling ] Jessica.
- 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,317 Not my fault this is happening.
- 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,579 [ school bell rings ]
- 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,373 Well, well, well.
- 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,457 Uh, morning, Frank.
- 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,500 "Morning"?
- 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,501 What was... what is that supposed to mean?
- 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:36,711 You making fun of me?
- 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:37,920 Are you trying to say my family's poor?
- 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,046 Oh, geez, Frank.
- 00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:40,464 I don't know if a knife is necessary.
- 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,883 I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it.
- 00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:45,219 You telling me how to bully now?
- 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,679 Big mistake, Morty.
- 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:51,017 And now I'm gonna cut you, 'cause my family's rich.
- 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,560 [ gasps ]
- 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:53,978 There you are, Morty.
- 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,229 Listen to me.
- 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,939 I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension.
- 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,524 I need an extra pair of hands.
- 00:05:58,608 --> 00:05:59,734 Oh, geez, Rick.
- 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,152 W-what'd you do to Frank?
- 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,611 It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him.
- 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,530 Now listen... I need your help, Morty.
- 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,157 I mean, we got... we got to get...
- 00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,200 get the hell out of here and go take care of business.
- 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,785 [ burps ]
- 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,328 It's important. Come on, Morty.
- 00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:12,413 I don't know, Rick.
- 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:13,664 I-I can't leave school again.
- 00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,124 Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes
- 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,417 get out there, Morty?
- 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,918 What do you think... I can just do it all by myself?
- 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:18,878 Come on!
- 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,004 Aw, geez. Okay.
- 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,380 I guess I can skip History.
- 00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:22,923 What about Frank?
- 00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,091 I mean, shouldn't you unfreeze him?
- 00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,384 I'll do it later, Morty.
- 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:26,469 He'll be fine.
- 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,305 Let's go.
- 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,307 [ thinking ] Oh, my God.
- 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,851 I'm about to walk past Frank Palicky.
- 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:37,021 This is the story we'll be telling our children.
- 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,314 Hi, Frank.
- 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,107 [ cracks, shatters ]
- 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,610 Aah!
- 00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,111 [ horse whinnying ]
- 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:47,198 Scalpel.
- 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,407 [ door opens ] Knock, knock.
- 00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:49,575 Jerry?
- 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,699 My manager gave me an hour for lunch, and I thought,
- 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,038 "Hey, why not swing by where your wife works?"
- 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,748 [ flatline ] We're losing him.
- 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,124 [ beeps ] Okay, he's back.
- 00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,585 Jerry, please tell me you're here for an incredibly urgent reason.
- 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,128 Well, it's lunch.
- 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,006 I mean, it's one of three meals that have existed for millennia.
- 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,132 [ flatline ] Losing him.
- 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,383 [ beeps ] Stabilized.
- 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,928 Okay, I only ask, Jerry, because, as you know,
- 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,472 my job involves performing heart surgery.
- 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,890 Well, yeah, on horses.
- 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,016 Excuse me?
- 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,810 Okay. Let's not rehash that fight.
- 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:18,646 I sense that you're busy and will now be on my way.
- 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:19,814 Whoa!
- 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,398 What is this on the floor?
- 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,944 Some kind of literature for a really nice-looking nursing home.
- 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,695 Hey, honey, crazy idea... bad pitch...
- 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,155 let's put your Dad here.
- 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,680 Let's put your Dad in a nursing home.
- 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:30,699 [ flatline ]
- 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,700 We're losing him.
- 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,701 Hey, Tom.
- 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,661 We know when we're losing him.
- 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,037 We can hear the beeps!
- 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,331 There she is. All right.
- 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,541 Come on, Morty. Let's go.
- 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,500 Oh, geez.
- 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,835 Okay.
- 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,629 Oh, man, Rick.
- 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,005 What is this place?
- 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,716 It's dimension 35C, and it's got the perfect
- 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,761 climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty,
- 00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,138 called a Mega tree,
- 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,514 and there's fruit in those trees,
- 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,057 and there's seeds in those fruits.
- 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,517 I'm talking about Mega seeds.
- 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,811 They're... [burping] they're incredibly powerful,
- 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,980 and I need them to help me with my research, Morty.
- 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,982 Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place,
- 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,817 and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing.
- 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:05,901 All right. All right. Calm down.
- 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,111 Listen to me, Morty.
- 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,405 I know that new situations can be intimidating.
- 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,782 You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but,
- 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,660 you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them
- 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,912 like a bull... that's how we grow as people.
- 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,747 I'm no stranger to scary situations.
- 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,207 I deal with them all the time.
- 00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,492 Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be...
- 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,961 Holy crap, Morty, run!
- 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,087 [ screaming ]
- 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,089 I never seen that thing before in my life.
- 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,654 I don't even know what the hell it is!
- 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,955 We got to get out of here, Morty!
- 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:30,885 It's gonna kill us!
- 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:31,969 We're gonna die!
- 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,220 We're gonna die, Morty!
- 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,141 Oh, Morty, take a deep breath.
- 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,226 Breathe that... breathe that fresh air in, Morty.
- 00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,519 Y-you smell that?
- 00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,146 That's the smell of adventure, Morty.
- 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,565 That's... that's the smell of... of... of... of a whole different
- 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,650 evolutionary timeline.
- 00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:47,818 All right, Rick, look...
- 00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:49,236 how much longer is this gonna be?
- 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,529 Shouldn't I be back at school by now?
- 00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,739 Are you joking me?
- 00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:54,241 I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us.
- 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,451 Look at that thing right there.
- 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,911 W-what the hell is that thing?
- 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,579 You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school?
- 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,247 Look at it just lumbering around.
- 00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,917 It defies all logic... that thing.
- 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,001 Yeah, Rick, I get it.
- 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,502 We're surrounded by monsters.
- 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,387 That's kind of the reason why I want to leave.
- 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:08,297 Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
- 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,508 Morty, you see this?
- 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,552 You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty?
- 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:14,762 Any idea what that is down there?
- 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:15,930 The Mega trees?
- 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,306 That's right, Morty... the Mega trees
- 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,724 with the Mega fruit on them.
- 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,184 And that's what I'm talking about, Morty.
- 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,644 That's where my seeds are.
- 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,770 If we would have done what you wanted,
- 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,104 I would have never have found them,
- 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,856 because y... because you're so in love with school.
- 00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,191 All right, all right.
- 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,109 So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways?
- 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:30,861 You ask a lot of questions, Morty.
- 00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:32,196 Not very charismatic.
- 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,656 It makes you kind of an [burps] under...
- 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,157 [burps] underfoot figure.
- 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,408 Just take these shoes, Morty.
- 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,293 They're Sp... [burps] special grappling shoes.
- 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,579 When you're wearing these things... Ba... these babies,
- 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:43,290 you can basically just walk on any surface you want, Morty...
- 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,292 up, down, below, turn around to the left.
- 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,211 These things really bring it all together.
- 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,921 Aah!
- 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,245 You have to turn them on, Morty!
- 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,131 [ thuds ]
- 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,466 The shoes have to be turned on!
- 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:55,302 BETH: I am not putting my father in a home!
- 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,263 He just came back into my life,
- 00:09:57,347 --> 00:10:00,766 and you want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress like
- 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,309 last month's Victoria's Secret?
- 00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,874 I told you... I was ordering you something for Valentine's Day.
- 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:09,608 More importantly, your father is a horrible influence on our son.
- 00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:10,943 Everything cool in here, Beth?
- 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:11,860 It's fine, Davin.
- 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:12,987 Okay, cool.
- 00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,488 You know, we did something great today.
- 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:18,075 There's nothing more noble and free than the heart of a horse.
- 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,577 Since we're fighting, if you ever have an affair
- 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,162 with that guy, I will come to the hotel room
- 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,707 and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies.
- 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,751 Look, I appreciate the stress you're under, but
- 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,129 Morty was having trouble in school way before my dad moved
- 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:33,507 in, and the only influence I can see Rick having is that,
- 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,719 for the first time in his life, Morty has a friend.
- 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:37,928 [ telephone ringing ]
- 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,221 [ sighs ]
- 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,764 Well, maybe you're right.
- 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,850 Uh, yeah, maybe I am.
- 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:43,934 I'm my father's daughter.
- 00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:44,935 I'm smart.
- 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:45,894 Why do you think I'm a heart surgeon?
- 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:46,812 Horse heart surgeon.
- 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,230 - Hello? - Mrs. Smith?
- 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,875 This is Principal Vagina... no relation.
- 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,692 I wonder if you and Morty's father might be able to have
- 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:52,936 a chat with me this afternoon?
- 00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:55,612 [ suspenseful music plays ]
- 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,115 Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on your legs right now.
- 00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,366 [ groaning ]
- 00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,659 You know, you got to turn the shoes on, Morty,
- 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,910 for them to work.
- 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,195 Yeah, look... I turned mine on.
- 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,455 I had no problem getting down here.
- 00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,040 It was a leisurely breeze.
- 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,374 I'm in a lot of pain, Rick.
- 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,876 Yeah, I can see that.
- 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,795 But do you think you'll still be able to help me [burps] collect
- 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,088 my seeds, Morty?
- 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,173 Are you kidding me?!
- 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,174 That's it, Rick!
- 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,425 That's the last straw!
- 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,469 I can't believe this... I'm sitting here with both
- 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,137 of my legs broken, and you're still asking me
- 00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,764 about getting those seeds?!
- 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,307 Ooh! Ow! Oh!
- 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,683 Y-y-you're a monster.
- 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,435 Y-you're like Hitler, but...
- 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,562 but even Hitler cared about Germany or something.
- 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,272 Okay, hold on just a second, Morty.
- 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,692 [ groaning ]
- 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:37,654 [ panting ]
- 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:41,742 Ooh.
- 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:45,371 Ohh.
- 00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,460 Ooh.
- 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,712 Wow, Rick.
- 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,256 That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly.
- 00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:59,551 I mean, I've never felt so good in my life.
- 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,636 Thank you.
- 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:01,887 Don't worry about it, Morty.
- 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,847 Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy?
- 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,099 Sure thing, Rick.
- 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,683 Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened
- 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,645 there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced
- 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,939 medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every
- 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,315 corner drugstore.
- 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,566 The stuff was all over the place, Morty.
- 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,151 Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick.
- 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,569 There's just one problem, Morty...
- 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:18,779 one little hang-up.
- 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,447 The dimension I visited was so advanced,
- 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,658 they had also halted the aging process,
- 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,159 and everyone there was young, Morty,
- 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,369 and they had been forever.
- 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,037 I was the only old person there, Morty.
- 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,248 It was [burps] like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity,
- 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,499 walking around.
- 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,959 I-I was fascinating to them.
- 00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,294 There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they...
- 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,963 they... they... they all wanted time with me.
- 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,847 I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies,
- 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,466 but I spent so much time there,
- 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:40,951 my interdimensional portal device...
- 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,636 it's got no charge left, Morty.
- 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:43,720 It's got no charge left.
- 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:44,596 What?!
- 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,764 It's as good as garbage, Morty.
- 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:46,807 It's not gonna work anymore, Morty.
- 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:47,975 Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good.
- 00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:49,685 W-what are we gonna do?
- 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,854 I-I have to be back at school right now.
- 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,178 How are we gonna get back home?
- 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,773 There's ways to get back home, Morty.
- 00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,733 It's just... it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle.
- 00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,569 We're gonna have to go through Interdimensional Customs,
- 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,071 so you're gonna have to do me a real solid.
- 00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:02,156 Uh-oh.
- 00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,407 When we get to Customs,
- 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,492 I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom,
- 00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:07,035 and I'm gonna need you to put them way up
- 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,036 inside your butthole, Morty.
- 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,329 In my butt?
- 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,039 Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit.
- 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,249 Oh, geez, Rick.
- 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,542 I really don't want to have to do that.
- 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,085 Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty.
- 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:18,088 Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through Customs unless they're
- 00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,131 in someone's rectum, Morty.
- 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,215 [ whimpers ]
- 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,383 And they'll fall right out of mine.
- 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,051 I've done this too many times, Morty.
- 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,261 I mean, you're young.
- 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,180 You've got your whole life ahead of you,
- 00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,432 and your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable.
- 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,916 You got to do it for Grandpa, Morty.
- 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,685 Y-you've got to put these seeds inside your butt.
- 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:32,561 In my butt?
- 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,479 Come on, Morty.
- 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:34,396 Please, Morty.
- 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,522 You have to do it, Morty.
- 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,607 Oh, man.
- 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:37,900 [ school bell rings ]
- 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,319 PRINCIPAL: The fact is, your son, Morty, has attended this school for a
- 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:42,779 total of seven hours over the last two months.
- 00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,406 What? Why didn't you notify us?
- 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,283 I done been notifying you.
- 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,659 Have you not been getting the messages
- 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,077 I've been leaving with Morty's grandfather?
- 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,245 Boom!
- 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,872 Told you! Ln your face!
- 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,749 He is ruining our child!
- 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,250 Wait, what am I celebrating?
- 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,960 Yeah, see, I thought something was fishy there,
- 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,420 because it's usually Morty's grandpa that's taking
- 00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,296 him out of school.
- 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:00,380 Summer?
- 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,717 [ sobbing ] What kind of God lets this happen?
- 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:04,885 We had a little incident.
- 00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,595 A student was frozen to death.
- 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,723 And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it!
- 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,391 Everyone wants to take this to a racial place.
- 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:12,893 I won't let them.
- 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:16,939 The Glarp Zone is for flarping and unglarping only.
- 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,942 ALIEN: So, I told him, "Give me the Blimfarx," you know?
- 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,527 This... this guy...
- 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:22,903 he doesn't understand interstellar currency.
- 00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,696 It's, like, I'm trying to eat a Flimflam...
- 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,865 like, that's what we eat on Girvonesk.
- 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:29,743 The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only.
- 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,036 I don't like it here, Morty.
- 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,371 I can't abide bureaucracy.
- 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,164 I don't like being told where to go and what to do.
- 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,582 I consider it a violation.
- 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,167 Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?
- 00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,293 Yeah, Rick.
- 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,670 Let's just get this over with, okay?
- 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,338 I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt.
- 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,589 That means they're good ones.
- 00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,049 You're a good kid, Morty.
- 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,343 Those Mega seeds are super valuable to my work.
- 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,095 You've been a huge help to me.
- 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,619 I'm gonna be able to do [burps] all kinds of things with them.
- 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,474 It's gonna be great, Morty.
- 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,759 [ burps ] All kinds of science.
- 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,060 Okay, next through.
- 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,937 Except you. You go over there.
- 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,063 Why does he have to go over there?
- 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,189 Random check.
- 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:00,274 He's got to go through the new machine.
- 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,358 What new... [burps] what new machine?
- 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:02,484 It's a new machine.
- 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,860 It detects stuff all the way up your butt.
- 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,612 Run, Morty! Run!
- 00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:06,780 Aah!
- 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:07,864 Red alert!
- 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:10,284 [ alarms blaring ]
- 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,704 [ grunts ]
- 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,373 [ screeching ]
- 00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:22,045 Ohhhhh!
- 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,049 [ coughs ]
- 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:26,967 [ crying ]
- 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:30,178 [ coughing ]
- 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,805 Hey! Ohhhhhh.
- 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:32,764 [ groans ]
- 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:33,682 Aah!
- 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,808 Don't think about it!
- 00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,478 Ooh!
- 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,189 [ shoes beeping ]
- 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,274 Oh, nice, Morty!
- 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,555 The student becomes the teacher.
- 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,236 [ buzzing ]
- 00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:50,991 [ both screaming ]
- 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,117 [ both grunt ]
- 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,452 Whoooooo!
- 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,996 Aah!
- 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,664 Aw, hell, no, dawg.
- 00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,957 You know me... I'm just trying to...
- 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:01,209 Aah!
- 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,131 I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, Morty.
- 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,674 Cover me. - Oh, man.
- 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,679 I mean, you know, I-I don't want to shoot nobody.
- 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:10,844 They're just robots, Morty!
- 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,012 It's okay to shoot them!
- 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,096 They're robots!
- 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,140 Aah!
- 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,558 My leg is shot off!
- 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,976 Glenn's bleeding to death!
- 00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,145 Someone call his wife and children!
- 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,271 They're not robots, Rick!
- 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:22,606 It's a figure of speech, Morty.
- 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:23,690 They're bureaucrats.
- 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:24,733 I don't respect them.
- 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:25,942 Just keep shooting, Morty.
- 00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:28,612 You have no idea what prison is like here!
- 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,033 Holy crap! This is insane!
- 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,327 [ crowd screaming ]
- 00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:44,378 RICK: Come on, Morty!
- 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,780 We got to get the hell out of here!
- 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,174 [ all gasp ]
- 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,259 Wow.
- 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,679 Did you just come into the cafeteria through a portal?
- 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,055 Uh, yeah.
- 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,849 Well, you know, my... my Ferrari's in the shop.
- 00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,309 [ chuckles nervously ]
- 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,268 Ju... just kidding.
- 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,937 You're Morty, right? - Yeah.
- 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,181 You can get his number later.
- 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,898 Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here.
- 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,191 You got to get those seeds out of your ass.
- 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,317 Oh, look, honey.
- 00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:09,611 It's our son with Albert Ein-douche.
- 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,779 What?
- 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,280 I'm an angry father, not an improvisor.
- 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,573 Oh, hi, Jerry.
- 00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,242 Oh, my goodness, Morty!
- 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,910 What are you doing out of class?
- 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,203 We talked about this.
- 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,080 Your... your parents and I are very disappointed in...
- 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,749 in this behavior.
- 00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,626 No? No takers?
- 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,795 You guys should really not be touching that stuff.
- 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:27,838 It's beyond your reasoning.
- 00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:28,839 You're beyond our reasoning!
- 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,215 Takes one to know one.
- 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:34,720 Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school?
- 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,284 I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl.
- 00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:38,265 He can't just bail on his life and set up shop
- 00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,516 in someone else's.
- 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,767 What... what are you guys doing with my stuff?
- 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:43,520 We're moving you... to a nursing home.
- 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:44,604 A nursing home?
- 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:45,647 What are... what are you, nuts?
- 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:46,732 I'm a genius.
- 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,108 I build robots for fun.
- 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,193 Well, now you can build baskets and watch Paul Newman movies
- 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,572 on VHS and mentally scar the Boy Scouts every Christmas.
- 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:54,489 What does that mean?
- 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,407 It's personal.
- 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,742 Dad, mom, c-come on.
- 00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,077 Rick just needed my help is all.
- 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,454 Morty, stay out of this.
- 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:04,166 You are obviously not capable of judging these situations on your own.
- 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,417 What are you trying to say about Morty?
- 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:06,501 That he's stupid or something?
- 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,878 Oh, don't high-road us, Dad.
- 00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,964 You know fully well that Morty is the last child that needs to
- 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,257 be missing classes.
- 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,176 I-I-I don't know what you mean by that.
- 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,802 Can... can... can you be a little bit more specific?
- 00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,095 Oh, for crying out...
- 00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,847 he's got some kind of disability or something.
- 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,265 Is that what you want us to say?
- 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,767 I do?
- 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,518 Well, duh doy, son.
- 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,230 Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast as
- 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,357 the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world,
- 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,276 you got to work twice as hard.
- 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,694 Aw, geez, Dad.
- 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,572 Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once.
- 00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:38,158 Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of Pi.
- 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,576 Oh, come on, Rick.
- 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,660 You know I can't.
- 00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:41,745 The square root of Pi, Morty... go.
- 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,873 1 .77245385.
- 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,291 Whoa!
- 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,667 What the hell?
- 00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,294 Holy crap. He's right.
- 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,298 Morty, tell your parents the first Law of [burps]
- 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,672 Thermodynamics.
- 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,842 "The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to
- 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,594 the increment of heat supplied to the system."
- 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,429 Wow! I'm so smart!
- 00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:00,764 But...
- 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:01,723 I told the both of you...
- 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:02,682 school is stupid.
- 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:03,975 It's not how you learn things.
- 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,185 Morty's a gifted child.
- 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,645 He has a special mind.
- 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:07,896 That's why he's my little helper.
- 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,439 He's like me.
- 00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:12,192 He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life.
- 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,610 He's too smart for school.
- 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,822 H-he needs to keep hanging out [burps] and helping me.
- 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:19,741 Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop.
- 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,284 No, I-I understand.
- 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,328 Uh, maybe we overreacted.
- 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,081 But he has to keep going to school.
- 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,457 Okay, Jerry.
- 00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:28,875 You drive a hard bargain,
- 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,293 but [burps] what am I supposed to do?
- 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,795 Say... [burps] say no?
- 00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,880 You... you really wear the pants around here.
- 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,757 I just want you to know, between us, from now on,
- 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,134 it's gonna be 100% honesty and open,
- 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,469 clear communication.
- 00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,847 Frank Palicky was frozen to death today!
- 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:42,889 No idea what you're talking about.
- 00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:43,974 [ sobbing ]
- 00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,225 Okay.
- 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,769 Well, uh, Morty, it's your bedtime in an hour.
- 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,396 Don't stay up all night again.
- 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,772 This is good, though.
- 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,148 This can work.
- 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,234 I think we can be a family.
- 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,695 And now, Beth, if you'll have me,
- 00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,655 I would love to have you.
- 00:19:58,739 --> 00:19:59,823 You know what?
- 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,157 Okay.
- 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,951 Holy cow, Rick.
- 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,412 I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter.
- 00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,414 Full disclosure, Morty... it's not.
- 00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:10,458 Temporary superintelligence is just a side effect of the
- 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,263 Mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity.
- 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:13,545 Aw, man.
- 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:16,006 Yeah, and once those seeds [burps] wear off,
- 00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,810 you're gonna lose most of your motor skills,
- 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,760 and you're also gonna lose a significant amount of
- 00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,178 brain functionality for 72 hours, Morty.
- 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,848 Starting [burps] right about now.
- 00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:25,932 Ohh, man.
- 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:28,184 [ groaning ] Oh, geez! Ohh.
- 00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,228 I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer.
- 00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:32,022 In reality, you're as dumb as they come.
- 00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:33,815 And I needed those seeds real bad,
- 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,026 and I had to give them up just to get your parents off my back,
- 00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:38,028 so now we're gonna have to go get more.
- 00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,821 And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that,
- 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,156 Morty.
- 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,033 And you're gonna keep your mouth shut about it, Morty,
- 00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,993 because the world is full of idiots that don't understand
- 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,161 what's important,
- 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,537 and they'll tear us apart, Morty.
- 00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:50,206 But if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things,
- 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,292 Morty, and you're gonna be part of them, and together,
- 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,585 we're gonna run around, Morty.
- 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,253 We're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, Morty.
- 00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:56,338 Just you and me, Morty.
- 00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:57,339 Oh, no, no.
- 00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,757 The outside world is our enemy, Morty.
- 00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:01,301 We're the only [burps] friends we've got, Morty.
- 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,552 It's just Rick and Morty...
- 00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:04,804 [burps] Rick and Morty and their adventures, Morty.
- 00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:06,598 Rick and Morty forever and forever.
- 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,475 100 years, Rick and Morty's things.
- 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:11,770 Me and Rick and Morty running around, and Rick and Morty time.
- 00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:14,189 All day long, forever.
- 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,815 All... a hundred days.
- 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,734 Rick and Morty forever... 100 times.
- 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:20,737 Over and over, rickandmortyadventures.com.
- 00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:23,740 www.rickandmorty.com.
- 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,992 www.rickandmortyadventures.
- 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:27,661 All 100 years.
- 00:21:27,745 --> 00:21:30,330 Every minute, rickandmorty.com.
- 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:34,125 www.100timesrickandmorty.com.
- 00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,482 It's a good-a show!